People Get Creative In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Making My Partner Delete A Shirtless Photo Of Me She Posted On Social Media?
“About a month ago, me (33M) and my partner (27F) of three years were being silly and having a few drinks with each other. During a moment of poor foresight, I took a picture of myself with her phone. It wasn’t anything particularly R-rated – just me from the waist up, with my face looking down and making what I would almost call a shark face.
It was meant for the moment and we laughed about it and then went forward with the night.
At this point, I should mention, that I hate how I look. My partner is aware, and she says I look fine, but I despise the way I look.
I’m covered in curly hair and I am not terribly fit. I am so negative about my image that I won’t even go to the beach without a shirt on.
About a month later, my partner sent me the image I took via text message while joking with me.
I thought it was in poor taste and said so. She then revealed that she had taken that photo and photoshopped explosions coming out of of my chest. I was horrified. She then went on to reveal she had posted the image on social media, where her friends and family could see it.
I was mortified. I can’t even tell you the existential horror I went through knowing this photo was out there. I immediately called her and begged her to take the image down, but she was adamant she would not, and said it would be good for me to know people weren’t horrified by my shirtless body.
The photo had by this point been on her social media for 2 weeks and the replies weren’t exactly the positive love my partner suggested them to be. They ranged from “Oh, your partner is boing as Jabba the Hut for Halloween” to “I see why he prefers to keep his shirt on.”
After I came home from work we argued again about the photo. My partner revealed she had taken her least favorite photo of herself and photoshopped a snot bubble on her nose, then posted it on her social media as a form of solidarity. I was unamused and asked again for her to take it down.
She refused and replied “I can’t believe you’d be this shallow.” Eventually, she took it down, but it had already been 2 weeks and the damage was done.
It’s been two days now and we’re barely talking. So I have to know – AITJ for making my partner delete the photo I took?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She knows you’re insecure about your body so she put a picture of you shirtless on social media for everyone to see? Then when you say you’re not comfortable she refuses to listen to you. Does she even like you?
How would she feel if you took a picture where she’s slouching and has visible stomach rolls, then posted it on social media? Probably not great. She doesn’t respect you or your feelings, she’s invalidating you when you showed discomfort and is now punishing you for sticking up for yourself.
She’s bullying you, why would you want to be with someone like this?” Harmonia_PASB
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner knew what she was doing. She was making fun of how you look, AND she posted on social media about it without telling you.
She embarrassed you in front of all her friends on purpose and then tried to play it off like it wasn’t a big deal. She had to photoshop a snot bubble on her own face to make something that even comes close to how she made you look, and she posted it in “solidarity” probably saying something snarky about it.
She hasn’t even apologized, she’s only been gaslighting you about how you reacted. Your reaction was normal. The “moment of poor foresight” wasn’t when you took that picture, it’s when you agreed to date someone who apparently thinks so little of you and your feelings in the first place.” nylonvest
Another User Comments:
“She’s a jerk. She is also cruel and lacks respect for you. She knows how you feel about your looks and still decided to post this photo. She then refused to take it down the first time asked. Then she doubled down and then tried to make you the villain or should I say the “shallow” villain.
She was okay with people making nasty comments about your body. She was body-shaming you under the guise of “helping” you. She’s a horrible human. When people show you who they are believe them. You deserve better.” [deleted]
21. AITJ For Confronting My Mom About Past Neglect?
“Me (f16) and my mom(f38) who is currently married to her husband, have never really had the best relationship because it was always on and off.
This started just yesterday over something small, that being my brother not finishing his cereal, which then escalated into me and her arguing about how she treated me horribly as a kid and as I grew up. She and my biological father would consistently force me to finish all my food regardless if I vomited. Even when I’ve vomited, I’d be forced to consume that as well, or else I’d be faced with harsh consequences.
Some brief background about my childhood, my parents were pretty abusive and were also really neglectful. I got a lot of fevers as a toddler and my mother would ignore the bruises I’d had or do little to nothing to help me.
When I brought that up to my mom, she was hysterical and yelled at me saying she was young at the time and couldn’t do anything.
(She was also abusive but still could’ve contacted the police.) She told me how I needed to let go of my past and move on instead of always bringing up everything that happened to me “whenever I had the chance”. I rarely ever bring it up and only ever do when she triggers a PTSD attack.
She denied that I was ever forced to consume my vomit and told me her childhood was far worse than mine. (Both her and my grandmother and her sisters have told me that she was the favorite child and the only problem they had at the time was really bad poverty.) That honestly upset me further and I told her that she can’t go around comparing people’s childhoods and brought up how unlike me, she was never physically attacked by her father multiple times to where she could’ve been hospitalized. When I said this, she got quiet and I went back into the kitchen to wash some dishes.
She then turned to my stepdad and said how nothing she ever does is good enough for me and how I am selfish and a jerk. She effectively tried to victimize herself.
Knowing my stepdad, though, he said little to nothing and usually always sides with her to avoid getting into an argument with her since they argue often whenever he disagrees with her or isn’t on her side.
This has been bothering me for a while, honestly and I’m puzzled and lost and this is all so confusing and frustrating to me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“My goodness, you are so far from the jerk. NTJ. I don’t think even you understand how bad what you went through is.
That’s a disgusting level of mistreatment. Your mom is a victim of mistreatment, but my sympathy ends when she fails to protect her child from that mistreatment and she continues to deny what you went through. It’s not worth trying to get through to her, frankly.
She’s too far gone. The best thing you can do for yourself and your mental health is to grit your teeth, accept that your mother is never going to apologize and find people who will be supportive.” blanketstatement5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your childhood was horrifically abusive.
Unfortunately, your mother will likely never agree with you and continue to make excuses. Your feelings and experiences are so valid no matter what she says, but at this point, it might be best to keep your head down until you can move out. Find a therapist if you can, and a support system/trusted adult you can vent to, or perhaps a relative you can live with.
I’m so sorry you have to live in this situation.” Equivalent_Ebb_1285
20. AITJ For Refusing To Take Out A Loan For My Financially Irresponsible Mother?
“I’m (21f) living with my (25m) partner, we are living together, both working and also undergoing university.
We’re completely independent we pay for everything ourselves, including rent. Before I describe the situation with my mom let me give you a bit of insight.
My parents are divorced and I have a younger brother as well. Our mother got a partner which is the definition of a freeloader.
We had lived with her them 2016 till 2020. Since the very beginning when we moved with her she owed money to a lot of relatives and friends, she also never let us use the child support or our pocket money.
I had gone out of my way to find a summer job when I was 16 which was extremely difficult, illegal, and in a whole different city.
I went to art school and I knew I was getting no support from her so I did what I could at the time to support myself without bothering her. In the end, I was called “selfish” for that and she guilt-tripped me into giving her 90% of my earnings.
Anyway not the first time she had done that, our dad gave us allowance in private hoping for her to never notice, but in the end, she ended up taking that as well.
6 months before we were living on minimal child support which is pretty much 150 USD (I’m from a Balkan country where things are quite different) My brother was extremely underweight, we were barely meeting ends and she was using the little money we had to put her smoking addiction before us.
I made a demand she kicks out her partner so we can survive and she can start anew. After 3 days of verbal mistreatment, I packed our things and we ran to my dad’s place with my brother.
I cut her off for 2 years it just wasn’t good for my mental health, plus my brother was well taken care of and most importantly happy.
Last year we started patching our relationship, but it feels like her goal is to ultimately guilt trip me into giving her money for her credits/loans. Latest she asked me to take a 7k credit on my name to give to her so she can pay off her credits, take the same amount, and return it to me.
I declined since the amount is absurd and if she ends up disappearing or in general never returning this amount it too big for me to cover. Am I the jerk for not helping her with this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should check your credit to make sure she hasn’t used your personal information to set up credit lines under your name.” JamboreeJunket
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- you are not responsible for her finances, especially as you are at the start of your adult lives and barely making ends meet yourselves. I would check your own credit score though. She may have been taking cards out in your name for years.” [deleted]
19. AITJ For Refusing to Co-Sign a Car Loan for My Irresponsible Brother?
“My brother (30-year-old male) never really applied himself much to reach his full potential. He switches jobs once a year and at this point in life has worked at every fast-food restaurant in Arizona.
