People Chew Over Their Actions In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
25. AITJ For Being Mad At My Sister For Telling Me To Do Chores?
“My sister (21F) let’s call her Charlie. Charlie has always been rather rude to my other sister (18F) and me (16F). Charlie would often say things about our appearance or our talents (or lack of). These comments would usually be something along the lines of ‘OP stop trying so hard’ when it came to singing (I don’t want to brag but I can sing, not to the levels of like Ariana Grande, but I wasn’t terrible in the fact that people wouldn’t scoff when I sang), or she would say things like ‘should you really be eating that?
You don’t want to gain any more weight’ – I am on the fatter side but not so much to the point where it causes problems.
I went over to Charlie’s house to have a barbecue, I stayed over 2 nights and each morning she would wake me up at 9 am and tell me to wake up and do chores, which I was joking around and said ‘why should I do chores?
I am a guest here,’ and her smile wiped off her face and told me ‘you’re my family it doesn’t count. Go do it.’ I was a bit surprised as when Charlie stayed at our house, whenever we asked her to grab something that was close to her she would refuse and say ‘no, I’m a guest. You cater to me.’ Nevertheless, I did the chores whilst she continued to do nothing in her own house.
I felt like I was just there to clean her house after guests came over. That was what happened the first night I stayed over at Charlie’s.
The second night I stayed over at Charlie’s it was the day after the barbecue and I was very sick (throwing up etc.).
In all fairness, I did vomit all over the toilet, but I decided to clean it up (like a normal person) and in my 4 am exhausted socializing state, I cleaned the toilet really well. However, the time rolled on to 9 am, and guess who was there to wake me up?
You guessed it. Charlie!!!
She then proceeded to lecture me about throwing up in the toilet and how I needed to clean it up, I said okay and went upstairs, I go into the bathroom. And that toilet was perfectly clean (shout out to 4 am me), I wait a few moments before going downstairs and pretend like I cleaned it.
Charlie hasn’t said a word about it since. I then sit down at the table to ask my mum to pick me up and Charlie tells me to ‘get up and do something, be productive,’ and ‘keep yourself busy’.
She then goes on to hit my glasses, which are on my face and my glasses are actually quite expensive, I tell her how that hurt me, and then Charlie goes to hug me, I express I don’t want a hug and she takes my glasses from my face and the unopened can of pringles that I PAID FOR and tells me that she’s keeping it.
This obviously puts me in a bad mood.
Now I’m sitting at the table waiting for my mum to pick me up whilst she makes breakfast for her, her partner, and her partner’s sister.
So, am I the jerk?
What should I do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Take back your Pringles since they’re, you know, YOURS, and never spend the night at her place again.
Your sister is being a gigantic jerk by assuming you didn’t clean up after yourself, and for treating you in a way she would refuse to be treated if she spent the night at your home.
She isn’t allowed to just take your stuff. If that’s okay, and she’s not letting you have back the Pringles, maybe you should swipe something of hers, since that’s the standard SHE is setting.
And she shouldn’t be setting even one finger on your glasses.” jammy913
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for letting her walk all over you. Just tell her to shut up and go NC.” Vargoroth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your sister wants a maid, not a guest. Do yourself a favor and don’t go back, ever.” Tricky_Dog1465
24. AITJ For Not Wanting To Join Family Vacations?
“My husband & I have been married for 12 years. I have 4 children, 2 are from a previous relationship. The bio-dad of those 2 children is now in prison. We went through years of misery with him.
A few years back, my husband adopted those 2 children, 19M & 16F.
My in-laws are loaded & have paid for several big family vacations. There is only one female cousin, 17F. Everyone loved how the 2 girls connected when they were younger, but that connection has stopped. My daughter has been through a lot and is smart & shy.
She loves the outdoors & downplays her looks. The other girl has been pampered, obsessed over Disney, and clothes & talks about finding a sugar daddy.
On the most recent trip, my in-laws rented a large complex with a teen girl bunk room so we thought the girls could get closer, but the other girl refused to sleep there.
Instead, she kicked her dad out to the couch & slept with her mom.
When we returned home my MIL verbally attacked my daughter (my daughter wasn’t present, but heard). MIL said they weren’t going to fork over all this money when everyone had to walk on eggshells.
She blamed only my daughter for not making a connection. She even was angry that my daughter was reading!
MIL apologized to me but not my 16yo. I don’t want to put my daughter through that type of behavior, so have cut off any talks of family trips.
They are already planning one in May.
Did I go too far?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, what I would do if I was you would be to stay home personally and let your husband go. Let the children choose.
Especially your 16 yr old. Make the in-laws ask her personally. Let your daughter know that you will 100% back her decision but will have to stay out of the conversation itself. Unless they start something or relentlessly pressure her.
Then mama bear them. This way they may get some insight into how much they hurt her. Even your husband may see it when she refuses to go with them anywhere. Sadly I doubt they will see anything even after your daughter goes NC with them when she leaves the roost.
Glad you are standing up for your daughter. Now how to encourage your husband to cut financial ties with his parents I don’t know. But it needs to be done.” Riyukco
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Also, it could be fun to plan your own vacations!
Vacations are expensive, everything from gas to food to the hotel. However, maybe planning a small road trip with lots of free stuff to do might be an option? There’s camping, and along with that, there’s usually hiking, swimming, and discovering new plants and animals.
Kids can play and meet others. There’s also planning a beach day. Those can be so fun, and cheap. You can make a whole thing of it by getting everyone to make cute bentos (lunches) for the beach and bring a water bottle that you can just refill.
(Some beaches have water fountains).” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your MIL is a jerk who is showing clear favoritism for her other granddaughter. You should tell her she needs to apologize to your daughter and stop her disgusting favoritism and if she can do that, maybe in the future you will join them but not in May.’ YanceyWoodchuck
Yeah...no more family trips.
23. AITJ For Refusing To Delete Pictures During A Photoshoot?
“A friend asked me to take pictures of her. I agreed and we said we would meet up at 1 o’clock at her place so I could leave some of my stuff there. One hour before the meeting I told her if we could meet up at the shooting venue because I don’t have anything I would want to leave at her place.
She told me that she is not ready and if I wanted to come to her place or if I wanted to meet her at the venue one hour later than previously arranged.
I agreed to come to her place but when I arrived at she was cleaning the flat and wasn’t even remotely ready to leave.
Telling me that she wants to take pictures later in the day due to better lighting. I was annoyed but since she wasn’t dressed and I couldn’t take pictures of her even if we left that instance I agreed. We ordered food and ate.
Then she took 2 hours to get ready finally.
I thought she was just nervous so I gave her the benefit of the doubt and tried to be empathetic.
Once we were finally at the venue she had some special requests, which I tried to fulfill to my best knowledge and I even showed her some poses that I looked up for her.
Throughout the whole process I showed her the pictures in case she wanted something changed or she didn’t like the setting etc.
Once we were finished I told her that I will give her the pictures via USB drive.
She could look at them on the computer, choose her favorites and I would slightly retouch them (change contrast, crop the picture, etc etc.) She then told me that she had to look at them and delete everything she didn’t like immediately.
I refused, because the camera screen is quite small, I didn’t want to wait around for her to look through 300+ pictures, and because we might need the background from one picture she didn’t particularly like to photoshop onto another.
She then started to accuse me of being mean and not keeping my word. That I was forbidding her to delete the pictures with her face on them. That I don’t have the right to her pictures and that I want to undermine her self-worth.
I then told her that I won’t further look at the pictures or show them to anyone. She would have total control over what happens to them but I am asking her to do it at home.
I have to add that at that time I was quite annoyed. She asked me for the shoot during the previous evening.
I spent a lot of time preparing (changing settings, charging the battery, researching poses, etc).
And still, she has the audacity to tell me that I am a bad friend and that I am trying to undermine her self-worth and confidence.
I left after trying to reason with her and she accused me further.
Afterward, she sent me a message that she quits our friendship because I have no respect for her.
So I am at a complete loss.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh wow, big NTJ. Your friend sounds like a headache, I’d be happy if I were you. Dodged a bullet there. Delete all the pictures. Or if you wanna be a little mean then post the specific pictures she didn’t like on social media or something.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but hopefully a good few lessons learned. 1) don’t mix friendship and business (and always have a contract if you do), and 2) when someone takes advantage of your time you can leave. If you wanted to chill all afternoon that’s totally fine, but your friend was a jerk to agree to a time and then expect you to sit around for multiple hours.” Brainjacker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she sounds really high maintenance and it’s good she quit the friendship before you started working on her photos.” AnonymousButTruthful
22. AITJ For Wanting To Eat Alone?
“I have had food allergies and intolerances (I will call them my allergens) all my life and have been struggling with finding a diet that allows me to be healthy and not in pain for over a decade now.
