People Get Us To Change Their Views In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

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Dive into a world of dilemmas, debates, and decisions with our collection of personal tales. From refusing a neighbor's doggy duty request to navigating the complexities of family dynamics, to confronting cultural disrespect among friends, these stories will challenge your perspectives and ignite your empathy. Whether it's about resisting a cross-country wedding trip with a newborn or standing up for a quiet Christmas amidst a personal health battle, these narratives are filled with relatable, real-life conundrums. So, are they the jerk? You decide. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

22. AITJ For Not Letting My Baby Cousin Play With My Sentimental Stuffed Bear?

QI

“My baby cousin was over at my family’s house today to be watched. I had my stuffed bear with me while sitting on the couch. Scrolling through my phone like usual.

The baby then comes over to me wanting to play with my bear. I wasn’t letting the baby play with the bear even after she started crying.

My family thinks I’m the jerk for not letting the baby play with the bear especially since I’m too old for stuffed animals. I think I’m entirely justified in not wanting to let the baby play with the toy as I’ve had my bear since the day I was born.

My bear has been with me through thick and thin and is very damaged. If a reckless baby were to play with it my bear would most likely fall apart more than it even is. It’s already had to be restuffed and stitched up multiple times.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Only you get to decide who touches your things. However, for future reference, it’s a smart idea to hide items that you don’t want babies to touch — or put the items out of reach and away from their line of sight.

It is very frustrating to them to see something they like and not be allowed to play with it. It is also smart to make some safe items visible and available for them to play with.” cpagali

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You may want to consider getting some sort of keepsake or shadow box for the bear.

If it’s in as bad condition as you say, that would help protect it from deteriorating further. I would say make it one where you can take it out to enjoy it yourself, but then that would open up an avenue for your family to go open the box and give the bear to the baby and use the argument that you take it out, so why can’t they.

Once you are on your own (college or later) maybe you can start taking it out of the box again, but I would keep the box sealed until then.” ToriBethATX

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but you can handle the situation for a better outcome. The fact that the bear means a lot to you is respectable and your family should have recognized that, but you didn’t see that the bear could have also meant a lot to your baby cousin.

Your feelings and love for your bear took precedence over any love you have for your baby cousin. Allowing the baby to play with your bear in spite of the fact that it could be damaged kinda showed some selfishness on your part which, unfortunately, is something your family did recognize.

After all, you did mention that you are now too old to play with stuffed toys. You can settle this by getting your baby cousin a new bear of their own, so they can have the same love of both their new bear, and you as a result.

Your family would be proud of that, instead of angry with you.” Fuzzy_Judgment63

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MadameZ 14 hours ago
NTJ AT ALL. You do not have to give your most treasured possessions to a baby on someone else's orders: your belongings are YOURS and it is entirely your decision who gets to touch them. I would agree with other posters that you probably need to hide/secure your bear now, as there are bullies in your family who are now going to either take the bear and give it to the baby or destroy/despose of it purely to put you in your place.
If you have the spare cash it *might* help to buy a bear and give it to the baby - making it clear that this is the baby's bear which no one else can touch or take away, as this is a nice thing to do for a baby AND will reinforce to the bullies that even babies have a right to their own belongings.
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21. AITJ For Parking In A Spot That Someone Else Claimed With Trash?

QI

“My husband and I moved into a new apartment this week. There is covered parking outside, but the parking spaces are free, and therefore are “first come, first serve”.

Last night my husband and I went to the store for some groceries. When we got back home, the parking space that we had been using since we moved was taken.

We noticed an empty spot that had the remains of a UPS box on it and it was the only open space on our side of the building. I moved the box so my husband could park the car.

Sometime during the day while my husband was at work (he rides a bicycle to work) someone left a note on the windshield of our car that read “Don’t park here!!!

I left a marker! Move your car, you don’t live here!”

We do live here, this person doesn’t pay for the spot, and we have to park somewhere. The building isn’t that big and we’re just trying to park near our apartment in the little parking that’s available.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. As you said, it is first come first serve. You have just as much right to park there as they do. Just be careful though, they may attempt to damage your car if you park there again.” Fun-Two-1414

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but you may need to figure out who the place marking parker is in order to remind them that it’s not a reserved lot, and if they want reserved they should be talking to the landlords. This is not a you problem, but people are incredibly stupid about parking at times, and it might become one.

Good luck!” tosser9212

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. So they tried to “claim” the spot by leaving trash there? And left a note accusing you of not living in the building? Be careful OP, there’s a deranged lunatic living somewhere in the building. And save the note for evidence.” HIOP-Sartre

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20. AITJ For Not Wanting My Brother To Drive My Car?

QI

“I am a 16-year-old male and my brother is 18 years old. I just got my first car and my brother and his friend got in a car accident.

So his car is in the shop right now and he keeps taking my car. My parents keep telling me to let him so I am getting mad about the whole thing because I can’t drive my car to work or anything because he has plans and my parents tell me that they will drive me to my plans.

So I told my parents that I don’t want him to drive my car anymore and my mom started yelling at me about it. Now my whole family thinks I am making a problem out of nothing. So I want to know AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If your parents are okay with driving you to your plans, why can’t they let you keep your car and drive your brother instead? They’re rewarding him for crashing his car. That said, there’s not much you can do. It sounds like your parents paid for both cars and you live at home so it’s their decision.

Your parents favor your brother. That sucks.” overseas-mango

Another User Comments:

“Who paid for your car? …If you, then your parents are wrong and tell them no you paid for it. If they paid for it then shut your mouth. I’d take the car away if I were them and I paid for it.

You aren’t “owed” a car when you turn 16…you are lucky if you are given one. I had to save up cash and buy my own first car because my parents were broke as heck.” Scattabrained04

Another User Comments:

“Is the car titled, registered, and insured in your name?

If it is, then you’re NTJ. Take your keys back and put your foot down. But unfortunately, if it’s in your parent’s name, they get the final say, legally speaking, even if you purchased the car with your own money. But either way, you’re still NTJ, as you did purchase the car with your own money.

Your parents are being unreasonable. In the same way they offered to drive you around when your brother has your car, they could just drive your brother around while his car is in the shop. Call them on their nonsense. That being said, please be careful with this situation.

I’ve been there. I bought my car with my own money, but my parent had it titled, registered, and insured in their name. I was a minor and was too young and naïve to know the laws in my country (US), and I could’ve legally had everything in my name at 16.

My mistake cost me greatly when my parent screwed me over and “repossessed” my car, sold it, and pocketed the money. And I had no legal leg to stand on because everything was in their name. So please be careful if that’s your situation also.” Sativa-Serenity

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19. AITJ For Purchasing A Local Utility Company's Lapsed Domain Name?

QI

“We’ve all at one point or another missed a payment be it due to a personal error, a financial error, or whatever.

