People Consult Us About Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Moving Out Of The Dorm?
“I (20f) recently switched dorms because of issues with my housemates. The mess in the house had become so unlivable that I had spent two weeks sleeping on my friend’s couch.
My main issue was with my next-door roommate (19f). She was by far the messiest and frequently had people over for loud parties and lots of drinking. I don’t have a problem with people drinking in college, but she often drank so much that she’d spend entire Sundays throwing up in the bathroom we shared.
As a house, we had agreed to clean up after ourselves and let each other know when we were planning on having a lot of people over. These rules worked at first, but over time things devolved, largely because of my roommate. The kitchen was too messy to use because she left dirty dishes for days on end (these were dishes we all shared, so it meant there weren’t even dishes to use).
I have a chronic illness that makes it hard for me to use the dining hall – I need to cook for myself- and without the kitchen available to me, I often couldn’t eat breakfast or lunch. By the start of the spring semester, she had stopped warning me when she was going to have people over and the noise and the mess were causing me frequent anxiety attacks.
I voiced my concerns several times and eventually said I wasn’t okay with any partying in the house anymore. I got told that this was unreasonable since we were in college and I should expect the mess and parties. So, I got Residence Life involved because living there was taking a massive toll on my mental health.
During my room change request, I mentioned my roommate’s substance use as one of the reasons I wanted to leave. To be clear, I don’t care if people use substances, I care if someone’s substance use is impacting other people.
I moved into my new dorm and things have been significantly better.
But suddenly my old housemates were giving me the cold shoulder, despite most of them being supportive of my decision to move out. I later learned that the roommate I was having issues with had been fired from her job because of my report. (She served on the college student judicial board, so there’s a pretty strict code of conduct.)
I’m worried that I threw her under the bus, but I’m not sure if I could have gotten my room changed if I hadn’t fully explained what was going on. I didn’t know she would get fired. So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Yes college is a place to experience new things and go to parties.
But it shouldn’t be a place to make living spaces toxic to the other people living there. I would ignore your former roommates, the school’s decision to fire her is on her. You can make new friends and don’t need those negative nelly’s making things worse. You did what was right for you and that’s all that matters.” TypicalAd3575
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she did it to herself.
I also find it funny that college boys are often on average grosser than girls, like as a baseline. But a lot of the times the really disgusting houses have all girls living in them.
My house in senior year was a party house. It was generally not that clean.
But we made it a point to clean the house both before and after every party and to keep up with the dishes because we all cooked at home. We had to keep up with the cleaning, we often had like 30+ people over Friday and Saturday nights and the place would have been so disgusting otherwise.
I’ve been in some nasty af houses where all girls lived and it was always gross cause they didn’t keep up with cleaning and stuff.” Grundlestiltskin_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She wasn’t respecting the house rules or you or your roommates so you needed to do what you could to leave for your own mental and physical health.
Don’t worry about your ex-roommates because chances are after college you won’t see them again, plus she could always get a different job off campus.” MisinterpretedPsycho
21. AITJ For Making Garlic Bread?
“I (27) live in a flat by myself and I woke up extremely late and feeling a bit worse for wear, so I rolled out of bed, made myself a coffee, and stuck on the oven to preheat.
As the oven preheated, I washed a dish and I opened the window because my flat is very small and I try not to get kitchen smells around my pet birds in case there’s a chemical on one of my dishes that could harm them.
I stuck the premade frozen garlic bread in the oven, waited 15 minutes, and put it on a plate.
Immediately my next-door neighbor started yelling and screaming out the window that I had used too much garlic and I was disgusting and his whole flat smelled of garlic and it was all my fault.
So here’s why I might be the jerk. As I said, my flat is pretty small, I live in a tower block and I had the kitchen window open.
Garlic is obviously a pretty pungent smelling food, so I have it set up so that most of the smell goes straight out of the window and that seems to have made his flat smelly.
I didn’t have malicious intent as I was just sick and wanted to eat something easy but it seems I’ve made his family very upset
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Tell your neighbor to grow up or buy a house. You live in a common area with MANY people. He can’t control the window open and he has no say in it. Eat your garlic bread dude and in fact, I would be eating it every night with my meals.” wigglyyak
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you get to cook what you want in your kitchen. I also use those frozen slices of garlic bread (I have zero self-control when it comes to garlic bread!) I can tell that there is garlic bread heating up, but it is not overpowering. There are a lot more pungent foods you could be cooking, enjoy your garlic bread and feel better soon.” Early_Arm_9306
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like a delicious breakfast. Yes, it is too bad your flats are so poorly constructed that by opening the window in your tiny kitchen, your neighbor gets to smell garlic bread. But garlic bread smells so good! You didn’t build the flats. And your neighbor’s nose needs adjusting.” Harmlessoldlady
20. AITJ For Ignoring My Husband's Calls?
“I work night shifts as a nurse, the hours were ideal before we had children but we’re making it work.
Our youngest is 3 and recently started nursery, we also have a 6 and 8-year-old. My partner and I do what I consider 50/50 work. He does school drop off and I do pick up, he makes breakfast so I do lunch and dinner, he does washing so I do ironing… so on.
So my day looks like basically get home from work, have a few hours rest, do some housework, clean the rabbits out and do the litter for the cats, pick the kids up, take them to their after-school activities/park, and do any work with them, cook dinner, do the night routine and then go back work.
(Point of this is to say it’s not as though once I get home I have all day to sleep, but I’m also not wanting to imply my husband doesn’t help)
I’ve told my husband, and whoever else may message me to not message me between 7:30 am-11 am, unless it’s an emergency because that’s when I’m sleeping – and when I’m awake I’m awake, I don’t usually mute my phone in case of emergency.
Well, people ignored me and kept texting me, I couldn’t fall asleep so I’ve just been exhausted! My husband will message me memes, links to music, ask me what’s for dinner or if I can iron this top for him – never anything important, I did tell him not to message me.
This particular time I got home later, I’d have even less rest – he phoned me when I got home, so I knew it’d be one of those mornings, I muted my phone without answering.
He got home all upset saying he had an emergency with the car and asked for a lift!
I told him that had he not constantly texting me, I wouldn’t have muted my phone. He’s upset with me, saying I don’t need to respond to him when he messages me but when he phones, I should know that’s important, that I’m creating drama and that people text me because while I’m sleeping their lives carry on – he’s just upset that he had to ask for a lift to work of a co-worker.
He says as I had just gotten home and he usually texts not phones I should’ve answered.
Things are tense right now because he’s expecting me to apologize, I don’t think I actually need to but clearly, we disagree. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and not even about the phone thing. There is absolutely no reason that your husband expects you to be available for his convenience 24/7.
He’s a grown adult who had car trouble. Sure, calling your spouse is usually the easiest solution to that problem, but you have to have uninterrupted time to sleep.
His automatic reaction to car trouble during your sleeping time ought to be ‘how am I going to handle this without bothering my wife?’
He obviously handled the issue and likely had multiple other options available.
Doesn’t matter if they weren’t his 1st preference for solving the problem. There is no reason he should expect you to be at his beck and call at all times and you can’t even get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep every day.
Even if you really do share the household chores 50/50, this is not an equal relationship.
Your husband thinks his comfort and convenience are a higher priority than your basic bodily needs. And he’s mad that you don’t prioritize him that way too.” Great_Clue_7064
Another User Comments:
“Why haven’t you prioritized getting more sleep? You’re a nurse for god’s sake, were you not taught that what you are doing is downright deadly?
Not to mention you are setting an extremely bad example for your children about what a healthy work-life balance is.
Why have you not taken action and gotten control of your phone? Being interrupted by texts and calls is a you-problem. Take some action, and silence notifications when you are sleeping. As mentioned numerous times in this thread, Do Not Disturb functionality has been in all major phones for years now.
You are permanently sleep deprived, you’re upset that other people text you, you’ve done nothing proactive to solve these things and you’re mad at your husband for calling you.
YTJ. You’re a nurse. Apply some of the critical thought you use at work to your personal life and fix your life.
Maybe take a nap first though, you can’t make critical decisions when sleep deprived.” isjhe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… you didn’t ignore him on purpose. I worked 3rd shift for 5 years so my children never had to go to a sitter. I was exhausted ALL the time. It was rare to ever get a full night’s rest. What is wrong with people who will not respect your no-contact hours?
Clearly, he doesn’t understand how tired you are or doesn’t care. I suggest when he is sleeping one night you bombard his phone with texts, calls, and memes. Let him see how it feels. It is going to start hurting your health if you are not allowed to get proper rest. Honestly, the big issue is him not respecting your need for rest. That screams out at me.” crazycatlady45325
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – He sucks for messaging you when you’re sleeping. But he’s also right, if he’s calling when he never calls, there’s something special going on. Learn to use the Do Not Disturb settings on your phone. Typically those will silence all notifications including calls, but if they call multiple times within x time, it’ll go through.
