People Are Insistent On Convincing Us That They're Blameless In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
17. AITJ For Not Inviting My Sister To My Baby Shower?
“This is about my oldest sister Beth (43f). She’s the oldest in our family and I (32f) am the youngest. 10 years ago I learned I was pregnant for the first time. It was a little unexpected but my husband and I were so excited and we told our families. Beth was a mom of two at the time.
Two days after my first ultrasound I started bleeding heavily, ended up passing out, and discovered I had lost the baby. I called and told my family. My parents and siblings decided to come and see me. While I was on the phone with Beth she told me she was pregnant and wanted to tell everyone to make the bad news easier, and asked if would I prefer for her to wait until they had left the hospital or would I like her to say it there?
I told her I would appreciate her waiting until they weren’t in my room. Even after asking me herself she showed up and announced to the family around my hospital bed and made a big deal out of hugging every person there in celebration. The rest of the family looked shell-shocked and our sister closest in age to me, Chlo, asked if I was okay and asked if I wanted them to kick her out.
I was too depressed to answer.
A couple of years later I was diagnosed as infertile because I could not conceive again, even after we started trying. I told my family as a heads-up because it got me down and I was trying to come to terms. Beth then said, ‘That’s aright because I’m pregnant’.
Cue even more shock from the family and them scolding her for saying anything even remotely close to that.
I’m now pregnant thanks to IVF (in vitro fertilization) and help from fertility doctors and my wonderful OB. We kept quiet on our journey with IVF, our families knew we planned to pursue it but we didn’t give regular updates in case it failed, and waited until we got the positive pregnancy test to confirm.
The babies were safe and still alive after my first scan and we decided that was the time for us. During a regular family dinner, we made the announcement. Nobody knew it was coming. But during the announcement, Beth jumps in and says she believes she could be pregnant again (she wasn’t) and wanted everyone to know.
Chlo, my SIL (brother’s wife), and BIL (other brother’s husband) are throwing my shower. I told them I didn’t want to invite Beth. That I feared she would try to turn it into her celebration or make more insensitive comments. They all understood and said they agreed. Beth found out I was having a shower and tried to find out info.
She was told that info was not being given out. Then she tried to corner Chlo, who told her that she, SIL, and BIL had decided not to invite her (Beth) since she seemed to be unable to be compassionate to me or let me have a moment after a decade of struggling to have a baby).
Beth then approaches me, and I told her I didn’t want her there. She told me she’s my sister, and I’m being childish and petty about it. Her husband then called me and said I was punishing Beth for having kids easily when I couldn’t.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t about Beth having kids, it’s her inability to be compassionate during your miscarriage and then further displaying attention-seeking behaviors by inaccurately hijacking your pregnancy announcement.
She has 4 kids, two of which were announced during traumatic and inappropriate times. They see it as punishment, while it has always been an utter lack of boundaries. You even told her you’d prefer her announcement out of your hospital room, and instead she hugged everyone while you were in pain. That is punishment to callously ignore your sister’s heartache and blatantly show narcissism, constantly and consistently.
Kudos to you my dear and I wish you and your babies health and happiness.” Livid-Finger719
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ – congrats on your child! She has shown time and time again that she can’t be a decent human being and is narcissistic, selfish, and petty. You have your family to think about now and need to protect yourself, your space, and your energy.
Do you really think her grandstanding and behavior will stop with you? Once your baby is born she’s going to do everything she can to make sure her kids outshine yours and get all the attention. My advice is to go no contact with her now, for the sake of your growing family and protecting your child from your sister’s future bullying.” druidoom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Beth is a grade-A jerk, she has done the same crap not once, not twice, but three freaking times. She shows absolutely zero signs of remorse, she is either actively malicious or the least emotionally aware person on the face of the planet. And when she comes begging to you, it is again not about you but about HER and HER feelings.
She can and will try to make the whole shower about herself. Hold firm in not allowing her there and be prepared for her to try and gate crash and/or invent some emergency or social media kerfuffle to get attention back on her.” SheepPup
16. AITJ For Wanting To Get Separate Gifts For My Husband's Family?
“My SIL doesn’t chip in for gifts and it annoys me because she’s very manipulative about it.
My husband is from a family of 6 kids. I get along with all his siblings except his youngest sibling who is so spoiled and legitimately just a bully. She freaks everyone in her family out with tantrums and talks constantly about her ’emotionally abusive parents’ (I have seen no evidence of emotional mistreatment, and all 5 siblings vehemently dispute this).
They’re a big gift family. Usually, one person picks out a gift for the holidays, and everyone else chips in. The problem? The youngest sibling just hasn’t contributed financially in years. The person who buys the gift just eats the cost of her share (it’s been me a couple of times).
This made sense when she was struggling financially, but she makes over 70k now, owns a home, and takes vacations constantly.
I told my husband a while back that maybe someone should talk to her and apparently a few years ago they did and she threw a huge fit until they backed off. For me, THAT feels emotionally manipulative.
I recently bought a gift and ate the cost of her share (she agreed to it before as always and ignored my texts and Venmo request).
My husband offered to pay me back for all of it and pay for gifts in the future, but I’m kind of done with this insanity. He worries his nieces and parents will get hurt if they don’t see her name on the card or get a gift, and I told him we’re enabling childish behavior.
I told him I think we should buy our own gifts from now on, just from the two of us.
He agreed, but he’s bummed and legitimately looks sick with worry right now.
This seems like a reasonable boundary with a very difficult person, but I get that it’s not my family. AITJ?
Edit: I should note my husband LOVES the joint gifts because it’s a bonding experience. We can also afford the extra share. She’s a piece of work but maybe I can make this sacrifice. I don’t know.
Update: I actually showed my husband this thread. Many folks said it should ‘be simple’ but the two of us talked for a long time about how it’s not.
We admitted we both feel sick when we’re around her because we’re afraid she’ll explode, and he admitted his family has always had an issue with conflict. He said reading this helped him understand how we’ve all been living in a crazy town. If anyone challenges her, she tells this crazy side of the story and claims emotional mistreatment.
We’re trying to have a kid, and I told him I didn’t want our lives ruled by her anger. This isn’t the only thing she ruins. Basically, everything we compromise as a family doesn’t apply to her (we all rotate who gets the air mattress at holidays EXCEPT her). My husband and I agreed it’s not about the gift and this isn’t sustainable behavior.
However, he doesn’t want to remove himself from every situation she’s irrational because he’s removing himself from very large parts of his family.
He’s talking to his other sister today and wants to get on the same page with all the other siblings and help them see how unhealthy this is.
I think that’s a good start and I told him I’d support him as he figures out a balance.”
Another User Comments:
“Ultimately, NTJ
However, your family’s complete doormat routine is seriously pathological, too. So much rationalization and allowing for such completely insane abusive behavior. Obviously, the SIL is a MAJOR jerk.
But the completely enabling behavior from your husband’s family is THE MAJOR REASON for it.
Everyone needs to grow up, call a spade a spade and get into some family therapy pronto, or this situation will literally never change and you all will remain miserably stuck with it.” Impressive-Pepper785
Another User Comments:
“You’re taking him out of the joint gifts that everyone, including your husband, seems to enjoy.
Don’t do that just because you’re mad at his sister. I agree that she’s a jerk and a boundary should be set, but that’s for them to deal with.
It’s also going to look weird and kinda standoffish that people get a gift from everyone else and then you two separately. Like you don’t want to be part of the family gifting.
Which you don’t, but I think you should leave this with your husband and his sibs to decide. Effectively they are choosing to keep subsidizing her, which is their choice.
Why can’t you let them make that decision? Why does it have to be dealt with your way?
I get it, but YWBTJ to your husband if you force him to do this.
Keep hassling her for funds if it’s your turn, or keep persuading them to leave her off the card, or any other strategy you come up with, but it’s not fair to your husband for yours to be the final word on this.” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s weird that y’all KNOW about it, so every gift everyone receives ends up knowing that her name is on there but that she hasn’t paid… yet you keep signing her name?
I’m assuming that nieces already know and his parents do too — kids are observant and hear things, and so do parents.
Just leave her name off. Seriously. If she wants to actively participate then she can act like an adult and participate. If she berates you with texts or phone calls, we have the technology so you can literally text her and say ‘when you want to talk about this like an adult, send me an email, until then, I’m blocking you for the time being this because your behavior is unwarranted’.
If she wants to ruin a family event with this behavior, be adults and communicate/ address it.
All of you are scared of her temper tantrums and not paying her share — this isn’t a spoiled human, this is a tyrant.
Hold her accountable not just for the sake of gifts and fairness, but also for HER sake as well because this attitude will evolve into something else when she gets older and make it that much more difficult — you all can bond on helping her overcome this last vestige of childhood and become a fully formed human who won’t meltdown because people expect her to contribute in their family.” happytobeherethnx
15. AITJ For Not Allowing Senior Photos To Be Taken At My Aircraft?
“I own/run an aviation charter business.
