People Seek Context In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Not Going Camping With My Best Friend Who Excludes My Partner?
“Helen (30F) and I (29F) have been best friends for about 8 years or so, we’ve gone through many things together and have been there for each other through many heartbreaks and breakups.
She has never really gotten along with any of my partners but we’ve made it work. She’s currently single and just ended a year-long relationship.
I’ve been seeing Leah (29F) for 4 months now, we’ve been friends for 14 years and just now started seeing each other.
I introduced her to Helen before we started seeing each other and they got along great, she has also become close to other friends in the group.
Helen started to act very weirdly after I began seeing Leah, she started to spread rumors about her, separated from our friend group, and stopped talking to me, after a couple of months I managed to talk to her and she said that she wasn’t comfortable with my relationship with Leah, she didn’t give any actual reason, just said that she felt like I got into my relationship very fast and that she liked Leah before but now feels like she doesn’t deserve me, also that it made her uncomfortable since she was newly single and she didn’t want to hang out with Leah for now, I accepted this and we agreed to try to fix the friendship.
It’s been a month and Helen just celebrated her birthday, she didn’t invite Leah. At first, I was doubtful about going or not, I even asked her and was declared a jerk for not going, the plan was to have lunch today and then go camping next weekend.
I ended up going to the lunch today, even though it caused me a bit of a discussion with Leah since she feels disrespected and doesn’t understand Helen’s position (neither do I tbh). I was very surprised to see that there were a lot of people there (around 20), mostly couples, from multiple groups of friends, Helen hadn’t even met some of the partners before today.
Helen, her twin sister, and I were the only ones without a partner there, and I ended up lying to other people when they asked me about Leah because I didn’t want to make things awkward for Helen.
Helen was changing seats all the time to be with everyone, she ended up only spending around 45 minutes with our friend group from the 4.5 hours that we were there, in the end, she decided to go partying with her sister and her friends and my friend group and I ended up going to a nearby cafe without her.
I understand that it’s Helen’s birthday and she can choose who she invites and where she goes and with whom, however I’m now uncomfortable with the whole situation since it feels extremely personal against my partner and Helen is not even spending all of her time with us.
She’s not even considering us for some of the activities so I’m not sure how Leah’s presence could ruin her day, so WIBTJ if I tell her that I’m not going camping because of how I feel?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I am not sure how anyone declared you the jerk for *not* going to the lunch as I think it’s not the right move at all and unfair on Leah. Helen is the one being jealous and manipulative and it’s up to you to draw boundaries and back Leah 100%.
If Helen was truly your friend she would want you to be happy, and there is a trend here of poor behavior with your previous partners for whatever reason (though there are some obvious guesses). I would be seriously reconsidering the friendship, and if you do decide to maintain it setting firm boundaries (such as not attending events when Leah is intentionally excluded).
I hope you make sure Leah’s feelings are validated and centered in this.” CyberHeaux
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. A real friend respects your decisions, regardless of how they feel about them and Helen has still not yet given one good reason why she doesn’t like Leah.
Regardless, by excluding Leah from Helen’s activities, she’s putting you in an awkward spot by having to choose between her and your partner. That’s not fair; real friends shouldn’t make you have to choose and prioritize one over the other.” LoudCrickets72
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Helen sounds like a hater. Or she’s homophobic. Why would it make her uncomfortable? And you’ve known Leah almost twice as long. I’ve gone through something similar recently with my best friend having strong opinions of who I’m seeing and honestly… it’s none of their business.
A real friend would just be supportive of whatever choices you make (unless you’re in a crazy abusive relationship lol). Don’t go camping, and tell her that it makes you uncomfortable with the idea of your relationship making her uncomfortable.” User
21. AITJ For Not Supporting My Sister's Decision To Use Her Partner's Cousin's DNA For IVF?
“My younger sister and I are very close and live in the same city. We have always been close and have a good relationship with our parents. She is young (26) but has been living with her older partner (34) for around 2 years this is her first relationship ever.
My parents and I do not like him much for a variety of reasons including our perception of him being very unkind, always asking her for help on absolutely everything (was fired twice), her being visibly exhausted, him talking badly about us (while reaping all types of holidays and favors) and so on.
I specify “our perception” because she keeps repeating she is very satisfied with him. As she is an adult her opinion stands of course, but so does mine.
Recently they have discovered he cannot have children-they had been trying. My sister was heartbroken for quite a few months as she has always wanted a family.
They have only been together for 2 years so I was secretly hoping this would be a deal breaker (sorry!)-also because he was against adoption.
After much persuasion by her, he agreed on adoption or IVF. He keeps insisting that the kid should still have his DNA and thereby the IVF should be from his cousin-which upon further research is not uncommon but still sounds weird.
He also mentions “safety” concerns as you never know with “other people’s” although rest assured that with his DNA there are so many medical problems in his family nonetheless.
This was a bit of a final strand type of thing because I have always been unhappy seeing her in this relationship-which IMHO makes her very unhappy (despite her asserting the contrary).
The consensus opinion among her friends and family is that the partner won’t even put up with the future kid from his cousin (as religious as he is). I’m not being pessimistic but I do picture her alone with this cousin’s kid in 5 years, asking for financial and medical support.
I have no idea how she will want to play things out with the future kid but I kind of feel sorry for the kid already. I tried to discourage her from this last idea by telling her that if she does have that poor kid with the cousin, I will not support her as the situation is just too absurd and I don’t want to be part of it (though if it comes down to it I will, but I want to try discouraging her).
She said I was being unfair and mean towards her partner as I should not care where the future kid is from. Now, I know that most of the situation should be “none of my business” but considering that she will rely on me for a lot of support with the kid (as always) I can’t help but feel this is a bit too much.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for trying to protect your sister from her own bad decisions. Instead of approaching it the way you are, you need to sit down and write out how much her childcare, diapers, etc. will cost her. Show her how much it will financially cost her for the next 5 years, assuming the child has no disabilities or illnesses, and find out if she has even close to enough money or earnings to cover those costs.
Gently explain you won’t ever babysit, you won’t change diapers, you won’t feed them. You will listen and still love her, but won’t support her and it will be her job alone to support this kid. She’s trying desperately to make this relationship work and all she’ll end up doing is becoming a single parent.” Horror-Friendship-30
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not about the cousin thing, but simply because she’s not ready for a kid. Before I had my oldest son, I was living paycheck to paycheck but I figured out our childcare and the like on my own. And realized it was able to be done financially.
I didn’t ask my mother for help beyond advice for things. Because it’s MY baby and therefore MY responsibility. If she’s trying to have a baby but is going to depend on you and parents for things—and let’s be frank she will ask for financial support— I don’t see why that’s on you.” RemoveMountain89
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. “Having a kid with the cousin” really implies a different kind of “disgusting” relationship than is the case. Cousin is a sperm donor. He could be anybody picked out of a sperm donor “catalog”. You don’t like sis’ relationship with this partner, and I suspect you wouldn’t like it any better if she did IVF with some rando sperm donor, or they adopted, or whatever.
Just be honest with her, and yourself – you won’t support anything she decides.” CatteNappe
20. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For All Our Dates After My Partner Spends Her Funds Elsewhere?
“I live with my partner and one thing I’ve started noticing is she will regularly suggest days out or dates or trips away etc and then if we plan it out, she’ll complain about actually being short of funds so she doesn’t think she can afford to go.
She’ll expect me to offer to pay for most things while we go away. A couple of times doesn’t bother me but it’s starting to become more frequent.
An example is that this week we had a nice restaurant booked to go to then my partner decided to buy some new clothes and furniture.
Once she bought that she then said she couldn’t afford the meal so I’d either have to pay or we’d have to cancel.
An example of this is next month I am getting a pay rise at work so I decided to take a month to treat myself instead of saving any funds.
I planned to take my partner out for a nice meal and we are going on a double date with my friend and his partner in a nearby city.
I have paid the hotel and travel costs and told my partner I’ll be getting our meal when we’re there so all she’ll need is funds for drinks.
She said this was fine.
Now she’s saying she thinks I’ll need to pay for the full night since she’s seeing friends next month and has other things to pay for. I told her no and her response was just that we’ll have to cancel the night then.
