People Have Conflicting Thoughts On These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Smoking In My Usual Spot Despite A Lady's Disapproval?
“20M here. Went to a ground with a shed yesterday. My usual hanging out spot with friends for catching up, taking a smoke, etc. Have been using that shed for the past 2-3 months.
Yesterday a lady was sitting under the shed and as usual I went there to take a smoke alone.
Since she was sitting there, I was considerate enough to ask if she minds if I take a smoke. She replied, “do not smoke,” and I respected that. I sat there for 30-40 minutes hoping that she would leave in the next minute. But she was still sitting there.
She asked me the time, to which I replied 5.15 PM.
After a few minutes, I asked her when she would leave so that I could smoke in peace. She looked at me in awe and said you will have to wait for 2 hours more because my husband will come to pick me up.
I lost my mind as that shed is literally the only place where I could smoke safely and peacefully without being caught by my parents or relatives living nearby. I asked her why she was waiting for her husband in a dilapidated shed like this to which she replied, it’s none of my business.
I couldn’t argue more so I started smoking. She started mumbling something in her mother tongue which I didn’t understand. After smoking I left and she also left at the same time. I’m just wondering why she had to stay there the whole time, wasting mine and her own time?
I don’t know whether she was lying about her husband or not but she left as soon as I finished.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All you did was ask when she was leaving which was better than just starting up smoking immediately. It’s a public space and it’s legal to do so.
If she doesn’t wanna be around smoke then go somewhere where someone can’t smoke. I hate smoking and it triggers migraines badly but if I choose to sit in a public space or somewhere someone can smoke that’s on me and at least he asked when she was leaving.
Waiting 30 to 40 minutes to smoke was longer than you should’ve had to. I don’t see the point in smoking and honestly, since it is literally known to cause cancer it should be illegal but if you’re an adult and you’re in a public space that you can legally smoke in then you’ve done nothing wrong.
Did she literally just flat out say “do not smoke”? If so that is so extremely rude wow.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Mostly for your attitude about her being there. It’s not just your place; it’s presumably in a public place, which means others can be there if they so choose.
Sorry that your special spot has been taken, but that’s how it goes when you try to claim a public space as your own. Also, she very likely left BECAUSE you started smoking. She likely wasn’t lying about waiting for her husband, but because you decided to start smoking, she could have been bothered by it enough to finally move.
Because, guess what, secondhand smoke is a thing and a lot of people can’t handle being around it, or simply don’t want to. Making it about you and blaming this woman for being in a public space is on you, not on her. She did nothing wrong.” jdessy
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – I’m sensitive to smoke and it triggers migraines. If you ignored me telling you not to and did it anyway I would be so mad as it would be very detrimental to me. You could have gone somewhere else but chose to stay.
There is no way your parents and family don’t already know you smoke because you will reek of it every time you go home after doing so. Also as others have said it’s not your shed. You should find somewhere else to go when that shed is not available.
And how do you know it’s not hers/her husband’s? How do you know she didn’t take a short walk to get away from the smoke smell once she knew you were leaving and were not going to damage or light the shed on fire?” -JadyBug-
21. AITJ For Not Sharing Details About My Relationship With My Friends?
“My (21F) partner (29M) and I went out on Friday night, we had a nice date, I stayed over at his place, and went home in the afternoon yesterday. Overall it was an amazing time with him, but one thing I forgot to do was turn off my location that I share with my friends (it was for safety, but now it’s evident that they aren’t using it for that anymore).
My friends and I went out yesterday night to talk and just hang out! It was a great and fun night until they started asking about what happened last night. I replied with something cheeky like “I don’t kiss and tell” type of thing.
But they kept pressing so I gave in a little and told them I slept over. I tried to end it there, but of course everyone jumped on the question train, and it came with a lot of invasive questions, including wanting details on our private life (they were under the assumption we had been intimate, we didn’t because we got back to his place really really late, but even if we did I still don’t like disclosing those details).
I explained to them that I keep that side of my relationship life private, and they got super angry about it and jumped on me about them sharing the nitty gritty details but when they ask me to divulge I don’t. I told them it’s just out of respect for the relationship I have, I told them it’s their choice if they want to share details, and I never ask them for it.
I told them that at some point they will meet him and I don’t want them to have this preconceived idea of him. I thought maybe that was the right way to go for me, but they just exploded on me, and I ended up leaving partway through dinner because of it.
AITJ for not wanting to talk about the relationship I have, and for not wanting to divulge in the details of our relationship?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a female in my 50s and had to tell a female friend, multiple times, that I do not want to receive unsolicited pics of her partner when she’s inebriated texting me.
Seriously, some people do not understand boundaries… and you have to just really be clear about setting them. And if they keep pushing? Leave. Say, “hey, I thought we were going to have a nice night out but if you keep prying and pushing, I’m leaving.
It’s zero fun for me.” And then go.” Myay-4111
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and no girl you are awesome, smart, and respectful. You are everything you’re supposed to be and more. Don’t ever give in to that lame peer pressure as it cheapens not only your relationship but your man too.
Walk out on there every single time. Kudos and good job. You’re going to have a great life when you choose to be ready for it. Love love love your resolve!!!!” Laurrielyn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I personally don’t disclose details about intimacy with my SO either because, to me, it seems like an advertisement.
If I tell you how great my partner is in bed, will you try and get a piece of him, too? No matter your reason for nondisclosure, you are allowed to set your own boundaries! You are allowed to decide what to share and what not to share, and your friends should respect that!
I truly hope your friends didn’t actually explode on you and weren’t upset about your not sharing. Sometimes we go into defensive mode and don’t recognize that others aren’t really attacking us but are being jocular about things. I hope this is a mendable rift in your friendship.” Bikini_Top
20. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Dad's Wedding To The Woman He Had An Affair On My Mom With?
“Mom and Dad have been divorced for a good 10 years after 30 years of marriage. Dad was unfaithful to Mom which resulted in a sister about 18 years ago. We moved to the US and that’s where they split the sheets.
Dad has had multiple partners since then, and one of them was the cause of him moving back to Germany where we originally hail from. Things did not go well and he returned about 1 year ago.
Sister is supposed to visit Dad so I have a chance to meet her.
Mom has been on speaking terms with Dad still and even helped him find a trailer to live in about 4 houses down where she lives when he returned. Dad had a partner visit him from Germany and asked Mom to clean his trailer after she left for the arrival of my sister.
He paid Mom to do so and she did.
Turns out Sister is not coming alone but with her mother. Mom is upset that Dad would pull that on her and finds it disrespectful, I tend to agree with her. Dad lied about this at first and Mom only found out by a mistake on his part.
So after she stated to him that she did not want anything to do with him anymore he calls me. Tells me now everything and comes clean after lying to me for the last year.
Turns out he is getting married to the woman he was unfaithful with Mom 18 years ago and they will be living 4 houses down from my mom.
I told him that I would love to meet my sister and he was still my dad but that I didn’t want anything to do with my sister’s mother. He got angry about it and stated that I was being selfish. I stated that I was not going to make it any more difficult for Mom as it is and explained to him that Mom was so mad at him because he lied to her.
I also explained that I was not happy being lied to either. He got defensive and claimed he was not lying and I told him that telling half a story on purpose was considered a lie in my book.
He asked me to come to his wedding but I’m not sure what to do, he hurt my mom immensely and I’m very protective of her….I understand that there are always 2 people at fault for situations like this but he is still my dad…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d tell your dad that you will not be there because you don’t support their relationship, which is what wedding guests are even there for – to show support for the couple. I’d also tell him that, after he violated everyone’s trust by lying, even by omission, you have lost a lot of respect for him and no longer believe a word he says.
Come up with some boundaries (like only seeing him if she isn’t around, making any mention of her or his relationship completely off-limits, etc), and tell him he can either abide by those boundaries to try to regain your trust, or you will be going no-contact.
Don’t let him or anyone else make you feel guilty when he is the one entirely at fault.” ProfPlumDidIt
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. You can feel the way you feel. His actions had caused you and your mother severe emotional trauma >I stated that I was not going to make it any more difficult for Mom as it is and explained to him that Mom was so mad at him because he lied to her.
Just a reminder that we are not judges or our parents’ constant guardians. You have done your best! No matter how close you are with your mom (especially after what he made you go through) this is her battle. She needs to stand up for herself.