I have finally found a nutritionist that has been able to help me determine what food I can eat and I came down to about 20 foodstuffs. It has been pretty hard since most of the things you can get easily where I live have my allergens in them so it turns out I have to literally make everything I eat myself.
I can’t have anything with an ingredient list.
To make my life a little bit easier my nutritionist told me to eat alone for an unknown amount of time because that way I won’t see the food I am missing out on and won’t be tempted to eat things that won’t become me.
Nothing is life-threatening but I will be in a fair amount of pain, which is incentive enough to not eat the foods but it’s still frustrating only being able to eat 20 things and handling all the cooking and the minimal amount of variety is already frustrating enough.
My nutritionist says when my body is used to only receiving food that’s actually good for it the cravings will cease.
So I asked my family and close friends to support me and show some understanding for me while I try to get a grip on this whole situation and not ask me if I can have a certain food (because 99% of the cases I can’t) and to not gift me foodstuffs and to please not ask me to eat with them or eat their food.
This is the solution I came up with after I tried to eat with them. But there is a barrage of questions as to why I can’t have this and that and after answering those questions multiple times and them not remembering we even talked about it and showing them lists of what I can eat and evidence that I am not making it up I am pretty much done with being accommodating.
All I can do is show them what is going on and share and try to explain my ‘journey’ and my thought process. If that is not enough I don’t know what I can do.
So now I have asked them to please leave me to eat and handle this alone because frankly I am hungry and frustrated and it feels isolating to have to talk about the same issues over and over again while none of them remember basically anything.
My father says I am handling this too aggressively and eating something different once in a while will barely make a difference to my well-being, which isn’t true. Also, he says I am being too sensitive every time I say I want to eat alone.
My mother tries and she is doing pretty okay actually but she makes excuses for my father which makes me feel bad. My friends are hands-off but still ask the same questions over and over. I see my parents every day and there is no way to go no contact.
So AITJ for asking them to please let me handle my issues alone? And would I be asking too much if I wanted them to remember what’s going on? Not necessarily in detail but the vague outline?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unfortunately, people who have not experienced food allergies and intolerances often find it impossible to understand how ill we can get even with just a small amount of cross-contamination in some cases.
All you can do is keep reminding them that you are doing this based on professional advice, and reminding them what happens to you when you eat stuff you are allergic or intolerant to.
I can’t and won’t eat food most other people prepare anymore because I have been made so sick so many times in the past by people forgetting that I can’t eat x or y. And I have so many restrictions I feel bad asking people in the first place to follow them, but not following them is just not an option for me.” Crackles247
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It must be difficult enough to get used to these new eating patterns and the limited variety of food in your diet without the exhaustion of having to explain things a million times over.
If people care about you, they will make the effort to understand, and if you need to eat alone do so until you have built the strength and habit to join in social eating again.” Various-Bridge-325
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The first couple of years of eating for your well-being due to food allergens is tough. You are still learning what is/isn’t safe. And while you have answers you aren’t so familiar with them that you can easily deflect people’s sometimes antagonistic inquiries.
I was a grouchy bear too. But eventually, I adapted and so will you. But it doesn’t make you a jerk.” Facetunethis
21. AITJ For Being Angry At My Friend For Calling Me A Baby?
“My friend L has always been the type to make things about her and not really care about someone else’s feelings. For example, she became friends with someone she knows has hurt me in the past just because we got in a fight.
Now onto the story, I had to get a tooth pulled due to the pain it was causing and to prepare for a surgery I have to get in the future. L made the comment that I ‘look like a baby now’ and immediately after asked to borrow something of mine (I can’t remember what).
This hit a nerve for some reason. Most likely because she knows I am very insecure about my teeth since they are yellow due to depression and still decided to make this comment. Another thing is L has made comments about other things she knows I am insecure about for example my eyebrows and nose.
Afterward, I decided to have lunch with a different friend instead and she immediately gave my seat to a different one of her friends even though there is an open seat on the other side of her. And decided to ask the friend I had lunch with why I was mad at her even though I made it clear (by saying no and moving to a different seat) immediately after.
So AITJ for breaking a friendship after she called me a baby?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, sounds like you’re reacting to more than just being called a baby really, it’s the disrespect. If your friends can’t respect your boundaries they aren’t really your friends.
It shouldn’t be difficult to be friends with someone.” Spencer98881
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your friend L is clearly a drama person who feeds on drama. They attract the acts of a jerk like a magnet and generally are one themselves.
You also seem pretty sensitive and prone to drama. I think being around L is bad for you.
Basically, you’re both playing these second-order ‘I’m mad at her so I’ll make friends with her enemy’ things instead of just communicating.
It must be so exhausting. It was exhausting to read. I think you should spend less time thinking about what L’s thinking about, and maybe you’ll find her little slights less interesting.
I’m not even sure what action you’re asking about, because you describe a bunch of tiny different conflicts.
This, to me, is a red flag that you’re in a drama-fueled relationship.” BigBayesian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, surround yourself with friends who bring you up, not down. Don’t let people walk all over you. You will be much happier in life that way.” Jillypuff36
20. AITJ For Getting A Single Mother Kicked Out Of Her Place?
“After saving for 10 years, my wife and I bought a semi-detached house in a quiet neighborhood. Then had two kids. The house attached to ours is a rental, we got on very well with the family living there when we moved in.
That family eventually moved out (bought a place of their own), and new neighbors moved in.
The first red flag was when the guy asked to borrow my lawn mower. I obliged, but it came back with the basket full of grass.
Garbage collection had already been arranged by the landlord, so it wasn’t the case that he couldn’t dispose of it, he just couldn’t be bothered. The next time he asked, I asked him to empty it after he was finished. He stormed off: ‘Ah forget it.’
The kids (four of them) are just so unruly:
- Drop candy wrappers in the street, with the parent looking on.
- Break branches off the trees (I mean deliberately snap them off, not just climbing).
- Their oldest shows inappropriate videos to other kids on the street.
- My oldest used to play dress-up. He no longer does that because one of their kids ridiculed him, repeatedly.
- They let their dogs out all the time; they foul all over the place (including my garden). Every kid (and some adults) on the street is afraid of them.
Other things:
- Burn rubbish in the garden
- Very loud fights (including breaking things)
- Throwing dog crap into my garden
By all means, have guests over, but don’t blast music at 2 am in the back garden. (Multiple times). We asked them many times to keep the noise down.
Someone in the neighborhood (not us) complained to the landlord. I was confronted about that: ‘If you have a problem, talk to me, not the landlord.’ At the time, I had no idea where that came from.
Then we’d hear comments over the fence, like: ‘oh the jerks are out, we have to stop having fun now’.
We realized that they just did not care about anyone else. So then we did contact the landlord.
Things got a little better after the guy left, but I suspect that had more to do with the global crisis that happened. But it all started again. Each time we would complain to the landlord, he would talk to her and things would get better for a few weeks.
One time I went in at 3 am to ask her to turn the music down. She did but turned it back up at 3:30. That party went on all night, her guests leaving while I was heading to work.
The landlord has told her that he wants her out by June.
I think I’m a good neighbor. I’ll move your bin when the garbage collectors just abandon it in the middle of the street. I’ll mow the strip of grass on the street in front of your house while I’m doing my own.
I’ll do 100 things like that.
So I don’t think I’m the jerk here, but I can’t help but feel bad for how things panned out. It’s just a crap situation that could so easily have been avoided if they showed a little more consideration for everyone around them.
But, cast your judgment – AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your neighbor needed to be more considerate of people around her. And your landlord should provide some rules such as ‘no parties after XXX during the week and after YYY during the weekend.’ You getting on kids because they litter is a bit over the top, though.
I’d stay focused on how the adults behave.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’re a trashy family & unfortunately are raising the kids the same way. It’s sad because the kids didn’t have a chance.
They were raised to be the way they are, so I mostly feel bad for them. But they were horrible neighbors with no respect or consideration. If you live in a community you abide by certain rules. The community does not belong to one person, it’s shared. If they can’t follow rules of common courtesy then they can take their trashiness elsewhere.” Holmes221bBSt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like you tried to be reasonable, but they don’t care about anything or anyone but themselves. If this is the case, they should get used to calls from the landlord or be evicted.
Also – you were within your rights to contact the landlord. ‘Talk to me’ means they can more easily ignore your complaints. After all, when you talk to the landlord, there is a record of the complaint.” bamf1701
19. AITJ For Getting Angry At My Niece And Nephew?
“I (f21) currently live with my mother (60) as per her request because she needs help with various labor work which I am fine with and it’s cheaper.
