People Are Eager To Clear Their Names In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
19. AITJ For Not Inviting My Dad To My Birthday Dinner?
“I (15F) have two sisters, Sophia (26F) and Sasha (31F). Sasha and Sophia both have kids. My parents are divorced and my mom is going out with a cool guy named Rick. I even call him dad.
Ever since my sisters had kids my dad hasn’t been very present in my life. He is more worried abt being a grandparent than a parent.
It’s to a point where I live with my mom and stepdad 100% of the time because on weekends my dad’s house turns into a daycare center. My dad favors Sophia and often puts her kids above me. When I was nine I had a father-daughter dance the same day as Sophia’s son’s kindergarten graduation.
instead of going to my dance, he went to my nephew’s graduation. I had to dance with Rick. At first, I was sad but Rick managed to cheer me up and I had a great time.
Sophia is constantly making remarks about how her kids are more important than me. My mom knows this and tells my sister to cut it out whenever she does it, but my dad just laughs and makes jokes about it.
It’s important to mention I have the same birthday as Sophia’s son and ever since he was born I have been forced to celebrate my birthday a month after in order to ‘give my nephew his time to shine.’ My mom and Rick would always get me a cake and presents on my birthday.
They would let me have a sleepover with my friends on my birthday. We keep it lowkey so my dad and Sophia never find out.
Recently it was my birthday and I had dinner. I only invited my mom, Rick, Sasha, and her husband. My BIL is cool and funny. My mom posted pictures on her social media account and my dad and Sophia found out.
They were mad and started yelling at me and my mom. My sister accused me of being jealous of her son and my dad accused my mom of parental alienation and threatened to take this to court. My dad accused my mother of trying to replace him as a father figure with Rick in my life.
I told my dad that Rick is more of a father than he is and he got quiet and hung up the phone. Sophia said I made dad cry and called me a witch. My mom, Sasha, and Rick told me I didn’t do anything wrong but I don’t know.
AITJ for not inviting my dad to my birthday dinner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in any way whatsoever.
Your sister sounds like a stuck-up, egocentric person really. To demand you celebrate your birthday an entire month after just because she thinks her son is more important is absurd. Your dad going along with it shows his favoritism and general dismissiveness towards you. To me, it sounds like your bio father doesn’t really care about you, and it’s not your job as the child to take care of his emotional needs.
The truth is, Rick definitely sounds like he is more of a father towards you than your bio father and you simply told your bio father the truth. If he wants to change this, then he needs to step up and be your dad. You have done nothing wrong.
Growing up with blended families and separated/divorced parents isn’t easy.
I know, I’ve been dealing with it for the better part of 30 years now. The best advice I would have for you is to surround yourself with the people who truly care about you. You are still a child (I know, 15 is sort of a young adult) and it’s not your job to be around people who are frankly using you to make themselves feel better.
I wish you the best of luck with all this.” mikokat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ by any means. It’s your birthday, so you should be able to celebrate with those who treat you like the strong young woman you are. You’re learning how to set boundaries and surround yourself with a tribe that loves you.
If your dad wanted to be with you on your birthday he would have asked you ahead of time what you wanted to do on your day. He chose your nephew over you, so that was a good indication of his priorities. I do recommend, however, that you calmly tell your father how you feel.
Use the ‘I feel’ phrases (I feel unwanted as a daughter because I was left without my father for my father-daughter dance). Be calm when you tell him, men tend to close their ears when a woman yells at him. I honestly think your dad and sis are mad because the pictures are on social media, so the writing is on the walls and they look bad.” Southern_Bus2974
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have been marginalized by your father and mistreated by your sister for so long that you’ve internalized their version of reality. You have every right to celebrate your birthday on your birthday. You also have the right, to be honest with your father about his behavior. Maybe he’ll wake up.
Would he have actually attended the dinner or insisted that you delay it in favor of your nephew?
Your sister? Whew! That girl needs a swift kick. It’s hard to ignore someone who is so overly involved in your life and so selfish. But she seems jealous of you. Stereotypical middle-child stuff. Try to flip the paradigm.
Feel pity for her pathetic behavior. If it doesn’t touch you anymore it will probably drive her nuts (bonus). Hugs.” coastal_girl14
18. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Get Over Her Feelings?
“I (29f) lost my son about 3 years ago just a week after he was born. He spent his whole life in the hospital, so we never got the chance to bring him home.
My husband and I put most of his things into boxes that we kept in the attic. Nearly all of it was brand new, but we kept it because I guess we hoped that maybe in the distant future when our hearts were a little less broken, we’d try again. A year ago, we mutually agreed not to, because we didn’t think we could handle another potential heartbreak.
So we repurposed what was supposed to be a nursery, and turned it into a home office that both of us don’t ever use. I think we just didn’t want to keep looking at an empty room.
My sister, April (32f), is expecting her third baby with her partner Mya. They already have two daughters (6yrs and 4yrs).
April told me a few weeks ago that they were having a baby boy. Everyone else found that out at her baby shower, but she wanted to tell me in advance.
I’m happy for my sister, and my husband is happy for her too. We love our nieces and can’t wait to meet our nephew.
My husband and I both decided that since we’re not having another child, and our son never got to use his things, it would be a waste just to leave them in boxes in the attic. We decided to sort through the boxes and pick out what we figured my sister and her partner would want for the baby boy that they might not already have.
We donated the rest of what we didn’t want to keep.
I waited until after the baby shower to give my sister those things. She seemed really touched by it, and she said that her son would love all the hand-me-downs he got to receive from his older cousin. My mom, on the other hand, seemed shocked that my husband and I were willing to part with those items in the first place.
A day after the shower, my mom came over for lunch, and she told me how appalled she was that I had given away my son’s things. She said that as a mother, she couldn’t imagine just throwing her baby’s stuff out, or turning his room into an office that we never even use.
Then she said that it hurt her as a grandmother to watch her first grandson be forgotten.
I don’t know what came over me honestly, but I said that the idea that I could ever forget my son is ridiculous. Then I told her to get over herself because none of what my husband and I do with our child’s things has anything to do with her.
That made her so upset that she got up and left.
When I told my husband about what happened after he got home from work, he said that he completely understood why I said what I said, but also that my mom is just reacting from a place of grief and I should try to be understanding of that.
He thinks I was being a little insensitive, and my mom most definitely thinks that I was being a jerk to her about her feelings.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is completely out of place. If she truly cared about you and her grandson she wouldn’t try to embarrass you or make you feel bad about such a thing; as a mother, she should put you and your emotions above hers.
The reality is your sister’s baby boy is going to have a part of his cousin, you’ll hopefully get the satisfaction of seeing your baby boy’s things being used instead of rotting away in a dusty attic.” ExceptionallyRainy
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
First, I am sorry that happened to you.
You are not the jerk and neither is your mum.
Grief is something very individual. Some people grieve loudly, others silently. Some need to hold on to every single thing, some chose specific things to remember. You and your mother seem to be different types of grief, which is okay as all feelings and all methods are valid.
It’s okay that your mom thinks you were a jerk about her feelings, I guess it felt like that.
But on the other hand, she basically accused you of forgetting your son because you grieve differently, which is… not a very sensitive thing to do. More like… terribly insensitive. So I guess you were also coming from a place of (completely understandable) hurt.
The two of you should have a calm conversation about that.
Not with the intention that someone has to apologize. But help her understand, how you feel and let her explain why she feels that way. You’ve all experienced a traumatic situation and that empty room would have been a bad reminder for you over and over and over and over again. The things are untouched and get to use.
If your mum feels she does not have a keepsake, maybe you can find something, but she has no right to decide how you grieve.
I ‘inherited’ a bunch of yarn for knitting some months ago. A friend of ours bought mount yarn as he called it for his mom for when she came home from the hospital so she could do something instead of just sitting there suffering that she could no longer walk.
But she never came home and died in the hospital. I was a little hesitant about accepting the gift because they were so close and he said ‘Basically… mount yarn was never hers. I bought it for her, yes. But I never got the chance to give it to her. She did not ask for it, she did not use it, she never knew it existed…
and also I think she would prefer to have it used and made with love into things for people who love the things knitted out of it.’
So I took mount yarn and made things out of it. I made socks for his family, a blanky for his niece, and put some yarn aside for when he has kids maybe so they also get socks and a blanky from that yarn.
It has brought a lot more joy to everybody than mount yarn lying around slowly rotting and I guess it’s the same for your son’s clothes. Now they get used and your sister understood the gesture. That is important.” daskleinemi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I honestly don’t care if your Mom is reacting from a place of grief, what she said was cruel, insensitive, and just wrong.