He only works part-time and lives with family only paying $200-300/month. He has not lived with family and has never actually paid his $200-$300 until two years ago. He spends all his money on computer stuff like two $900 32” curved monitors. He also has no credit history because he doesn’t want to go through the hassle of getting a credit card.
Recently he caused a car accident and since he’s still on my father’s car insurance his accident raised the rates. He is now being kicked off the insurance because he has a couple of speeding tickets and a previous accident as well. He also needs a new car and this is where I come in.
I make good money and have the best credit in the family. I got my doctorate and have saved every dime I could to prepare for the housing market. Well, naturally my brother came to me asking for a co-signer and possibly help with the down payment.
I told him that before I agreed on anything I needed to know the cost of vehicles he was looking at. He wasn’t looking at anything fancy but they were still around $20k and he only had $500 for a down payment. I told him that he should look at cheaper vehicles because unless I co-signed and gave him a couple thousand, his car payments and insurance for full coverage with his ticket/accident history would be $480/month on a 60-month plan.
If he only works part-time making $15/hr and with his history, I don’t trust him to pay that bill which would mean I would have to pay it. Also with co-signing, it would be added to my DTI which isn’t smart if I’m looking at homes.
This started a whole argument about “I don’t support him”, I always have to remind him he doesn’t do as well as me and that only I’m allowed nice stuff in the family. He hasn’t talked to me for several weeks since then.
My cousin and grandparents said I was the jerk saying that I was being selfish for not sharing the money I made. My dad kind of hinted also that I was being selfish. I’m not wealthy, I’m in my early 20s making about $104k/yr but I do make more than everyone else in the family and have $60k saved which I could dive into to help him.
Am I the jerk for not just agreeing to just co-sign and give him a down payment?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. Never cosign a loan unless you’re ready to pay 100% of said loan. Always assume the other person will default. For your brother, if he honestly believes that he could reliably make $480/month payments, then why doesn’t he wait 6 months, deposit those amounts into a high-yield savings account, and end up both “proving you wrong” as well as have an extra $3,000ish for his down payment?
He won’t because he can’t. Besides, if (okay, when) he defaults, that would negatively impact your credit rating too. As for your family, tell them that if they think cosigning is so risk-free, they are welcome to step up to cosign.” choirboy
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. Do not… Do NOT… DO NOT…. Co-sign any loan for your brother. Everything about his work and life history says that that car loan will not be more important than some $600 pair of gaming headphones. Which will put your ability to purchase your own home in jeopardy.
“No,” is a complete sentence, and no one should jeopardize their financial futures for relatives…especially when, by all accounts, they are deadbeats. You can kind of hint to your father that he can co-sign if he cares so much.” prometheus59650
Another User Comments:
“Don’t be manipulated. Don’t EVER co-sign for anyone.
You’ve rightly surmised that you will be on the hook for the car payment since your brother has a history of irresponsibility. He’s not ready for a car if he needs a co-signer and has failed to save up more than $500 but he can buy frivolous things.
Your brother has been receiving help from everyone his whole life and no one seems to think he needs to be bothered to help himself. There are second-chance car dealers he could go to that may not require a co-signer. If he needs more help with his down payment then perhaps he should work more hours or even pick up a second job.
It’s not your job to ‘support him’, he’s a grown man just like you. You’re not the jerk.” moew4974
18. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Inheritance With My Abusive Mother?
“I (15) have had a rough relationship with my mother since I was 10, when my parents divorced. My mother and father both hated each other and admittedly weren’t good together at all.
However, for reasons I’m not sure of, my mom got full custody of me and my younger brother, and we were never allowed to see our dad. He tried for years to gain some level of custody of us but it never worked out, even though both my brother and I openly begged to see him, we were never allowed and it strained our relationship with our mother horribly.
My mother almost instantly remarried to this horrible jerk, let’s call him Clyde. Clyde doesn’t work. He’s a man-child who doesn’t clean, plays video games all day, and bosses everyone around. My mom struggles to pay rent on her own, but won’t get rid of this loser no matter how badly he treats her or her kids.
By the time I was 13, living with her was pure torment and we never spoke unless we fought. It got so bad that back in January, my mother suggested I emancipate when I turned 16 in a few months, as she no longer wanted to deal with me and didn’t want me around.
Cut to about a month ago, my dad passed away. And it was very sad and I was heartbroken. But we later found out my dad had very large insurance policies, 401k’s, his house, and savings. Everything he had left to me. He was a hard worker and a saver who knew how to invest. Everything he had was left to me, with my paternal grandmother acting as a custodian until I was 18, or no longer under the legal control of my mother.
I won’t say exactly how much it is, but it’s more money than anyone needs in a lifetime.
Since this discovery, and my unwillingness to halt my emancipation process, my mother has begun pleading with me daily to give her money from the inheritance and suggest we move into my father’s home, which I now own.
Over my dead body would I ever let my mother’s husband step foot in my father’s house? And I told her I would not give her so much as a dime unless she divorced that abusive scumbag and got her life back on track. She refused. And so did I.
She threatened to never let me see my brother again until he’s 18, which is not for 7 more years.
I know I’m being emotionally manipulated. But would I be the jerk if I still refused?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Let’s assume that you don’t have people holding this in trust AKA you do… You have paternal grandparents who ARE NOT going to approve of a withdrawal to pay her bills… You absolutely should not agree to support your adult mother on the off chance that she gives you access to a sibling.
That’s not how that works. Your grandparents are not going to approve of giving the money and they shouldn’t. They know better. And no, she’s not going to do what you say for a paycheck she’ll just lie and say she will before immediately blackmailing you again with a sibling or going back, etc…
The entire time denying you sibling access and staying with this dude anyway.” JetItTogether
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTA because your mother is a terrible parent and subjecting you to mistreatment. Your response to your mother is very mature for your age because instead of simply saying you wouldn’t give her any money because you hate her or something like that you laid out reasonable conditions.
She has to leave an abusive relationship, which in turn would protect your younger brother more, and she has to get her life back on track. You show concern for her where it sounds as though she showed little to you and your brother. Giving in to emotional blackmail from abusive people never ends well.
I’m so very sorry that your childhood was destroyed like this. If it is that much money then get a financial advisor, someone licensed and bonded or part of a reputable firm, and let them teach you how to ensure that you’re set for life, and in the process you can set a trust for your younger brother that protects him in the long run, too.” gufiutt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ do not give her a single dollar. SHE STOLE YOUR FATHER FROM YOU. What cruel person does that – you lost years with him. She wanted you to emancipate at 16 so she wouldn’t be responsible for you whilst still in higher education.
Your father worked hard for that money – why should you hand over anything to her and that man she married? Do emancipate at 16, and go live with your grandmother if she will have you until you are 18. If you want to do good with some of the money – help actual deserving people in need through local charities.
Oh, and it’s not 7 years – help him emancipate at 16 and take him in. She won’t use the money on him if you give it to her anyway. You may as well have a safe space waiting for him when he is 16.” Big__Bang
17. AITJ For Kicking Out My Partner And Her Son After She Broke Our Agreement?
“Me (35m) and my partner, Sara (35f) have been together for 4 years. She has a son, Nathan (9m), with her ex Mark (36m). Sara has full custody of Nathan with her ex having scheduled visitations one weekend of every month. Sara and Nathan moved in with me a little over a year and a half ago and in my perspective, it was a little rocky at first. I’ve always been pretty protective of my space so making room for two other people was difficult for me.
When Sara moved in with me we agreed that the visitations for Mark would be held in our apartment as long as I’m home. The main reason I wanted this is because I don’t know Mark that well, and I don’t want him wandering around our apartment without me there.
When we proposed this idea to Mark, he was fine with it.
Now moving on to the real issue. Three weeks ago marked four months since Mark’s last visit so I had asked Sara when he was planning on visiting Nathan. My partner replied by shrugging her shoulders and telling me she’d ask.
She never followed up with it. So a few days ago, I asked when Mark’s next visit was and Sara said she’d tell me when she knew. Nathan was in the living room but had overheard us and shouted something along the lines of “Dad was here last weekend remember”.
Sara’s face immediately dropped and when I asked what Nathan meant, she wouldn’t give me a direct answer.
Eventually, she ended up telling me that for the past two visits, Mark had been to our apartment when I was working. When I accused her of going back on our agreement, she kept telling me this was her home too and she could invite whoever she wanted, and that it was fine because she was here and watching.
