People Count On Us To Give Judgment On Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
18. AITJ For Calling Out My In-Laws Before Christmas?
“I (32F) have been with my husband (36M) for 11 years, and have 2 kids. My husband has a dad and stepmom of about 5 years, and a much younger brother, who has a wife and baby. We have always invited the dad to everything, and he comes to birthdays and Christmas, a few big things, but that’s it.
Bare minimum. He was always ‘too busy’. Never a ‘bad’ grandparent, just never around unless we put forth all our effort and came to him every time.
A couple of years ago my husband’s brother got married and they now have a 1-year-old.
From the beginning the new wife excluded my husband and children from their wedding, we weren’t even told to come early for the family photos. We found out by accident from the Dad the day that they were doing them.
Her sister was included in the photos, but not him, the groom’s only brother. My FIL didn’t see why that would upset my husband.
A year ago we all are on a family trip and we have to share a condo with BIL.
(We did not do the arrangements, mother in law planned this trip) He gets wasted, and tells us how his wife hates us, doesn’t like our kids, hates coming to anything we are at and he hates having to listen to it.
he apologized for her behavior – but let’s be honest, he’s ok with it so it is what it is. Once again FIL doesn’t see at all why we would be offended by this.
Now that their baby is here, my MIL watches the baby every day.
MIL and FIL even go on trips with them and the wife’s parents and even her sisters’ family come and seem like a perfect family. And that’s great for them, I truly wish I had that. I have always tried to include my in-laws, but they were always too busy.
I think the most painful thing for me is that 2 years ago my stepdad of 20 years passed away very suddenly. All of my in-laws had met my parents many times over the past 11 years, but couldn’t spare an hour in the same city they work in to come to the funeral to support me, or bare minimum, support my kids or my husband.
My next-door neighbor came by to pass their condolences to the family. My BIL didn’t even call me, and he actually knew about it before I did.
In March they took a trip all together on the same weekend as my oldest child’s birthday, and then called her on a wrong day to say happy bday.
She’s old enough to notice and was pretty upset. It was also because they were all together on speaker talking to her while shopping at Dollywood. So it was like a slap in the face to her, like ‘happy birthday, look at the fun we’re having without you!’
They have now started inviting DILs family to Christmas and thanksgiving when we all get together, SIL brings her parents, sister, sister’s husband, and their child. We did not go to thanksgiving this year because we knew her family was coming, so we stayed home.
My husband agrees that we are not going to miss seeing my family who is amazing to us, to go sit somewhere and be an outcast. They all have a natural bond because of how much time they spend together with their shared grandchild, but we are not a part of any of that, so why come?
We feel forgotten, and while they’ve all been on multiple trips just this fall, we haven’t even heard from any of them or seen them since August. So for the first time in over a decade, I said something.
I let MIL know how we feel and that if we continue to be treated as afterthoughts then we will not be coming to Christmas or anything else. Now I am the family outcast. AITJ for stirring this all up right before Christmas?
This has been the pattern with them for years, but seeing the difference in how even our children are being treated makes us furious. This only came up with her because we were not at thanksgiving and she asked after the fact why we didn’t come.
Edited to add – My husband has talked to his dad and his brother many times before this. Neither of them sees any problem. This is just the first time I have spoken up about it. Also – dad and brother have always been closer.
My husband is 7 years older, so at 18 he joined the military and moved out when his brother was about 11 and soon after the parents divorced and brother stayed with dad. My husband came home over 12 years ago and has always come around.
Bro has lived with dad until about 5 years ago when he was in his mid-20s). So yes, they are naturally closer after living together all these years, but we were always 20 minutes away with grandkids that they were too busy for.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But why push the relationship? It seems to be causing you and your husband more pain trying to be accepted than just moving on with the family you guys have created. I’m sure you have fantastic friends and I don’t see the point in torturing yourselves with this.
Just do yourself a solid and keep your kids away from such toxic dismissive people. The fact that grown adults are insulting your children is unacceptable. You all deserve better.
P.S. and ignore their messages/calls about why you guys don’t show up for Xmas or thanksgiving and just keep having no contact.
Nothing is going to change based on what I have read and you will just end up back at square one.” mikerri
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – so your FIL and step MIL prefer other people. It could well be that FIL, like most men, lets the planning of family social events to his wife.
You need a life of your own and not to worry about these people. If they don’t like you – move past it. You can’t change their minds and all this worry isn’t going to make them like you more.
If they don’t like you and you don’t like them, what are you doing spending thanksgiving and Christmas together?
Make a change – from now on, you spend time with your family and set rules about how much you are willing to care about these other people.
4 of you is plenty to enjoy a quiet day.
If you want to go to Dollywood – GO, don’t be waiting for an invitation. I promise you, these people aren’t. Stop reminding them about birthdays they don’t care about. you just seem tragic and desperate.” Fancy_Avocado7497
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please cut these people off and let your children know that their behavior is unacceptable. The kids will blame themselves and wonder why they aren’t good enough if you keep trying to have a relationship.
Let them know that this is in no way a reflection of them and that their grandparents have issues and you’re not going to allow their mistreatment anymore. Your husband needs to be one hundred percent on board and he needs to be the one to vocalize to them that you are no longer interested in a one-sided relationship.” pixel_3ixel
17. WIBTJ If I Go To My Best Friend's Wedding?
“I (f24) have been best friends with ‘Andrew’ (m24) since kindergarten. It’s always been me and him against the world, we’ve had other friends throughout our lives and been part of different circles but we’ve always been each other’s number one.
Things got tricky when we started seeing other people, some of my partners would oftentimes get jealous of the bond we shared. Obviously to us, it was always purely platonic but in our small town, a male and female friendship as close as ours was unconventional.
Andrew started going out with Jess in April 2019 and they are due to get married in January. I am extremely happy for them and I’m looking forward to having little babies to spoil. However, I recently found out through a mutual friend that Jess does not like me.
Jess was telling my friend that she has always felt insecure about me and Andrew’s friendship and thinks I have feelings for him. It was my first time hearing about this, she has always been nice and sweet when we’ve met up so this came out of the blue for me.
Our mutual friend advised me to not attend the wedding so as to not ruin Jess’ special day. I have been thinking about not going but I was named Andrew’s ‘best man’ alongside his brother and I don’t want to bail on him or hurt his feelings by not attending.
So, WIBTJ If I attended my best friend’s wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“I would ask Andrew if he is aware of any upset from Jess on this, without necessarily mentioning that your friend has said that Jess has said this (because that could blow up a conflict between them that you probably don’t want to set off if it can be avoided).
And then you can talk to him about what to do about that or he can talk to Jess.
I think your friend is quite wrong to say you should skip the wedding because it would ‘ruin Jess’s day’ because she doesn’t know that it would, and also because it implies that you have somehow done something wrong.
And it also ignores that it would ruin Andrew’s day if his best man declines to attend. Seems like your friend is stirring drama a bit.
Jess is the one that needs to resolve this with Andrew. If you are invited, you should accept.
But also speak to Andrew.
NTJ” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you’re invited (and the best man, to boot) then clearly she’s agreed to your attendance. Not going based on hearsay is ridiculous.
But if you’re being truthful here and you really are Andrew’s ‘number one,’ then he’s definitely a jerk that has no business getting married. And his fiancée is an idiot for going through with this while she has (justifiable) reservations about his relationship with you.
It’s you two against the world? (To include her?) You’re his ‘number one?’ Yeah, I would bet good money that either their marriage or your friendship is going to implode before it’s all said and done.” Objective_Golf_5137
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, don’t take it so much to heart when you didn’t hear it from the source. Your mutual friend was wrong to meddle. And did it occur to you it might actually be the mutual friend’s feelings about your relationship, not Jess’s?
Jess might have just been Venting some insecurities while knowing full well how you two feel about each other. There is no shame in her being a bit insecure. Andrew and jess might talk about her feelings regularly, and that’s fine.
It does not mean she does not like you, it does not mean she does not want you there, and it does not mean you will ruin her day if you come to the wedding.
She is a grown woman and if something bothers her she can come to you.
If you have doubts, talk to her or Andrew or both of them directly, but don’t think for others, and don’t judge Jess based on what someone says she said about you. Check the facts.” Waltz_Working
Attend the wedding. If you aren't really sure how the bride feels, talk to her and tell her that you have heard people say that she's uncomfortable with you and really doesn't want you involved in her man's life, don't bring up any names unless they ask first.
16. AITJ For Not Pressuring My Friend To Choose My Wife To Be His Real Estate Agent?
“My wife and I have recently moved to a new city where we don’t know many people. One of the people we do know, and who was instrumental in me getting hired at my new job is an old college friend of mine (who my wife had never met before moving here).
My wife has decided to change careers and try her hand at real estate. My friend had mentioned in past conversations that he and his family wanted a bigger place but the market was too high at the moment and they want a particular house in a particular suburb, so they are fine staying put for the moment.
