People Cringe Over These 'Am I The Jerk? Stories
22. AITJ For Choosing Therapy Over My Sister's Unreasonable Demands?
“Me (24f) and my sister (27f) have always been very close, due to an unhealthy and inconsistent family dynamics between us and our parents.
Then, I started trying to meet people and met an amazing guy, we hit it off.
But, he thought I needed therapy before we could be anything more because I had clear issues – mainly he told me that I erased myself to make sure everyone else was happy, and he didn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who would always want whatever he wanted.
That’s beside the point, I lost contact after a while, but what he said made me notice that I indeed have a lot of issues, so a year or so ago I decided to start therapy.
Since the beginning, my sister has been really against it and always brings it up asking “If I’m still doing the therapy thing”.
The problem is, now my therapist gave me the challenge of saying no to things that make me uncomfortable. My sister asked me to go out with her and some friends of hers on Saturday to celebrate the month of her birthday – her bday is July 19 so it’s not the official celebration.
I don’t know any of them and felt uncomfortable, so said no but told her we could go out on Sunday.
My sister asked me why I said no and I told her all of this. She flipped out, though.
She told me she always knew that I would end up choosing to hear a random person over her and now I was being just like my parents, and not being there for her important moments. She told me she refused to have another person like mom and dad in her life, and if I didn’t choose her she didn’t want anything to do with me.
I told her the choice was clear and that my therapist cared more about me than her.
I’m a mess right now, haven’t stopped crying since. My sister isn’t talking to me, I tried calling and messaging her and she blocked me.
Some friends in common ours reached out and told me I was a jerk, that I could do a small thing for my sister, but chose this hill to die on.
I honestly feel like the biggest jerk also.
At the end of the day, my sister also has traumas from our childhood, and maybe I made them worse. The worst part is that my mom heard about our fight and told me that I was right, I should always choose myself.
And if she is on my side, probably I’m wrong.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – So it sounds like it’s not so much you are choosing this hill, but rather you are using this small opportunity to use the word “no.” And the fact that your sister’s reaction to hearing “no” for the first time is to cut you from her life is telling.
It seems like you made the right choice. Stop reaching out to your sister, she’s the wrong one, she’s the one who should apologize, and learn to respect your autonomy and boundaries. If she can’t, then you will continually be her doormat for the rest of your life.” Ok-Acanthaceae5744
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your sister has replaced your toxic parents and you have allowed it which is why you were so close. The moment you started becoming “you” she cut you off. Go NC, she will either get over it or not but you have a journey to complete.
Who knows she may see the new you and want to emulate it. My sister and I have a similar relationship except it’s her who gets mad and cuts me off. I ignore her until she comes to her senses and we sail along for a while until she does it again.
I have gone to NC/LC with her many times. You can’t control someone else’s emotional traumas, you can understand it but don’t have to abet it especially when they won’t do anything about it.” BGS2204
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You said no. Your sister had a meltdown. Your mom is right, but probably also stirring up trouble. And guess what one died. Stop contacting your sister. She’ll be fine. This is hard. It’s always hard when you step out of your comfort zone and go against what you’re used to.
However, now that you know how your family will respond the next time you say no, you can prepare for it. Work with your therapist to come up with strategies. The first few times are the hardest. But it gets easier each time and eventually you’ll have a nice shiny titanium spine.” terpischore761
21. AITJ For Yelling At Hosts After They Tricked Me Into Eating Food That Triggered My Allergy?
“I (20M) joined a couple of acquaintances for a dinner party in our same apartment block. The hosts of the party (22M “Peeta” and 23F “Virgo”) were vegetarians and wanted to practice cooking meat for their culinary experience.
In my conversations with them, they mentioned that they didn’t want to force vegetarianism on others so I thought I’d be willing to go to their dinner party. I also tell them that I’m allergic to peanuts and other tree nuts and they say they won’t cook with any of that.
The meal is cheesy breadsticks, sliders with lettuce wraps, and ice cream. After ice cream, I suddenly start feeling horrible. When I step out of their bathroom I must look horrible because my friend (Horace) tells me that my eyes are red and my nose is too.
I ask for the ingredients list and Peeta tells me that he threw away the recipe list because he didn’t want to have the temptation in the place and that Virgo just threw out the trash. I say that’s not good enough and by this time I feel some indigestion in my stomach.
Horace grabs me a bag and empties it and inside is a receipt that says “Beyond Meat” among the other ingredients. I throw up in the bag and shout “What the heck is in that beyond meat?!”
Virgo says that it’s just beans and peas.
I throw my keys to Horace and tell him to run for my EpiPen in my apartment while another partygoer is keeping my head above the toilet. The other partygoers are asking if they did eat beef or if they ate something Vegan and Virgo says “We were hoping no one could tell the difference.”
Horace returns with my EpiPen and injects me with it. While I’m feeling the initial effects sink in I say “WHY THE HECK DID YOU DO THAT?!” This makes Peeta wince and he goes quiet and I keep asking him why he did that.
Horace takes me to the ER.
While Horace is driving Peeta calls Horace and says that I ruined the party by yelling at him. He could have properly explained what happened and it could have all turned right.
I tell Horace to hang up and Horace carries me to the ER. I talked with my doctor and he says that some peas trigger peanut reactions. Virgo tries calling me but I block her number and contact and here I am, typing on my phone on Reddit for quick judgment while recovering with an IV bag.
AITJ for yelling at a party after getting an allergic reaction? (I’m deleting this account when I get home)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Also, I can’t believe they’re being this petty after endangering your life for their little mind games.
This was going to be a little “see? You can’t tell the difference so everybody should be vegan!” moment for them. I wouldn’t have had an allergic reaction to the legumes, I’d have blown up like a balloon and had terrible cramps because of the legumes, and I would have been infuriated by having been tricked into eating something I have an intolerance to.
The worst thing is that these people live in your apartment block.” Lisbei
Another User Comments:
“Heck no you’re NTJ. First of all, yelling when you’re having an allergic reaction or any sort of situation where your life is at risk is a free pass.
No, a dinner party atmosphere does not matter when someone is seriously injured. Second, they messed with everyone’s food. You NEVER mess with people’s food. It doesn’t matter whether they have allergies or just preferences, people are entitled to know what they’re eating.
It’s justifiable to yell at them just for that. The fact that it could have killed you makes it significantly worse (and is one of the reasons you don’t mess with people’s food). They put your life at risk.
Ignore them, and certainly ignore their dinner party. Yell away, and yell at them again if you want.” msfinch87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Who throws out a recipe book when they know their friend or anyone attending the dinner has a good allergy?
And what sort of person almost commits accidental manslaughter and then gets mad at the person they almost killed? That’s insane. I’ve had beyond burgers and as someone without food allergies, they taste the same as regular burgers.
With that being said, I would still not feed them to someone who had a food allergy or to anyone who didn’t know what was in it. It’s just rude to trick people like that unless you have the kind of relationship where that’s acceptable and consented to.” ChaoticNichole
20. AITJ For Feeling Unappreciated After Cleaning The House And Expecting Some Celebration On My Results Day?
“Recently a relative of ours from abroad has had to have emergency surgery.
My mom has been staying in the hospital recently for her.
Yesterday, my mom went to the hospital, except it was to be a prolonged stay of 3-4 days. On that day I (15F) had my matric results which in American terms would be equivalent to a high school diploma (without 11-12th grade).
I expected my parents to be there for me, but I didn’t complain when Mom and Dad weren’t at home. I looked up my results myself and texted them soon after.
Mom hadn’t told me any specific chores I had to do, but I still cleaned the house, which is a fairly large one and takes around an hour to properly clean, also completely washed the front of the house, washed my clothes, did the dishes, etc.
When my dad came home, he complained about me not having cleaned the house properly. After completing all my work I met Mom at the hospital and told her about my results personally. When I got home, Dad bought a pizza and food for himself.
Since I neither had lunch nor dinner, I sat down with him to eat and he started lecturing my younger sister on how he had bought the pizza for her and that she was eating my dad’s food.
I silently understood his point and went to get the pizza instead.
The moment I picked up a slice once again he started lecturing my sister on how expensive it was (which it wasn’t, and we’re quite well off) and it constantly appeared as if he was trying to tell me how expensive it was to treat me to something on my special day.
The next day (which was today), my mom got home to refresh herself. And complained about me not having done anything because a pot of porridge was left out and went bad. In my defense, I did not know Mom left it out.
Furthermore, she and my aunt (mom’s sister) both complained about how I hadn’t done anything at all when I at multiple times explained what I had done despite it being an important day (which it is considered in our culture.
on the day of results, we bring sweets and celebrate with family.) In the end, I fell asleep crying. I constantly feel like I’m in the wrong for not doing work and expecting too much. AITJ for thinking my mom was being unreasonable?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’ve done much more than would be expected of you. When a parent’s away, the kid is not in charge of the house, the other parent is. Your job was to help, and you did.
