People Cling To The Past In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Telling A Friend She Could Make Her Own Brownies?
“I (18f) have some friends, the ones related to the conflict are: “Aiden,” “Abby,” and “Jane”. The ones that aren’t directly in the conflict but need a name are: “Rose” and “Dan”.
(All are assorted 18f or 18m). More relevant context: Aiden and Abby are in a relationship and tend to share the same brain cell as well as fan the others’ flames (in the sense of causing them to be angrier).
So last week, I made brownies for myself.
I never bake, so I decided to send a picture of the brownies to my group chat with a bunch of my friends.
Abby responded with, “Mmm, I really wish I had brownies.”
I’m a sarcastic person, so in response, I said, “Why do you think I made them?”
Dan answered my question as if it were literal, so I explained that I was being sarcastic and meant it as “I’m making the brownies because I wanted brownies too.”
So Aiden then messaged, “Well, are you going to mail her some?”
(I’m currently on the other side of the country.)
And I said, “Nah, she can bake her own brownies.”
I didn’t feel like it was too much to ask because brownies are pretty easy to make.
All of a sudden, Aiden said that I was being harsh, and then Abby joined in, saying that I was being rude.
I tried to explain that I just felt like brownies weren’t that hard to make, and I said that if Aiden wanted her to have brownies so badly, then he could make them for her.
They got even more upset with me for that.
Then Abby sent me a message saying that she didn’t appreciate how I was treating her, Aiden, or Dan. Aiden chimed in, saying it’s rude to bake something and not at least say, “I would offer you some if you were here.”
At this point, I felt it was inappropriate to address this in the group chat with what I thought were five people who had nothing to do with this.
So, I chose not to answer the messages and hoped they would message me privately to figure it out.
Rose called me later and told me that despite saying nothing to me, Jane is also upset. She told me that they were talking crap about me in a group chat I’m not in.
The thing that made me the most upset was that they were saying things like “Someone call her so she can’t escape it.”, “She’s being such a jerk”, “Her partner is influencing her.”
Obviously, it hurt to see this side of my friends.
I deleted social media and ignored all their messages.
Am I the jerk for this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“I mean, “she can make her own brownies” could be interpreted as being harsh. (If you read it as “she can make her own darn brownies.”) You could have said “you should make some, it’s super easy!” But the bottom line is that they’re just policing your tone.
NTJ for not delivering the perfectly crafted fake offer of sharing brownies. Sheesh. It’s natural for friends to grow apart after high school. You don’t have to remain in immature group chats forever.” jillian512
Another User Comments:
“ESH. The sarcasm was completely unsolicited, and you literally just started being rude and going off on your friends for no reason.
Your friends actually seem pretty legit, and you’re lucky to have them. They believe in dealing with conflict directly, and they weren’t talking behind your back; they were trying to get you to have an honest conversation about the issue. You sound a lot like you think you’re better than them for some reason, and pretty much every other comment here has pointed out 1 million and one better ways that you could’ve said anything.
You basically opened with “hey go screw yourself teehee.”” Aggleclack
Another User Comments:
“When someone says “oh I would really love some brownies right now” and the one who baked them would say “why do you think I made them?” I would assume (maybe wrongfully) that the why in question means you made them to share them with your friends, not because you’d also love some brownies at that point.
On the other hand, I wouldn’t ship perishable goods halfway across the country in this economy. ESH, you sound like a bunch of 13-year-olds.” MastrKoesh
20. AITJ For Canceling My Best Friend's Birthday Visit Over Her Partner's Involvement?
“I’m an 18-year-old female. My best friend, Sarah, started seeing someone online a few months ago, and it has changed our relationship dynamic.
We’ve been arguing frequently due to misunderstandings.
I asked her parents if I could fly up to see her for her birthday, and they paid for the tickets despite my offer to cover it myself. However, Sarah told me she planned to spend most of her time on the phone with her partner and might kick me out of her room.
This made me reconsider the trip, as I wanted to visit her, not just be a third wheel.
After a misunderstanding, she clarified that she would call him during downtime and spend holidays with him, which seemed fair. We hung up, but then her partner texted me (he already had my number) about Sarah having a bad day and said my uncertainty about visiting made it worse.
I felt this was inappropriate and told him to mind his business. Sarah then told me I couldn’t speak to him that way and that she had given him permission to text me the message.
I was shocked and explained that he had crossed a boundary.
She responded that her business was his, which made me feel disrespected. I had her parents cancel my tickets, but I expressed gratitude for their support. I felt uncomfortable visiting, especially with the potential for further arguments and disrespect for my boundaries.
Sarah defended her partner, saying he was just trying to help and that she really wanted me there for her birthday.
She was upset that I wouldn’t be there, expressing that it hurt her deeply, especially since she had fought her dad for months to be able to visit me (though he ultimately said no). I reminded her that I had to remind her about my own birthday during a busy time when she was moving.
She said it will take a long time for her to get over the hurt of me choosing not to visit.
I think I might be the jerk because at the end of the day it is her 18th birthday and I don’t want her to hold this over my head.
I don’t want to be in an environment where I might argue again, and I’d rather focus on my own life and obligations. Given the situation, do you think I did anything wrong? AITJ for canceling my trip to see my best friend for her 18th birthday?”
Another User Comments:
“So there are going to be times in life where you outgrow people. And I know it doesn’t seem like it, but this is actually a good sign. You have self-respect and boundaries that you are enforcing. You are reading and seeing the signs of an unhealthy friendship.
You are being strong about it and standing up for yourself. This shows personal growth on your end! That being said, it’s never easy. It hurts losing people who once meant the world to us. I still miss my bestie of 15 years. It’s almost been 15 years since we parted ways at this point.
I remember the good times, but I’m also proud of myself for growing and recognizing that we weren’t on the same path in life anymore. I’m proud of you for respecting yourself and knowing this friendship is not that great, and may even be unhealthy at this point.” LighthouseonSaturn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She just wants an excuse to be the victim. First, she’s hurt that you don’t want to go and just sit around waiting for her to be done with her partner. Then, she’s hurt that you don’t understand how important her partner is.
Then, she’s hurt that you don’t understand her partner. Then, she’s hurt that you won’t go for her birthday. When what’s actually happened is she flat out told you she wasn’t particularly interested in you being there, that her partner is her main priority and she will always pick him over you, that she expects you to just sit and wait until it’s convenient for her to acknowledge you, and that she thinks you have to comply with all of this to make her happy because it’s her birthday.
That’s not how the real world works, and this isn’t how friends treat each other. Save your time and your emotions. Stay away.” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Gently: you are all young and it shows. Look, she shouldn’t have dragged her new partner into the fray and asked him to text what she obviously had trouble communicating herself.
It comes off as passive-aggressive and dramatic and shows clearly that she’s still learning to handle her relationships, both friendship and romantic, like an actual adult. But I’m going to say, gently again, that you came off somewhat the same here. She didn’t ask for you to visit her on her birthday, it seems, based on her original plans.
That was something you and her parents arranged. A self-invited guest who even well-intentionally hikacks original plans doesn’t get to be upset about becoming a third wheel sometimes. Whether smart or not, ungrateful or not, if she wanted to spend part of her birthday talking to her partner, that’s kind of her right.
And then she course aligned and realized she could have you both… but by that point, as soon as she wanted the visit, you had made it a conditional one, where you had expressed you wouldn’t come if you didn’t have her attention at least most of the time.
Which is fine. I get it, no one wants to waste a trip when you could be doing your own stuff. But then the trip isn’t a gift, obviously – the trip had to be what you wanted from it, not her. And then, you cancel it because of your disagreements and tell her as much, making it a punishment statement instead.
You deliberately tell her she forgot about your birthday, implying what, that you’re a better friend because she was busy moving and needed a reminder of the date? You obviously gave it to her. She apparently tried to get a visit for months (which I’m confused about – you had to remind her of your birthday but she still had months to fight to visit you for it?
I’m missing something here). I’m just… wondering if you are both attacking each other when the real enemy is time and distance and the organic process of life expanding. Take some deep breaths. You’re both so wrapped up in trying to make the other see your hurts that you’re missing the forest for the trees.
You’re going through a rough patch. These moments and months are not make or break.” Classic_Sugar7991
19. AITJ For Not Trying To Save My Aunt From A Celebrity Catfish Scam?
“My (21m) mom asked me to talk to my aunt about something. She said my aunt’s being scammed. Not a romance scam, though; she is convinced she’s talking to her favorite author who needs someone to pay her bills for her while she works on a new book.
