People Worry Things Will Get Complicated In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
18. AITJ For Meal Prepping And Keeping Food In The Fridge Despite My Mom's Disapproval?
“My (F,21) mum (F,60) keeps getting rid of food that I buy or cook because she hates having food in the fridge. It’s driving me crazy and I’m starting to think I’m losing my mind.
I started meal prepping a few years ago and will often keep up to a week of fresh-made meals in the fridge. As I go to the gym, my meals will often consist of a lot of healthy proteins, carbs, and a form of veg.
This means that there is often a lot of cooked meats, carbs such as pasta or rice, and fresh vegetables as I love making a salad to go with my meals or as a snack. I also prioritise healthy snacking so I only keep easy fresh snacks in the house such as fruit.
My mum tends to make all her meals fresh and will make enough for the day, the only food she will leave in the fridge is random leftovers that weren’t cooked, so for example, you would find; a few tablespoons of chopped tomatoes, some cooked spinach and butter and nothing else.
My mum will often expect me to be able to make a meal out of this, which is why I buy and cook more food so that days like this don’t happen. I hate having to buy my ingredients every time I cook as I have to plan my meals that way too.
As a student and now a working professional, meal prepping works for me. It eliminates so much time from my day and it helps me keep my meals healthy as I avoid buying fast food out of laziness.
Now where the issue comes in: I recently moved back home and have continued meal prepping.
Way too many times to count, I will come home to all of my meals from that day having been eaten, given away, or thrown away. When I ask my mum about it, she says that she can’t stand having food in the fridge so she eats it all to get rid of it.
I’ve asked her so many times to stop doing this, as I make enough food to last a week, which can get expensive as this could be up to £15 worth of protein a week. She also keeps complaining about gaining weight but doesn’t seem to understand that eating thousands of calories to have an empty fridge is not helping.
I argued that the purpose of the fridge is to be able to keep food for longer periods, not to stay empty and only hold random food items. Now that I am an adult, I realize how many habits of ours are just so unhealthy, in my teenage years, I used to be nauseous all the time, especially when I woke up, only to realize that it was because I wasn’t eating enough at all, and when I would eat it would be odd items that I would find in the fridge.
I thought the nausea was normal for me but only as I have started eating regularly have I noticed that this way of life is not normal. Now whenever I buy food in advance to make for the week, she argues with me about buying food and complains so much that it is driving me crazy.
AITJ for buying food and meal prepping all the time? Should I stop buying and cooking food? Is there an issue that I’m not recognising or am I being inconsiderate of my mum’s point of view?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is strange behavior yes, if you’re worried, she will continue throwing away your food, for your peace of mind you could always buy a mini fridge hide it in your room, and keep your meal-packed food there, so it doesn’t get thrown away.
So, no food is wasted. Your mom’s point of view is nonsense, and it would just be simpler in the short-term depending on how long you’re going to be living there to just have a different area she won’t get to, so you can have your prepped meals.
Maybe you could talk to your grandmother or if your mother has any siblings if you want to get some insight on why she is like this.” False-indigo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is wild behavior from your mom. She seems to have an unhealthy relationship with food and has been managing it in a particular way.
As you’ve asked her to stop I’m not sure what you can do beyond getting a mini fridge for your room and storing your food separately. It sucks for you to have to do that, but if she won’t stop I’m not sure what the solution is other than moving.” willikersmister
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- I’ve never heard of someone hating to have food in the fridge… especially because it sounds like you keep everything neat and organized, so it’s not a cleanliness or hygiene issue… As someone who grew up around others with food issues, I feel for you though, and congrats on breaking that cycle and creating healthy habits for yourself!
I’m guessing you’re not planning to live there forever so it might be something you just have to deal with until you can move out. “Her house/her rules”- yes, but also, sounds like this goes a lot deeper mentally and emotionally, unfortunately.” snowfox06
17. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Dad's Neighborhood Party Due To Past Family Issues?
“I (17m) still live with my dad. He and his wife moved to a new neighborhood recently and they decided they wanted to throw a party to get to know the neighbors.
I don’t want to go because I know questions will come up about my “family” and the last time I was put in that position, a couple of years ago, I was so upset about them forcing me to attend a party with them that I brought up the fact my dad’s wife disliked my mom for years, longer than my parents knew each other and longer than she knew my dad, and how dad and her had an affair while my mom was dying from breast cancer.
I was 9 when my mom died and I found out about dad and his wife because he brought her into the house when mom was near the end of her life and the two of them were grossly together. My mom would never have given her blessing for that.
She disliked that woman just as much as that woman disliked her. I have never forgiven my dad or looked at him in a positive light since. When mom died I tried so hard to get put in foster care rather than live with them, but it didn’t work.
We ended up moving away a few weeks after Mom died because of the judgment they faced back home.
She tried to play the role of super “mom” to me. Trying to be SO involved in my life. But I never accepted her or gave her a chance.
They talked about adoption but quickly scrapped that idea because they were told I would be spoken to since I was 10 before they got married. They have two kids together now and that didn’t soften me to them. I don’t blame the kids. But am I close to them?
No. I make it a point to keep my distance because I won’t stick around and I don’t want a relationship with them and to keep my dad and his wife in my life as an adult, even if only occasionally for my half-siblings. A relationship with my half siblings is not important enough to have any contact with those two.
After the incident of me telling people about the affair, I was grounded for so long, we had all kinds of therapy and I stuck to my word about disliking them and finding them both disgusting. But my life was also miserable because I was grounded, and had everything taken from me for weeks.
I was offered a shorter sentence if I told her I loved her but I wasn’t going to lie, couldn’t say the words. So it was almost 9 weeks of misery. And they ended up being judged by some more people.
So this time I’m refusing to attend and my dad is furious.
He told me questions will be asked. I said if I’m there questions will get answered and I won’t hold back on how I feel about them or what they did. He told me to let it go after 8 years and I told him that’ll never happen.
I told him I don’t want to pretend we’re a family when the truth is I’m ashamed to be his son. He told me he still can’t let those questions about why I’m not there get answered and I’ll upset my half siblings by making this another fight.
I told him I’ll work and he can say that but he was still saying not good enough.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it sounds like you were honest with your feelings and how you would respond to comments about your family. You’re not obligated to lie for your family to save face and you want to avoid embarrassing them.
Seems like the best choice. On another note, this sounds like a very unhealthy living situation, you have lots of unresolved anger. That takes a toll on the body and mind. Leave, move, get out. Once you do, seek therapy to resolve these feelings as they will affect your relationships in the future.” Yes-GoAway
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he doesn’t care what you think/feel he only wants to look good. Tell them if they ask again, I will make a public post. I have no respect for your dad, he let your mom die and let you down when you needed a dad.
He used his wife to protect his feelings. He’s spineless” WhiT8
16. AITJ For Trying To Protect My Intoxicated Roommate From Making Regrettable Decisions?
“I (f18) and my roommate (f19), Anna, have been friends since the start of the semester. Anna has had problems with getting super intoxicated/high, sleeping with guys, and then crying about it to me because she didn’t want to/ couldn’t properly consent.
Last night, she told me she was going to this guy’s dorm in our hall. At 11 pm a guy did something really scary to me (cornered me and tried to get me to be intimate with him/smoke with him and got mad when I didn’t) so I asked her to come home because I didn’t want to be alone.
She told me no. I got a little sad but invited over Brook (F18)and we drank and played games.
At 1 am Anna still hadn’t come home. I got worried because she told me she was going to come home so I texted her. When she did answer she was intoxicated and said she was going to sleep with a guy in his bed. Considering her past, I went down and knocked on their door because I did not want her to do things she would regret.
She answered the door and came and sat in the hallway and told me she wanted to sleep with him. I told her she was intoxicated. She said that she wouldn’t be intimate with him, just sleep in his bed. I asked her if she would rather go back and sleep in our dorm and she said yes, but changed her mind shortly after because the guy whose bed she said she was supposed to be in told us he would not give her her keys, purse, or phone.
