People Want To Collect Different Opinions Regarding Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
18. AITJ For Kicking My Mom Out Of The House?
“My wife’s father is a very wealthy man who has done a lot for his kids financially but is also controlling. He owns multiple properties and allows his kids to live in them for very little or no rent. We live in one of those properties, but recently he did a lot of damage to it.
His wife (MIL) told him that my wife and her brother’s partner were bullying her. instead of looking for actual evidence, he trashed both houses. Now there isn’t actually anything we can do as he owns them. My mom was told of this and came over to bring us some new furniture and some food as the stove is now broken.
She had her new partner (Anthony) with her. I was telling my mom how we can’t do anything as he owns the house. My mom asked about the cars as she had noticed they were both vandalized as well. I said he also owned those so we really don’t have many options.
Anthony was like wow do you two own anything? In a rude tone.
I told him that wasn’t cool and that if he trashed us again he’d be asked to leave. He was actually like oh sorry, but my mom interjected that we can’t even make them leave because it is FIL’s house.
I just gave her a look and she said well we can’t as FIL loves her. Then she took out her phone, called him knowing full well what he did, and asked him if she could be in the house.
He said yes.
I was mad and told her to get out, don’t ever come back, and I’ll still have a relationship with her but she better not want to see future grandchildren because she is a bully to their mom.
she told me to calm down and I was like go and yelled at her.
She called me later and said I overreacted. I yelled at her that she humiliated my wife, weaponized her jerk father, and she can’t step foot here again and if she wants to still be close she better grovel to my wife and beg forgiveness.
I could hear Anthony in the background telling her to hang up on me. Now everyone is saying I way overreacted and am a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your mother’s partner is right – what do you own? You are a grown adult who is married and you’re both on handouts from her father despite him being controlling.
Surely in this time of living on his money, you’ve both saved money for a deposit for your own place, a car of your own?
You are angrier at them than your FIL who put you in this mess. Anthony was right and your mother was kind enough to bring furniture and stuff around.
Your wife was humiliated by her father and you were humiliated by living off your wife’s father. Be adults and get your own places. Why would you take money off someone so cruel.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I completely understand the benefit of living in the home almost rent-free but as you can see you guys are paying a high personal cost to live there.
The trashy thing is you really are over a barrel. As long as the father-in-law owns that home he can basically do whatever he wants. Outside of damaging your family’s personal property that’s in the house that is. But I don’t think you really want to continue living in the home of somebody that’s so deranged they’re willing to damage their own property so I think you just got your cue to get out of there.
Your mom’s behavior was just as trashy. I do not understand what her thought process was. She went over with the express interest of helping you guys after your father-in-law behaved like an irrational psycho and proceeded to act like a jerk and rub your nose in his face.
I can’t imagine any scenario in which that would be okay. I’m really sorry and I hope that you guys find a place where you can be in peace and harmony and not have everyone in their mother (or father in this case) walking all over you guys.” Jovon35
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Yes, your mom was rude.
However, she and her partner do have a point. You and your wife are dangerously dependent on her father, and the two of you need to figure out how to support yourselves in an independent and safe way.
I, also, would be shocked to know that a married couple was entirely dependent on one of their parents for housing, cars, etc.
Your mother made an important point, clearly, in that phone call to your FIL. It sounds as if you and your wife needed that wake-up call.
Pay attention to the substance of that message, even if it was delivered in a not-too-subtle way.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
17. AITJ For Not Wanting Pets At My Wedding?
“Jessica (30F) and I (29M) are getting married next year. We’ve been doing the wedding planning, got places and things picked out, and it’s been going well until we hit this snag. Abby is Jessica’s best friend and maid of honor.
Both love dogs, and they both have dogs. When we started talking about the wedding Jessica told me all about this plan they both had that when each of them got married, they’d have a doggy wedding ceremony between their dogs and their future husband’s dogs at the same time.
I don’t have a dog, not a dog guy, so there is no potential for that to happen. I like her dog enough and let her do what she will with him, and I do get him treats and toys sometimes.
I thought that would be the last I heard of that.
She and Abby started to talk about how cute it would be to include both of their dogs in our wedding party. Not my thing, but I have friends and family that have done something similar and I want her to enjoy the day so I said okay thinking they’d just be up at the alter or something like that.
Nope. They want their dogs to get ‘married’ during our wedding. I wasn’t too keen on the idea and raised concerns like what would they do with both dogs for the rest of the day. What if the venue we picked doesn’t allow pets?
We went back and forth and I agreed that they could do their dog ceremony at the end of our ceremony. A couple of weeks later Jessica and Abby bring it up again – they want parts of the reception to be dedicated to their dog’s ‘friendship’.
Things like a puppy picture slideshow, a cake for them, and dog-friendly favor bags because they want their friends and her family to bring their dogs too.
I told them no and that I already made one compromise on the issue and don’t want a bunch of dogs around for our entire wedding and reception and that if they did that, we’d have to find an all-new venue probably.
I reminded her that she was near the limit of what she could contribute toward our wedding funds and I’d be paying the rest, and I don’t want to pay extra for stuff for a bunch of dogs. They both said that this was really important to them so I told Jessica point blank – we can stick to what we originally agreed to, or she and Abby could have their costly party that allows dogs by themselves and we’d just get married at the courthouse by ourselves.
Abby told Jessica I was being manipulative and making ultimatums and wanted her to go stay at her place until ‘OP pulls his head out of his butt’. Jessica didn’t go but we’re still going back and forth. She still wants things her way and feels I’m being too selfish.
I don’t think I am because I want an enjoyable wedding and marriage with Jessica – not Jessica and Abby and their pets. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You already seem to understand compromising and it’s about time your fiancé learned it as well.
Otherwise, your marriage is going to be a not-so-fun battlefield. This is a great time to reflect on your relationship over the years and see if her unwillingness to compromise has popped up before. Brides can face this tendency to assume the wedding is all about them when it’s both of you.
You aren’t being unreasonable in the slightest.
I love my dog but even I wouldn’t want her at my wedding lol my husband and I did a video of a wedding a few weeks back though where they had their dog there and he just followed them around.
It was super cute but he was very well behaved and it was just one dog.” bvago07
Another User Comments:
“This sounds like one of those weird but wholesome pacts you make as a kid but grow out of as you grow up, but in this case, they’ve doubled down instead.
NTJ, OP, and I would consider it a problem that she’s pushing this so much. Have a talk and express your concerns again, and tell her that you feel sidelined in your own wedding which is supposed to be a celebration of your love, and not focused on her friend.
Also, the friend bad-mouthing you and trying to pull your fiancee away is a BIG issue. That is toxic behavior that I would expect my partner to check quickly sharp. The fact that she hasn’t, even if she hasn’t left your home, is poor etiquette from her.
I would consider her behavior a red flag at this point, but give her a chance to reconsider her priorities. It sounds like she has tunnel vision on this and her friend is in her ear 24/7 so she needs to take a step back and get some perspective, set firm boundaries with her friend, and reprioritize.
If she isn’t willing to do this, you should acknowledge that she’s willing to put a childish pact before you and allow a toxic friend to impact your relationship. If she’s doing this now, chances are she’ll put others before you and allow people to interfere with your marriage in the future too.
You’ll have to decide if that’s something you want for yourself.” Heal_Kajata
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you agreed to a compromise that suited the both of you. It should have ended there. I think it’s kinda cute what she wants to do (a little weird, but still cute), but she should have hung the idea up as soon as she ended up falling in love with someone that isn’t a dog person.
Quite frankly, I’m not even sure why she’s going forward with that kind of incompatibility with her ‘perfect dream’ wedding.
Realistically, marriage is a social contract – an agreement to compromise together and grow and build a life together. A wedding is often a very good look at your future together.
The stresses of planning and deciding everything and dealing with outside pressures make the tiniest little disagreements become an all-out war – unless you have good communication skills and recognize when to seek outside help. If you two can’t figure this out and talk through this like adults without Abby interfering, then maybe it’s time to put the wedding on hold and get some counseling from a professional (please don’t go to a pastor or some other non-licensed individual) and figure out just how and where you are incompatible and how to deal with it moving forward.
This is definitely not about the dogs.” TrelanaSakuyo
16. AITJ For Not "Trying Harder" To Fix My Relationship With My Dad?
“My parents divorced when I (29F) was 4. My father (59M) started seeing other women pretty quickly after it was finalized. He introduced me to my future stepmom (SM – 58F) less than a year later.
My mother (59F) kept me out of her personal life until she was serious with someone. Of the men she dated, I only met two – including my future stepdad.
Growing up, my mom and I were always close. It was just the two of us for four/five years and we did everything together.
