People Want Us To Declare Our Position On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Cutting My Daughter Off After She Sold Her Room To Her Sister?
“I (M) have two daughters, Dina (19F) and Penny (25F).
They don’t have such a close relationship, as they are from different mothers, and only at 18 years old, Penny came to live with me fully.
When I bought my house (3be/3ba – 5 years ago), Penny got the biggest room as she was the oldest and Dina got the smallest. In fact, the rooms are exactly the same size, but Penny’s has its own bathroom.
Penny recently decided to move to a big city to get better job opportunities in her area and moved in with a friend. She comes home every month and stays for the weekend.
She is still not in a good position at the company and I send her a monthly allowance that covers her share of the rent and bills.
She’s been away from home for 2 months and I noticed that Dina didn’t move into Penny’s room, even though it was empty. I thought she didn’t want to and I didn’t ask about it.
But last week, while we were cleaning Penny’s old room (some of my friends were going to visit) I ended up asking why she didn’t move into the empty room.
She said something like, ‘Oh, I’ll get it next week, I paid for everything already.’
I was surprised and asked what she was talking about, she told me that Penny offered her room for (fictitious value) 2k (3.5x amount I help her financially) and Dina got all that amount this week and paid her.
She was just waiting for my friends to visit to move in.
This made me angry because it was my house and she was selling a room she didn’t live in anymore and Dina had spent all her savings from her part-time jobs.
I called Penny trying to stay on the line, but I lost my mind when she said it would affect her as she would be missing out on a good room when visiting or if she possibly moves back home.
When I demanded that she return all the money, she said that she had already spent it on something else.
I was disappointed, I said that the room would be Dina’s, as she had manipulated her sister (said I was fine with that), I was more than ok to not continue helping financially, as she had received 2k in her hands and she would not be coming home until she returned the full amount to her sister and just then I’ll think about helping again.
She started to cry saying that I was being an extremist and that she needed my help because her mother was not in a position to help, other than that it was her room and she could do whatever she wanted (and needed funds – mainly the reason why she charged). Well, it even got to my ex calling me a jerk and saying I went too far.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So Penny has a job that pays her, and despite not paying a dime towards bills because you cover them, she’s still broke enough that she has to scam her sister out of the equivalent of 3 months’ rent and bills? AND she already spent that huge chunk in less than a week?
Penny needs a serious reality check. If she genuinely needs financial help and isn’t just out partying every night and buying expensive junk she doesn’t need, you need to make her prove it with pay stubs and card statements. Otherwise, cut her off permanently whether she apologizes or not.” J-Jupiter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in my honest opinion, you didn’t go far enough.
There is no reason to talk about a resumption in paying Penny’s bills whether or not she repays Dina. Nor is there any reason to contemplate her moving back to your house. She’s burned that bridge. It’s time for Penny to figure out how to be responsible for keeping a roof over her head in a way that does not include scamming her sister and father.
Your focus now really should be Dina. What has been going on between them that she would be so gullible and use her pocket money to pay for a room in your house? Apologize to Dina for being oblivious to her sister’s manipulation and think about reimbursing her. You can think of it as an advance against the funds you will save by cutting off Penny.” AdmirableJudgement
Another User Comments:
“You own a house. You provide a bedroom in your house to each of your daughters. The eldest daughter has moved out, but visits from time to time, and stays in her room when she does.
So far, so normal.
But now your elder daughter sells the ‘rights’ to her room in your house to your younger daughter.
No. Not happening. That’s not her property – that’s the room assigned to her in the family home. Given that she no longer lives in the family home, it’s quite reasonable to move your younger daughter into the room, and put the elder up in the other room (now ‘the guest room’) when she visits.
NTJ.” _mmiggs_
18. AITJ For Not Liking The Relationship My MIL Has With My Son?
“Since I gave birth to my son (2 y/o) – my inlaws’ first grandchild (so I get the excitement!) – they have been overbearing, overstepping every possible boundary and causing a lot of trouble in my marriage.
So my MIL apparently won’t stop kissing my son on his lips. We don’t do it as parents, we kiss him on his cheeks, and his forehead, we cuddle a lot and show a lot of affection but never kiss him on his mouth. My MIL keeps on kissing him on his mouth and when we tell her not to, she acts offended and then says she doesn’t even remember.
I get it, she loves him and yes, I do let her kiss him on his cheeks of course as long as he likes it. But also, I am aware there is a past and we don’t have the best relationship currently.
I feel like she wants to have a closer bond than we have as his parents (or am I being jealous?
You can be brutally honest, I can take it). When we visit them which is every other week, they spend the whole time playing with our child (which I think is amazing! Don’t get me wrong) but sometimes he needs a little break and seeks comfort and comes up to me so he can cuddle for 1 or 2 minutes and then run off to continue playing.
Well, MIL doesn’t like that. ‘No, don’t go to mommy! Come back! Come here!’ It breaks my heart. I don’t want to be a jerk. But my child needs me. It’s just those 2 minutes and she won’t let me.
AITJ for not letting her have the relationship she desires with our son?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ on several levels.
The first being that this is the time of year for RSV and the number 1 rule they say is to not kiss someone’s child. She could spread RSV to him.
Second, you as the parent get to set boundaries for MIL’s relationship with your child. It’s only up to you and your spouse.
That’s it. MIL needs to back off.
Third, it is clear that your child is uncomfortable with all of the affection so he runs to you to get a break. I would call MIL out on this when he wants to get away and show that he needs his space.
If your son is this young and she is not respecting his boundaries, I can only imagine it will get worse as your son ages.
You and your spouse need to set those boundaries now.” joywaveee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re the mom and as your child is too young to advocate for himself it’s your job to set boundaries for him until he can do it for himself. If you decide that this is one of those boundaries, then MIL has to respect that, period.
Given what you wrote it sounds like MIL tries to be difficult on purpose, it’s not like you completely denied any form of showing affection, she can still kiss his cheeks and his forehead. I personally think it’s weird wanting to kiss a child on its lips, especially as someone who’s not an immediate parent, but that might just be me.
Long story short, you are the mom, you make the rules.” sputnik41057
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your MIL is showing you that she doesn’t care about your boundaries. She does remember and she is choosing to ignore what you asked her not to do. Also, the whole ‘No don’t go to mommy’ is her trying to control the situation.
It’s not cute or funny. This type of behavior will play into things later on. Your husband needs to set clear boundaries with his mother. It doesn’t have to be an issue. It will only be an issue if MIL makes it into one though. You will know at that point if her time needs to be a bit more limited with her grandkid until she starts respecting your husband, you, and the little one.
This isn’t a case of jealousy. This is a case of lacking respect and pushing boundaries.” Dry_Dragonfruit_4191
17. AITJ For Requesting To Pay For Just My Own Meal?
“So I (F26) went out for dinner with the other ladies in my office.
Money is a bit tight at the moment so whilst everyone else ordered 3 courses and was drinking booze, I only ordered a main meal and was drinking water all evening. Come time to pay the bill, the lady who’d organized the evening told the waitress we’d be splitting the bill 6 ways evenly. This would’ve meant I’d have had to pay £60 when the total amount for what I’d consumed was £16.
When she sent the email about the night she never mentioned splitting the bill that way. I quietly tried to explain I’d only budgeted for what I’d eaten and I assumed we’d all be paying for ourselves, it would put me in a difficult position for the rest of the month if I paid out £60.
They decided to work out the bill separately and we all paid for what we’d consumed, but now the ladies in the office are ignoring me and planning another night out without me. I couldn’t really afford to go out anyway, but I went because I’m quite new to this job and I didn’t want to be left out.
Did I do it wrong? Should I have just paid the £60?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Large group like this they should have just asked for separate checks from the start. That way everyone pays just for what they have and no one is left in a situation like you had where you ate a small amount but they wanted you to pay more.
The ladies should not be upset by your request, it was fair.
Unless everyone was sharing appetizers, family-style meals, or bottles of wine then an even split makes more sense in those cases. If the rest of the table was sharing everything then you’d be the jerk for not speaking up when they were ordering and telling the wait staff that you’d be paying separately for just your meal and not eating/drinking the shared items.” Sweetsmyle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If there was no upfront agreement about what you’d be paying then it’s not reasonable to split the bill like that unless everyone wants to.
I’ve had this happen before and it’s horrible to have to admit you’re short the cash even with close friends. They shouldn’t be making you feel bad about it especially if you’re new to the job.
If their ignoring you spills over into the office and they start to leave you out of conversations at work that are relevant to how you do your job, it counts as workplace bullying and you should address it via your manager or HR; but if the worst consequence is not having to spend your spare time with selfish people you don’t much like and who make no effort to include you, that doesn’t seem like a huge loss to me.