Both of y’all need to apologize. He needs to stop the random texts.” jyl11002
19. AITJ For Caring More About The Cats?
“My wife and I are having a dispute about our pets. We have 2 dogs and 3 cats. The dogs are larger mixed breeds and the cats are all domestic shorthairs. 2 of the cats have been inside their entire lives and the 3rd was a pregnant stray we found who has zero interest in ever going outside again (yes the other 2 cats are her kittens).
Last year, one of the dogs had to have his tail amputated/docked due to an injury and subsequent infection. He has had fecal incontinence ever since. Our vet says it will probably never get better. Every day my wife and I are cleaning up dog poop from him. He is only 2 years old and my wife is at the end of her rope and says she can’t go another decade like this.
95% of all the dog’s accidents are by the back door. He knows he is supposed to go outside, his body just is incapable of holding it and there is not much time from when he realizes he has to go to when it is coming out.
My wife wants us to put in a doggie door to cut down on the number of accidents in the house.
I vehemently opposed this idea, because there is no way we would be able to prevent the cats from going out. We couldn’t even use one of those doggie doors that the dogs wear a beeper on their collar that unlocks it, we had a feeder like that for the eldest cat and the two young ones figured out how it worked and would wait for it to unlock.
I have no doubt that they would figure out to wait for the dogs to unlock it and slip out. One of the cats has already shown a lot of interest in going outside.
My wife wants to install catproofing on our fence so the cats can’t jump or climb out of it, but we live in a suburban community surrounded by woods.
I’m worried about things getting INTO our yard more than them leaving it. A raccoon or a hawk could easily drop in whenever they wanted to. We aren’t able to put a cover/netting on any area of the backyard due to HOA fence height requirements.
I said we should just get some dog houses or clean out our shed and put a doggie door in that.
That way when we aren’t home or sleeping we can leave the dogs outside. They’ll keep each other company and are big enough to fend for themselves.
My wife hates this idea and has been getting really emotional at the suggestion. She says I’m a jerk who cares more about the cats than her or the dogs.
So, AITJ for wanting the dogs to be outside rather than the cats?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
It’s not like you are saying the dogs should live outside forever. It’s a valid suggestion to let them stay in a dog house or a doggie shed while you and your wife are out to prevent accidents.
I get where your wife is coming from too but I do think she is overreacting. I think you just need to wait it out and talk it through with her about how exactly this plan would work. I think showing her that the dogs will be fine outside (possibly by showing her cool Pinterest photos of comfortable dog houses that you plan to build) would also greatly alleviate her concerns and put the focus away from the cats to what is best for the dogs and the house.” INeedPwends
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here… having a pet with a problem like this is difficult. You say the dog goes to the door but can’t hold it until he’s outside. Put newspapers down by that door. Walk him more frequently. Take notice of when he needs to go… how long after eating, etc… and let him out a few minutes sooner.
Caring for this pet takes commitment. Banning the dogs outside is not the best solution… they are your family so treat them accordingly.” Realistic-Animator-3
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I definitely understand not wanting your cats to be going outside, besides the risks to the cats themselves they also can do a lot of damage to local bird populations.
I’m also, however, not a fan of leaving dogs outside unsupervised for extended periods, especially at night. Dogs are generally more at risk of getting hurt by raccoons than cats, as cats are more likely to run away but dogs may try to stay and start a fight, especially a bigger dog.
Honestly, if cleaning up dog poop a couple of times a day is a big barrier to keeping ALL of your pets safely inside, I’d recommend looking into rehoming your dog.
There’s no shame in admitting a pet’s care is more than you’re able to manage and make a choice that will be better for them in the long run.” CephalopodSpy
18. AITJ For Not Going On A Girls' Trip With My Family?
“So my cousin ‘Kevin’ got engaged a while back. His fiance is nice enough, I guess, but she’s not someone I ever see myself being close friends with, we’re just too different.
On Easter, my aunt had the idea of doing a girl’s trip to welcome her to the family. Meaning my aunt, Kevin’s fiancee, my mom, my other aunt, my cousin (Kevin’s sister), and me.
Aunt wants to go to a spa for the weekend, do stuff like getting mani-pedis, massages, hair done, wine tasting, and do some shopping.
Honestly, none of that sounds like something I’d enjoy and I don’t feel like wasting fun money on something that wouldn’t be fun. I just said ‘yeah maybe’ because my aunt always has these ideas but never follows through so I expected that she’d forget and move on to something else.
She called my mom yesterday and listed a couple of possible weekends and hotels we could stay at and asked if we were still interested. My mom probably can’t go because she works weekends. She didn’t really want to go either, to begin with. Aunt asked about if I’d still go (she was on speakerphone) I said, ‘Eh I don’t think so, I thought about it more and it’s not really my thing.’
She said ‘what do you mean not your thing?’ I said ‘I don’t know spas and wine tasting aren’t things I’m interested in doing, it wouldn’t be fun for me.’ She said. ‘Well you said maybe last Sunday.’ I said, ‘Yea because I didn’t want to be rude in front of everyone.’ She said ‘so it’s better to cancel when people take you at your word?’ I didn’t respond.
She said ‘you should want to get to know your new family member better, instead of just thinking about yourself and only doing things that are fun, you should want to spend time with family even if it’s something you don’t necessarily like, family is important’. I just said, ‘Sorry but I’m not going.’
She told me I have a lot of growing up to do and shouldn’t just think of myself.
AITJ for not wanting to go on a trip to do stuff that I don’t like doing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not fair to expect you to throw away your money doing something you don’t want to do.
Maybe instead of calling you selfish, she could find something that everyone enjoys and is able to do. She just wants to use the new family member as a way to have a spa weekend, so she’s the selfish one here.” panicattheoilrig
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Sounds like your aunt is trying to schedule an ‘intervention’ to force you into being an extrovert and love ‘girlie’ things that apparently don’t interest you at all.
Tell her you’re willing to be relatives with her, but she’s going to have to EARN being considered ‘family’, if it won’t burn any bridges you care about?” ComprehensiveSir3892
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are never obligated to spend money to go on a trip that you won’t even enjoy. You never even said yes, you said maybe, so it’s not like you’re ‘cancelling’ to begin with.
It sounds like she didn’t actually take you at your word, she just heard what she wanted to hear. She clearly has more growing up to do than you do.” CephalopodSpy
17. AITJ For Calling The Police On My Sister And Her Husband?
“Recently after months of trying to negotiate with my sister to pick up her stuff from our cluttered home, she begrudgingly picked up a few boxes, left several larger packed boxes, and then stole a few items of mine worth more than $900 on their way out and took it to their storage. Usually, give the benefit of the doubt.
But this wasn’t a mistake. She was mad and did this out of spite of her husband.
My sister and her husband lived in the home for years and left tons of stuff when they moved out. An agreement they made with my mother. This was before she got sick.
We lost Dad a couple of years ago too, and he loved to hang onto everything.
And anytime I would try to clean. Things found a way to get back into the house. This has made it time-consuming and difficult to declutter.
Mom has a permanent disability. A clean, tidy, and accessible home are essential for her well-being.
I have spent years decluttering. Clearing out stuff I didn’t need. Donating what I could from my stuff first. And then systematically going through the house.
The cleaning itself cost well over $4000 so far.
Back to getting my sister to pick up stuff. We were in the midst of repairing windows that badly needed to be replaced. And of course, the construction company needed room to work hence pushing a little for stuff to be picked up. To make room, I double-wrapped a number of her boxes and left them on the side of the house.
All this annoyed my sister and out of spite, she and her husband then stole from me. That happened while I was out all day. I caught her husband red-handed taking my stuff on the ring camera set up in the front of the house. Thank goodness I had the sense not to act too rashly.
Checked in with my best friend who knows the whole situation and was like that’s stealing, Give them a warning and tell them to return everything. And I sent a copy of the photo from the ring video and a warning to return everything within 24 hours.
For more than 24 hours, no response. I had no other recourse than to call the police and report the theft, which made me sick to my stomach.
The police did come to get some information. They called my sister, and she was complaining to the cop I threw her stuff away. Anyway, within a few hours stuff was returned by her husband. I had the lock changed today and bargained that down. Still have plenty of stuff to clear out. And a good deal of my sister’s stuff still lingers.
Their excuse for not taking more. They have no room in the storage and can’t afford more space. I don’t know, yet they made room to bring my stuff they stole into their storage. But at least this messy ordeal was dealt with. Anyway, mom is heartbroken and doesn’t want to take sides.