She’s still my best friend to this day. My father and I didn’t get that luxury. It was him, my SM, and me from the beginning. Before my father and SM got married, she was great – fun, supportive, the works.
After they moved in together/got married it was like a switch flipped. Nothing I ever did was good enough – my grades, getting my clothes dirty, my room, etc. She was verbally and emotionally manipulative. I would go from my father’s house to my mother’s in tears nearly every weekend.
My mom always wanted to stick up for me but I told her no because I was afraid it would make things worse.
In high school, things got worse. There was anorexia, the whole bit. However, I was made to feel sorry for her because she didn’t realize her treatment of me could cause those issues.
Then, things went down. My stepmom lost her cool, and for the first time in my life, my father took my side instead of hers, and she didn’t like it. (It was always: ‘that’s just how she is, OP.’)
They got divorced and my relationship with my father never really recovered. I do blame him for my childhood being the way it was because he never stood up for me. And he feels that he did nothing wrong. Was I a princess?
God no. But I was an innocent child.
The Issue: I moved 1000 miles away from home to start over. It’s been ten years since they divorced and, unfortunately, things have only gotten worse for us. We’ve both been in therapy since my HS days, and we even tried family therapy for a while.
I told my father I was leaving and he accused me of running away from my problems – which I was, just not the problems he was thinking of. I told him that, if he wanted a continued relationship, I was open to it, but I refuse to talk about the past anymore.
I wanted to start fresh and create a new relationship on things we have in common. He said, ‘that invalidates my feelings’ and he refused. We haven’t talked in over a year, and while I have support from almost everyone in my support group, I have one aunt who doesn’t seem to understand what happened. She’s constantly telling me I should reach out and mend things.
How he’s my only father and god forbid something happens to him (not me, just him). Most of my family understands that we don’t speak, and respect it. This aunt doesn’t. It’s really starting to get on my nerves.
AITJ for not ‘trying harder’ to repair my relationship with him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not an emotional support animal for him to use to deal with his issues stemming from the fact that he married a woman who drove his child to hurt herself and didn’t notice and/or care until it was almost too late.
He should be glad and proud that you are making an effort to move on with your life. Instead, he’s continuing the self-serving behavior that got you into this mess, to begin with.
Repairing a relationship works in two ways.
If he’s only willing to put the effort in on his terms then he’s not ‘trying harder’ either.
I’m proud of you and I wish you all the best with this new chapter of your life.” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Most of us with difficult family situations have at least one ‘peacemaker’ in the family. Maybe she actually means well even, but the point remains: you get to decide who is in your life and under what conditions. You have to be mindful and maintain your boundaries because no one else will.
The only thing you can do with someone like your aunt is to tell them very clearly that while you hear them and understand their concern, the matter is closed. You will not speak on it anymore.
Every time she tries to repeat the same: the matter is closed and I will not speak on it.
Say NOTHING else. Don’t argue. Don’t apologize. Just state it clearly and hold firm. If she doesn’t respect that, best to disengage. If she asks why keep the answer short and calm: I don’t want to talk with you if you won’t respect my wishes.
Good luck. As someone who’s been in no contact with my mother for several years, I promise you that only staying calm and holding firm like that has any chance of working with folks like your aunt.
And if it gets ugly, be strong enough to let them go too.
Be well.” CirrusMoth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your aunt has a lot of nerve trying to make you feel guilty. Why isn’t she browbeating her brother into apologizing to you? Why isn’t she simmering in her own guilt for not intervening herself when you were just a child?
She had no rational cause to put this on you. All of her pushings must be coming from a deep psychic wound inside herself. She is motivated by things that are unrelated to you and your behavior. It’s not your fault; you didn’t deserve it, she is the adult, and she should have known better.” DazeIt420
15. AITJ For Canceling Plans With My Family To Grieve?
“My wife Emma (30) and I (33) have been married for 3 years and a few days ago she had a miscarriage. This would’ve been our first child, she was 9 weeks along, and we were stupid and told everyone she was pregnant before we should’ve.
It’s been devastating for both of us, but Emma is understandably having a way harder time than I am.
A few days ago, Emma told me that she didn’t know if she was going to be okay around my family’s Thanksgiving gathering that is coming up.
This gathering is really important to my parents because this is the only time that my oldest brother and I are able to make the trip to see them.
You see, of my 3 siblings, I have 6 nieces and nephews, and my youngest nephew was just born a month ago.
She said that she didn’t know if she could keep it together around the kids and my brothers and sister, even with all of the time between now and then. I told her not to worry about it, and together we figured that it would be a better idea to visit her parents instead.
Emma is their only child, and I honestly feel like it would be better if we were just around adults for a while.
Yesterday, I told my parents that Emma and I weren’t going to make it to the get-together this year, saying that with the miscarriage and such that we made different plans.
I made sure to tell them that we would try our best to make it next year, but right now isn’t really a good time for either of us.
My parents wanted us to reconsider and said that we shouldn’t cut ourselves off from their side of our family because we were grieving.
In trying to convince me that we should still join them, my mom told me that when they had gone through the same thing, they still visited family with kids and it helped them feel better. I tried explaining to them that it really would just be for the best, emphasizing that this was not about the kids but about us.
They wanted to compromise, saying that we could just not be around the kids… I told them that we wouldn’t want to make things hard on everyone else and that our minds were already made up.
When I got off the phone with my parents, they said they were disappointed that we are choosing her family over mine, that they just want to be there for us, what if they aren’t alive next year, etc. It felt manipulative.
I told them that Emma and I have gone to this gathering for the last 5 years and if we miss one time because we’re still mourning our child that it won’t ruin everything.
I’ve been getting messages from my siblings that they’re going to miss Emma and me this year, and that my parents are really upset with me.
While I feel bad about not seeing everyone this year, I really feel like I need to look out for Emma (and myself) right now. I also didn’t really appreciate the whole ‘if we can do it, then so can you’ sediment from my parents.
AITJ?
Quick edit to add… obviously, Emma loves all of the kids and my family, but she knows being around them would make her even more of a wreck.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Op, I am so sorry to hear of your loss.
You are a very supportive husband by listening to Emma and deciding with her that a quieter holiday with her folks would be best. Lots of families compromise and lots of families alternate for holidays. Your family will have to come to terms with it.
They will eventually.
I know you mentioned that you ‘stupidly’ told people about it earlier. I know you feel it was stupid, but I wanted to let you know that many, many people announce it quite early and that people wanting to grieve with you and support you is not necessarily a bad thing, which is why your family wants you to attend.
However, while your parents may have been okay with grieving with many around, your wife wants to grieve more in private. She will also be experiencing postpartum hormones and miscarrying is physically taxing also. Something your siblings don’t seem to understand.
If and when you talk to them next, your parents and siblings need to understand that people grieve in different ways and they don’t know what it’s like for her or you.
I hope she is getting the help she needs from the hospital. I don’t know if this helps you, but many people I know chose a name for the child they lost, and they have made a little sonogram picture keepsake with the engraving of their name as a small memorial. Or just the engraving of their name with small little feet or baby shoes if they didn’t have a picture.
It depends on where you and she are at.
Again, so sorry for your loss, OP. ” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
My condolences for your loss.
You are not choosing her family over your own but choosing to deal with your grief how YOU feel is BEST for you and your wife.
If your parents can’t understand nor empathize with how YOU AND YOUR WIFE handle your grieving process then that is entirely on them.
Your wife is your family now as well and your major priority. Nothing else matters and NOTHING is more important.
Brush off the guilt and manipulation tactics of your family and focus on yourself and your wife.” SuperHuckleberry125
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your parents are showing a lack of empathy. Everyone grieves differently. You and your wife aren’t ready to see other children, particularly an infant, so soon after your loss.
This is normal and understandable.
Also, this isn’t picking Emma’s family over yours, but putting yourselves first. That is healthy.” Knittingfairy09113
14. AITJ For Saying My Neighbor And Her Daughter Are Entitled Spoiled Brats?
“I (16) have a certain necklace that’s very special to me. It’s not expensive or anything, it’s just a pendant with a snake design on a leather string.
When I was younger, one of my uncles and I read ‘The Neverending Story’ together and he gave me the necklace (the one that the main character in the story wears) since I loved the book so much. My uncle passed away on my birthday that year, not long after giving me the necklace.
These days that necklace is my safety item. It helps me feel secure, it’s sort of a tribute to my uncle, and I wear it every day.
Two days ago my neighbor and her kids (7M, 9F, and 10M) came over to our house for a while.
My 9-year-old neighbor found the necklace while I was showing the kids my room and really liked it, and asked if she could hold it. I told her she could, but then she held it for the rest of the visit and refused to give it back.
I told her when they were about to leave that I needed it back, but she said that my necklace is really cool and she wanted it. I told her she could buy her own, but she didn’t want to wait.