I told her that was besides the point and she violated my trust. It blew up into a huge argument with ended in me telling her to get out of my apartment. She packed up and left with Nathan. Last I heard she was staying with her parents.
I’ve gotten several messages from both Sara and her parents calling me a jerk for kicking Sara and Nathan out of their home for something so small. She’s even been blasting me on Instagram and social media about how horrible I am to do this to her.
It’s got me thinking I might be the jerk but I’m not entirely sure yet. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not only did she break the only rule you had (for whatever reason) but she lied about it multiple times and seems never had the intention to tell you until the kid revealed the truth.
If she had an issue with the single boundary you’ve set, she should’ve talked to you and “renegotiated” it, but she didn’t bother. And I’m sorry, but letting someone move in with you doesn’t automatically make you and them 100% equal residents in a house *you* own, especially when it comes to conditions that were agreed on before the move.” littlerunaway1984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she thought it was ‘fine’ for her ex to visit your apartment, she would have said something and she did not. She hid the fact that he’d been there not once but twice. This was a clear boundary and she crossed it.
That’s a red flag there and I’m not sure you should be in a relationship with her after this.” Anon_457
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk for being upset but you’re certainly the jerk for even implementing this rule for as long as you have for two people you’re supposed to love.
They’re not roommates, this is your romantic partner and her child. The way you talk about *their* home like it’s only yours is wild. And you’re a jerk for kicking her out with a child.” sara_swati_
16. AITJ For Wanting My Parents To Stop Financially Supporting My Struggling Brother?
“My brother has had a pretty rough life, we grew up relatively stable in the Midwest and we were quite a happy family until he started to go through his teenage years and developed depression and had some pretty bad bullying in school.
I wasn’t there for him as I was much younger and learned about it after coming of age. He’s always been overweight/obese and that was a very touchy point in our family and probably still is. My brother was diagnosed with an illness about 6 years ago and since then he has used the illness as an excuse to do nothing with his life.
(I know that sounds bad, I’m not painting myself well here) anyway, my brother found himself a woman a few years ago and now they’ve been divorced for a solid year. That woman was never right for him and the family just tolerated her to keep my bro happy.
Well, the divorce is not going well and custody is a nightmare. She was a terrible mother and before she met my brother she was an addict and all the amazing things you can imagine. Well, she turned her life around with my brother and they had a baby and bought a house which was largely due to her high income and my brother’s ability to put away her money for a deposit, which is something I’m quite proud of him for doing as he was terrible with money up until that point.
Anyway, the situation now is my parents have inherited money and their house has gone up $700000 since we bought it 15 years ago. So, for the first time in their life, they’re comfortable and retired. However, my brother is now completely messed up and is not receiving any child support payments as of yet.
My parents bought him a new car and even paid his rent for the next few months to help him out. That is all fantastic and I’m really happy that my parents could help…. Well, I spoke to my brother a week ago and he said that my parents are looking to buy him a house….
Now, I have always said to my parents to spend all their money because they earned it and I don’t expect anything… but darn. My brother has already received at least 3 times more than myself and our other brother combined!
WIBTJ for telling my parents to cut this guy loose or should I be more respectful of his trauma and let my parents lose their retirement fund?”
Another User Comments:
“Your story contradicts itself. You say your brother hasn’t done anything with his life in 6 years after finding out about an illness. Then go on to say how during that time he got married had a child and got a home. But due to being with a deadbeat mom he is now struggling and sounds like he is raising children on your own.
Doesn’t sound like he did nothing with his life” Thejerkthrowawa
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It is their house and their money. Do you think they will listen to you? Your post reads as jealous that he has had more help than you. That is the way the world works, some kids need more help and some need it at different times.
Instead of telling them what they should or should not do, maybe recommend that if they buy a house, they might want to talk to a lawyer first so they are covered legally in case any problems crop up.” holisarcasm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for caring about your parent’s future financial security.
Oftentimes, the child who milks their parents is NOT the one to show up to help them later when they need it. Sad but so true. That said, you have no control over what your parents choose to do so long as they are competent.
Talking with them about your concern that they might not be setting aside enough to guarantee their retirement is valid, but suggesting that they cut ties with their son who they still basically take care of will not be well received or heeded. You are probably right that this all will not end well for your parents, but they are, I assume, competent adults who will make their own good and bad financial decisions.” Realistic_Head4279
15. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Mother With Her Flight Booking?
“My mother has been verbally and psychologically abusive to my brother with a TBI. She has had her fair share of addiction to drinks and pain med addictions. Emotionally she lately seems in a better place, mentally she’s almost completely incompetent. She doesn’t work but “takes care of” my sick aunt.
Found a partner who “is a millionaire bet you’d never know it”.
Anyways… I live in a snowy, cold place. Just yesterday, flights were delayed because of snow. She and her partner booked a flight (w/o telling me) in/out of an airport 5 hours away because they wanted to take a drive.
I told her she might not make it to us because end of November the pass may be closed due to snow and if it’s not it will likely be a whiteout, unsafe drive. Her partner couldn’t cancel the flight so canceled his CC instead.
She asked me to book it for them, I told her to call at a certain time. I’d still be working at the computer and have time, before shifting gears to my kiddos. Two hours later she calls. I start going through the flights to the airport that’s less than 10 minutes away, they want to fly into the airport that’s 2.5 hours away.
Fine. I booked the flight and a car and have the itinerary emailed to him.
A week goes by and she tells me I never booked a return flight. I say again to forward the itinerary to me so I can take a look. Over the next few days, messages that there was a problem, and I didn’t book a return flight.
8 more requests to send me an itinerary. Nothing.
I get a message that I need to call her. I tell her I’m having a terrible day and am headed to work. We had something terrible happen, it was a bad day and I told her what happened. She doesn’t message me until the next day and only says, I hope today is better.
Not are the kids okay, are you okay, how can I help? Nothing like that. The next day she called again and said I hadn’t booked a return flight.
I lose it a bit and tell her she has 3 options: cancel the trip, figure it out, or send me the itinerary so I can work with it on my day off.
I told her it was not fair to expect me to drop everything and that she expected me to help her if she couldn’t even forward me the itinerary. I tell her at this point I’m too stressed out that I don’t even want her to come.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you’re not her assistant. Why can’t she book her flights and cars? All she has to do is ask you what dates they should travel to you and what the best airport is. Then they should be handling it. I would opt out of taking on this additional stress.
Also, if her visits only stress you out in general and don’t bring you joy or aren’t helpful, stop letting her visit.” friendlily
14. AITJ For Not Sharing My Family's Financial Support With My Partner?
“So, me (19f) and my partner (21m) met last year and we’ve been seeing each other for almost a year.
The subject of money didn’t come up except that I work, he doesn’t, my parents and grandma are each paying half of my tuition and his parents are paying for his with the help of his basketball scholarship and the fact that they send him money monthly but it’s just about enough for food and some little extras.
My parents and grandma are both sending me quite a lot of money monthly and with the additional money from my job I have quite a lot.
This month, one of my best friends had her wedding and I was one of the bridesmaids, and since most of the bridesmaids were also in college I offered to cover what I could for them, which resulted in me picking up some extra shifts but mostly having a lot of fun with my friends.
Yesterday my partner asked me if I wanted to go to a restaurant and since it’s almost the end of the month I knew that I would have to pay for it so I just said: “sure, I will have to ask my dad to send me the money for next month a little early though.” He gave me a sharp look and asked me what I meant which is when I realized that I never really told him about the money so I laughed a little and told him that my family sends my money every month so I won’t have to work as much.
He got very upset and yelled at me that I was selfish and that I knew it was hard for him to live with the money that his parents sent to him so I should have offered to give him some of mine.
I was baffled and asked him why should I give him my money.
And I already pay for most of the stuff we do together.
He got red and yelled that it’s not *my* money, so I shouldn’t care.
I snapped at him that it was my money, it was from my family, and If he wanted some extra then he should find work.
He stormed off and hasn’t talked to me since, I know it wasn’t fair for me to say it since between his basketball, studying, and having a social life he doesn’t have that much time.
I feel really bad now but I also don’t think I’m in the wrong, I shouldn’t have to give him money just because he’s my partner.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ is not something he should be getting red in the face and yelling about. It IS your money. If he needs financial help, then it’s not something he should pressure you for. He could always talk to his own family about increasing the amount he gets if it’s that bad.