I thought it was nonsense and I told her our dorm was literally just down the hall and she should come back and go to bed. 3 of the guys started making fun of me for sitting on the floor with Anna and being intoxicated. They took pictures of me and said they were going to send them to the floor group if I didn’t leave.
I asked Anna one more time to come home because I just would feel better if she did. She laughed and said I was being crazy and that she wanted to stay, so I left.
I went back to the form (was super upset about the guys taking pics of me so I cried) then slept.
I locked my door because she likes to come in and talk to me. Since I’ve woken up, she’s beaten on my door numerous times and texted me a bunch. I told her I was upset that, when I was trying to look out for her, she made fun of me with those guys and chose them over me when she knew I was having a rough night and just wanted her home.
She told me it was her life and she could do what she wanted. I agreed but said in the past she had gotten super intoxicated and had been intimate with guys and not remembered it/said she didn’t want to and she got upset with me.
She said she did end up being intimate with that guy and that I needed to get over my fear of intimacy (something I had told her about previously) and that I should’ve been intimate with that guy who cornered me because he wanted me.
I was sure I was doing the right thing by looking out for her, but now I’m not because Brook told me I should’ve left it alone. I just don’t want to talk to her anymore because I’m very hurt by the way she treated me and also no one seeing it my way.
I was just trying to protect my friend. And, I’m more upset about being made fun of than anything. Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your friend is too intoxicated to remember, she is likely too intoxicated to consent and some of these situations sound like assault.
It’s hard to know what the right thing to do is when you have a friend who is making choices that are damaging to themselves, but it sounds like you made a good-faith effort to have her come home when you were worried about her being taken advantage of.
With that said, you can’t control her choices- only yours. It sounds like you’re trying to make good ones and it’s good you didn’t be intimate with the first person who asked. It was Anna’s choice to stay with that guy so unless you feel that it’s against her will, you have to let her make her own decisions.” MiddleHuckleberry445
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but drop this girl as your “friend”. Maybe she does regret her actions the next day, but she’s also unwilling to let you help. She also prioritized her one-night stand over you. She also wants to pressure you into taking her lifestyle, probably to make herself feel better about it.
Next time, tell her you don’t want to hear about her problems since she isn’t going to listen. If she feels she’s been assaulted, she can take it to campus police.” Apprehensive_Let961
15. AITJ For Wanting My Ex-Partner's Brother To Pay For The MacBook I Gifted?
“I, 24F, purchased a MacBook on my partner’s 27M’s 25th birthday after knowing he wanted to start his business and YouTube channel.
I went and bought him a MacBook/desk to be supportive and surprise him. After having it for 1 month, his brother, 19M, asked to borrow it because he makes music and wanted to use some of the MacBook features. The week of him having it his cat scratched it and broke the screen.
I was very frustrated but knew that we would be expecting him to pay for the damages. As time went on, my partner never asked him to fix the MacBook and his brother would continue using it.
I have mentioned to my partner multiple times that he needs to ask for it back and he says he won’t be doing that and that he is letting him use it since he does not have much use for it now as his business was on hold.
After having multiple arguments back from 2022-2024, I am completely overwhelmed with how inconsiderate he has been to the gift I gifted him to help him do what he has always wanted to do.
We did break up in 2023 for 6 months and in that time I was caring for our son on my own staying at my mom’s, he gifted me a gold bracelet that was given to his mom by his dad who is still part of his life but was never part of his life as a kid, during the break up I wasn’t financially stable to care for my son and sold the bracelet for $300.
When we got back together, he asked me if I still had it, and I told him where it went. He told me I was very inconsiderate and that that bracelet had sentimental value to where I did not see it as sentimental, he would have asked for it back when we broke up if it had value.
I didn’t do it intentionally to hurt him I simply needed money to support me and his son, but back to the computer. Later this week he came home with a computer.
I was angry and did not make a comment about it when he stated he purchased it to be able to edit his videos and run his business, the next day I asked him if he planned to get the MacBook back from his brother and he replied with no we argued about it and he said if you can get me that bracelet back you can have the computer back.
After we exchanged a few words, I let him know that getting his bracelet back was not possible and that if he needed me to pay him back for it I could but that the computer needed to be returned. He later says that he sold the computer to his brother after we broke up because he “also needed money” which I do not believe because he is financially stable.
We ended the conversation where I let him know I would be reaching out to his mom to let his now 21-year-old son know that he either needs to pay me the $1099 plus the damages or keep it and pay me $1099 for just the computer.
I am very aware that maybe selling that bracelet wasn’t the right thing to do but as a mom at 22 who needed money for her 1-year-old, I know I did what I could. This has never been a computer, and the bracelet argument up until a year later when I sold the bracelet it became that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sure the consensus will be that YTJ because once a gift is given, the recipient can set it on fire and the giver has no right to be upset. I disagree, especially with such an expensive gift and one meant to help her SO “follow his dream”/start a business.
She was supporting him and his future. The disrespect will continue. She should get out. It will only get worse. (Selling the bracelet was tacky but necessary. They broke up for SIX months and he wasn’t helping her support their child. He only cares insofar as it helps him weasel out of having discarded that computer.)” User
Another User Comments:
“I’m not going to flat call you the jerk…. but a gift is releasing ownership of a possession. No matter how inconsiderate the guy is. It’s irrelevant, though. You have WAY bigger issues. This man is trash, and you need to evaluate why you are ok with you and your son being mishandled. If he’s financially stable, why are you selling jewelry to live?
Why are you buying these kinds of gifts? See, in the end, if you put yourself last, you are training others to do the same.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You’ve probably learned some very valuable lessons here. My advice for any young people reading this.
Don’t have kids if you’re not in a stable position in life, emotionally and financially. And try not to have kids with someone you can’t depend on to be there as an adult for their child.” hlidsaeda
14. AITJ For Not Rescuing My Brother's Flooded Car In The Middle Of A Thunderstorm?
“I’m a bit torn on this one. A little while back there was a really crazy thunderstorm in our neighborhood. My brother works the 3rd shift so he starts work at 11 pm. During this storm, my brother drove his Toyota Corolla into a big puddle at the bottom of a hill a few blocks from our house.
He called me around 11 pm to let me know his car was dead. I immediately asked him if he needed me to pick him up, to which he said no because he was waiting for the tow truck. As a side note, I’d been having terrible insomnia for the whole year and this was only the 3rd time this year I actually managed to sleep before midnight because I start work at 6 am.
I had an uneasy feeling and couldn’t sleep because I hadn’t heard my brother come back home, so around midnight I got up and called him to see if he was alright. He said that due to the storm, there were too many other cars needing a tow and he would have to wait longer for the truck.
I asked him again if he wanted me to pick him up. Again, he said no, he wanted to wait for the tow truck.
^–This happens again at around 1 am. Finally, at 3 am he calls me and asks if I can use my car to come and pull his car out of the mini pond using some ropes.
He said his car was completely dead and that the water already flooded the inside up to his windows. I told him that I had to wake up in 2 hours, the storm had died but was now back on in full effect, and that his car was a total loss.
There was no point in trying to save it now and I could come pick him up and bring him home. After work, we could get his car when it was safer and visible, and the water dried. He said no and that he would walk back home because he was already soaking wet and only 5 m away.
So this is where AITJ. I come back home from work and my parents are flipping out on me the second I get back home. They said I was a terrible brother for not caring at all about my older brother. They said he was scared for his life and could have died but I left him out there on his own despite him calling me.
I was so blindsided by both parents and my brother accusing me of evil-doing, that I just told them that I barely remembered the phone calls and that I was too sleepy to even think straight.
My mom mocked my voice and response and told me I should have known better because my older brother isn’t the type to know what’s good for him and that I should have forced him to come home the first time.
I told them I DID offer him 3 times and even woke up to call HIM. But no matter what, all 3 of them view it as my fault for not forcing him to come home.
My mom thinks I’m a jerk for not taking my brother’s personality and history into account.
