People Want To Convince Us That They're Innocent In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Telling My Half-Siblings The Truth?
“My (17F) dad had an affair when I was 5. I know because I’m the one that caught them one day and asked my mom about who the lady dad was kissing was and kicked off the whole divorce afterward.
Really fun for a little kid, let me tell you.
I haven’t had much of a relationship with my dad, the custody fight was awful and the affair woman was pregnant with my half-brother (12M) and they got married quickly, and just trust me that my dad has just done a lot to be angry about, to save space.
I basically told him I hated him and I stopped talking to him and ignored him during visitation time until he stopped coming. My mom remarried and my stepdad is a much better person and treats me like his own, so I’ve never missed bio-dad much.
My paternal family still keeps in touch with him, I just go to my mom’s side for all holidays and see them when he’s not there. My gran has gotten really sick, though, and asked me to at least talk to him because it makes her sad that we don’t have a relationship and he misses me.
I decided to talk because I can’t say no to my gran. So, a few months ago we talked on the phone and then met for lunch. I told him that for my gran I was willing to see him only, but never Family 2.0 and he could take that or leave it.
He really wanted me to meet my half-brothers but agreed.
One day he picks me up for lunch, but his wife is at the restaurant with the two boys (the younger is 10). I’m totally furious but we’re in public so I’m giving my dad the death glare while trying not to make a scene and texting my stepdad to come get me.
The 10-year-old asks if I’m mad about my mom running off with me so I didn’t get to grow up with them. I lost it, I probably shouldn’t have. I told them their dad had an affair with their mom and ruined our family growing up, and I’m only mad he was an unfaithful man.
The kids looked shocked and an argument started but I dipped as soon as I saw my stepdad pull up.
Apparently, the boys didn’t know and are now mad at their parents, my dad’s wife is mad at him and me, and my dad is upset and wants me to apologize.
The family is all over the place about it, but my aunt said I made gran cry when she heard about it. My mom says I just told the truth and that should never be wrong, but I should have just waited for my stepdad and not gotten mad.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You were ambushed by your bio-dad after he made a promise to keep the meeting between the two of you. He has obviously been lying to your half-brothers about what happened. You reacted in anger when you were suddenly blindsided by the fantasy their parents had been feeding them for years.
Your anger was a natural reaction and, while you could have handled things differently, I think you would be hard-pressed to find another human (of any age) who would have.
I am glad that you got the father you deserved in your stepfather. It seems as though your bio-dad hasn’t grown much or developed a deeper appreciation for honesty in the 12 years since he has been absent from your lives.
The shame is on him, not on you, Luv.” MrDarcysDead
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your mother is technically correct but, as another poster put it, it is hard to imagine anyone put in your situation who would not have reacted as you did. Your father has quite a nerve, expecting you to apologize after putting you in that situation in the first place.
Do not worry about such meaningless apologies. You honored your grandmother’s wishes, and it backfired spectacularly in both of your faces, and she has no right to ask for more. Leave it alone for now, and focus on the life you have built.” Shoereader
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This whole thing is your dad’s fault. You laid out specific boundaries. He broke them and did it in a public setting, probably in the hope of that pressure to keep you quiet and polite. Instead, you blew up.
Honestly, I can’t fault you.
You’re still a child that was lied to and manipulated into an extremely uncomfortable situation. You did the responsible thing and got a way out.
The only one to blame is your father. Also, tell gran, that while she may be a lovely lady, her son is awful and you don’t owe him any of your time.” Dead_Quinn
19. AITJ For Not Letting My Cousin Borrow My Camera?
“I like photography, it’s a hobby I’ve had since I was a kid and I’ve recently picked it back up in recent years. I have two cameras, a Polaroid and a more expensive Canon. I got these cameras as Christmas gifts (in different years) from my partner.
So they mean a lot to me.
The Polaroid was kind of a white elephant since it’s $16 minimum for 8 shots, and there’s no guarantee the photos will turn out right. So it turned into an expensive hobby real quick. So the next year my partner bought me my more expensive Canon camera, to compensate.
Pictures went from $2 a shot to $.12 at Walmart. The cannon is also sturdier, by comparison, so in theory, I could let my cousin take photos with it.
The thing is that my cousin (10m) is an absolute nightmare and if he wasn’t family I would never go near him.
He breaks EVERYTHING and he has absolutely no concept of the word ‘no’. Or he does and he just ignores it. His parents in their defense have tried time-outs and media blackouts, and he’s in behavior therapy for an hour every other day. He’s smashed things in my mom’s house and my uncle would pay for it to be replaced, but when my cousin smashed my cat’s cat tree he told me he’d order it for me on Amazon.
Then never did even when I asked about it. Whenever my cousin would smash something of mom’s it’d get replaced no matter the cost, if it was mine it never would. So why would I trust their volatile child with anything I own?
So I don’t.
My cousin keeps asking to take photos with my cameras and I tell him no. I tell him to ask his parents to buy him a camera for Christmas then he can take all the photos he wants. I keep telling him to ask his parents to buy him one and to not bother me about mine.
My aunt doesn’t like this, she doesn’t see why I don’t just hand him my camera. I’ve even offered to sell them my Polaroid for like $20 cause I never use it anymore. They said no, why don’t I just let him take photos with it instead, so I said sure just buy the film.
They said no.
These people aren’t broke, they have their own (successful) businesses and can replace flat-screen TVs at a moment’s notice. They bought him an ATV last Christmas? But my family doesn’t get why I don’t let him take photos. I’m the meanie who’s selfish with her stuff.
I just don’t get it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Hand your aunt the list of things Dudley destroyed, and tell her when those items have been replaced, you’ll lend him a camera (that you’ll buy cheap, second-hand from the thrift store, just for him), but until you’re made whole you aren’t letting him touch anything.
Or take his favorite gaming console as collateral.” ScammerC
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He’s their child. Aside from whatever inherent behavior issues he has it’s clear your aunt and uncle are entitled and it’s rubbed off on him.
Don’t let him use anything of yours and the next time he asks tell him and/or his parents explicitly why, ‘because he’s broken several of my things you haven’t replaced as it is.
My camera is irreplaceable, it’s sentimental to me and expensive.’ There’s really no way around that without your uncle looking careless. Plus, if you say it in front of other family they’ll hear he hasn’t replaced anything his little nightmare has broken of yours, and you won’t look like the bad guy.
It might even get him to stop pressing you to share with him.
Besides, I’m going to assume it’s a DSLR since you mentioned an expensive Canon. If you want your 10 years using a DSLR you need to buy him his own. That’s not a ‘toy’ and in general, you shouldn’t be allowing your kid to play with other people’s expensive items. If you feel your child is responsible enough, you buy them their own expensive item to teach them how to care for and maintain them.
My parents never made me share anything expensive and they never asked if I could use something they weren’t willing to replace.” Gloomy_Mycologist_37
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your family is blaming you instead of being realistic about his issues. He’s in therapy and sounds like they have paid out hundreds of dollars to replace things and they have the nerve to make you the bad guy.
Don’t be a jerk to yourself and let them wear you down.
Also, who gives a 10-year-old with behavioral issues an ATV? Recipe for disaster.” Laines_Ecossaises
18. AITJ For Refusing To Watch My Son's Partner's Baby?
“My 21-year-old son moved out of my house almost 6 weeks ago. He met a nice young lady a month ago. She was 9 months pregnant when they met. She had her baby, a beautiful little girl, and I am happy for them. I think it’s kinda weird, but it’s not my life and my son is ‘in love’.
Fine. Whatever makes him happy. He’s not financially responsible for the baby and the girl is fine with that. He is there for emotional support. She has a good job.
Here’s where it gets tricky and I feel kinda bad. She texts me today saying she is going back to work soon and needs a babysitter.
Her mom can watch the baby some days, but not all. She wanted to know if I can watch the baby some days from 2-10 pm. I said no. I did say a couple of weeks ago I would watch the baby sometimes if they wanted to grab a bite to eat or something.
I am just learning how to live again. My life has been all about my son for 21 years. I was a single mom. I have plans. I don’t want any major responsibilities right now and honestly, the baby isn’t really my grandchild even though they tell me I’m her grandma.
She hasn’t texted me back, and now I’m feeling bad. My son called and pointed out that I said I would watch the baby. I told him I said for a couple of hours here and there… I guess I should have been more specific.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We are emergency babysitting for my grandkids. If one or both of them can’t go to daycare/school for whatever reason and their parents have to work, we watch them. This happens rarely, but more often in the winter months when all the germs are going around.