Pick up some hobbies/social groups outside of work that better reflect your budget, and leave them to it.” redcore4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only person to who you have a moral responsibility in this situation is yourself, it was absolutely your place to speak for yourself and your budget because you came out with the reasonable assumption that you were an adult paying for your own meal, and you are all just going out together for the company.
Not so that you would be used to finance other people’s good time.
You bought a $16 meal because you could afford $16, not $60. It sounds like it’s to your benefit that they aren’t speaking to you and not inviting you to dinner with them, since they already didn’t treat you right the last time. Now you know who they are.” JCBashBash
16. WIBTJ If I Report My Cruel Coworker To The Manager?
“I (20s) am still fairly new to my job in reception with only a few months in at my job. I have always felt a little intimidated by my senior receptionists because they, to me, essentially act like high school mean girls.
They gossip and trash-talk with one another when there aren’t clients around. From day one it felt like a very unwelcoming environment, but hey, I kept my mouth shut because I needed the funds and I didn’t want to stir up trouble as the ‘new kid’.
One of my coworkers, in particular, let’s call her ‘Samantha’ (30s), has been the supreme offender in terms of gossip and cattiness.
She’s the kind of person where, if you have an issue with something she said, she manipulates the situation so that she’s the calm one and you’re the one acting irrationally. She constantly talks about how she doesn’t care about other people or this job. She comes across to me as very narcissistic as well, talking about how her ‘gigs’ outside of our place of work make her much more or all of her talents that make her such an overqualified individual.
Another one of my coworkers that I don’t work with as often due to schedule lineups, let’s call her ‘Heather’ (50s), is disabled. She never complains, never gossips, or anything. Her only ‘fault’ is being a little slow with the phones.
The other day, Samantha practically flung one of the rolling chairs away from the desk and replaced it with another one.
I asked her what was wrong with the chair (these were new chairs that we got only about a month ago), and she said ‘That’s where Heather sits. She wears Pampers and poops and pees all over herself all day while she’s here, and she smells. I’m not touching that seat.’
The complete and utter lack of compassion floored me.
I’m sure that Heather doesn’t want to be in this kind of situation, but I was just horrified at what I was hearing from Samantha. WIBTJ if I ‘go over her head’ and report this situation to our manager without speaking to Samantha about it first? I find it very difficult to talk to her and she is incredibly intimidating.
I can only imagine if I attempted to speak with her about her behavior that she would shrug it off and not actually care about my concerns – and then probably gossip about me to the others.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In many, if not most, countries Heather has actual legal protection for her possible disabilities.
Her employer has a duty of care to keep her free of harassment and bullying, and in many countries, (e.g. USA, Canada, UK, Australia, NZ) discrimination based on her perceived or actual disability by her employer may even be illegal. If Samantha’s behavior is known about, regardless of whether it is condoned, and Heather complains, or, worse, is constructively dismissed via Samantha and the mean girls or your bosses, the business could be legally liable.
Sit down with your manager privately. To protect yourself start softly. Say you’ve seen some concerning behavior. You know that the office culture is gossipy, and that’s okay, but things have been going too far. You’re worried that clients might be able to hear background chatter. You’re worried that Heather is being bullied based on comments you’ve heard and you’ve seen people act as if she is somehow diseased.
And look for a new job. It sucks, but you aren’t going to be able to change the company culture that they’ve allowed to fester.” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: If you have an HR department that’s the place to go. If not, then your manager.
Defending someone (disabled or otherwise) is always the right thing to do.
You could have said something to her when she made her horrible comment, but that moment has passed so telling a superior is the next step.
She might just find out and you’ll feel her wrath. She might target you at some point for no reason at all. The sucky thing about work is there tends to be a jerk like her in every office.
Think of a strategy to defend yourself against her if she does target you.” debdnow
15. AITJ For Wanting To Get A Different Nurse?
“I 22 (F) went to the ER for a miscarriage that was stuck in my cervix.
I had a nurse who attempted to do an IV on me and she poked and fished for a long while. So much so that my arm began to burn. I asked her to stop but she didn’t. I asked again and said it burned and she still didn’t.
So finally I said ‘get it the heck out and stop it burns and hurts.’ She got upset, threw the items on a table, and said ‘yeah it’s a needle it’s going to hurt,’ to which I then said I would like a different nurse. She responded, ‘no, no one else is going to come and help you’.
My mom literally had to go and find a nurse and ask them for help, truthfully I was ready to go home after that, I felt sad that she said no one would help me and made sure they didn’t.
To make matters worse she wrote in my chart that I was aggressive and red and had my fists balled up, which is partly false.
My cheeks were red from being in pain and hot and flustered but I didn’t have my fists balled because one hand was on the table flat where she told me to put it and the other was holding my mom’s hand. The whole thing really bugs me so I need to know… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. REPORT HER. Not only did she completely disregard your consent, but she also physically was hurting you and she knew it since you were telling her to stop. She also left you alone without adequate care while you were having a miscarriage. You were having a serious medical issue and she put you at risk because her head wasn’t on straight.
There are no excuses for her actions. You are 100% not at fault. You deserved care and were met with cruelty.
Edit: Forgot to add she lied on the report file. This is something that can make things harder to get care in the future.” Wizardinred
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What she did is inexcusable. Please file a formal complaint, with the hospital and the nursing board.
This is the kind of person who should never be allowed to work in the medical field. She clearly does not care at all for the autonomy, comfort, or safety of her patients (yes, fishing can be very unsafe and result in serious injury,) some of whom will not have the ability to speak up for themselves, or someone else there with them to help them.
I know that you’ve just been through a lot and I am so sorry for that. I can imagine that you probably don’t feel like going through the hassle of reporting right now. But please report this nurse so that she can’t do this (or worse) to someone else.” Slugmeat_SlugQueen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You have rights as a patient. One of them is to ask for a different nurse. She was extremely unprofessional and it would probably help other patients if you filed a complaint. Maybe she needs some training on putting in IVs or something but no one should be pushed to the point you were when you had to shout at her.
She should have stopped the first time you told her to. There are just so many things wrong with what happened to you. Even worse that they happened as you were miscarrying. I’m sorry you went through that and so sorry for your loss.” nonsequitur756
14. AITJ For Telling My Partner Not To Bring Ketchup To His Birthday Dinner?
“I consider myself a ‘foodie’ but my partner, Jay, is the exact opposite. Like he’ll literally eat but it’s more than that — he always starts things with me when I try to take him out for good food.
For example last year I got us reservations at a steak house and he made a point of ordering his steak well done with ketchup. The thing is he doesn’t even like eating the food this way he does it to ‘make a point’ that no one, not even I, can tell him how to eat his food.
Well, his birthday is coming up and he likes sushi so I wanted to treat him to a nice Omakase experience. It’s where you sit with the chef and eat the food in front of them. It’s more than I spend on food in two weeks but I thought it could be fun for both of us.
Today he told me he’s only going to go if he can bring a bottle of Heinz ketchup and put it on the table. I thought he was joking but he was serious. I told him I’ve literally never seen him — or anyone else — eat sushi with ketchup. He actually got mad at me saying that nobody gets to decide for him how he enjoys his food.
He went on to yell at me that it was a terrible birthday gift because I’m the foodie and he isn’t.
I think he’s being obnoxious with the ketchup thing but maybe he’s just making a point about me forcing my hobbies on him, I don’t know. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Listen you’re telling the story so, of course, you’ll do your best to paint your side in the best light, I’m not saying you’re manipulative, just as people, we do this naturally.
Even so, this line slipped out:
‘He went on to yell at me that it’s a terrible birthday gift because I’m the foodie and he isn’t.’
It seems like your partner is at a breaking point. It seems like this is something you’ve been pushing on him for a while. Consider this if food is such a source of tension why would you think this is a good present?
You know from (at least) last year that eating at a fancy place wasn’t a bonding experience. In fact, it seemed like neither of you had a good time. I get that you think it’s good because he likes sushi but you’ve also said he doesn’t value fancy food. How would you feel if he spent a bunch of money on something you didn’t value for your birthday?
Especially if it was a joint thing that he liked.
I think you need to take a step back. It sounds like you are only buying presents/planning for things that you like. This is the type of behavior that kills relationships long term. IE I finally broke up with them, can you believe every year for my birthday they basically got a gift for themselves and then got mad I didn’t like it.” exhauta
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, was leaning YTJ but he is also handling this poorly. If he genuinely likes his food that way then he isn’t doing anything wrong but it seems that he doesn’t like going out for fancy dinners and the places you bring him. This doesn’t seem like a thoughtful birthday present that tailors to his interests or needs.
You should stop trying to force your interests on him and he should better communicate what he does and doesn’t want to do. I’m sure there must be other things you can do together. Granted, of course engaging with your significant other in their hobbies is nice and thoughtful, especially if you at least enjoy spending time together regardless.