She’s also started mentioning the amount of funds I’m planning to spend next month and keeps asking if I’m going to get her a treat or a present etc. I point out that I am taking her for a meal and a night away and she just changes the subject.
Another example is that this week we had a nice restaurant booked to go to then my partner decided to buy some new clothes and furniture. Once she bought that she then said she couldn’t afford the meal so I’d either have to pay or we’d have to cancel.
She got angry and told me I was having a go at her for nothing and that I was wrong with what I was accusing her of. She said it was just a coincidence and that I was out of order for accusing her.
AITJ for refusing to pay for the full night and for pointing out a pattern?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell her you will not be paying for her part of trips going forward. You aren’t married so that conversation with her ends there here. You don’t get a vote on how she spends her funds. Just say no. No is a complete sentence.
Cancel or go on the trip /dinner etc with a friend who can pay their share. Oh, I’m sorry you can’t afford it, was looking forward to spending time with you there, but I guess I’ll ask XYZ if they can take your spot.
Find a woman who is financially responsible. Funds are the number one cause of divorce for a reason. How you view funds and manage them matters. If she doesn’t budget and just spends hers on clothes and shopping for crap she doesn’t need and probably can’t afford, and then expects you to subsidize her lifestyle wants like trips and expensive dinners she is instigating, without a thought, is a MAJOR red flag.
If you were my son, I’d tell you to run in the other direction.” Antelope_31
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she’s a complete user. Of course, it isn’t a ‘coincidence’. How many times does she have to manipulate you for you to see what she’s doing?
Seriously, look for another place to live & (personally) I would recommend you have second & third thoughts about thinking this mooch is the kind of partner you deserve.” cynical_old_mare
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner prioritizes anything other than having to spend money on joint plans with you.
She’s perfectly happy spending her money on plans with other people or other things. The problem is you have been enabling her by putting up with this behavior and just caving. Time to have some boundaries and stick to them. If she can’t afford the dinner, fine, you cancel it, or even better, go alone.
She can’t afford the vacation, go alone, etc. And stick to it. If you aren’t willing to do that then be prepared for your partner to flake on paying for the rest of your relationship.” Level-Tangerine-8172
19. AITJ For Naming My Daughter After My Deceased Sister-In-Law Instead Of My Grandma?
“For some background, my mom has struggled with bipolar disorder and is very narcissistic however she is a lot better than what she used to be when my older brother and I were kids. Due to this behavior, our Grandma raised us and hence my brother and I are very close to her, so when at the gender reveal party I realized I was having a baby girl, I decided I would name her after my grandma and my mother looked overjoyed because it was due to grandma that she is recovered as much as she did.
However, she is still a bit cuckoo, my older brother is in low contact with my mother after she started treating his kind wife awfully. She was even wary of Javier but I am a no-nonsense person and have never let her insult him or his family.
But here’s where things go wrong, after I gave birth I ultimately decided to name my daughter Eloriya, that is not my grandma’s name, it’s the name of my husband’s older sister who died in a car accident, it was an awful accident that left my FIL with PTSD and he is now wheelchair bound because his legs don’t work.
The reason I named her Eloriya was because when I held my baby girl and I saw her pretty little face the only thing my husband and I could notice was the uncanny similarity to his sister’s baby pictures. My daughter could pass off for her identical twin except she took after my hair colour.
Now when my mother found out, she lost all sense. She started screaming like a maniac and hurling insults at my husband and his family, mind you we were still in the hospital and she had come to visit me with my MIL and FIL because I had a risky delivery and had to stay overnight.
She started accusing my husband of brainwashing me into this tried to attack him, and accused my MIL of forcing me to name my daughter after her dead daughter.
I couldn’t take it, I was tired after pushing a mini-human out of me. I screamed at my mother that not every MIL is like her, who forces her wishes on their DILs.
Her face dropped as my husband and in-laws looked on in shock. I told her off for being an awful mother and how she could still see nothing apart from herself and what she wanted, unlike my MIL who has always treated me like the daughter she never had.
I told her if it went like this I’d go no-contact with her and then she could enjoy the mess she made and then told the nurse to escort my mother out who was now crying hysterically.
I’ll be honest with you, I didn’t think I was the jerk but the never-ending messages from my mom’s side of my family calling me an ungrateful daughter who couldn’t understand her mother was trying to protect her and asking me how dare I bring back her past and choose my MIL over her is making me think twice.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. To treat a daughter who just gave birth like this is appalling, and anyone in your family who tells you otherwise is as much of a jerk as she is. Not to mention that you can name your children whatever you want.
The one person who could have an issue with it is your grandma, but from what you said here, she’s an awesome lady and knows about your feelings for her, regardless of the kid’s name” RelevantSchool1586
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’d just had a baby and were flush with hormones and here she is ruining this incredibly special moment by attacking everyone, so of course she’s going to get mama bear.
Anyone trying to guilt trip you can go eat a rock, as they’re part of the reason she thinks she can act a certain way (besides the mental illness, of course). I’m so sorry that happened. Let it go and just bask in the beauty of your little one.” SunshineShoulders87
18. AITJ For Yelling At A Local For Letting His Dog Block The Road?
“I (37M) am on vacation with my wife (35F) in regional Australia. The town we’re staying in has a chill, coastal vibe that we love. The chill vibe seems to permeate through everything, including dog handling and road safety. We’ve encountered several incidents of people (usually boomers, sorry to generalize) just letting their dogs wander out onto local roads.
Each time the person does not seem too fussed about getting them to come back, just slowly finishing whatever they are doing and gradually wandering over to corral them back so traffic can continue. Before today’s incident, this has happened 3-4 times in the few days we’ve been here.
A particularly egregious version of this happened today, which, combined with lack of sleep and caffeine, may have caused me to react more harshly than I should have.
We were on our way to grab breakfast, traveling along a local suburban road. About 50m ahead of us I could see a beagle sitting smack-bang in the middle of the road.
His owner, an older gentleman, was rummaging through the back seat of his car which was parked on the side of the road. Both us and a car coming from the opposite direction had to stop. We probably could have tried to dart around the dog but I didn’t want to risk it in case it moved suddenly.
The other car beeped its horn, at which point the guy half-heartedly started coaxing the dog over. The dog then came and sat in our lane, so I beeped again. The guy didn’t seem to be trying at all. Eventually, he started shuffling over and led the dog off the road.
I gradually moved up until he was parallel to my car and I stopped and opened the passenger window.
I’m not usually a confrontational person but I had had it by this point. I leaned over and said something to the effect of: “Your dog is going to get flattened. Keep it off the road you silly old jerk” and then drove off.
My wife seemed a bit shocked afterward (she is a very gentle-natured person). She agreed that he was an idiot but still thought I overreacted. I apologized to her, of course.
To be clear I wasn’t really angry about the inconvenience of being made to wait.
We’re on holiday, so I’m in no hurry. It’s more about his reckless lack of regard for his dog’s safety.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. He obviously for potentially putting both his dog and road users in danger, and for not caring that he was causing a massive inconvenience to the public. However, your response was completely out of proportion.
No one was hurt, and it’s completely unacceptable to start hurling insults at people out of nowhere. It’s also pretty entitled of you to vacation somewhere and start abusing the locals for something that’s normalized. ” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ…because as you said, this seems to be the norm for where you were vacationing.
It was not just the elderly man who let their dog wander, but many of those who live in the area. Do I agree with it? No. But you just became one of “those” tourists. And the last part you said? So uncalled for. Have you ever asked anyone why they let their dogs roam about?
Is this the norm for them?” Worth-Season3645
17. AITJ For Telling My Mom She's Wrong For Micromanaging My Sister's Life?
“My (34F) mom (70F), has been micromanaging my sister’s (38F) life for as long as I can remember. My sister is a failure to launch and has relied heavily on my parents financially until she got her RN job 2 years ago.
My parents bought her a house, paid her mortgage for over a decade, and provided a lot of free childcare to my nephew. They pay for her phone, car, insurance, everything. Even supporting her husband financially when they were still married. My mom thinks that since she does all of this, she is “entitled” to tell my sister how to live her life, who to see romantically, and what job she should get.
