People Chuck Over Their Best "Am I The Jerk?" Story
15. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Fiance For Not Letting My Daughter Help Decorate Our Wedding?
“My Fiancé (M37) and I (F35) are getting married in September, and everything has been going perfectly until now.
My daughter (F16, and yes, I know I had her young.) has recently found an obsession with paper origami (She started with making dollar hearts and moved on to making full-on beautiful lotus flowers and paper butterflies) and asked if she could help with the table decorations by putting paper butterflies on them with our wedding colors.
I love my daughter and want to support her hobbies any way I can, so I said she can and even bought her the paper she needed with the colors. The issue lies in what happened today, and even typing this still has me feeling a little angry. My Fiancé, with the addition of my daughter, and I went to check the venue and stopped at a family friend’s house who’s making our table decorations.
My daughter expressed how she couldn’t wait to put her paper butterflies on the tables for the guests to enjoy. Our friend thought it was such an adorable idea but I could tell my fiancé made a face about it. When we came back home, he expressed his concerns about what my daughter said, and said that it seemed “childish” and that he wouldn’t have it as his wedding.
I reminded him that it’s our wedding and that I won’t exclude my daughter’s wishes after I already bought her the materials. We argue for a bit more, but I had to go to my sister’s to help her move.
But, when I came home today my daughter came crying to me, telling me she’s sorry that she’s ruining my wedding with her ideas and said she’ll pay me back for the paper.
I asked her what she meant and she said that my fiancé told her that I was only including her idea and wasn’t going to really go with it. I was enraged, and when he came back home, I blew up on him and called him a jerk for what he told my daughter. He yelled back saying that we should have found a compromise and that just making this idea without consulting him first was terrible.
I do agree I should have consulted this with him first, but he didn’t express any discomfort with the idea, and going behind my back to tell my daughter lies isn’t a way to get back to me that he felt a way. I feel conflicted, and not sure what to do.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and run.
First, I find it really upsetting that your fiancé would have any problem with this. If I were marrying into a family with a 16 yo daughter, I would be so honored that she wanted to participate in beautifying my wedding, I would be exploding with joy. Sometimes through no fault of anyone’s, stepparents and stepchildren never form any kind of loving bond.
To be so enthusiastically welcomed into a family by my fiancé’s daughter… I’m just… I can’t even properly put into words how much that would mean to me. I’m getting teary-eyed at the hypothetical. It feels to me like this can’t be the reaction of a man who is happy to be taking on any kind of fatherly role; like he’ll be counting down the days until she goes away to college.
Second, his course of action clearly displays he will cause harm to your daughter in order to manipulate your compliance. This is the reddest of flags. This isn’t how healthy partnerships function in disagreements; much to the contrary, it’s textbook emotional maltreatment (of your daughter) and blackmail (of you). The narcissism required to sacrifice your daughter’s emotional well-being over table settings is staggering.” TurtleTheMoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He seems to be deliberately trying to create a power struggle between him and your daughter. He is making you choose.
He obviously doesn’t consider your daughter’s contribution worthy. I wonder if he is worthy? I suspect not. I’d be rethinking the marriage cause your daughter needs to come first. Apparently, he doesn’t think so and will push his views much more strongly after the “I do”s.
You need to sit him down and have a serious talk about boundaries and where you each fit into this picture. This talk is long overdue but apparently hasn’t happened yet. He needs to know that 1) he is not your daughter’s parent in any way and 2) all things pertaining to the daughter will go through you.
3) You are the sole parent and you will always have the final say on your daughter’s behalf. 4) Can’t handle that? Hit the road.” Icy_Curmudgeon
Another User Comments:
“Holy crap, NTJ. But your fiancé is 100% going to shove your daughter out of your household as fast as he can. I would never ever EVER marry a man who could do this to my child over some freaking origami butterflies.
He is jealous of your relationship with her at a minimum and probably also resents that she exists as a reminder of relationships you had before her.
He is also a control freak and will only get worse after the wedding. He straight up lied to get his way, didn’t care about crushing a 16-year-old, and then blamed you for his actions because you didn’t immediately give in to exactly what he wanted. The only “compromise” he will EVER make is things being exactly his way.
Please please please consider very carefully if this is the way you want your daughter and yourself (and grandchildren you may have in the future) to be treated for the rest of your lives. He’s waving an enormous red flag – please pay attention!” Xellos1542
14. AITJ For Banning My Sister-In-Law's Son From Our House Due To His Undiagnosed Behavioral Problems?
“For context, my (33F) husband and I host all our family gatherings. We have a five-year-old daughter. This story also concerns my brother (37M) and his partner Stacey (37F).
Stacey has a son, George (7) from a previous relationship. George has severe behavioral problems that became evident from the first time we met him. He’s hyperactive, destructive, belligerent, and nasty, and his mother can’t manage him. Whenever his mother brings him to family events, we are all on high alert. He has to be watched constantly, especially around other children and animals.
We have not had an event with him present where at least one thing hasn’t ended up broken. He will break plates, throw food, throw tantrums (screaming and swearing and flopping around on the floor), and more. It’s exhausting to have him around, and frankly, the kid freaks me out. We’ve all kept out of it because he’s not our kid, he’s not even my brother’s kid, so it’s certainly not our place, but our whole family knows there is something not right with him.
Earlier this year, the family all visited us at our vacation home and George was his usual self. The final straw was him using foul language and saying horrible things to my daughter. My husband stepped in and a crying George played victim to his mother and this caused an argument between my husband and me, and my brother and Stacey.
I told Stacey we had absolutely had enough and that her child of the corn would not be allowed back in my house until she found out what was wrong with him and had a plan to manage his behavior going forward. At the time, everyone supported our decision because they all said it was high time Stacey recognized that George’s behavior was not normal ‘boys will be boys’ behavior.
We haven’t seen them since the summer.
About a week ago we were all locking in plans for Christmas, which we plan to spend at a ski resort. Stacey texted me to confirm about plans and I asked her what she had done about George. She said nothing official, but his behavior had been getting better.
I told her nothing except some kind of diagnosis from a medical professional and a documented plan to mitigate his behavior would get him back in my house. Stacey has since been complaining to everyone that I’m discriminating against her child and that his behavior has improved. She has also accused me of thinking she is a bad mother because she works and of disliking her and George because he is not my brother’s child.
None of that is true. Everyone is saying I should relent and let them come on the understanding that she is responsible for any damages and will leave if he acts up. I don’t want to bend on this because I don’t want a drama-filled Christmas, or to have to be the bad guy and kick them out around the holidays with no other plans.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You stated your conditions. If you cave now, you will get no respect and will be telling them that bad-mouthing you to others so they put pressure on you is what works and so doing anything on their end is not needed. This would then be their go-to tactic.
A bland assurance that he has gotten better isn’t good enough.
If he breaks something, getting reimbursement will be one more huge hassle for sure, with people singing a different tune and urging you to let it go.
Tell anyone pressuring you that you don’t expect to be able to get any compensation from your brother’s partner for damages caused. Would they be willing to give you their word to pay in full in her stead?
No? Thought so. That’s understandable. So why do they expect you to pay on top of risking having an event at your place ruined by the behavior itself, apart from any monetary damages? You hope they understand that while it’s easy to say, you’ll be the one left holding the bag, and she doesn’t deserve any grace here as she’s done nothing to investigate or address her son’s problem behavior.” jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I don’t get this new trend globally, where bad behavior, crappy personalities, and nasty, entitled idiots get to be coddled because “we need to be tolerant and accepting towards blah blah.”
I don’t know what Stacey’s son’s diagnosis is, and I honestly don’t give a crap. Since this kid is possibly dangerous at most, and outright annoying at best, Stacey and every Stacey out there will have to hear things as they are.
He can have a mental disease, she can work long hours… Whatever. These are lame excuses. The thing is her kid is problematic and nobody is obligated to endure their unpleasant company and then be shamed for speaking the truth on top.
People suffer from hundreds of mental disorders worldwide but they are functioning parts of society.
They don’t wreak havoc. Even if this kid is actually diagnosed with something, it doesn’t mean that the spoilt behavior is because of it.
I honestly have grown tired of certain people appropriating mental illness and self-diagnosing themselves to excuse plain bad behavior.
This Stacey lady needs to hear it straight.” slowjackal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m neurodiverse, as is my son (28), and as children, both my son & I were ‘George’ (without the being dangerous to other children/animals bit).
I had to learn how to control & comport myself the hard way.
However, because I’d lived through it, I was able to steer my son away from meltdowns & overstimulation when we encountered situations that might trigger him.