So if a utility company missed a payment for their domain, am I a jerk for purchasing it??

I recently purchased a local utility domain name when I went to log in to check my bill and was fronted with a web badge showing the domain available.

Me, being me decided I would buy it, cause why not. They had no idea, this was like 3 am. Now, their entire site is down. They don’t have access to email and they had to hire a call center to take calls and they have no idea how to answer questions.

It kind of exploded. They’re threatening to sue me but can’t.”

Another User Comments:

“You’re the jerk for being stupid. The definition of stupid is someone who harms others while not benefiting and potentially harming himself. There isn’t anything funny about creating grief for the customers and the company, and you are potentially getting yourself into trouble.

You clearly have bought the domain in bad faith, which is illegal in many countries. Nothing good will come from this.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“They can sue you. They would almost certainly win too. Even if they lose, they still bankrupt you with court proceedings.

You definitely want to negotiate and settle out of court. You’re the jerk, if you are not intending to hand it back over because if it gets to court, their legal team will destroy you and bankrupt you. Bankrupting yourself over something stupid is being a jerk to yourself.” YanceyWoodchuck

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. You saw an opportunity and took it. That said, you probably ought to talk to an attorney who specializes in Internet law. There may or may not be laws about swooping in and grabbing a domain name when it lapses.

Definitely talk to an attorney before you, say, offer to sell it back to them at an exorbitant price.” Ippus_21

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18. AITJ For Planning Christmas With My Family After My Fiancé Neglects To Make Plans?

QI

“I (27F) am yet another year responsible for all the planning and gifting during Christmas.

My fiancé’s family thinks that we treat visits to my family as more important, which is not true. We visit them much more often, that’s true, but that’s because they invite us to events in advance.

That’s something that my fiancé’s family never does.

They just assume we will show up on our own. We’ve explained many times that we won’t, because we already don’t have much free time, so if they want to see us, they just have to invite us and we can plan it then.

Anyway, my fiancé (26M) did not put any effort into planning visits or any gifts on Christmas since we met 3 years ago, so last year I made it extremely clear: next year I will make plans on my own for us, if you want to take part in it you can, but if you won’t, then I’ll assume you’re ok with anything I planned.

He was ok with it.

This year I did not get any invitation from his family or him, not a single word about organizing anything. I knew I could ignore them completely based on our last year’s arrangement, but I knew it wouldn’t be fair.

I called and invited us to their Christmas Eve, which they assumed we would show up for anyway.

But for the rest of the days, I planned all with my family and relatives.

Today (23.12) he informed me that we are invited to his family living a 2-hour drive away on 25.12.

I said no, we have plans.

He got really mad and said that it’s not fair that my family gets 3 visits and his family only one. I reminded him about our talk last year, but he said I should confirm my plans with him anyway.

I told him that he could have asked and I’m not going anywhere. He can go himself but it will not sit well with me and there will be consequences for our relationship.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Honey, you’re only 27 and you’ve been doing this for 3 years…..

Think about it, you seriously are going to marry this person? And potentially have kids? And you’ll be stuck with doing Christmas for the whole family on your own forever? Yeah I did that and it sucks! Take a long, hard look in the mirror and ask yourself if you want this for the next 50 or 60 years and hopefully you’ll come to the same conclusion as any sane person and dump his behind.” KuriousKttyn

Another User Comments:

“I was on the fence but ESH. You had him agree that if he didn’t actively participate or initiate plans he would be fine with what you plan. Why didn’t you update him on what was going on? Do you not talk at all?

Do you not have a shared calendar? YTJ for leaving his family out simply because they don’t do things like yours does. You know you guys have a standing invitation because that’s how they are. You could have asked them what their plans for Christmas were and arranged your family plans around that.

You know your fiancé isn’t going to plan so you took advantage of that to plan all around your family. You’re punishing him for not actively participating in planning. You guys need to sit down together and decide how you want to spend your holidays.

My husband, SIL, SIL’s husband and I have a group chat that we use to plan visits, etc. My son, his partner, her mom, and I have a group chat we use to plan stuff. Why are you being so calculated about leaving him and his family out?” Friendly-Client6242

Another User Comments:

“Do you and your fiancé, you know, talk to each other? Okay, so you communicated to him that you would make plans on your own for the two of you, he could take part in the planning if he wishes, but if he doesn’t participate in the planning you will assume he’s okay with anything you’ve planned. But skip forward to this year, you planned everything but Christmas Eve with your family and your relatives.

He’s now informed you of an invitation and you’ve told him that you have plans as a couple. Hence my question. Did you talk to him when you were making plans? Did you tell him about the invitations received and accepted? Or did you just keep shtum and assume that it would be okay to spring your plans at him at the last second because neither he nor his family had mentioned anything they were organizing?

You are telling him he should have asked, but do you mean he should have asked what you would prefer to do, or do you mean he should have asked whether you had made arrangements? In other words, did he make plans with his family knowing full well that you’d made plans for Christmas Day, or did he make those plans in ignorance of the arrangements you were making?” Ok-Status-9627

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17. AITJ For Demanding Payment Before Transferring Car Ownership After My Cousin Sold It Without Paying Me?

QI

“I had a car with a few issues and I upgraded to a lease (brand new car) so having talked with my cousin and her partner, they were keen on my old one to have for when my cousin passed her test as motivation so I said to them if they wanted, I’d give them it really cheap (£500 to be exact) when I could have easily sold it for 3x times.

I said they could take it and pay me when they were able to. The reg alone on the car is private and worth the £500.

Anyway, months have passed and I’ve heard nothing. I didn’t ever send the logbook in or officially change the details of the ownership so it’s still in my name.

2 days ago I got a letter from a parking fine company for the car over an hour away from where I live. It turns out they’ve sold the car to help them with financial difficulty but haven’t paid me a penny or even kept me up to date with it.

I’ve been told they’ve sold it and plan to pay me off when they’re sorted financially after Christmas. Now on top of that, they’ve messaged me today with the cheek to ask me if I could send them the log book so the new owner can change the name on the car ownership.

I haven’t replied yet as we’re an extremely close family over all but this has wound me up. I’m planning to simply say, no chance until I’m paid, I know I said listen take it away and pay me when you can, etc but as soon as they sold it (which I’d have had no problem with even though I sold it in the first place to them cheap doing them a favor) I should’ve been the first thing they used the money to do regardless of if I needed it or not.

Whatever problems this causes them isn’t my issue and I’ll simply report the car stolen if I want because I’m unaware of who is driving around in it now in another city.

AITJ or should I be a little more understanding?”

Another User Comments:

“This is “Am I the Jerk” not “Legal Advice UK”.

You are NTJ. You did a nice thing. In terms of advice… Check the car is taxed and insured and do that NOW. If the car isn’t insured that could be a real headache for you. You aren’t the first person to forget to transfer the V5 when you’ve sold a car, but you need that resolved. You transferred ownership of the car to them, send them a text, and ask them to reply, that the car ownership was transferred to them on .