Your father should take responsibility as a father, it’s up to him to plan dinner and it’s selfish to only buy food for himself. Did he expect you and your sister to eat snacks or cook something while he enjoyed his pizza?
It shows that he’s not used to managing meals or anything else daily, otherwise, he would naturally have bought you something.” PandaCotton
19. AITJ For Not Confronting My Parents About My Alleged Deceased Twin?
“My parents had me at a very young age and my mom had a very traumatic delivery. It all messed with her head a little and it was tough growing up with her, but now we have an amazing relationship.
My parents cut ties with their families before I was born and moved to another state a few years after, so I didn’t have any grandparents/other relatives growing up.
Recently I got a message from my alleged aunt who somehow tracked me down online.
She claimed that she was my mom’s sister and provided some proof. She also asked me about my twin brother, and it left me puzzled since I’m their only child. I asked her to elaborate and turns out my mom had twins, but when we were toddlers, my twin passed away in a tragic accident.
My parents for some reason decided to completely wipe his memory out of our lives and even moved to another state to have a fresh start. I know how crazy it all sounds and I still can’t completely believe it.
Maybe it is just a cruel prank.
I thanked her for all that and explained I’d need time to think it all over. I decided to not bring it up with my mom. If it isn’t true, it would mean the cruel prank actually worked, and if it is, it would traumatize her again.
I don’t want to know what motivated her to do it and I’m content with the life I have now. I’m in an amazing school and I have a loving and caring fiancé, I finally built a great relationship with my mom and dad and I don’t need anything else.
So in a few days, I responded to my aunt and thanked her for the information again. She asked me if I talked to my mom about my twin. I told her no and that I didn’t plan on doing that.
She asked me why and here’s where I might be a jerk, I told her that it’s not her business to stick her nose in. She told me that it’s her business too since I’m her family as well, and I said that she’s not my family and I don’t have any interest in talking to her whatsoever.
I’m content with the life I have, but a part of me is left wondering whether I should’ve brought this up with my parents or did I do the right thing by sweeping it under the rug.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What difference would it make to you? Bringing it up to your mom would be painful though. I think you made a fine choice. I could see why she’d move away from her family afterward.
If they wanted her to keep talking about it and feeling traumatized about it or “acting sadder” than she did, or go to the therapist they recommended, or maybe even blame her or threaten to report her to CPS for allowing it to happen even though many children die in tragic accidents.
She may have gotten tired of talking about it, thinking about it, defending herself about it, and just wanted a new fresh start. And now your busybody aunt just can’t let it go and leave her alone. I think it’s okay if you never bring it up.
I think it’s okay if you ask your mom about it someday if you want to. It’s up to you. I don’t see what the point of bringing it up would be though, so I probably would choose to leave it alone too.” RulerOfNyaNyaLand
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have to do what feels right to you. If you want to have confirmation you can ask your dad. Give him the name of the person who contacted you to find out if he knows who it is first, then elaborate on what she said.
It would keep your mom out of the stress, but maybe give you an idea of what happened. You don’t want to wonder after the people who know are gone. After you have the information you can again close that chapter without a problem.
Good luck.” Less_Ordinary_8516
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it’s true, aunt is callous for bringing it up and is trying to stir some trouble up between you and your parents, or trying to use you to hurt them because she’s powerless herself.
If it’s not true, well that’s super messed up. It might be worth telling parents “hey, this person named so and so contacted me claiming to be my aunt, I decided not to talk to her but I wanted you to know.” Because parents should probably know that this person (if she’s telling the truth or not) is out to stir trouble.” nonniewobbles
18. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Plan Mother's Day Instead Of Me?
“Every birthday and holiday comes down to my planning, even for my birthday and Mother’s day. This past birthday I (35) went and got my cake for my kids and me, a day after since I didn’t even get a card.
My husband (36) didn’t even say happy birthday. Once again this year, I have to plan Mother’s Day.
Last year, I just took the kids (all 4) out for the day alone to different playgrounds/parks, and then my sister invited us down to hang out at her place.
So my husband had the entire day to himself and didn’t even take over the potted flowers I got for his mother. (it sat on our porch and died, then I tossed it out) Now this year all of a sudden he wants to spend it with our moms. I was a bit blah about it at first but it is what it is, I just don’t feel like planning a thing.
So my mom/sister also invited us to do dinner together. Well, a huge fight happened when he wouldn’t even ask his mom her plans so we could try to see her too!? I know I was a bit huffy about spending the day traveling between the two, but if that was his plan then I needed to just let my mom know if we would be there for dinner so she could pick up enough food.
We had agreed prior that Mother’s Day would be more for me than our mothers since they have graduated to grandmothers and we would stop by to give gifts see them but not hang out. We could do that another day if we wanted to hang out more.
My oldest is 11 and I know I won’t have many more mother’s days that he wants to hang out with me, so I want to soak them up. Now my husband is saying his mom doesn’t have many more left and he wants to spend them with her.
If he was close with her I wouldn’t mind, but I don’t even think he texts her once a week let alone ever calls her. My mother and I are not close at all, but we talk on the phone at least once every two weeks maybe every week.
Then he complains that he “has to plan something extravagant to show that they love and appreciate me, it’s not enough that they love me and will be with me on Mother’s Day…that I’m expecting some extra awesome show of excellence that they need to prove I’m an awesome mother and for me to feel special.” I have never expected any of this and for years I have said just planning a picnic, or a hike, or going to some local places we have never been.
Just something that made me feel thought of I guess is what I’m looking for.
But maybe I am wrong in wanting this and should just know that he’s not the type to plan anything and do it myself?”
Another User Comments:
“What happens on Father’s Day and his birthday? Do you plan anything? Do you visit your Dads? I hope you plan nothing this year and when he asks why repeat verbatim what he said to you.
Instead, take yourself to a movie and lunch. You are not asking for anything extravagant. I am guessing a simple acknowledgment and him helping the kids show they love you would mean the world. You aren’t being unreasonable, but you should take him at his word.
When people show you who they are, believe them.” Internal_Lifeguard29
Another User Comments:
“You, NTJ but do a minimum required to get through each day/week. Take care of yourself and your children but keep it simple.
Simple meals, simple weekend plans, keep it all to a minimum. Lighten your load and then just get used to having time to treat/pamper yourself all year round. No need to wait on anyone to plan something for you, celebrate yourself regularly.
If you include your children sometimes, why not, no need to include your husband. LOL Some spouses just can’t be generous with praise and you got one of those. Praise yourself.” hadMcDofordinner
17. AITJ For Cursing During My Surprise Proposal In Front Of My Conservative In-Laws?
“I recently got proposed to (YAY!).
I am overjoyed and can’t believe this is happening, but at the same time, I’m also incredibly annoyed.
To give you some context, my (future) MIL is extremely conservative. She doesn’t think anyone should curse, drink, smoke, or be “rowdy”.
I don’t drink, definitely don’t smoke, and I don’t think I’ve ever been considered “rowdy”. But I do swear, especially if I’m losing at video games, or frustrated.
Which brings me back to the present. Last weekend, my fiance took me to my favorite beach in the late evening.
The sun hadn’t set yet and he had planned a whole picnic for us. I was so relaxed and was completely enjoying myself. As soon as the sun set, music began playing and people walked in holding those globe-like lamps.
It was a bunch of our friends and my and his family. He had planned for them to come in as soon as it was darkish and he would then propose. While I turned in shock to see our people come onto the beach, he had got down on one knee.
Now here’s where I screwed up (according to MIL). I freaked out when I saw him and I instantly wanted to jump out of my skin. I wasn’t prepared for him to propose so soon (we had spoken about it but I didn’t think it would happen now).
As I freaked out, I loudly shouted “WHAT THE HECK!” I honestly thought nothing of it and fell to my knees in tears.
Later on, when we were at my family’s house, a couple of friends, my MIL, and FIL all joined too.
That’s when MIL took me aside and warned me not to curse like that again. She said it wasn’t a good look for a woman to curse and that I was embarrassing her family. I had nothing to say to her because I was so shocked. It hadn’t even registered that I cursed and I didn’t think she would get so mad on one of the happiest days of our lives.
I think my FIL must have known she was going to talk to me about this. And later he came to speak to me as well and told me that she was from another generation and that I should learn to have some respect for her wishes.
I was extremely upset but also wondered if I was wrong. Because technically my fiance doesn’t curse or do any of the above “no-no” things in front of his parents.