My sister now has a new partner and my mom despises him. Every time they get together I hear about the drama. My mom would say nasty things to her partner, the most recent being “You are the laziest person I know” because he wasn’t outside with them working on my sister’s lawn.
My sister claims he was inside taking care of her son and watching their cat who had just had surgery the day before. However, my sister never backs him up when my mom confronts her about him. We are both the product of a narcissistic father, which has resulted in my sister being a serial people-pleaser incapable of setting boundaries.
My mom is visiting me from out of town and spent the first three days complaining about my sister’s partner. She asked me for my insight and I laid it out for her. I told her she was in the wrong to be berating him and that it was affecting my sister negatively that the two of them couldn’t get along.
I tried to be as kind as possible, but started to get flustered and frustrated that she wasn’t willing to self-reflect and I started mentioning a lot of examples where she was in the wrong and that the guy deserves an apology. My mom’s response was “So are you telling me that I’m just the worst person in the world?”
Am I the jerk for telling her? I feel terrible about laying it out for her, even apologized in the morning and mentioned that I was also hurt that she assumed I thought she was some horrible person when I pointed out some areas of opportunity.
I never received any apology or consideration of my feelings.”
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like your mother has some of the same issues as your father did. She has stunted your sister’s emotional capacities and she is mad as all heck that the new partner is taking away her emotional puppet. You and your sister can both benefit from a lot of therapy to start to undo your mother’s effect on your life.
She emotionally manipulated you and twisted this all around where you felt bad. It’s the same thing she does to your sister. Both of you have been unfairly treated by your mother. Learning how to function without having to be her emotional regulation will be so freeing for you two sisters to learn.
Please seek out therapy and get the help you both need. Life can be better than this. She doesn’t have to control and manipulate you two anymore. ” Rohini_rambles
16. AITJ For Arguing With My Mom About Throwing Away My Leftovers On Her Birthday?
“I (20F) am back at my parents’ home for summer break, as I am doing an internship in a couple weeks near the area here.
My mom (45F) works from home.
A couple of friends also traveled here with me to visit, we all arrived on Sunday and they are leaving this morning (Thursday) to go back to the city our college is in. On Monday we tried out this nice Korean restaurant, where I got to try tteokbokki for the first time.
It was amazing, I could only have a couple of bites though as I wasn’t too hungry to start with and it was super filling so of course I packed the rest for leftovers.
I figured my family would also want to try it as we all love spicy Asian food, so they had like one bite each when I got back and I put the rest in the fridge for later.
The next day I spent pretty much the entire day out with my friends, so I didn’t check the fridge at all. And then the following day I also spent the whole time, but I did check the fridge and was surprised to see my food wasn’t there.
I didn’t think much of it because I only glanced over the fridge quickly. I came back home late last night because we were at a concert, so I didn’t want to wake my parents but I noticed the leftovers were gone for real as I was trying to get something to eat, so I had to settle for sad ramen instead.
Then today my friends left this morning and so I am finally all alone in my house, so I remembered to ask my mom about my food and she said my dad (49M) told her to throw it out and she did.
I immediately got angry and upset, but I tried not to because today was her birthday, but we still got into an argument.
Her points were that I can’t keep takeout leftovers in the fridge for more than 2 days because they’ll go bad, which I think is absolute nonsense. After all, I’ve been living off week-old leftovers in college. And then she said that I didn’t even like it and only brought the food for them to try, and I explained I did like it.
I was just not hungry at the moment but still wanted y’all to try some.
She also called it unhealthy even though she was talking about having Wendy’s earlier, and besides my leftovers had fish and so many vegetables in it. She even said my ramen was healthier too.
I think I may be irrationally more upset than I need to be and maybe the jerk because a) I could’ve asked days ago but today is her birthday and I’m only picking a fight with her now, and b) my emotions are wonky because all my friends are staying over in my college city over the summer and I’m the only one in my parents house the entire so like I’m just more resentful than I need to be maybe.
Right now I’m just already tired of having to be here the whole summer. And I just mainly wanted an apology or even admittance that she made a mistake throwing my food away without even telling let alone asking me until I found out after the fact.
But also it’s her birthday and now that I’ve ranted so much I feel bad about making a big deal out of it so maybe I should apologize first? I don’t know, AITJ/what should I do next?”
Another User Comments:
“Let’s hit the highlights, shall we?
Yes, YTJ 100%. She threw out your food, so what? It’s her fridge – she could have tossed it on day one and you have no right to say boo about it. Just because you keep week-old food to roll the dice with doesn’t mean she has to.
Stack that on it being her BIRTHDAY?!? You just come off bad. The only redemption here is that by the end you realize YTJ.” FaithlessnessOpen328
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. Yes, it was rude of her to throw out your leftovers. However, there was no reason to escalate this like you did, especially on her birthday.
This was an incredibly minor offense, and while 2 days isn’t super old for leftovers, it’s still her kitchen and if she thought it was old, she thought it was old. I’m not saying you have no reason to be upset; I’m just saying that this could’ve been handled more politely and maturely.” Far_Quantity_6133
Another User Comments:
“I’m going soft YTJ because it didn’t need to be an argument. However, I’m going to cut you some slack because, with your clarification and the understanding that we don’t know your relationship with your parents (other than what you’ve shared), there’s more to this story.
I want to call you immature but at 20, living at home with my parents with my friends all back in our college town, I’d be feeling the same as you. I also had more hang-ups about food when I was that age, too. My roommate threw out my leftovers in a similar situation once because she deemed it to be too long to be in the fridge (3 days), which upset me, but she explained her reasoning and I said I understood but please don’t throw my food out.
If things were rotting in the fridge for weeks that’s a different story but that’s not what’s happening here. I get that you’re young and your money is precious and the food your buy with your money shouldn’t be tossed aside but just tell your parents you’re bummed they tossed your food and to please check next time.
That’s all this needed to be.” Dull_Double1531
U need to apologise to mum and thank your lucky stars that u haven’t gotten really poorly eating week old leftovers by now Jesus I know college students need to watch their money but week old leftovers.unless you freeze them straight away just NO
15. AITJ For Leaving My Partner's House During A Panic Attack Without Waking Him Up?
“Me (32F) and my partner (36M) do not live together. He lives roughly 30-45 minutes away across town. We often rotate between staying at his place and staying at my place. We have been doing this in the 10+ months we’ve been seeing each other.
I have been struggling with major anxiety lately due to my job and personal health. I’ve been taking regular anxiety medication and attempting more holistic approaches. My partner is aware of this but due to his autism, is not the best at providing support.
Around midnight one night I woke up in a full-blown panic attack; sweating, shaking, nauseated, chest pain, fast heartbeat, plus shortness of breath. I tried calming myself down but was not able to. I honestly thought I was dying. Unfortunately, I did not bring my lorazepam to his house, as I hadn’t used it yet.
I tried waking him up to help me but by 1 am I realized that the only thing I needed was to go take my other medication.
I texted his phone, kissed him, and snuck out around 1:10 am. I got home around 1:30 due to no traffic and texted him that I made it and was sorry.
The next day at 7 am I received 20 angry texts from him. He was upset that I had left and didn’t wake him up. He was also upset I left his front door unlocked, even though I didn’t have a key. I tried explaining that I felt very unwell and needed my emergency medication.
However, he was upset I didn’t get him up as he could have gone and got it. After I explaining I tried my hardest and thought it was best to leave, he said that I put him at risk and made him anxious in the morning.
We haven’t talked in a few days because of this fight/argument.
My friends were divided on whether I should have stayed or if it was right for me to go home. Two of my friends are siding with him, basically saying I should always keep my emergency medicine on me and that I placed him in a vulnerable spot by leaving.
However, I disagree as I did everything I could to stay but was only getting worse.
Am I the jerk for leaving my partner in the middle of the night without telling him due to a panic attack?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Why should his comfort level be more important than yours?
This should be a wake-up call because instead of being relieved that you made it home safe and were able to find the relief you needed, he piled on the guilt by sending angry texts and scolding you about the way you left. This is a red flag, and maybe it’s a good thing you found out sooner rather than later, especially after he doubled down by not speaking to you for a few days, even though you apologized and explained yourself.