I also manage a few jets for private owners. My son and one of his friends (both Seniors in HS this year) work for me, and both are pursuing careers in aviation after they graduate.
My husband and I coordinated with our photographer and this other boy’s parents to do the kids’ Senior photos at the same time we shot some promotional photos and videos for the company.
The proofs look amazing, both kids shared their stuff on Insta/TikTok/whatever.
A few days after the kids posted, I received a call from my son’s best friend’s mom (just to clarify, the best friend is a different boy than the one who works for us), stating that she wanted her son and daughter to both have photo shoots with the jets as well.
Neither kid is interested in aviation, her thoughts were more along the lines of looking fancy in a private plane, something like that. Add to that, she wanted to throw in some photos with her husband for their upcoming anniversary, maybe a few of her and her sisters, etc.
I told her I’d be okay with her hiring a photographer to come by the hangers to photograph in front of some of the aircraft, but she wants access to the interiors of the jets to stage a few ‘scenes’ and was also asking for us to ‘just fly around a little’ like we did with the boys.
I explained that the flight we shot on with the kids was an actually paid charter with a client who has known my son since he was four – the kids were invited.
Despite explaining as plainly as I feel like I could that it’s not inexpensive to fly jets around and the actual costs associated with the operation (including the ridiculous cost to clean and maintain the interiors), there is now bad b***d between me and the mother of my son’s best friend.
She assumes that I can just go joyriding and write it off as a business expense or something.
While I’m sure I could dream up some reason to write off a bougie photo shoot in one of the jets and a little bit of flight time, I really don’t want to be pushed to scheme on behalf of this woman.
On the other hand, it’s my son’s best friend’s mom and I feel like I should try to avoid a rift.
Thoughts?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your son’s best friend’s mom wants her darling kid to enjoy the limelight of your private jets, without paying for it. He had no interest in aviation until he missed a photo shoot.
And they either don’t realize the costs involved in ‘flying around a little’ or just don’t care about putting you out.
Your offer for her to hire a photographer and come by the hangar for an outside photo shoot is a kind offer, but the mom didn’t think it was enough. She feels entitled to what others received, while she should not be.
While it is nice of you to try and avoid a rift with the mom, you have tried. She is the one causing the issues. You made an offer. She refused. Do not give in. After graduation, your son may find a new best friend in college. You are not always going to hit it off and see eye to eye with the parents of your children’s friends.
One final thought, maybe you could prepare an invoice for the mom for a charter flight/photo shoot at the commercial rate and let her see how much it costs! And if she really wants it, she can pay. Good luck. NTJ” Dr007Bond
Another User Comments:
“You do not need to let this woman control you by demanding that you give her children a free flight for a photo shoot and expecting that you write off the costs.
If she wants to do this, she can pay the funds that would cover the amount needed to carry out her kids’ photo shoot in your airplanes, and if she doesn’t, then that’s on her.
It’s your business. If anything happens in your aircraft, if you allow this to happen without having documentation to back it up, you could be held liable.
She and her kids are a liability, nothing more. You need to protect yourself and protect your business. You do not have to cater to her.
Put your foot down with this woman, and let her know that unless she has payment ready and is ready to sign paperwork to book her flight, you will not be allowing their senior pictures to be taken in your planes for her.
NTJ.” CyclonicHavoc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This has nothing to do with her son or even her daughter, this is all about her getting fancy fake photos of her, her husband, and her sisters looking like they’re flying in a private jet. She’s just using her son to try to use you to get what she wants for herself.
Unless your son and other employee have no idea beforehand you were taking their senior photos on the plane your son’s best friend didn’t know beforehand either and could have asked if it was possible to take his as well if that’s what he wanted.
This is 100% an attempt by the mother to use the ‘loophole’ of you doing something nice for your son and an employee to exploit you and her children just to get photos of a pretend lifestyle for her own social media or anniversary invitations.
Don’t give in to her wishes as she’s only trying to take advantage & even if she tries to book a charter legitimately make sure to include a jerk tax because there is zero chance she won’t disrespect your property and leave the plane interior a total disaster staging herself, husband and sisters trying to get the perfect ‘excess lifestyle’ photo for the internet.” tmcd78
14. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Nephews And Niece?
“I am the youngest of three. My older sister is 12 years older than me, and my brother is 6 years older. My sister married young and had my nephews with her first husband. He passed away four years ago. My sister remarried 18 months after her first husband passed away. Her second husband had also lost his wife and had a son and a daughter who were around the same age as my nephews.
Early in their marriage, I was forced to babysit all four kids over a two-day period. I was a minor at the time so had little choice. It was pretty awful.
On the first day, the kids did not interact at all and stayed in their own little corners. My sister’s stepkids were resentful of being left with me.
It was super awkward. The second day my sister left me with instructions for activities I had to make the kids do together. So all day, I was stopping arguments because the kids resented each other and resented ‘sibling time.’ I repeatedly heard that second day that they were not siblings, each only claimed a single sibling, and my sister’s stepkids took me addressing my nephew’s about their mom as saying she was their mom too, and I was called a witch because they wanted it known my sister was not their mom.
I walked away from that exhausted. Two 8 hour days were enough for me to say never again.
I have seen them since then, and the blended family is no more blended than it was two years ago. I’m 19 now, and I am studying early childhood development at our local community college. Ever since May, when I finished my first year of college, my sister has been trying to recruit me as their permanent babysitter for the four kids.
Who are soon to be six kids because she is expecting twins with her husband. I have said no. Everybody thinks I’m crazy because I could earn a good income by looking after the kids and doing it for my family and still being able to study.
I told my sister I would never do it again.
I told her I am not cut out to deal with it. She told me I’m training to be able to do it. I didn’t say it to her directly, but there is no training to deal with kids who are pushed together as siblings when they are grieving and do not want a new family.
The last time she brought it up, I told her I will not do it, I am not changing my mind, and she couldn’t offer anything to make me want to. It made her so angry because she said I am turning down time with my nephews and niece.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mandatory babysitting for 4 kids in a recently blended family with the expectation of forcing them to ‘love being together’ sounds like a nightmare.
You are doing a great job establishing a boundary to protect your safety, health, and comfort.
It would be wise to stop trying to get boundary violators to understand and agree with your reasons. Their problem isn’t that they don’t understand, and the right explanation would solve it. They only ask why to tear down and invalidate every reason you give, in a harassment campaign to make you sacrifice your time and comfort for their convenience.
Once you realize no follow-up discussions would be fruitful, it’s easier to stop. Give a short, direct, simple reply every single time. ‘No’ ‘It doesn’t work for me.’ ‘You’ll need to make plans without me.’
Your reasons for your boundaries are reason enough. They are YOUR limits on where you spend your limited time and energy.
You aren’t obligated to prove your right or reason to have a boundary.” curious382
Another User Comments:
“Nooooooooo NTJ. Do NOT work for your family! And especially as a caregiver for kids in the family if you actively don’t want to. You are correct that an early childhood development specialist is not what those kids need. What they need is a therapist. (I can’t believe they had you take care of all four kids as a teenager for more than, say, hours, much less two whole days!
Yikes!)
Protect yourself, OP, and go low contact/no contact with your sis and her family if you have to. Or if you need to, tell her you are soooo busy with school you absolutely have no time for it. And then, when you graduate, tell her you just found an amazing job that you absolutely can’t possibly turn down.
You could also maybe tell her that it would be a lot better for her kids if they had someone to care for them who could give them an outsider’s perspective, which would not be a lie, in my opinion. But for your own health and well-being, OP, stick to your guns and keep turning down this job your sister is offering you.
You are NTJ for protecting yourself and your interests in this case.” NotUsingMyRealName16
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That time with your nephews and niece that you are turning down is an obligation, not an opportunity. ‘I cannot be your babysitter. You should go to care.com and sittercity.com to find appropriate caretakers for your kids.
I am happy to come to visit while you are there so that I get visiting time, but I’m not going to babysit or nanny for you.’
She will escalate. If you show up at her house and she tries to bully you, then you need to leave there. You set a healthy boundary, and your sister did not like that.
I bet that she will test the boundary. If she sneaks out behind your back or tries to play chicken to see if you flinch by leaving at the same time as you or by dropping the kids off at your doorstep and zooms away, then call her and tell her you are calling CPS and the police in 5 minutes.
Follow up with a text message so that there is a paper trail. And then follow through.” agjios
13. AITJ For Not Joining My Partner's Family Disney Trip?
“I’m a 29-year-old female in a relationship with a 31-year-old man. We have been together for almost 4 years, and this trip has been in the making for 2 years.
I have been completely on board to go up until recently.
The trip is to celebrate the 5th birthday of my partner’s niece. I am backing out because the niece’s mom will be 7 months pregnant at the time of the trip. I think her pregnancy will impede the fun that everyone has on the trip. I also worry about her health with all the walking.