Obviously, you and your husband will never, ever forget your son. I am so sorry for both of you for your immense loss.
Your mother owes YOU an apology. Her accusation was thoughtless and heartless. You are moving on with your life in a way that helps YOU to heal. It is not her place to decide how and when you do that.
Your choices seem immensely healthy to me. You have grieved, and will always grieve the loss of your son. There is no need to keep a shrine (the nursery) to remind you of his loss because you will never forget him, ever.
I am sorry that your Mom is being such a jerk, even if it is motivated by grief.” Electronic-Cat-4478
17. AITJ For Leaving Family Dinner Because They Served Meat?
“I (18f) got into an argument with my parents a while ago over a few different things and today they invited my partner (20m) and me over for dinner to try and settle things, we were also going to announce at the dinner that I got pregnant.
Accidentally but still.
It’s important to note that I don’t eat meat, not by choice but because when I eat meat it makes me cramp, nauseous and, more times than not, vomit. My parents are aware of this.
I asked my parents before they had dinner if they were cooking with real meat so I knew whether or not to eat something before we went and they said no it was vegan meat.
Well, my partner and I went and we ate dinner and after about 15 minutes in I started getting extremely nauseous and cramping. I then asked my parents again if they put real meat in the food to which they responded yes.
I got mad and called them inconsiderate jerks for not telling me when they are fully aware of the fact that I cannot eat it.
My mother then said I need to stop faking because I was fine with eating it when I was growing up and to stop making a scene. I again told them they are inconsiderate jerks and that I was leaving and to not contact me because this was the last straw for me.
My partner and I left and I guess my mother told my brothers what happened because now I’m getting messages from them saying I was a jerk and that I should’ve known my mother would do something like that but I can’t go no contact with her because of something stupid like that.
So AITJ for getting mad at my family?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. An upset reaction towards them is a natural reaction when someone lies to you.
I can understand that the parents may not fully believe that you can not eat meat, but out of respect for your choices in not eating meat, they should not have lied to you about it being real meat.
For that they are jerks. Also by the statements of the brothers, I’m guessing this isn’t the first time the parents have done this and you shouldn’t be surprised by their actions.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should never give them the chance to poison you again. Because that is what they did.
I hope you realize that. If you do not go no contact, which you should for your own health, you should never eat anything they serve again.
However, if you buckle under the pressure and end up giving them a chance to poison you again, do stay at the table and vomit on their plates, just to demonstrate what they are doing.
Really, though? Stay safe by staying away from them and their terrible behavior.” KeyFly3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They literally could have caused a pregnancy failure.
You don’t need these people in your life. They deliberately served you meat despite knowing it makes you sick under the guise of you ‘faking’ allergies for your life.
These types of people will never believe you. They will also be the type to tell you how you’re raising your child wrong and how they can do better. Cut them.” Status-Pattern7539
16. AITJ For Not Inviting My Biological Dad To My Wedding?
“When I was 2 (now 23M), I was abandoned by my dad (now 45M). I was adopted by my family (my father currently being 50M, and my mum 54F) which I consider to be my real family. Since secondary school, I have been with my partner (now fiancée) for about 7 years. Recently, I proposed and she accepted!
Yesterday night, when we were preparing the guestlist she asked, ‘Are you going to invite your father?’
I refused to, as I have not bothered to make contact since I was a baby.
This morning though, my partner had some news. My dad had followed her on social media. Apparently, he asked my old friends where to find me as he had important news, and they said either mine or my fiancée’s social media page.
He contacted my fiancée to ask where his invitation was (she had made multiple posts of her wearing her engagement ring). She said he isn’t invited due to some circumstances. He started flipping out, saying I was being spoiled, acting like a brat because I never made contact, and calling me a jerk multiple times.
I blocked him, and kind of ignored it, but it was bugging me still throughout the day. I thought maybe I am the jerk for not inviting him to one of the biggest days of my life, or even for not trying to contact him.
So AITJ?
Edit: My biological relatives instantly found this and other stories and sent them to my dad (I wasn’t told who did it).
Luckily, I don’t have his number so I didn’t hear the freakout.
Basically, he said he was happy he abandoned me, that I’m a prolific jerk, the usual stuff. He also said he was going to turn up to the wedding, invited or not, and my brother (20M (he wasn’t abandoned, that’s a whole other story)) said if he’d turn up, he’d kick him out straight away as he was not invited and he will not be allowed to turn up.
Edit: She (my fiancée) maybe got in contact with my bio father. I asked to borrow her laptop and logged onto her social media account (her login information was pre-saved onto the laptop).
Lo and behold, she had chat messages with my dad before this, but and even broke the news of the engagement to him, when it was agreed he should have not known.
She also was chatting about how my being abandoned was one of the best things that could’ve happened to me.
When she came back into the room, I just reamed her and we had a massive argument. Apart from us cursing each other out, we hurled insults at each other. She walked out of the room, slamming the door.
I packed a bag and I’m going to stay at a friend’s tonight. I still can’t believe what she has done. One of the only people I could’ve trusted has betrayed me. I am just sobbing uncontrollably. I’m probably going to take a break tonight.
Edit: This morning, me and my fiancée chatted about this.
She said she was sorry and didn’t know how much it would affect me. All I said was ‘I’m calling off the engagement, and want to take a break in this relationship. I want you out of the house by this evening.’
She did get upset at first, but then she understood. She said if there was a chance we could get back together again after the break.
I replied it could be likely, but I’m not sure. My brother also contacted me about his condolences about the engagement.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you don’t owe your sperm donor anything. He abandoned you when you were 2 & has not tried to make contact with you until he had important news (which I’m mildly curious what it is since he never mentioned it to your fiancé).
You’re 23 now & he can’t just decide he wants to be a part of your life now that you’re an adult & for the important parts of your life. Stand strong & don’t invite that jerk to your wedding. If he wanted to be a part of your life he could’ve at any time from 2-23 contacted your adoptive parents.
Even if they declined once you were 18 he could’ve tried again but nope. Leave him on block & anyone who tries to guilt you into a relationship with him.” Empty_Amoeba9927
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, you were better off being adopted rather than having to grow up with that jerk as your dad, no child deserves such a selfish jerk as a father.
No father at all is better. I don’t even know what to say to your latest update that your partner was the one who reached out to your DNA donor behind your back. Even if she initially did it out of some misguided wanting to help, the minute she realized what a complete jerk your DNA donor is and how badly she had hurt you she should have been apologizing and begging for your forgiveness for such a betrayal. Instead, she doubled down and cussed you out.
I don’t know how you recover a relationship from that. That amount of betrayal is devastating. I hope you have some good friends and real family to help you through this.” Vallaris24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It sounds like your fiancee is one of those people who think they can/should broker peace all the time, not understanding that sometimes they should just leave well enough alone.
She probably thought that she was giving you a huge present by bringing in your estranged father to reunite your family. The ‘how me being abandoned was one of the best things that could’ve happened to me’ was an attempt to assuage your bio-dad’s (presumed) guilt by pointing out that you were well treated by your real family so your bio-dad shouldn’t feel bad about what he did to you.
What she did was stupid but was probably done out of misplaced love. Whether or not you can get past this is up to you and there’s no wrong answer to this. As for your bio-father, he can get lost.” MythologicalRiddle
15. AITJ For Not Having My Parents At My Wedding?
“Majority of my family works in the medical field, and it’s been kind of like a ‘family rule’ that became a tradition.
That sounds nice and all, but it’s just a toxic tradition overall. Basically, everyone needs to strive to work in the medical field, and if not, need to at least have a prestigious career. And if anyone fails, well basically you’re trash. And you’ll have to make up for it by at least having a ‘respectful’ job.
That’s the gist of how my family functions.
Ever since I was young, I knew I wanted to be a music therapist. My dream started when I helped my friend learn how to play the guitar when she was feeling down, and that transpired into music therapy. When everyone found out that I wasn’t going to join the medical field, I became an outcast. Everyone treated me as if I was irrelevant because music therapy isn’t a ‘respectful’ job.
My parents took it the worst and acted as if my existence was a disgrace to the family. My college years were my hardest years and at one point I ended up in a hospital. It’s pretty ironic because my first job was at that hospital. I ended up having no contact with my family for nearly a decade except for one uncle.
Fast forward to today, I’ve become really successful with my career and have my own personal office. Sure I don’t make as much as a doctor, lawyer, etc, but I still make a good income. Two weeks ago, I married my wife, and I obviously didn’t invite a single family member to my wedding except for one uncle.
He was my acting father at my wedding. He ended up posting a picture on Instagram last week while I was on my honeymoon, and that’s how the whole family found out I got married.
