People Request Criticism For Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
37. AITJ For Embarrassing My Stepsister In Front Of Our Guest?
“I (19 f) have a brother, Dean (17 m). Dean recently got a significant other, Rhea (also 17). Rhea came over for lunch yesterday. She had bought an Indian dessert (she is Indian).
My stepsister Hanna (20 f) was also over, but she refused to even try the dessert. She said she found it gross that something fried was dunked in sugar syrup. Dean told her that nobody asked for her opinion, so she should keep it to herself. She continued going on about how it was squishy and gross.
I, my dad, and his wife also asked her to stop but she didn’t. Rhea was visibly uncomfortable but didn’t say anything.
A while later I was speaking with Rhea and Hanna, Rhea was telling me that she wished she hadn’t gotten blonde highlights because it didn’t compliment her, and Hanna said something along the lines of how Rhea was being desperate to fit in.
I told her to stop making comments at all. She instead told Rhea that maybe she should cut her hair since her ‘natural’ looks were so much better. I reminded Hanna that three years ago, she had gotten her hair colored pink too, and that she had made it worse after she cut off her own hair.
Dean started laughing and said that he still had pictures from the birthday party that happened a few days after Hanna had cut her hair. Dean also offered to show Rhea some pictures, but Rhea changed the topic. Hanna got all quiet and excused herself. She left shortly afterward. My dad’s wife later told me that while Hanna’s behavior was not excusable, I shouldn’t have bought up something I knew she was embarrassed about.
She said I owed Hanna an apology. When I refused she said I was being a jerk. But I feel like Hanna was being unnecessarily cruel to Rhea.
My dad says that I shouldn’t have stooped low. And I should just apologize to keep the peace. So I don’t know.”
36. AITJ For Telling My Significant Other To Shut Up About My Relationship With My Sister?
“My (15 F) sister Amy and I (17 M) are really close. I’m my parents’ biological son and my sister was adopted since she was very young. We got along well and as we grew up together we spent lots of time together. Right now we still keep lots of habits from the past like playing Xbox on weekends and going to random places around the city (the legal age for driving a motorcycle is 16 where I live and she can’t drive yet).
Amy is a very touchy-feely person so for her hugging me or putting her arms around my neck are normal for her. A few close friends of mine know we’re very close but never really made any comments about her.
A few months back I got a significant other who I’ll call Rana (16 F). My relationship with Amy hasn’t changed since I started going out with Rana.
Some weekends Rana asked to hang out and I’d told her I’d made plans with Amy and Rana never seemed too happy. They’ve met a few times and they seem okay around each other and Rana seems fine when I talk about Amy so I thought I was just reading into it.
After some time I think Rana got jealous.
She started telling me I spend too much time with my sister and we are ‘weirdly close’. She also told me Amy had been giving her dirty sideways glances. I personally never noticed but I admit I’m not really a person to notice little cues like that. I thought about asking Amy if she’s ever ‘given Rana dirty looks’ but so far I haven’t.
So one day I invited Rana over to hang and Amy was at home cooking and feeding our dog. At one point Amy put her hands around my neck and Rana asked why she did that. Amy said she does that all the time, so Rana told her that ‘that’s weird. Siblings don’t do things like that.’
Amy got mad and said something along the lines of ‘We don’t see a problem, then why are you making something a problem out of nothing’.
Then Rana said with a really spiteful voice that we weren’t even blood-related, so who knows what Amy was scheming. I was taken aback by that comment because I’d never seen Amy that way and I believe that goes for her too.
So I told her to stop ‘talking trash and shut up’. She did so and stormed off.
I’ve tried to text Rana for the past couple of days but she hasn’t replied. So now I’m wondering whether I was in the wrong for telling her to shut up, and also wondering if my relationship with Amy is actually weird.
I never thought it was a big deal since we grew up that way.”
35. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom's Husband To Walk Me Down The Aisle?
“I (18 f) have recently become engaged. I come from a religious family so getting married young is expected. I don’t mind this though, seeing as I have been with my significant other for over 2 years and I love him unconditionally.
Although we’re now engaged, we don’t plan on marrying until I’m out of college.
My mother was ecstatic about the news and she insisted we begin planning so we could get a rough draft of what I wanted my wedding to look like. I told her the colors I wanted, what kind of venue I imagined, my bridesmaids, and the whole 9.
Then she asked a question that made my excitement drop: ‘And Frank will be walking you down the aisle, right?’
Frank was my stepfather. Not that he wasn’t a good man or anything, he just wasn’t my father. My father passed away from cancer when I was 13. He and I had a close relationship so his death really shook me.
I remember we would dance around the halls of the hospital to ‘I Loved Her First’ by Heartland. He always wanted that to be the song we danced to at my wedding.
My throat became dry as I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to hurt my mom or Frank with my answer but it was my wedding.
I explained that I wanted to carry a photo of my dad down the aisle instead of Frank walking me. My mother looked puzzled and said that I should let Frank walk me because he was my father now.
I repeated my decision and my mother stopped helping me plan right then and there, saying I was being inclusive to Frank when all he has done is love and care for me.
I liked Frank, but we weren’t close by any means. I mean, I had only known the guy for about 4 years.
Since then, my mother has texted me, calling me a jerk for not wanting to include Frank. I have also received similar messages from Frank’s family. I want to honor my father at my wedding, but I also don’t want to risk my relationship with my mother.
Edit: Frank is my mother’s husband, nothing more, nothing less. I don’t wish to incorporate him into my walk down the aisle. I do not want to have a first dance with him. We are not close but there is no bad b***d between us. He doesn’t want to replace my father nor do I wish for him to.
It seems my mother wants Frank to replace my father.
AITJ?”
34. AITJ For Spending A Lot Despite Knowing My Brother's Financial Situation?
“My brother and I make the same but I am single so my money goes a lot further. As an aunt, I haven’t minded being asked to pay for extras for the kids. I’ve never been asked to pay for a ‘necessity’ before, they are not living paycheck to paycheck or anything like that.
I’m talking about things plenty of kids don’t get, expensive lessons or equipment.
We’ve gone on vacations together because it is easier to corral the kids with three adults, and I will pay for upgrades for everyone for things that I enjoy. A nicer hotel or a dining experience I want to try but know is out of my brother’s budget.
I didn’t think much differently about offering to take them on a Disney cruise now that the kids are old enough to appreciate one. Long story, but a few things aligned at the same time for the offer to be financially feasible for me. At first, my brother and his wife were excited and said they would get back to me after determining the best time to schedule a trip.
The next day I got a call from my brother and the mood change was immediately noticeable. They realized the price range of what I was offering and now want me to plan a cheaper vacation because the ‘rest’ of that amount could be put to more ‘practical’ use for the family. My brother said it was insanely irresponsible to ignore his family’s needs for a cruise.
I said I’m not responsible for his family’s needs and it turned into a bit of an argument there. I think it’s rich to come to me complaining about house renovations and needing a new car while his wife is still a stay-at-home mom with school-age kids. I support her wanting to do that but it is a choice.
One I do not need to subsidize.
The way I see it is, I’m not offering him a gift of cash and demanding he spend it a certain way. I want to go on a Disney cruise. I received some incentives to make it possible and thought it would be nice to have some family along.
They can say yes or no but I think they don’t have a right to get into the financial details on my side.
Like I said, I love showering the kids with extras but I want to draw a hard line on not being a third parent when it comes to who is financially responsible for them.
I think this has only been an issue because of the scale of cost so I am wondering if I’m seeing this from a limited perspective. Maybe I am crossing a line by ‘throwing’ so much money away in front of my brother and being insensitive to their actual needs. Like, if they were homeless I could understand this being a jerk move so I’m wondering if I’m missing something about this context but I can’t get ‘unstuck’ from the fact they have an able-bodied adult in the home who isn’t bringing in any income… they’re not struggling.”
33. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Mother-In-Law To My Baby Shower?
“My MIL prior to us getting married over ten years ago was really welcoming and told me after finding out I had an abusive homelife that she said that she would ‘be proud to have me as her daughter’.
For my part, I was incredibly happy to join my husband’s family and have a ‘normal’ family.
Then the wedding and all changes. She becomes obsessed with the idea that I am ‘taking her son away from her’ fuelled by, we suspect my BIL
The trouble really kicks off 18 months into the marriage with my BIL making up outright lies about me, and despite me, my husband, and the rest of the family telling my MIL that it is untrue she decides to believe my BIL and then hounds me for months, hammering at our front door, screaming at me in my home, harassing me at work which gets me fired.
When our first child was born, she refused to take any photographs of me and my husband holding the baby, and instead took well over 200 pics of the BIL holding our child. She and her partner even cut me and my husband out of any photos that had usin.
She was vocal about resenting me for going back to work after over a year at home with our child.
She criticizes every decision we have ever made as parents
She disregards our wishes over not having interaction with BIL without my husband there and will only tell us after the fact when our child tells us that that is who they’ve seen.