When I told her more firmly, she started screaming and crying. Her mom and my mom came in asking what was wrong and I told them that I told her she couldn’t keep my necklace. My neighbor was mad at me and told me ‘it’s just a necklace’ and that I’m older so I need to share.
My mom tried cutting in to tell her that the necklace is mine but my neighbor wouldn’t listen and called me a bully. After a minute I just snapped. I asked her why she was encouraging her entitled, spoiled brat of a daughter.
Then I added, ‘maybe it’s because you’re spoiled and entitled too.’ Everyone was shocked after I said that because normally I’m the type to stay quiet. My mom acted annoyed at me until the neighbors left. After they were gone though, she said she couldn’t blame me.
I ended up getting my necklace back, so everything turned out fine. But I’m starting to feel a little bad over this. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
People are always surprised when what they perceive as ‘Just kids’ tell them about themselves and a frank and truthful manner.
You shouldn’t feel bad. The girl will probably get over it, and you could always explain it to her in a more calm way, as kids are very forgiving.
The neighbor’s mother, on the other hand, is probably going to have an issue with you unless you apologize to her directly.
If YOU want to, you could apologize for ‘not showing her more respect’ but at the same time make it clear, that she did not show you respect and your feelings matter as it was your necklace. But know that she is not entitled to an apology, because you truly did not do anything wrong, but say the truth.
Unfortunately sometimes apologizing for the truth is something you have to do as an adult.
Forcing someone to give up something that belongs to them is not sharing, she wouldn’t like it if someone did that to her, so she should understand.
You do what feels right to you, if she has no impact on your life going forward, I’d ignore her. LOL.” BenReillyDB
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, no means no.
Well done for maintaining a healthy boundary in adverse circumstances. I personally have always struggled to do that.
You should be quietly proud of how you handled the situation, especially with all the sentimental value of the necklace – and the big emotions stirred up by the bare-faced audacity of that child and their 9-year-old daughter
Don’t let anyone make you feel like you have to give more than you are willing, especially when they are wielding a tantrum for leverage, and trying to blame you for their trashy behavior.
It doesn’t help you or them.
You did well. You were honest, and your mum should have been as honest. She may even learn a thing or two from your courage and assertiveness in that situation. She should be proud.” AffectionatePear9514
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s is not ‘just a necklace.’ You’re not obligated to give sentimental items to anyone, especially not children who act entitled. Your neighbor was probably shocked someone told her the truth about herself and her kids.
It’s good to have manners, but sometimes there is a time and place for ‘rude’ outbursts, and someone trying to steal your stuff and the supposed responsible party going along with it is one of those times. Keep those kids out of your bedroom in the future as it’s clear they’re not taught to respect what’s ‘yours’ versus ‘mine’.” ClackamasLivesMatter
13. AITJ For Not Going Home Because Of My Sister?
“I (18f) have a sister (12f) who is the product of my father (70m) having an affair. Despite this, I and my mother I (50m) helped my father raise her and my younger brother (13m). My father left me when I was 4 but my mother and father remained married and we found out about the kid when I was 11.
We immediately took them in and they moved in with us some months later.
Later on, once they moved in with my mom and me, my father basically abandoned us for 3 more years. My mother worked beyond full time to support us and I basically raised that kid for the years they’ve been with us.
They had quite a bit of issue but I did the best I could as a teen. They go to therapy since they got here as well.
After my father came back into our lives. My father has no patience hence I still had quite a big role.
This was until November of last year when my sister decided that she was tired of my mother and me and believed we hated her and she hated us. I left her be and tried to give her gifts and support until I couldn’t anymore.
Over the months of Dec-June, she became more belligerent and aggressive to the point in which I had to leave home with my cat and my mom for our own safety (can’t get into details obviously).
I was miserable and depressed and so was my mother.
Over the summer they went to visit their mother, and my sister was diagnosed with a disorder that caused her to act like that (I will not disclose the disorder). I feel horrible for her and wish her the best but I need space for a bit as this was all so recent and I deeply struggle myself with these situations over the years.
She is back to living with us, despite her aunt wanting to take her in due to my father’s wishes. I refuse to go home because of this and my father is calling me an immature jerk and my mother thinks I am abandoning my family for no strong reason.
Am I holding a grudge for a simple reason? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I suggest you Google ‘parentification’ it’s when a child is asked to be an adult in situations when they are a literal child and have no business and no real ability to be an adult or parent…
And what you lived through is parentification. Absolutely no one should be expecting you or asking you to raise siblings as a child. Absolutely no one should be asking or expecting you to co-parent with your own mother as a child.
Absolutely no one should be expecting you to ‘do your best’ to raise children who aren’t yours when you are a child.
Don’t move back with your mom or dad. Don’t do it. You’re extremely capable. It will be hard to live on your own so young.
But absolutely you are not a jerk for not moving back into a potentially volatile situation where you are expected to parent children who aren’t yours by the two people who are the actual guardians of said children.
Congrats on getting out, please do your best to stay out.
You’re not abandoning anyone and you don’t owe either of your parents anything. You absolutely should not be raising your siblings and you’re not abandoning them either. You have nothing to gain by going back and everything to lose.” JetItTogether
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your dad is a major jerk. Even though your mother is a victim as well, but she is also dragging you down with this fAmIlY crap. Your step-sister was never your problem, your parents made it yours when they made you step up as a kid and get mistreated by them as well.
They both suck as parents, having 1 or 2 bad kids is not enough? They had to make you miserable as well. Let them deal with it on their own and find your way out as soon as possible for your own good.” Enviest0
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your father is ridiculous and created a huge mess. Your mother should realize that you were also owed parenting and not being pushed into the parenting role. You need time to do some remedial adolescence and work on your mental health without taking further responsibility for the mess your parents created ( your mom albeit through good intentions).
You matter as much as your siblings.” eatthebunnytoo
12. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Get Rid Of Our Son's Dog?
“I’ve been terrified of dogs since I was young.
My husband knew, but I don’t think he realized how bad it was until recently. He got our son a dog and at first, I was angry but he promised it wouldn’t come near me and our son was really happy so I agreed they could keep it as long as it was kept away from me.
For 2 months it was fine and I barely thought about the dog being so close but a few days ago the dog came inside and it freaked me out. I told my husband he had to get rid of it now since he broke his promise and I didn’t trust him to keep it away from me anymore.
My husband doesn’t want to get rid of it because our son is very attached to it already and the dog is harmless according to him. He wants me to let him take me around the dog so that I’ll stop being so scared of it but I’ve refused and told him it had to go.
We argued and he told me that if I wanted it gone, I would have to take it myself.
My in-laws came to visit yesterday and my mother-in-law asked me if something had happened between us because I’m still angry at him and she noticed. I told her about the dog and she told him off and said she taught him better than to traumatize his pregnant wife.
Now my husband is upset at me because he thinks I only told his parents to force him to do what I wanted and that we’d hurt our son if we got rid of the dog now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your husband definitely is the jerk.
You didn’t want a dog and your husband knew. He willingly bought a dog knowing how you feel about it, therefore, setting everyone up for failure and hurt. You, your son, and the dog.
And when his mom (kudos to her) rightfully tells him off, he is blame-shifting it to you (red flag, by the way). On top of that, he wants you to clean up a mess he made and look bad in front of your son, something your son can possibly resent you for, for a long time considering he’s attached to the dog.
He’s right that your son will get hurt, so if it is even remotely possible to try and get over your fear of pets by playing or cuddling with your dog, that’s something you could try (but absolutely don’t have to).
Else your husband should be the one dealing with this, rehoming the dog, AND taking the blame in front of your son. Nothing else would suffice.” CogentHawk
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your husband was wrong to get the dog without consulting you.
However, if you were going to disallow the dog you had to do it immediately, it is really unfair on your child to let them get attached for 2 months and then change your mind. Obviously, you were going to have to come into contact with a dog that lives in your home.
Your husband is also wrong to say it’s okay for the dog to be removed but you have to do it, what kind of pathetic position is that? It doesn’t stand by your son or the dog and it belittles you.
He should have the strength in his conviction to either defend having the dog or agree that it needs to leave for your good. To introduce the dog into your home and then act so passive is really weak.” thejackalreborn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband may not have known the level of fear, but he knew there was fear, he knew you didn’t want one, and not only did he get one w/o your permission, but he did so at a point where your household is about to get a new baby.
You TRIED to compromise (which you should NOT have done, by the way) but your husband didn’t keep up his end of the bargain and the reality is, once you have the baby he just won’t be able to do it.
He knew and he gave the dog to your son anyway. It was classic manipulation that worked. Once your son saw the puppies – you would feel like the bad guy for saying no, and you did.
