People Cross Lines In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Being Uncomfortable With My Ex's Dad Acting As A Parent?
“I met my ex last year when I was 16 (f), and when our parents met, they claimed they had a spark and were soul mates. This obviously didn’t sit well with us, and while we ended up breaking up eventually because he was in a different state due to family stuff, it felt like a violation to both of us.
Now his father, however, moved in with my mom and me, and is honestly the most disgusting (as in unclean) person I’ve met and has acted like a parent to me multiple times. Now they bought a house together, and I’m supposed to be happy?
Last night, I just had enough and told my mom that he made me uncomfortable, and although I loved her, I was going to my dad’s. Now, we have had this conversation multiple times, calmly and irrationally. She will do everything to defend him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The first part about him being the father of an ex would be something you could try to be mature about and move past. The part about him trying to act like a parent would be irritating but something you could ignore somewhat for the sake of your mother.
The part about him making you uncomfortable with his attention is a deal breaker, and it is ok to want to be out of there. I am sure your mother is seeing this all through rose colored glasses and won’t see your comments as a big deal until he does something serious.
If you can live with Dad for a while, that would make you feel safer. Contact Dad and get his help since Mom will keep blocking this while she is in her happy love fog. Take care!” balancedgray
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Whoever your mom chooses to go out with, your ex’s dad, the Pope, Mick Jagger, whatever, she should not let them move in until you’re all comfortable with the situation.
Being a parent means that it’s not just about you anymore. And if he has creepy vibes on top of that, you have every right to move out and voice your concerns. Kudos to you for speaking up. It’s ok to have boundaries.” red_cricket7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every right to be uncomfortable, and a parent should never go out with their child’s partner’s parent…. That’s weird. You two would have ended up, at some point, being siblings by law if you’d stayed together and the parents got together.
Your mom defending him sounds like she’s head over heels. You’re right about going to your dad’s house. He doesn’t sound like a very good dude — not to mention him being unclean. Hope your mom sees how weird what she did is… and gets some control over that man!” chlowiner
21. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Parents' Parent Plus Loans?
“I (29M) started college when I was 17. Because of my family’s income and general status, I was not granted much financial aid for college. Because I have 2 younger siblings, and my parents had other financial responsibilities, my parents could not afford to pay out-of-pocket for my undergrad and I was not granted nearly enough in personal loans.
The school my parents and I agreed on was a private university, and tuition was high.
Because of the cost of the college, personal loans were taken out in my name, and my parents took out Parent Plus Loans in their name.
Now I work full-time, and my loans are on an income-driven repayment plan.
I am easily able to manage my monthly payments on those (the ones in my name). However, my issue is that my parents are demanding monthly payments for the ParentPlus Loans taken out in their names. Their stance is that the loans were taken out for me and my education, so I am responsible for repaying them.
The ParentPlus Loans cannot be transferred to me, and the payments are literally half of my income each month because the lowest payment option is based on THEIR income, which is significantly higher than mine.
I have been paying them monthly for a year, and this has forced me to live paycheck to paycheck, unable to save for a car or a house.
I can’t start a family, and I can’t progress financially due to having to spend every dollar I earn on those payments, plus rent, bills, insurance, groceries, therapy, etc.
The ParentPlus Loans are currently in forbearance (since October) until April. This past week, I told my parents I will not resume payments on them because: 1) It’s not my loan.
2) We are about to get hit with a recession/depression. 3) I cannot advance in any way by making these payments.
My mother has responded, saying that that’s not an option because their retirement and/or credit will be ruined by this choice and that I will owe them the money.
AITJ for wanting to stop these payments?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You shouldn’t have to mortgage your own life and happiness so your parents can have a comfortable retirement. The goal of life is not to retire; it is to live. Your parents got to live.
They had kids, own a home, and are planning for retirement. Can you afford kids? Can you afford a home? Is retirement even remotely plausible? Your parents had their life; now it’s your turn. Do whatever you have to do to get it.” KoopaCapper
Another User Comments:
“Ok, I have a LARGE Parent PLUS loan for my daughter’s education because I helped fund her dream school. I worked 2 jobs for many years to help fund tuition. We had an agreement that she would pay part of it. She did for several years, but due to several circumstances, she stopped sending me money.
But taking out those loans was a decision I made. The loans are in my name only. So they are mine to pay off. Anyone who says they’re my daughter’s to pay is incorrect. She has her own loans. Now, it’s between me and my daughter and our relationship if I choose to push her lack of follow-through on paying me back.
I choose to be proud of her accomplishments and her upcoming graduation with her MBA.” Special-Insect4262
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m honestly kind of stunned by these responses. The entire point of Parent Plus loans is that the PARENTS are taking full responsibility for them.
The student is NOT supposed to be paying them off, which is why they don’t consider the (former) student’s income when determining the payments. My parents took out Plus loans totaling about 1/4 of my cost of attendance. The only time I ever heard about them even existing was when my mom made an offhand comment about being glad that they’d finished paying them off, because it freed up some income for helping my younger sister with her college costs (which were substantially higher than mine because my state raised tuition about 4-fold between when I finished and when she did, a decade apart).
That’s how these loans are intended to be used. There is a reason why there is no mechanism to make you pay them off. It sounds like you had very little independence when you started college and didn’t really have much control over where you went to school, which only adds to the issue.
It’s pretty darn unethical for your parents to deliberately accrue debt in their name, designed to be paid off by them, and then demand you pay it off. If they didn’t intend to pay those Parent Plus loans themselves, a very clear conversation and agreement was in order, and any parent worthy of being called a parent would have made sure you had an understanding of how much debt you were going o be responsible for and how long it’d take to pay it off, and made sure you had a choice to choose a cheaper option.
My parents were very frank with me: if I went to the state school, they could afford to pay for my whole undergrad, but if I went to the private school I was in love with, I would have to take on a fair amount of debt and would spend at least 10 years, probably more, making significant loan payments.” KaliTheBlaze
20. AITJ For Encouraging My Nephew To Use An American Name?
“My husband (36M) and his sister (38F) were born and raised in Africa. They immigrated to America as older teens/young adults, so they have no experience growing up in the U.S.
Recently, my SIL was upset because her son (10M) has recently started asking to go by an American/English name.
His name is a very traditional name from her and my husband’s culture, and it has no standard counterpart in English. Apparently, my nephew has been teased for his “weird” name and just wants a “normal” name to fit in. She asked me what I thought because I grew up in the U.S.
with a foreign name.
I (35F) was born and raised in the U.S. to immigrant parents from a European country. My name is from their country/native language, but it has an English counterpart (think like Erzsébet – Elizabeth), so I tended to use the American version in school so my classmates and teachers could pronounce it.
I told my SIL to let my nephew use the new American name/nickname so he wouldn’t be teased. She got upset because his name has a lot of meaning, and she doesn’t want him to be ashamed of his background and culture. She said I wouldn’t understand because my name came from a white country, and we live in a fairly white area, so people are more accepting of it.
I just think that he should be proud of his name and culture; kids suck, and sometimes it’s just better to go along to get along, so she should let him use the new name to avoid being teased and wait until he is more mature to understand why he should love his name.
AITJ for telling her that?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but personally I would be more concerned about addressing the bullying. If someone gets bullied for freckles, should they try to have them removed? If someone gets bullied for their hair color, should they dye it?
If someone gets bullied for being smart, should they act dumb or get worse grades? A child shouldn’t be taught to change themselves to make bullies happy, and racist white children shouldn’t be taught that their behavior is okay. If the child wants to go by a shortened version of his name, that is normal and fine, but to take on a new American name to appease bullies doesn’t actually make sense to me and seems like encouraging the wrong behavior in both the child and the bullies.
This should definitely be addressed with the school, and these children should be held accountable for their bullying.” BreezyBaby144
Another User Comments:
“I wouldn’t say jerk, but, as a black American, I don’t agree. White Americans always make fun of black and brown people’s names, no matter how “ethnic” or not they sound.
By changing his name, she would be indirectly teaching him to give in to peer pressure, that fitting in is more important than being your authentic self, and to mold yourself for the white gaze. Yet another situation where black/brown people have to change themselves so we aren’t harassed, instead of teaching and holding white people accountable for their actions.