My brother thinks I’m a jerk because I should have helped him tow his dead car in the middle of a pitch-black crazy thunderstorm at 3 am. My dad just agrees to anything my mom says. AITJ for thinking a 30-year-old man should be responsible for himself?”
Another User Comments:
“At first I thought your brother was 16, not 30 years old. Would be pretty scary for a 16-year-old, but a 30-year-old choosing to be out there for over 3 hours? That’s on him, he scarred himself. Should’ve taken the ride back home like that.
IMO the moment that car starts filling with water it’s game over.” makabakacos
Another User Comments:
“Wait, wait wait, you called repeatedly, and offered to go get him, and repeatedly he told you no. And he’s a grown man, right? Is he as irresponsible as your parents are making him out to be?
If so, why is he allowed to be out all alone without them holding his hand? Do they dress him also? NTJ,” justtired2022
Another User Comments:
“NTJ not only did you wake up to call him. You asked 3x if he wanted you to come sounds like he has a big ego and Mom and Dad don’t help at all.
I was recently in a similar problem with my older sister(30 as well maybe it’s just that age group) being stranded in another town 40ish minutes away and she called late at night for me(also a little tipsy) to come get her because she was tipsy and got mad at her ride and started “walking home” my parents tried to take her side till I beat it in their heads that a younger sibling shouldn’t be saving an older sibling out of situations they put themselves in.
You’re not the jerk at all he was responsible for driving his car into the pool of water as well as not accepting help when it was offered.” SweetFindom
13. AITJ For Deciding To Work On A School Project With My Friend Instead Of My Parents' Idea?
“Me (15M) and my parents are having a disagreement (48F & 49M). For some context, my school offers a program where you learn more about life outside of school and try more things (like other subjects, etc).
One thing we do is that we have to create a mini-company and sell products/services at a trade fair. There are a couple of phases/stages we need to follow – September is idea generation, October/November is making your product and advertising, and December is selling.
I was originally going to make jam with my friend, but my mom said that I shouldn’t as it’d be expensive and I wouldn’t be able to help much (which is fair). So, I went on my own, and we did a couple of hours of research together coming up with ideas (roughly 3-5 hours I’d say?).
Recently I came up with DIY Christmas ornaments, which my parents liked. However, it looked very resource-consuming to make them.
Today, I was talking to my friend about the company thing and she said she was unsure if she was going to commit to hers or not (homemade sweets from her country) as her English isn’t that great.
I said I was unsure too on my idea, and later on that day I asked her if she wanted to work together on her sweets. She said yes and we’re working together now (yay!!).
I told my mom this today, after school. She was on a treadmill at the time (this isn’t relevant).
I told her about my day and how I’m now working with my friend. She sighed angrily and told me to go away. As I was walking out she hit the remote off the treadmill table thing… I was confused about why she was so angry.
She finished up on the treadmill and came back in. And said to me “Can you list a reason why I’m mad about this?” I said “I don’t know” because… I didn’t. She said that I disrespected their time because I decided against their ideas and hours of research.
I found it fair for her to be upset about that, so I stayed silent and just nodded. Then she said how I was lazy for “piggybacking” off someone else’s idea… which I found odd to say because- I actually recommended to my friend to sell those sweets for her company (this was last week), and also because they were coming up with ideas for me as well… so technically am I being lazy either way?
Anyway, she said I would just be sitting there with her when we sell at the trade fair, which I disagreed on, and said I would also help make them, package, etc… Then she was still mad at me and she’s been weird to me the whole day now (it’s night right now).
Then… she sent my dad to text me (he’s in another country for work currently), and he asked what I decided to do for the company (I knew my mom told him to text me). I told him that I was working with my friend and he was surprised and a little annoyed. He said it was “too late in the game” to switch up like this… even though it’s the phase of idea generation and settling on what we’re gonna do…
My mom’s been mad/weird to me this whole day, and I’m curious if I’m the jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, I think your parents might be overreacting here. You’re still in the idea generation phase, so changing your mind is fine.
Plus, you’re not “piggybacking” off someone else’s idea—you’re actively choosing to work with your friend and contribute to the project. It seems like your mom is taking this a bit too personally. Maybe she feels like her effort went to waste, but that doesn’t mean you should stick to a plan that doesn’t excite you.
It could be worth trying to explain to her how you’re going to help with this new project so she sees you’re serious about it.” User
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. It’s normal to change ideas during the planning stage, especially if you’ve found a project you’re more passionate about.
It sounds like your parents are more upset about the fact that they spent time helping you brainstorm, but that doesn’t mean you have to stick to an idea that isn’t working. The important thing is that you’ve found something you want to do, and you’re willing to put in the work.
Maybe try having a calm conversation with your mom to explain why you made the switch and that you appreciate her help, even if the original plan didn’t work out.” User
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like your parents are being a bit harsh here.
It’s still early in the process, so switching ideas isn’t a big deal, especially if you’re still figuring out what will work best. It’s great that you found a way to collaborate with your friend, and if you’re genuinely interested in the sweets project, there’s nothing wrong with that.
Your parents might just be upset because they feel like their time was wasted, but that’s not your fault. It’s a learning experience, and it’s okay to change your mind at this stage!” User
12. AITJ For Not Forcing A Bond With My Dementia-Stricken Grandmother I Barely Know?
“I (19F) am Mexican and have never gone to Mexico. I’m a US citizen of two Mexican immigrants and two years ago got the opportunity to visit Mexico during the summer.
I was so excited because I’d never met my grandparents before. I always grew up missing out on the grandparent’s memories others got to create with theirs, as a kid. So I was stoked to find out I was finally going to meet my only grandparent.
I cried when I met her. I got to see the house my mom grew up in, it was a full-circle moment for me.
Time passes and my mom gets her mom (my grandma) to come stay with us for a while. Well, things got really awkward.
She didn’t remember my name, we had no “real” conversations. I don’t speak Spanish well and the little I do, it is not well said. I hurried and mispronounced my words. I also speak Spanish. My grandma is fully Spanish, knows no English, and heavy Mexican accent.
She hardly understands me and I hardly understand her. When I try to talk to her she will change the topic I’m talking to her about into something that has to do with her or not necessarily her but people in her life that I don’t even know.
So there I sit, nodding after every word she says. Not understanding anything but one every 5 words.
My mom tries to force a bond between us. I’m already not social but it’s even harder when there’s nothing to go off of. My mom will tell me to sleep in the same bed as her.
And I pity her because she lost her husband. I feel for her. But I just can’t force something that’s not there no matter how hard I try.
She snores rather loudly (I can’t fall asleep unless I fall asleep first before she gets to snore), can’t sleep alone (she’s scared), and has dementia so covers me up repeatedly throughout the night even if I tell her I’m burning up because she has dementia she will also say the same phrase over and over again, she never eats (you have to beg her to eat without her wanting to make you eat instead).
This doesn’t bother me as much but my mom who does look after her, does. She might not express it but it’s obvious that her mom is a huge burden to take for.
My mom has even stopped working to support her mom. She’s even tried to get me to work less just to watch her mom while she tried to work again.
My mom doesn’t have to keep her mom living with us but does anyway. My mom even got mad at me for leaving my grandma’s home alone for 15ish minutes because I was going to be late for work if I didn’t leave. I got to work right on time.
I spent my whole life not knowing her and then just like magic my mom wants me to love and cherish her with all the love in the world. I don’t know my grandma. How can I love her? My mom says that she will never forgive me for not spending more time with my grandma.
My grandma leaves tomorrow. I know that it’s her mom and I should just cherish her just for that reason but I don’t know her like my mom does. How could I want to spend time with someone that I just don’t have a connection with?