Mom said that since my aunt has no children of her own and I’m the closest thing she has to a son, she might listen to me.
I dropped by. I asked how she’s doing and then told her my mom had told me about what had been going on.
My aunt muttered something about ‘meddling older sisters’ before telling me she appreciated my concern, but there was nothing to worry about. I told her that her favorite author sold more than 20 million copies in the US alone and had her works translated into more than 40 languages; she doesn’t need anyone paying her bills for her.
But my aunt wouldn’t listen. I did not give up immediately. I told her I care about her and don’t want to see her scammed, but she insisted it’s not a scam. She just made a lot of posts on social media about the books, and the ‘author’ DM’d her to ask for help.
I told her that’s exactly how these celebrity catfishes operate and even showed her the Catfishes channel on YouTube. She refused to watch any of the videos.
After half an hour, I said, “Okay. I’m going home now. See you later.”
When my mom asked why I came home so early, I told her I love my aunt but don’t know how I can convince someone who doesn’t want to be convinced. She said I shouldn’t give up so easily on someone I love.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you did what you could. Ultimately, your aunt is an adult and adults are allowed to make bad decisions. Unfortunately, many of the victims of these scams don’t realize it until they’ve lost everything. If you or your mom want to continue trying to help her, make sure she knows she can come to you anytime for help.
Sometimes embarrassment keeps people in these scams for longer. See if she’ll agree to set a hard limit on how much to send. ALSO YOU WILL PROBABLY GET DMS FROM PEOPLE CLAIMING TO BE ABLE TO HELP YOUR AUNT OR GET HER FUNDS BACK FOR A FEE.
THESE ARE ALSO SCAMMERS. You probably realize that, but I thought I’d warn you just in case.” partylupone
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re right that you’re not going to convince someone about something that they are not prepared to believe, but while I see your frustration, you also gave it one shot.
The trick here, if you are worried about your aunt getting scammed out of everything, might be to go back for repeat visits. Look for PUBLIC opportunities to interact with the author: AMAs, social media with verified accounts. Reach out to publicists and agents. This can be damaging to the author’s reputation too.
Really, though, while it’s not really your responsibility to save your aunt from this scam, it’s also unfair to leave her to it if you know she’s involved in it. You might not be able to keep her from sending this scammer money. But if you feel familial affection, you should at least be putting in the minimal effort here, and an ongoing one too.
That’s not just on you, by the way, but you and your mother.” rockology_adam
Another User Comments:
“Rather than telling your aunt that she is being scammed, it’s more effective to get her to verify that she’s sending the funds to the author.
Other than DMs, how can she confirm that she’s sending funds to her favourite author and not someone who is preying on that author’s fans? Contacting the author through an official channel could be one way to help your aunt (also don’t wait for her permission if you know who the author is; you can reach out and let them know their name is being used. Celebrities who are frequent scam targets will often put a disclaimer on their website noting they don’t reach out by private messages).
You could also mention to your aunt that authors who need help with bills will often make a plea to their readership and will do things like having a Patreon (does this author have a Patreon?) or promising fans signed copies of their book or other swag.
It’s pretty unusual for someone famous to reach out directly, but let’s say it’s because your aunt posts a lot about the books. Has she really posted the most about those books on that social media platform? If not, why is the author just asking her and not the other super fans?
(And why not use official sources to ask people for funds? Would be more effective and easier.) How much are they asking for? You could also check how they are asking for it. Requests for gift cards or cryptocurrency instead of legitimate payment platforms is a red flag.” CoolKey3330
18. AITJ For Wanting To Move To Mexico And Start My Own Life?
“Ever since I’ve been “thinking” (like, starting first grade elementary, essentially), I’ve always wanted to move to Mexico. My parents grew up there, and I’m the only one in my family who wasn’t born there. We have lived in Canada since I was born.
My parents immigrated a few years before having me.
Now, my whole life, my mom and dad have been conflicted about my “desire to leave them” and move back home.
Full honesty: I’m 22. I’m an adult. I’ve lived in Canada long enough to know that I’m not happy here.
The weather is really difficult because I get sick easily, I’m always pointed out as an immigrant, and for multiple reasons.
However, although I’ve clearly always been in conflict and trying to leave this country, my mom thinks I’m a jerk for “always wanting to leave her.” I get her point of view to an extent because I have tried my whole life to leave this country, but I can’t decide if that makes me a jerk (not acknowledging my parents’ sacrifice) or a person trying to find a life they like.
(P.S., yes, I know Mexico is supposedly a third-world country and Canada isn’t. However, I know I can live a decent life in either country, one in which I would be much happier, though.)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but living in Mexico is not the same as visiting, and you may still be considered an outsider, even with Mexican roots.
I have had students who wanted to live in Mexico because they thought it would be easier somehow because they’d never actually lived there, only visited. One did move to Mexico for about a year when he was 15 and chose to move back to Texas because he didn’t speak the “right” Spanish, didn’t know the social norms, etc. He said he felt like an outsider in both places, but more lonely there, even near his cousins.
You are not wrong for wanting to live somewhere else, especially for health reasons, but realize it might not be what you expected.” green_ubitqitea
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re an adult, and you’re not happy living in Canada. If things don’t work out the way you hope in Mexico, you’re still a Canadian citizen and can return until you decide your next steps.
You’re an adult now, and you have to do what’s best for you and what’s necessary to live the life you want and be happy. Your parents want you to stay close. I get that, especially if you’re a close-knit family in general, but you were never going to live with them forever; you were always going to move away and start your own life.
Sure, a lot of people at least stay in the same country as their family, but plenty move abroad, too. You’re not the first to have such a big desire to live in a different country and follow that dream. Your parents once had that same desire—why else move to Canada?
It could be partially that your parents hated living in Mexico and worked extremely hard to move to Canada, and they feel you’re throwing all that away. But you’re not them, and you didn’t get a choice in where you lived; they moved before you were even born.
You hating Canada doesn’t mean they can’t love it. You wanting to go back to Mexico doesn’t mean they have to. It doesn’t negate what they wanted or went through, except the part where they wanted you to live your whole life in Canada, and they get no say in that once you’re an adult.
It’s selfish and a jerk move to impose your desires on your kids like that, especially when your desires conflict with the kids’ needs. You’re miserable in Canada—whatever your reasons are, that’s unlikely to ever change, not when it’s been the same practically your whole life already.
You’ve tried living in Canada, as both a child and an adult, and it doesn’t work for you. That’s what it comes down to. You need to find what makes you happy and go make that happen. If you think Mexico is where you’ll be happy, go live in Mexico. If it doesn’t work out, go back to Canada until you decide your next step.
If it does, stay in Mexico. It’s not like you can’t visit your parents whenever you can; you’re still a Canadian citizen, and you can visit whenever you want.” WhiteKnightPrimal
Another User Comments:
“Go on your adventure! The entire darn point of raising a child is to end up with an independent, successful adult.
And yes, that means they’ll make different choices to their parents. That means sometimes those choices work out really well for them, and sometimes they don’t. That’s part of the whole life process. You have a limited window in your life when you can go be free, take risks, and not worry about a whole bunch of commitments.
We generally become more risk averse as we get older because we have a partner, kids, pets, a mortgage, a career path, future retirement, and more that have to be factored into the decisions we make. It’s not a bad tradeoff, but each one means that our choices become more complex.
Tell your parents you love them, that you will always appreciate what they’ve done for you, and that it’s time for you to go and find your own path. For what it’s worth, I went on my adventure and I’m eternally grateful for the experience.
I’ve lived in places that were fantastic and some that were awful. There were times of stress, heartbreak, chaos, and questionable sanity. I wouldn’t trade that for the world, because what I don’t have are “what ifs” and “if onlys.”” MariContrary
17. AITJ For Refusing To Foot The 10K Funeral Bill For My Fiancé's Mother?
“My (31) fiancé’s (35) mother’s recently passed. She was never really in his life (she abandoned him at birth) and I’ve only met her one time in the 8 years we’ve been together.
Recently, she had come back into his life, and they were on civil terms.
We got news from the hospital that she had died, and they immediately wanted to know what funeral home we wanted to send her to. Of course, my fiancé decided he’s obligated to figure all of this out since his other siblings are MIA or incarcerated. I recommended to him that we just do something simple and keep it on the cheaper side since no one else will be helping financially, and he doesn’t have any savings; she also didn’t have any kind of life or burial insurance.