So AITJ for cursing in front of my MIL at my proposal and possibly hurting her and her husband’s sentiments?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You weren’t slinging insults with your curse words, you used a creative word to express your genuine surprise at a happy moment. The bigger issue at play is that your future MIL feels like she has the right to tell you what to do, and that is my worry for you for the years ahead.
How is this going to translate when you have kids if that’s what you decide?! I can already see her meddling and disappointment and I feel like this isn’t going to go well. My dear, you are not bad or wrong in the slightest bit.
She does not have the right to dictate how you choose to live your life or express yourself, that’s for you to decide, ok? I hope your fiance supports you here because this is ridiculous. From my point of view, your options are: (1) control your behavior now and forever around them or (2) find the courage to speak to them and nicely put boundaries for your life and what you think is appropriate or not for your life (3) just be yourself without any confrontation but that sounds like a disaster in the making.
Also, your FIL can go heck himself for telling you to learn to have respect for her wishes, he sounds sexist and disrespectful towards women in general.” Sea-Repeat7146
Another User Comments:
“NTJ MIL and FIL both appear to be sexist jerks and can heck right off together.
Look at them with their attack on the vapors because a woman said a swear word. I’m old now. The only regret I have in my life is that I didn’t tell a lot more people to heck off earlier.
Would’ve saved a lot of grief.” mavwok
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How you react to a wedding proposal is entirely your business. Your finances should not have invited a crowd of people to a very private moment. Public proposals are the worst. But to manage this particular situation I think I’d have told the in-laws to heck off with a beaming smile on my face.” mousepallace
16. AITJ For Being Upset At My Mom For Guilt-Tripping Me About Not Liking A Friend?
“For some context, I (15f) have a friend (15m) who we will call Jack for this post, who likes me. I had never gotten the vibe ever that he was interested in me and just thought he was being friendly.
We talk only a bit and when we do it’s in school or on school grounds. Well, he has this habit where he will meet me outside after school while we wait for our parents and just talk.
This went on for a while and then stopped, but during this time my mom was the one who picked me up so she always saw him standing with me. She would always ask me if I liked him and what we were talking about almost every day, and every day I would reply with no. This then changed to him buying items I have crocheted, and when I say buy he has bought over 100 dollars worth of items I’ve crocheted. This leads us to the story, today when I was in one of the last classes of the day I got a text on my phone and saw it was from Jack.
And it said “Do you want to go on a date with me” This took me aback as I felt it came out of nowhere I felt nothing was going on between us.
I didn’t reply because I didn’t know how to.
So today when I came home I tried to talk to my dad alone and tell him as he is the one who takes me to school and asked if he could wait in the car with me a little longer so I didn’t have to have an awkward interaction with him.
But my mom heard this and started to say things like “Oh poor Jack” and “ he’s a nice kid” When she said this it made me mad as I have told her many times I did not like him and I was already having anxiety about having to face him in class knowing I was going to reject him.
So I told her to stop making me feel bad about not liking him. This made her angry and said that she was just saying how she felt and that she was going to not talk anymore. My dad said that it did feel like she was trying to make me feel bad, but I don’t know.
Yeah Jack is a good guy but I don’t like him and don’t want to lead him on if he feels this way about me, I know I probably should have seen this sooner but a lot of my friends are like this and they don’t like me.
So AITJ.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here because you don’t want to go out with him, but you’re a very small bit of a jerk for not being straight with him. When a young man is fifteen, it takes a whole lot of gumption to ask a girl out.
Simply reply to his text, “Thank you, but no.” Don’t go into a whole thing about it either. Just keep it to, “Thank you, but no.” He’ll be stung by that, but that’s okay. He’ll get over it.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you are fine not to like him. Just answer him “Sorry, NO. I like you as a friend, but I don’t want to date you” Your mom is a jerk to make you feel bad about it.
” I know I probably should have seen this sooner b” .. it is NOT your duty to manage people’s feelings. The right time to reject someone is when they ask. Before now, he acted like any other friend, and you treated him like any other friend.
Completely fine.” Excellent-Count4009
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk, well you shouldn’t ghost him. Just respectfully tell him no. But yeah your mom was trying to guilt you into going out with him. That is gross. Are all moms like this?
Mine would do similar things with random girls. Although none of them were as forward as your friend or even liked me anyway, so it didn’t matter. But still, like quit being weird and worry about your marriage.” BigNathaniel69
hi Jack I am flattered you asked me out on a date however I do not see us as a romantic couple I do however value your friendship. I hope we can stay friends though..
mom reacting the way she did is gross and makes her the jerk, talk to dad alone in the way to school and ask his advice.. he was once a teen boy lol
15. AITJ For Falling Asleep And Not Picking My Husband Up From The Station?
“Today my (30f) husband (45m) was traveling for work.
He had a 2-hour train journey each way.
Just to give some background, we live together and have a young child. We both work full-time in high-pressure jobs but I’m the main earner so I pay the majority of our mortgage and bills.
Additionally, I do almost all of our child’s school drop-offs and pick-ups (an hour round trip by car each way) and all homework stuff. I also do 80 percent of the house chores. When I travel for business overnight, my parents do the childcare.
My husband does the cooking four nights a week and he does his laundry.
To add, I also struggle with severe depression and I’m currently working on my recovery from an eating disorder relapse.
With work and childcare and everything else, I’m pretty burned out but I still try to always be there for my husband when he needs me.
However, this morning he went on a work trip to another city. He left early and I couldn’t take him to the train station as I was getting our child ready for school, doing breakfast, etc. He was not happy about that but he accepted it.
I had been up since 5 am and took my kid to school at 8 am and then came home and worked until 4.30. I normally work a few hours in the evening too.
Work was very intensive and I was already tired when I went to pick my kid up.
My child fell asleep during the car journey and went straight to bed when we got home. I hadn’t heard from my husband since the morning so I didn’t know what time he was getting back.
I went to lie down on the couch and fell asleep.
When I woke up an hour later I saw he had messaged me asking if I could pick him up from the station. However, it was already too late as I realized from the time stamp he must have arrived. We live a 10/15 minute walk from the station and because I didn’t pick him up he’d had to walk home carrying his laptop bag.
He was furious with me that I’d fallen asleep and missed his messages. He said he was so disappointed in me and that I should have known I needed to be on standby for him. I always try to prioritise him and I hate myself for failing.
He doesn’t want me around so I’ve been sitting crying in the spare room for the past couple of hours.
I just need some honest opinions – was what I did so terrible? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and tbh he sounds toxic.
Was there an agreement that you would pick him up? Is there a reason he requires you to not only drag yourself out of the house but wake your small child (and you know as well as I do that it’ll be darn near impossible to get the kiddo back to bed)?
Does he have any legitimate reason why he can’t walk or take a taxi/uber? And why are you doing the lion’s share of…well…pretty much everything? No wonder you’re struggling with depression and the relapse of an ED….he sounds exhausting and I suspect he’s not exactly a boon for your mental health.
He can park his behind in the spare room if he’s going to pout. In the meantime, you might want to look into marital counseling.” LaurelCrash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ His request that you need to be on “standby” for him is completely unreasonable and doomed to fail.
If he had the foresight to know in the morning that he would need a ride in the evening then he should have asked you then rather than giving you an hour’s notice. Pointing out some things from your post that were understated is that you are the breadwinner, the default parent, and the housemaid.
Sounds like you have a lot on your plate not to mention you are expected to be a standby Uber driver for your husband on the list. If you feel like you are doing too much you need to communicate that.” Girlw_thebook
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you deserve a medal. So what you fell asleep after a long day? If your husband wanted to get through to you, why did he not ring you multiple times? Messaging is no good when you are asleep.
That’s not his fault, but it’s not your fault either. Big deal he walked a 10-15 minute walk? You didn’t ’fail’ that’s ridiculous. Sorry, but your husband is a jerk, what a silly thing to get furious about.
Very clear NTJ. The way your husband has treated you is revolting. The only reason to be upset is because of how your husband is treating you. If I were you I’d demand an apology – if he wants space he can go sit in the spare room.” NonamesleftUK
14. AITJ For Reacting Dramatically To Bees At The Dog Park And Retaliating Against A Rude Regular?
“I am a regular at a dog park. I know dog parks aren’t popular but I go at the same time every morning so my dog is always around the same dogs & I’m quick to leave if needed. I’m incredibly cautious & have no issues.
& I need my dog to get at least an hour of park time so that he sleeps through my shift. Anyway, the dog park itself is irrelevant but the group itself is what matters. There’s a core group of us that come every morning.
I am terrified of bees. If I have a spider on me, whatever. A tick, I’d just pull it off. Bees? Terrified. I don’t even think I’m allergic but they scare the heck out of me. & the other day, for whatever reason, there were so many bees (yellowjackets, really).
