People Try To Get Closure In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
23. AITJ For Not Sharing My Power Bank With A Fellow Traveler On A Trip?
“I recently traveled abroad with a group of 8 people. The trip took place in the context of a conference and a few days were added on for sightseeing etc. I didn’t know anyone on this trip beforehand, just to understand what the relationship was like.
At our destination, quite a lot is done via smartphone (paying, checking in for flights, getting train tickets, booking taxis, etc.). It was my first time there and the idea of running out of battery and being stranded was quite unsettling for me (yes, we were traveling in a group, but I didn’t want to be left without power).
My phone is also a bit older and the battery is no longer the best. So I brought a power bank and only used my phone for the essentials during the day’s activities, i.e. taking photos, paying, and reading a bit about the sights that were on the agenda.
So I got through the trip quite well and only occasionally plugged my phone into the power bank on the way, which was still about 60% full in the evening.
My fellow traveler, let’s call her Jenny, was a bit more relaxed and used her phone to the full, took photos and videos, shared them with colleagues, face-timed home from time to time, watched videos, listened to music, and surfed all kinds of social media channels.
Her phone was empty by the early afternoon and she was always allowed to use a fellow traveler’s power bank as she didn’t bring one.
We flew back to our country very late at night and it was quite clear that it would be difficult to find a power outlet anywhere by then, as we were on the road all day.
During boarding, Jenny asked me if she could have my power bank as her phone was almost empty. My power bank was still a little over half charged at this point, but I wanted to keep it as we had an 11-hour flight before us and I still had to book a train to my city after landing in our country, for which I needed a working phone.
So I politely refused and told her that I unfortunately couldn’t share. She accepted it without a comment, but I have now heard from a fellow traveler that she called me a stingy jerk. In hindsight, I probably could have spared a few % of battery, but I think that other people’s poor planning is not my responsibility.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! She’d have ended up going on her merry way while you were stranded not being able to access your tickets or pay for things. Power banks are out there—everyone can buy one. Or two. Your careful planning and discretion should not be thwarted by her profligacy!” attorney-dummy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I keep a solar charger with charging cords in a makeup bag in my purse at all times because I’ve had this problem before with my devices running out of power before I could get home and plug it in. Sounds to me like Jenny needs to invest in a similar setup and to keep her attitude to herself.
Just my $.02.” felismater68
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You may be travelling but power banks are available in more countries than just your home one. Once she realized that it’d be an intensive trip (I.e. right after she had to borrow one the first time), I’m pretty sure she could have bought one.
This was a conference, not a trek into the jungle.” WillowUPS
22. AITJ For Pretending To Go To Work While Sick To Avoid My Wife's Yelling?
“I, (26M) work a pretty high-stress job, however, I get great benefits and good pay, plus I enjoy it.
My hours can range from anywhere from 20-90 hours a week. I’m currently, sick. I rarely get sick but when I do it tends to be pretty bad, now I don’t want to sound rude but my wife can be an absolute terror to deal with when I’m home.
She’s a wonderful person, but she’s extremely loud in terms of voice.
A few days ago, I told her I was feeling sick and may want to stay home for a few days (I get paid sick leave so it’s not an issue) and she was furious, saying that she couldn’t handle another person around right now, especially not risking our daughter getting sick.
(She’s a SAHM and we have a 6-year-old daughter) my head was throbbing too much to try saying anything about it, so I went to ‘work’. Half-way on my way to work, I gave up, realizing I was not in the condition to go. I called in sick and then called a friend to pick me up.
Tray picked me up, he works from home so it wasn’t a big issue for him and I stayed over at his place. It was admittedly awesome. No screaming and I got to sleep most of it off. I did this for 2 days after that and yesterday got caught.
My wife felt bad about screaming at me while I had a headache and making me go to work when I was sick so went to work with some broth(?), I’m sorry I don’t know the English word but a kind of soup in a mug you drink to get better from colds.
I got back and she asked where I had been. I could already tell from her voice that she knew, so I just told the truth. She started yelling at me about how I could lie to her like that, and how dumb I was for ‘wasting’ my sick days.
I get the lying part but I was sick. I just wanted the screaming to stop so I asked her why it mattered. I was out of the house in the hours she wanted me to be, and it wasn’t affecting her. I got kicked to the guest room.
I’m still sick, but I’m way too scared to not go to work tomorrow.
AITJ for lying? I didn’t think it would matter too much if I just did what she wanted.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You said you were sick and had paid sick leave.
Not your fault she didn’t want you around, and your company has paid sick leave because they don’t want to have sick employees. Though you should have been like “I started to feel worse on the way in, so I’m going to stay with Tray so I don’t risk infecting you or our daughter.” jgardner827
Another User Comments:
“You have a guest bedroom. You being homesick didn’t need to affect her at all, except that she could attempt to keep her voice down. You didn’t need to be around her or your child. A 6-year-old is old enough to understand that daddy is ill and she needs to stay out of that room.
But instead, your distinctly NOT wonderful wife yelled at you. You’re sick, so you are using your sick days appropriately. What else would you use them for? They are not the same as vacation days. Don’t be “scared” to not go in tomorrow.
Stay home. And if she starts yelling again, tell her to knock it off! “Wife, stop yelling at me! I’m sick, I’m not going to work until I feel better, I get paid even though I am home. I’m not in our shared room or around our kid, so I’m keeping my germs to myself.
This is not up to you, so please back off so I can rest and get better!” And then when you are better, schedule several sessions with a marriage counselor, because your marriage is unhealthy. NTJ” EconomyVoice7358
Another User Comments:
“What the actual heck is wrong with your wife?
I could go into detail and break down every aspect of her behavior that isn’t cool, but I don’t think you need me to. Lying isn’t okay, especially to a partner, but 1) she kind of railroaded you, and 2) honestly doesn’t sound like much of a partner.
More like a volatile boss. I know you said she’s a wonderful person, but the only thing you’ve mentioned her doing that lines up with that is bringing you soup — and even that was too little, too late in my opinion. NTJ, not by a long shot.” cinderella
21. AITJ For Gifting My Brother A Nintendo Switch He Didn't Want?
“I (23nb) (She/They) gifted my brother (18m) a Nintendo Switch. I thought that he would like it but he did not. I gifted it to him because he is soon going away for college and he has said before that he can’t play many games on his Mac laptop.
And he does play a lot of Nintendo games, just not legally.
He says that it is a big responsibility for him to take care of such an expensive gift at his dorm, by the way, he has an Apple Mac which is like five times the Switch’s price, and a phone which is twice the Switch’s price, which I pointed out and he said that that was different.
He later called me into his room locked the door sat me down and told me, “I like your intentions but I am not going to take it with me. It is too big of a responsibility and you should have asked me before you bought it.” At which point I just replied that I gifted it to him and he could do whatever he wanted with it and left the room annoyed.
Later at night, my mother told me that while she appreciated my intentions I should have given him something more useful and that I should return the Nintendo Switch and buy something more useful for him. At this point I just told her that some things are not meant to be useful at all times, some things are meant to be relaxing and supposed to be enjoyed without worrying about what one is learning for it.
When I told about all this to some people, they said that I had wasted my money and it was a jerk move to expect him to enjoy the gift.
The thing is that I did ask him in a discreet way about whether he liked Nintendo games and whether he would ever buy a Nintendo and he did agree that he wanted to buy a Nintendo later in life and play games on it.
I also bought it because frankly, I know what it was like to want to play games but not have a good enough laptop or console. Heck, I had to beg my father to buy one game CD which was like ₹100 (~$ 2) and even then he would make faces and get angry that I made him waste his money.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t even know what their problem is. IMO gifts should be things to enjoy and not necessarily useful. Who wants to unwrap a calculator, you know? And how is a switch a responsibility? It is his property, it’s not like he has to keep it safe so it gets returned to its proper owner down the road.
It would suck if it got stolen, but as you pointed out, he has other expensive devices and he’s not leaving them behind. I think you did something nice and they are being very weird about it.” BeMandalorTomad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I would have loved that gesture if I were receiving it.
You did nothing wrong. You wanted to give him something he could have enjoyed but he threw it back in your face. I’d use this as a lesson-learned moment and simply get him useful things for special days. His birthday? Socks. Graduation? Job application form.
(But that’s because I’m a bit petty) I would also have taken back the switch and kept it. I would have wanted to see if suddenly he kicked up a fuss.” NoUnderstanding477
20. AITJ For Snapping At My Roommate Over Her Excessive Use Of AC And Fans?
“I live in a dorm with my roommate. Our room has an AC and 2 fans. The temperatures have been dropping where I live, to the point that having the fans on is enough, and having the AC on is too cold. The temperature at night usually drops to 12-13°C.