We have the ability to watch them full-time, but we also have full lives and are very much enjoying our empty nest. And also the kids didn’t even ask, because they value the social aspect of daycare/school.
You do not owe anybody babysitting.
Offering occasional ‘date night’ sitting was very generous. Them asking you for more is an attempt to take advantage of you, and trying to guilt you is manipulative behavior.” Particular-Studio-32
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your son and his partner are setting up a situation where they are going to be parenting this child together.
Your son’s only example of what new grandparents do is his partner’s parents who are giving their time to help their daughter. Your son feels entitled to your time because he views your role the same as his partner’s mom. But it isn’t. No grandparent is required to provide care for a child, and you aren’t really a grandparent.
He sees his role in the child’s life as permanent and important but doesn’t understand that you don’t feel the same way.
Reiterate that you were only offering the occasional babysitting, for things like date night and emergencies (work is not an emergency). And have a conversation with your son about how he feels vs how you feel, and that you have no obligation to provide for him and his family.
Go forth and feel no guilt. Live your best life! You can do all those things that you couldn’t do as a caregiver. Your son will learn to sacrifice the way you did.” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let’s put the whole business of your son not being the biological father aside for a moment.
If you treated this baby differently from his own children that might be one thing. If you refused to have anything to do with the child that would be petty. But your question was whether you were the jerk for not becoming a daycare provider.
You’re not.
Occasional babysitting is one thing, and providing regular daycare is another. Lots of grandparents do provide such care, some paid and some gratis. If you wanted to do that, fine, but you’re certainly under no obligation to.
I think your son and his partner may have misunderstood your offer.
Or at least that’s what you should tell them.” Sparky-Malarky
That vague generous offer has become interpreted to mean ... " but your mom said she would babysit when i need it ..."
This girl is very selfserving
Just as she is about to give birth she starts going out with your naive unworldly 21 year old. Hmmmm. And now you are expected to nanny.
Time for some discussions I think.
17. AITJ For Letting My Visitor Sleep In The Vacant Room?
“I’m a college student and own a three-bedroom apartment, where I use one room and rent the other two out. At the beginning of last academic year, I rented it out to two of my close friends on a 10-month lease (September through June).
My plan was for them to either extend the lease through the summer or for me to rent it out to someone else after that. I asked them both in March and they both declined to extend it, but they were potentially down to return in September when classes start.
One of the roommates, Brian, went home before the lease was up (mid-June instead of late June) and left all of his stuff in the room. We hadn’t discussed any summer storage plans, but if I found a renter, I would ask him to come and clear his stuff out (the furniture was a mix between his and mine.
I provided the dresser and wardrobe, and he provided the bed and desk.) I wasn’t able to find anyone interested in renting out the room, so it ended up not coming up.
The next month, after Brian’s lease was up and he had moved out, I was hanging with my friend Julie and it had gotten late (about 3 AM).
The plan was for her to sleep on the couch but she asked if she could sleep in one of the vacant bedrooms. I said sure and she slept in Brian’s former room.
I didn’t think much of it until a few weeks later when I get angry texts from Brian.
He had gotten into the apartment (apparently he took a copy of the key with him when he left) and was upset that someone had entered the room and been in his bed. Meanwhile, I was upset that he entered my apartment without permission and while I wasn’t there.
He stopped communicating with me, but then Julie texts me that she’s been getting texts and calls from Brian (the two have met once before). He ended up calling her for over half an hour while she was too nervous to hang up on him, and he berated her for entering someone’s room without permission.
She apologized repeatedly, but he wanted her to say that I gave permission so that he could blame me. She refused to do that since she didn’t want to cause conflict between us.
Unsurprisingly, all the friends I share with Julie think I’m in the right while all the friends I share with Brian think I’m in the wrong.
So, AITJ for letting Julie sleep in Brian’s former room?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Brian is a complete and utter jerk. That’s NOT his room. And if he didn’t want anyone using any of those things at all, he should have removed them.
But he does not get to dictate how this room (and the things in it, even if they are ‘his’) are used when he is not paying rent or storage fees. He has technically abandoned the furniture.
He had no right to enter the apartment at all.
And frankly, I’m curious how often he has been. I really doubt it was just that one time.
You need to stop renting to friends and draft up contracts. You also need to change the locks every time someone ends their lease.” SnakeSnoobies
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The room is yours unless Brian is paying for it.
The bed is his, BUT as long as you’re storing it for him cost-free, it’s reasonable for you to be able to occasionally use it until he reclaims it. If he left a table, he has no right to object you from setting objects on top of it; if he left a TV, he has no right to object you from occasionally watching it.
Therefore, he has no right to object you from using his bed to accommodate a guest now and then.
Brian might be forgiven for not realizing that, BUT he has no excuse whatsoever for A) keeping the key to an apartment he’s not paying rent on, B) entering it without the owner’s permission, or C) (the most egregious by FAR) verbally attacking a third person who was completely removed from the decision-making process about any of this.
Conclusion: Brian is not only the major jerk here, but the fact that he actually called Julie about his at all indicates that there’s something seriously wrong with his thinking.
I call this a red flag about his mental stability, and recommend you tell him you’ll not be renting to him in the future, and tell him ‘Come get your stuff in (X amount of days) or I’m putting it on the curb.'” ShinyAeon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… your friends are using you. They don’t want to renew their lease, but there is a chance that they might come back in the fall. What they are really saying is that they don’t want to pay rent for those months, but they will come back in the fall and you can store their stuff for free.
Stop doing that. You don’t pay rent, you move your stuff out. Now, if you can afford to do so, and want to do so you could charge them a lower rate to keep their room over the summer which would keep it ‘their’ room, and thereby, no one should be allowed in said room.” Worth-Season3645
16. AITJ For Backing Out Of Purchasing A House?
“My husband and I made an offer on our 1st home back in June. It’s a fixer-upper and it isn’t quite what we wanted but it ticked the boxes. The vendor said they were eager to be gone, there was no chain, and they were going to rent while they looked for a new place in their new city.
They accepted our offer. We shook hands and hoped to be in by September.
We started the process and everything was going well until after the survey when they couldn’t produce all the necessary certificates. We started chasing with our solicitor every week. Nothing.
We explained that as we live in military quarters on an overflow arrangement, we can be evicted from our home with 30 days’ notice at any point.
We explained our mortgage offer would expire soon. We explained we have family visiting from abroad to help with childcare during the move but they won’t be here forever. We begged to close for the last week of October. They assured us via the estate agent it would happen.
But our solicitor got nothing.
Radio silence. No sale. They refused to close. Eventually, their solicitor told ours they had entered a chain and there were issues further down the line. The seller didn’t want to close on their house til it was resolved. They were stalling deliberately.
We missed our October window. We had no recourse to make them follow through.
My husband and I started looking again. On the day it was listed, we saw a house that suited our needs better and asked to view it. It was perfect. The price was the same.
We made an offer and the buyer accepted. We pulled out of the previous sale for this one.
Suddenly the original vendor is blowing up our solicitor’s phone because we wrecked the whole chain. They offered to close next week to keep the original sale but we already agreed to buy this other property which honestly works better for us.
But I can’t stop thinking about how many families we might have screwed with this. Are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they didn’t settle on time, and you’re legally in the clear, this is how house purchases work. Especially in cases where there’s a whole chain of purchases happening at the same time, this is a risk that everyone takes.
Their solicitor will have told them repeatedly what risk they were taking by stalling with you (to cover their own rear end). In the end, you only screwed the people who very obviously were uninterested in how they were screwing you.” spiffsome
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They dropped the ball massively.
YOU didn’t screw anyone – you made a decision based on the information you had, and frankly, other families’ circumstances around the sale aren’t your responsibility.
They screwed around, dropped communication, and refused to close. You were right to pull out.
And yay for landing a house that is better suited to your needs!” Kettlewise
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you all were in a business negotiation and they did not fulfill their end of the obligations in a timely manner.
You found a place that is nice, that is a price you can afford, and the people selling that place are fulfilling their end-of-the-business negotiations.
Cut off contact with those original people and close on this good house.
In no way did you screw anyone over, they screwed themselves over by trying to screw you over. Move on from them.” JCBashBash
15. AITJ For Not Liking The Weekly Dog Event At The Office?
“Recently, a group of co-workers approached HR about having dog-friendly Fridays. We are an office of about 40 people. I’ve (M32) always kept it on the down low I despise dogs. I tell strangers and my best friends my feelings about dogs. I don’t tell people that I see frequently, because I’d rather not have the conflict.