You’re not being selfish at all here, and it’s the smart thing to stand up for yourself and keep your money safe.” Frogvine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your financial status is not your partner’s business. It is astounding that he thinks that just because you are seeing each other you should give him your money.
He sounds like an entitled, selfish, and immature young man. This does not sound like a healthy relationship for you and would be a good time to cut him loose.” Independent-Work5275
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and it was fair to say that to him. You do not have to tell him about your money and you do not have to share it with him.
No no no no no. Do not apologize. Dump him. His behavior crosses a line and it deeply concerns me that you’ve been seeing each other for less than a year and he feels entitled to your money and your financial info. No no no.” [deleted]
13. AITJ For Taking Broadway Seats That Another Woman Wanted All To Herself?
“I was at a Broadway show with my partner and we were sitting in some lousy seats.
I mean the kind of lousy where your neck is hurting from trying to see the show. I noticed during the first act that there were three empty seats in the section below me and decided to ask the usher if I could move there after the first act.
The usher said yes, and as we approached the three seats I noticed a woman walking and standing in front of one of them. I told her I was looking to move to these seats and she said she was thinking about it too. I said okay, where are your seats (thinking maybe I could just move to her seat so she could have these) And she told me was two rows below the seats (so in better seats).
I asked how large her party was, and she said it was just her alone. I said okay, well it works out either way because there are 3 seats and 3 of us. She said “Well no it doesn’t work out for me” because she wanted all three seats to herself so she could have “more room”.
Note that I am a 5’3 petite woman, and this woman was very thin and petite herself. She also could have sat at the very end seat (which was one of the open seats) so she was only next to one person. I was not about to go back to my lousy seats when I got permission from the usher to sit there, and all three of us could comfortably sit there.
I felt like I was being fair, and we all paid for one seat, not three seats. She got really rude to me about how it doesn’t work out for her, and I told her as kindly as I could that unfortunately, I don’t think it’s fair that she takes up 3 full seats when we could all sit there.
This is a packed Broadway theater – if you don’t want to sit near anyone, buy yourself multiple seats. She then told me that she paid more money than me (because her original seats were closer than mine) and that should matter and then walked away angrily.
The way I see it, I was happy to share these seats with her, and her logic for why she should have them seems pretty ridiculous. But she very clearly thought I was a huge jerk. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She’s reached the unfortunate stage of life where she believes that having more money means something in spaces where it does not.
You had permission from the usher and there is no reasonable reason she needed 3 seats. If she needed them that badly she should have purchased them.” CheckIntelligent7828
Another User Comments:
“Wow, that’s a strange incident for sure. I don’t see why you couldn’t have just sat down considering you were sitting in the lousy seats before and decided to move to the better section.
The lady who thought she was entitled to three seats for herself should have bought herself three seats because she knew that the Broadway theater was packed and not just think “Oh, these empty seats are mine now.” NTJ.” Willing_Foundation90
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The usher said you could both move, she was the one being selfish trying to take up THREE seats so she could have more room to herself. You stood up for yourself and shouldn’t feel bad. She should have just sat down and enjoyed the show, instead, she got angry for literally no reason and then stormed off like a spoiled child who didn’t get what she wanted.” TheSilverLining45
12. AITJ For Keeping A Neglected Cat That Keeps Showing Up At My Place?
“Last month, we had a cat show up on our doorstep right before a storm hit, so we (me, 21F, my partner 22M, and our roommate, 22M) brought the little dude inside and posted him on social media in all the groups in our small town.
The next day, we hadn’t gotten a response on any posts, so we took him to the vet. He wasn’t chipped, wasn’t neutered, and was still a kitten, but like in his teenage stage. The vet gave us a sample bag of food to feed the cat until we either decided to keep him or found a home for him.
Eventually, we found his home, and we returned him.
Last week, I saw a post in the same group that I had posted in. The cat was loose again, and this time, his collar had been removed. I had to work and couldn’t go look where he had been spotted. 24 hours later, I’m driving and the cat crosses the street on a backroad about 30ft in front of me.
I got out, and he ran right to me, I cried for a minute, and then I took him back to my apartment. He ate, then slept in my desk chair next to me for 3 hours straight, ate some more, used his litter box I got for him, and then went right back to sleep.
I checked on social media again that night to see if anyone had posted about him. I scrolled back to August and he had been posted as found 7 times, not counting our posts in September. On one, it said the owner had been found, but that she ghosted the person who found the cat and they couldn’t return him.
He’s been on and off the streets and wandered over 10 miles from his owner’s home to where my apartment was at that time, getting food from various people along the way.
It’s getting cold where I live, and I honestly feel morally conflicted about trying to give him back if he’s spent the last 3 months on and off the streets.
My partner’s mom thinks the cat distribution system isn’t gonna give up on me, I’d love to keep him, but I don’t wanna be in the wrong here and let my emotions cloud my judgement.
For context: My roommate messaged the owner and returned the cat to her.
I was never in contact with her at any point. She has 0 clue that I exist.
Also: I live in a fairly rural area. We have lots of critters (think mountain lions).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s a clear pattern of neglect from the “owner” of the cat.
Outdoor cats are a hazard to certain wildlife and are at risk from other types of wildlife (as you pointed out). If you can keep him indoors, happy, and healthy, then you should. Especially since it seems clear that the original owner is unable or unwilling to do so.” LaydiBones
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They’re not taking care of this cat. It has to be returned to them. And over. And over. 7x since just August. And it’s what, about a 6-8 month old kitten? One time they wouldn’t even take the cat back from someone.
They either don’t care about this cat or are for whatever reason too unstable to properly and safely care for one. Please give the kitten a good, safe home.” PinkNGreenFluoride
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This person is NOT a responsible cat owner. They keep losing the cat.
They shouldn’t have the cat. If you give the cat back to someone who will probably let it out again there’s a good chance it’ll die from the cold. IMO it would be morally wrong to return the cat to that person.
Like I know the cat not a child but you still have a real responsibility for it, if someone’s kid got out and got lost that many times they wouldn’t get it back.” satanik-freak
11. AITJ For Asking My FSIL to Postpone Her Wedding Due to Overlapping Plans?
“My FSIL got engaged shortly after my fiancé (FH) and I set our wedding date. Initially, everything was fine, and she agreed to be one of my bridesmaids. However, as time went on, she started overshadowing our wedding plans. She kept changing her mind about the venue and eventually decided to have it at our house witch her mother lives with us which is also where we planned to have our wedding.
What bothered me more was that she started choosing the same designs, flowers, decorations, and cake ideas as us, almost like she was trying to copy us.
About five months ago, I found out I was pregnant with our first child, which was very exciting.
However, FSIL once again tried to overshadow our news and started competing with us in planning our baby shower, while still keeping the same wedding date. It seems like every step we take, she tries to outdo us. Now she even talks about wanting to have another baby, despite already having a 6-month-old son.
It feels like she constantly tries to one-up or steal her brother’s big moments.
My FH and I were engaged for a year and a half before deciding to get married. FSIL only got engaged once we set our wedding date. I texted her about my concerns, explaining that her constant push for her wedding was causing stress on her mother (who is helping us plan our wedding).
I politely asked if she could consider postponing her wedding for a year so that her mother could assist both of us without feeling overwhelmed.
This request sparked a heated argument, with FSIL accusing me of being a jerk. I admit that pregnancy hormones might have influenced my message, but I genuinely felt that she was overshadowing our major life events and making everything about her.
This has been a recurring pattern for the four years I’ve been with my significant other (SO), and it has always caused him distress. FSIL has a history of overshadowing his birthdays, engagements, and even our child’s announcement. It feels like every event we have turns into a competition.
Considering all of this, am I the jerk for asking her to delay her wedding by a year so that we can focus on our major events without it becoming a competition?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here but since it’s YOUR house tell her that she can’t have her wedding at YOUR house.
Let her have her wedding first so that a. She can’t “steal” any more of your ideas and b. You can make your wedding super unique because her event would have already passed and c. Don’t tell her about anything else you’re doing with your life so that she can’t overshadow it.” angirrr
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here but only for the part where you asked her to postpone for a year. The rest is understandable. Perhaps don’t share details with her on any planning until the last minute. She has no right to plan to have her wedding at your house without your consent so that is a nonissue until after your wedding.