Why is it that that boy has to change when he did nothing wrong but exist? Why is the conversation not about holding his bullies accountable and standing up for what’s right? We, black Americans, have to learn about racism and how to navigate in America without getting harmed and/or killed from a really young age.
These are things he’s going to have to learn soon-ish. It’s something you’ll probably never truly understand and won’t need to because of how American society works.” youngdcb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she asked for your advice as someone who had lived through what he is living through and then dismissed your experience and advice because you didn’t say what she wanted to hear.
Some kids hate their names or prefer a nickname. Many outgrow the stage, while others don’t. I have never liked my name, and there are no nicknames derived from it, so I was stuck with it. I was teased based on my name, and it sucked. Studies have shown that names can also affect popularity.
As a kid in school, popularity and acceptance are hugely important factors. Of course, we want to tell a kid that popularity isn’t important and to stay true to who they are, but that’s not true. It is important to feel like part of the group.
Feeling like an outcast will only make him dislike school and resent that this small thing could have helped him and that he’s being denied it. A good compromise would be that, in school, he uses his nickname, but at home, he goes by his birth name.” BluePopple
19. AITJ For Denying My Roommate's Homeless Friend A Couch Crash Due To His Smell?
“My roommate brought a homeless friend over and told him that he could sleep on our couch.
Automatically, my other roommate and I said no because we don’t want people to sleep in our house unless they sleep in someone’s room.
The main reason we said no to this guy, though, was because of how bad he smelled. His odor filled the whole house.
I didn’t say this to him, but I did bring it up with the roommate. The roommate who invited him later told me that it was messed up of me to say no to a homeless person having a warm place to sleep.
I feel awful because I absolutely hate the fact that there are people out there who don’t have what I have, and that I actually did deny someone a place to sleep when I could have helped them for a night.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I see some ppl say YTJ. But I would not want a stranger in my home either, homeless or not. Whose couch is it? What if it gets stained or ruined? What if something goes missing? The reality is that you and your roommates would be taking a risk to allow that.
NTJ for not wanting to take that risk. I’d bet that 99% of the people here calling you a jerk never let a homeless stranger sleep on their couch.” SecretSauce771
Another User Comments:
“I volunteer with unsheltered folks and would never bring one home no matter how friendly we are.
Boundaries are a thing and you are NTJ for saying no. If your roommate wants to be helpful, find them some resources for shelter or places to shower or a Laundry Love program to do his laundry, but don’t let a random stranger crash on your couch.” BloodDAnna
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, shared space is shared with each other’s approval. Even allowing a stranger into the house requires some level of approval that the roommate would make an educated guess that either roommate would approve of their actions. This is more of a safety issue than anything.
If roomie wants to help a homeless person, either call your roommates for approval, and if declined, they should take the person to a Dennis or another 24-hour restaurant, offer a warm meal, and start calling shelters and churches to find openings. If they want to keep in touch, it would be noble to make sure of their well-being.” Koochandesu
18. AITJ For Telling My Neighbors To Walk Their Dog?
“My parents and I live in a house with 4 apartments, and new neighbours just moved in. Actually, the whole house knows them because they used to live here a couple of years ago but moved out, and they are back.
They got one of those little white dogs while they lived somewhere else.
It never gets properly walked; every morning they take it to urinate at a tree 10 meters from the front door and then go back inside. Because they don’t walk the dog, it just goes crazy and barks all day and night. The 3 other families living there (including us) are very upset and all complaining to each other, but never them.
Our house has a large garden, and there is a park about 5 minutes from us, so they could easily walk it or play in the garden.
So, would I be the jerk for telling my neighbours to walk their dog?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A dog that barks all day and night is infuriating.
You could try to first approach this situation through a problem solving approach. “Hey neighbor… We have noticed your dog is barking a lot. I’ve heard that if they get regular exercise like going for a walk once a day, it can reduce the barking.” If they don’t listen, then you can call the cops or your landlord.
Constant barking is a violation of noise ordinances.” Quick-Fan-406
Another User Comments:
“I would write a group note stating the dog barks all day while its owner is gone. Often, dog owners don’t know their dogs are barking unless someone tells them. You don’t have to make value judgments on how the neighbor is taking care of the dog; just plainly state that your dog is barking and it’s disruptive.
Address it by saying, ‘or we will escalate.'” Apprehensive-Bag-900
Another User Comments:
“Their animal barking all day and night is your business. You could measure the loudness, record it, and then take it to the neighbours. YWBTJ to tell them to walk their dog, but it would be appropriate to ask if they are aware that their dog’s barking can be heard at xx decibels in your apartment during whatever your quiet hours are.
Tell them you want to see them solve the issue without involving the landlord, but that you are documenting it, and if your nights and mornings keep getting disturbed, you will take action. You could then mention that you’ve heard that getting more exercise, such as a twice-daily walk, can have benefits for dogs, calming them down so they don’t bark as much.
Cut your spineless neighbours off the next time they try to complain to you. Tell them to grow a pair and talk to the neighbours or to the landlord.” Constant_Host_3212
17. AITJ For Telling My Wife To Stay Home During Work Hours?
“I work as a Technical Director/Manager for a theater. While they were finishing refitting my new office, I worked mostly remotely. I only came on-site for builds and shows. During that time, my wife (who, to be clear, I love more than anything) would not leave me alone while I was working.
She would come in many times a day to tell me about how the receptionist at the place was huffy with her, or that her little sister was fighting with their partner, or to show me TikTok videos. It got to be a real problem.
We had several conversations about how she can come get me if she needs me while I’m working, but please chill on all the little things. She would be sorry, and it would be okay for a day or two, but then she would start again.
I know she’s just doing it because she’s lonely while I’m working, but she won’t go make new friends. She always wants to come out with me to shows (which I don’t mind, but she does the same thing while I’m trying to run load-in).
Fast forward to the present day, and my office is finished, so I have transitioned to full on-site work. She is upset because when she came with me to today’s show, she said she was going to hang out in the office with me while I worked. I told her, “No, I don’t think that is a good idea.” She got upset that I don’t want to spend time with her.
It’s not that; it’s just that I want to work when I’m at work. I told her, “I think it might be better if you stay home when it’s a show like today’s (one where you don’t like the show but just want to go on an adventure).” But she is currently sitting in my dimmer room, mad at me.
So, let me have it. Am I The Jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She isn’t a puppy or an infant that needs constant attention and supervision. She’s an adult. She existed before without you and she should be capable of doing so the hours you are working.
Is it just boredom? Or some sort of separation anxiety? Does she have general social anxiety and find it hard to make friends? Your wife’s level of dependency on you is unhealthy and a cause for concern. Try to talk with her about the underlying root of this issue and that you’re here to support her in whatever she needs.
Be that therapy, getting a job, finding friends or hobbies, but you can’t do any of that for her. She has to do those things herself.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m going to speak very openly about something that can be very hard, but it’s larger than wanting her to stay home from a show or not wanting her to bother you during work.
Those are symptoms of a much larger problem. You cannot be the center of your wife’s world. That is not the foundation for a loving or healthy relationship. It puts an increasing burden on you. Two people in a relationship should be sharing their lives — note the plural!
Two people cannot share one person’s life forever; it’s unsustainable. Believe me, I understand how tough this can be. When my husband and I moved halfway across the country for my job, we struggled with this — his entire world was me and our dog, he had no local friends, no job, nothing.
I gave him years of leeway and drained myself because we’d moved for my career. But ultimately, frustrations and resentment built up, culminating in a very frank conversation in which I told him that I could not be his everything at all times, he couldn’t funnel his entire life through me, and I needed him to be more independent.
He asked me if I was considering divorce, and I had to be honest and tell him yes, it was on my mind. This was not positioned as an ultimatum. I was conveying to him what I needed in order to make the relationship continue to work.
He took it seriously. Within six months, he had friends at a local board gaming group, got a part-time job, and was doing a very cool volunteering gig. We are still together six years after that conversation and we’ve been very happy since then. I don’t know if your wife wants to or is able to work specifically, but she needs some things and people in her life that aren’t you.” oliviamrow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s completely reasonable for you to set boundaries around your work hours. You can’t spend time with her when you’re on the clock. She doesn’t get to have access to you or your attention unless it’s an emergency or some other urgent need. If she feels lonely or needs human interaction, that’s understandable, but she needs to solve that in healthier ways rather than cross boundaries you are establishing.” cascadia1979
16. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Mother Over Her Throwing Out My Money?