He needs to face the fact that this is on him for 1.
For bringing a dog home w/o your agreement (pets are a 2 yeses decision) 2. Using your son to emotionally manipulate you to let the dog stay 3. Not holding up to his end of the bargain once you were pressured into saying yes 4.
Using your son again to emotionally manipulate you into keeping the dog now. 5. Blaming you when his parents chided him for his manipulative behavior. He brought the dog in the house w/o asking you – his parents chided him b/c he did a really manipulative, self-absorbed thing.
This is on him. He can not blame you for your son’s disappointment and sadness. This is 100% on him.” Corpuscular_Ocelot
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your husband is awful for getting a dog when he knows you have a phobia and being unrealistic about being able to keep a dog away from someone who lives in the same house all the time.
You’re also the jerk because of your refusal to put in the effort to stop your son from getting hurt by separating from his beloved pet. None of this is your son’s fault, so as the adults in this situation, both you and your husband should be the ones putting effort in to not needlessly sadden a child.
Your phobia is something you can work on – at least getting better with being near dogs if not completely overcoming it.
As someone who used to have a phobia of dogs (I used to have to cross the road if I saw a leashed dog coming down the same side of the road from 100m away because I was so scared), let me tell you that overcoming your phobia is 100% achievable.
Through basically forcing myself to be near calm friendly dogs, I now have no issues being around dogs, petting dogs, etc unless they’re loud or lunge at me.” Fancy_Ferret2990
11. AITJ For Refusing To Host My Mother-In-Law?
“My MIL (65) is currently visiting. MIL comes from a culture where hospitality is extremely important, and relatives are expected to welcome you with open arms and host you, even if they live in a tiny place.
My husband and I live in a tiny apartment with only one bedroom and a living room that doubles as a home office. I work full-time remotely from that room. Also, I’m Autistic and don’t deal well with other people staying overnight.
A few months back, MIL visited and refused to stay at a hotel (even if Husband paid, supposedly because she hates hotels) and threw a tantrum saying she wanted to stay in our tiny apartment for the week. Husband tried to explain to her that we live in a really tiny place with a bathroom that doesn’t lock.
only one bedroom and that I work full-time from home, so it wouldn’t be a good idea. MIL wouldn’t have it and started crying, so Husband caved.
As much as I tried my best to******* up and deal with it, MIL’s stay was a nightmare.
She took over the entire home office space, so I had no privacy nor calm to work and had to take my computers to go work in a public garden. She raged when I didn’t prepare food and demanded that I cook this and that while complaining that I was a bad cook.
One day she invited a bunch of family members for tea at my house (without asking first, obviously) and cornered me in the kitchen demanding that I prepare the room for the guests, make tea and go buy biscuits. I politely explained that I didn’t have the time to do that because I have a full-time job and she would need to get Husband to help instead.
She looked very surprised and later complained to the rest of the family that I’m unfriendly and don’t cook. Toward the end of her stay, she also began to complain that the house was not clean enough.
During her stay, I was so stressed my body broke out in a rash and my performance at work was poor.
I talked to Husband, but he explained that MIL is an old woman from a different culture and that she just has different expectations and that I should just ignore her when she gets too annoying.
Fast forward to now.
MIL is back in the country and wants to stay with us again. Husband says he has no choice but to host her (again, he’d pay for a hotel, but she refuses to stay in one.)
I said I’m not okay with that, and that either her other children host her or she stays at a hotel or rental. There is no space no privacy here, and I need to work.
And most importantly, I don’t want someone else demanding food, cleaning, and hostess services in my own home. This is not the 1950s.
Husband called me selfish. I grabbed my stuff and came to stay at a hotel. I told m Husband I expected him to pay for it since this is HIS mum taking over MY home.
He refuses. Then I get wind that the rest of my in-laws are calling me selfish and a witch. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Any explanation past ‘I’m uncomfortable’ is meaningless. It’s your place just as much as it is his, it’s your safe space, you and your partner deserve to feel comfortable in your own home.
Just because she comes from a culture like that doesn’t mean you have to put up with it. I’m autistic too and I understand all of the things that make this frustrating. Sorry, you’re dealing with that, and your partner needs to put his foot down and support your needs.
The fact that your partner doesn’t respect your needs when you’re autistic is a huge red flag and that should be discussed with him. Picking your mom over your partner when it comes to stuff like where she’s staying is just icky, to be honest.” UsefulAccident3031
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and autistic woman here, as well. However, the issues your MIL presents are universally despised by neurotypicals and autistics alike. I’m also from a culture that places great emphasis on hospitality and entertainment, but what is happening here goes beyond a mere visit by a relative.
Someone else is creating the situation, and yet you seem to be the one bearing the mental and physical workload associated with that situation… All while being criticized by everyone for doing something besides just accepting the situation and dealing with your MIL’s frankly rude behavior.
It appears to me that your MIL insists on your home because your working from home means that she will have someone available at all times to cater to her whims and keep her from being alone. Sadly, most people view ‘working from home’ as meaning you can just take off whatever time you want, and we both know that is not reality.
Your husband seems to not be putting in much effort in making sure your MIL does not interrupt your household. Dare I say he’s too accommodating and too free with offering your time and effort for his mother’s exclusive exploiting?
Also, why is he not telling his mother off for bad-mouthing you to his relatives? He is the one being selfish here: he brings his mother into your shared, too-small apartment, then simply allows her to ride roughshod over you.
Since that is his relative, he should be the one telling her to be a well-behaved guest instead of an overbearing, loudly complaining presence. If your food is so bad and you are such a rude person, why would your MIL insist on going there a second time?
No wonder she says you’re ‘unfriendly’, no one is going to be congenial and happy with a woman invading her home, disrupting her work schedule, and demanding free catering and party services. She seems to be treating you like a lazy servant, instead of the person whose home is being shared with a guest.
I’ve noticed that people who are criticizing you aren’t exactly lining up to host your MIL themselves. Obviously, there are other relatives in the immediate vicinity, as she invited them over to your place. Why are these people not inviting your MIL over to stay?
The answer here is simple, I think other relatives offering ‘hospitality’ would mean that they would have to deal with her actions and her taking over their home. It’s far easier for those relatives to criticize you instead and shame you for standing up for yourself.
And it’s far easier to take advantage of someone else’s home for visiting.
You’re not ‘selfish’. That is an accusation lobbed when a person refuses to be bullied into doing something that they don’t want to, and the person instead makes a different choice that forces the bully to have to put in the effort, instead.
I think it’s fair that you pay for your hotel room since you are the person who decided not to stay in the home while your MIL was there. But take comfort in the fact that your husband will be the one listening to his mother complain about his cooking, cleaning, and lack of time availability.
After all, he is her son, and he (and not you) is why she is visiting… Right? Then let him take care of the ‘hospitality’ without you.” ************
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even putting your autism aside completely this is outrageous.
Once your MIL is gone you need to tell your husband you need to sit down and talk seriously about this because you will not be tolerating your MIL staying in your home again under any circumstances and if he is not supportive of that then the two of you will need couples counseling going forward because the issue will not go away.
He should pay for your hotel, obviously, but you also should not have to go to a hotel to accommodate your MIL’s unreasonable and manipulative demands.
It is your home. I am sorry that your husband can’t understand that and hope that with some discussion and maybe professional counseling he will come around and start protecting and nurturing his family, by which I mean you.” StompyKitten
10. AITJ For Telling My Uncle To Talk To My Deceased Dad If He Wants His Opinion?
“I (26f) just got married to my wife Nadia (28f) a few months ago. Nadia and I have been together for four years now, we both were raised in “traditional” immigrant households.
And as first gens, there was a lot of pressure on us to exist a certain way.
It took a long time for Nadia and I to both be comfortable with the fact that we not only liked women but that we liked each other.
If we hadn’t had that internalized stuff to work through, I honestly think we would’ve gotten married sooner. I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else.
We decided to have professional wedding pictures done since we didn’t really have an actual wedding (we just went to the courthouse instead).
We wore traditional wedding clothes from our cultures in the pictures because we’re proud of where we come from and it meant a lot to me to wear my grandmother’s wedding clothes.
When we got the pictures back, I sent a few of them in my small family group chat.
Both sides of my family are trying their best to be accepting of me and my wife, so my mom had actually been the one to ask for the pictures initially. Everyone was really sweet about it, saying that Nadia and I looked lovely and that they were happy for us.
My uncle (dad’s brother) ended up calling me and asking why I wore my grandmother’s wedding clothes for ‘something like that,’ then he asked how I thought my father would feel about the way I’ve been living my life since he died (he passed when I was 16).