You are a great human OP, despite your father’s actions, malice, or words. And you owe nothing to nobody! Good luck!” CCForester
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – in the sense that you have to do what feels right to you. Invariably these situations are more complex and nuanced than can be expressed in 3,000 characters.
The other bit is how often it seems that the one calling others selfish is usually the one being the most selfish. Your dad wants to cram his affair partner down other people’s throats and has begun this process by having no integrity about it (we could speculate as to why, but that’s a digression), and then when he’s rebuffed – he has the audacity to claim that others are selfish?
That’s rich with irony.” chuckinhoutex
19. AITJ For Telling My Family About My Dad's Disrespectful Behavior While I Was Trying To Sleep?
“My parents are divorced. For a year, I was in Atlanta, my mom lives in Virginia, and I recently moved to New Mexico with my dad. My dad and I haven’t been close because he hasn’t made any effort to see me since he left Virginia 8 years ago.
We’re trying to rebuild our relationship.
Okay. Now we can start.
I normally sleep in the daytime because I work at night and my dad and I share a bedroom so most of the time when I’m asleep, he’s either super quiet or isn’t in there.
All of a sudden, I jolted awake. My dad had turned the light on, was talking really loud on the phone, and was blasting the TV.
I said “Hey Dad. I have work tonight. Can you take the party to the living room? I need to sleep.” And he told me “If you want to sleep, you can go out to the living room.” I said “Dad.
Everyone is in the living room during these hours.” And he said, “M, that’s not my problem.”
I called my mom and told on him then she told the whole family and everyone got on his case. He got super upset and said he’s trying to be close with the family again and I’m ruining it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your rhythm with one another has been you leave each other to sleep your opposite hours and he just decides “that” without warning or reason. Not cool. Also, I have a great relationship with my mom and vent to her about things sometimes.
That is what I assume you were doing. She got a bit momma bear and wanted to defend you. That is her right.” whiskyredpanda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I see why your mother divorced him. He’s the only one who’s ruining his attempts to be close to the family again.
A bedroom is for sleeping. And he’s inconsiderate. He’s the jerk, not you.” NightWitch65
18. AITJ For Not Including Our New Roommate In Dinner Because He Never Helps?
“Two months ago we got a new roommate in the apartment I live in. We are now 4, me (23f) and them (all 23m).
The three of us take turns cooking dinner and are good at helping each other with the groceries for dinner and the cleaning. Our new roomie has so far been eating dinner with us almost every evening, but not once has he helped with the groceries, the cooking, or the cleaning.
He just waits for dinner to be served on the couch and walks back on the couch afterward, and it irritates me. He acts as if we’re his parents or something. I confronted him about his lack of help once and he said that he was busy at work and didn’t have as much energy in the afternoon, but the rest of us also have busy days so I think this excuse is very bad.
I didn’t think this was fair and my other two roommates agreed with me, so the three of us agreed on eating without him yesterday. We did the groceries together and cooked together and when it was dinner time, we ate without offering him any food.
It was clear that he was counting on eating with us because he went to bed without having had any dinner.
Are we jerks for doing this?”
Another User Comments:
“I think he’s being rude. However, I think when he moved in, you could have avoided this entire situation by spelling out your expectations.
“Hey, we take turns making dinner and we pool money together. If you want to eat dinner with us, you need to cook every fourth day and pay 1/4th in groceries. Otherwise, you’re on your own.” That being said, I don’t think you’re obligated to offer him any food.
But I think you would feel less guilty if you just communicated your expectations beyond just him not cleaning up. NTJ.” CringeCityBB
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here, not because you’re wrong but because you handled it childishly. You need to spell it out more clearly for your roommate: if he takes an equal share of paying for the groceries, he needs to take an equal share of cooking.
If he doesn’t want to do that, then you all can negotiate him paying a higher amount to eat and skip cooking, or a lower amount to opt out of the shared meals entirely. And if he does want to be part of the rotation, you need to make a schedule and a plan for that rotation instead of expecting a new person to just automatically jump into the way you guys do it.
It’s a simple transaction question that just needs to be talked out. But don’t just surprise him by excluding him from dinner after a series of hints and vague expectations and never making a real plan.” fizzbangwhiz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Perhaps he thinks he can’t cook as well as the rest of you?
Talk to him again, and tell him you appreciate his financial contribution to meals, but he must also contribute labor. Ask why he won’t contribute labor. Tell him he can choose to help with cooking, you are all happy to teach him your favorite meals, or else he does clean up.
Tell him if he is unwilling to contribute labor most nights, then he can’t join you for meals anymore. Tell him you enjoy his company at mealtime, but feel he is taking advantage by not helping and you really want to resolve this fairly.” Internal_Home_9483
17. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Extra For A Party After Miscommunication On Cost?
“My wife and I were invited to her cousin’s wedding in California (we’re from Georgia). Neither of us was in the bridal party.
We flew out there, rented a car, and rented an Airbnb and there was a total of 6 of us. We were there for 5 days.
My wife and I were originally not invited to the party, however the groom (wife’s cousin), called and invited us a few days before we were scheduled to fly out.
My wife asked if we needed to bring anything or help pay for the party and her cousin said, “if you could give like $15-20 each to cover booze, that would be fine.”
The party was held at the house of the groom’s boss. When we arrived, there were 2 large coolers of beer/hard seltzer-type beverages, 2 large tubs of the same on ice, 4 or 5 handles of different liquor, a box of cigars, and a table of snack foods.
This was a pool party so it was very relaxed and we had a good time. Later on, Chic-Fil-A was catered, with the normal nuggets, salad, chips, and cookies being provided. There were about 35-40 people, including us, at this party.
Overall, we had a good time.
Stayed and helped them clean up at the end and told them we were appreciative that they invited us. No issues at all. Two days later, we received a text (all 6 of us in a group chat) with a cordial message from the groom’s sister, saying how fun the party was and whatnot.
She went on to say that the maid of honor (bride’s sister) had tallied the total from what was spent at the party and it came out to $55.95 per guest or $111.90 per couple.
Now, according to the groom’s sister, everyone else at the party was aware of the cost of $50ish per guest but that was never communicated to us.
Had we known it would cost over $100 to attend this party we would have politely declined to attend. We had already spent roughly $3k on this trip so we weren’t looking to be super frivolous with our money. When we told the groom’s sister about the miscommunication and that we were only prepared to pay $40, she only responded with “the cost is $55.95/guest or $111.90/couple.
An additional issue is one of the couples with us arrived late and were only at the party of a little over an hour. The groom’s sister was still expecting them to pay the full amount even though they had maybe 2 drinks each and none of the food.
We have thrown quite a few parties and anytime we provide food, we never ask for or expect our guests to pay for any of it. Sometimes we do BYOB parties or we will buy beverages and ask anyone who’s drinking to throw us some cash.
Receiving a message two days later like this seemed very tacky. What do you all think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a horrible opinion of weddings. But back to why you are NTJ. You asked at the time of the invitation and were told a figure.
This actually plays out like a bait and switch. Send them $20 each and quit worrying about it. If little Miss MOH has a problem, it is hers to solve.” Fattdog64
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sigh. This is why people hate weddings. You were given a cost that was reasonable.
Then someone else changed the rules after the fact. Not what you agreed to. Here’s what you do — tally up the hours that you both spent cleaning up after the party and create an invoice based on an arbitrary wage that makes the invoice add up to 111.90 minus 40.
Send the invoice with the originally agreed upon 40. Since they think it’s okay to invoice people who didn’t even agree to the goods and services, they won’t mind.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Thank you so much for the information post-party. We did not have that information pre-party as we only received an invite to the party second-hand days prior.
Generally speaking, it would be a common expectation that a last-minute invite to a pre-planned party does not involve my paying for the party unless informed it is BYOB. We are happy to forward the amount we were informed and based our attendance on. We budgeted accordingly and we were not looking to spend an additional $100 for an evening.
Had you directly invited and informed us of a $120 a couple party, or that it was an open-ended fee, we would have politely declined.” jloretta
16. AITJ For Refusing To Fly To My In-Laws Early Due To My Husband's Creepy Stepbrother?
“We’re visiting my in-laws for my father-in-law’s birthday in July but my husband and I are fighting over travel arrangements. He’s going to be on a business trip just before we’re supposed to go, so he wants me to fly there early with our son and he will come directly from Germany.