I wear a sweater and sweatpants at night and wear a thick blanket because I have a condition where I turn blue if I’m too cold. Most times I also wear a thin shirt under my sweatshirt to keep myself warm enough. My roommate also wears a sweater and sweatpants and uses 2 to 3 layers of blankets.
However, when it’s time to sleep, she switches the AC on sets the temperature at 18°C (the lowest it can go), and switches the fans on too.
I have tried talking to her multiple times to find a middle ground. I asked her if we could switch the fans on instead of the AC and keep the windows open for fresh air.
I asked her if she could stop using one or two layers of her blankets so that she wouldn’t feel too hot. Each conversation led to an array of excuses on her part like “I feel suffocated” or “she feels comfortable with having so many blankets on herself” and accommodation on my part like taking regular medicines to avoid cold, wearing additional layers and socks to bed (which I hate because I have sensory issues and I don’t like wearing socks to bed).
I finally snapped a few nights ago when I kept asking her to turn the AC off because I had a really bad fever and cold. I asked her if she could turn it off for one night. She said she “felt too hot without the AC on.” I replied, “Well if you could just stop using so many blankets maybe then you’d stop feeling so darn hot at night.” She just huffed and didn’t respond, nor did she switch anything off.
When I tried to switch a fan off, she switched it back on a few minutes later. I sneezed and coughed the entire night and the next morning she had a cold too.
She started blaming me for it but I simply told her I had asked her to accommodate for a night and she didn’t so it wasn’t my fault but then the other part of me started feeling guilty for getting her sick.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only ailment anyone is getting from being too hot overnight is heat stroke and dehydration. If she’s claiming you got her sick then she’s lying. Roommate life is going to involve compromise for all roommates. It sounds like you’ve been doing all the compromising so far.
She needs to meet you in the middle, not spew a bunch of nonsense to justify her childish attitude.” ORINnorman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as there is an easy solution to her overheating when the AC is off which is to stop wrapping up so warmly and use 1 blanket or wear cooler PJs.
Whereas when the AC is on you are already wrapped up warmly and are still too cold. Also, it is just a mad waste of energy to have AC on when it is only 13 degrees outside. Can’t she crack her window instead of wasting power?
Contact the RA and use your medical condition (Raynauds I’m guessing) as a point for why you need this situation to change.” cakelin99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your roommate sounds like a real pill. I don’t envy you having to be around that hot mess.
Please talk to the RA and use your medical condition to change rooms, unless you’re worried you’ll get someone even worse. Why doesn’t she just get a weighted blanket? They even make these weighted net-looking blankets that have an open weave like a net so they feel heavy but aren’t particularly warm.
Good luck.” User
19. AITJ For Accidentally Ghosting An Acquaintance And Selling A Promised Animal To A Zoo?
“I’m going to be a bit vague on some details that might give my identity away. I raise reptiles and amphibians and sell them, but quite often I also do dealings with zoos. I’ve sent my animals to zoos all over the United States.
I ended up with a pretty rare animal a few months ago. An acquaintance that I’d had a few good conversations with over the last few years messaged me and told me that they wanted the animal for their private collection. I told them I’d let them know if I planned on selling, but I wasn’t sure.
Ultimately though, I did tell them that if I was going to sell her, I’d let them know before anyone else. At some point, we corresponded again and I told them I was ready to sell. I didn’t get a response back from them. (Or so I thought)
Turns out, I missed the message completely and thought they ghosted me. I didn’t reach out again. I didn’t want to be pushy.
I waited a few months for a response (not knowing I had one in my inbox) and then got an offer from a very big zoo that wanted the animal. I drove her out and delivered her, only to get home and realize a few weeks later that…whoops, I had been the one to ghost the acquaintance.
I reached out, apologized, and offered them their choice of ANY of the other animals that I had for sale. I also told them that I would be getting a few more animals very similar to the one they’d wanted. For a while, they continued to talk to me as if they weren’t too upset.
Then one day, I was talking to them about some animals that I was breeding…and they blew up. They told me that they were very upset that I had given “their” animal away after promising it to them. I tried apologizing again, but they told me that I should never ask them for anything, ever.
I should never speak to them again. And then they blocked me on all social media.
It’s left me wondering if I’m the jerk. It was a mistake and it was my fault for not reaching out again after I thought I was ghosted. But does that make me the jerk or just an idiot?
Am I the jerk for giving away the animal to a zoo instead of the person I originally promised it to?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It was an honest mistake. You owned it and apologized. There’s nothing more you can do. That other person just couldn’t let it go, and that’s on him.” tater sprout
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- people make mistakes and you were under no obligation to give anything to make up for it. They communicated in an immature fashion in response. The animal will make far more people happy and have a better chance for a happy life at a zoo than in a private collection.” MikeTheBee
18. AITJ For Planning A Memorial For My Deceased Elderly Neighbor Against His Nephew's Wishes?
“My (32M) elderly neighbor (97M) died 2 weeks ago and it’s upset me. I’ve lived in the same flat with him (his name was David) as my next-door neighbor since I was 19 so he’s felt like a permanent fixture in my adult life.
David was incredibly sharp even in his later years, with great memory even short-term memory, and still very capable of living alone. I did some things for him like a big shop and coming round for a cup of tea and occasionally cooking + baking for him.
I lived alone, and chatting with David was what got me through the loneliness and craziness of it all, David was a retired doctor and always had great insight and loads of great stories. Sorry, to go off on a tangent about David I just wanted to share how special he was and important to me to contextualize the story.
I contacted David’s nephew through social media, I’ve never met David’s nephew as they weren’t close but David had no kids or other living family, I just to ask whether there was going to be a funeral (I know David didn’t have many living friends but he had a few people in his life).
The nephew said no so I thought I’d throw something at my flat just a memorial and I asked around some of the people at the groups David attended to gauge interest. When I’d sorted it I contacted the nephew to invite him, no pressure just wanted to talk about David and share some of his stories I didn’t have his body or anything I just wanted to celebrate his life with the people who knew him.
The nephew got back to me very quickly and said it would be incredibly weird for me as someone not related to David or a proper friend of his to throw him a memorial service because I was being very invasive and disrespectful to his family and that he’d never met me so it would be weird.
Also, I’d be overstepping. He asked me to cancel but I’m in 2 minds about it, I don’t want to disrespect David or overstep and although I know a lot about his past I realize I didn’t know much about his present and family relationships also David was important to me too and I have 5 or 6 local acquaintances of his interested. Also, I only arranged it because the nephew said they weren’t doing anything.
so WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“There is no problem with having a memorial/get-together for someone you cared about. There was an elderly man in my neighborhood who used to help everyone out and when he got older, everyone helped him out (brought meals, raked, etc).
When he passed we had a gathering at his favorite spot where he sat outside and talked to people. Everyone just saluted his memory and told stories about him. He had no kids but his 3 relatives who now owned his house came and listened. It would have been really sad for people not to be able to share about this amazing man.
It was good for his family too who did not know any of us. His nephew is wrong and has no control over whether or not you choose to celebrate his life. It is too bad he is missing out on learning more about his uncle NTJ” hikergirl26
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s fine. Wonderful in fact, to arrange an opportunity for people who were close to David, and special to him in his later years to get together and remember. It would only be “weird” if you tried to organize a full-blown memorial service with music and programs. Nephew will sadly miss an opportunity to meet people who cared about his uncle, and would probably extend that care to him if he appeared.” CatteNappe
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Visit My Wife's Grandparents After They Gave Her Unemployed Brother A $50,000 Gift?
“My BIL is a 28M with no job who lives in my in-law’s basement. He is obese and survives off of welfare cheques from the Canadian government. He is capable of working but chooses not to. My wife on the other hand (26F) moved out at 18, self-funded a degree, works in a good field (80K annually), got married, and has never sought a hand-out from her parents or her grandparents even though they both have the means.
We spent our vacation time the last two years visiting her grandparents who live across the country. Recently her grandparents (85), moved out of their house and into retirement living and no longer had space for both of their vehicles. Her grandpa decided to gift my BIL a truck with a fair value of $50,000.
His justification was to “help him build confidence” and “give him something to care for.” My wife was given nothing and they did not do anything to even out the gift.
We have a trip planned to visit them in a few months, but I have no interest in going to see them.
I am mad at myself for letting money ruin my perception of them, but I do not appreciate how my wife was treated. I feel they take her for granted. We always go out of our way to visit them. All of our trips are self-funded. We have never asked anything of them while lots of her cousins have been bailed out financially.
