People Create Chaos In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Banning My Partner From Using My Console During Work Hours?
“My (20F) partner (29M) has never had a videogame before, although it has always been his dream to have a console. Earlier this year, I decided to gather some money and buy an Xbox.
Since I’ve made this acquisition, I have always made sure that he felt it was partly his as well. I’ve never cared that he used the videogame as if it were his.
I work from home, and we have opposite schedules, so while I’m working, he keeps himself busy playing some games.
I have a lot of meetings, and I have to be in the living room since we have pretty crappy internet and the other rooms have limited signal.
I have many important meetings since I am the CEO of a company, and lately, he has just stopped caring about the rules I ask him to follow; that is, being silent during those meetings, sending a text if he has something urgent or important to say, and avoiding appearing on the screen.
I’ve complained several times before, but today I just reached my limit. He got home from work while I was in a meeting, and the first thing he did was place his backpack in a completely new location—a place he had never used before—just so that he could appear on camera.
Then he started playing FIFA and was chatting with my dad while doing so. Even though he was mumbling, it was completely distracting, and it bothered me so much to see him celebrate victories while I couldn’t even hear my client. To add to the combination of disrespect, he interrupted the call and sent a text talking crap about my coworker while I was sharing the screen.
During the meeting, I muted my mic to ask him to stop bothering me a couple of times, and he apologized each time but proceeded with the same behavior.
I had to interrupt the meeting earlier, so I just went up to the video game console and turned it off.
He then complained that he had not saved his progress, and that I had bothered him. I told him that he is not allowed to use my videogame ever again while he is acting like a kid during my working hours. I feel kind of bad now because we aren’t speaking.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Wow. He is being a complete boy-child. Why does he respect you less than a console? This is a reg flag. Does he have any jealousy of your financial success? Does he act out in any other ways?
NTJ but please examine this relationship more closely. If you feel it is worth the investment, counseling may help.” sucksatchess666
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your story is why we have a rule in our house: you buy your own system and headphones. Also, no in-game chat during certain hours.
(4 Adults that all work from home.) We did this because sharing sometimes isn’t possible when playing certain games, and because gaming systems are expensive. We all purchased ours at different times depending on how fast we could save for one. Tell your partner to save and get his own system.
(Maybe give him some money for a birthday toward his own.)” Remarkable_Winner_91
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s not to say that he shouldn’t do better, but there are reasons here. He is trying, but regulating video games is a new experience for him and he might just need practice.
Also, you are mad at him for texting when that is how you asked for him to communicate. Turning off the console is also something that you, as someone who has played video games before, should understand was a cringeworthy approach. I am not even saying it would be wrong to say he can’t use it anymore—he can buy his own if he wants—but that is not the way to go about it.” 3ThreeFriesShort
20. AITJ For Being Offended By My Friend's Off-Color Joke?
“I’ve been friends with these guys for almost 2 years at this point so we basically know everything about each other. As friends do, we also often insult each other jokingly. Just this time, it seemed a little out of pocket. We were on a FaceTime call that night and it was a pretty normal conversation.
Then the subject began to shift into a “By the way, did I tell you who I’ve got a little crush on?” type convo. I got really interested because he has never told me before despite telling my other friend. He texted me privately and told me who it was.
I was a little surprised. This is because he never really “got along” with her, while still talking to her every so often. He would often insult her during calls and meet-ups. So, obviously this “sudden crush” would be a surprise for me. My other friend and I explained to him that we were very happy, yet confused for him.
He seemed to understand what we were trying to say. But this is the part that genuinely made me confused and upset.
(Which, keep in mind, it probably shouldn’t.)
I asked him, “So you understand why I’d be a little surprised, right?”
His answer, “Shut up, you stupid person.”
I was confused. I then asked, “What the heck was that for?”
My other friend, who was defending me, asked, “What the heck, man. Why did you say that?”
He replied, “Geez, it was a joke, calm down!”
We joke like this all the time but this time, it was just so sudden and so out of place.
I was asking a genuine question and only wanted a “yes” or a “no.”
We were all arguing for a good 15 minutes. He made a claim saying, “Well, the way you asked the question seemed a little passive aggressive.” I’m just here asking, “So did you have to make that joke?”
Then he starts going on about how it was just a joke and how we’re being way too sensitive about all this.
I just apologized to him and tried to rephrase my question. I assume he understood this time but still sounded a little angry with my friend and me.
Then there was a long pause of silence.
I can hear him muttering to himself and objects getting knocked down. At that point, I just left the call. But it left me wondering, am I the jerk in this situation? Should I really be offended by his so-called joke?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ my guess is that the guy is really bad at regulating his emotions. He also confused your question with his opening up to you. Instead of talking, he accidentally lashed out because of emotional overload due to pride and couldn’t admit it.
Don’t take this the wrong way but people who insult as a joke are almost always the same. I’d suggest therapy but I don’t think it should be you that ask.” Lolli_gagger
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Does your friend normally handle his uncomfortable emotions by acting aggressively and lashing out?
He had a crush on a girl, so he talks crap about her publicly. He feels embarrassed when you point out that an onlooker would think that he hates this girl instead and calls you a you-know-what. And then when he feels embarrassed again when you call him out for being rude to you, he doubles down that it was just a joke and acts really mean about it.
I wouldn’t want to hang out with a guy who throws tantrums like this. Not unless I could emotionally torture him by being like ‘Bro, why are you acting so emotional right now, you really need to calm down.'” DazeIt420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From your description, you joke around like that but in a context that makes sense. Just because you joke around like that often doesn’t mean that someone is not allowed to say ‘Stop that wasn’t okay.’ I don’t know how old you are but I think your friend is immature.
Picking on the girl because he likes her. Sounds like he’s acting like a five-year-old with a crush who doesn’t know what to do with his feelings so he pushes the kid on the playground. This makes sense at 5; they are only learning what emotions are and how to process and control them.
Doesn’t make any sense by the time you’re 13.” pnutbuttercups56
19. AITJ For Visiting My Real Brother Without Informing My Adoptive Parents?
“I was abandoned when I was a newborn so I never knew my parents. Recently, I secretly took a DNA test and found my real parents.
It turns out they both died in a car crash in 2007. I’m 19 and already moved out, but before they died, they had another kid. I was able to contact him, and it turns out he is 16 and living on the other side of the country.
The conversation between my adoptive parents and me started just a few days ago. They got angry at me for going to another state to visit my brother without telling them, although I’m 19 and allowed to do what I want now. They were trying to make me give them my phone to let them go through, but I refused because my brother’s texts were on there.
I don’t know why I don’t want them to know about him, but I just have a gut feeling it would end badly. My adoptive parents aren’t the best to live with because they’ve always been so strict, so I might want to move near my brother when we get to know each other better.
Lately, my parents have completely ghosted me and won’t talk to me anymore. What should I do? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting to find your biological brother, nor for wanting privacy of your conversations with him. Them demanding your phone seems excessive, and ghosting you is appalling… Info: Is there anything else relevant about them ‘ghosting’ you?
Have they ever cut contact like this as a punishment previously? You said you’ve moved out, but do you have the means to support yourself if they completely cut you off?” gettin_paid_to_poop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are an adult and allowed to make your own decisions.
The problem here is not keeping your brother’s existence a secret; the problem is that you have bad parents who bully you and ignore you for not yielding to the bullying. Getting out is a great idea, but don’t invest too much in your brother.
Maybe he’ll turn out to be flaky, or mean, or just not someone you want to spend time with. Or he will be great, who knows? But I mean, getting far away from your family is a problem on its own. Your relationship with your brother is another issue, and you should think of a strategy to support yourself and find a different home without your brother’s help because who knows what will happen there.
If he does help, then great. If he doesn’t, you must still have a plan.” Floriane007
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your adoptive parents are jerks. Be careful of them — they don’t want what is best for you, they want what seems best for THEM. They want to control you.” Creative_Trick_3818
18. AITJ For Getting Mad At My SIL For Accusing Me Of Monetizing My Children?
“My SIL (Anna 33) and I were never close. She never liked me. She said I married up and was not deserving of her brother’s (Jake 32) love.
Jake is an engineer, while I didn’t finish college. We are a one-income family as I stay home to look after our twins.
Two years ago, I taught myself how to bake cakes and other baked goods. After months of trial and error, I had my first customer.
From there, I slowly made baking my source of income and I was able to contribute to our household expenses. I also made short vlogs of my baking that I post in social media. At first I only got 20-50 views, then it gradually increased. Now, I also make vlogs of my daily routine.