You are not the jerk for taking care of yourself when you needed to – and if he thinks you are, then you’re better off without him.” charmabound
Another User Comments:
“Why on earth would you be the jerk? Maybe a little unprepared, but NTJ.
You said you tried to wake him and he didn’t wake up. So what, you were supposed to go into a full-blown panic attack while he slept through it all? It’s ridiculous. You did what you needed to do to help yourself get through it.
You also informed him along the way, that you’re NTJ. Take precautions and always be prepared especially considering this has happened once already” Sofreakingtiredmm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Surviving an anxiety/panic attack is not easy. It can make you claustrophobic. Everything is 10 times as intense.
You did what you needed to do! You tried waking him. You texted him, informing him what was happening. Question: did he even once ask how you were feeling or if you were okay? I would be worried sick if my partner disappeared in the morning and saw texts stating mental distress, rather than angry cuz they didn’t wake me up.” TurbulentPrinter
14. AITJ For Snapping At My Mom Over My Baby's Feeding And Sleeping Habits?
“In my family women are very stubborn, my mom and my grandma always have to be right and love to say ‘I told you so’, if they are wrong they’ll get very angry and stop speaking to everyone for a couple of hours or days depending on how wrong they were, according to my husband, I’m stubborn but not to that level, I know when to stop.
I gave birth to my daughter almost four months ago, and my grandma came to help me during the first 40 days, we had A LOT of trouble with each other, because she said that my baby was ALWAYS hungry, even if she just finished eating, for my grandma if she cried it was hunger, it got to a point where I cried because she wouldn’t stop, and I was sore.
When that happened my mom talked to her and made her stop, things got better, but a couple of weeks ago my daughter found her hands and loves to suck the side of her hand, ever since that day my mother insists she is hungry, even if she just fed, it’s like it’s all starting again.
Last week, we began teaching her to sleep on her own, which means not on me, but beside me, it has been a process but we’re getting to the point where she understands that she has to sleep, she now cries for a couple of minutes, 5 tops, and sleeps on her own sucking her hand.
Today my mother was visiting and when it was my baby’s time to nap, I did the routine, and when she was falling asleep my mother woke her and handed her to me saying she was hungry because she was sucking her hand, which led to a massive screaming session (because no one wants to be woken up suddenly).
So I snapped at her telling her to stop saying that, she just ate, and now she’ll have trouble falling asleep again (which happened, the only way I could calm her was by letting her fall asleep in my arms).
Now my mom is angry with me, but I’m angry with her as well because this is not the only time she is disrespecting the way I try to teach my baby.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mum raised you the way she saw fit. Your grandma raised her the way she saw fit. As my partner just put it, your daughter came out of YOUR body, not theirs. You have the right to push them away if you need to.
You are doing a great job, and do not need them undermining you every 10 seconds.” Tufty_Ilam
Another User Comments:
“You need to have a moment of reckoning. Very very firmly tell both your mother and your grandmother that you are an adult and YOU are your baby’s mother.
They need to take a step back, sit down, and shut up with their opinions on child raising unless you ask for advice. Sadly this is often necessary either when someone becomes an adult and the parents can’t let go of treating the person like a child or when the first child is born and the baby’s grandparent over steps.
Don’t feel bad about it. Also set some boundaries if they don’t listen the first time, like they will not be allowed over to visit if they keep criticizing how you parent.” myssi24
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Own Birthday Party Organized By My Controlling Stepdad?
“My mom a year ago recently re-married to my stepdad. He has been nothing but a controlling, stubborn, and rude old man. He constantly would be on my and my mom’s back about the smallest things that go around in our house and has severe issues with things that don’t go his way (crazy to think that even at his age still acts like a child).
For example, he gets mad about us even having leftovers in the fridge but then a time when I said I didn’t want what my mother ordered he proceeded to go on a rant about how children in Africa are dying and that he would eat it in a heartbeat.
But guess what, he never did eat it. He takes my leftovers that I bought with my own money and will throw it out without even telling me. On top of that, he is a complete narcissist who ONLY talks about himself and how great he is for everything he does for us and our household.
Anyway, my birthday is coming up and I wanted it to of course mainly be about me. I would like to pick the venue, the food, and the cake. Of course, my stepdad talks to my mom (btw my mom babies him like a child and always says yes to him) and he just out of random chooses a venue and now we are going to it.
Yes I know this sounds petty but ever since day one since my stepdad joined my life. My relationship with my mother has been rocky because she always takes his side and not mine, so now I have to go to a venue that I don’t want to go to and then also put up with not even getting to buy my cake flavor because my mom said that he is better at deciding things.
This will be my official last birthday party with them because in a few months, I will be in college and it just won’t be the same.
Would I be the jerk to not go or at least pressure my stepdad and mother to rethink this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is where you learn to set boundaries. “Mom, I hope you realize that I will be deciding how I celebrate my birthday. If you want to go to [venue] with [stepdad], that’s your choice, but you will be celebrating without me.
I am not interested in [spending time with him/having him dictate my birthday celebration], and I am not going to waste my time attending an event that takes no notice whatsoever of what I, the birthday person, want. You need to decide whether you will be celebrating with me or him this year and let me know because if you are going to [venue] I will be making other plans for this year and the future.” messyposting
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mom and stepdad are both being unreasonable. Honestly, due to your age and the fact that you live with them, I’d let them take you out EARLY. Then go do what you wanted to do with other friends (and family if you want to rile them up a bit.
Use the excuse that stepdad and you had different desires so you just kept the events separate). Once you get out of the house, hopefully, you won’t have to deal with this anymore. Unfortunately, you can’t ‘save’ your mom from step dad but maybe one day she’ll wake up and want to make decisions for herself again.” EJ_1004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your mum might find it fun and kinky to let this jerk decide her life for her but you didn’t consent to that bs. Make it clear to her that her spineless behavior has made you lose practically all respect for her, that you’re heartbroken your mother lets herself get demeaned by some controlling jerk.
Plan to get out asap, have all your documents somewhere safe because your stepdad is going to hate losing control of you.” I_wanna_be_anemone
12. AITJ For Not Wanting My Twin Brother To Invite My Ex Over?
“I (22M) and my twin brother (also 22M) share a house alone. Before that, we used to share an apartment with my ex-partner (now 23M).
My ex-partner and I broke up a good period before moving out of that apartment and during this phase, he became close with my brother since I never really wanted to be around him anymore and they both had no one else to hang out with.
They would usually smoke up and watch a sitcom or something.
I have tried making it as clear as possible to my brother how I don’t necessarily hate my ex-partner, but I simply do not like his presence anymore after what he did to me.
Ever since moving back to this house, my brother has been very alone. He refuses to make any new friends even though I keep encouraging him to. He just spends his days at home with me when I’m available or alone when I’m out with my current partner.
Today, I told my brother that I was gonna be taking him out to have fun (canceled plans with my partner to do this) and he said yes. A few hours later, he says that my ex is gonna be coming over tonight to smoke and watch TV and that he isn’t going out with me anymore.
I kept explaining about how I didn’t want this person’s presence in my space and how I’d be okay with it as long as it was happening away from me. He kept refusing to cancel on my ex while using the fact that I invite my partner over sometimes even though he hates him as a defense.
I tried my best to explain how the person he was inviting over was MY ex and how he wouldn’t even be friends with him if it weren’t for me while he has absolutely no history and therefore no say in whether I bring my partner over to sit in my room.
He refuses to accept the fact that I’m allowed to not want my ex’s presence in my house and keeps insisting that if I’m allowed to bring someone he dislikes (my current partner) over, then he’s allowed to bring someone I dislike over (my ex).
So we got into this huge fight which ended up with me telling him that I don’t want him to be my brother anymore as long has he disrespects my feelings and rights. AITJ for that?”
Another User Comments:
“You both have the right to have friends/partners over but you both also have the right to be comfortable in your own home.
Maybe it would be better if you both find different roomies to live with and not live together anymore. It would probably be better for both of you.” Fearless_Ad1685
Another User Comments:
“Both you and your brother are jerks in this scenario. You bring over your partner who he doesn’t seem to like, and he brings over your ex who you don’t like.