Whenever a bee flew into my face I couldn’t help but almost give out a little scream & run away. A couple of people were like, “Just stand still & it’ll fly away” but I just couldn’t. It was just a knee-jerk reaction when a bee flew at me.
I wasn’t trying to be annoying or bother anyone, I just hate bees.
After another bee flew at me, one of the regular women started yelling “SHUT UP!” over & over & just being rude. I asked her, “Why are you talking to me like that?
You’re being rude & disrespectful.” She replied, “SCREW YOU.” I was incredibly taken aback. I said again though more harshly, “You’re being so disrespectful.” She said again, “SCREW YOU.”
This woman isn’t just a regular park-goer. She’s physically disabled (she’s in her seventies & needs a knee replacement) so I would go out & help her whenever she was having trouble bringing her dogs in.
I would grab her a chair & walk with her to shoo away dogs that ran close. She was my dog’s dog-sitter & I would pay her *very* generously just for sitting with my dog on the couch for a couple of hours when needed because I know she’s on a fixed income.
I’ve never been anything but kind & respectful toward her. & sure, maybe it was annoying that I was having such a reaction to the bees when they flew at me but, like I said, I wasn’t trying to annoy or bother anyone.
I wasn’t being malicious.
Finally, I lost it & I said, “Okay, then don’t expect my freaking help anymore with your dogs” & I walked away. I don’t usually lose my cool like that but I was just so frustrated & hurt by her attitude.
I thought we had a good relationship, I trusted her with my dog. Most seem to be on my side but someone did say I was overreacting to the bees. So just looking for opinions, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for losing your cool after being cursed multiple times. There may be a reason for her to be so severely disturbed by your reaction to bees but I don’t think it’s fair for her to yell or cuss at you.
On a separate note, it may be worthwhile to find some way to calm down when faced with fears like that. Your uncontrolled reaction may create dangers during certain conditions (for example, a bee flying into your car while you’re driving).
It’s OK to dislike or fear something, but finding a way to make a controlled “get away” from the trigger of fear will be very useful to manage the risk of losing control.” yktan8
Another User Comments:
“If I were at the dog park and someone repeatedly was screaming and running away from bees, then staying there waiting for another bee, screaming and dashing about wildly over and over, I’d be short-tempered too although I hope I’d not be as nasty as that person.
I’d ask you to either get a grip or go elsewhere because your fears shouldn’t be ruling the dog park. You aren’t a jerk for having this fear (although why not learn more about bees, yellow jackets are much more worrisome than big old carpenter bees, are different from wild true bees and bumblebees, and not all sting —most don’t).
You are a jerk by being loud and dramatic over and over and expecting everyone else to accept it.” chorizanthea
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. If it was only twice I will cut you some slack, but if you repeatedly kept yelping and running away then you are more of a jerk for not removing yourself from a situation you couldn’t handle.
Also, please stop referring to all bee-like things as bees, they are very different, and lumping them all into one category can be dangerous. You know they were yellow jackets, call them yellow jackets or wasps. Bees act very differently.
Anyway, part of what makes you a jerk in this situation is the way you were reacting was making it MORE LIKELY someone would get stung, and no guarantee it would be you. I AM allergic to bees (another reason it is important to use the correct name) and it is very irritating when someone who has LESS reason to freak out does so putting me at a greater risk.
You aren’t a jerk for being afraid, you are a jerk for how you dealt with it. The other lady was also a jerk as she also could have removed herself from near you if it was bothering her that much rather than yelling at you.
As others have mentioned you really should look at getting some phobia treatment so you can cope better. I don’t want to freak you out but I have had a bee in my car and that would be so dangerous for you right now.” myssi24
13. AITJ For Wanting To Leave Home Due To Uncontrolled Bug Infestation?
“We’re talking seasonal bugs like ants, pincher bugs, and spiders. They’re everywhere. No matter how often I clean up, they just find new places to appear. I found a highway of ants in my closet and I just can’t take it anymore.
I cleaned everything out and I have no idea what they’re going for. I bought pesticides from Home Depot a couple of weeks ago and my partner finally sprayed around the perimeter of the house last week.
Still tons of bugs, so he sprayed again. There are fewer, but still so many.
I have a newborn and a toddler and I’m struggling to keep up with their usual schedule because I’m constantly sweeping up ants, killing pincher bugs (black), moving spiders outside, etc. I’ve been spraying them with a water/dish soap mix, but that only helps for a little bit.
When I was 13 years old, an ant got in my ear and it was a bit traumatic. I could hear it walking around and I couldn’t get him out. Grossest feeling. I put my head under a faucet and ran water in my ear until the noise stopped. Gave myself an ear infection.
Now I’m afraid of it happening to me again, or worse, happening to one of my kids. I’ve asked my partner if we can contact a pest control company, but he refuses. I asked him to spray again last night and he said, “Are you serious?” I then asked if he could spray in the morning, and he ignored me.
I feel incredibly anxious and overwhelmed with trying to keep things clean and safe.
So I’ve had enough. I want to go stay with my parents for a couple of days and hopefully, my partner will do something about the bugs while we’re gone.
I have a feeling he’ll do nothing (the bugs don’t bother him and it frustrates him when I talk about it), but at least I can get a short reprieve from this living nightmare. I know he’s going to be upset if I go, which will just make him dig in his heels and double down on not taking care of the problem.
I would spray myself, but again, I’m taking care of a 10-week-old baby and a 3-year-old and it’s hard to find the time to go outside and spray pesticides under/around the house, and then take a shower before getting back to them.
Maybe I need to just do it. I just don’t want to accidentally subject the baby to poison.
AITJ for leaving? I’m so exhausted and frankly, scared of these stupid bugs. Just discovered the ants are taking over my toddler’s room.
It’s going to be a huge undertaking to clean this up and I NEED help.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get wanting to keep your kids away from that. I am going to suggest diatomaceous earth. I only learned of it a couple of years ago so not sure how widely used it is.
You put it anywhere bugs walk or enter the house. The powder gets in the bug’s joints and kills them. Usually, people buy the food-grade variety for use in homes. You (or pets) could eat in and be fine as the particles are very small.
You just want to avoid breathing it in when the particles are stirred up in the air. I live in Texas, so lots of bugs. Putting that around the edges of rooms and in exterior doorways made a HUGE difference in bug counts inside.
Cinnamon also works for ants. It messes with their scent trails so they avoid it. But it doesn’t bother other bugs so much.” NeptunianCat
Another User Comments:
“Nope. There’s no reason you and your children should live amongst bugs because he’s lazy and cheap.
I would go stay with my parents, and if he doesn’t take of the problem, you have two choices. Order and pay for a professional exterminator yourself (maybe ask your parents to borrow the money if you don’t have access to your own) or divorce him and tell him you want to be paid out for your half of the house so you can move your children somewhere safer.” SeaButterscotch7337
12. AITJ For Not Supporting My Mom's Rushed Engagement?
“My mom (63F) divorced my dad back in the early ’00s. They had been married for about 20-something years. She met my stepdad during their divorce, lived together with my sister and me for years, and got married in 2008, I believe it was.
In 2016, my mom’s job was outsourced and he was retired so they moved out west (where she had no other family except a brother), and after 2 months of living there, my stepdad dropped dead of a massive heart attack.
Flash forward through time, and we finally get her to move back home where all her family is. She’s very independent- goes to dance clubs every weekend, and since she’s been back she met a guy we will call “Joe” in the club last year.
In October they started seeing each other, and she said both are widows so they “get it.” She said very quickly they knew they wanted to be together and by this past February they were already planning to move into his house when her lease was up this August, so she promptly started having him upgrade his appliances, repaint his home, etc. I feel like she’s just barged into his life and started making changes, but she insists they’re things they’ve decided “together.” Then she says she’s told him if they’re gonna live together she’s told him they need to get married because she’s not just going to be someone’s live-in partner.
So about a week and a half ago, “Joe” proposed to her spur of the moment. Now she’s trying to get married ASAP. She’s changed her stance from getting married shortly after they move into they absolutely must do it before they move in together because she “reads the scripture and doesn’t want to disappoint god.” I keep trying to tell her to make sure she’s making rational, wise decisions but she brushes me off and says “Neither of us is getting any younger,” and insists he’s told her all his secrets.
But to this I point out she said the same thing about my stepdad, until years into their relationship he had a health scare that prompted him to have to tell her he was 16 years older than he told her he was this entire time.
Things she’s conveniently forgotten. She always talks down about people who meet their partners and then get married quickly, but that’s exactly what she’s doing. She also says it’s never a good idea to make big decisions when you’re in that “butterfly, starry-eyed” phase of a relationship but that’s exactly what she’s been doing.