My brother (mid-30s) and SIL (early 30s) are staying with us temporarily with their kids (6f and 4m). I have no real problem and I love my niece and nephew to bits.
The issues that arise are when they go into my room.
My room is the largest in the house and they like to often play due to the space. I have no issues when they play under my supervision because I can always make sure they don’t do anything out of line.
I don’t like when they go into my room when I’m not around. They make a mess of things (most often tipping over my cat’s food and water all over the floor) and have broken my correction tapes 3 times and my brother and SIL refuse to reimburse or just get me a new one as a replacement when I asked and essentially blamed me for ‘leaving things around’.
(I kept them in my bag I take with me to uni.)
As a result, I don’t want them in my room as they never get disciplined and the few times I did scold them, my nephew would burst into tears and my niece would get aggressive.
When all that was over my SIL would scold them but still find a way to make me seem like a ‘bad’ aunt. Sometimes my brother sets things straight but he’s too laid back with parenting and lets my SIL deal with it all.
My mom always uses the ‘they’re just kids’ excuse and that I shouldn’t be so ‘harsh’. I just want to move out but my mom needs me.
I’m just tired of having to worry about my room and things and I’m reaching a boiling every time my reaction to all these is turned on me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s valid to feel upset when anyone enters your room when you’re not around and messes with your things. It’s true they are kids but also important to educate them now about what’s acceptable and what’s not, for your mother and brother and SIL to just chalk it up as them being kids is just them being irresponsible adults.
If you can, lock the door when you’re not in the room or try to teach them instead of just telling them off since the supposedly parental figures refuse to do anything.” denasher
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Yes, kids will be kids but part of parenting them is setting boundaries and having consequences when rules are broken. The rules need to be enforced and kids shouldn’t get away with things by virtue of being kids.
You are their Aunt and shouldn’t have your authority undermined either – that is completely inappropriate and your brother and SIL’s priorities are disordered as well as upsetting the harmony and balance in the household.” Rigflurry_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have a right to your own space. They’re jerks for letting this happen. Get a lock, if your mother says no remind her that you are doing her a favor by staying here and helping her, and if she’s not going to respect your need for personal space and favor your brother and in-law and allow them to disrespect, then she can hear your brother for help because you deserve better than disrespect in your living space.
Talk to her, and if she doesn’t let you at least have a new lock then leave, because it would show she doesn’t respect you and is just using you for help. You deserve better.
I’ve been in a similar situation when I lived with my parents and my siblings would keep messing up my stuff, but it was always ‘kids will be kids’ and I was left cleaning the mess every day.
It drove me nuts. Don’t let them drive you nuts.” Strong_Definition_94
18. AITJ For Snapping At Someone Who Comments On My Weight?
“I, F19, threw a drink over him, M18, while we were out with our friend group over the Easter bank holiday because he constantly belittles me over my weight and calls me horrible fatphobic names.
I’ve always struggled with my body image and weight, ever since I was a young girl, I hit puberty very early so was bullied for developing faster than all the girls at school and for having my period and body hair.
I hated the way I looked, my hair would get greasy all the time, I had acne all over my face, shoulders, and back and I was gaining weight.
It worsened as I became a teenager, I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome, causing infertility, oily skin and acne, higher amounts of androgen making me have increased amount of body and f****l hair growth and weight gain).
This made it really hard for me to lose any weight.
When I started college in 2019, this ‘friend’ always made comments about how big I was and would pretend there was an earthquake happening when I got on the bus every morning and began to nickname me ‘Whale’ and ‘Hippo.’ I acted as though it didn’t get to me, but I would often go cry in the toilets because college, knowing he was right and how much I hated my body and the way I looked.
Skipping forward from my college years to yesterday, the last day of the Easter bank holiday weekend… The rest of the group still gets along with him, so they invited him to the meal out. While we were there, he kept making comments about how quickly and how much I was eating.
Both of our partners told him to cut it out, but he still continued.
As the waitress came over with the dessert menu, he announced to the table ‘Whale will want at least 3 desserts, I mean look at the size of her.’ I finally lost it, I had been dealing with the fatphobic comments and the horrible name-calling for 13 years now.
I picked up my glass of red wine and threw it all over him. I then told him to ‘Go screw yourself’ and apologized to the rest of the group and the waitress, leaving her a large tip, before leaving the restaurant and driving home.
So AITJ? I know that throwing the glass over him wasn’t right, but I’m fed up with the way he and others treat me for being overweight.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you need some therapy! On what planet is this person your friend?
On what planet is the rest of your friend group sitting there and listening to this for the past decade without telling him to get lost? This sounds like an incredibly toxic and dysfunctional group of people.
You don’t need to be in a friend group where it’s OK for you to be insulted and attacked for years.
You can’t change the past, but you can make a change starting now. You can draw a line in the sand and you can say that you will no longer tolerate any negative comments about your body. That’s it.
If you’re out with that group and anybody makes a comment, you get up and leave. If you get on the bus and this jerk makes a comment, you tell him to shut up. You’re not obligated to pretend it doesn’t bother you.
It’s a cliché but it’s true, you have to learn to love yourself. Because you don’t like the way you look and you don’t like the size of your body, that’s allowed you to tolerate other people not liking it.
I think it’s a sign of growth that you finally have had enough. Good for you! Keep working on drawing those boundaries and keep working on knowing your value, knowing that you deserve to be treated well no matter what size your body is.” EtonRd
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your ‘friend’ is a jerk, which begs the question as to why you hang around with this person. But there’s never a reason to resort to throwing drinks unless you’re trying to blind someone who’s got a gun pointed at you.
You way overreacted and could probably benefit from some counseling to improve your self-image. Maybe once you’re feeling better about yourself you’ll realize this person doesn’t need to be in your life. Good luck.” DplusLplusKplusM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he was never your friend just a bully in disguise, he crossed a line with the last comment he made with dessert. Completely unacceptable from anyone, people in that restaurant now know what a jerk he is.
Hopefully, word will get around and he gets shunned, I wouldn’t even be surprised if he has his own insecurities and that’s why he’s taking them out on you. I’m very sorry you had to experience this for that long.” DylantotheJ
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Change My Name?
“I (17x) have known this girl who we’ll call Sarah (she/they, 17) for the past 5 years. I considered her family for a while; we spent a lot of time together and told each other everything. My deadname was even a variant spelling of her name, so we would refer to ourselves as stuff like ‘Sarah²’ when we teamed up for school projects.
There were some hiccups along the way, and what I’m about to talk about is definitely not the only thing contributing to us being distant now, but it’s one of the things I find hardest to understand.
Without going into much detail, a few years ago, Sarah had a traumatic event involving her brother hurting their father.
The brother had a name that wasn’t very ‘cool’ so he used a shorter nickname.
Before this event, I was questioning my gender identity and was working hard to figure myself out. Luckily for me, when I needed a new name I had a nickname many of my online friends would call me, and so I switched to that.
The problem was that this new name was the brother’s nickname.
I didn’t do it to hurt her – I hadn’t considered their brother’s name, and I came out a few months before the event actually transpired. On the surface I wasn’t aware there was an issue, as Sarah never spoke to me about there being a problem.
The only thing that ever cropped up was them saying they’d call me by my last name in front of her family, which her family all already called me anyway. I was totally oblivious to the fact that anything was going on.
To this day I am still learning how terribly incorrect it was to assume things were fine. Reportedly Sarah never uses my actual name, always sticking to my last name, which really I wouldn’t have a qualm with had they openly discussed why with me.
They have told people that they begged me not to change my name to what it is and claimed that I refused, which is just plain untrue. While I can’t write off that she subtextually implied having an issue with it (as I’m autistic, and pretty well known for not being able to read between the lines), not once did she say directly to my face that she was upset.
There was absolutely zero malicious intent hidden in my name change. I did it for me, because the name is important to me, and it reflects who I really am. I understand that they might have trauma surrounding someone with the name, but I still think it’s unfair to act like I changed my name to hurt or upset her.
These days, Sarah and I are nowhere near as close as we were, which is painful but I’ve learned it’s mostly for the best. However, I’m still trying to process and work through what happened between us, and I feel like I really need second opinions and other perspectives here to understand things from her point of view.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she is/was as close a friend as you say, she ought to know you’ve got problems with subtext. So she’s been going behind your back shaming you for something you never did, at least not for the reasons she mentioned?
Perhaps trauma compels her to not see things from your perspective and brings on this small-mindedness, but nevertheless, you did nothing wrong.” DynkoFromTheNorth
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Obviously, your name choice had nothing to do with her sibling.
At the same time, she’s referring to you by your last name for lots of understandable reasons that have nothing to do with dead-naming you or something. She might not understand that the name choice is unrelated to her brother.