My mother would ignore me and leave everyone else to deal with it. Her enjoying herself was more important than anyone else there (she also used my behavior to gain sympathy from others – busy social situations with noise & lots going on put me into sensory overload, so yes, I was a jerk child there!)
I would monitor my child and steer him in a different direction, or remove him from the situation if I saw trouble brewing. It also meant that social situations were not fun or relaxing for me, as I had to be on high alert, and even not go to some events as I knew they’d just be too much for him.
Children CAN learn how to cope better, even at 7, but Mom seems to jump to the conclusion that her angel can do no wrong & everyone is picking on him… This will NOT help George AT ALL now or in the future!
It is 100% up to the mother & stepfather to guide & moderate the child’s behavior and to step in before the escalation starts.
It is no one else’s responsibility.
I’d suggest meeting as a group. maybe a dozen people, for an informal sit-down meal at a family-friendly place, to see if said child’s behavior has improved (doubtful seeing as the mother seems to be in denial), what plans & strategies they’ve put in place, and how they deal with his behavior now.
If there have been improvements then you can potentially revise your plans, if there haven’t, you can stick to your guns.” Tinky_Demon666
13. AITJ For Accidentally Announcing My Elopement During My Sister's Wedding
“My husband, 34m, and I, 29m, eloped in late June. Neither of us had ever dreamed of a big wedding. We fell in love with the opposite concept, which was doing it privately and getting to keep that special memory something just between us two. We had plans to throw a party around our one-year anniversary so our families could celebrate with us then.
So far we hadn’t told my side of the family that we had tied the knot. We live a few hours away from them and wanted to be able to tell them in person rather than over the phone but hadn’t gotten a chance so far.
My sister, 27f, got married yesterday, traditional wedding style.
We drove down Friday afternoon and said our hellos, but kept to ourselves for the most part and let her and her bridal party do their thing. She was focused on a million other things and rings on mine and my husband’s fingers were the last thing on her mind — as they were for us.
Being married for almost two months means wearing those rings has just become second nature. I don’t take it off, and I hardly remember I’m wearing it unless someone points it out to me.
The next morning, we were invited to have breakfast with my sister, my mother, and her bridal party. To make a long story short, my mom noticed mine and my husband’s wedding bands and asked if “they were what she thought they were.” We attempted to change the course of the conversation without outright lying, but my mother kept pushing until we finally admitted that yes, we had gotten married back in June.
My sister got very angry and asked my husband and me to leave breakfast. We apologized profusely, but she held her ground. The rest of the day went off nicely, but we did ask members of the bridal party if she was still angry and they said yes and that she thought we had worn the rings specifically to steal the light of her big day.
My husband and I are obviously very embarrassed, but we don’t fully believe the onus falls on us here.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but it didn’t have to turn into a big deal.
I certainly don’t think everyone should put their lives on hold for someone else’s wedding. But you must have known that people would freak out if they discovered that you eloped. You’re the bride’s sister, not some random guest from college or third cousin.
Of course, people were going to be all about your elopement.
You could have told your mother to drop it. You could have taken her aside and let her know to keep quiet; you could have said you’d talk to her later. You should have remembered to remove the rings if you really didn’t want people noticing them.
I don’t think I have ever noticed whether anyone is even wearing a ring in my life, but even I would remember that.
It seems like you wanted this to come out even if you won’t admit it to yourself.
I can actually understand why your sister is upset, although she should not have freaked out.
We all have that friend/relative who is too cool for school and uses it to get attention. Whether you intended that or not, that’s what it seems like. I think you owe your sister an apology.” Reddit user
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m so tired of people thinking that every single waking second surrounding a wedding, (planning and execution) needs to cater to the bride or couple’s feelings.
As if all the other people there are just decorations or affirmations put there FOR them. Usually, I try to stay out of these posts, but honestly… What the heck? Why do we need to conform to their view for EVERYTHING on how only they should be reflected in all moments? So exhausting.
So far, I’ve seen people put down others for their own wedding rings, heirlooms, hair, clothes, kids, finances, food, etc. Apparently, the only thing we occasionally draw the line on is that they can’t control our handicaps or pregnancies.
(Though if able, you should avoid showing up with those?) It’s just ridiculous. You’re a guest. A person in your own life showing up to an event for theirs. They don’t own you for the day or weekend. You’re allowed your own thoughts or feelings, etc. My only ask is that we be respectful or kind, but I think the same level of respect should be shown to you.
You shouldn’t have to lie to your family, to each other, to yourselves – just to allow her to be the most special person for however long she feels entitled to. You tried to deflect and return the attention to her, you can’t control where people focus. Can we all just chill on what is essentially just a party to confirm that two people love each other and want to show that they plan on continuing to care for and love each other for the foreseeable future?” n0_us3rnam3_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Why do people think that just cause you’re family that you’re entitled to every detail about your life the moment it happens? Obviously, they felt this was a conversation that was better had in person than just some random, “Mom, we’re married now” text/call. If they had already been doing everything the same, but all that’s changed is the rings and binding marriage certificate, what would be the point of going out of the way?
Not everyone places a big onus on weddings and such. That moment was for them, they can choose whenever they wanna tell people, if OP wanted to wait a whole darn year to say something, that’s their freaking right.
And who the heck goes around looking at people’s wedding ring fingers? I don’t care if OP was aware of the ring on their hand 24/7.
Y’all mad cause they wore a piece of jewelry that symbolizes their marriage? They weren’t trying to freaking hide the marriage; they just didn’t wanna be rude and drop the information at her sister’s wedding, but because they didn’t try and keep up some charade for the possibility of someone noticing it is freaking ridiculous.
The rings are a symbol for them and their partner, not some accessories they’re hoping to get compliments on cause it matches their outfit or some crap.
They never made any mention or move to take away from their sister and looks like they were trying to make sure they stayed low key as possible aside from wearing her ring, it’s not like they walked in wearing a “newly married” freaking T-shirt or using the word “husband/wife” as much as is aggravatingly possible in every conversation till someone finally asked.
Their mom asked her a question, got aggressive until she got what they wanted, and OP is the jerk? But not the mom? OP should have considered her sister and taken the ring off so no one asked about it, but what about their mother raising the question? That seems far worse and seems like the mother doesn’t care about her child’s big day.
Maybe OP is a “Golden Child” and the mother was showing her favoritism by asking this attention-sucking question, so only OP has all the attention.” ThrutheTrapdoor
Another User Comments:
“Gonna get downvoted, but NTJ.
No major announcements during/right before a wedding is fine, it makes sense. However, op made no announcement. It’s not like he tapped his mimosa glass and made a huge deal of his shiny new marriage.
Is he supposed to hide his marriage by not wearing his ring? That’s absurd. It’s a small piece of jewelry. It’s not op’s fault mom drew attention to it. Is he supposed to effectively lie (and devalue his own union) because he chose a different wedding path?
Announcing his marriage would make him a jerk.
He didn’t do that, someone else announced it for him. If anything, mom is the jerk here for putting the spotlight on op and his husband.” RegionPurple
It's not like you announced it to steal your sister's thunder, she stole her own by tossing you out of the breakfast just because you got married first and had a hissy fit. You tried to avoid the topic but mom was pushy.
Don't sweat it.
12. AITJ For Allowing My Sister To Wear My Wife's Pajamas Without Her Permission?
“I (M25) live with my wife (F25).
I have a little sister Jade (F15).
Our parents have recently started fighting a lot and are considering getting a divorce. Jade has ended up in the middle of it all and spontaneously asked me and my wife if she could stay with us temporarily.
I talked to my wife and we agreed, and Jade started staying with us yesterday.
My wife travels for her job every so often and is currently staying in another city and won’t be back until Saturday.
It gets very cold in our apartment, especially at night.
Jade accidentally spilled ketchup on her pajamas, so whilst they were in the washing machine, I called my wife to ask if Jade could wear her fuzzy winter pajamas.
There were no stores open where I could go buy Jade some more pajamas and I had no clean ones of my own that I could’ve lent to Jade.
She didn’t answer her phone, and after 4 missed calls, I gave up. I sent my wife a text along the lines of, “Jade spilled sauce on her pajamas, and they’re in the wash.
I’m going to let her borrow your fuzzy ones for the night because it’s freezing here as usual. I’ll wash them afterward.”
Today, my wife called me and is absolutely furious that I let Jade wear her pajamas. I told my wife that I’m going to wash her pajamas today and Jade won’t wear them again.
I apologized and told her that I know I should’ve waited for a response but I didn’t think it was a huge deal.
My wife said that wasn’t good enough and said I was a massive idiot for letting my sister wear her pajamas. She’s never been all that particular about her clothes before and the pajamas don’t have sentimental value to her.