I have never been to DISNEY, and I want my first time to be AMAZING. I don’t want to stop and rest every time the pregnant lady gets tired or needs a break. My partner cannot guarantee me that we’re going to go off and have our own fun on this trip. We took a trip a couple of months ago to a much smaller amusement park, and we occasionally had to stop to accommodate the pregnant lady.
I’m not interested in doing that on this trip.
My partner thinks I am being selfish. He says this trip is not about me, it’s a family celebration to celebrate his niece. He does not think I am being a supportive partner in this situation. I must add that this trip is already paid for (by my partner).
I told him I would try to get my Disney tickets refunded, and we can use the flight credits another time. He’s still upset that I am backing out. He’s upset that I made the decision without talking to him first. He said there was no compromise. He said that I am turning down a fully paid-for DISNEY trip because the trip ‘may’ not go my way.
Am I being selfish? AITJ because I don’t want my first time at DISNEY to be a potential flop?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
This is a trip for a 5-year-old, so your ‘magical’ first experience would never have happened anyway. If the birthday girl wants to wait in line to meet Moana, you would need to prioritize that, not go wait in line for a ride.
It doesn’t sound from your post like you understand that.
This has been in the works for literal years, AND you aren’t paying for it. Nor are you a part of the family, so it is especially rude that they are paying for you and you spit on the experience because it won’t be an ideal vacation.
Pregnant people still deserve to have fun. And Disney is totally doable as a several months pregnant lady, I did it at 6 months pregnant. There are certain rides she should sit out on and she might need to sit more frequently, but so might other people (grandparents and birthday girl immediately spring to mind). The trip is a family trip, families traditionally adjust to accommodate everyone.
Get over yourself and don’t be surprised if your partner looks at you differently now. You’ve shown a very selfish and ugly side of yourself.” X-cited
Another User Comments:
“You are absolutely the jerk. Grow up. The world doesn’t revolve around you. You knew the trip was for the niece when you agreed to it AND LET YOUR PARTNER PAY FOR IT!, yet you still agreed to it.
How were you expecting this to be the amazing experience you’re looking for when it is supposed to be about the child? If you don’t want to be a part of that, fine, but why did you agree in the first place? It was never going to be about you and your amazing experience. It was always going to be about a 5-year-old girl and HER needs/HER wants, yet you still agreed.
There is far more potential for a child to disrupt the day than a pregnant woman, yet you still agreed. Did you not view the niece as an actual human being worthy of consideration too? Why were you expecting to have an experience that was about YOU at HER celebration? And again, you let your partner PAY for the trip.
At a minimum, you owe him back everything he paid for your ticket.” needs-a-nap
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
And very self-involved. This trip was planned and paid for by someone else. And the only reason you don’t want to go is that there is a pregnant person involved? It might stop you from your first Disney experience.
Wow.
First, you all don’t need to spend every waking moment together. Second, she will listen to her body and know her limits. Did you ever stop to think that this would be hard for her? And your attitude is hideous.
You’re celebrating a little girl’s birthday, and you’re whining about your experience. You could always go back again later to do some things you may have missed out on.
Also, Disney is overwhelming. There is so much going on. Your trip is never going to be absolutely perfect. Part of the experience is going with the people in your party as well. The little girl is going to be so excited.” Prudent_Border5060
12. AITJ For Wanting To Leave My Family?
“I (26F) come from a country that is male-dominated. It is a man’s world. My father has always been on the conservative side but has given me a good life (paid for schooling and my masters abroad) as he did for my brothers – since childhood he told us that he will treat us fairly with education with equal opportunities.
However, I was not allowed to pursue what I initially wanted to do for my bachelor’s and then master’s. My father got sick during my master’s, and I spent most of my time at home helping my family while studying online – I did go back and forth. I was told to come back home as soon as my masters ended – which I did but since I was a teenager I have always wanted to live an independent life, earning on my own and just being free (making my own decisions)
My father has also been very strict about other stuff – having male friends, staying out late, no sleepovers, etc. I finally landed a nice job outside of my home country and left – my father made it very clear that he was not happy. Every single day while I was working my brothers used to call me and emotionally blackmail me into coming home because I have a sick father (he was and still is in remission thankfully) after some time my father told me to come back home – I told him I don’t have enough funds right now to save up for a ticket and I’ll come when I do save up (mind you, I was working and living completely independently at this point).
He sent me a ticket and said to pack up your life and come home (my mistake; I listened). He is now telling me to let go of the idea that I’ll ever be able to leave this country because that chapter is closed and I should just live here now. However, I am MISERABLE here.
I loved my life there. I don’t know what to do. I want to run away. AITJ for wanting to leave? How do I leave? I will fall into serious depression If I stay back.
I would also like to add that my mother is absolutely wonderful and always sticks up for me. However, it all comes back to it being a man’s world so she really doesn’t have a say.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your family is taking advantage of you. They expect you to drop all of your ambition and cater to your dad. They will never change. If you don’t want to live like this, then gather your important documents and leave. Don’t tell them you’re leaving either. It sounds like they are at the point of physically stopping you from moving.
Your brothers can take care of your dad, they just don’t want to cos they think it’s ‘woman’s work’.” fleurdumal1111
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your life is your own, and you should be able to live it how you see fit, and not be forced to assume the role of caregiver to your father or live under his rules as a 26-year-old adult.
Hopefully, you’re not ‘trapped’ and unable to leave w/o permission from a male relative or something, and have the funds/resources to arrange to leave. It’s easy for someone looking in from the outside to say just leave, but I don’t know if it’s that simple.
It would be nice if there could be a compromise, where maybe you go back a couple of times a year to spend time with your family, and if your father takes a turn for the worse, you can plan a longer trip, but you probably should also be prepared for the possibility that once you put your foot down, you’ll become estranged (their loss).
I’m sure it’s tough to have to choose between family/culture and independence; you have to put your well-being first though, otherwise, there will be regret and resentment that will eat away at your psyche and potentially cause a lot of damage.
Maybe put your thoughts on paper if you don’t think a discussion would get you anywhere; you could take off and leave a letter, then the ball is in their court to accept your decision or not.
I hope you can work something out that allows you to be fulfilled and pursue your own life while still maintaining a relationship with your family. It might be a rough road for a while. Best of luck to you.” p_taradactyl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is holding you in an emotional embrace. I understand you have been trained all your life to be the obedient daughter.
Your father needs you and thinks he knows best for you. You have to decide if you are going to spend your life meeting your needs or your father’s. I realize this is not a simple decision. My guess is that you have been raised with a deeply embedded sense of family responsibility and taught to question whether as a woman you can make good decisions.
Unfortunately for you, you have had a taste of freedom.
The decision would be easy for me – leave and don’t look back again. But I am not you. Let me say this to you – your father has family at home to take care of him. Your being unhappy isn’t going to make it better for him no matter what he thinks.” feminist1946
11. AITJ For Expecting My Friend To Return What He Mistakenly Took?
“My friend was in town visiting and staying at my house. While he was in town, I received a package with some ski socks I ordered. These socks are very pricy Smartwool socks that are extra long for wearing with ski boots. I unpacked them and left them lying on the coffee table.
The next day, my friend packs up and leaves.
He must have had a sweatshirt or something tossed over the socks, and ended up packing them by mistake. (Side note: he did not steal them. He is not a thief, and also lives in the south and doesn’t ski.)
So a week or so goes by and I’m looking around wondering where these socks are.
I look everywhere. I eventually start to consider every possibility. I ask my wife if I would be insane to ask our friend if he took them by mistake. I conclude that it is insane. But I ask him anyway because I want to know where these socks are. He looks around and then tells me that he does have them.
We both think it’s hilarious for different reasons. He thinks it’s funny that I noticed I was missing socks. I think it’s funny that he didn’t realize that what was essentially a pair of stockings wasn’t his. So I figure, no big deal, bad things happen, he will mail them to me for $5.
I ask him.
He acts like I’m being weird for wanting them back. I tell him that they were expensive and I don’t want to have to buy new ones. He sends back a wall of text and tells me to practice ‘non-attachment.’ He also tells me his friend left his expensive dress shoes at his house and neither cares about returning them.
Finally, he says, ‘It’s honestly not in my schema to think that anyone would want some socks back.’ What?!
So now we’ve had days of absurd text exchanges when the last thing I want to do is be talking about this at all. As far as I’m concerned, the way this should have gone is: I ask if he took them, he realizes he did, then he says, ‘LOL.
my bad’ and returns them.
So, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He defends his actions by saying another friend left some expensive shoes at his house and took them and that friend doesn’t care to ask for them back. Yeah sure, that other friend probably did ask and got the same dismissive rude bullying attitude and probably just gave up asking for his shoes back.
He is not your friend and you may have been friends for over a decade, but he sounds like he takes advantage of his friends, and lacks boundaries by taking things that don’t belong to him.