I told him that I wore my grandmother’s clothing because it had always been intended for me since she didn’t have any daughters and I was her only granddaughter and that it was my right to wear it in my wedding pictures.
Then I said that if he was that worried about what my father thought of the way I’ve been living my life, he was free to pick up an ouija board and ask him.
My uncle hung up on me and ended up telling my mother what I said.
Now my mom is upset with me for saying something so cruel to my father’s own brother. She said my dad would be ashamed of my behavior and that I should apologize to my uncle.
Nadia doesn’t think it was cruel of me to say, but she said that if I wanted to make the drama go away, the easiest thing to do was apologize and ignore it if they bring it up again.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The world has changed since your father passed and so have you. Neither of them has any idea about what your father’s opinion would be about his daughter marrying the woman she loves, nor would they know if your father would be angry at you for ‘disrespecting’ your uncle, or mad at his brother for taking using his name to try and shame you, he might be proud of you for standing up for yourself.
Do not apologize to either of them. They are both just hiding behind the ghost of your father to manipulate and shame you because they don’t want to take full ownership of their own bigoted opinions and desire to bully you.” Corpuscular_Ocelot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I’d probably be petty and apologize by saying ‘I’m sorry what I said made you feel that way’, but then again if you want to just let it go and make your mom happy I guess you could apologize knowing that you don’t mean it.
My issue is this probably won’t actually solve anything. Your uncle clearly doesn’t approve of your lifestyle and giving him an apology for what you said isn’t going to change THAT.
And all that aside you have a right to be offended. Your mom sounds supportive of you mostly.
Can you explain to her that you wouldn’t have felt the need to say something like that if he hadn’t started it in the first place? I’m guessing she’s coming from the common approach of ‘don’t feed the lions’ though.
Some people just prefer that way of living, but that does not mean you have to share it. He was rude and offensive to you first and then he had the nerve to bring your deceased father in on top of it.
He deserved nothing nice or placating to be said in return.” alyssinelysium
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Why is it always the person that sticks up for themselves against the person who is creating the problem always the one that’s expected to apologize?!
You haven’t done anything wrong and if your uncle has such a problem with YOUR life he could’ve just kept his mouth shut and moved on like an adult. Your mom isn’t much better she should’ve told him where to stick his opinions instead of scolding you like a child.” phoenixdragon2020
9. AITJ For Not Telling My Sister That I'm Still In Contact With The Kids She Gave Up?
“Over a decade ago, my sister gave up custody of her 3 kids to their father. She was an addict, could care less about her children at that point in her life, and wanted no responsibility to them whatsoever.
So when her ex divorced her she willingly signed away all parental rights and spiraled out of control. 3 years ago, she hit rock bottom, got her life back together and remarried, and has a child. Since then, she has been trying her hardest to reconnect with her other children, with no success at all.
None of them want anything to do with her. They have blocked her on all communication avenues and have made it very, very clear she is not welcome in their lives.
The thing my family and sister didn’t know, is that I have been in their lives for a little over 5 years.
One of them reached out to me wanting to reconnect with someone they remembered being kind to them from their mother’s side of the family, and from there I have become what I hope is a good uncle to them.
I am very friendly with my ex-BIL and I will go and visit them at least twice a year for a week or two. At their request, I have kept this secret from my family as many of them are just as stable as my sister is, unfortunately.
Somehow, my sister learned of this recently. And then things went down. My family has turned on me, declaring me evil and the biggest jerk on the planet for not playing mediator and leaking information to them about the state of my sister’s kids.
My sister now believes I have been ‘poisoning the well’ and further ruining any chances she has at reconnecting with her kids. On the one hand, this was their wish. They did not want my sister to know anything about them.
On the other, I can see how much my sister hurts by how the situation currently is. I do believe she loves them with all her heart and wants to make things right. So, I’ve reached a moral dilemma.
Edit: I do want to add one thing in quickly.
Even with what is going on, I have no plans to try and get my sister into contact with her disowned children. I am going to respect their wishes until they themselves decide otherwise. I will not try to convince them she has changed, as I feel that is not my battle to wage.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family wants someone to blame because they cannot face the reality that the relationship between your sister and her kids was irrevocably ruptured because of what SHE did, and there’s no way she can get it back.
But you have been in contact with the kids, so you know that both of those things are true, correct? Then you know that your intervention would have made zero difference. They still would have refused any contact with your sister; they just also wouldn’t have a kind uncle in their lives.
Tell your family that the choice was never between you and your sister; it was between you in the kids’ lives and nobody from their mother’s side of the family in their lives, and if these relatives of yours weren’t so selfish, they would be grateful that you’d been in a position to make sure the kids were doing okay.” VoyagerVII
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You’re being a good uncle, and you were under no obligation to give information about your sister’s -former- children to her, considering the state they last saw her in!
I think at this point if you honestly feel like your sister is better and like it would be good for the kids/her to communicate, you should express that sentiment to the kids and ex-BIL.
That said, I’m a little suspicious that your sister’s first reaction was rage rather than seeing the amazing opportunity presented to her- that there’s someone in her kids’ lives that they trust who could set the foundation for her at least speaking to them again.
It’s up to you how to play it, but as long as you’re doing whatever is best for the kids, you’re NTJ.” Baileythenerd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your moral duty is to those children. They were the victims and they remain victims. If it means your relationship gets ruined with your family that’s the price to protect them.
They chose you and they trust you. If you pass on any information to your sister or family then that’s a huge betrayal. Do not play go-between either. They reached you they can reach her if they want.
It doesn’t matter that she hurts or loves them, if she loves them she can’t add more pain and trauma.
There is no moral dilemma for you. Don’t dump them, and don’t let those kids lose their uncle again even at the expense of your relationship with your sister being fractured. The ball is in the kids’ court. They could have asked you to put them in contact for 5 years but didn’t, which means they make an active choice every time they see and speak to you that they don’t want their birth mother.
Also, she should feel better knowing that you have been in their life.” User
8. AITJ For Snitching On My Partner To Her Parents?
“My partner (21F) and I (24M) study the same thing. We had an exam early today, I woke up and texted as always and she didn’t receive my messages.
Her phone has failed at least twice so far this year, so I thought it was that and got worried since she would more than likely miss the exam.
She lives with two roommates but I don’t have her phone numbers, I search for their Instagram but there was no luck.
So I asked her father if he had their phone number since my messages and phone calls weren’t getting through. I was worried sick, since she studied for the exam, and she wants to do an Erasmus, this grade is important for her to go where she wants to.
In the end, she didn’t attend the exam.
When I got out I saw her father had responded to my message asking me if she made it to the exam. I felt it wasn’t my place to lie, and since my partner hasn’t replied to my texts yet, I told him she didn’t.
Fast forward a little bit later and my partner tells me she’s fine and tells me to not tell her parents that she didn’t make it since she told them she just got out of the exam. I told her that her father asked me and I told him the truth.
Now she’s mad at me because I told them she didn’t make it and now she has to lie to them. And that she didn’t plan to go, it was deliberate.
Am I the jerk here? I feel like I just worried about her, and I was left in the dark about her decisions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The woman is 21. That is old enough to wake up on her own, make sure her phone and alarm are working, and take the consequences if she oversleeps. Taking responsibility for that is a form of enabling, and it almost never makes the irresponsible person more responsible.
The fact her dad is this deeply enmeshed in her business suggests he’s been wiping her butt for a while (figuratively speaking).
Having other people find out about her missing a test is part of the consequences of her irresponsible behavior.
It is NOT your job to insulate her from these consequences by lying for her.” FeedbackCreative8334
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your partner seems to have some issues with her studies. It would be good to carefully bring up a concern about why she felt she needed to lie to her parents about the exam.
Maybe she’s stressed out due to the burden of high expectations, either set up by herself or coming from her family (even in her own head). Or something else is eating up her motivation/concentration. Just be gentle, and try to offer a good ear and shoulder.” Opinionayted
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it sounds like you’re taking on more responsibility for her life and classes than she is. I get it. You care about her and want her to succeed. But you can’t make yourself responsible for that.
Encouragement and support are one thing, but managing her time and test-taking are not your business. It might be worth stepping back a bit.” kevwelch
7. AITJ For Criticizing My Aunt And Uncle's Parenting?
“My cousin who I’ll call ‘Laura’ (29F) lives with my Aunt and Uncle. My Aunt and Uncle are good people, but they have the unfortunate mentality that their child is perfect and if anything doesn’t go Laura’s way, it’s because everyone else is mean and unfair to Laura and doesn’t recognize how special she is.
Laura at least has some hobbies (like soap-making and gardening.) She keeps up with some friends through social media and I think attends creative writing workshops. Laura doesn’t have any disabilities that stop her from living independently. Yet Laura doesn’t and has practically no life skills.
