People Want Us To Judge Their Character In Their "Am I The Jerk" Stories
19. AITJ For Refusing To Hold My Aunt's Baby?
“My family is all coming together for an early Halloween none of us are gonna be in town since my aunt wants to celebrate her kid’s birth on Halloween outta town.
While we were at the get-together she was going around buttering people up by complimenting their costumes and then would hint at them to hold her baby so she can take a picture of them. When she came up to me (14F) she told me she liked my fit, I was dressed up in a purge outfit, and told me her baby would look great next me to me and asked if she could have pictures.
I have nothing against babies but you have to hold them a certain way so they won’t get hurt, and I am just not good with babies, so I keep my distance. I told her no and explained she can wear my mask and take a picture with her baby but I can’t.
She asked me why and I explained the reason I stated above. She told me I would be fine, and to just hold her. We went back and forth for a while until I walked away. She told my mom and now I am no longer allowed to go with them outta town, I have to stay with my dad.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as far as I am concerned this is the same as forcing toddlers and young children to hug and kiss relatives when they do not want to. You were not comfortable. You said no politely and offered an alternative for the picture.
When your aunt did not take your no for an answer you explained yourself and your aunt did not respect your personal boundaries. No is a complete sentence and you have the right to set boundaries around your comfort levels.” Similar-Radio9514
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a decent boundary and your aunt and mom tried to stomp all over it. The fact that your mom is punishing you by not letting you go on a promised trip means your mom is a massive jerk.
Though based on your mom’s reaction and the punishment, I am betting they were intent on making you help with the baby on the trip.” Ancient-Transition-4
Another User Comments:
“That’s just cruel. People are strange when they have a baby as if everyone should be as enamored with their child as they are.
Your mom is a jerk and so is your aunt. They are not including you because you do not want to hold a baby. If I were you I would stay at dads permanently. NTJ, the adults are though.” IdealisticDiva
18. AITJ For Moving Out Of The House?
“I am 18F and I am a nail tech. I was 15 when I fell in love with nails so I bought my first ever acrylic nail kit and started practicing on my friends and myself. I got more products for Christmas.
I stopped practicing for a few months but my friend asked me if I can do her nails for a cheap price. So I started practicing again. I started to see improvements. I saved some funds for a 2-week nail tech course.
Started the year slow and ended up getting 20-30+ clients a month. My parents let me drop out of school after I told them that I will pay some of our bills in our house. I was 17 at that time.
Months ago, after I celebrated my 18th birthday. I kept thinking if I will move out of our house because I want to have my own space and studio to do my client’s nails. I was traveling to most of my client’s houses because my parents won’t let me use my bedroom to do their nails which I understand.
But it was very tiring. So in the end I decided to just move and find a cheap apartment near my parent’s house. I told them about it and they said that I used them for money. I asked where is this coming from?
And how can they say that I used them?
They told me that I need to pay for every nail kit that they gifted me. I was shocked. I didn’t know that they have this thought that I used them for their money.
They said that after I used their money, I will leave them. So I asked them once again where this is all coming from. They just told me to pack my bags and leave. I left them and my brother.
I stayed at my friend’s house til I find an apartment.
After a week I found an apartment. They also blocked me on everything. My older sister which is in college rn messaged me. She asked me why I left them after using them for money.
I asked her the same thing I asked my parents. She didn’t respond. I even bought them new phones, and tv on their 10th yr anniversary last year. So how come I used them for money? I am confused. I am very confused. AITJ?
Edit: they also quit their job and started freelancing after I told them that I am paying some of our bills in our house.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
A gift once given is the recipients to do with as they please.
To be expected to be reimbursed for what was a gift, just because you started earning money from it, is a total jerk move on the parents’ part. Sounds like you will be well rid of them by moving out.
BUT you need to sit down and do some balance sheet work: how much are your products, and how much do you make? What other expenses are you going to have? Rent, car, gas, food utilities, insurance, spending money, clothing, hair, etc…
will your nail work cover all your expenses, or are you going to need to get a second job?
Suggestion would be to make sure you at least get your GED. Study and get the test taken.
If you move forward with making this a real business, it will be harder to get financing without some sort of schooling certificate.
Register as a business, and do everything above board, you will lose a whole lot more if you are making profits and get caught, and I wouldn’t put it past your parents to report you.
Good luck!” Kindly_Delicious
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Did they also expect you to pay them back for all the diapers you needed as a baby? All the food and clothes you ate growing up? You did not use them for money, they gifted you something you wanted and you turned it into a job.
Your parents, IMO are acting entitled as you didn’t ‘use them for money’ but technically they were using YOU for money. You were helping with some bills at the house. Your leaving means they need to cover those bills. Essentially, they need to be adults.
It is unclear if you dropped out of high school or college. My VERY strong recommendation is, if you dropped out of High School, get your GED. If you dropped out of college. No worries. As to your parents and sister, I would ask them where the contract is that states they never gave you a gift but rather, loaned you these things.
A gift is freely given. A good parent SUPPORTS their kid. What they do not realize is that by you moving out, their expenses will reduce as now they do not have to pay for the things they did for you.
They should be happy for you that you are growing up and making something with your life.” ElephantNecessary366
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think I can clear up your confusion.
Your parents saying you used them for money is confusing until you link it to them asking you for money for the nail kits.
They called them gifts originally, but once you said you’d pay for some bills, in their head ls they changed the gifts into investments. That way they could justify having their minor child pay for bills around the house.
They invested in you and your business and therefore they deserved some of your profits and they do not have to feel bad about it, indebted to you, or even grateful because they turned yours into a business relationship. It’s all very mean-minded.
They realized they wouldn’t get a share of your income, and accused you of using them for money, and demanded their money back. That kind of thinking only fits if you’re a business they invested in.
They gave gifts to their child.
Any other way they framed it in their head after the matter is 100% their problem. They’re not fancypants investors, they’re just mean parents.
Put the accusations behind you and look to your future, and follow the excellent advice here to do it safely.
Best of luck!” faqhiavelli
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Prepared Meals?
“I (F21) grew up very skinny and it finally got to a point where I started to have an unhealthy weight. I was extremely underweight along with some depression issues. I still am underweight but I am doing much better since I have started working out and gained a few pounds.
Diet and eating calorie surplus are very crucial to me and eating has been somewhat difficult but I am being consistent for the last two months.
Cut to yesterday I had some cousins (14M, 16F) over to our home (i still live with my parents).
I prepare my meals early in the morning before I leave the house for the day and I just need to warm them up when I am back from the gym in the evening. It’s generally chicken, rice, shrimp, some fiber, etc. During dinner (my mom had already prepared good amounts of food) my parents and cousins were supposed to eat and I was gonna eat my meals but my cousins demanded they wanted to eat my meal instead of the dinner.
(the dinner was fish curry and other stuff but less protein) Mind you, I had come home from a heavy workout and I needed my protein + calorie surplus so I didn’t share and politely told them my reason.
My dad also offered to order takeout or pizza for them if they didn’t want to eat my mom’s cooking which they agreed. Although the next day my mom got a call from my aunt (my cousin’s mother) saying I am immature and selfish over food.
So AITJ for not wanting to share a one-person meal?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You have a medical reason for needing to eat the way you do, so you are absolutely right to keep your meals for yourself.
I am guessing that since your cousins still complained about this to your aunt even after they got takeout/pizza for dinner that the issue wasn’t even them not getting your specific food, it was them getting told ‘no’ in the first place.
14 and 16 are more than old enough to politely eat the food in front of them, not whine that they do not want it, they want something else, and then STILL complain about not getting their exact way once they get home.
And that your aunt had the audacity to then call and complain to your mom about it tells me even more that this is a parenting/spoiling issue, not anything to do with you at all.” hannahsflora
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And it’s your AUNT that is immature… hence the reason your 14-year-old & 16-year-old cousin thought it was okay to ask for your food instead of the dinner that was prepared. Your mother should have put auntie in her place.
I mean think about it. She basically said ‘I am mad that you didn’t let my kids come to your house and eat your daughter’s food that was prepared for her diet. I am mad you only prepared a regular dinner for them and did not let them eat something that wasn’t prepared for them’… It’s family drama and entitlement and it’s always THAT one auntie or uncle with low emotional intelligence that doesn’t quite understand the world doesn’t revolve around them.” LovingHuman1111
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Maybe my family is weird but that is so rude. I can’t imagine turning down a home-cooked meal and making someone order me takeout, even if I didn’t like what was cooked, let alone DEMANDING someone else’s food.
Were your cousins raised in a barn?
Edit: just to clear this up beforehand, you made your own food and you have medical reasons for needing to eat it. Your mother knew you had your own food prepped beforehand. I am of the firm belief that if you won’t eat what’s put in front of you, cook your own food.