Also let that be a lesson to you to not leave things out where someone will take things, that includes family and friends as well.” ScaryForestWytch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This southern fool has never paid more than 3$ for a pair of socks and doesn’t realize how much you are out. The difference between his other friend forgetting his shoes was it was the other friend’s fault. But your friend made the mistake here. He took your socks. It was an accident, but it was also carelessness.
He needs to make things right. He is not being a good friend. If he cannot see that, send him a prepaid self-addressed envelope to return your socks. And then never let him into your home again. Or give or lend him a single thing. Because he sucks.” CatelinaBaylorfan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He mistakenly took your socks.
You’ve expressed you want them back because they’re expensive and yours. He’s refusing too.
Mistakes also happen, you could offer to pay him back what you owe.
Weird that he thinks he can dictate what others should be practicing, especially with their finances. So one of his friends is comfortable enough to let something expensive slide, doesn’t mean everyone has to be.” somnocore
10. AITJ For Suggesting To Get My Wife's Dog Rehomed?
“I (m27) live with my wife ‘Jane’ (f27). We’re both child-free and work full-time and live a fairly quiet life.
Ever since we got married 2 years ago, Jane has been talking about getting a dog. She was never allowed pets growing up and has her heart set on having a dog.
I personally don’t really like dogs. I see why people like them, but I don’t. I’m more of a cat person.
I told Jane I’m not opposed to getting a dog.
She works from home so it’s not like the dog will be left alone all day, and we have a yard that the dog can play in. However, I told Jane that while I don’t mind helping out if she needs me to, the dog will ultimately be her responsibility. She understood and said that’s fine.
Around 5 months ago, Jane adopted a dog from a local shelter. He’s no particular breed, he’s just a mutt, and his name is Blue. Blue is a fairly large dog and has lots of energy. He’s very friendly, though.
Blue and Jane bonded right away, and everything was going great for the first 2 months, but after that, it went downhill.
Jane stopped taking Blue on walks, which made Blue become destructive around the house fairly quickly. He’s destroyed our carpets and chewed up the couch. Each time I ask Jane about walking Blue, she makes an excuse like ‘I just forgot, I’ll walk him tomorrow’ or ‘it’s too cold out’.
I started walking Blue on my days off work just to get some of his energy out, but it’s not enough.
He really needs to be walked every day.
I’ve talked to Jane about it, and I said that this isn’t fair on Blue. She said she was sorry and will fix it, but nothing has changed.
His destructive behavior has gotten worse, and he has started peeing indoors even though we have a dog flap installed, and he can go outside to pee whenever he wants.
Jane has also been forgetting to feed Blue, so every day I come home from work, I have to make sure that she hasn’t forgotten.
I talked to Jane again, and I said this can’t go on like this. I’m fed up with cleaning up dog urine on the floor and having our furniture and floor destroyed. I’ve suggested hiring a dog walker, but Jane said no because she’ll walk Blue.
I told Jane she keeps saying that but doesn’t actually do it.
I’ve suggested we rehome Blue, which made my wife very upset. She accused me of having no heart and asked how I could say such a thing. I said it was in Blue’s best interests. Jane yelled at me and called me evil and said that she loves the dog and she can’t give him up.
She’s been very cold to me lately and making passive-aggressive comments like ‘this microwave is a bit slow maybe we should rehome it’.
I think Jane is acting childish, but I talked to my older sister about the situation and she thinks I was being too harsh on her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife is being irresponsible.
I would first consider getting the dog walker option before rehoming if you are able to, just to see how it goes. However, that may not solve all of Blue’s issues with attention from your wife, etc. But it is definitely worth a shot if you think you can essentially take ownership of Blue yourself – giving all the care, love, and affection you can.
It is NOT your responsibility, but if you would like Blue to remain in your life then like I said, worth a shot!
If she truly loved and cared about Blue, she would look after Blue. She clearly doesn’t, maybe it is from lack of experience having a pet but she needs to learn responsibility and take ownership of her decisions FAST.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
At this point, you would be the jerk if you didn’t rehome a dog that is being neglected and mistreated.
Your wife is neglecting and mistreating this dog. She is failing to exercise him, forcing him to mess inside the house, and now not even feeding him. The dog needs to be with someone who will care for his fundamental needs, stat.
In the longer term, your wife needs some kind of therapy because something is clearly going on here; it is not normal for someone who is otherwise reasonable and functional (and I assume she is?) to ignore the basic needs of a creature she supposedly cares about. Something is going on here, and you/she needs to get to the heart of what.
AFTER the dog is safe.” Passing_Throu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Even neglectful ones care and grow attached. That is about the extent you are a jerk.
On the other hand, this is a neglected dog. Shame on the shelter for giving Blue to her she’s clearly not in the position to care for Blue as needed. Big dogs are not for first-timers.
Shame on her for not doing what’s needed for Blue and home.
Give her a week to shape up (gives you time to look up dog walkers) Then the second she stops taking the dog for walks other than an emergency. Get the dog walker in even if it’s when you come home to let them in.
She wants to take him in the day when she has the energy. It won’t hurt him to do 2 walks every so often
Tell her to put 2 alarms on her phone to remind her to feed the dog. That and the dog walker should hopefully make Blue less overwhelming.
If she still fails the basic responsibilities, say if the authorities hear this would you still be able to keep him?
if the answer is no then say she needs to re-home him because if she doesn’t you will because at this point he’s just being mistreated. At that point there are no more chances, you didn’t want a dog you still don’t from the sounds of it.
In a few years offer her a cat (my suggestion is you make it an indoor one) and encourage it to be cuddly.” Classic_Phrase4345
9. AITJ For Getting Mad At My In-Laws For Stopping My Son From Waking Me Up?
“I have an almost 2-year-old son and I’m currently 19 weeks pregnant. I haven’t been feeling great recently, so my in-laws offered to keep my son entertained while I slept.
He asked for me after a few hours, and they told him I was sleeping so he couldn’t wake me up. He cried until he threw up at which point, they took him to see my husband, who was working from home.
My husband decided to wake me up because even he couldn’t get him to calm down.
When I asked my in-laws why they hadn’t just let him wake me up my sister-in-law said they were worried about me and the baby because I wasn’t resting enough so they didn’t want to disturb me when I finally agreed to sleep.
I was pretty upset, especially after I found out he threw up, and I ended up arguing with my sister-in-law over it.
My husband told me after that my mother-in-law feels awful, but they were just trying to do what they thought was right and that they’re upset I haven’t been leaving my son alone with them ever since this happened. They even convinced my husband to take some time off so that he could watch our son while I slept because they think I’m making myself sick, which I think is them worrying over nothing.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You’re pregnant, have not been sleeping well, and not feeling great. You need sleep.
Your toddler crying was perfectly fine, even if they throw up. Throwing up won’t kill them. I’m just extremely concerned about the fact that your 2-year-old is SO attached that they do in fact cry so hard when they can’t see you for an hour or two, that they throw up.
That’s absolutely not healthy for your toddler, at all.
I’d personally apologize to the in-laws, give them gifts for caring about my health enough to try to let me sleep, and ask if they can keep him for a few days, to try and help him realize he doesn’t NEED mom.
Like, his own father couldn’t calm him down, that’s not healthy.
Imagine when you have a brand new baby who’s crying and needs you to feed him/her, and there’s your two-year-old screaming so much that he throws up because his dad isn’t enough. He needs to get used to his mom not being available 24/7 for him, and that other caretakers can help him/be a very temporary replacement for love/cuddles/comfort/whatever else he needs.
And this is coming from somebody who’s 2 year old was unhealthily attached to me, who had to go stay with his grandparents/my best friend for over a week because I was in the hospital almost dying. After that week though? He’s a lot better about other people being his comfort when he needs it.” No_Giraffe_9679
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I think it’s clear to everybody you’re basically to the point of being overwrought. It sounds like from what your sister-in-law said everyone is concerned about you already, which means maybe you’ve been snapping at people and/or just acting frazzled and tired way more than what could be considered normal. They obviously feel that you need some downtime very seriously, and they were doing as much as they could to help you get that.
The in-laws were parents to little ones themselves at one time. The fact that they were willing to put up with a toddler’s meltdown instead of ending it for everyone’s sake by waking you up, should tell you how much they thought you needed this rest, as well as that your son is not going to be permanently scarred from one tantrum.
Maybe they also think it’s time that the toddler learns a little bit of self-soothing Remedies or allows others to comfort him. As your pregnancy progresses, and obviously when you have the baby, he’s going to have to learn a little bit more about being autonomous, independent and sharing your time.
I would have said no jerks here but you got too upset and argued. You still need more rest.” dart1126
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because of the level of emotion you feel rising to anger. It would be completely natural for you to feel annoyed or frustrated, but anger is letting yourself get a little too worked up about this. Your in-laws were trying to let you get some very necessary rest and they were just doing their best. You should let it go and just tell them how you want them to handle things like this in the future.
I know kids go through phases of preferring one parent to the other, but if your son has been in this mommy-only phase for a long time, it’s something you should start to be a little concerned about. If your child freaks out every time you are unavailable despite having three other familiar and loving adults in the house, that’s bordering on an unhealthy attachment if it persists for too long.