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I mean you didn’t know her, so it’s not easy to have a bond there, I don’t think your mom hates you, dementia is not something easy, you see your loved one lose herself in her mind, I think your mom it’s just worried about her or maybe even she’s feeling regrets for not spending a lot of time with her” AngelloD
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. Your mother wants you to have the same feelings about somebody who she’s known her entire life and you’ve never met before. She’s being unrealistic and sticking her head in the sand over your perfectly valid and understandable reasons. Also, if you’ve never met your grandma before, it’s your mother’s fault – so add guilt on her part into the mix.
You could ask your mum why she’s never made it happen until now. She’s ultimately responsible for the situation.” WestLondonIsOursFFC
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here I know there’s a whole cultural difference thing with family being super important, so I don’t think your mom is being a jerk by taking on so much with caring for her mom.
And she’s probably really stressed out and struggling to find a new normal. Grandma can’t be considered a jerk, depending on how bad the dementia is – from your description sounds pretty far advanced. And you aren’t a jerk. You didn’t offer to take on a caretaker role, it was pretty much forced on you.
You can’t communicate, so you can’t bond. Any emotional investment would certainly be one-sided, and not likely to be remembered.” Kaynico
11. AITJ For Not Wanting A Stranger To Live With Us While My Mom Is Away?
“I (18F) am in my first year of college. And as it’s important to the story, I’m a commuter.
This usually means that I’m home pretty much during the day, except for my morning classes and my evening classes on Mondays and Wednesdays. With that said, almost two weeks ago, my mom told me that she would be talking to a friend of hers about letting someone from our home country (my family is from a West African country) stay with them because the person in question has won a lottery ticket allowing them to come here to America.
The problem that arose was that the people he had arranged a living situation with backed out last minute when it became apparent he would actually be coming here. So my mom talked to some friends and no one really got back to her about letting him stay with them.
She then decided that she would have this man stay with us.
Now, although I understand that being able to come to America is not an opportunity he would want to pass up, I think that the idea that my mom is okay with letting a person she doesn’t personally know stay in a home alone with her daughter is concerning.
My mom works a job that requires her to live away from home, so it’s just me and my younger sister here, even then since my sister is involved in school, 5 days of the week she’s at school from 7 am to 6 pm, that leaves me alone with a stranger, and I would hope other people would be able to see the problem with that.
I told her how I felt about this, and she then began to downplay the situation. Stating that he went to college as if going to college would somehow make this any less of an issue. And I then told her that this just highlights how little she seems to care about me as compared to my little sister.
Her inability to acknowledge how concerning the situation is, however, makes me wonder if maybe I’m being selfish for not wanting him to live with us, but being someone who has been raised solely by a woman, I’ve never really lived with men, and as she was always working, I’ve grown to accept being independent and living alone.
The thought of living alone with a stranger is so uncomfortable for me.
If it were a cousin, I think I would be able to rationalize the situation, but the fact that it’s someone she doesn’t even know herself, just makes the situation all the worse for me.
I do acknowledge that I may overreact because he is a man, but as a person who has unfortunately had many ill encounters with men, I feel that it’s necessary to be cautious of this one.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would feel the same about a man I didn’t know moving into my home.
Bringing your sister into it maybe didn’t help, it made it sound like you were whining and being jealous. You need to make it clear that your worry is about your privacy and safety. If he does end up coming, get a lock for your bedroom door so you know you’re safe and marched in there.
Ideally, a key so you can lock it when you’re out or if that’s not possible, a cheap little camera that connects to your phone. Put it discreetly pointing at the door when you’re out so if somebody goes in your room, you’ll know.” naynay2908
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and this is stupid decision-making on your mother’s part. Do you pay your mother’s rent? If so, you have a right to say no to this person moving into the home which you pay money towards. None of you have ever met this person and she wants to let him move in and have unsupervised access to her two daughters while she is away at work.
Just because he has been to college doesn’t make him trustworthy. I just have so many questions about this arrangement. Is he going to pay your mother’s rent to stay in your home? Where is he going to sleep, or is she expecting one of you to share a room with him?
Does he have employment organized? Why can’t he stay with any of her other friends?” Pure-Philosopher-175
10. AITJ For Sending My Nephew A Playmobil Set He Wanted For His Birthday?
“My nephew is 5. Close to the end of a challenging time, his parents needed help and I stayed with them for 6 months helping to take care of him, so he is very special. I do not see him much anymore though -on average 10-15 days a year, when we overlap our visits to my hometown.
We talk daily on his way to school with my brother (his father). Of course, when I see him, I spoil him: I play a lot with him and his younger brother, and buy them gifts.
I saw him 20 days ago, and I had gotten him close to 20 Playmobil toys (in 10 packages -they were all part of a theme, but we wanted the excitement of a package each day. They were tiny packages, pretty much part of one gift).
His father and I had played a lot with Playmobils growing up. Nephew loved them. Played with them, and loved making stories with them. I left town afterward, and my sister who stayed back said that he was playing with them every day. When he was about to leave, he went to the toy store, saw a big Playmobil box, and told my sister he wanted it.
She said that since he was leaving Europe and coming to the US (where I also live), she would talk to me to send it to him to his home.
On Friday, it was his birthday. The Playmobil he wanted was expensive -and I found out they are not so easy to find in the US – but he wanted it, so I ordered and sent it to him.
The next day, my brother sent me a message that they would not give it to him. When his mother went to pack the other 20 Playmobils before returning to the US, he told her ‘Leave them here, aunties will send me new ones home.’ My sister was there and she said he wanted to have something to come back to.
But my sister-in-law says we spoiled her son excessively, and he can’t appreciate things. I mean, I do understand he has a lot, but this was the first year he could pick what he wanted, and I wanted him to know that we listened to him, especially since we do not see him often.
And I thought that it was his birthday, it wasn’t just a random gift. So, I did not include a return card.
Now, my sister-in-law never really liked me… not sure why, but even though I supported their relationship at first, once they got engaged, she made it pretty clear that she didn’t want to have a relationship with me.
She was only nice (sort of) during the time I was helping them. That is why I do not visit them and only see them when they travel to our hometown.
But this time, I received a warning through my brother that I am never to give her child a gift, without a return card/gift receipt.
They have not even asked me to start a return which makes me suspect that she plans to throw it away. She has returned gifts in the past for useful stuff (like a chair instead of a toy). I would love to contribute to their expenses if they needed it, but they do make good money (way more than me) to both buy necessities and toys.
So, I felt it would be okay if I could show my nephew who doesn’t understand at his age why we do not meet more often, that I think of him with something tangible that he wants. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The gift belongs to your nephew.
Your brother & sister-in-law have no right.” Individual-Paint7897
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Next time you call the nephew, ask him if he liked your gift.” Excellent-Count4009
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you genuinely care about your nephew and want to make up for the limited time you get to spend with him by showing your love through gifts.
I get where you’re coming from—those Playmobil sets were clearly special to him, and it seems like you were trying to continue a tradition from your childhood while letting him know you’re thinking of him. That said, I can see why his parents might have concerns.
From their perspective, if your nephew is starting to expect that he’ll always get what he asks for, it could make it harder for them to teach him about appreciation and boundaries. It’s possible that your sister-in-law is trying to set a precedent about gift-giving so he doesn’t end up with unrealistic expectations, even though it might feel harsh to you.
It’s unfortunate that there seems to be some tension between you and your sister-in-law. Maybe talking directly to your brother about how you can still show your love for your nephew in a way that respects their boundaries could help. Finding a middle ground might make it easier to avoid situations like this in the future.
I don’t think you’re a jerk, just someone trying to be a good aunt.” User
9. AITJ For Attending My Abusive Mother's Funeral And Ignoring My Younger Brother's Accusations?
“My mother had me when she was young, she and my father split when I was a kid. I, accordingly, look like him. It made my childhood rough. In the shortest possible terms, I carry two scars I can’t ignore today. One on my hand, one on my face.
In my middle teens, I left home. By this time my mother had remarried and had more children. Her husband would step in when he thought she was getting out of hand. He didn’t let her touch his kids, however.
In my early 20s, I left the family.