You cooked your own food. No issues there.” Maxibon1710
16. AITJ For Not Removing My Prosthetic For My Partner?
“I (19F) have a below-the-knee prosthetic as I lost my lower left leg as a child in a car accident. I move well in it and it in no way hinders my day-to-day life. I’ve been seeing a guy (24M) for 5 months now and things are going great for the most part.
The one issue I’d say is that he is insistent on me removing my prosthetic around him.
We could be hanging out and he’d suggest I’d be more comfortable with it off or heading to bed he’d suggest that it may be better to remove it.
His suggestions became requests as I kept ignoring the suggestions and I finally told him I wasn’t comfortable with removing my leg around him yet as I didn’t feel we were there. My leg despite the fact I can move well in it is a source of trauma for me due to bullying and having had past partners be repulsed once I took it off around them and I told him as much but all he took from that is I do not trust him and think he’d be swayed and not like me anymore.
I do not take my prosthetic off around anyone except immediate family and very close friends as without it my mobility is greatly decreased. I thought since everything else is going so well he’d understand this but he is upset and angry seeing this as me not trusting him and thinking he’d ‘do’ something which is why I do not want to take it off around him.
I am starting to feel some pressure here I like him a lot and maybe I am making it into a bigger deal than it has to be. I do not want to upset him and maybe I am being unfair?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a HUGE red flag. Because he is right: you do not trust him enough yet… and that is OK. But it’s not OK with him. Red flag.
Trust takes time, and sometimes more time for one person than the other.
But instead of accepting that and continuing to build trust in your relationship over time, he has decided to be offended that you cannot trust him on HIS timeline, and he’s trying to make that your problem by guilting and manipulating you.
Ironically, in pressuring you to trust him on his timeline rather than listening to and trying to understand your fears, he is proving that he is not trustworthy. Reconsider whether this is the right relationship for you right now.” saurellia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He tries to push you into something that you are not comfortable with. You do not know him long. His behavior is so wrong. He makes this all about him. Not that you are most comfortable, no, this is proof of your trust?!
What?! The pushing behavior and not accepting your ‘no’. This manipulating and guilt-tripping to get what he wants is really what should make you rethink the relationship. He will do it again and again. You do not do what he wants?
So you can’t love him and trust him. To prove that he is wrong, do what he wants. No? So, he is right and you do not love him. That is the game he plays. He will also play it when you say ‘no’ to sleeping together or whatever else he wants.” EvilFinch
15. AITJ For Shaving My Daughter's Head?
“I am a mother of 5, but the only 2 kids relevant in this are my 13-year-old daughter, Kelsey, and my 4-year-old daughter, Colleen. Just as a quick piece of context, my kids’ father and I are separated, but have agreed that their hair/appearance is theirs to do what they want with and we do not have to double-check with each other before giving permission.
Kelsey is fighting Stage IV Burkitt’s Leukemia and recently started losing her hair. She chose to shave her head when she started losing her hair.
Colleen and Kelsey are little besties at this point, and when Colleen saw Kelsey shave her head, she immediately decided she wanted to shave hers, too.
I told her to think about it for a while, and after a week of her begging me to let her shave her hair off, I finally told her yes, and we shaved her head. Colleen was (and still is) thrilled to have been able to support her big sister and to be ‘twinning’ with her.
Her dad, on the other hand, is mad at me. He said that I was setting her up to get bullied and that a four-year-old can’t choose to do something that drastic. He’s gotten his entire side of the family texting me and telling me stuff like ‘She had such pretty blonde hair, why would you cut it?’, ‘You ruined her hair, it’s gonna grow back straight’, and ‘There’s no way that poor baby chose that, you must’ve made her shave her hair off’.
I truly thought I was doing the right thing. It’s her hair and she was trying to do something nice for Kelsey, I didn’t have the heart to say no. Am I wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you did a wonderful job with this.
You told her to spend some time thinking about it, she did and still wanted to do it, so you did it. And she’s thrilled! Honestly, just that she wanted to do it with her big sis in solidarity speaks volumes to your parenting and overall family dynamics.
Dad is way off base here, although I believe he has good intentions. But sending his family to badger you was highly inappropriate. And like others have said, there are much bigger things going on in your family right now.
Sending positive vibes your daughter’s way.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Trying informing their father that kids in middle and high school are shaving their heads to support friends and family members who have cancer. It’s not something that’s uncommon nowadays.
Maybe consider shaving yours as well to support your daughters, making sure you won’t lose your job over it so you do not lose that income and/or insurance. Suggest that your husband (ex) shave his head to support his daughters.
Ask his family if they would be mature and confident to do something like that to show their support for your eldest. Turn their own words back on them and do it calmly and gently. I’ve found that the best way to shut people down is to be calm and gentle.
They tend to hate not getting a rise out of you.
I think what your 4 yr old did is super sweet and loving. She has a kind heart and I hope she keeps it! She definitely has a lot of love for her big sister and wants to show her how much love for her she has!
You’re raising some amazing kids!” Acceptable_Bear_3591
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was expecting this to be very different like it was a punishment or she was being pushed into doing it to support her sister. But you let her make yer own choice, which is empowering and means so much more.
Hair will grow back. It might grow back in straight, sure, but if it does it would always have started coming in straight; children’s hair can change a lot around that time, I know I went from a redhead to white blond from 3-5 (and my natural hair is not either of those colors now).
His family should focus on the daughter who actually needs support instead of bullying the one who seems to be doing okay.” Ambystomatigrinum
14. AITJ For Stopping Inviting My Childish Sister Over?
“My partner (44) and I (34) have been together for almost 3 years now. The relationship is great and he is a really awesome guy. All of my friends love him. The only person that has a problem with him is my sister.
Nothing bad ever happened between them and she is not able to articulate what her problem is. My partner is unaware of any of this.
The first situation that upset me was when she made a scene when she found out that my partner will be joining us for a dinner with friends.
I had some people visiting me in my city and booked a table in a restaurant. Initially for 4 as my partner didn’t think he would be able to join us. In the end, he was free and I wanted to call the restaurant and change the reservation.
At this moment she started to be quite dramatic and after stating that the dinner was supposed to be without him (and what?), she said that she won’t be coming, because she doesn’t want to cause a problem for the restaurant, as it is so difficult to put the 5th chair to the table.
LOL. So she said she will sacrifice herself. The joke about the 5th chair still circulates well among my friends.
Another stupid situation was her birthday. I asked if I can come with him and she said yes. After that, she started to make stupid comments about him coming, so I said that it is not obligatory to invite us.
She said that he is uninvited. I replied that we won’t be coming. She said something like ‘I didn’t know that you go like a package now’ after which lost my temper. Mind you that my partner and I are quite independent and spent a lot of time without each other.
I explained to her that she could just say from the start that she didn’t want him to come, but inviting and uninviting him like this puts ME in quite an uncomfortable situation. He never found out what exactly happened. I just told him I do not want to go to the party, because of her behavior.
There were many more episodes like those. Fast forward to now. She made another comment about him not being allowed into her house. Not like I would bring him and expose him to her toxicity. But anyway, I decided I won’t validate her childish behavior (she is 46 by the way).
Among my friends, I am known for hosting dinners and nice parties at my place. It is a pleasure for me to cook for my friends and to have people over. She found out that there will be a Halloween party.
She is not invited. Now there is drama because she feels that she is being punished (and rightly so!). I told her that I didn’t invite her to this party, because I have to protect her and cannot expose her to an uncomfortable situation caused by my partner being present.
Or existing.
Now she doesn’t speak to me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She’s a brat. But have you asked her directly what her problem is with him? She’s being weirdly passive-aggressive and you’re choosing to stay ignorant.
Why don’t you just ask? Tell her that her treatment of him is hurting your relationship. If she has a good reason, you need to know if. If she doesn’t have a good reason, she needs to knock it off or accept that you’ll no longer be close.” EconomyVoice7358
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You and your sister have beef and neither one of you is willing to talk about what issue is at the heart of the matter. She doesn’t like him for no reason, and you seem unwilling to ask her why.
Is it because you have turned into that woman who can’t go anywhere without her partner, is she perpetually single and jealous, is it the age gap that she disapproves of, does she know him from 20 years ago because he did something awful to her friend?
The possibilities are endless. Maybe step away from the keyboard and have a conversation with her about it like adults.” User
Another User Comments:
“First assumption, if she can’t articulate why he makes her uncomfortable or why she thinks so badly of him, then I am led to believe she is attracted to him and jealous of you.
It furthermore annoys her that she hasn’t yet successfully driven a wedge between the two of you by encouraging you to abandon him for family events, exclude him on a night out for fun, etc. Especially when he is closer to her age than yours.