I am pregnant again and have been extremely ill resulting in a number of hospital stays
When I went into the hospital she came and was a huge help. I was really touched by this unexpected support and thanked her personally for all of the effort and care she had shown but she told me it was ‘just to support my husband’. She didn’t once ask me how I was feeling.
I was seriously ill.
For the past five years, she has kept on coming around and despite me asking her not to spend all day cleaning our house, it’s already clean. She will randomly buy things without consulting me for our house and put them up. Her latest thing is she said she wants to redecorate our house, I politely thanked her but declined, Then she brought it up to my husband and spoke over me when I again said that I didn’t want her to do it.
Me and my husband love parties whenever we have one and invite her, my husband has to spend at least three hours on the phone with her arguing and crying over who is and isn’t invited. Which is incredibly upsetting
My mental health has taken a huge battering, I am still not 100% health-wise, but my close friends have been amazing enough to arrange a small baby shower for me.
It is just my close friends, not a huge thing as I don’t have any family.
My husband obviously loves his mother dearly. He is really offended that I haven’t invited her, I explained to him why, and that I desperately need a break from her, especially as I haven’t been able to see my friends throughout the pregnancy.”
32. AITJ For Refusing To Move Seats?
“My son and I were flying home from vacation. My wife left two days earlier because of a work thing.
He’s young enough not to need a ticket and just sit in my lap, so we did that to save money. We ended up in a middle seat, which sucks, but oh well.
Anyway, he was still asleep when we got on the plane (a very early flight). The lady at the window also fell asleep as soon as she sat down.
The guy in the aisle put headphones in and started playing on his phone. All was relatively peaceful.
About an hour in my son woke up and we started chatting. We talked about what we did on vacation, how we’re excited to see mom again, you know, typical three-year-old conversation. Then I feel a tap on my shoulder.
I turn and see window lady (sorry, I don’t know her name) with her sunglasses off. Her eyes were red and she was glaring.
I smiled at her and asked if she needed something. She said she needed me to be quiet so she could sleep. I was a bit taken aback. I joked that the quiet car is on the other side of the plane.
She said no one wanted to hear my conversation. I got annoyed at that point and told her to wear headphones. She said she didn’t have any. I shrugged and went back to talking to my son.
A few minutes later she flagged down a hostess and asked for another seat. She said we were bothering her.
The hostess looked at me and I shrugged. The hostess said there was an empty seat in another row. Window lady asked if it was a window seat. The hostess said no. She said she paid extra for a window seat. The hostess said she was sitting in one.
The lady pointed at me and told her to move me to the other seat.
Here’s where I might be the jerk. I felt like the lady was being rude and entitled and said I was happy where I was and preferred not to move. The hostess shrugged and walked off. Window lady said I was a jerk. I said it takes one to know one and not to curse in front of my kid.
She crossed her arms and turned away. I turned my attention back to my kid. Nothing else happened after that.
When I told my wife later she said that lady sounded awful but I should have switched seats and not exposed our son to more potential conflict. Yeah, probably, but the lady had me steamed. AITJ?”
31. AITJ For Being Mat At My Husband On His Birthday?
“Today is my husband’s birthday. I’ve tried really hard to make him feel special in these past couple of days and weeks.
I planned a fishing trip for him with his buddies and a private plane tour.
This morning I made him breakfast, ran him a bath, and tried writing a nice text message for him while he was in the bath.
I wanted to make him feel special and asked how I could.
He told me to not get him any birthday presents or anything and was angry I got him birthday presents, so I returned all of them in following his wishes and respect.
He was showing me all of the birthday pictures people were texting and showing him and I asked him if he saw mine and he said, oh, well I’m not into nice text messages.
Which is totally fine; I just wanted a thank you. Maybe I wanted a thank you for everything I had done for him and planned for him lately. I took him to Rise Against and a state fair on Friday as an early birthday celebration which he was happy with, and he was sick all Friday night and hungover all day Saturday and I took care of him without a thank you.
I told him it would make me feel better if he tried to be a little thankful for everything I have done and have been trying to do. He got mad at me and said it was his birthday and how dare I act like that; he then got furious. He called me some names and yelled at me and I told him he could go to town and give me some time to cool off since I was in tears and he was so angry; also so I could finish the birthday cake and card I had been working on.
I’m really not one who likes to yell or argue, I just kind of shut down and get sad. He says I’m the jerk and have ruined his whole birthday by being upset he wasn’t ‘grateful.’ I just wanted to make the day special for him and follow the things he wanted.
I feel like a jerk that my husband said I ruined his birthday. I just wanted a thank you for working so hard these past weeks and today. AITJ?”
30. AITJ For Not Wanting To Come To A Family Event Without My Wife?
“I (25 F) have been married to Katherine (30 F) for two years now, dated her for 5. We both live in the city where I grew up, though she moved here for her job while I just never moved away.
Now, my family is a partying, gathering people. Not just for holidays, they love throwing big BBQs and stuff ‘just because’. Katherine… is not that. You know how in rom-coms the male lead sometimes has the ‘cold, business fiancé’ who has multiple phones and is too serious and doesn’t like Christmas? That’s Katherine. And I love her, and she’s amazing and driven and kind when you get to know her… but she has a very limited social battery, one that’s not helped by my boisterous family.
This wasn’t the biggest problem when we were going out. My parents were more willing to forgive me for missing the occasional family get-together because Katherine got a reservation or tickets or something locked in stone. Once we got married though, I think they expected Katherine to integrate perfectly and that… has not happened. Partly due to work stuff – I’m an artist with a lot of flexibility, and Katherine is high up in a firm so has very little (and before anyone says anything, I was making enough as an artist BEFORE marrying her, we actually met at a gallery where I was featured).
Occasionally I will go to a family thing without Katherine, and she WILL come with me on most holidays (though we swap the major ones with her family). But she wasn’t really feeling it on the 4th, and I wanted to spend it with her. But I’ve only made a handful of the random events this year, so my mom and sisters literally showed up on my doorstep after I texted that I wasn’t coming.
They ripped me a new one and I got angry and snapped ‘Excuse me if I’d rather spend the day with my WIFE than with you!’
Y’all, they all looked like they were going to cry, they silently left and I’ve gotten nothing but coldness from the whole family since. Did I go too far?”
29. AITJ For Refusing To Help A Family Member With Cancer?
“When I (34 M) was in my teens the extended family decided to cut ties with me and my parents over some petty financial issues in the business and to that extent I have not seen and spoken with my extended family, uncle’s, aunt, cousins and their nephews.
My dad’s estranged brother, Sam went into the ER last month after causing an accident as he fainted behind the wheel which essentially led to his diagnosis of leukemia a rare form of b***d cancer.
Sam’s wife, Samantha (also estranged), is a primary care physician who begged my mom, dad and myself to get tested if we are a suitable match for a bone marrow transplant used to treat his condition. I reluctantly got tested and was a match but the doctors advised me of the risks that it would be on my body should I donate my bone marrow and the extended care I would need after the donation process.
After almost a decade Sam and Samantha didn’t even have the courtesy to see how my family and I were doing but essentially demanded we do the tests because we are ‘b***d and family’ and that family should help in the need of a life and death situation.
Long story short, they both are extremely toxic and manipulative people who would sweet talk people into getting things done from others and discard them soon after, which as I was growing up was one of the reasons my parents decided to cut our losses and move on in our lives.
I refused to donate after understanding the risks and how difficult it would be for me to recover after neither Samantha nor my so-called cousins who had not seen me and spoken to would even ask me how I was doing or even ask me for a cup of coffee should I do decide to help their father Sam on a potential life and death situation.
Sam didn’t even have the courtesy to thank me for even getting tested after all these years.
AITJ for refusing to help a person potentially be cancer-free and recover?”
28. AITJ For Getting Rid Of My Brother's Aggressive Dog?
“My brother, Mike (23 M), has a dog he didn’t train at all. Duchess (3 F) is a Saint Bernard who I (29 F) think is dangerous.
Mike has not trained her at all. She is food aggressive, she doesn’t like other dogs, and she growls at children. Mike has mentioned a few cats she has killed.
To make this short, Mike went on vacation last Friday. He begged me to come to feed Duchess. I said no. Mike informed me that he paid for tickets and that the kennel would not take his dog.
I said he should cancel or hire someone. No one would watch the dog. No one.
I woke up Friday morning to my husband screaming that there was a dog in our backyard. He had let the dogs out to pee and Duchess was out there. He tried to get close to her and she growled at him.
I have a toddler and a kindergartener. I also have two older small dogs and a Doxie puppy. Duchess would have decimated any of them if they went outside before we noticed.
I tried to call my brother, but his phone was off. I left a message saying I was calling animal control, he knew better than this, and he needed to figure it out with the shelter.
He did not get back to me until Saturday morning (my time) and was yelling that I had his dog killed. Which might happen, since she is pretty aggressive. I did tell animal control why she was there, who she belonged to, and that she is small animal aggressive.
They asked if I would keep her since we don’t have openings at the no-kill shelter.