I could not go to events without her being there so I cut everyone off and walked away. My partner now my wife and I moved, I changed my name and left. I always dreamed of what I would say if I saw her, how I would get even, what I would like to do, how I would do it.
8 months back my wife got a call. It turns out my grandmother had her phone number still. I was away from home so I got a note: Your mother’s dying, she wants to see you, please return this call.
I expected to be angry, I expected to feel hurt again however I found out that after 20 years I understood what “Time heals all wounds” meant.
While I was not looking time had ebbed away all my rage. I didn’t hate her anymore, in its place was just apathy. I guess rage is a younger me’s need. Because I remember having an unhealthy attachment to it in my 20s. I thought about what to do for about a month.
I decided to let silence be my answer. I didn’t want to see her.
2 weeks ago my wife got a photo of the invite to the funeral. I felt like I needed to see it. Just the funeral. I thought about asking to see her body, to make sure, but upon reflection I decided that was a step too far.
I just needed to see that this was real. Close that chapter. I arrived late wore black and stood just outside the double doors looking in. A coffin, a photo, my sister crying. It was real but it didn’t change anything. I had let my rage die, I didn’t need to do this.
I could have gone to her grave 2 weeks from now and had the same closure.
As it turns out I have a younger brother born after I left that I had never known about. He’s in his teens now and he knew who I was.
In the hall, in front of everyone, he said if I didn’t respect her enough to see her in life I didn’t deserve to in her death. There was more said but I can’t remember it. I just realized that no one there even knew my name.
I was not a part of this family and I didn’t belong.
Instead of answering I left. I think my need to see that it was over could have been better served by asking for her plot and visiting in my own time. I thought seeing the funeral would be a moment of closure but I felt the same after as I did before I went.
My wife says that my brother is just mourning and I had every right to go. I think that a right to go does not make for a reason to go and that my being there was an unnecessary issue for those to whom she was family.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Only because this brother was born after you left the family, he wasn’t raised by the “same” mother you were, he also didn’t witness the mistreatment she inflicted upon you as your other siblings did so it’s unclear if he even knows the truth behind why you stayed away.” RoyIbex
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your brother does not know your experience. Right now is not the time to share it his grief is real and he would not be better off for knowing now. You did nothing wrong and neither did he. If in the future he reaches out you can have an honest talk with him.
But you will both need to respect that each of you had very different experiences. Despite how awful your mom was to you it is still hard to lose a parent. When they die any hope even if you weren’t aware you had any, that the relationship can be mended dies with them.
I’m sorry for your loss.” beginagain4me
8. AITJ For Wanting To Kick Out My Mother After She Scammed Me Using My Inherited Land?
“I’m F28. I graduated in 2019 and moved out, a situation occurred so I got a good deal for an apartment. I landed a great job which still provides me with a good life. I took a mortgage for a house 2 years ago and I invited my mum to live with me as she has no place to go.
She rented an apartment back then. In 2022, my dad passed away and I inherited about 49 acres of Land from him. My mum divorced him when I was 7 years old. I’m his only child. A few months later my auntie sued me for what I inherited from my dad.
I won the court case at the end.
The issue here is my mum, who I invited to live with me took the opportunity to keep my paper when I traveled back from court. She used my land paper, forged my signature made up a story, and scammed people.
She used my land as collateral for her “friend” and took a loan of 5 million and gave it all to this person who she called “friend” The land is worth 12 million. I didn’t know any of this. She told me she lost the paper as she is an old woman and becoming very forgetful.
I went to the land department and went through the process of getting the new paper issue. 6 months later after I went through all that, the land department called me and said someone presented the actual paper so they couldn’t issue a new one.
I went over to the land department and saw all these loan papers and a document that I noticed immediately that was my mum’s handwriting.
I was called by the department and they told me that the signature on the authority letter was different, the documents presented by “whoever” were fake, and there was no harm done as all these were made without the land department certifying this. But they can’t issue my paper as it’s not lost but someone else is in the procession of it.
I confronted her and she made no apology. She said if I want it back then go and sue whoever has my land paper. I was left with no choice but to report to the police. By this action, I am putting her on the road to jail.
During the police investigation process, I found out that it was my mum who told “whoever” to go to the land department and present that the paper wasn’t lost but she took a loan from it. Because if they issue my land paper, the old one will be automatically void.
Until this day after I reported it to the police, it has been two months and she is been informing her “friend” about my move and trying to get away with it. Until this very moment, she is still not on my side. She is forcing my hand to put her in prison.
I just want my paperback. The police are in the process of getting it back. I have consulted with a lawyer, I will win this case eventually but this will take years.
I found out today that I overheard her talking to her “friend” about my moves, meeting the police, and submitting more documents blah blah.
I can’t even leave my ID Card, passport, and any other documents in my own house. I have a strong urge to ask her to leave. But she got nowhere to go. She is 64 years old.”
Another User Comments:
“OP, I am so sorry to hear what you need to go through.
NTJ for that you want to throw out your mother. I would consult with your lawyer and ask what you can do to get her out. You could tell her to stay with her “friend”. I advise you to also go before the court because of the whole story.
You deserve justice here so bad, I can’t even express it. Your mother is a total jerk here. She committed a crime on your behalf and thinks probably that you will do nothing against it, which is already so messed up… Good luck OP!” Born_Reality3814
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not trying to be dramatic but your mom is capable of anything. She could commit identity fraud. She could take out credit cards in your name. I’m being serious. The fact she’s not remorseful and trying to help her friend skirt the law and avoid capture makes her an accomplice.
I don’t know about your state or provincial laws where you live but she might have occupant rights since you invited her to live with you. She might even argue she’s dependent on you financially and go after you for false claims of you promising to take care of her (some celebrity’s mom did this).
Have a tenancy lawyer advise on how to evict her promptly.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like your father has left you in good shape financially — at least you would be in good shape if your mother hadn’t engaged in criminal acts with your property.
Your mother has stolen from you and continues to perpetrate the fraud to this moment. Get her out of your house. Get her out now. Change the locks and lock up your important documents in case she engages someone to break in and take them from you.
Check with social services to see if there is any subsidized housing for elderly indigent people. Get her on a list for said housing. In the meantime, if you can afford it and don’t want to put her out on the street, rent her the smallest possible studio apartment, or if you’re in a city that has them, a small mobile home.
You can direct her to a food bank, whatever Meals on Wheels is called where you live, and other social services. But get her out. Criminals who steal from you, aren’t sorry and are continuing to victimize you with their crimes against you don’t belong in your house.
Even if they’re your mother. Especially if they’re your mother, given that this is the person in the world you should be able to trust and rely upon the most. I’m so sorry she’s putting you through this. NTJ. Unless you keep her in your house.” Nester1953
7. AITJ For Telling My Mom That My Stepdad Was Rude While I Was Venting?
“Me (20 F), my mom (50), and my stepdad (55) were having dinner with my grandparents. I was not having the best day because one of my college roommates was being very difficult and just making everything stressful for me as they wanted to buy a griddle and bring their two rice cookers, and a toaster oven into a suite dorm.
Our dorms are very sensitive to smoke since the school is smoke and substance-free. I was stressing about where are we going to hide these very large items when room checks happen and the possibility of them accidentally burning food, causing the smoke alarms in the ENTIRE dorm building to go off.
I was dealing with this all day during work (as I am home for the summer) and I just wanted to vent about it to my family. I asked my family if it was okay to talk about the situation and they said yes.
As I was venting to my nana (and to anyone else who was listening), my stepfather would then constantly interrupt me as I was venting.
He would either make a joke, mock what I said, or interrupt me just for the fun of it.
I was getting frustrated because not only that, but my mother would also provoke the behavior by laughing at his “jokes” and sighing loudly when I kept talking.
I felt like at this point, no one was listening to me, so I just ended my vent there and gave up. As we were helping my nana clean the dishes, I told her thank you for listening to me, even though my stepfather was being quite rude (my stepdad left to go home so he didn’t hear my comment).