Get them to confirm this. Backdate the V5 to them and tell them you want to be paid immediately, they aren’t going to have more money after Xmas, they are scamming you. After Xmas, they will have another excuse. Tell them you will sue for the money.

This isn’t being a jerk, they are scamming you because they think you can afford it.” anothercrapusername

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. You failed to make adequate provisions for payment. Things have gone sideways, so you plan on making a *false police report* because you don’t have the nerve to speak directly to them about this mess.

You can’t change the rules after the fact because you don’t like how they handled this. You will still be on the hook for the parking fine, which serves you right. Their behavior is outrageous, but you enabled it.” CandylandCanada

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. “I’m planning to simply say, no chance until I’m paid!” … Don’t send them anything before you have your money.

Don’t let them change ownership before you have your money. If you help them change ownership, you won’t see any of your money. And: They HAVE the money, they get the money from the new owner. If THEY don’t have the money, offer to see the new owner and exchange the documents directly with him in exchange for your money.

They scammed him and sold him a car they don’t own yet – and they are trying to push you into letting them scam you so they do not get into legal trouble.” k23_k23

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16. AITJ For Refusing To Financially Support My Irresponsible Sibling?

QI

“My sibling and I are both adults. I work hard and manage my finances carefully. My sibling, on the other hand, has a history of poor financial decisions.

They frequently ask me for money, claiming it’s an emergency. Over the years, I’ve helped them multiple times, but they’ve never paid me back or helped me in return when I needed it.

Recently, they asked me for a significant amount of money to cover their rent.

I refused, explaining that I can’t keep bailing them out without any accountability. They got upset, called me selfish, and even told our family, who are now pressuring me to give them the money.

I feel guilty because I know they’re struggling, but I also think it’s not fair to me.

AITJ for saying no?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s tiresome giving and giving and you see no end to it. So may as well stop now instead of 10 “loans” later. And their insulting reaction, calling you selfish and complaining to the family shows they don’t respect or appreciate you.  When family/sibling complains tell them, I’ve given (not loaned) x $100s or $1000s and that’s enough.

They’re an adult they have to support themself now. And don’t give your sibling anymore. You’ve closed the bank, get through that discomfort and live free hereafter ” Firm-Molasses-4913

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Ask yourself the following: Do I pay all my bills on time?

Do I have I have an appropriate emergency fund? Do I have a reasonable level of debt? Do I live in a comfortable and safe place? Do I have reliable transportation? Do I have healthy, adequate food? Do I have adequate clothing? Do I have adequate health care?

Do I have an appropriate amount of money invested/saved for retirement? If the answer to any of these questions is, “No,” then you cannot really afford to help anyone else. Even if you can afford to help your sibling you have no obligation to do so.

Also, you don’t owe anyone else an explanation as to why you cannot/will not help someone financially. Your financial affairs are no one else’s business unless you choose to make them so.” Hegemonic_Smegma

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. 1. Any family who wants to express their opinion is welcome to empty THEIR pocketbooks to your sibling.

2. Your sibling doesn’t even bother to remember how much money you have already given them over the years. Any appreciation they had was fleeted and faded quickly. They never once seriously considered themselves obligated to repay you. And they still don’t. They simply think that you have; they don’t (and they forget that their choices are the reason why), so you OWE it to them.

They will tell you it’s because you are faaaaamily. If they didn’t have that reason, then it would be because ‘that’s what good friends/partners/roommates do’. They never think that they are responsible for making better choices or for dealing with the consequences of their poor choices.

3. You bailing them out (yet again) will not change them one iota. They will still need to be bailed out again in a few months, a year, and again and again and again. Your gifts are never used to right a past mistake; your gifts are used to enable and perpetuate a mistake they don’t want to stop making.

4. It’s hard to watch a loved one struggle. But when they keep putting themselves at risk, you can’t keep setting yourself on fire to warm them.” swillshop

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15. AITJ For Not Letting My Kids Go On A Trip With Their Dad After Our Breakup?

QI

“My husband has made it a point that we aren’t in a relationship anymore, after 11 years and two kids because after a recent argument I had where he and his mom blamed me for something I never got to explain. He was at fault as well, they were mad that I stood up for myself.

It happened in front of our kiddos: the oldest took my hand and said it was going to be okay.

Well, I have taken them to “his” house after, so their dad can’t say I kept them from him, even though he changed the locks, and our kids can’t understand why they can’t get in.

Whenever their dad mentions we need to talk about custody, and I try to talk, it’s not the right time, or he doesn’t want to talk outside, but he wants to argue in front of the kids. I’m definitely the jerk for putting the kids through that, to see him so hostile.

I spent time with him and his family on Thanksgiving and another event. His other family was so glad I showed up with the kids and wondered where he was. He went to a friend’s get-together instead, can’t stand being around me.

He recently asked if he could take the kids on a trip, and I asked if I could go.

He said no, but he paid for the rest of his family to go. I said I’d think about it because the kiddos had already planned something to do with friends since school is out. I ask the kids if they want to go on the trip, they said no. I asked a few times, told them it was okay if they did.

Always no.

Their grandma, the one I had the argument with but we were on better terms after talking, asked why I wasn’t letting them go. I told her we had plans, and she laughed and said they have to have sleepovers this weekend? They have more weekends to do that.

Actually, it’s this weekend and the next before school starts again. So we have to change our plans to make them happy?

After our youngest had a birthday party where some of the guests didn’t know where my husband was, didn’t know he was even there, I planned a birthday dinner, and no one thought he would attend, not even our kids.

But he did, I invited him and hoped he would, but thought maybe he wouldn’t because I was there. Turns out the only reason he came was because his mom asked.”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone’s a jerk here because of the trauma you two are putting your kids through.

The arguing in front of the kids needs to stop. You don’t have to see him to drop off your kids. I would only communicate through text or email. You two need to go to court to get a custody agreement and parenting plan, which would include the splitting of holidays and the process of dropping off the kids.

As for the vacation, the father does have the right to see his children. Sleepovers are easier to move than time off at work. You should not have put the decision on the kids. Source: I am divorced with kids.” Own_Bluejay_7144

Another User Comments:

“OP, please get a lawyer ASAP. This is about to go south, and you don’t want to be caught unawares. It’s really useful to have the court designated exactly when he has the kids and when you have them so that no one can say you’re keeping the kids from him.

It’s also important that you describe all of what’s happening in detail to your lawyer because there are some red flags here (like changing the locks) that imply he is setting you up to lose everything. Don’t let him take control of the situation, or you’ll end up broke without your kids.