I said absolutely not, I wanted the dog gone. They let me know they would be in contact with my brother and I said I didn’t want anything to do with it anymore. They should call him at (number) or his partner (number). Mike and his partner are on the trip together, so I don’t know what will happen with that.
But Mike says I got Duchess killed. I said Duchess is dangerous and HE got her killed by doing absolutely nothing to train her.
AITJ?”
27. AITJ For Being Offended When My Date Outfit-Shamed Me?
“So I (F 30) was on a date recently with a guy (M 30) and we were walking around a bit before dinner. I was wearing a pair of jeans and a black cropped tank top. We hadn’t yet decided where we wanted to go. I suggested a pizza place we’d been to before and enjoyed. He agreed and seemed pleased with the idea.
It was maybe half an hour away but we decided to walk there. We were getting close, maybe 5 minutes away, when he said to me, ‘You know, you might not meet the dress code. You know, ‘no shirt, no shoes, no service’.’
I was offended and told him that I felt he was basically shaming me re: my outfit.
A crop top is casual and shows some skin, but it is definitely a shirt, and they are a completely normal thing for a woman my age to wear (I live in Brooklyn… we passed dozens of women wearing the same type of top on our walk to dinner). Not to mention absurd that a pizza place in Brooklyn would have a ‘no crop tops’ dress code…
I also thought it was inappropriate for him to bring up an objection to my outfit five minutes before we got to the restaurant after having seen me in it for hours beforehand. It made me feel self-conscious when we went inside (where of course there was no issue with my clothing at all). After he said it I really just wanted to go home.
He sulked until the food came, and offered me a perfunctory apology when I refused his offer to ‘step outside’ with him to discuss it further. After that, he barely spoke to me until I forced a conversation about something else just to avoid having to sit in silence for an hour.
I haven’t worn the top since (this was last week).
I used to feel hot in it, but I can’t stop thinking about him telling me I was basically shirtless and now I feel self-conscious.
AITJ for calling him out on his outfit-shaming? Did I overreact?”
26. AITJ For Leaving A Bad Review On The Restaurant's Page That Got A Waitress Fired?
“My siblings and I decided to take our mom out to dinner. She lives abroad and she was visiting for a few weeks, and this was going to be her last night in the country.
We didn’t know where to eat yet so we drove around the city and decided last minute. We picked this Italian restaurant.
For context, this place has no dress code. My siblings and my mom like to dress casually (like jeans, shirts, and sneakers). I’m the one who likes to dress up.
When we entered the restaurant, we were greeted by a waitress who led us to a table. Then she said that we could view the menu by scanning the QR code on the table and then left. Shortly after, the same waitress led a well-dressed couple to the table next to us.
She showed them how to use the QR menu, explained the specials, and then brought them glasses of water and a basket of bread.
We were sitting there, ready to order, and the waitress wasn’t approaching us or anything. She paid no attention, and I felt like we were getting ignored because of how my family was dressed.
We decided to leave after 10 minutes of sitting there, but not without me getting the name of the waitress. We ended up dining elsewhere, which apparently was owned by the same company but under a different restaurant name, offered different cuisine, and had the same price point. And they gave us excellent service, and we tipped the waiter nicely.
That night, I decided to leave a scathing review on the first restaurant’s social media page and on Google. I mentioned our experience. I also dropped the name of the waitress and the date and time we were there.
I thought that was the end of it until a few days ago I got a message request from someone on social media.
I checked the profile and recognized the face. And well, it was the waitress. She might have gotten my profile from the review that I left on social media. She called me a jerk in her message because I got her fired. I replied by saying she deserves it because she gave us crappy customer service, and then blocked her.
AITJ?”
25. AITJ For Not Inviting A Copy-Cat Coworker To A BBQ Party?
“My coworkers and I (f, 30) are having a BBQ tonight. I have a nice garden and offered to host it.
Since it’s happening at my house, I get to decide who’s invited and pretty much everyone in my department is (there are 10 of us) except one woman, Amber.
Amber hasn’t done anything obvious and for a long time, I dismissed her behaviors as just her being quirky. But lately, her behavior started weirding me out a bit (I saw her taking photos of my Spotify playlist and bookshelf the last time she was at my house) but again, no obvious red flags.
I don’t have any social media or Tiktok but I have a 16-year-old sister, Julie who stayed at my house last weekend and showed me Amber’s Tiktok she found and her other social media. That’s when everything became weirder.
Amber seems to be, I don’t want to say copying, but it’s the only word that I can think of (unless she’s mocking me).
Her social media creeped me out, she seems to be taking up my personality and hobbies and showing it as hers. It’s odd. I am only going to list a few but she’s doing a lot more.
During uni, I spent a year abroad in Uruguay and thanks to my lovely host family, I got addicted to mate.
They gifted me a beautiful gourd and bombilla that I have to this day. Amber saw it in the kitchen and asked me about it. I saw it as a normal conversation. And please, don’t think that I am trying to gatekeep anything. But apparently, now, drinking mate is part of her personality on TikTok.
Should I add that we’re in the UK? This wouldn’t be alarming on its own, anyone can drink it. It’s when you add other things when it becomes weird.
I have a nasty habit of being late often (working on that) and it’s a running joke at work. Well, according to Amber’s TikTok, she’s always late and it’s oh-so quirky.
Except, she’s never late.
Apparently, she’s a fan of the same bands I like. Could be a coincidence, right? Well, a lot of the music I listen to is rather niche from all around the world. A few bands would be normal but all of them?
I learn languages as a hobby and I will often forget words, etc. Amber doesn’t do it in real life but her online persona suddenly forgets words, switches accents, etc (she only speaks English).
Her bookshelf is a literal copy of my bookshelf, she bought the same books, except many are in languages she doesn’t speak.
On their own, these things aren’t weird, but together? She seems to either copy my habits and personality or use it to create a character. Either way, it creeps me out and I don’t want her in my house.
I decided to not invite her.
She found out about the party from someone and got really angry with me, tried to call me and when I didn’t pick up, she messaged me multiple times, calling me all sorts of names. Because she hasn’t done anything obvious, I worry that I might be the jerk for excluding her from the party and that perhaps my being weirded out is my thing and she’s just having fun online.
I dunno, am I the jerk for not inviting her?”
24. AITJ For Having A Fight With My Sister Who Always Eats My Food?
“So I (15 F) got in a fight with my sister (13 F) because she is always eating my food. She’s been stealing food I marked as mine (wrote my name on the package) for a while now and it always ticked me off but I didn’t wanna confront her cuz she has always been the dramatic type and I just didn’t wanna deal with her.
But the most recent time she did it crossed the line.
Me and my friends were planning to have a picnic on Sunday. This was a very important picnic because my friend’s mom got put in remission for her cancer. So I and one of my friends baked a strawberry cheesecake together at my house on Friday and I put it in a container, wrote my name on it, and told my whole family not to eat because it was for my picnic.
But then, Saturday night at 12 am I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water and there I saw a whale in my peripheral. My sister had eaten the WHOLE ENTIRE CAKE and when I saw her there were only about 2 bites left. This was an average-sized cake that was pretty thick and it was meant for 6 people.
And she ate the WHOLE ENTIRE THING.
I was enraged. I had put up with her nonsense for too long. Usually, I just stay silent when I get really mad but I had to let it out on her. Give her a wake-up call. I called her a bunch of things like fatty, spoiled brat, greedy, ungrateful, rude.
She started balling and was talking about her Binge Eating Disorder and her depression and how she can’t control it and I’m an ableist monster for getting mad at her. She KNEW what this cake was for. For celebrating my friend’s mom’s remission. And she still ate all of it. I told her she knew exactly what she was doing, she’s not a dog, she has a conscience, blah blah blah.
My eyes were getting watery by the end of it so I went to my room and now I’m typing this. I feel horrible. I know what having mental illness is like, especially depression. And how you can feel really hopeless and sometimes food can be a comfort to you. We don’t really have much food at our house, and I know that cake looked really good.
But it’s 1 am now, and the picnic is at noon tomorrow. We told all of my friends about the cake and they all looked forward to it, and now I disappointed them. Am I the jerk?”
23. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My Partner For Watching A Show During Our Romantic Getaway?
“So my partner and his daughter have this annual tradition where they watch this show together every year. It’s like 60 episodes and they watch one a night, so it takes just under two months (because some of them are two-parters). She’s usually not at his place the entire two months, so they’ll be Facetimeing while watching it when she’s with her mom.
All of this is totally fine.
Now, here’s the issue. His ex is taking his daughter camping, and they don’t have good service up there. She has the DVDs of the show, so she’s watching them every night like usual so they can talk about them when she gets back and they’ll be ‘on schedule.’ (This is a self-imposed schedule.) All fine.
Anyway, I suggested doing something fun for the long weekend, maybe going to a B&B. Neither of us is really patriotic, but might as well make use of the day off. Well, we checked in Friday at this place at the beach, and we had a nice dinner. I recommended a stroll, but he says he needs 25 minutes so he can watch this show.