Someone always has an issue with my thoughts on dogs. Well, recently this came to a head.
Last week an email went out about dog-friendly Fridays and that it would be a thing moving forward as long as the dogs behaved. This would be a thing every Friday.
Not just once. If it was just once, so be it. I’d take a vacation day and lock my office door. This would be a thing every Friday, I don’t have enough vacation time to take off every Friday for the foreseeable future nor do I want to strictly use it for this.
Before this, I loved my job and was cool with my co-workers.
I went to HR about this and told them I’m not cool with this being a regular thing. They said there was overwhelming support for this as apparently, the group that went to HR for this is pretty large.
I dropped that this is something I’d change jobs over. Well, they reversed course the next day and made it a one-time thing instead. I told them I’d use a vacation day and lock my door. Well, it got out that I ended dog-friendly Fridays pretty much before it even started. Well, now my co-workers are cold to me and probably think I’m an evil jerk.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Though your HR might need to be reported. Sounds like they didn’t ask if it was okay with everyone, considering people have allergies, fears, or just a general dislike of dogs or other legit concerns that would have made it a hostile work environment.
And their justification is a large group asked? Doesn’t matter if it’s 39 out of 40, everyone needs to be on board. Your coworkers might have figured it was you because you took the vacation day, but I’d be willing to bet HR ratted you out out of spite.” kossl2000
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – you and HR could have come up with some kind of workaround – once a month, you being allowed to work from home, or some free half days where you stay in your office a couple of hours.
Or even done a survey where if there were others who disagreed could chime in. But the way it went down, all can blame you for being the guy that ruined it for ‘everyone’. They obviously needed a morale boost in the office and if it was a large group that wanted it – you’ll have that around your neck for a while.
(Even those that disagreed with it will jump on) Maybe even to the point where things get sour in the office and then you might need to follow up on the threat you used to get your way.” Babsgarcia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s very suss that it got out that you were the one that complained. I would think HR has a responsibility to keep that information confidential.
Also, dog-friendly Fridays are a bit much. I LOVE dogs and have my own who I adore, but I would not be down for this at my workplace. Also, I would never want a work colleague to be uncomfortable because of something I wanted. It’s a bit entitled that your colleagues are annoyed because they wanted something outlandish that could cause serious problems as well as make others uncomfortable.” Fancy_Addition_8090
14. AITJ For Wearing Matching Halloween Costumes With My Friend?
“I (21 F) have been friends with ‘Josh’ (21 M) since we were kids. Our moms were friends growing up and we were pretty much raised together. We have continued to stay best friends through all these years, and both attend the same college. A year ago, Josh started seeing a girl ‘Lydia’ (21 F) and it eventually developed into a relationship.
They have been officially together for six months. I never met her when they were just talking because he didn’t know where the relationship was going.
When they did start going out, he introduced us as soon as possible because I’m his best friend. At first, I thought it was just shyness because I am a close friend of his, so you obviously want to get along with your partner’s friend, but it became clear very quickly that she just had a problem with our friendship.
This past Saturday there was a Halloween party at our friend’s place. Lydia was bringing a friend and told Josh that she and her friend would be doing a matching costume. So, Josh asked me if we wanted to do a costume together. We decided to go as Steve and Robin from Stranger Things.
I guess on Friday he told her this was happening and suddenly her tune changed, and she wanted to do a couple’s costume. He saw what she was doing and told her no. So, she then texted me asking if I would change my costume.
I said no because I already spent my money and didn’t know If I could return it plus, I’d have to scramble for another costume. All of a sudden, I started getting SPAMMED by random numbers (probably her friends) calling me all sorts of names.
The whole time Saturday she was sulking and one of her friends seemed to be consoling her the whole night. It just felt awkward. Josh is telling me we didn’t do anything wrong, but I feel like he’s biased cause he’s my friend. I want a third party’s opinion.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She seems jealous of your close relationship with your friend. Your relationship sounds clearly platonic, especially considering you went as Steve and Robin for Halloween. However, one thing I would consider is, even though you two have been friends for a long time, displaying that close relationship with a new partner could potentially invoke feelings of jealousy.
It seems alarming to me that she has other people calling to harass you about it, so some personality issues may have been brought to his attention early on, so maybe it helped him dodge a bullet. I would try to take a back seat approach with your friend when either one of you gets into a new relationship.” ooohSHINEY
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ but it is always awkward when an existing female friend meets the new girl. The new girl is going to be aware of that friendship and be making sure that there isn’t anything extra going on and to make sure that their partner is willing to prioritize them as a partner.
Neither you nor Josh are the jerk, but this wasn’t a smart move on Josh’s part assuming that the new girl is probably still figuring out where she stands with Josh and with you. He put you guys in a position to be competing and it’s not good for you to build a relationship with the new girl.
If you like this girl and think she has good intentions with Josh, you could contact her to acknowledge her feelings and support her in how she feels. You could also encourage Josh to apologize for contributing to the awkward situation. This could help you and her bond and show her that you are not out to get her or more importantly out to get Josh.” holliday_doc_1995
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It would have been one thing if she wanted to do a matching costume with Josh; in that case (sorry) but she as the partner takes rank over you as the friend. But that wasn’t the case here. Her sulking and having people spam your phone was ridiculous.
No matter what anyone says there’s always a certain degree of awkwardness when you start seeing someone who has a close friend of the opposite gender. But if she wants to talk about boundaries she needs to do it in a far more mature way.” FreshwaterOctopus
13. AITJ For Not Taking Responsibility For My Siblings?
“I (21m) am the oldest of 8 kids with the youngest being 11.
my parents are both trauma surgeons and have always worked odd hours so I essentially raised my siblings until I moved out for college. I’m now a senior in college and moved off campus into a 3-bedroom house to be closer to home. My siblings come over every weekend and my parents pay me to keep them.
This is usually fine since I’m a homebody and I love being around my siblings.
I’m very serious about my school and this weekend I have my third of five-weekend labs of the semester and our labs are worth 30% of our final grade.
I told my parents that I wouldn’t be able to have them over this weekend but it seems they completely disregarded it. When I went over for dinner on Sunday, they told me they planned a non-refundable weekend trip and asked me to keep them this weekend but when I told them I couldn’t, they got upset.
We went back and forth for a while and my mom said I was being selfish and asked me to miss my lab since it was ‘only 6% of my grade.’ I told her that I didn’t have 8 kids and they were not my responsibility.
She started crying and my dad berated me for making her cry and asked me to leave.
Neither of them will answer my texts or calls despite my apologizing and I feel bad but I just don’t feel like they’re seeing my side of things.
I’ve attempted to tell them but they won’t even talk to me and neither will my youngest siblings (14, 12, 11) and it’s really making me sad. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Think of it this way… if they were paying an actual babysitter, and the babysitter said they can’t watch the kids one weekend to study, your parents would need to find another.
End of story. It would be super weird to push the issue. The fact that they’re trying to guilt you here is ridiculous — even if they are paying you for the time you do watch them. I’m sure your youngest siblings will come back around.
Also, your parents need you to watch 7 pre-teens to teenage-aged kids? If the third youngest is 14, there are 4 kids between 14 and 21… older teens can 100% take care of themselves for a while and would be able to watch the others. I don’t really understand that.
It wouldn’t even be your problem if they were actual children, but the fact that half of them are probably old enough to drive is super weird here.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What you experienced is called parentification, it’s a very real, surprisingly not that uncommon, issue.
I’m the TINIEST bit relieved to hear they pay you for watching them on the weekends, but that does not change the fact they should not be relying on you for childcare.
It genuinely horrifies me that they think booking a getaway takes priority when you need to study for your labs.
Your education is your biggest priority, theirs is supposed to be their children. And even if one argued their priority is also their job, this is all because they want a VACATION? And the way they are manipulating you and guilting you is despicable.
I say this gently, but as someone who went through a similar thing, you may want to consider therapy.
I get the distinct impression this situation is worse than you realize, and therapy made a world of difference in helping me feel comfortable creating boundaries and sticking up for myself. The fact you’re here wondering if you’re in any way a jerk for refusing to watch your siblings so your parents can enjoy a vacation genuinely saddens me and makes me think this is only part of a much deeper issue with your family dynamic.” Tricky-Flamingo-7491
Another User Comments:
“Your parents are both trauma surgeons that require many YEARS of school on top of a hospital residency. They prioritized their schooling for their careers. They decided to have all those kids and maintain their careers. Now it’s your turn to focus on your school.