Well, today, he surprised me after work with a 10k bill that he expects me to pay the majority of out of my savings because he can’t afford it. I will admit I did help pay for his dad’s cremation multiple years ago, but it wasn’t near the cost of what he wants to do now.
We just recently moved into a more expensive apartment, and at this point, a ten-thousand-dollar funeral is just not on the table, but he won’t budge.”
Another User Comments:
“”Fine, do as you wish, but I will not give you a penny for this funeral. Not one penny.
I did for your dad more than you will ever do for either of my parents. I did not know nor like your mother and will pay nothing. You push this and you’ll lose me too. Understand that. Your entitlement to my money is infuriating me, and this demand will end our relationship.
Think carefully if you want a cheap cremation and partner or to pay alone for years for an expensive funeral for your mother.” NTJ. This guy is a liability. Viva_Veracity1906
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I have done my own planning for funeral and cremation.
If I die where I am, the cheapest I can get it done was $1500 for basically instant cremation (straight from hospital to crematorium with no viewing or funeral). I told my wife to take my ashes to an Irish pub and have a wake there.
I even said to make it funny and start with them in a generic plastic bag and tell everyone I was a cheap fool. I told her to do things as cheaply as possible and waste any money on whatever she wants. I have actually been designing and am going to make my own urn for the wake.” Victor-Grimm
Another User Comments:
“INFO: What exactly did he say regarding “expecting” you to pay, and what have your previous agreements about splitting expenses long-term been? I assume as people in your thirties on track for marriage, you’ve discussed things like “how will we make decisions about big purchases?” and “who is responsible for paying when one person incurs a large expense?” Do you have a joint account?
Do you plan to have one after marriage? Have you had premarital counseling, including a discussion of finances during marriage? There’s a spectrum of possibilities here.
One is “he’s irrational right now from grief, especially because he now has NO living parents at the age of 35, and under the influence of some really heavy emotions he heard you saying ‘let’s do something simple and keep it on the cheaper side’ as ‘I’ll pay for a funeral as long as it’s not too steep,'” and then he got manipulated by a funeral home upselling him.
The funeral industry can be quite predatory. They will make people feel like they must not have really cared about their deceased loved one if they don’t spring for thousands of dollars worth of extras. For a grieving person, especially going to the funeral home alone to make these decisions, it can be incredibly hard to say “no I want the cheapest casket” as someone is giving you a look like “seriously, for your MOTHER, the CHEAPEST option!?”
Another possibility is that your fiance considers your money to be his money because you’re getting married, and if he wants to spend it on $10K of funeral expenses, he feels that decision should be his alone. If that’s the case, this is exposing a fundamental incompatibility in your values around money, and you shouldn’t get married until you’ve resolved that.
Lastly, he doesn’t have $10K in savings at age 35 (while you do, at 31) and has no family safety net, but you’re moving into a more expensive apartment and planning a wedding? That kind of DOES sound like you’ve accepted having a financial dependent, even if you didn’t really mean to.
If it is not your intention to be the primary earning partner in your marriage while your spouse expects equal or greater decision-making power about spending, you may want to check into couple’s therapy and see if you are really aligned enough on future plans to get married.” Boysenberry
16. AITJ For Telling My Dad Not To Include My Kids In The Wedding?
“Late in life, second marriage, and my dad and his fiancee have hinted they want my kids to be in their wedding.
It was supposed to be smallish but has turned into a typical wedding. My parents are divorced, and there’s a lot of drama, and no one likes this woman. That said, I want to be supportive of my father.
My kids are young, have a lot of questions, and are confused about what happened to their grandparents, and they’d probably be excited to be in the wedding, but they’d be props and pawns stuck in the middle of a family conflict.
I don’t want to expose them to that. AITJ for telling them we’d prefer if they do not ask them?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, I don’t see how this makes them pawns… props sure! Isn’t that all flower girls, though? I think it’s nice that they want to include the grandkids in the wedding, and most kids would love to do it, so I don’t think they are being a jerk to ask.
I think you want to say no, not for your children’s sake, but because you don’t want to support this wedding, and you have every right to have those feelings. And as their parent, you get to decide. I just think you should reflect and think about why you really don’t want your kids in the wedding because they would most likely love to do it.
They won’t be confused. I am willing to bet half their classmates have divorced parents. And if you will be at this wedding anyway, why not let the girls have fun?” pudge-thefish
Another User Comments:
“My FIL took our kids on an 8-hour road trip for 2 days to see their cousin when they were supposed to be with him for an afternoon.
He asked if he could take them to see their aunt and cousins, 8 hours away. It was the first week of the school year, so we said no, but they could spend Sunday afternoon with him. He did it anyway. He now only sees them supervised, and they never stay over at their grandparents’ house anymore.
He can’t be trusted. Sucks for my MIL because she’s awesome and the kids loved staying there, but FIL is an idiot. Point being: Do what’s best for you and your kids. If their grandparents want to play mind games, I’d keep my kids well away.” Kiwi_lad_bot
Another User Comments:
“You are obviously free to decide whether your kids are in the wedding or not. But I think it’s pretty clear from your post and comments that this is about you not approving of the marriage. You don’t like her.
You’re hurt on behalf of your mother, which is understandable. But you’re trying to make it out like your dad and fiancé are involved in some dastardly plot to exploit your children. Divorce and remarriage are always difficult. But this seems to be reality.
It would behoove you to try and make peace with things if you want a relationship with your dad.” LibraryMegan
15. AITJ For Not Getting My Stepmom A Gift And Yelling At Her?
“I could only afford to get my mom and dad a gift for Christmas.
My brother came with and helped find gifts since he’s too young to do it himself. When my stepmom saw the wrapped presents, she asked if we got her anything. I explained to her how I couldn’t afford it, but she could use the thing my dad got (it was a mug).
She started to get upset and started yelling at me a bit. I was taken aback and tried to explain again that she can use the thing my dad got. She said “Well I don’t want it anymore,” in a rude tone. I yelled at her that she’s not understanding and is being rude.
Later that day, I heard her in her bedroom crying on the phone to my dad. I felt bad at first, but then I heard what she was actually saying. She was saying how I didn’t get her a present but got Dad one, and my stepmom was also talking very bad about me, like how I’m a spoiled brat.
This really hurt, but I also wasn’t surprised (I don’t feel very comfortable talking about why). My dad got home, and he sat me down. I then got a lecture about a Christmas present. He asked me, “Do you even love her?” Why does a present control if I love the person or not!?
For a while after that, she would make hurtful jokes/gestures about this.
Then came Christmas. On Christmas, my dad opened his gift. My step mom looked at me smiling and said “You were right, I can use this.” So, AITJ for not getting her something and yelling at her?”
Another User Comments:
“(For the most part) you don’t ever HAVE to give anyone a gift. Gifts are supposed to be something you desire to give. I get that sometimes the norms of society decree you should give a gift… but if you couldn’t afford it, she (an adult) should have understood.
There may have been ways to give her something for free — a card, or you could indicate that the gift was for your dad and your stepmom — but you don’t have to do that! The only person who is spoiled/entitled here appears to be her.” rslashcraig
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are under no obligation to give anyone any type of gift ever. Let’s just get that out of the way. So you could have done something like this: you have $40 to spend on Christmas, $20 for mom and $20 for dad and stepmom.
From the fact you and stepmom have issues as you have said, splitting what you spend on dad with stepmom seems to be the best outcome. Stepmom also sounds like she doesn’t deserve a gift, but since you’re a teen, I’d give the gift to keep the peace until you’re an adult.
Keeps you at least mentally safer in the long run. And as an adult, you can just leave, as a teen you can’t. In the end, your dad sounds like he’s not going to be in your corner ever, and your stepmom sounds like a manipulator.
Gross on both of them.” Able_Buy_1808
Another User Comments:
“Hi stepmom here. Your stepmom sounds quite unreasonable, and it sounds like you two have a rocky relationship (if she’s calling you spoiled and you’re not surprised by it). She should have controlled her emotions better as she is the adult and you are the child.
That being said, I can empathize with how your stepmom is feeling. Obviously I don’t know the dynamics in your house — when your SM entered your life, your relationship with her, how much she does for you and your brother at your dad’s house, how much time you spend at your mom’s vs your dad’s.
But being a step-parent can be a pretty thankless job. In our house, my husband is a very involved father; I am my stepdaughter’s caregiver, cook, and maid; I contribute financially to her; plan outings and special things for her; pick out all of her birthday presents and plan/set up for her birthday; help her with homework, etc., etc. So something like that would hurt me a little.