I thought he was joking at first. He’s seen this episode a hundred times. His daughter isn’t here and doesn’t have service so can’t call. He wanted to sit alone in our room and watch a cartoon for half an hour during our romantic getaway. I was peeved. I told him to just wait until we got back (they’ll be gone for longer than we would be) and catch up.
He said no, she might be able to call at some point and want to talk about the show. I said, okay, surely you have it memorized by now? So talk about it with her.
He said it would only take 25 minutes and talking was making it longer. So I gave up and went to the beach alone, telling him where I’d be.
He met up with me half an hour later, but it was awkward. The next day was nicer, but that night, same thing, couldn’t go moonlight swimming because he needed 25 minutes to watch this episode. I was like, well can you watch two so at least tomorrow night we can have to ourselves?
He agreed, but he looked annoyed. So we both went to bed peeved last night.
This morning I could tell he was still in a funk, so I said we should just check out, and we did. We haven’t talked since we got back.
Look, I know kids are always priority #1, but they do this EVERY SUMMER. This was the perfect opportunity to have some us time, and he blew it in my opinion.
Oh, and before anyone says I should have just watched it with him, I’ve seen bits and pieces and am not a fan. I just wanted one weekend, and his daughter never would have known. Am I really a jerk for that?”
22. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Stepdaughter's Hair Care?
“My (30 f) partner (45 m) is mad at me and I need some outside perspective. My stepdaughter (14 nb?), who I will call Sasha, moved in with us from across the country (aus) in some bad circumstances about 4 months ago.
Mum blocked the child and my partner 3 days after she got here. I have 2 boys, 9 and 10. My partner and I have been together for about 2 years. I am the sole income earner for the 5 of us. That’s the background.
My sons go to a private school, very low cost thankfully. Costs me about 3 grand a year for both of them (uniforms, booklist, and school fees).
We recently were able to get Sasha into the school. Sasha didn’t particularly want to go because she has her own style, but my partner insisted as he is concerned about bullying in public schools. Cost about 3 grand for this year because high school is more expensive.
Sasha has ‘bad’ teeth, I think she’s beautiful regardless but it is a huge self-esteem issue for her.
I booked the orthodontist, and so far it costs $280 for consultations. Next is about $500 for some teeth removals, then $8000+ for the actual braces.
I want to make it clear, I don’t mind paying this. If this will help her love herself and feel more confident, I am 100% in, hence why I was the one to book everything.
I recently noticed Sasha has pretty bad dandruff, which looks like snow on her scalp. I mentioned to my partner maybe we should get her some anti-dandruff shampoo but in a subtle way. She has never mentioned it before and I wasn’t about to bring it up in case it knocked her confidence. We were at the shops today getting shampoo for my terribly damaged hair, and it was about $12 a bottle (so 24 for shampoo and conditioner on special for half price).
My partner found anti-dandruff shampoo but it was 15 a bottle, not on special. I said I’m not spending 30 dollars on hair care when she hasn’t even said it bothers her, we can wait until it’s on special. He said why do I get to spend almost the same on my hair because you can’t even tell the difference if I buy cheap or not?
I got kind of hurt because I’m trying my best here, and I buy decent hair products for myself once every 3 months because I’m careful about the amount I use.
So I kind of snapped and said ‘Braces are costing me 3 years of school for the boys, I’m not spending $30 on something Sasha doesn’t care about’.
My partner took that as I’m being stingy with money and that I don’t care about Sasha as much as my own children. He said I’m a jerk because she needs braces and my refusing to pay $30 more on something else she needs is petty.
I can’t tell if I’m being a jerk or not because I’ll admit, the braces are a huge hit, $30 does make a difference especially if she goes through it at the same rate she goes through her normal shampoo and conditioner.”
21. AITJ For Correcting A Hospital Staff For Calling Me "Ma'am"?
“Several months ago my (43 f, Clinical Psychologist) mom (74) was in the hospital for a bad case of Pancreatitis. She kept getting worse. My brother and I thought the hospital was not doing a good job. My best friend is an EMT and told me that the hospital does not have a good reputation for dealing with acute care, and made several recommendations.
I talked to both my parents about moving her several times, and they refused every time. They are passive people who believe the doctors know best.
Eight days into her stay, on a Friday (which is important) my dad called upset. The hospital just called him saying my mom was in an altered mental state, became combative, and they may need to use soft restraints.
I left work immediately to drive there. She was not altered. The IV burst her vein. She has small veins and has always been difficult to stick with any needle. The nurse tried a few times and could not get a new IV started. She got scared, started crying, sounded like had a panic attack, and yelled at the nurse to leave her alone.
The nurse comes back to see if she is ready to try again. I ask for an update on why antibiotics aren’t working and what else we can try. Found out they never gave her the antibiotics prescribed in the ER 8 days ago, and fluid loaded her to the point that it was in her lungs.
No one is there to do drainage procedures on weekends, so they’d get to it on Monday. I asked for someone more experienced. She gets condescending saying ‘Well ma’am, you need to understand why we can’t do that.’ I responded with ‘It’s Dr., not Ma’am, and your treatment of my mom is unacceptable.
I want to talk to a supervisor.’ She sounded surprised I was a doctor, her tone changed, and she took off.
Within 45 minutes the nurse manager came in to discuss mom’s care. A specialist came in to insert an IV by guided ultrasound and start antibiotics. The doctor came in to confirm drainage procedure would be done that afternoon.
She started to improve and was discharged on day 12. While my parents are happy about this, my dad was upset that I went against his wishes by insulting the nurse/making demands, and thinks I misrepresented myself by not clarifying I wasn’t a medical doctor but a psychologist. No one asked what kind of doctor I was.
He’s still bothered by this today, so I thought I’d get some unbiased opinions. I have no remorse.”
20. AITJ For Telling My Fiancé's Mom I Don't Want Her Near My Son Anymore?
“My fiancé and I are staying with his mom due to some financial stuff, and doing everything we can to get out, as the relationship is very bad. His mom ‘Jessica’ hates me and has been nothing but rude since she met me.
The other day Jessica’s mom ‘Lori’ was visiting and staying here. Jessica and Lori have a messed up relationship and Lori is pretty crazy. Jessica was getting ready to go on a date and Lori picked a fight because Jessica wouldn’t wear a shirt over her bikini top. Lori said she regretted having her, which shocked me because as a mom I don’t get how you can ever feel that way.
Jessica said ‘That’s ok. I regret my son too.’ Lori laughed and Jessica said she wasn’t kidding and ‘I’m not even mad at you anymore, because I used to think I was a perfect mom, and then I just woke up one day and I regret all of it’.
I don’t think Jessica realized I was there, but my son was playing on the floor so I was keeping an eye on him.
I immediately swept into the room and picked him up. I said they are both evil women and they make me sick. They don’t deserve to call themselves mothers. I know I shouldn’t have disrespected Jessica in her house, but at this point, I was crying and shaking. Jessica snapped at me that she was ‘righteous too’ when her son was a baby so she isn’t going to take my opinion seriously.
I said I don’t care and the minute we move out I don’t even want her near my son, because how could she say that? She went on her date and didn’t come home until some time the next day, and then started in on me again and said I’m dumb and naïve and as a woman I should have pity for her feeling that way.
I told her I don’t, but I’m sorry for disrespecting her and we dropped it.”
19. WIBTJ If I Go To A Hotel Instead Of Be Left With My Husband's Relatives?
“My husband has a bad habit of springing things on me last minute and expecting me to roll with it.
He often claims he just found out about it, but when pushed will admit that things have been in the works for a long time and he just didn’t notice, or neglected to inform me, etc. One recurring ‘surprise’ has to do with his work. He tends to spring work trips or events on me last minute, and/or will modify trips already in process to extend them, change the terms, etc.
In isolation, it might not be a huge deal but we have kids that I’m left to take care of, and (this is the biggest factor for me) he frequently leaves his relatives behind at the house with me. I do not like this. I’m very introverted and private, and while I recognize he likes having his family around, and I do my best to make peace with that while HE is around, I find it unreasonable to leave them behind with me time and time again while he’s off traveling.
Most especially because he knows I value my space, don’t particularly get along with his relatives, and because over time it has become such a consistent thing that we’ve had huge fights about it, so he has no way to pretend he thinks I’m okay with it.
Fast forward to this week.
He has multiple relatives coming in from out of town. This has been in the works for a month or so, and they intend to stay for a prolonged period of time. I’ve had some nerves about this for the above-mentioned reasons but have been doing my best to be supportive of it because I know how much family means to him and at least when he’s here with them there’s a decently comfortable dynamic.
There was also no mention of him having any upcoming travel, so I felt somewhat at ease. Until the day before they were scheduled to arrive.
While talking he suddenly brings up how he’ll be away ‘next week’ (just a few days after they arrive). He first said he just found out, but when I said it’s unreasonable for his work to demand he leave on such short notice he confessed it was planned a month ago.
He swears he just missed the invite, but given his history, I’m betting he just didn’t want to tell me.