(Zero judgment there, my partner and I are 18 years apart, LOL) I am going to guess with a 12-year age gap between you and your sister, there have been sibling difficulties before this, jealousy, passive-aggressive commentary, etc.
Honestly, if she has problems with it and brings it up again, I would ask again why she has a problem with my partner.
If she can’t tell you, ask her if the problem is she is attracted to him. It’s really hard for people to deny it believably when confronted with it out of the blue. If she can tell you what the problem is, then either address it or I would tell her, if she wishes to continue to be invited to events by you and be a consistent part of your life, then she needs to handle whatever her issues are with your partner because you will not be changing how you handle your relationship and respect your partner.
That leaves it solely on her instead of her being able to point fingers and play the blame game. NTJ” Mommaqueen_of3
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
‘Mind you that my partner and I are quite independent and spent a lot of time without each other.’
Then why does he seem to keep popping up after plans have already been made? Your sister seems to be making it pretty clear she doesn’t want every social event to be you and him as opposed to catching up with just you.
That’s not an unreasonable thing for her to want. It’s also not unreasonable for you to want to include him sometimes, especially if you’re the one making the plans, and she’s obviously not doing a very good job communicating why she’s upset about this.
But if you do not both dig out of your respective corners, neither of you is ever going to get to see each other under any circumstances, and you need to ask yourself whether that’s worth dying on this hill.” mm172
Mommaqueen_of3 nailed it; your sister is attracted to your partner and jealous of you, which is why she won't tell you what her problem is.
Just ignore her until she gets her head out of her @*$ and gets over herself. Nothing you can do about someone else's unresolved feelings.
13. AITJ For Not Spending More Time With My In-Laws After Having A Baby?
“My husband, M, and I met in high school, he had a partner and we became friends. Later on, we started going out at the end of high school and went to the same college, got married, recently bought a house, and I gave birth to our son 6 months ago.
His ex before me was a bit… obsessive. She would just not let go of M, and his mother and sister would encourage it. Her parents are family friends of my in-laws, and she’s friends with my SIL, and they would always push for them back together.
At times, M and I would be hanging out and go to his home, just to find his ex hanging out. We even caught her in his room a couple of times, and his sister would back her up and say she asked her to find something in his room.
This behavior kept happening, and M started to isolate himself from his family and only talk to his brothers and father, and we moved out at 18 and left for a different city. We’ve lived here for 10 years and have made our lives.
At first, I would go to gatherings and holidays for the sake of M but his mother and sister would always make me feel uncomfortable and mention his ex or invite her, which would make me angry and I would leave, and I was always the villain of the story.
It came to a boiling point where I told him I was no longer gonna subject myself to his family’s crap, and if he didn’t like it, we could break up. He chose us and chose to build a family with me.
Over the years, my MIL has calmed a bit, but I am still resentful of my treatment as a teenager. His sister has grown up and apologized for her behavior and we’re cordial now, but my MIL was a grown adult.
His ex got a new man, but she still keeps tabs on me on social media. Legend says she had a whole breakdown when M and I announced our pregnancy. Now that baby is here, MIL keeps asking when we’re gonna come down to their city and spend time with them, but honestly, if I pull up with my son and that lady is there, I am afraid something primal in me might wake up and extensions are going to fly.
MIL is upset that I didn’t let her visit me during my birth, and that I do not accept her olive branches. But to me, she burned the tree. My husband tells me that she dug her own grave, but I could tell it stings for him.
I was talking to my brother and he told me he would be heartbroken if his wife wouldn’t let their kids around our parents, and it got me thinking that maybe I am in the wrong by not putting some effort in now that we started having kids.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I would give her one chance, for the sake of your husband and child. ONE. Tell her that you are still hurt over the way she behaved regarding your husband’s ex, and in no way, shape, or form will you subject yourself to that sort of treatment again.
AND you, under no circumstances, will be anywhere near his ex, EVER and if she’s there when you show up, you will turn right back around and go home.
If she accepts your terms, then after all this time I would give it a try.
But stay true to your word; stay in the car with your baby and the doors locked and have your husband go in first to make sure his ex isn’t there, and if she is… your husband gets back in the car, and you guys, get out immediately.
If she whines about it, tell her you made your terms clear, and she chose to break them anyway, and sacrificed a relationship with her grandchild as a result.” harderthanitlooks27
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ, at all, and whatever olive branch you decide to extend is totally up to you.
I am sure your hubby would love his child to have a relationship with his family, but YOU were NOT the person to push them away… they did that to you! Maybe it’s time for an adult conversation with your MIL, maybe in the presence of a ********************, to discuss how her behavior affected you and what your boundaries would be with bringing your child around her.
It’s totally up to your MIL to SHOW that she has finally grown up, and up to her whether she can maintain that maturity for the sake of her relationship with her grandchildren.” Due_Manufacturer_157
Another User Comments:
“I’d say NTJ.
and your parents are in a different situation I am assuming they’ve never tried to shove his wife out of the family make her feel unwelcome let his obsessive ex to family functions and into his room.
Your husband’s family has consistently hurt you and hasn’t shown you any reason you can trust them to not do this again.
Like I’d be worried about the effect it would have on my baby to be around family that never wanted me in the first place. I’d be worried about them trying to put an ex in my child’s life and make you seem bad.
Talk to your husband about why you’re hesitant and tell MIL why you are refusing the olive branches. Bring up your concerns about the ex being there because clearly, they haven’t rectified anything they did previously if you’re still this worried. but you do need to communicate with everyone fully about everything.” queerpineappl3
12. AITJ For Prohibiting A Woman From Changing Her Baby's Diaper On Our Chairs?
“So the building where the cafe that I work at is located was built in the 1750s and is therefore a listed building. Because of that, we cannot knock down walls so we are tight on space.
A consequence of that is that we only have enough space for one women’s toilet and one men’s toilet.
No baby changing facilities in either. There is, however, a public toilet block no more than 50m away from our premises. It has multiple baby-changing facilities, in both the female and male toilet blocks.
So a family comes into the cafe, they sit down, eat and drink, and then one of her babies must’ve pooped its nappy because she came and asked me whether we had any changing facilities.
I apologized and informed her that we didn’t, but I pointed out the public toilets and said that they were free and had everything she would need.
She said it was okay, and proceeded to change the child right on the chair in front of me.
I told her that we cannot allow that as it was disturbing the other customers and that it really isn’t sanitary, especially as we have fresh pastries and cakes on display.
She went ballistic saying that it’s the law that we need to let her change her child wherever she wants if we are unwilling to provide her with suitable changing facilities.
I said that she was more than willing to phone the police, but we cannot let her change her child like this. I again pointed out the public toilets and said that she needed to leave and change her child there.
Her whole family got up, left, and looked at me like I was a bigot.
So… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that woman must have lost her mind trying to change her baby’s diaper on the cafe chair in front of all the other customers trying to eat.
That’s beyond disgusting and highly unsanitary. I am basing my comment on the assumption that the baby only wet their diaper and didn’t mess it up. If the baby had messed up their diaper, then it would be far worse as the stench would immediately be noticeable to the other customers and that’s just unacceptable on so many levels.
One thing I also noticed is that the mother clearly is unprepared for situations like this as changing mats for on the grass or ground are a thing that a parent will make sure to have available if they’re going to be out and about with their baby to a place that won’t have public changing facilities or have them in a very far away distance.
This mother should have brought a changing mat with her in the car for just such an emergency. She could’ve even changed the baby in the car for Pete’s sake! You did the right thing telling the mother she wasn’t allowed to change her baby’s diaper on your store property in front of all the other customers!” desolation29
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Super gross to change a poopy diaper where people are eating.
But also, what kind of restaurant doesn’t have a baby changing station? I understand space is tight but I feel like it’s unreasonable to expect someone to take their baby to another location to change them.
What if it’s raining outside? What if it’s a code brown emergency and the baby needs a change literally right away? Sometimes a few seconds make all the difference in what kind of mess you’re dealing with.
Unless you’re going to outlaw babies from your restaurant, you do not really get to be upset about changing a baby in the open if there’s no spot provided to change them. It does feel a bit discriminatory toward parents.” carwash7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. If your facility is grandfathered and does not have to comply with providing changing facilities and you provided a reasonable alternative, you are not at fault. The fact that she would think it would be okay to change a diaper on a chair that other customers will use, in the presence of other people eating their food, in a public facility is gross and unsanitary, and completely unreasonable.
The only suggestion I can make is that if you have not already done this put in multiple signs addressing this issue pre-emptively. You can do it in a way that is visible and tasteful at the same time, and perhaps put it on your website.” anitarielleliphe
11. AITJ For Not Paying For My Sister-In-Law's College Tuition?
“My (38M) wife (34F) has a younger half-sister (19F) who is currently a second-year student at a private university.