But, there is a limit to how much you want to bring your significant other into things they aren’t particularly interested in.
I think having an honest discussion about this could solve the issue.” Zant73
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and you’re weirdly so close to figuring that out yourself. You’re clearly pushing your hobby on him too much, to the point that he clearly feels like you’re constantly trying to control him.
So in order to take back some control he does stuff like this. If you know he isn’t a foodie why on earth is your birthday present for him an Omakase?
Just because he likes sushi doesn’t mean that’s something he wants to do. It sounds more like something you want to do and you’re just using his birthday as a way to get it.
He’s right, no one gets to control how he eats his food. Even if it’s in the grossest, most obnoxious way possible. Stop pushing your hobby on him and for heaven’s sake, get him something else for his birthday. It’s okay to want to share your hobbies, but sharing is not controlling.” KiratheCat
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – yeah he’s being rude and essentially throwing a tantrum and I imagine his plan would be SUPER disrespectful to the sushi chef in this instance.
But I get the vibe that he’s preemptively acting out because he knows you’re well aware that he doesn’t enjoy foodie experiences like you do, and perhaps he used to be indifferent to them, but this sounds like the sabotage-y plan of someone who quickly got over being ‘corrected’ on how to eat their own food.
It sounds to me like the point isn’t how he likes his food, he knows that even if he orders what he wants, he’s going to hear about it all night. Obviously, you want to share your interests with your partner and that’s awesome, but he’s clearly telling you to ease up a bit.
Just go out to dinner without it being a whole thing, food is your hobby, not a suitable gift for his birthday.
It’s like those women who buy themselves undergarments for their partner’s birthday.” also_yes_
13. AITJ For Trying To Remove My Roomie From The Housing Program?
“I (22F) have been placed in a youth housing program within the past year. The program houses people between 18-24 years old. They asked me when applying if I was okay with having a roommate, to which I said ‘I would prefer if I didn’t, but I can put up with one if I have to.’
I was later introduced to my roommate. We’ll call her Rebecca.
Rebecca (19F) and I moved in together at the start of this year. Both of us have Autism Spectrum Disorder (this is relevant later.)
Over the span of the year, I had been nice to Rebecca. We were both in the same boat, I saw no reason not to.
I’d offer to buy her stuff, give her rides to appointments, etc. However, I got to the realization: Rebecca is awful in public. We sometimes walk to nearby stores together, since our area isn’t the safest. She seems to have zero concept of stranger danger. She’ll talk to literally anyone and then blab our personal business to them.
One example of this is we were walking home from a store, and a random man called us over to come to check out the corner store he apparently owned and was remodeling. No one had been at that corner store in months, no remodeling was happening at all. I knew this because we walked that way every day.
Rebecca stopped me from continuing to walk home and called me over to go in with her. I flat out told her no, we have to go home. On the way home I told her that isn’t safe and asked her if she hadn’t noticed that the place had never been under renovation. She said, ‘oh, I thought it was fine.’ That corner store is STILL closed. Rebecca had actually almost dragged us into a trafficking scheme.
Recently, we were walking, and an old woman stopped next to us in her car and asked us if we were going far. Before Rebecca could say anything, I told the woman that we were fine, we were almost there anyways (we weren’t.) When the woman drove off, Rebecca asked why I turned her offer for a ride down (there wasn’t an offer, to begin with.) And I flat out told her that anyone could be a kidnapper, trafficker, or worse and that we never get in a car with someone we don’t know.
And two days later, I got home, and Rebecca told me she had missed a bus and got in a stranger’s car because her feet were hurting from how much she walked. Not only that, she had them drive directly to our house. I was livid.
I immediately contacted our director and told them all of this and how Rebecca was essentially endangering both of our lives (which is a breach of the housing contract.) Also how she’s stolen from me and gone into my room without me there.
Rebecca keeps trying to blame this on her autism and that she doesn’t know any better, but I honestly cannot believe that that’s true at all.
I want to make this clear, I don’t hate Rebecca. But I cannot allow her to endanger me in the process of trying to help her.
So AITJ for trying to get my roommate kicked out of our housing program?”
Another User Comments:
“So proud of you for advocating for yourself! You go, girl! You’re not bad or wrong for reporting this. Rebecca needs more help learning basic safety, hopefully, the program can help connect her with resources to help teach her personal safety. And you’re right, she’s not just endangering herself, but you as well.
I’m all for helping strangers and being open, but you can’t ignore personal safety. NTJ.” ppl_n_r_neighborhood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds like a terrible roommate, and you don’t want to jeopardize your own safety or your place in the program.
The theft and snooping are absolutely not symptoms of autism–those are behaviors of a jerk that deserve to be handled by terminating the lease.
Endangerment is also a problem, of course, but could be a true deficiency, and the program needs to know because it sounds like Rebecca needs a lot more support. Is a social worker involved?” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Rebecca obviously needs a place to live with more supervision and that is not your job.
I admire everything that you have done for her but it’s more important for you to be able to make more progress in your life without being put in danger. Rebecca needs to go.” Affectionate_Kale_47
12. AITJ For Not Attending A Friend's Destination Wedding?
“I got married a few months ago and we had our wedding locally. My friend from high school attended my wedding and got us a lovely gift. I knew that she was also engaged and planning to get married later this year.
We received her invitation in the mail last week. We realized that it was a destination wedding in Hawaii (to my recollection, she had never mentioned this to me before, only that she was planning a December wedding). We looked at the flights, but it would be $1500 just for the flights for us and probably another 2-3k for the hotel, and then on top of that, we would have to spend on a gift. Looking at our finances, we couldn’t make it work, mainly because we are in the process of buying a house, so all of our savings are going towards that.
My husband and I discussed it, and we decided we would decline her wedding, but we’re going to gift her $500 since that is what she gave us as a gift for our wedding. I should also add my friend from HS comes from money. My husband and I do not.
Instead of just sending back a No RSVP, I decided to call her and let her know that we wouldn’t be able to make the wedding, but I would drop off a card and a gift to her next week.
She got so upset with me on the phone. She told me I was cheap and that she was there for my wedding and that she always shows up to everyone’s events, but no one shows up to hers, and she yelled at me that I didn’t make it to her bridal shower either and that I’m a trashy friend and a jerk and told me not to contact her again.
I didn’t attend her bridal shower because it was the same day my sister-in-law got married (my husband’s sister). However, we did send her a gift from her registry, and she did send a thank you card.
She then posted on social media how she has attended all of these events for me. But, still, when it comes to me spending funds or attending her event or anyone else’s, I won’t do it because I’m a cheap jerk and went on to say that I still spend money like I still live in a trailer, not in a nice apartment (I grew up in a trailer park).
I’m upset about this and all these posts she’s making about me. I spoke to another friend about it, and she pointed out that I should have told her months ago that I wouldn’t be able to make the trip to Hawaii, but I swear I don’t remember her ever telling me it was going to be a destination wedding.
AITJ for not attending this destination wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Weddings have this weird knack of exposing what people are really like and, sadly, your friends have proved that she is a total jerk.
I don’t even think it’s worth trying to talk to her about this. Her behavior indicates that she is unhinged, incapable of introspection, and enjoys being a victim due to the attention it commands.
My advice is to block her and let her continue embarrassing herself on social media – because that’s exactly what she’s doing. Decent people will take one look at the state of her posts and know exactly the kind of person she is; somebody who needs to be kept at arm’s length.” ImStealingTheTowels
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – by having a destination wedding, she has to expect that people are not going to be able to make it. Either for budget reasons, family reasons, or can’t/don’t want to get the time off for a far-off wedding.
At the end of the day, it’s an invitation, not a summons.
Where she has the wedding is her choice, who attends from her invite list is not.
You shouldn’t give her $500 by the way. Typically you give less than you would give if you’re attending b/c they’re not paying for your plates at the reception.” ladygreyowl13
Another User Comments:
“‘NTJ. If she gave you $5000 as a wedding gift (which is probably less than what you’d be spending) you still would not be the jerk.
She’s taking it out on you because I bet no one can afford to go, but you’re the unlucky one that called. It’s also possible that she has some kind of group discount deal going where if she had a certain amount of guests booked she gets her hotel room free and discounted food/booze.
And now she could be panicking because she’s going to have to pay for things that she didn’t have an issue with her guests paying for.” Natural_Garbage7674
11. AITJ For Talking Loudly During Class?
“I finished high school and now I’m learning to become a cook. Here in Finland, the school system is different from the American school system.
We graduate school and continue to a higher education where we can learn to do the career we want to do. So I wanted to become a cook.
I joined a small school where there are many other students from all around the world and of different ages. I met a student my age and we became friends.
We like to talk in class and hang out together. I know that we might speak too loudly in class but when the teacher tells us to lower the volume, we do that but it might get high again. We both have ADHD or ADD so that’s why we talk loudly and sometimes can’t lower it.