It sounds like a communication problem/a problem with non-crazy assumptions. Talk to her.” BigBayesian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Assuming your current identity is the one you plan to stick to for a while the name you’re using will endure long after you and ‘Sarah’ grow up and go your separate ways.
In the interim, she can just call you by your last name. If she’s so traumatized she can’t hear your preferred name she needs to work harder in therapy. One can’t just demand that others change their names because of some bad association with that name.
In fact, exposure to uncomfortable things is usually a good way to reclaim them. This idea that the world is supposed to be perfect all the time for all people is a childish fallacy. Use the name you like.” DplusLplusKplusM
16. AITJ For Telling My Dad He Needs To Be More Considerate Of My Sleep Schedule?
“My (m17) dad (72), (I was adopted) is a retired police officer. He quit over 30 years ago. It is currently 4 AM and I have school today…
Anyways, due to his job, he had a very demanding sleep schedule and woke up multiple times in the middle of the night to smoke and go on his computer and do whatever.
That alone would be fine if he didn’t do it SO loudly that it wakes me up. We live in a small house and everything he does I can hear (coughing, sneezing, making himself a coffee, opening doors to smoke, etc.).
He sleeps in the guest bedroom because he moves beds at night which is almost connected to my room. Not once has he (to my knowledge) even attempted to fix his sleep schedule or even acknowledge his impact on my sleep.
This is not the first time this has happened and now I am once again going to school with less than 3 hours of sleep. (I have to wake up at 6 AM for school.) Usually, I would be able to deal with this (like I have for the past 10 years) but I have extremely important exams coming up in 2 weeks and I can’t risk it.
I wrote him a note asking him to be more considerate of me and explained how I only got 2 and a half hours of sleep because of his routine.
AITJ for writing the note and asking him to be a little bit more considerate of me?
Note: He usually wakes up at around 12 AM, 2 AM, 3 AM, and again at 4 AM…”
Another User Comments:
“Well, you’re definitely not a jerk for writing a note. Does he know how much of an impact this has on your sleep schedule?
You said he never acknowledged it, but how would he know unless you told him?
I’ll go with ‘no jerks here’ for now because it’s not really your dad’s fault either unless you’ve communicated this to him before and he chose not to respect you, in which case he would be the jerk.
The best advice I can offer if he won’t budge on his routine is that you can get a cheap pair of noise-canceling earbuds on Amazon for $40. I have some noisy cats in my house that like to run around and make a bunch of noise in the middle of the night, and I’m a light sleeper.
Some cheap earbuds and one of those ‘rain sounds for 10 hours’ videos on YouTube solved my problem.” skyboundzuri
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – explain how this is affecting your sleep and ask him to buy white noise machines off Amazon or at Walmart – they’re around $23 each.
One in the guest room and one in your room should make a huge difference and might even help improve his sleep. He really should see a sleep specialist though and perhaps get a sleep study to see if there’s anything physically wrong like sleep apnea or PTSD from his career.” MissionRevolution306
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, men that age have to pee a lot. It wakes them up. It’s a pretty common thing. But I digress. Get some headphones. You will need them for every person you ever live with.
You cannot expect other free beings to sleep when you do, even if your times are those of the majority.” the_wretched_south
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tough one. He should actually have his prostate gland checked. Old men usually have enlarged glands which make them get up several times at night to urinate since it is not possible to empty the bladder completely.
The note was smart.” Soulrica
15. AITJ For Talking To My Partner About Her Drinking?
“My (33m) significant other (30f) and I got together in December.
She is brilliant, but I have concerns about the role drinking plays in her life. I told her this and naturally, she’s upset and felt pressure to change.
No actual problem has manifested (apart from my raising it) which makes me wonder if I’m being a controlling jerk.
Essentially:
My SO drinks 2-3 glasses of wine a day. Usually at home by herself from 4 pm onwards (she works from home).
If she sees friends she has a bit more i.e. a bottle of wine or more (approx 1-2x a week). She rarely gets wasted.
Her drinking is very consistent and she is fairly uncompromising about it.
For example, she will drink and drive although she knows it’s wrong. I told her I didn’t like that, so last week she chose to walk 5k in the middle of the night after a weekday night out rather than drive home.
Obviously, that’s up to her but it seems unsustainable and doesn’t seem possible for her to have just one drink or not drink on those occasions so she can make her life easier and drive.
In December my SO described herself as a heavy drinker.
I assumed it was tongue in cheek. She has since told me that is not the case but she was worried about her drinking at the time. She attempted ‘dry January’ and decided after a week that she had proved to herself she was in control of her drinking.
She tells me that’s the longest period of sobriety she has had in 16 years.
Conscious of being overly judgmental/puritanical about this. I also have a parent with a mild dependence on booze so I may be sensitive to this issue.
My SO thinks this is equivalent to not eating 5 fruit and veg and day i.e. not ideal but nothing to worry about. Strangely she seems to have a red line when it comes to smoking – she wouldn’t go out with someone who smoked even once a day – but cannot see why I would worry about drinking in the same way.
To me, drinking has much more potential to be damaging.
This may be a simple compatibility issue but AITJ for telling her what I think and essentially putting pressure on her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is a heavy drinker, and she seems unwilling to quit drinking.
Also she drinks and drives?? She will hurt someone you know. If she thinks it’s no big deal, she will not change, and the drinking will only get worse. You have been together for a very short time, so it might be better for everyone to get out now, rather than spending years with someone who will always choose to drink.
It is not worth it to have a relationship with someone who is already in a relationship with booze because drinking will always win.
That said, you can’t tell her what to do or control her. You can not cure/save her if she thinks her drinking is fine.
You have to decide if you can live with her drinking, and if not, no one will blame you if you leave.” Rush_Electronic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but also YTJ
You haven’t been together long. Please consider the realities of what it would be like to be in a relationship with a high-functioning heavy drinker before you become any more committed to her.
She told you that she’s a heavy drinker. You didn’t believe her, that’s on you.
She’s not going to quit drinking for you. Women are particularly prone to health issues related to drinking. I’ve known two women who destroyed their lives by drinking.
One is now dead. The other lost her law career, property, and her functional memory. She’s a shell of who she was, and her family grieves her every day even though she’s still ‘alive.’
Get out while you can.” Johoski
Another User Comments:
“As long as you continue to frame it as a compatibility issue you’re NTJ. She deserves fair warning that this isn’t the lifestyle you want to live (meaning there’s very little point in continuing to see her).
But you need to know when to pull the trigger and end the relationship. Just threatening for weeks on end is tedious and undermines your point.” DplusLplusKplusM
14. AITJ For Yelling And Cursing At A Driver?
“So I (15m) was walking home after hanging out with my friends all day as it was nearly 9:30 in the evening. I was trying to cross a road and I looked left and right. I noticed a car but since it didn’t signal, I thought it would go straight ahead, so I began crossing, but halfway as I was crossing, the car suddenly turned and nearly hit me.
The car then honked its horn which spooked me, causing me to drop my phone (I wasn’t on it, it was just chilling in my hand). I was rather annoyed and I picked up my phone and yelled at the driver, cursing at him and telling him to signal next time.
I instantly felt bad and wanted to apologize but he drove away. So, AITJ in this story?”
Another User Comments:
“It’s probably not a good move to yell at people when you’re alone (or at all) as that could put you in danger.
You’re NTJ though and did your due diligence as a pedestrian to be safe and courteous. His not signaling or paying attention to the crosswalk was a blatant trashy move and serves to bolster the claim that you have to really look out for yourself when you’re walking.
Please be safe out there and don’t think for a second that you should apologize.” EquivalentOk3879
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. First of all, were you crossing legally or illegally? If you were crossing at a proper crosswalk, then you’re not at fault because you have the right of way.
However, YTJ for your choice of language. I’ve yelled at drivers before for almost hitting me when I was crossing legally and they weren’t paying attention. However, cursing them is never okay in any situation. I know you’re only 15 but you need to be careful of what you say.” ArtemisFletcher92
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The guy driving should have definitely signaled. It’s something I’ve learned while driving, if I’m pulling out a junction and someone is signaling to go down the road I’m coming from, in theory, it would be safe for me to set off.
But I usually wait, this is because people have signaled and then nearly ran into my side of me before. And people have not signaled and turned off before, the point is you can’t trust anyone on the road.
Some just shouldn’t be driving and the guy in your story is a guy who shouldn’t be on the road! Maybe be careful who you shout at though, especially when alone and in the middle of the road!
Scary people out there!” D3ner
13. AITJ For Making A Scene In The Restroom?
“My wife and I were doing a small pub crawl with some friends. We were about to leave one bar when I had to pee. There was one stall in the men’s and women’s bathrooms. (a stall and sink so no lock on the door and the men’s room had a urinal.) There was a big line for the women’s room.