He said he would arrange everything and I wouldn’t have to worry about anything besides getting on the plane but I told him I didn’t want to go early.
The reason is because his stepbrother is going to be there and well… he’s a weirdo.
He leaves me alone if my husband is there but before I started seeing my husband, he had tried to proposition me multiple times despite being married to my friend. Now that I’m married, he hovers around me unless my husband is present. It makes me uncomfortable so I don’t want to go early.
I asked my husband to come home and then we could go together but he said he wasn’t sure if his trip would overrun and it would be better if I went when he suggested as it would mean at least we were there for the birthday, even if he was late.
The day he’s supposed to arrive is the day before my father-in-law’s birthday.
I’ve told him I won’t go unless I know he’s going to be there when we arrive so now he’s upset with me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not unreasonable to want support when flying with a child. Plus the fact that he’s dismissing your concerns over his brother and has clearly never cracked down on his behavior is a hard no for me. I hate to ask, but do you have any reason to suspect your husband might be planning any….
extracurricular activities… in those two days? Or is he just planning leisurely travel by himself while you take on the extra burdens? Either way, he’s coming off as selfish here.” BreakfastF00ds
Another User Comments:
“Hubby knows stepbrother is a weirdo and is still pushing for OP to go early.
There’s something going on with hubby. OP you are NTJ and absolutely do not go early. I would go so far as to say don’t even agree to meet hubby there on the day he flies in because that gives him the option to extend his trip and leave you there alone.
Tell him either you fly together or you won’t go at all. And stick to your decision. It’s beyond wrong that he’s OK with you having to deal with a weirdo like that.” LashDresden
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Do not go early; do not spend time alone with the weirdo; never let your child alone with the weirdo.
Rethink this relationship. Your husband wants you to face danger so that he can keep his parents happy and have extra flexibility for work (maybe it’s work…). In fact, you shouldn’t be asked to be in the house with the weirdo at all, husband there or not.
You have no obligation to feel like prey. Please get counseling, so someone is looking out for you in this relationship.” elizabeth_bennet1811
15. AITJ For Bringing A Meat Dish To A Potluck With A Vegetarian Attendee?
“My (25) best friend (23) just got engaged, so our friend group is having a small celebration in addition to the more formal engagement party their families are throwing. There are nine of us attending altogether, and the bride-to-be decided on a potluck. She and BFF provided drinks + dessert, and the rest of us brought the food.
I brought Korean BBQ with kimchi as my dish, and it was a big hit. However, one member of our friend group is a vegetarian, and his feelings were hurt. He said I intentionally excluded him. However, I knew a lot of other people would bring vegetarian dishes, and I wanted there to be at least one meat option.
He asked why my BBQ dish couldn’t have been made with tofu instead of beef, and yeah, I guess it could have, but it wouldn’t have tasted the same. I think having one dish present he couldn’t eat wasn’t a big deal, but AITJ? The kimchi was separate, so he could and did eat some.”
Another User Comments:
“It would have been fine if you’d only brought one dish and it had meat, but you really brought TWO dishes and one of them was vegetarian! It’s a kind thing to do to take every guest’s dietary restrictions into account, but you’re definitely not required to, especially if you’re not the host. If the guest of honor was vegetarian, I’d say that you should have brought only veg dishes.
But that wasn’t the case here. It’s not a big deal to only eat 8/9 available dishes. Your friend is oversensitive.” fizzbangwhiz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he was pretty much asking you to exclude meat eaters from the potluck. That’s not really being inclusive on his behalf given the potluck already had plenty of veggie options.
Especially given the couple themselves didn’t designate the potluck as X (e.g. veggie, dairy only, etc). The guy is just being an entitled jerk, sounds like it was a potluck with something for everyone, regardless of your diet preference or religious beliefs.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a vegetarian, this one is a little tricky. While I don’t expect the entire meal to be vegetarian, I would definitely feel excluded if there was no main course that was vegetarian. The amount of times I have been told to just “have more salad” is annoying.
A salad without protein is just going to make me hungry again in less than 2 hours. But if that was the issue, then I would bring a vegetarian main course myself. So long as at least some of the side dishes were also vegetarian, then I wouldn’t mind if someone brought pulled pork to the potluck.
I guess it just depends on what dishes were at the potluck. Maybe when he got to the potluck, he noticed that there weren’t any vegetarian entrees, and he didn’t bring one because he was in charge of bringing dessert or something. I don’t know.
It really depends on what type of communication there was here. I don’t think you’re a jerk. But I also wonder if there was a sign-up sheet. Not of specific recipes, but maybe something like: vegetarian main dish, beef main dish, nut-free dessert, mac & cheese, etc…
That way there is definitely a main dish for everyone at the party.” NotSoAverage_sister
14. AITJ For Canceling The Trip After My Partner Invited Her Nephew Without Consulting Me?
“My nephew is 21 years old and lives with us in Ohio because his mother is a heavy drinker and his father is an enabler. I’ve never met these people but I hear stories all the time from my partner (40F). My partner always gives in to the whims of her nephew.
Car broke down, she gives him $1500 to get it fixed. He pays $450 a month to live with us and does not lift a finger to clean up the house, mow the grass, do his own dishes, etc. Partner and I (47M) do all the work around the house while both work full-time.
My nephew also works full time but only pays my partner back the minimum credit card payment. He’s got a $2000 tax lien against him for some crypto investment gone sideways but insists on going to clubs weekly.
I digress.
My nephew’s brother graduates HS Saturday and my partner and I were getting a hotel room.
Nephew asks my partner if he can stay with us in our room because he doesn’t want to stay at his parents’ house. Partner says yes without consulting me first, so I tell her I’m going to sit this one out. It’s a toxic scene that I didn’t really want to be a part of in the first place, but my partner and I would have had a trip together out of town so that would have been nice.
But my nephew crashed that idea. I’m angry I wasn’t consulted about it on a trip I was lukewarm to the idea of going in the first place.
AITJ for canceling my going on this trip because my partner’s nephew crashed the plan at the last minute and I wasn’t consulted?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you have much, much bigger problems. Your partner is a doormat for her nephew and she enables him every bit as much as his father enables his mother, and, by sticking around, you are co-enabling BOTH of them. I’d stay home and decide what your own boundaries and limits are and then have a very serious, comprehensive discussion with your partner when she gets home.
Things like setting a time limit for when nephew has to be out, doing up a chore list for all 3 of you, setting a minimum payment that nephew has to pay to cover rent plus his own expenses, etc. If she won’t agree and insists on continuing to enable him, you need to leave both the home and the relationship.” ProfPlumDidIt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s completely disrespectful that she invited him along without consulting you, like honestly. I would push for stronger boundaries or honestly get the heck out of that relationship. Sounds like she’s taking in the mom role, which is fine but are you comfortable with that, I.E. will your relationship survive that?” Existing-Two-2574
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s not cool to allow someone to stay in your hotel without asking at all. One piece of advice would be if you guys decide to get married in the future definitely look at a possible prenup and definitely discuss finances in detail Because she seems like a good person but many times people like that will give their money away to friends and family to the point it actually hurts their current financial situation or screws them over for retirement and if you end up married that can affect you.” imabeast9000
13. AITJ For Not Using Pesticides On My Lawn Despite My Neighbors' Concerns?
“We have lived in our neighborhood for about 5 years. It’s a small street with a mix of younger families and empty nesters. No HOA. I’m not terribly fussed about keeping a perfect lawn.
I mean, I mow it regularly, but I save the water and effort for my flowers and veggies. Our front yard has a lot of weeds – when it’s mowed (which is most of the time) you’d have to look closely to notice, but they’re there.
Our neighbors are retirees, but young ones. Early 60s at most. They have plenty of time for yard work and while they don’t go for the perfectly manicured look, their yard is definitely less weedy than ours. Last summer, they came over and gently suggested that I herbicide the lawn since the weeds were spreading and they were invasive species.
I’m a biologist, so I’m definitely well aware of the scourge of invasive species, but I also have three young kids and pets who run all over the yard and don’t really relish the idea of applying pesticide to my lawn.
I’ve been conflicted about it, so I haven’t done anything yet, but I feel guilty every time I mow and see all the weeds spreading.
AITJ if I don’t herbicide my property?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also as a biologist, I’m sure you’re aware, a healthier and more environmentally friendly way to stop invasive species is to plant indigenous species to hold the ground against them. You can also look into environment and pet-friendly pesticides.