Since you are pregnant of course she can’t possibly ask to use your house before the child arrives or thereafter until you open your home to the public, meaning anyone you choose to decline permission to come to your home. Including someone is not a requirement regardless of their connection to your world.
Unfortunately, so many are leaving unpleasant opinions on this, I don’t think you deserve such harshness.” ConfusedAt63
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. Everything you have accused her of is your interpretation of her actions. Not trying to invalidate you, because she could be doing everything you say she has done, but you had no proof of it and, I say this as a previously pregnant woman who understands the rush of emotions you can get during pregnancy, you caused the only evidence of real trouble when you asked her to postpone her nuptials.
That isn’t fair.” RevolutionaryEqual68
10. AITJ For Sleeping Over At My Closeted Partner's House And Getting Caught By His Parents?
“I, a 17-year-old male, have been in a relationship with my partner, another 17-year-old male, for about six months.
I am out and have been out since age 14. My partner is, or was, closeted before this incident. I am not outwardly flamboyant but I can be at times while my partner is very “masculine” and is very good at passing. He is the stereotypical all-American boy ex.
Football, student council, straight A’s, etc. We live in a more mixed area so views on social issues vary from household to household. My family is more middle ground while he is very staunchly traditional.
After being in a relationship for a few months I started going over to his house to just hang out and enjoy each other’s company.
We don’t do anything other than just talk or watch Netflix. I was on very good terms with his parents as they supported the “brotherhood” we had. One night I stayed over and I woke to my partner’s mother gasping and slamming the door.
My partner and I had fallen asleep in each other’s arms and his mother walked in on this. We frantically got dressed and I was advised by my partner to leave quickly. As I was rushing out my partner’s father intercepted me and yelled at me questioning where I was going.
I froze and he led me into the dining room where his mother was there crying. My partner’s father yelled for him to come down and join us. He then proceeded to yell at us that what we were doing was disgusting and that I “corrupted” their pure child.
My partner and I explained that nothing happened and we just fell asleep like that. They weren’t having it and screamed at me to leave their home. I quickly grabbed my stuff and headed out looking back at my mortified partner. I Went home and texted him immediately to see if he was okay but I didn’t get a response.
My parents got a call from his parents calling me a disease-ridden monster that ruined their perfect son who is now saying we’re in a relationship. My parents hung up on them after a bit of ranting and informed me of the call. Now my partner’s family is going online posting about my family. My family’s jobs are at stake and some of my scholarships are as well.
I asked some of my friends and they told me that I shouldn’t even have stayed the night there in the first place. Now I feel like I could’ve prevented this. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Fairly sure that’s not how preferences work.
It’s simply nature. Also, they are inappropriate and slanderous. There is no age gap between you nor do you have a position of power such as a parent, guardian, or teacher. Might be worth your family speaking to a lawyer. A legal threat over the loss of family income caused by slander might shut him up, at least in terms of on the internet.
May depend on local laws.” Sea_grave
Another User Comments:
“It’s ridiculous that this is still a thing in 2023. No, you’re not the jerk, your partner’s parents are. I couldn’t imagine not supporting my children completely in anything they did. That reaction is disgusting and I’m so sorry you have to deal with this.
Keep being you and hopefully, your partner will start being more himself now too. Good luck and I hope this situation ends with happiness.” BigMS65
Another User Comments:
“You probably shouldn’t have stayed the night there without their knowledge, but the appropriate reaction to that would have been, “We expect you to respect our boundaries while in our house and we don’t allow our teens to have overnight guests.
We will drive you home and Son is going to be grounded for a week” or something. Not, “We are going to tell the entire world you’re a predator.” NTJ. Not even E S H. Your infraction was minor. Their response was vile.” etds3
9. AITJ For Refusing To Return A Cat I Adopted From My Sister's Friend?
“Five months ago I (27f) took in a cat, Mina (5f). Mina belonged to my younger sister’s friend, who I’ll call H, who was moving to another city/state with her partner.
They weren’t able to take Mina with them, and H needed to rehome Mina.
I have a cat, Atlas (7m) who is very chill so I offered to take in Mina. H was very grateful, and Mina was very anxious when I first got her, but she’s since come out of her shell and bonded with both me, Atlas, and my partner.
She’s turned into a lap kitty and is gradually becoming more social (she used to hide from guests/strangers when we had people over).
H recently announced she and her partner have broken up and she’s moved back to town. She’s currently living with her mom while she looks for an apartment.
H contacted me and asked for Mina back since it’s “been only a few months.”
I told her no since everyone has grown attached to her and invested a lot of time and money into her transition into our lives. To me, “rehomed” means “up for adoption;” there’s no changing your mind in 5 months.
Mina now sleeps in bed with us and we’ve been trying to harness-train her to go on walks with Atlas. We’ve also taken her to our vet and bought new water bowls, cat beds, more cat trees, etc for her. And if anyone has introduced two adult cats to each other you know how difficult it can be.
It took two months before Mina and Atlas could be in the same room for extended periods, but now they’ll sleep near each other and groom one another.
H was not happy with my response. She said she had Mina for years while we only had her a couple of months, and that she’ll pay me back/buy all the stuff we got for Mina.
I told her it’s not just about the cost, but also our attachment to her and vice versa. I don’t think it would be fair to put Mina through another stressful transition right after she got used to her new home/family. (We’re not a long-term boarding facility!)
H is angry and has even vaguely insinuated going to court, which I 100% do not believe she can/will do. But she’s also been talking nonsense to my sister, who is now also upset with me and is giving me the silent treatment, and I’m now the bad guy to them, and who knows how many other people H has told.
I won’t be giving Mina back, but I’m starting to feel like a jerk and “cat thief” as H has said.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your sister is being selfish. Every time that cat changes hands or moves, it’s stressful. The cat is happy where it is, she isn’t entitled to the cat.
Your sister is a jerk though. She abandoned her pet she had for five years only to show up months later expecting to just get the cat back. When I need to move, my pets come with me. They’re family. I would never consider abandoning them.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are 100% correct, rehomed means that you adopted her. Your home is her home. She can’t expect you to give back the cat that you’ve bonded with and made a part of your family just because her life circumstances changed and she wants her back.
You’re doing the right thing and she’s being entitled and immature about this.” hannahkelli
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The cat is yours, she chose to give up no matter what the situation was, she was selfish She wants the cat back because the relationship didn’t work out and she is lonely, What if they get back together will she give her away again?
The cat has a stable and loving home with you and she deserves that! Let your sister and her friend be mad, they aren’t entitled to the cat just because it’s convenient for her now” RaisinAnxious4486
8. AITJ For Considering Eloping Despite Family Pressure And Grandma's Illness?
“I (M32) have been with my partner Sarah (31) for 7 years and living together for 5, and she is my soulmate, we’ve been through a lot together and see eye to eye on our life plans, this includes marriage.
By this I mean we both never wanted to get married, we’ve been quite happy living our life as it is.
Sarah and I were raised Catholics and as such marriage is important to both our families, however, we were never very devout people and eventually left the church altogether.
It’s important to note that we each had our process before we met, and it just became another thing we agreed on as part of our lives.
Anyways, we both had our issues on this matter regarding our families, this intensified when we told them we didn’t have plans to get married.
Recently I received an offer to work overseas in 2024, this is an upgrade in every sense, however, due to company policies I can only take Sarah with me if we’re legally married. Since it’s only legal we don’t have an issue just doing it, it would be like any other government procedure.
We tried to keep the marriage part a secret, but we made a mistake when our family found out and as expected everyone lost their mind.
They tried pushing for us to have a small wedding so it wouldn’t take much time to plan and offer to help, but knowing our family this was a lie, so we didn’t budge and told them they could come to the courthouse with us and that’s that.
As we were planning things, we got the news that Sarah’s grandma was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and the first thing she asked was to see her granddaughter get married. I don’t mean to sound harsh, she is ill, but I find it a bit annoying that she used her disease to force us into a traditional marriage.
Anyway, we agreed and one month into planning the budget went through the roof, suddenly every single family member had to be invited, we needed to take a catholic seminar, the works and it doesn’t show any sign of stopping.