Was I really the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I would have thought NTJ, however, this is one of the threads that makes me glad I read these, because I had NO IDEA how many people consider pajamas akin to undergarments and see lending them out the same as lending out undergarments.
I’d probably have done the same as OP in the situation at hand, but now I know it could really upset someone who would throw them out, even if they were washed, and I totally get it – I would definitely consider it a violation if someone lent out my undergarments and would NOT want those undergarments back.
It’s amazing how often we consider feelings by our own baseline, assuming it is “normal.” It’s hard to remember there is no normal and other people might have a completely different baseline and expectations for something.
So what I would do in this situation is indeed apologize, get her a new pair of pajamas (maybe ask if she would like to choose them or if she wants a surprise), and explain that you genuinely did not understand how intimate she considered them and will not lend out her things again.” alastherewerebees
Another User Comments:
“3 possibilities for me :
- your wife has a greater issue with the relationship you have with your sister or with your sister herself. In short: the problem is the fact that the pajamas were lent to HER in particular. Or that you did not put enough boundaries with your sister generally. You know better than us.
- your wife has a general personal issue with people touching her things without her consent/her private space. Some people are like that, sometimes we can explain it because of their childhood (forced to share things, private space not respected by the parents, etc), sometimes for other reasons. So she sees it as a violation of her consent and it hurts her even more when the person says it’s nothing.
- your wife is the kind of capricious controlling person who tends to overreact when she is seeking reasons to fight. It has nothing to do with the borrowing or your sister.
You know better how she is and her state of mind. Pick one! Unless I have more info, I am not personally able to say whether you are the jerk or not the jerk.” CatherineTheTiger
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ because it wasn’t malicious, just thoughtless. Going against the grain here, but I’m very very particular about my clothes (my things in general to be honest, grew up poor, and being protective of your stuff was normal because it was rare to have nice things to begin with), and I’d be really upset about it to the point of feeling violated; you could have just given her your own clothes to borrow until you got an answer from your wife.
She would’ve been fine in a pair of your sweatpants and a t-shirt or sweater.” pigwigge
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, at all. Everyone who says you‘re the jerk has some issues and a heart as cold as your house, presumably.
This kid is coming from a completely broken house rn and asked for shelter.
Now your wife is throwing a fit, bc she wore her clothing for a single night with no other option besides wearing nothing.
It‘s not like your wife was home and your sis took something from her she needed at that time or she expected to keep it forever. She needed these clothes right then for a single night and you‘d wash and give them back the very next morning.
If it were undergarments or something, then I‘d understand a bit.. But being like this over a pajama when your sister has nothing else to wear is really messed up. Unless she has something else going on, I‘d be really surprised to find this out about the person I married.” SenpaiRanjid
11. AITJ For Locking Out My Husband's Friend?
“My husband’s friend has been living with us for about 6 months now. When my husband presented the idea to me about him moving in, I was hesitant, but he was determined to get him “out of the streets.”
Fast forward to present day… his friend got a part-time job at FedEx and quit a couple of weeks ago because he didn’t “like how his supervisor was talking to him.” He does not contribute anything to our home, doesn’t help cook, clean, or watch our children. (Our oldest girl keeps an eye out on our toddler more than he does.) He’ll go into our office and spark up some substances no matter how many times I tell him and my husband that he needs to do that outdoors.
Yesterday I hit my breaking point. I wasn’t feeling well as I had a migraine. 3 of our kids had dentist appointments. I don’t know about you guys, but getting kids out the door can be challenging regardless, let alone when you’re feeling sick from your head pounding nonstop.
I go outside with our kids to see that my car was gone.
He took my car to go smoke with his co-worker. My husband was at work. Furious wasn’t the word to describe it. I immediately went back inside and tried to call him. No answer. I then called my husband and he “sighed” like he was so annoyed with me and said he would call him.
I tried explaining to my husband that I’m at my wit’s end. We have 6 kids and I get no help from him or his friend. He sleeps on our couch and doesn’t even fold his blanket up in the morning. My husband proceeds to tell me that I’m overreacting and that I need to calm down.
I ended up locking my front door and refused to open it until my husband got home. However, when he got home, he didn’t try to come inside. He took a picture of our door, went on social media, and told the world “have you ever been locked out of your own home”? I lost it.
I feel like I’ve been more than patient and I can’t do it anymore. I don’t get help or basic respect in my own home and I’m constantly gaslit. My husband has a history of getting extremely angry and scary, so I told him he needed to wait until our children were asleep in bed before coming in as I was afraid he’d come in irate, lashing out in front of them like before.
AITJ for how I handled this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
First of all, your husband’s friend stole your car. If you have the car registered in just your name, I would file a police report.
Second, I would tell your husband that he either gets his friend to move out or you and the kids go.
I would advise finding somewhere you can take the kids for a bit, maybe a relative or a friend’s home, in case your husband decides to take his anger out on you. If you are ready, I would think about seeking a divorce attorney. You and your children do not deserve to live like this and be treated like this, and it is clear that your husband does not care about the well-being of you or your children.
I am so sorry you are going through this. It seems as though your husband feels as though his friend is more important than your family, which is NOT okay.” joywaveee
Another User Comments:
“100% absolutely never in any circumstance can you be the jerk for locking the door to your home. It’s your protected space, one which everyone needs.
Anyone whose home it is should have access to the home, but it sounds more like there’s a big disagreement on the arrangement of who lives there.
For the friend to have total access to the space and the car and all the resources, would require that arrangement to work for everyone. It doesn’t, and you wouldn’t choose to be roommates with this person.
Your husband would, and as a side note, if you ask me, your husband doesn’t show respect for your comfort which is kind of a big deal.
Locking the door is a very cool reaction to a situation you don’t want or makes you feel unsafe. DO NOT LET YOUR PARTNER MAKE YOU FEEL UNSAFE.” whitemilk_mark
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m going to share my own experience. My husband and I live in Southern California. We both grew up in pretty rough neighborhoods, but we are both in our 30s and do extremely well for ourselves now. My husband works an extremely physical labor job 80 to 90 hours a week, and I work part-time, but I’m mainly a stay-at-home mom and wife.
One of his best friends since grade school reached out saying that he had burned all of his bridges; he had nowhere to go. My husband did some of his own research and talked to friends, family, and his ex-wife to kind of get an idea, and they said that he was stealing, using, and didn’t have a job or a car.
So my husband picked up his friend and brought him to our house and gave him some options. He told him that he could work around our house (we have a big property), and we would pay him; he wouldn’t have to pay rent (we have an extra room that he could stay in), and my husband would help him save for a car and get him cleaned up and get him a job.
My husband knows various people in various different companies and could pull strings and get him a job.
My husband sat me down to talk to me about it and I expressed my discomfort but didn’t refuse. This was my husband’s best friend through elementary, middle, and high school; they grew up in the same bad neighborhood.
the only difference is my husband made it out… I felt sorry for him. he honestly seems like a good guy that was just down on his luck.
He spent one night at our house and then he and my husband went to Home Depot the next day. While he was at Home Depot, he stole something and met my husband outside at the truck outside.
When my husband asked how he had what he had in his hand, my husband flipped out and asked him why would he steal something when he has money and how could he put our lives in jeopardy.
That night at about 2 o’clock in the morning, the friend woke up our entire house by slamming into walls down our hallway because he couldn’t walk straight mumbling in coherent sentences.
And then there was a 2-liter bottle with urine in it in his room that he was sleeping in. So after two days of him staying with us, I told my husband, unfortunately, this wasn’t gonna work out for us and he needed to go to a rehab facility before starting his journey to a better life with us.
There wasn’t much that we could do for him. My husband told his friend that he would take him wherever he needed to go, but he couldn’t stay with us, and he would give him a couple of hundred bucks.
That was 3 years ago, and we still see his friend panhandling on the side of the road in their old neighborhood to this day.
It is sad. It is unfortunate. But it is not our problem to solve.
What is more important to your husband? His friend? Or his family?
Kick his friend out, like yesterday. For your sake and your kids.” Tight-Background-252
10. AITJ For Posting My Birthday Pictures The Same Day My Best Friend Announced Her Engagement?
It all comes down to intent.
“I (21F) just turned 21 on the 3rd of this month, and my best friend (23F) got proposed to the same day.
I was (am) absolutely overjoyed for her as she has deserved this for such a long time and finally has her dream man.
As you know, turning 21 is a big deal, or at least it is for a lot of people I know.
Long story short, she shared the big news with me the afternoon of my birthday, and I simply cried with joy.
They took professional pictures and everything and were going to upload them to her social media. Well, I took professional pictures for my birthday too, and wanted to post them as well.