Yesterday, my parents called me. It took them about 10 tries because I didn’t recognize their number, and I’m surprised they still have mine.
They asked me why I didn’t invite them when they were my parents. I told them I have no parents to invite. I heard my mom sob, and my dad started yelling at me about how I betrayed them by not only being missing in action for almost a decade but also not inviting them to a special day that they would’ve liked to experience with me.
I told them that they were the last people I’d like to experience my special day with. While I don’t regret not inviting them, part of me does wonder if they actually started to see me as their son.
AITJ for not inviting my parents to my wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your mother thought sobbing would turn you around.
Your father thought yelling would turn you around. Both are tactics of hard-core manipulation. You did right. If they really changed they would have told you how sorry they are for how they have treated you, that they went into counseling and now realize how wrong they were for not supporting their child. They would have offered to take a part of the cost of the wedding as a start of amends.
Etc. Etc. They choose to be emotionally abusive. Do not invite them back into your life!” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I’m scratching my head about your dad’s assertion that they would have liked to experience your special day with you all the while yelling and berating you. Your mom sobbing in the background was no better.
Why did they call you except to make you feel bad?
Where have these people been for ten years, when did they have this epiphany about wanting to be your parents? They apparently had your number (or knew they could get it from your uncle), why did they not call and ask for a dinner or something to celebrate your professional achievements?
I doubt that you will hear from them again unless they somehow hear that you have children. Then it will be all about you depriving them of the special grandparent relationship.” la_patineuse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents still don’t care about you. If they did, they’d be contacting you because they want a place in your life, a relationship, to know your wife, and to be grandparents to your children.
Instead, it was because they weren’t invited to a party. They care about the image of going to your wedding and how it looked that they weren’t invited. This is about their image. They don’t care about you.
This entire time, they obviously were able to get in touch with you if they wanted. But it was never worth their time until they felt insulted by not being invited. So, just goes to show you what matters to them and what doesn’t.
Unfortunately, they only wanted a relationship with you for one day and just for the cameras.” ElFuegoDelTequila
14. AITJ For Removing My Parents From My Mobile Plan?
“My parents (46F and 52M) are insanely stubborn. Growing up if my teachers needed to contact them for anything they would never pick up if they weren’t home because they refused to get a cell phone. This was the early days of phones so it was more understandable but now they still refuse to get phones.
It’s not because they are against technology but because they are extremely cheap. My dad is a physician and my mom is an accountant and they have 4 houses but they refuse to pay for cell phones. I finally gave up and paid for a family plan and add them and got them cell phones which they use all the time (if their call times and data usage is any indication) but they complain constantly about how I’m financially irresponsible and it’s so annoying.
After paying for them for 4 years I give up and switch to a personal plan because I’m sick and tired of dealing with them. Then they switch to a call and text $15 a month plan and call me to Google things for them so they can’t have to use data. That phone plan is very cheap so it has insanely poor reception and can’t work outside of city bounds.
So annoying!
My parents really enjoy hiking and last weekend went hiking in a remote spot. I get a call from my grandma who lives with them that they haven’t returned from their day hike and start worrying. I tell her I’ll look for them if they don’t return the night because it’s a 2h drive back home so they could already be on the way.
I call them all night but it all gets sent to voicemail.
The next morning they still haven’t come home and I drive there and see their car still parked. The whole time I have reception but it’s spotty and I eventually see my parents. They we very happy to see me and I dragged my dad back to the car.
My dad sprained his ankle and rested on it too long and it got swollen so he couldn’t walk so he had to limp back. I was pretty mad they didn’t call SOS because the SOS on their phone still worked but it turns out they wouldn’t call because they are afraid rescuing them will cost funds so they tried to walk back out themselves.
I told them if they had a good plan they could just call me to help them but to save a bit of funds they put themselves in danger.
I get blamed for them not having a good cell phone plan because according to them it’s my fault they don’t have a good plan because they won’t pay for one but if I buy it for them they will.
I point out they constantly complained the plan was expensive and they blame me for not finding a cheaper plan (we live in Canada cell phone plans are expensive) and if I found a $15/month plan that had data (Hahaha) they wouldn’t complain.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t just extend a hiking trip, you won’t have provisions.
They put their own lives at risk by not calling for help because they were worried about what it cost. I guarantee it costs more for a full-scale Search and Rescue after they’ve been missing for 2 days than it does for a ranger or a small team to walk the track for a few hours.
They’re adults living in a connected world. If they don’t want to do what it takes to function in that world then they don’t get to complain when others won’t finance their connection.” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Cell phones are for more than just surfing and texting. The great thing about them is the level of safety they can provide in situations like this.
Your parents seem to have enough funds to have a decent plan but their thriftiness and ignorance about how they work are starting to have repercussions that may affect their health. I had to force my late father to get one due to his health issues. Luckily he never had to use it.” OneWithoutaName2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are both jerks here – as a physician your father should understand the need for prompt emergency care and the need for communication in the event of an emergency, and as an accountant, your mother should understand the concept of ‘penny wise, pound foolish’.
And them blaming you for the trouble they got themselves into, well, some people can’t accept personal responsibility.” big_bob_c
13. AITJ For Not Crying At My Grandma's Funeral?
“My (currently 16F) Dad moved to a different city for work when I was 7. At the time, I was living in my paternal grandmother’s house with her, my mother (who worked), and a full-time maid for me because my grandmother was clear about not wanting to attend to a kid all the time.
Between the ages of 7-9, my grandmother would regularly verbally mistreat me for being a girl (she had wanted a grandson), told me she hated my existence, that she wanted me to be gone, etc etc. I confided in my mother, who confronted my grandmother, who denied it and so it continued for 2 years.
When I was 9, Mom and I shifted to the city Dad was living in and my grandmother continued to live in our hometown.
Not bringing her along was also my Mom’s way of removing me from that situation. I wasn’t close to my Dad, to begin with, so I told him once, very briefly, about the things my grandmother had said and he straight up called me a liar and refused to hear more about it.
Years passed. I maintained my distance from my grandmother when she visited and rarely interacted with her.
As my confidence grew, I was upfront with her about why I didn’t want to be close to her whenever she’d complain about me not calling her or whatever. I’ve never grown to see my Dad as a confidant and we share a somewhat awkward relationship.
This year, she was diagnosed with cancer but my Dad decided not to disclose the diagnosis to her or treat her since ‘nothing could be done.’ He had her put on sedatives to the point where she was in a vegetative state and she died a month later.
At her funeral, I actively tried to think of any good memory I shared with her but I drew a complete blank so I was very visibly not crying. My Dad, on the other hand, was bawling into the shoulders of colleagues he’d invited.
It’s been 3 months since then. He’s been telling everyone about what a warrior she was ‘right to the end’ and a bunch of crap that’s isn’t remotely true since she was never a brave woman and she passed away not even knowing what she was in the hospital for because she’d just blindly trusted my Dad to save her.
I’ve been saying nothing out of respect since he lost his mother but the constant lying and tears that appear only when there’s an audience present had been getting on my nerves.
A few days ago, he randomly blew up at me for not crying at her funeral and went on about ‘what people must have thought.’ It’s safe to say I lost it at that point.
We had a long, loud screaming match in which I told him how the things she’d done had impacted me and my self-confidence, how he hadn’t done anything to protect me and how he was lying about her to everyone so blatantly now. He very mockingly apologized for her behavior and we haven’t spoken since.
Mom is of the opinion that I did the right thing by being honest but I probably could have chosen a better time. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She was terrible to you and you have every right to tell your story. You don’t owe her or your dad silence on the subject.
Your dad is more concerned about other people’s opinions than about you and that’s really messed up.
At your age, you probably don’t have a lot of options to distance yourself from him yet, but I would be keeping your emotional distance as much as possible. This is trademark behavior from an abusive person, it’s very likely that once you move out you’ll start to notice other patterns and realize he carried on her legacy with a different facade.
At the very least, he is emotionally neglectful and that leaves deep wounds.
I hope you’re OK. You are absolutely NTJ here and I’m honestly really impressed at the way you handled this, especially at your age. You’re gonna be fine.” bellesavage
Another User Comments:
“To be honest, I think it would have been more disrespectful if you HAD cried. You and your grandmother weren’t close.
She didn’t respect you, she actively wished you were gone, for Pete’s sake. Your crying would have been a mockery of the people who truly cared about her. As far as your dad goes, he is a jerk of epic proportions. He didn’t protect you from his mother and accused you of lying about her behavior when you tried to tell him about it.