I don’t think YTJ and I wouldn’t even feel like my stepdaughter would be one if she had enough money to get her mom and dad a present, because although I am a parental figure in her life and am very involved, I am neither her mom nor her dad.
I also think your stepmom is the jerk only ’cause her reaction was so extreme. She can be hurt and have her feelings, but as the adult, she can express that hurt to her husband/your dad, but she should have been the adult and controlled herself enough to keep it together and not make you feel guilty.
That said, if my husband realized my SD only had enough money to get him and SD’s mom a present, he would have gently asked her to add my name to his or given her some money to pick out something for me as well.
I just wanted to add some perspective as a stepmom, but I don’t think you did anything wrong. Your stepmom’s reaction was wrong.” pink_pengiun17
14. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Stop Correcting Me In Front Of The Kids?
“My husband (45M) and I (43F) have been married for 24 years, and we have two kids (11M and 14M). We’ve been struggling to agree on how to handle disagreements about parenting in the moment.
I’ve asked him not to “correct” me in front of the kids, as it makes me feel undermined, causes the kids to lose respect for me, and creates tension in our family dynamic.
For example, if the kids are calling me names or talking back, and I get upset (nothing extreme), he often steps in and tells me to calm down instead of backing me up in my parenting. I’ve asked him to address concerns privately instead, but he feels that boundaries like this shouldn’t exist in a marriage where trust is fully developed.
I feel like I’m advocating for respect and teamwork, but he says my boundary silences him and makes it harder for him to step in when he thinks it’s necessary. He also argues that it’s hypocritical when I say, “Don’t correct me in front of the kids,” in front of them, because he feels it models the same behavior I’m trying to avoid.
I’ve tried discussing this privately many times, but he refuses to comply with my request, so I’ve resorted to saying it in front of the kids as a way of standing up for myself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why isn’t your husband stepping in to tell the kids that name-calling and disrespect of their mother are not acceptable?
Your husband is the problem here. You should be presenting a united front in front of the misbehaving kids. Instead, he’s treating you like the naughty child and letting the kids off the hook! He’s doing a good job of raising your boys to disrespect women, and this will only get worse.” Seed_Planter72
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I agree with you that he should not correct you in front of the children. However, I can tell you, as a child of parents who never fought in front of us, that it’s important for them to see you have a disagreement and resolve it.
My dad grew up in a home where his parents had loud arguments. He detested confrontation. As a result, the five of us grew up with our parents rarely, if ever, disagreeing in front of us. I have no doubt that they had discussions behind closed doors, but we rarely heard or saw it.
When it did, I, for one, was terrified that they were going to divorce. Later on, when I moved out and lived with my cousin and her husband, I found myself getting quite anxious when they had an argument. My cousin asked me why I was being so anxious, and I told her I was afraid that they were on the way to divorce.
At this point, I learned that a married couple can have a disagreement, resolve it, and still be okay. My point is, model for your children how to resolve a disagreement. Playing dirty is not the way to do it, and that is what your husband is doing to you.
He’s taking the kids’ side against you, and that’s not fair. You might try having a code word that says “Let’s discuss this later.”” oylaura
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “I am not a child. I am a parent. I am as much of a parent as you are and deserve equal respect.
When you demean me and correct me in front of our children for asking for respect, you teach them that I am lesser. That needs to stop. Our boys are learning how to be men, and I don’t want them treating the girls and women in their lives the way that you treat me because I want them to be good men.” Edit for your own flavor, but I couldn’t handle this.
Your boys are at a very formative stage, but if they’re insulting and belittling you, they may not be fixable by you anymore. If you stay with their dad and continue to be seen as someone they do not consider worthy of respect, they will grow up to not respect women.
If you leave their father and take them with you, they will blame you. If you leave their father and live your own life, they will blame you. If you leave their father and find someone who sees you as a human being—and maybe that person can be a good influence—they will most likely still blame you.
They’ve been taught that you’re the punching bag, and it’s really hard not to continue using you as one. Kids are hard when you have a good partner and a nightmare when you don’t.” FrankHonesty
13. AITJ For Hanging Up On My Brother's Desperate Gas Emergency Call?
“My brother, whom I love very much, is always yelling and screaming at me when I won’t do what he wants. He called this morning, saying he had run out of gas in his fiancée’s car and asked if I would come get him.
I said yes, but I am waiting for my grocery store pick-up, and there are frozen items that must be put away at the house, and I will come get you.
Well, that opened up a tirade: “It’s cold outside and I need you to come now.” I have always tried to help him—never mind he has stolen from me, tried to attack me before—and today, I grew some balls and hung up on him while he was yelling at me when he called back.
I feel bad, but I am so tired of those I have helped being jerks to me. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He left himself stranded by not buying gas or not having a road service membership that would bring him some gasoline when he ran out.
Barring a defective gas gauge. If you never let the fuel level fall below half-full, you don’t have to worry about running out of gas.” No_Philosopher_1870
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good for you. Now just stay here. When you finally see him, say something like, ‘I have decided that I am no longer going to put up with your tantrums. You are old enough to take care of yourself, and if you need help, you are old enough to recognize that no one owes you anything and that someone is giving something up to help you.
That means you give them gratitude, not just what you do. You can expect me to react the same way from now on as soon as you start with your rage rant. I won’t be listening anymore. Either appreciate me or live without my help.’ Smile.
You just made yourself a priority. Well done. We all get into patterns that don’t serve us, especially with family. You have now broken that pattern. Stick to it.” OhmsWay-71
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother is a grown adult who needs to take responsibility for his own actions and help himself—never mind him feeling entitled to your help and time.
He needs a reality check; personally, I would refrain from helping him in the future. It’s one of these scenarios where yes, you are ‘helping him,’ but in reality, you’re only enabling him from helping himself be better, so it’s actually hurting him in the long run.” MxthKvlt
12. AITJ For Locking My Best Friend Out For Her Unpaid Rent And Constant Disrespect?
“My (26F) best friend O (27F) moved into our spare bedroom two and a half years ago with the intention of moving out within a year.
She was jobless, so she didn’t pay rent for the first three months. My fiance and I consistently bought her food and other things during this time. We had our child in January last year. In April, O decided to invite a man in, and from that day, he basically lived with us.
They did not ask. They did not offer to pay more rent. I am a bit of a pushover when it comes to her, and I let it happen. I know I am the jerk for not nipping this in the bud.
O missed her rent payment in December and promised to pay it on the 14th of January.
I was very understanding about this. Two weeks ago, I asked her to unblock the sink that she had blocked with her bolognese. F, my mother-in-law, and I had all tried to unblock it. She refused to take responsibility. I responded with a 60-day notice to find a new place and get out.
For months now, anytime I ask about anything to do with the home, she responds with sassiness, refusal to take responsibility, and rudeness. My pushover side repeatedly allowed this to happen.
I asked her yesterday (the 14th) if she would be paying the money she owes me from December’s rent, and she did not respond to this message.
I asked her partner to pass it on to her. She still did not respond.
Today, I noticed she was not home, so I put the chain on and texted her to not come back, as she clearly had no intention of paying her rent.
She is not on the lease; it was a temporary agreement between best friends. Her mother says her mental health has plummeted because of me. I guess I’m looking to assure that I have done the right thing for my family. AITJ for locking the door and leaving my best friend homeless?
I know I am the jerk to my son and fiancé for letting myself be walked all over.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, O’s behavior has been disrespectful and entitled for a long time, and you’ve been way more patient than most people would be.
She’s ignored her financial responsibilities, brought her partner in without permission, and been rude and dismissive when asked to contribute to the household. At some point, enough is enough.” Lollipop-Babe-
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Obviously this woman sucks as a friend and a roommate, but you can’t jerk her around with multiple move-out days just because you’re angry at her.
You said that two weeks ago, you told her to clear the blocked sink and gave her a 60-day notice. You should have stuck to that. Given her and her partner a chance to find something else and move out. Instead, with 45 days still left on her notice, you lock her out with no warning because you’re mad she ignored you.
And despite not being US based, I’d be surprised if there weren’t laws protecting renters’ rights that you’re trampling.” MurnSwag2
Another User Comments:
“NO!! You are not the jerk here. That title belongs to O. You graciously took her into your home and gave her ample time to get her crap together!