My wife, having worked at a firm for all of 2 days asks me to ask him if she could make inquiries for them and basically be their realtor. She repeatedly said to me, no pressure if you feel weird about asking (I did) and it’s fine if they say no, etc etc.
I don’t really like mixing friends with business, but I asked him anyway and he basically said he already has a realtor that he’s used in the past and that through this realtor he has first dibs on the next property in this suburb that comes up (he says they are super rare).
When I told my wife this, she later started saying pretty unkind things like ‘well my boss told me not to waste my time on idiots who are just time-wasting and don’t really want to sell anyway’. However, she also took aim at me saying that I should be more supportive of her new career and try to help convince my friend to let her sell his house.
I got the feeling he was being polite to me when he said no the first time, and he is actually not wanting someone with 3 days of experience selling his 1.1 million dollar home, and as he’s one of the only people I know in this city (plus a colleague), I don’t feel it’s a good idea to put any more pressure on this.
For this reason, my wife says I’m not being supportive and therefore a jerk. Is she right?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your wife was manipulative, entitled, and overall a jerk.
She is a beginner, and your friend isn’t her mom to support her unconditionally.
Your friend already did you a favor with the job, it’s reasonable not to insist since he already has a real estate agent looking at exactly what he wants.
Your wife sounded unprofessional too. If her boss told her to not bother with the suburb, there is no reason for her to want to work with a person explicitly interested in the said suburb.” tatasz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Support is things like words of encouragement or offering to take care of dinner so she can host an open house. It doesn’t mean forcing your family to shill for your business and strong-arm your friends into being clients.
Being a successful full-time realtor requires a lot of drive and hustle and putting yourself out there, but strong-arming friends and family isn’t the way to get there. She should be putting that multi-level marketing energy into becoming an expert on her market, developing a marketing plan, and networking.” AmishAngst
Another User Comments:
“Your wife sounds manipulative and delusional. If she thinks she has the right qualification to sell a 1.1 million house. Even if they want to buy a house that expensive, I wouldn’t want a real estate agent who has literally just started the job, then she’s off her rocker.
You asked your friend and they said no. As is their right.
Just because you know the person doesn’t give your wife the right to ask you to hound your friend.
I think your wife doesn’t care about your relationship, she just wants the commission.
Your friend is right to stick with someone he knows and it’s his choice who to pick.
You have to have a certain amount of trust in someone who is going to be asked to help with something so expensive.
NTJ” CandThonestpartners
15. AITJ For Banning My Nephew From My House?
“My sister and I built our houses next to each other, my house was just completed in June and we moved in on the closing day. Her house was built at the end of 2020 and they moved in shortly after.
My parents moved into my house in November to help out with my newborn daughter. This will help with context for later.
My sister has a toddler who I love dearly but at the end of the day, my nephew is a toddler who touches everything.
He gets his fingerprints on all of my windows, sliding doors, and everything. My sister is chasing after him cleaning up every step and washing my windows before she leaves. Over Thanksgiving, we hosted in my brand new house and had about 15 people including kids ranging from 2mo-17.
My nephew drew in crayons on my floor, and my sister immediately took the crayons away and cleaned my floor.
Living next to each other and our parents living with me, we see each other almost daily. My sister goes on walks every day and usually she and my nephew pop in to see our parents and anyone else at my house.
My parents will let them in all the time and they usually only stay for 20 minutes to an hour.
I went back to work and made the decision to not let my nephew come to my house when my parents are home and I’m not.
I told my mom she can’t focus on my daughter and her grandson at the same time. I told my parents they are more than welcome to go to my sister’s house for a visit to see their grandson, he just can’t come over to my house when I’m not home.
My sister is allowed to come over on her own when I’m not home, just not with my nephew.
My mom went to my sister’s house a couple of days ago and broke the news to her that her son is not allowed at my house unless I’m there.
I haven’t had time to tell her myself and my mom thought it would be harder continuing to turn my sister away while I’m at work.
Now I’m hearing from family members that I’m too materialistic and I care more about my house than I do letting my parents spend time with their grandkids.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I was with you right up until you banned your nephew from coming over even with your sister, who chases after him, cleans up after him (even washes his prints off the windows), and seems to work really hard to respect your house.
It’s totally fair to not want to come home to a mess every day from someone else’s kid, but that’s not an issue when your sister is with him, so it’s hard to understand why he should still be banned when she’s there with him to supervise.
And this isn’t just your house. It is also your parents’ home. Your sister should be able to visit her parents in their home with her child so long as she is adequately supervising him and cleaning up his messes.
Which it sounds like she is going the extra mile to do.” Meemaws_BearCheese
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your nephew is a toddler. Your child will be one soon. You’re going to have to learn to deal with little fingerprints and messes as the children grow.
Consider this practice for your child in two years, and learn how to deal with it in a reasonable way. Chasing after a toddler 24/7 to wipe things down and avoid fingerprints isn’t going to work. One wipe-down at the end of the day should be sufficient.
Your rule is also cruel in that it isolates both your parents and your sister from the adult company during the day, and prevents them from helping each other. If, say, your parents have to go to an appointment, your sister should be able to help.
And vice-versa. And even just being able to have coffee together in the afternoon is a nice break that helps make the task of childcare less isolating and saner.
Your parents are doing you a massive favor, helping care for your kid.
Don’t try to make isolating them a condition of providing that help. You know your sister can’t get a sitter during the day to watch her child, just to visit your parents.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and I actually laughed because you have no idea what’s coming your way when your child becomes a toddler.
I hate saying that because parents who say ‘just wait for this stage, it’s awful’ drive me nuts, but you seem to be under the false impression that your kid isn’t going to be doing the exact same crap when she’s your nephew’s age.
Your sister seems to be a great parent by your own description of what’s going on. She immediately cleans up any mess, and redirects her toddler when he’s struggling. I’d say you could learn a thing or two.
Also, I hate to break it to, but your daughter isn’t going to be the center of everyone’s universe like she is yours. People have multiple kids all of the time, and make it work. It seems like the issue here is you not wanting to share your mom/babysitter with someone else because it doesn’t benefit you.” Glass_Physics_3631
14. AITJ For Posting Images Where My Sister-In-Law Was Still In Pre-Transition?
“My husband (m28) and I (f26) just celebrated our wedding anniversary yesterday. We got engaged at 20 and 18 I was straight out of high school and we had a very low-budget wedding husband’s family wasn’t very happy about it but we pushed on and we’ve been very happy.
As part of our wedding anniversary, I made a post on social media with some throwback pictures of when we got married, we didn’t have a photographer so the pictures we had were taken on smartphones by guests during the ceremony and reception.
My SIL was my husband’s best man and came out 5 years ago. She has been very open about her transition but as a result of being husband’s best man she is standing in the middle of the photo next to my husband in most of the pictures that involve both of them and in the background or off to the side in others, this is the majority of the pictures we have.
I didn’t think much of it because they had already been on social media, I just took them from an album on my social media.
After posting SIL reached out to me and asked me to take down all the photos she was in pre-transition, including the ones in my album.
She said she feels uncomfortable seeing them. I did take the post down but have not removed the album pictures yet. My husband was a bit upset because 90% of our wedding pictures include SIL pre-transition. Even in our first dance pictures, you can see her in the background.
My husband called his SIL and offered to block her from seeing the posts and album but she persisted that she can’t sleep knowing there are pictures of her pre-transition on there and that if we love her then we should just do what she asked without fighting her.
I told my husband that we can back up the photos so we can still look at them but I was upset that I couldn’t post them because I do like to share them. They’re not perfect but they are our wedding.
We did consult some people about editing the images but the image quality is proving to be problematic. Husband’s family feels conflicted and SIL told them I’m a jerk for not just immediately removing the album. She said it’s just pictures and we’re being unsupportive of her journey.
Edit: I’m going to talk to her about using an emoji covering her pre-transition.
UPDATE: Worst case scenario, SIL did approve of trying to use a marker tool so while we wait for the photos to be altered I did change the album to cover her with a marker.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Nobody should expect others to sterilize their memories and photos because it makes you uncomfortable.
Grow thicker skin and understand that people still had lives before your transition and it’s not fair or right to ask them to take all their memories down for you.
There was a compromise offered and should have been accepted.
She can still feel the way she feels but the request is unreasonable and borderline ridiculous.” TheSciFiGuy80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is an unreasonable and entitled request. Your wedding photos are a lovely memory and to even offer to jump through so many hoops to make the situation better or easier was kind enough.
Transitioning was their choice and it is ridiculous to think the entire Internet can be purged of the pre-transition photos is illogical. There are photos in school scrapbooks does everyone need to remove the person’s photo there as well.” awesomepenny
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, editing the photos can make them look bad, and putting blur on SIL’s face only highlights her more, stop sharing your wedding photos forever is unfair to you and your husband.