By the time you are at the end of this pregnancy and when the newborn arrives, you WILL be too exhausted to get woken up at every nap and the sleep deprivation will become very real and dangerous to your health. You should do everything you can to prepare for the new arrival which includes making sure your older child is confident and happy with other cares during the inevitable times your attention will need to be divided between the new baby and your own rest.” User
8. AITJ For Telling My Mom Not To Pressure My Brother To Get Married?
“My (28f) mom (60f) is pretty left-leaning… except when it comes to marriages/families. In other words, she believes that everyone who is in a relationship should eventually become married and have kids. She doesn’t grasp the concept of couples who have been together for many years who choose not to get married and/or choose to not have kids.
I know how weird that sounds, but this will be important later.
I live an hour away from my mom and my brother, Jason (26m), so I visit them once or twice a month. My mom and dad are divorced, and he lives even further away so I see him even less. But every time I come to visit, she always brings up the topic of marriage and kids to both of us.
She’s ecstatic I’m with a guy named Peter (33m) for 8 months now and that we do wanna get married and then have kids, especially after how disastrous my previous relationship was, but she also makes a kind of passive-aggressive remarks about Jason still being single.
I visited yesterday and she did it again when we were having frozen yogurt.
She said that she’s delighted that I’m succeeding in the relationship department and she hopes that my good luck will rub off on Jason. I could tell Jason looked hurt by this because he just looked away in sadness after that comment. It’s also a sore subject for Jason because for one, he is gay, and two, he’s had bad luck finding a guy to be in a long-term relationship with for years now, because he HAS said he also wants to be married but is unsure about ever having kids, because, ya know, obviously, it’s harder for gay people to have kids.
When I dropped her off at her place (I dropped Jason off at his apartment first so he wasn’t here when this happened), I told her she needs to cut it out with the annoying remarks about Jason being single because that’s probably why he feels so desperate to be in a relationship and why he’s chosen a lot of incompatible guys in the past. My mom said that she just wants the best for Jason and that being in a long-term relationship will boost his happiness significantly and that I was being overdramatic.
Later that night, I drove to Peter’s and told him what happened. He agrees with me and thinks that my mom doesn’t understand how tough it is for gay guys to find a long-term relationship. Peter’s sister, Kayla (31f) overheard our conversation and thinks my mom was being subtly homophobic. Come this morning, I woke up to a text from her sister (aka my aunt) Maggie (62f) saying that I hurt my mom’s feelings with what I said about Jason and that I needed not to be so aggressive with my opinions.
I also got a phone call from Maggie’s stepdaughter, Jen (33f) (who I can’t stand, and we both dislike each other, but that’s a story for another day), screaming at me for being too jerky about the whole Jason thing and telling me that the main reason Jason is so mopey all the time is that he’s single.
I told her to screw off and lose my number. But, was I the AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘I needed not to be so aggressive with my opinions.’
That’s rich, considering this argument wouldn’t be happening if your mom weren’t being so aggressive with her opinions. And what exactly does she want Jason to do here?
Your relationship has no bearing on whether the universe drops the right guy into his lap, or when that guy will be ready to commit. If I were you, I’d stop trying to argue this with her apart from shutting down the line of conversation every time it comes up, and focus on reassuring Jason no one else cares how long it takes him to find the right guy, or even if that’s how he wants to define whether he’s happy and successful in his life.” mm172
Another User Comments:
“No, you are not in the wrong here, and you are not being overdramatic. Your mother is clearly making jabs at your brother, and she’s pressuring him to be in a long-term relationship without considering that what she wants him to do may not be what is best for him.
There’s nothing wrong with being gay, and there’s nothing wrong with being single.
If he’s happy with his life, there is no reason why she should try to force her own beliefs upon him.
I don’t know if your mom is intending to be homophobic, but she is certainly coming across that way, and it’s none of her business what your brother chooses to do with his life and when he decides to start a new relationship.
Your cousin needs to butt out of your personal business since she has no place in it and just wants to run her mouth too.
Good on you for sticking up for your brother.
You are NTJ. Your mom is.” CyclonicHavoc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and well done, you. I’m solidly left-wing and am often astonished by how sexist and invested in the patriarchy’s ways many progressives, liberals, and leftists are.
These people perform virtue right, left, and center, but when it comes to a challenge to their own power as someone who follows the patriarchy’s rules, well, they blow up. Hang tough, but maybe don’t talk so much about whether or not gay men struggle more than average to find a good long-term relationship. That’s a bit off, at least to me.” cadaloz1
7. AITJ For Telling My Wife We Can't Fully Participate In Her Family Christmas Traditions?
“My wife (36F) and I (38M) have been married for 10 years and have 3 kids (8, 5, & 3). We both work full-time and live fairly comfortably. I work in sales and have had somewhat of a down year commission-wise. At least compared to the last couple of years. Coupled with inflation this year and the cost of raising 3 growing kids, our budget has definitely tightened a bit.
Nothing serious, we just aren’t saving as much as we have been able to in years past. But also enough of a change to warrant a careful look into our spending, at least in my opinion.
My wife’s family is large (she has 5 siblings and they all have kids). They also LOVE Xmas. They make a huge deal about it.
One of their traditions is that each sibling and their family buy a gift for each and every one of the nieces and nephews. We are also expected to buy gifts for each of her siblings and their parents. They at least say not to spend more than $20 on a gift, but that’s still hundreds of dollars.
And let’s be honest, a $20 gift for a kid is going to either be ignored within a month, destroyed, or completely disregarded. In my opinion, I would rather draw names for 1-2 people and get them a gift that is actually thoughtful and worthwhile.
After buying school supplies for our older kids and both of them wanting to participate in fall activities this year, I looked at our budget and saw that we are actually spending more than we have the past few years.
I had a talk with my wife about where we can curb some of our spendings. I suggested that maybe we have a talk with her family about their Xmas tradition of buying literally everyone a gift. In my eyes, that’s the easiest way to cut out hundreds of dollars of spending in one swoop.
She took great offense to this and told me that her family has been doing this tradition for years before I came into the family, and she was not going to be the one who tries to stop it. She said that we are just going to have to find ways to cut spending elsewhere.
She told me I was a jerk for even suggesting such a thing when I know how important Xmas is to her family. She suggested we just don’t buy gifts for each other this year instead. But that’s only a fraction of what we are spending on gifts.
When I asked her for other suggestions, she didn’t have any because she likes our quality of life and thinks we are doing fine.
I showed her the numbers, and she still didn’t think it is that big of a deal. I mean, yes, it’s not like we are going to lose the house, but I don’t think she is taking this as seriously as she should be, especially if I have another down year next year.
I suggested we cut way back on things like Starbucks (she gets it EVERY DAY), and she got mad saying that I spend funds on golf.
I golfed 3 times this year. She’s mad because she thinks I am trying to cut spending on things that she cares more about. I just think her family Xmas tradition is the easiest way to cut back.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re definitely not the jerk just for bringing it up. You didn’t make any unilateral decisions.
I can see why she might be upset if your solutions are all things she has to cut back, but no sacrifices for you.
It’s a little unreasonable that she’s upset you even brought it up. You should be able to bring up your concerns to her and brainstorm solutions with her. The two of you are a team and in this together.
If you feel worried about finances, then she should be able to help you navigate those feelings at the least.
Unsolicited advice: ask her to bring to the table a list of 10 reasonable ways she could save or earn the family X dollars over the next year, and you do the same. Then look at both lists and discuss their merits and pick enough to bridge your financial gap just in case next year is another tough year.” Efficient_Mastodons
Another User Comments:
“Wow. Your wife spends on unnecessary things like Starbucks every single day and completely ignores your attempts to try to save funds so that you aren’t tight on funds and can still live comfortably.
Buying hundreds of dollars worth of gifts to uphold a tradition that may cause you both to put yourselves in the hole is not worth it, in my opinion.
If she wants to buy everyone a gift this year, you can still follow a budget and buy everyone something cheap from a dollar store.
Your wife is being completely irrational and isn’t thinking about how throwing away all of your funds on Christmas gifts for everyone in her family is going to affect you both, and it’s extremely screwed up that she suggested you don’t buy each other gifts instead.
NTJ.” CyclonicHavoc
Another User Comments:
“If she is insistent on keeping the tradition and not taking a year off, can a compromise be maybe making handmade gifts for everyone? It doesn’t have to be junk gifts either, but the raw materials would probably still be cheaper than buying everyone a 20-buck gift. And handmade stuff can be really precious sentimental stuff that people keep a lot more than a novelty gift. Yes, it takes more TIME, but if income is low, investing time can be a feasible workaround.
This can even be done in other ways beyond physical handmade stuff. Is either of you good with video editing software? Maybe make homemade collages of pictures set to favorite songs?
Could this be a feasible compromise? Technically, you would still be giving each member of the family a gift. But it would also address the cost factor.