You are not their babysitter and like you said—THEY decided to have eight kids—not you. So they can start acting like parents and deal with making their own babysitting arrangements.
By getting upset with you and not answering your calls or texts—they are manipulating you to feel guilty.
It’s a power trip to get you to be their on-call babysitter for their vacation and any time they feel fit because they know how to guilt you into submission now. NTJ.” jasperjamboree
12. AITJ For Kicking My Parents Out After They Insulted My MIL?
“I (30m) am married to my wife Ellie (29f) and we are expecting our first child later this month. Ellie and her brother Leo and late brother Josh were raised by my MIL. MIL was a former foster child who never found a forever family in the system and was never able to track down any biological family though she does believe she’d have half siblings somewhere.
When Ellie and her brother’s dad then decided to quit his job and leave her on her own to raise the kids she struggled. Then she lost Josh, the oldest when he was 16 years old. It tore them apart and was yet another big hit for my MIL who did everything she could for her kids.
Ellie has talked about how her mom suffered terribly with her mental health under the strain of everything and how she’s grateful that she was able to recover enough to be present in their lives today.
Today MIL is starting to financially be in a better, more stable place, but she’s far from rich.
She’s also not dropping everything to help her kids all the time. Ellie and Leo have told me before that their mom had to give away so much of herself when they were growing up, had to spread herself so thin, that they don’t think she could do it anymore, because she had no support and only had her kids, who she didn’t want to burden.
So even though we live close to MIL and Leo, she’s not offering to be our childcare (not that we expect her to but I will get to why I say that), and she didn’t pay for our wedding or throw us a big massive baby shower.
She’s a wonderful person and Ellie will always say she is the best mom and would never ever want to lose her.
My parents were visiting this weekend and we had an argument. Back when we were engaged they had commented that our wedding was not as big as they would have expected and that my MIL had not paid for anything.
I told them it was our wedding, not MIL’s, so she had no reason to pay for it. I told them not to bring it up again. They knew the history then. But it was bothering them that we chose to live close to her when she ‘gives nothing and does nothing a mother and expectant grandmother should do’.
They then started talking about how it must kill my wife that her own mother doesn’t care, is a crappy mother, and how they know she likely hoped MIL would offer to watch our child while we both work, and throw her a big baby shower and offer to be on hand to help with every little thing.
I told them they had no right to speak about what my wife wanted, and how dare they judge MIL so harshly when they know what she has been through. I told them I did not want them upsetting my family (wife, BIL and MIL) with those opinions and I made them leave.
They told me I was punishing them for having sympathy for my wife and for wanting better for her than her own mother does. They said I should have let my wife decide if they spoke out of turn. But she was upset. She simply knows I am happy to step in and deal. But was my reaction too harsh?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, clearly. But there’s a major issue here – your parents are being ridiculous and I’d make it very clear to them that it will never be tolerated. Because they’ll keep pushing it. It’s absolutely none of their business what your MIL does.
And it isn’t any grandparent’s job to offer childcare, and it’s not any parent’s job to pay for a wedding. These things are nice, sure, but not everyone is in that position and no one has the right to demand these things from their relatives, especially not the parents of the couple.
What is that about?
I also want to thank you for standing up for your wife. I can’t tell you how many stories I hear of the husband’s parents treating people rudely, and he cowers instead of confronting them and sticking up for his wife and her family.
You did a good thing here, but I expect it’s not over yet. You will need to set a hard boundary in the near future. Your parents are absolutely NOT looking out for your wife by saying her mom doesn’t care knowing what she went through and knowing your wife loves her.” joeyo1423
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I applaud your quick decisive action and standing up for your upset wife and the entire family. Having rules and boundaries are so necessary to have healthy relationships. You knowing this and being able to stand up for them before your child is born is going to help you parent a lot better.
I applaud you. You let your wife have her feelings and you stood up and decided to be the person of action and make sure that people were separated and emotionally safe. It sounds like you and your wife need to have a discussion before people are allowed in the house about what set rules and boundaries are and share with family and visitors what those boundaries are ahead of time so they can make the decision whether or not to visit.” boiledpenny
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your parents were being the typically judgemental in-laws.
That they think your wife harbors any resentment towards her mom shows that they think that not only was she an inferior parent but that your wife only views her for what she can do for her.
They’re smug because they are still together and think they provided you with a better upbringing and family.
It no doubt drives them crazy that you also seem to favor or prioritize your MIL. That’s most of what it is. They think they’re better and the fact you aren’t bending over backward to be close to them means they lost the in-law fight of who gets to be closest/prioritized. They think they did everything right and don’t understand how they could come second.
Even if that’s none of why you’ve chosen to live where you live, that’s definitely a lot of their thought process and judgment.” OLAZ3000
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Get My Neighbor A Purebred Cat?
“I live in an urban city with a population of 200,000 people. I’m very close to the heart of the city, and I live in a rundown neighborhood with very old houses.
My neighbor has never talked to me in the 2 years I’ve been living next door. However, I’m very familiar with her, because her tabby cat, Charlie, is always outside. I’ve been guilty of giving him treats before and whenever he’s on my porch I give him all the love.
However, she never lets her cat inside, so he’s always roaming around the neighborhood.
Last week I was driving home late from work. It was about 10:30 pm and pitch black outside. I was pulling up to my house when I heard a thud. I stopped the car immediately because I assumed I ran over something large enough to mess up the front of my car.
Unfortunately, it was my neighbor’s cat. I picked him up very gently and ran to my neighbor’s doorstep. He was gone. I apologized profusely and she was very understanding that it was an accident; honestly, she didn’t even seem sad. I felt terrible about everything and even baked her a pie the next day.
I would never intentionally cause harm to the poor thing, he was such a sweetheart and I was very fond of him. I was very thankful she was so understanding of the circumstance.
Flash forward to two nights ago. I got a knock on my door, and there my neighbor was.
She mentioned she wanted to get a new cat and was looking at buying a purebred Siamese. I felt off about the situation in an instant because first of all, adopt don’t shop, but if she was going to pay upwards of $900 for a cat, it would be extremely irresponsible to never let her cat come inside especially when we’re so close to downtown.
I asked if she would be keeping the cat outside, and she said yes. Then she sprung it on me: she wanted ME to buy the Siamese to make up for the accident with Charlie.
I am not by any means wealthy; I live paycheck to paycheck and have two roommates.
I told her I would not be able to afford a purebred cat from a breeder, but I was willing to provide the funds for her to get a cat from the shelter ($90-120 instead of nearly $1000) and she refused. She said it was my duty to pay because it was my fault that she no longer has a cat.
I feel awful about everything. Like I said, I never wanted to hurt her cat, not in a million years. However, I really cannot afford to spend $1000 when I can barely pay my rent. So, AITJ for not wanting to buy her a purebred cat?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s not your fault Charlie was hit, it was hers. Charlie should not have been outside.
In fact, you could tell her (depending on where you live) that cats aren’t allowed to roam freely outside and she is financially responsible for any damage done to your car.
Don’t entertain her ideas. Don’t say you can’t afford it or offer her a shelter cat. She is an irresponsible and negligent pet owner. Ignore her. If she keeps at it tell her you will be sending her a bill for your car and watch her shut up then.” Status-Pattern7539
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell her that her cat is dead because she’s a trashy owner. She put her cat in a position to get hit and run over. She is too irresponsible to own a cat. You are not responsible for her cat being harmed. Also, unless you live out in the country and your cats are barn cats that maintain your acreage (getting rid of mice and other rodents)… don’t own cats if your plan is just to keep them outside, it’s not safe and can wreak having on the local wildlife.” redditerla
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if and only if you ever give her funds or find her a secondary cat, because that cat is just going to die like Charlie. Cats that are domesticated are not meant for the outdoors! She’s also likely just going to cause more unnecessary territorial cat fights AND feral kitten births by bringing in a different cat and leaving it in the neighborhood.
It’s one thing to feed community cats that live in the neighborhood, have been TNRed (Trap-Neuter-Return), and are feral and out of the age range for domestication… but it’s completely irresponsible to bring foreign cats to a new area and just dump them outside.