I am frustrated because she’s very gullible, and a hopeless romantic. I want her to be happy, but I also want her to make smart choices. Am I wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You have a billion reasons to not be enthusiastic about her acquiring Step Dad #2, but she’s not only an adult, but a 63-year-old adult who is (I gather) marrying someone around the same age, and “not getting any younger” is a cliche for a reason.
And while it’s pretty astonishing that her previous husband lied about his age to the tune of 16 years, even after that it was death that did them part, not divorce.” MoralHazardFunction
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother seems to be the type of woman who has to be married but can’t live with him once she’s done it.
Don’t go to the wedding. I’ve been married once and still am for almost 40 years. My younger sister is currently on her 5th husband. I stopped going after number 2. I don’t think this marriage will last either.” Capital_Ad_6580
11. AITJ For Snapping At My Friends For Constantly Talking About Taylor Swift?
“Recently, my (15F) friend group (4 people directly involved) has been kind of divided into two groups: The two that really like Taylor Swift (let’s call them A and B) and the two that don’t like her (me and C).
So A and B are real Swifties. They buy her merch, records, and books about her. They listen to her songs and albums around the clock.
And C usually has a neutral stance on her: Her songs are completely fine.
Not really our favorite genre of music but it’s not that bad.
Lately, however, all that A+B have been talking about is the new Album TTPD. It’s gotten to the point that almost every third conversation is about it and they’ve started to ignore all the other topics to talk about no matter how much C and I try to change the subject.
They keep trying to make us listen to her music to like it more, but honestly, for me, it has the opposite effect: I am starting to dislike her more and more. I can’t speak for C but she looks annoyed as well.
It has gotten to the point where, when I hear her music my mood instantly goes sour and I get annoyed.
Also in class, they’ve started to quietly sing her songs, which is very distracting. (We have told them and they stop for like 20 minutes before starting again)
We had a few sleepovers since the release of TTPD and what happened is this: They keep on looking at their phone to stalk Insta for new pictures and announcements. C and I have made it clear that we would appreciate it if they didn’t look at their phone all the time when hanging out with us.
We have been repeatedly ignored.
So after being ignored multiple times now for months, I kind of snapped at them.
This is where I might be the jerk, because I told A+B that not everyone likes TS and that if they want me to like her, then they should leave me alone about her music and let me discover it on my own.
Also, they are annoying me for talking about her 24/7 and that I’m a fan of other bands but at least I’m not trying to force my music taste onto others.
This resulted in a sour atmosphere in the friend group and I don’t know how to proceed.
I know what it’s like to adore a band or a musician, but I never talk about my musical interests unless I’m asked about them first.
So, AITJ for telling her I don’t like them forcing their music taste onto us?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s so annoying when somebody makes one of their interests their IDENTITY. I mean, to the point where they refuse to talk about anything else. And you’re right- that level of obsession only serves to push away the friends who already weren’t that keen on it in the first place.
You already tried to set a boundary and your friends ignored it, so I think what you said was fair.” Far_Quantity_6133
Another User Comments:
“My best friend in high school and I were very much into boy bands when I was younger.
But eventually, I moved on. Sadly she did not, and in her 40’s still is stuck in 1999. I doubt this will happen to your friends, they will hopefully eventually move on from this. But it’s not abnormal for people, especially when you’re in high school to grow apart from your friends for various reasons.
Might be the seasons changing for you guys. I’d suggest taking the girl that you are still relating to and finding some new activities to share. In the meantime, I wouldn’t say your friendships are over. They’re just changing, and that’s okay.
But change is hard. Hang in there OP. Also for the record, I am not much of a Taylor Swift fan either. But honestly, I think it’s just because she’s so mainstream and I’m still a bit of a rebel.” Ok-Panic-9083
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go with no jerks here because it doesn’t sound like they’re deliberately trying to force it on you — being really into something you don’t like as much is not inherently “forcing it on you.” You’re not describing anything that fits that definition.
But they are annoying and ignoring/failing to adhere to reasonable requests, so you’re also not wrong for getting tired of it.” realshockvaluecola
10. AITJ For Wanting My Best Friend To End Her Affair And Find A Healthier Relationship?
“I (28F) have a best friend, let’s call her Tandy (30F), who recently started a relationship with someone who is already in a relationship.
I generally try to be supportive, and I try to create a space in our friendship that is non-judgmental, but this is rubbing me the wrong way. Tandy told me a few nights ago that she wants to break up with her new partner, let’s say, Daniel, because she feels he isn’t making enough time for her.
She has consistently complained that he is always busy, that he never seems to prioritize her, that he always seems distracted and I’ve been doing what any sane friend would do and telling her to address these issues or walk away because they may just be incompatible.
What Tandy failed to mention however is that, outside of his work commitments, Daniel has a whole other relationship that he needs to tend to. One that he has been in for YEARS. When I found this out I immediately advised her to drop out of the relationship because it already didn’t seem like it was working and she was now one part of a dishonest duo to boot.
What shocked me the most was the fact that Tandy knew he was already in a relationship when she started going out with him. This, specifically, was upsetting because she broke it off with her last guy because he started being dishonest with her and here she is now doing the same.
I’m still trying to be non-judgmental and a safe space for her but I don’t know how supportive I can be when I feel like I don’t even know her anymore. Tandy’s already expressed that she wants out of the relationship but is finding it hard to leave him and I must be heartless or something but I cannot, for the life of me, understand that logic.
There’s a part of me that wants to ask her if this is her cry for help as her last relationship seemed serious and she was torn about her ex, Tristan, for a long time.
Tandy’s been watching tik tok videos that affirm that people’s relationships are not the AP’s responsibility and that women in relationships cannot be mad at their partner’s AP if their relationships fall apart, which I’m finding ironic because she’s been bad-mouthing Tristan’s new girl on top of everything else.
I’m wondering if maybe I’m being biased here and seeing things through my distorted lens because I come from a household that was broken up by dishonesty or if this is a valid concern. I’m questioning our whole relationship at this point.
AITJ for wanting her to break it off with this new guy and focus on finding a healthier relationship?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s ethical non-monogamy, where everyone in the relationship knows and agrees on being non-monogamous.
That’s one thing, a good one not to judge. That’s not what this is, your friend is being dishonest and is mad at an ex that was dishonest with her. You’re upset because she’s broken a moral or ethical boundary that you did not think she would.
You’re allowed to be biased about that, you don’t have to support people doing things that you believe are unethical. You can tell “Tandy” that you’re not able to be a person who processes her relationship with her anymore.
You cannot choose or change her behavior, but you can create a boundary about what you will participate in discussing.” Disneyland4Ever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Give your final advice to her and if she doesn’t want to listen, then that’s on her.
I don’t think she will stop seeing the guy, so you must be strong and mind your business. Because I swear to god, caring for someone who doesn’t even care about themselves, and watching them slowly destroying their own life, is one of the worst phases that you have to live through.” Asleep_News4626
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You shouldn’t have to subject yourself to supporting something or someone(even if it’s a close friend you’ve had for years) if their actions don’t align with the values most important to you. This is not to say that people can’t do what they want and that different people go through different journeys in life and friends shouldn’t dump each other just because of it, but the point I’m making is that she is being a bad friend to YOU by not respecting your values, your history of coming from a family that broke up due to dishonesty.
Has she even asked you, even once, how you feel being part of all this? I was once in a situation wherein a friend was doing all sorts of things I didn’t agree with and almost became a completely different person, but I hung on because I thought she was going through something and shouldn’t feel like she didn’t have a safe space.
You know what that led to? I felt like a jerk, because she never considered, never even ASKED, how all of that made me feel. If she wants a vacuum devoid of judgment, she can go see a therapist. Friends are allowed to have their values and only tolerate things to a degree that doesn’t make them uncomfortable.
I hope this helps, and good luck!” Remote_Apartment_225
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Brother's Wife To Use My Nickname?
“My (27 F) dad recently passed. The whole family attended the funeral and the next few days we had to pack up his house. It was me, my husband, my three siblings, and their spouses who did the packing.
On day 2 of the packing, I got frustrated and hurt when my sister-in-law (let’s call her Beth) kept calling my brother (Jay) by a nickname.
Back story: My sister and older brother are close in age and they have a close relationship.
Jay (25 M) and I are about 13 years younger than them and had (and still have) a very close bond growing up. I used to call him by a nickname when we were young. Beth (29 F) was my friend before she and my brother ever became friends or romantically involved. At a certain point in our friendship, when she and Jay became friends, I told her about the nickname I used to call my brother when we were young.
She said it was cute and that she was going to start calling him that. It bothered me when she then did call him by the nickname, but I decided to just leave it.
During their engagement and wedding, my and my now husband’s relationship with Jay and Beth was not good (don’t want to go into that).