Laura has never had a job nor does she do chores. My Aunt and Uncle cook all her meals, drive her everywhere, and schedule all her doctor/dentist appointments as if Laura’s a little kid.
I was visiting their house a few days ago to drop off a present for my Aunt’s birthday (I wasn’t able to come on the actual day.) My Aunt and Uncle insisted that I stay for a bit.
(Laura was out of the house) We sat down at the table and they admitted that they wanted to talk with me. They explained that they wanted to sell their current house and buy an RV and travel the country.
The issue was that they needed some extra money to assure Laura had a place to live as well as meal plans/other services and they needed me to ‘donate’ some money or allow Laura to move in with me.
I thought this was ridiculous and told them no. My Aunt and Uncle called me an awful family member because this is to make sure Laura is okay and they should get to enjoy their retirement and have the experiences that they saved up all these years for.
I told them that Laura’s perfectly capable of standing on her own feet and it’s ridiculous that they’re still doing everything for her as if she’s a little kid. And if they want Laura to live life in easy mode then facilitating it is their problem.
Now a lot of family members are calling me the jerk because I was raised to be respectful yet I disrespected my elderly Aunt and Uncle (they had Laura much later in life and are elderly) and criticized their role as parents when I have never had children and have no room to talk.
I still think what I said was true and they needed to hear how ridiculous what they were demanding of me was. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It saddens me that you’re here wondering if you might be the jerk.
You’re absolutely not, and I can’t get over the audacity of them expecting her cousin to help fund her ‘services.’ This is beyond absurd.
As for the meddling family members, I’d respond to all their concerns and just tell them how glad you are to hear they’re so concerned they’d like to help Laura, then mention you’ll be sure to contact Laura’s parents to let them know they’d like to help.
I’m sure their concern ends as soon as it means they’re the ones being inconvenienced.
All your family members trying to drag you into this mess that your aunt and uncle created are toxic. If they want to enable her, they can.
But you surely should not, and none of this should be your responsibility.” Tricky-Flamingo-7491
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, what you said is, in fact, true. Your aunt and uncle are still parenting a full-grown woman as if she were a child.
They think that equates to being a good parent when in reality, failing to teach your children how to be functioning adults is absolutely negligent. This isn’t an expression of love. It’s an expression of selfishness. Your aunt and uncle didn’t want to accept that their little girl was becoming an adult, so they simply did not allow it.
That is not on you to correct. To put it simply, they made their bed, now they must lie in it. You are definitely not the selfish one here.” WifeofBath1984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Laura has two parents who put her in this position, they need to******* up.
Ask everyone else how much they are donating to Laura and when she’s moving in with them. A 29-year-old, without any barriers to living independently, should be doing exactly that. Tough luck for Auntie and Uncle for raising her like that.
Next time someone else brings it up to you, offer to have a look at their finances so that you can help them free up some money for Laura if they are so worried about her! What is it with these weird families wanting everyone else to literally pay for their mistakes!?” International-Fee255
6. WIBTJ If I Abandon My Own Halloween Party?
“I’m a college student living in an off-campus house. My two friends, that are also my housemates, have been planning a Halloween party with me for the last couple of weeks.
About a week ago, one of my housemates asked us to have it be dry, i.e. serve no booze and demand people don’t bring booze. The reason why is my friend is trying to be sober this year after going through bouts of heavy drinking.
We obliged and have told people we’re inviting not to bring any booze.
The thing is though, we’ve had a lot of friends just flat-out refuse to come because there will be no drinking, and will go elsewhere to party.
Even when I tell them they could perhaps be discreet with drinking, they think it’s ‘weird’ to have to do that.
Now I’m feeling left out and discouraged that people don’t want to come, and am thinking that if barely any people will come to my house, I can just go with a lot of other friends elsewhere to pregame and party.
At the same time, I also don’t want to ditch the friends I live with.
So, WIBTJ for leaving my own Halloween party because my housemate insists there is no booze?
Edit: So after talking with people we’ve all reached a compromise.
My housemates and I will have our dry Halloween party/potluck earlier in the day with people that want to go. Then later on, friends who want to drink and go wild will go with me/meet up with me at another house party we know that is happening.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I would just cancel the party – it would seem odd to have a party where one of the hosts wasn’t there.
I think your roommate is out of line. You have indicated that you are of legal age to drink.
His not wanting to drink is really his issue as he could just leave the house if he feels he would be too tempted – go out for dinner – go to a movie – lots of things to do which don’t entail drinking.
I understand how someone sober feels though at a wild party. I don’t really drink that much out of choice so being at a party with lots of booze wouldn’t be an issue as I would either drink what I wanted or not drink.
However, there really is NOTHING as boring as being around wasted people when you aren’t wasted. I would do anything rather than willingly be the sober person at a gathering with wasted people. Being a bit tipsy after a drink or two is completely different but intoxicated people aren’t as funny or fun to be with as they think they are.” Jujulabee
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ – I completely understand why you wanna have a blast for Halloween but I think planning a boozy Halloween party at the house when your friend is trying to get sober was probably a bad idea in the first place.
The fact that you talk about how people could sneak some into their drinks suggests you’re not very supportive of him. Being friends with a recovering heavy drinker, especially living with one, means making sacrifices it seems like you’re not willing to make – which is fine, but then you need to move.” undead_sissy
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, it sucks that ppl don’t know how to have fun without drinking, but a Halloween party with like 5 sober people also wouldn’t be that fun. It’s also kind of trashy of you to suggest people sneak in booze or come already tipsy instead of just being honest and telling your roommate that most people don’t want to go to a dry Halloween party and that they should probably just call it off or accept that not many people are going to attend.
Instead of just ditching the party, be straightforward and tell your roommates you don’t want to go/host anymore and you would rather go out with your other friends.” cinnamonoblivion
5. AITJ For Not Eating My Mother-In-Law's Cooking?
“My MIL loves baking stuff. Whenever me (25M) and my partner (24F) come over, or whenever she visits, she makes sure there’s some nice food for us. I appreciate this, and I think it’s very sweet of her.
I try my best to express that I like it, but it’s complicated. Some context is definitely needed here, so let’s get into that.
Basically, as a child, I was severely neglected. Food would be withheld, sometimes as a punishment but also randomly.
For some reason, I would get in trouble for eating food. I used to be pretty malnourished throughout my childhood and I still deal with some physical effects of it. There’s more to it all that I don’t want to get into, but it has permanently messed up my relationship with eating.
I’m sort of scared to eat, even more so when others are around. I’ve been getting better at it, but there was a point where I needed a feeding tube for a while because I refused to eat.
Like I said, it’s getting better. It’s just that I still don’t eat as much, and pretty slowly. At home, with only my partner it’s easier than in front of my parents-in-law. They’re always very quick to offer food or drinks when we get there, usually, I politely refuse for the reason that I’m not hungry.
Especially my MIL always seems a little sad when I do this, and it makes me feel guilty. She doesn’t know about my situation and my partner won’t tell her unless I’m comfortable with that.
Yesterday we had lunch together.
Obviously, it’s harder to turn that down, so I did try to eat something. I thought I should be able to do it, and it’s not even that I wasn’t hungry, but there was this mental block preventing me from taking more than a really small bite at a time.
I know all of that may sound ridiculous.
Anyways, my MIL asked me if something was wrong with the food. I said no. She offered a few other options of things they had at home if I didn’t like what was on my plate currently.
I said the food was good, but I tend to eat slowly. Eventually, I didn’t end up eating a lot.
She later approached me, alone, telling me that if I didn’t like certain types of food I could just tell her and she’d make sure to get something else.
I didn’t really know what to say, because she was being very kind. I said it had nothing to do with her food at all, but I really didn’t know what else to add.
I don’t think that was enough of an explanation to assure that it’s not her fault, and I can’t help but feel bad about it all.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your MIL is acting with care and consideration, and you are deserving of receiving that. If you are not at that place to receive it yet that’s totally okay. I think part of relearning how to have healthy attachments is in working through these things in real life (with the support of a therapist).
It might be very healing to be able to honestly communicate what you need from her, and she seems to have the capacity to provide it since she is letting you know that she cares enough to make adjustments.” rlbvm
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not because you won’t eat the food, but because you won’t have a conversation with these people who are obviously a big part of your life. You say partner, but also call them your in-laws, implying a serious relationship that could lead to marriage in the future.
You don’t need to rush through your healing process, nobody should be forcing you to, but you really should sit down and let them know what’s going on. Have your partner by your side for support, or if it’s really too much, maybe ask her to talk to them for you.
I think it’s a little unfair to allow this to go on, feelings to be hurt, and relationships (with the in-laws) to be strained.