My wife has never had a good relationship with her dad and his family (she even went no contact with him at one point). Recently, my wife’s stepmom has contacted her asking to help pay for her daughter’s tuition, because she had lost her job.
While my wife acknowledged that losing a job was emotionally stressful, she said that she had no reason to pay for her tuition, as they were estranged and not on good terms.
Afterward, my wife asked me if she was in the wrong, and I told her that she wasn’t and that she had no obligation to pay for her half-sister’s tuition.
A month later, when my wife was away on a business trip, her stepmom contacted me and pleaded with me to pay for her daughter’s tuition. She told me that the tuition was very expensive and that she could not afford to pay for the semester, let alone the next couple of years.
I recommended she take a loan and said that I was not comfortable paying for her tuition, especially when my wife wasn’t. She angrily yelled at me saying that my wife and I were cruel and selfish people for not offering money to pay for ‘a family member’s’ college education while sending our own kids to private school.
Here’s why I might be the jerk: After sending her away, she contacted me on social media, and said that I was extremely insensitive to her. I, however, did apologize to her if I spoke too harshly, but she told me that the damage has been done.
I spoke about this issue to both my wife and my parents, and while my wife agrees with me, my parents are siding with her stepmom. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Very few people would pay tuition for college for a sibling even if they were on great terms. It is not the responsibility of a sibling to pay for college and unless one has unlimited wealth, it would be a significant cost for most people – the money could be put into a fund for their own children.
Also attending college at a PRIVATE university is not a necessity. There are loans that are available or community college for a semester or so are an option. The SIL can speak to the financial aid office to see what options there are for aid.
Also, the amount being asked is potentially enormous although OP didn’t state how much was being asked. Tuition and fees at a private university in the US – plus normal living expenses are probably at least $50,000. Some tuition and fees/dorm costs are $70,000 per year.
Ignore anyone who makes you feel as though you are in the wrong – challenge them to pay for the costs or start a fund if they feel it is such a worthy cause.” Jujulabee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! There’s this little thing called student loans that she can take out.
It might mean going to a cheaper college but that’s still an option. If a college degree is what’s important to her, then she’d be willing to do that. Then her mother can work on helping her pay off her college loans.
You and your wife aren’t under any obligation to pay for her tuition. It sounds like both the mom and her daughter are practically strangers to both of you. My stepmother was as horrible as your wife’s stepmother is, only she always wanted funds for shopping.
Just be there for your wife and let her know she’s doing the right thing. Tell her from me to stand her ground and do not give in!
And let your parents know that they can feel free to pay that college tuition themselves but until pigs sprout wings and purple monkeys start riding unicorns over rainbows while barfing skittles and farting glitter, you aren’t doing it!” Acceptable_Bear_3591
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Never help people who do not help themselves first. If she can’t afford the private school tuition she needs to move to a cheaper (in-state if not already) school before asking for help. We have a family friend in the same situation she has not directly asked for money for her daughter’s school but does in a roundabout way.
We hire her daughter for babysitting, dog sitting, and odd jobs, and invite her over for meals all the time in lieu of giving straight-up $$. Bailing people out of poor decisions is rarely the answer. Supporting them while they dig themselves out is.” absaoke
10. AITJ For Prohibiting My Father-In-Law To Touch The Baby After Smoking?
“Ok, so we had a family party on Sunday, when we arrived FIL was outside smoking and said hello. He tried to hug me and the baby and I responded cheerily ‘No thank you you’ve been smoking.’ ( we’ve told him a few times before he can’t touch the baby after smoking per his pediatrician’s recommendations).
He’s visibly upset and we head inside. Not long after we arrive he goes over to SIL who is holding the baby, she asks if he wants the baby. I say ‘no you’ve been smoking’. He grumbles and stomps off to talk to other people.
He’s been ignoring my husband and me and refusing to converse with us.
End of the party and he asked can I at least get a hug. I move the baby to the other side and lean him away.
FIL reaches around but doesn’t hug me he touches the baby’s head. I tell him ‘you can’t do that’ he snarks back that ‘I just did’. I angrily respond that if he can’t respect our boundaries he won’t see the baby.
He grumbles and says stuff but I hightail it out the door to avoid a fight at the party.
The next morning my husband and I draft a message about his behavior and disregard for the baby’s health. We reiterate the exact reasons why he can’t touch the baby if he’s smoking and that it’s his pediatrician who recommended this for the baby’s health.
We end by saying we want him to work on respecting those boundaries and our decisions as his parents. No response from FIL.
The next day he messages my husband saying he’s sorry. He then goes on to say I have ‘no tact’.
Then he ‘asks a favor to bring the baby over without me so he can spend time with him,’ My husband tells him we wrote that message together and he wasn’t going to exclude me. He also offered for us to visit earlier in the day so he has to go less time without smoking and would love for us all to move through this.
AITJ for telling him no and for the I do not think it was the tactless message?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’ve provided him with a simple boundary, that doesn’t really need any explanation whatsoever. If he doesn’t like that, that’s on him, but that doesn’t give him any right to bypass that boundary.
Glad your husband has your back. I find it very concerning that FIL quickly resorted to removing you from a visit as the “solution,” and hope your husband is ready to draw some very hard lines because FIL sounds stubborn and dense as they come.” LtDan281
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So he crashed through your clear and reasonable boundaries. You reaffirm those boundaries, so he then tries to make another end run around them in a different way.
I think it’s clear that he has no intention of respecting you or your boundaries.
He’s being stubborn and rude. I can’t comment on your message being tactless because you didn’t quote it, but you’re certainly not a jerk for telling him no to being cavalier about contact with your baby immediately after smoking.
I’d let him die on his hill if he wants to.
It’s not like you haven’t given him the option of just not being a jerk about it. He could shower and change clothes right before you visit.” ItsAllALot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Babies trump FIL every single time. He can switch to gum or abstain for a few hours, his choice if he wants to see his grandchild.
HE needs to choose which is more important, smoking or full grandpa privileges. If he does decide to quit give him all the love and support and patience that you can, it is a REALLY hard habit to break. Good luck to you all.” grckalck
9. AITJ For Blaming My Parents For How My Sister Is Acting?
“I (M16) have an older (F20) sister who lives a day’s drive from where my (F45, M51) parents and I live. Two years ago, she moved out of the house for university, and we still called her (and even visited her place) now and then.
That is, until about a month ago when she suddenly went zero-contact with us.
Her relationship with our parents is a bit… messy. They would go off on each other and I couldn’t do anything but hear their antics and dumb drama.
She saw me as someone that I could trust and has told me things about her and our parents. Our parents saw education as a must and told us to study hard. To them, dropping out (temp/perm) or failing/low marks is a shame on them.
My parents also fight and argue a lot and aren’t afraid of letting me get the front seat in it. They bring up each other’s past all the time and it’s annoying, whether that be infidelity or paying for her tuition/rent amongst others.
Back to the main topic. It happened to be close to her 20th birthday, so we wanted to pay a surprise visit to her. The thing is, we didn’t know what her address was (she changed apartments), which started a huge argument with my mom arguing with my dad and blaming him for us not knowing what her address was, telling him that he should’ve gone with her and dropped her off instead of going out with random people while we were out.
He turned it on her, asking her why she couldn’t call her for info. This is what started everything.
Here’s a trashy summary: We tried calling her and emailing her, but dad went to the police and pulled the ‘do x or y happens’.
found out she dropped out and went into hiding, she told me some more as she trusted me more than them.
This is Where I May Have Screwed Up: Later, My parents and I were in the living room when my parents pulled the classic arguing card out of their butts, one of the main points was why she (my sister) left us without notice.
They were talking about possible reasons why she did it. At this point, I was furious about them being super delusional and not reaching the root and getting the point so I blurted out and said something along the lines of ‘yeah, YOU scared her, YOU pressured her, YOU created scenarios in her head, gosh, no wonder she doesn’t like you.
Who’s ur next target, ME?’
The next thing I knew, I was arguing with my parents, and them telling me why I ‘shouldn’t put my nose into other people’s lives’ and us going off on each other like my sister’s done before.
I had enough of their nonsense so I told them to go screw themselves, went up to my room, and acted like your classic male teenager. (M39) Uncle found out the whole situation and I told him what happened. He has my back, annoying my parents even more.
My parents call me in the wrong for ‘ruining them’. It’s almost like they could have cared and paid attention and look at themselves but they refuse to look in the mirror and see what got them here.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents sound dysfunctional and I’d advise you to get out of dodge as soon as you can. Maybe your uncle can help you, sounds like a decent guy. Your sister ran as far and as quietly as she could.