So now he’s about to leave me with no notice with a number of his relatives, most of whom I do not know. And the one relative I do know well I do not get along with.
I told him if he leaves me like this I’m going to a hotel while he’s gone. He responded that I would offend his relatives by doing so and therefore I can’t. I’m tired of being pushed into uncomfortable situations and I’m considering making this my hill to die on and leaving anyway.
Clearly just talking to him about me not being okay with this pattern is going nowhere and I don’t see how it’s reasonable that he keeps backing me into uncomfortable situations. But he is right that it’s obviously going to look shady at best and rude at worst if I just leave.
But given that I was bamboozled into this situation, to begin with, does that really make me the jerk?”
18. AITJ For Not Allowing My Cousin To Bring A Plus One To My Wedding?
“I (26 f) am about to marry my partner (29 m) next week. We both have big families, so it’s going to be a big wedding. I have 3 siblings and more than a dozen cousins, and I wanted to invite them all.
One of my cousins who’s closest to me in age is Mike (27 m). He also lives closer to me than some of the rest of the family, so I’ve had the chance to see him more than the others, including meeting his partner, Anna (28 f).
She’s nice, I guess, but she smells like eggs all the time. It makes her hard to be around, and that stress isn’t something I want to deal with at my wedding.
When I brought up my concerns with my partner and told him that I didn’t want her coming, he said it was my side of the family and I could do what I wanted with the invitations.
So I did. She’s not coming. I sent my cousin an invite. No plush one.
Well, Mike just found out he’s the only close family member not getting a plus one, and he was upset. He asked if there was a mistake, and despite not wanting to deal with his drama, I told him the truth.
It wasn’t a mistake. I just didn’t want Anna coming. When he pressed me on the issue, I told him that she smelled, was hard to be around, and I didn’t want her coming.
He yelled at me and called me some unpleasant things before saying if she wasn’t coming then neither was he.
I told him he had to come.
It’s my wedding and he has to be there. He ignored me, and then he blocked me.
I understand why he might be upset, but he has to be able to see my side too. Am I really the jerk for not wanting to add stress to my wedding?”
17. AITJ For Asking My Brother's Fiancée Where My Money Is?
“I (22 M) and my brother (24 M) have been best buddies for as long as I can remember.
We never usually got into conflicts, and when we did, they were resolved pretty quickly.
One day, my brother came over to my house (unexpectedly, MY, I add) and brought his fiancée along with him. She (23 F) isn’t the best person to get along with, but I don’t hate her. She can be pretty fun in her moments, and if you catch her in a good mood, it’s a lot easier to get along with her.
My birthday is coming up and I was saving up for the celebration – about $1,500. I kept it locked tight in my closet, sure that no one would find it.
My brother’s fiancée (let’s call her Amy) said she needed to go to the bathroom. I ushered Amy to the bathroom and caught up with my brother in the meantime.
About 15 minutes go by, and I start to get worried. ‘I’m no scholar on female anatomy,’ I say to my brother, ‘but I’m pretty sure it shouldn’t take that long to use the restroom.’ He tells me that it’s okay to go check on her, so I get up, walk to the bathroom, and knock on the door.
To my surprise, the door was opened (it didn’t really look like it tho) and when it moved in saw no one in there. I searched around the house, but when I came back to where my brother was, Amy was already sitting down. I go to my closet and check where the money is hidden, just as a safety precaution.
My money is gone.
I immediately March over to Amy and ask where my money is, and she gets defensive. My brother then calls me a rude jerk and marches out of my house. It’s been three days later, and he won’t answer my texts or calls, and I’m starting to think that I really messed up.
AITJ?”
16. AITJ For Being Angry At My Mom For Sending My Picture To Her Friend?
“So, around a couple of months ago, I was in an Xbox party with bro 1, XB (Xbox dude), and some of XB’s friends. Then, XB starts saying, ‘Ew, who is the ugly idiot.’ Then, some of his friends start reacting to what XB sent them. And then XB asks bro 1 if that really is me if that really is (my gamer tag).
Then bro one says, ‘Yes, that really is (my gamer tag).’ So I started saying something like, ‘There’s no way you have a picture of me. And how and who even are you?’ He responded with, ‘Your mom sent it to me. I’m your mom’s friend.’ So then, I pm bro asking if it was really true, and he said yes.
XB and his friends kept calling me ugly, that I have a huge forehead, and that I was just gonna go cry to my mom.
After that, I confronted my mother. I was mad and yelled at her asking, ‘Who is XB, and why does he have a picture of me?’ She just ignores the question and says, ‘Why are you yelling?
Don’t talk to me like that.’ So, I proceeded to ask her again and got the same answer, so I just hung up. She called me about a week later saying, ‘He’s a friend of mine, so why are you giving me attitude? I just wanted to show you off.’ I said, ‘You know that I hate that kind of stuff, let alone you sending pictures of me to some random person.’ She said, ‘He’s my friend, not some random person.
So why are you giving me attitude?’ So I got mad again and just hung up. I later called my grandma and told her the situation. She just kept saying that, yes she didn’t need to send the picture, but she was just trying to show you off, and that I should apologize to her.
So I hung up on and haven’t talked to her.
Like 2 or 3 weeks ago, she was desperate to talk to me, so she called bro 2 and told him to merge the calls with me and tried to make small talk but I just kept giving her short, one-sentence answers. Then I hung up. Throughout the whole time I didn’t talk to her, she’s been trying to get me to talk to her, saying she’s sorry, how much she’s missing me, and how she wants to hear my voice again.
AITJ for not talking to her?
Edit: I don’t live with my mom or my grandmother. I’m 15 and live with my dad; not disclosing the age of anyone else. I do not know when my mom met XB, and I don’t even know him. Not name, not nothing.”
15. AITJ For Having My Wife Put Notes In My Lunch?
“My wife (27 F) has a habit of putting notes (affirmation) in my (31 M) lunch when she packs it. She’s been doing it for a year now (it started when I suffered from some issues surrounding employment) and I appreciate it a lot because it gives me strength and renews my energy for the rest of the day.
So anyway, my co-workers know about it and sometimes would tease me about it calling me a 4th or 5th grader and calling my wife ‘granny’. Just teasing nothing unusual for them. It happens at lunch when most of the guys in the department sit together.
A co-worker of mine ‘Jimmy’ is the newest employee in our company.
He lost his wife a few months ago and he is sort of a private dude in general. However, he started sitting with us during lunch break after the guys insisted. I sit and eat my food after I look at the note my wife left then rinse and repeat. Til few days ago, one of my co-workers pulled me aside and we began talking then the note thing was brought up.
He told me that Jimmy has been enjoying sitting with us during lunch break but couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable with the notes I keep pulling out of my package every day. He then went on to tell me the dude lost his wife and seeing me getting notes from mine hit a nerve because it reminded him of his late wife.
I felt puzzled.
I asked OK what am I supposed to do about it? He told me to consider telling my wife to stop putting those notes and maybe find some other way to do it instead of bringing them to work and having Jimmy ‘look at them’ like… I wasn’t sure of what to say but I told him it was ridiculous.
He reminded me that Jimmy sent him to me with this message thinking it’d give me more space to react and then told me I literally lost nothing by having some consideration for the poor guy and… be as less insensitive as I can. I told him off and said that it’s not my fault Jimmy is struggling with grief and it’s not like I even know him that well to be ‘accommodating him’ to this extent.
He said that I was being cruel and selfish and got the others to witness the argument and shamed me for my stance but I refused to do it and went back to work on my project.
Things had been tense at my workplace and some of the guys I’m close with say I should be more empathetic and try not to make Jimmy uncomfortable after they went through a lot to get him to sit with them on lunch break.”
14. AITJ For Defending My Female Boss From My Coworkers?
“I (22 m) have two bosses, one is a woman (late 40s~) and the other is a man (mid to late 30s~).
The place I work at is made up of mostly men with only a few women.
I’ve been working for this company for 5 months, so not that long. But in the short amount of time I’ve worked here I’ve noticed the difference in how my female boss is treated compared to my male boss, and it infuriates me.
Both share the same position and are great at what they do, they do the same amount of work and get things done. Yet he’s the only one who gets respect/praise from the other coworkers. I admire them both but have a lot of respect for her in particular given she’s a single mother trying to provide for her young daughters while battling chronic pain in a high-pressure environment.
She’s got a lot on her plate and I appreciate her for everything she does.
However, my coworkers don’t see it like that. They can’t stand her and say the most appalling crap behind her back, sometimes even to her face. They’ve called her a jerk and a witch. They say the only reason why she’s in charge is because she sucked someone off for the position.
And most of them don’t take her seriously/don’t listen to what she tells them to do because they ‘only take orders from (male) boss’. I shut this down whenever I hear it, but my attempts always fall flat.
No one talks about our male boss this way, they all respect him. I find it disgusting that she’s being treated like this and last night I finally snapped after one of my coworkers made her cry.
After disrespecting her and refusing to cooperate all day, he screamed at her and told her to drop dead. She walked it off like it was nothing, but later that evening I saw her outside crying.