And if you put enough thought into it, these gifts you make can honestly be a lot more meaningful than the stuff you’d spend funds on.
Another suggestion, can you maybe compromise and buy a slightly larger gift for each household vs. a gift for each member of the house? Spending, say, $50 bucks for a household vs.
$20 bucks each for a household of 4+ can add up to hundreds in savings over the holiday, and perhaps the gift is something everyone can use, so it really is a gift for all of them.
Overall, there should be workaround solutions. If your wife is not willing to compromise in the slightest, then yes, I would say she is being the jerk.” JJFrancesco
6. AITJ For Refusing To Delete My And My Husband's Photo Before The Wedding?
“This past weekend we attended my husband’s cousin’s wedding, it was in the same state but not near where we live so we stayed at a hotel near the venue. This hotel has a beautiful fountain out in front, while we waited for our vehicle to be brought around we had a bellman take our picture in front of the fountain.
Neither my husband nor myself were part of the wedding party, we were simply guests at the wedding. My husband was dressed in a suit and tie and I was in a burgundy cocktail dress.
The bride and groom did request that no one take pictures during the ceremony or the reception. We both honored this request. In fact, we took no pictures at the venue at all.
I noticed several people taking photos at the venue before the ceremony and between the ceremony and reception.
The following day I shared the photo on social media of my husband and myself taken at our hotel before we went to the wedding. I did not mention the wedding or use the wedding hashtag or anything.
There have been several people posting photos on social media taken at the venue and using the wedding hashtag and even tagging the bride and groom.
My husband’s aunt has texted me asking me to remove the photo because we are wearing what we wore to the wedding in the photo and her daughter (the bride) wants to share the first wedding photos.
I said I didn’t see a problem because our photo was not taken at the venue and was not linked to the wedding or the bride and groom, and besides, there are dozens of other photos that were taken at the venue and tagged with the wedding or the bride and groom. Including the bride’s own brother who was at the wedding party and has posted at least a dozen photos.
Aunt says she is trying to get them all taken down but she doesn’t even know everyone who has posted photos.
So AITJ for not removing the photo of us before we went to the wedding?
UPDATE: The stepfather of the bride contacted me late today, the bride doesn’t want my photo removed. Apparently, the aunt/mother of the bride’s best friend took photos of the bride and bridesmaids before the wedding in their dresses and posted them on social media, members of the bridal party distracted her and gained access to her phone during the reception.
They deleted the photos not just from her social media accounts but from her phone. She was upset and she insisted that the aunt/mother of the bride make everyone else remove any photos they had posted. The aunt/mother of the bride felt pressured by her friend and began contacting people, she ended up having a major anxiety attack and ended up in urgent care this evening.
The aunt/mother of the bride has now cut contact with her friend, and friends and family have been told they are free to post selfies and similar photos from the wedding but asked not to post photos of the bride and groom.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – People are out of control with this wedding entitlement mania nonsense.
It’s getting worse all the time.
People like this need to get a hobby and a big dose of perspective. The world does not stop turning because they’re getting married. They need to get over themselves and stop being so childish and petty.
If the pic of you two is this woman’s biggest complaint in life, then she’s doing pretty good.” SammyLoops1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People need to stop using weddings as an excuse to control everything and everyone around them. No one cares or pays as much attention as these ridiculous brides (and their mothers) think they do. While it may be reasonable to request that no one take photos during the event itself, asking you to take down a picture that was taken before the event and at a different location is a ridiculous request that drips with entitlement.
She doesn’t own the fountain, the dress you wore, or you. I’d leave it up.” Aggravating-Humor-63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The specific request given was to not TAKE pictures during the Ceremony or the Reception. Which you honored, to the letter.
The Bride and Groom, if they wanted to be the very first people to post any pictures taken that were even slightly related to the wedding, should have said so.
A simple ‘We want to be the first people to post pictures taken on our wedding day – even if you take a picture long before the ceremony, please delay posting it until we’ve posted all of ours.’
But they didn’t, and as you described, lots of people are already posting their pictures.” GM_Pax
5. AITJ For Not Paying For The Broken Sunglasses?
“My friend left sunglasses in my car. I did not know he did this until he called me a few days later.
I told him I would look for the sunglasses. I couldn’t find them in the front seat or on the floor, so I looked in the back. When I was kneeling down and checking under the seats, I heard something crunch and crack.
Turns out, I crushed the sunglasses. Accidentally. Here is where I did give a little white lie.
I told my friend that I found them crushed under the seat, not that I accidentally crushed them. I apologized and said I wish I knew they were in the car.
So he first asked if I was going to buy new ones. They were nicer sunglasses, well over a hundred dollars. I don’t have enough on me right now to spend on that.
He then said it would be fair if we split the cost 50/50. I still refused; I said I didn’t know the sunglasses were in the car, and he left them there. So it’s really not my fault. It’s not like I was knowingly negligent. AITJ?
Edit: My friend will not be getting anything from me, by the way.
I realize I was wrong for lying. I needed to be honest with him about what happened. That being said, his carelessness caused this entire situation. Maybe I’ll pay him if I come into more funds in the future, but it’s just not a priority so he’s going to have to wait.”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you should pay for the sunglasses, and I think your friend is a jerk for telling you you should, but as for the question of whether you’re a jerk or not, the answer is also yes. You should have told your friend you broke the glasses, especially if you knew how expensive they were.
Imagine if he was helping you search for the glasses and saw you break them. Would you still be asking strangers online if you should pay him back, or would you tell him you’re sorry and see if you could find a way to make up for your mistake?
Just because you do something on accident doesn’t mean you’re absolved of any responsibility for what you do.
You still broke his glasses and a good person, and good friend would hold themselves accountable for things they do even when no one is watching. TLDR: you still suck because you lied to your friend.” horrykenn
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to go with NTJ. Even with the little white lie.
His things are his responsibility.
It would be one thing if you borrowed them and they broke. That would be your responsibility. He carelessly left them in your car. You didn’t even know where in your car. If they meant that much to him, he should have said something sooner but more importantly, he should have taken better care of them.
Why do people think you should be responsible for his carelessness? Because you know each other? If he left them on a bus and was never returned, would the bus driver be responsible? If he left them on the floor of an Uber and another customer accidentally broke them, should the driver or the customer be responsible for them?
No. Absolutely not.” Automatic_Western_50
Another User Comments:
“Huh, it really depends on how dirty your car is and how you went about searching, in my opinion. If the floor of your car is so dirty you can’t see a pair of sunglasses, and you go kneeling about on stuff trying to find something delicate, it sounds like you did a bad job searching/keeping your car clean.
This guy made a minor mistake of leaving something in your car and lost a 100$ pair of sunglasses for it. I have a hard time calling him the jerk here. If you had a fairly clean car floor and were doing your utmost to avoid damaging the glasses, then no jerks here. But then you choose to lie… it’s a close thing, to be honest. Almost YTJ.” Broad_Object2497
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not paying but YTJ for lying. Your friend left them somewhere he couldn’t take care of them, that means anything that happens to them is on him, in my opinion. If I leave my sunglasses in really, any type of seat someone else is gonna use, and I get them back broken, I don’t ask them to pay for them it’s my fault.
But YTJ for lying to your friend about you breaking something of theirs. The conversation should’ve gone something like, ‘Yeah dude, they were in the backseat but I crushed them on accident cause I didn’t see them’ although I don’t know how you didn’t but personally, I’d offer to pay for half if so cared about the friend at all.
I guess everyone sucks here.” weist-risq
4. AITJ For Yelling At My Partner At The Airport?
“My (M28) (now ex) partner (31), her dad, and I were on vacation together in Europe. She’s from South America and her dad was visiting so she organized this trip for him and I joined. Most of the transport & accommodation were organized by her.
We rented an Airbnb in Rome and were scheduled to arrive at 11 pm at the airport.
Two days earlier, I noticed that the host texted her when we will arrive, but she hadn’t replied yet. Our schedule was saved for weeks already so I was surprised that she hadn’t texted the host our ETA yet. I asked and reminded her multiple times to please fix check-ins with our host.
The airplane was 30 minutes delayed, and when we got there at 11:30 also no trains were driving from the airport for some reason.
We were walking a lot back and forth until we got to a bus stop. Now our host contacted me if we arrived. I told her about the situation with the trains and directly told her we will probably not arrive before 2. She directly told me that this is too late and we need to take a taxi because there is a limit and regular late check-in is only until 0.
The host doesn’t live in the area, so late-check in already came with a fee.
I told my partner, but she said she was texting with our host and they have an agreement now and everything is fine.
We bought bus tickets, and our ETA was exactly 2 am. I was asking my partner again, what they agreed on since they definitely told me 2 is too late.
She then agreed to take a Taxi. At 12:45 at the taxi stand, I again pressed her to tell me, what she agreed on with our host. Then she said, that they agreed now for check in until 1. The earliest time we could make it with the taxi was 1:30 though. I was super exhausted from the day and all the back and forth + in physical pain due to my medical condition + took a strong sleeping pill at around 11.