I just have an icky feeling about the whole thing.
My wife got upset when I told her I wanted to do something else with our vacation time. She got really upset and it led to an argument. She took the stance we have to enjoy our time with them while we have it.
My wife and I are currently saving for our first house, paying off student loans, and saving for our first child. We still drive my very first car I bought 10 years ago. The situation stings, as we could have used the help, while her brother lives a free ride and gets nothing but help all the time.
AITJ for not wanting to see my wife’s grandparents because of this?”
Another User Comments:
“I am going against the grain here and asserting that You are NTJ. It reads to me like your wife IS very upset about the inequity but values her relationship with her grandparents more than her feelings about these gifts and inequities.
My BFF had grandparents and parents who treated her brother very much like their golden child. It took her a very long time to come to terms with that. I understand your reluctance to see these people but your wife is right and you should listen to her.
They are old (85) and have already lived far longer than the average lifespan for their generation. Help her where you can to accept the treatment and understand that it is not a reflection of her value. I grew up hearing “the squeaky wheel gets the grease” until my ears bled. Her grandparents, may be bursting with pride over her accomplishments and not consider the help and gifts to those who can’t or won’t improve their own lives as slights to her.
If she has never had that conversation with them perhaps this trip would be the time. Better to air this out than be left to wonder for the rest of her life after they pass. I hope that you listen to her and do not cut these people out of your lives.
It sounds like that would hurt your wife far more in the long run.” chubeebear
Another User Comments:
“It’s genuinely really sweet that you’re angry/frustrated by this on your wife’s behalf. But, yeah, I’d let it go. You don’t know if they have plans to give her something else later on, but even if they don’t, tell her that one possibility is that they see clearly how capable and together she is, and that she doesn’t NEED help from them (sounds like they would’ve been better off “gifting” her brother an intervention of some kind instead of a valuable car, but whatever — grandparents gon’ grandparent).” OrigamiStormtrooper
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My in-laws favor my sil like this – gifting her 500000k and the two others nothing. So they can choose to spend their money how they wish and we can choose to spend our time with whom we wish. We rarely see the in-laws.
They aren’t allowed around the kids unsupervised and we ask them for nothing. We don’t vacation with them anymore. We don’t sleep over at their house. We don’t even spend Christmas with them. We’ve also agreed that when they’re old, it’s Sil who has to tote them around to appointments and do all the care for them.
They’re no longer our problem. My family on the other hand gets all the visits, all the holidays, all the babysitting. If they can play favorites, we can too. Forget in-laws!” Cerealkiller4321
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it wasn’t a gift, it was further enabling.
This plays out in many families where one kid is propped up, underachieving is explained away, and everyone needs to be more understanding. The achievements and successes of the other child are minimized, and overlooked. They don’t get any help because “they don’t need it”.
The years of inequality lead to resentment. Careful, ’cause what’s coming next is them trying to rope you and your wife into caring for him after they all pass. I wouldn’t stay silent. You and your wife can point out the favoritism and inequity. If they don’t change, minimize your contact.” ranch
16. AITJ For Seeking Local Craft Help After Cousin's Husband Failed To Deliver?
“So I (34f) am autistic, just to get that out there as to why I’m not sure if I would be the jerk or not (situations like this for me are… Awkward), and I am heavily craft-oriented (for example, I make my own knitting and crochet patterns, dye and spin my yarn, and work with polymer clay, too).
This is relevant because my cousin’s husband (40m, we’ll call him Gary) has said that he will make the things I need. To be specific, I’ve asked for three things: for the inside of the knitting implement to be sanded down as it was catching and damaging my yarn (requested two years ago), a pair of hackle (wool) combs (requested last September), and top whorl drop spindles (getting on for a month ago now) made in a particular way so I can make them nice with polymer clay and sell them on (I have made it clear that I would be more than happy to pay for everything, too).
None of them have been done. When I asked him to make the spindles originally, he immediately decided he was going to make them out of aluminum because HE thought that would be better, even though I stated that I wanted them made out of wood.
Here’s the thing: I live clear across the other side of town to most of my family. My gran and great aunt, who live next door to each other and are close to him and my cousin, regularly ask him to do jobs that do get done.
I just kinda feel… Forgotten, I guess.
I should also say that they have a son who is severely on the spectrum. He needs a lot of help and care and I can understand that he comes first, but then I see other people’s more recent jobs being completed regardless, so… Yeah.
So, context provided (hopefully), here’s my question: WIBTJ if I went onto social media, in the local groups that he and the rest of my family are also in, and asked if there was anyone local who’s willing to help me? I’m tired of waiting for jobs to be done when others decide they will be (I.e. Never), and I need these things done.
I’ve given up on the knitting implement completely at this point, but the combs and spindles are things I need so I can try and sell my handspun wool/beginner’s spinning kits, so I can’t give up on those.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But none of this sounds like highly specialized labor.
Instead of reaching out to the communities your family inhabits, why not reach out to toolmakers, woodworkers, or metalworking communities? You said you were willing to pay, I’m sure there are people in those groups that are there solely to find clients. Just post and ask if anyone does commission work.
Good luck, stay safe, and watch out for scammers.” Zahrad70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s so frustrating. Have you reached out to remind him? It is possible he forgot if he has other commitments and is helping another family who live closer. Maybe send him a message to politely remind him about his offer and ask if he can make the items you requested by a certain date.
If he withdraws the offer or is unable to make the items, then reach out on social media. Also, are you paying him for this work? If not, offering him some financial reimbursement might speed him up (but payment is contingent on him making the items in wood as you requested, not what he thinks is best).” Pure-Philosopher-175
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is also a good thing to demonstrate that you are independent and can get things done on your own. Some things you can do yourself, like sanding. As for combs for wool and the center sticks for spindles, these are specialist equipment, and he may not have a clear idea about what you are asking for.
This may have caused the delay, as it is easier to do something familiar than something new. A person who understands what you ask for may be much better for this, and do it quicker and to your specifications.” Missepus
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give Up My Room To My Older Brother?
“I (15 F) am the youngest of 5, living in a home with 4 bedrooms. I live with my parents and 2 of my siblings (26 M & 29 F) full time, while my other 2 visit often.
When my brother visits (usually once a month), my mom always gives him my room to stay in and forces me to clean it every time he comes. Last year, she even gave him my room for 2 months while he visited, and I had to stay with my sister in her room (it was awful).
My mom knows that I hate giving up my room, but forces me to anyway because he’s “my older brother” and he’s her son and wants him to be comfortable.
Where I live, June is my busiest school month, as it is the last school month.
Meaning, I have multiple tests and assignments every single week of June. My mom just informed me that my brother will be coming over and is most likely going to be staying at our house for over 3 months while he looks for a job. Without even asking me, she’s giving him my room.
I protested, telling her that I deserve the right to feel comfortable too, as it is MY room. I also mentioned that this last month of school will be very busy, and I want to be able to focus on studying for my exams in my room.
We also have a pretty good-sized room in the basement of our house, which came up in the conversation, but because we rent our house and technically aren’t supposed to have access to it, (we would have to pay money to rent it) my mom isn’t allowing me or my brother to have it while he’s here.
We also have a whole other house that he could live in for 3 months, but my mom is refusing because it is her house, and in her words, “doesn’t have air conditioning, and I want him to be comfortable”. I don’t understand why he can’t just get a fan.
But no, she insists on giving him my room.
I should at least have a say in whether or not I even want him staying in my room, right? She’s never asked my permission. Where am I supposed to go for three months?? Why couldn’t my sister or brother give up their rooms for once??
Am I the jerk for making a big deal out of this, or should I just let him have my room as always?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ what the heck? Your brother lost his job and has to move back home and that’s your problem- a literal child?
Nah, honey. Focus on school. Keep working hard and doing your best. YOU DESERVE COMFORT AND YOU ARE CURRENTLY NOT CAPABLE OF PROVIDING YOURSELF A PLACE TO LIVE. Your brother CAN but ISN’T. In life, stuff happens and you deal with it as an adult.
When you’re a kid, it’s the adult’s responsibility to figure it out. Sorry honey. I hope this works out okay for you.” DoraTheUrbanExplorer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it’s still your mother’s house, fair or not. Do you have any relatives or friends that will take you for that period, can you stay with your dad?
Your other two options are a) find a place to camp out in your house or b) make it as hard as humanly possible. Refuse to move out, refuse to clean, and loudly let your mother know it’s not your fault she raised someone who can’t hold a job.