You DESERVE to have the house or half the money from its sale. You DESERVE to have the kids most of the time (if that’s what you want), given how bad he is with them. You DESERVE to have child support and a court-appointed schedule so that you know exactly what your rights are and exactly what to expect.

I’m glad the kiddos aren’t going with him on the trip, I’d be worried they might not come back.” SnowEnvironmental861

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, it is not your job to force or convince your children to go on vacation with their dad. However. YTJ for not having consulted with an attorney and therapists for you and your kids.

This isn’t OK, from him kicking you and the kids out (BTW, almost definitely illegal) to you having to scramble for housing, etc. for you and the kids. You have NO IDEA what rights you may be inadvertently giving up by your actions and attempts to “play nice”.

Remind yourself in all interactions with him can be used as evidence, so it is far better for you to just reply “agree to disagree” or “duly noted” and disengage than for you to get into arguments, particularly in front of your kids. Try to keep discussions with him through text and run it through ChatGPT to scrub animosity from YOUR responses.

It sounds like you live in proximity to his family, but not yours. Remember that any one of them can also be called to testify, so you need to keep all communications cordial and polite but remember always that they are HIS support.

In terms of future ex-MIL, stop trying to win her over.

The only response you should consider is “that’s a conversation between your son and me.” There is no reason for your children to be dragged into this vacation discussion. If you thought the vacation was too long or didn’t want to spend the holidays apart from your children, YOU should have been the adult and simply said NO. You are not a bad parent for wanting to spend the holidays with your kids.

It is your job to protect your kids and as it doesn’t appear that they are teenagers protecting them would include taking “the blame” by saying you weren’t in agreement with the trip instead of putting them in the middle of a very clearly toxic situation and making them choose which parent to support.

Newsflash, telling them that you wouldn’t care if they go doesn’t work because they KNOW you would be hurt and/or worry that you would be alone.” Little_Loki918

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14. AITJ For Calling Out My Friend's Anime Obsession And Disrespect For Japanese Culture?

QI

“I (27F) am Japanese and moved to an English-speaking country (not America) for university, my friend (29F) is from my university.

A bit of background: she became my friend in university. I have a very Japanese-sounding name and she immediately approached me to ask if I am Japanese because she loves Japan.

My English wasn’t great and she sometimes got frustrated but we got along really well and became really close.

The only thing is, she doesn’t ‘love Japan’. She loves anime. She talks like an anime character, does the facial expressions and hand gestures, wears cosplay day-to-day, and wants to change her name to the name of her favorite anime character.

She is a self-proclaimed otaku though she did stop using the word when I explained that it has negative connotations in Japan. It started to bother me a little bit when I first realized but people have their own interests so who am I to judge?

Now, she is still the same but with really impressive collections. She is also planning a trip to Japan for the first time. I was so excited for her to go and offered to put together a “guide” for her, she said that would be great.

I spent days putting together a document with etiquette, places I recommend for food and to visit, places to avoid or red flags to look out for, phone numbers of emergency services and my family for if she needed help, and useful phrases! I included my parents’ address because when I told them about it, they offered to have her stay with them so I had it there as an option for her.

When I gave this document to her, she rolled her eyes and said that all of that was boring, that she thought I would be able to give her “insider knowledge” for anime tours that won’t have “stupid gaijin” (her words). She also said she didn’t need to know any Japanese as it was a “waste of time” because “Japanese people are very respectful and will speak English for me” and “I know enough from anime”.

I have explained to her before that most Japanese people don’t speak English very well and that “anime Japanese” isn’t natural but she is convinced that everyone will be able to understand her. She also didn’t care about the etiquette or anything like that and said it didn’t matter because people see tourists all the time so they don’t care.

She showed me her vague outline for her trip and it was just anime. Nothing cultural, nothing historical, just anime. I can’t explain it and I know that 100% I sound like a jerk when I say this but I was so embarrassed for her.

I snapped and I told her that she has no respect for the culture of Japan, that she only sees Japan as the cute anime that she watches, and that she’s a loser.

I said she’d be really disappointed when she landed and realized everybody just thought she was an otaku.

She was really upset and isn’t talking to me. I feel terrible about it, I shouldn’t have been so harsh but I had put in so much effort for her to just throw it in my face like it was nothing.

Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You’re right. She doesn’t love Japan. She loves anime. And she’s reducing the entire country to her own romanticized obsession with a specific form of media that one country produces. I don’t understand the people calling you judgemental. I would be pretty frustrated too, if someone claimed to love my country but insisted on reducing it to nothing but its most stereotypical form, calling all other aspects of it boring.

She wanted you to be her tour guide, but you have no experience or interest in showing her around the extremely specific obsession she has and are trying to make her aware of how the people of the country she claims to love will see her.

When you have an obsession like this, it’s also your responsibility not to put your blinders on and fail to look past it to what the rest of the world is doing and saying about how you present yourself in public. Could you have phrased it better?

Absolutely. But she’s done nothing but phrase everything badly since she met you. You earned this one after a series of insults. Coming to the most important part: You need to ditch her. She’s not your friend. She doesn’t see you as a person.

You’re just a fantasy come to life for her, and the second you don’t conform to the fantasy, she will react the way painfully disillusioned people do. My advice is, don’t be around for it. You’ve warned her the best you can.

Now move out gracefully. Tell her you don’t have the experience to give her what she needs. Let her visit Japan on her own. Let her face the consequences of her ignorance. Good luck, OP.” ALittleWordyToldMe

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I am a student of Japanese, like I actually have a bachelor’s degree and am working on my master’s degree in Japanese studies.

Weeaboos like her give people like me a bad name. I’ve had to defend myself so many times that although, yes I like anime, I’m not some weird anime otaku who sees nothing but anime. (My main interest is actually Sengoku jidai history and edo culture) Jerks like her go to Japan and perpetuate bad stereotypes.

She needs a wake-up call. Personally, I hope she is super disappointed in Japan and never goes back or maybe, if I’m thinking positively, she discovers the country has so much more to offer. Calling her a loser was a bit much but she basically disrespected your whole culture.” Nimue_-

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The guide that you put together sounds amazing! I’ve always wanted to travel to Japan, and if I had a friend that took the time to come up with such a detailed itinerary including safety measures for me, I would be over the moon.

Your friend is entitled to assume an entire country will bend to her willful ignorance and wrong for reducing your culture to “ooo kawaii”. You would be right to distance yourself from her. There are other people that you’ll meet that will respect your culture.” DancingInAHotTub

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13. AITJ For Complaining About Being Forced To Attend A Different High School?

QI

“I (14F) am going into high school next year.

I live in an area where I automatically get into a good public HS near us, and I always assumed I would go there.

However, this past summer, my family decided that I was going to go to an all-girls Catholic high school in a nearby suburb.

Their reasons all make sense – there are fewer kids, more AP classes and scholarship opportunities, it would help me get into better colleges, and the kids there are generally more well-behaved because the school does not accept anyone with behavior issues on their file.