I was overwhelmed and shouted: ‘In no world can we make it there at 1, stop making us run in circles and wake up to reality. We should have taken a taxi an hour ago if you and your dad wouldn’t be too cheap.’ At least this ‘solved’ the situation.
My partner texted the host, we will not make it and stay somewhere else.
We then took the bus and stayed at a hotel closer to the city center.
Our host was a woman in her 20s with a little boy. She felt bad that we had to sleep somewhere else and gave us a bottle of wine. When she saw my partner’s elderly dad she started to cry and apologized many many times.
She later even gave us a full refund for the night.
I felt awful for our host. The situation was in my eyes 100% my partner’s fault. She cannot just assume that we can check ins at night without clarifying before and could have done so weeks in advance. She kept our host hanging when it was completely clear from the get-go that our ETA is 2.
This poor mother got guilted out of her funds on top of the unpaid overtime work she did the night before. I think my partner thought AirBnB works like a hotel.
Edit: 2 am not pm obviously (‘middle of the night’)
Edit INFO: Many people were saying that I wouldn’t pay anything. All of the trip costs were evenly divided by 3.
Many of the flights and stays were booked and paid upfront by me since my partner didn’t have a credit card. The taxi would have been split by 3 as well.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You had no business telling these people what to do with their money. Taxis can be ridiculously expensive, especially for such a long trip.
You should’ve said hey, thanks for organizing all this. I feel bad for keeping the host so late. I will pay for the taxi, let’s get there quickly and not mess around with anything else at this hour.
You don’t seem to realize that, even if you pay your share, having a perfect holiday organized for you isn’t your birthright.
Your ex probably invested many hours of labor into putting it all together for all of you. So she missed one thing. Yeah, it’s a shame. But not a reason for humiliating her publicly like that. And no, ‘reminding her several times’ isn’t helpful.
You should’ve asked for her permission and then handled it.
Edit: I don’t think public yelling and name-calling are justified most of the time.
This situation needed a solution then, and a retrospective ‘here’s how we avoid it in the future’ session later. Instead, OP added to the pressure on her by throwing a tantrum. That’s a jerk move.
Edit 2: I now think that this is largely a cultural issue. Punctuality is a social construct and some cultures don’t even consider being 15-30m late as something to apologize for, while others take it as incredibly disrespectful.
That’s probably why the ex didn’t see it as ‘lying’ when she said 1 am but in reality, it was 1.30.” oddpolyglot
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here (though I started out as NTJ). I’m a very laid-back traveler (my now-spouse was horrified when I went on a two-week trip to another country and I only had a rail pass and hotel reservation for one night… and was planning to play the rest by ear!
‘Itinerary? What’s that?’ They couldn’t believe that my plan was just to wander for two weeks, haha)
HOWEVER. It’s one thing to be loosey-goosey if you’re just traveling alone.
However, the rightful ex in this case had her elderly father AND her partner to think about. The MOMENT you volunteer to organize a trip, you are signing up for the responsibility.
Eg since I know that my spouse loves detailed plans and itineraries, I make sure to create them when I travel with them, out of respect for THEM). If you don’t want responsibility, then only travel by yourself!
She did NOT read the instructions for check-in that all Airbnb hosts have.
She’d LIED about having confirmed the check-in time!
So it goes beyond ‘honest mistake’ to ‘intentional, unhelpful deceit to try to save face’.
She FAILED to look up when trains stop running, KNOWING that their original ETA was late at night.
Had she in fact communicated with the host beforehand, most hosts ask for your ETA and train/flight info. I’ll bet $100 she did not mention to the host about the original 11 pm arrival time, since a good host would have urged her to take a different flight and/or be ready to pay for a taxi.
(I had a wonderful Airbnb host in France totally set me up when she realized I’d be getting in late at night). That’s why you’re supposed to communicate with the host beforehand.
When informed that they’d have to pay extra for a taxi in order to make it on time, my guess is she said that it would be too expensive (not thinking through that the cost of a hotel in the city would surely cost more than the taxi to the Airbnb)
Penny wise, pound foolish!
She also showed no respect for the Airbnb host. Airbnbs are usually better value for funds than hotels. If this bratty ex wanted 24 hr front desk availability, she should have booked a hotel, or an Airbnb with a remote lock so the host doesn’t need to stay up all night.
And to the people defending the ex: ‘well she planned it all so OP doesn’t have a right to complain’ — nope. You’ve got it backward: BECAUSE she planned it all, it was ALL her responsibility to not make so many bone-headed, selfish moves.
So then why ‘everyone sucks here’ instead of NTJ?
Because while I think OP was right to be frustrated or even horrified at the ex’s irresponsibility, deceit, and ego-centrism, there’s no excuse to yell at her.
Especially for what is ultimately a ‘first-world problem’.
Also, what is up with… taking a sleeping pill? Prior to getting to the accommodation for the night?
What was the OP’s game plan with THAT, exactly? Put themselves in a wheelbarrow and let her cart them around? Arriving at ANY airport in any city (even back in your own hometown) usually requires alertness.
Who would take a sleeping pill on the plane/at the airport soon after arrival?
Were they planning to stumble around, fully dependent upon the girl and her dad?
So… OP is also irresponsible, selfish, and a bonehead.
And if it’s ‘oh OP needs that sleeping pill due to a severe medical condition…’ then it’s on the OP for traveling in the first place if they knew that a medical condition would make a late-night arrival unbearable.
That poor air bnb hostess – she lost out the most , and was the fully innocent party here.” ContrarianCaitlin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I really don’t understand if I’m reading the same post as everyone else. She invited him along on a trip she was planning with her father and he joined in and fully paid his share.
When you invite others to something you have a responsibility to make an effort to plan it well as best you can. She did not.
Airbnb only allows host communication through a single account so it makes sense he wasn’t able to do this. He did repeatedly remind her and try to confirm beforehand that everything worked out.
She clearly decided to offload her problem (the late flight and the delay) onto the host — she assumed the host would wait for them until well into the middle of the night. This is NOT planning to the best of one’s ability, this is offloading the lack of planning on the host.
If they had decided to go on a trip together, and then made her do all the work, my judgment would definitely be different.
But the entire difference here is made by the fact that he was invited to go along on a trip she had already planned with, and for, someone else. As such she’s the one responsible for ensuring things go well. I’m seeing all this stuff about ‘mental load’ and ‘division of labor’ as if this is a feminist issue and not someone who seems to be really haphazard with other people’s time and funds.
Not knowing anything else about these people the fact that she was ok with accepting the host’s refund just doesn’t sit right with me and doesn’t speak well of her.
You seem to be regretful about shouting, and that’s good. You should always be mindful of your reaction even when someone else is being the jerk, which your partner definitely was.” NectarinePositive280
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
She for not being organized or communicating with the host who I do feel sorry for. I agree with others she should not have accepted the refund for something that was her fault, giving an estimated ETA when the host messaged is a minimal courtesy. If she gave the host flight information host could have tracked you and would have known if you were going to be late.
And she wasted time trying to decide on a bus/taxi and it sounds like she wasn’t being honest with you.
However, you suck big time for yelling at her in public, as it’s super humiliating for her which she did not deserve, would have made her dad and everyone around you feel very awkward.
It makes you look abusive – if that’s true and you are an awful person then you need to stop, if it’s not true then people are going to think you are one!
Honestly, I don’t really know how check-in works with Airbnb but if they are making guests jump through hoops to avoid check-in fees or penalizing hosts if guests are late then they suck for sure.” amzy_apparently
Is that what I'm getting?
3. AITJ For Wanting My Mom To Walk Me Down The Aisle?
“I (24F) am marrying my fiance (also 24F) in a few months. We’re having a pretty traditional wedding, and are currently in the process of planning everything.
I’m much closer with my mother (42F) than my father (66M) (I actually didn’t meet my father at all until I was a teenager, and we didn’t really have a relationship until I was an adult).
My parents can’t stand each other and have been split up since before I was even born. I initially wasn’t going to invite my father to the wedding at all, but I ended up agreeing when he swore to be on his best behavior.
I asked my mother if she’d walk me down the aisle, and she of course said she’d be honored to.
Somehow, my father caught wind of this (I think my aunt might have told him since she’s always been an extremely traditional woman and sort of against my marriage in the first place, but I’m not sure). He’s now blowing up my phone asking why I didn’t ask him and going on about how much he’s sacrificed for me.
Some of my family members are saying that I should just let him walk me down the aisle to avoid all the drama, but I don’t want to let my mom down. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re definitely NTJ.
It seems like your dad is more concerned with his status than with you and your fiancée’s wedding.
At the risk of overstepping, it kinda seems like we are seeing a glimpse of why he’s been absent for most of your life.
Your wedding is about you, your fiancée, and your love for each other; nothing else and no one else. You should be surrounded by your closest and dearest. Please don’t feel pressured by anyone.