After we both got married, the relationship gradually improved. However, still, every time Beth uses the nickname I am hurt by it. The nickname was even one of the answers in their wedding crossword. For me, it has sentimental value and it feels like she stole it from me.
It was special to me and between me and my brother.
So, as we were packing up my dad’s house I kept hearing her call him by the nickname. At one point I took him aside and politely asked him to ask her to stop calling him by the nickname in front of me as it is hurtful.
I have asked him previously, but he has ignored the request. He came back and told me this is unreasonable and he doesn’t even remember the nickname, he only knows she ever used it. We fought. Then a few minutes later Beth asked to speak with me and told me I was being childish.
She says she can’t remember me telling her about it and she heard someone else calling their partner by that name and that’s where she got it.
I know it’s just a nickname, but it feels like she stole it.
It was a special memory between me and my brother that is now tainted. I just wanted to address the issue, as it hurts every single time. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – If you are complaining your brother’s WIFE is using a nickname you consider ‘your’ name for your brother…you need to get over yourself.
You asked your brother to tell his wife to stop using that name for him???? Seriously? Can you be any more petty than this? Your brother is not as attached to the ‘special memory’ as you are – time to grow up.
There is no ‘issue’ to address – this is a YOU problem.” omeomi24
8. AITJ For Sleeping While My Family Was Out And Our Dog Got Into Trouble?
“My parents (44f and 45m) told me (18x) that they and my sister (12f) were leaving for a few hours–about 7 pm to 11 pm–to shoot off some more fireworks that they didn’t get to on the 4th of July.
I don’t care all that much about fireworks and didn’t shoot off many yesterday, so I decided I’d stay home. My parents were a little disappointed, but let me be.
I was taking a nap in my room when they told me they were leaving, so I was barely conscious of them leaving at all.
From what my half-awake brain can remember, they didn’t tell me to stay awake or anything.
Now, here’s the real issue: our dog, D, doesn’t like fireworks or thunder or rain. It always freaks her out. Our house isn’t particularly clean and she tends to eat things she finds on the floor for whatever reason, so we keep her behind a gate in the kitchen most of the time.
She isn’t allowed into the rest of the house without supervision. She doesn’t care too much about this rule when no one’s around, though, because she’ll jump the gate whenever she knows everyone’s gone.
Basically, while my family was out and I was asleep, the fireworks must’ve spooked her and she climbed over the gate–genuinely don’t know how, seeing as it was over 4 feet tall because we made an extension for it since she could easily clear the 2 feet it was before–but because I was asleep still, I couldn’t hear her.
My parents got home at around 11:30 to find her eating cat poop from the litter boxes (and before anyone makes assumptions about that, no, she isn’t underfed. My sister’s chore is to feed and give water to the animals, and she does–even if she has to be reminded sometimes.
D’s 10lbs bag of food sits open on the ground next to her food bowl and she could easily stick her face in it or knock it over to eat if she wanted to. I don’t know why but she just enjoys eating cat poop).
Anyway, my mom slams open my door and turns on the light to wake me up, and she immediately starts going off on me about how I “haven’t even left your room since we left, have you?” and how the dog got out.
I, having woken up not even 5 seconds ago, am very disoriented and can’t formulate a response. After maybe 30 seconds of waiting for me to say something, she storms out, leaving me alone in my room again.
I’m writing this from my bed 45 minutes later, not wanting to leave because I don’t want to get yelled at again.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I was debating with myself between NTJ and E – S – H and it merely comes down to what extent you did realize that they were gone. Because even if they didn’t tell you to stay awake and regardless of who is ultimately responsible for the dog, there’s still a living being there that will freak out and potentially be in danger.
The same goes for the house and the things she could destroy while freaking out. They leave for fireworks without making sure that the dog is secured/safe or that you are aware that they are gone and that someone is looking after her.
That’s just careless. Due to the “barely conscious of them leaving at all” I am leaning towards NTJ. But it really should get discussed within the family how to handle such situations in the future, as well as better ways to accommodate the dog.” Sagrada
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Whoever brought the dog home initially, is responsible for training the dog not to eat what isn’t dog food and also to train the dog not to jump the gate. Also, everyone should partake in cleaning regularly so there aren’t random things for this dog to eat throughout the house.
But for sleeping, no. Because it seems like if you heard any instructions you would have followed through. ” DistantDaughter325
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s kinda weird to me that a family who owns a pet that is terrified of fireworks wants to go out to shoot off fireworks and then is upset by the actions of the spooked pet?!?
(Appreciate it may not have been their fireworks that spooked the dog – but there’s always an animal to be spooked by fireworks wherever you let them off!)” Repulsive_Citron_930
7. AITJ For Not Reacting Strongly To My Half Sister's Celebration Of Our Parents' Divorce?
“My parents announced two months ago that they’re getting divorced. I (16f) did kinda see it coming but it still makes me sad.
My half-sister (25f) has been celebrating ever since she heard. She cheered when our dad told her. She has gloated in my mom’s and my faces. She told Mom she could forget about being a part of her life or going to her wedding now, that half-sister is engaged. My half-sister always hated that dad remarried after her mom died when she was 5, and she said she never wanted to have my mom or me around.
She was always praying for the end of the marriage. She used to try and break them up in the past. Dad would get so mad and frustrated with her but she never let the dream die and now her dream has come true.
The last time Mom or I saw my half-sister was when Dad was moving out. She stopped by briefly and she gloated so hard. This was also when she told Mom she was no longer invited to the wedding and no longer going to be a part of her life.
My mom was upset. Despite my half-sister’s dislike of her and constant disrespect, my mom loves her and she’s sad to see it all end before they had a chance to be even friends. Though my mom always wanted to be family to my half-sister.
My maternal aunt saw my sister had posted on social media a party she threw and it turned out she was celebrating the divorce. My parents were upset. I could shrug it off because I knew she’d be so happy about this and her celebration does not surprise me at all.
But my parents asked me why I was so calm and collected about this. I told them I expected her reaction and I always knew she wanted this badly. They said they would expect me to be upset.
I told them maybe I expected different from her but I didn’t. I pointed out that everyone in her comments knew too. There were loads about how she always called it and how glad they were she got this win.
To me, it’s so dumb.
My aunt confronted me afterward and told me I should be making a bigger deal out of it because it looked like I didn’t care about the weird and over-the-top reaction from my half-sister.
She said Mom must feel like I don’t care about her heartache at all. It’s tough to see a child she loved and helped raise cheer on the fact she’s getting divorced from her dad.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is hurting you and both your parents with her lack of empathy. And to be frank, it doesn’t sound like you’re happy she’s celebrating the end of your parents’ marriage, you’re just acting very maturely in the face of her childishness, and even said so to your parents.
Your aunt seems to think that you reacting aggressively (while legitimate, your sister sounds immature) would make things better, while this might not necessarily be the case and it might even cause more stress in an already stressful situation.” Comfortable_Toe1264
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How could you possibly claim that title when your sister already has it? Queen Jerk and her pathetic minions need to grow up. How she’s managed to get some poor man to agree to marry such a bitter, twisted. And childish piece of toxic waste is utterly confusing to me.
Laugh you’re behind-off when he divorces her and does it twice. Once for your dad and once for your mum.” chez2202
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Honestly you seem like the only one in this situation with any emotional intelligence.
Tell your mother that you understand why she is upset and that you empathize with her. However, you are not going to invest any more emotion into a person that never cared about you or your mom. Hopefully, your mother can understand.
As for the aunt, she stays in her lane. She doesn’t have the right to dictate how you feel. If she doesn’t like it, that’s her problem to deal with. And let her know this topic is no longer up for debate.
If the adults have a problem with anything, they can deal with it amongst themselves and should leave you out of it.” ComprehensivePut5569
6. AITJ For Not Getting Into The Locksmith's Car To Get Cash?
“I (32F) got locked out of my apartment and had to call a locksmith. On the phone, they just said they would send someone.
When they arrived, they unlocked the door but asked for the $150 fee in cash (it was not mentioned when I called that it would need to be in cash; this is not uncommon in my country.). I said I didn’t have cash but could go to the nearest bank.
I got my keys and my wallet as the locksmith waited downstairs, and told him again outside, that I was going to the nearest bank and the location of the bank, one bus stop away. He nodded and responded he needed to take a call.
I walked to my bus stop and when I was getting ready to board the bus, the locksmith called me asking where I was going. He had followed me there in his car and began signaling me to get in the car.
I signaled to the bus, repeated on the phone that I needed to get cash, and he said he would meet me there. On the bus, I texted him the location of the bank. I went to the bank, got the cash, and as I was leaving called the locksmith but he did not answer.
After the third unanswered call, I left a voice message and texted that I couldn’t find him so I would wait back at my apartment. A minute later he called me back, saying he was at the “store”.