It’s a good school – I understand that. If I have a kid that wants to go there, I would absolutely send them. But, for many reasons, I do NOT want to go to the school at all. First, I know a lot of people going to my public HS and people that are already there, and I know a lot about it through my school.

I also prefer a lot of their classes and such, and to be honest, the idea of an all-girls catholic school makes me uncomfortable.

I have expressed this to my parents and grandparents multiple times, and they don’t care at all – they say that it’s not my choice, and their opinions are the only ones that matter because I’m a minor.

I stopped bringing it up because it always just ended up in a big blow-up with my family and I decided it wasn’t worth it anymore, especially because I know that it’s what they think is for the best and they aren’t insisting this with malicious intent.

Last week, I was talking with my cousin (18M) who I’m close friends with. I mentioned that I wasn’t going to be able to continue taking the language that I’m currently studying. He asked why, and I said it was because the HS I’m going to doesn’t have it.

He rolled his eyes and said “you really shouldn’t go to that school” (we’ve spoken about it before). I responded with something similar to “I know! It’s not my choice at all and it’s so frustrating.” My grandma overheard this conversation and scolded me later that night because, in her words, “we’re spending a lot of money for you to go to this school, and you don’t even care – it’s disrespectful.” I understand where she’s coming from, but it’s still really bothering me because it’s my life and I feel like no one is listening to me or cares, and I wasn’t even complaining to her, I was talking to my cousin.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“INFO. Are you even Catholic? Not going to lie, I don’t love the single-sex nor parochial aspects of this, but I (similarly reluctantly) transferred from a public HS to a private one midway through it, and I could not be happier with the experience.

Got all those great AP classes and all, and ended up with twice as many friends, knowing people at both schools.” StAlvis

Another User Comments:

“I lost this same fight 15~ years ago. My parents brought up how much I must have loved it. They spent all that money.

Prestigious opportunity. Blah blah blah. I hated it. I have come to accept that I probably would have loathed any high school. But I especially hated the religious aspects of it. And I was an active believer/participant in all of it. 14 is a good age to learn how to be uncomfortable in new surroundings and make friends with new people.

Most of the people from my school didn’t know people going into it. A private high school gives you better odds of attending a more prestigious college. Which gives you better odds of a fancy job. Your family wants financial stability for your future. But I still loathe conversations with my family about “how much I must have loved it.”” hypotheticalkazoos

Another User Comments:

“So, I’m not telling you what to do. But when I was going into 9th grade, my parents tried to send me to a private school, for similar reasons. I didn’t want to go because: I would leave all my friends, I knew a couple of kids who went to the private school already and they’d spent years bullying me, & I would have to take a foreign language I wasn’t interested in.

They told me my education was more important. So I told them if they tried to send me there I would flunk out intentionally. Honestly these days I have no idea where I got the spine for it. I stayed calm and just told them I would sabotage my future.

I didn’t have a tantrum or yell and they knew I was dead serious. In the end, I went to the public school. I haven’t kept in touch with all the friends I had there, but they were very important to my becoming the person I am today.

And I think that incident started the change in my and my parents’ relationship. I think I earned their respect that day (though they were also kinda furious). (Though really it’s exactly the kind of thing either of them might have done. I come by it honestly.)” JollyJeanGiant83

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12. AITJ For Wanting A Quiet Christmas Amidst My Battle With Cancer?

QI

“I F24 told my mam that I couldn’t mentally get myself into the Christmas Spirit and would rather try and take a more unconventional approach to it.

For context, I was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer and am now under hospice care, while I don’t wish to be the Grinch, all I really want to do is avoid everyone at all costs but I also know that isn’t an option. I suggested a more relaxed holiday season, focused on making memories with those who I hold near and dear and she wants me to spend it the way other twenty-year-olds would by doing the 12 pubs and going skating and to events.

She wants me to be around everyone, which I also can’t do my internal battery has me asleep for most of the day and in a lot of pain.

She got very upset and said I had ruined Christmas for her because she wants to pack it full of things meanwhile I just want to spend time with her and the rest of my family.

I know it’s really hard for her and I feel extremely bad and ungrateful as all she wants to do is help by allowing me to spend time with everyone and doing things while yes I still want to do things but in a more relaxed and settled manner, preferably indoors and away from crowds.

Am I the jerk for not wanting to part take in what she wants to do or is it reasonable?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your mother may be in denial, and trying to assert a different reality as if you acting normally will magically create that desired reality — but her denial and unworkable coping mechanism is affecting you.

She is not the proper priority here. If need be, she needs to be told that. Do you have someone who can deal with her for you? You really should be shielded from this so you can relax and not have to deal with the stress this must be causing.

If asking her to please leave this alone and understand that you aren’t up to it doesn’t work, then having someone deal with her gently but firmly would be ideal — or if such a person isn’t available you could limit contact with her for a while for your own well-being.

At the very least be gentle with yourself. Your mother isn’t thinking rationally and accepting reality and it’s not your fault that you can’t do as she wants. It’s entirely proper for you to prioritize yourself now.” kurokomainu

Another User Comments:

“NTJ & I’m gonna sound harsh and I know I do but as someone who has dealt with grief a huge deal, it seems like your mom is in denial. Which is part of it and totally fair and valid.

However (!!!!!) You need to sit down and talk with her and your family if need be that none of this time is about them and what they want to do it’s about YOU and what you want to do. Your life is unfortunately ending and everyone needs to accept that you don’t live to please them and make them happy.

Even if that makes you burn bridges. If having so many people in my life die taught me anything it’s that you’d rather die happy, free, and alone than with regrets about how you lived your life, especially at the very end. Also try to find therapy for your family.

They’re gonna need it and if they start working on their grief now they won’t be overcome by it and let it consume them. My mom got me into individual therapy for my grief quickly because it consumed me so fast and it helped SO much.” pandaluver1234

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but I’m not sure your mom is either. First off, I am SO sorry for what you are going through. My wife wasn’t much older than you when she had stage 4 cancer. These are supposed to be your fun years. As a dad, I’m trying to put myself in your mom’s shoes… and I can’t.

I don’t know what I’d do or act if it was my daughter. Maybe it’s denial, or she feels she needs to create as many memories as she can, while she can. From the way you talk about her, you both love each other very much and are close.

The threat of losing you – her daughter; this amazing woman who she can still see as a baby, toddler, kid, teenager, is the biggest fear of any parent. How do you even begin to process that? I think she needs to talk to a therapist to help work through her thoughts and emotions during this time.

It’s possible the hospice folks have people available. Again, my heart goes out to you and your loved ones. If you don’t mind I’ll be praying for your comfort, and your time is filled with love.” dead_steve

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11. AITJ For Being Upset After My Family Missed My Graduation Walk?