Not only does she owe you money, she owes you loyalty, honesty, and empathy. She needs to understand you have a child. You’re just starting your family life and frankly, you don’t need the added stress. As long as she is there and you’re kissing her butt, your happy home will never be happy and will never be just your home.” Connect_Plan_7912
11. AITJ For Choosing Cornwall Over Cyprus Because Of My Sensory Needs?
“I (18f) am autistic. I can’t deal with hot weather because it just hangs onto me, and I can’t cope. I get overstimulated by loud noises and unfamiliar environments.
I have trouble with textures in food, so there isn’t a lot I can eat, since I’m also a vegetarian. I’m very much a nightmare to have on any holiday.
Usually, my family tends to go to Spain for holidays, and I’m usually not very happy.
It’s hot and loud, I can barely eat any of the food, and I’m miserable. But this year, my dad suggested going to Cornwall, and for the first time I was excited about a holiday. The temperature would be perfect, with no flight, familiar food I can eat, a quiet place, and everyone speaks my language.
I was really happy, but then my dad said that it turned out mum and my sister didn’t want to go to Cornwall and now they wanted to go to Cyprus.
I was disappointed since I was really looking forward to Cornwall, and Cyprus is hot, unfamiliar, and a five-hour flight.
Because of that, I thought it over and told my parents that if they want to go to Cyprus, I’d rather stay home; I’d rather stay home than be miserable in Cyprus and annoy them, since they always get annoyed with me on holidays.
My mum got a bit upset and said that the whole point of this holiday is getting to spend time together as a family before I go to university, and now I kind of feel bad. I just want to make them happy, and I thought that not going would do that, but now I feel like maybe it would make them happier if I just go along with it.
I don’t want to make them unhappy, and I want to spend time with them before uni as well, but at the same time, I’m an adult and I want to be treated like one.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If the goal was to spend time as a family before you go to college, then they should have taken you into consideration and gone where you wanted to go.
I am also on the spectrum, and believe it or not, I absolutely love solo travel. Travel where you don’t have to be on anyone else’s schedule or worry about anyone else’s needs. While they’re off to Cyprus, why don’t you just take the train?
If it’s too much, you can just go home, but when you’re able to take care of your own needs without worrying about anyone else – it’s extremely enjoyable.” crafticharli
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If they want to spend time with you, then they should go on a trip that you can join.
They can take your sister to Cyprus without you. It seems like she’s already the golden child. Just say, “Oh, I wouldn’t want to get in the way of my sister getting everything she wants.” Seriously though, bringing an autistic adult means finally being able to set your life up in ways that work for you.
Every reason you’ve given for not going makes sense.” FLmom67
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A holiday for the whole family should always be inclusive. I have neurospicy kids and every holiday is a compromise, so everyone gets to do something good and can take a break on a day when I get to do something fun for me.
Funnily enough, we went to the Isle of Wight a few years ago (we’re not from the UK) and it was one of the best places because it really had something for everybody. Beautiful beaches… I think you should talk to your family once more; maybe you can get support from your dad, since he came up with Cornwall.
And frankly, Cyprus in July sounds terrible, although it sure is a beautiful place, but certainly more so in spring or autumn.” Old_Examination_9744
10. AITJ For Telling My Soon-To-Be Husband His Older Brother Needs To Grow Up?
“I recently told my partner that his older brother really needs to mature, and I’m wondering if I was out of line.
I said this because I’ve started losing my patience with him, especially since he’s just had a baby with his wife.
His brother is 33 but acts like he’s in his early 20s. While he is a nice guy for the most part, he’s always late, messy, lazy, forgetful, and still depends on his mom way too much.
He calls her daily for help, and if she’s unavailable, he calls my partner. There have been times when he calls during dinner asking for favors, and my partner never says no, which really frustrates me.
Recently, his brother lost his job for being late to work and also not performing.
He also lost his last job for not performing. Despite having a family to support, he isn’t really focused on finding stable work. Instead, he’s been doing odd jobs for his mom and her friends. His mom defends him constantly, saying he’s “mildly autistic,” but I can’t help but wonder if that’s just an excuse.
One night, we went out to a bar for a birthday, and his brother spent £50 on drinks, even though he’s low on money, then asked my partner for a £10 loan—which my partner never asked him to pay back.
That same night, his brother was flirting with a woman at the bar who turned out to be his ex, even though he’s married.
Another night, my partner and I visited his mum’s for dinner. It was meant to be just the three of us. His brother found out we were having Chinese food (his fave) and turned up at the house, even getting a plate from his mum, and then taking over the night with his latest problems with his car, leaving my partner and me slightly sidelined. I don’t necessarily think he does this intentionally, but he’s allowed to.
I know I sound judgmental, but I’m just fed up.
I was also raised very differently by my mum; she expected me to work super hard and was not one to baby us. She was all for tough love and making me independent. Everyone in my partner’s family seems to make excuses for him, and it feels like no one’s holding him accountable at all.
I spend a lot of time around them, otherwise I wouldn’t care. His mum always tries to talk to me about it like “aw, poor James,” etc., and I’m finding it really hard being fake and joining in with the sympathy when he needs to make major life changes.
Ever since I mentioned this to my partner, he’s been grumpy with me.
AITJ for saying something?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, you aren’t going to win this battle. In your husband’s family, the brother is the golden child who can do no wrong and will always be babied. If you challenge that in any way, you will face a world of resistance from his many enablers, including your own husband.
As someone who was raised to take responsibility and be independent, I definitely get your frustration. Unfortunately, I have never seen a situation in which the family changes because an in-law or outsider challenges them. They just double down on their existing position, as wrong as it may be.” MedicinalWalnuts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I wouldn’t be in a hurry to marry this guy. My husband has a younger brother who was mummy’s baby. Husband and his older brothers were raised to coddle little bro and never let his sad little feefees be hurt.
Little bro is an aggressively proselytizing Christian of the worst sort, an entitled, greedy hypocrite who thinks he’s smarter than everyone else despite being unable to hold down a job for the last 40 years. We were expected to board little bro while he was at uni not long after we were married because the poor darling couldn’t live by himself and needed a cook/housekeeper, according to mummy.
I put my foot down because there was no way I was having him and his Bible and his endless jeez o’clock in my home. Husband got on board, I suspect because he was fed up with little bro. It’s caused rifts in his family but we’ve stood firm together.
Your partner sounds like he’s too enmeshed in this family dynamic to back you up. Your needs and wants will be sacrificed to keep the brother happy. Is this what you want?” Comfortable-One8520
Another User Comments:
“NTJ—this is a preview of the REST OF YOUR LIFE.
When someone SHOWS you who they are, BELIEVE THEM. Your partner continually enables his brother: his entitled attitude, his laziness, his infidelity, his thin skin, etc. Who’s to say under your partner’s mask he’s not the same—just not stupid enough to be open about it like his brother?
Either way, your partner is training you to accept, excuse, then enable abusive & toxic relationships. Is all the above what YOU want for YOUR LIFE?” LadyUlali
9. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Brother Move Without An Apology For The Keyboard?
“About a year ago, I went overseas for 9 months. My brother asked to borrow my keyboard while I would be gone since I wouldn’t be using it. I packed it up for him and dropped it off at his house.
After returning home a little over a month ago, I asked him to bring it back to me. Over the next month, I asked over 5 times, and the responses varied from “I can’t today”, “next time I come over”, and no response at all. He even came over multiple times in that period, but just didn’t bring the piano with him.
I don’t have a car, so I would have to borrow one to go get it myself.
After enough frustration, I finally borrowed my mom’s car and went over there with her to get it. He hadn’t even packed it up into the box yet.
He also acted like he was doing me a favor by giving the piano back to me. After getting it back, I told him not to ask me for a favor until he apologized.
Cut to today, he asks me to help him move some furniture.
I told him I didn’t want to, and when he pushed on it, I told him the reason is because of the incident with the piano. He said “fine, but if you’re not going to help me, then don’t expect me to help you in the future,” and called me some colorful names.
I pointed out the irony of his statement in regard to the piano, and then my mom says I’m being a jerk and holding a grudge. They say, “it’s just a piano, get over it,” but my issue is with the disrespect, not the piano. I told him I’d help with his next favor if he apologized, but he still refuses to.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did him a favor by lending him your keyboard, and he did not return the favor when you asked multiple times. And now he wants you to do another favor for him? It sounds like a very one-sided relationship.
“He said “fine, but if you’re not going to help me, then don’t expect me to help you in the future,” as if he would.” Doing favors for you in return is an afterthought to him anyway, as he has proven.” LoudCrickets72
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it might be time to just let this one go. Definitely, your brother dropped the ball by not making even the minimum effort to return the keyboard, which is frustrating when people don’t respect your stuff. But holding out for an apology might just drag this out longer than necessary.