“I (M 17) had recently gotten 100 dollars from a family member overseas on my dad’s side.
When I came back from my trip, I had decided to hide my money from my (F 43) mom. For context, in the past, when I’ve gotten money, she’s found every excuse to take it from me. I had a stain on some new pants?
That’s -$40. I forgot to make dinner? That’s -$15. Normally for people my age, 100 dollars isn’t that big of a deal. But I come from a strict immigrant household where I’m not allowed to get a job and I never receive money besides on holidays or birthdays.
Considering this, I hid my money in an envelope under my desk. I had to hide it well, considering how much my mother tends to snoop in my room. Days go by, and I end up spending about $20 on food. I had plans to spend more until I came back from school one day to find out that my mom had done another spontaneous “clean up.” By this, I mean that she dug through all my things, making a huge mess, then left it there for me to pick up.
And surprise, surprise, my money wasn’t there. When I asked my mom about it, she told me that she had thrown out almost everything from that bottom drawer. (Which was true as everything from that drawer was gone, including my money; however, I’m not sure if I should believe that considering that my mom often hides my things and lies about throwing them out.)
I tried to remain calm as I asked my mom if she might have done anything else with it. In response to this, she began to get defensive and claimed that it was my fault for not telling her where I hid my money. To this, we both began to get more upset.
Keep in mind, she had begun to blame me, refused to apologize, and went on a rant about how I needed to be more responsible, insulted my intelligence, and then when asked if she’d pay me back, she refused.
Here’s where I might be the jerk.
We both began to argue as I then started to berate her with insults and she did the same. Eventually, my mom began to look more and more defeated as I continued to rant about her. I honestly felt like I was at my breaking point.
When I was done, my mom then gave me the silent treatment for the next few hours, although she seemed okay in the morning. Yes, I did apologize, but I still feel guilty. She keeps bringing it up, which makes me question if I was the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not lost. She took it and staged the scene. She tore your room apart until she found it. She may even still have it. Your mother is a thief and a liar. You need to recognize this, see it for what it truly is, and decide what your future will look like with her.
She will never change. You have a few more years to come to terms with how much space you’ll allow her in your life if you ever hope to have normal relationships. Partners never appreciate being stolen from, and that will definitely happen.” MissMandaRegrets
Another User Comments:
“She charges you money if you get a stain on something or you forgot to make what I assume is HER dinner? I get giving children chores, but charging them this much plus the fact she goes through your stuff and steals your money?! Are you sure she doesn’t have a booze or substance addiction?
Do you have any other family or perhaps parents of friends or a school counselor or teacher who could figure this out? Something sounds off with her. NTJ.” ResearcherStandard80
Another User Comments:
“Did you find the money?? You need a bank account that she doesn’t know about and can’t access, and you need to ask family not to give you any more money because your mother always takes it from you anyway, so any cash given to you is going straight into her pocket.
Your mother is abusive and controlling. Also, how dare she steal from you and how dare she mess your room up? You need to tell your mother you’re getting a job, and if she steals from you again, you will start breaking her stuff – anything she cares about, you will break.
I’m so angry. I couldn’t imagine taking my kids’ money.” Awkward-Tourist979
15. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Equal Cabin Costs And Babysit During A Family Vacation?
“I (33f) am the only single, childless person in my family. My siblings are in relationships and have kids.
We’re planning a family vacation and discussing sleeping arrangements and cost for the cabin we’ll share this summer.
I would have to share a room with my parents. I don’t really mind sharing, but I would love to have my own space. Unfortunately, that isn’t possible at our vacation spot. Cost is cabin plus pet fee, divided by couple, but they want me to pay the same amount as everyone else.
Considering it’s just me and I won’t have my own space for my only vacation of the year, I don’t think I should have to pay the same amount as everyone else. I could have a quiet vacation solo for the same price.
They’ll also calculate the food cost and divide it evenly. I’m truly not asking for a big discount, lol.
Most of my family isn’t chiming in, but a couple of them are saying “That’s not how it works in the real world,” when I’ve said I don’t believe that’s fair.
Am I the jerk for telling them I don’t want to go?
More context: I work with kids and do not get PTO. I have chronic pain and get overstimulated quickly, so I’m always disappearing for a bit to reset myself mentally during family functions.
I’m also the only person that doesn’t drink and am kind of an outsider in my family because of that and differing political views, so there tends to be a lot of what feels like them ganging up on me. I’ve been told “We do it every day, it’s your turn,” in regards to taking care of the kids numerous times at gatherings.
My response is always that I would have kids if I wanted to do it every day. They seem to think I don’t deserve to relax because I’ve decided not to have children. I hate missing out on time with the kids, but I know I would 100% end up taking care of them (all under 3yo) while the rest of the adults drink, and it wouldn’t be much of a vacation for me.
I didn’t go last year for this reason.”
Another User Comments:
“Let me see if I have this right. You’re sharing a room with your parents, but you’re paying the same as everyone else. You’re expected to take a turn babysitting, but you don’t have any kids.
(Not sure about this one.) Food costs are divided ‘evenly’ (per family? Which means you’re paying the same for one person as your parents are for two/your siblings are for 2+ kids? Or per person?) You often feel ganged up on. Boy, I would be running so far in the opposite direction that I’d leave skid marks on the ground.
NTJ!” thehangel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My family all gets together for Christmas and we stay at my parents’ house. So I can’t comment on the rent part. But for food, we use Splitwise, and it allows you to split by ‘share’ if you want.
My family plays 4 shares because we have two kids. My sisters pay 3 shares with one kid, my parents pay 2, and my brother/wife pay 2. Our kids are all teens. When they were toddlers, they each counted as 1/2 since they only ate chicken nuggets. So anyway, I think it’s fair to split costs by share of what you take up.
For the house, you shouldn’t pay the same as a family of four. And no, no, no on the babysitting!! You’re right not to go or to ask for things to be more equitable if you do.” Traditional-Load8228
Another User Comments:
“Other than a trip with my mother when I was 39 and a family trip with my parents and sister when a cousin was getting married, once I became an adult, my vacations were with friends or a partner/husband.
There were some years I didn’t have a vacation because I didn’t get a lot of PTO and would just take off a day here and a day there. But I certainly wouldn’t want to spend precious days being a babysitter to nieces and nephews, which is undoubtedly the case for the OP.
And on top of it, she’s not getting a price break for being one person. If she does get time off and can’t coordinate a trip with others, she could instead book herself a long spa weekend or something similar.” Frogsaysso
14. AITJ For Not Refunding Money When The TV Was Broken By The Buyer?
“I’ve been selling mine and my partner’s things on a social media marketplace because we are moving into an RV soon and won’t have room for a lot of it. I’ve been trying to sell this TV that works perfectly fine for a bit now, and I have a video of it being turned on and off in the post. The last time I turned it on, which was this morning, it worked perfectly; not even a scratch on it.
My partner and I both carried it to our Kia Soul that had the seats down so we could lay it flat, with the screen facing up to avoid scratching or breaking it, and transported it to the meetup place.
I sold it to this person, and my partner and I watched as this person was shoving a 55-inch TV screen down into the backseat of a Kia Optima that had a car seat in it.
I asked her at least four times if she needed or wanted my help, and she repeatedly told me no.
I got into our car, and my partner and I both agreed that this person had just broken the screen of the perfectly good TV I had just sold them.
They texted me and told me the screen was broken, and I replied with “The screen wasn’t broken when we gave it to you, so I don’t know what to tell you. I used it this morning. I transported it with the screen up to make sure it didn’t touch anything or get broken.” They called me a scammer, hurting for funds and dishonest, and said they were going to call the police on me if I didn’t give them their funds back, that they had my license plate and were going to blast me on social media.
I feel like I did my part to make sure the TV got to them safely, and I tried to help her several times and got rejected. This is my first time experiencing something like this.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They know they broke it, they just hoped by threatening you they’d get their money back.
They are not going to call the police. In my neck of the woods, police wouldn’t even come out to file a report. I don’t know if they could blast you on social media. License plates and registration are public info, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they can access personal info through those documents.