QI

“I graduated and my family, partner, and friends totally missed me walking on stage. I communicated several times throughout the ceremony and messaged them a couple of times leading up to our row getting called to the stage and they still missed it.

They said they’d just watch me walk out of the stadium and they missed that too… I have also messaged them and told them when I was walking out and where. Plus I messaged them again when I was getting close to walking in front of their bleachers’ section.

And they missed it because they left as soon as they saw other students being released.

We all found each other outside the stadium and by this time, the place I wanted to go to would close in 35 minutes and it is 20 minutes away. They wanted to take pictures and I asked if we could do it later.

They said they wanted to take pictures with the decor so I said okay. We waited since there were a lot of people. We ended up just taking 5 photos and left.

By the time we got to the car, our ETA to the place is 2 minutes after they closed. This was my last straw.

We just went home and I was silent, crying to myself the whole ride back.

When we got back I got told not to ruin the night just because we didn’t go to the restaurant.

Now AITJ for being sensitive and just wanting to sulk in my room after graduation?

I was just so hurt, disappointed, and upset after the whole night.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Honestly, your feelings are super valid. Graduation is a huge milestone, and it’s something you only get to experience once (or a few times if you’re going for multiple degrees, but still).

The fact that you went out of your way to communicate so much during the ceremony—messaging, giving updates, trying to help them not miss your big moment—and they still managed to miss it, twice, is heartbreaking.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I am so sorry your family is so neglectful.

I’m in my 60s and physically disabled. I still drive and get places on time, or early. I do not miss graduations, weddings, or important events. I even make it to grandkids’ events on time, or early. It’s not age. It’s a lack of care or respect.

I’m sorry they are like that. Quit trying so hard to include them. Tell them about the event once. Do not continue to send messages. They can figure it out, and you won’t be so frustrated. Good luck.” Fickle_Toe1724

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. TBH I never had a single family member attend my HS, college, or graduate school graduations.

I’m actually glad they didn’t as they are all similar to your family. It’s best to just not expect any sort of consideration from family members in my experience, then you won’t feel disappointed. My parents never once offered any help in my educational process, my father told me girls shouldn’t go to college.

My parents had no idea I was granted scholarships based on my academics and when I got my PhD they couldn’t understand why I had bothered. You don’t choose the family you’re born into. But you do get to choose the family you create as an adult.

I have the love and support of my own wonderful family now.” LompocianLady

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10. AITJ For Wanting To Host Christmas Dinner At My Own Home?

QI

“Last year, my fiancée and I bought our first home and decided we’d like to host my parents and sister, and his parents for Christmas dinner. We’re both in our 30s and have never had space to facilitate this, so really wanted to give back to our parents so they can relax on Christmas day and let us host them for a change.

My mother’s reaction to this has been standoffish, to say the least. For context, my sister has anxiety and some mental issues and struggles sometimes with change. When inviting her I ensured there was no pressure for her to come, but she was completely welcomed and we’d love to have her.

I had low expectations she would attend due to my partner’s family attending, whom I could never uninvite. They’re lovely people, and that just puts my partner and me in a tough spot.

My mother has essentially been against the idea since I suggested it many months ago and has basically decided on behalf of my sister (who is in her late 20s), that my sister definitely won’t come if my partner’s family is invited. It feels like she’s making me choose between families which I don’t want to entertain at all.

The dinner is still going ahead, and my partner and I have agreed that we’re happy with whoever shows up. My mother is making out like I’ve ruined Christmas for everyone just because we’ve not stuck to traditionally going to her home this year (which I’ve done for 30 years now).

Am I a jerk for wanting to try something new for Christmas? The idea of having to go to my mother’s house on Christmas day to keep her happy for the rest of my life doesn’t sit well with me, and it’s not ideal for my partner either.

At the end of the day, we’re all adults now, things are different. We’re trying to bring everyone together, but my mother just can’t seem to see it the way I do?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts!”

Another User Comments:

“You’re definitely not the jerk.

As a 19-year-old female with chronic anxiety along with other conditions, there’s always a way. From your post, it sounds like your mother didn’t give her the chance to try. Maybe try talking to your sister one-on-one and see if she would be okay with trying.

You could have her come over before the event so she has more time to be comfortable, and set up a spot in your home away from the party where she could retreat. If your sister doesn’t wanna give that a try then there is no excuse.” Appropriate-Key8785

Another User Comments:

“I don’t think you’re the jerk for wanting to host, but you can’t say your goal was to give back to your parents so they can relax if they’re this opposed to it either. Clearly, your mom is more relaxed when she’s the host, whether that’s because she likes being in control of the event, doesn’t feel comfortable celebrating with people she doesn’t know as well, or just values the continuity of something she now sees as tradition.

You’re not wrong for wanting to host and change things up or for being disappointed that she doesn’t value bringing new family into the mix the way you hoped she would. She’s not wrong for declining the invitation and sticking to her tradition or for being disappointed that you don’t value the tradition in the way she hoped you would.

Maybe respect each other’s wishes, acknowledge that they differ, and take turns hosting each year so you both get your turn?” ImportantFunction833

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. On the contrary, you are doing a smart thing by attempting to start your own traditions for the holiday, instead of forever taking turns going to his family, then yours, then his, and so on into infinity, until all the parents are gone and you have no traditions of your own to fall back on.

You have graciously invited both families to share your Christmas holiday with you at your new home, which most people would jump at. It’s unfortunate that your sister struggles with her issues and might not feel comfortable in the company of people she doesn’t know, but you also have some expectation of basic courtesy from your mother.

One caveat: does your sister have an alternative if she feels she really can’t face your in-laws-to-be? Because if she doesn’t, that would be leaving her out of things and that might be what’s driving your mother’s dissention. Assuming that your sister won’t be left out, you are not ruining Christmas for everyone, on the contrary, you are offering them a chance to relax for a change with you hosting.

If your mother doesn’t see it that way, that’s on her and she will miss out on what will probably be a lovely day and nice Christmas dinner. You are wise to not necessarily expect everyone you invite to turn up, but if they don’t, they are the ones who will miss out.

Merry Christmas!” LonelyOwl68

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9. AITJ For Not Sharing My After-School Snacks With My Family?

QI

“This is something my stepfather is still mad about.

So back in high school, I often got lunch after school because during lunch I was either socializing with close friends or working on some important school work. I walked home every day and because I had been somewhat trained not to have breakfast in the mornings there were times I got hungry and grabbed a bite to eat.

Just to give a good scope, I grabbed something to eat on the way maybe 3-5 times a month at maximum.

I got the money from whenever my mom would share a bit of the child support she got from my biological father or from the times my extended family may have sent me a small something because they knew I was walking a mile or two home after running around on fumes all day, or if I had put something aside apart from what I saved from the times I worked during summer.