This includes some activities with my family, grocery shopping, cooking, organizing, etc. My views had grown from double digits to hundreds of thousands, sometimes millions and now I earn more than my husband. I still accept cake orders but my focus now is making more content for my followers.
Well, last weekend, we went to my in-laws’ for dinner and Anna made a comment on my vlogs. She accused me of monetizing my children and exposing them to the public. Jake said he sees nothing wrong with it because the kids were never the focus of the videos and as long as they’re not being abused, he’s fine with everything.
Anna said she feels sorry for our kids and she thinks we’re bad parents because of our vlogs. Jake and I just ignored her, but she still didn’t stop. She said I am a bad mother and if it were up to her, she’d look into reporting me to social services.
This time, I had it with her and asked her if she envied us. She asked me why I thought that and I simply pointed out that her TikTok videos are not getting as many views as my vlogs. I said that if she wants pointers, then I will gladly give her some.
She got quiet then excused herself. After dinner, my MIL took me to the side and told me I was a jerk for humiliating her daughter and that I owe her an apology. I said I’m sorry, but I was not just going to keep quiet while being accused of being a bad parent.
AITJ?
I forgot to say that Anna’s TikTok videos also have her daughter (6 years old) in them. Sometimes their videos are of them dancing together. Anna is a single mom.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That social services remark was too much on her part, especially when she has her child online.
Also, confronting her in front of your in-laws was never going to go in your favor. I’m sure you knew they were going to call you a jerk. Most importantly, please consider not having your kids online until they are ready to consent themselves.
There are a lot of creeps, especially on TikTok. I used to think it was just cute families with their kids, but it’s not. You should really inform yourself of the creeps on the internet and how you are exposing your children to them.
Furthermore, look at your followers and who views your videos.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Gentle YTJ and ESH – While you might have said the truth, it was a rude way to do so. You could’ve talked to her privately and told her how you feel about what she is saying and that she should stay out of it.
But it wasn’t okay for your SIL to act like that either. If she was legitimately concerned for your children, she also should’ve talked to you privately. She put you on the spot with accusations and that was not okay, but you probably did humiliate her (maybe even more so because it’s true) and that wasn’t okay either.” anna23014
Another User Comments:
“ESH, especially you. I agree with your sister; exposing your children like this online, even if they aren’t physically abused, is abuse. Just wait in a few years when bullies start to dig your videos to look for ways to target them.
Your children are gonna so love you for exposing them like this worldwide for your little ego. Your SIL is also a jerk for the way she reacted. She should have tried to explain things calmly in an open discussion rather than straight-up getting passively aggressive like this.
It seems she wanted a conflict rather than a debate, and that’s why she’s softly a jerk, but less than you.” Certain-Thought531
17. AITJ For Refusing To Enable My Brother’s OCD Behavior?
“My brother (20) is a college student and I (17) am an incoming freshman. My brother, for the last, say, 4-ish years, has been developing what I see as a textbook case of OCD, thinking everything is dirty, not wanting to touch anything with his hands, his hands being scarred from the hand washing, etc. In my opinion and observation, it has only gotten worse over time.
My brother is always asking me to open doors for him and pump the gas for the car because he doesn’t want to touch it. He is always refusing to let me go anywhere near him because I am perpetually “dirty.”
My problem is that I often refuse (or attempt to at least) to help him because I feel like it is just encouraging his problems. My parents, however, always do everything for him including any chores because he refuses to do them out of his OCD.
I’ve talked to him and told him that he should try therapy, but he always lashes out at me when I say that.
AITJ for refusing to help him because I feel like it just encourages his issues.”
Another User Comments:
“I am your brother.
I’ve had OCD for years now and I do everything in my power to not touch doorknobs, light switches, etc. I’ve washed my hands so much that it began to scar my hands and hurt when I washed. I’ve had nervous breakdowns because of the OCD.
Speaking as a person in the exact same position as your brother, you’re NTJ. You’re right, it would be enabling him if you did the things he asked. Your brother should speak to someone because, from my experience, it is only going to get worse.
Hopefully, your brother can find a way around his illness and have coping mechanisms to deal with the anxiety and stress the OCD causes.” ForwardReport3145
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your rationale isn’t entirely wrong, but you aren’t approaching the idea from a particularly helpful angle.
For context, I also have OCD and it manifests in similar ways. I can do a lot of things but it often takes extra energy and thought to do them in a way that doesn’t set it off to a huge degree. It’s a lot more mental energy.
So if there’s someone else there I might ask if they can do something that will take a lot of spoons for me to do so I have those to spend later on. My OCD doesn’t get better if I constantly expose myself to stressors; it’s just mentally exhausting and stressful.
“Exposure therapy” is an actual thing but it’s a process that’s embarked on and monitored by a licensed mental health professional, which you are not.
There are shades in your description that suggest he might be leaning into the diagnosis a bit to save himself some work, but I don’t know him so I can’t really say that.
Saying “try therapy” is easy to say, but finding accessible therapy is a much different kettle of fish and it’s something I can get spiky about as well. If being around him is stressful because of this dynamic, and it’s not wrong to feel that way, that’s valid and that can be addressed, but this isn’t the way to approach that problem.
A key thing to remember is that one of the core components of OCD is that you know that your compulsions aren’t rational. Your rational mind understands that just touching the ground with bare feet doesn’t immediately mean they’re dirty and need to be washed, but that nagging feeling doesn’t go away.
The closest thing I can point to for that experience is that feeling when you’re in bed at the end of the day and you’re closing your eyes and the thought pops into your head, “Crap, did I lock the front door?” You think you must have, you always do, but what if you forgot this one time?
And that feeling eats at you until you have to get up and check the door. That’s not dissimilar from OCD, only that feeling gets very strong.” HeloRising
16. AITJ For Only Paying For Two Hours When A Mobile Mechanic Claimed Five?
“My starter went out and I hired a mobile mechanic at the recommendation of an AAA driver. We spoke; I asked how much the part was, and he told me $169+ – okay, cool, it comes with a warranty and all that.
Awesome. He will charge $80/hr, and he told me it should take 2 hours. We set the date, but he got wishy-washy for the few days prior. On the day of the appointment, he showed up at 11 a.m. and asked if I had the part.
I said, “Um, no? You quoted me a price, so I assumed you were bringing it.” So we went to AutoZone, got the part, and came back. I told him that 2 hours from then I would be in a meeting (I wfh). I offered to pay him upfront for the 2 hours, and he agreed.
He’s working for about an hour and says he did not have the right tools, so he went to AutoZone again. He came back an hour later with the same issue, making a third trip to AutoZone. Then he left and returned with his child in the car.
By now it was nearing 4 p.m. He finished up and said my Venmo didn’t go through, so I canceled it and paid him on social media. I made him send the payment request so I knew we were still on the same page – $160. I paid, and he left.
An hour later, I received a message from him saying, “I must have had a foggy brain; I charged you for 2 hours, but I was there for 5.”
AITJ for refusing to pay for his 3 trips to AutoZone because he was not prepared AND for him to go get his child.
I mean, you worked on my car for an hour with the wrong tools? How is that my fault? I mean, I would have paid for an extra hour, maybe, but how can you try to claim 5 hours when you were getting your kid and stuff?
I feel like he’s trying to take advantage of me because I’m a woman. I’m also worried that he knows where I live and might do something crazy.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he is very unprofessional. Explain to him that you paid for the part and you agreed to pay him for two hours.
It’s not your fault it took longer because he didn’t have the right tools and picked up a child at some point. You agreed on $160 plus the part. That should be the end of it. Don’t let him intimidate you into paying more than you should.
If he says anything other than ‘OK,’ you have his contact information and the number of the local police. You can also give him a bad review if he pushes it.” Parrothead62
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a woman with a Motorhead dad (I know how much things cost and roughly how long it takes), the condescending experiences I’ve had with men who aren’t my usual mechanic were abhorrent.
Overcharging and literally making crap up in order to try to charge you more is a common practice. NTJ. You just stood your ground.” Sharkbaithoohaha4567
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He wasn’t working on it; he couldn’t even work on it. He didn’t even have the right tools.
He even went and got his kid and was trying to charge you for that time, too. Screw them—don’t be surprised if it wasn’t even fixed properly as well from the sound of it. Wait for it to break. Then he says, ‘Well, you didn’t pay me full price; I’m not gonna warrant that since you didn’t pay me.’ Always check Google reviews; people save you a lot of heartache when you’re a stranger.” existentialvices
15. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Mom's Enabling Behavior With My Homeless Uncle?
“My uncle (47) about a year ago became homeless because of financial reasons, and my mother (40) let him move in with us (me (19) and my two younger siblings (10, 13)) a few months ago to help him get back on his feet.