Check the laws in your state. You know you’re NTJ. But their threats made you second-guess yourself. That’s what they hoped would happen and they’d get their money back. Don’t spend more time worrying about bullies you’ll likely never see again.” Aware_Welcome_8866
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – that’s the risk with this work of purchase where something easily broken is being transported without protection. It reminds me of when I sold a range cooker on Gumtree. I warned them it was really heavy; they turned up with two people to carry it, but dropped it before they were even out of my garden.
They bent one of the feet and cracked the glass. I already had the money, and they wanted to get half back. Nope, sorry, but it’s now yours and you broke it. Then they wanted to just leave it. Nope, sorry, please don’t leave your broken cooker in my garden.” birge55
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I did this once when I was moving out of an apartment but with one of those plastic three-drawer storage shelves that I sold for $5. Well, the next day the girl texted me that it ‘wasn’t the color she was expecting and she wanted to return it for her money back.’ I basically told her I’m not a Walmart; if she didn’t want it, she could sell it or whatever, but I wasn’t giving her the money back.
She threatened that she knew where I lived and was going to call the police. I told her good luck since she knew what apartment building I was in but not what unit, and it was $5 and worked as intended. I never heard from her again.
Like, you’re selling the stuff you’re getting rid of. If they wanted a warranty, they should’ve bought it from a store.” UnrepentantLush
13. AITJ For Calling The Police On Neighbors Playing Loud Music After Midnight?
“I’m trying to go to sleep and my neighbors downstairs started blasting music at 12:30 AM.
I could not believe this crap. I texted the woman downstairs twice and she didn’t respond. I knocked on the door, waited for gaps in between songs to knock so that they would hear the knocking and received no response. I really do not want to be the jerk causing a rift with the people I live with in the same house, but I need my sleep.
So I looked online at the noise ordinance and saw that there should be no loud music after midnight. I called the non-emergency line and complained to the police. They came quickly and the music stopped. The woman downstairs called me and was clearly buzzed. She asked me if they were disturbing me and if I wanted to have a drink with them.
She said the police were laughing at me. I said, “I texted you and knocked twice.” She said she didn’t get the texts and lashed out at me, calling it a “cowardly move.” She told me not to call the cops on them and then hung up on me.
I feel like if I just stay quiet, this will happen again. And how freaking long is this crap music going to be playing for? She just sent a follow-up text stating that she loves cops, that she is the cops, and that her uncle is a detective in the town we live in.
Now AITJ for wanting to sleep at 12:30 AM? I live in a house converted into 3 apartments. I really did not want to call the police, but I felt it was my only option to stand up for myself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have every right to call the cops.
And you called the non-emergency line, which is exactly the right thing to do. She’s trying to shame you into not calling so she can play her music loud again. BTW, if you haven’t done so already, write down everything (document, document, document), and then contact your landlord and let them know that this occurred, including the neighbor’s call and what she said.” Lasdtr17
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are lucky… Here in the UK, you can’t call the police for something like this. They may come out and ask the neighbor to turn the music down (if you are lucky), but they have no power to enforce it.
It is classed as an “Environmental Health Issue” and you have to contact the relevant department at your council during office hours. They will then ask you to keep a diary of the noise, etc. It is not much use if some inconsiderate fool is playing loud music at unsociable hours!” Swamp_Donkey82
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, all her bluster is her trying to save face and perhaps intimidate you from calling the police in the future. Who cares what names she calls you? You won this one. You took action and got the music shut down. In the future, when she tries this again, do exactly the same thing.
Communicate with her, and if she ignores you, call the police. She obviously took them seriously because she turned off her music. Try to maintain a neutral demeanour with her in person and in text and do not get into an immature back and forth.” Firm-Molasses-4913
12. AITJ For Not Changing My Wedding Date Because It Falls On My Friend's Wedding Anniversary?
“AITJ for not changing my wedding date because it falls on my friend’s wedding anniversary?
We chose the last Saturday in April of 2026, which is April 25th, because my fiancé said he didn’t want it to be too hot; no summer wedding was desired, so I thought April would be perfect!
I just told my friend when she asked me if we had chosen a date; I told her April 25th, and she said, “You’ve got to be joking,” and asked if I would be changing my date.
After I told her I wasn’t, she said, “Well, I won’t be there, so have fun.”
We’ve been friends for probably 10 years. I was in her wedding, and she was in my first wedding a few years ago.
No, I don’t remember when her wedding anniversary is, and now she’s blocked me on everything, social media and all.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I only remember one friend’s wedding anniversary, and it’s not even my closest friend; it’s just the one who happened to get married on my birthday. And yes, I went to the wedding, and it never occurred to me to demand she change the date, and now I’m wondering if we’re even really friends if we’ve never had a big blowup about who owns the date.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My husband and I happily attended a wedding on our wedding anniversary. Why? Because that’s what couples in happy, healthy, mature marriages do. We had a blast and then celebrated our own anniversary privately a few days later. Your friend sounds very immature.
Go ahead with your wedding plans, and if your friend chooses not to come, then she was never a real friend to begin with. And I guarantee that if she wrote an AITJ post asking people if it’s wrong of her friend to be getting married on her wedding anniversary, the commenters would be putting her in her place.” Helloreddit0703
Another User Comments:
“You have got to be kidding… Okay, so you aren’t? NTJ, but your friend is. People who have to celebrate their stuff on the day/date make me tired! She must remember how hard it is to schedule a wedding around the season of the year, the various people’s schedules, and the venue availability.
April 25 is a Friday this year, but I bet it was a different day the year she was married, so she could party on that day (Sunday, whatever). And she could not block you and act like a decent person. Sheesh.” thereBheck2pay
11. AITJ For Expecting My Fiancée To Inform Me When She Works Late?
“My fiancée usually works from 2 PM to 11 PM and gets home around midnight or 1 AM. Last night, she ended up working much later than usual and didn’t get home until 4 AM.
When she got back, I asked her if she could let me know in the future if she’s working late. I explained that I wasn’t trying to control her or micromanage her time, but it’s common courtesy to let your partner know if there’s a major change in plans—especially since I was worried when she didn’t come home at her usual time.
Her response caught me off guard: she asked, “Why do you want me to inform you?” I didn’t expect that reaction, and it made me wonder if I was out of line for asking.
To me, it’s about respect and staying connected as partners, but I’m curious if others see it differently.
AITJ for expecting her to let me know if she’s working late?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – totally NTJ. When you are arriving late, you SHOULD tell your partner so they won’t stay up worrying that something happened to you and so they can plan their schedule accordingly (not in this case specifically, but if it happens during active hours).
It is so trivial that I would ask myself why she responded like that, and if she has something to hide (I am actually pretty positive she reacted like that because she indeed had a reason you wouldn’t appreciate for her being late).” edebby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – part of being in a relationship is that exact kind of communication. There’s little that feels worse than worrying over someone you love just because you’ve been left out of the loop without good reason. Personally, I think it’s perfectly fair to expect to be able to know: where your partner is, who they’re with, roughly what they’re getting up to, and when they’ll be home.
None of those are an invasion of privacy; they’re literally just common sense in case of an emergency (who/where can I contact, where can I find you if I can’t reach anyone, when should I worry/act if you don’t turn up home).” helpmebehappyy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for asking, but is this a consistent problem? Are you guys fairly new to living together? There are other factors that may need you both to have some grace and have a conversation about this. My now husband and I spent several years where we would be long distance for about 6 months of the year.
Living apart, I didn’t need to text anyone that I’d be home later than expected because no one was at home. But in those first few weeks back together, we both would sometimes send a ‘You alive?’ text when the other didn’t come home around the expected time.
Sometimes it was annoying on both sides, but it just took a bit to get back into a routine of keeping each other in the loop because we care.” Neither-Prune-7998
10. AITJ For Telling My Overbearing Friend To Respect My Boundaries?
“Our friendship has been on and off for 7-8 years now. Lately, I (25F) feel like I have no space or time to myself.
Every morning, he (28M) messages me at 7 AM.
We went on a trip together to Amsterdam. He said that if I wasn’t there, he would have found someone to hook up with, but he didn’t want to leave me alone. I found that a bit desperate.
Then that night, he was walking around his hotel room in his boxers, and I felt uncomfortable. We have been on trips abroad before, but this time, he was acting differently; I can’t explain. I also caught him trying to go through my phone and read texts when he thought I was sleeping.
He messaged me a few days after the trip, saying that his mental health was really bad and that he wanted time to himself to be left alone. So, I told him that if he wanted to talk, I would listen, but that I respected his decision (I was kind of glad).