My stepfather had always made small comments about why don’t I bring something back for the whole family or that the money isn’t mine so you’d think I’d be more generous. I admit I find this pretty hard to see from his perspective because I tend to be very money-anxious, big purchases scare me and one of my greatest fears ever is being financially illiterate and getting into debt.

Since I was 10, I wanted a good job where I could provide for myself because I had been independent for a long time.

My family hadn’t been in the best spot financially where for most of my life until I became an adult we lived in two-bedroom apartments even though we were a 5-person family, there was no sense of boundaries where my siblings would regularly get into my stuff no matter where I put them and my mother and stepfather often brushed it off as “hide it” or “put it higher”.

I was also in charge of buying my own toiletries like soap, deodorant, etc along with pads. Things my mother would use along with times things like my mascara and so forth. It was extremely overwhelming for me because I was the oldest child and had a stepfather who often lorded around saying “my roof, my stuff”.

I suppose getting food for myself was a little something I could do just for the sake of saying “this is mine” and keep some sanity but to this day my stepfather holds it against me saying things like I’m selfish or saying that back then he should’ve cut me off because I wasn’t using the money right.

I would also like to add my stepfather often brought things home for himself like booze, etc.

Anyways, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Your family sucks. Your stepdad was an abusive jerk and your mom bought into it or at least didn’t protect her children. I’m so sorry and I so relate!

You are NTJ – you were a child being mistreated by your family. Full stop. Just because they didn’t beat you (if they didn’t do that, too) doesn’t mean what they did wasn’t still a really big deal. You have every right to go low- or no contact with your parents (and your siblings if they are jerks, too).

When you are able to, it would probably be really helpful to seek counseling.” Puzzleheaded-Age-240

Another User Comments:

“NTJ—your stepfather is. His responses were not acceptable!!! You were fine doing what you did. The fact you did this probably irked him as he had no say !!

You acted responsibly for yourself—bravo !!! These meals out were a boost for you as your home life must have been tense !!! Of course he will hold this over you—he’s trying to exert control—first by creating doubt within you. If you don’t feel good about your well-earned actions —less likely to do them !!

Do not give this man any time or attention. Keep saving your money and get out of there!! Good luck op.” lifevisions

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I am a bonus mom to a fabulous 10-year-old (with 2 bio kids 9f and 1m) and I would NEVER treat my bonus baby this way.

I am currently in possession of a Dunkin gift card she won at a family Halloween party solely so she doesn’t lose it, but she knows to come get it from me to use to get a treat when she wants. I can’t imagine telling her she can’t eat unless she gets me something with her gift card.

Your stepdad sounds like an egotistical jerk.” BedroomEducational94

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8. AITJ For Lying About Not Getting My Mom The Gift She Wanted And Then Getting It Regifted Back To Me?

QI

“My mom regifted me the gift we got her for her birthday three weeks ago.

I graduated college a few months ago but my graduation ceremony isn’t until a month from now. For 6 months my mom has been saying she’ll get me something for the graduation – for us it’s tradition that the gift is gold.

Eventually, at some point she gave me a jewelry set she meant to gift to someone else while I was helping clean out her closet and said ‘consider this your graduation gift from me’. I didn’t complain, it was pretty and plus she said she would actually buy me a gift with my dad.

I don’t care how much it costs I just want any thought to be put into it.. I’d rather no gift than a regift even.

Eventually, her birthday comes up and I ask her what she wants, she says she wants the same necklace my aunt gifted me (for my graduation…).

A week later my dad suddenly lets us know we’ll be going to a cabin Airbnb for a few days, and her birthday is the last day we’ll be there. So I rush looking for something similar to the necklace I have, gold and with a traditional pendant and small pearls.

I never went to the store I know had the necklace I have since I thought I had time to go there at the end. Anyway, I didn’t have time, and I had to buy her the nicest thing in the store I was in (a small diamond necklace).

I have to mention my dad paid since technically the gift is from the entire family. (I’m the eldest daughter and an unpaid intern I can’t afford anything separate).

When I gave her it it was clear she didn’t really like it because it was so small.

She asks what happened to the gift she asked for (it’s around the same price), and I lied saying it was sold out.

Three weeks later, she regifts the necklace to me and says ‘consider this the gift from your dad’. My dad would never actually go out and buy me the gift my mom was always going to pick it out since he can’t pick anything out himself.

So she just says ‘I’ll let your dad know he got you your graduation gift’.

Come to learn she bought herself the necklace she wanted in the first place and that’s why this happened. Am I the jerk for lying and not getting her the gift she wanted?”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. Your mom handled this incredibly poorly but you also suck for 1) lying about it and 2) the attitude towards the gift. When people ask for something specific it’s because that is what they want/need. If she had said “a necklace” then fine, no foul.

But she didn’t did she? She said “this specific style of necklace.” It’s like if I ask for a black belt because it goes with all my clothes and you give me a red belt that doesn’t match anything. It’s still a belt sure, but it’s of no use to me and shows you disregarded my thoughts and feelings.” RuthlessBenedict

Another User Comments:

“You shouldn’t have lied. Other than that I don’t think there are any jerks here. She told you what she wanted. You decided not to get it for her. It’s completely understandable that she’s dissatisfied with not getting what she wanted after explicitly telling you what it was.

The way the phrase” it’s the thought that counts”is used in America disgusts me. They’re using it to say that you should just be grateful for whatever gift you get because the person thought of you in the first place. It’s a nice sentiment but am I supposed to apply that to buying shoes for someone who doesn’t have feet?

Rock candy for someone who doesn’t have teeth? Artisanal nuts for someone who has a nut allergy? Let’s face it. The sentiment doesn’t work. My family is candid about gifts. They’ll tell you exactly what they want. I love that because we actually get things that are useful or fun for each other.

You had the power to make your mother’s birthday very special because she was the same she wasn’t expecting you to guess. You decided not to use that power but it was ultimately up to you whether you did or not. It’s good that your mother actually got herself the gift she wanted.” Dukklings

Another User Comments:

“Weird gift-giving patterns on the part of your mother… OK, I don’t see the point of lying about it. You could simply have said that you were unable to get the one she asked for. and maybe offered to return it and buy the other necklace if you were feeling generous.

And it happens that you run out of time, or for some other reason you can’t get what you originally planned, although most people who received such a gift wouldn’t react as your mother did. For both of those very minor faults, I say NTJ.

I can understand that you are annoyed that she gave so little thought to your graduation gifts, but still, the general practice is to accept even thoughtless gifts politely, and at least you liked the first piece of jewelry and it wasn’t something you bought to give away.” SavingsRhubarb8746

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7. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Stop Mocking My Accent?

QI

“I (28F), an English native speaker, moved abroad a while ago to do my PhD in a country where I am fluent in the main language (C2 level, wrote my PhD thesis in it).