We had about 8 students in our class but we change classes often so we meet other people.
We had this Russian woman in our class and she seems to hate me and my friend for talking so much. I and my friend got separated into different classes for a day and I got the Russian woman in my class.
We got started and all went well but after half of the class, she started asking me, why I and my friend talk so much in classes but when we are separated I don’t talk that much. I wanted to say, ‘sorry that you don’t have any friends’ but didn’t say anything and just looked away.
It all would’ve been fine but the tone she was using was so mean.
I don’t remember what other things she said when I just looked away and my smile faded. The thing is that I would talk less but because of my ADHD and depression, I talk loudly. It doesn’t seem to affect other people in my class.
We get about max 3 breaks in a day so we can’t only talk during breaks.
AITJ? Should I lower my voice during class?
I forgot to mention that when we are sitting and listening and learning we try to speak silently but when we are doing stuff and baking and making food, we talk loudly there.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Classrooms are not ‘hang out’ sessions to disrupt constantly. You need to do your loud chatting on your own time, not during other students’ time. If being near your friend is such a problem then self-regulate yourself and don’t sit near them. You’re being a jerk to your teacher and fellow students with constant disruptions.
And the response you wanted to say to the Russian student was such a rude thought in itself. ‘Sorry, you don’t have any friends’? How childish is that? You seem to have a very immature view of this whole situation. And you say her tone bothered you but perhaps she has an issue with not realizing how her tone comes off.
Either way, you really need to cut the jerk behavior, especially if your teacher is complaining about it more than once.” LurksAroundHere
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She probably has a hard time understanding the instructor, if you speak different languages, there is usually one or two that you are not really confident with using and one or two that seem to flow naturally.
I am guessing the teacher uses a language that your Russian classmate is not comfortable with/doesn’t know extremely well and so it is really difficult for her to listen and translate that language in class. When you talk you are BEING DISRUPTIVE and rude to other members of the class. Yes, you are allowed to communicate, but don’t be the loudest one in class, and don’t be the one who talks all the time.
You are in a group setting and you need to BE CORDIAL to ALL MEMBERS OF THE GROUP. Just because you don’t have trouble with learning/hearing the instructions, doesn’t mean EVERYONE finds it as easy as you do. BE MINDFUL of your classmates and leave the talking and jokes for AFTER CLASS when you can cut loose and be noisy all you want.
Try having a lozenge in your mouth during class, that way you won’t talk so much.
You are young, you don’t know these things and that’s okay. But you can be better and you know you can, that is why you are here, to learn how to be better. We all start out not knowing anything, so all of life is school.
Being polite and courteous is really important.” SageGreen98
Another User Comments:
“Of course YTJ.
For one, you’re in an English education institute and class. You shouldn’t be talking at all because you should be focusing and listening to your teacher. Not only is this disrespectful to your superior but also to all your classmates who you are definitely distracting.
And on top of that you’re not even asking whether you should shut up – despite being told you’re a distraction – and simply wondering whether you should be quieter like that isn’t obvious?
Also, your ADHD doesn’t excuse trashy and tactless behavior. No one in this class has more breaks than you and I’m quite sure a few of those people are friends and yet everyone is capable of shutting up during class.
As for people not speaking out: be sure they are also annoyed with you and your friend. I’m one of those people. I’m autistic and any sound distracts and annoys me in class, most of all annoying, entitled people chatting loudly in inappropriate settings.” xLadyLaurax
10. AITJ For Agreeing To Be A Groom's "Best Woman"?
“My (24f) friend ‘Emily’ (25f) is getting married to ‘Reece’ (25m) in 5 months. I have been friends with Reece and Emily since 2010. Reece and Emily have been together since 2015. I’ve had a few rough patches with Emily over the years, but my friendship with Reece has been consistent since then.
In 2016, Emily and I had a very rough patch.
We were both struggling with a death and I had a few problems with the people she surrounded herself with. Ultimately, I decided to cut all communication with her. Reece was a bit upset with her at this because ‘I was the only friend of Emily’s that stuck by her while the girls she was friends with were pieces of work’ (his reasoning for being upset).
Emily and I didn’t talk for around 6 months. After that we became friends again, all was good and our friendship was amazing.
Over the years since then, a lot of Reece’s friends have been going down the wrong paths and messing up in ways Reece doesn’t approve of. He had to cut a few of his friends off until they got back to a stable condition.
Right now he has a stable friend group of 4 boys. Emily and I are close friends, but sometimes Reece and I have a better friendship. He’s like a brother I never had. We’ve never had problems and have had a consistent friendship for 12 years. I’ve been his only friend to stick around and be there for him all these years.
He does have a best friend but they don’t hang out as often as they used to and they’ve had many problems with their friendship.
When Reece and Emily announced their engagement, I was so happy for them. Being there for when the relationship started and being there for this big step is truly another level of craziness.
Reece came to me about 2 months after they announced and expressed to me that both he and Emily thought it would be the best idea to have me be his ‘best woman’. He expressed to me that he was extremely grateful for our friendship and that I was a part of his family at this point and wouldn’t want anyone else there besides him.
I was obviously ecstatic and I agreed.
When his best friend was told he wasn’t the Best Man, however, he came at me. He was telling me that I shouldn’t have accepted it because I’m not Reece’s best friend and he is and that a Best Man is for a man, not a woman.
I just told him that Reece asked me and I was happy so I said yes. He just went on a rant about how I’ve always stood in the way of everything and that I shouldn’t even be a part of either of Emily or Reece’s respective parties. I was a bit hurt by that so I just left and ignored him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Of course you’re NTJ.
When someone you know is getting married, and they ask you to be their best man/chief bridesmaid/best woman, you are being honored. They are conveying to you, how much you mean to them.
If Reece, or Emily, didn’t want you as part of the wedding party, they would have said.
Or rather, they would have said nothing and just sent you a ‘Save The Date’ and wedding invitation at the appropriate times.
I think Reece’s ‘best friend’ is upset because this proves, to everyone, the truly high regard that both Reece and Emily hold you in.
It would be upsetting for anyone, to feel that someone had been chosen over them but Reece’s so-called ‘best friend’ should have gone to Reece about this, not you!
The hurt that you would cause to Reece and Emily would be immense.
Could you imagine how they would feel if, for apparently no good reason, you pulled out?
And what is to even say that they would ask this other person to be part of the wedding party?
I assume you wouldn’t tell them the truth about what your ‘best friend’ said?
It would be grossly unfair to tell them that you don’t want to be part of their wedding party, when they have offered you this honor because you are the one who has been there for them, for the past 12 years! You aren’t some interloper suddenly appearing out of nowhere! You actually are a large part of their lives, and you consider Reece a brother.
What is more normal than a brother asking his sister to stand with him when he gets married?
Please forget what this other ‘friend’ said, as he hasn’t shown himself in the best light, which is probably why Reece didn’t ask him in the first place!
Set your mind to other things, such as what will you wear, and don’t lose the rings!
Enjoy the day with your two very close friends.” h2oc3por2d2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The bride and groom asked you and want you there in this role, and that’s all that matters. I imagine the best guy friend’s feelings are hurt, but maybe he should be taking this as a moment to look inward rather than taking it out on you.
You’re the wrong target for his feelings about it, at the very least. It sounds like they probably asked you because you’ve been there throughout their whole relationship, and those are exactly the kind of people one should ask to be their best man/woman, maid/man of honor, etc. You’ve done nothing wrong. This guy’s beef isn’t actually with you–he’s misplacing his frustration, so try not to let it get to you.” sleepy_antelope
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That guy isn’t getting married to Emily and Reece is he? No? Well then he has NO SAY in how their wedding should go now, does he? What an ego this guy has! BOTH the bride and the groom want you in that position, what an amazing and unconventional idea!!! I applaud them for turning ‘tradition’ on its head and waving a giant finger to ‘the way it’s always been done’.
There is no reason that any wedding needs a best man, a maid or matron of honor, a flower girl, or any of the other ‘accessory’ people. A wedding requires two people willing to enter into a legal contract to share their life, and if you are asked to be part of it, it is an honor and a privilege.
It sounds like the dude thought he was more privileged than the groom feels he was entitled to!
Go be the best person at their wedding and just smile at the naysayer and say they made the choice, you are just honored to be part of it and he can go kick rocks.” SageGreen98
9. AITJ For Being A Cool, Fun Dad?
“I had a daughter 9 years ago. My partner and I broke up before we knew she was pregnant and by the time my daughter was born, she was seeing another guy. He seemed like a nice guy and wanted to be in my daughter’s life and I wasn’t interested in staying in her life so we all just agreed that it would be best if he would raise her instead however I didn’t give up my rights because I was afraid I’d regret it some day.