I hope you have a wonderful wedding day – and a wonderful life journey together.” magnus_the_fish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s your wedding. Your father has been out of the picture for most of your life, and you have every right to choose who you want to walk you down the aisle.
Your dad hasn’t been there for you, and your mom has. Your aunt has mental issues for sticking her nose in a business that isn’t hers and starting more dramatic nonsense within your family.
Your wedding, your choice. If your dad wanted to walk you down the aisle on your wedding day, he shouldn’t have abandoned you for a good majority of your life.” CyclonicHavoc
Another User Comments:
“Are those ages right for your parents? He was 42 and she was 18 when you were born? Holy smokes!
At any rate, your father hasn’t ‘sacrificed’ anything, from what you’ve written here. You never even met him until you were a teen, and still didn’t have a relationship until you were an adult.
Exactly what does he think he’s sacrificed for you?
He hasn’t earned the right to walk you down the aisle. Stick to your guns and have the person who HAS been there for you walk you down the aisle. And if he keeps being a jerk about it, rescind his invitation.
NTJ” bb3244
2. AITJ For Not Paying For The Boat Rental?
“My partner and I planned a trip to the Caribbean.
To clarify I have horrible periods, I might have endometriosis but convincing a doctor to do the surgery is another matter and very expensive. My periods are a week long and I’m in insane pain during that week as well as the days leading up to it. I specifically planned this holiday around my period and my partner is aware of it.
We wanted to go a week earlier, but that was when my period was.
Normally my period is fairly predictable but then the month before it was 6 days late probably because I had done a lot of exercises and I have an iron deficiency issue because of how much I bleed. So this time my period was right during the first week of my vacation and I was so mad but everything was booked so it was too late.
My period starts on the plane and I’m popping pills and trying not to date. I normally smoke to help but I’m going to a foreign country where it is not allowed. On day 3 of my period, I’m still lying in bed and curled up and my partner comes to me to say he wants to do a boat rental for a day to go fishing.
I said sure and he asks me to pay half because he can’t afford it otherwise (it’s $350/day). I’m mad and in pain and I tell him I’m lying in bed dying and I’m not paying for something I’m not going to.
He gets angry and tells me I’m ruining the whole trip and storms off.
We don’t really talk the week I’m on my period. He didn’t ask me how I am and only come back to sleep. The next week when I’ve recovered I want to go see all the places we were supposed to go together and he doesn’t want to go anywhere because he’s already seen them.
He blames me for not timing my period better for the trip and not agreeing to split the cost of the boat rental. I’m annoyed because this is our first vacation and he was not patient with me when I was in so much pain. But AITJ for not paying for half when I can’t go anyway?”
Another User Comments:
“It can be hard to see someone you love in pain, harder still when that pain is recurring every month. That being said it doesn’t give that person an excuse to be a cold, uncaring jerk. Yes, he probably could do with some personal time but he should pay for it. He’s basically expecting you to fund his fun time as a tax for caring for you the rest of the time.
Why not boot him in the balls then demand he pay half the costs of whatever you want to do, and see how he likes it?
He blamed you for not planning your period? You ‘ruined’ the holiday? He went off and did the touristy things alone while you were in agony? I usually hate those people who immediately feel comfortable telling strangers to end their relationships, but Jesus Christ, the red flags are waving wildly.
NTJ” kcl1990
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — your partner is a major jerk… the guy’s a walking red flag… you couldn’t go, but he expected you to fork over $175 for his boat? Didn’t ask how you were? Made no effort to care for you… then berated you for getting your period when it inconvenienced him… oh, and you ‘don’t really talk’ during your periods… Gosh?!?!
Your relationship is not good. And you need to see a doctor to get your condition treated, if it’s fibroids, they can usually be removed, and they can treat endometriosis as well (I had both)… life gets better after they’re treated. And dump the S*****k.” ImKiliW
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You already tried to plan this trip around the problem, it’s just unfortunate that your body decided to disagree with that.
But that’s not your fault, and your partner shouldn’t be blaming you for it. I can understand why he’s upset, as it sounds like you both are, but from the sounds of it he needs a refresher course on biology if he thinks you can ‘time this better.’
Admittedly, however, you mentioned that lots of exercises can make your periods a little late.
At the time before the trip, did you think the exercise you were doing was enough for this to potentially happen? Or is this even something that you can reliably predict? Not trying to say you did this on purpose or anything, I’m just wondering.” Yellowburn10
1. AITJ For Taking My Son To School While My Daughter Is Crying?
“Last Friday, I (M38) asked my partner (F36) whether she was going to take our daughter (5) to school. My son (8) has been in a wheelchair for the last two weeks because he had surgery on his legs. He only started walking again days ago. Important: he is not my partner’s son.
I had been taking him to school every day last week.
Friday was his last day with me this week.
My partner mumbles, half asleep still, that it would be great if I could take our daughter to school early before I took my son. I said great, will do. My partner has been extremely resistant to me taking her early (my partner has abandonment issues and projects them onto our daughter).
My daughter and I were getting ready and brushing her hair at the living room table. I had said to her about 10 minutes before that we were going to take a car service. As I was brushing her hair, I pulled some of it with the brush. She was moving her head around a lot, and I had to keep telling her not to move.
My daughter got very upset that I pull her hair. I said to her that unless she stops moving, I’m going to pull the hair out of her scalp.
She stormed out of the room, saying she wasn’t coming with us. Some back and forth ensued, and I realized that she thought I was actually going to pull the hair out of her head.
I think she thought I was going to do it as a punishment. I quickly apologized, but she wouldn’t hear it from me and kept repeating that I said I was going to pull the hair out of her head.
Edit: I didn’t threaten her. I was saying that the brush will keep pulling her hair out if she keeps moving around.
I can see now how that could be misinterpreted.
That’s when my partner chimed in and said, ‘I’ll just take her to school.’
My daughter immediately latched onto that and kept repeating mommy is going to take me.
I went into the bathroom where my partner was taking a shower and asked her, ‘did you tell her you were going to take her?’ She said, ‘God.
Yes. Ugh.’
I said, ‘OK’ and proceeded to get my son down the stairs. On the way out of the house, I told my daughter, ‘I understand you are upset, and I don’t like the way you are acting.’ I realize that perhaps I was too strong with her, but I was frustrated.
The car service was outside, so I got my son (who I had to carry downstairs) outside and into his wheelchair. My daughter came to the top of the steps and said that she wanted a hug, so I gave her the biggest and very long hug ever and asked her to go back inside the house with her mom.
She did that.
I got my son in the car, and we pull away from the house.
And then I get this text message from my partner: ‘Thanks for leaving her with me like this hysterically crying,’ and ‘She’s hysterically crying that you raced out of here to get (son) to school on time without thinking about her.’
I responded and told her that is not what happened this morning. It seemed like such an immature thing to say to me. Total projection of her own insecurities. 5-year-olds have meltdowns, and parents should be able to deal with them.
But AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner absolutely does need to address her own issues, however, and projecting her fears and anger onto you or the children is not healthy in the least.
You did the best you can do. And yeah, a lot of kids are going to cry when you brush their hair even if there’s the smallest knot. You did your best and got the worst.
Your daughter will forget about this by next week but I’m more worried about your partner and how she may continue to project all of her feelings onto the family.” Daligheri
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. (Said gently, because I know all of this is hard, especially with having the extra stress of your son being out of commission.)
Although not necessarily for taking your son, because he had to get to school… more for your hypocrisy in dealing with your partner, which is ramping up the tension in your house.
You accuse her of being immature and projecting and seem to be expecting her to be this perfect parent, but then you’re impatient and snappy. And frankly, judging by your wife and daughter’s reactions, I feel like maybe this is more of a trend than you seem to realize.
I mean yes, 5-year-olds have meltdowns.
But 5-year-olds are also super fidgety, and parents should be able to deal with that. See how that sounds?
Calm down. Talk to your wife, and then have a ‘big feelings’ talk with your daughter together.” Character_Sink9754
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Sounds like a typical 5 year old’s meltdown to me.
Everything was fine when you left:
You and your partner were on the same page concerning who was going to take her to school.
Your daughter was not distraught when you left and hugged you
Your daughter was crying about you leaving ‘quickly’ and ‘not thinking about her’. This is just the 5-year-old’s perspective as she knew you were not going to take her to school, and you said goodbye to her when leaving.
The kid just had a bad morning, with many emotions, and your partner was (supposed) to be there to help her through it. Your partner blaming you for what happened after you left is just strange.” GardenerCats
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not learning how to brush your kid’s hair so she isn’t in physical pain and for being upset at your 5-year-old for reacting to pain.
Yes, kids move, but you are the adult, and you need to learn how to communicate, how to brush your hair, and how to not physically hurt your kid. You are responsible for your emotions as an adult but you appear to be you do not have to be if you can offload them to a 5-year-old you are forcing to endure pain due to your own laziness.” HannahAnthonia