Plenty of people leave home but leaving home with no forwarding address and your dad needing to call the police in order to get information on her whereabouts shows that your sister had her ducks in a row and planned to vanish.
She doesn’t want any contact with your parents, to the point where she doesn’t even want them to know her address, that’s a person who is scared/sick to the back teeth of their crap and setting a hard boundary because she knows they won’t respect her.
You are correct. Your parents refuse to take a look at their actions and contributions to this situation and would rather snipe at each other and you than fix the problem. If you do not want people to think you’re a trashy person then do not be a trashy person.
If you do not want people talking about you as a bad parent then try to be a good parent. Too bad your parents won’t do that. Try to keep your head down and make your own plans to get away.
Good luck.” Lulubelle__007
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but kid keep yourself out of the drama. They aren’t your battles to fight. You are right, they will turn on you next. Your sister went no contact for a reason & chances are in a few years you will face the same battle your sister is going through now.
Your parents are toxic to each other & it poisoned your sister enough that she had to get free of it. It will do the same for you.
What I suggest is getting yourself in order now. Get your birth certificate and social security card (if in the US).
Put them in a lockbox that only you have the key to. Same thing for cash or bank accounts. If you work & have a private account your parents do not have access to, then keep it private. If you have an account that parents have access to, switch to getting checks issued & cash them out.
Put the cash in the lockbox. Keep it hidden.
But most importantly, keep your head down. If you have nowhere else to go, just wait for it all out. You want to be a good brother, which means keeping your sister’s secrets.
Your parents aren’t well, they aren’t being parents. They are toxic, do not let them drag you into the pit of despair they seem to be in.” Batmans-dragon80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they argue in front of you they are bringing you into the argument.
Problem is, your parents are not going to change, so although I completely understand your frustration. and the need to make it JUST STOP – it isn’t going to do much but turn your parents on you.
The best you can do is separate yourself from these arguments and whatever shenanigans your parents are up to and start to figure out how to be as independent of them as possible when you turn 18.
Sounds like you are already aware they may turn the pressure up on you since your sister has ‘escaped’ – make sure to set up a good support system for yourself with friends or good family members so you have a place to go when things get heated.” Corpuscular_Ocelot
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Call Our Baby A Miracle?
“I (f25) am about 34 weeks pregnant with our first baby. For context, I had accepted from a young age that I probably would never be able to have a baby. However, we were able to use my wife’s eggs and, after a couple of tries of IVF, I got pregnant.
We were having lunch with MIL, FIL, BIL, and BIL’s partner and the topic of baby names came up when BIL’s partner joked that they’d had baby names picked since we first met. When my wife said that we do not have a girl name picked out but we want a Welsh name and we love ‘Bowen’ for a boy.
MIL said that we should call the baby ‘Sian’ if they’re a girl because it means ‘a gracious gift from god’ and she’s our ‘miracle baby’. I said thanks and that it’s a beautiful name but I do not like naming the baby based on them being a ‘miracle’.
MIL said that we should embrace the baby as a miracle from God and my wife stopped her, saying that it’s not fair to put an expectation on our baby and we’ve had conversations about not wanting to project and put pressure on them to be perfect.
MIL continued saying that we should celebrate our ‘miracle’ and something about the word ‘miracle’ started to sit wrong with me. I told her that it felt dismissive of the work medical staff and my wife and I did to get pregnant and our six months of trying for a baby, with injections and procedures and calling the baby a ‘miracle’ kind of dismissed the process of reciprocal IVF.
She got quiet before saying that she just wants us to realize what a gift we have and that our baby is actually a miracle – this annoyed my wife because her sister’s pregnancies haven’t been referred to the same way.
MIL was quiet until they went home and BIL said he’ll talk to her about being pushy.
I am starting to feel bad for saying that our baby isn’t a miracle because MIL doesn’t know the extent of how hard IVF can be because we kept a lot of that private and she wants to celebrate her next grandchild.
She was also focussing on how there was a substantial chance that we either wouldn’t have been able to get pregnant or my wife would have to carry when the thought of being pregnant scares her and I am aware of how lucky we are.
MIL’s not angry or sulking, she just feels bad. She’s also trying to make up for trying to get us to apologize to ‘keep the peace’ when SIL insulted me and my ability to raise a child as an amputee so she feels like she’s ruined the progress she’s made with us.
Edit: I’ve apologized for dragging the situation and MIL’s apologized for pushing the idea. MIL generally never says anything is a ‘miracle’ outside of a church context so it felt weird. I also have been open with my in-laws about the pressure I felt growing up because my dad talked about how I had a ‘second chance at life’ when I was little and that meant I needed to do something important with it and MIL has listened to me stress about the idea that I haven’t done enough with my life.
I know that that’s not MIL’s fault and I’ve apologized for projecting.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But this might be a situation where you should pick your battles. Your MIL said something you didn’t like, you pushed back and asked her not to, and then you all kind of made it last longer than it needed to — your MIL got sulky and emotional and you are second-guessing everything you said.
This all should have been resolved quite quickly by you and your wife saying ‘actually, MIL, we do not see it that way, maybe let’s not say this?’ and her saying ‘Oh, didn’t mean it that way, but message received, you got it.’
If every disagreement is going to end up like that, and everyone continuing to try to apologize for every old fight, that’s exhausting; your best strategy is probably to be very judicious about which disagreements you engage in. Maybe for some of the things your MIL says, you can just change the subject and veer away from it.
Maybe sometimes you can just say, you know what, I do not like this, but I do not think it’s worth the energy to protest so I am going to ignore it. Save your energy for the battles that are most important to you and the ones that have the most direct impact on you.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I agree with you that calling it a miracle dismisses all the labor you and your wife have gone through to make this happen, as well as all the work that was put in by the medical professionals.
This is not an unexplained event, it is very easily explained by people putting in hard work.
It also is putting an expectation on your kid and building up a mythos. I do think you two were right to shut that down because once those big labels get said and become hard, they do not stop getting said and they follow the kid around.
It really just sounds like your mother-in-law is coming from a vastly different perspective from you and your wife and is just coming on too strong and trying to make things her way but not from a malicious perspective. And she’s really feeling pressure because she already messed up before by siding with your sister-in-law and disrespecting you as an amputee.
I am sorry you went through that, and hopefully, you and your wife can figure out a balance with her mother of having boundaries with her that do not involve drama in the future.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Yes, your MIL sounds exhausting, but I didn’t think she purposely tried to hurt or annoy you & your wife.
I think she’s trying to be supportive but needs to learn the difference between being supportive and being pushy.
The only real jerk I see is your SIL who insulted your abilities to be a parent just because you’re an amputee.
I am wondering if that is the reason why MIL didn’t refer to your SIL’s pregnancies as ‘miracles’ because she seems like someone to talk down about people and that secretly bothers your MIL?” jasperjamboree
7. AITJ For Not Paying For My Friend's Speeding Ticket?
“So I was out with some friends this weekend. Tina was our driver for the night. My friend Ashley went to Tina’s house and left her car there. My house is on the way so they picked me up.
At the end of the night, I was dropped off back home and said ‘good night, be safe texting me when you get home.’ Well, they got home and forgot to text me. The next day Tina texted me that she got pulled over after dropping me off and got a speeding ticket.
She said it was an expensive ticket and asked if I would help pay for it since she was nice enough to pick me up and drive us around.
Side note we all take turns driving no one asks for gas money or anything as we keep it equal and whoever drives gets their dinner paid for.
I thought she was joking and said ‘LOL. Why? Did I somehow make you speed after I left?’ She got offended and said it was only fair since she drove and Ashley was helping her pay for it. I said okay good for her but not only was it not my fault she was speeding I wasn’t even in the car.
Why would I, in any way be responsible? She said that I was a terrible friend for not helping her pay for her ticket. Later Ashley texted me saying that I was not being a good friend for not helping Tina out with the ticket.
I again said I didn’t make her speed and I wasn’t even there. Both are now not talking to me. A mutual friend agrees with me and has said it was ridiculous for her to even ask and that if Ashley wants to help fine but I have no obligation to.
Update: I heard from Ashley who was informing me she is done with Tina. It turns out Tina was scamming. Some info I didn’t add some as it wasn’t relevant at the time. Tina is a stay-at-home mom and lives with her partner.
Ashley and I work full-time. Ashley went over last night to babysit for Tina while she and her partner went out for their anniversary. While Tina was getting ready, Ashley and Tina’s partner were talking. He says that they wouldn’t even be going out tonight if not for their anniversary due to him having to pay for her speeding ticket.
Ashley casually said ‘oh did my portion not help enough? I know (my name) didn’t help but do you need more? He says what do you mean? I am paying for the ticket Tina didn’t say she asked you to pay.’