She is begging just leave their stuff. So AITJ for calling the police on my sister and husband.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
They stole from you. You had proof of that and gave them 24 hours to return it and they didn’t. Plus, they didn’t steal something worth $5, they stole hundreds of dollars of stuff. You had to get the police involved if you wanted it back.
And as a suggestion for the rest of her stuff – take the boxes with a friend and leave them at her house right before she gets home. If you have the key to her house, leave it inside the house. It’s her stuff that’s occupying your space – it’s nice of you to hold onto it but that’s not your job.” Master-Manipulation
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You seem to be the most mature one here and trying to do what’s best for your mom, and yourself. I’m glad you stood up for yourself and you aren’t going to just let them steal from you and get away from it. Also, I’d give them a period of time to come to get their stuff.
‘You need to come to get your stuff in two weeks, or I need to throw it out. We have no space for it since the house is getting redone. Find space for it. I’ll organize a time to be home for you to collect it at your convenience.’ I wouldn’t just let them in the house with your mother there alone, or without you, yourself being there, and I’d have your best friend there too as a witness to make sure they don’t steal anything else from you, or a police officer to come and make sure they’re only taking their stuff.” ghostiepenguin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to set a hard deadline with your sister. ‘If this isn’t removed by (specific date, which is a reasonable amount of time, such as a month), it will be assumed to be abandoned and put on the curb or donated.’
You may want to send a registered letter about it to make sure there’s no misunderstanding.
And absolutely don’t open boxes and don’t keep anything for yourself.” Alternative_Year_340
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Clean After My Roommates Anymore?
“I (22f) have been living with two roommates. We all have our own personal bedrooms and bathrooms, and only share the kitchen and living room that holds our dining table.
One of them doesn’t ever leave her room, she orders and cooks all her food in her bedroom (not sure why), and the other recently moved in this February and regularly uses the kitchen and common space. I as well, use the kitchen and living space just as frequently and try to keep it clean and maintained for our use.
Although I clean up, she continues to make messes and not pick up after herself. I have told her a handful of times to pick up her trash, remove her 5-day old laundry from the couches, or even wash her two-week-old dishes – but at this point, it feels like I am taking care of a child and unless I say something, it becomes MY responsibility to clean since she just doesn’t contribute at all.
I already deal with depression/anxiety and I like to keep my space clean for a healthier mindset, so seeing trash or food on the floors that can be easily picked up after you’ve finished just seems so disrespectful especially when she has witnessed my cleaning and asking her multiple times to keep our place clean.
I literally have to apologize for her mess when I have friends come over.
Well today, I had enough. She came in earlier with groceries and food, left scattered napkins and plastic on the floors, and whatever she was drinking VISIBLY got all over the table in a sticky blue sugar mess. Not wanting to clean up after her and done speaking to her, I started to leave my trash on the floor purposefully and make disgusting messes on the counter.
AITJ for not putting up with her behavior? She’s three years younger but I’m pretty sure she is grown enough to be cordial to others who live with her. She’s not busy at all btw, she takes all classes remotely and is always home. She has rotting and expired food in the fridge and her room is literally flipped upside down.
I have tried to help her by suggesting she put her dishes in the dishwasher that I use frequently, but she hasn’t made the effort and lets her dishes accumulate in the sink. Should I continue to be passive-aggressive and hope she catches on? Or clean up after her like her mother until I move out?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You shouldn’t have sunk to her level.
Pile her trash, dishes & laundry in front of her room’s door. Some roommates and I did this to another roommate who wouldn’t clean up after himself and he finally took the big hint. If she brings it up tell her you’re done with her mess and you’ll keep throwing her mess in front of her door or into her room if she continues to be a slob.
Make her deal with her mess head on & in a way she can’t ignore.” rubywayward
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Passive-aggressive is always jerkness. Your anxiety is not her problem. If you can’t live with other people, get your own place. When you have roommates you have people who live in different ways. You don’t have to change to accommodate her, nor does she have to change to accommodate you.
Sorry. Get your own place or learn to live with people who live differently from your ideal. Or – have an honest and not d*****y conversation about shared expectations of a living arrangement. This would have been helpful to have before you all started living together, by the way.
Sorry, anxiety isn’t an excuse to always get your way.” PickaPill
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, but she is definitely THE JERK. I dealt with the same thing my junior year of college, one of my roommates regularly used and never washed my pots and pans/plates along with staying up late into the night with friends (we had agreed that no one would be loud after 10 as I was a student-athlete with early practices.)
Don’t be passive-aggressive about this, she clearly doesn’t care if there’s a mess, so you making one won’t do anything. I would suggest writing up a roommate contract and having a very serious sit-down and talk with her. Talk to her about your expectations as a roommate and how this wasn’t a problem until she moved in.” kelseyxc
15. AITJ For Letting My Dog Off Leash On Our Property?
“I (27 female) have this ongoing issue. So I will start from the beginning. My parents got new neighbors last year, they moved in with their dog we’ll call him Lenny. Lenny is a Labradoodle who we can not approach and charges his fence if you are by it. Now if you’re invited in by his owners he seems fine.
Now we adopted our dog Sam (Australian Shepard) a few years ago from a family who had lost a loved one he belonged to. Sam is used to going to my parents and running around their front yard (which is not fenced in) but Sam does not leave their yard and we are always accompanying him.
He is trained to recall. What I will say is Sam hates big dogs and he can be reactive to them. So when we are in public, we always have him leashed and under control.
Back in July of 2021, Lenny and Sam were outside at the same time, but each party had their dog. They were just snapping at each other.
So we figured we would keep them apart. Then in September of 21, my husband was with Sam in the front yard when Lenny pulled away from his owner and attacked Sam in my parents’ front yard when my husband tried to protect Sam, he was bit by Lenny. It was superficial and we cleaned it but never reported the bite.
(He did go and get a tetanus shot)
The neighbor never came over and checked on our dog or my husband. Now my parents’ health has declined and the house across the street went up for sale so we bought it and moved in just this past weekend. Sam walked next to me as we were grabbing things from my parents’ house unleashed but not in anyone’s yard but mine and my parents.
We have done everything to keep our dog away from them and their property. But this past Monday, Sam got away from our dog walker and ran to my parents and sat on the front step. Our dog walker could not get him to come back so I gave them the code to my parents and Sam stayed there.
When my mom got home, she let him out with her dog and Lenny’s owner (M) came up to my mom and started to yell at her about Sam (not her unleashed dog) not being on a leash and how our dog is vicious.
My mom reminded him it was their dog who attacked my husband and Sam in her yard and said she would bring it to my attention.
But she was very upset by this altercation.
I checked our local laws that state a dog is not considered at ‘large’ as long as they are accompanied by a competent adult and are under control. This guy wants our ‘vicious’ dog on a leash in our yard. I don’t think so… It’s our yard.
He is never alone out there. I mean if you want us to leash him for the 5 steps it takes to cross the road fine the road is public property.
We do intend to fence our yard but this takes time.
AITJ for letting my dog off-leash on my own and my parents’ property?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as long as your dog is completely under control and stays in your yard (or your parents). If your dog gets loose then YWBTJ for not keeping it under control. Their dog is the aggressive one as it has already bitten your dog and husband in your parent’s yard. Next time that dog does anything report it to animal control.” Sledge313
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
All dogs should be on a leash at all times when not contained by a fence. This whole post is literally the reason why leash laws were invented. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard ‘but he always stays in my yard! He’d never hurt a fly!’ and then see the dog do exactly the opposite.
As much as you think you know your dog, there are extenuating circumstances that cannot be planned for where your dog might run or attack. All of you need to do better.” Head-Wrap7430
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think so but be very careful in neighbor disputes. I’d leash the dog anytime he’s outside due to this dog.
You want to be the person objectively ‘in the right’ if something happens. Not kidding. People are vindictive and unpredictable. And sometimes nuts and armed. Not being the jerk is sometimes not enough. NTJ.” GardenDivaESQ
Another User Comments:
“So why did the dog walker have him off the leash in the first place if the dog only listens to you and not him?
(Just curious to this point).
Everyone sucks here: There is a reason there are leash laws, until your yard is fenced your dog should please be leashed when in the yard if only to stop the real a***s from complaining. Also maybe fire that dog walker and suggest to the new one that until the dog gets to know him/her a leash would be a good idea.
Why? Because some people suck and like to start neighborhood feuds and drama which can lead to vindictive and harmful behavior (think poisoned dog treats), not saying it would go so far but it has in some places and it is the animals that pay the worst price.” Flinx98
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give My Dog Away?
“I (19f) own 4 dogs, 1 is a 12-year-old golden retriever (not relevant cuz she’s not a pet more like family – mom) and the other 3 are huskies – 2 rescues and 1 a gift. A bit of backstory of the 3 huskies, our first dog is called Draco 4yrs old – black and white husky that was very neglected. We are not even sure if Draco was his original name and we don’t know where the dog came from.