He handled it poorly, no doubt, but he’s still your brother. You might consider telling him directly that his effort was lacking and make it clear that you won’t be going out of your way for him in the future if this is how he acts.
It’s about setting boundaries more than getting an apology. Sometimes, showing the consequences is more effective than demanding a sorry, which should come naturally if he realizes his mistake.” DragonfruitOk4749
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother is abusive and exploitive. You asked for a perfectly reasonable return of your own item, and he messed with you.
You told him the natural consequence of his behavior, and now he’s telling you the natural consequence of your behavior, and I think you should be okay with that. He won’t help you, and you won’t help him. Go move on with life, and maybe even consider going low or no contact with your brother.
He sounds like a user. And anybody who tells you that family comes first is usually coming for your wallet, or your truck, or both.” R0ck3tSc13nc3
8. AITJ For Enforcing Phone Boundaries With A Needy Friend?
“I (M34 gay) have a friend (M34 gay) who, while I appreciate his friendship and wish to keep him as a friend, has a very different idea of friendship than I do.
I have made it clear I am just his friend and no more.
I work in a field that requires me to be in constant interaction with others, and I am often extremely tired after work and barely want to talk to anyone. I allow my friend to call me between 5 and 7 PM and talk to him until around 7.
How long we talk depends on how quickly he calls. I also call every morning on my drive to work. I do not know how I got into this habit, but I find talking on the phone far less enjoyable and fulfilling (with anyone) than he does.
He gets very easily bored and needs constant interaction, and I don’t. If I kept him on the phone, he would talk forever all day, whereas I only call people if I have something specific to tell them, and that’s it.
Today, he got angry and accused me of being a selfish and bad friend for “only talking when it is convenient for me,” but as far as I am concerned, I am already giving him far more than what is standard and expected for friendship, and he should appreciate that.
Then I said that I am not making any exceptions to speaking on the phone past 7 unless it is an emergency. He got angry, hung up, and is ignoring me now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So hang on. You’re talking to him ten times a week or so?
In the morning on the way to work and then again in the evening? NTJ at all. Honestly speaking, every day is more than I do with anyone but a partner, and even then, we don’t speak for that long. I speak to my partner most days for maybe half an hour to catch up on life.
One of my close friends is a text-only kind of thing, with calls being absolute emergencies. If he does come around, then you also need to have some things to do even during the 5-7 PM period. Just because someone is allowed to call you then, 10 hours a week is a lot to monopolize unless it is enthusiastically wanted on both sides.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“Nope, NTJ. However, I will add that you aren’t exactly helping the situation by giving him too much attention. He’s come to expect it of you, which is why he got upset when you set boundaries. But calling him in the morning and then again in the evening is a bit much and sends the wrong message.
You claim he’s just a friend, but I don’t even give my partner(s) that much attention, let alone best friends. I’m not sure why you’ve given so much time to someone who clearly just wants to chat because he’s bored and you’re willing to give up your time.
And that is all. And now that he’s not talking to you… let the trash take itself out, meaning let him go.
Look, anyone who cannot value your free time and wants to monopolize every free waking moment you have is not a friend. Part of friendship is being considerate of your friend’s time, and this guy clearly does not value that.
These types of people just end up sucking the life out of you. And what’s even scarier is that they don’t know they are doing it and/or don’t see anything wrong with doing so. They feel they are in the right because ‘they are your friend.’ I’ve had this happen to me a number of times… Some people just do not get it.
And no matter how many times you tell them “hey, I’m busy right now” or “hey, can I have some space,” within a short time, they are back at it again. Or they get angry with you because you aren’t giving them their daily attention.
I’ve gone as far as blocking people just to get them to stop, and yes, this is after repeated “I need space” and “can you back off” warnings. It absolutely sucks to do, but doing so brought so much sanity back into my life because I didn’t have this person (or persons at one point) all coming at me, all the time, trying to get my attention.
It was a relief!” cybah
Another User Comments:
“You should set specific boundaries, and they should be much stronger than what you are doing now. Frankly, I would give them a couple of hours once a week to chat. If he demands more, then you tell him that it will not work for you.
No need to explain why. No is a complete sentence. And if he throws a tantrum, then acknowledge it, but don’t bend. And if he tries to parlay that into more face-to-face time instead, it is also a no—only what you feel comfortable with, which frankly should be once a week or less.
He seems to think he can find a shortcut to monopolize all your free time; it is up to you to say no and hold to it. His ignoring you is a pressure tactic; don’t let it get to you. Enjoy the time off. He will get mad, he will make “threats,” he will call you a bad person, he will throw himself a pity party, but if he cannot behave during those couple hours a week, then it is time to end the friendship.
Friendship is a gift, not a self-sacrificing obligation.” SmartQuokka
7. AITJ For Kicking A Roommate Off The Wi-Fi Over Their Messy Shared Spaces?
“I had to finally kick a roommate off the Wi‑Fi today because they weren’t cleaning up after themselves.
This has been a recurring issue that I’ve talked to her about since October, and I grew increasingly frustrated each time I tried (with no change on her end).
We have this arrangement on the lease where we all rent a room from a company that owns a house. I initially got Wi‑Fi for myself but started to let the other people in the house use it free of charge (because it just felt like a common courtesy).
But when a new roommate came to live in the house about half a year ago, they started to leave behind a mess in the kitchen (I’m talking food debris all around the rim of the sink, stains on the stove, and dirty dishes on the counter, etc.).
I’m by no means a “clean freak,” but the roommate’s messes made me worry about a possible roach problem. This roommate does not have a job, so they’re here most of the time, and on top of that, the messes were only in shared spaces – their room was always vacuumed, cleaned, and polished.
We had a phone call with a mediator today and it didn’t go well. (It ended with us arguing and me kicking that one roommate off the Wi‑Fi while letting the others stay.)
I can hear them ranting and raving on the phone about me downstairs, and while I feel bad, I want a third opinion.
I believe I may have been a jerk because the roommate did tell me that they were dealing with some stuff mentally. I feel like it was just a mean thing to do because it’s not like me to be petty and kick someone off the Wi‑Fi.
It could have definitely been an overreaction on my part.
But at the same time, there’s this part of me that can’t continue to let this go on and let that person use my Wi‑Fi (that I pay for) while they’re doing it.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if they clean up their own non‑shared space just fine, then they’re waiting for someone else to clean up their mess in the shared space. I also want to add that I had a roommate exactly like this.
When she had her own dorm, it was spotless. When we shared one, it was disgusting. My side was clean and hers had garbage everywhere. Food, wrappers, crumbs, empty packages, empty bottles, etc. It got so bad that she started getting bugs on her side of the room.
I confronted her about it and gave her an ultimatum because it was a health and safety hazard.” moonchild0001
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s common courtesy, first of all, to clean up after yourself in a shared space (plus it shows respect for the other people around you).
If your roommate isn’t paying, then you’re already doing them a favor for keeping them on, yet they won’t meet you halfway with doing something as easy as cleaning. Yeah, no. Not okay. You’re definitely not in the wrong. If they are going through something mentally, then that is completely normal of course; however, that isn’t anyone else’s responsibility but their own.
They need to get those things squared away themselves, whether that’s therapy, medication, or wellness in general. They shouldn’t be using that as an excuse for their actions.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s actually pretty smart! Everyone has bad days. And lots of people use the phrase “mentally ill” as an easy out for why they can’t behave like an adult.
I don’t know what your roommate’s mental health situation is, and it may be legit. But if she can’t muster up the energy to clean up after herself in common areas yet finds the energy to clean her room at all times, I’d say she’s just saying that as an excuse.
If she is truly mentally ill, she should move home to her parents so they can clean up after her.” EmmyLouDoris
6. AITJ For Buying A 3K Car For My Daughter But Not Buying Cars For My Partner's Kids?
“My daughter is turning 16 and I agreed to help get her a car. She asked for a little Honda or Toyota that’s good on gas. We set a budget of 3k, and if she wants something more expensive, then she needs to kick in the remainder.
My partner’s two kids got upset because I won’t buy them the cars they want. One asked me for a BMW i8, and the other requested a brand-new truck. I told them that they needed to speak with their mom and dad, as they are the ones who should be buying them a car.
We aren’t married and have only been together for 2.5 years. Their dad is angry because I won’t help out his kids, and my partner is upset because I’m doing it for my kids but not hers. My partner’s sister and husband agree with them, saying I’m a jerk for treating her kids differently.