Infuriated, I went back inside and sounded off on all of them for being pathetic pieces of crap. I said the only reason they hate her is because she’s more hardworking and resilient than all of them combined. After my incoherent rant, no one made a peep for the rest of the night.
When I went in for my shift today my male boss chewed me out for ‘creating a hostile environment’ by bringing up ‘unnecessary drama’. He said I’d lose my job if I did something like that again. The coworkers I yelled at are now calling me a ‘white knight’ for what I said.
Honestly, I don’t regret it.
But some nuance would be great. So AITJ for attempting to defend my boss while making a scene?”
13. AITJ For Not Telling My Daughter About My Pregnancy?
“So I (42 F) had my daughter Charlotte when I was 18 and ever since my husband Eric (28) and I had our baby girl two years ago, Charlotte herself has had baby fever but she and her husband haven’t been able to conceive.
Personally, I think that she should wait until her career is fully set, but I’m not going to control what my adult baby does with her body. Eric and I want more kids, but it isn’t something that we talked to anybody about, not even Charlotte. So we’ve been trying too, if it happens, it happens, if it doesn’t, we’ll try with my frozen eggs, if it still doesn’t, then it’s not meant to be.
A month ago, I found out I was pregnant again! Eric wanted to spread the news around right away but a week before Charlotte came to me crying about her still being unable to conceive. While confiding in me she also told me that she thought her sister was my last baby and that’s why she felt comfortable starting her own family, so I could be there as a grandma and not be worried about also being a mom.
I tried to explain to her that even when I’m a grandma, I’m always going to be her mom regardless of if I have other kids and it won’t change how I feel toward a grandkid. She said it was different and didn’t go further but I knew it bugged her so I decided to wait until I was sure that this baby would be healthy and I won’t need to terminate my pregnancy.
But yesterday Charlotte came over unannounced because she wanted to babysit her sister and she overheard Eric talking to his friends on the phone about my pregnancy and that we’re planning on having two more after this. When I came home, she was really upset and started yelling at me about my not telling her, letting her and her husband keep trying even though I was pregnant, and not involving me.
I just don’t get it. Her dad’s wife is pregnant too, why is mine so important? I let her take her sister to the park and it cooled her off but she was still stingy with me. But maybe I was wrong to keep all of this a secret, so am I the jerk?”
12. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Partner Replace The Broken Dishes Her Kitten Destroyed?
“My partner (28) and I (26) have been together a year and a half. We don’t live together but we do spend the night at each other’s places often.
My partner has a bad habit of leaving her kitchen drawers and cabinets open after she gets something out of them.
She also has a 9-month-old kitten who is in that stage where he is climbing into and getting into everything. I’ve told her multiple times she’s gotta watch him better and make sure he can’t get into places he shouldn’t be. Also, train him so he won’t get up and into things he shouldn’t. She argues you can’t train a cat but I beg to differ.
My deceased fur girl was trained to stay off the counter and even to not scratch the furniture!
I was going to spend the weekend with her and last night we went to bed. We got woken up middle of the night by a lot of loud crashes that sounded like stuff breaking. I got up to go look and see… she had left the freaking cabinet door open yet again and the kitten got into it.
The liners were pulled out and half the contents were in pieces on the floor and counter. I find kitty first hiding behind the garbage can, he’s fine and not hurt, just spooked. She comes out, finds out what happened, we clean it up, and go back to bed.
Now she has to replace a bunch of stuff.
Our first disagreement came because she wanted me to drive her around town to four different stores to find stuff, I told her no. If she really wanted to do that we were taking her car. She didn’t want to drive so we agreed on two stores. Get to the first one and she gets everything she wants from there.
Get to the checkout and she goes, ‘How much are you putting towards it?’
I told her none. We stepped out of line to discuss it and she got angry with me. I told for one, she didn’t even ask my input or opinion about anything. Second, the stuff was broken because of her decisions, so replacing it all should be her responsibility anyway.
Third, if she expected me to help pay she should’ve brought it up long before we got to the store.
We argued about it and she just left her cart there and told me to take her home, she’ll order some online and just use paper plates and cups until it arrives. I took her home and she told me to get my stuff and leave.
She’s already making posts on social media about having a partner who won’t take care of her or help her out. Some friends have found out and my sister too… My sister, some friends, and obviously my partner think I’m a jerk for not helping her with paying and going everywhere she wanted. I don’t think I did anything wrong though.
Am I the jerk here?
Edit: I’m not her chauffeur. I don’t mind driving her around once in a while, but quite literally every time she wants to do hours of shopping or errands that involve driving all over, she suddenly doesn’t want to drive and always insists on us going together and taking my car.
I don’t want to use up all my gas weekly, and she can share the load of driving. She has no problem driving herself when it’s for fun on her own or with her friends. I will see if she’ll let me take the little guy and rehome kitty with a reasonable and responsible family member or friend until I get a new place.
Either way pretty sure I’m done with the relationship since she kept trying to guilt trip me all through yesterday.”
11. AITJ For Ignoring My Aunt?
“Back in December, my favorite aunt passed away.
Even though she was ostracized from my conservative family for half my life for being openly queer, she was my role model and best friend.
Tam was a doctor, and back in the AIDS epidemic, she solely worked on the victims everyone was too afraid to work with. She was a crazy cat lady, a rock n roll legend, a gamer, and a puzzle fanatic.
When she passed, I was asked to make a slide show and playlist of all her favorite songs for her memorial. I was given a week to do this and it literally tore the family apart.
Long story short, I created a 250-picture slide show and 35-song playlist to go with it and given over 2k pictures to go through.
It, apparently, wasn’t good enough and my grandma and 2 aunts verbally attacked me and my sisters for refusing to change the slide show 2 days before the service. The family was divided on the matter, most took my side but some took up for my aunts saying I was being unreasonable by not giving my grandma and aunts what they wanted and my Aunt Tam (bless her) would be disappointed in me.
We got death threats from that side of the family and my grandma disinvited everyone but the aunts to the service. The day before the service, I went to Tam’s house to collect some of her belongings. I talked to my grandma and apologized for not doing more. My two aunts locked me in Tam’s room, grabbed my wrist, and told me how awful I was.
I was verbally berated, they locked the door and threatened to ruin me if I told anyone what they were doing. I fawned. Told them what they wanted to hear. 2 hours later, they released me and I basically told my grandma everything was my fault and I was the instigator. I got everyone invited back to the service but it ruined my relationship with my aunts.
I’ve avoided them since. They’re blocked on everything and I avoid them at gatherings.
Well, about 2 weeks ago my mom had a surprise 60th birthday party. One of my aunts was there and she avoided me like the plague until she needed me to watch her 4-year-old grandson (I’m a teacher and have worked with kids my whole life, the family likes using me as a free babysitter).
It was literally the only thing she had said to me since Tam’s passing. I pretended I didn’t hear her and continued my conversation with my Gram.
Later, she tried calling me and found out she was blocked and gave my mom, Gram, and cousins an ear full. She cried and played the victim.
I told them I don’t mind being civil with her, but I’m not going out of my way for her anymore. AITJ here?”
10. AITJ For Refusing To Pay The Amount Of Rent My Stepdad Wants Me To Pay?
“I (18 m) just turned 18. My stepdad is saying I should be paying rent now.
Now, before I go any further, I want to explain the financial situation in my household.
My stepdad has a job, and my mom used to work. I got my job when I turned 16 and started saving. Shortly after I got my job (I was still 16), my mom lost hers. Finances got tight so I started putting 45% of my paycheck towards food and bills, saving 50%, and spending 5% or less on myself (if I didn’t spend the full 5% I’d put it with the rest of my savings) I need to wait around 6-8 months saving 50% of my paycheck, then I think I’ll have enough to move out.
Now that I turned 18 and my mom and stepdad wanted me to pay rent, I thought it was an OK idea, so I said, ‘OK, I’ll pay (50% of my paycheck).’ (My thinking was that I’d pay 50% and save 50%). My stepdad said, ‘No, you have to pay (95%).’ I said, ‘I’m already paying you 45% of my paycheck.
Just let me pay 50%,’ and he said, ‘What you’re paying now doesn’t count as rent. That’s just help.’ That was the dumbest logic I’ve heard, so I decided to use it to my advantage. I told him, ‘I’ll be paying you (50%) for rent. Like you said before, the other (45%) was just help, and you don’t need that now that I’m paying rent,’ and I walked away
I don’t want to pay 95% of my paycheck because then I’d have to wait way longer than 8 months to move out, and it’s becoming unbearable living with my stepdad because he wants me to shave my beard but I’m refusing, so tensions are high. I know I’m going to have to pay more than what I want to now, but I’m still in school, and I can’t work full-time.
I’m only working 25 hours a week, but I can’t afford to work more because of school and homework.
I guess he talked to my mom because she called me a jerk and said I was being selfish for not helping out more. AITJ for not wanting to pay as much as my stepdad wants?”