The thing is, he hasn’t tried to help himself at all and expects my mom to support him. He has stolen my money, eats all of our food (we are on food stamps, and I pay for some groceries), and has lied to our faces several times.
He never cleans up after himself and is one of the most selfish people I have ever met.
So the other night, our neighbor bought us a box of doughnuts and cupcakes for me and my siblings. I had one cupcake, and so did my siblings.
The next morning, they were all gone, and the trash was all over the kitchen, cupcake liners on the floor, with the box lying next to the trash can. I have kept my mouth shut ever since he started doing crap like this, but that night I had had it.
I went to tell my mother, and she said something like “well you guys are just as messy.” Yeah, we can be messy sometimes, but he is messy 24/7. I also brought up how he contributes absolutely nothing even though he gets to stay here 100% free and sleep and eat all the time; she explained that it’s her brother and she can’t just throw him back on the street, and yeah, I get that—I wouldn’t do it to my siblings—but I would never let them treat me or my home the way he does.
I’m mad because he’s a grown adult, able to take care of himself, and my mother thinks it is fine for him to eat her kids’ food and steal our crap, and still stay just because mom feels bad about kicking him out. It feels like she’s choosing him over us, and I don’t know what to do about it.
And yeah, I feel bad that he is homeless, and I might be the jerk for showing absolutely no respect for him, and I can kind of be rude to him at certain times, but I think anyone in this situation would be mad that this is happening.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Oh, man. Your mom needs to stop being a doormat and hold him accountable, order him to clean up after himself, and stop stealing from her kids for God’s sake! Did anyone say anything to him when he steals? Also, if you don’t have a job, your job is to GET a job.
She should give him a time limit… say 3 weeks to find a job. And he won’t find one sitting in front of the TV. He needs to get his butt out there and hit the pavement. I’m sorry for this crappy situation, it’s your mom’s job to protect her kids first.” wordsmythy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is playing a dangerous game here with her enabling him and putting him over you guys. What will she do if she said “screw it, I’m getting a job and taking my younger sibs to live on our own.
Then you can focus all your attention on supporting and cleaning up after uncle.” I’ve seen it happen, and it is incredibly hurtful to have a parent choose extended family over their kids. I hope it doesn’t come to that. Please try talking to her again and tell her what an unhealthy and harmful example she and uncle are setting for you guys.
He needs some motivation to get off his butt and start living again! Good luck!” Jovon35
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but unfortunately I don’t see your mom coming to her senses. I suggest you move out. By continuing to stay and pay for groceries, you’re enabling both of them.
This situation will only drag you down. Find your own footing in the world and take care of you.” Turbulent-Army2631
14. AITJ For Planning A Non-Religious Funeral Against My Parents’ Wishes?
“I (m22) have been sick for most of my life.
I have fought my best fight, but despite that, it’s terminal. I am mostly okay with it because my life has been about surviving and not actually living, and I am rather tired of that.
Since I don’t have the energy to do much, I have decided to plan my own funeral. It’s honestly been an interesting experience, and for the first time, I get to be in control.
Since I’m not religious, I have decided that I don’t want a religious ceremony. I want to be cremated, then people can have cake and hot chocolate in my memory because it’s my favourite and the one pleasure I will definitely miss.
My parents are very religious, and my Mom almost had a heart attack when I told them my wishes.
She said no child of hers will be burned. She also said that I’m selfish for wanting to make the whole thing about me??? It was a whole argument, and they are still mad at me.
AITJ for not wanting a religious ceremony?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are doing what you want, and the least your parents can do is respect that because while they are losing a son, you’re going to lose your life at some point in the near future. Unfortunately, this means you are going to have to do a lot of work to have things done the way you want because they may not come around.
Medical advanced directive for when you can no longer make decisions. Durable POA given to someone who will follow through with your wishes. If you can afford to pay for the cremation arrangements (urn, etc.) ahead of time, make sure your POA has copies of everything.
Make sure everyone, not just your parents, knows that this is what you want. Put it in writing, make copies, etc. I’m sorry you’re going through this on both counts.” PommeDeSang
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But it’s tricky, because who are memorial services for?
You might say, “Me. I’m the one who will be dead: remembered the way I want to be.” I want to push back on that. As a pastor who’s worked with atheists & agnostics (including leading their memorial services), I’m guessing you believe that once you die, you’ll be gone—not watching from another dimension, but removed from consciousness.
If so, all that will be left is the raw, terrible grief of the people who love and miss you. It’s going to be a heavy and lasting burden for your parents to carry, and we human beings need to do something with our grief.
We need to cry, or tell stories, or otherwise bear witness to the fact that your life mattered. Enter religion. I’m not wading into the whole cremation thing—other than to say that it’s your choice, and you should stick to it—but there might be a way to relinquish a bit of your control over how your parents will need to process and make sense of your death.
I hate to break it to you, but they’re probably going to go ahead and do what they need to do anyway. You might find an Ethical Humanist leader or a Unitarian Universalist minister in advance to work with, so they can carry out your wishes within a framework that your parents might recognize.
I’m sorry your life is ending. Life is neat. I hope that you get to finish yours out on your own terms, as much as possible.” AnonymousUnderpants
Maybe ask your friends to avoid any religious nonsense, stay away from a funeral that is about your parents' egos, and hold a ceremony that honours your wishes afterwards.
13. AITJ For Inviting Dad's Family When Mum Wouldn't Have Them?
“I’m Christian (f, German) and my mum is non-religious. My father is also non-religious, so I’ve chosen to become a Christian myself at the age of 13. My relatives are also Christian, but we see them maybe twice every 2-3 years, since they live in another state.
Now, my mother doesn’t like them. It’s my father’s side of the family and I genuinely don’t know why she almost hates them. She saw and met them once, years ago, and since then my dad and I have visited them alone, if at all.
My mum has admitted that nothing really happened when they met; she just “thinks they are weird and probably have bad intentions.”
My confirmation is soon, and she has already said she isn’t coming, which is fine. I don’t care really, but as soon as I mentioned inviting my relatives, she blocked me.
“No. You won’t invite them, I don’t want that,” she said.
“Well, I don’t care,” I replied.
And now she’s mad and I am mad. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like there might be something your mom knows that she might be trying to protect you from.
Maybe she hasn’t told you, even when asked, because she doesn’t want to speak badly of your Dad’s family. It’s also possible that your mom has some religious trauma that she’s chosen not to share with you. You might ask to sit down with your parents for a discussion and ask some specific questions.
Sometimes parents don’t realize how grown their ‘babies’ are. No jerks here but some better communication could resolve this rather quickly.” bobfappiano
Another User Comments:
“Ok, no jerks here yet (for the scenario, your mother is sorta a jerk for not coming. But that’s not the focus here and I’d need more info to judge that).
But where would they be staying if you did invite them? Because I think your mother’s concern here is that she will have to host them and probably deal with them being passive-aggressive for not coming. Her not wanting to deal with that is completely fair.
I mean, you’re 13, you can’t host them. What, do you expect them to come all the way from another state then just not hang out with any family members? Your mother is not a jerk for saying no to that. Plus, you’re 13; chances are there is a history you haven’t been told yet which you’ll find out in the coming years.
Especially with the “bad intentions” comment. You wanting them there for comfort doesn’t make you a jerk either, though, but you need to think about this realistically.” BabyCake2004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ First of all, Moin fellow German, second – question: Do you live with your mum and dad together?
If I’m correct, confirmation in Germany is around the age of 14/15, so maybe it would be good to talk with your dad about the whole situation just to have another adult be sure everything goes right and you also have some support! I’m sorry your mum is acting insane—just because she doesn’t like them doesn’t mean you can’t have contact with them.
She said she isn’t coming, so she has no say in who you want to invite, and I also think it would be good for you to have support from your also Christian family.” mrscatastrophe
12. AITJ For Hanging Up On A New Friend Who Wouldn't Stop Talking?
“I (24F) was on an app looking to make some friends in a new city. I matched with another girl, and we started texting. I asked how her day was going, and she told me it was going badly.
She asked if she could call me, so I gave her my phone number. She called me and then proceeded to talk nonstop for over 45 minutes. I honestly don’t know what she was talking about. I think that for the entire phone conversation, the only words I said were “hello”.
At one point, I put her on speaker, left the room, and came back. She still never stopped talking. I tried to interject a few times, and she talked over me! At that point, I just hung up on her (around the hour mark).
She tried calling me again, and I just let it ring.
The next day, she sent me a really angry text about how she thought I was looking for friends and how I’m an inconsiderate person.