Make sure you ask your nosey parker neighbors to spring for the cost, since they’re the ones asking for it to be done!” ProfN42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your neighbors are. We had neighbors just like that. My grandparents built our family house on what was a hay field so there was no grass for the first year of living there.
So when it finally grew we were relieved but our nosey neighbor who was like obsessed with his lawn came over and made a comment about how we should do something about the dandelions in our yard. Took everything my grandma had not to say something snotty about the fact we were lucky to have grass.” B2utyyo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I don’t know what type of biologist you are, but usually it is the lawn, not the weeds that are the invasive species. Weeds, in most areas, are naturally occurring native plants. Lawn and landscape companies refer to them as invasive, which may be true, but most are NOT exotic or dangerous species.
Think clover or dandelions. Mow your weeds and let the kids and dogs play.” joe_eddie_13
12. AITJ For Exposing My Stepdad's Infidelity To My Mom?
“I (f 16) have a stepdad (m 37). He’s okay, I don’t necessarily enjoy his company but he makes my mom (f 38) happy.
For the past few months, he has been working late and claims he has potential buyers to meet with, he works in plumbing.
I understand that some people may need extra time for inspections or price quotes, but I don’t think 4-6 hours is necessary? He stays after his work at least 3 times a week (not including weekends). My mom works in the medical field, she constantly works 18-hour shifts and is always exhausted. I understand why she wouldn’t have been able to see the red flags.
I’ve been getting a bad feeling for a while, we have an extra vehicle so I decided to go to his work. (We have our locations shared within my family, for safety reasons). I was initially confused when I didn’t see him at the location the app showed. I went to his office and saw a note on the door.
I don’t know what the note exactly says, but it’s the one that shows he is out of office. I knocked on the door, just in case, no answer. I waited around for maybe 20 minutes? (This was at about 11 at night, my mom gets off at 2 am, my stepdad gets off at 6 pm)
A vehicle drove into the parking lot and I wasn’t supposed to be there, so I hid in the bathroom. It was my stepdad! He walked into the building and about 30 seconds later, a lady walked in. They both went into his office and they started kissing.
I took photos just in case, for evidence? My stepdad’s office doesn’t have any curtains or blinds.
I drove home and stayed in my room. I was trying to process what happened. I decided I was going to tell my mom, I just didn’t know when.
My stepdad came home about an hour later.
My family was eating in a restaurant and I decided to tell my mom then. I told her I saw Dad with another woman at his job. He started laughing and saying I was delusional, my mom asked what I was talking about and I showed her the pictures I took.
She stayed silent and walked out of the restaurant. My stepdad was asking why I told her that, why I hated him, why was I trying to ruin my mother’s happiness, etc. I didn’t say anything and went outside.
This was last week. My mom kicked my stepdad out of the house and now he is living in a motel.
I still get texts asking why I told her. He also got his mother to berate me. She’s saying I’m a jerk for destroying my family.
This all happened in the span of 2 weeks. My stepdad and mom never married, they’ve been together for 4 years, but she says she is going to leave him.
I don’t know what to feel or say about anything. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – the only person that “ruined” anything is your dishonest jerk of a stepdad. Don’t let it bother you anymore, and block him and any of his family or friends who are giving you grief.
Also, be sure to show your mom any texts of him berating you. Finally, It’s ok to “feel bad” about the situation, but the truth is the truth, and this time the truth is that your SD was dishonest and a user. Sorry, OP.” coloradogrown85
Another User Comments:
“There are many versions of this saying, I personally like this one: “The only way the truth can change your life is if you were already living a lie.” I like that version because the alternate says “destroy” instead of “change”. But the fact is that most revealed truths just allow us to live more authentic lives, and that isn’t something that should be negatively looked on.
You didn’t destroy the relationship, he did. He broke the oaths he took for their wedding, he had a relationship with another woman, he discarded their marriage, all long before you ever even found out. You just made sure your mom was aware of it when you learned the truth.
NTJ.” Firelily5550
Another User Comments:
“You are most certainly not the jerk. He is the jerk, my friend, he chose to make that stupid mistake and think with his little brain instead of his real brain. You did the right thing looking out for your mum.
Blood is thicker than water and if I saw my stepdad being dishonest to my mom who I love dearly I’d tell her in an instant. She may be hurt at first but at least she’s not going to have to be humiliated and go through months or even years of pain.
He knows he is the one in the wrong. Tell him to grow up, grow a set, man up, and take responsibility for his stupid mistake. He messed up because, excuse my profanity but he couldn’t keep his you know what in his pants.
You should say to him why go out for a drive in a Mercedes when you got a Ferrari at home. I’m not comparing your mom to a car but he chose to make his bed well now he’s gotta lay in it.
Don’t ever feel guilty for supporting and having your mom’s back.” KeyAccount7839
11. AITJ For Clashing With My Child's Grandmother Over Her Insults?
“I’m a 26-year-old man and have a child with Emma. We were in a relationship for 3 years before I accidentally got her pregnant. We have a 4-year-old named Julie. Having our daughter has caused us to put our relationship goals on hold. We’re now in a bit of a friends-with-benefits situation.
This works out for both of us.
We split time with Julie but it’s a pretty informal arrangement. We both spend a lot of time at each other’s places and help each other during each other’s weeks. Whenever I spend time at her place I have to deal with her mom.
Her mom dislikes me intensely. To her, I’m the jerk who got her innocent daughter pregnant. That’s far from the truth and I’ve let her know that. She constantly makes rude comments when I’m at Emma’s place and it’s even worse when I go with Emma to a family gathering.
Last week, Emma invited me to spend the weekend at her place. I had a rough week at work but still accepted. Her mom was there and was on her A-game when it came to subtly insulting me and trying to pick fights. Eventually, I had enough.
I was making myself a chocolate milk because why not, I enjoy chocolate milk, and she called me childish. She said I’m more immature than Julie. I normally wouldn’t get offended over something like that but it was the sheer volume of rude comments that got to me.
At that point, I had enough of her nonsense and we got into a shouting match. She made fun of my family and my parents’ divorce and I said some mean stuff too. Eventually, Emma broke it up and talked with me privately.
She asked me to just put up with her mom because she helps a lot with Julie.
I told her that she needs to tell her mom to back off and Emma then kicked me out. She called me later that day and said she’s sorry for kicking me out but told me we can’t be biting the hand that feeds us.
She was referring to her mom who helps her with Julie. I told her that’s ridiculous because the “hand that’s feeding us” is also repeatedly flipping me off.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like she’s trying to scare you off with toxicity.
I’d be more worried about what it would do to Julie to constantly be around someone badmouthing her dad. That might be easier to express. Maybe try making a memo of all the rude stuff she says and when she says it. It’s hard to defend yourself in this situation, but you could show how often Emma’s mom is saying this stuff in front of Julie.” vezyric
Another User Comments:
“Going with ESH, meaning you and the grandmother. Something about this story is off. Yeah, your kid’s grandma sounds overbearing, but I’m getting the impression you’re not a reliable narrator, and that you all but abandoned the woman you got pregnant.
Her mother probably dislikes you for a reason. She’s doing more for your kid than you are.” ultrarelative
Another User Comments:
“NTJ that’s your daughter, not hers. You need to sit the mother-in-law down and tell her she gets one chance to knock it off before you take legal action to remove her from the child’s life permanently.
And if Emma doesn’t like that, Emma should have done something about it. I doubt you would let your own family treat her in any unacceptable way. And there’s another simple fix. Stop letting her support Emma so much that it’s an issue she has to bow down to her mom for support.” Basic-Explanation911
10. AITJ For Not Telling My Brother Our Dad Was In Town?
“My (19M) and my brother’s (15M) relationship with our dad has always been pretty different. Namely, he actually likes our dad. I think part of it is him having been too young to actually remember most of the guy’s worst moments before he and my mom got a divorce when I was 10.
Anyways, although my parents technically share custody, we don’t see our dad very often. My brother takes every chance he gets to spend time with the man. My dad contacted me 3 days ago to let me know he’d be in the city where my university is, and ask if we wanted to meet.
I told him I’d tell my brother to drive down here and he was like “Oh, no, that’s not necessary, it can be just the two of us” so I lied and said it turns out I’m super busy.
Apparently, my dad posted himself at some game with an empty seat tagged as me and captioned it “sucks you couldn’t make it, glad we talked.”