We talked away the news over the phone, and I brought up how I couldn’t wait to see the photos and mentioned I got pictures of my special day too and couldn’t wait to post them.
Her tone of voice completely changed, and she asked me not to post the pictures. I asked her why, as it’s my 21st birthday, and she said this should be HER day and I shouldn’t be intentionally trying to take the attention off of her engagement.
I was really confused but told her I was going to post them anyway because it’s still my birthday and it’s a big deal to me.
I told her it would be selfish if I asked her not to post her pictures, but she said her engagement was more important because I have other birthdays to celebrate, and I shouldn’t be selfish and just let her have her moment.
I hung up the phone and posted my pictures, and she blew up my text messages about how much of a horrible best friend I was to do that to her on such a big day for her.
I feel awful days later and wondered if I should’ve just not posted them at all. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. One of the things you’re supposed to learn as you grow up is that everybody has special days, and you can’t just designate a day “mine and mine alone!” You shouldn’t try to shoehorn your special day into someone else’s celebration (eg, don’t get engaged or announce a pregnancy at someone else’s wedding unless the couple is eagerly involved), but demanding your friends not have special days on the same day as you is selfish.
If she wanted her engagement to be only her day, maybe she shouldn’t have gotten engaged and taken pics and all on her best friend’s birthday. You can’t pick what day your birthday is, but if you’re going to be planning professional photos and a big to-do for your engagement, you have options on when you schedule it.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, when does it end with these wedding demands?! People can’t get pregnant, have special moments, or get engaged themselves if it’s anywhere near ANY event or even within the same year as people getting married and you have any remote connection! There have been multiple showers, engagement parties, bachelor/bachelorette parties, and festivities before and after the special day itself.
No one can have any momentous occasions in their own life in case it “steals their thunder”!
Well, a 21st birthday is a big deal too, and you only get one of those! So live your life, and maybe someone will be allowed to wish you a happy birthday without Bestie throwing a tantrum. And how dare she get engaged on YOUR birthday?!
Lol. Tell her she can feel free to hold off announcing it if your birthday is a big distraction.” alicat7777
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you have a narcissist for a friend. Not sure that makes for a good friend, to be honest. Guess what! You can BOTH post on the same day! Happiness is not pie.
It’s not like your friends in common can only look at a finite amount of pictures that day. I mean it’s true they will do that, but your photos don’t cross hers out. She sounds really insecure and jealous, to be honest.
Lots of red flags for the wedding here. When/If she asks you to be in her wedding, I would expect high drama.
Try not to make your first thought, “I LOVE THE COLOR RED!” (Also, she is really young to be getting married. And I don’t care how old she is physically. It’s the maturity she’s exhibiting that’s getting my comment. “Hello Bridezilla, don’t you usually wait till actual planning to show up?” Doesn’t bode well for this actually making it to the alter.
That’s my two cents.)
So for sure post your photos, girl! Post extras in fact!” Delicate-effng-flowr
I suggest you end that friendship immediately. Nobody has the right to hijack your birthday, especially the 21st and she's downright rude for wanting your birthday about her engagement.
9. AITJ For Not Helping Care For My Disabled Step-Sister?
“My dad got married to Bea when I was 15. Bea was a single mom at the time to Kayley 5 and Jace 2.
Kayley was born with severe disabilities. She is in a wheelchair, cannot talk, cannot feed herself, has tubes, and is regularly hospitalized for various different issues that arise. She is also extremely medically fragile. Kayley is 9 now and has gotten a little worse since I first met her. My dad and Bea are also starting to think more about what happens when they are gone or if they fall ill and are no longer able to care for Kayley.
Bea told me she doesn’t want to burden Jace with her care when he’s an adult, that he’s the younger sibling and has never known life without sacrifice for her, and she was hoping that I would take that burden off them and that I would agree to become Kayley’s guardian and take care of her or find her an amazing place to live in when the time comes.
I told them I would not do that. My dad argued that I should be willing to try at least, out of love for my family. They told me it would be such a huge burden off their shoulders. This did not change my answer. Bea ended up walking away from the discussion in anger.
Dad and I then had it out. He told me that I needed to step up and be the big sister. I told him I wasn’t anybody’s big sister. That I didn’t have love for his wife or her kids and was not going to sacrifice my life for his choices. He asked me what that meant and I told him I knew he had attempted to take savings that my grandparents saved from me to pay for Kayley’s medical expenses.
I told him I was very aware that he even threatened to stop my grandparents from seeing me because they protected the funds.
He accused me of being just like my mom, who left me at the hospital when I was born and was never in my life. He told me I don’t care about anyone and I’m selfish.
I told him then clearly he doesn’t want a selfish person who cares about no one to take care of Kayley. He said it was not true. He asked how I could even think about putting all that on poor Jace’s shoulders. I told him it should be them working their butts off to make sure there are savings and a plan in place and not to dump it on others.
He told me it’s not that straightforward. I asked him why he felt I should be more capable to make it work than he and his wife.
I got a text after all that asking if I had changed my mind. I said no. Bea told me I was a heartless jerk, and she would make sure dad didn’t do a darn thing for me anymore.
I replied back that he already attempted to steal from me for her daughter so she shouldn’t have to work too hard for that.
AITJ?’
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You are under absolutely no obligation to sacrifice your quality of life or your ability to live it for someone you don’t choose. When your dad married his wife, he made a choice, and that is admirable (the attempt to steal savings set aside for you isn’t though).
That choice that he made, is not hereditary. It is not born down through the ages, passed on from generation to generation. You are entitled to your own life.
Please understand, OP, that this will get worse. Regardless of your answer, they will expect it. When you are able, work. When you can move out, do it.
You need distance from these people because they seem to think that “Because I said so” works in a situation like this.
The bottom line is that you are not responsible for bearing the brunt of someone else’s choice here.” LetThemEatHay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s a big ask of them. It was her choice to have children, it was his choice to marry her, and it’s their responsibility to figure out her care needs for when they are no longer able to do it themselves.
They shouldn’t be trying to dump their responsibility on you. You didn’t choose this life and you are not responsible for their child.
Honestly, I don’t know why they are even insisting, given you made it clear you don’t want to do it. That responsibility should be given to someone who wants to do it because then she will get better care in the end.
If you don’t want to do it, and reluctantly agree, what kind of care is she going to end up with? Minimal at best.
They should start looking into a disabilities case manager and get her set up with services now before anything happens to them.” stars33d
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Look, I’m disabled. Need someone to cook for me, help me shower and dress, and help me get around because I can’t drive.
I would NEVER ask my parents to get my older brother or little sister to do it. I don’t want to ruin their lives by being my carer. When the time comes, I’ll probably go into a home for the disabled. I know it’s going to come eventually. My parents are getting older.
What I’m saying is, it shouldn’t ever happen. The parents of the child need to make appropriate decisions about what happens. They should never ask their children to sacrifice their own life for someone else. I know it’s hard for them but making you feel like you’re a jerk for refusing is not right.
You have a choice and most people would choose not to care because it’s hard. Hard on every aspect of your life.
I admire you OP for standing up for yourself. Don’t think you’re a jerk. It’s not your fault they haven’t got a plan in place.” Blue_icecream88
8. AITJ For Leaving My Job After Finding Out My Partner Is Pregnant?
“I recently found out that my partner is pregnant. We have decided that we will be moving to be closer to our families.
Monday I sent out a resignation letter to my 2 bosses stating a 3-week notice.
One of them preceded to ask me if the pregnancy was real or if I was making it up as an excuse to leave.
Then preceded to tell me that we would likely miscarry. Told me I was screwing them over and that I had no reason to leave so soon.
I processed that for a day and thought it was disrespectful and unprofessional. So I called boss #2 and they backed #1. They felt I needed to verify the pregnancy and that I was being unresponsive (with a 3-week notice).
Just now I sent off an email stating that I would not be returning to the office tomorrow.
For context, I am managing 1 of 3 locations with no other support employees at my shop. The shop will effectively close until they can hire a new employee.
I finished every existing customer project today before cleaning the entire shop and leaving my key in the lockbox.
Apparently, I have ruined a road trip and a vacation to Hawaii due to my “selfishness.”
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s doing yourself and every worker a favor to walk on awful management every time you can afford to do so.
Because they just might get it through their heads that you can’t treat people like that, and that people will walk as soon as possible if they do.
Of course, they might not get it either, but at least you gave them consequences for their actions.
Also, obviously, totally justified and NTJ.” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My god. What toxic individuals your ex-bosses are. “You’ll probably miscarry.” Who the heck says that!?! Even if you didn’t need to move, after a comment like that, you should absolutely quit.