And then, he DID cry the fake tears at her funeral. If he truly cared about her, he would have asked for her opinion on what SHE wanted to do regarding her diagnosis, not kept her hopped up on pain meds, thinking he was saving her while in reality, he was leaving her to slowly give up.
NTJ in the slightest.” alphaowlboy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You respectfully held your tongue until your dad verbally attacked you. I read a story about how a girl was bullied in high school, but they became friends in college, then the bullied girl ranted at the girl’s wedding about being bullied.
You didn’t do that.
In my opinion, you behaved honorably and didn’t lie to appease anyone. You stayed true to yourself and that’s the most important part.
Your dad became a stranger when he ignored you trying to tell him what happened between you and your grandma. Again, pushing you because you didn’t lie or cater to a false vision of your grandma?
Why should you become a liar?
NTJ. Your dad’s fantasies about your grandma should be kept to himself and not involve you.” nasgaea
12. AITJ For Telling Our Professor That My Groupmates Aren't Helping?
“I have a really science/chemistry intensive class this semester and this is my first semester coming back to school after a 3-year hiatus. Instead of lecturing, my professor utilizes most of the time in class to have group discussions and work on group-assigned homework together.
We’re supposed to have basic knowledge of the questions before class so that we can add valuable information during the discussions.
On the first day of class, I was the only one in my group to bring in notes and answers to the homework questions. For the second assignment, the work was split between all of us and we did really well.
I don’t know what happened after this, but for the next couple of assignments, no one added any input. I did both assignments solo and was ignored when I tried to communicate with the group via email/google drive. Irritated by the lack of communication and having to struggle to get everything done by myself, I asked if we could maybe split up the questions for the next assignments.
My group agreed, and we all took an equal amount of questions. I started working on it instantly and finished the same night, with the homework being due the following day.
When I woke up this morning, no other work had been done. About 2.5 hours before the assignments were due, I emailed everyone to remind them that we really needed to get everything done.
I only got one response, and they basically asked if I could do most of the work again. I said no because I didn’t have the time to do everything 2 hours before the assignment was due because I had a lab class during that time period. 10 minutes before the assignment was due, I checked again and there was minimal completion, with 75% of the questions being unanswered. I was super frustrated and didn’t want my grade to be negatively impacted so I emailed my professor and told him everything that had happened. He was able to switch me to another group, but now I’m having doubts about how I handled everything.
I feel like a huge tattle tale and I don’t want to get anyone in trouble. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the only way these people will learn is to drop them on their butt and force them to figure it out on their own. if you always pick up the slack and do the work so you won’t fail, they will allow others to carry them instead of doing it themselves.
you’re saving future co-workers’ frustration because that behavior will go with them always until it’s actually corrected. its better they learn now that they need to do their work themselves because no one will carry them for the rest of their lives.” Mlady_gemstone
Another User Comments:
“Dude, grow a pair. You are only a jerk if you whine about how you don’t want to get them in trouble because they are just so lazy.
They reaped what they sowed – did nothing, score nothing and you moved on. Stop being a buttercup, you are a strong independent person who can do your own work and doesn’t need to worry about failed losers.” AussieTopCat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
One of the purposes of group projects is to teach you how to work in a group, which includes working with problematic people who don’t pull their weight.
But, even in a professional work environment, if your team members are slacking, you can only do so much before you have to resolve the situation with a superior, and that’s exactly what you did here.” Red-belliedOrator
11. AITJ For Asking My Husband's Friend If He's Going To Bring His Wife's Ashes With Him?
“My husband’s friend (31) lost his wife 4 months ago. He had her cremated and used to keep her ashes in their home. He, unfortunately, had to lose their home to medical debts and asked me and my husband to let him move in with us and stay for a few weeks til he figures it out.
He told us this during dinner. My husband said of course we’d welcome him to move in and stay in our house. I, for some reason, kept thinking about his wife’s ashes. I’m not of fan cremation but obviously, I can’t control how others choose to honor their deceased loved ones. But still, seeing ashes or bringing around them gives off weird vibes that I cannot control.
I decided to speak up and asked his friend if he was going to bring his wife’s ashes as well. His friend got quiet and my husband gave me a death stare.
His friend left and then my husband blew up asking what possessed me to ask such a question. I told him I was just inquiring about the ashes since he knows how I feel about it.
He said this came across as insensitive and unwelcoming towards not just his friend but the deceased wife as well. We had an argument and he called me cruel and reckless to speak to his friend the way I did. He said I should’ve never brought it up and told me to get over myself and not expect his friend to part with his wife just because I’m uncomfortable.
We argued some more and he told me to apologize the next time I see his friend for the disrespect I’d displayed. But in my opinion, he made a big deal out of a question.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
You weren’t asking a question. You knew the answer. You just wanted to make sure he understood that he was not welcome to bring them and that you would make an issue of it.
Message received. But, you don’t get to be all indignant that the jerk sentiment you phrased in the form of a question was received exactly as you intended it.
You really know how to dump on someone when they are down. I hope that if your husband ever runs into an emergency like this that his friends are married to spouses who are more supportive than you are.
You were truly awful here. We all make mistakes, but the fact you doubled down when he explained how awful you were does not say good things about your character.” aknotamous
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hey, wake up! There are red flags all over this. This is not about the ashes. You are uncomfortable with the friend moving in and you should be.
Moving a whole other grown man into your home will change the dynamic of your family/marriage. Your husband blowing up at you is unacceptable. It’s also disrespectful that he did not consult with you first before telling his friend ‘oh yeah sure, come on’. You are not selfish and cruel.
This person will not be there for a couple of weeks, ok?
It will be much longer and will ruin the friendship and could ruin your marriage. Why does this man have NO FAMILY to turn to? At the very least, he should go stay with a single, male friend – not a married couple. He should not be asking to come live with you OVER DINNER.
I am speaking from deep, painful experience.
Protect your marriage. There are lots of other avenues for people to get on their feet and your husband can still be a major support but don’t move anyone into your house!” MommyHeardThat
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This man just lost his WIFE. She PASSED AWAY. And you thought it was at all your place, when he is struggling and just lost his home likely due to debt left trying to keep her alive, that you had any right questioning if he was going to bring her remains with him?
Are you freaking kidding me? There isn’t even a word to describe how disgusting your behavior was to this man. He just lost his wife and his home. He is likely saddled with so much debt he doesn’t know how he’s going to get out of it and is barely keeping his head above water.
He is likely very not okay in any way, shape or form. And your response was to basically tell him he wasn’t allowed to bring his wifes ashes if he came to stay with you in his time of need because you think it’s weird. Lord.
Imagine if this was your own husband. Put yourself in his shoes.
Really think about it. And imagine how much it would hurt you if your friend said what you said to him to your face right after all of this trauma. It does not matter how you feel about cremation. It is not your place to tell him he can’t bring all he has left of her to keep him going.
I am beyond disgusted with you. If my husband, not that he would, would ever say something so disgusting and cruel to my friend when they needed help and are struggling I would divorce him. You better pray that you didn’t just blow up your marriage. Pray that this doesn’t completely change how your husband sees you especially given how you refuse to believe you did anything wrong.
Don’t go crying to someone if you have done irreparable damage to your relationship.” TransientLights
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Yes, the ashes would come with him. It’s not like he is just going to throw them out. He is in very fresh and active grief and you are indeed a jerk for being so insensitive.
He is a jerk for asking for such a big favor in the middle of dinner when you and your husband have no chance to discuss things privately. An appropriate way would have been for him to ask your husband to speak to you about it privately.
Your husband is a jerk for giving an immediate answer.
He answered FOR YOU without any discussion. He does not get the final say in this – this is YOUR HOME TOO and welcoming another adult to come live with you is a big change that HAs to be discussed.” Ohcrumbcakes
10. AITJ For Telling My Biological Mom That She Will Never Be My Real Mom?
“I (16m) was raised by my dad (48m) and my stepmom (47f) and for 15 years I didn’t know who or where my real mother was. But thanks to my stepmom I wasn’t that curious until my bio mom contacted my dad saying she wanted to meet me. I really wanted to meet her too because she did give birth to me.
So yesterday on my birthday I went to see her. As soon as she saw me she ran up and hugged me (my dad drove me to the hotel she was staying at). It got very awkward when I called her Jessica and not mom. She got mad, which I kinda understand. I mean she did give me life but I told her ‘I’m sorry Jessica you didn’t raise me, my mom did’.
That’s when she took it too far, saying ‘that witch is not your mom’ and stuff. That’s when I snapped and told her ‘you will never be my real mom. You may have given birth to me but I don’t even know who you are’ and left her hotel room. My dad and my mom said I should have handled that better.
I can’t help but think did she deserve that or am I the jerk?