I just blocked her. I’ve been thinking about it all day and feel kind of bad. At that point, I knew I didn’t want a friendship with her, but maybe I could have just told her that?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she wasn’t looking for a friend, she was looking for someone to monopolize their time and vent to. Friendship is a give-and-take, like any relationship. You’re not obligated to be someone’s outlet just because they don’t have anyone else that will listen.” throwd0wn2224
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A friend doesn’t talk for an hour without letting their FRIEND get a word in edgewise. It honestly sounds like you may have dodged a bullet.” JanellaDubois
Another User Comments:
“You could have communicated when and sent the angry text; maybe she was just trying to rant and thought you agreed to that by giving you her number.” Ornery-Beautiful-817
11. AITJ For Demanding My Partner Give Me Space During My Workout?
“I (26F) am extremely self-conscious about my weight, whereas my partner (26M) is literally the definition of “skinny as a twig”.
I frequently go through slumps when I stop going to the gym, and when this happens, I like to start back up with YouTube’s Emkfit Pilates and HIIT workouts to regain my stamina and to get re-motivated. Every time I play these videos, he always makes fun of them and says they don’t do anything.
“You’ve been doing those for years and what have they gotten you?” he said to me today.
Today, when I got home from my workout, he was already on the couch watching Netflix as he came home sick from work. I got dressed in my workout clothes, and he asked if I was coming to work out in the living room.
I told him yes, and he left to walk the dog. I was a little over halfway done when he came back. He walked into the living room, eating a bag of pretzels, and started watching. I immediately became flustered and asked him to leave.
He knows I don’t like doing these videos in front of him because I just get flustered and embarrassed. This is when he goes on a rant about how it doesn’t matter and that I should keep going. I shut down at that point and sat down on the couch, pausing the video.
He eventually went into the bedroom, but only long enough to turn on the TV and walk back out within 10–15 seconds. “See, I went into the bedroom and you’re still not working out!” Well, of course not. I knew you were just going to come straight back out, which you did…
At that point, I grabbed my phone and went on Instagram. He started ranting again before going back into the bedroom, and that’s when he commented that doing these videos for years is not doing anything for me. He told me I had “2 minutes to start working out” before he came back.
He finally stopped talking, and I was just going to wait long enough for the Instagram video to finish before restarting the workout (I wanted to wait at least a few minutes to make sure he wasn’t going to come back out).
Within one minute, he came back out and sat on the couch.
He was again going on a long rant about how I’m being a child, and so on and so forth. I didn’t say anything; I just stared at the TV until it went into sleep mode. About eight minutes went by. He didn’t leave; he just stared at me while eating his pretzels.
My cat meowed from the bathroom (I had put him there to eat his wet food away from our other cat), so I turned off the TV and went to let him out. Now I’m just sitting here in the bathroom typing this out.
So AITJ here? I can see that I was being childish—sitting on the couch and refusing to restart until he left. And, like, really leave; not go to the bedroom and continue complaining to me and then coming straight back out. But wouldn’t that also be childish on his part—refusing to do something his partner asked him to do, knowing she doesn’t like it?
Side note: I was also getting gassy while working out and didn’t want to be releasing gas with him right behind me…. Wasn’t going to tell him that, though.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s trying to sabotage you. I don’t know what it’s called, but the tactics he’s using are designed to demotivate you.
He’s degrading you and doubling down. It’s a ‘darned if you do, darned if you don’t’ scenario. Nothing will ever be good enough for him because he’s a crappy partner. If he truly loved you, he’d respect your request not to watch. He wouldn’t be upset and make you feel bad for not wanting him there.
Even if he does nice things every so often, he ranted basically three to four times in this one instance. How often does he actually encourage you? Not backhandedly or passive-aggressively. Genuine encouragement? Without some retort following after? Saying one “encouraging” thing, followed by rants and insults, isn’t a kind partner.
This isn’t loving. This is flat-out abuse and sabotage. Please recognize that OP.” independanylyhappy
Another User Comments:
“What the heck is your partner’s problem?? I recently started working out too, and I was tired after literally four minutes. I was so discouraged and embarrassed, and my partner said that they were proud of me for making the effort and trying at all.
That is what a partner should do—support and encourage you when you are trying to make a change in your life for the better, not belittle you and make you feel small. Seriously, what kind of pathetic and sad person does he have to be to see someone trying to be healthier and then actively making fun of them?
Also, now I can do 30 minutes, and I feel great! Please continue doing what makes you feel happy and better; you don’t have to make dramatic changes—a 1% improvement a day is 32× better than what you were doing a year later.” OkConfection9087
Another User Comments:
“Oh, sweetie, I feel everything you are saying. My spouse used to come in the room and start critiquing me. He was tall, strong, and naturally athletic. I was short and slightly overweight after two pregnancies. I would stop and tell him to go away.
He’d roll his eyes and go away. I finally told him that I was insecure because I had no rhythm, I was a natural klutz, and his critique made me want to quit and not even try. Didn’t he want me to be in shape, lose weight, and feel good again?
He never interrupted me again. I got back in shape! Now, 40 years later, we are both 25 pounds overweight with bad knees, hips, and back pain. We love each other no matter what we look like. But I don’t see your relationship lasting 48 years. You are a young, beautiful woman who doesn’t need a derogatory man degrading you and feeding your insecurities.
Please love yourself enough to move on.” Only-upvibes
10. AITJ For Defying My Mom's Wishes With A Satanic Wedding?
“My fiancée and I are in the planning phase of our wedding (yay), and I recently told my mom that a friend of mine (a very lovely Satanist metalhead) would be officiating the wedding as per The Satanic Temple wedding ritual. An argument ensued where she expressed to me that it was disrespectful.
I told her that I had no intention of doing anything in poor taste, and that we wanted a fun wedding that was defiant and defied expectations. I asked her why she was offended, and if she was Christian, Catholic, etc., to which she replied “no.”
She texted me later that night and expressed that she didn’t know why she told me she wasn’t Catholic, and that she actually was. She then informed me that if we held the wedding like this, and included a “satanic” message, that she and my dad wouldn’t attend.
Since then, there has been constant fighting with her, and there has not been a resolution.
For context, I come from a very supportive non-religious family. My father is an atheist, and always has been. Until this issue with my mom, she had never been Catholic, never really gone to church, never raised us with a faith, never expressed theistic religion, or anything.
It was, however, brought to my attention that when she and my dad got married, it was at a Catholic church (I was too young then to know this, so it was news to me.) One of my mom’s points is that doing a ceremony like this feels to her like an insult at her wedding ceremony directly, like we’re doing it to defy her.
I told her that it had nothing to do with her and that it wasn’t about her, to which she told me it was unfair to tell me “things aren’t about (her)”.
Added context, I am a trans woman marrying another woman. My parents love my fiancée dearly, and have been accepting and supportive of my identity for as long as I can remember.
Now functionally, this is a normal wedding ceremony for all intended purposes. Truthfully, my fiancée and I are just freaks who want a freak wedding. It’s harmless, as is The Satanic Temple and its beliefs, if you look them up. It’s a non-theistic, community service-oriented “religion” in the loosest sense of the word.
We just wanted to do something fun.
The thing is, I have no intention of changing anything about our wedding to accommodate my mom. My fiancée’s family is cool with it, all of my family members are cool with it – but my mom insists that she and my dad will not be attending if we hold the ceremony in this way.
Am I the jerk? Or is she being unreasonable?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for how you’re approaching this. You say you’re having your friend officiate “as per The Satanic Temple wedding ritual” ultimately because you’re “just freaks who want a freak wedding.” In several comments, you say that you’re opting for a TST wedding because you align with the values, but your post seems to indicate that this is really just about maximum shock value.
Did you bother to take the time to explain to your mom that TST does not believe in Satan, explain what “Satan” symbolizes for the religion, or explain the tenets? TST doesn’t have a wedding ritual – ceremonies and rituals are up to individual members to determine.
Did you discuss with your officiant what you want the ceremony/ritual to be and what you want their service to focus on? What is the “satanic message” that your mom is worried about you including? You could have explained to your mom what TST means to you, rather than telling her you’re trying to be defiant and defy expectations.
I’m not sure why you’re surprised that this spurred a reaction from her – really, the exact reaction you’re going for when you’re seeking to be defiant. Don’t use TST, a religion whose tenets you claim to respect, as a way to shock your wedding guests.
You can have a freak wedding in a million other ways, with a secular officiant. If TST is truly important to you, craft a service that means something to you based on those tenets you value, and take the time to explain what TST actually is to your mom.