I went into the men’s room and a woman was washing her hands. She yells ‘OH my get out I’m in here!’ I leave quickly. Her friends then tell me to get to the end of the line because they are all waiting to use the bathroom.
They were rude so I told them to get lost I’m using the MEN’s room. I went in when the other lady came out. Am I in the wrong here? I mean I wouldn’t have gone into the women’s room if the men’s room had a line.
That’s just etiquette.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but almost ‘no jerks here’. It’s pretty widely accepted that in a situation like this, women can and do use the men’s room. That being said, if I were the next woman in line here, I would have let you use the men’s room.
It’s more of an ‘if a man isn’t using it, women can’ than a ‘next woman in line gets to use whichever room is free’ deal, in my opinion.
I think it’s fine for them to have used the men’s room, but the woman can’t be surprised when a guy walks in, and the other women shouldn’t be upset when a man wants to use the men’s room next.
Would be the same in the opposite direction, though that almost never happens.
Should we have gendered bathrooms? Maybe not. But I believe this is pretty widely known etiquette given that we do.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Lines for the women’s bathroom very often suck, and I have been sorely tempted before to use the men’s, so I get her… But if she uses the men’s restroom – which she really shouldn’t anyway – she should expect there to be, well, men.
You were fine. She and her friends can go back to the women’s line.
There are a few exceptions. If someone who is female-presenting is in the bathroom and doesn’t say anything, they may not actually be a woman.
You never know, and just so you know, it’s not okay to ask, in case you are ever tempted to. Also, she may be pregnant. Trust me, that is line-skipping worthy sometimes. If she has a child with her and there are no other options or has disabilities, she may have no other choice.
(Do understand that pregnancy and disability can sometimes not be visible to you.)
She was being an entitled jerk, though.” ChaoticForkingGood
12. AITJ For Being Mad At My Partner For Putting A Love Letter In My Food?
“I love my significant other, I love him so much. He’s kind, he’s handsome, he’s amazing, he’s smart but he just…
he just does those stuff.
I came home to find that my SO made me a sandwich, I thanked him for that, I was really flattered but then I took a big bite of it and oh my god, I found a piece of paper!
A piece of paper! In my BURGER! I could have choked on it, it was a love letter from him to me.
I snapped at him for trying to make me chock on my food and he said that he thought it would be romantic, I was so mad at him and he said that I’m not acting rationally, how?
You just put a piece of paper in my food! You could have done damage to me!
He’s mad at me and he said that I’m a jerk, I then got rid of the paper and continued eating the burger.
I stormed out of the house and now I’m in the park writing this. AITJ?
EDIT: Btw I didn’t get rid of the letter, I spit the piece I almost ate and I’m going to read it later, I’m just angry right now at my SO’s actions.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – First of all, you can eat paper, it’s not a big deal. If it was a ring or something like that like you see in movies then I’d have an issue with it.
But this is not something to get upset about and it does sound really cute on his end. Now that being said, after you apologize, you can and probably should ask that he not do that again, and I’ve been laughing to myself thinking about this for a few minutes now.
If you go back, read the letter then just eat it in front of him, and be like, ‘if you don’t want me to eat the next one, don’t put it in a sandwich!’ That would be hilarious.” Spencer98881
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, movies can be so misleading, they show that no one chokes on a love letter. Putting a foreign object in food unless you know that it’s already there is very hazardous. And the anxiety of almost choking is completely and utterly normal. If you are able to mentally separate what’s in the love letter from the action of it being in your food try to do so for your relationship.
And please let them know how you felt about what was in the letter separately from how you felt about it being in your food. And just like you are not able to download ninja skills into your head and fight like one in under a minute.
Love letters in food are dangerous and unrealistic. One can like the sentiment and the emotions behind it but not the actions. Wishing you safe eating and open communications in your relationship.” boiledpenny
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ, your immediate reaction was wrong, you should not have snapped at him.
A sensible reaction would have been: ‘oh! There’s paper in my burger, what’s going on?’ In a calm collected manner. He’d have then told you, and you could have said ‘okay, I appreciate the thought, but, next time tuck it under the side of the plate, or beside the burger whatever.
That way it’s visible, not gonna get eaten, and is still the romantic gesture you were aiming for.’
In all honesty, if you walk in and have the second part as a calm conversation with him, and apologize for your earlier reaction, all should be okay.
Consider it a learning experience.” ScottishSpartacus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Listen. I don’t think that a bite of paper has a high chance of doing anyone but a small child any serious harm, however, it is possible. You could’ve not noticed and choked trying to swallow or the paper/ink could’ve been toxic or given you a weird reaction for example.
However, even beyond that, it’s just a gross thing to do – you don’t mess with people’s food. You just don’t. He could’ve folded it into your napkin, wrapped it around your water glass, put it under your plate – there were so many other options that weren’t IN your food.
Also tho, burgers are generally just kinda messy?? Paper in it certainly wouldn’t last long and rendered the entire thing inedible. That was a very weird not well-thought-out choice IMO.
It is super sweet that he wants to make cute romantic gestures for you so when you talk to him about this maybe let him know that you do really appreciate it but hope that he’ll make better choices about how he does it in the future.” Tiffany_Case
11. WIBTJ If I Tell My Boss I'm Not Obliged To Continue Working?
“Some time ago I volunteered to be an interpreter for a foreign guest (let’s call them A) in my community. The community was and still is in dire need of their services, and I mean dire.
A couple of days into my time as an interpreter I signed some papers agreeing to provide my services on a full-time basis.
I even translated the same papers, since A wanted to do so as well. In general, I was pretty satisfied with my job and my work.
I knew there would be some bureaucratic delays, they are to be expected, so I proceeded to perform my duties as best as I could, and I’ve received some positive feedback.
The organization of, well, everything was pretty shoddy, though, and both A and I were left pretty disappointed. A left the country before my translation of their contract could be approved and they could sign it – to deal with some related issues at home.
Now, that should allow me to say ‘my work here is done’ and move on since both of us have done what was being asked of us. The problem is, that my coordinator keeps asking me to contact A again for other business-related reasons, which I do.
I initially signed up as a volunteer, though. My contract has now been signed by both parties, but it will become effective only once I receive my copy of it. The coordinator has my paperwork, but since, officially, there is nothing to do for me (and due to their forgetfulness), I have not yet received it.
I am happy to continue working as a volunteer, and I am glad to help my community in any way I can (and I cannot stress it enough, it does urgently require any help it can get), but I’m also a university student.
I would like to take academic leave, but I cannot do so without proof of my circumstances. Additionally, without that paperwork neither I nor my family can receive any benefits.
I intend to tell my co-ordinator that they should give me my papers and give me something to do (I’m no worse than anyone in the collective, I could perform any task that needs to be done as well as anybody else, just tell me what to do) or else stop expecting me to do anything, but I am afraid that will be a selfish move since many people rely on my help right now.
So, WIBTJ if I did say so?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. sometimes you have to be selfish because others aren’t going to look out for your best interests. Right now your boss gets your services for free, so what is their incentive to change things?
They will keep using you until you burn out.” ICWhatsNUrP
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Since you are receiving nothing in return for your services, your so-called contract — such as it is — is probably not enforceable. I’d file a complaint with both the coordinator and the higher-ups.
Then, I’d volunteer for another organization.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stop allowing people to take advantage of you. Put a stop to it now. If they are really in need they will get the paperwork done like yesterday.” AbenaGH0209M3
10. AITJ For Refusing To Pick Up My Partner From The Airport?
“My partner and I are going on a trip across the country to visit her sister and a friend.
The trip includes 12 hours of travel which involves a red-eye flight. I get there the day before while my partner gets there at 5 am. The other day my partner called me and said she had informed her sister I would pick her up even though I had no sleep the prior night and would have to drive someone else’s car.
The airport is also an hour away. It also felt like her offering me up after a full night of no sleep was uncaring. I do not live in the area and figured it would be more realistic if her sister would pick her up since it is also her car too.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – part of being in a relationship is extending yourself for them, going out of your way for your partner. You decided that she has asked too much of you.
She now knows how far you will go for her. Apparently, not very IMO.” Nunchuckz007
Another User Comments:
“I mean it would’ve been nice for you to want to pick up your SO, but you bring up many valid points.
Your SO really should’ve asked you first. Even if the assumption is that you will do it, asking first to make sure is still the right way to go about it. Assuming that in any other situation you would pick her up, I’m going with NTJ.” User
A man in his mid 20's who had at one time worked for me was driving sleep deprived to pick up his wife. He fell asleep at the wheel, crashed and died. He and his wife had a small child who will never know their father. He was his widowed mother's only child. It was heartbreaking.