And a resignation letter is not something they need to agree to. It’s just letting them know your intentions. They could have had 3 more weeks of you working, but instead got only one more day. If they were respectful and professional, their Hawaii trip wouldn’t have been ruined.
I hope you review them on whatever job hiring platform with how they treated you.
I certainly wouldn’t want to work for a company that treated me like that. You’d be doing any potential hires a favor.” Own_Purchase1388
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You gave them THREE WEEKS. THREE!!!!! People usually give only two, so they should’ve been lucky that you gave them that much.
WHO asks for verification that the pregnancy is real or not?
Who the heck in their right mind asks that, let alone tell someone that they’ll likely miscarry? You should take that to a lawyer if you have that written down somewhere and see what your legal options are due to emotional damages.
Oh No?! ThEiR vAcAtIoN tO hAwAiI iS aLl RuInEd!!!! Tell them to pound sand at the beach (literally) if they want that magical island getaway.
Screw them and screw their shop; if they really cared, they wouldn’t have been mean to you. To be honest, you should’ve walked out sooner due to their stupid attitudes and behaviors.” riot1man
7. AITJ For Getting Someone To Face Disciplinary Action For Accidentally Entering My Apartment?
“I work in Housing/Residence life at a major university. One of the benefits of my job is an apartment on campus.
My apartment is external but attached to one of the buildings I oversee and right next to one of the doors to the building. However, the entrance to the building is a clear glass door and my apartment door looks like a door to any other of the resident’s room doors or it could be mistaken for a supply closet.
But definitely not an entrance and definitely not something that a random person should be entering.
I would sometimes leave my door unlocked if I was in my living room but after student staff accidentally entered my room during room walks, I started locking it 24/7. However, earlier this week, I had just gotten back from taking out the trash and was about to take out the recycling when a student entered my apartment.
I sternly yelled “what are you doing? Get out!” The student left the door open and left. I went to go close the door and see if the student was still there as I wanted to get his name because entering a room unauthorized is a conduct violation. However, the student had booked it.
Today, I had a father ask me about “an incident”.
It turns out it was THAT student’s father. The father went on about how his son was traumatized after the son “accidentally” walked into someone’s room and “some man” yelled at him and chased him.
I explained that his son had entered a staff member’s apartment and that we had been searching for the culprit and now that we have identified his son, his son would be going through the conduct process since his son violated a policy.
The father was not happy and told me what I did was unacceptable. He asked for my supervisor’s contact information and told me he would get me fired.
I know I won’t be fired for this nor will I be getting in trouble but, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk for being startled, you aren’t a jerk for not immediately locking your door – BUT the fact this kid (who’s a bit of a jerk for telling his dad he’s traumatized) feels ‘traumatized’ enough to tell his dad about this otherwise non-incident points to the fact that the guy made an honest mistake.
If you’re thinking, ‘Do we really have to spell everything out?!” Yep; ya do. You’ve got a bunch of 18- and 19-year-olds living away from home for the first time, and unless a door says DON’T ENTER, some people will try to enter; doesn’t mean it’s malicious or people out to steal or vandalize, could just be ‘what is this?’ in hopes of finding a hidden magical paradise.
The dad is a jerk for wanting you fired after you explained the issue. The kid’s a jerk for thinking there’s a serial killer lurking between the walls. But as for you putting this kid up for disciplinary action that seems like a stretch – it sounds like this young guy was genuinely frightened of you – this seems more like a warning & him apologizing situation, AND proper signage on your door.” CarrieCat62
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Seriously? Empathize with that kid for a second. He’s walking down the hall and enters a room thinking it’s something else. Then an older man starts yelling at him, and he gets panicked and runs. He tells his dad and his dad forces him to complain (or alternatively, he complains, because he just got yelled at and CHASED in a threatening manner for an ACCIDENT).
Because this innocent and kind kid mistakenly opened a door, he was yelled at abruptly, CHASED, and will now have to face DISCIPLINARY ACTIONS?!?
Do you know how serious and damaging that may be for applications to grad school or med school? YTJ YTJ YTJ. Lock your darn room. Students get lost all the gosh darn time.
This disgusts me. You are willing to ruin someone’s application prospects, and academic standing, put them in an anxious situation facing charges for MISTAKENLY ENTERING THE WRONG (UNLOCKED) ROOM, for what? The heck of it?
Unbelievable. YTJ, but for real!” BattalionX
Another User Comments:
“I literally did your same job for over a decade at 4 different universities.
This happened to me on occasion as well, especially at the beginning of the year (usually just someone knocking though because I NEVER left my door unlocked, like ever). I would politely just let the student know my name, my role in the community, and that what they had found was a private space, but if there was ever an emergency I and their student staff were available.
You missed a huge opportunity to connect and turned it into something terrifying instead.
YTJ here, especially if you’re in the US and the semester has just started. Students get lost or curious. They may have thought it was a public lounge or study space, and you scared the crap out of them. This isn’t a great look for community building.
Honestly, you owe THEM an apology, especially if you want anyone in your community to trust you. If you put them through the conduct process for this, unless they actually broke into your room (I’m assuming you left it unlocked because of recycling but you didn’t specify), this would be really detrimental.
I usually put a sign on my door like our maintenance rooms in the hall had: Authorized Staff Access Only.
That helped tons.” Disneyland4Ever
6. AITJ For Forcing My Husband To Stay In A Hotel For Picking A Favorite Child?
“My husband and I (42F) have a 10-year-old son. He has a daughter (17F) from his previous marriage.
He’s always been super close to her, and I think she’s a great girl.
But I always felt like he favored her over my son. He buys her more stuff, goes out with her more, etc. She comes over to our house on weekends and was with us for a month, but went back to her mom a few days ago. He and his ex go out with her a lot, and they all have a good relationship with each other, but sometimes they go out more than our family does.
But, he doesn’t see her a lot, so I understand.
My husband and I were only together for one month before I got pregnant, but he stuck around for me. After our son was born, we got married a few months later. I got it if he felt more connected to his daughter because he planned to have her, but by now it should be the same in my opinion.
He’s always treated our son well, though, and loves him a lot. Last night, he got home and told me he had a horrible day at work. I understood and just gave him space. Our son was talking to him a lot, and my husband just ignored him. I was cooking dinner when he asked to play on his phone.
My husband said yes and brushed him away.
My son came over to help me a few minutes later and still had his phone in his hand. I told him to put it down, but he said he’d be careful. Unfortunately, he wasn’t and accidentally dropped it in the sink with the dishes in it.
I didn’t see it at first, so it was in there for about 10 seconds before he got it out.
He started whining and told me he accidentally dropped his dad’s phone in the water. My husband heard and came over. We tried to dry it and turn it on, but it wouldn’t.
My husband was already having a bad day, but this set him off. He was screaming at him and I was trying to stop him, but he kept going. He was yelling at him for not being more careful and being stupid.
What set me off was when he told my son he loves his daughter more than him and that he’s always “messing up crap” and that he needs to be responsible like her.
He and I soon got into a fight, and I was screaming at him for saying something as horrible as that. Our son was crying at what his dad said, and my husband said he’s sorry, but he (our son) always breaks his stuff.
I was honestly so mad that I told him to leave and stay in a hotel for the night.
He was furious but just left. I calmed my son down and tried to make him feel better, but even the next day he was upset.
My husband called me this morning and said he was sorry and was just having a bad day and that he wanted to come back home. I told him to give me time and he said I needed to calm down and that he was very sorry.
I told him the same thing and hung up the phone. My SIL (42) then called me and asked me to forgive him. She said he loves his kids equally and was just overreacting.
I don’t even know how to feel. My husband could have easily gotten his phone fixed and not freaked out, but I know he was having a bad day.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH except for your son.
You have a big problem here. Your husband resents you and your son for “baby trapping” him after a single month of being together. Baby trapping in quotes because I don’t think this was your intention, but guess that’s how he felt, that he’s trapped now.
You even acknowledge this by saying he likes her more because she was a planned baby, but you thought you can sit this out and time will be your friend here. But obviously not. You need counseling for these resentments, in fact, you should have done that 10 years ago to prevent these resentments from growing.
Sure, you can punish him now, but I don’t think guilt will solve the root of this problem. At the moment it sounds more like he is with you and his son out of duty not out of love. And you can’t make somebody love you/your son with punishment and guilt.
What he said was horrible, of course.
Especially saying it to his son, but it also proves that this is how he feels. So just making him not say this stuff will not make it go away it will only build up till it escalates (like yesterday). You really, really need to go to the root of the problem to fix this.” Every_Caterpillar945
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My father said something similar to me when I was 18 about him loving my older brother more when he drank too much one day. It still sticks with me today and I’m 33 now. He has since apologized for it and shown deep remorse. I have told him that I forgive him, but secretly I don’t think I can truly forgive him and certainly will never forget.