So they call Tina in and ask her what’s going on. Turns out Tina was always going to have her partner pay for the ticket. She was planning on pocketing the funds so she could have some spending money since she doesn’t work and we do.
She for some reason felt since we make an income it wasn’t a big deal for us to give her funds. She and Ashley got into a fight. Tina’s partner was angry because he gives her money. Ashley has said she can’t be friends with someone trying to essentially steal funds from her.
So we are all pretty much done with Tina for her behavior.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think it’s always insane when someone expects someone else to pay for their ticket or anything that happened when they were the ones driving.
She chose to speed. She didn’t have to. It’s just mine boggling she would even expect you to pay for this ticket in the first place! What makes it so much worse is the fact that you weren’t even in the car!
The audacity of some people! Wow.
Your other friend doesn’t sound like such a good friend either. I know I read the update but what she said to you in the first place was unacceptable. Trying to call you a bad friend because you didn’t want to pay for a ticket for someone that was driving when you weren’t even in the car with them!?
She’s not a good friend either.” rainbow_mak3r
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, nope
You were not in the car, and I am sorry but if you cannot keep an eye on your speed while talking and laughing, then you probably shouldn’t be driving at all.
She should’ve been paying more attention. That is on her. Not you.
It would be like me saying ‘oh I got caught speeding coming to your house to pick you up, and because I was coming to pick you up, you need to pay it’ or ‘I was driving under the influence last night, you should’ve told me to not drink, you need to pay it’
The level of entitlement is ridiculous, I wouldn’t even wanna be friends with someone like that.” amzi95
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
For starters, you weren’t even in the car at the time, so you weren’t even involved in the incident.
Second, if she Tina can’t pay attention to how she’s driving ‘while talking/joking’ with passengers, that sounds like she’s actually an unsafe driver, and absolutely deserves a ticket.
I do not know the specifics of where the ticket was issued – like in a known speed trap vs.
on a regular road or limited access highway – or what the norm is for when cops in your area actually issue tickets, but if it was the former, then while maybe not really unsafe in terms of speed, she should have been a bit more aware of her surroundings, and the latter, I’ve never heard of anyone getting a speeding ticket for going less than 15 mph above the posted limit – whether the limit was 25 mph or 70 mph – because there are so many it’s just not worth the cops’ time unless it was in a school zone during school hours or an active construction zone.
If it was an ‘expensive’ ticket, that sounds like she was egregiously speeding – like 20 – 30+ over the limit in a limited access highway – and thus probably really potentially dangerous, not just ‘casual speed-of-traffic’ speeding.
Maybe Tina will learn from this incident, but she sounds entitled enough that I doubt it.” NYCinPGH
6. AITJ For Not Responding To "My Nickname"?
“I started a new job recently.
Apparently, I went to middle school with one of my coworkers (were both in high school). She remembers me, I do not remember her. I’ll call her Jane.
A week or 2 ago Jane asked me if I go by the nickname version of my name.
Think Nikki for Nicole (Not my name but close enough) I said no I hate being called Nikki she said: ‘oh but it’s such a cute name, we used to have a Nikki that worked here’. Then she proceeded to ask another coworker if she remembered Nikki.
Other people have asked if I go by a nickname and I always say no, they respect that.
Jane doesn’t. Whenever she’s trying to get my attention she calls me Nikki. I reminded her that I do not like being called that.
She claimed she forgot. Then she kept doing it so I started ignoring her.
Yesterday she was calling Nikki, but trying to get my attention and I didn’t respond. Another coworker said, ‘Jane is calling you’. I looked at Jane to see what she wanted and she said something.
When Jane walked away I told the coworker that I do not like being called Nikki and Jane keeps doing it and it annoys me.
She said, ‘it’s just a nickname what’s the big deal, do not be petty. She probably forgot.
Do not make a mountain out of a molehill’.
I really hate being called Nikki, AITJ for ignoring Jane when she calls me that?
ETA: I kinda almost think she thinks if she calls me Nikki enough then I’ll be like the Nikki that worked there before or something.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
What she’s doing is not only obnoxious, it’s the textbook definition of creating a hostile work environment. Your name isn’t Nikki (or whatever the nickname may be). It doesn’t matter if that is a common nickname for your name, or if she likes it or thinks it’s pretty, or if it was another coworker’s name she liked, or if your other coworker thinks it’s not a big deal…
IT ISN’T YOUR NAME, AND SHE HAS NO RIGHT NOR REASON TO BE CALLING YOU BY A NAME OTHER THAN YOUR OWN. Period. ESPECIALLY after you have specifically, repeatedly, and clearly stated to her that it bothers you.
Take this to your boss.
Tell them that Jane is making you SUPER uncomfortable, that you have asked her repeatedly not to call you by this nickname, that it isn’t your name, and that no one close to you has ever called you that and you do not identify with it, and that it has become an issue of serious concern that she won’t respect your request not to do.
That it is starting to feel really hostile, like she is deliberately choosing not to call you by your name, which she obviously knows, and it is upsetting you.
You are NTJ. It IS a big deal. She shouldn’t be calling you a name that isn’t yours.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – People seem to forget that a nickname, while often similar to your name, is not your name.
Speak to your supervisor and tell them that this nickname is not something you use or like and not something that you are used to responding to.
Explain that it is causing workflow issues because Jane is trying to get your attention by shouting a name that isn’t yours – which is not a reasonable or expedient way to get your attention.
If they push back, ask if it is reasonable for you to start assigning other people new names and only using those when you talk to them – I mean, sounds like total chaos but if it’s ok for people to do that to you then the same should apply to others.” Forward_Squirrel8879
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s disrespectful to call someone something they do not want to be called. It’s as simple as that. It’s NOT ‘friendly.’
Behavior like this is like saying mean things, with a smile.
I doubt your name is difficult to pronounce, or you’d have mentioned it.
In THAT case, many times people come up with a preferred ‘nickname’ since their name gets butchered so badly. My mother’s name was like this. That’s not what’s going on here.
Sometimes people use a nickname as a forced intimacy or a forced friendship, as if they mean to be closer to you.
I think of it as similar to a forced hug. ‘Oh, I just like you!’
It’s so manipulative and annoying. It’s difficult to win against, because of people like your co-worker. Calling someone something they do not want to be called is disrespectful, not friendliness, and downright annoying.
‘Jane, I keep asking you not to call me Nikki. Please respect that.’ Do not play games with your co-worker, like ignoring them. Your job performance review could be impacted. Instead, be calm, firm, respectful, and repetitive in calling her out.
‘Jane, you haven’t been listening to me. Call me by my name, Nicole.’
If she doesn’t change, then escalate, with documentation.
Part of me wants to get snarky ‘It seems like you are having trouble remembering my name. It’s pronounced Nicole.
Repeat after me: Nicole, Nicole, Nicole. Do you think you can remember? Do I need to write it down for you?’ But that’s probably bad advice and not something to say to a co-worker.” cleaningmama
5. AITJ For Wanting My Birthday Gift Back?
“Every year, my parents ask me what I want for my birthday (turned 29 this year) and every time I tell them food is always good, so they always get me a gift card for a restaurant that I like and I genuinely appreciate it.
This year, however, I told them either just cash or an Amazon gift card because I really want to make some upgrades to my gaming computer. Neither my parents nor my sister is into computers or electronics in general so that mostly leaves me as their go-to tech support guy.
This year, they claimed they ‘did me one better than an Amazon gift card’, they had a big surprise for me, and that they knew I was going to like it. Turns out they bought me a whole pre-built gaming computer.
I sure was surprised, especially because they spent somewhere around $1300 on it. The thing is, though, the components inside this computer were either equivalent or not as powerful as the components in my own computer, so nothing about it would have been an upgrade.
I thanked them and told them that I appreciate the gift, but I wish they hadn’t spent so much on it because it wasn’t an upgrade. Confused, they asked how so. I gave them the reasoning and asked if they were able to return it and get their money back.
My mom got upset saying that they spent a lot of money on it and that I was being rude by rejecting it. I told her that I wanted to make upgrades to my current computer and that I didn’t ask them to buy me a whole new computer, especially since they aren’t tech-savvy and do not even know what’s currently on my computer.
Fortunately, they are eligible for a refund, but now my mom is upset and claiming I ruined the surprise for her. I keep telling her that I saved them from wasting $1300 and that money would’ve gone way further in upgrading my current computer, but she won’t have it.
On the other hand, my dad gets it and is trying to get her to understand the reasoning.
I’ve told a few friends about this situation and they seem to be split between ‘you should’ve just kept it and sold off the parts without telling them’ and ‘you upset her, but in the end, it was better than letting them waste their money’.