I don’t think I’m a jerk, but instead, I feel like I have a gold-digger family after what I’ve worked hard for. I figured I’ll let the internet determine if I’m actually a jerk and if I should reconsider my stance on the subject.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But do you pay for everything for your partner and her kids? (It sounds like maybe that’s the case.) Why do they feel so entitled? And her ex as well? They’re all waving red flags here – you might need to reconsider this whole relationship.
While you’re willing to help your own daughter out with $3k towards a car, I don’t understand why anyone else would come with their hands out, expecting money too. I certainly wouldn’t be paying for cars for anyone else. You’re not married!” ChicagoWhiteSox35
Another User Comments:
“The father of these children thinks you should purchase a BMW and a new truck for his children while you are getting a 3k Toyota for your own daughter – really???? OP, you are surrounded by a bunch of grasping leeches. I would re-evaluate your relationship with your partner.
If you buy your daughter a computer, are you going to be expected to also buy computers for her children? If you finance your daughter’s college education, are you also expected to finance her children’s education? These tit-for-tat expectations are going to get out of hand really fast. You are not responsible for her children’s needs and wants, which seem to be quite extravagant.” briomio
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are your partner’s kids. Mom and Dad need to step up. The fact that their father is angry at you for not providing for his kids is some audacity. Is he and your partner going to pitch in for your daughter’s car?
I didn’t think so. Your daughter was also reasonable in choosing something small that has good gas mileage and tends to hold its value and reliability pretty well. The insurance alone on the other two as young drivers would rival the car payments. They are using you, and now it’s your turn to decide if you want to continue to be someone else’s piggy bank.” AddressPowerful516
5. AITJ For Stopping My Sister From Bringing Her Unruly Dog To My Birthday Party?
“I recently planned a big party to celebrate my birthday.
I’ve been really excited about it, and it’s been a lot of work to get everything together. I invited a bunch of friends and family. However, my older sister has a dog that she is insanely attached to. I’m talking about a small, hyperactive dog who is super chaotic.
He barks a lot, is super energetic, and doesn’t exactly listen to commands. This is especially true because my sister coddles him all the time. Not to mention, he’s had a few “accidents” in the house.
So when she mentioned that she was bringing him to the party, I was reluctant.
I told her it wasn’t the kind of event for a dog, and I really didn’t want him running around, causing a scene. She didn’t take it well at all and said that the dog is like her “emotional support,” and that she couldn’t be without him.
She said if the dog couldn’t come, then she wasn’t coming either. I tried to explain that I just wanted the party to go smoothly and that I didn’t think it was the best place for her dog, especially with so many people. But she didn’t even make an attempt to listen.
She kept pushing and even told me I was being selfish for not accommodating her as her sister. She absolutely will not let it go and has already gone on to throw jabs at me in her social media stories and told family members who are invited to my party.
I feel like it’s unreasonable, as it is my birthday party. Yet, at the same time, I feel like it isn’t worth the stress at this point, and I should just give in.
AITJ for refusing to let her bring her dog?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a PET, not a service animal. People like your sister are walking examples of the ‘insufferable dog parent’ stereotype. These people wield their pets like cudgels and take some kind of abnormal pleasure in forcing people to allow them to bring said pets to their homes.
I guarantee you that if she brings the dog, the party becomes about the dog. The fact that she won’t take no for an answer and is crying to social media shows that getting her way is more important to her than anything else. It shows how selfish and manipulative she is, and I’m going to go out on a limb and guess she was the Golden Child in your house when you guys were growing up.” HandBananasRevenge
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some say you can tell that something is off, if somebody describes it happening to somebody else, what would you think? It helps my wife and me keep perspective. If some random person asked to do what your sister is doing, I wouldn’t be cool with it.
So her being your sister doesn’t get her an exception, so stop drinking her Kool-Aid, don’t be the frog that’s in the boiling pot of idiocy—just say no.” R0ck3tSc13nc3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Only dogs that have been house-trained and get along with others (people/dogs/cats) are allowed in my house.
The next time she posts on social media, make a comment that you would be happy to have her dog tag along if the dog was house trained and didn’t pee and poop all over your house and create chaos, and would stop barking, so people could actually have a conversation.
Just because you love your dog doesn’t mean everyone does.” [deleted]
4. AITJ For Getting Upset That My Partner Favors Marvel Rival And His Friend Over Our Game Time?
“I (23F) and my partner (23M) have been playing 7 Days to Die (7DTD) for about a week, but then we switched to the newly launched game Marvel Rival. He’s become really addicted to it and plays it every day, while I still enjoy playing 7DTD from time to time to relax.
The problem is, I don’t want to play it alone.
One day, I asked him to play 7DTD with me, and he agreed (last Friday). However, we ended up playing Marvel Rival instead because he was in the mood for that game. After that, I told him I wanted to play 7DTD a couple more times, but we never set a day to do it.
Today, I asked him again to play 7DTD, and he agreed, but then he mentioned he had already promised to play Marvel Rival with one of his friends, who had been waiting for a couple of hours. He asked if I could wait until 10 p.m. to play 7DTD.
Here’s where I might be in the wrong: I got upset and told him I would just play alone because I didn’t want to wait anymore, since I had been waiting to play for a week. He said I was being impatient and that it wasn’t fair to ditch his friend, even though he had ditched me last Friday to play Marvel Rival.
I was upset for a couple of reasons. First, I have a strict bedtime at midnight, so if we play at 10 p.m., I won’t have enough time to really enjoy the game. Second, I feel like he thinks it’s okay to ditch me but not his friend.
He told me that his friend had been waiting longer and that I should just wait a couple more hours, but I feel like he’s not being fair to me after I’ve been waiting for days.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!! Omg my husband pulls similar crap with me for Fortnite all the time and it makes me super mad.
You’re “too tired” to play with me, but “the guys” text you 20 minutes later, and you’re super hype to play?? I know they are more skilled than me, but still, would it kill you to join me on something you pushed my getting into in the first place???
The exclusion really really hurts my feelings. I get it, truly, and again NTJ and I’m sorry.” ktjbug
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner shouldn’t expect you to wait if he isn’t available. If it’s that important, then he can make it a priority and give you time.
Let him know your preference is to play/hang out with him, but that if he is unavailable, you will carry on by yourself. It’s selfish of him to demand the time he wants with friends and for you to twiddle your thumbs and wait, especially after a week of asking and you giving in to play the game he wanted instead.” Tally0987654321
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m a huge war game person on Xbox (even Marvel Rivals), but if I can sit down with my wife for 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8 hours and play Mario Party/Stardew, that’s what I want. Realistically, he’s been gaming with his buddies how many times and for how long?
Like, cool, he can do that and I love to do that too, but there’s also something called quality time with your significant other. No matter how it’s spent, it’s needed.” lil_armbar
3. AITJ For Declining To Fix My Crocheted Blanket For My Sister-In-Law?
“I made a blanket for my sister-in-law Amanda. I was able to give it to her last weekend.
She’d asked for it in certain colors. I didn’t have any other projects on my to-do list, so I was happy to make it for her. I had most of the colors already too, so it worked out.
When I gave it to her, she was excited and she started to look it over.
I figured it was to see how it was put together, since she doesn’t crochet. After a little bit, she said that she loved the blanket, but she couldn’t help but notice some of the little mistakes I’d made along the way.
I asked her what she meant, and she pointed out some things such as I’d accidentally done one row of striping instead of three for one section, switched to the wrong color, and threw off a “pattern” at some point, etc.
She handed it back to me and told me that she loved my progress with it and couldn’t wait to see the finished project.
I told her that it was finished. She looked down at it and said that it wasn’t done until it was perfect, and I’d made several mistakes that I could easily go back to correct.
I was honestly dumbfounded by this. I hate the way perfectionists try to force their quirks onto others.
I made this blanket for her for free out of my own free time because I love her. I told her that. She said that she knew and loved me for it, but that she wouldn’t be able to use it because she wouldn’t be able to focus on anything but the mistakes.
I said, “Whatever,” took the blanket back, and said that if she doesn’t want it, I’ll keep it. She looked surprised and said that she did want it; she just wanted my best work rather than something subpar. I told her that if she thinks that my crocheting an entire freaking blanket with minimal errors is subpar, I’d rather just keep the blanket.