Once the dishes were done, my mom and I walked outside to head home and then she began to get onto me, telling me my stepdad was just trying to “cheer me up”. While I understood where she was coming from, I told her there is a time and a place to make jokes and this wasn’t one of them.
I needed someone, mainly my parents, to listen to me and respect that I didn’t want someone making jokes when I was venting.
She got really upset and started to bring up the fact that he does everything for us and that he does listen to me.
I told her while, again, I understood that he does do a lot of things (like paying the bills, providing insurance, etc), it was still very rude and disrespectful to not listen to me and to mock me. She then got even more upset and said that she would tell him to not make jokes to me anymore and she was sorry that “I feel that way about him”.
As we continued to argue, I began to cry a little as I just wanted someone to sit down and listen to me. That was all I was asking, just for someone to not interrupt me every minute to make a joke about my frustrations.
She then got mad once more, stating that it was my fault, to begin with for letting this situation bother me all day and letting it make me stressed. To end the conversation, she asked where her chicken was and I pointed in the direction I last saw it and we both went our separate ways.
AITJ for telling my mom that my stepdad was being rude? Or am I just being too sensitive/overdramatic?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re not the jerk for expressing your feelings about your stepfather’s behavior during your venting session. Understandably, you were frustrated and upset when you felt like your family wasn’t taking your concerns seriously, especially since you asked for their support and specifically requested a listening ear.
It’s important to acknowledge that sometimes people use humor to try to lighten the mood or diffuse tense situations. However, in this case, it seems like your stepfather’s jokes were not helpful and only served to invalidate your feelings. Your mother’s reaction, while coming from a place of defending her partner, was also not supportive of your needs at the time” AmorousLass.
Another User Comments:
“I think after being on an emotional spiral all day and not getting what you needed, it was very demoralizing not to be heard. We all think that the people who love us will always be there and listen when we need them to, often that is not the case.
Best to have just had a conversation with a friend or your nana. Your stepdad probably made jokes because he didn’t know what else to do. Many men of his age (my generation) are emotionally stunted and think they can help by deflection. It doesn’t help.
That was probably the way he was raised. Your mom feels like she has to defend him because he is her husband and sounds like her bread and butter. Don’t hold onto this, it is not a hill to die on. Take some deep breaths, try some meditation.
You are in a stressful situation, look for ways to help you calm your soul.” SliceEquivalent825
6. AITJ For Wanting To Stop Being A Full-Time Caregiver For My Sister's Kids?
“Last year my sister had offered for me to move into her house because I was having issues in my current living situation.
I’m 25 and she’s 38 with two young kids. I’ve always been the sibling to call for aunty duties ever since they were born, they are now 6. I’ve also been watching her kids while she works nights during summer months between college semesters, and even the weekends post-grad when I got my first full-time job.
When she offered to me I can move into her house she had a nanny at the time who took care of her kids while she worked (ex: getting them ready for school, picking them up from the bus, and watching them on weekends) so I wasn’t going to be the main one watching them except for overnight while she’s at work.
Within a few months of me being there, she and the nanny disagreed and fell out. I also had a long commute to work which put a toll on my health since I have a chronic condition. Ultimately I decided to quit my job for my health and search for other jobs closer, but this has taken a bit longer since the job market sucks right now.
My sister saw this as an opportunity for a trade-off where now I can watch her kids essentially full time and she’ll essentially let me stay with her. My sister has also been having financial issues which is why she works almost 5-7 days a week, so I empathize with her and understand her situation.
My sister was able to get morning help for her kids to alleviate the physical toll it would have on me, but I still do everything else. I pick them up from the school bus, make them dinner, do their night routine, help with hw, play with them when they ask me to, watch them overnight, and watch them on the weekends while she’s working or when needed. Whenever I want to make plans with either my friends or partner I have to essentially give her a notice ahead of time so she can find childcare.
I’m always asking her “What’s your schedule this week” to accommodate her and also gauge what plans I can make. This has been the arrangement for almost a year now and at first, I was fine with it and wanted to help her as much as I could but over time I am getting burnt out.
Her kids are great, but being and taking care of kids all the time has become very hard for me and quite annoying.
I want to be able to have more freedom since I am still in my twenties and she is much older than me.
I am also still figuring out my career path and want to focus on my life. She started noticing that I wasn’t becoming as open to watching them or wanting to take them to their weekend activities. She thinks my behavior is unfair and that I should be willing to still be open to it.
She also expects me to be on top of the chores, which I do, but get easily exhausted and mentally drained from the whole situation and may not get to everything at once. She’s had moments where she acknowledges how grateful she is for my help, but I am ready for a change and even plan on moving out when the new year arrives.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but she’s not wrong either. You started one way and now you’re burned out and are watching less. What you need is to get a job so you can stop being her nanny. You need to be sending hundreds of applications regularly to land something.
And it might take months because the hiring market is cool, but it will pick up in September as few people hire in summer when lots of people are on vacation.” PigletTechnical9336
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are the aunt NOT the mom. She is the mom you didn’t mention if she had a partner, but I’m assuming not.
If there is then where is he? (Unless out serving then I retract that statement). You have every right to have YOUR OWN life. Amazingly, you want to be a good sister/aunt. However, you have to draw clear boundaries and talk to her. Tell her that as much as you love her and the kids, it has taken a toll on you.
That this isn’t fair for you and you feel like she’s taking advantage of you. It’s great that she’s letting you live there regardless if you pay or not. But you aren’t just someone who always has free time. Sit down and talk to her.
Can your parents help out if need be? Can she ask friends to help out from time to time? Maybe hire a nanny or daycare depending on which one is cheaper if she can afford it. If she continues to treat you like this, then maybe it’s time to look for another place.
A friend, partner, alone maybe? Maybe ask your parents if you can move back home for a little while you save?” TheQuirkyReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I can see both sides of the issue. Your sister needs cheap (free) care for her kids. And you are burnt out and have no life of your own.
These aren’t your kids. You are allowed to have a break. Is it possible to move in with your partner? Or one of your other friends? Your sister isn’t going to pay you for caring for her kids (if you live elsewhere) but you may find that having a bit of respite from your unrelenting role of being a mother to her kids may actually give you proper time to look for a job and hopefully land one.” KitchenDismal9258
5. AITJ For Confronting My Pubescent Brother About His Insults And Threatening To Cut Ties?
“I’m (f19) emotional right now over a fight with my brother (13). It sounds so silly writing it, but it just got to me. I had such an awesome relationship with him when he was a little younger. And then he entered puberty.
And he changed so much. Like so, so much. He started being incredibly self-entitled. Like a lot. Claiming he knows everything better. Throwing tantrums when he didn’t get to eat another snack at 1 a.m. Then he started insulting everyone, just like that. Started with my younger brother (9).
Calling him dumb. Telling him to eat less, calling him fat. Stupid. I started to step in from time to time but pulled away sometimes because I didn’t want to ruin my relationship with him.
Lately though, like over three months, he turned to me, too.
Started saying I had “dumb nonsense minus IQ” or something like that. Calling me a poor blighter. Turning to me being fat. To say I’m stupid for not liking his dark humor. That I am super sensitive. Saying I don’t know what to do with my life.
He is very invested in crypto coins, in investing, etc, always telling me I am doing it the wrong way, saying he’ll surpass me while I’ll stay poor my whole life, and things like that. And that frequent, and in a mean tone.
And where I lose it, is when he says he knows how I am. That he has heard FACTS about me. He was referring to huge quarrels with my father I had after finishing school.
I never said anything to my brother. Just things like “Mmhh, of course” or what we say here like “same for you”.
Never something serious.
And he did it again today. My laptop was in his room (which is the living room during the day, complicated story), he already asked me to get it out in that commanding tone and brought up the thing with him knowing facts about me.
I went to the kitchen, took deep breaths to not overreact, made myself a tea, and thought about telling him how I felt about it. I did: “ Look, I am telling you this, and you do what you want to do about it. I don’t want you ever to say these things to me again (dumb nonsense Iq etc).