The same day, he sent me six messages, which I never responded to because I was giving him space. He had a go at me; his words were, “I feel like you don’t want to talk to me anymore and I’m in no place mentally to be dealing with that.
I won’t delete you off anything, but I’m not messaging.”
He also said, “Don’t ask how I am,” when I literally told him I was there if he wanted to talk, and three times then said, “This is the reason I don’t tell people my mental health is bad because everyone judges me.” I told him that he was being unreasonable by telling me to go away and then continuously messaging me, and he still continues to send me random messages.
I feel it isn’t fair for him to take his moods out on me when I didn’t answer him for a day because I was busy with work.
I feel bad because if someone is genuinely suffering with their mental health, I want to support them.
Ignoring him feels bad, but the way he is treating me is wrong. I feel like he’s trying to blame me for his own mental health, and he’s becoming overbearing now.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re his friend, not his therapist. And even his therapist will have boundaries.
They’re not going to drop another patient to answer his texts right now. If he needs someone to be by his side at all times right now, someone who is willing to drop everything immediately to reassure him that he matters, he needs to be in the hospital where they are equipped for that.
He’s important to you, might even be your most important person, but you need to take care of yourself too. Maybe that’s going to work so you can pay your bills, maybe it’s watching a movie uninterrupted so you can unwind and have the capacity to hear and help with his problems. You are not responsible for managing his mental health; he is.
Support him as you can, but he has to carry the weight of his own recovery.” SuspiciousPresent844
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have no obligation to ‘fix’ someone. It sounds like he’s a little bit interested in you, and you are not returning the vibe that there is something beautiful growing between the two of you.
This happens incredibly often in male-female friendships. As for the topic title, tell your foolish friend that he is right. Without sending obligatory texts every day, people don’t care about each other. In the old days, only people who could write a letter could care about one another.
Illiterates did not care about anyone. When the telegraph was invented, people could care more often, but it was expensive. Thank the stars for Whatsapp; now humanity can finally care about one another.” LightPhotographer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and query – is your friend straight?
Because if he is, he is looking for far more than “friends”. Even if he’s not, his invasion of your privacy and demands over your responsiveness are huge red flags. “I told him he was being unreasonable telling me to go away then continuously messaging me and he still continues to send me random messages.
I feel it’s not fair him taking his moods out on me when I didn’t answer him for a day because I was busy with work.” Your instincts are bang on the money. He is expecting you to somehow magically know when HE wants space, yet to respond instantly he messages you.
Big “nope” out of that. Start drawing some boundaries: tell him outright that he does not have your permission to look at your personal private messages on your phone, EVER, and that you will respond when you are able (this includes feeling ready, not just ‘able’ in a practical sense being free from work, etc).
If he is in crisis, he needs to call the professionals or whatever charity in your area (Samaritans in the UK) can help. You are not an emergency service or his emotional support animal. His mental illness(es) are not his fault; it is/they are HIS responsibility to manage, not yours.
You can’t fix anyone except yourself, and no one has the right to expect you to.” TeenySod
9. AITJ For Asking For My Fantasy Football Winnings?
“A couple of weeks ago, I (25 M) became the champion of my work’s fantasy football league. I sent two texts a week apart asking to receive payment as the victor.
My boss (60 M) responded as if I were a jerk, and it caught me off guard. How long should I wait before it’s acceptable to ask for the winnings?
Here’s a transcript of our texts:
Me: Happy New Year everyone! So far a total of zero people have managed to pay me.
Just reaching out to make sure that there is still a reward for the victor. Hope everyone had a lovely holiday season.
Boss: Holy crap, OP! I didn’t realize it had been a whole 5 freaking days since the league ended already. Darn, buddy. I’m sorry.
25 years of fantasy football, and I’ve never heard of anyone being paid out in 5 days, but you’re right. I should hold myself to a higher standard. As a matter of fact, I’m going to reach out to the other leagues that I’m in and ask them why I haven’t been paid out by them either.
No reason not to set a new standard. I apologize again, sir. I’ll get that right to you.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go for a soft ESH, but your boss is definitely the far bigger jerk. I think your message was a little bit condescending with the “so far zero people have managed to pay me,” especially given it’s just after the holidays, and it is generally unspoken etiquette to leave it for a short while before raising non-payment.
That being said, it’s all relatively minor and your boss was being a complete child about it. Congrats on the win.” Zylix47
Another User Comments:
“In my league, we all put up dues at the beginning of the season. I was the treasurer and on Tuesday morning after Yahoo declared our winner, I Venmo’d them the funds.
I also sent a screenshot of their trophy and of the Venmo transaction in a group text to the league, congratulating them. We all congratulated them, along with a little more smack. Break a couple of knee caps if you have to. A deal is a deal.” MiguelGrande5000
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your commish should have had all the funds in hand before the season even started. It should never be the winner’s job (unless they are also the commish) to collect the entry fees, especially after the season is over. I’ve been in the same fantasy league for 15 years and the winner has never been paid before probably January 15.
We hold a banquet and award the money and trophy to the winner whenever the most people can get together in Jan/Feb.” [deleted]
8. AITJ For Confronting My Uncle Over His Unpaid Loan At Christmas?
“Last September, my uncle Daniel (43) came up to me (22) looking very stressed and asked if I could sit down with him, as he needed a favor.
He began speaking about how he was in a rough financial spot, and he really had nowhere to turn since he didn’t have anyone to ask for a loan from, and I was the only one available. Mind you, I’m not rich or anything of the sort; I just happened to have the amount he needed at the time.
According to him, it was a serious situation that he couldn’t discuss with other family members, and the issue needed to be addressed soon. Without better judgment, I lent him the cash after much urging from him. We agreed on repayment before December, and I didn’t even ask for any interest on it.
With lots of hugs and kind words, he accepted the money and promised to repay it.
Fast forward, and we are now at Christmas dinner at my grandma’s house, and all that time I didn’t give him any reminders or follow-up. I assumed he was late or something and that he would explain why at Christmas dinner, because the larger family meets every year for that.
He also didn’t call or provide any updates on his situation, and I just had to trust that all was well. On a related side note for later, my cousin Aisha (20, Daniel’s daughter) recently underwent surgery a while back, as she really had it tough for the entirety of last year while she recovered from a traumatic back injury caused by an accident.
Everyone was enjoying their meal, and suddenly, my uncle stood up at the dinner table and called for attention to make a speech. He began speaking about how his business had received a significant boost and, long story short, how he had just cashed in on a large profit from some deals.
He looked at Aisha across the table, took out a brochure featuring a resort-like location, and said it was a gift to her for her tough recovery from the incident. All I could see was Aisha visibly ecstatic. Someone asked what it was exactly, and Daniel said he was planning on taking Aisha and the rest of his family to the Maldives as a celebration of her recovery from the accident.
Everyone happily cheered for Aisha’s gift, as it seemed to be something she had always wanted to experience.
“You can afford all that but not repay my debt, which you haven’t mentioned.” The words just slipped out of my subconscious mind as I looked him straight in the eye.
His reply was, “Why are you talking about that now, of all places?” Now I was upset; I reminded him in front of everyone of the exact amount, and I told him that he wasn’t even communicating about repaying it. The entire family was in dead silence as my mom hurriedly changed the subject to avoid an escalation of the situation.
Later in the evening, my aunt, grandma, and some cousins began to lecture me on how I ruined Aisha’s moment after her struggles and embarrassed my uncle in the process.
They left a week ago, and he still hasn’t paid or mentioned anything about the debt.
AITJ for ruining the moment and asking for repayment?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Definitely not the best place to bring it up, but I totally understand why you did. It was a shock that your uncle, who was desperate for money and begged his nephew for it, and conveniently forgot about paying you back as agreed before Christmas, is bragging about how well his business is doing and celebrating that he bought a trip for his whole family to the Maldives.
Yeah, my subconscious would be pretty upset too. Your uncle SHOULD be embarrassed. If he didn’t want anything to be brought up, he should’ve paid you back on schedule. If he complains that you brought it up in front of the family, he broke the terms of your agreement by not repaying you on time.
To be honest, I don’t think he has any intention of paying you back.” CraZKatLayD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you planned to confront Uncle in front of everyone, you would be the jerk, but sometimes things slip out of our mouths when we hear something fundamentally stupid.