At this point, it’s no one respecting boundaries, so if you want to have the relationship with your twin stay cool, then I would look into having him move in with your ex and you move in with your partner. It’s better for everyone it seems.” iispockii
Another User Comments:
“ESH. What in the world is “I don’t want him to be my brother anymore”? If you’re going to pretend to be an adult, then tell him you’re moving out but acting like he’s a toy you can put away makes no sense.
Your brother sucks for disrespecting you but he’s also a co-resident and allowed to be friends with whomever he wants. You’re acting supremely childish.” giantbrownguy
11. AITJ For Choosing A Different Country To Live In And Not Being Able To Support My Mom?
“I (35f) have a wife (32f) and a daughter (15f).
I’m autistic with low support needs, and have an IT job. I’m the main provider for my daughter, with very little support from her father. I have some health issues and regular burnout when I can’t do even basic chores for myself.
My parents have a lot of health issues; dad has an autoimmune disease, and mom takes care of him despite her health state.
She never had much support from our other relatives, dealing with raising me and my brother taking care of our father, and also providing for us all. She was always extremely worried that I wouldn’t be able to live well on my own and hoped that my future husband would take care of me.
So she let me move out only after I got married the first time with my now ex (he is my daughter’s father). She was helping me a lot through that first marriage with child care and sometimes financially until I was able to find a job.
But she was always controlling and judgmental. I don’t blame her—life was and still is very tough for her and she is doing her best—but as soon as I was able to I tried to do everything on my own without relying on her generosity.
She loves me and my brother (38m) very much and always says that we are her sense of life. I used to live close to her, and my daughter was spending a lot of time with her, while my brother lived and worked abroad already at that point.
Then two years ago, the war situation escalated, and I decided to flee the country. Mom suggested I move to the same country where my brother lived, but I wasn’t close with him and didn’t like that country, so I chose a different one.
My parents decided to move somewhere safer too, and I suggested she go to my brother’s—he had been living there for a while, had a better financial situation, no kids, plus support for refugees was much better there, which was critical for my parents.
She also had friends there, so she moved there. Somehow, she ended up in an area far from any of them. Now she feels lonely and too tired to take care of my father on her own.
My daughter wishes we lived near Grandma again.
My wife supports me in my decision to stay here. I wouldn’t be able to support my mom even living closer—I often cannot handle the load I already have. And she decided to stay in that town far from her friends and her son.
She felt hurt by their lack of support and decided she would be better on her own, relying on the local volunteers who brought my parents there.
So, AITJ I decided to choose a different country to live in and so I am not there to support her when she needs it?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – You both played the hands you were dealt to the best of your abilities. You are in a safe place, but it is not the perfect place. And you cannot be as close as you were. It stinks.
War stinks. It’s a horrible thing. And I curse the name of the people who view it as a useful tool. Try to video call her at least once a week.” Ash_an_bun
10. AITJ For Asking My Roommates To Prorate The Final Month's Rent?
“My roommate’s partner moved in with us about a year and a half ago.
We’re in a 2 bedroom 1 bath house so they’ve been sharing a room since she moved in. Total rent is $2300 a month. When she moved in I didn’t want to make it a big deal so we split the rent with me paying $1033 and them each paying $633 or $1266 total (bedrooms are about the same size).
I thought this was a pretty nice deal for them but I wasn’t too worried about it because it was cheaper rent than a lot of comparable options. Things have gone pretty well all things considered and there’s no tension between us, but I decided about 6 months ago I would move out so they can have the house on their own.
The lease runs through July 31st and I just signed a lease on a new place that starts July 1st. I plan to move out the first week of July and figured I would ask if they wanted to prorate the rent for the last month.
For example, I’d pay about $258 for the week I was still there in July. I thought they could do me a solid since they’ve saved a lot since she moved in and will have the house to themselves for most of the month.
When we talked about it my friend was fine with it but his partner wanted me to pay my normal rent for the whole month. She said she is worried about paying her portion of the security deposit ($1150), which she never paid originally since my friend and I covered it before she moved in.
I get that it’s tough to pay the security deposit and more rent than she’s used to in the same month; however, I just had to cover a new security deposit, moving expenses, application fees and will now have to pay 2 months rent so that they can have the house to themselves.
She has also known this was coming for about 6 months. Technically she’s right and I signed a lease through July 31st, but I consider all of us friends and am a bit disappointed that she wasn’t more willing to compromise. Double rent for one month isn’t going to break me and I’ve been saving for it, but I feel like if the roles were reversed and I was the one taking over the lease I wouldn’t ask them to pay for the month at all.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ however if they were to go the legal route with it you may find that you’ll have to pay the full rent with the lease not being up till 31st. I would pay the full rent and then never speak to them again.
It would be nice if they did this for you but they’re not going to. Could her partner maybe pay her share? My question would be how is she expecting to afford it in August also once you’ve moved out if she can’t afford it in July?
Just came back to this to add, that she also hasn’t been saving if she’s worried about those payments, or if she has she’s not been saving much. I think she’s probably been just enjoying the cheap rent and hasn’t planned anything and is now panicking that she has to pay those things” CryptographerHot8184
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for asking, it’s not unreasonable to want them to do a solid given they’ve been getting the better end of the deal on the rent the entire time you live there. Three people live there, rent should be split three ways evenly (maybe a small bump for you being in one room), not paying nearly twice what they are, and having the partner not covering her share of the security deposit.” Remarkable-Intern-41
Another User Comments:
“Kinda YTJ – you owe full rent through the end of the lease you signed and are not entitled to a full refund on the security deposit because there will always be a clawback when tenants move out. The fair thing is to pay the whole July rent and leave 20% of the SD with them.
-and yes, they need to give you at least 80% of the SD when you leave and they had 6 months to put it together. Times are tight though, so it might be reasonable to let them pay it in installments to you.” Legal-Lingonberry577
9. AITJ For Not Forgiving My Brother After He Scammed Me?
“So my oldest brother and I don’t see eye to eye at all, but I used to always try and make an effort for my parents’ sake.
Now the issue arose when he was working alongside another, let’s say, scam artist. He was looking to arrange a new deal with a client and due to the fact he was my brother, I gave him some contacts that I knew would be able to help him out.
It was fine for a couple of weeks until I received an email from one of these suppliers saying that it was my name down on the account they had set up and I was liable for the bill.
I immediately got a hold put on the account until I could get to the bottom of this, thinking it was just a mix-up or an honest mistake.
But when I brought this up with my brother and his business partner, I got given some sob story that they had been waiting for some funds to come through and it would all be sorted and not to worry, they would fix it. Now I didn’t come down in the last shower so, and since they wouldn’t do it there and then, I rang back up the supplier and kindly informed them I had nothing to do with this company and gave the details of both my brother and his business partner.
I thought this was the end of it and went on my way, only for my parents to call me and berate me saying how could I abandon the company I had set up with my brother and take most of the funds. I told my parents what happened and to say it snowballed would be an understatement.
Turns out he had signed my name on a few different contracts and was going to use me as a fall guy. It would have cost me tens of thousands if it hadn’t been caught.
Now my issue is that my mother passed recently and she knew we would never be close, she wanted us to act like brothers again and not like strangers.
Should I forgive him for her or keep him at arm’s length? Would love an outside perspective on this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You tell your brother that he is to return every single penny that he has stolen from you from scams. Otherwise, please file a police report against your brother and be prepared to take him to court.
I’m sorry OP, but at this point, your relationship with your brother has suffered irreparable damage. His actions can not only ruin your credit score but make you vulnerable to even more scammers and identity theft. Good luck and take care.” Popular_Document1399
Another User Comments:
“NTJ to keep your criminally inclined brother at a distance. What he tried to do to you once, the odds are high that he will try again when it suits his convenience. When he does something again to try to rip you off, prosecute to the fullest extent of the law possible.
Don’t hesitate. FWIW: I’ve watched something similar play out. The victimized brother didn’t walk away and didn’t prosecute his criminal brother out of not wanting to hurt his parents by sending his brother to federal prison. And the situation, the thefts, the deceptions just kept getting worse.
Save yourself.” NanaLeonie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I understand wanting to do what your mother wanted. I understand wanting it yourself. However, he is a threat to your financial and physical safety. He is using your honest reputation to hurt other people and leave them thinking you did it.