I was right because as time passed I started to regret my decision and decided to meet my daughter and she wanted to meet me as well.
This has so far been the best decision I ever made. She is adorable and I love her so much. This summer I asked her mom if I could take her on a trip.
Ever since we returned from our trip my ex has been stopping me from seeing my daughter, always making excuses like she is busy with homework or she is not home now.
Yesterday my daughter called me and angrily asked why I left again. I asked her what she means and she said that’s what her mom told her.
I called her mom and blew up at her and asked her why she would say that to her and she started yelling at me and saying I made their life so much harder by ‘being a Disney dad’ because my daughter keeps comparing me and her stepdad and asks him why he doesn’t play with her or take her to a trip and recently she has stopped calling him dad and then hung up the phone.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, if you didn’t want to commit to being a dad you should have signed your rights away at the beginning since you knew someone else (who knew it wasn’t even his) was happy to step up. It’s not fair to come in 9 years later acting like super dad and taking her on a fun vacation when you haven’t done all the hard stuff.
Kids are easily bought at that age and they rarely are able to recognize how much value their custodial parent brings because all they can think is ‘Dad takes me places/ lets me do what I want/buys me stuff’. They don’t think about who’s packing their lunches, taking them to check-ups, helping them with homework, registering them, and making sure they get to daycare/school/activities on time, they don’t think about how much sacrifice that parent makes to be reliable and consistent for them on a regular basis.
In their head, they think ‘fun dad’ is always a fun dad and that if they were there all the time you’d always be that way. They don’t realize it’s all just a way to buy their love because deep down you’re guilty of never being a real parent and you think taking them on a fun trip makes up for it.
You held onto the rights all to your convenience in case you ever felt like being a dad. How pathetic.” Substantial-Ad6622
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You suck for abandoning your child and thinking you can just show up and play dad whenever it’s convenient for you.
She sucks for letting this situation get here.
You’ve only been back in her life for 4 months and her mom let you take her on a trip? A complete stranger who took 9 years to decide to show up, what kind of parent thinks that’s a good idea?
Yall need to go to court and get visitation settled and you need to pay up or shut up.
I’m hoping my assumption that you haven’t been paying child support is not true, otherwise, 9 years of back child support is going to hurt.” Disastrous-Current-6
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but you don’t have to be. Ask for a family meeting between the FOUR of you. You should start your part by explaining to your daughter that all the things you’re doing are your way of APOLOGIZING for being absent for the first 9 years of her life, explain that you’re putting your best foot forward and have been afraid of being rejected, but that you both need to acknowledge the other father she has, a man who stepped up and helped raise her as his own, regardless of genetics, and that it was worthy of your respect, and very kind of them to let you back in the way they have.
Then you thank that man for everything he has done, and for being such an integral part of your daughter’s upbringing.
You tell her she has 2 dads. This shouldn’t turn into a contest of ‘who can be a bigger man’, but rather an opportunity for you guys to be the same size. Cutting you off because she stopped calling him dad is super petty, he and your ex clearly need this opportunity, and you can make them look like absolute garbage in court if they don’t take this opportunity to get right, but you’ve gotta be willing to take a few hits in this situation, even if they’re from yourself.
Good luck.” Positive_Wafer42
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. No one in this story seems to have any idea how to properly communicate with each other. At least your daughter had the guts to call you up and call you out on (what she thought was) your nonsense, unlike your ex.
You can’t come into your child’s life looking to be the fun dad all of a sudden.
You weren’t there for the hard parts, and obviously, that’s time you can’t get back. But how do you think your child feels having this one fun dad who takes her on Disney trips, vs the other dad who actually makes her do her homework? Maybe they could stand to play with her more, we don’t have enough insight to know that, but if y’all are going to co-parent, then you need to actually co-parent, which means properly communicating parenting styles.
And your ex absolutely sucks for suddenly telling her child that you just left again. Like, that’s messed up. If she had an issue with your parenting style, then this is a conversation she and her partner should have had with you, rather than just saying you ghosted your kid.
Everyone sucks here. So hard.” Blackcat0123
8. AITJ For Confronting My Mom About Favoritism?
“I (19F) have a little sister (12F) who has autism. To be specific she has a type that affects her speech but she is very smart and creative. I love her very much and try to play with her and try to keep her from her tantrums but sometimes it gets too much.
First of all, I feel like she is spoiled. It’s not just my opinion it’s obvious that my cousin says the same.
She cries for a toy she wants sometimes and throws a tantrum but that’s only sometimes now. Most of the time now she behaves and is calm and puts the toy back.
Sometimes I do use a loud voice to get her to calm down but my mother always yells at me for it even though she also does the same sometimes.
I often get yelled at by my parents if I try to make her understand she isn’t allowed to do something. Recently with me, she fights with me by screaming and throwing a tantrum which she learns to get what she wants because she learns she can get away with it sometimes. She is moodier I feel because she is close to her first time of the month which is a whole other issue we’re worried about.
Anyway to the story, I came back from university a few hours before and I was working on an assignment I had when my sister needed help with her iPad. I was quiet and I didn’t yell at her at all and she was screaming. My mom however blamed me thinking I yelled at her which I didn’t and I was trying to explain to her what she was doing but she wasn’t having it
This is where I might be the jerk. I got upset as I burst into tears and started to yell that I didn’t yell at her at all and also yelled at what she was actually doing and I was trying to solve the problem gently. I got yelled at for showing attitude and cried. I became quiet the rest of the day to avoid problems again and didn’t tell my cousin when she came back nor did I tell my dad who came back from Pakistan the day after because I worry it will cause another argument with my parents which my mom blames me for trying to start which is a whole different issue (my parents have been having marriage issues from when I was 3).
My mom ignores what happened and she said that how I acted may be because my cycle was starting and to get medication for it. My aunt said I was the jerk for yelling at my mom and I do feel bad but it’s the first time I told anyone how I felt about how I was being treated except for my cousin.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not the third parent to your sister, and it sounds like you’ve been doing your best to try to help her. Your mother, on the other hand, is out of line. It makes sense to get upset because you’ve been accused of something you didn’t do, and the implication that you aren’t and you suddenly need medication is literally the definition of gaslighting.
And her suggestion that you’re to blame for her marriage issues is horrendous. I’d recommend saving up and moving out.” inkblot101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mom is taking zero responsibility for her mistakes. She’s trying to pin your sister’s tantrums, and even worse, her marriage problems, on you. There are two ways to go about resolving this situation.
The most mature way is to reason things out with your mom. This will require extreme patience and may take a long time. This may not even work if your mom is too unreasonable to admit the truth. She needs to understand the following:
- Your little sister requires discipline as soon as possible. She has learned that crying and throwing tantrums mean she gets her way, which is extremely problematic as the real world doesn’t work that way.
At this rate, she will be continually ostracised, and can never become a functioning adult. Since your sister is already 12 years old, her behavior will be difficult to change and this can only be achieved with great patience from you and your mom.
- You love your sister and only mean the best for her. It doesn’t mean that your needs are less important than hers.
Just because you’re easier to take care of, it doesn’t mean you should be treated like a doormat.
- Your mom’s marriage problems have nothing to do with you. All disputes between her and your dad are strictly between them. You deserve zero blame for them arguing.
If your mom refuses to see reason, it will be an uphill battle to help your sister.
YOU know better, so you will need to ignore your mom’s wishes in order to do the right thing. Whether that means going behind your mom’s back or fighting with her, it will be very difficult.
All the best to you and your sister, I sympathize with you both.” toyyoda21
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Speak with mom when both are cool-headed and not in the middle of a tantrum.
If she doesn’t take u seriously or blows you off. I would tell dad when headed back to UNI. Sounds like low contact or no contact with your mother may be needed. Maybe she’ll get better with therapy, but with most, it’s so ingrained the whole family will protect those people because that’s what they were taught.” TinyAries4235
7. AITJ For Changing The WiFi Password?
“This year my best friend, Cowbird, moved in with me. They were in Minnesota, didn’t like it and their lease was up soon. I live in North Carolina and suggested they move into my second room so we both could save funds. We both agreed it’d be great to live together again and it would be mutually beneficial.
In March I take time off work (self-employed so no paid time off), arrange for my dogs to be sat, and fly to them to help them move cross country. It was right when gas prices first went up so Cowbird asked if I could help them pay for gas. I was already going out of my way to accommodate this move (I did all the driving, and split the hotel) I said they had to pay me back.
Cowbird agreed. On the trip I let them be in charge of expenses. I trusted Cowbird. We arrive at our new home and Cowbird owes me a few hundred dollars. I didn’t think anything of it.
Now it’s Oct. Cowbird is behind on rent, electricity, and wifi, plus misc expenses like a vet bill and subscription I covered for them.
Cowbird’s debt to me is almost $5k. I can’t do it anymore. I tell Cowbird they have to move by the end of the year and have to keep up with their bills/not accrue more debt.