You reacted on impulse; your family could have asked why a grown adult would make such a major announcement in front of someone to whom Uncle owed money. Is your uncle stupid? Entitled? It didn’t occur to him that saying he had money to spend on taking his family on vacation but owing family money would go unnoticed. That’s on Uncle, not on you.
Your family needs to stop enabling people who borrow money and don’t repay.” Slightlysanemomof5
Another User Comments:
“Mild YTJ for blurting it out in front of your cousin at that very moment. She’s been through a lot, and this was a happy moment for her that turned sour.
But NTJ for calling out your uncle on his crap. He clearly used you. Some people just have no shame about being generous with other people’s money; it’s maddening, even more maddening that he’d flaunt this in front of everyone like this. What an absolute jerk.
Apologize to your cousin for the bad timing, propose doing something nice together—just the two of you—to cheer her up and celebrate her, and send your uncle an invoice with incurred interest and a deadline after which you’ll take him to small claims court or whatever the equivalent is in your own country.
Next time, think twice before lending large sums of money to someone without having a legal contract in place. Protect yourself.” mafaldajunior
7. AITJ For Telling My Aunt My Birthday Gift Never Arrived?
“I, 20 F, had my birthday in October of last year. And sometime in November, I was casually messaging/chatting with my aunt, who is the wife of my mom’s brother.
At one point in our conversation, she mentioned that she had sent me some things for my birthday and apologized for them being late. I thanked her and told her that she didn’t need to get me anything. She also mentioned that she shipped the items to my house instead of my college dorm.
After hearing this, I thought that when I went home for Thanksgiving, I would see a package waiting for me.
Upon arriving home, I didn’t see anything, and neither did my parents. I thought nothing of it and assumed it would arrive by Christmas break.
When I got home, there was nothing. During Thanksgiving, my mom told me not to mention anything, which I didn’t, and she also mentioned this during the first couple of days of Christmas break. By January, I decided that this was super weird and that it should’ve arrived by now.
So, after consulting one of my friends, I decided to let her know. Upon seeing my message, she was in shock and responded with “Oh no!! Are you kidding? No way!! Let me check with (uncle’s name). So weird—where did it go?” Upon asking my uncle and checking my Amazon order history, she told me that she had ordered some clothes and a DoorDash gift card; however, the DoorDash gift card couldn’t be shipped to my city, which is why the whole thing was never sent.
So, she apologized and said she would send the clothes and an Amazon gift card instead.
This morning, before I woke up, a package arrived in my mom’s name, and she opened it and found an Amazon gift card for me. She got mad at me for letting my aunt know and said that if it never arrived, it meant that they never sent anything and that I was basically asking for a gift. And if I wanted something, I could have asked my parents to order it for me, or they would have given me money to order it.
She also said that I needed to somehow return the gift card. I was wondering what I should do about the gift card and when the clothes come. Also, I want to know if AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a rule of thumb: if someone says they sent you something and you don’t receive it, let them know.
Then they can either a) chase it up, b) replace it, or c) make up some excuse about it being lost in the mail, how sad, oh well. The last thing you want is someone shipping you something expensive/important, have it be lost, and have no one know to chase it up for months.
And if they did just tell you they’re sending something and send nothing, you win the mind games they’re playing.” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. Your response was normal. I mean, if someone tells you they sent you something and it never comes, you should let them know because they spent money on something.
If somebody orders something for you and it never arrives, that could mean a theft or scam took place. Of course, the natural thing to do is to let the person who ordered it know because they need to know what happened to their online purchase.
Why would your aunt tell you she was sending you a gift, unprompted, and then not actually send something? I mean, I’m sure some people do this, but it’s a pretty silly move because the success of the lie hinges on someone having a poor memory.
Plus, her explanation is reasonable. My family tried to order a novelty license plate online recently, and we had to send it to a relative in a neighboring state because it could not be delivered here. It sounds like she really did order you a gift and then did not follow up with tracking the package.
It sounds like perhaps your mom is just a little overly conscientious.” BCReyes21
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But there’s a cultural component to this that you can either sign onto or not, if I’m reading between the lines accurately. Basically, your aunt said she sent a gift probably to save face.
But she didn’t really, due to financial strain (or who knows what). Your mom knew that and interpreted the gesture as such. Therefore, she explained to you not to ask about the gift because culturally, it is understood one should not ask. Now, I could be wrong, but this is how I interpreted that.
I am not condoning the actions of the adults, nor would I attempt to understand them. But I think in these cases, it may be best to let your mom lead you regarding cultural practices depending on your end game. If your end game is to keep the peace, follow your mom.
If your end game is to make a statement and discourage these practices, which may be intertwined with some cultural differences, then what you did wasn’t wrong.” No-Muscle5314
6. AITJ For Setting Boundaries For A Rent-Paying Friend Who Brings Random Guests?
“I (27M) and my wife (27F) lived by ourselves in our apartment. One day, I received a message from my friend (29M) looking for a place to stay after he had left the military. He had a new job delivering mail in town. We agreed to let him stay with us until he got on his feet.
This arrangement included getting a larger apartment so that he could have his own privacy. In return, we asked him to pay $400 (for reference, our rent alone is $2100) and to not have random men or women in and out of the house. Everything was fine for a couple of weeks.
Everyone got along, and everything was running smoothly. One night, I was on the couch when a random lady walked into my home, and my friend asked me to go to my room so that he could have some privacy. I told him that if he wanted privacy, he could go back to his room.
I shrugged it off. I thought it was just one bad night.
Boy, was I wrong. Over the next four nights, he had someone different coming in and out of the house—just random people that he met online, etc. I tried talking to him about it, explaining that I needed him to show respect for me and our home.
He proclaimed that, since he paid rent, he could do whatever and whenever, and that I was just being controlling and manipulative. I thought that maybe I was doing too much; however, I told him that I needed him to communicate when he was going to have people over, because if I’m not home and my wife is sleeping after work (she’s a night shift nurse), I need to ensure that she is safe.
He then ignored my request and had someone over the next day while my wife was sleeping in the house.
I’m upset and frustrated because this is my friend, and I feel disrespected. I want my wife to be comfortable in her own home as well, especially when she is doing my friend a favor.
I just need him to respect what I am asking, but I feel like I’m coming off as a jerk. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your “friend” is TECHNICALLY right – you don’t have a right to tell someone who pays rent that they can’t have guests.
But your “friend” is not your friend. He’s paying basically nothing in rent and is being inconsiderate. The fact that he’s technically correct about the guest thing doesn’t make him not a jerk. What’s the timeline on him getting the heck out of Dodge? And what’s happening to his money?
What happened to all the money he made while in the military when he had no rent to pay at all? Your “friend” is definitely using you, and you’re only the jerk if you don’t pry him out of your home immediately. NTJ.” PlanningVigilante
Another User Comments:
“ESH. This whole plan was ill-conceived. Your friend kind of has a point that as he’s paying rent, he probably is owed a bit more than just the room you’ve allocated him, and I can see why he dislikes the rules. Then again, $400 on a $2500 rent is really tiny, so perhaps right-sized to the idea that what he rents is the ROOM.
You could certainly tell him that if he expects to have even treatment in the home, his rent will have to go up to 1/3 or more (since presumably you and your wife share a room). Ultimately, I come back to the idea that this was not well thought-out and was overall a bad decision – agreeing to live with someone with no set end date and a wonky set of expectations and pricing was setting everyone up for failure.
At this point, I’d focus on how to get out of it.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you also allowed someone you obviously didn’t know as well as you thought you did stay in your home. That was a lapse in judgment on your part.
If you don’t have a lease with him, he’s considered a tenant at will. Check the specific laws in your state, give him the proper notice to vacate, and give him his walking papers. If you have a lease, that can be more problematic. It’s never a good idea to let anyone move in “until they find a place to stay.” Technically, you can’t dictate whether a tenant can have guests over.
They can have guests if they are paying rent. The lack of respect for roommates is the reason to tell him he needs to go.” Aggressive_Cattle320
5. AITJ For Considering Telling A Boy's Parents About His Inappropriate Behavior?
“I (16f) regularly babysit an 8-year-old boy (Boy 1).
He’s very sweet and his parents are also very kind, and he’s extremely well-behaved for his age.