You’ll probably get grounded but the upside is she won’t be able to send you to your room.” Ok_Homework8692
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d ask why he can’t stay with the brother. I’d also tell her that as long as she refuses to select one of the options that would give both of you privacy she won’t have privacy either.
Then start barging in on her at random times. Sadly your mom seems to be one of the people who don’t think there’s a problem unless it affects her. I’d also be asking multiple times a day why she gave away my room to an adult and when I got it back.
Make sure to do this when around other people. Maybe public shame will finally get her to see your viewpoint.” ApprehensiveBook4214
14. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Decide On Travel Plans Despite Her Anxiety?
“I just argued this morning with my partner. We are (were) planning to go to a wedding event out of town on Friday, but realized that pride would be happening where we live on Saturday and Sunday.
We were trying to navigate ways to be able to attend both things, and the options were to leave town Thursday night and head back early Friday morning (a 6-hour drive each way), or to just fly (about an hour each way) for convenience. My partner has flight anxiety, but she has flown multiple times before.
However, her anxiety has been higher lately so she said she doesn’t know what she would prefer to do since driving would be inconvenient but flying frightens her. I told her that I kind of needed an answer as soon as possible because if we ended up flying, the prices would go up the longer we waited.
She got mad at me and said I was not being considerate of her anxiety, to which I told her that I was sorry she was feeling anxious and not trying to invalidate her, but her not give an answer, nor a timeline for when she could answer, is being inconsiderate of my finances.
Essentially, I told her that even an answer such as “I don’t know right now but I’ll give you an answer by tomorrow” would have sufficed. She said I was being very rude and hurtful by putting a timeline on her anxiety. I explained that her anxiety was valid and I was sorry she was anxious as well as for hurting her feelings, but that there will be times in life when we need to make choices, even when we are feeling anxious and have high emotions.
It’s not a comfortable thing, but it is necessary as an adult. It has just been frustrating for me to be expected to back down and hold her hand with different things that she doesn’t want to decide in moments sometimes, and then in the end I get burned financially because we end up doing something last minute and it costs more as a result.
I also told her she just doesn’t need to come anymore if she’s feeling anxious and cannot compromise by giving me a timeline on an answer, to which she said that she’s hurt because I don’t want her there.
Am I the jerk in this?
I’m not trying to contribute to her anxiety but we’re adults here and the consequence of this affects me more than her.”
Another User Comments:
“You are correct OP. As a person with an anxiety disorder, sometimes you just have to acknowledge your anxiety and make your decisions despite it.
My husband said to me once, “I plan to travel, I’d like you to come, but if you can’t fly, you will have to miss out. You decide who gets the upper hand, you, or your anxiety.” I still hate flying, but I am not going to allow it to dictate my life.
Also, the only way to deal with it is to go through it…at least that has been my experience. Good luck to you both.” waterscorp
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are being extremely supportive and accommodating but yes you are right, there is a time limit to make these decisions.
I understand having bad anxiety, I have bad anxiety myself, but it shouldn’t prohibit you from making decisions altogether. It’s also concerning because what if she gets in a situation that is more jeopardizing or urgent? She will need to act under pressure lest something very bad happen.
I think you are a good partner being honest with her, even if it is hard. She needs to know that this is a problem that is a detriment to both her and you. I hope she can learn from this and I hope you can eventually encourage her to be better about being more decisive.” SadBeyondRepair
Another User Comments:
“I have some pretty severe anxiety, so I understand the stress the timeline puts her under, but You’ve been very understanding and have explained why it’s important that the decision is made promptly. If she’s flown before, it may be time to give her a choice between two options.
Fly, or have to miss out on pride. Driving to both is going to only add more anxiety due to time constraints, and it’s an annual thing. This will take some pressure off of her by not having so many options. Black and white choices are much easier for those of us with anxiety.” [deleted]
13. AITJ For Not Disclosing My Current Landscaper's Rates To A Potential New One?
“I currently have a landscaper and I’m not thrilled with how my lawn looks. I reached out to a recommended company on social media and asked for a quote for my yard to be mowed.
When they asked how tall the grass currently was I explained that it was just mowed a few days ago but I wasn’t happy with how it looks (and that my current landscaper gave me a 3-day window instead of just telling me when he was coming).
He asked who it was and I played dumb “Oh my husband normally takes care of it- I’m not sure” I just wasn’t trying to badmouth anyone. We agreed that we could come in 2 days to take a look at the yard and give me a quote.
But then today he messages me the following:
Lawn Guy: Just a quick question. What did the other guy charge you?
Me: I don’t feel like that’s important to your quote. I’m not comfortable answering that.
Lawn Guy: Okay, cause I would have probably matched it a beat but you know what if you’re not comfortable answering any of my questions so I know what not to do, then have a good day
Me: You’re making me uncomfortable with that message. It shouldn’t matter what the other man was charging. What should matter is what you will charge. I should be getting the best number you can give me despite any other quote that I got from anyone else.
The number he is charging me shouldn’t in any way affect the number you will charge me. I’m asking you for a quote. You already asked the other companies name and now you’re asking what they charge me. So if you would mow the lawn for $80 but you find out that the other guy was charging me 120 then suddenly your rate is gonna jump up to 120?
I don’t understand why that number would be relevant to you if you want my business then you should be giving me an honest price
Lawn Guy: Listen, big businesses. Do it so can I find Somebody Else? Because I’m no longer doing lawn care.
You were the last one and you ruined it for everybody. Otherwise, you couldn’t simply question without being uncomfortable. Have a good day, don’t respond to me
Me: Well, I’m glad I saved other customers from having to deal with something unpleasant experience.
I just feel like there was no need for all of this information… AITJ???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The social media lawn guy was out of line, imo. I think you are right, he should just look at the lawn, quote you a price, and let you decide whether to pay it or not. All this palaver back from him that you “ruined it for everybody?” Baloney.
He just wanted to know what the other guy was charging you so he could maybe undercut it a little or at least raise his price if he was going to be lower otherwise. You were right to call him out on it. After he pretty much insulted you (“big business”) I’d not have hired him even if he was half the price of the other guy.
If he was doing your neighbor’s identical lawn, he’d probably charge different prices, and be ticked if you found out.” TabbieAbbie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’ve worked in sales for most of my life. I’ll ask for a competitor’s price casually. It is none of my business; a lot of people will just tell me once I’ve made them comfortable. If they don’t want to tell me I drop the subject; pushing it will almost always lose the sale no matter what else I can offer.
It’s my job to either beat their price or beat their service (preferably both). Usually, the only reason I’m talking to a potential customer is because they aren’t happy with their current service. The guy you’re talking to is a complete idiot. With his attitude I’m sure his service would also be total crap; at least he let you know he’s garbage at the start.” Meta2048
Another User Comments:
“I think ESH because the lawn guy was out of line in his response, but he didn’t need the lecture he got either. If it were me I would have pulled a figure out of my behind that was less than what I was paying the other company, rather than arguing with him about whether he needs to know or not.” Grail90210
12. AITJ For Yelling At My Nan For Favoring My Cousin And Insulting Me?
“I (20m) have 3 younger cousins (17m, 15f, 12m) and my nan (76f) has always said that she does not have any favorites but she clearly does because she spoils 17m and gets whatever he wants but when it comes to the rest of us she barely has much to say.
She constantly berates my older brother for some bad decisions that he made when he was younger and she’s always putting him down no matter how much he’s turned his life around since then. If my parents make a mistake/forget something when they’re shopping, she phones me and spends at least half an hour throwing insults at me calling me worthless, a waste of space, and that she wishes I was never born.
I’ve tried blocking her number but my mam doesn’t like me to do it because then she gets angry calls and voicemails from her saying she’s a terrible daughter-in-law who’s raised 2 narcissistic kids that have no control. As for my younger cousins, they don’t associate much with her because their mam (my aunt) cut contact with her for some drama that happened in the past and they haven’t spoken to each other in years.
Last week we had a meal out as it was my older brother’s birthday and he had to invite my nan because if we didn’t, we would never hear the end of it. The meal was going great until she started mentioning how well my cousin was doing, that she was proud of him, and that he was perfect in every way.
I rolled my eyes and she saw and started to have a go at me calling me jealous but that’s when I snapped and yelled at her saying that my cousin wasn’t at all perfect. He dropped out of school when he was 12, he’s always on his PS5 playing Fortnite, he’s stolen money from family members and she is enabling him because she never sees that and he is clearly her favorite because she would do anything for him but when it comes to the rest of us, she wouldn’t even lift a finger.