If she still decides not to come, that’s her call.” analfistinggremlin
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, and you can have whatever wedding ceremony you want, but depending on your group of friends and who the other guests are, your parents may not be the only people in your life who might be uncomfortable and choose not to attend.
If Satanism is actually really significant to you and your lives, then maybe it’s worth it. If it’s just to be a bit different and quirky – is it really that important? Satanism isn’t just a parallel belief system; Satan is an antagonistic figure of other religions.
Even atheistic Satanism is a defiance against those other religion/religions. I wouldn’t go to a Satanist wedding. I wouldn’t hold it against the couple; I would respect their choices, and I would still be their friend, but as a Christian, I wouldn’t participate in the ceremony.
It’s not about whether it would make me uncomfortable. I would actually be curious. It’s about whether I feel right participating in something that is specifically intended to be directly antithetical to my own belief system. If I did go, it would be strictly to observe and nothing else.
I wouldn’t pressure a Satanist to attend a Christian wedding, either.” genomerain
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I think you’re incredibly fortunate to have parents who are completely accepting of your gender and relationship. It’s a low bar, but many parents, unfortunately, do not clear it.
Your mom has found one line she’s hesitant to cross for you, and it’s not even one you seem to feel particularly strongly about. It’s like inviting a Muslim family member to an event where they’ll have to eat pork and saying ‘but pork is harmless and fun!’ Pork is harmless and fun to many of us, but not to them.
I think if your mom has been there for you throughout your life, it’s worth considering another ceremony that would reflect your values and allow her to attend without making her feel like she’s compromising a part of herself.” PennySawyerEXP
9. AITJ For Refusing A $5000 Wedding Invite From My Aunt's Family?
“I’ve been on my own ever since I turned 17. My mom has a family friend to whom she introduced me when I moved to a college town for college, to make sure I didn’t become lonely. Every other week, I went to her house for family dinner and dined with her family.
Everything seemed great. And I always brought dessert to make sure I didn’t show up empty-handed. I’ve been invited to their family birthdays and family gatherings. At this point, my mom’s friend (for ease of storytelling, I’ll call her Aunt) said I’m practically her son and part of the family.
Cool!
Fast forward to a wedding event to which we were invited. The wedding was my aunt’s younger cousin’s. This is where it gets strange. At the church where the ceremony was being held, I sat down on the pew, a few rows back from the altar, and my aunt told me “This spot is just for family members.
You need to sit there,” and pointed all the way to the back. I didn’t think it was such a big deal, so I just said sure and walked back.
At the reception, I found out where I’m seated and took my place. My aunt’s husband approached me and said “Are you sure you’re supposed to sit here?” This caught me off guard, but I showed him my card, and he responded sarcastically, “Oh great”, rolled his eyes, and went over to speak to my aunt.
The rest of the night was very, very awkward. My aunt and her husband wouldn’t acknowledge me, and I ended up spending time alone. I chalked it up to maybe they had too much to drink, as there was an open bar.
I thought this was the end of it, but on my 30th birthday, I wanted to invite them to a restaurant to celebrate, and I made it clear that it’s my treat.
They said they didn’t have time, despite me giving them a month’s notice, and they don’t do anything on the weekend anyway. I stopped visiting them frequently because it was obvious that I was just a nuisance at this point. My aunt’s older daughter got married, and I wasn’t invited to the wedding.
I found out about it because my aunt sent me a video and said “We just wanted close family there, hope you understand.” I didn’t take it personally.
Now at this point, I hardly ever see them. Not even for Christmas. So I was surprised when my aunt asked me to attend her daughter’s destination wedding in another country (which would have cost at least $5000).
I told her thanks for the invite, but I won’t be able to attend, and I wished nothing but happiness for her daughter and the lucky groom. She did not take it well. She kept calling, telling me that I’m ungrateful and that I have used her and her family for free food and company.
I think she even made her daughter send me guilt-tripping messages. I’ve asked a friend about it, and he says I’m being overly sensitive and should be the bigger person and go. However, the cost and the likelihood of being poorly mistreated is not worth it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’ve been pushing you away and now they’re suddenly offended that you’re not desperate to be around them. You should have a conversation with your mom since she’s the one who introduced you to these people.
Explain what happened and why you’re no longer comfortable being around them. Talk to her before your “aunt” gets a chance to bad mouth you and twist the story.” Leogirl08
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As others offered, this appears to be a threshold scenario and charming people deft at managing relationships that they are, they are struggling to hit their necessary headcount.
Any perceived indebtedness should have been presented to you years ago and not after years of signaling that they no longer see you the way they used to. They are not your family, this is not your cousin, $5000 plus time off from work is a significant ask of anybody, and if they still cared about you the way they did in the past, they would understand what they are asking of you.
Send your regrets, consider sending a token gift from their registry (unless it’s cash because come on) and let this relationship come to its inevitable close. Or if you want to be exceptionally petty, schedule a vacation at the destination and allow yourself to be seen having more fun than you would have with them.” Anxious-Childhood-47
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some friendships have expiration dates, and it sounds as if this is a variation of that. They did your mom a solid by watching out for a 17-year-old young man who was away at college, and a closer relationship was implied at that age that aged out of that implied relationship at an adult age.
They just forgot to tell you, probably hoping you would get the social nuance on your own. It happens. You grew to adulthood and the relationship dissolved. It happens. Decline the invite with nothing more than “So sorry I won’t be able to make it,” and send a small gift not on the registry (I always suggest a $20 cheese board from Target or similar) and call it a day.
No one can say you were rude in any way—you sent a gift and a card.” [deleted]
8. AITJ For Refusing A Late Night Chore Request And Setting Boundaries?
“I (27F) have a strange living situation. I live with a family (Chris, 65M, Danielle, 59F, and their daughter) and do household chores in exchange for rent.
I’ve lived here for 19 months; it’s mostly smooth sailing. I work full-time and am applying to law school. Danielle has some issues with boundaries (she doesn’t understand why she can’t enter my room without permission, for example), and I know it’s due to both age differences and the fact that they allow me to live in their house for free.
I have to be very careful when enforcing boundaries.
Yesterday, I made dinner for everyone after a full day of chores. Around 10 p.m., as I was finishing the dishes, Danielle told me I needed to steam clean the carpet in the living room because the cats had peed all over it.
I did, and as I was putting the steam cleaner away, Danielle entered and said she wanted me to do another room. Because it was 10:30 at this point and I still wanted to work on an application before bed, I politely but firmly said, “I’m not going to do that.” I probably should have said, “I’ll do it tomorrow,” but I was exhausted, so I just said no. I put the machine away, submitted my application, and went to bed.
Tonight, as I was finishing up my meal prep for the week, Danielle cornered me in the kitchen. “I don’t want to fight about this,” she said, “but I wanted to mention something. Last night when you told me you weren’t going to clean the other room, I found it rude.
You should be careful when you say things like that at work so that you don’t get fired.”
I was floored. I snapped, “Danielle, you haven’t had a job since before I was born. You don’t get to give me advice about how to act in the workplace.” Danielle rolled her eyes and huffed, “See, I didn’t want to fight about this,” and walked out of the room.
I called after her, “Then maybe don’t bring it up?!?” Danielle hasn’t spoken to me since, and I don’t know what’s coming.
For context, Danielle has only had one job in her whole life, from age 22 to age 25. After that, she quit to raise kids.
I grew up very poor. I have been working since I was 14 and supporting myself since I turned 18. They offered to start our arrangement in 2023 because they needed help around the house and I was struggling financially.
As for Danielle’s work advice, I currently work as a Regional Manager at a small firm.
Not only is her advice outdated, but I can’t take it. I’m a people manager; a lot of my day-to-day job involves being polite but unyielding. I think she was frustrated by my setting a boundary and that’s why she brought it up. I know part of my frustration is that I feel powerless to protest most of the time.
I will be moving out in August of this year when I go to law school (hopefully!), and my goal is just to make it until then. I’m also really frustrated that Danielle felt like she could say whatever she wanted and then walk away as if I had no right to feel anything.
AITJ for what I said?”
Another User Comments:
“You’ve put yourself in the spot where your rent is basically doing their chores. You need to have a chat with the family where you acknowledge the arrangement and be grateful but at the same time let them know what you’re available for and when.
In return, they need to treat you like a tenant and respect your boundaries. Essentially, a verbal contract that you need to revisit regularly, just like any rental agreement. Danielle seems to be under the impression that you’re their servant and you seem to have pent-up frustration with the whole thing.
What happens at your work is none of Danielle or her family’s business. However, you do need to sit down with the family and let them know you appreciate the assist and call out your hours of availability and what you can do for them (which could be most everything under the sun).