Today I see Cowbird has paid me $25 less than the rent is.
Me: ‘what about the rest, wifi, electric, dog plan?’ (Those other things are about $200).
Them: ‘how much do you think they give me for unemployment?’
Me: ‘I’m struggling with living together, I don’t know how much longer I can do this… so how much do they give you for unemployment?’ (Cowbird only recently lost their job, most debts were accrued when they had a full-time job).
Cowbird says ‘I don’t feel comfortable sharing with the way you’re talking,’ and walks off into their room.
I feel like there should be consequences for their bad behavior at this point. I’m tired of being taken advantage of. They’re moody like a teenager and they treat me like a trashy parent but I can’t write them off on my taxes. I can’t turn off the electricity or stop paying the rent, but I can control the wifi.
I said ‘ok,’ and I change the wifi password.
Cowbird comes out of their room to shout at me about it. Though this just happened I can’t remember all of what they said (I don’t do well with confrontation) but I have one or two quotes: They say that changing the password when they have class in 2 hours is the pettiest most childish thing I could ever do, I agree.
They ask how much money I need to change the password back. I finally stand my ground. I say I’m not changing it back, you can find wifi elsewhere (there are lots of options within a 10 min radius). I feel bad bc attendance is part of their graduating but I’m tired of being taken advantage of and I surely won’t stand them shouting at me as if I owe them something.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not childish at all, what’s childish is moving in with someone with an agreement to pay your portion of the bills, and when that person comes up to you and asks you if you’re going to pay your bills, telling them that their tone is the reason you’re not going to fulfill your obligations.
Cowbird is a jerk and a childish one at that coming out and screaming and having a hissy fit when you gave them enough time to go find another place to get Wi-Fi where they will also be freeloading it. It’s time to fight back and get them out of your place.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They are not paying for the wifi (or much else for that matter).
You didn’t change it 5 minutes before, you changed it with enough time to go to a library or somewhere else with free wifi. They will still be able to attend class, just with an inconvenience involved.” Maria5863
6. AITJ For Taking Back My PS4?
“My (29M) partner (27F) and I have been together for almost a year. We both had to move back in with our families after an incident happened at our apartment. Lately, we haven’t been on good terms so we have been on and off. I let her borrow my PS4 while she stays at her parent’s house.
I got tired of the on-and-off so I got all my stuff yesterday including my PS4.
Today we talked it out and she called me a heartless jerk because I didn’t let her hold/keep my PlayStation for her daughter. She even offered to buy it for way less than what I paid for it.
I told her she should just buy her one but she refused and insisted I give her daughter my PlayStation. She even gave me a choice if I don’t give her daughter the PlayStation then the relationship is over. She said I was literally taking candy from a baby. I told her if we are broken up then I should have the right to do whatever I want with my stuff.
AITJ for taking the game or should I just let her daughter keep it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and that was her attempted power play to have something of yours specifically knowing you didn’t want to give it up but she got you to back down. It would have been a trophy for her. She would have told anyone who asked, or probably who didn’t ask, that she can make anyone do what she wants and you were weak.
It was a test and you passed by leaving the entire situation without giving her what she wants and acknowledging that the relationship is over as she already stated. You played her game well and won. Proud of you. I feel bad for her daughter though being raised to be just like that. Hopefully, she turns out different from her mom in a good way.” HopeUnknown0417
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she used her child as a weapon – taking candy from a baby. That is extremely manipulative. Trying to make you do things by saying you are hurting the child is a horrible thing to do. Give her the PlayStation, or the relationship is over – ultimatums are never cool. Very manipulative, Then saying she has to have your PlayStation, not another one, is controlling and a power play.
This is not a nice person and you are well rid of the relationship.” Which_Pudding_4332
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
First, she is downplaying a console by offering you well under value, and equating it to being more for children by acting like her child needs the ps4 more than you.
Secondly, using it as the deal breaker for your relationship really shows how little she thinks of you.
If she genuinely cared, she would’ve just offered to buy it for more, or asked if there’s a way to move her child’s saves to a new console.” gossamergloom
5. AITJ For Calling My Sister-In-Law Stupid For Having A Child?
“My SIL has health issues. What exactly I’m not sure though both she and my brother have mentioned severe back problems and being close to obesity.
Because of a past job her back is messed up (her words) which gives her a lot of limitations. When they discussed having kids she went to a specialist who said it would be downright dangerous and unwise to get pregnant in her current state. They gave her exercises to strengthen her back, discussed cutting out junk food, and set up frequent appointments so she could be in a healthier state when trying for a child.
In my brother’s own words, she did it for a week, then she got pregnant and had my niece who I love dearly.
The problem is my brother is usually working. there were extra med bills because of extensive recovery and treatments during her pregnancy and now. She couldn’t work and is trying for disability while my brother is working overtime so they’re not evicted. My SIL is unable to carry my niece who is now 3.
She’s unable to keep up with her and usually has to have a relative over to babysit and help SIL around the house. It was my turn (my SIL wasn’t pleased by this) and she was laying on the sofa with my niece trying to talk to her.
I guess SIL was having a bad day because she screamed that my niece and everyone else in the family – hers and my brother’s – were the reason she was like this because everyone pressured her to have a kid on their terms and they have no idea the pain she was in.
At that point, I told my niece to go play while I reminded my SIL she was the one who didn’t follow Dr’s orders and was incredibly stupid and selfish for having my niece and especially now because she’s growing up without a mom.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The one who will suffer here is your niece.
She was a wanted child (as you said both SIL and brother were eager to conceive), but now she has become an unwanted child by what seems to be everyone (you, SIL, family, and possibly brother). She is the main sufferer. Not your sister-in-law and not you or your family. She will grow up without two active parents and honestly without daily help from all of you, I don’t know how she would be taken care of.
If she can’t pick up her 3-year-old daughter, then she can’t likely care for her either. This sounds like a potentially dangerous situation for your niece. And also now you all are hooked into for life to take care of this child. This may limit your future, as you may feel obligated to care for this child as if it is your own.
If she could only follow the health regimen suggested by her doctor for a week, she likely only took her birth control for a week as well.
Also, how were they protecting against pregnancy before? Why wouldn’t they have just continued that?
Anyway, people have to be accountable for their own actions and take responsibility.
Sounds like she may not be taking responsibility. Some back pain can be relieved by losing weight, if she is obese, she should have been motivated to lose weight for her health, her back, and her child. She should STILL be trying now.” crazyhairedjess2
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your SIL is not parenting her child and didn’t prioritize her health, but you have stated that she was on birth control and that you do not know if she got pregnant deliberately or not.
I think that plays a huge part because if it was an accident, and she felt pressured to keep the baby, that’s very different from her actively deciding she wanted to try and conceive despite knowing the health risks. And again, if this was a birth control error, calling her selfish and stupid for that is completely out of line, because keeping an accidental pregnancy is a nuanced decision.
You have said that you don’t know, so I think jumping to the conclusion that SIL conceived on purpose was thoughtless.
I understand your frustration, and I do think that SIL is a jerk for her attitude toward her daughter and the way that she spoke to her; having a bad time is no excuse for screaming at a child.
(And of course, if she did conceive on purpose, I do agree that it was extremely irresponsible). But this post lacks a lot of information and nuance. Did she try to conceive? Is she currently working to reduce the level of pain/physical impairment? Is it even /possible/ for her to improve enough to be able to take care of her daughter without help at this point?
In the past 3 years, have you ever had a conversation with her and your brother about the future of your niece, how long you’ll be caring for her, and what it seems like SIL will be capable of doing in the future? It seems to me that you had a negative view of SIL, see her choices/actions in a negative light (jumping to bad conclusions, not giving grace, or attempting to empathize with her passion), and have built resentment about taking care of her daughter even though you love her.
I could be wrong of course, but I think it would be worthwhile to reflect on why you feel how you feel about her, and maybe talk to her and your brother in a non-judgmental way.
I do want to reiterate how unacceptable I find it that she yelled at her child though. And I also think that an angry response to that is extremely valid.
But it’s possible that she is at a breaking point; still not acceptable imo, but understandable.” peachteahoney
Another User Comments:
“In these instances, I choose to not engage because I’m not going to give them the energy or attention they are seeking.
She has a very poor mindset. Does she think every parent is whole and healthy forever?
Absurd. My grandmother had four children when she started having issues walking. She used a cane when my uncle was a toddler and was wheelchair-bound by the time he was 10 (maybe sooner?). She was diagnosed with limb-girdle muscular dystrophy which affects folks in adulthood.
Your SIL needs to stop blaming others, sure she felt the pressure.
Everyone gets pressured about kids. We don’t all have kids just because someone wants us to. She needs to focus on improving her health before it’s too late.