UPDATE: My father called my bio-mom and I and her agreed that what she said was wrong and she had no reason to call my mom a witch. She said that she’s gonna go back to her hometown tomorrow and hopes she can say bye face to face.
I said only if both my mom and dad can come. She hesitated a bit but said ok.
UPDATE 2: It went pretty well. She told me bye and that she love me. I didn’t say I love you back. I just said bye she look kinda hurt, which kinda hurt me too but I got her number and now we can talk!
Maybe one day she can be my other mom but for now, I only have one who will never be replaced I told my (step) mom that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why wasn’t your birth mother in your life? You’re only 16, were your parents with you when you met her?
Firstly, this person is a stranger to you, I don’t know what your parents expected you to do or say when you met her but calling her by her first name is totally appropriate.
Secondly, if someone insults your mother – the woman who raised you – you can respond however you feel is appropriate.
Your parents could’ve handled this better, your birth mother could’ve handled this better. You handled this better than I could and I’m an adult!” Alarming-Instance-19
Another User Comments:
“Firstly, no, NTJ.
Secondly…
‘My dad and my mom said I should have handled that better.’
Meeting your biological mother for the first time is a very difficult thing to do, whether you’re an adult or a child (I know you’re a teenager, but at 16 you’re still young and this is a hefty emotional experience to go through).
I can tell you that even a grown adult would have struggled to handle it better.
Your stepmother has raised you, loved you, and cared for you. Hearing an insult towards the person that has been the active parent to you is something that many adults would snap back about too.
Like many biological parents, your bio Mum may have kept up a belief that you would instantly fall into her arms and call her Mum and it would all be sunshine and rainbows and everything would be perfect.
When you did not act as expected she took it out on you and your stepmom. This is wrong. While one can daydream, one must always expect that outcome to be something else. She should have gone into this meeting with her expectations significantly lowered. It is not your fault that you did not meet the dream, it is her fault for not thinking realistically.
And similarly, your Dad and stepmom have let you down here. Before meeting your bio Mum they should have spoken to her privately to set expectations and boundaries with her, and explained them to you separately too. When things didn’t go as expected they should have contacted her and explained that what she did was hurtful and that she needs to sort out her feelings before seeing you again.
You are not at fault for your feelings. You are not at fault for not being the child your bio Mum wants. And you are not at fault for reacting the way you did.” NannyOggsKnickers
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – ‘should have handled it better’ No! You are 16 and in an, at best, awkward situation meeting your bio mom.
‘Could’ you have handled it better – yes, with coaching from your ‘real’ parents, and perhaps a trusted older person with insight (therapist, someone who’s been through this, school counselor)?
Look at this as a learning opportunity. Going into potentially awkward situations, situations where you are unsure what to expect, situations where it all goes well – wow!
so great – but where things going poorly could be crushing, takes preparation.
In this case, it doesn’t sound like your dad and stepmom ever considered the possible downsides of your meeting your bio mom. Cut them a little slack, but be wary of them seeing other things with rose-colored glasses. It might be helpful, when you are all calm, to ask them what they expected would happen when you met with bio mom, and how they think it could have been handled differently.
I’m betting they will see that they could have helped you better prepare, and they could have reacted better when it didn’t go well.
And thank you for appreciating your stepmom so much. She is truly your real mom, and I am sure that her heart loves that you call her mom!” Say-What-KB
9. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter's Ex Stay Over?
“My daughter (23F) and her SO had a nasty breakup. The girl kicked her out of the house they were living in together.
It’s vital to note that the house was inherited by the girl’s mother after her grandmother passed away. My daughter was the grandmother’s primary caretaker for the last six months of her life. So, she kicked my daughter out about a week ago and my daughter has been sleeping on the pullout in my husband’s man cave.
A couple of nights ago my daughter got a call from the ex that she had had a falling out with her parents and got kicked out of the house and that she needs to come to get the rest of her stuff before it was thrown out. My husband accompanied her to pack up and load her stuff and she asked him if her ex could sleep on the couch.
He told her no. He called and told me about it and I agreed. Later that night she called me to ask if the ex could sleep on the couch. I told her that her dad already said no and it’s no, especially after the way her ex had treated her. I told her that there are nearby hotels with weekly rates her ex can stay at until she finds a place.
My daughter argued, continued asking, and I said it was definitely no. One night will turn into two nights, a week, a month, and I’m not doing that. I’m also just not a people person and the ex has always been kind of rude to my daughter in our presence. So now my daughter has not returned and will not return calls, but did promptly respond with a thumbs up to my voicemail asking for at least that to make sure she’s safe.
So, AITJ for refusing to allow her ex to sleep here?”
Another User Comments:
“I have to ask, why was your daughter open to such a bad relationship in the first place? Yes, people can do stupid things when they’re young, but in my experience, no one with a really healthy, happy upbringing is particularly attracted to, let alone would put up with months, someone who treats them like crap.
All things being equal, being badly treated is off-putting, unless it’s a familiar pattern in one’s life.
To be clear, no jerks here – and I think you did entirely the right thing here. But I also think it would be really worthwhile to examine just how you parented your daughter and address anything that comes up.
It’s never too late to improve things, for you both, if you’re willing, to be honest, and brave.” MarnOo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and even without the complicated backstory, you and your husband aren’t required to allow people you don’t like or trust to stay in your home! Even if this were your daughter’s current partner, if you had reason to distrust her or even just thought she was a jerk, you could say ‘this person does not get to stay here’ and your daughter could say, ‘well then I won’t stay there either’ and everyone would be mad at each other but nobody would be a jerk.
Adults get to figure out how to make adult decisions.” crafty_and_kind
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You have no obligation to offer the ex a place to stay, especially if you do not want to enable their unhealthy connection with your daughter. Your daughter is still young and driven by emotions more than reason, so I’ll give her a pass on her tantrum behavior, esp since she did respond enough so you know she’s safe.” justnotthatwitty
8. AITJ For Calling Out My Mom For Not Prioritizing Me?
“I (F17), have a cousin, Joseph (not his real name) (M21), who lives with us in the basement. He’s had a bit of a rough life and so we took him in to give him a break from his family drama. I get it’s best for his mental health but it’s taken a toll on mine.
He games 24/7 and screams all the time, which is awful because his room is right below mine and both of my parents think I’m being dramatic
I’m disabled and use crutches. I have chronic pain and I am in pain 24/7. My cousin finds this hilarious for some reason. He calls me slurs. When it started it was in good fun but as my issues have gotten worse I’ve asked him to stop.
He hasn’t.
My pain has gotten worse these past few weeks. I thought it was just another flare up so I didn’t think anything of it. But my other disabled friends told me to make an appointment with a physical therapist. So I asked my mom to make an appointment with a local therapist last week.
My mom came into my room this morning talking about how Joseph’s VR set broke and she was buying him a new one and he’ll pay her back. I didn’t care and asked about my physical therapy appointment. She said she’ll book it after ordering his VR set. I was mad.
Not only had she completely forgotten about my physical therapy but she was prioritizing my cousin’s dumb video games over my health.
I got upset and said, ‘why do you always do this? It’s like you care more about Joseph’s games than my well-being’. She was upset with me saying that wasn’t true and that it had simply slipped her mind.
I said I didn’t care and demanded she makes the appointment now. She only just came into my room saying she made it – 6 hours later.
I know she’s a mom and basically runs the household. I love her a lot but I’m in constant pain now and literally cannot do anything besides roll around in bed and walk to the kitchen for food.
I feel like I shouldn’t have snapped at her but also feel like she doesn’t understand how much life sucks rn because of my health and him. So, AITJ?
Update: I went to the physical therapist and they just gave me a knee brace and said that I needed to go to a specialist so that’s gonna be a process.
I told my mom yet again about my problems with Joseph and tried to have a civil conversation which resulted in her crying and telling me she was doing her best. I’ve decided to limit my contact with Joseph and asked that she not speak about him.
Some additional info: I’m not American I’m in Canada.
I can’t go to another family as I don’t really have a good relationship with them because I came out as non-binary 4 years ago and they haven’t been the most accepting. I don’t have a job or really any way of getting income. I want to but every time I ask for help with a resume my parents forget.
I’m also having to do a GED program as school was too painful emotionally and physically. I turn 18 soon and I know I should’ve had this all figured out by now and be more independent and I’m trying but the cards I’ve been handed make this difficult.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but maybe when you’ve calmed down ask your mom if you two can have a proper conversation about this.
Explain you didn’t realize until she got upset that Joseph being prioritized wasn’t deliberate because it seems like every time you express a clash between your needs, he wins instantly no matter how the needs compare. Remind her that he constantly verbally mistreats you and that it’s hard for you to feel like you’re wanted in a home where you’re treated like that.