9. AITJ For Telling A Coworker To Stop Noticing What I'm Eating?
“I’m in my 20s (F) and I used to have/am in recovery from an eating disorder. I’m technically a recovered weight at an 18.5 BMI.
We recently got a new coworker Mary (30s and overweight (NOT that I care, I only mention it because it is unfortunately relevant)) who is a literal sunbeam. Like she is a doll she’s very happy she’s pretty, she’s got red hair that I’m super super jealous of.
However, Mary consistently talks about her new diet/exercise routine, the weight she’s lost, whatever. It’s fine when she’s just chatting about it to someone else in the office, I can just put headphones on if I start getting nasty eating disorder thoughts and/or go out to smoke.
Unfortunately, yesterday, we were all in the office and were chitchatting and Mary turned to me and asked, ‘OP, what’s your diet secret?
You are so tiny I bet you are one of those people that runs like 25 miles a week.’
I was kind of taken aback because usually when we’re talking about fitness in the office or whatever nobody asks me because I have the tiniest amount of actual muscle known to man l**o. So I responded in the vein of, ‘I won’t and don’t talk about that stuff.’
Anyway, she got kind of upset and started questioning me on why I wouldn’t tell her and we could ‘diet’ together.
I then went out to smoke, which was kind of abruptly in the middle of the conversation but since then Mary’s been commenting on what/If I bring any food in. Like if I bring in a lunch shell comment (jokingly) ‘Okay salad for lunch on a weekday, got it.’ Which, first off, please don’t ever pay attention to what I’m eating.
Pls.
So WIBTJ if I told her (again) to STOP talking to me about diet/exercise stuff and to stop commenting on my food choices and if she continues I’ll get HR involved?”
8. WIBTJ If I Call Out My Mom's Homophobia On Social Media?
“I am French and gay, I became homeless when I came out to my homophobic mother at age 15. I lived in a homeless shelter until university started, and since uni is free and you’re paid a wage + allowed to live on campus basically for free as a student, I got a Master’s, got a great job opportunity in the USA and I now live in Illinois with my husband.
In the meantime, I know Mom has successfully convinced everyone else in our lives that she’s not homophobic. She did not kick me out and I for some reason willingly chose to be homeless as a teen lol.
After 12 years of no contact, Mom contacted me directly and although she never apologized, she claimed to want a renewed relationship with me.
It was a lot of emotional pain but I eventually agreed to her terms and I paid for a round-trip plane ticket for her to visit me in the US. I made it plenty clear that I am an adult and that I expect her to behave, and I genuinely believed she would. On the phone, she sounded much nicer than she had ever been to me.
I was really hopeful and ready to make an effort.
And then she showed up in person and she was immediately acting like the trashy mom she always was. She kept referring to my husband with ‘that tone’ of voice. She complained about everything and insulted my home. My decorations and my cat. I showed her the guest bedroom and she said ‘THAT BED IS TOO SMALL, I REFUSE TO SLEEP THERE’.
She seriously ‘demanded’ to sleep in the master bedroom while me and my husband shared the one-person bed in the guest one + sleeping on the couch or floor so she could have the king-sized bed.
So I was standing there, next to the open balcony, carrying her suitcase, while she was berating me and giving orders, and I kinda lost it.
I threw the suitcase out of the window. Mom screeched at me as usual, I told her to go retrieve her stuff, and the second she was out the front door I locked it and called the police to report ‘an insane woman trespassing’. Then I screamed at Mom from the balcony to get lost and that she is not welcome in my home ever again and that I called the police.
Officers came, talked with me a bit, and gently led Mom away while she was screaming insults at me the whole time. She does not speak a word of English, she is on the RSA (~$600/month income) so she can’t afford another plane ticket, I gathered later that she is staying at a motel until the day her pre-paid plane takes off.
My social media has been exploding from acquaintances in France who are getting my mom’s version of the story and everyone is super mad at me.
AITJ? And WIBTJ if I took to social media to call mom out on her homophobia towards teen-me since she is blowing up social media to call ME out?”
7. AITJ For Only Rewarding My Daughter?
“So I (35 F) have two children, ‘Hope’ (14 F) and ‘Ben’ (15F). Neither of my children is interested in school. They do homework late and have gotten in trouble for not paying attention in class. They spend most of their time hanging with friends or on devices, they do not study or revise for tests.
Hope usually gets around D’s and Ben naturally gets B’s.
I wanted to improve their attitudes so I made them a deal. Their birthdays are coming up. Hope’s is first and then Ben’s is about three weeks later. Me and my husband usually put aside 150-250 for each present. They know this and ask for things in this range.
So I made a deal with them. Hope had been eying some items to deck out her room while Ben had been looking into a pair of expensive designer shoes for a while now. I told them both that if they both tried hard this term (this was at Christmas) and improved their attitude to learning and tried hard that I would get these things for their birthday.
Both of them agreed to the terms.
Hope started to do her homework on time and of a better quality. When grade cards came out she was paying more attention to class. I even saw her revise for a few tests. What impressed me the most was that she came to me for help and communicated when she needed help with school which was a first.
Ben on the other hand started doing homework on time and that was it. It was not of a better quality and he wasn’t improving interest in class. He did however revise a few tests.
Grade cards for this term recently came out and this is what I got. In ‘Attitude to Learning’ Hope went from C to A.
Ben stayed at a C. In ‘homework’ Hope went from D to B and Ben stayed at C. And in ‘grades’ Hope went from D to C and Ben stayed at a B.
I decided that Hope had earned the deck as she had improved. I also decided that Ben wouldn’t get anything as it appeared that he didn’t put the effort in.
I told them this and Hope was delighted. I also told Ben that the deal wasn’t gone but that he would get another chance in the summer term. Ben got really upset and said that he had better grades, that it wasn’t fair, and that he was smarter than Hope so he deserved it. I said that this was about caring more about school and not about smartness.
He got really mad and went to my husband.
My husband was fully aware of the deal as we made it together. He said that we should give it to him as he has good grades. I said he didn’t improve his grades so gets nothing. He said it’s harder for him to jump a grade when you are higher up and that our son tried. I said that he didn’t try hard and was nowhere near the amount that Hope did and he gets the reward for working hard not good grades.
He’s now mad at me which he rarely is and my son is barely talking to me so maybe I did this wrong.”
6. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Ask His Daughter Not To Come Over Every Week?
“My husband and I are both on marriage # 2 and both have children from previous marriages but none together. He is over a decade older than me and has much older children than I do. My stepdaughter lives an hour away with her family. She works part time which is always at the end of the week and the weekend.
Her work is located near our home so she would stay with us each week. We also have a business at our home so have an influx of people/traffic all week.
My husband runs the business and I work from home for another company. My stepdaughter works long shifts and would arrive at our home anytime from 8:30 p.m. to 2 a.m. This would be from Thursday to Sunday depending on her shifts for the week.
My husband and I both work Monday to Friday days. This was frustrating to me as I felt this was exactly when we were trying to wind down from the work day or on the weekend from the work week. It was also EVERY week and EVERY weekend.
After a long day/week of work, I didn’t want company, especially at the end of every week and weekend.
I asked my husband to see if she could perhaps stay elsewhere every 2nd week at least to give a bit of a break. Also if we had a special day like a birthday, anniversary, or even Valentine’s Day I would have to mention to him to ask her to stay elsewhere or we would end up spending the evening with her.
This made me quite uncomfortable in my own home. I didn’t feel like I could relax knowing that we would be having ‘company’ arrive at any time. Also, she would come in while we were sitting watching TV and go on her phone with the volume turned high and all notifications on. Every message she received would result in a DING!
The sounds were so loud that even if she was in the bedroom with the door closed I could hear it elsewhere in the house. I am ADHD and these noises would really get to me. I had repeatedly asked my husband to speak to her about different things and although he said he would he never did; however, she apparently picked up on my irritation and mentioned to him that she didn’t feel comfortable to which he immediately addressed with me.
I lost it! I told him that is ridiculous that she feels so entitled that she can complain to him that she doesn’t feel comfortable in our house in where she is staying a few times a week for nothing.
This resulted in several arguments but after many talks, he did seem to understand my point of view.
He finally talked to her one day and told her I wasn’t comfortable with her staying at our home every week to which her response was asking why my son (m 19) was still able to stay here. She has since been staying elsewhere and it has been nice to have our privacy back. However, I am left wondering, AITJ?”
5. AITJ For Not Telling An Employee About The Consequences Of Her Working From Home?
“So I’m (28, female) a supervisor, as opposed to a manager, who is my direct boss.
So in essence, I keep the day-to-day operations of my team running, but I don’t delegate the work for any major accounts, nor am I responsible for hiring or staff transfers.
My team is exclusively people who work from the office or hybrid (3:2), I have no WFH members. A purely WFH company is not feasible for a bunch of reasons, a lot are client-based. Like we still got some new accounts and some work completed in 2020, but our Big Fish halted projects until we could meet in person again, so WFH-only agents and researchers would not be accepted. The industry is also big on personal relations, which is ugh, but that’s the reality.