He’s very kind and lovely and gentle we say he’s mostly my dad’s dog and we adopted him in February 2020 and in that year since my parents didn’t work much, my dad had time to take him out for walks and the dog just loves my dad soooo much.
Next is Zeus – 3 years old.
He was a gift my parents gave me for my 18 birthday in September of 2020. He is a very spoiled husky and if you own a husky you know what that is like but I love him with all my heart. He does have a bit of separation anxiety and sometimes he won’t eat even food he likes (like chicken) and requires a lot of attention and walks (which I do even tho he can run all day) but the problem is that as a male spoiled husky he can be a bit difficult.
He has dislocated my shoulder, made me fall, and will scream all night, rip clothes and tablecloths, and break stuff.
We also have Heyla, Zeus’s sister. When I got my dog, a cousin of mine (who is horrible in so many ways) wanted one and my parents not really knowing him much took my cousin to the same breeder and got Zeus’s sister Heyla.
They did not care about her. She was not only neglected but mistreated by my cousin. I would always pass by their house and see Heyla and feed her. Long story short they didn’t want Heyla anymore and dumped her with us and since then she has been kind, sweet, smart… just perfect and in good shape.
Now the problem is that having 4 dogs is hard and sometimes I can’t walk all of them since Zeus requires more attention. Since we all work, my dad is never home and my mom isn’t in any condition to walk them and she also works, and I’m starting my own business right now so it’s been hard and we all feel like we neglect them by not walking them or spending time with them.
I do all the work for the dogs – feed, clean, walk, and it’s hard.
My mother found a very nice family that takes good care of dogs and has money too and is willing to take in both Draco and Heyla. I get that they can take care of them 100% but I want to at least keep Heyla.
I can walk her without a problem and we cuddle a lot. She’s perfect for me, unlike my actual dog Zeus that has dislocated my arm when we walk cuz he pulls and runs a lot. I know it’s my fault for not teaching Zeus to behave well and I did spoil him more than his sister at the start (I don’t spoil him any more than his sister) but I love them both so much and now my mom is telling me it’s Heyla or Zeus that has to leave and that I’m the jerk for not letting one of them be in a better place… am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, you can’t handle all the dogs but it’s also understandable that you are attached to the dogs. Your mom probably picked Heyla and Draco to go because an excitable Zeus isn’t as easy to re-home and the other has been with your family the longest by far. You are not the jerk for not wanting to give up your dogs, but you need to figure out something (schedule adjustment, paying a dog walker, get Zeus training) because it sounds like the current situation isn’t really sustainable.” czechtheboxes
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Simply for the fact that you know you can not provide for the animals the way they need and there are people who can and have offered. I know you are trying your best, and I respect and understand that. But the dogs need more than you can offer. They deserve what can be offered.” Sariel-Eria
Another User Comments:
“This is one of the situations where it sucks being an adult and responsible. 4 dogs are a lot for one person to take care of. Huskies also are a breed that requires good training and lots of exercise to be really happy. 4 dogs is also a lot financially – that might be part of why your mom wants to give some of them away.
Sounds like Zeus and Heyla are the ones that are most challenging to take care of too. If you don’t have time or are physically mentally emotionally and financially able to take care of the dogs in the way they need- then refusing to allow them to go to new homes is selfish. YTJ – sorry.” Snoo90169
13. AITJ For Voicing Out My Financial Concerns?
“My partner and I were recently informed of the details of his ‘best friend’s’ wedding.
Let’s call my partner, Bill, and his friend, Sam – who have been friends for 14 years. The term friends used loosely because for the last few years, because Sam has only talked to Bill when he needs something. It’s basically been a one-sided friendship between them since Bill and I started going out 5 years ago.
Sam has been going out with his fiancé for a little over a year and continuously asked Bill if he thought it was a good idea for him to be asking this girl to marry him. Bill tells Sam that it isn’t a good idea because they’ve not lived together and barely know each other.
He also reminded him they do not have stable jobs. Sam proposes anyway.
Fast forward, Sam never asked Bill to be in the wedding party, but only stuck him in a group text with information on how they would get their tuxes. We have yet to receive a save the date or wedding invitation, and it is in early July.
Recently, Sam has only been communicating with me and avoiding Bill. Which I feel is strange considering that I’m only friends with Sam by proxy of Bill. Sam has continuously asked to come to stay with us for his bachelor party and doesn’t want the rest of his wedding party involved. We agreed that he could and then he canceled the week before he was planning to come with him stating he would let us know a weekend that worked better for him.
I finally had to ask for details of the wedding including the location, date, and time. He sends me the information. Bill and I knew we would be flying because we live a few states over and had accounted to pay for our plane tickets. With this message of details, Sam mentions that we need to get our own Airbnb and that he wanted to stay with us.
He also previously stated we would need to get a rental car because no one could get us from the airport. It’s an out-of-town/’destination’ wedding for everyone attending. After discussing with Bill, we both agreed there was present confusion that we’re expected to now pay for flights, a rental car, and a place to stay for us AND HIM (??).
The total in order to attend would be over $1,600 for us.
We created a text to respond to Sam about the Airbnb situation. I stated that we felt like he was expecting a lot from us in order for Bill to be at the wedding and it didn’t seem financially feasible. I also stated twice that he should discuss this with Bill, and they both come to a consensus instead of communicating with me.
He simply responded that he would check on things that evening.
Later that night, we both received a message from Sam in a group chat. Sam (actually his fiancé) sent us a message saying (and I quote) – ‘from a friend’s point of view, I didn’t think I would be asking that much for you guys to be at my wedding.
Know you do not have to attend.’ Essentially, if you’re my friend, you should be willing to pay over a thousand dollars to be at my wedding…
So, am I the jerk for bringing up our concerns? Are we being unreasonable, and this is how weddings typically work?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and they are misconstruing everything you two say without giving a direct response.
This just sounds like a hot mess.
I wouldn’t let him stay at your place for the bachelor weekend.
The normal expectation for a wedding guest is if they choose to attend an out-of-state wedding, the guests are responsible for travel, lodging, and transportation to/from the airport and to/from the wedding events.
But not for the groom’s lodging.” Big_Bowler8424
Another User Comments:
“Sam isn’t a jerk for getting married to someone he doesn’t know well. I also don’t think he’s a jerk for being flaky/disorganized with wedding planning, although I can see how that would be annoying. It’s also not a jerk move to choose a location out of town that you have to fly to.
At a wedding, the expectation is generally that you would pay for your own flights, hotel or other lodgings, and all transportation. Even if the bride and groom live locally, they’re going to be busy with wedding preparations and it’s not reasonable to expect them to pick you up from the airport. It’s also not reasonable to expect them to house you.
The $1600 figure doesn’t seem that out of line for airfare for 2 people, a nicer hotel for a few nights, and a rental car. If the Airbnb is crazy expensive and that’s what is breaking the budget, you just need to say, ‘Sorry, we can’t do that, we’re getting a room at this hotel.
You’ll have to figure out other accommodations for yourself.’ And then let him figure his stuff out. It’s not like your only options are to cave to his demands or not go.
I was torn on the verdict since you seem really put out about some stuff that seems perfectly normal or that could just be solved by saying no, but I guess you’re NTJ with Sam being a jerk because he’s being passive-aggressive and trying to guilt you.” catsinstrollers5
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. I would say it’s pretty normal to have to pay for flights, accommodations, and transportation when going to a ‘destination’ wedding (which Sam’s is for you.)
That said, it sounds like Sam and his fiancee are super disorganized.
I’m not sure why you and Bill couldn’t be connected with other friends who are traveling to the wedding from out of town to share a rental car/ubers and an Airbnb.
I can’t imagine you are the only people your age who are coming in for the show.
And it’s definitely not normal for you to be expected to house the groom. I’m sure there are circumstances where this would be reasonable – but I don’t think you are there.
That said – IF Sam wants to go, ask around – see who else is going to the wedding and see if people want to split costs.
Negotiate – if you or Sam are willing to be the designated driver, you might be able to negotiate with other people in the group covering most of the car rental so they don’t have to worry about transportation home that night. (obviously, it means that everyone is going and coming to events at basically the same time and that’s something to think about.)” rak1882
12. AITJ For Not Locking The Bathroom Stall?
“I am a 17-year-old fry cook at a restaurant, last night I had been working from 4:00 and I hadn’t slept well the night before.
I was exhausted and my manager wasn’t letting any of the line cooks leave, our kitchen closes at 10:00 pm. It was about 10:15, I had finished everything I needed to do, swept, stocked, cleaned, everything like that, I had nothing to do and I was just waiting for my manager’s word to clock out. So I walked to the bathroom when I was walking through the diner space there were only 2 tables with people, a group of 2 and a group of 3.