Otherwise, NTJ. But do not get her another cat in any capacity.” dreamcager
10. AITJ For Calling My Sister's Friend An Annoying Kid?
“I (21) occasionally hang out with my sister (16). She’s my sister, and I love her, but I don’t like her friends. She mostly hangs out with boys from her club, and they’re, well, teenage boys. So whenever she invites me to hang out with her and her friends I say no and that we’ll hang out one on one another time.
I was giving her a driving lesson before her friends were supposed to come over when one boy arrived early. He asked if he could also join the lesson. I said no because I didn’t have permission from his parents. He said that was dumb because he’s ‘basically an adult’ and doesn’t need permission from his parents to ride in a car.
I said that he needed my permission, because it was my car, and I wasn’t letting some strange kid in my car and opening myself up to legal liability. My sister asked if he could just ride in the backseat while we drive up and down the street since that’s all we were doing.
I said no, because of the aforementioned reasons, and because he might distract her and make her crash, and because he was being annoying.
He said it was rich for me to call him a kid and annoying because we’re ‘pretty much the same age.’ Which, no, no we are not.
My sister ended up quitting the lesson early and going inside with her friend. So, I left.
My sister texted me later saying I embarrassed her friend. She said I was too pretentious about my age and that I made an effort to distance myself from teenagers because I was self-conscious about my status as an adult.
I think she’s reading into it. I had good reasons not to let him in my car. But was I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, just try to talk to her and let her know that you could get in SERIOUS trouble with the law if something happened to him.
Also, let her know how uncomfortable it is for you to try and hang out with teens when you are more than just a few years apart. She may understand but if not then let it lie. She may get annoyed every time you say no but she won’t be angry about something this small forever and will probably understand when she hits that age too.” DarkDeepDarkDeep
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you aren’t obligated to let your sister’s friends tag along during a driving lesson. You could have, sure that would have been fine too but you set a boundary, and your sister and her friend should have respected that.
Someday a few years from now your sister will realize just how much of a difference there is between 16 and 21. Those are 5 of the most formative years of life. When she comes to that realization I hope she has a better understanding of your point of view.
Then you can actually hang out as adults together.” squid_beth
Another User Comments:
“You are absolutely NTJ.
He’s not ‘basically the same age’ nor is he ‘basically an adult’. You can vote, buy booze, get married without parental permission, buy property, sign contracts, BE SUED by parents of 16-year-olds, etc – all things he cannot do, because he’s NOT an adult, and you are.
As an adult, you made the correct decision. As teens (who are still children), they don’t want to see or understand that. But then, kids often think the adults in their lives are being a jerk because they make the responsible choice. I bet a 4-year-old would think you were a jerk if you didn’t let them eat an entire bucket of Halloween candy at one time, and an 8-year-old would think you were because you didn’t let them stay up all night on a school night, and now, 16-year-olds think you are because you didn’t let them be irresponsible with your car.” justanotheropinion72
9. AITJ For Telling My Husband Not To Wash His Hands In My Bath Water?
“I finished working out and told my husband I needed to take a bath.
He needed to pee first. I went in to start filling up the tub before he went to the bathroom and left so he could have privacy/get a couple of household chores done while the bath was filling up.
I came back to the bathroom to get in my bath and I see him leaning over the tub and I smell my body wash.
I kind of laughed, because I figured he was pranking me by pretending that he was washing his hands in my bath water – he jokes with me a lot like that.
Nope, wasn’t a joke. He washed his hands in the stream. With my body wash.
Even though the sink was right there. I asked him if he just washed his hands in my bath water, with my body wash and he was like, ‘yeah? What’s the big deal? I didn’t even touch anything so it’s not germy.’
Look, this isn’t a marriage-ending thing or that big of a deal, but I honestly think it’s gross. And when I said I thought it was gross, he looked at me like I had 3 heads. Like, he genuinely doesn’t understand why I was grossed out.
Also, he used body wash to wash his hands. I’m not a scientist, but I’m pretty sure the antibacterial hand soap we have is better for cleaning your hands after you use the bathroom. Anyway, now I’m sitting in the bath (with new water) and I am so confused. But maybe I’m being wildly oversensitive and it’s not a big deal?
Help me here.
EDIT- I checked and we don’t have antibacterial soap, just some regular foaming hand soap. We aren’t contributing to the superbug problem, promise.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I’m with you, I would find someone washing their hands into my fresh bath water gross.
(Though I think that body wash and antibacterial hand soap are both perfectly fine for hand washing).
But this isn’t a case of either of you being a jerk. This is just a case where you need to ask him not to do that again because it bothers you.
And if he does it again, then it would be a jerk move on his part. And if he doesn’t, then everything is fine.
What matters is his respecting your wishes in the future. It’s okay that you have different feelings about this. People have different things they find gross.
Like I said, I’m with you on finding this gross, but it’s also not ‘scary gross’ level (i.e. if he was wiping his butt with your towel or something horrifying like that).” Stan_of_Cleeves
Another User Comments:
“You might have just a bit of a germophobe problem.
Which is fine! But I don’t think that your husband is a jerk for crossing a boundary that you don’t seem to have defined very well. If he does it again, then he might be a jerk, but for now, there are no jerks here.
Side note: if your body wash foams, it should do just as well as hand soap for washing your hands after you go to the bathroom. Your hand soap might have something extra in it to kill germs, but if you’re washing your hands properly then the part of the soap that makes suds should do fine to A) remove particles and B) kill most germs. You can look it up if you’d like, but if I recall correctly, soap destroys the protective layer around germs and kills them off.” genus-corvidae
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I honestly think that was a super weird thing to do but men think differently than women sometimes. In his mind, he was thinking of efficiency (which is dumb, but still). He’s like I need to wash my hands, warm water is running, I’ll do it here.
To restart the bath water is a bit much for me but if you think it’s gross, just tell them to please not do that again in the future because you feel it’s gross and weird. He should respect that. I would be more annoyed if he had like a mechanic’s hand and got visible dirt in your tub though and THEN would have re-made the water.
Just washing up after peeing, again dumb, but just tell him not to do it anymore.” User
8. AITJ For Only Contributing $200 To Replace The Loveseat My SO Broke?
“My partner (36F) and I (37M) stay in a condo with a very generous older lady (~68F). We will call her LL for landlord. My SO met her at a previous job, and LL has helped us essentially get back on our feet. We are not financially insecure.
My SO and I both have jobs. LL presented us with the opportunity to live with her at a ‘market discount’ ($300 a month vs the avg. $1100 for a studio) to save funds. Amazing. We are essentially staying in the fully furnished guest bedroom.
My SO is very messy.
I don’t make the bed every day but I essentially follow her around like a rumba. Especially now that we live in someone’s home. We share pantry/refrigerator space etc. Well, LL has a particular loveseat that is very well known to be hers. LL is super nice, by the way.
Like, if I’m sitting in it to tie my shoes or whatever, she’ll be happy to sit on the couch. It’s just her go-to.
In September, my SO sat down on the loveseat and it broke. My SO is a big girl and when she sits, she plops.
I feel like this is necessary to add because I feel like she and I have had this discussion before, sadly, and it could have been avoidable. We talked to LL about this chair and, very graciously, she said it’s an older chair. So instead of us paying the whole thing, she will pay half.
Super awesome! And, since my SO had certain bills and OUR anniversary is in October, LL said it can wait until November. My SO and I are financially independent. I pay my half of the rent, vacations, etc. I told her I would commit $200 no matter how much the new loveseat costs because 1) I didn’t break it and 2) I have repeatedly told her she was going to break it (it made very sad noises every time she plopped).
She makes more money than I do.
We talked about it tonight because I have been concerned LL missed her chair since it happened and she got super mad at me that I wouldn’t commit to 25%. This particular loveseat now probably costs $1400 or so. I would like to encourage LL to pick any one she wants but I am refraining since I only committed $200.
But I do not feel like that should matter since we are saving an extraordinary amount on rent AND it shouldn’t be up to my SO what LL picks out. I have since volunteered to go with LL to multiple furniture stores (She doesn’t like to go to unfamiliar places alone) since I work nights, to try all these pieces she’s been looking at online.
Most of these pieces are less than what I would think she would want. I.E. she looked at a piece for $1200, $1000, and $800. In the event of the $800 piece, of course, the $200 = 25%. But outside of that, it doesn’t. In addition, LL said to wait for Black Friday for a better deal. But my SO is still throwing a temper tantrum that I am not committing more than $200.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your SO should pay 100% of the seat. Honestly bickering about price feels petty considering how accommodating this LL is being. Go furniture shopping with her, and pay close attention to what she likes BEFORE she looks at the price tag.