The other way of looking at this is she gave you good advice, whether needed or not. The two instances of your reaction in under 24 hours is something for you to think about. YTJ here. So is Danielle. However, you can have an adult chat with her and move on.” WatchWorking8640
Another User Comments:
“I feel like I’m losing my mind a bit in these comments but NTJ. Danielle asking you to do more chores at 10:30 p.m. is wild, especially if you were already doing chores all day. The issue here is that none of this has been discussed thoroughly enough.
If she wants to be your boss, you’re entitled to set hours each week. I’d say ending your day at whatever time the dinner dishes are typically finished and beginning it eight hours prior seems fair five days a week. Danielle’s expectations at 10 p.m. and beyond were too unreasonable and the way she threatened your tenancy was inappropriate for anyone likening themselves to a supervisor.
And she dares to invoke the real world to shut you up? Danielle would do well to realize that in the real world, a supervisor demanding overtime doesn’t fly. Neither does a supervisor making threats when they don’t like someone’s tone in an isolated incident that they escalated. So again, if this is the relationship Danielle wants, the terms of it need to be discussed more thoroughly, including her responsibility to uphold your rights.
Honestly, it’s very indicative of her age and lack of wherewithal to pull a power play without any power. I mean, what is she going to do? Clean her own house? Work? Your best bet is to eat it and apologize, then set clear hours and responsibilities with Danielle and Chris moving forward.
Get these terms in writing. Keep your head down and gtfo in August. Best of luck to you. Danielle sounds like a real peach.” PomegranateOk6767
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Lots of people in these comments think that just because you exchange your labor for a place to stay means you owe them 100% of your free time with no boundaries and can never say no. What she was asking you was completely inappropriate at that time of day and it was obviously some sort of power trip.
What she didn’t anticipate is that you would stand firm for yourself. My guess is that she is jealous of your work/career/life and this was her way to feel ‘above’ you. Don’t let them push you out of a place you have a legal stake to if they try to do anything.
You are a tenant with tenant rights. She’s throwing a tantrum, not getting what she wants, and is going to blame you all for it. I really hope you have some sort of written agreement somewhere!” True_Dot5878
7. AITJ For Refusing To Give Up My Room For My Sister And Her Newborn?
“My family has a holiday house on the coast. It’s very old, but it’s beachfront and surrounded by nature, great cafes, and eateries, etc. Our family had been planning to come down here for months; however, my sister was always tentatively coming due to being heavily pregnant.
She gave birth on the 2nd of Jan, for which I was there. The following day, my partner and I decided to head down to our holiday house as planned. My sister, her new baby, her 3-year-old, and her partner decided they wanted to take two rooms—the two best ones—due to having a baby and wanting to bring their days-old baby to the holiday house.
My partner and I had already set up in one of the rooms they requested and had intentionally come down earlier to nab a good room. This is because I have severe skin allergies. Downstairs is very dusty in our holiday house, and even when it’s just been cleaned and I use my own bedding from home, I still get eczema flare-ups pretty badly.
The last time I slept down there for one night, I ended up having a flare-up that lasted for more than two months.
AITJ for refusing to give up my room for my sister and her newborn baby?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 1. A two-day-old baby shouldn’t be around that many people.
2. That baby should be sleeping in the same room as the parents. 3. Two days after bringing a new baby into the family is a terrible time to put the 3-year-old into a separate room for the first time (at that house). I’ll assume they live pretty close or aren’t staying long because the newborn will have a pediatric visit soon.” ComprehensiveSet927
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is out of line and incredibly entitled, and she definitely doesn’t deserve two rooms; that’s just crazy. I think you need to start thinking about your relationship with your sister and who she is, because if she’s displaying this behavior now, this is not the first time.
Step out of the stinky room and realize it’s filled with the farts of her brain, full of self-entitlement and impositions on others. I think you need to start not going on vacation with your sister; just remove any conflict by not having any conflict by not seeing her.
Don’t babysit for her, don’t help her, just keep her at arm’s length because she is toxic.” R0ck3tSc13nc3
Another User Comments:
“ESH – Sorry, but it sounds like you’re both being selfish. She is inconveniencing a house full of people by bringing a newborn that will be up at all hours and presumably keep half the house awake too.
Not to mention demanding 2 rooms. I understand why she wants 2 rooms; I wouldn’t want my newborn waking my toddler overnight, and it’ll probably be easier having family at your beck and call with a newborn, but it doesn’t sound like the entire family is okay with that, and that’s selfish.
And you’re right to be concerned for your health, but what pushes this from NTJ to ESH is your admission of intentionally arriving earlier than her to get the better room. You know what you were doing, and for me this implies you knew she wanted to come on the basis of getting one of those rooms, but you got there quicker and refuse to budge for a days-old newborn that will also likely be impacted by a dusty room.
That’s selfish. I don’t understand why there are only 3 rooms in contention here when there are like 10 people going. What’s going on with the other rooms?” maystery
6. AITJ For Needing Rest And Not Staying With My Wife In The Hospital?
“My wife was admitted to the hospital for an induction of our second child. She had a rough time during her first pregnancy. I was not allowed to stay during this time, so she asked that I stay each night with her during this pregnancy.
She gets quite anxious and wanted me there for support during the night, as she didn’t feel comfortable asking the night staff.
We came to the hospital at 2 a.m. on Sunday morning, where she was put on a ward and started on hormones. The labour wasn’t progressing very quickly, so she told me to go home around 9 a.m. because she’d need me when the baby came.
I came back in the evening, and she told me to go home and rest around midnight. I came up early Monday morning, spent the day with her, and went home around 5 to spend time with our daughter (staying with my parents). I got a call at 1 a.m. Tuesday from her.
She thought she was in labour but didn’t think the staff were taking her seriously.
I rushed up to the ward; the baby was born 3 hours later via an emergency c-section.
We were moved around a fair bit until we were settled in a ward around 4 p.m. on Tuesday.
We were both extremely tired (her, obviously much more), but we managed a few hours as they had a little sofa I could lie down on. I got up throughout the night to help with the baby so she could rest.
On Wednesday, we had a nap during the day, but I stayed all day.
This is where the question arose. The baby was noted to have a health problem and has been taken for further tests. I took the baby because my wife had trouble walking during the pregnancy due to pelvic pain. This has continued, and so she is in a lot of pain quite often, combined with the surgery.
They needed to move us to another ward to observe the baby, but this ward does not have a pull-out bed for partners. I have lower back pain, so I’ve carried a cushion around to alleviate it while she’s been in the hospital. It doesn’t do much, but it means I can sit in the chairs for a bit rather than needing to lie down.
I told my wife that I couldn’t stay as I wouldn’t be able to sit in the chair all night with no sleep. She expected me to stay the night and continue to help her out during the day. I feel really bad about it, but I wouldn’t be able to sleep at all, and sitting in the chair would just further mess up my back.
Then I’d be of no use the next day without sleep and with back pain. I set everything up for my wife to make it easier for her during the night. I spoke to the staff and told them how anxious she is and that she’d need extra help, and I told my wife to ask for help when she needed it.
I left at 12 a.m. and came back when the doors opened the next morning. I’ve been taking over during the day and letting her rest when she wants to.
My argument is that I can’t physically stay awake all night and all day. Although I’d agreed to stay all night with her before admission, I thought at least I’d be able to lie down.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. And I’ve been the wife post-c-section. Our kid got re-admitted when she was three days old, and I had to stay with her, attempting to feed her, pump, and give her a bottle every hour. It was the worst night of my life, but my husband was dead on his feet.
He needed to get some actual sleep so he could help us the next day. He needed enough rest to safely drive us home again. It’s an awful situation, but you’re not a jerk. I can’t honestly call your wife a jerk either – I have some PTSD from that night and would never want to do it again.
The two of you are against the rubbish situation together and not against each other.” heggy48
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You went home to sleep, and came right back. The hospital has nursing staff to look after your wife and baby. Yes, it would have been better for her mental health if you’d stayed, but you need rest too.
Both of you draining yourselves when there was help available is silly, and when your wife comes home with the baby from the hospital, you need to be as rested as possible to help your wife that just had a literal human surgically removed from her body and care for your children.
My partner was unable to stay with me after our last child was born, and I was sad and wanted him there. I also knew he needed to be rested to care for our kiddo at home, and to handle things for kiddo as there was no one else who could handle our older child overnight.
I took advantage of the great nursing staff, and had a friend sit with me in the hospital when my partner couldn’t be there to help me so he could handle the rest. It’s not how I wanted it, but I got what I needed.” notpostingmyrealname
Another User Comments:
“I had two C-sections, including 4 months ago, and I was adamant about having someone with me at all times. The level of pain, terror, and shame overall is awful. I couldn’t even wipe my literally bloody butt. On top of that, I was pretty under the influence of substances.