Statistic show that driving drowsy accounts for 20% of traffic related deaths.
9. AITJ For Destroying A Friendship Because Of My Past?
“I (17f) was in a very toxic friendship last year, it ended very badly and still messes with me today. This friend P got mad at me for branching out friends and playing video games with other people.
This led to her cutting off my friendship with her then-partner who was interested in me before they started going out and I was a very good friend. This ended with her hiring someone to spy on me as well as threatening to call the police because she ‘claimed’ I was stalking her (I was not).
(some context as well for my state of mind at the moment was I had just gotten out of the hospital for mental health reasons and was failing school) I then left that school and switched to my current school.
This current friendship with B after a while started to remind me of P a lot, she started acting the same and I would literally get nauseous from being around her. She was also changing her personality for this guy that we knew had many red flags such as being an awful person so some people.
I chose to disconnect myself from her to prioritize myself as well as some of our mutual friends cause one was talking trash about me and the other was only using me as a therapist when he knew it could trigger me because we have very similar mental problems. I told her after a few days why I did this and we haven’t really talked since, one of my close friends who is also friends with her encourages me to talk to her.
Long story short, AITJ for cutting B off?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I am truly sorry to read what you had been through previously. No judgment from me and you did the right thing on your part for the sake of your mental health.
Right now you and your mental health are top priority so I recommend that you speak to a counselor, family doctor, or even a therapist to help you unload any mental baggage you gained from the toxic friendships.
Take as much time as you need to heal and unload.” KangarooOk2190
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Do what is best for your mental health. It doesn’t sound like you’re being unreasonable or irrational. It might help to also ask a trusted person for their take since they might know the situation better, but I think cutting them off or going low contact is best for you.” User
8. AITJ For Not Lending My Phone To My Dad?
“My (25M) dad (55M) has been the ‘go-to person’ of his family. whenever they have a problem of any sort he’s the one they call and he always helps out no matter what. He’s also soft-spoken, never raises his voice, and never says unkind things about anyone.
So he has this image of a helpful, generous, kind, almost perfect relative/father.
But when it comes to my siblings and me, he becomes a different person. I haven’t spent a day with him that he doesn’t say we’d never amount to anything, or how tired he is to be our dad, sometimes he even says stuff like spending a day with us shortens his life.
He always compares me to his friends’ children or my cousins. He keeps on saying that he wasted so much time and money raising ungrateful children. He basically just says unkind words to us and then proceeds to love bomb us after a few hours or sometimes he just acts as if nothing happened. I’ve been dealing with this since I was a kid and I’m just really tired of it.
Today he was about to go out for lunch with a friend and demanded that I let him borrow my phone since his phone was having problems (like texts not sending, or suddenly shutting down). I told him is that how you ask someone when you borrow their stuff?
And he asked if I was gonna let him borrow it or not and I said no. He then got up, called me ungrateful, and went out to leave.
I know this sounds ridiculous and petty. But I am just so tired of getting treated like trash by my own parent and yet he expects me to still respect him or be nice to him.
I do however feel guilty for not letting him borrow my phone since he did give us whatever we needed as kids, I was just so annoyed. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He has his own phone, there was no emergency and he just needed to deal with fixing his own phone.
He didn’t need to borrow yours.
It sounds like you still live at home or you at least see your family every day. Why? If the atmosphere is toxic, move away from it, don’t marinate in it.” MoFun06
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father asked and you said no. End of story there. He sounds super emotionally abusive tho, and you and your siblings are probably going to want to get some therapy to help undo some of the response patterns good ole’ dad instilled in you.
You may also want to read the book ‘Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents’, sounds like it would be helpful to you.” FuneralKazooBand
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Reminds me of my own father. Friends with everyone and always has a guy in seemingly any field that he can swing discounts/favors.
All his friends love him.
But when he was just with us, he was a nightmare. It was a relief any time he went on trips (military). We developed our own language to be able to talk around him.
Phones are very personal. It isn’t like letting someone borrow a pager or a game console – he would have access to all your conversations, apps, banks, etc., assuming you use those on mobile.
You’re an adult, and he shouldn’t be allowed to take advantage of you and still expect obedience.” BearlyAcceptable
7. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Wash My Hoodie?
“My partner (20F) has had my (20M) hoodie since August of last year. She won’t return it, it’s a given. But she doesn’t wash it either.
She wears it occasionally and I’ve asked her more than 20 times to wash it, she says she will do it but she never does it.
It’s getting frustrating whenever she doesn’t do something she says she will do.
Today, she sent me a post about hoodies and asked me to give another one of my hoodies to her but I refused and asked her to wash my hoodie first, and then she tells me ‘You give me another hoodie then I’ll give you back this hoodie’.
I’m already very annoyed at this point.
I blow up on her saying she has to wash my hoodie and how she always says she will but won’t. Back in December, she tried washing it once but didn’t know how to operate the washing machine so she said she’ll do it some other day.
She doesn’t want her parents to know she has my hoodie, so she doesn’t want to give it to them to wash, and only can wash it when she’s home alone (which she is a lot).
Once I blew up on her, she started saying that she didn’t mean what she said at first, and then she sends me a message saying there was a typo and she meant to type ‘You give me another hoodie when I’ll give you back this hoodie’.
I immediately knew she was lying because it was too much of an accident to type W instead of T and the context of the messages at the time of the first message.
Now she’s giving me the cold shoulder saying I shouldn’t have been so rude to her.
But I’ve already asked her to wash my hoodie 50 times.
I know people are gonna say, that once a girl takes your hoodie, you won’t get it back. Yes, but I’m mainly sick of her lying and not doing something she says she’ll do.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ or maybe ‘everyone sucks here’, sharing comfortable clothing and such is a common thing in some relationships and is pretty cute, but by no means is it a hard and fast rule that you are bound to.
If you’ve asked multiple times and she perpetually refuses, then she doesn’t seem to respect your wishes or belongings. Not sure what you said during your ‘blow up on her’ so you could be the jerk for that, but not about wanting your property taken care of and looked after.” PastelDruid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A 20-year-old claiming not to know how to operate a washing machine is alarming. It makes me wonder what other life skills she is ignorant of carrying out. Get your hoodie back and get a new girl.” OneWithoutaName2
Another User Comments:
“Simple solution – everyone sucks here. You acknowledge you’re not getting the hoodie back. You, therefore, surrendered all rights to it. This means you cannot keep nagging her to wash it. Sure, it’s really frustrating but you’ve given up ownership with your words.
Your partner is no better. She sucks too. Not because she took your hoodie but because she’s lying. Although it’s her decision as to whether it’s washed, it is also her decision to lie about it.
You should treat the hoodie washing and the lies as two different issues.
Lying on its own can be an issue and must be discussed for the sake of your relationship’s future. You should find out why she’s compelled to lie about something so small.” nikkesen
6. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My In-Laws' Kids?
“I (40m) was asked by my BIL and SIL to babysit their (5m) and (2m) kids for an entire weekend so they can go on a trip.
I explained that I just started a new job and there’s a decent chance that I will work some overtime on Saturday or use the weekend to unwind depending on my stress level.
They started to plead and badger me to give up my weekend for them.
I responded that watching their kids is work and that I’ll have to get something in return if they want me to give up my entire weekend. They got mad and started to rant about family and the ‘village’.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You always have a right to say no. Couple of issues: 1. if they are significantly more well off financially than you, it’s reasonable to expect them to offer to pay you. 2. Babysitting vs staying overnight are different things.
They could maybe pay for a daytime babysitter then you’re around for the overnight. That way you’re free to work and de-stress AND their kids are safe overnight. 3. Their guilt trips and lack of respect definitely make them jerks.
They are imposing on you. If you say no, they are no worse off than before.
As an aside, I’ve been the parent in this situation. I’ve asked my adult daughters to watch their much younger sister.
They made it a ‘girl’s weekend’. I gave them each $200 for food, entertainment, or whatever. I made it clear that they could say no. It was a huge benefit to us because the youngest was staying with someone we trust absolutely.” KnownAd7367
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So sick of people using ‘it takes a village’ as a means to badger someone to do something for their kids. The original meaning behind that was ‘many people must cooperate to achieve a goal’ and used to indicate ‘that one is acknowledging other peoples’ roles in the success of a project’.
It still doesn’t apply to your BIL/SIL’s argument as they want free babysitting. The original proverb in all its various translations is more about the community’s impact on the upbringing of its children, not watch my kid.
Enjoy your weekend off and congrats on your new job; may you be successful with your new company.” BadBandit1970
Another User Comments:
“I think it’s good you set clear intentions of expecting to get paid before agreeing to watch the child at least.
I think this is more of a cultural problem, and there isn’t a clear jerk in this situation. It does take a village to raise a child. Birth rates have dropped to an actual concerning rate for this next generation being born.