You don’t really owe anyone an explanation, but if you care about your partner and her parents, consider having the hard talks.” stonerd808
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You don’t have to tell her explicitly all that you’ve expressed here. If you’re feeling guilty it may be a good idea to just let her know that you appreciate her for the care she puts into the food she prepares but let her know that you just have a thing about food that you’d rather not discuss in detail.
You don’t owe her your life story but maybe giving her a brief but honest reason behind it might ease your guilt without putting you in an uncomfortable position.
Coming from someone who also struggles with food telling someone, especially someone who cares about you, that you struggle with food can be hard, but she doesn’t need to know the details.
Just let her know that it’s a little hard sometimes if you can.” chumett
4. AITJ For My Choice Of Restaurant?
“We have dinner with my husband’s family at least once a month. Usually, his parents make reservations in advance but because I’m pregnant they insisted I pick.
My husband’s sister, who is 16, said she wanted to go to a specific restaurant but my brother-in-law told her she didn’t get to decide. I could see she was upset and I felt bad for her so I said I wanted to go there too.
This restaurant is mostly seafood, which I’m already not a big fan of on a regular day. My husband asked me if I was sure since he knows the smell of most seafood makes me really nauseous. He tried to convince me to pick a place I actually wanted to go to but I kept insisting I was craving that restaurant’s food.
We went and I could barely eat because I thought I would throw up from the smell. Everybody noticed and my in-laws kept stressing about how I needed to take better care of myself and prioritize my health. They were also unhappy with my sister-in-law as they blamed her for me picking that specific restaurant.
On the way home we stopped somewhere else to get some food for me and my husband asked me if it was worth it and was annoyed by my answer.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, I think. You meant well, but so did your in-laws and by picking a place you clearly didn’t enjoy you sent a message to them that you don’t appreciate their concern for you.
Like others have pointed out, insisting on playing a martyr doesn’t actually make anyone happy. Just like you wanted to make your SIL happy, your in-laws wanted to do that for you, and your behavior ended up making everyone feel unhappy.
A 16-year-old isn’t a small child, she would understand your needs and she could have gone to her preferred restaurant at some other time. But while I think you were needlessly self-sacrificial, I would not go as far as calling you the jerk.
You were acting in good faith, and that counts for something.” Kotoperek
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I get you were trying to do a nice thing for your SIL, but you made a bad call here. You stubbornly insisted on going to a restaurant you and your husband knew you’d have a problem with.
You blatantly lied about wanting to go there. You inadvertently ruined the evening for the whole family because they were so worried about you the whole time. You ended up putting your SIL in the hot seat for wanting to go there even though YOU are the one who insisted on it.
And you ended up having to stop for food again because you didn’t eat anything at the restaurant. Your husband is 100% justified in being annoyed.” 0eozoe0
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you were trying to be considerate of your husband’s sister.
That was extremely kind of you, I understand especially having a strongly empathetic mindset. What was wrong though, is that you didn’t consider how the family would react. The family told you to pick so that you could avoid eating something you didn’t want to, and especially since you’re pregnant you probably should’ve chosen somewhere you wanted to go in the first place.
I don’t think this makes you wrong though, you were trying to be considerate.
Next time you’re in a similar situation, I would say that maybe you could go out to the restaurant your husband’s sister wanted to go to another time, just you your husband, and his sister, and eat somewhere that you can stomach the smell.” BeltGroundbreaking38
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Don’t let others choose for you especially when it’s detrimental to yourself. You matter, your choices are important, and you get to make yourself happy. I highly doubt when your SIL gets to choose, she will take your preferences into consideration.
You may benefit from reading the book The Nice Girl Syndrome. It shows that being nice really isn’t, especially for yourself.
You’re going to have a lot of people wanting you to please them with access and authority over your child.
Your mom instincts will kick in but you won’t have the experience of saying no to them. Start doing that now. It gets easier the more you do it.” KatzAKat
3. AITJ For Failing Sick Students Who Missed Their Midterms?
“I (47m) am a high school math teacher and the only male teacher in my grade. I come from a long line of teachers and both of my parents are college professors.
My father is the chair of his department. As such, I treat my classes as preparation for college rather than as a babysitting service. This means I’m more strict than most other teachers in my school but I’m much fairer (I’m not going to get into this as it’s a whole debate among teachers at my school).
Everything I expect of the students is clearly spelled out in my syllabus (which has to be signed by the students and their parents). This includes my policy on absenteeism.
Basically, students who know they will miss a test ahead of time can do the test a week in advance or no later than one day after the scheduled test day.
Students who miss a test due to a sudden and unforeseen event like being sick must have a valid excuse and a doctor’s or parent’s note. I also list my test dates in the syllabus and have never had to change the dates in all of my years of teaching.
This policy is based on nearby colleges’ policies. It is also in place as students who are not prepared for the tests frequently claim to be sick.
Recently we had our midterms which are a major part of their grades.
Missing it could drop a student’s grade by 1 letter. On the day of the test, several students were out sick and I got emails from all of their parents. This didn’t surprise me and I had prepared for it since the flu is hitting our school hard.
During the day I overheard students talking about a group of students who were streaming and posting on social media about how they were enjoying their day at the amusement park while their friends were taking tests. No, I was not trying to listen in or catch students at anything.
I was simply standing outside my classroom door and they were openly talking in the hallway.
To make a long story short, I went on their social media and recorded them. Then I sent out emails (including my evidence) to their parents notifying them that since these students missed their test and their excuse letters were fraudulent, they are getting ‘0’ for their midterms. For a couple of students, this means they will be failing my class.
By the end of the day, this exploded into levels of drama I hadn’t anticipated. A couple of the students are favorites of other teachers and they got in my case to allow the students to take the test. They accused me of being too hard.
I’m standing my ground as my policies were clearly stated and if/when they’re in college, their professors will take the same action. Even some of the assistant principals are on my case to be more lenient.
I don’t know if I’m being too strict, as no one at this school is on my side.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you’re overstepping your bounds
The policy is if they have a note from parents or doctors excusing them, then they can miss the class. They had that.
It’s not your job to try to teach them a lesson about faking illnesses.
You’re teaching them math, and not taking the test isn’t going to help them learn the material.
College professors do not go snooping through students’ social media accounts or look into their personal lives to catch them in lies.
The school is probably sick of your holier-than-thou attitude and doesn’t want to put up with this kind of thing from you anymore.
Put your energy towards helping the kids learn the subject, not this rigid control of their behavior.” Curious-Mind-8183
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, frankly, it isn’t your business after the parental note other than bringing up the conversation with administration.
You have become a policy vigilante and taking extreme action.
Consider that 1) these guys are teenagers, and 2) you don’t know the whole story. Yes, it’s likely that they bunked off to go to an amusement park, but there’s a possibility that they’re incredibly stressed out and some kind of adult in their life tried to give them some reprieve from it.
The point is, this wasn’t your place to act. This isn’t some ‘gotcha’ moment, you should have brought your information and concerns to administration or, however your school works, not create a personal vendetta against teenagers.” BugsySnookums
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
These are kids.
Every single teacher I’ve had who claimed they had strict policies to prepare students for college were much stricter than the actual college experience I or anyone I know actually had. And even if this really is an example of enforced college policy in your area, these aren’t college students.
They’re high school students. They’re kids. You are not a college professor, you’re a high school teacher. If you want to teach a college class, apply to work at a college.
Some level of discipline would be fine here, though if the parents sent those ‘fraudulent’ emails, I would say these kids were enabled at the very least. Having them make up the test and maybe knocking a certain percentage off?
Okay. Giving them a 0 with no option to make it up is just vindictive. These are teenagers. Unclench.
Side note kids failing your class is a reflection on you as a teacher. So your self-righteousness here is misplaced. You should be wanting them to succeed in your class, not bragging about failing them as a power move.” User
2. AITJ For Not Ordering?
“We were deciding what to eat and she really wanted to go to this restaurant. I was on board with it, but I am super picky and had no idea what this restaurant had. We get there, I look at the menu, and nothing looks even semi-good.
For example, all of the sandwiches had wheat bread only and I hate wheat.
Anyway, I let her order her food and when the lady asks what I want, I told her I wasn’t eating. I told my partner I wanted her to enjoy the meal and I was happy to be there.
My partner got so mad, got up, and left. I left with her and asked what the big deal was. She insists that I need to be there eating with her. We ended up going somewhere else together, but it irritated me.
Am I in the wrong here?
Update: It was some french cafe. I’ve never been to a french restaurant, but I was willing to check it out. Their menu wasn’t very big. I just wanted her to enjoy a nice meal.
There was no waitress. We ordered at the counter and they put the food on our tray. Also, we had been together for 10 months so I don’t think there is much to feel awkward about.
I have no allergies.