She expects us all to run around after her because she acts like she’s in charge whenever she sees us. After I said all that she started to cry and stormed off in a huff. My parents and brother said that she needed that but my other aunt and cousin posted a rant about me on social media calling me heartless for yelling at an old lady.
so AITJ for yelling at my nan?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know your living situation so I don’t know if it would cause you serious problems to hold the line… but I hope your parents and brother are supportive enough for you to just not engage with the jerks.
I understand “respect your elders“ to a certain extent… but I didn’t speak to my grandmother for the last 15+ years of her life as she was a nightmare. Nobody in my family blames me, and we all agreed that we’d spend every last dollar of this very wealthy woman to keep her in a very nice care facility that charged extra for her being super racist to the employees.
My grandmothers had favorites, but even racist grandma kept it low-key that she preferred the only grandson. All of us granddaughters had a special thing with her. Mine was baking and sometimes competitive eating of ribs at BBQ restaurants. Your nan isn’t even trying to disguise it.” bothSophia
Another User Comments:
“Your grandmother has said some unforgivable things to you. Telling a grandchild he’s worthless and you wish he’d never been born is so vicious, that it borders on unhinged. I also think that along with the favoritism, it’s so awful that it frees you up to say whatever makes you feel better.
But honestly, assuming you don’t live with her, I think your best course of action would be to go no contact with her. What she says to you is cruel and abusive and she doesn’t deserve another minute of your time. If you do live with her, no matter what your culture says about unmarried adult children living at home, I think you’d be well served to think about educational/vocational training that will allow you to support yourself comfortably in a different household.
No one should have to put up with this. NTJ” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, or maybe only an ounce. Yelling at a nasty old granny may not have been the best action but her abusiveness has been tolerated too much by your father and mother who think they’re being ‘respectful.’ My suggestion is to target more how she verbally mistreats you and less how she unreasonably praises her favorite.
You should never be subjected to her verbal mistreatment saying she wished you’d never been born, are a waste of space, and worthless.” NanaLeonie
11. AITJ For Replacing My Broken Fridge While My Landlord Was Grieving?
“My wife and I signed a lease and moved into our new house 2 weeks ago. When we signed the paperwork, the landlord told us if we had any issues, contact her, and they will get sorted out.
There was only one issue on the day of move in that I addressed with the landlord, but it wasn’t pressing.
6 days into living there, one day I noticed my fridge didn’t seem to be as cold as it should be. The freezer was still cold.
I noticed it but I didn’t think much of it at the time. The next morning, everything in my freezer was thawed and everything in the fridge was room temp. I texted my landlord immediately to let her know about the issue. Her response was “My dad died this morning, I’ll take care of it”.
I told her I was sorry for her loss and I would get back with her later. That text exchange happened at around 8am.
The next morning I texted my landlord and let her know that I was off that day if she planned on sending someone to my house.
No response. The following day I tried to call her, it immediately goes to voicemail. Seconds later I received a text asking “what do you need?”. I replied and said that I knew she had a lot going on but I was just trying to get an update on my fridge.
I’m going on 3 days with no way to keep food cold. No response. The following day I sent another text. Her response was “I’m grieving my father’s death, I’m not dealing with your fridge right now.”
I’m really conflicted at this point because just over a year prior I lost my mom, so I know how it feels.
On the other hand, as the owner of a property management company, her livelihood is supported by other people’s livelihoods and I feel like this should be an important matter to address. I went 5 days with no communication from her.
I couldn’t afford a new fridge but I needed to have one.
I have joint visitation with my kid and he can’t be here without a way to keep food cold. So I went to one of those shady rent to own places and got a new fridge and let the landlord know hers would be outside.
I couldn’t wait any longer. And she sent me a long text about how I’m a piece of junk for not caring about her loss. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Former landlord here. NTJ. This is pretty cut and dry. As horrible as it may seem to an empathetic rentee, the relationship you have is business, not personal. You are in your right to call a repair person or get a new fridge and take it out of the rent.
Is there another person to call? Her husband or someone else? Imagine a situation where you have medicine (like insulin) that needed to be refrigerated and now your life is at risk. Send her a text and let her know you will bill her for the repair technician you call.
The fact there is a working fridge next door is crazy tbh and borderline abusive that she wouldn’t let the guy swap them out.” sourisanon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s unfortunate that she has experienced a personal loss, but you’re not her friend. This is her job and she has obligations.
If she can’t fulfill them, she needs to find someone else who can. She’s honestly being wildly unprofessional at this point. Depending on the laws in your state, you could be allowed to buy a new fridge and deduct it from your rent.” Diligent-Mind-9370
10. AITJ For Wanting To Cut Off Financial Support To My Sister Who Secretly Rented Out The Apartment We Bought For Her?
“So I (26F) am currently a stay-at-home mom, but my husband (27M) makes a comfortable salary that we can still afford to take care of our baby, as well as help out my family without it being too much trouble on the finances.
My younger sister (I’ll call her Cece) is going to college in another state for uni and is currently a sophomore. She got accepted into a university with an excellent art program, but couldn’t afford to dorm and pay for her school’s tuition with her loan and savings.
So my husband and I bought her a decent apartment (paid for in full) in a good area so she could commute to school. It’s technically under our name, but we let her treat it as her own, so she can feel independent.
We pay for everything- including the utilities (even wifi), so she lives there rent-free and can save the funds she makes from working part-time and focus on school.
But the other day I found out that she’s not even living in the apartment and is instead living with her partner! She has been for the past school year and just didn’t tell anyone- and is renting out the apartment for cheap to one of her friends (AND WE HAVE BEEN PAYING FOR A STRANGER TO LIVE THERE)?!
I only found out after a package I ordered for her got returned to me (it was a wellness package with some snacks and stuff, usually I Amazon things over but I packed this one myself so I had to send it with UPS, and this one was returned).
Cece’s justification for this is that she “needs the money” for the graduation trip she’s saving up for which is literally in years so I don’t know why it’s such a big deal yet. But my husband and I don’t want to be paying for her friend to live there while she lives for free with her partner anyway.
I don’t want to kick Cece’s friend out as she’s an innocent party and leave her stranded, but maybe if I take her on as a renter we can work this out separately.
Would I be the jerk if I cut Cece off financially?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, evict her NOW, if you don’t it’s going to be a massive pain. If she has a job, literal free housing, and money set up to pay for college then by no definition of the statement, “needs the money” she wants the money.
Honestly, if I were in your shoes I would’ve kicked her out instantly since she has everything set up, she has a job, she has college tuition, all she needs is shelter and her partner is giving her that. You are just throwing your money away, and as a person who knows a few things about money, you don’t want to throw it away.” Exner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and something you should do immediately. She could have told you where she was living – she rented out a property she doesn’t own – are you liable for that? At 19 – this young woman seems to have little common sense and no gratitude or honesty.
She can’t afford ‘anything’ but can save for a ‘trip’. Her priorities are wrong and it could be because she’s been SO supported and SO provided for. You were helping her – but if you continue after what you learned….you will be enabling her.
Cut her off – or be prepared to support her for life. If she breaks up with her partner – that’s on her, not on you.” omeomi24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your sister wants to be a landlord, she can do it on someone else’s dime.
You’re on the hook for whatever damages this tenant causes to the apartment, as well as all the utilities that are being used. If your sister doesn’t need an apartment, she should instead ask for a little supplemental funds so she can build some savings.
It would be much cheaper for you to just give her that money directly than to lose a bunch of overhead in excess rent and utilities. Given that she neglected to consider you to make that choice, I don’t blame you for cutting her off completely.
She’s an adult, and you aren’t even her mother.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Celebrate My Birthday After Family Disagreements?
“I, an 18-year-old female, am the second daughter of three in a close-knit family. My 19th birthday is coming up but, to be honest, I have been too busy and concerned about other things to pay much mind to it.
So when my younger sister asked what I wanted to do for my birthday, I asked for them to surprise me. Since I was so busy with work and school, whenever my family brought up my birthday, I would just ask them to surprise me.
Fast forward to this week (aka my birthday week), my family was discussing ideas for my birthday on the couch with me. They asked me what I wanted to do but this time I was like, let’s go to an escape room (something I had done before with classmates but I thought it would be better with family).
After saying this, my oldest sister, 23F, said that she didn’t like the idea and asked if she could sit outside in the car while we went and did the escape room. Then she brought up the price being 35 per person.
When my mom heard the price, she said that it was too expensive, and after input from my family, I decided that I didn’t want to do it anymore.