I was 18. I couldn’t deal with it as an adult. Your son is 10. He will always remember that moment. It cannot be allowed to be swept under the rug.
I may be reading into this wrong, but you write that he goes out with his EX and daughter more than your family and how he didn’t “plan” for your son.
It is quite possible he resents your son’s existence for ‘trapping’ him into a relationship he didn’t want to be in. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but if he agrees to therapy and joint therapy with your son, you should insist on couples therapy as well and confront him over his thoughts on your relationship.
You shouldn’t have to be with someone who feels ‘obligated’ to stay in a relationship because of a child.” evensteven123454321
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I usually hate it when people suggest divorce or no contact for every little thing but this right here is legitimate grounds for divorce.
Your husband has shown you time and time again with actions (and now words) he doesn’t love his son as much as his daughter, probably not at all.
What he was doing is uncalled for, and if you let it continue, it will destroy your child.
It’s your responsibility as a parent to teach your child he’s just as worthy of love and respect as anyone else is, if you continue to allow his father to treat him this way it will completely wreck his self-esteem, if you love your son you can’t allow that.
This right here is an eye opener and it already has changed how your son sees his dad, he’ll start connecting dots soon enough and realize his sister always has more stuff than him, his sister is always the one his dad goes out and spends quality time with, and that as far as his father’s concerned he’s always been second place.
If you don’t do something to show him you value him and you let your husband back into your lives, that will only tell him he’s also second place to you. So ask yourself is that really how you want him to grow up?
Deep down you know you’re not the jerk and you know what the right thing to do is, good luck.” Ok-Package-5078
5. AITJ For Telling My Stepdad That He Didn't Become My Dad When He Married My Mom?
Unpopular opinion, but I feel for the stepdad. Ouch.
“I was 15 when I met my stepdad. He met my mom 4 years after my dad died, leaving mom with me and my three younger siblings to raise. They were all little and hardly remembered dad and found it easier to go from him being Luke to dad over time.
To me, he was always Luke. I was older meeting him, almost out of the house when he and my mom got married and I remembered dad really well. I’m not saying he was a bad guy, or he did nothing, but I was working by the time he moved in and I had a busy life, so there wasn’t a lot of parenting from him because when I needed something I went to my mom.
I also didn’t go to college so there was no paying for that. I only add this because I know how these posts go.
I think he’s okay. I think he was what my mom and siblings needed. But it bothers him that I never needed him and I pretty much never wanted him in the same capacity as my siblings.
I thought he was great for my mom but he wasn’t someone I would seek out for life advice, or a shoulder to cry on, and I will go as far as saying he’s not my current father figure. That would go to my grandpa who I have known the longest and have turned to in times of trouble and I have looked up to both as an individual and also as a father/grandfather/husband to others.
I got engaged recently, and Luke and I started fighting a lot. He assumed he would be walking me down the aisle and doing a father/daughter dance with me. I let him know that he was not the person I was considering asking, if I did it at all. Then he turns it into he’s the most logical choice.
I said mom would be actually. He pointed out it’s customary for the father of the bride to do those things. And I pointed out my dad was dead and if we were going down that line, my grandfather would be the obvious pick for me.
He told me he’s been my dad for 9 years now (I was 16 when they got married).
I said he didn’t become my dad because he married my mom, which he argued that he did. I told him it was ridiculous to think that because I was 16 years old. I had memories of my dad and was hardly around him during that time when compared to other members of the family. I told him I had always appreciated him for what he did for mom and my siblings, but he needed to get over the fact I didn’t need him like my siblings did.
He called me a jerk and said I needed to accept that he is my father whether I like it or not.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is not your dad. He is your stepdad, only because he’s married to your mom.
You have been very respectful of the fact that he seems to have a different relationship (not a different legal relationship, but a different functional relationship) with your siblings because they were younger than you were when your mom married him.
You’re an adult and you are acting like one; he is not acting like an adult. As to your wedding, it’s unfair of him to assume that he will walk you down the aisle. As the bride, you can and should be the only person who decides who will walk you – if you choose your grandpa, your mom, your dog groomer, or no one at all, everyone (stepdad included) needs to respect that choice.
Your stepdad may not like it if you don’t choose him to walk you, but he does need to respect your decision.
Have you ever talked to your stepdad about why he’s acting this way toward you? Do you think that he’s upset that he doesn’t have the same type of relationship with you that he does with your siblings?
Maybe he’s hurt by that and doesn’t want to admit it so he’s going about trying to force a relationship (and doing it entirely the wrong way). I’m not trying to put any kind of blame on you for his bad behavior – I just wonder if he wishes that you were closer but doesn’t know how to express it.” Tooky120
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ.
I actually feel a lot of sympathy for people who have unrequited familial love– people who consider a stepdaughter or half-sibling or adopted grandmother a beloved family member and are not treated equally in return. I can legitimately understand why your stepfather feels rejected. But just like unrequited romantic love, it is NOT YOUR PROBLEM to solve.
You are not obliged to love somebody just because they want you to. Your feelings belong to you.
I do think people ought to be KIND to family members who aren’t bad people whether they feel a personal connection or not, but in your case, you are already doing that by respecting him as a person and how much he means to your other loved ones.
He needs to accept that you still miss your late father and that the dad-centered elements of your wedding are your own grief to unpack in your own way, not about him.
(Personal suggestion: in your position, I think I would have my grandfather walk me down the aisle, and my mother follows in mother of the bride position– escorted by my stepfather.
That allows him to play a role in the wedding, but exactly the role you already honor him for– your mother’s support.)” justathought1123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This post hits home for me in a few ways having a stepfather who adopted me but he and I never got along and being a stepfather as well.
I agree with you 100%. He is not your father and for him to think he is, I feel is 100% ridiculous. I’m curious where your mother stands in all this. I would think that she would agree with you or hope that she would. It doesn’t seem like you’re being disrespectful in any way, and most people I think would understand that if they marry someone with a teenage child that wouldn’t act like this, regardless if your father passed, or just took off.
Obviously don’t know him so I’m not sure if he just legit loves you like his own or if this is his own whatever going on in his head.
My wife’s daughter was 5 when we met, and her father is still in the picture even though she lives with us full-time. Even if he wasn’t in the picture I always told her I’ll be whatever she wants needs me to be.
I love her like she is my own and we have a great relationship. I did all I could to make sure I earned her respect and never overstepped.
Obviously don’t know the ins and outs of your relationship with him but you seem like you have been more than appreciative and respectful as you have mentioned multiple times you appreciate everything he has done for your mom and siblings.
On the good side, it is nice to know that he does care and cares about you, but this is your day, not his, and he should be respectful of the fact that your father isn’t there anymore and I am sure that’s a whole other set of feelings and emotions you are going to have about him not being there.
This is your day and everyone should be more concerned that you and your soon-to-be partner have the special day that you want without anyone else’s nonsense causing an issue.
Congratulations and I hope he calms down if he cares about you as much as he is acting like, then he should just be happy for you on your special day and be there to support you in any way that you need. If that’s just hanging out enjoying himself, then that’s all he needs to do.” SnooFloofs5881
4. AITJ For Embarrassing Our Co-Worker For Hitting On My Huband?
“Both my husband and I work for a dispensary as co-owners and managers.
He is the inventory manager, and I’m the kitchen manager, though up until last month, I was at a different shop. I recently got the transfer approval. In our shop, we only employ 11 people (3 women including me, 8 men). One of the women is the owner’s wife, and she handles the finances, and the other woman, “Jen,” handles the front end.
Now to be blunt here, Jen is a freaking smoke show. Drop dead gorgeous young lady, and to be blunt again, all the men here drool over her. Probably my husband included. I mean, even I drool over her, let’s be honest. But she is also… I don’t know how to put it… She runs through the men here.
She has already been with 3 of them, and recently, her eyes went to my husband. I’m used to this type of behavior because my husband is also a solid 10 on a bad day. But she also knows he is married, so there is definitely a disrespectful aspect of things there. However, she did NOT know that I was his wife until this morning.
So my husband came to me yesterday and was like, “Listen, Jen has been trying to take breaks with me, and she often gets into my truck without asking whenever she sees me sitting outside, asking that I smoke her up and being flirty” (like touching his arms and legs type of crap). So I asked if he wanted me to handle it and he said, “Please, but don’t be rude about it” because he had already told her several times he was married, and her only response is, “Oh I already know that” and continues on her nonsense.