But if you look at factors like how much child care costs and how much rent is, looking at medium income, and factoring everything out, it makes sense why people aren’t having children.
The whole it takes a village thing is the hardest part of raising kids now.
We don’t have a family to take a part in raising children like our parents did, at least most of us don’t. We can’t rely on people the same. It’s just a bad situation all around. I think it’s sad that more children will grow up not having close relationships with their families.
I will say NTJ because you set clear boundaries and expectations, and it doesn’t sound like you were berating them in the process.” nadiekitten
5. WIBTJ If I Put Cat Poop In My Roommate's Bed?
“This roommate and I do not get along. Both of us have issues with each other and I will not pretend that I have been perfect, but neither has he.
This is unrelated to the current issue at hand but keep my bias in mind when making your judgments.
Anyways, one of my roommates — the one I share a bedroom and bathroom with — has a cat.
The problem is he’s not the most attentive owner. I could list a billion ways I disapprove of the way he raises her, but it is his cat and she’s relatively happy & healthy so it’s not my place.
That being said…
He does not clean/change the litter nearly enough. Completely changes it once every 7 – 8 days, and doesn’t do any cleaning otherwise. As such, the cat has taken to occasional pooping on the bathroom floor when it gets too dirty.
This is obviously unacceptable. The first time it happened I shrugged it off but it’s happened multiple times since then. I was planning to be petty and just start fully changing the litter every 2 – 3 days. It’s a waste of litter and garbage bags, but if my roommate has to start spending more on it, maybe he’ll notice and start caring.
My other roommate convinced me to be reasonable and buy a litter scoop, but I’m not super enthusiastic about cleaning out the litter box of someone else’s cat. I was willing to bite the bullet anyways and cope.
Then today happened.
My roommate had an earlyish class this morning. When he got back he went back to bed. I was awake and decided to use the bathroom, only to discover a fresh treat on the floor.
I woke him up and he removed it, and I started getting ready for my class.
As I was getting dressed, I heard him get back into bed. I asked if he’d changed the litter — it was too dirty, that’s why the cat pooped on the floor — and he said he would later.
Fine, whatever. I had 8 hours of classes coming up and didn’t want to make it a big deal.
When I got back late at night, not only was the litter still not changed, but my roommate was about to leave for 24+ hours to hang with his partner.
This means his cat was definitely going to poop on the floor again and I was going to have to clean it up. I am extremely mad about this. I asked him to switch the litter before he left — admittedly somewhat passive-aggressively — and he got catty with me, but did.
I try to be civil but I’m out for b***d at this point. I’ve talked to him about this being a problem and tried to be nice but he insists it’s not an issue. It’s unsanitary, stressful for the cat, and happens almost weekly.
My other roommates sympathize with me but have their own bathroom and are ultimately not super motivated to help me talk some sense into him. If it happens again, I am considering placing the poop in a plastic bag, tying it off, and leaving it in his bed.
Yes, this is incredibly petty. But does it cross a line? WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but… I wouldn’t do it. Maybe leave it beside the bed, in the bed could be a health hazard if he doesn’t see it.
On the other hand, this guy really doesn’t want to seem to listen to you, at all. Talk to your other roommate and see if something can be done.
Personally, I’d sit him down and say that cleaning the cat litter and by extension, the regular cat poop is a chore, and you shouldn’t have to bug him to do a chore for HIS pet in mutual living space on such a regular basis, and that every time it happens you’ll clean it up for a charge of something stupid, like $25 (hazard pay, it is fecal matter hahaha) and be totally serious about it.
Say you expect that money and then when it happens, collect on it. Be way more annoying about being paid than about the litter itself.
Or idk. Start double parking in his parking space if he has one.” SordidMorbidCreature
Another User Comments:
“Your roommate is the jerk. The best way to join him in that designation would be to perform the action you’re suggesting. TBH if you’re old enough to live outside your parents’ home you’re too old to be doing this nonsense.
Move out or get him to move out. Don’t regress to being a ten-year-old just to get his attention.” DplusLplusKplusM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, maybe he’ll see what suffering he is putting that cat through. Even if you scooped out all the poop, there would still be a lake of urine at the bottom, which is probably what is upsetting the cat into not using it.
This is neglect. Honestly, I would just dump the whole thing on his bed till he learns how to care for the life he is responsible for.” i_needahero
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your roommate is obviously not a great cat owner (or roommate).
Who dumps the litter entirely once a week instead of scooping it out?? Idk where you live, but in the US, the vast majority of kitty litter products are designed to be scooped every few days and changed monthly.
It’s sorta gross but it takes 30 seconds. Dirty litter boxes really stress out cats and can cause UTIs and other major medical issues. The poor cat obviously deserves better.
That being said, what makes you think putting poo in your roommate’s bed is going to make ANYTHING better?
Do you think he’s suddenly going to feel bad for you/the cat instead of being super annoyed?
Sit down and have a full adult conversation instead of trying to be ‘nice’.” potential816
You can live with this
You can scoop the litter yourself
You can dump the litter weekly and refill it - this may lead to there not being any litter because he won’t buy it often enough in which case you’ll be buying it
You can tell him to move
You can move
You can try to have a calm adult conversation with him about it but my guess is that he’ll blow you off
You can give the cat away to someone that you know will properly care for it and tell him it ran away
4. AITJ For Agreeing With My Mom?
“My brother (25M) is not financially responsible. He’s moved out and moved back in countless times.
My mom gets an overdraft notice in the mail (if he’s about to or is in debt). Note, that he has about $20 in his account. She received one today, saying he was still paying for a phone bill even though he buys prepaid.
She asked him about it at dinner after he had gotten home from work, and he immediately threw a fit and ran off saying he was getting food at 7 pm and came home at 12 am.
I talked to him and told him he can’t run from his problems all the time (yes, this is what he normally does) and he got mad at me and started to defend himself angrily, even after I tried to switch topics multiple times.
He rolled over in his bed and started to watch his show while about to cry. I said goodnight and left, but IDK what to do with him anymore. There isn’t much we can do either. If we try and help him manage his finances he throws a fit and says he’ll move out and live in his car, my family doesn’t know what to do with him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let him move out and live in his car. A bit of tough love might be what he needs. He is no longer a child and having the safety net of being able to move in and out of your mom’s home means he never has to take responsibility for his own finances.
Your family needs to make it clear that either they manage his finances until he is in better stead and can move out or he needs to go and take care of himself, but this cannot be an indefinite scenario.” Various-Bridge-325
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You don’t need to take sides. It’s not your business.
It is your parents’ business because they are giving him free shelter. They should let him stay in his car for a month and let him figure out what it means if he doesn’t take their advice.” Easy-Concentrate2636
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother is old enough to learn how to manage his own finances and bills and be on his own. He needs therapy and your mother needs to stop enabling him.” LetThemEatHay
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here except for your mom (or parents).
Your brother needs to learn to be more responsible financially.
And you need to learn that you’re not your brother’s keeper. This really is none of YOUR business.” jammy913
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Sit Beside My Friend During Class?
“So I (M14) have been friends with this one girl (F14) from my class for a while, we like the same games, movies genres, and stuff.
One day in class, she asks the teacher if she can change her seat to be next to me, and I get caught off guard.
I am bad at social situations and I get embarrassed, timid, and get really bad anxiety when everyone looks at me. Everyone starts making jokes like ooh she likes him and other jokes like that. I say no because I didn’t want to make it look like we liked each other and because I was panicked.
After that, other people in class start making more jokes like how I was embarrassed or she was rejected. She didn’t say anything back, she just accepted it. When class ended, I tried talking to her and apologizing for declining.
She ignored me and blocked me on social media. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, honestly man middle/high school are awkward for everyone. She definitely should have asked you before asking to sit next to you and asked the teacher in private to switch seats, if you had said yes.
She shouldn’t have done it in public like that because it does tend to invite people to pick on you. She didn’t do anything wrong, was just a little careless in how she went about it.
Try talking to her again and explain it made you anxious and she should have asked you first and asked the teacher privately instead of bringing it up in front of the whole class. If she ignores you again then maybe she’s not mature enough to be your friend yet.” Dios-De-Pollos
Another User Comments:
“It’s up to you who you want to sit with, you’re free to decline. It seems however that you probably would’ve liked her sitting next to you if people didn’t say anything.
You might’ve not wanted it to be as big of a deal as your classmates made it out to be, but when you started panicking it became ‘a big deal’. Now they were ‘right’ in that it wasn’t as ‘innocent’ and they found something to tease you about further.
I don’t want to call her a jerk either for being embarrassed about the situation. Feeling that you didn’t stand up for her and yourself.