My youngest sister brought up the idea of a road trip, which I liked, and someone had brought up going to a college, which I thought would’ve been a bit boring. My oldest sister then asked about going to Six Flags and I had said no because I don’t like roller coasters and I thought it would’ve been expensive.
My little sister searched up the price where it was 58 per person and my mom said “That’s not a bad price” and then asked if I wanted to go. I said no and then my mom started to ask “Why was I mad?” And that they were trying to be nice and plan something for my birthday.
After that, I just said I didn’t want to do anything for my birthday. Then my mom said that we should talk about this tomorrow and I’m probably just tired and irritated from work. But after that conversation, I have made up my mind that I rather not do anything for my birthday and rather just take the funds that was supposed to be spent.
I don’t know how to tell my mom I seriously don’t want to do anything without her thinking I’m being selfish.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why was your Mom okay with 58 per person, but not 35? Sounds like they’re just trying to sway you into doing something they want over you.
It’s not selfish not wanting to do anything for your birthday, after al,l it’s your birthday.” Potential_Focus_4194
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t like celebrating my birthday either. Has nothing to do with getting older, it’s just a random day to me, and I’d rather just treat it as such.
I’m happy to get cards and gifts, I’m just not into the whole logistics, which sounds the same as you. Anyway, happy birthday!” Trick_Photograph9758
8. AITJ For Yelling At My Husband's Mother After She Accused Me Of Having An Affair?
“I, 27f have been married to Ben (false name), 40m, for about 4 years. We met through work since I was an intern at the company he worked at, and we started seeing each other a few months afterward.
After we got married, we decided it’d be better for me to stay at home, to better take care of the house and our future children.
Since the beginning his mother, Diana, 67f, has had it out for me, she’s very overly protective of my husband since her husband and Ben’s father died when he was little, so they grew close.
She has always accused me of being unfaithful, lackluster in household chores, and not enough for Ben on numerous occasions, but this time was the worst.
One of my best friends, Kevin, 31m, was finally able to win an important award in his work field, which would open many doors professionally for him, to celebrate it, I posted a picture of us on my social media page, with the caption being a ”So very proud of you!!”.
(Posting things for my friends when occasions like birthdays, awards, and important life events happen Is something I always do a lot, and my husband never expressed any concern)
When we had a gathering with my and my husband’s side of the family, after a few minutes his mother showed him my social media page and said
”How can you possibly allow your wife to be unfaithful to you? Isn’t it enough how she treats you?” He went silent, and I confronted her. She answered that Kevin’s arm was around my shoulder in the picture, which allegedly was a sign of affection.
I tried to interrupt her and explain it all, but she didn’t listen and instead started to berate other aspects of myself, deep insecurities, I then yelled at her that she was insufferable and meddled in other people’s lives and to leave, which she did afterward.
After it all was said and done, my husband was very angry at me and told me his mother was an elderly lady and I should’ve been patient with her and now I humiliated myself, him, and his mother in front of everyone. I’ve gotten a few angry calls from my sister-in-law and brother-in-law, as well as Diana’s.
My husband has been very cold towards me since too.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So you were around 22 and an intern when you got involved with a mid-30s guy at your place of work? Then “we agreed” that you’d quit your job to take care of the house and nonexistent children, so you’re without a source of income of your own?
And he takes his (non-elderly, no matter what he says) mother’s side when she tries to show that evidence of your friendship is evidence of your unfaithfulness? And he gives you the cold shoulder for standing up to his mum? And somehow it’s the mother-in-law who’s the problem here?
OP, please get yourself a source of income, stat. You married a guy who’s enmeshed with his mum and will always take her side. Do not reproduce with your current husband and start setting aside your income.” TemptingPenguin369
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Run girl. Run fast, run hard, and run far.
He is NOT entitled to your social media handles You didn’t say, but he absolutely, positively is NOT entitled to any passwords. HE should have put his mother in her place the first time she insulted you HE should have told his mother the man in the photo is your friend, and an arm around your shoulders does NOT equal unfaithfulness.
At least not in any reasonable society. You may hug and show affection to ANYONE, especially close friends. Anyone who tells you differently is a controlling jerk. You may post whatever you want His mother is an adult who should be able to see something without becoming unhinged. BTW, she is only 3 years older than I am.
You were apparently around 21-22, and he was 34-35 when you got together. That makes for a huge experience difference. It also means he might have been able to manipulate you more easily. As someone in their mid-30s, seeing someone in their early 20s, he had probably found no women his age would put up with his nonsense, especially his mother’s antagonism.
I suspect they also immediately and emphatically shot down his idea that they should quit working and stay at home. He is not treating you like a partner. He treats you like a servant. You need to either convince him to shut his mother down and treat you like his life partner, or you need to get out.” JewelCatLady
7. AITJ For Being Upset When My Partner Commented On My Weight After Seeing My Future Proposal Dress?
“I have been seeing this guy for around 4-5 months now. Let’s call him ‘Chad’. A majority of that time has been long-distance since he works in NYC and I am in Mumbai. Chad is a really sweet guy overall and communicates well, despite the 9.5 hours of time difference.
We had met on an app and he had told me before as well that he felt ‘I didn’t look like my pictures’. There have also been comments where he has equated my weight to my health and stated that I only want my partner to be ‘healthy’.
All of these comments have made me feel even more insecure about my body.
I’ve struggled with body image issues all my life. I’m a chubby girl and it has taken me years to accept my body. By no means am I plus size (above XXL), but I fall in the mid-size range (L-XL).
However, I have always been made to feel lousy about my body through comments made by my family, friends, and ex-partners where the general narrative has always been ‘you will look prettier if you lost some weight’.
Recently, I was talking to Chad about proposals and how I would want a cute proposal for myself in the future.
I mentioned that I also have a dress already picked out for the occasion if it ever were to happen. This is a dress I bought a year ago, long before I started seeing Chad.
He asked to see the dress so I sent him a mirror selfie of me wearing the dress.
His first comment after seeing the picture was ‘You look beautiful but you need to reduce your tummy to look better’ I was hurt and all those years of traumatising comments related to my body came back to me. I started crying involuntarily because that dress meant a lot to me and suggesting that I needed a flatter stomach to look good in that dress upset me.
He apologized for his comment but also went ahead to say that it’s not a big deal and ‘I just want you to be healthy. Why are you reacting this way’. He also mentioned that
‘Don’t you want healthy babies? You would have to be healthy yourself for that’
I was hurt and the conversation didn’t end well. He apologized a few times but also got irritated later because I was grilling him too much.
AITJ for expressing how I felt, crying, and not accepting his apology instantly?”
Another User Comments:
“OMG. NTJ.
Please run. This man is not worthy of you and his comments are horrendous. He is not saying them because he wants you and your children to be healthy. He is saying them because he does not think you are as attractive as you are.
This type of body-shaming and judgment will only get worse as he gains more control over you.” indendosha
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 4-5 months you saw his true colors in record time and without getting married and feeling trapped with no family around. I’m sorry he said things that brought up your insecurities and then tried to make you feel bad for your feelings.
You are entitled to your feelings they are yours. Now is your time to work on you, to feel good about you. What you have to offer all in your life including you. Remember you can’t love others truly until you love yourself. Come to terms with you and love you, all of you.
List your good parts, are you friendly, caring, and quick to smile? Make that list, and put it near your mirror. Add to it. Later make a list of things you might want to improve on. For me, I can’t walk far without my legs hurting (trying to work on that).
Keep telling yourself I am a loving and worthwhile person and worthy of love. I don’t need to settle for just anyone.” ohmyback1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Anyone calling you fat or telling you what to do with your body is a jerk. If you looked different than your pictures he could simply say he’s not interested. As far as critiquing your body goes, you never asked for his opinion.
No one has the right to comment on your body uninvited.” screw56
6. AITJ For Rejecting My Partner's Mom's Baby Shower Offer And Then Planning One With My Mom?
“My (f29) partner (m30) and I are expecting our 1st child together. I have one child (f9) from a previous relationship. Our families have never met. I met his parents a couple of times but there is a language barrier as they speak almost no English and I do not speak Spanish.
His family is small and doesn’t have many gatherings he also doesn’t initiate us spending time with them.
When his parents found out I was pregnant last March his mom offered to host a baby shower at her home with her family friends. None whom I’ve met.
My partner told me it was solely up to me if I wanted to. He even volunteered to take the blame for telling his mom no. I told him I appreciated the thought which I did but respectfully declined. I wouldn’t know anyone and the language barrier makes it harder.
It felt more like a shower celebrating her becoming a grandmother.