Encourage her to go home and think about it. And go pick up whatever she wanted, a surprise gift. Thank you for all you do for us, LL. (In this instance I’d say you COULD both pay 50% if you feel it’s worth it to keep the peace and do the right thing by LL, which is to cut her costs totally, but it isn’t necessary.)
If your SO struggles with this, consider what kind of person lives almost like a guest in someone else’s house, breaks their things, and then squabbles over replacing them. Consider any other ways she might show her disregard for her surroundings and other people’s property.
I have a kid who flops. They have poor core strength, so we’re working on that. It is something that can be unlearned, but a good core will help back problems, etc that your SO probably also struggles with. It isn’t a silver bullet, but it’s something.
Acknowledging that your SO isn’t doing it to be destructive and being supportive of some very low-intensity strengthening exercises might also help.
Good luck.” Jellygnite
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your SO is a grown woman who broke someone else’s property and should be paying in full for a replacement.
This sweet older lady is being super generous by offering to pay half but the fact that your SO is allowing her to pay half is a huge red flag. She broke it she should be insisting on paying the full amount as well as replacing immediately but instead, she is allowing her to pay half and then demanding you then pay half of her half.” Zombiequeen350
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but why are you with such a horrible, selfish, and careless person? It’s 100% your SO’s fault plus she’s saving funds by not paying the market rate for the rent. She should have enough money left over and should have jumped to do the right thing first since SHE was the one responsible.
This could have been avoided if she didn’t act like a badly behaved child after the multiple times you warned her. You and LL are more than gracious but your landlady should rightfully be looking to kick you both out (since you come as a package) because your SO is damaging her property when she’s undercharging you both.
I’m actually appalled at how entitled your SO is at treating you like a doormat for her mistakes and throwing manipulative guilt trips. My extra advice is I would strongly reconsider this relationship OP, her ‘qualities’ as a good and honest person are severely lacking.” Upper-File462
7. AITJ For Prioritizing My Budget Over Halloween Decorations And Candy?
“I (28/f) own my house and my partner (29/m) moved in in January. We had a ton of early financial arguments and agreed that we would keep to a household budget. Also, he agreed to pay down his credit card debt. I have more flexibility in my personal spending than he does.
Early after he moved in, my partner told me that as a kid he always wanted to live in one of the houses that were totally decorated for trick or treat and handed out full-size candy.
Here’s where I messed up. I took this as a comment and not a plan.
When the end of September came, we went to the Halloween store, and he was under the impression we had savings for this. I didn’t know. We go over the monthly budget together, and it was never listed. When he found out that there were no Halloween savings, we had an argument.
Afterward, I talked to friends who all said he had talked about trick or treat extensively and how much it meant. I chalked this one up to a misunderstanding on my part. So I came up with $500 and went to him with an apology.
He decided to buy one big piece, an animatronic clown, and some lights.
It burned through the $500, plus he put a little on his own credit card.
He wanted another big piece and was mad I wouldn’t put it on my credit card. I asked if he wanted to put up handmade decorations or spider webs but he said it would look cheap.
A few weeks later, we had a fight over candy. He was still stuck on buying full-size bars. We easily get over 250 trick-or-treaters and I said we just don’t have that much money. So we got the bulk bags of good small bars. I also had these little coloring books for allergy and diabetes kids.
Jump forward to Halloween. Early kids show up and he is letting them grab handfuls. I remind him we have a ton of trick-or-treaters coming, and he got really annoyed. I had ordered a pizza for us. So I get it and go inside for about 10 minutes.
By the time I came back out, the trick-or-treat bowls were empty. He had been dumping a third of a bowl in each kid’s bag and had given out all the coloring books to whatever kids came along.
He told me that I’d have to go run out and buy more candy on my credit card.
I said I wasn’t going to do that, and it wasn’t my fault he just handed out 20 pounds of candy. He started yelling right there in front of the kids, and I told him to come inside. He responded that he wasn’t stopping trick or treating even if there was no candy.
I told him to have fun with the clown and went inside.
He came in 15 minutes later. Then he demanded that I leave for the night so that he could clear his head. He argued it was fair because I had already eaten and it was my fault that trick or treat was ruined bc I’m cheap.
I handed the rest of the pizza to him and refused.
He left and went to a friend’s house and I guess they spent the rest of the night drinking, handing out trick-or-treat candy, and texting me about how awful and cheap I am.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Wow. NTJ. Yes, there was some miscommunication but you more than made up for it by providing $500. That should have been MORE than enough to deck the house out. And in reality, after this Halloween, you’d have known to budget more so you could add to the decor next year.
His behavior and attitude in handing out the candy were absolutely gross and ridiculous. If he was so insistent on providing full/king-size candy bars then he needed to have pulled money from his own pocket to do so. Instead, he demanded it from you as though you were an ATM.
And to tell you to leave YOUR OWN house!? Oh God no.
If I were you, I’d rethink the relationship because it sounds as though the two of you do not share the same financial mindset.” Special_Respond7372
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are a financially responsible person who can accommodate fun plans if you have notice and time to prepare and save.
Smart! Your partner is incredibly immature, impulse-driven, seems to have no grasp on how money works, and on top of that seems to have very little emotional maturity as well. This is not going to be sustainable. Cut your losses and move on. You were absolutely correct in every objection you had to this whole ordeal. If he had shown any understanding that it wouldn’t be feasible to go all out this year, but that over the next year, he could save up and plan for what he wanted, there might have been a chance.
But nope. He’s shown you who he is and that he doesn’t respect you and that he’s not mature enough to be in a relationship.” Adorable_Strength319
6. AITJ For Telling Everyone It's Not My Husband's Friend's Birthday?
“My husband has a friend Andy who can’t hold down a job and there’s always something wrong where he can’t afford his rent. Andy is always asking for a loan he doesn’t pay back.
My husband gives in and gives it to him. I’m talking thousands of dollars over the last few years my husband has ‘loaned’ him. A few months ago I told my husband next time he gives Andy funds I’m gone.
My husband was doing good until Andy shows up at our door last night and tells my husband everyone forgot his birthday.
So they go out for drinks. I do some snooping on social media and Andy’s birthday isn’t until next month and I screenshot a picture of my husband last year with him on Andy’s real birthday in front of a Christmas tree.
I go to the bar and show everyone that it’s not Andy’s birthday and the room is dead silent. Andy said he put the wrong birthday on his social media account so I show him the picture of him from last year with the date posted of his real birthday.
Andy said that was a mistake and everyone thinks the December date is right because it’s on his social media. I asked Andy to show everyone his driver’s license and he said he forgot it. I asked the bartender if Andy could legally drink without proof of age and the bartender said no. Andy refused to show his license and left. My husband said I was being a witch for no reason but I reminded him that it’s the first day of the month and Andy always comes around looking for extra funds.
We had an argument about Andy once again. My husband stayed with a friend and I’m packing up my things because he acts like I’m the jerk for coming to the bar and saying publicly what I did.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your husband WANTS to help Andy.
He may have known (how could he not have known?) Andy’s real birthday, but he felt like going out for drinks and paying for him once again.
Nothing has changed. Frankly, it sounds like you were ready to leave before this event, and this was just a good time and you’d had enough.
If your husband chooses to argue Andy’s side (again) rather than fight for you – you have your answer. Find someone else who doesn’t already have a dependent.” Straight-Singer-2912
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You have noticed that there is a leech on your husband’s back, and you are doing your best to sprinkle salt on the leech so it pops off and goes away.
It’s a little extreme going to the bar for a face-to-face confrontation, but the history of mooching, in my honest opinion, justifies it.
Interestingly enough, your husband appears to like the leech and is resisting your attempts to pry him off your husband’s wallet. I’m curious about what your husband gets out of this relationship, but there must be something.
Right now it looks like your husband may pick the leech over you. That would be difficult and painful for you of course, but in the long run, it may be a huge blessing.” 4nsChau3r
Another User Comments:
“NTJ x 1000(‘s of dollars haha)
If your husband wants to support his friend who without lying for funds would be homeless, that’s his circus and he can deal with those monkeys, but he can’t expect you to push over every single time especially when you already said the next time x happens, you’re gone.
Even if he was telling the truth about his birthday on social media being wrong, you would think his friends would know when his actual birthday was, and sure it could be funny to celebrate on the fake date, but they would still all know it wasn’t the actual date.