There’s no way I could have safely watched the baby to boot by myself (they leave the baby with the mom in my hospital). My husband lay on the crappy chair for 4 nights and traded off with my mom and his mom during the day for showers/naps at home.
I would have felt betrayed if he left me. I’m sorry, but this is a situation where you assert yourself that you need a better sleeping arrangement – even if it’s a room down the hall – or figure it out. She is projecting all that terror of being alone in that position and feels that you could have done more, even if it was asking to sleep for a few hours in another room or calling in reinforcements with family.
It doesn’t matter, though, if you’re wrong or not. You guys are vulnerable right now, and need to develop trust and love again in the relationship because you’re about to go through the hardest thing ever together (a baby), so just dig deep.
No jerks here.” yellsy
5. AITJ For Calling Cps On My Parents For Their Conspiracy-Laden, Neglectful Unschooling Beliefs?
“My parents found Christ in 2020 and completely turned a 180, and not for the better. They have gone down the rabbit holes and conspiracy theories that the earth is flat, space isn’t real, etc.
For reference, my sister was 6-7 when they’d left the province we are from and took her out of school. They came back to our hometown last year, and they never enrolled her in school because they now believe that the school system is too corrupt and full of the devil’s teachings.
My sister is now 9 and cannot read and is also in the beliefs that I shared.
Myself and others in our family have come to my parents with our concerns, and they dismiss us and tell us that school is “evil” and full of lies, like the earth being round.
I am scared for my sister and her future. Also, I have not yet called, but I do plan to call CPS because even with threats from our family of getting CPS involved, they don’t seem to care or take it seriously.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m not against homeschooling, as long as there’s actually school happening, and it doesn’t sound like there is in this case. This sounds like ‘unschooling,’ which imo is neglectful. However, keep in mind, depending on where your parents are located, they very well could be within legal rights to ‘unschool’.
I know a lot of states have little to no restrictions on what needs to be taught. Is there anything else that could warrant a CPS call just in case they are within legal rights?” idowithkozlowski
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The Bible tells us to love each other and to cherish children.
Jesus and the prophets are all about people learning and growing as people. There is nothing in Holy Scripture about the earth being flat or space not being real. No serious person believes these things; we love the science that is a gift from God.
Stunting a child’s learning deliberately is a sin, as is allowing them not to be able to read and learn the scriptures for themselves. It is not a position of love. You alerted authorities to serious neglect on your parents’ part, which was an act of love to your sibling.” HighwayManBS
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Canadian physician here. Calling CFS is reasonable for anyone who has concerns about a child’s well-being. While parents do have plenty of rights, school is mandatory in Canada. Also, calling CFS is not an automatic trigger for legal charges; it is simply about the child’s welfare.
They will investigate, and they do their best not to automatically remove children from the home. They will work with the parents to ensure needs are being met. So, while your parents may not be happy with the call, the best thing they can do is work with CFS to ensure your sibling is getting what they need. But definitely, a red flag for a 9-year-old to not be literate.
We are seeing a lot more of this pseudo-Christian uprising in Canada, especially since the global health crisis, and it is an issue.” Smooth-Ad1404
4. AITJ For Speaking Up Against Noisy Passengers In The Quiet Car On Trains?
“I travel frequently with the German ICE for long distances. This means I am on the train for 5-8 hours.
I am neurodivergent. I can’t regulate my emotions and thoughts well, and I am hypersensitive to stimuli, especially sound/noise, so I always book a seat in the quiet car.
As in, I book the seat and pay for it. However, without fail, every time people who did not book the seat are in there laughing, speaking loudly on the phone, or bringing their screaming kids.
I do have noise-cancelling headphones, but they do not filter out loud noises or screams, even though I play music through them!
I am often too afraid to say something because I’m afraid I’ll lose my composure and have a meltdown. So, this turns into internalizing, i.e., severe anxiety, panic attacks, and finally rage, resulting in me “fleeing” to the bathroom or the empty board restaurant (in between shifts).
On my last travel, I finally had the courage to say something to people speaking and laughing loudly, which brought temporary peace. But then I tried a second time on my return trip and said something to a couple across from me with a screaming little kid.
She attacked me! She told me that I was once a kid and should be more tolerant. I was like “Lady, I do not hate children, but children do not belong in the quiet zone. Why do you not move to any other car?” (There were plenty of open seats; I had already walked the train three times).
I also told her that my headphones are not only noise-cancelling but that I was playing music and still could not hear them. She basically told me that I was the problem and to shut up. She kept repeating that I once was a child and asking if I didn’t know children.
Because I see this all the time on every single ride and never see anyone saying anything, I now wonder, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, there is a Kinderbereich (children’s area) on many ICE trains precisely to avoid this kind of problem. You are not the problem, and while persisting with the train staff is probably unpleasant, I reckon it’s your best bet.
Even if the noise of screaming children is somehow permitted, playing music is not. Can you pull out the line some people use against jaywalkers here, i.e. that she is setting a negative example for her children by teaching them to behave inconsiderately?” MmeMerteuil
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a four-year-old who regularly travels in the quiet train of the NS. She’s not perfect (sometimes her whispers get a little loud) but it’s really not that hard to get a kid to behave on a train. And, on the occasions where she has had a tantrum, I haul her out of the car, to the space by the doors.
It doesn’t help much with the noise, admittedly (door = single pane of glass) but, well, being trapped in a tin can going 130 km/hour kinda limits your options.” squishbunny
Another User Comments:
“Noise from children is usually excluded from those kinds of rules. However, if the parents also talked loudly and/or used a phone or tablet without headphones, you were in the right.
Rules aside, if there is space outside of the quiet zones, they should have moved, and for that I would say you’re NTJ.” Cubusphere
3. AITJ For Calling My Sister A Bad Mother For Neglecting Her Son?
“My sister Sara (35) and I (30F) see each other around Christmas every year, other than that we don’t really communicate except for the occasional family group chat exchange.
She has 2 sons, Jackson (15) and Ethan (13). I’ve always known that Ethan is quiet and reserved, and until recently, I thought he preferred to not have a lot of attention, until I realized he’s just not getting any.
Until last Christmas, I thought Jackson and Ethan had the same dad.
I learned Jackson’s dad left Sara after she was unfaithful to him, hence, Ethan. I recently realized that Sara would reach out in the chat on behalf of Jackson. If he had a sports game, a fundraiser, or a social event to attend, she would ask us to attend, donate, or help him get to and from his social event if she couldn’t take him.
Or, if he was suspended from school, she would reach out to us for help, but RARELY would we hear anything about Ethan, and she NEVER told us that Jackson was suspended 99% of the time for bullying Ethan and his friends. They now go to separate schools!
Recently, Sara asked if someone could take Ethan to his school choir concert so she could attend parent conferences at Jackson’s school. It was odd to me because she didn’t ask anyone to go watch him perform, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt and thought maybe Ethan didn’t want anyone to watch.
I offered to take him, watch the concert if he wanted me to, and then take him home. He had a solo; he was smiling and clearly loved what he was doing. His choir director said Ethan is always helping other students and asked me to come to more concerts.
Some time after, Sara was once again busy at Driver’s Ed with Jackson while Ethan was home. He started vomiting and called his mom. She reached out and asked if anyone else could go take care of him until she got home, so I did.
But she didn’t come home early. Two weeks later (two weeks ago from now), he broke his hand.
Last weekend, I bought tickets to the symphony and planned to take him, but wound up not being able to because I was sick. I transferred the tickets to his mom and begged her to take him, and she said she would.
I texted Ethan yesterday and asked how he liked it, but he didn’t respond. So I called his mom.
She didn’t take him and didn’t find anyone else to help. She was “busy” and forgot, but wasn’t too busy to ask the family group chat THE DAY OF THE CONCERT if anyone would help pay for Jackson’s DC trip in the spring.
I went off on her in the family group chat and said she was being a crappy mother. I said I don’t know if it’s because she inherited the favoritism gene from our parents or if she is subconsciously punishing him because SHE was unfaithful and got rightfully dumped, and I told her that she needs to step up for her son.
Of course, this has caused a group chat storm. At first, I felt justified, but some of the responses say otherwise, and Sara, of course, says I’m the biggest jerk. AITJ for calling her out in front of the rest of the family?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are only telling the truth. She is failing Ethan horribly and doesn’t seem to care. I saw your comment about breaking Ethan’s trust about the concert – don’t beat yourself up too much about it. Keep paying attention to him and providing him with love.