To be fair my partner and I had initially decided against planning one ourselves. My partner felt it was too much work trying to organize and I figured since this is my second child it seemed silly to have a baby shower.
Fast forward/ I’m due in August. My mom has been trying to convince me for months to let her throw me a brunch but I kept turning her down. After a long conversation yesterday, I started to think it sounded like a nice idea.
I asked my partner if he thought his mom would be hurt if I planned a small shower with my mom.
I’d let him decide if we should invite his mom and sister or if it’d be better not to have them find out to avoid hurting feelings. To my surprise (since he’s been nonchalant) he got upset and asked why I said no to his mom in March but now saying yes to my mom.
Saying I already knew his mom would be uncomfortable not knowing anyone there the way that I would be not knowing anyone at her house. And that his mom would probably feel some type of way when she offered to plan one for me but I said no. I told him at that time I didn’t want one but things changed. And I’m more comfortable planning it this way with people I know.
The last thing he said to me about it is that if I say yes and plan a celebration with my mom or friends, I’m a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“Very soft YTJ. I wish someone would have told you you’re allowed to have more than one baby shower.
You could have had the small one with Grandma and graciously accepted some gifts. Then there would be no problem having one now. Unfortunately, you’re in a bit of a situation where you could hurt the feelings of the father of your baby and his mom.
It’s 100% your right to have a baby shower now though- but you won’t be able to control what they think of you.” Emergency_Radio_338
Another User Comments:
“I don’t understand your refusal. It was a limited event for her side and a great opportunity for you to meet their circle.
Are you going to avoid them because you can’t speak Spanish or try to learn some basic skills? It didn’t have to be a lengthy event and your partner could have been there to help translate. It also would have prevented any issues when your Mom threw you a brunch which you could have limited to your circle.
Sometimes we do things for others. You know that most persons in your partner’s mom’s position will feel insulted that you said no and now are having one (with or without them). YTJ. Do you plan to keep your child from his family because you can’t speak their language?
That would also be bad.” Kami_Sang
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You keep saying you feel like your partner’s mom wants a shower to celebrate her becoming a grandma, that the party would not be about you. The guest of honor at a baby shower is THE BABY.
Of course, she wants to celebrate that there will be a new member of the family! She might have thought she was offering to celebrate there being two new members of her family, but you don’t seem interested in putting in much effort to get close to her.” SisalSiren
5. AITJ For Preferring To Text My Parents Instead Of Calling Them?
“So my mom and I have a very headbutt relationship and she likes to make me feel bad for a lot of stuff I’ve done or don’t do. I’m 28, she’s 47 and my dad is 63. They never liked what I did growing up and I’ve always been very independent and they disliked almost anything I tried to do that didn’t involve being around them/talking to them.
When I moved states they weren’t happy about it and my dad was mad at me for not sending him my new address right away after would never respond to any texts I sent.
I avoid talking to her and my dad because either the conversation is negative or there really isn’t much to talk about so there’s no point (to me anyway, and my mom during calls either just complains about work or someone else or would somehow throw something negative at me.) and I prefer to text anyway because I can at least answer and chat on my own time without interrupting what I’m doing.
She texted me today after about a week and a half of not talking/texting, saying she had a dream I was crying and was making sure I was ok and she sent me some videos of a little squirrel in the backyard where they live (we live in different states now) and I texted her saying I was ok and how I went to see a fireworks show and sent her some pics.
She liked them and then told me she was glad I was ok that she hoped I had a good day, and that she loved me no matter what I said the same, I told her I was sorry for not being as chatty (I work at a call center so I’m on phones all day) and I told her I’m always here, she can just text me whenever.
She then suddenly went “Forget it. I don’t want to text, I can’t believe you have no time to just call me. I don’t understand why you do this to me and your father. Bye.”
I honestly am tired of when she does this and she wonders why I don’t like to talk to her.
Even not long after I didn’t respond to her she texted saying “So you’re not going to call me, huh.”
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! I have a mum who flips like this as well. Sometimes it’s not worth it, the mental and emotional gymnastics.
Also, when did we become responsible for upholding our parents’ happiness and emotional stability? I’m in the middle of teaching myself a serious lesson about my mum, it’s been a couple of months of no contact (she didn’t even reach out for my birthday, which sucks cause I would never show that level of dishonor towards her).
I’m not responsible for my mum’s emotions and how she chooses to deal/not deal with them. All I know is what I deserve and I don’t deserve her poor treatment or mental games, and she doesn’t deserve me right now. Sometimes our inner parts just can’t take or handle SO MUCH negativity and we just do things to protect ourselves from such things.
Limiting yourself to only texts is a line you drew for yourself, you’re NTJ for preserving yourself, babes. I hope they wake up to themselves soon.” lf88h
Another User Comments:
“NTJ My mom is also the type that prefers calling over texting, and sends texts like “call me asap” which gives me anxiety that something is wrong but when I call, she just asks if I want to get lunch over the weekend or something super simple that could’ve just been sent over text.
It’s probably just a generational difference tbh but it still sucks to deal with. I’m not sure if you guys have ever tried to reach a compromise, like having a designated time/day for a phone call and then texting the rest of the time.
Or to have them text you first to see if you’re able to take a phone call. But it might be worth it to try.” AspectNo1992
Another User Comments:
“I like this answer. Send this in a text “You could explain the reasons listed here – you appreciated her sweet text (always begin with a compliment) – your ears and voice are tired from being on the phone all day at work – texting allows you both to respond when able – you dislike hearing negative things” Look she can’t force you to pick up the phone.
Just keep texting her nice updates and photos and don’t respond to the provocations. Ignore those altogether and the next day send another warm update and some little bit of news. Ignore the drama, ignore ignore ignore, and carry on as you wish. She will figure it out.
If necessary you can train her by taking a break for 1-2 days if she gets ridiculous then you start fresh. She is not in control of your phone. You can delete the mean texts so you’re not looking at them in your history and upsetting yourself.
She wants something you’re not willing to give and she will have to figure that out. ” Firm-Molasses-4913
4. AITJ For Ignoring My Abusive Father's Calls After His Criticism On My Exams?
“Me (15) and my father (47M) have never gotten along that well. I’m not the type to hold grudges but he’s an unlucky exception to my norm. He was not just a strict parent but also a strict husband.
He made sure he always knew what we were doing, when we were doing it and with whom. Moreover, he was also verbally abusive towards me (gaslighting, belittling, aggressive screaming, and threats – everything in the book), the effects of which continue to haunt me to this very day.
He moved out of the house after he and my mom (42F) got divorced last winter. As I grew older, I started acting in a more “aggressive” way toward him, a thing that persisted even after he moved out. He would phone my mom and me every single day, and it would be nearly impossible to ignore his calls since he would not stop until we responded. Naturally, I would ignore him and if forced to, answer dryly to his questions.
I would even occasionally be forced to come by his bar to spend time with him, where he’d either attempt small talk and fail miserably or criticize me for the most ridiculous reasons ever (ex. having black-painted nails).
Now let’s get into the meat and potatoes of all of this, I had my high school entrance exams a few weeks ago and everything went well in my and my mom’s opinion but my father didn’t think the same.
He then made the irrational decision to call my mom and spew nonsense about how “I failed because of my friends” and how “I was academically good before”. Since then, I’ve avoided his calls entirely even though they haven’t been as frequent as they once were.
Life’s been going well (or as well as it could) till my mom walked in today and told me I have to answer my father’s calls and that if not she’ll have the “pleasure” of hearing him complain about how I act like “a jerk” now.
When it comes to my dad, my mom and I are on the same page, yet she has no choice but to obey some of his wishes because I’m their biological child after all. I don’t think I’m the jerk for this, and I want to keep ignoring him, but tell me:
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not in the wrong for ignoring your dad’s calls. It sounds like he’s been tough on you in the past, and you don’t owe him anything. It’s fine to take a break from someone mean to you. Exams are stressful enough, so focus on doing well and forget about your negativity.
Your mom might be stuck dealing with him for now, but you have the right to choose who you talk to. If you want to chat with your dad someday, maybe that can happen when he apologizes for how he’s treated you. There’s also nothing wrong with just saying no altogether.
You deserve to be around people who respect you, and a therapist can help you deal with everything that’s happened.” No-Discussion3120
3. AITJ For Being Upset About Learning Of My Dad's Stroke Through Social Media?
“My part in the situation: I am the oldest of 7 and don’t keep close contact with my dad, his wife, or my 2 youngest siblings for a list of reasons that exceed the posting limit here, but it could be summed up that several significant things in my life are things they’ve routinely rejected, so I stopped putting effort into the relationship.