My brother is now very upset that I didn’t tell him I’d talked to our dad. To be honest I mostly didn’t tell him because it felt like it would just be bad to let him know when he hadn’t been invited. But my brother’s like “he probably didn’t wanna pull me out of classes but it’s okay we could have worked it out if you’d told me” which, is unlikely.
But either way, he’s angry as anything, I think it’s misdirected and I don’t think I did anything wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father wanted to spend time with you, not your brother. Probably to rebuild a relationship. The social media post was pure nonsense.
Trying to shame you for not going to a game? Did he even tell you that was what he had planned? Tell your brother the truth. That your father just wanted to be the two of you and that you declined out of loyalty to your younger brother.
Just be prepared to deal with the fallout when your father falls off that pedestal your brother put him on.” grover71780
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Except for your dad. You’re right, his anger is misdirected, but that doesn’t change the fact that he is hurt and has all right to be.
If this happens again, make it a point to let your brother know ie “Hey, Dad said he is coming into town xyz day and invited me to XYZ, did you say you’re going or do you have plans” .. Something like that where you are phrasing it like you just assume dad had reached out to you both, that isn’t going to guarantee you won’t get the brunt of your brother’s anger because you are the one there and available for him to take it out on, but it does show your brother what your dad is doing.” perfectly_peculiar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is misdirected, your father made a point to not contact him but only contact you. What he’s really mad about is that he likes this guy so much and this guy isn’t making time for him because he isn’t a prize yet to be won.
Tell your brother the truth, that jerk told you not to tell him he was in town, your brother needs to direct that anger where it belongs, on the individual who chose not to make time with him and he’s trying to make you out to be the bad guy for not clamoring for his attention.” JCBashBash
9. AITJ For Calling Out My Ex's New Partner's Treatment Of His Daughter During A Family Vacation?
“My ex-partner and I were together for 4.5 years. We mutually parted a year ago when the love of her life (child’s father) wanted her back. This is not what this post is about, but the hardest part was losing the child because I love her as my own.
About 3 months ago, I ran into my ex’s mom (T) and we hit things off. She’s an extremely attractive, kind lady and I’m genuinely the happiest I’ve ever been. But regardless, it’s a difficult/awkward situation. About a month ago, T said the family was planning a vacation (Disney World) for the child’s 6th birthday.
She of course wanted me to come, but our relationship has been kept a secret from everyone.
She spoke to my ex about inviting me, there was hesitancy but when the child found out, no wasn’t an option. The vacation was for 5 days and I was just happy to spend time with my stepdaughter, but there were huge problems along the way.
Right off the bat, the bio father didn’t like how clingy the child was to me. He kept trying to get her to be with him, but she wouldn’t leave my side. That only angered him.
For the first two days, I noticed him be a little rough with her.
His tone was harsh, he didn’t speak age appropriately with her, and he often would tightly hold onto her forearm so she couldn’t get to me. She cried a lot, and he told her to grow up. He had words with me when I comforted her during one of her crying bouts.
I bought her a stuffed animal, he said in front of everyone I didn’t need to insinuate he’s poor, he can afford to buy HIS daughter things.
By the 3rd day, I just kept quiet and to myself. The child wanted to sit next to me at lunch, he pulled her away again by the forearm.
When they came back her face was red and I could tell she had been crying. I spoke to my ex privately, I told her I don’t like the way he treats her. She shrugged it off that our parenting styles are different and I was always too relaxed with her.
By the 4th day, I became increasingly irritated with him. We exited a ride and the girl said she was tired. She didn’t want to walk anymore, still being dragged around by her father, she wanted to be carried. He told her she was ‘too fat’ for him to carry that weight around.
He thought we didn’t hear it, but both T and I caught it. I immediately intervened by calling him out on how poorly he’s treating the child. We argued, then I told him he’s a lousy father for abandoning her, then coming back to rid the father she loved to only in return treat her poorly.
My ex and I then got into it, I was asked to leave…which I did. She said I had no business saying anything at all to him. I overstepped a boundary because I’m nothing to the girl now but a friend. She then informed me I’ll never be invited to another family vacation again because of my horrible behavior.”
Another User Comments:
“So if I’m understanding correctly, you were with a woman with an infant daughter for four years then ceased contact with the child when you broke up. You were separated for one year, then started seeing her mom in secret. Mom says “Hey, come on our family vacation,” two months into the relationship and you, the person who cares so deeply for this child who knew you as her mom’s partner for four of six of her years said “Hey, great plan!
A brilliant way to announce our relationship and refamiliarize the child with me now as her grandfather and help ex and her partner get comfortable with the idea of us seeing each other.” Then proceeded to criticize her actual/bio dad for how he parented throughout the trip.
Now you’re wondering if you might have been the jerk? For which part exactly? How does it sound when you read it back? The list of everyone is a jerk here is strong. It’s a shame the six-year-old doesn’t seem to have any responsible adults in her life because she’s the only one in this post who isn’t a jerk.” twiddlywerp
Another User Comments:
“It’s creepy af you are seeing your ex’s mother and went with them on a family vacation. Do you have any idea how confusing it is for your “stepdaughter” (she’s not your stepdaughter by the way) to have you back in her life out of the blue but in a completely different context?
And how upsetting that must have been for her father? Of course she wanted to hang off of you. She hasn’t seen you in a year. And I’m sure that’s why Dad was acting like a jerk. It doesn’t make his behavior okay, but I understand why he was pulling her away from you.
YTJ for involving yourself in this child’s birthday trip. She deserved better. I’m sorry you miss her but you don’t get to insert yourself in her life anymore by seeing her grandmother.” KateLady
Another User Comments:
“ESH it sounds like both your ex and her partner have abusive parenting styles and imo no one is the jerk for trying to defend a child from an abusive adult.
The rest of this post…is mad weird dude. You really shouldn’t have been on that vacation at all. You and your ex-mother-in-law-partner are jerks for most of it, like you’re not a bigger jerk than the couple that mistreats their kid but definitely a huge jerk for being intimate with your ex’s mom (and also again weird dude like I cannot fathom why you did that) and she’s an even bigger jerk for being intimate with her daughter’s ex AND inviting him on a family vacation.” smellslikepousi
8. AITJ For Leaving A Group Chat After Being Mocked For My Cooking Skills?
“I’m f17, autistic, and made a pizza today. I’ve done it before but not many times. I’m proud of it so I shared it to a group chat I’m in with another f17 (A), f19 (R), and a male who’s irrelevant to the story.
A and I don’t know each other very much, our only mutual friend is R. Anyway, A then answered me in a long text that she’s embarrassed by me because I learned how to use the oven and make a pizza so late, she could do it by herself when she was 5/6 and I’m almost an adult and should be ashamed for not knowing basic life skills, etc.
It’s true, I was on the bus alone for the first time this year as well and still struggle with turning on the oven.
But the pizza turned out pretty good, and R just replied “nice,” she’s overall a good friend I think because she accepts me and my achievements.
I then left the group chat because I was really hurt.
I’m upstairs now crying and A hasn’t said anything or apologized since. R told me that A didn’t mean it in a bad way it’s just that she doesn’t know I’m autistic/different in general and therefore can’t relate to my life and I shouldn’t be mad at A.
But R also said that A could’ve been nicer to me.
My mood is ruined and my pizza is probably too now.
Am I overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“A did mean it in a bad way. It doesn’t matter if she knew you are autistic or not she said it to make you feel bad and herself feel superior.
She probably does this to everyone in her life not just you. If it’s possible to rejoin the group chat and you feel comfortable doing so then rejoin and let A know that her comment was uncalled for. By the way, A LOT of people 17 and way older do not know how to make pizza on their own.
People learn things at their own pace and just because A claims she did it at age 5 (I doubt it) there are plenty of things she doesn’t know how to do that others do. She’s just being a jerk. NTJ.” lkvwfurry
Another User Comments:
“A and R are both jerks.
R should’ve stood up for you in the group chat. A is just a bitter person who can’t stand seeing others happy. You did the best thing leaving because you don’t need negativity like that. Great job on the pizza. It is something to be excited about and proud of!