Tell her you to understand how hard she’s working but that it still hurts to feel second best.” DazzlingAssistant342
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Taking care of your own kids is expected. You do not get any credit for doing it. But taking in someone else’s kid? You are a hero and a martyr. There are people who get off on that attention and will ALWAYS prioritize the child that they took in over their own child.” ladyfeyrey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Next time your cousin calks you crippled, tell him that at least you have physical disabilities and are in chronic pain so you have an excuse for your lifestyle. What is his excuse for being an able-bodied freeloader who lives on the charity of others and is only good for playing video games and abusing those who have given him a roof and food.” ProfileElectronic
7. AITJ For Telling My Mother-In-Law She Can't Move Back In?
“My MIL speaks very little English, can’t drive, can’t work a bank account, and many other things that we all take for granted, including getting online, using a smartphone, or simply using Netflix. I have always helped her with everything since my husband is usually irritated by her.
She has lived with us for over 5 years due to a slip and fall.
Navigating workers comp and such would have been impossible for her, so I agreed. I got her situated with a settlement due to a permanent injury, got her disability approved, medicare, and a bus.
After her settlement the plan was, we would finally get her her own place that she could afford. Well, she has started going out with a younger guy.
The disability bus driver who would take her to appointments started lending him funds. We put our foot down and explained if she was just going to blow through her funds, she would need to move out. We also explained that she would not be welcomed back if she messed up and didn’t set herself up for her future.
Well, 1 year later she is out of funds and is looking to move back in. My husband feels bad and says he can’t just leave her on the street. I absolutely refuse! She made her bed and can now go lay in it. I am sick and tired of always doing everything to set her up and then she ruins it or doesn’t follow through.
She lived with us once before and just as we were about to set her up with low-income apartments she took off on us to live with friends. She loves to get our son in trouble since my husband is very strict so she will constantly go tell on him. For years she called him her ‘fake grandson’ because we had him in vitro.
I thank God he doesn’t understand her language well enough to have ever picked up on what she was saying. I truly can’t stand her, it takes everything in me to sit at a table with her the 1 time a month that she visits now, much less live with her again!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and it’s hard to see anyone coming out of this unscathed. You do have to look out for your son above all else.
You need to prioritize your mental health as well, but sometimes it’s easier to stick to hard decisions if they benefit the ones you love. She hasn’t taken responsibility because someone has always done it for her. When does your husband think you get to live your own life, and not babysit her?
But the bottom line is the last couple of sentences of your post, not even her weaponized incompetence. Your son will learn phrases and pick up on her feelings toward him. Above all else, it’s wrong. Your husband shouldn’t want him exposed to vile behavior aimed at your son. Not that anyone is going to ‘win’ in this situation, but you surely can lose if she moves back in.” evilshenanigan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve tried to help but she’s made no effort to be more independent and has actively caused strife in your home. Remind your husband that you both told her that she would not be welcomed back if she messed up. Caving in shows weakness. The best I would do is pick her up and drop her off at a homeless shelter.
Tell the staff that she’s not welcome in your home and that she needs a social worker to help her find new housing. Depending on her language, they should be able to find a neutral third-party interpreter through a service.” Flat_Contribution707
Another User Comments:
“Is she not literate? I know she speaks a different language but in the modern world translation services are a thing, especially when dealing with the government and such.
And if not, phones can be set to display in most major languages and use OCR (Optical Character Recognition) to help you fill in nearly any language. And they’ll do text to voice too! So even the illiterate can point and shoot and get at least the general idea. I’m not sure why she’s been allowed this level of learned helplessness/malicious incompetence.
I will help anyone who is actually trying to learn, and I will happily help them over and over again and celebrate with them when they make any progress. But people who expect me to do it for them because they just don’t want to? God no. Do it yourself or it doesn’t get done.
In my marriage our families of birth are our problem – we have an automatic pass on dealing with anything having to do with our in-laws if we don’t want to, no judgment. It’s non-negotiable.
NTJ for putting your foot down on your MIL – the best time to do it was at the start.
The next best time is NOW. But you also have a serious husband problem, not just a MIL problem. Please stop putting your physical and emotional energy into this black hole. Set your boundaries and everything outside them is not your problem.
It’s gonna be tough but I sense you’ll be able to get through to the other side of this hard time.” Wtrset
6. AITJ For Not Telling Everything To My Mom?
“My (19F) mom (52F) is mad at me because I ‘keep things’ from her.
Basically, my mom is a very judgmental person and she has a habit of shaming people for their choices. I don’t consider her the type of person to go for advice because she is very condescending at times. Growing up she at times took a jab at my physical appearance, called me names, and even shamed me for being liberated. Because of this trauma I just closed up from her and now I don’t like talking to her about my life.
My mom has a sister (58F) who has an amazing relationship with her daughters. Her sister is a very supportive and amazing mom that sometimes even I feel jealous of my cousins. Well after seeing them now my mom tries way too hard to actively participate in my life. She keeps trying to come into my room, trying to look through my closet asking me where I bought certain things and why I didn’t tell her.
She asks me questions about my life then she also whines at times that why I am not close with her and why I am so closed off. I try to tell her I am not and just turn the convo around. She tries to hug me and because she didn’t show much physical affection to me as a kid I feel very uncomfortable when she does that now.
So here is where I think I am the jerk, I took a few pictures when I dressed up in my room for fun and sent them to my cousin. Now my cousin is close to her mom so they talk about everything. When my aunt came over after a few days, she mentioned I looked really pretty in my pics.
My mom suddenly asked what pics and got mad. She didn’t talk to me the entire day and said asked why I didn’t show her those pics and why I always exclude her from my life. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I suggest secretly voice recording sometimes when your mom has been nosy and then bringing them up if she tries to deny her being nosy.
People like this deny doing these things so they can occasionally gaslight you. I’m not saying your mom is doing that, but I am saying that this is what might happen.
Your mom may be encroaching on your life because she’s curious about what you’re doing and how you’re growing up, but this is not the way to do it.
Suggest family counseling or therapy. If there’s a negative reaction from her (tantrum, screaming, etc.) you need to move out immediately. Someone who isn’t willing to sort out their own problems can’t be helped.
I hope your situation gets better, I really do. Tell her that her jealousy of her sister’s (your aunt’s) relationships with her daughters (your cousins) has badly affected you too by making your mom feel like a forced relationship between you and her will solve everything.
Again, I really do hope your situation gets better. Your mom is displaying some signs of insecurity and jealousy towards her sister and taking it out on you in negative ways instead of trying to better the relationship between you and her.” Realistic_Resort6996
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you’re old enough now that you should start considering the best way to handle this sort of situation.
It sounds like your mother genuinely doesn’t understand what’s going on. You should, calmly and clearly, tell her. Do it in writing if you have to.
Adults, including parents, make mistakes too and can grow over time. You might not be ready to give her a chance and that’s okay, but at some point, I encourage you to genuinely try.
Just like you have had a lifetime to develop assumptions based on her past behavior, she’s had the same for you, and just like you want her to adjust HER behavior because you have learned and grown up, she deserves an opportunity to change her behavior too. But in order for her to do that, you will need to communicate with her how you feel and how her actions have made you feel, and if you can.
If she refuses to listen, that is on her, but you might be surprised, and even if it doesn’t improve things immediately, it may sow the seed for her to later develop the self-awareness to improve. You’re not obligated to talk about your feelings with her, I’m just saying it may help improve the situation.” notrightmeowthx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – we aren’t owed relationships, we earn them.
Your mom hasn’t figured that out. She expects a relationship because she’s your mom, not because she takes the time to know you, support you, and validate you.
She isn’t making any changes to gain this relationship she wants, she’s just forcing it by guilting you and then giving you the silent treatment aka being the person who created the distance in the first place.
She’s got some learning to do. You on the other hand, for your own mental health, should continue with the boundaries you have in place.” Extreme_Sock_1153
5. AITJ For Saying My Partner's Drink Tastes Like Trash?
“Me (25F) and my partner (25M) were sitting on the couch waiting for some friends to arrive for drinks. He poured some Brandy in hot water and said to have a taste, and I said I didn’t want to.
He kept saying just try it, and I said over and over no I don’t want to. I’m the kind who needs at least a bit of sugar in wine and cannot drink hard liquor without juice or soda mixed in, I just gag and it’s so uncomfortable. And yes I will take shots with friends in the right context, I just would never casually sip on hard liquor…
Eventually, I got really annoyed that he kept saying things like ‘you don’t even know what it tastes like, why do you think it tastes bad?’ and I told him ‘because it tastes like trash. I don’t care for hard liquor, especially hot, I don’t want to try it why are you trying to force me’ and he got really angry apparently because how I said it tasted like trash was insulting and that I am close-minded.