I went into the bathroom and entered the stall, I didn’t lock the stall door because I was just gonna pee and there were only 5 customers so I didn’t expect anyone to need to use the stall, I got a text from my dad and so I sat down to pee and reply to his text.
Completely blanking on the fact that I didn’t lock the stall.
A minute or so later someone walks into the bathroom and immediately opens the stall door and walks in, it was a 6-8-year-old boy, he looked at me, looked down, looked back up – apologized, and walked out, standing near the sink waiting, I was terrified, I saw him look down and he saw my intimate area, not my actual ju k but above them, and as a ~7-year-old boy, I don’t know if he knew about the hair down there.
I don’t rock a bush or anything, I keep it well trimmed, but regardless there’s hair. He didn’t leave so I finished up and walked out, I apologized to him, told him ‘hey man I’m really sorry about that, that’s my fault’ and he said, ‘no-no it’s okay, I’m sorry’.
I washed my hands and walked out, I go back to the kitchen a little shaken up, and my manager asks me to grab some shrimp from the walk-in freezer, ‘Antarctica’ and when I’m walking through the diner I see the boy point to me and his dad glares, my heart sank, when I walked back through the diner I give the dad a downwards head nod, nonverbally acknowledging my mistake and expressing that I’m sorry.
I thought about it the whole night, I feel so bad, I’m probably overthinking it but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, this is just an embarrassing mistake. I think most of us, at some point in our lives, have either accidentally walked in on or been walked in on in the bathroom. But I can’t imagine going into a public bathroom and not locking the stall door, regardless of how many people I thought may or may not have been in the building.” idreaminwords
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, everyone makes mistakes from time to time, you didn’t intentionally leave the stall unlocked, it’s no one’s fault in this situation the kid didn’t mean to walk in on you, and I’m sure he wouldn’t if he knew someone was there.” dragonfyre1977
11. WIBTJ If I Secretly Go To Therapy?
“My (23f) mental health has been declining. My father gained custody of me and my 3 siblings, who will all be 18 pretty soon.
Over 15 years ago, my mother had an affair multiple times and decided to leave us. I was 8 and helping to take care of my siblings and still am. Her actions have also contributed to my mental state.
I’m afraid to bring up therapy because of my dad’s anger. He is bipolar and has depression and PTSD.
When I bring up my mental state, he dismisses it and says it isn’t that bad compared to his. I feel trapped and broken, I wanted to end it because I’m tired of the emotional and mental pain. I just want it to stop. And then I start to think about my siblings, which angers me because I still have to think of others instead of myself.
I’ve never been allowed to think of myself and it hurts. Although, I know it’s not their fault. They’re struggling just like I am.
I haven’t been diagnosed with anything but I’m certain I have almost the same things my father has, that being depression and PTSD. I’m 100% sure I have Borderline Personality Disorder as well.
I haven’t been able to get an evaluation yet, but the signs are all there. I wanted to tell him, but I don’t know what’ll happen if I do, so I’ve decided not to.
I live at home because he is getting older and needs help taking care of my siblings. Although, I’m kinda scared to move out.
My abandonment issues make it hard for me to be alone. I know he’s suffering, even with therapy, and has been since he gained custody and realized he’d be raising us on his own and it breaks my heart. But I’m a person too and I’m starting to realize I matter just as much as the next person.
To sum everything up, I want to go to therapy because of my poor mental state, but it’ll anger my dad. So I want to go without telling him, WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Sometimes, it’s best to keep things to yourself. I have a family that doesn’t really get mental health issues (even though plenty of them have it) and have looked down on me for mentioning issues I’m having and seeking help.
At some point, I stopped telling them about therapy (which they thought I ended).
They don’t care that my problems are ongoing. They just write it off. All they care about is not having someone in the family who’s seeing a therapist.
I sometimes feel guilty not telling them about my real reasons for heading out or having a zoom meeting in my room with the door locked, but I know that if I don’t keep silent, I can’t seek the help I need in peace.” Master-Manipulation
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t OWE anyone an apology for having an emotion, even if it’s a nonsense emotion. The ‘I’ve suffered worse than you,’ line is how awful people justify their awful behavior. At some point, you’re going to figure out that you don’t owe him the whole rest of your life to be punished simply because you were born.
That terrifies awful people who feel like b***d ties mean you can’t leave. What your mother did was bad, but it’s not your job to ‘fix’ your father by remaining available for him to take his issues out. If he’s just going to make therapy another reason to punish you for existing… leave him out of your therapy and maybe your life too.
Receiving abuse from another doesn’t morally cleanse you of the sin of abusing someone else, so why should he have a different expectation?” Nox_Lumen
Another User Comments:
“He’s not the only person allowed to have issues. There’s enough therapy to go around. You’d be doing yourself a disservice by not going when you know you need it.
You’re an adult and you don’t need his permission, nor do you have to tell him everything. Please take care of yourself. When you say end it, I hope you mean your dad’s irrational control over you, not what it sounded like you meant. Please get the help you need and deserve. NTJ.” Lameduck0123
10. AITJ For Being Upset At My Partner For Lying?
“My partner has a friend let’s call her Vicky. Vicky isn’t a good friend she only talks to my partner when she is having problems in her life and needs someone to dump her feelings onto. I have also been told by my partner’s mom and sister that Vicky likes to talk about my partner behind her back, so I try and look out for my partner and tell her not to hang out with her .
I tell her Vicky isn’t good for her and it’s better to have no friends than fake friends.
Despite me telling her, she still talks to them and occasionally hangs out with them and when she does, I remind her that Vicky is no good for her. On Sunday, she was at home but when he went out to eat she had told me she went with her family.
Today, her sister brought up Vicky and how the meal went with her . I instantly look at my partner and ask her what her sister is talking about she got defensive and stormed off. I went to talk to her and she said she had lied to me because she knew what I was gonna say.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You’ve tried to force your opinion about her friend down her throat and now she doesn’t feel comfortable telling you when she hangs out with said friend – can you really blame her for that reason? Stop judging her and her friends and she’ll stop lying about hanging out with her friends you don’t like
Edit: whether Vicky’s a snake or not is beside the point because gf is old enough to make a decision about the company she keeps, and who she wants to be friends with without your input.” BetterSavings6
Another User Comments:
“Real talk, YTJ.
You can care and look out for her, but a person can have the best intentions with unintended bad actions.
You’re a partner, your role is to support her and remind her. Not to police her, she’s not a child so respect her, and let her realize it for herself, especially more so if you’ve advised her.” Abstract-Minded
Another User Comments:
“Honestly you’re being a good partner, your not the jerk. Just trying to look out for your girl.
The fact that her mom and her sister know how Vicky is. You are not in the wrong, and for being upset at your partner. It’s about the trust, it would’ve been way deeper if it was like an ex. It could’ve been OK too if she mentioned the part about hanging out with Vicky because I lied she’s not lying.
But it’s the fact that she hides it away.” Competitive-Ad-2041
9. AITJ For Not Giving My Co-Worker A Goodbye Hug?
“I am a 25-year-old woman and have recently left a job of 4 years. My ex-coworker (40 y/o man) tried to hug me goodbye in the office, (there were a few people at their desks talking to us), he did it by moving towards me to hug me without asking.
I visibly shied away from it and refused the hug and made a joke (trying not to embarrass them) but this was out of instinct as I didn’t have time to react properly so tried to smooth things over by laughing about it.
I never give much physical contact in the office, the most would be a pat on the arm or something, I just don’t enjoy hugging people except my husband or people I’m close with.
Apparently (told from other ex-coworkers) I have offended them and I apologized for hurting their feelings but I still feel I shouldn’t have to pander to someone if they are upset I refused physical contact? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you are under no obligation to give ANYONE any kind of physical contact that you don’t want to.
In a workplace especially. He’s the jerk for not asking first, and if he was mad about it afterward and talking trash, he’s even more of a jerk.
You didn’t embarrass him, he was embarrassed by his own behavior. Do not pander to people like this who try to make their insecurities/embarrassment your problem.
You are not responsible for keeping the peace when someone violates your boundaries.” Blendinnotblandin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – No one gets to say how you greet them or say goodbye whether it’s a handshake, hug, or a wave. You’re a co-worker and the social norm is a handshake, not a hug. His feelings aren’t the only ones that are valid.
You weren’t comfortable with hugging him so you didn’t and tried to smooth things over. I don’t care if he hugged everyone in the office you still didn’t have to. Don’t let others make you feel bad for your physical boundaries.” TypicalAd3575
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have to hug anyone you don’t want to hug, and you don’t have to apologize.