The whole ‘I forgot it’ really digs the nail in his coffin, all you were asking was when his birthday was not for his social security number, and if he’s out drinking without proof of ID then the bar would be shut down for not checking if their customers are actually of legal age.
I personally would not stay with a man that puts his friends’ financials over his Wife’s feelings, if he wants to support him maybe they should get married, that way your husband’s money is his and his (lack of) money is your husband’s.” dependabledepression
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Andy is a mooch, he sucks for always being a mooch and lying. Your husband sucks for putting Andy above his family and constantly handing the guy funds. You suck for the public scene. Being angry that your husband fell for Andy’s lies, and following through on your warning that if he didn’t stop giving Andy funds you’d leave is fair.
Making a public scene is cringe no matter if your anger is justified. Also, chances are most of them knew it probably wasn’t Andy’s birthday, and just didn’t care because if they were that bothered by Andy’s mooching they’d have cut ties long ago.” Tiffm09
5. AITJ For Snapping At My Biological Parents?
“I (19F) absolutely adore my adoptive mom (56F). She’s been my best friend my entire life, she adopted me when I was just a baby and loved me like I was her own.
My mom never hid the fact that I was adopted or anything, so I always knew that I had biological parents, and I never really cared for that fact.
But, of course, they reached out to me around six months ago, and they are NOTHING like my mom.
Where my mom is laid back, they are strict on my ‘siblings’ (which they had a few years after they gave me up). My mom was always the type to be a friend, whereas these two are the strict authority figures.
This was proven on Halloween when they invited me to go out with their youngest daughter (6F). When I was a kid, if I dressed as a princess, my mom would play along and carry me, saying that ‘princesses don’t need to walk, darling’. Whether I was a pirate, fairy, witch, or devil, she would always support it.
My bio parents, however? They freaked out when their daughter said she wanted to be a witch. Eventually, I convinced them to let her go as one, but the entire night they spouted about how she ‘wasn’t REALLY a witch’. Literally ruined the entire night for this 6-year-old child.
When I confronted them about it after we got back to their house (I was going to hang out with them for another hour or two) they said they never would have let me go as one either. I told them that never would’ve happened in the first place.
They said that my Mom may have been soft on me, but they weren’t going to be like that. I was fuming at this point because in my head I was like ‘you really think you can just waltz into my life and insult my mother’s parenting?’
I’m not proud of it, but I snapped at them and told them to know their place because I consider them friends at best. They were both visibly hurt by this, and I left shortly after.
I’m starting to feel like a jerk for how I said it.
AITJ for what I told them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – They created and held a belief of how this connection would go. They don’t care and/or do not have the skills to navigate getting to know you. You are an adult; an opportunity they gave up.
Yes, they waltzed in and insulted your mom; a beautiful soul that encouraged magical fun, personal expression, etc. I would not stand for it either. Perhaps it is best you are learning about their character but their comments are hard to stomach. Best to you.” DesertSong-LaLa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These people may have been biologically responsible for your being born, but that doesn’t make them your family and you’re not obligated to love them. Love and respect are earned, and you’re well within your rights to not give either to people that you don’t like, regardless of their DNA.
Also, these people are jerks for ruining their kid’s Halloween. Did they think she would try to turn herself into a witch or something? Let the kid dress up and have fun!! Seriously OP, sounds like you should be thankful that life worked out the way that it did, I think you ended up with the better mom.” jenniekns
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yea you could have said it a little better but they are the ones that are supposed to be taking the time to learn about who you are as a person and listening to you, not projecting how they feel your mother did in raising you.
They gave up that responsibility. I do believe it warrants another conversation so that everyone can discuss how they feel in a calmer manner. This doesn’t have to mean the end of the growth in your relationship with them because they all have ups and downs; Plus, it definitely seems as if your younger sister would benefit from having you in her life.” See_anomalies
4. AITJ For Not Letting My Brother Move Into My House That's Under Construction?
“In September I (F36) moved across the USA to go back home and spend time with family. My brother (m39) got out of the penitentiary (he’s been locked up on and off for over 20 years) a few weeks before I moved. He had moved in with his pen pal SO whom nobody in our family wants anything to do with.
I bought a handyman special to fix and then move into with my kids. I hadn’t even gotten to start working on it when he asked if I would turn around and sell it to him for less than what I had just paid for it.
Now he has gotten said pen pal SO pregnant. He has left her and keeps asking me to move into the house… I’m not even living in myself yet as it’s not done being fixed. I keep telling him ‘NO, I don’t even live there yet’, but he keeps asking and arguing with me when I say that…
I’m sticking to my boundaries. I’ve developed these boundaries after being with an abusive partner for over 20 years and finally being able to up and leave him. My brother also doesn’t like the other boundaries I’ve made about the way people speak to me. Don’t talk to me like I’m crap, yell or scream at me… pretty simple but he hates it.”
Another User Comments:
“…Why are you even here? Very obviously NTJ, not even a glimmer of a question around it. ‘Am I a jerk for not letting someone treat me like crap verbally, not letting him trample my boundaries, not letting him move into a house that isn’t even safe for habitation, and not letting him push me out of my future home for myself and my children?’ When you look at it that way, it seems pretty silly to even question yourself, doesn’t it?
Unfortunately, your brother has already proven himself to make bad decisions and is willing to drag you down into them, and I doubt he’s going to change now, so you may have to cut him off for your own sanity and the safety of your kids.
Also, kudos to you on getting out of a bad relationship, just don’t let your brother take that place like he’s trying to do.” Ranasp
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t owe the guy space in your home. Put your foot down and tell him I am NOT living with you.
I have kids and the house is full.
If he shows up demanding to go move in call the cops on him. He has no right to demand you give up your home or move him in and support him. Tell him indeed.com has jobs, and to apply with DHS (Department of Homeland Security) for housing.
He can figure it out. It doesn’t have to be with you.
Don’t let him in because getting him back out will be a nightmare. Tell any family and friends who give you any crap over it that you’ll gladly pass their address over to your brother so he can move in with them since they are so worried about his safety if anyone gives you any trouble for saying no.” depressivedarling
3. AITJ For Announcing My Pregnancy At My Sister's Wedding Because I Thought She Wanted Me To?
“My (25f) sister, Elsa (32f) invited me to her wedding. Then, she went on a vacation where she had no cell service. My other sister, Anna (29f), told me she had kept in contact with Elsa thru mail (I move around a lot and it’s hard to get a current address with me.)
Around 2 months ago, I found out I was pregnant. I told Anna and asked her to tell Elsa. She agreed, and later, she said Elsa wanted me to announce it at her wedding so it would be double the fun. I happily agreed.
During the reception, I stood up and announced I was pregnant.
Everyone was excited for me, but Elsa. She started weeping and called me a jerk.
I confronted Anna. She confessed that she had fought with Elsa before her vacation and she wasn’t mailing her anything. Anna wanted to ruin Elsa’s wedding and I was an unwitting accomplice.
I went to apologize to Elsa and told her the whole story. Luckily, she forgave me.
I realize that the timeline was sketchy since the letters were delivered and came back within 2 weeks. Also, I could have followed basic wedding etiquette and not announced my pregnancy at her wedding, even if she had said it was ok.
AITJ?
Edit: I did check with ‘Elsa’ to see what time I should announce it. After Elsa came back from vacation, she went into wedding planning mode and it was impossible to get ahold of her. I tried contacting her multiple times to confirm, and I wasn’t a bridesmaid, so I couldn’t see her one on one until after the wedding.”
Another User Comments:
“It’s a soft YTJ. In no universe would anyone want someone else to take attention away from them at their own wedding, so it should’ve been a major red flag, to begin with. But even if you genuinely believed that that interaction had occurred and that your sister wanted you to tell people, how (and why) on earth did you go through the entire day leading up to that point without ever once going to your sister and having the ‘when would be a good time/should we do it together/etc’ conversation so that you wouldn’t do what you did and just randomly stand up at the reception and say ‘hey, everyone, this event is about me now’?
Your other sister is definitely incredibly out of line for doing what she did and no one’s going to argue against that, but you not having enough respect and courtesy to figure that out with your sister directly at her own wedding is kinda what makes you a jerk in this situation.” ShadowCoon
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Anna, obviously for trying to ruin the wedding and using you.
But I don’t think you get a pass for being ‘naive’ in this situation, especially since you were aware of basic wedding etiquette. Even if you truly believed that Elsa wanted you to announce your pregnancy on her special day, what made you the jerk was you never checked with the bride and groom yourself.