We’ve literally been planning for one month and the fights have been non-stop so we were thinking of just eloping and dealing with the aftermath for a few months before we move but since grandma is the one who made the request, we’re thinking we might be in the wrong, so are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – raised catholic though, so I get where your family is coming from, but ultimately this is your choice. Is there not some sort of compromise where you at least have a wedding but ditch the pre-Cana classes and scale down this whole ordeal?” jrm1102
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Per Mayo Clinic, thyroid cancer is considered non-life-threatening and very treatable. I looked it up because I have known several people, even one young teen, with thyroid cancer and knew it was very treatable. They are playing the cancer card to manipulate you.” nemc222
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if you choose to elope. What I would do (personally) is go back and give them an ultimatum if you’re willing. Grandma, what would you rather do: Option one: we have a small wedding with x amount of people.
Set budget. No catholic Seminar. Or Option two: we elope at the courthouse and you come as a witness. And if she refuses either or tries to add to option one, then you’ll go to the courthouse. And that way if she wants to guilt trip over it being her dying wish – well you tried and offered a reasonable small wedding.
She refused to compromise. At the end of the day, I think she’s more interested in the “catholic wedding” than they are in being part of “Sarah’s special day”.” chatterchick
7. AITJ For Wanting To Kick My Fiancé's Brother Out Of Our Wedding?
“My fiancé and I have been together for 10 years and decided to have a wedding and get married next year.
We decided to get married because a few close friends of ours have recently gotten married and it brought us a lot of joy to be a part of their special day so we wanted to have our own fun and special experience. We are planning on having a ceremony and reception in our hometown with close family and friends.
We announced our engagement 1 year ago and are planning on getting married in May.
My fiancé’s younger brother recently proposed to his partner of 7 years, 1 month ago. They announced that they will be getting married in August of next year (about 3 months after our wedding) in the Bahamas and only close family are invited.
My fiancé’s brother and his fiancé have expressed wanting to start a family but are also very traditional so they would never have kids before getting married. It has also been mentioned that they would not get married before we did. Their reasoning for having a destination wedding and giving everyone 10 months’ notice to prepare is that they also want to rent a large boat for a week and the cheapest time of year to rent a boat in the Bahamas is during the dates they plan on having their wedding.
My fiancé and I have told them that we will not be able to attend their wedding due to financial issues and lack of time off. We very much want to be a part of their special day but due to our own wedding and vacation plans cannot get the time off.
After telling them this, they were very upset but were still very set on their current marriage plan.
My fiancé and I are very happy that they are getting married but also have a lot of negative feelings towards the situation. Selfish feelings because of the closeness of the wedding dates, hurt feelings for not feeling like we are important/close enough family to them because us not being at their wedding doesn’t seem to matter, angry feelings for feeling overshadowed by a younger sibling when they could’ve gotten married any other year.
Months ago, before their engagement, we asked both of them to be at our wedding as a part of the bridal party. Ever since their engagement my fiancé and I have just had overall negative feelings towards them due to this situation and do not want them in our wedding anymore.
WIBTJ for kicking them out of our wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You could have also gotten married any one of those 10 years but you waited for your reasons. They’re getting married 3 months after you, get over it. They accepted that you wouldn’t be able to attend and moved on.
I have a family member getting married the weekend after me in a different state, and neither of us will be able to attend either wedding. It’s not the end of the world, support them at home, and send a gift !” k611
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If they had planned their wedding to be within a month or less of your wedding, then getting upset would be reasonable, but 3 months later is more than enough to be respectful. When you plan to have a destination wedding, you’re supposed to go into it happy to accept that some people you love won’t be able to make it.
It’s part of the equation of having that kind of wedding. You said they were very upset that you couldn’t come, but also that they didn’t make enough of a fuss about you not being able to come. What did you expect, weeks of wailing and begging?” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, both of you. *Three months* after your wedding is too soon!? Your wedding gives you ownership for a *year*!? Anger that you’re not the most important character in their wedding!? Here’s the reality. They gave you a generous three months and chose to get married *after* your wedding so as not to interfere or overshadow you.
They invited you to their wedding. You have no grounds to feel offended.” extinct_diplodocus
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Roommate to My Old Friends' Halloween Party?
“I (21F) am a senior in college, and I live with a roommate (21F) who I’ve grown to be really good friends with.
However, we didn’t meet until junior year, and we both have friends that we met in the 2 years before us became roommates.
Every year, my good friends who I met before meeting her host a Halloween party at their apartment. It’s one of my favorite nights of the year because I get to spend time with my friends who I saw a lot sophomore year, but only have gotten to see a handful of times since junior year.
Anyway, their Halloween party is fast approaching, and I’m on the fence about whether I should invite my roommate along.
First off, she won’t know anyone at the party, and since this is time for me to spend time with people I don’t usually get to see, I plan on spending my time with them.
My roommate and I spend a LOT of time together, to begin with, and I don’t want to make her feel like the odd one out in case she doesn’t know anybody while I’m off spending time with my friends. She’s also pretty shy, so again, I don’t want to make her feel left out.
However, I might make her feel more left out if I don’t invite her.
Also, this may just be a personal fault of my own, but I’m not a huge fan of mixing my friends. I tend to be a social floater, so I have a lot of different social circles that don’t mix, and I like it that way.
I’ll typically only introduce my friends to each other if I have a good feeling they’ll get along. In this case, I don’t see her mixing in well just due to them having different personalities, which isn’t a fault of either of them, but it makes me less anxious when I’m more confident that people will get along.
I don’t know what to do. I want to spend time with these older friends, but I don’t know if my roommate will have plans this Halloween, and I don’t want her to feel left out. Also, I don’t know if this matters that much, but I am autistic, so social situations tend to be less of a stressor for me when I know what to expect.
Also, my roommate has no idea this party is happening in the first place, so if I say nothing, there probably won’t be very many consequences.
So, would I be the jerk? Should I invite her anyway? Thanks for reading.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
Don’t put yourself in a position where you become responsible for someone else’s social life. That doesn’t mean never inviting them, but in this particular case, you have reasons for not wanting to invite her. You can tell her that you’re going to spend Halloween with your friends Mike and Ike, and you’re excited because you hardly ever see them.
If she asks to go along, you can say something like “Oh I don’t think that’s a good idea, because you won’t know anyone, and I won’t be good company cos I’ll be catching up with Mike and Ike”.” Moose-Live
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You don’t owe her an invitation and she can be disappointed (although it’s just speculation at this point) without either of you being a jerk. “I made plans with some people you don’t know for that night. I hope you have a great evening!” cranberry
Another User Comments:
“I also have friends and friend groups who may not necessarily be comfortable with each other. If the time comes up, mention that you have plans, and if she presses say that you want to spend time with some people you haven’t spent much time with lately.
If she presses to go, then take her but don’t feel like her babysitter. Either she’ll fit in or she’ll feel uncomfortable and she’ll understand why she was not invited in the first place.” 2bFree-614
5. AITJ For Calling My Dad A Disgusting Old Man After He Made Inappropriate Comments About My Body?
“So my dad (M43) and I(F23) have always had a rocky relationship regarding my weight/body.
In the past, he’s made a lot of comments about my body and insecurities that worsened my body image and eating disorder at the time. For example, he’d call me a Halloween skeleton when I had anorexia and a lady of the night when I wore patterned stockings.
In the beginning, I’d just take it and even try to go with his comments at the time (run an extra lap, cover-up, etc.) But over time, I grew tired of it and would insult him back (call him out for his baldness, hygiene). It’s not great, but it’s the only way to get him to stop most times.
He has this type of insult, where he relentlessly makes fun of you and does not stop till you give him a strong reaction. Ignoring him usually makes him follow you and get other family members to join him.
Recently, I came to visit him and my mom and he saw that I was wearing these leggings.
Usually, I’d just brush it off, but I felt very uncomfortable and said “That makes me really uncomfortable that you’re making fun of me – can you stop?” My mistake because he continued to laugh hysterically. The relentless berating was back.
I snapped at that point and called him a “disgusting, old man” and went on about how this was why my brother in her high school was getting in trouble for saying rude, inappropriate things to girls – through my dad’s influence.
The comment seemed to get to him and he immediately got offended saying, “You can’t call me that, I’m your father… It’s different when I do it to you – I’m allowed to do it because I’m your father. Family members are allowed to joke around with one another like that.” My mom later said it was not right, but never denied him when she was sitting right there when everything happened. I don’t regret standing up for myself, but am wondering if AITJ went too far by calling him a “disgusting, old man”?”