He came to you and didn’t ask or give any warning. These days, it’s probably a better idea to always say – can I give you a hug? But he didn’t do that, and you were surprised, so you didn’t do anything wrong.” AffectionateMine2220
8. AITJ For Being Mad At An Insensitive Friend?
“My brother passed away in October in a freak accident and I am still grieving him deeply. Someone in my (27F) social circle, let’s call them Erika (30F), is known for the kind of being a jerk because of their tendency to say the ‘wrong thing at the wrong time.’ A previous example includes telling a newly engaged couple that she was surprised they were getting engaged because she thought the bride-to-be’s mom didn’t like her husband-to-be.
We’re only ever around each other because of our partners and I saw her this weekend. The first thing out of her mouth to me was, ‘what are you wearing, you look like you’re dressed for the wrong season’. Later, she asked me ‘So how many siblings do you have? Is it just you?’ I very coldly told her it was the two of us and now it is ‘just me.’ She kept asking a lot of questions about my family that I just didn’t feel were appropriate, and then she pivoted the conversation to her work.
My partner saw me shaking and texted me that he was getting us the check and a ride and that we would be out of there soon.
I decided to confront Erika outside because I thought her question was completely out of line and really upset me. I told her the question she asked me was cruel because I am still grieving.
I reminded her that she texted me condolences. She said she realized she had said something mean at the bar but didn’t want to address it and that’s why she changed the topic. I asked her why she didn’t apologize if she knew she had said something hurtful. Her defense? ‘I said the wrong thing, I don’t know what else to say to you.’
This set me off. I told her that I had previously tried to defend her when she’s stuck her foot in her mouth about other people. She asked me what I meant by that and that’s when I vaguely alluded to the story about the newly engaged couple. Except, I probably wasn’t supposed to know that story because apparently Erika was completely berated by the bride-to-be and by her partner and it was not something she wanted people to know about other than those affected. The thing is, Erika isn’t nice, so it was a story that spread amongst the extended group of friends.
(The first time I heard it I said ‘there was no way she could be THAT daft or cruel, it must have been a misunderstanding.’)
Then our ride showed up so I left. Once I was in the car and took a couple of deep breaths I sent her a text message apologizing for bringing up the engagement story as that was ‘not a situation I directly witnessed and I’m sorry for taking what was a really cheap shot.’ Even though her comment destroyed me, I didn’t think it was right of me to embarrass her further by reminding her that she messes up a lot with people.
She immediately blocked my number and me on social media
Given that she blocked me so quickly, it makes me wonder if I a) blew my chance of ever getting an apology out of her or b) I went ‘too far’ and now she’s the hurt one in the situation? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry for your loss, but I think YTJ.
From what you wrote here, the worst thing Erika did is not apologize for asking some questions that you deemed inappropriate.
Without knowing what she asked, it’s hard to say she’s a jerk. I get that she previously texted you condolences, but you mentioned that you don’t really interact with her much, so she may have not remembered how many siblings you had.” lihzee
Another User Comments:
“Sorry for your loss. NTJ, she is awful. I kind of understand why she changed the topic, that’s something I might do out of panic if I realized I messed up. However, she absolutely should have apologized when you brought it up outside. She deserved to be called out. She’s not the hurt one in the situation.
Her blocking you is completely immature. All your friends know what she is like so I can’t see her spinning the story to make you out to be the bad guy.” kelli999
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
If you know she says blunt and impolite things like this then it’s best to be prepared to address things at the moment.
‘That’s rude.’ ‘Don’t speak to me like that.’ ‘Please apologize.’
While it’s understandable you were shocked at the moment, you let your anger bring up a subject that involved other people that didn’t ask for you to involve them.
It’s not much of a loss though, she didn’t apologize and even (functional) people on the spectrum will apologize when they realize what happened. She displays callous and unsympathetic actions, so it’s best to stay out of her orbit.” Far-Side2489
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Cousin To My Birthday?
“I (13f) wanted to have a small birthday party with a friend or 2. My mom told me she would just text my friends’ mothers and tell them.
I was okay with that and she then told me instead of inviting my other friend, she was inviting this cousin I don’t like. My cousin (12f) pretty much doesn’t like me, she constantly bashes my interests and makes fun of me. All she cares about is my older sister (19f) and what she had to say.
My mother was like ‘You need to be nice to her because she’s younger.’ I just shrugged it off as usual and when she came over, she handed me a gift bag and just hung around my sister.
Later after my sister left she was like ‘So can you give me something in return?
Cause I gave you a present.’ And I responded with ‘Uh, why?’ And she’s like ‘If you don’t I’m just gonna tell your mom and dad you’re being rude to me.’ I wanted her to shut up so I gave her some stuff in a game, and after the party, I told my mom about her trying to get me into trouble.
My mom said I still need to be nice to her because she’s younger and her dad and my dad are really good friends. I didn’t like that and told her it wasn’t really fair. She just made me go to my room and I tried telling my dad and sister but they told me the same thing.
I might be the jerk because I feel like I was just being dramatic and maybe shouldn’t have gotten annoyed at her. AITJ? In short: I didn’t want my cousin at my birthday party because she’s always rude to me whenever we see each other.
ETA: I tried to talk to my sister about it because she’s usually understanding but she just sided with my mom because ‘there’s always gonna be people like your cousin but you need to learn to deal with it.
You can’t be rude to your cousin even if she’s rude to you. She’s younger than you so you need to deal with her immaturity’.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds like a bully.
I don’t know if this would help, but you could write out a letter to your mother describing examples of how your cousin bullies you and how it affects you.
You could point her to resources on the web showing how parents can support their bullied children. You could tell your parents that until your cousin changes, you will protect yourself by not interacting with her. You could also tell your mom (if this is true) that this is driving a wedge between you and her because you feel like she doesn’t have your back.
Sometimes a truthful letter has more impact than words.” jesskill
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I disagree with accusations of abuse but I do agree that you are being bullied. If the bullying continues on into gaslighting (which is skirting) then you’re entering mental/emotional abuse.
Basically, your feelings and well-being are taking a backseat to the wants of adult men (their friendship).
So now this comes down to how you think things will play out. Would it be worth it to you to spend the emotional energy explaining this to your family on a calm day and continuing to remind them of your boundaries (and accept repercussions) or would it be better to be as distant and hands-off as possible with the uninvited guest at future gatherings?
You may also want to talk with your school guidance counselor. They may help you organize your thoughts better so you create cohesive talking points – meaning make them as strong as possible and simply put.” Live_Background_6239
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP, you are being subjected to abuse. This is far from the most serious abuse one could suffer but it’s supposed to be your birthday and your mother has willingly invited someone you dislike and who is bullying you and flat out threatening you.
And now your mother is asking you to sacrifice your own well-being for her and your father’s benefit. I’ve had similar things happen to me when I was your age.
I wish I knew what to tell you to do. I’d suggest showing your mom this Reddit post you have made but I don’t know you or her, if it will help or if it will make it worse.
Only you can decide that. But you need to do something because you are being mistreated and even if it isn’t major abuse it’s still abuse!
I can say this much. One time someone tried to blackmail me in a similar way your cousin blackmailed you except what they tried to do was much worse.
They wanted to do something bad to themselves and then claim I did it. I looked them in the eye and said ‘well since you are going to do that to yourself and I am going to take the blame, I might as well do it myself and get the satisfaction out of it. Oh, and I’m going to make it much worse than what you were going to do.
I hope it will be worth it!’ And I gave a big smile. They backed down and ran off with their tail between their legs so to speak.
Don’t be a doormat, don’t be a flight of stairs, and don’t let people walk all over you. The world is not as nice as we are told and unfortunately, it’s full of people like your cousin who will try to exploit you and people like your mother who will take advantage of you.
At some point, you are going to have to stand up to people who do things like this. Our society does so much to make us victims. We are told from a young age to let people do stuff like this to us and then go get an adult, a supervisor, a police officer, or an authority figure and they will help.
But they never do. It’s all a big lie.
The only person who can ultimately stand up for you is you. Don’t let people take advantage. You are a person, a human being, you have rights and feelings and other people need to respect them. You shouldn’t have to give them up for the convenience of others.
Good luck, and I hope you feel better about this soon!” montrasaur009
6. AITJ For Not Attending My Late Grandpa's Memorial Service?
“So my grandpa passed away in December on my uncle’s birthday.
My uncle took the role of being in charge of planning everything for my grandpa. It’s been almost five months since my grandpa passed away and a couple of weeks ago my uncle finally decided on a date that he wants to do the memorial service, which is my 21st birthday. He could have picked any other day, but he decided he wants it to be on my birthday.
I’m just frustrated because I don’t know why he would wait months to decide to have a memorial service and out of all days, he picks the most inconvenient one for me. I also wasn’t told that the service was going to be on my birthday until I got a call last week.
I guess my uncle made a post on social media a while ago, but I don’t use social media and apparently, no one thought to tell me. So, obviously upset, I told him I wasn’t going because I already had plans as it was a big birthday. He read my message and never responded to me.