He walked off for a while and then I went to him and he was still super angry. I said ‘what’s the harm in just listening to someone saying no, why is what you want more important ‘ and he responded by saying ‘exactly what’s the harm in just trying something you haven’t tasted yet’.
Shortly after our friends arrived and I remained in the room alone feeling terrible and not wanting to even socialize anymore. I overheard my partner explaining to them that ‘I was sad that he yelled at me just now… Didn’t want to try something new and then said it tasted like trash’.
They are all currently hanging out, I’m not sure but our friends seem unbothered. This is all making me question if it really is just me who ruined my own night.
AITJ for not trying something and for saying it tastes like trash?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Listen up, because this is really important: it doesn’t matter if you would have liked it. He keeps bringing up how it tastes good and that you would have liked it. That’s totally irrelevant.
Don’t let him distract you from the issue.
You said no, and he kept pushing you. He is in the wrong.
He would still be in the wrong if he had your most favorite drink of all time. Let’s say you absolutely loved mango and smoothies. So he made you a mango smoothie, and you said, No thanks, I don’t want to have any right now.
Would it have been ok for him then to keep pushing, knowing you would like it? NO, IT WOULD NOT. Because you said no.” Agreeable-Celery811
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
No means no. PERIOD. Why was he so invested in you tasting his drink? What a stupid thing to get mad about.
If this is how he deals with such a trivial thing, I hate to think how he’d handle larger obstacles life is sure to deal him.
What he did showed you no respect at all. And the way he turned it around on you when you asked him about it is telling, too. Is that how he handles things in general or was this new? I’d be wary and really question being in this relationship long term.” The-Answer-Is-57
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s a really weird thing for him to get upset about, you didn’t insult him, you insulted the drink, you don’t like it and you said no. The first no should have been good enough for him to stop, but he continued to badger you about it. This is all on him and I find it a red flag that he can’t take no for an answer.
It’s disrespectful to not accept your answer the first time.” B***********e
4. AITJ For Walking Out When My Dad Called Me His Older "Son"?
“I’m 30 years old, I’m a transgender woman who started their transition at 24, before my transition I was dealing with a lot of anxiety and depression.
Honestly, I lost count of how many times I had to go to the psych ward. Now that I finally did my medical transition I don’t look male at all. I had intense f****l feminization surgery. I wanted no traces of masculine features. Had an 8-hour surgery also including breast augmentation. Most people around me call me by my chosen name and use the correct pronouns.
Some family members don’t do that. When they do call me by my dead name I always ignore them.
Well, a few weeks ago my family and I went on a trip to see family. While there my dad reconnected with old friends from high school. While they were chatting and catching up. I brought them beers and a snack.
I had never seen my dad so happy and excited. While I was there he ask me to get my brother so they can meet us. he introduces my brother as his youngest son and me as his oldest son. My Brother goes and shakes their hand because it’s a polite thing to do and my dad is extremely strict about that.
I simply just walked away without shaking their hand and not even saying hi. My dad was MAD and scolded me after they were gone. He said that I embarrassed him because of my attitude. I yelled at him that I was not his son and that his oldest son is completely DEAD. So am I the jerk for walking away
Update! Even though he misgenders me and deadnames me he’s been a great dad. Ever since my social transition at 19, he’s expressed his love and complete support. he’s even gone as far as buying me makeup. He FaceTimed me and tells me ‘is this something that you like would you like me to buy it’.
The only issue is that he continues to constantly misgender me and deadnames me, especially in social settings. I think it’s time to have a serious talk and tell him how it makes me feel when I am misgendered and deadnamed.
I’ve been avoiding family therapy and I think it’s time. I think it’s time for my parents to see a therapist so they can get a better understanding of me and what I’m going through.
But I also believe that they desperately need 1 on 1 therapy. I want a professional therapist to explain to them that deadname (the old me) is gone. I want the therapist to explain to them how hurtful it is to be deadname and misgendered. How it could be dangerous in a social setting.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only part you messed up was listening and responding to his ‘scolding’ at all. Should have walked away from that too. You’ve wasted far too much time and mental energy on this… person.
If you choose to interact with these people at all, I recommend you stop ignoring their deadnaming and comments. Instead immediately correct them, without raising your voice but very publicly adding commentary like ‘I’ve told you this’ and ‘you know this’ and ‘stop being a jerk’.
Every. Single. Time. Bonus points for introducing them as, ‘this is my disconnected walking jerk, Stinky’ whenever you get the opportunity.
But it’s probably better to just cut them out completely. Life’s too short and crappy to endure more than you have to.
Good luck.” old_arkansas_gamer
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, the fact is you are always going to be his Son, you don’t have to accept it but it is what it is.
Just because you changed your name doesn’t mean you’re gone, word it however you want but you just had a legal name change. Also, you sound like an extremely rude person with no manners, you should have introduced yourself to your father’s friends using your new name and pronouns and shaken their hands. They did nothing wrong in this situation but you went ahead and acted like this.
Your dad messed up, but so did you in this situation.” PhoenixLord55
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ.
It’s been SIX YEARS since you started transitioning. He’s had plenty of time to figure it out. I think you didn’t shame him hard enough. You were way more gentle than I would have been.
You even went out and got feminization f****l surgery, and breast augmentation, all of the things that may cause an old brain used to habits to have difficulty.
You did literally everything you could, and even if you hadn’t, it’s been SIX whole years. After that much time, it can be assumed to be deliberate and hurtful.” ekbellatrix
3. AITJ For Not Wanting MY Brother's Kids Meet My Pets?
“I (25 F) have a lot of pets. I love animals and basically spend all my free time and funds on them, and as a result of that, they’re super cute and well-behaved. Some of them are rare breeds and they’re always professionally groomed, super well-trained, and socialized. Honestly, they’re one of the things I’m most proud of in my life.
My brother (35 M) has three kids ranging from 1 to 6 y/o. They’re just kids and it’s not their fault, but they’re kind of rowdy, especially his oldest. She constantly hits her siblings, steals, and just generally demands whatever she wants. Once again, she’s just a little kid and I know it’s probably a phase, but I’m kinda weary around her.
The issue is, my brother + his family don’t have pets, and my parents have 1 elderly dog that’s pretty grumpy and unfriendly. They have seen photos of my pets, and now every time they visit the kids BEG to come over to my place or to have me bring my pets over so they can play with them.
My parents and brother go along with this, and have gotten pretty aggressive with their insisting, saying stuff like ‘who doesn’t let a child play with a little fluffy kitten?’ The last time they were over, they had the oldest kid ask and then throw a tantrum when I said no.
This may be selfish, but I don’t want my niblings around my pets.
They haven’t been raised around animals, and aren’t very gentle. My pets are friendly and social enough to put up with some roughhousing, but I don’t want them or their training ruined or set back.
AITJ for refusing to let my siblings meet my pets?
Why I think I may be the jerk: they’re just kids, and I feel bad mistrusting them, but also my pets are my top priority.
EDIT: I love the idea of suggesting a petting zoo, it’ll be a cute outing and a good introduction to animals. I don’t think my family breaking in is a concern, tho. My brother and parents are honestly lovely people and would never steal from me. I think the issue is just that I’m the only ‘pet person’ in my family, we are immigrants from a country where animals are mostly outdoors and usually ‘work’ (like farm dogs), and I was the only one young enough when we immigrated to get fully Americanized when it comes to spoiling pets.
My family doesn’t really understand but they would never hurt my babies because they know how important my pets are to me.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
It’s just different views.
I don’t think you’re bad for not allowing your niblings with your pets, but there are some ways to approach this situation. I’ve seen very aggressive, very loud, and very – let’s say it straight – difficultly behaving children be total angels around animals.
I’ve watched the kicking biting screaming throwing 5-year-old sit still for half an hour because a kitten fell asleep in his lap and he just watched and petted it.
You say they haven’t been raised around pets, but this might be – if you feel comfortable about it – the perfect occasion.
I totally understand you being careful about just putting all your niblings and all your pets together, that’s a disaster waiting to happen even with totally not-aggressive kids.
Chaos and mayhem are to be expected. But the way to approach this responsibly is one by one. You take ONE nibling, f.e. the oldest one. You introduce them to your pets. You explain to them, they don’t like loud noises or to be touched in a rough way – just like they don’t like to be hit by their siblings.