She’s so upset with me and told me I was acting ridiculous and that it wouldn’t take me long to fix it. If you know anything about crochet, you know that if I made an error on row 36 of a 1,115-row blanket, that’s essentially starting over again.
Anyway, I come to you all, lol, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I knit. I know an error I made in row 12 isn’t fixable unless I undo everything above row 12 and re-knit it, obviously impossible if the work has already been cast off. Your next gift to miss it-has-to-be-perfect should be a ‘How to crochet’ book, a couple of different sized hooks, and a nice selection of yarn.
Or maybe you could get an actual kit? Give it to her with great excitement, and gush how much you’re looking forward to spending time crocheting with her and how thrilled you’ll be when she can match you stitch for stitch. Inform her how satisfying it will be for her to crochet her own perfect blanket, to her own standards.
Lucky Amanda! NTJ, and I really admire anyone who can crochet.” The_Blonde1
Another User Comments:
“As a crocheter and a perfectionist who once willingly reworked about 120 circles for a friend’s baby blanket because I miscounted and they were all 1 stitch short, absolutely, positively NTJ.
Your SIL is ridiculous, entitled, and unappreciative. Even if she doesn’t crochet herself, to be that insanely picky about a handmade gift is just unconscionable.” GoblinGeorge
Another User Comments:
“I knit (a lot). It’s my hobby and I’m very good at it.
In fact, I’m so good that I sell my knits on my hobby Etsy shop. (I knit baby and toddler clothes). I could sell them at a premium price as well. (I don’t, though.) But guess what, I make the odd small and bigger mistakes occasionally.
I don’t know one crafter who doesn’t make small or bigger mistakes. They are part of the love that goes into each item made. Your SIL is full of crap. If you’d crochet me that blanket, all I’d see is the love and care you put into it.
Keep your lovely blanket for yourself and tell her to go pound sand. NTJ by any means.” lovinglifeatmyage
2. AITJ For Demanding A Baby Shower Without My Aunt's Birthday Distraction?
“My baby shower is today, and I was just told last night that my aunt will be visiting for a few days from a different state, and today is her birthday. Previous to last night, I was unaware of her birthday or her even coming; then I was told my mother bought her a cake and plans on having everyone sing happy birthday at my shower.
My issue is that there will be multiple strangers who have no clue who she is that will be forced to awkwardly sing to her, and they couldn’t wait for another day. She is going to be here for a few days, so I’m confused as to why they couldn’t simply take her to dinner after the event or on a different day.
When I expressed my concern, my family implied I was being selfish and then proceeded to say I had no choice as I didn’t pay for the shower.
This is my first child, and my family has made it clear this will be my one and only baby shower.
So AITJ for asking that this one event (not even the entire day, just the event) be about me only?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t understand how a simple HBD takes away from the shower. No one will forget it’s about you. And if it’s awkward for people to sing, then they shouldn’t, and your mom and aunt will feel awkward, which probably makes you happy.
I guess I don’t understand the ‘it’s got to be all about me’ thing? Like, is everyone going to be crowded by you the entire time? And is all anyone going to speak about you? I’m genuinely confused. My shower and those I’ve been to were basically family and friends—a party with food, cake, and opening presents.
Maybe we did it wrong.” SnooRadishes8848
Another User Comments:
“Let’s be honest, it has nothing to do with you being afraid other guests will be uncomfortable—a simple comment that you are so excited that your aunt made it from out of town, on her birthday even, that you got her a cake.
Comments abound about how nice and loving you are. But instead, you’re afraid that if she gets a little attention, it won’t be all about you, and you want it to be all about you. You don’t want to share. And that is what is going to be whispered about behind your back throughout the shower.
We were invited over to OP’s mom’s tomorrow for the aunt’s birthday. Mom was going to give her a cake, but OP said no. Did you hear that? OP’s aunt traveled from far away, and OP won’t even let them acknowledge her birthday because she is so selfish.
You’re gonna look like the jerk.” AITAH-No-Troll
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know, maybe it’s me, but I never understand all of these ‘it has to be all about me!’ posts. Taking 2 minutes to sing Happy Birthday to someone at a baby shower is really not a big deal. You’re still going to be pregnant; you and your baby will still be the stars of the show.
People are not going to go, ‘Oh, crap— I thought it was a baby shower but it’s a birthday party for that lady!’ Sure, they could do it after the party, but what’s the big deal? Have you never joined in a Happy Birthday song for a stranger at a restaurant or a public event?
(You probably have. If you can’t remember doing it, that’s likely because that’s how little of an impact it had on your life.) YTJ.” Head_Kangaroo
1. AITJ For Accepting My MIL's Dinner Invitation On My Husband's Behalf?
“My husband is busy, but he isn’t so busy that he can’t manage invitations from his family and friends if he wanted to.
His family and friends act as if I’m responsible for his social calendar, which I didn’t mind at first because I didn’t have anything better to do. However, I’m tired of always having to say no to everything, and it sucks having to deal with people trying to convince me to come to things when I know they only really care about my husband attending.
I’ve tried to get them to contact him directly, but he just sends them back to me or ignores them, so they come to me anyway. I’ve spoken to him multiple times about not wanting to be responsible for ‘our’ social calendar, and he acts as if he gets it, but then never responds to invites, so nothing’s changed.
So I’ve done something that you guys may or may not think is petty. My mother-in-law has asked for us to join monthly family dinners with her side of the family. I prefer her side of my husband’s family, but my husband is closer to his dad’s side, so we see them more.
Usually, I wouldn’t accept an invite like this without checking with my husband, but since she asked him first and he ignored her, I decided to accept on his behalf.
The first dinner is on Sunday, which is the day we were also supposed to have dinner with his grandfather on his dad’s side, but he never told me that was happening, and neither did anyone else.
(His dad’s side has a horrible habit of just assuming we’ll be at something because they’ve told us.) Part of me thinks the dinner with his grandfather is a lie because I know he’s been avoiding his half-brother like the plague since he keeps asking him for an investment, and his stepsiblings will be there.
My husband told me to cancel, but I don’t want to because my mother-in-law was so happy when I said yes. Also, his sister will be there, and I haven’t seen her in forever. I won’t stop him from canceling if he really wants to, but he’s turned this situation into a fight because I didn’t ask him first, and now I don’t want to be the one to cancel.
He has basically said that if we attend the first one, he expects me to tell my mother-in-law that this won’t be a regular thing, but I think he should be the one to do that, since I have no problem having dinner with them regularly.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Was it petty? Yes. Was it understandable? Also yes. Are you a jerk? Absolutely not. I don’t generally agree with being petty with your partner/spouse, but in this case, I can see why you did it. You made it clear to his family to ask him, which his mom did and was ignored, and you have talked to him repeatedly about not wanting to manage the social calendar with his family—you should not have to be a go-between.
I was in your position for years with my husband’s family. It was an old school thing where the women managed all the events, invites, passing along of information, etc. At first, I went along with it so I didn’t rock the boat. But, over time, I really started to resent it—my husband and I both have demanding careers, yet I was expected to take on the mental load of all the planning and communication with his family (…and my family…and our friends).
If it was a few things here and there, I wouldn’t be as bothered, but it was frequent. Luckily, my husband understood, and eventually, his family got it. Now, his family will direct things to both of us (which I am totally cool with). There are times when they will ask him alone, or me alone, but that is because it happens organically (e.g., if I am on the phone with my MIL and she tells me something that I know to pass on to my husband).” Hello_JustSayin
Another User Comments:
“Since you hate managing your husband’s social calendar, stop doing it. Do they come to you, or does he send them back to you? Speak for yourself only. ‘I’ll be there, but you’ll have to ask your husband about his plans.’ You could advise them that if they don’t hear back from him, they should consider that a no. And regarding this dinner with your in-laws—your husband has not committed to going.
You might be going by yourself. I hope that works for you.” SummitJunkie7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but… If your husband doesn’t want to go to something, why does that mean you can’t? Your husband is treating you as his secretary. You have no authority, but you have to take on the overhead of managing these relationships.
You’re both leveraging the idea that you are connected at the hip, have a single social calendar, and zero personal autonomy, and are trying to leverage it against each other. However, it sounds like this is the first time you’ve done it, and despite your best efforts to communicate why this sucks, he has ignored you.
So, it is understandable, and he needs a taste of his own medicine in order to finally get him to acknowledge why shifting all the emotional labor onto you is not acceptable. He doesn’t own your time, just like you don’t own his. Stop this idea that it is an all-or-nothing situation.
If you both want to go to an event together, great. If you want to go to events separately, great.” jmking