NTJ but I would suggest not acknowledging her remarks in the future and focusing on your niece only. And not ‘if only her mom took care of herself, Niece would have blank’.
If you really love your niece then support her emotionally. She will really need you as she grows. Don’t focus on what she doesn’t have, focus on what she does have and what she can achieve.” ThxItsadisorder
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. From your story, it doesn’t sound like your SIL was forced to immediately have a baby.
She was out of line to yell at you and insinuate that the situation is your fault in any way. However, you may not have the whole story. It may have been a surprise pregnancy that she and your brother had to make a tough decision about. You don’t know what was said to her or who said it.
While you may be right about the circumstances of your niece’s birth, you don’t need to be cruel. Even if she had done all the exercises and diet changes for the recommended time, she could have still been crippled by pregnancy. She is in pain, not able to care for her own child, and completely dependent on the kindness of people who disapprove of her.
You don’t have to be the only kind person in a room, and you don’t have to make a bad situation worse.” Which-Month-3907
4. AITJ For Refusing To Apologize To My Coworker That I Unintentionally Humiliated?
“I work at a marketing agency as an account manager and work with the sales team and other teams to execute marketing campaigns. There is a sales consultant I work with who is very anxious and many times borderlines rude as he can get emotional quickly and tends to panic.
The way it works is sales consultant sells the package, sets it up and then it goes over to me to manage.
Onto what happened. I was brought to manage an account of his. It was messy and the team who actually built the campaign was an offshore team from South Asia so there is a bit of a language barrier as English is their second language.
I had to get on a call with the team to go over the issues and come up with a solution. I work in North America and many coworkers are straight-up rude to the offshore team and treat them as second-class people which really bothers me. The salesperson decided to join the call and he started grilling the team on why the campaign wasn’t working.
Mind you the salesperson approved the campaign so he’s to blame too and I just wanted to fix the problems no sense in pointing fingers.
He kept interrupting the conversation and talking down to them. He then asked them to supply him with any good campaigns they had ever run. Which is a ridiculous ask because he has access to all this data and this was just to further humiliate them.
I asked him to stop and if he really needed examples for training purposes this was a question for his manager. He cut me off and kept going on with his condescending speech and blaming them.
The team was put on their back foot and trying to explain but he just kept going. I had enough and sent a message to his manager saying I am never bringing this salesperson on a call again with the offshore team.
The problem, I forgot I was screen-sharing and he saw me type it. So he abruptly hung up and then confronted me over chat about me going to his manager. I apologized for him seeing the message but stood my ground and told him his behavior was unacceptable and it was my call to lead and he had no right to speak to ppl that way.
He’s not a manager and he was out of line. He ended up escalating the situation and my manager spoke to me and said I don’t need to apologize but I should keep the peace. His feelings are very hurt and he’s waiting for an apology.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he doesn’t deserve an apology, the offshore team does.
Imagine how they feel. Thank you for standing up for the other team. It’s not okay to treat people this way. And you certainly aren’t going to get their best work when this is how you treat them. Now, this coworker knows you won’t allow this behavior. But if you apologize you’ve ruined all the examples you set.
Don’t do it. He’s just mad because that was the slap he needed to snap him out of that anger. He realized what a jerk he was and was caught and scolded like a child. He’s looking to be apologized to because that will give his anger some validation so he won’t feel so stupid and humiliated.” ksarahsarah27
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Take it to HR if you have to. He was being unprofessional. Forgetting that you’re on screen share sucks. Especially when you are sharing multiple things so you can’t just lock the share to one application. However, the email you sent was not unprofessional so you have nothing to worry about or apologize for.
Your manager should be backing you up. Your co-worker’s assertion could hurt the relationship between your department and the offshore department. NTJ you did the right thing. I had an awful manager once and was too terrorized to speak up. I didn’t think upper management would help. Luckily other coworkers eventually saw what was going on.
They told their managers and the situation was handled. The offshore team appreciates what you did. Even if they never knew who said something they appreciate it.” pnutbuttercups56
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Thanks for stepping up for your off-shore team. I’m betting they’ll prefer to work with you from here on, and will give you better results than the other guy ever got.
Off-shore work is still work, and those professionals deserve respect. You did great.
Don’t apologize for standing up for a good, professional working environment. It’s obvious to anyone with empathy and professionalism that being a decent human gets good results while being a terrible condescending jerk gets delays and poor productivity.
Your boss said you don’t need to apologize.
So don’t.
If anything, recommend your manager speak with the account manager’s manager and recommend the guy take some communication courses. Dale Carnegie’s Interpersonal Communication works wonders on these types, and he’ll find it useful in all areas of his life.” shinynewcharrcar
"I'm so sorry you saw that. It was never my intention to embarrass you in front of others."
...without apologizing for the actual message to the manager.
3. AITJ For Helping My Mom Smash Her Wedding China?
“My mom and stepdad got married when I (30F) was 10. That same year, they had my half-sister (20F). They had a pretty good relationship but my stepdad never accepted me as a part of ‘their’ family and I was always made to feel like an outsider. It created tension between my mom and stepdad but things were okay.
When I was 13, my mom had a stillbirth and without saying too much for my family’s privacy, it caused a huge rift between them. It got worse when I went off to college. When they had my half-sister, my mom agreed to put the college fund she had for me (all of my deceased father’s inheritance) into a joint account for my half-sister and me to split for college.
When I went to college, my stepdad said the school I chose was too expensive and they would only cover a portion. My mom took my side.
All this to say, they finally divorced earlier this year. It was very hard on my half-sister, who grew up with two loving parents and did not see the problems in their marriage as she was too young to remember or be involved. My stepdad made it clear to my half-sister that my mom was the one who initiated the divorce and my half-sister is very upset with her over it, making this 10x harder on mom.
My mom’s birthday was last week and I spent the weekend with her to celebrate. My half-sister was invited and I offered to pay for her ticket but she chose to stay with her dad.
One of the things we talked about was all the ‘mutual’ stuff that my stepdad chose not to take with him after they divorced – including a china set they received as a wedding gift. My mom said it was hard to decide what to do with it and how upset it made her to have it in the house.
I suggested we get some of those feelings out by smashing the set in the backyard. We did and had a great time of it. My sister texted later that night and said she was sorry for not coming and asked what we were up to. I told her and said we were having fun, but it would be better with her.
She flipped her lid and insisted that china was hers or her dad’s and that we never should’ve broken it without their permission. I pointed out her dad left it at the house and she never had any interest in it. She insisted it was an heirloom and we were wrong about it. I just went to bed and ignored her, figuring it was for her and mom to duke out.
Well, she posted about it on social media and called out my mom for being an ‘irresponsible, permissive, narcissistic’ parent.
Mom is heartbroken and feels so guilty she hasn’t been eating or sleeping. She’s furious with me for talking her into it and furious at herself for allowing it. The whole family is now involved, mostly bashing mom and me.
Stepfamily calls me ringleader and has sent so much hate and abuse to me for it. I’ve stood by it but my mom wants me to apologize to my sister. I can’t if it feels like it was wrong to me, but I am willing to accept with as much hate as I’ve gotten, I might be in the wrong.
AITJ for breaking my mom’s wedding china without my sister’s OK?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
If the china had been a family heirloom from stepdad’s side when it was given, it would have been nice to consider offering it to stepsis. But stepdad left it behind, so he didn’t value it. Stepsis should have returned the value of your personal heirloom (the portion of your dad’s inheritance that was taken from you) if she wants to worry about whose heirlooms are whose.
I get that your mom has had a hard time balancing her love for her ex-husband and her love for you. She didn’t do a good job protecting you while you were growing up (or protecting your interests). It took your mom 17 years to finally end a relationship that started going south that long ago and had other significant bumps/red flags along the way.
She’s still struggling. Only now your stepsis is the one who can guilt-trip her. You should encourage your mom to get counseling. Without some help, it seems she’ll forever be burdened by feeling guilty every time she doesn’t meet a loved one’s demands.
She’s divorced her ex-husband and his family. The only connection she (and you) has is her other daughter, your stepsis.
That’s going to be a challenging relationship because stepsis is heavily influenced by her dad’s view of things. Talk to your mom about freeing herself. Let her know that you are not going to apologize.
Stepsis has already used ‘flying monkeys’ and public shaming to lash out at you. You are not going to buckle to that.
You hope your mom doesn’t buckle either, but you know she’s got to get there for herself. Suggest that if there’s anything else Sdad left behind that your mom doesn’t want, she can tell stepsis to claim it now or it will be disposed of however your mom sees fit. Don’t let your mom’s susceptibility to being guilt-tripped get passed onto you.” swillshop
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here for the smashing of China or the disappointment from half-sister for seeing a tangible piece of her parents’ marriage be broken. But your sister is the jerk for how far she is acting now. Sister is too old to be posting cruel comments to social media and seems to consistently be treating your mom badly.