If you have some kind of problem with me, or feel like I am the jerk for something, tell me. I don’t want you doing this again. We are going to the movies in three days and I don’t want to carry this with us, I am walking on eggshells to not destroy our relationship but I can’t do this anymore.
If you do that again, you have lost me. And I am not threatening you, but that is how I feel.”
He said (looking at his phone) “ mhm, mhm, are you done?” (Again, insolent tone). “I see you are kinda upset, so I am not saying anything back” I was like “No, don’t decide that for me, tell me”
He went back to “Nono, I want to sleep, are you done” etc. I took my things, turned off the lights, and walked away. And he was like “ I didn’t tell you to turn the lights off”. I ignored it. And guess what came?
“Dumb nonsense minus zero IQ”
AITJ? Wrong approach? What should I do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to learn to completely ignore him. He’s just hit the biggest jerk age of his life – 13-year 13-year-old male! Every reaction from you – even “mmm…OK” is rewarding him with a reaction.
You need to pretend he does not exist (except in cases of extreme emergency – like don’t let the house burn down around him).” Ok_Conversation9750
Another User Comments:
“Why exactly are you taking him to the movies in three days if he’s being such an abusive little jerk right now?
Why are you rewarding any of his behavior? You are his older brother and frankly, it’s up to you and your parents to teach him societally acceptable behavior and this most definitely is not it. He needs to learn how to communicate emotionally and not to be dismissive and abusive with his words -because that indicates what’s going on in his head and that’s not something you want in your life.
You might want to check his social media sources and make sure he’s not being redpilled. Explain to him about conditions and ramifications and saying something means something like in this case you’re being a jerk and therefore I’m not taking you to the movies.
Good luck ” Remote-Physics6980
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like he’s starting his teenage phase. Ignoring him is probably the best strategy as at that age they barely have any patience and would move on to something else once you stop giving the response they want.
If you want to be petty, keep a list of these ridiculous-sounding insults and read them back to him when he graduates from college or something lol.” namesaretoohardforme
4. AITJ For Writing About My Grandma Instead Of My Stepmom For An Assignment?
“My mom died 10 years ago. I (16f) was 6. My parents were separated for two or maybe three years and in the final stages of their divorce. So I knew they weren’t getting back together and I knew my dad had a partner at the time.
I met her a year later. They’d been together 2 already but Dad delayed us meeting because of my mom dying and I didn’t want to meet her. I was really against meeting my stepmom for a while. I told Dad I didn’t want to replace my mom.
He was desperate for us to meet and for us to get along so he pushed it and it backfired because I retreated into myself and I didn’t say a word to her the first time we met. I also cried so hard when my emotions burst out after an hour of her trying to talk to me.
Dad had to call my (maternal) grandma for help who was my best support after mom died. Grandma was sick with cancer at the time, and had lost her only child and her husband but was still there for me.
Anyway, Grandma told Dad I needed therapy and she paid for me to go since Dad couldn’t afford it.
I started therapy a few weeks after meeting my stepmom. I met her a few more times before it started but didn’t handle it any better. Eventually, with therapy, I was less against her being around and talked to her a bit, even starting to like her.
But I never saw her as my mom. To be fair they didn’t push that on me either. She told me when we had met a lot more times that I could call her whatever so I always called her by her first name. When she and Dad got married I was his best girl.
When my 2 half-sisters and half-brother were born I loved them and we’re close. But I’m still closest to my grandma. She’s amazing.
My stepmom and I are closer than we were before. But after a few years especially after my siblings were born she started to wish we could be closer and she reached out to me and offered to be my second mom if I wanted that and I told her I didn’t.
She was sad and she told me. I noticed after that she changed toward me. Not in a negative way but in that she was trying to show up as a mom and be closer to me. A few times Dad told me I had to go along with her so it wouldn’t hurt her as badly.
Like when she booked us for a mother/daughter spa day package for Mother’s Day.
There was an assignment I had to do for a writing club a part of. We were asked to write about the living woman we admire the most and I wrote about my grandma.
It got published in the club newsletter which is how my dad and stepmom found out about it and they asked me about it. Stepmom told me she was hurt I wouldn’t write about her and she asked why I was never willing to give her being a second mom a chance.
Dad told me I should have declined the assignment since they’re always optional or chosen to write about my stepmom since my grandma always gets my praises and I made it public that grandma is more important than my stepmom.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you wrote what you felt in your heart, and judging by how they reacted it’s clear why you didn’t choose your stepmom to write about.
What a weird thing for an adult to say to a child: “Why didn’t you write about me being the person you admire the most?” I’m proud of you for writing what was true to you! Don’t let them bully you” rhinoregrets
Another User Comments:
“You wrote a nice essay praising your grandma and they’re the only ones who interpreted it as a secret insult to stepmom. Your relationship with her sounds pretty darn healthy, considering. But she does need to learn to back off and respect that you’ve said no to her being “mom.” She’ll only keep disappointing herself like this if she continues.
NTJ” cloistered_around
3. AITJ For Breaking Up With My Partner Over His Relationship With An Old Hookup?
“C (24M) and I (24F) have been together for 5 months.
While we were more casual, C was telling me about his friends and how he had met them. One of them was M (24F) who he had been involved with 2 years ago. I didn’t like it but said nothing.
Later in our relationship, he introduced me to his friend group, which consisted of M and 3 other people.
M ignored me most of the time when I was there. The whole time I found her to be too close with C: she shared towels sunscreen and water and fed him her ice cream (we had all gone to the beach) When she wasn’t sunbathing, she was standing by the water taking photos and videos of C as he swam and was telling him how to pose, etc and telling him he looked good.
C also ignored me most of that trip and treated M more like a partner than me.
On the drive home, we argued about it. He told me I was too conservative because of my culture, that he and M weren’t that close, that I was making things up, and that it’s normal to be friends with someone you have a history with.
About a week later, I was spending the weekend at his house, and M facetime him to complain about a date she had been on (in front of me) and to talk about her love life and how bad her love life is (she is single now for the first time in 2 years.) They both ignore me during the call.
Over the long weekend, I try to make plans with C. I had work that Monday so I could only meet with him on Sunday. He tells me he’s unsure because he may have plans with friends. I asked if he could reschedule it for Monday so I could see him on Sunday.
Near the end of the phone call, he lets it slip that he can’t see me because M works on Monday so he has to see her on Sunday instead of me. I say nothing but I freak out overnight and block him.
The next day while he’s out (with M), he manages to contact me and I tell him why I’m upset.
He calls me when he gets home and for a few days we argue via text and call. Eventually, he agrees to stop talking to M one-on-one and only see her in group settings.
But I realized I didn’t want him to be in contact with her at all and that I did not like that he was going on a trip with her.
Meaning they are together on the other side of the world and that my anxiety would become overwhelming and he wouldn’t be there to reassure me. I’d be alone for three months while they traveled together. So I break up with him.
I MIGHT be the jerk because he’s had friends block him in the past out of nowhere without explanation and I agree it was thoughtless on my part.
But I was overwhelmed and angry and knew that if I had to speak to him that day, I’d say some very regretful things. I believe I am setting boundaries over what I will and won’t tolerate in a relationship, but I’ve had multiple guys be unfaithful to me with women they swore were “just friends” and it’s made me very paranoid.
But he’s also upset with me over breaking up with him over this rather than accepting his attempt.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ There are guys out there who are very monogamous and project that respect onto their partners, like keeping distance from exes, no problems And would never in their life dare to get anywhere near that disrespectful as your bf was to you But also you may not like those type of guys haha” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You presented genuine concerns and he dismissed them. I’m all for supporting those with past traumas, but you were hurt because of his actions. The way you’ve portrayed them acting with one another is concerning. His choosing her over you, and video calling while talking about intimacy is inappropriate.
He made his choice, end of story.” PuzzleheadedDrive731
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You broke up with him because you felt like your definition of a relationship didn’t coincide. His focus seemed to be on the other girl anyway. That would be a very lonely and upsetting experience.