Obviously, my mom thinks I am the jerk here but am I really?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Keeping it wouldn’t have helped anyone, and I feel like you would’ve ended up in an ongoing tangle of white lies when they inevitably asked you how you were enjoying it; most people would follow up about such a big present.
It sounds like you could have laid on a little thicker, though, how much you appreciate the thought and money they put into the gift. It really does sound sweet that they listened to what you are interested in, and just didn’t stick the landing.
Maybe once you get some of the things you did want, you can make a point of thanking your parents when you’re having fun using them.” camellia_s
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your intentions for rejecting their gift and asking them to return it are good.
As you said, your intent was to prevent them from wasting money. I believe that your mom would see that you are right once she’s calmed down and looks at it logically. (I am also somewhat of the techie of our family so I often advise my parents against buying overpriced PCs or parts.)
Also, tell your friends that their advice sucks. Selling off that PC piecemeal would be the actual disrespectful act since it would tell your parents that their gift is not worth keeping or using and you do not care for their sentiments and feelings since you only saw their gift as some disposable item.” PacifistWarFreak
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – Hopefully, they’ll promptly take care of the return and you’ll get what you want. But, I think you owe your mom some more appreciation than what you’ve already given. She’s not thinking of this from a practical standpoint like your dad.
She’s coming from an emotional standpoint of trying to express her love to you with a gift and falling short. Maybe your parents were feeling a little concerned that they have just been giving you gift cards on your birthdays instead of a really special present that you would cherish.
They probably put a lot of thought into getting that computer for you and imagining your joy from the surprise. So, perhaps this sounds hokey, but consider writing your parents a thank you note from the heart about how much their gesture meant to you and that you’ll never forget their efforts in making your birthday truly special. Or, take your mom out and show your appreciation that way.
Just show more love and I think your mom will come around.” shuckyducked
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You told them what you wanted and they did something else. Their intentions were good, but the impact was giving you a useless item.
So as soon as they discovered their error they should have apologized and remedied the issue. That your mom isn’t suggesting that she got so wrapped up in a fantasy of how you’d burst into tears and call them the best parents ever that she’s forgotten who the gift is for.
And that’s putting unfair guilt on you for their mistake.
In the future, if you need to deviate from food gifts cards again, maybe just tell them ‘cash or an amazon gift card as there are a few purchases I’ll need to make soon but am not ready to make firm decisions on just yet’ – no word of what kind of purchases, so that they can’t try ‘surprising’ you again!” ISTFMM
4. AITJ For Not Helping My Sister Financially?
“I (42F) have never had a good relationship with my sister (34F). She was definitely the golden child, and my parents did everything they could for her. It really hurt as a kid, to see my sister want for nothing while I was basically a home maid.
My parents died around 3 years ago, and I can’t really say I was too sad about it. Anyways, my sister got almost 2/3 of the inheritance and I got the rest. She basically blew it all on some expensive house and a new fancy car.
I hadn’t seen my sister in almost a year at this point, and my son (14M) never really saw her either, but when we met again last month I was shocked to learn she has 7 kids now (all between 12 years old and 6 months old).
She reached out to me and said she wanted our ‘relationship’ back (which never really existed but ok). At first, she was all about repairing our ‘sibling bond’, but the other day she called me crying and saying that her house was getting repossessed.
She asked me if I would be willing to lend her some funds until she got back on her feet, and keep in mind, I’ve only known her for a month now. I work a pretty well-paying job (Engineering, yay!) while she chose to ditch college and become a stay-at-home mom.
Obviously, this didn’t work out with her 7 kids.
She begged me to at least let her family stay with me, which wouldn’t work out because I only have three bedrooms, and y’know she has 7 kids. I told her such, and she said that I should lend her some money, then.
I still refused, and she told me I had a whole bunch of funds ‘just sitting around’, which is literally my son’s college fund, so that wasn’t gonna happen either, and when I told her that, she broke down in tears.
She hung up and texted me saying that I am being ‘so cold and callous’ to her situation. I think she’s put herself in this situation, so why should I be forced to pay for her mistakes?
AITJ for refusing to help her?
I get that she’s made her own decisions, but I am starting to feel bad for her kids.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – just because you’re related to somebody doesn’t mean you need to have a relationship with them. And it also doesn’t mean you need to build them out every time they need help.
Seems likely to me that she saw the writing on the wall and figured she better start trying to rebuild this bridge for when she needed something from you.
She and her family are in an unfortunate place, but it doesn’t make it your problem.
And it doesn’t mean you need to jeopardize your own family’s future to bail her out. You know you are likely to never see a cent from her if you ‘loan’ her any amount.” Fenriswolf_9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Her wanting the ‘relationship’ to be ‘rekindled’ moments before a significant need was communicated was nothing more than emotional manipulation.
Her specifically talking about your son’s college fund is more emotional manipulation and outright ugly of her. That’s quite literally none of her business to be talking about.
With the above, there’s no way I’d invite her into my home (even if it was remotely doable, if not more than a bit cramped), because she’s not even in the house yet and already taken to weaponizing your own assets against you.
Somehow doubt that her ‘approach’ would change very much once she was in your home, and would likely use the same rationale as to why you couldn’t possibly consider kicking her out.
Stand your ground. You’re saving yourself the time, trouble, and heartache in the long run, as unfortunate as that is with the situation at hand.” LtDan281
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is a time in everyone’s life when their ‘bill’ comes due. Your sister’s bill is due. She has to pay it, ‘learn the lesson’. She has made bad decisions, lived recklessly, and skated her way through life without the hard lessons and difficulty she so richly deserved, all while someone else was paying the bill.
Now the decisions, choices, and mistakes have caught up with her. It’s not your job to bail her out.
She will bad mouth you to whoever will listen and you will doubtlessly be bombarded with people reaching out to you calling you selfish & demanding you give her dough or allow her to live with you & destroy your home while you support her and her brood of 7.
Do not under any circumstances allow her to live with you.
If you want to help her, you could take a few days or a week off work and help her look at her financial situation, how much equity is in the home, and putting the house on the market & selling it as quickly as possible.
Finding someone to help her figure out housing for her and her family of 7. You did not mention if she has a husband and if he is working and whether he is supporting the family. They likely qualify for food stamps and possibly housing assistance.
If you are able, you may be willing to do a short-term rental for them for 3 months while they figure things out. But if they move into your home, they will never move out.” Gladtobealive2020
3. AITJ For Being Annoyed At My Sister Because Of The Mariachi Band?
“My (m35) sister (f32) has lived with me for almost two years now. I had her move in after her husband passed away shortly after she gave birth to their son, who will be turning two early next year. The entire thing was very traumatizing for her and me.
Not something I would wish on anyone.
During this period of time, she went out with men on and off from her dance scene (bachata). It’s been a mixed bag, but I’ve ultimately never really had a problem with any of them up until this point.
Enter the new guy.
A couple of days after their first meet, I notice a brand new children’s car seat sitting on my island in the kitchen. Hmm, wonder why my sister felt compelled to buy another one, I thought.
Turns out, the brand new guy bought the seat to install in his car for my nephew!
When I raised what seemed like a pretty big flag (to me) to my sister, she simply stated she wanted to ‘stay positive’ about the relationship.
Sure, whatever. She’s never taken advice in her life, so I didn’t expect her to now.
But seriously, what?! Creepy, right? Buying a car seat for someone’s kid you just started going out with?! That was my thought at least.
Fast forward about a week and a half later to my sister’s birthday.
I get home from work and give my sister her present and birthday card. We talk a bit and she tells me that her SO will be coming over a little later to spend the night on her birthday.
I end up only staying up till about 7 pm and decide to rack out for the night so they can have the living room to themselves.
9:30 pm. I am violently awoken by music coming from downstairs in my living room.
VERY. LOUD. MARIACHI. MUSIC.
I slowly crawl out of bed as my fuzzy brain is slowly trying to understand what is happening. My sister normally puts her kid to sleep around 7:30 pm, so what are they doing?
As I exit my room I realize they are not blaring music from a stereo, but it’s a real live mariachi band standing in my living room below, playing for my sister and her SO, currently starting their second song.
I slowly come down the stairs and glare at my sister and her SO. My sister’s eyes meet mine as I come down and she says, ‘Are you okay?’ Like WHAT? I do not respond.
The band finishes their song and my sister’s SO, knowing he’s messed up, escorts them out the door giving them a tip on the way out.
I ask my sister where her son is, she responds that he still sleeping downstairs. With disbelief, I respond ‘Are my neighbors?’ No response, just a blank guilty stare.
‘This is NOT okay,’ I state. I slowly get up and start to head upstairs as her SO starts to apologize.
‘Whatever,’ I mutter. ‘I am going back to bed’.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You do not do stuff like that in someone else’s house without some form of coordination and is made worse by the time that it was.