The best thing to do is to search on the internet and try to find an editor, editing them with different people until you find a good job.
But you don’t have to stop sharing them, they were already online anyway, unfortunately, SIL probably has many memories like this and can’t disappear from everything, she should also be understanding, blocking her is best for now.” Key-Raise9268
13. AITJ For Not Wanting Anyone To Drink On Christmas?
“My husband’s family likes to drink.
Every holiday includes multiple bottles of wine/cocktails. I hate drinking I have never tasted booze. My father was a heavy drinker. I think it’s childish if you can’t have fun without drinking.
This year I’m hosting Christmas for a change.
I decided that since it’s at my house, no drinking is allowed. We are all getting older and it’s time to grow up.
My husband’s sister called to ask what she could bring. She saw a recipe for a Christmas martini that she wanted to bring.
I told her about my no-drinking rule. She didn’t say much but must have told the rest of the family. Some of them started texting me asking me if I was serious and saying that it is lame. But I’m not budging.
Now it turns out my husband’s sister is hosting an alternate gathering that almost everyone is choosing to go to instead. It’s so disrespectful all because they would have to spend one day sober.
My husband told me he talked to his sister and we are invited to her gathering and he said we should just go and stop causing issues but I won’t it’s so rude.
Now my husband is mad because I’m making him stay home and spend Christmas with me but it was my turn to host and I chose to have no booze. They could have dealt with it for one year.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your attitude towards drinking isn’t even based on how THEY act when they drink, it’s based on your own personal experience that THEY can’t relate to. It’s like watching the movie Babe and telling everyone that they will be vegan for Christmas even though, traditionally, they are used to having a roast, duck, and turkey.
It’s selfish, and no one wants to be told that they can’t have something they are used to around the holidays. Sure it’s one day but it’s a day that people are used to drinking on because it’s a holiday.
(You can host a dry dinner party any day of the year and you wouldn’t be the jerk.) You took away all options and gave them an ultimatum, whether you intended to or not.
Why couldn’t you just compromise and say that only one person can bring booze that way everyone is limited and less likely to get fully wasted.
ETA: YTJ for not ACCEPTING the ultimatum given, not the jerk for wanting to live a sober life and a sober holiday.” Environmental_Belt22
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Yes, it’s your house your rules but that doesn’t mean people have to like those rules.
Your SIL came up with an alternative so she and the rest of the family can celebrate how they see fit. Sounds like you’re trying to set boundaries for the way others live their lives which is not acceptable. Also stopping your husband from spending time with his family on a holiday over a minor disagreement is super controlling.” Impossible-Peach-985
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. By stating that people need to grow up and stop drinking is such an asinine statement. You definitely put yourself on a high pedestal and look down on his family for enjoying drinking. You may feel better than them because you don’t drink but you can’t judge people for enjoying drinking.
I get your parent was a heavy drinker but these people clearly don’t overconsume it the way your parent did so why are you holding them accountable for your parent’s mistake? You need to stop putting yourself as more important than others especially since you didn’t discuss this decision with anyone before deciding on it.
I’d go to the sister’s event too.” chergilbert
I think its telling when people hate something they've never tried. You don't hate drinking, you hate the idea of what it represents. Quit pinning your mommy/daddy issues on others.
YTJ.
12. AITJ For Telling My Dad That He Never Should've Adopted His Kids?
“I have a Danish father and an Egyptian mother, I am their only biological child (18f), but, have three adopted other siblings. My brother (18m) who is Korean, a sister (17f) who is Latvian, and another sister (15f) who is Kenyan.
My mother and father adopted them consecutively after me, as she was advised not to have any more children.
I am in my last year of high school (senior) and we all attended international schools all over the globe when my dad was on long business trips.
Until 2020, which helped us settle in one place.
We have all been great until recently. When my dad and I were talking about colleges as I applied to them recently. He clarified that they won’t move to the location I was moving to as my siblings want to stay where they are.
Even though two years back, my mother & father promised me that they would move close by for the first year, and after that, I will be on my own.
I told him that ‘we wanted to settle down for many years & now you are choosing to officially settle down because they don’t want to leave’.
Even though, I’ve stated on many occasions prior that I wanted to settle down. He told me that ‘it’s different now & he has to think about the rest of my younger siblings’. I told him that ‘If it was going to be this way, you should have never adopted them’.
I’d never said this to my father before, but I was upset as he broke his promise.
My father was disconcerted by what I said and told me that I ‘should just go to my room’, as he was clearly taken aback.
Even though I didn’t mean it and I love my siblings, I felt as though it was right to say it at the moment as he broke his promise. Yet, he still seems upset with me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Well, yeah, YTJ for saying that.
You feel your feelings, and that’s fine. However, almost everyone who leaves for college… well, leaves for college. Families don’t move to be close to them. Also, isn’t your brother of the same age going to college too?
It’s unreasonable to expect a family to move to be close to you. Also, it’s one year, and then you’d be in the same situation. So what you’re asking for is just strange, even if it was promised at some point.
Teenagers sometimes say horrible, hurtful things (the classic being ‘I hate you’ to parents). Just apologize, say you didn’t mean that, and you love your siblings, but you’re disappointed and feel he’s breaking a promise. You can all move past this.
Time to act a bit more mature.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your parents should have had a discussion with you prior about knowing they wouldn’t move and how come a family decision to not move was made without you?
I’m guessing your 18m adopted brother will be attending a college or university in the area you all are currently, your parents really are jerks for blindsiding you like that. Hopefully, you’ll still be able to pick the university/colleges you applied for or be able to apply for a university or college close by so you aren’t set off track for your education plans.
Ask your parents: why they made this decision without letting you know till you brought it up. Would they choose to move if 18m or any of the other adopted siblings choose a college/university not close by? What are you supposed to do for housing in the first year of college if you get accepted to the places you apply for?
Your parents should have let you know your agreement changed and should have included you in the discussion where your adopted siblings said that they wanted to stay. Is this the first time your adopted siblings have been put first?
Why don’t your parents include you in family decisions? I’m really baffled by their preferential treatment for decision-making and ho they didn’t include you in a decision that would affect you.
You have every right to be upset, this decision affects what colleges you can apply to and what your major is (depending on what the colleges offer).” aladywantsdragons
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. It was a mean thing to say and you said it purposefully to hurt him. But you are a teenager and were upset that your father broke an important promise.
Your dad is the bigger jerk though.
Because he’s blaming the not moving on your siblings when he (and potentially your mother) have decided that being settled down is more pleasant than they expected and HE doesn’t want to move. Rather than explain logically that the promise was made when everyone was used to moving a lot and enjoyed it.
But that circumstances have changed and moving around as much just isn’t something they really want to do anymore. And apologizing to you for making that promise about something so far in the future wasn’t a good thing to do in the first place because you never know what the circumstances are going to be when the time gets here.” Wonderful_Ad_6089
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your father’s promise made more sense with your family’s previous lifestyle since he’d be moving around anyway. It’s disappointing that you expected this but things have changed. Things have changed because of a GLOBAL CRISIS that caused a lot of changes for a lot of people.
It sounds like he just expected you to know that though instead of talking about it.
However, it’s very much not typical for parents to move closer to their child’s chosen school. Most kids want to put some distance there to have independence.
And none of this is the fault of any of your siblings. You’re asking your parents to deprive them of the thing you wanted as a kid! You should be happy they have the chance to have that! Your reaction was disproportionate and unfair.” showgirlsteve
11. WIBTJ If I Don't Share My Inheritance With My Siblings?
“My father (63) left my mom (62) when I (37) was ten years old. He was having a baby with his partner/now wife (50).
My mom was a stay-at-home mom and didn’t finish college. She had gotten pregnant with my older brother (42). My father was a jerk and made the divorce as trashy as possible for my mom.
We ended up moving in with my paternal grandparents. He was their only child and they were disappointed in him. They helped my mom go back to school. Once she finished school she wanted to pay them back but they wouldn’t let her.
They also basically disowned my father. He was invited over for Thanksgiving and Christmas but that was about it. They did love their other grandchildren though. They always provided gifts and contributed to their education.
My grandmother passed away a few years ago from breast cancer.
And my grandfather passed away last year from complications. And he left everything to my brother and me. It wasn’t a huge estate. And it’s not life-changing money. Both my brother and I are well-established in our careers. They left my father $500.
The lawyer explained that it was a way of preventing him from being able to challenge the will. They also left each of my half-siblings $10,000. My brother and I each got over $100,000. My grandfather said that since my brother and I had grown up without a father, by his choice, but his other children had, then he felt this was fair.
He also left my mom his house and some money. She had been taking care of them for a long time and they never stopped thinking of her as a daughter.
My father approached my brother and me recently saying that his other kids are struggling with finance and that we should split everything with them since we really don’t need the money.
He also tried to get my mom to renounce her inheritance. She laughed in his face and asked for all the child support he owed.