Today, in particular, he had one of his friends (Boy 2) over for a play date for 3 hours, and I was paid a little extra for it.
(I am watching Boy 1 for an extra 4 hours after Boy 2 gets picked up.)
When I walked in, I greeted all 4 parents as I usually do and then went up to see the kids. Boy 2’s parents ignored me when I said hi and just stared at me from the couch while I talked to Boy 1’s mom.
As soon as I walked into Boy 1’s bedroom, Boy 2 was throwing toys at me, which I wasn’t upset about because, well, they’re children.
When we came downstairs to play sword fighting, Boy 2 repeatedly tried to aim for my chest and kept shouting that it was big.
(I never wear anything that shows my chest when babysitting; all my tops cover me up to my neck if I am around kids.) It was mildly unpleasant, but I still brushed it off as him being a child and told him not to say things like that because it’s mean, yet he continued to.
He was also switching up the rules constantly as we were playing so that he could win, which was making Boy 1 upset.
I could tell he was getting upset, so I brought them into the kitchen to have some sweet treats, and I brought out some Rice Krispies treats.
They had Wicked-themed wrappers on them featuring Glinda and Elphaba. Boy 2 was complaining about the pink Glinda wrapper, saying he didn’t want a princess one. I told him that they’re both girls in the movie anyway, and Boy 1 told him the same. He still insisted on getting an Elphaba Rice Krispie while Boy 1 ate his pink one (which both had green sprinkles on the inside anyway).
They’re playing on Boy 1’s tablet now, and I’m thinking about telling Boy 2’s parents about his behavior when they pick him up, but I’m not sure if it’s petty to rat out a kid or if it’s right to do so so that his parents can correct his behavior.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I think I would wait and explain to Boy 1’s parents: ‘Tommy was just as lovely as always, but I do have to let you know that I won’t be able to watch Jimothy again. He was pretty antagonistic, repeatedly yelled about my chest, in crude terms, while trying to hit it, and kept trying to change rules in the middle of games so that he could win, which really isn’t fair for Tommy, who always shows such good sportsmanship.’ Jimothy’s parents, sadly, don’t care.
They didn’t even acknowledge the stranger who was going to be watching their son. Tommy’s parents, though, might care very much about keeping an excellent sitter and about the possibility of Jimothy’s behavior influencing Tommy. Also, ask Tommy how he feels when Jimothy makes up new rules or acts wild.” rapt2right
Another User Comments:
“As the mother of Boy 1, I would super appreciate the insight into how Boy 2 behaves when interacting with my son. This way, I could make an informed decision regarding the time I allow them to spend together, if any, and have some information to back it up if there was any pushback from the other party.
I personally have an 8-year-old son, and I might be a little upset even if later I found out the babysitter didn’t share this pertinent information with me. You’re great for reaching out for some feedback on this. Much wiser than I’d expect out of a 30-year-old, much less a 16-year-old, so give yourself some props.
The world needs more people who can step back and reflect on things from all sides before making decisions. Love it.” Dramatic-Gazelle-313
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP, it’s not ‘petty’ to rat out a child to their parents. A good parent wants to know when their child is misbehaving so they can work on the behavior.
If he is never corrected for acting this way, he will never improve. Also, I’d maybe let the parents of the child you normally babysit know too. Either say it in front of them or, if the pickup times are different, talk to them as well.
They are your main employers, and they should be aware that the extra charge they gave you was accompanied by him repeatedly hitting you in the chest and making remarks about it. I understand you just see them as kids, and they are. But this behavior may not be as innocent as you think.” TheHatOnTheCat
4. AITJ For Not Letting My Fiancé's Friend And His Partner Live In Our Unfinished Basement?
“My fiancé and I own a one-story home with an unfinished basement.
We have two young kids, and then we have a dog and a cat. My fiancé’s friend just stopped over asking if he, his partner, and their dog can live in our basement until they can get a house. They currently live with their family, and the family is moving away.
He told my fiancé it would only be for a couple of months, but I have a feeling it would be a lot longer than what they are saying. I wasn’t home when the friend came over. My fiancé told him he didn’t really care if they moved in, but he would need to talk to me about it when I got home.
So now, if I say no, they will know it’s because of me. I feel bad that they are in this situation, but I don’t like the idea of having other people live with us. I am not very close with them, and I will constantly feel like I am “hosting” people.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Who cares if you are the ‘bad guy,’ although I would have a discussion with your fiancé about saying yes unless you said no, as he should have said that he needed to think about it. You have your life and two kids living in what I assume is a relatively small house.
They are bringing themselves and a dog, and they are not going to stay in the unfinished basement, so you have essentially gotten yourself two roommates with a dog. They will use your kitchen and your bathroom. They will be in the common area, and your only privacy for your family will be if you lock yourself in your bedroom.
If they have been living with family, they are obviously not financially responsible since they should have saved a lot of money because their expenses were low. You are probably also going to wind up subsidizing their lives.” laurazhobson
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d wonder why they don’t have the money for an apartment, even in light of the fact that most landlords want a gross income of three times the rent to rent to you.
This restriction can often be overcome by paying several months of rent in advance. It’s not nice of your fiancé to make you the enforcer, but if you don’t want them there, you have to say so clearly and likely repeatedly. ‘Until they can get a house’ might be YEARS, so this is no time to feel sorry for them.
When I owned a house, I got several requests from friends to stay with me ‘because I had the space.’ Having the space doesn’t mean that I want the bother of dealing with them. Just about every real estate agency also manages property, so there probably are rental houses available.
If they can’t afford rent, they might not be able to afford food either. It’s not that uncommon for parents to move away to get rid of adult children who won’t make their own living.” No_Philosopher_1870
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It really shouldn’t matter if you’re the ‘bad guy,’ but you do have a way to save face if you feel it’s needed. It’s illegal to live in an unfinished basement.
I am pretty sure that is law everywhere (I could be wrong). Lean on this. The two of you talked, and the two of you looked into the ins and outs and legality of the situation. You discovered it’s not legally a space that can be occupied like that.
You’re very sorry. You really wish you could help them out, but you’re not willing to risk your family and life, nor are you willing to risk their family and life. The most you can offer (if you’re willing, of course) is help to figure out what they can do and where they can go.
You will help look things up online and find the organizations and resources that are available. You understand they may be mad and hurt, but you just can’t help them in the way they have requested.” Nymph-the-scribe
3. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Partner Sell My PS4 For A PS5?
“I 22(F) and my partner 27(M) are both gamers.
My partner and I have been together for 4 years now, we live together, and are basically attached at the hip. I love him, but there is one problem. I was a gamer before I met him.
He lost his console a few months prior to us getting together, so when we started being together, I allowed him to play on mine as much as he wanted. At first, it wasn’t an issue for me, but as time went on, he hogs the thing.
He plays every single chance he gets every day.
It’s not that he is neglecting his responsibilities; we clean and cook together, we both work full-time. But when we’re done, he hops onto my PS4 and goes wild.
Whenever I ask if I can play, there’s always this attitude.
He sits with his arms folded. I can see him constantly shaking his head in my peripheral vision, huffing the whole time. This completely ruins my entire mood every time, so I give the controller back and suddenly he is super happy again, as if nothing is wrong.
He says the ones I play are boring to watch – mostly Dragon’s Dogma, which I have played for years and is my comfort game (because he doesn’t understand the game or storyline even when I’ve tried explaining it to him; he only likes FPS and hunting games, which I have played on occasion because he asked me to play with him, but they’re really not my cup of tea).
He wants to buy a PS5, which I was excited about because I thought he had finally saved enough for it and I’d get to play on my console again without having to ask or feel guilty. But then he got confused and said he wants to sell mine to have enough to buy the new one.
Gaming is also a hobby I love and have done for years before I even met him, so I don’t want to take that away from him. We can’t afford a second console without selling the first, but in the last 4 years, I barely get to play on a console that I own.
And I think this is only going to get worse once he gets the new one (since he will be contributing the most money towards it).
I had a mental breakdown about this and became nonverbal for a while. He can’t understand why I’m being so “emotional” about it.
When I tried telling him it’s because it won’t belong to me, so I think he’ll allow me to play on it even less, he got upset.
So, am I a jerk for not wanting to allow him to sell my PS4 to buy a PS5 for “us?””
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t let him sell your PS4! If he wants a PS5 so bad, he can save up and buy it. Not only is his attitude about it crappy, but I believe that you’re correct about him allowing you to play even less.