Everyone goes at their own pace and there isn’t anything wrong about that. What really baffles me is why A got so upset over your pizza. She wrote a long text saying she was embarrassed for you? She’s embarrassing for being so angry over such an innocent thing.” waezxo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, honestly this story made me so sad for you. Like you were just proud of having cooked for yourself and A just crapped all over your joy. Please remember that the age at which you learn a life skill doesn’t define your worth and that you are always allowed to feel proud of your achievements.
I’m talking here as a fellow autistic, we struggle sometimes to learn skills that people consider basic life skills and it can be embarrassing. To give you an idea, I can cook decently but still don’t know my right from my left, or how to tie my shoelaces and I’m almost 20.
If A doesn’t want to apologize then she is not worth being friends with you. If R is defending her, she also needs a reality check that A was being a bully because you aren’t overreacting, you were treated poorly and decided to protect your mental health which is always so much more important.” The_Death_Flower
7. AITJ For Defending My Cats Against My Partner's Cruelty?
“I (m28) and my partner( f30) have been together for 7 years. When we started to live together I had already a cat and some months later she asked me if we could have a second one. There’s been up and down, sometimes she loves them and sometimes she doesn’t want to be in the same room as them.
When it happens she does things I don’t like at all, chasing them while yelling or throwing things at them, and when I tell her to stop she always yells, “you only care about your cats.”
Today my aunt told me that my grandmother is at the hospital after a stroke, one of the cats came to cuddle, and 30 minutes after my back started to hurt so I put the cat down.
The cat came again and tried to force himself into me, I put him down again. My partner saw the scene and started to tell me while raising her voice that I had to be more firm with the cat. I told her that it’s ok, I’m fine, he is not disturbing me you can calm yourself.
She didn’t like it and started yelling that I always let them do whatever they want, went to the bedroom and didn’t speak to me for hours.
When I had a message telling me how my grandmother was doing, she agreed to stay near me but she told me that she was only doing it due to the respect she has for my grandma.
I’m a bit lost in all this, I guess I can see where I could be the jerk like, if the cat jumps on the table I will just put him down when she thinks that we should punish him and forbid him to be near us for hours.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your behavior with your cats is appropriate. Hers is cruel. Locking someone up so they can’t pee for an entire day or poop is severely cruel and harmful. Sounds like she needs to be appropriate with the cats and she can learn this.
She can go volunteer at the humane society, or volunteer with a vet. A lot of times how people will treat small creatures is a sign of how they will also treat children.” boiledpenny
Another User Comments:
“She’s a jerk, you are NTJ. Cats don’t respond well to punishment.
And they know when we’re upset and want to comfort us (or at least mine always have). They can be taught manners but not the way she’s going about it. If my hubs was throwing things at our cat, he’d be staying with his brother while we found a counselor.
Hard NO in our house. Quite frankly she sounds jealous. Of a PET. Which leads me to think she’s very immature for 30. You two need to have a serious talk about if you’re even compatible.” petmomintheBLC
Another User Comments:
“NTJ this is bizarre behaviour towards pets coming from her.
I have two dogs. They’re 2 and 7 months and absolute nutters, so some days I wish I could crate them both and just have an hour’s peace, but I don’t and I don’t let them know that, for whatever reason, I have a short fuse that day, because they’re just living their best doggy lives and that’s the whole reason I adopted them.
Some days pets are annoying. Maybe we don’t feel well, maybe we’ve had a busy day, or maybe they’re just having a high-energy day, but that’s part of having them. I’d give my life for my girls and if my partner treated them this way he’d be out and we’d be better off.” ClockworkCLJ
6. AITJ For Pranking My Husband About An Expired License On April Fools?
“I (31F) played what I thought was a harmless April Fools’ joke on my husband (31m).
I told him I got pulled over while driving and didn’t realize my license was expired. He exploded on me and then I gleefully shouted “April fools!” and he hung up on me. I only realized halfway through my next sentence that he was no longer on the call and so I called back, assuming we had just been disconnected. He picked up and seemed upset so I asked him if he’d hung up and he said yes.
About 10 minutes later I get to his office to pick him up from work, and I’m expecting that he’s calmed down and would acknowledge his outburst or something. He thinks I owe him an apology instead of vice versa. Like, ok, yes that would have sucked if it were true, but once you realize it’s a joke and you have 10 minutes to calm down, wouldn’t you let it go?
He insists he did nothing wrong because that scenario would be the worst thing to happen to us financially right now because the car would be impounded, etc…I didn’t mean to give him a mini heart attack, I just meant it as a joke.
He then took it one step further and compared it to me calling him and telling him his whole family died, which I think is a little ridiculous. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There are some things that you just shouldn’t make April Fools jokes about.
April Fools is for harmless jokes and pranks, not causing serious panic. I really don’t think you should joke about things that have serious consequences, even for an April Fools prank. How were you expecting him to react? “Oh, that’s a good joke, honey!” No. You told him you were pulled over with an expired license.
That’s serious, even if you didn’t intend it that way. Of course he’s going to have a negative reaction.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here… A saying I throw around pretty frequently in my real life is: “Know your audience.” It sounds like your husband either can’t take a joke or is easily stressed about money or something that made this April fools’ joke hit him in a bad way.
You live with the guy, you should know what he can/can’t handle and what types of things are or aren’t off-limits. He’s not a jerk for getting upset initially, but he’s being a bit of one by continuing on and equating it with his whole family dying.
That’s a little much. It sounds like you two need to be better at communicating with each other.” MikkiLake
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can’t blame him for being upset but only initially. I would’ve freaked out for a second too because tickets are really expensive and the insurance premium would’ve increased!
But nothing actually happened and you quickly told him it was an April fools. Since it did startle and upset him, you should offer an apology. I would’ve said No jerks here but I don’t like that he stayed mad enough to even try to compare it to a fake call about the death of family.
He should apologize for making such a stupid comparison that doesn’t hold any light to each other at all. So, in the end, you both goofed. Talk and apologize to each other. It was just a joke that didn’t work out this time around, definitely not a big enough deal to angrily hold on to.” [deleted]
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be More Involved With My Nieces And Nephews?
“I (36m) spent a lot of time basically raising my brother and sister. When I was 9, our parents separated for eight months. Our mother spiraled during it. She pretty much just slept when she wasn’t working. My siblings at the time were 2 and 3 and I spent a lot of time with them, made sandwiches for us at dinner time, got them to bed, tucked them in, and always woke mom up or called dad to come take care of them.
They got back together but when I was 13 Dad died. Mom spiraled worse than before. She worked, slept, and was gone most of the night, especially on weekends. I did everything for my siblings at that point and when I was 15 I was able to work some weekends just to help pay for extras for us.
It went on like that until I was 18 and left right after graduating high school. That seemed to be the kick in the backside that mom needed to get her act together.
I have since done therapy and mended my relationship with her but the aftermath is I just really don’t want anything to do with kids now.
The thought mentally drains me.
My siblings have kids now and have wanted me to be involved since the first nibling was born 6 years ago. I don’t ignore them, I show up for their parties, and I’m nice when talking to them but I don’t draw out interacting with them.
I don’t act fake excited and I don’t want to go to their events. I don’t have them over at my house despite them and the rest of my family always suggesting I do because they’re convinced I’d be a ‘fun uncle’.
Recently I was picking up my camping gear from my sister’s and my nephew asked to go with me and I told him no but definitely when he’s older.
When I was leaving my sister said I should take the kids sometimes because they’re always asking about me and my stuff and suggested that she and BIL come too if it’d help. I told her no thanks. She asked why I refuse to be more present in my niblings’ lives because she remembers I was a lot of fun with her and our brother.
I told her it might’ve been fun for her but I was doing what needed to be done to keep them happy but it’s okay if they remember it differently because they were so young. It’s just after that, I don’t want to be around young kids.
She dropped it.
Earlier today our nan texted to tell me no one would be upset if I skipped our cookout next week so I didn’t get stressed out around all the kids. Was I wrong for telling her why I don’t get more involved?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your nan’s probably the only jerk here for the snide comment. The fact your siblings have such fond memories without a hint of the burden it placed on you speaks to great lengths, no wonder they want you actively involved in their kids’ lives.
I don’t think you’re a jerk for being truthful either, as you could’ve just put them off forever with some excuse but you didn’t. You shielded them well from an unstable home/family, but unfortunately, it seems while you’ve worked through it with therapy, they’ve not had a clue as to what really happened, so maybe your sister felt a bit blindsided/like you were blaming her for being a parent at 11 years old.