At the same time, my phone number has not changed in almost 20 years and I have never removed them from my social media contacts, so they have always been able to reach me. When my stepmom’s dad died last fall, I responded to her messages, offered condolences, and sent pictures of my family because they wanted to include us in his memorial. In short, we are not close, but it’s not like it’s been years since my last contact with them.
I found out from a social media post last night my dad had a stroke and was admitted to the hospital and later to the ICU. No call, no message, nothing. I wasn’t even tagged on the post. I don’t spend my time on social media anymore, so thankfully it happened that I saw it around all the ads/clickbait, but I am upset that was how I found out so I commented that I was glad/lucky to have seen the post, that I hope he makes a full recovery, and then tagged my other adult siblings to make sure they had heard.
It seems my sister didn’t know, but both my brothers knew (which is its can or two of worms). My stepmom never responded to me but did make excuses about social media not working and not knowing my sister’s number, so I pointed out that my info has not changed in 18 years, posted my number for everyone, repeated my request to stay in the loop, volunteered to make sure my sister knew what was going on, and let them know if tables were turned and something happened to my child that I would tell them before making a public social media post about it, but now I’m being childish, airing dirty laundry, and causing drama.
I don’t have redacted screenshots handy, and posting them as a comment is against guidelines as I understand them, but I genuinely want to know if I’m AITJ here (my husband, mom, closest friend, and sister say I’m not, but they have their own biases), so I have not left anything out to put myself in a better light.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You removed yourself from the family for reasons that you consider valid. The family no longer includes you in emergency announcements. Are they leaving you out or just respecting that you also excluded them for the last two decades?
Edit: changed ghosted to also excluded because I used the wrong term in ghosted.” Open-Incident-3601
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have two 1/2 sisters that live out of state and a local sister. When our dad needed a cardiac bypass they were the first ones to know.
During surgery, we kept them in the loop and once he was out and safe again they were the first ones I called. Once the immediate family was notified then we posted something to family and friends on social media to let them know he was ok.
If SM hadn’t notified anyone yet because she was dealing with the crisis of your dad being in the hospital then I would tell you to be a little more patient and compassionate but the fact that she posted it on social media before telling you isn’t ok.
If she had time to post it then she had time to call. However, were your brothers supposed to call and tell you? Because we have had that issue in our family as well. Oh, I thought so, and so-called, A didn’t you call?
No, I thought B was going to call.” Dtroitgrl3
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I understand why you are upset. But think for a second how your stepmother feels and all she has to think about and go through right now. The first people she reached out to were likely people who could be there and support her and her husband, or someone she leans on.
She definitely should have reached out to you personally before posting on social media, but I can see how she is probably not thinking straight right now.” Prudent_Fold190
2. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband To Buy A $260 Shirt For A Casual Wedding?
“We’re going to a good friend’s wedding in June and the theme is ‘Palm Springs’. It’s a small and casual wedding in their backyard.
We just moved so it would take us 5 hours to drive there so we’re going to make a weekend out of it and stay a couple of nights and catch up with old friends.
We have a baby so a good friend of ours is looking forward to seeing him.
My husband (33) wants to buy himself a new outfit specifically for the wedding, which is fair enough, but he’s looking at this $260 luxury shirt. He was also looking at some $200 loafers and a new pair of trousers.
He already has his Panama hat so he’d be saving money there, he says. Are you rolling your eyes yet?
I (34) can’t fathom paying that amount of money for one item of clothing, especially for a wedding that isn’t my own and a wedding that is going to be very casual. It doesn’t make sense to me.
He would be the most well-dressed person there, more so than the bride and groom, which I feel could be embarrassing.
He says that he doesn’t have anything in his wardrobe currently that fits the Palm Springs theme and that if he can’t buy the shirt then he doesn’t want to go anymore and that I should go by myself.
This would be quite challenging as our baby is still very young, it is really helpful having him there to help with the driving and simple stuff like keeping the baby occupied whilst I have a shower now.
His logic is that if we can’t afford that shirt then why are we able to afford the hotel and the gas to get there?
My argument is that I’m sure there are plenty of more affordable shirts on the internet that he would find appropriate, of course, there are. It’s the all-or-nothing childish approach that bothers me.
For a bit more context, we just bought a new house and now have a bigger mortgage.
I’m feeling extra aware of our outgoings and want to be more frugal with our spending over the next few months. I’m the ‘breadwinner’ and he’s staying home to look after the baby, which is amazing. We have a joint bank account only, no individual accounts.
Anyway, this dumb conversation meant he decided to sleep on the couch and I feel like I’m the jerk for controlling his spending habits and telling him what he can and can’t buy.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a backyard wedding. Add the shirt, shoes, and pants up and how much was he planning to spend on one outfit?
Over $600? Right after taking on a larger mortgage? It doesn’t make sense for either the event or the current financial situation. It’s worth a larger conversation about where he’s at mentally and emotionally, but his initial decision and reaction to you not agreeing with him were both way over the top.” Otherwise_Nothing_53
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. His spending is getting a bit much. That said, your language around money needs changing. You don’t “let” a partner spend. They aren’t a child. Pay bills first, including groceries and a small date night allowance budgeted in this grouping.
Next, take what’s left and divide it equally into thirds, one for savings, one for your free spend allowance, and one for his free spend allowance. Neither person can dictate what the other does with their free spend account. So if he wants to drop $300+ on an outfit it comes from his free spend account.
If you want something for yourself it comes from your free spend account. And nobody dictates anything. Nobody is made to feel unequal in the money spent. Nobody is treated like a child with phrases like “let them buy”. This is basic and easy to figure out the solution.
Why haven’t you guys talked about this before and figured your stuff out?” MoulanRougeFae
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – the fact that you use “letting” him buy and “controlling his spending” makes you a jerk right there. If you are partners be partners. You don’t get to dictate the spending.
You work it out together. Let’s flip the script. If you had been a man talking about “not letting your SAHM wife” and “controlling her spending” most of the internet would be up in arms calling you controlling and not understanding your wife wants to feel appreciated and that she has just as much right to decide how the money is spent.
But somehow because you are the breadwinner people think it’s ok … it isn’t.” Last-Scratch9221
1. AITJ For Calling My Husband's Friends Selfish For Not Attending His Birthday Party?
“I (29F) told my husband (29m) his friends are bad friends and selfish. We moved close to his hometown a year ago to be close to his family and friends. I told him a couple of months ago that we could celebrate his 30th birthday since it’s a big birthday with a party and he invited all of his friends which all of them said they couldn’t make it.
One of them had a baby a month ago but they are receiving everyone at their house since day 1 of being home, which makes me not understand why they can’t just come and say happy birthday or just one of them and the other one stays with the newborn.
Another of his friends said they have a wedding, and a couple of them have kids. He is always there for them and even when they have babies we bring food for them since we try to understand how hard it can be with a newborn.
So for me, they are being selfish and bad friends to not make an effort to make it to his birthday party. I feel so bad since no one will show up for him and so angry at his friends.
Extra information: almost all his friends (except two) have never been friendly to me, they invited me to stuff but when I show up they completely ignore me.
Example: the couple that just had the baby invited me to the baby shower, which was an hour and a half away from us which I drove to make an effort for my husband to try to be friends with his friends. But when I arrived they just said hi to me and completely ignored me without even trying to introduce me to their friends (friends of my husband too) and let me sit by myself at a table with the grandmother and her friends.
I got angry since I nor my friends would ever do that, it takes one minute to introduce someone who doesn’t know anyone. So after that and the fact they are not making an effort to show up for him, I told my husband his friends are jerks, selfish, and bad friends.
He immediately told me that he doesn’t like me saying that and that I shouldn’t say that. Am I the jerk or his friends are the true jerks here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Selfishness is written all over your post with your placing your own wants over the friends dealing with a newborn, having committed to attend a wedding, having obligations to children’s activities, etc. You guys made a bad selection of a date to have a party.
Maybe try again after he finds out what date(s) might work better for most of them.” CatteNappe
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – *since we try to understand how hard it can be with a newborn* Try harder. If you know how hard it is with a newborn, why are you giving them such bad press about not going to a party…..
wait for it……with a newborn. Also, if people have committed to a wedding, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Did you think that they would cancel a wedding to just hang out with a friend for part of the day? Seems a bit entitled to me.
Also, while you were at the friend’s baby shower, did you make any effort to put yourself out there or did you just sit in the corner all mopey while you judge the others based on your standards? Again, entitlement.” slap-a-frap
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