Interesting that your sister chose the terms ‘irresponsible, permissive, and narcissistic.’ Sounds like the projection is strong from your stepdad’s family. My petty self would respond ‘sister, you are so right! Mom permitted your dad to steal half of my inheritance to fund your lifestyle. She was irresponsible enough to stay with a man who emotionally mistreated us both for years.
How narcissistic it must seem that she is finally caring for herself for the first time in 20 years. Sadly, you missed the chance to have input into her birthday celebrations when you chose to stay with your dad instead of joining us as invited.'” Emergency_Candy600
Another User Comments:
“No, it was NOT an ‘heirloom’.
Heirlooms are things that are defined by their intent. Without the intent of ‘I wish for you to pass this down from generation to generation’ or the person willing to carry it on, it’s not an heirloom it’s just a possession.
Second, your mom needs to stand up for herself and publicly. Inform everyone ‘bashing her’ that the reason for the divorce is that your stepfather, after isolating you their entire marriage, took your father’s money and demanded it be spent on his kid.
Then she needs to block these people.
And more importantly, you need to stand up to your mom. It’s good that she finally grew enough spine to divorce this man, but she took way too long, and even as her ex-family, she is still putting their feelings above you. She felt good until they got butthurt.
Why?
And that her responsibility as your mother hasn’t ended and won’t. And that she needs to be very clear with her other daughter that her father’s mistreatment of you is what caused the divorce even if she initiated it. She allowed emotional neglect from your step-father and she is now allowing your half-sister to continue that cycle.
NTJ
I would also suggest, by the way, considering demanding to see your father’s will because the case depending on her divorcing him is not the only legal action that should have been taken against this man, and you might have some recourse. That is likely to get extremely messy though, so I understand if you don’t want to but… I would at least consider it.” ZombiScribe
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for snitching on your mom. You knew your sister was having a hard time with the divorce and was blaming your mom (even if it was unfair). You could have kept your mouth shut about the wedding china to your sister. There was no reason for her to have to know that detail and I’m sure that you could have figured out that it might touch a nerve for her and that she’d be upset.
But, despite it being a very bad idea, you decided to tell your sister about the china smash. You sold out your mom, who was probably happy to have the cathartic moment of breaking the china until you made sure that she’d be punished by the whole family for doing it. You set your mom up for a big fall and now you should do everything you can to minimize the damage.
Apologize to your mom for not having the good sense to be discrete and protect her and apologize to everyone else if it’ll make things easier for your mom now.” ghostforest
2. AITJ For Telling My Sister That She Should Think Things Through For Once?
“I’m 25 and Sara’s 28.
I and my sister ‘Sara’ are on good terms, but we aren’t close by any means. We see each other during family events and things like that, and text occasionally but that’s about it.
One of my cousin’s kids turned 1, so a few days ago they had a birthday party and invited friends and family. Sara has a 3-month-old daughter and Sara was at the party. She came later and we chatted a little bit.
So everyone was starting to leave, I and my husband ‘Alex’ were also about to leave when Sara came up to me and asked if I could keep an eye on my niece for a few minutes while she ran to the bathroom.
Now, I want to add I don’t have an issue with this specifically, my problem was that she saw that we were about to go, yet she left without waiting for our answer.
After she came back, I told her that I didn’t really appreciate her leaving like that without even waiting for an answer.
I said that there were still a few other people around she could’ve asked, who weren’t leaving. Sara replied that she didn’t really think it through and saw me, so she came to me.
This isn’t the first time Sara’s pulled things like this, not with me particularly but with our parents, who bend over backward to do favors for her.
I do understand the situation and her circumstances, now with an infant, but there’s a limit. I told her I get it but maybe she should ‘think things through’ for once. She started crying and said she was very overwhelmed.
We ended up leaving after that and I do feel kind of bad for what I said to her, but I don’t think it warranted crying.
Alex agrees with me that Sara was overreacting a little bit, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your newly postpartum sister trusted you enough to leave her baby (your niece) with you, so she could take 4 minutes to pee.
You chose to be a jerk to her about it… it’s no wonder she cried, the poor woman just had her body turned upside down by this new human that literally NEVER allows her a break.
I’d have been crying, too, and I probably wouldn’t speak to you again.
You owe her an apology. You owe her flowers and chocolate, and as many bathroom breaks as she needs.” mooseshart
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Big time.
First off, what we don’t have in our hands we can’t hold. Especially after giving birth, because our pelvic floor muscles are WRECKED.
Second, what was she ‘pulling’? Needing to dash to the bathroom after handing her newborn to the nearest trustworthy person? Sorry OP but she wasn’t ‘pulling’ anything.
Third, you lack all empathy. You just reinforced for her that her body and time don’t belong to her anymore when you berated her for needing to use the restroom.
Her hormones and lack of sleep and getting adjusted to someone completely relying on her 24/7 are one of the most mentally taxing things a woman can go through.
I feel bad for your family and friends who have to endure your selfish and whiney self. Be better.” Mogie175
Another User Comments:
“Her overwhelmed sister overreacted by crying.
Talk about being out of touch. Consider possibly she REALLY had to go — which is a thing that happens after you give birth (and the baby is only 3 mos old), and maybe seeing you was a relief? Maybe she trusted you most out of everyone in the room? Or, maybe she was about to pee herself, or any other bathroom emergencies that, again, are very common after giving birth.
YTJ. Whatever resentment you have towards her and your parents could be resolved around any other issue that didn’t involve a mother with an infant rushing to the bathroom. Her ‘overreaction’ could be a sign of other serious stressors in her life. If you can’t expect empathy from your own family… Just wow.” Civil_Ad1502
1. AITJ For Embarrassing My Dad For Stealing My Truck?
“I (17F) recently got a truck.
It was my dad’s old truck that I’d wanted since I was little. My dad gave it to me after he was able to buy a different used vehicle for himself, one of those pick-up trucks with the big wheels and all that. Well, the other day, his window stopped working. It wouldn’t roll up or down, it actually started to slip down to where it stayed open.
This is a problem because where we are, it rains quite a lot.
I and my dad are the only ones here that have vehicles as my mom is a stay-at-home mom and my little brother is too young to drive. He asked me if he could take my truck to work while his truck was being repaired, but I told him no because I need to get to school and we have different schedules.
He leaves for work two hours earlier than I do. I stay after school for an extra three hours so he gets home before me. He told me I could get a ride with a friend, but the closest friend lives 30 minutes away, and they wouldn’t be able to bring me home after school.
I told him he could get a ride, but he said no one could. I’m not willing to wake up at four in the morning to take him to work anyway.
Well, yesterday morning I woke up and my truck was gone. I got a text from him saying that he called a friend of mine and that they’ll bring me to school and he’ll pick me up, but I’m mad.
I called him and he didn’t answer, so I left a very aggressive voicemail.
Anyway, last night dad had dinner with his boss. His boss was asking about dad’s truck in the shop and saying how he was lucky he had an extra truck and such. I interjected here and said he was ‘lucky’ that I didn’t call the police after he stole my truck.
The room went very quiet and my mom called me out of the room.
After his boss left, dad came to me angry that I embarrassed him. I told him it was his own fault because he was the one who stole my truck after I told him not to. Mom agrees with him though and now I’m grounded even though he’s the one who stole my truck.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. An absolute spoiled brat by the sounds of it. Your dad gave you the truck. And your dad needs to borrow it to get to a job, so he can keep a roof over your head and food in your belly. And you go and purposefully embarrass him in front of his boss, thus endangering his employment.
Yet you somehow think that you are still the victim here. If you were my kid you would be losing all rights to the truck again permanently.” StrongBlueberry5432
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your dad gifts you with a truck. A gift, not something he has to give you. He needs it to get to work, the thing that feeds you and your family and is why you have a truck in the first place.
You rudely say no. He makes other arrangements for you to get to school, your supposed reason for not being able to let him borrow the truck. You embarrass him in front of his boss, possibly making his work life, again the reason your family eats and you have a truck at all, much harder because you are a petty brat.
If you were my kid there is a negative chance the truck would be signed over to you next month.” ZombiScribe
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why on earth would you think it a good idea to run off at the mouth in front of your dad’s boss? You don’t think things through because if he told you something you did you’d be livid.
Why couldn’t you take your father to work even if it was early? He is the reason you have a place to lay your head, clothes to wear, school supplies and not to mention the truck.
Outside of that, you could have asked your mom to step in to help get your father and yourself back and forth to school.
It was very immature, selfish, and rude. You could have potentially cost your father his job and his reputation. Your mom agrees that he shouldn’t have taken the truck and arranged a ride for you. She doesn’t agree that you disrespected the man who has provided for you your entire life by acting like he is a stranger and stole a truck from you.” Trice316