For the most part, I can usually find something to eat at a restaurant, but this French restaurant had nothing worth eating (in my opinion).
I didn’t google the menu beforehand because we’d never gone to a restaurant where I couldn’t find something to eat.
This was lunch, not dinner.
I just learned that all bread is made of wheat (we are all smart in different ways). It was some type of whole grain or sourdough. What I meant to say is I only like white bread, but brioche buns are good too.
10 months into the relationship and we never went to a place where I couldn’t find something to eat. This was the first time this happened. Also, I do try new things. I’m not stubborn with it, but usually, it is me trying her food because I only order things I know I will like.
I don’t like wasting food, nor my money.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I don’t think it’s awkward to eat in front of someone who is not eating, they should stop acting like this is a universal sentiment. You had genuinely good intentions of just wanting to let your partner try out a new restaurant.
It was harsh of her to act out how she did when she could have more calmly explained that the situation makes her uncomfortable.
We don’t get to decide what food will revolt us, it’s a combination of genetic and environmental factors from our upbringing that result in picky eating.
I understand that it can be annoying for others to accommodate the picky eater, but usually, the picky eater feels pretty bad about this too, and will try to ease the stress any way possible, like you did. I don’t get why everywhere has to make food so complicated, wouldn’t it benefit them to have at least one simple item to appeal to kids and older people with restrictive needs?
In the future, check the menu, it’s the most basic thing a picky eater can do to prevent issues, but you’re not a jerk for not doing it one time. Now you also know that your partner will probably enjoy certain dining experiences with friends more than you, or that you should try to order at least one thing.
Everyone is overreacting and using this as an excuse to walk on people for no good reason, don’t listen to them.
Also, I feel like there is a lot of thinly veiled hate for neurodivergent people in here which is not cool.” wot_im_mad
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Picky eaters are so exhausting. Sharing a dining experience with them is so limiting and seems like half the time they will just want to go to the same, limited choices over and over.
It’s different if someone has dietary restrictions because of medical issues, religion, or they’re vegan/vegetarian.
Restrictions like that are easy to understand and there’s a reasoning behind them and eating can be planned accordingly.
Someone just wanting nuggies and hating on wheat bread is a nightmare. Go try something new.” darkearwig
Another User Comments:
“I am leaning toward ‘no jerks here’.
You wanted her to enjoy the meal, but nothing on the menu looked good to you. That’s fair. I don’t know how many of these situations you’ve encountered with your partner before, but it’s hard not to feel like somebody else is sublimating their needs for yours when you go to a restaurant and they don’t eat.
I’m sure it made her feel like you were just doing it to make her happy and that you didn’t want to be at the restaurant.
You guys need to have a conversation, and you need to learn to Google the menu before you agree to go somewhere if it’s an issue for her.
It seems like a small thing, but it’s weird to go to a restaurant where one person eats and the other person doesn’t, and the person eating is naturally going to feel like they’ve dragged the other person into doing something they don’t want to do, whether or not that’s how you feel.
You may also take a look at your picky eating habits and decide if you might be willing to broaden your horizons and try things that you may not like. You don’t give a lot of information on your picky eating, so I don’t know what your issues are stem from, but even if you never like anything new that you try, trying still isn’t bad in and of itself.
I hated avocados for many years, and now I adore them. Our taste buds change, so assuming there’s no trauma associated, you might consider being more open-minded about your food!” av227
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You know your partner likes the place.
Do you really think she wants to go there with you just so that you can sit there with a glass of water and watch her eat? That’s awkward and takes all the enjoyment out of it. I have a hard time believing that you couldn’t find a single thing that you could eat on the menu; even if it wouldn’t have been your favorite.
It just seems kind of petulant on your part. It’s one thing to be a picky eater but it’s another to be SO fussy that you can’t find a single thing that you can at least stomach on an entire menu.
You should really put some work into expanding your palate a bit.” FreshwaterOctopus
1. AITJ For Not Allowing My Daughter To Do Ballet?
“My 10-year-old daughter is obsessed with ballet and wants to focus solely on that and try out for ballet school in the next 2 years.
Sienna, my daughter, is an absolutely beautiful girl with a very healthy body.
However, it seems that she might have gone after me and inherited my body type which even at a very low age is far from the body type the ballet world wants. And ballet world is competitive and unforgiving. Sienna is an amazing dancer.
However, she’s mostly done modern dance with ballet classes being occasional ones. My worry is that she will suffer psychologically because of her natural predispositions and that ballet school will ruin her mental health.
My daughter is devastated (of course I haven’t said anything about her body.
Let’s that be very clear) and called her aunt, my husband’s sister to ‘tell on her mean mommy.’
My sil called me and told me I was a massive jerk for stopping my daughter from pursuing her passion.
However, my SIL is a kind of a stage mom with her daughter doing ballet since she was 3 (she’s 9 now). She said that I’m forbidding something for arbitrary reasons in my head, for this that hasn’t happened yet and I don’t know if they even would as the ballet world is slowly changing.
I’m questioning myself. Am I really the jerk for not allowing her to do ballet?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, I think. Your concerns are legitimate. I was a gymnast and dancer growing up, and I remember seeing girls younger than your daughter berated for being too ‘fat.’ I also wound up severely anorexic myself and weighed just 60 lbs by the time I was 19.
That said, if she loves to dance and is great at it, please don’t hold her back. Let her enjoy the ballet and see where it takes her—but also keep a close eye on her, and work with her to develop a healthy body image.
(If you have issues with your own body image, that may require some introspection on your part as well.) In 2 years she may have developed other interests, or she may be just as interested in ballet school. But cross that bridge when you come to it; don’t let your daughter think you don’t believe in her.” irate_anatid
Another User Comments:
“Honestly? Yes. YTJ.
Not every little girl who does into ballet develops eating disorders or has bad mental health. What ultimately supports that path is her support system around her. If she has her mother telling her ‘you can’t eat X because you’ll gain weight’ or ‘you need to work out more, you’re getting a tummy’ even if it’s caused by her period she’s going to start to look at herself in a bad light.
If her parents/support system doesn’t counteract her peers’ and strangers screwed up comments THAT is what leads to unhealthy behaviors.
Just being in ballet doesn’t automatically mean she’s gonna have issues with herself. Millions of people do ballet professionally (which she doesn’t even want right now.
She just loves ballet which is healthy and good for her to do something she loves.) Without falling into the path of peer pressure to be perfect.
You are pushing YOUR insecurities onto a child who doesn’t see her own bodily insecurities yet and shouldn’t feel ANY.
By barring her from Ballet it’s gonna start a path of ‘why wasn’t I good enough for Ballet?’ ‘Am I not good enough for any dance class?’ Because kids’ minds while innocent and pure can quickly turn into a minefield of negativity because they are getting to that age where peers turn into jerks and they are influenced by everything around them.
Especially by their parents.
Your daughter loves ballet. Nothing more. Let her do ballet unless it’s truly a financial reason and only that. (I know dance gets expensive as crap. And ballet can get pricey for the multiple pairs of shoes you may need).” Alyssa_Hargreaves
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You have legitimate concerns.
It can be cute and sweet, and gentle for younger ages. But your daughter is approaching the age where the dance world is absolutely brutal. You’d be completely failing in your duty as a parent if you didn’t grok that and plan for it.
Before writing off the dance, though, I’d make an effort. There are studios out there that are open and affirming of all body types (I should know, I found one for my kid!) Going to a performance, there is really quite lovely.
All these lovely boys and girls of all different sizes, performing like top-level athletes and dancing really beautifully. It CAN be done, but it takes a special kind of dance instructor to curate an environment where your body is your tool, and your body does not define you.” ThreeDogs2022
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – by not allowing her to try, you are being the bad guy. She will always resent you for what you refused to allow her to do.
You are the parent, she is 10. It is your job to monitor her so that she is safely doing the activities that she wants to do.
This is only going to get worse for her, and you and your relationship with her as she gets older and wants to do things that you don’t want her to do.
My son when he was in high school, said he wanted to write music for video games and movies as a career… my internal reaction was this was a very bad idea with little chance of success.
However, I was wise enough to know that my saying no, would drive him to prove me wrong. So, instead, I sent him to a camp on this stuff, and he figured out for himself that this wasn’t a good fit for him.
He is now a happy well adjusted young adult with a career in electrical engineering that he absolutely loves, and music is his hobby.
You have no idea where your daughter is going to go with ballet, and saying no is just going to make it more appealing to her, and eventually, as she gets older, you won’t be able to control her.
You need to discuss the rules and expectations and monitor her to make sure she isn’t developing unhealthy habits. This is the hardest part of parenting, and if you opt for control, you will find that elusive with each passing year…” Buttercup303