You can’t afford to throw away your future on a wish that he wasn’t who he was choosing to be. Luck saved you today. What happens next time when you don’t get a warning?” latents
8. AITJ For Calling My Husband A Bad Stay-At-Home Parent?
“I 27F have been married to my husband 30m for three years and we have two children.
This problem has been going on for over a year and I recently called my husband a lousy stay-at-home parent to his face.
We both exited the military last year and decided to move back to his home state so he could work on his familial relationships and I agreed because I liked the climate.
I got out of the military first and my options were limited to about three towns. I got a job in a town about an hour away from my husband’s family. I moved solo with our toddler to live with his family for six weeks while he was working on getting out of the military.
Being that I was living with my in-laws, I was commuting an hour daily for work and needed to find a place for us all to live when my husband joined us. He refused to consider any option aside from his hometown, so we moved into a place there.
Our toddler was in daycare while I was solo parenting and when my husband came, we agreed to continue bringing him to daycare so we wouldn’t have to worry about a waitlist when he started working. Note: we had a camera in the living room so on the days he didn’t take the toddler to daycare, I saw them watching whatever show my husband wanted to watch.
Fast forward to the end of the same year, my husband tells me he never applied to any job (October/November) and in December, I had our second child days before Christmas.
We decided to continue daycare with the toddler because I was not receiving any pay postpartum and needed to telework starting at 4 weeks postpartum.
At 8 weeks postpartum, I returned to work in person, and at 11 weeks, we started the process of buying a home. We continued to keep the toddler in daycare until we closed so he only had to worry about one kid during the moving process.
Now we are the present, my husband is the stay-at-home parent to both children and I am the full-time working parent.
We have been constantly arguing and I called him a lousy stay-at-home parent. My husband watches the kids and not much else. The laundry is rarely done and when it is, it stays in the basket all week. Dishes pile in the sink, but they are all mine.
I would give him some slack if he was doing stuff with the kids, but he doesn’t go anywhere with them and he has full capability. When the weekend comes around, I feel like I have to do all the stuff he doesn’t, which is buy the groceries, reset the house, and do all the things he doesn’t.
I also feed our baby. I feed at home when I get off work and through the night and pump at work. I’m also the only one introducing baby food and bathing our kids.
He feels like I have no right to complain because he brings in income (military disability), but this is not the majority of our income.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for insulting him. Not for being legitimately frustrated. Even if he isn’t very effective as a SAHP, arguing with him isn’t going to help. Sounds like he might have some depression or ADHD going on. Get him to a doctor to see if they can diagnose a clinical reason for his low motivation.
He could just be a bum as well. Maybe counseling too? That’s a reasonable ask. If he won’t consider any kind of help, you might want to reconsider being with him.” wall2k4
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Why did you buy a house and have another child if you were unhappy with your home life?
Unless you two get on the same page and learn how to communicate with each other respectfully and effectively you’re on a one-way street to Divorcetown.” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Hubby isn’t holding up his end of the deal. Being a stay-at-home parent involves more than just keeping the kids alive.
It’s about managing the household, staying engaged with the children, and taking care of day-to-day responsibilities. If he’s not doing that, he’s not fulfilling his role. That being said, Insulting someone rarely leads to positive change. Drop the insults and start talking. Maybe make a plan to share household responsibilities more equitably?
This isn’t about keeping score; it’s about ensuring that everyone’s needs are met and that the household runs smoothly. I get it, he might be dealing with his own set of struggles—transitioning out of the military, adjusting to civilian life, handling the stress of being a stay-at-home parent—but that doesn’t excuse neglecting responsibilities.
His contribution of military disability income, while helpful, doesn’t balance out the inequity in effort and workload at home. There are resources out there for adjusting to civilian life. Chomping at the bit to call him names before exhausting those resources isn’t doing your kids any favors.” MyCouchPulzOut_IDont
7. AITJ For Not Replacing My Father's Vase That My Son Accidentally Broke?
“When I was a teenager, my father bought a large glass vase, which he filled with wine corks. For years, it stayed on top of a small table in the living room.
My family visits him monthly for lunch. Last October, my son was running around my father’s living room and accidentally knocked the table over, which caused the vase to fall and break.
I immediately apologized and offered to buy a new vase. My husband and I also cleaned everything up. My father declined my offer to replace it. At the time, he said he understood it was an accident and was just glad my son hadn’t gotten hurt (he was two years old at the time, and there was a lot of glass on the floor).
During the next couple of months, I apologized and offered to pay for a new vase multiple times. My father continued saying it was fine.
However, earlier this year, my father started talking about how much he loved the cork vase, and how expensive it had been back when he bought it.
As the following months went by, his complaints began to escalate.
He’d make comments about the fact that my son broke the vase almost every time we came over. Occasionally, he’d also “joke” that we should plan our visits with longer notice so that he could hide his valuables from my kid.
Last week, he threw a party at his place, which we attended. A friend of his who hadn’t visited in a while noticed the vase was gone and asked about it, to which my father replied that “my little jerk” had broken it and I hadn’t replaced it.
My husband was nearby and heard it. After the party, I confronted my father, and we fought. He said that he had the right to complain about the fact that my son had damaged his property.
I told him that while he has the right to be upset, the fact that he declined my offer to buy him a new vase does not entitle him to complain about me not doing it.
He can either retract his forgiveness and work something out with me or get over the vase and stop blaming my toddler for the accident. I won’t have him calling my son names over this.
My father is still insisting I’m in the wrong here.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I wasn’t allowed to run around in others’ homes. I blame the parents and your father for complaining. Also, why wouldn’t you just buy a new vase anyway? My dog broke my dad’s glass water bottle.
It was a special bottle that cost him $100. He said don’t worry about it. Since he had it on the edge of the couch all my pup did was walk by. I found the same bottle and shipped it to his home. He was super happy although he said he didn’t need another.
When my friends come over we go to a park so the kids can run. At my grandma’s house if the kids want to play; we sit on the porch. Children should learn boundaries of where to run and not to run. He’s a toddler so he should have had some toys or taken him outside.
I can’t imagine allowing my child to run around my dad’s house, he has a lot of glass. He’s wrong for complaining, but you also should have just replaced it.” Far_Nefariousness773
Another User Comments:
“I think you should have just replaced the vase.
By *asking him if he wants you to* you were putting an emotional burden on him. The very act of asking implies not replacing it is an option for you. This was something he had valued for years and to you it was optional. That hurt him as much as it gets broken, to begin with.
But he probably doesn’t have the words to express that, he might not have any idea why it’s all so very enraging to him. He might just be feeling the emotions without digging into the *why*. But it has always been your obligation to replace the vase.
Not *offer* to replace it, or give him *money* to replace it, but go out find the absolute closest match, buy it, and bring it to him. YTJ” throwaway1975764
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I think you handled the situation appropriately and it is jerkish for your father to have repeatedly turned down your offers to replace the vase, only to continually complain about it.
He wants the opportunity to complain more than he wants the vase. Does your father have a pattern of holding a grudge or trying to guilt people though? The only thing that occurs to me is whether your father has soured on your son’s behavior for some reason, such as if your son is generally destructive, hyper to the point of causing stress or strains during visits, or otherwise isn’t being parented and managed well.
But I admit that’s a stretch because you haven’t said anything that suggests that, it’s just a potential reason that your father might be acting like this if he otherwise is not usually vindictive and grudge-holding.” owls_and_cardinals
6. AITJ For Calling My Nosy Roommate A Know-It-All And Not Confronting Her Directly?
“I’ve been having issues with this nosy roommate (36 F) of ours.
I (26 F) am currently 8 weeks pregnant and have taken leave due to a subchorionic hemorrhage found in my ultrasound. My OB suggested bed rest for 3 weeks.
When we moved in, I was on leave due to my 1st miscarriage and she would say things like, “How could you be on LOA when you just started working?”
Why would anyone from my company force me to go to work when I just had a miscarriage? She would then compare it to when she was allowed to have LOA because she already reached her six-month probation. I was flabbergasted but tried telling her that since it was for health reasons, my company was okay with that.
When I was absent from work because of my UTI, she would say things like, “In our company, this would guarantee a warning for termination,” and I would tell her our company has a different set of rules and was okay with absences so long as I have a medical certificate.