You could’ve done the following: Still sent a text or email to Elsa because she still would’ve gotten the messages immediately after she came back from her trip. Also, it’s entirely possible that she could still have spotty cell service and still get messages or checked with the bride and groom on the day itself.
A conversation like ‘hey Elsa, it’s so kind of you to let me make this announcement. How do you think we should do it?'” VioletIsNotPurple
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and you’re lucky that Elsa forgave you. You should have announced your wedding some other time.
That day was about Elsa and her spouse, not about you and your pregnancy. You shouldn’t have stolen their spotlight. Since you didn’t get direct confirmation from her, you shouldn’t have gone through with it. You’ll get plenty of attention during and after your pregnancy.
You should have let Elsa have her time in the spotlight for one day at least. You shouldn’t even have wanted to make someone else’s day about you, so whether or not you asked her is beside the point.” ComprehensiveBand586
2. AITJ For Shouting At My Uncle?
“I (f18) was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma, which is a type of cancer, last year and I had 4 rounds of chemotherapy.
My mum would help me by driving me to and from the hospital so I could get this awful disease out of my body. When it was almost fully gone and I was having my last round of chemo I decided to have a get-together with my family.
I was really happy that it was finally gone so I decided to have a few drinks to celebrate.
By the end of the get-together, my uncle was alone with me in the room and decided to start saying ‘your mum has been through so much since you got cancer and you shouldn’t be getting wasted. Stop being stupid, you should be grateful.’ At this point, I was tipsy, not wasted at all and I felt hurt that my feelings had been invalidated because I had a couple of drinks.
I can understand why he was upset since my family was probably just afraid of losing me.
Although my mum wasn’t the one with cancer, I was. I decided to yell back at him saying ‘I was the one with cancer, not her!’ I went upstairs and didn’t go back down until they had left. No one has ever spoken about it again.
I just don’t understand how someone could say that I was being rude when I was just celebrating my cancer being gone. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s unfortunately common for adults to see kids/teens as something their parents have to deal with instead of human beings with emotions and needs all of their own.
What your uncle said/did makes sense if you only focus on what your mom went through and completely ignore that you’re a person.
As scary as it must have been for your mom, your cancer isn’t something you did to your mom, it’s something that happened to you.
Having a couple of drinks also isn’t something you did to your mom, it’s something you decided to do to celebrate. Even if you did get wasted, your cancer is irrelevant to whether or not that was inappropriate.” missplaced24
Another User Comments:
“Softly the jerk for not understanding what your mother went through.
You had cancer but your mother watched her ‘baby’ have cancer. (Although you are eighteen, and will relate to your mom in some adult ways, a part of you will always be her baby.)
I am the mother of adult children and wish I could take any of their hardships away.
And as a mom, I put on a good face while my mind goes to every nightmare scenario when my children or husband have health problems.
Your cancer was not a competition on who had it worse – you or your mom. It was a misery you both endured. While you are celebrating (and I am glad that you are and that you have reason to celebrate), I imagine your mom is still in the ‘what if it comes back’ ‘what if something else goes wrong’ stage.” Flowers1966
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That being said, there are a lot of aspects people seem to be missing here. Having cancer sucks. It absolutely does. I was miserable going through chemo and having the pain and fear that come with it. That doesn’t mean that those that love you haven’t also gone through a lot.
Ask anyone who has watched a family member be chronically or (potentially) terminally ill. It is terrifying to have your child be sick, and agonizing to watch them suffer.
You put your entire life on hold to make sure your loved one gets the best care possible, knowing this may not work.
Taking care of someone with cancer is hard work. The fact that she is a mom and it’s her responsibility doesn’t mean it isn’t difficult and certainly doesn’t mean she hasn’t gone through a lot. It is obviously not OP’s fault for having cancer, but showing a little empathy and appreciation for the people kind enough to be by your side for this painful journey doesn’t cost anything.” butterflyinflight
He's probably been saying bs things like this for OPs full life. Now he's busted. You are not the jerk. Cancer is so is your uncle.
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Split Living Expenses Down The Middle?
“I (F26) have been seeing my partner (M28) for a few years now. He owns the apartment he lives in while I’m finishing uni this semester and will start making a decent salary in January.
He has wanted me to move in for a while now, which I would be excited to do, but we have some differences in opinions that we have a hard time settling on.
He wants to split costs (his monthly mortgage down payments plus bills and groceries etc) 50/50 as we will be making around the same amount.
I don’t agree with this as it is his apartment, and by default, I will be paying down his mortgage and will be left with nothing if we break up, while he will have his house and interest from its rise in value. I proposed that I can pay 50/50 of all expenses as well as half of the interest rate, but not contribute to the mortgage payment of his loan.
This way I can put the rest of the funds into savings so when my savings are big enough we can go in on an apartment together that will be in interest for the both of us (or I can buy a share into his existing apartment).
He thinks it’s unreasonable that we wouldn’t pay the same monthly expenses when we both make the same and that I am focusing too much on what is mine and what is his. He has made small digs, hinting that I am trying to leech off of his investments by getting a cheaper place to live – which I don’t think is the case.
I find that splitting everything 50/50 disproportionately advantages him and basically results in me paying down a loan that I have no interest in. AITJ?
EDIT: I will not be having ‘free rent’, the interest rate is quite significant as well as fees related to the apartment complex plus insurance, etc. It is only the actual mortgage portion (AKA the equity part) that is a matter of dispute.
His expenses will be significantly lower if I move in than him living by himself as he is currently.
I am not currently homeless and living in a flat with three friends where I don’t mind to continue living.
It’s true that I would be paying down a landlord’s mortgage regardless but our relationship is not a landlord-tenant relationship where the goal is for the landlord to profit off of its tenants.
And this might be me that is being absolutely too stubborn – but yes, I would rather want to pay the mortgage of a landlord than have my partner actively profiting off of me. Because that would be a formal agreement with more stability, and it would be within its nature to be profitable for one party.
It doesn’t sit right with me that our living situation would be an agreement that my partner would profit off of.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
It’s tricky because you’re both correct – You would be helping pay down his mortgage, BUT paying ‘rent’ somewhere does seem fair.
It seems like as long as you are contributing an equal amount WHERE your equal share goes shouldn’t be that big a deal. Also, consider putting one or more of the utilities in YOUR name – that could be helpful for your ‘adult life’ as many things like getting a bank account or buying a car (they want to see an official document with your name and address on it).” CarrieCat62
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He needs to let go of the idea of you paying any percentage of his mortgage. He needs to decide or discuss with you what your rent payment will be. Whatever he does with the rent, he does with the rent.
If you’re paying any percentage of his mortgage you’re always going to feel like you deserve some of the equity you undeniably paid into but he’s always going to feel like allowing you to live there cancels out any equity you might be building. Neither one of you would be exactly wrong, but neither exactly right.
If you are paying him rent, that’s it. You give him money to live in the space, and he does whatever needs doing with it.” Imnotawerewolf
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here because I don’t think you’re clearly TRYING to be a jerk, but I do think you’re wrong.
In general, your argument about paying down his mortgage is the same situation as renting an apartment. You’re paying to live in a space someone else owns. You don’t gain any equity because someone else owns it and does. I don’t think that argument holds much water, but that’s my opinion.
You could make it clear that he should pay for all home maintenance and repair 100% as a standard property owner would in a rental agreement if that makes you feel better. I’d also consider asking for some sort of contract/agreement that gives you x amount of time to find other living arrangements if things between you go south for any reason.
It won’t be ideal to live there if you break up, but it’ll be better than being out on the street with no notice.
As I said before, I don’t think you’re trying to be a jerk, but you are looking at things from a selfish and illogical position.
If you’ll save money compared to renting an apartment, put away those extra funds into an account for yourself as a fund in case things go bad, or as part of the down payment for a home you two purchase together if things work out.
You could also explore adding you to the lease if it’s possible and he’s amenable to it so that your concerns are alleviated.
If this is a major sticking point (for either of you, not just you), maybe the two of you are not really ready to cohabitate and move forward more seriously, which is also ok.
Good luck OP.” NuketheCow_
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So basically you think you should get to live with him rent-free. You probably made one accurate statement – paying 50% of his monthly payment is likely far less than what you would pay if you were renting on your own.
So maybe that is what you should do. If the only way you are willing to live with your partner is if he pays your rent, then getting your own apartment now will be less messy when you break up, probably in the near future.” introspectiveliar