I’d have a gentle conversation explaining your side of it, while affirming that you loved them and don’t blame them but you’ve raised your kids already and can’t wait to hang with the niblings when they’re older. If she can’t handle that, that’s her own thing she needs to work on.” Ok_Climate6209
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Maybe I’ve missed it, or more was said by your nan that made it sound like everyone was upset, but it didn’t sound like anyone thought you were a jerk. It could have been as simple as your sister being sad that you don’t remember childhood the same way as her, and maybe like they were a burden to you.
Those are big feelings to process. I read the comment from your nan as possibly being more like “there will be a lot of children, and I don’t want you to feel pressured to come.” If you’re really worried about what you said sounding worse than you meant it I don’t see much harm in a message to your sister clarifying that you have and always will love her, and you care for her children/family.
You meant it when you said you’d be happy to take the kids camping and bonding when they are older, but you aren’t in the place to be able to offer that type of relationship right now. No one wants to hear someone doesn’t like their kids, even if it’s not at all personal and for a valid reason.
You can both feel a bit bad about this situation without either being a jerk.” Think-Tap
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Because your sister clearly didn’t ‘drop it’. She went overboard and is telling the family you don’t want to be even around whenever her kids are around…you didn’t come close to saying that.
Time for a real sit down with both siblings. Talk a little bit more about how it really was for you. Don’t of course blame them for existing, just let them know how much of your OWN childhood was taken, and the thought of being responsible for and entertaining young kids RIGHT NOW isn’t appealing to you, but obviously, you enjoy time with everyone.
You merely expressed why you’re not taking them camping for the weekend. She turned it into ‘hey everyone, big brother hates all kids especially mine so let’s stay away.'” dart1126
4. AITJ For Being Mad At My Little Brother For Breaking My Perfume?
“I (16f) have 5 brothers (21, 20, 18, 14, and 11). I’m unfortunately the only girl in the house. Though I have a great relationship with my older brothers they’re the best big brothers ever and I love them so much. I also have a great relationship with my younger brother (14).
He’s such an angel, he has literally fallen out of heaven into our family. I love him so so much. We do everything together and we are inseparable. My other younger brother (11) and the rest of my siblings don’t get along with each other.
I can’t say how the rest feel about him. I tend to avoid him. He’s annoying, he’s destructive, in general, and awful to be around. My dad is the most amazing dad ever I love him so much. He calls me the princess of the house and we love shopping together.
It kinda sucks I don’t see him often because of his work. My mom is great. She is really strict with everyone except younger bro (11).
I’m a perfume fanatic. I have like 30 perfumes, I recently received Lost Cherry by Tom Ford as a gift from my dad.
It has become my favorite perfume. The scent is so delicious I love it.
Three days ago my brothers 14, 20 and I decided to go to an arcade. My younger brother was at his soccer practice so we couldn’t ask him to go and other brothers had to do other things.
We arrived home, I went upstairs to see the door of my room open. I found my favorite perfume on the ground in pieces. I asked him (11) if he did it. He didn’t want to admit it at first but after repeated questioning, he ended up admitting to it.
I asked him why he felt the need to destroy something I love, why he always had to ruin everything and make our daily lives so much harder. I told my older brothers (21, 20, 18) and they scolded him and asked him why he couldn’t respect our stuff.
Mom heard the commotion and immediately took his side as usual. He told my mom some nonsense story about how he was just trying to spray my perfume so he could feel closer to me because he feels left out and he dropped it by accident he didn’t mean to blah blah.
Excuses he knows better than to touch my perfumes. I made it clear that if they ever broke one of my perfumes there would never be a peaceful day in this house ever again.
We all had to apologize to my brother and are now forced to take him to the arcade and hang out with him.
My dad’s mad that mom took my brother’s side since the perfume he broke was $500. Everyone is having a bad time now because of him. Mom is of course angry with me the most and told me what I said was out of line. I strongly disagree with her it was bound to happen if it wasn’t me it would’ve been my older brothers.
She coddles him too much that’s why he’s like this. My brothers agree, my dad agrees with me, she’s the only one who is telling me that I’m in the wrong. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. From your post, it’s pretty clear why your brother acts out.
Imagine being in a house where the only people who like you are your parents. All of his siblings don’t like being around him. It makes sense that he acts out because any attention is better than being ignored. Maybe he did break your perfume on purpose because he was left out.
Maybe he sprayed it because he likes the smell. The only one who knows the truth is him. Your mom probably takes his side all the time because she’s trying to make up for the lack of a healthy relationship with his siblings. It’s probably hard for you because he gets away with things that you never would or did.
At the end of the day, he shouldn’t have broken your perfume. You shouldn’t have said those hurtful things. Your mom should have listened to both sides and given him a punishment for breaking the perfume and you a punishment for saying cruel things. You and your siblings need to make more of an effort to bond and include him in activities.” Abject_Position9745
Another User Comments:
“I actually feel sorry for your little brother. As the youngest, your mum spoiled him to the point where he has become such a brat that his older siblings ostracise him. He senses this estrangement and subconsciously is desperate to be included and loved by them, but being only eleven has no idea how to bridge the gulf between him and his siblings.
Instead, he acts out to get attention and communicates the only way he knows how and this toxic behavior is enabled by his mum. Ironically, this worsens the relationship with his siblings, it’s a vicious cycle and he’s too young to break out of it.
ESH. Mainly your mum for spoiling your brother and your dad because it takes two to parent. It’s wonderful that your dad treasures you, but does he have an equally good relationship with your little bro? Yes, you’re a jerk for what you said, but deep down your little brother knows his siblings feel that way about him.
He uses negative emotions to express his feelings and get your attention. Your negative attention is better than no attention.
When I was 15 I was acquainted with a little 9-year-old boy who I disliked and the feeling was mutual. He was a little bit of a brat, but one day I realized that he was just a kid and didn’t have the power to change our relationship dynamic, but being 15 I did.
I used positive reinforcement, hung out with him when he visited, joked around, and talked about things he liked. We turned that relationship around. It’s not your responsibility, but if you want to change your relationship with your little bro give him some positive attention and praise him when he does well.
It will work if your mum doesn’t undermine your efforts by spoiling your brother.” FloppyEaredDog
Another User Comments:
“OP sounds like she’s literally never experienced being disliked. Her father calls her “the princess of the household” and gifts her $500 of perfume at 16 years old, and she’s surrounded by brothers, older and younger, who apparently adore her and treat her like exactly that: a princess.
I can’t image being an awkward preteen boy in that household, making mistakes or just . . . being awkward. She sounds like she has absolutely no sympathy or empathy for error or imperfection, or for the youngest sibling who just gets things wrong. She hasn’t even accused him of being malicious or nasty, just of being error and accident-prone, it sounds like, and getting into the usual tween mishaps, and she seems unwilling to give him ANY benefit of the doubt or leeway to be imperfect, or even to include him in things except really reluctantly.
I’d say the Princess of the House is a bit of a jerk, considering all of that.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
3. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Stay With Me Instead Of Attending His Daughter's Fencing Competition?
“I (29F) am married to my husband (32M), he has a daughter from a previous relationship (12F) who takes part in competitive fencing. I have a good relationship with her and we’re friendly, she lives with her Mum but I see her whenever she stays with us and I’ve hung out with her plenty.
She has a competition on Thursday and my husband is flying down to see her tomorrow to spend a few days with her before the competition and to see the competition, normally I wouldn’t have an issue with this but I’m 39 weeks pregnant with our first child, I could go at any moment and I have no family at all, I’ve asked him not to go and suggested we send her a gift down instead.
He is insisting he has to go and that I’ll be fine, he has even suggested that my best friend come stay with me while he is gone just to be safe.
I normally wouldn’t mind him going for this and would even encourage it but I’m scared and I want him with me right now, he feels she will be too upset if he misses it and he has to work hard to keep his relationship with her given the fact he’s separated from her mother and having a kid with me.
I feel awful for even asking him to not go and incredibly selfish as yes his daughter is important and I never want to get in the way of their relationship but I’m just terrified of going into labor when he’s not there.
He has made it clear that he is going no matter what and is implying I am being unreasonable to ask him to do otherwise, I don’t know perhaps I’m being selfish.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Does your husband not understand you may not be “fine” at all, and you don’t want to give birth alone? He’s a MEGA jerk if he leaves you this heavily pregnant for a sports competition, regardless of who’s in it.