He was talking with my sister the other day, and she told him she wasn’t going either because we were going to be together for my birthday. He just laughed at her and said my birthday isn’t that important and turning 21 isn’t a big deal. AITJ for not going to the memorial service?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Funerals are for the living. There is not a single thing that you can say or do at this point to impact your grandpa’s life. The best thing you could do is have a great Birthday party. If you want to offer up a toast to your grandpa, it’s your party.” iadggm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
It’s been five months, unless you really feel the need to mourn him/say goodbye, or comfort, someone, at the funeral, go have fun.
It’s your birthday, you already have plans that have been in place for a while. And your 21st is a big birthday milestone. After this, your next milestone will be turning 30.” Master-Manipulation
Another User Comments:
“Your uncle sounds like straight-up trash. He had 5 months to check every birthday, anniversary, and shower the family had when picking a date… and still got it wrong. NOBODY wants to spend a b-day crying about a dead relative. Asking the rest of the family to ignore that it’s your b-day is really selfish.
While the funeral/memorial is for the living to make peace with someone passing, that doesn’t mean you’re obligated to stop having a life… complete with birthday celebrations. And if your sister is the only one to stand with you, maybe the rest of your family isn’t worth any kind of emotional investment.” Nox_Lumen
5. AITJ For Throwing My Wife A Surprise Party?
“I (45m) threw a party for my wife (35f) and we ended up getting in a HUGE fight. For context, we spent the perfect day together right before. We went to one of her favorite speakers, we went to the library (which she loves), it truly was the best day anyone could ask for. She told me she had a wonderful day and that I was a wonderful husband for planning such a great day together full of her interests.
Things went down though when we got home to the surprise party I’d been planning for weeks.
I really thought she’d love this. I invited all of our friends, got a huge cake, and even set up a coffee station because she drinks it every day on the way to work. I was SO excited to show her, but we ended up getting into a huge argument.
She said, ‘why on earth do you think I’d like this? You KNOW I don’t like parties.’ And of course, this made the room feel very awkward because we were THAT married couple that had to start bickering during what’s supposed to be a fun time. I put in soo much effort for this, but she doesn’t seem to appreciate it even a little bit.
I just wish I could get some credit for throwing such an elaborate party. I know she’s more introverted, but I still tailored the party to her interests. I love my wife, but it’s bumming me out that I feel so unappreciated. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s weird because you did all the stuff right beforehand – you did stuff that made HER happy.
This party, however, and your comments about wanting recognition, tell me that you did this party for YOU, I.e. that you wanted her to praise you for your planning and hard work even though it’s just making a situation for her that she doesn’t enjoy. If I worked hard to plan a surprise birthday party for someone who did not like parties, I should not be surprised they didn’t appreciate it.
You did great in the first half! Focusing a day on things that she would really enjoy! And then you let it all down by making her uncomfortable on the spot.” LordofDD93
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, surprise parties are never a good idea. Even the most party-hard folks might not want to party on a random day without knowing they were going to a party, you then multiply that by forcing them to the center of attention.
You seeing her being upset as embarrassing because it makes you ‘that couple’ is not a good way to view things. Maybe think about apologizing and quitting while you’re ahead. You had a nice day planned, everything you planned was nice and quiet and intimate. Even if the person liked parties that is a whiplash that would affect any person.
Also if someone gets coffee every day on the way to work that’s more about addiction than it being a core part of their personality just as an FYI (it would be different if she talked about coffee a lot and was really into special blends and different ways to brew, but just getting coffee daily is for the caffeine lol)” Wingnutmcmoo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but gently. Surprise parties have a large capacity to go horribly wrong, and yours did. From your perspective, you were doing something amazing for her. From her perspective, you were FORCING her to socialize – something she really didn’t want to do on her birthday. She would probably have appreciated a nice, quiet dinner with you, or a night in watching movies, or literally anything other than being forced to put on a smile and make endless conversation with people, in her own home, whilst also being in the spotlight, which is something introverts can hate.
Basically, you messed up. She is probably upset on top of it because she would have liked you to understand that she didn’t want a party, regardless of the effort you put in. Apologize, promise never to surprise her with a party on her birthday (or any other occasion) again, and you should be ok.” briareus08
4. AITJ For Telling My Nephew He's Not Part Of The Family?
“I have an older brother who I’ve been estranged from for a long time. Not even sure where/if he lives at this point. Don’t really care. Apparently, when he was in his mid-20s, he sold some sperm to a clinic for easy cash. We know this because his spawn ‘Jake’ (23M) recently tracked my family down after taking one of those DNA tests.
He was unable to contact my brother (no shock there) but found me on LinkedIn, reached out and we met for lunch. Based on his messages originally I thought my brother knocked someone up and abandoned her, but at lunch, I found out he was conceived using donor sperm of my brother’s. He does look a lot like my brother did when we were younger but based on his origination, I don’t really feel any sort of familial bond if I’m being honest. I have my own family that I care about deeply and I really don’t need much more.
I guess Jake is feeling somewhat of an identity crisis from not knowing where he came from so he wanted to meet. I told him we could meet though I feel weird about it. I did feel like I should at least meet him to share the very limited info I know about family medical history (luckily we’re pretty healthy but I have had some extended relatives diagnosed with cancer in the last few years).
So I told him that but it was clear he wanted more. He asked about my weekend plans and I told him I was on Easter duty and hosting an event with friends and family. He asked if he could come, and meet my kids, and some other relatives. I told him, sorry but that’s too weird.
I have no ethical qualms with sperm donation, IVF, or any of that but I feel like it makes a difference that he was ‘created’ that way. So I told him no and that I don’t want to pursue another meeting with him.
He seemed upset but left with no incident. Then lately he’s reached out again telling me that I’m treating him like trash when we are technically family.
I told him no again, he wouldn’t stop pushing so I told him I don’t consider him family whatsoever, that I was blocking him, and if he reached out again I would speak to my attorney about a restraining order. My wife thinks I was too harsh to say those words but agrees we shouldn’t maintain contact, it’d be weird to have him meet our kids given the situation.
My friend however says I’m being kind of a jerk because Jake is ‘clearly having an identity crisis’ and I’m in a position to help. I have mixed feelings on that.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say NTJ, although you are being kind of a jerk about it. You don’t have any familial obligation to him other than medical history stuff because he does have a right to know that.
But you were a bit of a jerk in the whole situation although I understand taking the defensive stance with him which honestly was the right thing to do. I also want to address what some ‘YTJ people’ have cited for their reasons, and you DO NOT have an obligation to put him in contact with the rest of your family; regardless of extended family or what their personal beliefs might be.
He was never intended to be part of your family in any sense and nothing changes that, so all those people can go get screwed. If you want to appease any of those people for any reason then just point adult family members’ social media to this guy and say go through there, so there is a safety barrier and they have the ability to make a decision to shut him out or let him in or pursue a relationship.
But you do not have a responsibility, obligation, or any sort of reason to do that. As I said, he was never intended to be a part of your family; extended or otherwise and nothing changes that.” Dondasdeadheartbeat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting a relationship, but YTJ for how you handled things.
If you had zero interest in a relationship with Jake, you probably shouldn’t have agreed to meet with him.
It definitely sends the wrong message, and telling him to his face that you and zero of your family will ever have a relationship with him is pretty harsh. You could have just sent him medical info over email and let him know you prefer not to meet – generally you made this much harsher than it ever needed to be.
Secondly – do you speak for your entire family? Of course, you don’t need to have a relationship with Jake, but some of your extended family very well may be interested in meeting him. It doesn’t seem at all like you gave the rest of your family that choice.
Based on the way you describe the situation, it does sound like you made no effort to be friendly or mince your words, so I’d say your wife’s & friend’s view on the situation is probably correct.
You should ask your family if they want to contact you, pass along his personal contact info, and just personally block him rather than threaten him with a restraining order.” drkr731
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Biology isn’t a determining factor when it comes to family. And honestly, if you donate sperm or eggs, your important medical info should be passed along but it should stay anonymous after that.
That dude’s identity issue is a rough one to deal with, but that doesn’t mean it’s appropriate for him to reach out to y’all.
Honestly, I don’t think it is, for me it feels like a huge breach of confidentiality and a clear example of boundary-pushing. Jake’s identity issues aside, your brother donated sperm under the assumption that it would make him money at the moment and, if it was used, that person wouldn’t be a part of his life, nor would he be responsible for them.
Jake purposefully used a DNA test to circumvent the privacy laws with fertility clinics that kept him from finding info on OP’s brother. While I understand the inclination, I thought about doing similar to find information on my own (deadbeat) father, it’s not behavior that I could see as a first impression and have any desire to continue a relationship with that person.” User
3. AITJ For Changing The Terms?
“So my small company runs a platform that gets reached out for advertising. We’ve kept the conditions loose and rates low for the initial time but recently found out people obviously resold the promo for a huge amount to end clients.