When I passed her company’s interview, She would tell me this, “I have a co-worker who is Bisaya like you, (one of the languages in the PH) and her English accent was hard. That would make it difficult for you when you started in training because of your accent, right?” And I was Like “??”
I may be Bisaya but not all of us spoke with a hard English accent like she would assume. We are all different and unique in our ways, some have a valley girl accent which I do, and some have a neutral accent. How could she say those things to me who already have customer service experience?
I stopped responding to her remarks on me. I just withdrew my application and decided to stay at my current company. I’d rather stay there than to be working with someone like her.
One time, I used her insecticide and forgot to put it back on the shelf.
When she found out I used it, she lashed out at my partner on chat.
She said, “I told you to touch your things. I don’t like people using my things,”
I understand that it was a mistake and that I shouldn’t have used it even if it was for OUR room.
Still, she could speak to me about it since I was home, but she refused to confront me even after my partner (29 M) told her to talk to me directly.
I know I am a jerk for not reaching out first but my partner said to let it aside since she did not want to confront me either.
Now imagine my shock when she suddenly sent a text to him asking when should I come back to work because I’m only on my first TRIM and my company should not allow me to be on leave.
I told my partner she shouldn’t stick up for my business.
I didn’t even ask personal questions about her life. Before this, she texted my partner asking if I lost my job because I was not going to work then my partner told her I was on leave. Now, she was saying absurd things about me and my company.
I’m fuming. She was being too much so I told my partner she was a “know-it-all mean person”. Now my partner was angry at me because he thought I was just looking for a fight with my roommate and he just wanted some peace. AM I THE JERK in this?”
Another User Comments:
“Tell her to leave your partner alone and stop using your partner to communicate with your roommate. You guys should communicate directly with one another instead of having someone mediate the conversation for you all. Also, your leave of absence is none of her business and you have every right to tell her that” Pogo_ShinyHunter
Another User Comments:
“As long as you pay rent, why does she care if you’re going to work or not? Sounds like she’s jealous because she has to go to work and you don’t. When you moved in, did she say you have to go to work just as much as her?
Because that’s what it sounds like she wants. Again, if you pay your rent, who cares what you do with your time? Some other people have said to find a new roommate, and I agree. NTJ. Sorry to hear about your medical concerns, I’m glad your company understands.
I’m a little jealous myself since I don’t want to go to work every day, but I have medical issues too so I understand. If I could, I’d stay home to heal too.” DigitalJedi850
5. AITJ For Banning My Partner's Phone From The Bathroom Due To Long Usage Times?
“Partner and I (both early 30s), have a toddler (18).
It’s been an ongoing issue of bathroom time as we only have 1 bathroom for 3 adults and a soon-to-be potty-training toddler. Partner regularly spends 45+ mins in the bathroom multiple times a day with the other 2 dancing outside the door after 30 mins…(We all have to go to the bathroom as soon as we wake up) and our roommate (late 50’s) struggles with incontinence.
No one gets any heads up my partner will be a while….now while this was annoying and have had light conversations in the past regarding it MULTIPLE TIMES we have been trying to gently talk to them without embarrassing them about it. Today was my breaking point…
Partner regularly has conversations with me through the bathroom door about stuff that could wait till I’m done and this morning I woke up before everyone so I could get a long hot shower that I haven’t been able to have in over a week with a toddler screaming every time I go think about having a shower (the separation anxiety is strong right now).
My partner bursts in saying “sorry about this babe”. I put up with a lot of grossness but I draw the line at surprise bathroom use in the same room with me and I hopped out…..
This was my breaking point because they get no less than 30 mins uninterrupted “bathroom time” when I can’t be in the bathroom for more than 2 mins without my partner talking to me through the door with stupid stuff like “you ok in there?”….I know I’m rambling because I’ve had a few drinks at this point but it came to a head of me saying “I can’t even get a 2 min shower so it’s time to leave your phone in the living room when you go to the bathroom and if you genuinely feel you need your 45+mins to use the bathroom then we need to schedule a dr appointment.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The husband is crazy and inconsiderate. Everyone gets locked in procrastination/needs some quiet time, but you can’t keep letting it happen when you’re inconveniencing someone else. His behavior and subsequently your telling him he “can’t have” his phone inside breaks down respect between you.
You can tell him his behavior is disrespectful to you two, and ask how he will avoid it in the future. The phone thing might be a reasonable suggestion if he genuinely loses track of time. It’s also good to acknowledge that he and you both need some private time, but that it can’t come at the expense of the other.
You should set a time when you can take a good long shower, and, if he wants to take his private time in the toilet, then he should figure out a way to limit it or do it when you won’t be inconvenienced. Or maybe in exchange for cutting out the extended bathroom time, you can both have a scheduled me-time to shut yourself into the bedroom or something.” KeyAlert5048
Another User Comments:
“My partner will spend 30-plus minutes in the bathroom because he’s on his phone. It drives me crazy. I wish I could make the rule of no phones in the bathroom but he’d just complain about it (and he says I’m too addicted to my phone but God forbid he doesn’t have his phone in one room of the house?) NTJ in my opinion.
No one, unless they have a medical condition, should be spending longer than 10 minutes in the bathroom (minus showers) when they live with other people. But hey, maybe karma will catch up to him and he’ll get hemorrhoids from sitting on the toilet for too long.” Lopsided-Pickle-9026
Another User Comments:
“When I read the title my first thought was that you most likely were the jerk. But… You’re NTJ. Maybe open a discussion about when you’re not up about it, and mention how it’s affecting everyone living there. Leaving his phone out of the room could be a helpful solution.
Possibly a kitchen timer in there too. Then if he zones out in there it will bring him to reality. Instead of his phone, maybe he can leave something else “stimmy” in there that he can distract himself with. (I know some people like distractions to help them relax).
A fidget toy or puzzle or something. Maybe even a bubbly hourglass thing. When it gets the bubbles have finished floating to the top, it’s time to get up.” pluvio_fille
4. AITJ For Helping My Aging Father Understand Legal Documents Amidst Family Drama?
“Long story hopefully short, I (46F) and my family are doing moderately well in life. My family is pretty dysfunctional and I have always kept my guard up. My father (77y) is getting on in age and his memory is fading. I have patience with my father and speak calmly, even if I have to repeat myself 10 times in an hour I will, after he taught me how to walk talk eat, and helped me throughout my education, so it’s the least I can do.
My mother and I don’t have the best relationship whereby I have set boundaries that have constantly been broken and now that my children are older (19&17) they too have distanced themselves and watch what they say in her presence. My brother (48) is just a lot… so my parents have decided after allying health to start the process of legal documents which has led to more disharmony and dishonesty.
My father no longer trusts my mother’s words and their relationship has become extremely toxic, due to catching her out in lies multiple times in the past 4 months. My father has asked for me to speak with the solicitor and gain the knowledge to then explain to him, which I am obliged to do.
There are 3 different lengthy documents which I even got a little confused about. Now my brother is accusing me of being sly to convince our father of his intentions which I have not.
The solicitor has even taken a recording of my father explaining the documents and his intentions, no one else was in the room apart from my father and solicitor.
My father has split everything 50/50 however mother has omitted me completely under the pretense that I’m fine financially whereas my brother is not. When I told my brother this he lost his mind and accused me of ‘acting better than him’ when I said our mother said that to the solicitor and I have her handwritten note stating the fact he accused me of writing the note myself.
Now Mother wants my father to live with us and for me to be his full-time carer and she wants nothing to do with him or and my family. I’m happy to accommodate my father however he doesn’t want to leave his home, which I understand.
So AITJ for following my father’s direction and allowing this toxic behavior back into our lives ??”
Another User Comments:
“You’re good here. Helping your dad understand legal stuff is the right thing to do, especially since he’s getting older. It’s like explaining the rules of a game before you play.
Your mom and brother might be making things messy, but you’re not taking sides. Focus on what your dad wants and offer your help, but listen if he wants to stay home. If things get too crazy, maybe talking to a therapist together could help everyone calm down and work together for your dad.
Don’t forget to take care of yourself too!” Federal_Screen_4830
3. AITJ For Being Angry At My Parents For Not Telling Me About My Dog's Death?
“So I (20 f) recently found out from my cousin that my dearest dog Betty passed away a few weeks ago.