I get that it’s not my half-siblings’ fault but they had a dad to take care of them growing up and we didn’t.
So neither my brother nor I agreed to share.
Now my father, his wife, and all my half-siblings are calling us jerks for being so greedy and not helping them through the hard time they are going through.
AITJ?
EDIT: Yes, $100,000 is a lot of money.
When I said it wasn’t life-changing I meant that I would still have to work for a living. I would still have to save for my retirement. I would still have a mortgage. I hope I didn’t come off as 1%.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your grandparents made extremely deliberate choices since they gave their son $500 and your half-siblings $10,000.
To do anything other than his wishes would be to disrespect him because a Last Will and Testament speak for the deceased.
If for some reason you want to be generous fund a charity that you or your grandparents supported instead of relatives who they didn’t want to bequeath anything to.
I never realized there were so many absolutely shameless people in the world who attempt to guilt people into giving them money when they don’t deserve it.
And of course, the corollary is that I am also a bit surprised that people like OP question their not handing over money to greedy people and feel guilty about it.
While the money isn’t enough to retire on, it certainly is potentially life-changing in the sense that it would either fund tuition for your children or if invested in something safe like a low-fee index fund should yield about $750,000 and that is certainly life-changing for you when you retire.
The difference for most people between a comfortable retirement with no money worries or reduced to potentially a very meager life.” Jujulabee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t understand why people feel entitled to a deceased person’s money.
If you get something be thankful and don’t look around at what other inheritors received calculating what you could have had. It was never their money until the giver gave it to them. No one is entitled to inheritance unless it’s stipulated in the law.
Your grandparent decided what he wanted to do with his money. Know the money is Your money op and the decision of what to do with that money is yours. Don’t let previously proven selfish and currently proven greedy people guilt or manipulate you into giving them what is yours.” One-Possibility1178
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘My grandfather said that since my brother and I had grown up without a father, by his choice, but his other children had then he felt this was fair.’
Just because they had a father doesn’t mean that they had much of one.
It’s your money and you can do whatever you want with it.
If you choose you can learn how your half-siblings are situated and why. If one of them was struggling due to issues not of their own making, I would consider sharing something as it wasn’t their fault that the father they had was an jerk, but I would have thought that in that situation the grandparents who were always supportive would have helped them.
Your deciding to help if you so choose would not be an obligation, just a kindness.
My suspicions are that Dad is pressuring you so he can take from them. I would honor your grandparents by making sure he doesn’t gain anything.” latents
10. AITJ For Making My Father-In-Law Spend Thanksgiving Elsewhere?
“My husband (35m) and I (34f) have been married for about 5 years.
My mom is deceased, and my dad (64m) is currently staying with us due to some health problems. He helps with groceries and bills.
My in-laws recently divorced, and my mother-in-law (55f) stayed with us briefly during the divorce. After the marital home was sold, my father-in-law (55m) refused to respond to any letters and held up the process by months by refusing to leave-we tried our best not to get involved in that.
Once the home was sold, my mother-in-law moved out. He moved back to the city where he grew up, which is roughly 2 hours from us with no traffic.
A couple of weeks before Thanksgiving, my husband reached out to his dad (my father-in-law) to ask if he wanted to attend Thanksgiving with us.
He agreed. A few days later, he called and asked my husband if he could come to pick him up. He said that due to his work schedule, he would have to be picked up from the city and driven back to the city on Thanksgiving Day.
We host Thanksgiving at our home, and my husband works the third shift. He had to work on Wednesday night. If he were to do this, he would have to spend over 4 hours in the car on Thanksgiving Day and would not be around to help me with any preparation nor have time to sleep before Thanksgiving dinner.
At this point, we suggested that he take the bus (there is a bus line that had about 20 direct trips to our town from his town on Thanksgiving morning). We looked up the schedule, told him where and when to be at the station, and offered to buy a $50 bus ticket for him.
My husband also offered to drive him back to the city in the evening.
My FIL did NOT like this idea. He completely flipped out on my husband, saying that he obviously didn’t want to see him. He called him nasty names and accused him of caring about my father (who is not involved in any of this) more than him.
He refused, said that he would not be attending, and thanked my husband for showing him where their relationship stood, and said ‘I hope you enjoyed having a father because this is a really good way to end our relationship.’
He didn’t show up on Thanksgiving, and he has blocked both me and my husband from calls/texts, and social media. Neither of us has spoken to him since.
Are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Generally speaking, the person hosting for the holidays doesn’t get responsibility for shuttling the guests to their house unless they offer to.
Demanding someone drive 4 hours to shuttle you to and fro is pretty rude unless there’s no other way to get there – he had the options of a bus or renting a car and driving himself. The specifics of your situation make it even ruder since it would mean your husband loses out on much-needed sleep – that doesn’t sound safe!
If the hosts offer to come to get you, it’s fine to accept, but demanding is not cool.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your husband is entitled to spend his holiday with his wife, rested and enjoying his time, rather than chase all over the place after his dad.
FIL had options. He wasn’t interested in coming for Thanksgiving unless he could make it an over-the-top loyalty test for your husband. You know this man is a jerk because of, not limited to, his behavior over the divorce and sale of the marital home.
He will come crawling back when he wants something.” IllustratorSlow1614
Another User Comments:
“No, NTJ. FIL is bitter over his divorce and is looking to blame and strike out at anyone he can.
You guys invited him and he accepted. Then he needed special accommodation – in the form of someone driving 2 hours (each way) to pick him up and drive him home (that’s 8 hours of driving).
That wasn’t a reasonable request – especially with your husband working 3rd shift. Your compromise solution was quite fair and he refused it.
It’s on FIL if he wants to blow up his relationship with his son. Don’t worry, as soon as FIL needs money or something else, he’ll call.” User
9. AITJ For Advising My Neighbor Not To Run Wearing Black Colors In The Dark?
“I leave for work at 6 am and it’s still completely dark outside. I usually see the same woman running as I’m leaving my neighborhood. She only ever wears black clothing to run, and she runs in the middle of the street (the sidewalks are icy this time of year).
She’s extremely hard to see with the dark clothing, and I was worried that it was only a matter of time before someone hit her because she was impossible to see.
Yesterday she ran across the street while I was waiting at a stop sign, and I realized that it was one of my neighbors who live across the street from me.
I wanted to say something right then but didn’t want to freak her out, so I decided to write a note and put it in her mailbox when I got home basically saying that I’d noticed that she’s very hard to see when she wears black to run and that she should maybe consider wearing lighter colors or something reflective so she doesn’t get hit.
Her partner knocked on my door later in the evening and told me that I crossed a boundary and that I was ‘acting like a stalker’. I ensured him that I was just trying to make sure that she didn’t get hit by a car, but he started getting agitated and told me to stay out of other people’s business.
It was not my intention at all to freak her out, and now I’m wondering if I really did cross a boundary.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I can see how she would have been unnerved by the note if you didn’t explain the context.
Hopefully, you mentioned that you notice her running in the morning because you are leaving for work at the same time, so you see her running in the street every day. Otherwise, she might think you were watching her from the bushes or something.
Sounds like you had good intentions, she can make her own choices, but running in dark clothing in the middle of the street when it’s dark out is not a great idea.” Thesafflower
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The guy should be thanking you, but no, he lets his own pretty big insecurities do the talking for him.
You were absolutely being a kind human being, and that’s the world we live in now. You cannot warn someone of risk without that person becoming defensive, and twisting logic inside-out to then try to put you on the defensive.
People can’t admit mistakes, and will not take unsolicited warnings to save their lives, without going nuclear in response.
I wished we lived in a world where accidents did not happen. I wished we lived in a world where people were not victimized, but we don’t.
For that reason, I caution women to NOT run alone, and I, too, have pointed out that running in the dark, in all black, with no light colors or reflective gear, is an accident waiting to happen.
I’d like to say that the woman doing that is NOT stupid, but just running along in her version of a ‘perfect world,’ and you were just kindly trying to remind her of reality, but it’s possible she is just not that smart.” anitarielleliphe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Leaving a note is perhaps a bit strange, but it isn’t a bad idea to remind her she’s hard to see.
You didn’t do anything wrong. Her partner is acting a bit like he’s trying to be a hero – but you also don’t know her story.
Perhaps she’s had stalker experiences previously and this triggered her. You’re not in the wrong, just made an innocent mistake.
If you know to expect her, just be a bit careful. If you have a close call, consider politely asking her to consider a reflective vest in winter.
Hopefully, she doesn’t get hit by anyone. It’s kinda stupid to run in black on the road at 6 am in winter. I’d rather get cleats and run on icy sidewalks, but I also like to live.” shinynewcharrcar
8. AITJ For Not Helping My Sister's Business?
“I own and run a bakery. I was sick of working a job with long hours with no thanks for it. I baked whenever I was off and sold it sometimes and it took off. After being miserable for years and having long discussions with my husband, we decided I should at least try and follow baking full-time.