You explain the rules about how to act with the pets, f.e. no chasing them, letting them get away when they want to be alone hiding, gently touching them yadda yadda and that they can only play with the pets if they follow those rules. If it’s only one nibling you can watch and you can remind them of the rules, should they chase after an escaping kitten?
You can show them the pet ‘how to’ one on one and be a good role model and if that does not work out, you can still say you tried and your niblings were too young/loud/wild to be around.
If it works out with one, you can have the next one over and who knows, maybe you’ll all profit from it.” daskleinemi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This behavior is not normal 6-year-old behavior and is not a phase. This sounds like a parenting issue. No boundary setting and no age-appropriate consequences. A toddler behaving this way is normal, and parents set boundaries and teach appropriate behaviors and by 6 they should not be behaving like this. You are right to protect your pets.” Similar-Radio9514
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I think there might be a path to a compromise though. What if it wasn’t all the kids at once and they play with only one pet at a time or one pet period to establish a relationship and also how to properly treat animals? I don’t know if you want it but you could inspire them to be lifelong animal lovers just by showing them how awesome and kind animal lovers are being their aunt.
However, I believe it’s your right to refuse let me be clear. I just think there may be a way for everyone to eventually become comfortable.” HealthyLawfulness406
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Absolutely not. They can come over when they are older and you feel safe about it. I have a dog that isn’t good with kids and l made sure to tell my niblings that they will be allowed to say hi and interact with her when they are older and more calm.
They know that it isn’t a punishment, to not be around my dog and it seems to work perfectly. Both they and their parents understand it and they are so excited to tell me about all the dogs (and cats and rabbits etc) they come across and give me specific details about how they behave around the animals.
It gives a lot of good conversations abort animals and boundaries in general. I think they are growing from it.” Easily_Marietta
2. AITJ For Giving My House To My Stepson?
“I have two sons, a stepson (mid-30s) from my wife’s first marriage and a younger, biological son with my wife (late 20s).
My wife passed away a few years ago and left our home entirely in my name. The house has been in my wife’s family for years; it’s an old, large, very expensive colonial home that she had long before she ever met me.
In the years since my wife’s passing, I’ve found myself being extremely lonely in the big, empty house.
I decided to gift the house to one of my children and downsize to a smaller place of living. I considered which son to give it to, and ended up choosing my stepson to have the house. He has 3 young girls all under the age of 6, whereas my bio son lives alone with his wife and has no children.
My stepson and I even came to an agreement where I could stay in the guest suite in the basement and I wouldn’t have to move out. It was overall a happy conclusion.
Much to my surprise, my bio son was extremely upset by this decision. He said that stepson wasn’t even related to me and that he doesn’t even have full custody of his kids (he’s divorced).
He was furious with me for choosing my stepson over him.
I was shocked by this reaction. I’ve known my stepson since he was an infant and he and my bio son were raised together in the same house; they’ve always thought of each other as brothers and I’ve raised stepson as my own.
I want him and his daughters (my granddaughters!) to have a good home.
My bio son said that he and his wife were trying for a baby and wanted to start a family and that he’d always planned on raising his children at the home.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. you shouldn’t have gifted it to anyone.
You should have put the proceeds of the sale into savings or trust for when you eventually pass away and have your children receive the value of that estate equally or how you see fit. In my opinion, it’s never fair to divide assets amongst your children based on which of them have or have not had children.
It’s effectively punishing your children for not having kids which is disgusting. If you were to say your bio kids were entitled jerks who never visit and treat you like trash, different story.” amylouise0185
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for allowing your sense of loneliness to dictate your decisions into making a move out of desperation that will have serious ramifications for you.
Unless you are sitting on a gold mine to fully, equally, compensate your younger son for the financial and sentimental loss of a family home, that rightly belongs to him as much as his brother; you just sunk your ship.
Maybe your stepson reminds you more of your lost wife than your youngest does, maybe you just went insane because facing life right now is hard.
But nothing excuses your reasoning.
Expect low to no contact from your youngest but from the tone of your post, it seems like you already strongly favor your stepson already so my guess is that the consequences won’t sink into you for a while yet. But that’s the thing about regret: once that realization hits you, and it will, you are gonna carry it until your last day on earth.
Best of luck to your youngest. Hopefully, his in-laws are more emotionally mature and responsible about his feelings so he has a real family to lean on going forward.” Dusty_Fluff
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. OMG. This was NEVER your home, to begin with, you married into it. Who the heck are you to decide only one son gets it all?
This home belonged to your late wife, you know, her, the one who OWNED the danged family home? Yeah, HER HOME, never yours. And you decide that only ONE of her sons will inherit it all? The cast-out ignored son should demand you be mentally evaluated because you clearly have cognitive issues going on. You clearly are not coherent enough due to your current decision-making decisions.
I hope you can live with the fact that your only bio son may never speak to you again, and God help you if/when you ever need assistance, like when, oh ummm, let’s say when your stepson gets the house in his name and puts your butt to the curb. You say they have always been true brothers; well, pat yourself on the back for destroying that brotherly relationship forever.
When you are married, your wife only had one son, and they lived in this house. Did you think your late wife, you know, yeah, her, the one who OWNED this large home, did you think she shouldn’t have been living in it? If your premise is that smaller or childless families should not live in such a grand home, why were YOU living in it after your wife passed?
YTJ.” NCKALA
1. AITJ For Wanting My Vacuum Back?
“I (24M) have roomed with my close friend Rex (25M) since junior year of college because we moved to the same city for work after graduating. Now I’m moving to a different city for work and he’s moving in with his long-term partner, Kelly (24F). Rex moved out a week ago with Kelly’s help and I’m moving next week.
Whenever we needed to buy something shared for our apartment (furniture, cookware, etc) we’d split it 50/50. This posed a slight challenge on how to divide the stuff when moving out, but we were able to sell our furniture and go through old receipts to split the rest of the stuff fairly evenly.
A few months ago our vacuum broke and we decided to go in on a nice $600 vacuum.
Rex asked me to pay with the expectation that I’d charge him for his half later. The delivery ended up being super late so I got a refund, but it was delivered eventually anyways. So we got a free vacuum and I never had to charge Rex. Sick.
Rex’s partner Kelly loved our vacuum and would borrow it for days.
Which is fine, I vacuum every one or two weeks. I was packing up my stuff yesterday and noticed the vacuum was missing. I text Rex to ask, and he tells me Kelly might have taken it while moving him out and he’ll check with her.
Kelly soon texts me saying sorry, she thought it was up for grabs because we got it for free, so could she keep it anyways?
I told her that I’d still like it back regardless. She then said that it was half Rex’s and if I really wanted to be such a cheapskate she could send me $100 for ‘my share’.
Now forgive me if I’m assuming wrong, but I feel like it’s MY vacuum. I initially paid for it, I chased down the refund, I lugged it to our apartment when it got delivered, and I assembled it.
I told Kelly that if I hit the lottery Rex wasn’t entitled to half, and it’s still my vacuum. She doesn’t respond but Rex tells me he’ll bring my vacuum back. He returned it today and we shared a laugh about how Kelly’s gonna hold a grudge against me forever.
I feel like K was acting entitled, but I’ve never liked Kelly (can elaborate if needed) and am wondering if I’m just biased against her.
AITJ for demanding my vacuum back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m not even sure why it’s a debate. You purchased the vacuum, dealt with the refund, and are the one who uses it regularly. It’s your vacuum. If it was Rex putting up a stink then it would warrant a conversation and we’d need more information about us, but why in the world does your roommate’s partner feel entitled to something that’s yours?
Free or not it’s your property and she just took it. That’s stealing.
The vacuum being free has no impact here because it would cost you funds out of pocket to replace it since I assume you need to have some sort of vacuum in your house.” flyingbanshees
Another User Comments:
“Eh, I get your reasoning – and NTJ.
I would say there is an argument to be made that it was still half Rex’s since the intent originally was for him to pay half… but it’s really a matter of perspective.
The girl is the jerk… because as others have mentioned the value is not what you paid (free) but the cost to replace it.
If she keeps it and assuming the current cost is still $600, you would be out $600. So even IF we assume Rex should have half of it, at a minimum she should have offered $300 (assuming $600 is the replacement cost).” HariSeldon16
Another User Comments:
“I thought this was going to be something like someone gave you their vacuum because they were moving or something.
You two ordered a vacuum and were going to split the cost for it, but you got it for free, but since you two pretty much bought it together, sounds like the roommate is entitled to half the value of the vacuum, so they owe you $300 or you owe roommate $300. So You’re the jerk for just assuming it’s your vacuum because you ended up doing more work than planned (unless it was agreed upon), but NTJ for expecting more than $100.” coatrack68