It is just as important for him to see that someone can mess up, apologize, and actually mean it. Plus, it would be so much worse if you left him. Ignore the family members who are telling you you did wrong – they are enabling her behavior.
This isn’t about you or what people are calling you – this is about you standing up for Ethan.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“I’m concerned that Ethan is being mistreated by Jackson and that the mother is allowing it to happen. Jackson is the golden child and Ethan is the scapegoat.
The one they blame for breaking up the family just by existing. If Jackson has bullied Ethan enough to be suspended multiple times, to the point where the mother had to put them in separate schools, I’m willing to bet that Jackson is doing worse things at home and the school had only seen the tip of the iceberg.
Mom agreed to separate them in order to avoid more negative attention. OP, please do what you can to stay in Ethan’s life (even if it means a fake apology). Make more observations, gather any evidence, tell him he can talk to you about what’s really going on, and be there to support him.
This poor child needs you to keep being the awesome, loving aunt he can go to with anything.” Rad1PhysCa3
Another User Comments:
“Wow, dropped a cluster of bombs there in one go. Who was your audience supposed to be? Your sister, whose issues are so ingrained they’ve overcome her mothering instinct to the point she neglects her youngest son?
Your parents, who you accused of favoritism to your sister? I can’t believe you expected any sudden dramatic epiphanies from anybody concerned; such things only happen in movies. It sounds like your family is mostly jerks. Ethan is an exception. I expect, though, that he won’t thank you for enraging his mother who already neglects him, or possibly even using her neglect of him as a pawn in your ongoing family drama.
If you want to make Ethan’s life better: 1. Don’t alienate your sister, even though she’s a crappy parent and a crappy sister. Accept that your sister and parents are terrible parents, but that they will never own it and there’s little you can do that won’t just make everything worse.
2. Keep engaging with him and his life (note that this is the important bit, and it will not be possible if your sister decides to go NC with you). Or, you can just throw your emotions at a family you already know doesn’t care and hope to feel better for it, leaving Ethan alone again.
I’m going with a very tentative NTJ as telling your sister she’s a crappy parent is your truth and probably needed to be done by someone. But now you’ve got that out of the way, try to think a little more strategically rather than emotionally to plot your course onwards, unless you are not really interested in Ethan’s wellbeing.” chrestomancy
2. AITJ For Asking My Sister To Pay For The Cleaning After Her Party?
“My sister is wealthy (earning £100k a year and her husband earning £70k). She has had her inheritance and is worth about 2 million from properties (given by my parents).
I, on the other hand, am a stay-at-home mum. My partner earns £49k and we inherited the house we live in. My inheritance is much less than my sister’s, but I don’t complain as I’m happy we have somewhere to live.
My sister asked to have a party at my house as I live in a large house and she has a flat.
The condition was that she had to clean afterwards and her husband won’t cook; they will order food.
They have completely trashed our house, made food and left it. They used my expensive dishes and cast iron and left it dirty. They drank about £50 worth of booze.
I’m pregnant and literally due in one week, and my house is messed up. I asked them to pay for a cleaner.
According to my family, I’m the bad guy, what the heck? My mum says I should have specified to them not to drink our booze?!
I’m actually shocked. Apparently, because I inherited the house, I should just deal with it.
I’m just at a loss that I’m the bad guy and I shouldn’t ask for the money back for the booze. What do you all think?”
Another User Comments:
“If Mommy plays favorites with the golden child, then when your newborn arrives, I guess she won’t be invited in to see the baby.
Disrespect you and take sister’s side, when sister was clearly in the wrong (she didn’t clean up like she promised, and left the mess for you, who is about to give birth?) Well, they just FAFO, and now these are the consequences. Mom can come see the kid in a few months, once she apologizes, makes it clear sister was wrong, and sister also apologizes and makes things right again.
You hold all the power right now (with new baby coming) so you get the final say on visitors. Just say your new family tradition includes not bringing any toxic people/energy near your kid. They already told you which family is more important (mom & golden sis) so you are forming your own family out of those who show YOU love & respect.
They will cave, as I said, you have the winning hand (new baby).” Dense_Dress_1287
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Though I am very confused. Did you let them host a party in your house without you or your husband there to keep an eye on things?
Not even by just hanging out in your bedroom? Man, I could never do that. Take pix and video of everything, either hire a cleaner or enlist some friends of your husband & your own friends to clean up, and plan on never getting that money and having to set firmer boundaries around how you interact with your family.” Meghanshadow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – They didn’t follow through on your agreement. I saw in another comment that your parents are entangled in this too and, for some reason, have keys to your house because they gave it to you. I’m not sure how inheritance works outside the US (or TV/movies), but if they’re your landlord and letting you stay there for free, then get a contract written up so you can leverage landlord/tenant laws and keep them from coming over as they please.
Otherwise, if the house is actually in your name and you pay taxes on it, just get the locks changed.” AvgHeight510
1. AITJ For Getting Angry At My Partner For Not Following Taco Instructions?
“I f22 asked my partner m20 to make me tacos for when I got home later that night.
I asked him to brown the ground beef and follow the instructions.
He doesn’t really cook, but I thought the task was simple enough. So I got home a few hours after he made the beef and things were going well. I quickly chopped the veggies so we could assemble the tacos.
I thanked him for making it for me, and we started eating.
I ate a bite, and it tasted really bland and a bit chalky, so I asked if he had followed the instructions. He said, “No, I just threw it together with some seasoning.” So I asked him why he didn’t follow the instructions, and he said, “I didn’t know what instructions you meant.” He could’ve asked me: What instructions?
Googled it? Looked on the seasoning packet?
Anyway, I am kind of a picky eater, and I only eat food that tastes good. If food is just meh, I would rather not eat it, and he knows this. Also, I cook different dishes for him all the time and do my best to make sure they taste as good as possible.
So I said, “Why didn’t you look for the instructions or ask me?” and he said, “I don’t care.” This is when I got really upset and left the room. He soon followed me and said, “What’s wrong?” He was probably thinking that I was overreacting.
Then I told him, “I asked you to do one thing and told you to follow the instructions, and you didn’t do it, and you know I only eat food that tastes good. I try hard to make you good food all the time, and I just wanted you to do it for me one time, and you didn’t even try.” He kind of got defensive and said that he thought it was simple and made it the way he thought it should be made.
He said sorry and that he should have known better, but now I feel kind of guilty and like an ungrateful jerk. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“People on here are very anti and rude to ‘picky eaters.’ You’re NTJ. You had all the ingredients bought for him, and you helped with the veggies – all he had to do was follow the instructions – either the ones on the box or Google it, so even though he cooked it, your level of effort still surpassed his.
I’d be looking at whether he used weaponised incompetence or whether this is a solo area where he has good intentions but is really unskilled and lacking in common sense. What is the balance like in your domestic and emotional labour?” Mollymode
Another User Comments:
“ESH… Honestly, you both sound a bit immature or at least need to work on how you communicate with one another. And btw… no one likes to eat bad-tasting food, so repeatedly stating you ‘only eat food that tastes good’ is unnecessary and borders on snobbish.
It sounds like cooking/eating is a kind of love language for you and something you enjoy, and that’s awesome. It doesn’t sound like it’s a love language for him, and that’s fine too. You asked him to cook, and even though it’s not his thing, he gave it a try but ended up botching it.
Since this would be a simple task for you to do, you automatically assumed it would be just as simple for him, so you took his screw up personally and got mad. You haven’t indicated that you gave him any positive reinforcement for his initial effort, only that you focused on what he got wrong.
No one responds well to negative reinforcement, especially when they step out of their comfort zones. He should have asked for more clarification and not said ‘I don’t care.’ You shouldn’t have made assumptions and then only focused on what he did wrong.” L8yoftheLakes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bit of a hot take, it seems, based on the few comments I looked at first, but I’d definitely say this is at LEAST a ‘no jerks here’ moment. I don’t cook a lot either, but if someone I care about asks me to cook something and specifically mentions instructions—even if they aren’t apparent—that would make me ask them what instructions they mean.
With something like tacos, there are instructions on every sort of taco seasoning pack I’ve seen. With you being a picky eater, if he did follow instructions (to be fair, I’ve seen a few different sets of instructions for them, so if he wasn’t sure and did follow a set somewhere that would be different), and it didn’t turn out right, that would exonerate that sort of behaviour.
But him just saying ‘I don’t care’ when you asked him why he didn’t do the one task you gave him screams weaponised incompetence. He doesn’t want you to ask him to do things for you, from the little blurb I’ve seen anyway.” BodySad7400