Another User Comments:
“No good man would EVER think making comments about his daughter’s body was allowed, and your mother has enabled him by not shutting that down the very first time he said something inappropriate. Your parents have failed you. I’m so sorry. But I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself.
Continue to do so. Set firm boundaries, and make sure you tell trusted adults what is happening. You need others looking out for you too. NTJ but the rest of your family are” Spartan_Fartan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Point out to him it’s WORSE for a father to do that to their own kid than another woman, way way worse.
Being a father doesn’t give you the right to harass your kid, talk about them inappropriately, talk about their butt or generally mistreated them verbally. His behavior is turning his son into the kind of kid who touches people inappropriately. He’s learned that from him, in his own home, he’s turning his son into a predator and when that eventually causes real trouble he’ll always have to remember he and his inappropriate behaviour is the reason his son got in trouble.
Or he could grow up, be a man, and stop treating ALL women like this and teaching his son the same thing before it’s too late.” User
4. AITJ For Calling Out My Childhood Friend's Entitled Behavior and Breaking Tradition?
“I was born in America but lived with my grandmother in Vietnam for a couple of years when I was young. In Vietnam, there is a family that is a long-term friend of my family’s, and there are two children in that family (an older brother and a younger sister) that I got close with while living in Vietnam.
They’re only childhood friends from Vietnam that I look forward to seeing whenever I visit Vietnam with my family for va action. Let’s call the little sister “N” and the brother “H.” N knows that I love K-pop. I was touched to find out that she spent her childhood savings on collecting a bunch of K-pop merchandise as a gift for me the next time I visit Vietnam.
But things got busy for my entire family in America, so there was a whole 8-year gap where we couldn’t visit Vietnam for vacation.
There’s this toxic “tradition” in my family where the friends and relatives in Vietnam would expect my family to buy them a bunch of things from America and treat them to all the eat-outs and expensive resort trips we have during our vacation in Vietnam.
Because “Vietnamese don’t make as much money as Americans.” And in return, they would “serve” us by running little errands like going out to buy stuff that we need, cleaning our place, or even giving us massages in Vietnam. I’m personally not a fan of this “tradition” because that makes them look less like our genuine friends or relatives, and more like our “servants”.
Some of my family members feel entitled to these services because they see it as “I invest my money into you, it’s your obligation to serve me”. I don’t want to see H and N in that way like how my family treats their parents, and I’ve expressed it to them.
I want this “tradition” to stop in my generation.
I thought my friendship with H and N was genuine, as we were just kids hanging out with each other with no money involved back then. But I guess 8 years changes people. I feel like H is still treating me with genuineness as he would feel bad if I treat him out too much during vacation.
But N is a different story. Meeting again after 8 years, she expected me to pay for all the food and shopping we did during our hangouts because she doesn’t make as much money as I do. Expected me to leave her my electronics or expensive brand bags.
It would be a 10 page essay if I listed everything that makes me feel off about her, but let me list a few:
1. I feel like it’s common courtesy for people to choose items on a menu that are at least less expensive than the items chosen by the person who is paying for them.
But she would always pick one of the most expensive things on the menu without consulting with me. And expects me to pay for it. We went on a trip to Da Lat, and I invited N and her mom because they’d been there many times before and offered to show me and my fiancé around.
We went to beautiful places where there are traditional clothing rental services for people to take pictures with. She walked into the store and chose the clothes that I picked for myself and got upset that her mom told her to let me wear them since I’m paying for her.
First of all, I never agreed to pay for her rented clothes. She then chose another piece that’s on the higher end of the price range, and expected me to pay for it without consulting me about the prices. I put my foot on the ground and said I would only pay for the cheapest one for her and if she wants something more expensive, she pays the difference out of her pocket.
She was upset hearing this. Saying snarky stuff like “You don’t love me as a friend anymore” or “You’re so stingy!” Saying what’s the point of her going on trips with me if I don’t pay for her.
2. Initially, I trusted her and was fine with her handling my stuff, like helping me carry my purse or helping me pay for the stuff with my wallet.
However, I began to feel uncomfortable when I noticed the money in my wallet was less than what it should have been after paying for the services. I told her that I would handle paying for the stuff by myself from now on to keep track of everything more carefully.
She tries to guilt trip me by saying stuff like, “You don’t trust me anymore….” Even after that, she would occasionally snatch the cash or the entire bag out of my hands to pay for the services herself. And I began to feel extremely bothered by it.
3. Some of the clothes that I bought went missing at the last minute when I packed my things to fly back to America. Coincidentally, the ones that are missing are clothes that would fit both me and her, and not just me. Aside from my fiancé, she’s the only other person that I allowed in our room to help with the packing.
One of the specific shirts, she expressed that she doesn’t like button up shirts, but it magically went missing. When I got back to America, she asked me about that specific shirt and asked me for the link or the store location to buy the shirt because she thought it was cute.
I asked her, “didn’t you say you don’t like button-ups? And this specific design is sold out anyways.” She insisted that she liked it and that she wanted the link to keep track of restocking. A couple of weeks later, she posted a picture of her on a trip with her friends wearing that shirt.
I went back on the link to see if it was restocked and it wasn’t.
4. Isn’t it common courtesy for someone to be grateful and accept the stuff that other people paid for regardless of the quality of the stuff? I booked and paid for all the rooms, paid for all the tickets to attractions, and paid for everyone’s meals during the trip to Da Lat.
She constantly complained about how “small” or “ugly” her rooms were compared to the rooms my fiancé and I shared throughout the trip. Even though I booked my top 2 favorite rooms for us almost everywhere we went. Also complains about the taste of foods that SHE ordered herself that I paid for.
There was a day when she messed up my order and ordered the thing I wanted for herself. She came back with the drinks and I grabbed the one I ordered but she argued that it was hers and she messed up mine but I could drink a little from hers.
I paid for her tickets to get into all these cool attractions, only to see her on the phone texting her friends and barely even interacting with me.
5. I don’t even ask my fiancé to carry my bag for me, but she’s out here making MY fiancé and her brother H carry her bags because “that’s what men should do for women.”
I mentioned briefly to my mom about her being ungrateful and expecting too much out of me. And how certain actions from her make me doubt our friendship. My mom said that it’s just the “tradition” and that I should expect this kind of situation as I grow into the adult world.
Told me to keep it to myself to maintain the friendship between the two families. But my mom did eventually called N’s mom and talked to her briefly about my current feelings about N. N’s mom and H had a talk with N.
And then N called me in the middle of the night, getting all loud and emotional like “HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT ABOUT ME TO YOUR MOM?!?”. And then proceed to deny all of the things I’ve observed. I later texted her that me treating her out is my own choice and it’s NOT a must. How, apparently, money really changes people as they grow.
How it got me angry when she said things like “why would I go with you if you don’t pay for me?” She also got upset when she noticed I don’t invite her out as much, which I did to protect my personal belongings and make sure my money does not go missing.
She texted pages about how I misunderstood her, how I always think badly of her, and how I disregarded the fact that she saved her money throughout her childhood to buy gifts for me. Said that she didn’t change at all and it’s ME who changed. Said that we should just leave it all behind and start anew.
Which got me so tired and numb. The problem is not resolved, she knows she’s in the wrong and wants to sweep it all under the rug, instead of being mature and facing what she’s done. I didn’t want to bring it to anyone’s attention at first because her parents are my parents’ friends, and I don’t wanna ruin that relationship, considering how much H and their mom helped me out during the trip, like picking me up and sending me off at the airport.
And inviting me to their house for meals. But I feel like it’s getting out of hand. AITJ for disregarding our genuine friendship in the past and calling her out?”
3. AITJ For Having My Partner and Friend Stay Over Despite Roommate's Discomfort?
“I (19F) live with two other girls (both 19F), let’s call them Jane and Hailey.
We are all in the second year of our undergrad and we were friends before we lived together as we met last year when we lived in the dorms.
Both Hailey and I are in long-distance relationships, and before living together checked if it was okay to have overnight guests every once in a while.
We all agreed that it was okay.
In September I had my significant other stay for just under a week. While he was here we were out of the house most of the time, and when we were home we kept to ourselves and stayed in my room unless cooking in the kitchen the odd time here and there.