I asked which store, as there were many and he repeated “The store”. I asked him five more times before either he hung up or we got disconnected. I called him back twice no answer, before I told him I couldn’t find him I would go back and wait at the apartment.
I also texted him this. He proceeded to call me 4 times on the bus ride back from different phone numbers, to which I repeated I hadn’t been able to find him, and that I was going back to the apartment and would wait outside.
I told him I couldn’t find him, and tried to text him, but he proceeded to call me crazy and repeatedly asked me what was psychologically wrong with me (he waited and expected me to answer) until I left the cash on the hood of his car and went inside.
Now wondering if AITJ. I understand the trust/payment issue, and maybe this was me overreacting from stress, but also feel it could have been communicated more clearly upfront it needed to be in cash, and felt weird getting into his car.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Locksmith should have said, “That will be (callout fee) (ballpark amount) CASH.” It is entirely unsurprising that you didn’t have that amount of cash on you. No, of course, you didn’t get into his car.
(I have on occasion accepted a lift from a tradesman to the nearest cash machine for this purpose – but only when I was boarding his vehicle in broad daylight when I knew multiple neighbors would be watching, and the name of his business was large and clear on the side of his vehicle.
Besides, the nearest cash machine is five minutes away.) The locksmith had your address and your contact details and should have either told you it would be cash when you had time to get cash or accepted a next-day payment.
Feel free to give them a bad social media review.” Enough-Process9773
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It blatantly should have been conveyed that they’re cash only, and you’re right to not get in this dude’s car. You said “Hey, I’m going to that bank” and instead this idiot goes to a store.
Then he proceeds to get angry at you, the customer, because he somehow can’t drive from A to B without somehow winding up at Z.” BrewertonFats
5. AITJ For Not Telling My Sister Her Fiancé Is Manipulating Her?
“I 41(f) have a sister (47) f who has a now ex-fiancé (45) M who is a piece of doo-doo.
I know I can’t fix everything for her and she has to do it herself, but it hurts to watch her go through this and I just want to scream.
So, I’m coming here to see if I’m the jerk for waiting for the right time to speak my mind.
My sister got out of a bad relationship in 2017, and by 2021 she wanted to try again going on a few failed blind dates. After this, she decided to try her co-worker who she thought was handsome. After the first date she seemed to be under a spell, she thought she was in love.
The family tried to warn her that maybe she was moving too fast, but none of our words could break her bubble, so we decided to hold our tongues for the time being. Over the next few months, she was with him day and night, besides work, she was stuck to him like velcro.
I was never a fan of his, he was in his 40s and didn’t have a car, barely held a job, and didn’t seem to have any ambition. Just wading through life. Which, if that’s how someone wants to live their life, that’s their choice.
But, he was leeching off of her and seemed to have some type of control over her and how she spent her money. He moved into her apartment not long after, leaving the apartment he shared with 4-6 roommates.
He barely contributed to household duties or finances, as he didn’t have a steady job.
Fast forward 2 years, he proposes, which she finds out he did out of guilt so she cancels but then he affirms that he wants to marry her so she concedes.
(RED FLAG – I held my words because she was hurting)
She started to plan for the wedding little by little, then hired a wedding planner because she didn’t want to leave anything out. She got a dress, planned for months, he picked the pic and sent out the invites to everyone, two days later to tell her he didn’t know if he wanted to marry her.
I can’t begin to express the heartache I heard in her voice.
He moved out for a week, staying with a friend but then weaseled his way back in saying, that’s not what he meant, I was overwhelmed, blah, blah, blah (BIG RED FLAG – again I said nothing, I didn’t think she’d listen anyway) and I feel like the jerk for keeping my mouth shut while he is manipulating her.
My husband thinks we’re being jerks for not telling her that she’s being manipulated.
AITJ???”
Another User Comments:
“This is a very difficult situation. You absolutely cannot tell her, because she will dig in and claim you’re unsupportive, you don’t understand, you don’t see his good qualities, blah blah blah, mess.
You have to ask her the right questions to make her think and once she reaches the conclusion you want, you have to confirm it and support her. But not too enthusiastically because the gig will be up and again, you’re unsupportive, you don’t understand, you don’t see his good qualities, blah blah blah.
Figure out how to plant the seeds of doubt. Your husband is right you do need to do something. You just can’t be direct.” HarveySnake
Another User Comments:
“Tell her to get a prenup. See how long he sticks around when he knows he gets nothing if they divorce. You won’t even need to tell her something she’ll probably refuse to hear anyway.
He’ll reveal it himself. And if he does go along with it, at least he can’t take half her worth when the relationship does break down.” pluvio_fille
4. AITJ For Refusing To Repay My Narcissistic Mom Despite Covering Most Household Expenses?
“I (34F) have been living together with my mom (58F), a diagnosed narcissist, in a two-bedroom apartment for a few years.
I got this apartment to help her out of a homelessness situation, with me paying all initial fees and deposits. We’ve since both been working and splitting bills and costs about 50/50, but I’ve been covering all food expenses ($400-$600 monthly) and occasionally other household items. Mom buys toilet paper and cleaning supplies, and we’re supposed to split rent, electricity, and WiFi.
Over the past two years, I’ve spent about $10K on groceries (total for both of us), while Mom has contributed only about $600 in the entire 2 years. (Not something we both decided, but I didn’t mind at the time and didn’t want to harp on her).
I lost my job a year ago and struggled financially. During this period, I still managed to pay for food, internet, and electricity, plus partial rent by working (under the table) for a family friend on her ranch doing cleaning and other ranch work.
Mom helped cover my rent shortfall when I ended up being short on my portion, totaling about $2K over 6-8 months. Even then, I was still spending $1,000+ monthly on household expenses all by myself on the things that were supposed to be split evenly.
Now employed again, I thought we were operating as a team. However, Mom claims I owe her $3K, which seems exaggerated and uncalled for given my continuous contributions. I’ve also been driving her everywhere due to her car breaking down, without even asking for gas money in return.
I explained that if I wasn’t solely responsible for all of the food, electricity, and internet during my unemployment, I could have afforded my full share of the rent. I calculated that just her half of food costs alone over two years exceed $4K.
I told her all this, emphasizing that I would not be paying her back. I suggested we consider it even, given our family situation.
Mom is now furious, giving me nasty looks and not speaking to me. Despite her narcissism, she’s generally been loving and supportive, and an overall good mom over the years.
I feel conflicted and hurt by her reaction, especially since I believe I’ve been getting the short end of the stick financially. Originally, I wasn’t trying to keep a tally of everything, but it’s hard not to add things up as I reflect on everything.
So, AITJ for refusing to pay her back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If you haven’t already, I recommend shopping for a therapist whom you feel is helpful to you. I also recommend books like “Codependent No More”, “Toxic Parents”, and “And when you and your mother can’t be friends” —these books will help you understand the narcissist in your life and how to live well despite them.
Your mother WILL NEVER be satisfied or grateful for your help, because with narcissists the expectations are always unreasonable as well as never-ending. Prepare yourself to be a broken record of “no.” Good luck!” smallpurplesheep
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only would I tally the amount spent but also say that from now on it’s 50/50. You can then pay her back in installments with the extra money you’re saving every month. Once that’s paid back it’s still 50/50 and you now have more disposable income for savings on your hands.
You’re complying with her demands so she can’t complain. She won’t like this option either.” Disastrous-Ideal7629
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Aren’t narcissists fun? Mine wanted to move back to our home state after 30 years in FL. She had six figures from the sale of her home and has social security and a pension.
She spent most of her savings in five years and her rent was going up. We had a thing where we (wife and I) would take her out every weekend but the first weekend of each month she would pay.
I also take her to all her appointments. Sister lives out of state. Essentially pays nothing. When her rent went up the very first thing she cut was our monthly ‘appreciation’ meal, which was probably $50/month. This is a woman who had a $600/month Amazon habit we had to shut down btw.” anonanon-do-do-do
3. AITJ For Insisting My Friends Pay Equally For Their Two Sons On Our Group Trips?
“I (38F) often travel with friends who share my interests, including a couple (50M and 50F) with two children (now 15M and 11M). Initially, we counted the boys as one person when dividing expenses because they were younger (around 9 and 6).
However, this has raised questions on subsequent trips, although no one has directly addressed the parents. The boys usually get their room, order what they want, and participate in shared meals. Some friends have privately asked why they only pay for one child.
On our last trip, they initially planned to bring one son but ended up bringing both. They only paid for three places in our rental home instead of four, which not everyone agreed with. This also meant we needed to bring an extra car.
During the trip, the parents privately asked if we thought it was fair for their youngest son, Jaime, to pay the same as an adult, given he eats less. While Jaime is picky, their older son, Oliver, eats more than most adults.