If his daughter can’t understand your situation is unique and important, she’s not very mature and needs to be taught. Stop feeling “awful” and put your foot down. What if you have a medical emergency while he’s gone? Husband needs a reality check. If he leaves, he’s clearly not dependable or capable of human empathy or prioritizing, and shouldn’t be in the delivery room even if he returns in time.
Get someone RESPONSIBLE to support you during the birth. And you need to develop some backbone and stop letting him make you feel bad for having perfectly normal boundaries and human needs.” Magus_Corgo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You have no idea when you will go into labor, even with a scheduled induction.
The last month should be on-call time for anyone planning to be at the birth. My first child, my husband was supposed to be out of state a week before the due date. I said no, you aren’t leaving. And he agreed. Then I went 2 weeks overdue.
So he wouldn’t have missed it, but how would you know?! Our second child, husband was supposed to be out of state 2 weeks before the due date. I said go! I won’t go into labor early. 1 day later I went into labor! Lol. Husband made it to the birth… As I was pushing!
But he could have completely missed it. Luckily there was a last-minute flight available, and no traffic on the way home from the airport. And I had my mom there, just in case.” Bloopbleepbloopbloop
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – I have seen some posts where expectant mothers send their husbands away because they rather have someone else in the delivery room.
I am not talking about those useless twits that are just unsupportive…they can stay home. I’m talking about otherwise supportive husbands. There are also a lot of posts where the parent gets hauled onto the coals because they have to be present for the current children and find ways to juggle time with the new family.
It’s a tightrope walk and this moment is actually setting him up to be screwed either way. In his mind, he is most likely saying that the newborn won’t be too offended, and his daughter won’t feel put off. I am sorry these circumstances suck.
My best advice is to see if his ex can FaceTime him and watch the event together or even help explain the situation in age-appropriate terms and offer to make it up? I dunno man – I have seen critical moments like this destroy a father’s relationship with his first marriage’s children…so there is that.
My recommendation is to see if he can work with his ex and grandparents too.” [deleted]
2. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Step-Daughter Wear A Tracking Device During Our Custody Time?
“I (26f) am seeing Aaron (32m) and have a bonus daughter Izzy (4f). Her mom Dani (30f) is a jerk, to say the least, but it is what it is and we have to co-parent with her. I respect her for the sake of Izzy and always refuse to engage when things get hostile.
I have had to go NC with Dani on multiple occasions because of harassment to make a long story short, and now all contact is filtered through Aaron if necessary. I am very involved in Izzy’s life, am in contact with her school/teachers, and we have a great step-mom/step-daughter relationship.
Izzy is starting Kindergarten this year and her mom wants to start having her wear an Apple Tag. I was completely on board with this, I actually agree with it up until a certain age. I don’t have any bio children yet (waiting until we get married) but I make my puppy wear one lol.
The issue is, she wants her to wear one even during our weeks at all times. I think this is absurd. We have her on a week-on-week-off basis and I do not feel comfortable with Dani having our every location. I told her I would be willing to have Izzy wear one of my extra Apple tags during our week when she’s not with us (at school) but she said no.
Am I overstepping here? Aaron said he’s not comfortable with her wearing it either because he doesn’t want his ex popping up on me/us while we’re out with Izzy. But Dani is saying it’s within her rights as a mom to know where Izzy is at all times because of kidnappings.
So are we being jerks for not letting Izzy wear her apple tag all the time?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to take a big step back. I don’t think you’re a jerk but it definitely seems like Aaron may be letting you take the lead on co-parenting with Dani which is probably more convenient for him, but all kinds of inappropriate.
He needs to be taking the lead with Dani and even if she is a pill, it’s not okay that he’s letting you potentially feel the brunt of this. All parenting correspondence needs to be between them only. They have apps for that. I agree the tracking app is a lot but that’s for Aaron to communicate, not you.” aspermyprevious
Another User Comments:
“You are way too involved even as a loving stepparent and when I see someone, especially the stepmom, being this engaged? It suggests that Dad is much less engaged, or somehow “needs” you to handle these conversations for him. Why are you fronting these conversations and not your partner?
It’s up to him whether he wants her to wear it and it’s up to him to communicate that to his co-parent. Please understand I’m not saying you shouldn’t be involved or invested. I’m saying you’re acting like you’re an equal parent and it’s very off.
Especially with the age gap. It’s just off. I don’t wonder why Mom isn’t your fan. Everyone’s a jerk here. Mom’s request is unreasonable. But your dynamic is gross. You aren’t being mature, this isn’t about you being a good stepparent.
You’re acting like a co-parent. You aren’t.” Ladyughsalot1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – She doesn’t have a right to track you or her ex which is exactly what will be happening as the child will be with either of you. She needs to be reasonable with the fact that she should expect the child to be perfectly looked after in her ex’s care (and by inference, your care).
If she has any reason to believe otherwise then she should be addressing this in court. A court will screw her out of it if she has no proof that either of you is not properly looking after the child. This also can extend to things like schools.
In many countries, you’d need to get permission from the school to allow a child to be tagged as there again is a reasonable expectation that the child will be looked after in a school, that the school is a safe place, and that any teacher in direct control of the child has the right not to be tracked.” hitsujiTMO
1. AITJ For Snapping At My Sister During My Wedding Dress Shopping?
“I, a 29-year-old female, have been engaged for a few years now and finally have the funds to host my wedding. My partner and I have booked and set a date for next May.
My oldest sister got engaged 4 months after me (she’s the one who proposed to her partner; she bought the ring the day after I got engaged, which my brother thought she shouldn’t have done), which I felt stole my thunder. Because she’s gay, everyone made more of a fuss (due to the fact my mom and dad reacted badly when she told them she was gay, my siblings and I really supported her), which was fine, whatever, I let it go.
Fast forward to now, she and her partner haven’t set a date to be married, not looked at a venue, etc., but I was so excited to tell my family we have booked ours now. Everyone was very happy for us and that was great.
Then I took my mom, my oldest sister, and my baby sister, as well as my best friend, to go wedding dress shopping. I was so excited I had the biggest smile.
As I’m looking around to pick some that I wanted to try on, my oldest sister says “Oh my gosh, girls, don’t you think this would look perfect for my wedding day!
I love it, I should maybe try it on!” I quickly snapped at my sister, telling her not to, that this day is about me, not her. She will have her time to do this, I would never dream of doing this to anyone. Everyone went quiet and she started the sad crocodile tears thing that she’s done since a child and they went to a different part of the store.
My mom said, “Remember, she’s getting married too, you shouldn’t be so selfish!” Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You both sound exhausting, but you more than her. Yes, she shouldn’t have wanted to try on dresses at your fitting but you also need to understand that the universe does not revolve around you, and getting engaged four months after you isn’t stealing your thunder.
How long did you expect your congratulations to linger in the air for you? And the because she’s gay comment? C’mon. You’re better than that. Or maybe not, if this post is any indication. Stop looking for a reason to be angry with her because you’re jealous the attention isn’t solely focused on you right now.
Such is life, so it goes.” Fallingfromthursday
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Her because she wanted to try on a dress at your fitting. Your mum for completely ignoring that you are also getting married and actually have set a date. And you because as long as she doesn’t announce at your wedding or reception what date she’s getting married or that she’s pregnant she’s not stealing your thunder.
Borrowing? Maybe. Getting engaged near the same time seems like something to be celebrated.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Stuff like this feels like it falls under that unstated “girl code” that I never understood. Apparently, according to many commenters, there are expectations that you don’t notice dresses for yourself if your sister or friend is dress shopping?
How do people know these expectations? Why is this an expectation? I hate shopping and have never understood why some women enjoy shopping together as a social activity, but honestly, if I imagine what people might enjoy about it, it is looking at clothes that they like together and sharing joy in finding clothes that are flattering to the person wearing them.
I honestly don’t understand why her looking at a dress she likes takes away from your experience (unless it was literally the dress you wanted). I avoid all gendered traditional activities related to weddings and births because I don’t understand the rules and have trouble following them.
I make my best effort and somehow still manage to mess it up and then feel awkward. Anyway, as a queer AFAB person who probably would have made a similar “faux pas”, I want to bring up the possibility that your sister was not intentionally trying to steal your thunder but rather was unaware of whatever unstated rules guide wedding dress choosing.” Maria_Dragon
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