He was polite and friendly, and not only cleaned up after himself but took out our garbage from the kitchen and bathroom and did the dishes.
A little while ago I informed my roommates that I was planning on having my friend from home (I moved away for school) visit during reading break and I plan to have my significant other come one more week this semester.
They said it was okay.
So my friend booked her flights to come for 6 days (4.5 of those days both of my roommates will be out of town). My significant other booked his flights to come for a week starting about 4 days after my friend left. (To recap: my significant other stayed with us for one week and would like to stay another week two months after the last visit)
Jane has told me she is uncomfortable with having my guests stay that close together and she finds it difficult to study when we have an extra person in the house. I told her we would try to be out of the house during the day and would try our best to not be disturbing and I asked if there was anything we could do to make it easier for her.
The issue is that Hailey has had her significant other over for about 4-7 days at a time 3 times in the past two months, which Jane doesn’t like. She is upset that someone is staying with us half of the time, and I feel like she’s taking it out on me and wants to restrict me from having people over.
I don’t have an issue with Hailey having her significant other over.
I don’t think I’m asking for too much, and I think she just has to learn to live with other people. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Week-long visits from anybody is a big ask in a three-person apartment.
You all agreed to overnight guests every once in a while and that’s not what Jane’s getting. Jane’s having people in her apartment for weeks at a time, and she’s mad at both of you. You need to learn to live with other people, which means not doing things that you’d like to do that would annoy your roommates.
You *agreed* to overnight visits, and now you’re demanding three week-long visits. That’s three weeks in which Jane can’t watch TV in an old T-shirt and socks. Three weeks where four people are trying to use the same bathroom. Four people in the kitchen. One extra person’s stuff lying around.
If you want to have week-long visitors, get your apartment, or move in with roommates who all want to have long visits.” ThingsWithString
Another User Comments:
“Did you communicate when they’d be visiting? A semester is usually 3-4 months. Sounds like you need to sit down with your roommates and have a conversation about it.
**I think she just has to learn to live with other people** is a jerk thing to say and Jane has a point. She’s paying to share with two people, not three. Is she paying an equal share of bills even though you both invite guests for a week at a time?
Even if bills are included in the price of rent, just helping out with cleaning is not enough.” trippiler
2. AITJ For Confronting My Mom About Favoring My Sister Based On Looks?
“I (28f) am one of two daughters. I’ll refer to my younger sister Sam (25f) for this post. I’ll give some background info first.
Growing up, Sam was always praised for her looks by family and friends alike. I admit she’s much more conventionally attractive than myself, and I’d never hold that against her since it’s beyond her control. But the attitudes of people around us have always been upsetting to me.
People would fawn over Sam so much and would then look at me and falter as they tried to think of something kind to say. It just hurt, and I would cry about how I was constantly compared to my sister.
Our mum is the worst culprit.
She parades Sam to others saying things like “Look at my beautiful girl”, and I would be an afterthought. She also enjoys comparing us and asking me why I can’t just be more like my sister. I’ve told her many times how hurtful I find it, but she brushes it off and quickly returns to her usual behavior.
Over time, Sam even started buying into the persona of the beautiful sister – I remember an argument where she yelled at me “At least I’m pretty!”. That hurt greatly, and to be honest we don’t have a very close relationship these days.
Recently I attended a get-together with the family.
Sam and my mum were there and all my mum could think to add to conversations was to praise Sam’s looks. It came to a point where she said she “wished she could say the same for her other daughter” and people laughed. I took her aside, and told her I was sick to death of being painted as the “ugly sister”, and implored her to stop.
My mum responded that I was jealous and wanted to steal the attention lavished on Sam for myself. She also said that I’d always been jealous. It hurt greatly that she essentially ignored my concerns. She went back to the party and then Sam took me aside and asked me why I was so bitter.
I didn’t have the energy to fight her and I knew she’d blindly follow Mum, so I ended up leaving.
Ever since my mum has been badmouthing me to family and friends about how much of a “jealous bully” I am. She’s even been calling me a black sheep.
Was it reasonable for me to do what I did, or did I come across as a bitter older sister? I’d love to hear some thoughts because I feel I’m going mad.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is the ugliest kind of person – vile on the inside.
> I admit she’s much more conventionally attractive than myself, See, I can’t even believe you when you say this. I can’t see either of you and the way your mother acts, I think it would give anyone an inferiority complex. So I can’t necessarily believe this is you telling us the objective truth and not your mother’s consistent years of disapproval speaking.
If anything you were too nice not calling your mom out on her awful behavior in front of everyone.” nylon vest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, You stood up for yourself and kept yourself in mind which is amazing. It hurts to hear your mother say such things about you and even after you share how you felt being called jealous is even more painful.
Your leaving was not at all bitter and absolutely the right decision. Both your sister and your mom disrespected you and your feelings are valid and justified. Just remember you are an amazing person for just letting it slide and leaving which makes your personality and you even more beautiful, unlike your sister.” Remarkable_Expert260
Another User Comments:
“My mum had favourites my brothers she didn’t want a girl she ended up leaving me in the hospital after she gave birth till my grandma picked me up where I stayed. She was unfortunately still in my life telling me how my brothers are amazing and I am defective I have dyslexia and why can’t I be normal the day I walked away and cut her off was the day I was reborn.
I am happy and loved and no contact is amazing now she tells people I abandoned her the cheek stay strong maybe cut down contact as much as possible they don’t deserve you” Plus_Data_1099
1. AITJ For Buying My Bridesmaid a Backup Dress in Her Current Size?
“I’m getting married this year, and asked a close high school friend to be in my wedding party. We’ve been friends for a long time, see each other almost every other week, and generally get along super well and have never fought until now.
Since high school, she’s always been a yo-yo dieter and will cycle through gaining weight and losing weight.
This is something that I have never talked to her about, nor do I have a strong opinion about as it’s her body. The most I get involved in is that when she brings up trying to exercise more, I’ll invite her out on hikes with me, walks, etc.
When I asked her to be my bridesmaid, she was ecstatic, and everything was great until she mentioned to me that she bought her bridesmaid dress three sizes smaller than her current size. She said that my wedding was going to be a great motivator to lose weight.
Three sizes was quite aggressive in my opinion, as it would put her in a weight that she hasn’t been in since college. I didn’t say anything though as I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. After a couple of months of seeing no progress though, I quietly bought her the same dress in a larger size.
Come this past week, she called me in tears saying that she didn’t think that she could fit into her bridesmaid dress and felt horrible for ruining the dress code. The one she picked was now sold out, and she was panicking that she couldn’t get another dress in time.
It was at this time that I mentioned I bought her the same dress in a different size and was happy to gift it to her free of charge since she already paid for the first one.
When she heard this, she blew up and accused me of being a bad friend for never believing in her.
She said that my doubt was offensive and that I must have been planning for this to happen. I told her that I just cared about her, and obviously wouldn’t have mentioned the dress if she had lost the weight. But she brought up that she couldn’t fit in her current dress, so I wasn’t sure what she was mad about.
She’s now threatening to drop out of the wedding party, and some of our mutual friends think I was kind of a jerk for not being supportive enough. But I also don’t know what they expected me to do either.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You cared enough to offer a free safety net and she’s mad she needs it?
That’s her issue. She needs to evaluate her defensive response and stop misplacing her shame of failure on you.* * In my opinion she feels this way. In reality, bodies change and there’s an ebb and flow to life.” PracticalPrimrose
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
My maid of honor did the same thing. Only it was one size smaller and guess what? She couldn’t fit into it – so off to fabric land we went to find some fabric close enough to compliment the dress and my seamstress turned her dress into a lace-up corset back.
I’m about to be a matron of honor for a friend and I will be buying the size I wear now. If I lose weight great but it’s too important of a day to risk letting my friend down over something trivial as a dress size.” Blkbirdcdn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was a maid of honor and was going to get a dress 1 size smaller. My BFF convinced me to get the current size in case something came up. I lost the weight but on the day of the wedding, I tried to unzip the dress only to find out that the zipper was broken.
I was PANICKING. It didn’t even occur to my dumb self to try on the dress before the wedding. Thankfully because I lost weight I was able to get into the dress without unzipping it, I was so lucky! Trying to lose 3 dress sizes before the wedding is insane.” Medeya24
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