I did this for a year and I had relative success but could not keep up with the demand of just selling from out of the house. It was a huge gamble but we decided to open a bakery by renting out a retail unit and investing our life savings.
It finally paid off and after five years, it’s a successful small business and we’ve actually made our money back. I run a small shop with 6 staff and I am a lot happier.
My bakery has a dining area for customers.
We do the standard treats like cakes etc. but also morning rolls and sandwiches. I have also hosted local events in conjunction with local groups. For example, stuff like holding knitting nights, crafting nights, etc. I’ll either stay open a little later or allow them specific time slots.
I do this all for free as it’s a space for people to enjoy something and meet people and they always buy cakes and treats so it’s not hurting anybody. Basically, if it’s reasonable I don’t mind holding events or promoting specific events via flyers or stuff but I will not let other people sell in here.
My bakery is solely there to sell things from my bakery and I do not wish to have other businesses trying to solicit sales from within mine.
My sister has got into making crystals and jewelry. She is not having much luck and has told me it is her ‘destiny’ to do this after taking some classes.
Anyway, she has asked if she can promote her business within my cafe. She wants to show samples and try and get some sales. I told her no and she says I’m a hypocrite as I let other people host things in my bakery.
I told her they are local events to bring the community together, most often people who are lonely, and that if I ever promote or support a local cause or business, it’s via displaying flyers inside or over social media or something.
None of this involves them selling stuff from my bakery.
I also emphasized that the hobby groups only buy food sometimes and they come with crafting items or stuff and to meet with friends. Also emphasized my belief in supporting local businesses by displaying adverts for them but there’s a difference between doing that and allowing them to sell on my premises.
She says I’m a heartless jerk who is not willing to help out another local business owner and advance her dream. My husband thinks she is delusional. My parents are on my back asking me to break my rule just once so my sister can reach more potential customers.
ETA: I did offer to display a poster/flyer for my sister if she had one to promote her but she refused. I don’t know if it’s relevant but she quit her job as a lawyer to follow this dream.
She was a very successful one but said she was miserable working her cases and was willing to sacrifice the pay for her happiness. I do love and support her trying to make a career change, I just don’t want her selling on my premises.
She is 42, by the way, and I’m 39F. Perhaps there’s a little bit of resentment she’s trying to do what I did and she isn’t having success but I don’t know.
ETA 2: I don’t know if it’s relevant but my sister worked in criminal law.
Very well-paid job and she was extremely successful at it but the cases were very heavy sometimes and it drained on her. She is also trying to launch a legitimate business, not multi-level marketing. I don’t think so. I think she just wants to try and make a crafting business that stemmed from liking the classes she took run by a legitimate local hobby group.
I also did not ask her for any legal advice related to my business as it’s a completely different field to what she has experience in.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If someone was ‘promoting’ their jewelry while I was trying to have a sandwich and a cup of coffee, I would be pretty annoyed and never step foot in the shop again.
People do not want a hard sell ever and they don’t go to a bakery to buy jewelry.
Even if she just wants to display some jewelry for sale, it looks tacky to do this and devalues your business to customers.
You can tell when a business was pressured into doing something like this for a SO/family member/friend. They have a little display by the register with some random jewelry. Patrons wonder what the focus is. Is this business really about making good food or are they focused on selling this random jewelry?
There are craft fairs, street fairs, and stores that put this type of thing up for a commission, etc. Your sister needs to do the legwork and make the connections to get her stuff displayed in appropriate venues.
The reality is that she should have been hustling to get into one of the hundreds of Christmas craft fairs that pop up this time of year.” Corpuscular_Ocelot
Another User Comments:
“DO NOT BREAK YOUR RULE! As soon as you allow one seller – even your sister – every other seller who has an event there will want to sell something. Musicians will want to sell CDs. Other creatives will want to sell paintings or photos, and on and on.
Each of them will cite you as having let one vendor in, and when you tell these others no, they will start talking trash about how unfair you are.
This is a surefire way to ruin your reputation. If your sister wants to succeed, she can work from home, create an online shop on Etsy or other platforms, she can go to craft shows, farmers markets, or other general sales venues.
She can get in touch with other local businesses that are in a similar line or have customers interested in similar products. She can leverage the network effect to build momentum. People buying cakes and treats aren’t in the mood to shop for jewelry.
Different purchase mindsets.
Your sister is trying to shortcut the long road that it takes to build a business. If this is her passion and destiny, then nothing you, op, do can stop it or help it. Destinies happen regardless.
It sounds like your sister has a case of difficulty equaling diversity. That thought says, ‘I put in the time and effort and did one hard thing, therefore other hard things will come without cost because I’ve already paid my dues.’ Nope.
NTJ. Tell her you don’t want her success to ever feel like anything but HER success. You want her to feel proud of what she’s built on her own and not ever wonder if it was due to your involvement.” kevwelch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Firstly I’m guessing she doesn’t have a business license or registry and probably isn’t paying taxes etc and of course, I’m sure she has no intention to pay a portion of your store expenses for rent utilities, etc…
and by allowing her to piggyback/mooch in your space you may be violating your lease, your business insurance, etc and exposing yourself to liability. Plus it will not only potentially cost you your customer base/sales because not only will many not appreciate being hounded to buy her doodads with their morning muffin but some customers will then demand you to allow them to promote/sell from your store as well.
And finally… your store, your rules. She is welcome to set up a table at Dunkin Donuts and see how they respond or she can do what many crafters do and research local markets and fairs and PAY to have a table to display her wares and take orders.” Any-Blackberry-5557
7. AITJ For Not Accepting My Son's Biological Dad's Birthday Gift?
“I was married for 10 years. By year 8 of our marriage, we had a six-year-old boy.
I wanted more kids, but my ex did not. Our marriage started to fail and she started seeing this guy (Justin) on the side. She ended up getting pregnant and I thought it was mine. I realized early that ‘Liam’ was not my kid but the kid of my ex’s partner.
That and other reasons led to me divorcing her.
Without going into too much detail, I got 50/50 for both boys and adopted Liam who is now 8. Justin was given a free pass to bail which he took because he wasn’t going to be in the picture anyways.
He was a no-show at court, etc. so he pretty much hasn’t had any parental rights.
I have no idea what planet Liam came from but I have never had a deeper connection with anyone in my entire life. I don’t get bored with him.
He’s my best bud.
My ex is a bit of a trainwreck and has been bobbing in and out of the picture for a couple of years which is fine with me.
Liam turned 8 last week and I posted a few pictures of his party on IG.
I got a DM from Justin asking if he could send Liam a birthday gift.
I promptly posted on his IG that there was no need to send a gift but thanks for his donation, by the way. He shut down his IG account a few days later.
My wife thought it was messed up and way too mean.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He made the choice to bail out of his child. Sending some gifts is just gonna disturb the child. Especially If there’s no follow-through with trying to build a relationship.
Which I’ll assume the progenitor won’t. Because, in my experience, going AWOL from a child’s life, then the (first) contact is at birthday with a present, gives off a ‘Rolling Stone Papa’ vibe.
On the other hand, consider giving Liam the option, to know his progenitor.
No direct contact, writing letters would be a good option, under your care and supervision. Also, a good test to see if the man’s serious and consistent with the kiddo.
At the end of the day, by sheer virtue of DNA questions will arise.
You want to get on top of that real quick before the ungrateful teenage years come up.
All the very best, from someone who was like Liam and raised by an absolute legend of a Dad.” AerynSunnInDelight
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but I really do know how you feel. Liam is YOURS. YOU have done all the work. YOU have sat up nights when he’s been sick. YOU have been the one to go to school meetings. YOU have been the one to pay for piano lessons, and he gave up after only 1.
YOU are his DAD. Legally, emotionally, and physically, you are his father. No one can take that away from you. I’m going to assume Liam knows he’s adopted.
But here’s the thing… you have a choice. If you deny any contact at all, it’s going to end up making Liam hate you in his teen years, at the very least (they LOOK for ways to hate you when they are teens).
I think a gift for his birthday would have been a small gesture to test out what this guy wants. Legally, he can’t do anything as he signed away his rights, but that doesn’t mean you can’t show him a little grace.
I get why you don’t want to. I wouldn’t either, but I think you might be better off for it at least as far as your relationship with Liam.
I think you should message him and apologize, letting him know that you were caught off guard.
Ask him what he wants. It’s been several years. Chances are he’s not the same person he was. Maybe he just wants to know how Liam is doing. Maybe eventually he wants to meet him – going out for ice cream in a park is fast enough for you to gauge if he has good intentions (or have him meeting you for coffee before).
I KNOW this idea annoys you. And you can do whatever you want. This is YOUR child and YOUR decision. But as the mom of an adopted child, the bio parents can either be your best ally or your worst nightmare.