The mother even joked, “Whatever Jaime doesn’t eat, Oliver will finish!”
We mostly ate in the house but had one special night out where Jaime didn’t like the food and didn’t eat much. It didn’t occur to me at the time to exclude him from the bill (I’m a vegetarian and didn’t eat the steak but still paid my share).
At other meals, Jaime ordered individual plates similar to the rest of us. I also believe it was the parent’s responsibility to bring up the subject with the whole group.
Regarding other meals, Jaime and Oliver usually had cereal and milk while the adults ate more substantial breakfasts.
Their parents often commented on our breakfast portions compared to the boys. Lunches and dinners were similar in portion size, though the boys didn’t drink booze. For context, I brought four bottles of wine and didn’t include them in expenses, and we bought beer, averaging 4-5 beers per adult over the week.
After returning home, the parents expressed their hurt that we didn’t offer to reduce some expenses since the boys didn’t eat as much as the adults. I pointed out that they hadn’t paid an equal share for the house and that Jaime and Oliver are at an age where they should be included as adults.
Other friends have commented on this too. While I understand it’s expensive to travel as a family of four, both parents have well-paying jobs. We mostly ate at home or had picnics, so each person paid around 200€ for a week of food and shared expenses, which is reasonable given the area.
So, AITJ for insisting that the division of expenses was fair and not offering to reduce some of their shared costs?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The children are grown-ups, not toddlers who don’t take part in activities and only drink milk.
They eat the same as you and do the same activities, except for booze. What’s more, they should have paid for 4 places in the house, as their child is not a baby who sleeps in a bassinet.” PandaCotton
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Each year we would take a family vacation with at least 12 people. I paid for my child, even at 2 years old, as an adult. Vehicle rental and gas mileage were divided up by the number of people, regardless of age.
Even though my daughter and I would share a room in the condo rental, she was still included in the division, as well as the other children. I NEVER complained because I knew I was still benefiting and I’m still grateful.
It’s time for them to grow up or go on their trips separately from everyone else.” Asleep_Objective5941
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – who else is traveling with you? Is it you and the family… or is it you, the family, and other people?
Perhaps next time, the family can stay in their own accommodation. Or you can all stay at a hotel and everyone pays for their rooms. If you do decide to do an Airbnb, then you may need to split the cost by the number of bedrooms…
so that might mean couples pay less and singles pay more (unless they want to share a room with another person – and only if they want to, not because someone says they have to ie don’t share with the 11 or 15-year-old).
And everyone can pay for their meals. Maybe the next trip might need to be a more eating out for each meal holiday… or even just buy single servings of what you are eating rather than communal cooking….
this is just to prove a point.” KitchenDismal9258
2. AITJ For Wanting To Cut Off My Ex's Friend Who Keeps Talking About Him?
“When my ex and I were seeing each other, we both became friends with a woman 7 years older than us.
After our breakup, she and my ex became close friends. We talked occasionally, but she would often become unresponsive, making it hard to maintain a consistent friendship. Meanwhile, she and my ex played games together and talked daily.
One day, she messaged me, saying she felt I wasn’t moving on, and waited for me to reach out to her for advice. I didn’t reach out, so she reached out on her own accord. She then told me about one of the girls my ex messed with, claiming she was trying to help me move on and she knows him so well.
She mentioned his abandonment and commitment issues and said she would find out more about his mental state. She mentioned how well he treated her, sharing that he called her his twin and how similar they were
During our 2 hours conversation, I told her about my new guy best friend and how he reminded me of my ex in positive ways.
She shrugged it off and continued talking about my ex, even saying she felt like she was my replacement. A few days later, she texted me more information about another girl he had been with and gave me updates on my ex.
She asked if he had spent money on me, and when I said it was just small things, she laughed and listed the things he bought for her. I told her my guy best friend also spoils me as my ex spoiled her, but she ignored it and continued talking about my ex.
To be honest, I thought she was trying to help, but a couple of people said she wasn’t being a real friend by sharing all this. It made me wonder if she was socially unaware or just actually being shady.
I mean, I’m thankful to know my ex was unfaithful, which helped me move on. But some comments were unnecessary and felt like she was rubbing it in. I’m gonna tell her I don’t want to hear about him anymore because he’s dead to me next time she brings him up
I’m not sure of her real intentions. Maybe she has good intentions, but if she’s telling me all his business, she might also air out my business to him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stay away from her like she is the plague.
Not only does she offer unsolicited info and advice. ALL her comments are directed to bring you down, ridicule your past and present experiences, and invalidate your current relationship. She is in a psychological warfare against you. She does not have good intentions for you and neither is she trying to help you.
Maybe she has a soft spot for your ex but he is not as accessible to her as she would like and the only way to make herself feel better is to bring you down so that compared to you, in her eyes, she scores higher.
Uncompromisingly block her. Do not let her creep further more in your life. You did not need her before and now she is sowing doubts in your head. NTJ but end this now for your good.” Artistic_Thought7309
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds weird and a little bit full of herself. She is giving out unsolicited advice. Can I ask for two things? 1. If ever she would reach out to you again to message, can you bring along a friend to witness everything?
So that you can have another opinion as well on the character of this woman. 2. I would also like to know if you have confronted this woman regarding her behavior. Or are you not exactly the confrontational type?
(which is ok by the way). If you have and she remains to be that way, she might need to talk to a professional. But agree with the others that if you need to drop the friendship, go ahead.
You don’t need a downer to your self-esteem. Your ex was already the jerk in the relationship, you don’t need his adjacent jerk friend.” StarDustKC
she isn’t a friend at all cut her off block her and move in with your life
1. AITJ For Confronting My Estranged Mother On Social Media During My Sister's Birthday?
“My (24M) mother (52F) is a piece of work, to put it lightly. My Dad filed for divorce, and all of us (myself, my dad, and 2 adult siblings) are NC with her. Every event or holiday, my mother would make a bunch of “woe is me” posts on Instagram.
For years, we all just ignored it and blocked anyone who sent us DMs, telling us to “forgive and forget”. We haven’t blocked our mother because she threatened to hurt herself if we did, so it became a sort of tradition that one person would “stand guard” and let everyone know when she starts posting so that people can turn on Do Not Disturb and enjoy the day uninterrupted.
Last week was my younger sister’s 21st Birthday, and our mother took to Instagram with more posts saying how my sister “robbed her” of being able to celebrate, and the fact that none of her kids invited her means that were all “ungrateful”.
I was angry that our mother was so determined to ruin my little sister’s birthday, so I commented on her post, saying “You remember when I was 13, and you threatened to sue me for defamation because you read the part of my diary where I talked about you, and even pretended to call the police to “take me to jail”?
Your ungrateful child remembers.” After that, I turned my phone off and went back to celebrating with my family.
Once the festivities died down, we all turned off Do Not Disturb and saw that there were dozens of DMs from our mother and various people (who we assume are her friends) making wild accusations about me, saying that my dad put me up to it, etc etc. Everyone turned to me, asking what I did, and after I explained it, my dad told me that I should’ve stayed silent to keep the peace.
I retorted, saying that this wouldn’t have happened if we all just blocked Mom from the start and that I refused to sit on my hands as she called my sister names.
Long story short, we had an impromptu family meeting and decided to just bite the bullet and block her.
I think the workaround we used worked for a time, but now it just gives her a way to hurt us from a distance. My siblings understand why I commented, and my older brother told me that he’d have probably done the same, but my dad says that I lit more fires than I put out.
I feel like I did right by my sister, but I can’t ignore the point my dad brought up. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“The problem with your dad’s analogy is that your mother keeps lighting fires. At some point, all of you will get too exhausted to deal with them.
Why should you all have to constantly deal with this, ruining important events and memories, when none of you are at fault? Your mother threatened to hurt herself if you blocked her. At this point, whether she does or not is on her.
She is HURTING you all with her behavior.” regus0307
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m so sick of everyone’s advice of “turn the other cheek” and “be quiet to keep the peace” They NEVER say that the person causing the problems, the person causing the problems never gets the “if you would just calm down” speech.
why do the mistreated have to always be the bigger person? I would have frankly unblocked her and made everything worthy of social media. I would have brought receipts and told in-depth stories of what Mom did. Mom can keep her mouth shut, and everything is fine, or mom can keep her stuff going and you can help her by reliving your childhood for her on her social media.” PatchEnd
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Your mom acted as expected, your sister was prepared for that, and you should have too. If you want to pick a hill to die on, let it be on your day. If you can’t handle her posting, just go ahead and block her.
But in this case, your actions made things worse for your sister overall. You are not responsible for your mother’s actions and choices no matter what she claims, but you are responsible for your own.” catsndogspls
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