Well, I knew his break was at 10, and I made a point to come out a few minutes later. I walk to the truck, and lo and behold, Jen is in the front seat. I hear my husband say, “That’s my wife’s seat,” and she just giggles and says she is keeping it warm. Please note we are in our 30s, and this girl is 23.
So I go up to the window and say, “Thanks for keeping my seat warm, but I’m here now.” She just scowls at me and says “we are kind of talking here,” so I go, “Yes, I see that, and now I would like to speak to my husband” with a smile on my face.
Her face drops, and she gets out quickly. Now the problem is that 3 of the guys were sitting there too, and they immediately start laughing, which embarrassed her even more. The owner’s wife said I should have pulled Jen aside and said something versus embarrassing her in front of everyone. AITJ? Apparently, Jen and the owner’s wife are the only two who think so.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your husband tried on several occasions to turn this homewrecker down but she was too set in her own mind to continue on. This woman was lucky that all you did was politely speak to her. It could have been a lot worse. I mean not everyone can keep their composure like you did given the circumstances.
She embarrassed herself, I hope she learns from this but something tells me she won’t.
Don’t sweat it all that matters is that the situation was nipped in the bud and you helped your husband. Bravo to you for keeping your composure and assisting your husband. And bravo to your husband for coming to you and asking for help.
The two of you are a wonderful team.” Kiki_515
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – maybe pulling her aside and talking to her about it privately would have been the better option, but you were both outside of work, in the context of your SO’s truck, and it was obviously not work-related. I like the actions you took, but you could have been more professional about it like the owner’s wife mentioned (what about Jen’s opinion?).
Unsolicited advice:
The owners need to get together about this and publish policy concerning this. This is to protect you guys but also to protect the employees in the off chance an owner, or even manager (current or future), decides to use their position of authority to leverage against an impressionable employee.
My opinion is that it should be a 4 part policy:
- No management is allowed to get romantically involved, or engage in physical relations, with an employee unless the relationship existed before the last one was employed and/or it is declared in a written statement (very corporate, I know, but it’s there for protection).
- Employees (of equal authority besides seniority) can be with whoever they want, but in the store and its property, employees on the clock are not allowed to show PDA.
- All management, or owners, are available to contact in the cases of harassment or concerning behavior affecting the employee themselves through electronic means (messenger, email). This is to create a digital record of all things that are reported and said.
- Have all employees watch a video on harassment and workplace behavior. Not just a ‘cover your butt’ video on harassment but how to recognize harassment, how to recognize authority figures leveraging their position over employees, and how to report it.
Have them sign an acknowledgment of the classes and policies.” wisedoormat
3. AITJ For Telling A Customer He Can Rebuild His Fence Himself Since He Doesn't Want A Woman To Do It?
“I (F20) have been interested in woodworking since I was 12 and from 15 I was helping out at my stepdad’s business. At first, it was just cleaning, holding, and bringing things, but later, I became pretty much a full employee outside of my studies.
Last month was busy so I took what seemed like simpler contracts or orders to do myself. One of those was making new and replacing some balcony fence planks. I talked with the customer on phone beforehand and later went there to take measurements and other details.
When I first came, he didn’t look exactly pleased, asking me if there was someone else coming later.
I had that happen before, I have no problem with this. I tried to lighten the mood by saying “How hard can using a tape measure and a drill be?”
Also said that he hopes the measures will be correct and then asked if I’ll be the one doing the actual planks and replacement too.
I answered most probably.
A few days later, I went to actually replace the planks.
He didn’t say much at first, since the planks were good. But then he started nagging like “you’re holding it wrong” (I wasn’t), “you’re making a mess here” (with the old ones rotten into oblivion). All while basically breathing down my neck.
That was tolerable still, what wasn’t was him saying “you said you can do it yourself!” or “see why trades are man dominated?” when I asked him to hold or hand me something.
When I finished, he told me it wasn’t half bad but it could be better and faster. Like excuse me, the size – match, lining, distances – good and match, paint – good.
Why did it take longer? Almost as if there was something to speed it up a little. I asked if he sees any particular problem so I can fix it. He said no, just that a “normal” woodworker would do it faster.
I just lost it and said “Well I repaired your freaking fence, that makes me a woodworker enough, or not because women can’t be in trades?
Why didn’t you do it yourself, if I shouldn’t do trade jobs in the first place?!”
He told me the good old respect for elders and not to raise my voice at customers, but you know, I can tolerate only so much.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
My only advice to you is while you are still learning (it takes YEARS to be considered a master woodworker), one aspect that you will also need to learn is truly working in a male-dominated industry.
For my job, I place students in their field of study and three of the majors I oversee are very male-dominated industries (mechanics basically) but I do get a handful of women in each major I help. The first thing I tell them when they meet with me is they need to accept the fact that they will constantly be hassled in their career just for being a woman.
They’re going to get remarks like you got, they’re going to face harassment (hopefully you never do) and they’re always going to be told here and there that they may want to have someone else do it.
Reason why I say this is because you’re an employee, not the owner. Your step-dad runs the business so you are a representation of his business.
In this day and age of social media and online reviews, your spew at him can hurt his image. It sucks, but when your business relies on repeat business and reputation for new business, this can hurt it.
Guy was a jerk, a misogynistic jerk, but as where I was saying earlier, if you want to remain a woodworker for your career, one thing to start learning is also how to really control that because this won’t be the last time you get that from customers.” Ponchovilla18
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I thought you probably should not have said that to him, he definitely deserved to hear it. I am also a woman in a very male-dominated trade, with the client base being mostly old misogynistic men. My favorite interaction was when a customer walked up to me basically told me that I couldn’t possibly know anything about the “complicated” job he was doing and asked to have a man help him instead.
I am a ticketed red seal journeyman, I gave him the first-year apprentice who basically gave the man deer in headlights look and then asked me for help. And then proceeded to make the customer feel small by using technical engineering and mechanical language. Every time he would ask me for that in layman‘s terms I would just ask my apprentice to translate.
Anytime I’m coming up on something that kind of stumps me and then they make the comment “just get a man to help you” I switch into full engineering and mechanical terminology. When they ask me to explain I ask them if they need a woman to translate. Anytime a male customer makes an incredibly sexist joke and laughs to himself I ask him to explain it to me because I didn’t understand the joke.
Never hesitate to tell them exactly where in their statement they were wrong for being sexist.” owlsandmoths
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. With caveat.
Here’s the deal. You’re not WRONG in any way. That guy is awful and didn’t deserve your efforts.
Unfortunately, sometimes being right isn’t profitable.
Part of being in business for yourself is the right to tell customers to stuff it where the sun don’t shine, and deal with the fallout.
I’ve canceled my share of customer demands because they crossed the lines. But. It was then on me to deal with the result.
You let this guy put you in a position to possibly make trouble for your dad.
He now has to choose between standing behind you and agreeing with you and throwing you under the bus.
Idk his finances. But. If he’s in an area where that customer has clout it could get ugly.
In the future, I would recommend that you leave the job without blowing up. Relay what happened to your dad and let him assign another fencer. Which will likely take a while. Or refund the guy. But still maintain your own professionalism.
You’re definitely still NTJ though and you did what customer service people everywhere long to do.” OrizaRayne
Another User Comments:
“ESH.
You for losing it on a customer. Yeah, he’s a sexist bigot. Yeah, he absolutely had it coming. So your “YTJ” is a tiny tiny one, about the size of your customer’s brain.
Him for… well, the obvious.
It’s sad; it’s 2022, and we still have to deal with this bullcrap and people like him who spout it.” gnothro
2. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Wife For Not Cooking Dinner?
“We have a 10-month-old daughter.
My wife is on parental leave, so usually, she is taking care of the baby while I work, then we switch, then in the evening she puts the baby to bed and I spend the night with her (daughter – as in feed her, change her, calm her down when she wakes up, etc.).
Now on Saturday, my wife got diagnosed with shingles, so she is staying away from the baby, as in they don’t have any contact at all.
She feels 100% fine other than the spots on her back.
So, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday (we had a public holiday, so no work), I spend 100% of my time with the baby, while my wife did various housework. We managed to find a nanny for my work hours for the rest of the weekdays.
On Wednesday, my wife comes into my office/room (remote work) and tells me to finish up the dinner as she is going to get her nails done.
So I spent an hour in the kitchen making dinner for us and the baby (the nanny stayed a bit longer while I made dinner), then spent the rest of the day taking care of the baby.
Now I was pretty angry when she said she ‘didn’t have time’ to finish the dinner. I mean, I work 8 hours, then spend the rest of the time taking care of the baby, and she didn’t have the time to make dinner FOR THE BABY?
Really? Now she is angry at me for getting angry at her, and I wonder whether I was not fair.