I really hope Liam has just grown up and just wants to know how Liam is doing. Start VERY small, gifts, a photo or two, but this is to YOUR schedule. YOU get to call the shots. Remember that.
I don’t envy you.” CandyTX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It appears that Justin has been absent from Liam’s life. If that is true, there is no advantage to Liam from receiving a gift from Justin. In the dynamic of Liam’s relationship with his bio-dad, Justin has not earned standing.
In my opinion, Justin owes several years of child support, although not court awarded. The court should order child support for Liam, which could be placed into a college trust account. Once done Justin could be allowed to give gifts, but no contact until you are certain it is in Liam’s best interest. Liam’s welfare is the only thing that is important in this sad tale.” harleybidness
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – be careful. As Liam gets older he will ask questions. He will find out the family history and who the bio sperm donor is. But that will never diminish how he loves, respects adores, and appreciates you.
What will hurt that is for him to believe his bio dad tried and you squashed it. He won’t see it as protection but selfishness. Don’t do that. I get it is scary for you and absolutely he is your son.
Justin sending a present doesn’t – can’t – won’t change that. But work something out with the bio dad. Let him know a present would be nice, you misspoke. Please send it and I will make sure Liam receives it.
The more people your child has who love him, the better – you can’t promise him you’ll live forever. Give him a big community.
You protect him by how you fold Justin, his mom, and others into his life.
How you explain his little life and listen to him is so important and he needs you to dive into this as his protective father – not a jealous man who is afraid. How you move forward with this is how you continue to bond and protect Liam.
Walk with him to work it out because he will need to work this out. You sound like a great dad and Liam is blessed to be loved by you. Do him right and walk through this with your buddy because he will face this one day.
Better with you than without you.” Significant-Stage-54
6. AITJ For Not Bringing My Son The Things He Forgets To Bring To School?
“My son is 13, in 7th grade.
To me, this is more than old enough to keep track of his own things. But since the start of the school year in August, he has forgotten his homework twice and his WHOLE BACKPACK once. How do you walk into school without your backpack?
I did take that back up there when he called because he kind of would’ve been screwed without it, but I told him not to do it again, and I didn’t take his homework up there either time which has really upset him.
This is rudimentary cause and effect to me. He’s a perfectionist who doesn’t like to get bad grades, so it should be important for him to make sure he has his homework. To be blunt, it’s really not my responsibility to take time out of MY day to run it up there.
It’s on him.
Well, since I’m a stay-at-home mom my husband does think it’s my responsibility. I told him I’m staying at home for our youngest (1.5), not running errands for our son. I remember understanding from a very early age that calling home and expecting someone to come to the school for me was asking them to give up their valuable time, so it had better be good.
It’s just… common sense for anyone over the age of 5 or so, I would think.
I think it’s ridiculous for parents to be constantly running up to the school to take their kid’s things they forget, especially at my son’s age.
I can see helping out once or twice and I’ve done that, but there’s no way this is gonna become a regular thing, which is what’s gonna happen if I keep helping him.
Is it just me that thinks this is stupid?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting to teach the lesson, and this may be a super effective way to teach it, but you HAVE to couple it with trying to teach them tools to not forget. This is the important part especially if they have ANY neurodivergence going on (including ADHD).
Your job as a parent is to set them up for successfully navigating life, if your son is consistently forgetting something important you need to take your feelings out of it and figure out what the problem is and work with him to help him change it BEFORE it becomes out of hand and turns into a habit…
Start with asking what he did differently last year or is it just because the homework is harder/takes longer so there’s a wrench in his routine, so you would help him come up with a new routine to follow at night to make sure he gets his homework put away… or if there is no routine in place make one, at every night before he brushes his teeth to go to bed or before he goes into his bedroom to go to sleep he should check his backpack one last time to make sure he has everything set for the next day.
Something simple like that can and will carry into adulthood and it’s a good habit to start and have anyways. People don’t just have habits naturally, they learn them, and if you haven’t taught this one yet, now is the time if it’s not too late…” xxBree89xx
Another User Comments:
“He’s your child, it’s on you to teach him how to manage things when he can’t.
You say he’s a perfectionist who cares about school, so obviously, he’s not doing it on purpose or out of laziness.
He is facing an issue without the tools to manage it, which can feel punishing enough for a perfectionist, and your response is to punish him more – for something you are failing to teach him.
He wants to remember his stuff, but he can’t.
How exactly are you helping him remember?
YTJ. You don’t have to run around doing his errands if you help him find a way to do it himself. It’s your responsibility to make sure he is equipped to succeed in his responsibilities.
A checklist by the door, packing the bag and putting it on the door handle as part of the evening routine, having his shoes by his desk so he’ll see any homework left before leaving… He’s not doing this out of spite but out of inability.
Give him the tools to use when his ability is lacking. Be a parent.
Maybe this is such a thorn in my side due to having grown up with ‘you should know this by now, you’re smart enough, just try harder’ instead of ‘it’s a natural executive dysfunction due to ADHD, there’s nothing wrong with you but here’s what you can do to help to remember stuff’, but it really grinds my gears when people don’t connect the dots.
If someone smart and capable is really trying to do something that should be easy, and they’re failing, then clearly it’s not easy for them and they need help!” could_not_care_more
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is called ‘natural consequences’ and it’s an important part of teaching children to make smart decisions and learn from mistakes.
The natural consequence of forgetting your homework is that you get in trouble at school or are marked down for turning it in late. The lesson learned is that you need to come up with ways to remember to bring your homework, such as packing your backpack with everything needed for school the night before, using a checklist, or other tools.
If you kept bringing the homework and other forgotten items, you’d be teaching your child that it’s fine to be irresponsible. At 13, he’s definitely old enough to be held accountable for mistakes of this type.” Leading-Knowledge712
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for putting blame on the kid. Children don’t inherently know what their parents want from them – you being upset that he isn’t aware of your ‘valuable time’ is a reflection on YOU, not him. Also, his forgetting things is something you should help him with, not scold him for.
You don’t want to drive up to school every week? Then teach him some tricks to remember stuff. If this keeps happening and it gets worse, maybe check with a professional (perfectionism and forgetfulness could indicate ADHD – not saying that he has it or that it’s even likely, but it’s a possibility you should consider).
Your anger is misdirected at your child. Help him.” Maemmaz
5. AITJ For Not Waiting For My Friend?
“I have a friend, we will call her Lena. She has blown me off a few times but she has some health issues and a baby daughter close to my daughter’s age so I usually am quite understanding but frustrated nonetheless.
I’ve come to expect her to be a little late and have accepted that she will be at times.
For me, the problem is the lack of communication.
I was left sitting at a brunch place the first time this happened with just me and my young daughter because she never called to say she couldn’t make it.
She was asleep she later told me. We continued to hang out as I thought maybe it was a one-off thing.
She invited me to a preseason football game (she had free tickets) and canceled the morning of because she got into a fight with her husband.
She doesn’t even like football and I was so excited then disappointed. I met up with her later that day to talk through what happened at a coffee shop. Not to tell her I was disappointed but to be supportive of what was going on with her and her husband.
She told me the day before my son’s birthday she would be coming. I ordered extra food and made a cute gift bag for her daughter. She didn’t show. I had to text her an hour into the party to find out if she was coming and she said no her daughter was sick.
I limited our relationship after this and hadn’t seen her in months. Today she reached out to get coffee. I told her a time. We agreed. I had my daughter with me. I waited 30 minutes. My daughter started crying and I left. I feel bad because I saw her pulling in as we left but 30 minutes seems excessive.
I’m sure she has her reasons for being late again and I do enjoy seeing her when we can make it work but I think this was the last straw for me. AITJ for not being more understanding of her health issues?
I feel like she doesn’t have many friends and I feel guilty pulling away from her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you had given her plenty of chances and latitude for her in consideration. A simple message which takes less than a minute would have sufficed to let you know her to change in plans but she can’t be bothered, this has nothing to do with her situation but rather her as a person.
You need to be fairer to yourself when others aren’t being fair to you, though it would have been great to let her know rather than bottle it up.” denasher
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I think you should tell her.
Some people truly don’t see how being late or not showing up is a big deal. It’s not right but doesn’t sound malicious either. I’d just call her and explain why this situation was disrespectful and how you feel.
Don’t throw every example at her unless she denies it’s an ongoing problem. It doesn’t have to be a fight. It’s what I would do just to set expectations for any future hangouts. I’d also limit how invested I was until/if she could show she had changed.” MoMoJangles
Another User Comments:
“I’m giving this a light ‘everyone sucks here’, though your friend is obviously more responsible. You know that saying, ‘Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me’? Why the heck would you keep hinging things and getting your daughter’s hopes up dependent on your friend miraculously attending?
If you were invested in this relationship, then it would be trivial to start reaching out earlier to be sure. Instead of waiting one hour after the event was supposed to start, call them one hour before to check if they’re still going to follow through.