Betty was my doll, my best friend and she was very special to me.
I remember begging on my knees for a puppy and when I got her I cried.
She was a sweet, dumb, happy lovely dog who would bark at everything that moved.
She was 15 years old.
She had tan fur, white fur on her feet, black ears a cute long wagging tail that was white on the tip.
She had such beautiful brown eyes that would shine whenever she was begging for my food and she loved belly rubs.
She would hide under the car after doing something wrong.
She would wag her tail super hard if you praised her
She was my dog.
She was mine.
And it hurts so much that she’s gone.
My cousin stays with us because of reason and I called him to check up on him as I do now and then and asked how everyone was doing and jokingly asked if he and Betty were still fighting (he doesn’t know how playful she was but she adored him) only for him to tell me that she had died a few weeks back.
He was the one who buried her
I asked what happened and he said he just found her like that in the morning and he didn’t know what happened.
I thought it was a joke at first, but now I know it’s not.
It hurt.
Here’s the thing I talk to my parents every 2 days and not once had they told me about it.
When I brought it up to them they brushed it off dismissively and said yes it was true but they would be getting another dog soon so it didn’t matter.
I was so angry when I heard that that I yelled at them and cut the call.
Something I’ve never done before.
I was scared and wanted to call back and apologize, but I didn’t because of how nonchalant they were about my Betty still makes me boil.
I haven’t picked up their calls since but I’ve been getting calls from family members demanding I apologize and that I was rude and they’re making me second guess myself.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are not accustomed to pets to sufficiently understand when you say your dog was your best friend, she truly was.
I suspect they would have let you know if a human friend of yours had passed away. Nonetheless, accustomed or not, they have disrespected your feelings and then tried to invalidate them when you were clear about them. I would suggest you can only offer an apology for yelling at them if they offer an authentic reflection about how they devalued your feelings and played down your trauma.” Artistic_Thought7309
Another User Comments:
“NTJ For your parents to brush off the relationship you had with Betty by saying they were getting another one is cruel. Love for a pet for many people is like loving a child. I know it is for me and I know my reaction in a similar situation would be a lot worse than yours.
(Think Hiroshima) Them not understanding the love and connection you had or caring to understand it is disgusting. Don’t apologize you did nothing wrong here, you have a right to feel how you do and they should be ashamed of how they treated the situation.” charmedvampgirl
Another User Comments:
“Sorry for your loss. Being upset because they didn’t tell you is one thing. However, never talking to them because of this is quite frankly silly. You don’t need to apologize, but you do need to have a grown-up conversation with them about why you felt you should have been told, and that you’re disappointed in their actions.
Without trying to do that your relationship with them will never move on. Is it possible that the dog’s death upset them quite a bit and their way of coping is to not talk about it because it’s just very hard for them? You’re judging them without bothering to learn the facts.” Appropriate_Bug_4633
2. AITJ For Not Taking Care Of My Friend's Sick Child Due To My Germaphobia And Weak Immune System?
“I, F(20) and my friend F(24) are currently not on speaking terms. I will call her Emily for the sake of this post.
Emily and I became close friends in high school 5-6 years ago, and at the age of 18, she had gotten pregnant.
I want to make it clear, I do not judge her for this, and I supported her decision to keep the baby. She went through with it and she now has a young boy who is 6 years old.
I have always been there to support her, helping her with money and emotional support, however, I always distanced myself from the kid.
Her husband, the father of the child, took responsibility and they are engaged. Which I think is great, so it’s not like she is dealing with raising a kid alone.
So back to around a week ago, she had been talking to me over the phone explaining that her kid had gotten sick with the flu. He was throwing up and having a rough time, but she had a meeting and her husband was working, so she asked me to stay home with him, as she didn’t want to find a sitter and have to pay.
I know that any normal person would take care of it for their friend, and take care of the kid, however, 3 main things caused me to refuse to help.
1: I have a strong dislike of kids, and kids don’t like me. That’s fine. The little dude and I are on good terms. He’s fine.
But I sure don’t know how to care for him properly.
2: I am a germaphobe and have been most of my life. I can’t stand germs. My friend has known this about me and has always respected this.
3: I have a weak immune system (which is what caused the germaphobia) and can get seriously knocked out when it comes to getting sick.
To the point, I rarely go out without gloves a mask, and hand sanitizer.
So I told her I couldn’t help, and she immediately got very angry at me and it exploded into a large fight. Now she won’t talk with me and I don’t know what to do.
I feel bad but I don’t think I could have handled taking care of her kid.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not your responsibility, it’s not like they had no other option (they could pay for the sitter), and you’re not suitable to care for a child who has the flu considering your medical issues.
All 3 reasons are good enough on their own, even more so combined. She shouldn’t even be asking knowing your medical issues (although dealing with a sick kid can mess up your logical thinking a bit at the moment), getting angry about it is not ok.” CartographerHot2285
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’ve been more than helpful but your helpfulness just doesn’t extend to caring for a sick child, which is fine. Personally, (not a parent but putting myself in OP’s friends’ shoes), I wouldn’t want to leave my sick child, or child period, in the care of someone who doesn’t like kids and is unsure of how to adequately care for them.
You were being responsible for refusing as you admitted you wouldn’t know how to properly care for her son.” luvfolklore
1. AITJ For Throwing My Roommate A Surprise Party She Didn't Fully Enjoy?
“My other roommates and I (20F) threw my other roommate (we’re all best friends), let’s call her Ashely (21F), a surprise 21st birthday party.
Ashley is in college for event planning, and she’s always planning things for others, so we told her to relax and we’d make plans for something. So she knew something was happening for her birthday but that’s all she knew. She seemed excited and on board with not having to plan it.
Fast forward, I invited all of our mutual friends to our house, spent probably $100 (a lot for anyone but especially a college student) on decor and drinks, and set everything up.
The party day comes and Ashley is having a great time at the party!
I was pretty inebriated and my partner isn’t feeling well, so I ask if it’s okay if I don’t join others at the bars for an after-party. She seems okay with that and I send a group of people and her off to the bar.
The next morning, Ashley doesn’t come out of her room for HOURS. So my other roommate and I bring her breakfast in bed. To our shock, she’s been crying all morning. She tells us in dramatic fashion that she would have much preferred a bar crawl instead of a party, and that there were a few key people we didn’t invite that we should’ve (I’ll admit that we did miss a few people.) She also says that once people got to the bar nobody listened to her about where she wanted to go and that nobody cared.
She shows zero appreciation for what we did for her and this conversation goes on all day. She’s lying on our living room couch crying for hours and she and I get into a big argument about how I can’t believe how unappreciative she is and she’s just feeling sorry for herself.
I feel bad she didn’t have the 21st she was hoping for, but I feel like her expectations got the best of her. Am I the jerk for not knowing exactly what she would’ve wanted for her birthday gathering?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here…crying for hours?
Over dramatic much? I am not sure what Ashley expected knowing many friends were not 21, but also sending those not 21 to bars with Ashley was a bad idea. Even though you planned the party, you could have asked Ashley for a guest list.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ During the party she didn’t seem to care that much about those who were absent… You weren’t even there at the time, maybe you should contact some of those who were there and ask them how it went. But crying for hours for that is clearly over the top for me.” Far_Dependent_8975
Another User Comments:
“YTJ so clearly something deeper happened. She’s more than allowed to be disappointed afterward, especially after keeping her cool the whole time while you were getting inebriated Not a classy move on the planner’s part btw, if you’re the host and planner you need to be able to be responsible and host rather than shift babysitter duty to the birthday girl.
She didn’t have any expectations and you still dropped the ball and made it a party about you and your underage homie, not the birthday girl. You all were prioritizing your desire to get inebriated over their friend on her birthday. That is what happened with the pre-gaming as well — sounds like on top of inviting only mutual friends, not her besties, you didn’t even ask what she wanted (a bar crawl not a house party) and just planned what you wanted to do.
But what makes YTJ is your reaction to her very valid feelings. Firs,t you diminish them by calling her dramatic and then you pick a fight cause you didn’t feel she was appreciative enough of a party she didn’t have fun at…..” sbgkhzhd
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