Edit:
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When I say “I got really angry” I mean I literally told my wife “Sunshine I am really angry about the dinner.” I feel like you guys think I yelled at her or something.
we are completely fine about the whole situation, already cleared the air.
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We’ve known each other for about half our lives, we are both 33 and have been together since high school. She’s always been very vocal when she doesn’t feel alright, even now with the kid. And I’m pretty sure I’m able to tell when she is sick or when she is not.
And while she is sick now, besides the rash she does not have any symptoms. None. (her words literally)
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The dinner was for us and the baby, I was not angry that she didn’t make me food, only that she didn’t manage her time properly to finish the dinner for the baby before going to the nail salon.
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Normally our day looks like this 8-16 I’m working, she takes care of the baby. 16-20 I take care of the baby she does some house stuff. 20-22 I take care of house/garden stuff, she puts the baby to sleep. 22-8 I take care of the baby, she does house stuff, sleeps. Also, wife is expressing milk 5 times a day now.
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Nanny/MIL always come during my work hours, very rarely after them.
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This week (Tuesday-Friday) we had a nanny full-time during my work hours. After my work hours, I spent the whole time with the baby.
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Wife had scheduled a nails thing before, I had no problem with her going, and she asked way before I said No problem.
In the morning of “the day,” she said she will make dinner and then go to the nail salon.
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Wife is regularly taking “time off” such as seeing friends, nails thing, hair things, massages, etc. Once a week I would say on average. I don’t, I don’t need this and I don’t have a problem that my wife does.
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We have a year (I think) of paid maternity leave in Poland, So wife is taking that, after which we plan she will take half a year of unpaid leave to take care of the baby. So for 1.5 years, she is a stay-at-home mum, while I work remotely from home.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ (softly).
Shingles comes from exhaustion and stress. You are complaining after taking on the full workload for just three days, with a nanny. Imagine how your wife feels, as she is also still recovering from the physical trauma of pregnancy and childbirth/c-section and never really leaves the house. Her only daily break is when she’s asleep or making dinner.
You get a break to play with the dog and go to work where you aren’t catering to the whims of a newborn. The two are pretty incomparable. This is WHY she has shingles in the first place.
And also, she shouldn’t be preparing anything for the baby if she is meant to be away from her.
Especially not food. Shingles isn’t necessarily infectious enough to require total isolation, but it certainly is in infants. Your wife getting her nails done is probably helping her to recover as it will destress her … until her husband shouts at her. And it’s the one time a week that her ‘break’ is actually about her, rather than still providing for the family.
You’re not being very fair here.
You’re both exhausted. Infants are hard work. But resenting each other is only going to go down a very bad path. You need to be a team, and while your wife is sick – whether you can SEE the impacts of it – you have to pick up the slack.
Stop viewing it as a personal attack on you when it’s not. This period will pass, but your marriage may not survive it if you guys aren’t careful. Good luck.” Accomplished-Cheek59
Another User Comments:
“Have you spoken to her about this like a rational adult? If she’s been stuck at home with shingles, then I can understand her wanting to get out of the house.
You say she was doing housework on the weekend while you watched the baby – would you say this is an equal amount of work? (Genuine question)
Overall, it’s rude of her to assume you’ll be fine without a heads up of “oh, on Wednesday I want to go get my nails done, is that alright?” but I would say it’s probably fatigue and frustration getting you to this point.
If the issue is that she didn’t tell you her plans, then have that conversation with her. Babies are hard, and communicating with each other is the only way you can get through it unscathed. NTJ.” pikasafire
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a SAHM. Spouse works outside the home. He is very helpful and always available to do things with our kids and takes care of them when I need a break – and it sounds like you’re a very active parent too.
Your wife definitely deserves a break and it sounds like you give her lots of time for self-care and to relax, but she should also shoulder most of the household responsibilities like making dinner since she isn’t working outside the home. If I’m going to do something like go out to dinner with friends, etc I always make sure dinner is at least in the oven before going.
It’s common courtesy, especially when your partner has worked all day.
I’m sure your delivery to her could have been better, and it sounds like you both need to communicate your needs.” Nerdy-by-nature829
1. AITJ For Using A Blender At 11 PM In An Apartment?
Nothing’s worse than sharing walls with neighbors who think they can make noise at all hours of the night.
“I (M26) live in a studio apartment. I work late so sometimes I don’t get home till 22:00 or so.
I got a new neighbor (M mid-20s, I think) one apartment directly below me. Two weeks ago, he came over one time at night (23:30) and asked if I could keep it down; he’s been hearing sounds like I’m doing major home repairs.
I do acknowledge that I was doing things like repairing my bike or the fan, but I’ll avoid doing that at night.
Last week while I was vacuuming at around 23:00, he knocked on his ceiling (my floor), and I felt, fair enough; I’d stop.
Yesterday, he came to my door and angrily shouted at me to stop acting like a teenager and stop making noise at night when people are trying to sleep.
I told him that all I’m doing is running a blender cause I’m baking. He said that it is disruptive cause he wakes up early for work. He also said that I am stomping my feet all the time.
Now I am not and wasn’t sure what he was getting at. I already stopped doing housework at night, not going to stop using my kitchen.
I also said I’m not stomping my feet but will try to walk quieter. That I’ll be cognizant of noise but am not going to stop baking.
He accused me of being immature and said I need to be respectful of those sleeping “late at night” and stop stomping my feet. I told him I’m doing nothing wrong, and he walked away swearing at me.
ETA: There is no quiet hours clause. I mean I can hear cars/motorcycles/busses late at night when my window is open. We live in a city center. A park-like area but still a city center on a major road.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ NTJ NTJ. As someone who works in a 24-hour city (Las Vegas) not everyone can do their yardwork/housework/cleaning/etc. at “normal” hours.
And that doesn’t even account for people in non-24-hour places that work graveyard here or there or are in healthcare and work from 3 pm to 3 am, etc. I walk into a gas station and never judge someone buying a 6 pack at 7 am because my morning might well be their end-of-work drinking time.
Your neighbor can ask that you keep it down, but you have no obligation to walk on eggshells during your time off just because they are being woken up.
It’s simply a side-effect of living in shared spaces and apartments. Things you can control like loud music or loud voices, sure, they have a right to complain. But if your “morning” smoothie happens to be at 8 pm when their kids are going to sleep, that’s not your problem.” Raspbers
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Many people sleep around 2200 at night.
There are city laws put in place to prevent outdoor excessive noises during certain time periods for this very reason. It’s not his problem that you don’t get home until that late.
Using a blender far exceeds what a normal decibel level should be at that hour of the night. Everything you’ve listed so far sounds like it’s warranted for your neighbor to speak to you on this subject.
And for him to have to do it multiple times frankly makes it somewhat understandable how he would lose his cool over the ongoing situation.
As for the foot-stomping issue. This could be the result of weak soundproofing in the apartment. You don’t mean to make noise, but it just happens. For the person living downstairs, it can be very annoying to hear someone walking around frequently for hours on end while you’re trying to sleep.
I would suggest either wearing a pair of shock-absorbing sandals or a pair of socks to help mitigate this issue.” Minority2
Another User Comments:
“Sorry NTJ. OP you can do what you want in your own home. It’s an apartment complex, not a room for rent. You have been more than accommodating, and personally, he seems borderline harassing.
It sounds like your previous neighbor had no complaints if you’re confused about the new tenant to post here. Like are you blending for an hour? Repairing your bike – are you throwing the pieces around the room? I’m confused.
I’m an insomniac and find myself doing most of the chores at night.
He possibly just may be a light sleeper or you guys must have very thin walls, so next time, I would hand him some earplugs and would alert your leasing office of him. Coming to your front door after 11 and yelling at you is not okay.
Also want to add that there are people who work graveyard and sleep when the majority is awake, but they don’t come to doors at 8 AM to tell them not to do things.” Kisses4Kimmy
Another User Comments
“YTJ.
While it’s easy to forget from time to time, it’s a shared building, and based on what your neighbor is reporting, clearly, it has thin walls and floors/ceilings.
I’m a night owl by choice, and I’ve had the thought to use my vacuum late at night when I remember I need to get it done, but out of respect for my downstairs neighbor and the ones next door to me, I wait until a reasonable time of day.
I would ask that they do the same if the roles were reversed.
Don’t turn this into a petty war with your neighbors. They never end well, and you don’t want to end up in trouble with the neighbors, leasing office, or even the police. I also recommend double-checking to see if there are quiet hours.
I didn’t think there were at my apartment until a mass email went out to everyone confirming as such.
Also, do you mind me asking what your typical hours are for work? I work until 10 pm or midnight a lot of times, so I’m just curious!” Single-Fortune-7827