We do have WFH-only staff, (I have nothing to do with their operations) and their work is parallel to what we do, albeit they take a ‘behind the scenes’ role more than most in-office workers who meet with clients.
Someone in a coveted position was retiring, and for the last 2 years, 4 employees have been eyeing the job.
Amy was one and she was a favorite with management bright, motivated, and great with clients. There was less than a year left until retirement, so when my manager told me Amy would be transferring to WFH in 3 weeks. I was surprised. The papers were all signed so whatever right? Everything finished smoothly and she transferred.
Upon retirement, Amy wasn’t a candidate for the position she didn’t get called for interviews. Her former rival got the job and he’s settled in. Amy found out the position had been filled she wasn’t happy and asked her manager why she wasn’t informed of availability.
(Both their stories on this match up): He told her she was no longer in the department and it was in-office only, something she no longer wanted since being pregnant.
Her work performance had dropped since the transfer and more so after the birth, so they weren’t going to promote her to a hands-on position with a higher workload, and ‘Your baby was poorly timed for this promotion’,
So after this talk, she came to me furious and asked why I didn’t tell her going WFH would cost her the promotion.
I genuinely thought that this would have been explained when she applied for WFH, she had meetings with both managers. I mentioned that once she had signed the papers, it was not my place to comment, it was approved and happening.
She was clearly upset but seemed to get that she should have been better informed by managers during talks.
However after she left a few staff told me I should have given her the heads up about it, even if she had already signed a new contract. That it was probably brutal for her to wait to be interviewed only to find her rival got the job. In my head, it seems obvious from the setup that WFH ≠ in-office and a WFH superior is illogical, but Amy seems blindsided by this, and seems she made plans with that promotion in mind.”
4. WIBTJ If I Report My Brother-In-Law's Spending Of My Sister's Inheritance Money To The Cops?
“About a year ago our mom died. She left a bit of money behind which we didn’t really know she had. Dad is long since gone too.
My sister is married to Dave. Dave is not his real name and we don’t get along. My sister began to notice the funds in the joint account had begun to go disappear.
A few dollars here, a few dollars there. And he was acting secretive too. And she confided in me but I wasn’t really sure what to do about it. What can I do?
So anyway fast forward a year and all the funds in the joint account are gone and my sister realized he’s been texting another girl and surfing the internet for adult content or having weird mutual inappropriate sessions online with this person.
My sister has Asperger’s and she finds all this very hard to understand.
And he keeps asking for money too. He has passwords and control of her social media, email and I think the joint account which is why the funds are gone. I think she still has control of her own bank account but he can’t get the money in that because it needs her to sign in person and we’ve told her not to give any more money.
But here’s the kicker. I would just say to her to talk it over or leave him or something but I found out some more information that makes me think I need to go to the cops. You see, the amount he’s spent of my sister’s inheritance isn’t a few dollars or a few hundred dollars.
It’s over $240,000.
And it turns out the online person is an extortionist. Obviously. So I need to go to the cops to get them to investigate. They won’t get the money back but maybe there’s a 1% chance it will stop it from happening to someone else and he can deal with his addictions. Or leave my sister (which I want).
But my sister doesn’t want the cops involved and says she can’t deal. So WIBTJ for wanting to override her wishes and get this sorted?”
3. AITJ For Telling On My Mom To My Grandparents?
“My (22 F) mom and I aren’t close. She has worked from home her whole life but even then, she never tried to get to know me or spend time with me, every time she taught me something it was filled with emotional mistreatment.
I used to cry whenever she was with me because she didn’t give me any patience, and never tried to get into my hobbies or interests, if I had to spend time with her, I had to do the things she liked, I know most people think that we daughters idolize our fathers, but my dad was the sweetest, he really tried to know me, he immersed himself in my life and he took an active role in the things that surrounded me (friends, schools, free time).
My dad died a while ago and thus I was left with my mom and my brothers. Now that I’m in college I can only talk about my achievements with her, but either way, she only says ‘Oh’, ‘That’s cool’, ‘I see’ but she doesn’t really listen to me or pay me any attention, I’ve to remind her time to time about everything surrounding me, my classes, my hours, who are my friends, what do I like, she doesn’t know me, and if I ‘dare’ to get mad about me, she gaslights me or gives me the silent treatment.
But she’s not like this with my (male) brothers, she knows them from head to toe, or at least, she knows them as much as they let her know them.
Yesterday my grandparents came to my mom’s house and I decided to go visit them (I already live on my own), I bought some food and during dinner, my mom started to talk about my brothers and me.
Mid-way she started to trash me with my grandparents; that I abandoned her, that I don’t tell her anything, that I’m always in a ‘mood’, that I don’t call her or send her a message, blah blah blah. My grandad tried to scold me, but I cut him off and I tell him that’s not true, that I tried to get her into my life but she straight out refused to take part, that she didn’t make any effort to get to be in my life or to know me and now I don’t have any need to keep pushing the subject, she’s my mom, but she’s not my everything and she has made it loudly clear where her interest are and that I won’t beg for her love or attention because if she loves my brothers more then I did it with my dad.
My granddad looks at me dead in the eye and says ‘I see. Then is my mother’s fault, after all, I can’t begin to tell you how disappointed I am.’ AND BOTH MY GRANDPARENTS WENT AFTER HER. I left before that ended and I received a call from my older brother telling me that he was glad I finally spoke but that those things had to be done within the family and that there was no need to humiliate our mom, that she had been crying and that I should apologize for how things turned out.”
2. AITJ For Reporting A Religious Friend To The Principal?
“I was born into a religion and because my mom got remarried to someone with a different religion, my mom and I converted. I was around 11 when I converted and I obviously didn’t have any say in it. My name, school, city, and clothes changed. I felt trapped.
When I turned 15 I told my mother that she could do whatever she wanted but if she forced anything on me, I would go live with my dad while she could be a good dumb wife to her husband.
This worked out and everything stopped. I also asked her to change my name but she said I could do it after I turn 18 because my school life will be affected so I agreed.
My friend (I’ll call her M) and I became friends when I changed schools. I made three other friends and we pretty much had a great time together.
They were very supportive of me wanting to change back to my past self. M belonged to the same religion (the one I converted to). I would never really have conversations about the things I had to go through because it would hurt her. She only knew that I wanted to change my name.
It’s finally time and my school would be ending in 2 months (My school year would be from July to March but got extended to April) and I’ll turn 18 in August. So everything is going according to plan.
M somehow got to know about the fact that I wanted to leave due to religious trauma. My other friend blurted it out. M got mad.
She started telling me that I was making mistakes by changing. She tried to convince me by reading verses from her holy book and translating it. I just told her that I don’t want to offend her but she needs to keep her stuff to herself.
She does the same nonsense and would tell me the horrifying ways I’m going to die. She crossed the line a few days ago. She had the audacity to call my mom and ask her to not let me do it. She told her that I was converting back for the wrong reasons and my mom was not going to heaven if she let me sin.
My mom shut her down and told her that I’m the one who’ll pay for my sins and it doesn’t concern her. M calls my stepdad too.
I called up M crying. Told her that she needed to shut up before I complained about her to the school. I told her that I’d complain to the principal that she calls my parents when they don’t want to have conversations with her and doesn’t leave me alone.
My friends tried to convince me not to complain but after some days I did because I was scared my mom would change her mind on helping me out.
M’s parents have been called to meet the principal. My friends aren’t speaking to me because they believe that M’s behavior didn’t affect my plans but my complaint against her will have her grounded and her parents will be really strict with her.
I understand how bad this is going to affect M but if her behavior affects my mom, my whole life will be ruined. So AITJ?”
1. AITJ For Not Giving My Dad An Additional Ticket To My Graduation For His Fiancee?
“I (22 F) am graduating college in the spring. My school is only allowing eight tickets per person.
My parents have been divorced since I was ten. Both have found new partners in that time. I am extremely close with my mom and her partner, but on the other hand, my dad and I have a rocky relationship.
We have not been getting along since I moved away to college, and part of this is because his partner treats me horribly. Ever since they started going out, she has tried to one-up my relationship with my dad. She always makes negative comments towards me and excludes me during family events (for example: doesn’t get me presents for Christmas, but spends a ton of money on my younger sister).
Over the years I have distanced myself from my dad because of her behavior… Plus he has not stuck up for me after I have addressed this issue several times.
Flash forward to now, my dad wants me to give him enough tickets so he, my grandma, and his fiancé can attend my graduation. However, I would like to invite my mom, her partner, and my grandparents.
That would be four tickets. My sister would be the fifth ticket, and my partner would be the sixth. All of these people I just listed have helped me throughout my college career with money and support. My dad’s side has not helped me at all. The remaining two tickets would be for my dad and grandma.
My dad is now boycotting my graduation because I will not give him enough tickets for his fiancé to attend, but if I did, that means one ticket would have to be taken away from someone who helped me throughout my college career.
So AITJ for not inviting my dad’s fiancé to my graduation?”