The only ones who are jerks here are the ones teasing you (and embarrassing her).
Without them, it probably wouldn’t be a big deal and even if you declined she wouldn’t have reacted by blocking you.
So you’re not a jerk for not wanting her to sit beside you, but neither is she.
They are.
However, by doing something you wouldn’t have done if not for peer pressure you’re throwing her under the bus. Friends shouldn’t do that to each other.
I get that it’s not as easy as just standing up for someone at your age.
That you’re giving yourself a target on your back by being ‘friendly’. However at some point, you need to stand up for yourself and your friends, else you’ll end up without friends who’ll do the same for you.” haveitgood
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I just feel like everything is always taken wrong when you are 14yo so she was definitely hurt, I would give her a couple of days and try talking to her alone and explain why you reacted that way and how you just reacted without thinking bc of the stress of everyone giving you this unwanted attention.
If she doesn’t want to understand it isn’t someone you want to associate with trust me.” ifyouknowyouknow4
Another User Comments:
“Leave her alone. You have your boundaries right? You set them right? So she’s setting hers and you MUST RESPECT THAT!
You hurt her. And I know that you panicked but this is a life lesson. Actions have consequences. People don’t have to accept your apologies and be your friend again no matter how sorry you are. People who are hurting are entitled to take their own time sorting out their feelings and moving at their own pace to reach a place that is most comfortable for them, not you.
You made your choice. She respected your boundaries when you set them. Leave her alone. Move on. If she decides to come back? Then you can either accept or deny it. But you can’t force her to forgive you.
Just as she didn’t force you to be a good friend to her like she has been before that class.
Good luck with your future endeavors. I’m sure you’ll find lots of friends out there. I know she will.
You most certainly are kinda the jerk.” MainComposer3645
2. AITJ For Being Annoyed That One Of Our Male Friends Joins Girls' Night?
“I am in a 10-person college friend group that includes 5 guys and 5 girls. My partner and I are both in the group and there’s one more hetero couple in the group.
The girls had organized a girls’ night out before and I was particularly happy that they did since my girl got to hang out with the girls by herself, given she is a bit shy and I love when she gets to socialize and get together with friends without me.
This isn’t relevant to the story, but I wanted to at least try to clarify that what I will explain has no root in me being a jerk to my partner and is a problem I would have either way even if I didn’t have a partner in the friend group.
Anyways, the times they organized a girl’s night out we guys hang out by ourselves and did our own ‘guys night’. No problem at all. We all had a great time. Now, let’s skip to the present. The girls want to organize another night out.
Cool. But now they have a vote and invite their favorite person from the guys to hang out with them. So they voted and decided on one of the guys to join their ‘girls’ night’ and they are holding it at his home.
So is this some type of ‘every time we bring alone one guy’? Nope, they believe that the other guys aren’t even fit apparently to join them.
This makes me feel weird and honestly excluded. There was a point in having a ‘girls’ night’ but bringing along one extra guy just sounds like 6/9 of the group will hang out together and that the other 3 will be excluded. I mentioned this to them and they just laughed and said ‘Haha yup exactly’ and told me that I shouldn’t feel excluded and that I came in second on the vote.
I told them that even if they invited me I would not join them since it would have the same effect on the other 3 guys in the group no matter who is selected.
I didn’t drag this out, just mentioned it once and dropped it afterward, but they told me that I was just being jealous and should stop complaining.
I have been thinking about whether I am justified to feel annoyed. I am not angry towards my guy friend that will be joining them at all, he is invited to an outing and can go without stressing about people not invited, but as far as the girls go, I find it a bit wrong to organize an outing where they only pick 6/9 people to join along with them.
I would be equally annoyed if any person in our friend group invited only 5 others from the group (and made a deal about a ‘selection process’ to pick them out) to their house to drink.
Perhaps it’s just my insecurities about being left out from groups before so, AITJ?
Also, WIBTJ if I brought it up with my partner or friends again?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That seems like some weird play of ‘this is our favorite’ and almost like a childish power play of ‘we can choose who to exclude’.
It’s not insecurity, it’s a natural result of people excluding others just to feel exclusive or who knows why. One thing is to hang out with only part of the group because a plan is born naturally but to intentionally plan and gatekeep seems like a high school means girls’ drama.
Express that it hurts you, and if they don’t care and keep planning it and discussing it in front of you, then they are telling you how much they care about respecting you.
Basic manners mean ‘do not discuss a plan in front of people who aren’t invited.'” Slow-Bumblebee-8609
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. This is just weird. Maybe all of you couples should consider more outings alone with your respective partners and less of this group stuff. You say you’re all in college but this feels more like a middle school outing to the mall.” DplusLplusKplusM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for feeling left out but there may also be a reason they are choosing to invite the one man into their space for women. I’ve been the one man invited on ‘girls nights’ and it’s often because I’d engage with the ‘girl things’ earnestly outside of such spaces and so I wasn’t seen as a disruption of such a space (maybe being bi was part of it but I wasn’t out in every group).
You can feel left out but at the end of the day if the women want a protected time and space they can also decide who to let into such space.
They may have made a big deal about the selection simply because without making the selection seem big the other men would have forced their way in through after the one man they were fine with joining.
Respect their choice and accept that they feel like the one man they invited won’t disrupt the environment they want or need. There are lots of reasons they would exclude other men, that doesn’t make the rest of you ‘bad men’ but simply may mean you won’t flow with the feminine vibe as well.” Wingnutmcmoo
1. AITJ For Confronting My Coworker About Her Unlocking The Doors?
“I (20F) have been working at a pharmacy for 2 months now and got this job through a friend because a new owner took over and he hired a few new casuals, including myself.
I was trained by the old manager who still works there but is now just full-time, and I’ve proven myself to be a very capable worker and I take a lot of shifts when I can.
Each shift there must be one pharmacist on duty, who dispenses the scripts and talks to customers about medications.
This one pharmacist, we’ll call her Amy, has been a pain in our butts ever since she started. She’s unashamedly lazy but seems to think as the pharmacist she can do as she pleases. When customers are waiting, she asks anyone around her to deal with them even if they’re busy with other jobs, while she stays on her personal laptop (we think she’s doing uni work) or sometimes she’s just sitting down doing nothing.
Her whole job is to dispense scripts, but she’s constantly asking us to do it so I wonder what work she even does.
A few years ago our store was robbed by a man with a machete four times in a row, and since then we have a security system where we turn off the automatic sliding doors after dark and customers must ring a buzzer so we can see if they have anything covering their face, then we can push a button to let them in.
Amy decided she was too lazy to push the button (which is right next to the computer where she is meant to be working) when my coworker and I were busy, so she turned the automatic doors back on.
I asked my coworker about it and when she told me Amy didn’t want to press the button, I got so annoyed. Since I’m a new employee I wasn’t sure if I had any right to say anything, but I believed I made enough contributions to our store that I could confront her about this.
The conversation went something like this:
Me: ‘Hey Amy, why are the doors unlocked?’
A: ‘Oh I just didn’t want to keep having to press the button so I just opened them for tonight.’
Me: ‘Yeah but this is for our safety, we’re not supposed to open the doors.’
A: ‘Cory (the new owner) said it’s alright.’
Me: ‘But look, Cory and Daniel (another male coworker) are big buff guys and they can probably protect themselves but there are three girls on tonight and I would feel a lot safer if we had the doors locked.’
A: ‘If you really feel unsafe then you can lock them again.’
A: ‘Look if you disagree with something that’s okay, that’s your opinion, but I’m not your enemy and you don’t have to get so mad at me.’
Me: ‘Yeah I know you’re not my enemy and I don’t feel that way, but turning off the doors compromises our safety. And this isn’t even about us, it’s about the customers. We have children and elderly customers and they can’t protect themselves.’
A: ‘Okay well that’s your opinion.’
I locked the doors after that but I felt bad after I went off at her, but we have a duty of care for our customers and I’m not willing to compromise their safety so she can be lazy.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ.
You all have a responsibility to work healthily and safely, and taking shortcuts gets people hurt.
IIRC you said you ‘went off’ at the other person. The tone of delivery with these things is really important.
It can be the difference between sounding so reasonable they look like jerks if they disagree, and looking like the jerk yourself. I know it can be hard to keep calm when there are repeated issues but it’s worth trying.
It’s also worth looking into joining your union. Problems like this tend to go away in unionized workplaces.” magnus_the_fish
Another User Comments:
“Yep. YTJ.
It was all good till you kept pressing the issue. If she’s lazy or whatever – that’s between her and y’all’s boss.
She said lock them back up, and it sounds like you were probably a little aggressive with how you approached it in the first place.
All you had to say was ‘Yep’ and lock the doors again.” Road_Warrior2