So I decided to tighten the terms immediately because like, people were reselling the promo for 10x and more than our rates.
Today we got an email from a person who requested a promo some weeks back. The editor emailed her as instructed – we can do it but with this one change because we’ve changed terms and since she had no written contract with us, we’ll now decline her promo if it’s on the old terms. She started emailing back that we’re scammers and it’s not fair and that she’s done with us.
In my logical mind, I feel like if it wasn’t written, and not even a specific deal agreed upon (with a deadline, etc) it’s ok – but I feel really bad.
AITJ?
edit1: she was a reseller
edit2: She made the request on 30th Mar so that’s 26 days ago – inquired, and we responded with terms, but she never responded back which can mean anything – I considered that lead lost. (On our end turn around time is max 48 hours for comparison.)”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. I work in a similar field as you. If she had responded to the original terms and accepted that contract, to begin with, I would say differently, but she didn’t. The ball was in her court and she never did anything with it for 26 days, that’s a LONG time and plenty of time to accept or decline the terms.” kelseyxc
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The customer was given a quote and got back to you in a reasonable amount of time. I understand where you’re coming from, and absolutely the need to make changes to the promotion, but the customer didn’t know there was an urgency to make a decision and now has an unfortunate impression of your company.
Putting a max time limit on quotes, especially promotional ones, is the way to go. It protects everyone in the transaction.
Info needed: Did you put a time limit on the quote you sent her? Most quotes I get from vendors have a 30-day time limit.” doxiedelight
2. AITJ For Keeping My Husband Away From The Party?
“My husband and I will be eventually getting a divorce but until then we don’t want anyone (excluding family) to know, so I went to his sister’s engagement party with him. The venue was right next to the beach and I mentioned wanting to go for a walk there when we arrived.
During the party, I felt too hot and exhausted from having to lie and put on a front.
I ended up walking to the beach to get some fresh air. I wasn’t really paying attention to the time and my husband eventually came to look for me. He wanted me to come back inside with him because people were noticing my absence but I asked him if we could stay outside and walk for a little while, which is what we did.
We ended up staying out there for over an hour and his cousin eventually found us and said everyone was looking for my husband. My husband’s family is very patriarchal and so as the oldest son, a lot of the duties that his late father would’ve handled are now his responsibility. My husband went inside to see what was going on.
When he was gone, the cousin chewed me out for keeping my husband away from the party and claimed I was doing it for attention.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your husband is a grown man and can put on big boy pants and make his own decisions about whether to stay on the beach with you or go to the party.
Plus, beyond common courtesy and politeness, you don’t owe these people anything other than your ongoing relationship with them entails. Which, if you are getting divorced, is up to you. If you care for them and love them, then of course you are concerned about how they feel. But if they don’t treat you well, then…” bluep3001
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, YTJ. if you couldn’t handle the party, you probably should have left entirely. This way you could have saved face to the family by saying you suddenly got a migraine or something. Only YTJ because you know you’re going to get divorced and are actively trying to hide it.” Miserable_Worry_1046
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your husband is a grown man who can, and did, make his own decision on staying outside. Just because he’s the oldest male doesn’t obligate him to anything with his family – a person’s spouse should always be their first obligation anyway, and it’s up to the individual to decide if that still includes upcoming amicable divorces.” No-End3167
Another User Comments:
“YTJ as this party was something your husband should have been fully engaged in and, even though your reasons were not malicious, you should have been aware enough to not keep him away so long. This was simply not the time for long walks on the beach.” RealTalkFastWalk
1. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Look For A Better Job?
“My partner and I are both 26 yrs old (I am female). We have been together and living together for about 6.5 years. The entire time we have been together, I have almost always had a job and made more money, which also lead to more financial responsibility. I don’t really mind this that much because screw gender roles and whatnot.
A couple of years ago, my partner started delivering for Uber Eats and was making decent money. However, the market has been declining as more and more people join. My partner has a master’s degree and refuses to try applying for a better job so that we can live more easily. We live in NYC so it is very far from being affordable.
I had to quit my last job a couple of months ago because it was incredibly toxic and I actually also joined Uber Eats, but with the idea that it was temporary until I get hired somewhere with a better salary/pay.
My partner has the idea that Uber Eats delivery is something long-term for him.
I keep trying to explain to him that he is worth more and that this job is not paying him enough as we are both just barely scraping by. But any time I try to talk about this subject more seriously and help him apply for jobs, he gets mad and says I’m judging him, viewing him as less, etc.
I get that he likes the freedom and flexibility of the UberEats role but at some point, I wish he’d see my view. AITJ for insisting that he should get a better job?
EDIT: My decision to quit my previous job and do Uber Eats with my partner was something he and I both agreed on because we both knew it was going to be temporary for me and the job I was at was misusing me as an employee.
I always had it in mind to find something that pays better asap. I just haven’t had luck yet. Uber Eats has made a lot of changes to their algorithms in the past couple of weeks that do not make it sustainable as a full-time gig anymore as they are phasing out the walker delivery mode, which we have both been doing.
We are not ‘making enough money to survive,’ as many are suggesting.
I have been asking my partner to join me in job hunting for something more sustainable so that we don’t have to barely be making rent, won’t have to struggle to find $5 meals in the city, and won’t have to worry about our cats getting food, and will be able to save money to attend summer events we want to attend and eventually move out of the city.
I have been supportive: I give pep talks to remind him of how smart he is and how capable he is of doing more, I have helped him fine-tune his resume and cover letter, and I’ve helped him find actual jobs to apply to. He’s just not taking that next step for himself.
With all that added, I still would appreciate input on AITJ because an outside perspective can always help.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
However, you have fairly conflicting views of what you want your future to be.
While money isn’t everything, it is also true that you can’t really support a lifestyle with the gig economy.
Also if he has a Master’s degree, he obviously has intelligence and other traits that would enable him to get a job that is more satisfying than delivering food. No one is saying he has to get a horrible job in an investment bank solely because it pays well but there are jobs that are more satisfying and have the potential to help other people.
I would be put off by the lack of any kind of ambition because he doesn’t seem to be interested in finding a job that would actually provide a level of satisfaction.” Jujulabee
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. But it’s not because of what you’re saying. It’s just because of how you’re saying it. I don’t know the ins and outs of how these conversations are going, but it’s obvious there’s a communication issue here because he’s taking it very negatively.
To relate, after my husband’s second deployment, he was medically discharged due to an injury. He immediately went back to his pre-military high school job as a mall security guard making a little over minimum wage with no benefits, crappy hours, etc. Fine for a high school kid, not so good for a veteran with years of experience.
I did some research though, and I found a job listing for a full-time state corrections officer with amazing pay, phenomenal benefits, and regular hours. And he was a military police officer and worked at Iraq and Afghanistan prisons while deployed. So I was like ‘hey, you are perfect for this.’ I asked if he needed help with a resume, and he said yes.
Then when it came time for his pre-interview test, I gave him a pep talk. Before his interview after that, I helped him pick out his outfit and calmed his nerves.
Every step of the way, I was doing everything I could do to support him and make the process easier, not just explaining his job wasn’t good enough and why.
It seems like either a) he is lacking confidence and doesn’t feel like he can get a better job so he doesn’t want to even try or b) he is lacking in ambition which, in that case, you can’t change that, or change him and you clearly have different life priorities and goals.” bee102019
Another User Comments:
“Time to consider planning for the future. Is he going to be part of that? Does he want to build a life with you? Is he going to financially contribute to that plan or are you both going to be scraping by forever? You can’t expect him to get off his butt if he has no incentive, no direction in life, and no plan.
Ask him what he wants and see how that fits with your expectations. You sound way more dynamic than him and that’s ok, but you don’t sound like you’re happy with his personality. NTJ but you’re going to need to plan your way forward.” sitheandroid
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
You can’t say ‘screw gender roles’ and then basically write a post about wanting a traditional provider male.
Nothing wrong with wanting that, but do be honest about it.
It sounds like your partner is happy doing what he does. How are you not at least somewhat understanding of that, having quit your own job because ‘It was toxic’? But you have no problem asking him to find another toxic job? Apparently, it was even so bad that you quit before having a new job lined up, which is extreme.
He is also correct when he says you view him as ‘less than,’ if you didn’t you wouldn’t have told him he is ‘worth more,’ and you wouldn’t keep nagging him. You say you ‘get that he likes the freedom and flexibility of the UberEats role’ but if that was true, why does he have to bend to your will and give that up?
At the end of the day, no matter what you say, you still want him to do what you want, not what he wants.” Nightfish_