That would also be a good opportunity to remind them to communicate. For example, I generally dislike phone calls. If I kept getting phone calls reminding me to text if I was going or not, then I’d probably start texting earlier to preempt the phone call.
As for your daughter, and events in general, surely you should know not to assume your friend will attend. Plan events so you can enjoy them with or without them.
I say this by having an aunt who is so bad at time management, she’s been over an hour late to parties in her own house, not because she wasn’t home, but because she didn’t start getting ready until just before the party started. The rest of the family developed coping mechanisms: Give her an earlier time.
Make sure her husband knew, and make sure he was in charge of getting their son ready and available on time. And yeah, plan events with or without her, and don’t wait up.
At this point, you have to take some responsibility for letting this happen over and over again, and also for setting up your daughter to be disappointed.” El_Rey_247
4. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Therapist That My Mom Is Taking My Money?
“I (f 16) live with my mom (f 50) and she’s very dictator-like.
I have to do everything when she wants me to do it, how she wants me to do it. If I have homework it has to be done when she wants me to. I need to shower it’s done when she wants me to.
She even goes as far as to picking the clothes I wear to school. I have almost no control over my life and if I get upset it turns into an argument.
Last year I involuntarily told her about my depression and she cried and made it about her (like always) and told my aunt and uncle they told her to sign me up for therapy and she did.
We set up an agreement where my mom pays me $5 a day to go to school and do chores to help motivate me to do things and to save for a car.
So maybe 2-3 months ago I went to a football game with my significant other and my friend’s mom to watch my friend perform at halftime.
During the game, she messages me and says she’s had to take funds out of my bank that I earned and was saving and that she would put it back in it when she got paid plus some. She still hasn’t put it back in there and when I asked when she was going to give it back she says that I don’t need it and that she wants to give it back.
During the thanksgiving break, I had I birthday in which I turned 16 and got about $290 and I was planning on saving part of it to go towards getting a car (keep in mind I had to start all over again) and since then when we go out she makes me pay for my food which is fine but she also wants me to pay for her food and when I say no she tries to guilt trip me saying that I don’t love her and she buys me things all the time but I can’t buy her food.
And when she does this my SO is in the car and has asked him to buy her food once before also. And she will constantly ask me if I want to do somewhere but says I have to pay when I didn’t even want to go, to begin with (which she’s been doing ever since I started therapy).
And when I send her to get food because she says we need to eat and wants me to get something out instead of eating at home with MY MONEY. She buys her something without asking me first AND keeps my change.
I’ve recently been applying for jobs and have gotten 2 interviews and today I decided to tell her that I want to get my own separate banking so she doesn’t have access to my money if I get the job.
I’ve also told her that I want to have a group meeting with my therapist to tell her about her taking my money, giving me no privacy and she doesn’t let me make my own decisions. She hasn’t responded yet because she’s at work but I still want to know, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
First of all, what you discuss with your therapist is none of her business. Secondly, if she’s doing things that make you want to tell your therapist about it then you definitely should! They might be able to help you in some way if you tell them what’s going on.
In fact, the only jerk here is your mom. And as reassurance here are the reasons why:
Control freak. Makes you do everything her way even if you don’t want to/it makes you uncomfortable. Invasion of privacy.
Using/stealing your money.
Taking your money and using it without your permission. Making you pay for things she’s perfectly capable of paying for herself and should pay for herself.
Lying. Says she’ll pay you back then states that she won’t.
Emotional manipulation. Making it about her when you told her about your depression.
When you’re upset with her about something she turns it into an argument instead of trying to help you. Stole your money and when asked why she won’t pay it back, despite saying she would, tries to justify it by saying that you don’t need it when it wasn’t hers to spend in the first place.
Worst and most telling of all she accuses you of not loving her when you decide to stand up for yourself and not meet her unreasonable demands.
If anything she’s the one who doesn’t love you. If she loved you she wouldn’t treat you so horribly.
If she ever tries to guilt trip you like that don’t take her bs. Stand up for yourself if you feel it’s safe to do so. Show her my list of her wrongdoings if you need to! She is not in the right here.
None of the things she does is okay.” PlatypusQueen17
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Go to your school counselor and ask about resources for children being financially mistreated. Your mother is financially abusing you and the deal isn’t actually the deal. Sorry that she is controlling everything and while you’re still a minor there are some things you can do.
Make the school aware of what is happening. Unless therapy is court-ordered she can just have you stop going or stop paying the bill.
Your school should at least have some resources for how to set up banking as a minor in an abusive situation.
Also, you may want to stop by a police station and speak to someone. They will help you understand your rights and your privileges as well as have resources to help secure your money and keep things safe. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
It is not normal or healthy.” pandatron3221
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She is your mother and therefore responsible for housing, feeding, and clothing you until 18.
She absolutely should not be taking your money. Depending on where you live, you cannot get a savings account independent of an adult until 18.
If you believe you can trust your Aunt/Uncle – have them create a custodial account in which you can put your money in.
Tell your therapist what is happening, with/without your Mother’s presence. It is inappropriate for her to take your money without intending to return it (and bad to take even with the intent of returning it unless she has your permission first).
You should not have to pay for her meals (nor should your SO). Love has nothing to do with it. If you say, ‘Hey Mom, I want to treat you to lunch today.’ then letting you pay is fine.” Blacksmithforge3241
3. AITJ For Asking My Friend To Get A Psoriasis Scalp Treatment For My Wedding?
“I’m getting married in March. My friend ‘Aubrey’ is a bridesmaid. Aubrey has heavy psoriasis and is self-conscious about it. She’s wearing a long-sleeved dress at the wedding, at her own request. At the time, the only visible places were her arms and legs.
In recent months, it’s developed on her scalp. She’s had to buy a special shampoo so the patches and flakes don’t show in her hair. Once again, she’s super self-conscious. According to her, doing the treatment herself really hurts and makes her feel worse about herself.
Her dermatologist prescribed a special shampoo and conditioner that’s supposed to help loosen it so she can brush and comb it out. She does what she can do it doesn’t look too bad, but sometimes she just gives up and the flakes show.
They’re big, plaque-like flakes that pop up on her scalp. She wears a lot of hats or hoodies.
The thing is, I wouldn’t have minded her wearing a short sleeve dress and showing her flakes/plaque on her arms and legs as it’s really not an issue.
However, because you can’t see the redness, just the flakes, her hair looks unkempt often. It’s her hair, so I don’t care about every other day… except my wedding.
I originally told the girls I don’t care how they do their hair, they don’t have to use my stylist, and can do it themselves, even if they don’t do anything special. However, with Aubrey, I feel it’s not too much to ask she treats it.
I spoke to my stylist and asked if she knew anyone who could help. She has an associate at her salon that actually specializes in psoriasis on the scalp. She’d be willing to do the treatment on Aubrey’s scalp the day before (giving it time to heal and relax before the wedding).
I spoke with Aubrey and explained the procedure. I said I’d be willing to pay for it. She got super embarrassed and reminded me how much it hurts. I said I understand but that was her doing it. The stylist says she can do it in a way that may hurt a little as it’s removing a decent amount of plaque, but she’ll be gentle.
Aubrey told me no, even when I gave her the stylist’s number to talk about it in detail. I tried to be reasonable and said the options were the stylist doing it or Aubrey herself would have to do it.
She got really upset and said I’m not a true friend if I can’t accept her as is. She’s now not returning my calls or texts. I feel bad that I hurt her and I’m wondering if this was an unreasonable request. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
She already said no to it. The treatments cause her enough pain alone to her without a so-called friend making her feel even more ashamed of it.
The truth is, nobody is going to look at your wedding pictures with enough of a critical eye to notice or care.
You might look at them once in a while, and your partner might, but the only photos that matter at a wedding are the ones with the people getting married in them.
Audrey will remember how you made her feel, though.
Apologise and hope she’s gracious enough to accept.” gaydaryl
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
The fact that you’re continually referring to a symptom of your so-called friend’s medical condition as ‘being unkempt’ is vile.
The fact that you’ve pretty much told her she has no choice but to put herself through immense physical pain – either by herself or at the hands of a stylist – is reprehensible.
Nothing about refusing to take ‘no’ as an answer or telling your friend to******* up and take part in a painful treatment is reasonable. You should have stopped after she declined the first time, but instead, you resorted to an ultimatum that strongly implied that she needed to do this or else she wouldn’t be included anymore.
She’s right. You’re not acting like a friend at all.” Glitter_Voldemort
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for asking your friend to get a psoriasis scalp treatment for your wedding. It’s understandable that you want your friend to look her best for your wedding, but it’s not fair to put pressure on her to get a treatment that she is uncomfortable with and that may cause her pain.
It’s important to be understanding and accepting of your friend’s condition and not make her feel self-conscious or embarrassed about it.