That’s beyond common sense, and I do not buy that someone that’s ‘thoughtful’ enough to buy a car seat so soon after starting to see a single mom, would somehow neglect that the choices to have a band in the house may have an undesired effect on others.
The criticism you gave was reasonable for the moment you were in. Honestly, she was probably caught off guard as well, for what it’s worth. You said nothing out of line or inappropriate for the situation at hand.” LtDan281
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, I guess the band was loud and not to your liking, but I wouldn’t say 9.30 was jerk territory when it was a birthday surprise. A bit thoughtless, but in your shoes, I would have let it go as it’s her birthday.
I am not sure why you think the guy is a creep for buying a car seat for his car. Speaking as a single parent I would be so impressed if I started going out with a guy and he was already looking to include my child.
Single parents do not come separately to their kid, and as nice as any guy might be, if he can’t accept that he will (eventually) be a father figure then they are no good.
It sounds to me like you are a bit threatened by this guy wanting to be part of the family: no doubt you love your little nephew and enjoy being his uncle and having that special bond.
Enter the new guy and you can imagine down the road him taking your place in his affections, and feel hostile toward him.” JWJulie
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk but you’re not a nice dude. She’s your family, dude, screw your neighbors.
B***d is thicker than water. It’s her birthday, she lost her husband, her new man is sparking a little joy into her life and a wet blanket like you is wondering how you’ll survive without your 10 hours of beauty sleep, so much so you’re crying about it on the internet trying to justify the trashy thing you did.” ProteusRex
2. AITJ For Not Paying Rent?
“I (F21) live at home with my parents, who are not so kindly asking me to pay rent. I already pay for my own medical/dental/psychiatric expenses, phone bill, and groceries, and take rideshares everywhere that I need to go.
I have also built up a good credit score completely independently. However, my sister (31) was never charged/expected to pay rent. She lived here while she was 26 for free, and was able to save up and buy her current house.
My mother had access to my bank account until I was 20 when I finally opened a new account alone. Needless to say, I am not comfortable with my parents handling my money because of that experience. I know they definitely do not need the extra money or help.
I do not find it fair that my sister was allowed to save up for a place to live, and I am not. I would have no issue paying to live here had my sister done so, or if I was 26 or older and still living with my parents.
AITJ?
EDIT: About my sister, she did a year of college at 18 and dropped out. She went back to school at 22 and finished at 25.
EDIT 2: The rent amount they would like me to pay, is $900. Their monthly mortgage is $1,100. I make $14/hr.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was their choice to bring you into this world and their choice to clothe you, feed you, and take care of you. Just because you’re older and more independent, with a job and paying for your own food and clothes, doesn’t mean that they’re obliged to charge you over 75% of their mortgage.
They want to charge you that much for rent, have a contract written up, and make them your landlords with you as a tenant. For $900 and only making $14 an hour, that’s a lot. In fact, that’s nearly a whole bi-weekly paycheck.
Half of what you get paid in a month. For around the same price or even less, you could probably qualify for a low-income housing apartment if there’s one in your area. Look into it. I could see maybe $100 to pay for your room and what you use in utilities, but I am sure you do not use $900 in utilities alone.” EatTheRich246
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your parents let your sister off easy and you’re now jealous/upset that they want you to pay rent. That may make them jerks (assuming their reasoning is malicious or something) or it may not (if say their financial situation has changed).
You are not entitled to free rent from anyone. So if your parents demand rent to live under their roof, that’s unfortunately their prerogative. It sucks.
Sounds like it’s time to make some decisions. Have you talked to your parents honestly and calmly?
Is there a reason they’re choosing to start asking for rent? Perhaps you can negotiate a lower amount? Up to you if it’s worth pursuing a conversation and/or relationship past this point.” junkdumper
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
A rent of $900 is absolutely something you tell your child, who is a minimum wage earner, months if not a year or more in advance.
Most parents with this type of policy have an age they have to move out by or begin paying rent, and it’s clearly communicated well ahead of it so their kid can be prepared for a huge added expense and make the appropriate plans to do so.
And I have never heard of parents asking their child to cover almost 90% of their entire mortgage payment. Usually utilities and groceries so you’re not an added cost, but they pay the mortgage if you’re there or not. In any case, you should absolutely not be expected to pay more than one-third (assuming there are 3 people living in the house).
Your parents should give you both equal opportunities. It’s understandable if they planned for it but something has happened and they are no longer in the financial position to do so. I highly suspect this is the case and your parents are financially struggling, but instead of talking to you about it and reassuring you it’s not because they love you less, they are hoping you can swoop in and pay the mortgage.” Avril-the-bean.
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
As far as I understand, your parents didn’t ask for rent from your sister, because she went to college. But they ask you for rent because you have a job. We have the same rule here with our kids: as soon as you have a job, you will pay rent (we call it ‘kostgeld’).
So, you’re the jerk for not paying.
But your parents are also jerks for asking for this huge amount of rent for you to pay. I would charge for your share of the mortgage payments and the utilities. In your case that would be about $400, not $900 (here, renting a room with a shared kitchen and bathroom will cost you about $400-$500 as well).” ValeNova
1. AITJ For Not Babysitting My Three-Month-Old Nephew?
“My brother just had a baby boy and I absolutely love him. A few days ago, my brother asked me if I could babysit his three-month-old baby for two days so that he and his wife could go to Las Vegas and blow off some steam from the pregnancy.
While I have the capacity and know how to care for an infant, I think it is totally irresponsible for them to leave on vacation while the baby is so young. So I told him I wasn’t comfortable with their attitude towards leaving such a young baby overnight so they could go party and that I wouldn’t babysit.
He asked our parents and they happily obliged as they want to spend as much time with the baby as possible. I was actually pretty shocked that my parents weren’t more against it. Am I being a judgmental jerk?
Edit: To clarify, I have a two-year-old son.
My brother and I babysit for each other, about once a week for a couple of hours. My brother and his wife have gone out nights since birth as my wife and I were watching our nephew. My son was very unhappy with anyone else other than his mom (including me) until he was about 1 year old.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
If you aren’t comfortable being left for days with such a young infant, that’s totally fine. There is a good chance that the infant will be VERY unhappy if he can’t smell his mother’s scent for days on end and will be very difficult to care for.
Your brother and his wife are grownups who can make this decision if they’re comfortable with it. I think I’d also feel some kind of way that parents are taking an unnecessary day’s long trip purely for pleasure away from their infant at such a young age but I probably wouldn’t voice my opinion on that and just make some other excuse to say no, like being concerned about being the main caregiver of an infant for more than a few hours or something like that.
And of course, your parents aren’t jerks for helping out your brother either. Everyone just has a different idea of what they’re comfortable with and is acting accordingly. Hopefully, your brother isn’t too salty about you saying no to his (kinda crazy, in my opinion) request.” jammy913
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Not for saying no (you have every right to not want to do this), but yeah, you’re being a judgemental jerk.
Two days away isn’t going to make any difference in the long or short term of this baby’s life.
There are millions of parents separated from their children for more extreme periods every day, and those kids are fine.
Even then, you’re not the kid’s parent. Let them be the parents. You know exactly how hard the first 3 months are, and you know that even if you sucked it up or even if you just had it in you, you know that it might not be the same for them.
Two days to relax can mean the world to people.” MrsMiterSaw
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to babysit, that’s definitely a choice you get to make. Yet, you’re pretty judgmental and for that, you’re a jerk.
This parent-shaming, dad-shaming, and mom-shaming got to stop! Who are we to dictate the decisions of others? If another parent’s choice is not your cup of tea, fine, but mind your business and keep your opinions to yourself.
If they want to go for two days to blow off steam, let them… as long as they leave the baby well care for and not in a stash it’s not your problem what they do to blow off steam.
Besides, two days? It’s not like they were leaving for two weeks.” LeadmeNotFL
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ for not wanting to babysit your nephew while your brother goes to Vegas. YTJ for making a value judgment and stating out loud when it’s okay to leave a child.
Parents get to make that decision for themselves. One of the most oppressive parts of parenting today is the judgment for doing things differently than other people or not acting in some way that is perceived to be perfect. Lots of parents aren’t okay with leaving their children for a weekend at three months and lots of parents are… and both kinds of parents are perfectly good kinds of parents.
There’s no parenting award for wanting to spend the most amount of time with your kids. No special medal for exhausting yourself by never taking a break. The reverse is true too. There’s no award for leaving your kids when you’re not ready (I absolutely understand lots of people have to for work or travel for work; I am not talking about that), and no special medal for vacationing without your kids when you want to be with them.
I am not judging the fact that this infant is probably not fully immunized yet because the op showed no concern over that in the original post. Their judgment was because they think it’s ethically better not leave very young children with other caring family members.” entropynchaos
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