Another thing to consider is that if you were to break up, he would take the PS5, and you would be left with nothing. He seems very immature and manipulative. Protecting yourself and your belongings in this case is the smart move.” Forward-Dingo1431
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a fellow gamer, I would never dream of selling someone else’s console, no matter how much of a relationship we had. My own gaming hardware is borderline sacred to me, and if someone sold it from under me, I’d end the relationship. Also, why are you letting him dictate what you play and how much you play on your own device?
Consoles are expensive; why do yourself a disservice and waste the hard-earned money you paid to have your own one? INFO: What happened to his own console? You say he lost it? Did he break it in a fit of rage or did it get stolen or did he sell it for cash himself?
It still tells of poor responsibility on his part to assume part ownership in a console he didn’t pay for.” 09blakel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t like his excuses and behavior as a fellow gamer one bit. First, it’s poor-man manipulation to be sour about every game you like, just so you’ll feel the bad vibes and end up giving him the controller, thus making him happy.
This is purely how infants ‘get what they want’ – they become negative and rant until they frustrate the people around them. Second, this is YOUR console, not a shared one, and definitely not a console he can make decisions about as if it were his.
You foresee the future very clearly: once you get a shared console, you will have zero say on what you play, what games to buy, and when to play. He is a control freak gamer, and this will enable him to continue his shenanigans.” edebby
2. AITJ For Telling My Wife That They Were There For Her Words, Not Her Looks?
“This morning, my wife was getting dressed to go speak at a career panel at her old high school. She was panicking about what to wear. She asked me to use a Tide bleach pen on a white blazer to get a stain out, which I did, but then she realized it looked too “ostentatious” and decided against it.
Then she realized she didn’t have anything except a grey blazer, black dress pants, and a green top.
When she came downstairs to show me her outfit, I enthusiastically told her that she looked good, but she wasn’t convinced and said that the pants and blazer didn’t match very well.
Then I tried to compliment her again and she asked me not to lie to her. I tried to be as constructive as possible and said, “Don’t worry, we can look into getting you matching pants/blazers soon,” which I think went over well.
Then I made her a coffee and she started to leave. But then when she was walking out the door, I told her, “Remember, they’re there for what you say, not for how you look,” and she just stared at me like I had cut her with a knife.
As she was walking to her car, she turned and said, “Geeze, I didn’t think I looked THAT bad…” and walked away. I tried to clarify, but she wasn’t having any of it.
I was just trying to reassure her that the students wouldn’t judge her for her clothes (a tad wishful, I suppose) and would only care about what she has to say, but it appears my message was lost. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Stupid thing to say though. Typically when people say “they aren’t here for how you look” or any variation, it’s going to be heard as “don’t worry even though you look bad it doesn’t matter.” It was just an unnecessary thing to say.
She was already stressed, already anxious, and she likely responded to that more aggressively than she would during normal circumstances. Also, people do judge clothes. It makes me crazy when people act like clothing isn’t important. Have you met a teenager? Of course they’re going to care about clothes.
I remember being 16 and someone came to speak to us about bullying. The woman’s outfit was absolutely insane, mixed patterns, colors that don’t go together, and her shirt was way too small. After she left, the ONLY thing any of us talked about was her outfit.
It feels dismissive when our male partners don’t understand that we ARE being judged CONSTANTLY for what we wear. I’ve heard my bosses say they weren’t going to hire fully competent women because of the clothes they wore. How we dress for professional circumstances is deeply important and warrants this level of stress.
Next time, just let your partner be stressed, tell her she looks great, and let her figure out her outfit without telling her it doesn’t matter.” Remarkable_Egg3201
Another User Comments:
“Dude, DUDE!! Have you never been to high school? She WILL be judged for what she’s wearing because that’s just how teenage high schoolers are.
They may not say it to her face, but they will talk about it, even the guys to some extent. Of course, the guys might say she’s hot. I suggest you Google phrases that give people assurance. Practice them to yourself so that when you do need a phrase, it just rolls off your tongue easily and with confidence.
Do better. I’m giving you a soft YTJ.” Wild-Trust-194
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, your intentions weren’t bad at all. I think you just picked the wrong thing to focus on with your reassurance, unfortunately. You wanted to relieve her distress about her looks, and that’s a good thing!
But saying ‘they’re not there for your looks, they’re there for your words’ is focusing on her distress over it. Something that might have been better to say, in a tense moment, is something like ‘You’re gonna do an awesome job,’ or whatever works for your relationship.
Instead of focusing on, by trying to dispel the subject of her distress, focus on her strengths! Give her reassurance that she’s intelligent and capable, not that her looks don’t matter. They clearly do, to her! I want to make it clear: you’re NOT a jerk for wanting to help.
You’re NOT a jerk for wanting to make sure your wife knows she’s a capable and intelligent woman and that her looks are not the focus of the event. But she’s also not a jerk for being insecure about how she looks when that’s a huge part of first impressions.
It happens to most of us at one point or another, and she’s just stressed out because of it. You meant well, and I’m sure she’ll be just fine when she comes home—just something to keep in mind. You’re okay, man. If she’s still stressed when she gets home, ask her how she thinks she did out there and help her decompress a little.
It’ll be alright!” LeashedLobster
1. AITJ For Babysitting My Cousins And Stealing My Grandmother's Time?
“I (17f) agreed to babysit my cousins for 3 days this January. My grandma is also babysitting for 3 days. My cousins prefer that I babysit because they get to stay at their own house, as opposed to going to my grandmother’s, and I think they just find it more fun.
I love spending time with the kids, and I need the money, so I told my aunt I could share the babysitting load. Upon finding this out, my grandma got very upset and accused me of “stealing her grandchildren away from her.” She continued to make nasty comments at me for the rest of the afternoon until I excused myself.
At the start of December, I told my grandma that I was hoping to spend time with my cousins these holidays, and she said we could split half days — they would come over to mine for a couple of hours while staying at her house for the day.
This only happened once. I offered multiple times that I could come over to hers to help, or suggested activities I could bring to do with them, but she seemed intent on keeping us apart.
However, I’m wondering whether this time I am in the wrong and should offer to give up one of my babysitting days.
I have the rest of my life to spend time with my cousins, and my grandma might only have a few years left. So AITJ for agreeing to babysit my cousins and taking my grandma’s grandchildren away from her?”
Another User Comments:
“I am a grandparent.
There is nothing that would make me happier than to see my grandchildren completely bonded with each other. Maybe it’s because I am old and ‘only have a few years left,’ but knowing that my children and grandchildren love and care about each other would help me die in peace.
This is an issue between your aunt and grandmother. It is your aunt’s decision who can best care for her children. No offense, but your grandmother sounds like a royal jerk. You, on the other hand, are a treasure. NTJ.” pinekneedle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
What a sweet initiative to build your relationship with your cousins! Your grandmother might need the same talk I had with one of my niblings not long ago. Love is not finite. It’s not like when we share a cheesecake. We only have the one and have to divide it into pieces.
Having new people enter our lives is more like getting an additional cheesecake. It might be a different size or a different flavour. It might grow or shrink. But it does not take anything away from the ones we already share with others. (Niblings love chocolate cheesecake.
Hence the analogy.) My mother sometimes feels threatened by my relationship with my niblings. But I invest time in them. Prioritise doing things they enjoy when they’re here. Cook food they like. Take them out to restaurants. Etc. My mum? Well. She scolds them if they don’t behave according to how she brought my brother and me up.
But she might not communicate the rules up front. I get why my niblings prefer me. It might be something similar with your grandmother. She can’t offer all that you can. She can offer different things, but she might not see that. Take the time with your cousins.
Enjoy it! And book some additional time together! It’s a nice investment in future relationships.” miss_Saraswati
Another User Comments:
“I actually suspect your grandmother might also need the money but doesn’t want to say that. Not that she doesn’t love her grandchildren, but she also gets some extra cash, and it’s useful for her.
Or she might feel like she is not able to be trusted to care for them full time. There are a lot of issues for seniors functioning in society where they feel disposable, not useful anymore, or simply have to operate on an extreme budget.
None of this may be the case, but consider if that is influencing her actions. Go from there. However, in any of these scenarios, plus whatever is the real one if not one of those, NTJ.” Cruzin2fold