It’s not your place to dictate how she should manage her psoriasis or to pressure her into getting a treatment that she is not comfortable with.
You should apologize to your friend for making her feel uncomfortable and for not being understanding and supportive.” MaliTheMinecraftCat
2. AITJ For Not Attending My Sister's Wedding Because I Don't Want To Wear A Dress?
“I (25F) was raised in an extremely religious household. Growing up, I never felt overly feminine. Not as if I wasn’t a girl, but I was never into dresses or makeup or anything like that.
If I wanted to wear slacks to church, I would get screamed at. I wore dresses growing up (not just to church, but to school) and always felt super uncomfortable. Around 15, I came out as a lesbian and my parents did not approve.
I’m not saying all lesbians dress like this, but I did tend to start wearing jeans, t-shirts, etc to school, slacks, and nice shirts to events. I finally felt comfortable. My mom and I got into many arguments over this and my dad constantly told me that I was making a big deal over nothing.
I was kicked out at 16 when I refused conversion therapy. My older sister, Mindy, took me in and was the only one in my family who ever truly supported me. I lived with her all through college. I live with my partner now, but Mindy and I maintained a very close relationship.
Mindy is engaged and getting married next summer. She asked me to be the maid of honor. We went shopping for her dress last weekend and she looks stunning! We went with two of her other bridesmaids. We just had an appointment for Mindy’s dress but while the saleswoman was ringing everything up, the bridesmaids and Mindy started looking at dresses for the bridal party.
Nothing definite, but they got ideas on what to look for. Later, in private, I spoke to Mindy and reminded her I’m not comfortable in a dress. I offered an alternative of wearing a tux or suit. We could even find one the same color as the bridesmaids.
Mindy said it was one day, couldn’t I just wear a dress? She claimed a tux would make me look like a groomsman (I have a pixie cut and due to my lack of makeup, I often get mistaken for a guy, especially when out with my very feminine significant other).
I said I really wouldn’t feel comfortable. Plus a lot of our family is going to come which already makes me anxious. It’s already going to be hard, in the same church that told me I was not going to heaven, surrounded by my family who said similar.
Wearing a dress will make me feel like that teenager who had no control over their life and ended up in extensive therapy for having to conform to be loved.
It escalated into a fight, where Mindy said I had to wear a dress, calling me selfish and ungrateful.
She told me she gave up her early 20s to help take care of me and now I can’t do this. She was shaking and screaming. I told her this was too much and I just won’t come at all.
Her fiancé has called me several times, saying Mindy wants to apologize, it’s not a big deal if I just wear the dress it’ll go away. Mindy just wants her day to be perfect. AITJ for refusing to give in?
Edit: I showed examples of tuxes, jumpsuits, and regular suits that would complement the colors. I also tried to make compromises on wearing the dress for pictures and the ceremony and then changing but she said that’s too dramatic and it’ll draw attention.
It’s wearing a dress or bust. To add, I’d also have to pay for a dress I’d never wear again versus, I would wear a jumpsuit or suit or tux again.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re not a prop, your a person who has trauma from your childhood regarding your identity, family, and s*******y.
It’s not just a dress. It’s about the expectation that you need to conform to their ideals of what you should be and how you should look again.
You didn’t force Mindy to take you in. She chose to do that, and you can be grateful and appreciative, just as you can and are allowed to opt out of doing things that would make you uncomfortable.
You offered several compromises. If it’s a dress or bust then I would stand down. If aesthetics and uniformed bridesmaids are more important then she can have that, but without you.” HunterDangerous1366
Another User Comments:
“Gentle YTJ, only because you agreed to be a bridesmaid, and wearing the bride-selected bridesmaid dress is kinda part of the job.
If you’re not comfortable in a dress under any circumstances, that’s totally your decision. But the bride isn’t wrong for wanting to decide the color scheme and dress requirements for her bridal party. I say YTJ because of your reaction and expectation that she needs to change to suit your preference.
And yes, it’s a preference. It’s not challenging your gender or identity, it’s just a personal preference. Your past may have contributed to your dislike but it’s not really part of this current situation. I mean geez, some people don’t like wearing heels but will as a bridesmaid or to a formal event because that was part of the outfit.
And yeah, unless you’re super lucky, part of being a bridesmaid is buying a dress that you’re never likely to wear again.
But you are allowed to say no to wearing a dress. Of course, you are! You’re not a jerk for saying no. But I don’t think it’s fair to expect to stay in the bridal party and for you to be given special treatment.
The mature thing would be to say, ‘I understand this is important to you and I want your wedding to look and go as perfectly as you imagine. I’m sorry but I really am not comfortable wearing a dress or doing the makeup and heels that would make your dream a reality.
I don’t want this to damage our relationship so I feel it might be better for both of us if I supported you as a guest’.” foolish_girl_89
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you had been super inflexible about what you’re willing to wear I could see an argument for ‘everyone sucks here’, but it doesn’t sound like you were.
Modern bridal brands offer many options and you could certainly find a nice suit or jumpsuit in the same colors as the rest of the bridal party. It works even better because you’re the maid of honor, they often wear something slightly different.
Your sister just doesn’t want to rock the boat with your family’s homophobic, regressive church. Honestly the fact that she’s getting married there tells you a lot.
Good job sticking to your guns. I’d recommend one last good clear talk where you reiterate that you’re happy to wear any color or style as long as it isn’t a dress and that if that doesn’t work for her you won’t attend the wedding.
Love and acceptance don’t end when it’s inconvenient. You may find that it’s time for some distance from her and that you’ll need to build a family for yourself outside of your biological family. I’m sorry, that’s really hard.” Caroleena77
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and not because you have preferences. We all do and that’s ok.
YTJ because life isn’t just about yourself but the people we love and the people we surround ourselves with.
While it is not such a good look on her to be uncompromising on what she wants on her big day, it is however just 1 single day that she’s asking you to make a sacrifice for her.
She’s not asking you to change your personality or your lifestyle. She asked you to fit yourself into her world for one day, one important day for her.
She has sacrificed a lot when she took you in when you were thrown out, and that is what life is, sacrificing yourself for the people you love and you care about.
It’s not just about me me me all the time nor is it not me not me not me all the time. There’s a time for everything, and sometimes, we sacrifice a piece of ourselves for those we love and care about.
And you not budging on something like this for the one day your sister asked for you to fit into her world when she took in your world for years, shows how selfish you are.” nocternum
1. AITJ For Getting Clothes From My Ex's Room?
“I left most of my clothes and things behind when I moved out of the home I shared with my ex. Our relationship was pretty bad back then and he never offered me a chance to collect them after. However, things are much better between us now and we’re able to co-parent our two kids.
He hosted our son’s birthday party and my youngest threw up on me while we were there. I didn’t want to sit around with vomit on me so I went to check if he still had any of my clothes so I could change.
He did, so I changed.
I never asked him beforehand as I didn’t see him but his partner saw me coming out of his room and flipped out on me. She kept accusing me of snooping and stealing from them and wouldn’t listen when I explained the clothes were mine.
My ex’s parents got involved to diffuse the situation and my ex said it was fine, but I’m not sure if he meant it or if he only said it to keep the peace in front of his family.
He did ask me afterward what else I had done in his room and his partner was giving me dirty looks the entire time.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The girl is insecure and making something out of nothing. I’m sure from her perspective you overstepped, and even if she doesn’t live with him there are probably things of hers there which is why she was overly concerned.
However, now that you see how it is, I suggest that you get all of your things out of his place. Since you have young children who can spit up on you, I also suggest you keep a small bag of clothes in your car for such emergencies.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You went ‘to see’ if he had any of your own clothes. Meant that you would actually have to go in and look for them. And you were vomit-covered… wouldn’t it have been way better to ask him to bring you clothes in the bathroom or something?
There is absolutely no reason you couldn’t have asked him. You had to walk to his room anyway (vomit-covered?) You could have found him. You could have called or texted him. You could have asked literally anyone else there to find him for you.
And his SO has a right to be upset… she might have private things in there.” Usrname52
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – he should’ve given you everything back after you split. Just because you’re his ex and those are your clothes, it doesn’t give you the right to invade his personal space without permission.
If everything was good with you guys like you said, there was time and opportunity to collect your things. The girl is a jerk because she shouldn’t have acted that way towards you but if I were her, I’d be suspicious and weirded out that my partner had a closet full of his ex’s things.
Collect your things now and move on from this situation amicably so you can continue to have a good co-parent relationship.” SkyLoverr15
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – If he has a partner, you shouldn’t have gone inside their home without letting one of them know first because it probably did look like you were snooping.
Not to mention, did he ever tell his partner that those clothes were yours or did he give them to her as a gift and now it looks like you’re wearing clothes meant for her (though, this wouldn’t be your fault)?
It’s just rude to go into someone else’s home without telling them to go change or do anything for the matter if it isn’t using the bathroom.” RezeTheGreat