If you just blocked him and didn’t verbally break up that’s bad but it doesn’t sound like that. I’m all for people knowing their wants in a relationship and not settling.” youmustb3jokn
2. AITJ For Refusing To Pick Up A Birthday Gift For My Dad's New Family?
“After our mom passed away, dad told me and my siblings (17m, 16f, and 14m) that he was glad that part of his life was over and he was going to find someone he loved and wanted to be with and we better be ready because he wasn’t slowing down for us.
This was 10 years ago. He met a few women before his wife of 9 years. They were together a few months before they got married and she was pregnant right away. Dad said he knew she was the one. He was finally in love. That mom was his biggest regret in life.
My sister would cry which annoyed Dad. He’d say we should want him to be happy when he sacrificed his happiness for us.
He’s a better dad to the kids he has with his wife. He’s there on their birthdays, remembers to buy them gifts, and takes them out for ice cream, or for special time with him.
He comes home earlier to spend time with them before they go to bed and helps with their homework. He never did that with us even after he started changing. My sister and brother wanted him to for the longest time. But I always knew he was a poor parent and that he wasn’t going to change toward us.
We always fought. He told me the three of us were born selfish. We wanted him to be unhappy for our sake. I told him he dumped his issues onto three grieving kids and didn’t care about what that did to us. I reminded him that my brother was only 4 years old when we lost mom.
Dad responded that if I cared so much about them, I should care even more about my younger half-siblings. I told him I didn’t. I have told him that a few times since my first half-sibling was born. In truth, I never spend any time with the halves or engage with them.
It’s me and my brother and sister and I put my time and love into them.
My siblings have reached out to Dad and asked for him to love them and spend time with them but his focus is on the family he wants, his favorite family as I think of them.
I don’t think of them as mine.
Dad’s wife and one of his favorite kids had birthdays a day apart. His gift for one was delayed/late or whatever and he wasn’t going to pick both up on time (already a day late for one of them) so he asked me to do a favor for him and pick up one gift while he picked up the other.
I said no. He told me I could do a favor for him since he’s my dad yada yada. I said no. The day came and went and I didn’t get it. He freaked out and told me I was going to ruin the birthday.
He told me I could have done a favor for him as we’re all family. I told him I don’t owe him or his wife or his favorite kids any favors. I reminded him that he owed his kids being a good dad and he wasn’t to the three of us so I was not going to save his backside or do something that makes his favorite family happy because innocent or not they are not my problem.
He said I was such a child. Then he got my uncle to say how disappointed he was that I acted so petty.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your Dad is the biggest louse of the year. The idea that he thought to tell 3 grieving children that he was glad their mother died and now he could get on with his life and marry another was reprehensible.
I wouldn’t have done squat for him either. You and your siblings need to work to get away from this monster and cut all contact as soon as you can.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your dad’s cruel behavior is monstrous and inexcusable.
By telling three children who lost their mother in childhood that their mom was their biggest regret in life, your dad’s words and treatment of you were abusive and neglectful, worsening their trauma and providing no empathy or compassion, which seems suggestive of a high malignant narcissistic behavior pattern.
Telling trauma victims/survivors that their father regretted the beloved mother they lost also communicates to children that they are part of his biggest regret and basically that you ruined his life and he wished you’d never existed. He’s a selfish jerk. It’s possibly only a matter of time before this replacement family gets flushed too.
At least they got some lovebombing and loving parenting from him rather than the mistreatment, neglect, gaslighting, and manipulation he seems to have dealt out to you and your siblings. I’m glad that you’re looking out for your siblings and that you stay/are close.
Your dad wants to screw y’all over, abandon you, shame you, then guilt, manipulate, and exploit you. He’s a bully and when his efforts to get his way don’t work and his projection gets no traction, he recruits his brother to try to guilt, judge, and shame you?!
Similar personality types/enabler sounds like. How dare your dad or your uncle try to pull that snow job on you or your siblings. The best way to honor your mom is for you to decide, but I can’t imagine anyone with a heart would fault or blame you or your siblings if you decided to go NC with him.
I’m so sorry, OP.” Hulalappool
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Hey Dad who do you think taught me to be petty? It was you, the same as you also can’t choose to ignore us and then expect us to come running and be at your beck and call when you need something done for your new family.
Nothing was stopping your wife from going to pick up said item either. Remember you’re the one who chose to get married and start a new family you had this choice, we had no choice and they are YOUR family by choice, but they aren’t our family by choice.” G8RTOAD
1. AITJ For Being Upset At My Husband For Believing His Mother Over Me?
“I (41F) and my husband (38M) have been married for 10 years. We have two beautiful children (9M and 4F) and we used to live in a big city, where we both had great jobs (I worked at a law firm, and my husband was a chef at a restaurant) but the life we could provide to our kids was a city life, in an apartment, with no close family living in the same city.
That meant that we had a nanny, and my MIL said a few too many times that the nanny was raising the kids. After 2020, almost all my work could be done from home, and we decided to move to his home town, one of the reasons was “to be close to his family” (and closer to mine as well, even though my family lives about 2 hours away from this city).
So we decided to move, I quit my job and started my law firm, and we bought a restaurant. We are in a much more stable economic situation, but, and this is a very big BUT, the amount of work I have now that I work from home, is twice or three times the work I had before.
I have a home office, and the kids don’t need a nanny anymore, but I am working while cooking, getting them ready for school, driving them to and from school, and doing other activities. Seriously, I am exhausted.
My husband went on a vacation with one of his friends for a week.
I was alone with my kids, and on the second day of his vacation, I had a work-related emergency, and I had to travel to another state (600 km away) for a day to ensure one of my clients stayed away from prison. So I talked to my MIL and asked her to take care of our kids for the day, I would be away exactly 26 hours.
She said she wouldn’t do it because she couldn’t leave her dogs alone, and that she could take care of them during the day, but not at night. I was very upset that my kids were less important than her dogs, but I said nothing to her and just got my kid on the bus with me.
My husband asked me why I took the kids on the trip, it was very expensive, so I told him what happened.
When he came back, he went to his mom’s home, and she said that she told me she was going to take care of the kids, and that I lied about the dogs and everything.
And then he told me that he didn’t know what happened because we told him two different things. I was really upset and told him that if he didn’t know what happened, after I told him exactly what happened, it was because he believed his mother instead of believing me, and that if after all this time he didn’t know that I never lie, our marriage is not in a good place.
After talking to my BFF, she said that even though I was right to be upset with him, I was putting him in an awkward position, forcing him to choose between his mother and his wife.
So, AITJ for exploding at my husband for believing his mother over me?”
Another User Comments:
“Does he think that you took the kids with you for fun? He must realize that at least something is fishy with his mom’s story. I wonder if his mom expected you to grovel, promise her the world, and talk about how she’s amazing in exchange for watching the kids.
And that might have turned her no into an “Ok, fine I’ll do it because I’m the best Grandma in the world.” And then when you didn’t go down that path, she freaked out and molded her story to make her sound better. NTJ. I’m sure hubby is trying not to annoy 2 of the closest women in his life; he’s not succeeding and is not in a great position.
I’d be wary of that MIL, though.” GamesDontStop
Another User Comments:
“If you can afford it and you are exhausted, you should consider a babysitter/housekeeper who is free to stay overnight when you are away. Or perhaps an older person who would appreciate free room and board in exchange for light duties?
I have never lied to my husband and would be very upset if he believed his mother over me. I can understand why you would also be upset if you have never given him reason to distrust you. NTJ” Maximum-Swan-1009
Another User Comments:
“Wow, your MIL can’t be trusted. Not sure what type of help she would be with your kids when she does watch them.
You might want to keep your cell phone on record whenever she’s around and then after she lies about something you can put the volume on high and let the truth ring out! I hope you can find someone local to help during an emergency and maybe some help at your law firm to reduce your hours so you’re not so stressed. Good luck to you.” Garden_Lady2