My level is very good, but I still have a slight accent. After finishing my studies last year, I got a job and decided that I would like to stay and build a life here.

I’ve been seeing my partner (27F, we are lesbians, please note our genders) for about a year, and it’s going well.

The only issue is that she won’t stop mocking my accent. It’s not constant, and the only thing she does is occasionally repeat what I’ve said in an exaggerated, extra-accent-y way and then laugh, but it really gets on my nerves. I’ve asked her multiple times over the time we’ve been together to stop, but she only laughs harder and says that it’s funny when I get mad (admittedly I’m tiny and have a babyface, but still).

This happens very rarely, and our relationship is otherwise very healthy and respectful.

This past weekend, she did it again, but this time at a small dinner that I was hosting at my place for some friends and co-workers who I’m friendly with. Only a couple of people who were helping me bring the food out from the kitchen heard, but it was still really embarrassing and hurtful to have this happen in front of friends and colleagues like that.

At the time, I only asked her to please not do that, which she waved off saying it was a joke. My co-worker said it wasn’t funny, but my partner insisted she was just kidding and our mutual friend, who is usually pretty level-headed, defended her.

We went on with the dinner, but it really left a sour taste in my mouth. After, I tried to talk to her about it again, saying that it hurts my feelings when she does this and that doing it in public like that was crossing a line.

I even asked how she would feel if I did that when she tried to speak in English (she just started learning a few months ago and I would never mock her like that). She just said that she wouldn’t care if I did that and that she’d find it funny if I did.

I saw that we weren’t getting anywhere so I asked her for some space to cool down, but she says I’m being childish. I wouldn’t be second-guessing myself if it weren’t for our mutual friend agreeing with her, and the fact that she’s so respectful in every other way and this really only happens occasionally.

So AITJ for wanting her to stop? Or should I lighten up a bit because I’m taking it more seriously than I should?”

Another User Comments:

“You ask her to stop mocking you privately so she escalates to mocking you publicly? It doesn’t matter whether SHE thinks it’s funny or not.

You have asked her to stop and she’s choosing to escalate instead. And when you ask for space she belittles you by calling you childish. She clearly has no intention of stopping. This is not how someone behaves when they actually respect you. I’d suggest you examine whether or not she’s actually ‘so respectful’ otherwise, or if you just have the habit of swallowing your issues when she makes you feel bad.

NTJ.” Fleurtheleast

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m going to say this bluntly: break up with her. She is taking joy in hurting your feelings. Anyone who actually loved you would be able to understand that while they might find the joke funny, it hurts you, so they should stop.

She is actively and maliciously choosing to hurt your feelings every time she does this. She is telling you over and over again through her actions that your feelings don’t matter and that she doesn’t love you. Right now it’s “just this”, but she will keep escalating.

People like her always do. You’ve already wasted a year on this woman. Don’t waste the rest of your life on her – especially when there are plenty of other fish in the sea (ones that will treat you much better).” kissxsleep

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, and I’d break up with her. She’s blatantly disrespectful. It doesn’t matter if it’s a seemingly “minor” thing. You left your home country and are doing your best to adapt to your new one. That’s hard enough to feel comfortable in a foreign place without having your number one constantly belittling your efforts.

She will not change. This is a character flaw and if you don’t like it, you need to leave. This will never change. My partner’s family speaks Spanish. When I visit, I do my best to speak as much Spanish with them as I can.

I mess up all the time and I’m sure they giggle lightheartedly about me being a gringa when I can’t hear them. But you know what else they do? They encourage me when I speak Spanish. They praise my efforts. They politely correct my pronunciation of things.

They never, ever, make fun of me. They make me want to be better because their faces light up with so much joy when I try to connect with them in their own language. It’s a beautiful experience and yours should be no different.” anxiouslucy

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6. AITJ For Not Changing Our Dresses For My Brother's Wedding After Late Notice?

QI

“My brother and his partner are getting married soon, for context, we all live overseas (they are in Belgium, I live in America and our family is from New Zealand).

They have attempted to tie the knot before but for reasons not related to this post they have postponed the wedding.

They decided earlier this year to get married back at home. My mom had offered to help with arrangements and things they need, noting they aren’t there, however, my brother told my mom that the partner – let’s call her Bec -wants to organize everything as she wants to surprise everyone.

We only got an online invitation with no indication about colors, we asked and they said just not wear anything whiteish. My cousin now a bridesmaid was only asked to be a bridesmaid last week and only today she was told the dress color which she immediately informed the bride that my mom was wearing that color, so Bec asked her to please tell my mom to change it.

I told my mom she’s not changing the dress and that I’m wearing the same color just in a different tone, but that it was now too late for us to make any changes to the dress. My brother texted the family group just informing us about the bridesmaid color and to please not wear that (today), but I told him we already had the dresses and that it was too late for us to change, that we had asked several times before and they decided not to tell us anything before.

He seemed to understand and said that it was fine and that was it.

My cousin said that Bec called her desperate crying in rage because apparently, we are trying to sabotage her wedding? We also found out that they only made the decision to ask them to be bridesmaids last week and one of them had already bought a dress – and as the other ones hadn’t, she decided then that it was easier to ask the other 2 to wear the same color.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ… now there’s new information: The bride doesn’t have bridesmaids, and the MOH is wearing a different color. Toss in the MOG dress was made by an aunt and there isn’t time to change and it’s a no-brainer.

So this is a non-issue now. Wear the dresses… She doesn’t get to play mysterious mysteries and then cry foul when the NPCs screw up the storyline/aesthetic. But you have enough time to arrange a new dress… You haven’t said yours has had special fittings… a dress is a dress is a dress.

I am sure you can buy a similar dress in a different colour And you are telling your mum what to do, stay out of that, leave it to her to decide for herself.” Particular-Try5584

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Honestly, putting aside Bec’s ridiculous behavior, and the fact that she left her choices for her bridal party to the last minute, you’d still be NTJ.

It’s your brother’s wedding, not some distant cousin or friend of the family. You and your mum are immediate family. There’s no reason at all why you shouldn’t be wearing some version of the same color as the bridal party. In fact, lots of people do that on purpose with the mother of the bride, etc.” Sorry_I_Guess

Another User Comments:

“I never understand why some brides get like this! When I got married, my bridesmaids were in matching red dresses. The colour was never a secret but also wasn’t broadcast unless someone asked our colour scheme. On the day, my cousin was wearing a beautiful dress that was almost exactly the same red as the bridesmaids (but obviously a totally different style dress).

She hadn’t realized until the day that’s what our color was and some of my friends expected me to react badly… shocker… I didn’t care! Told her she looked stunning (because she actually did!), and we joked that she secretly wanted to be a bridesmaid too.

It was an amazing day, and it baffled me that some people thought I was going to kick off over a dress being the same color as the bridesmaids. If someone turned up wearing a wedding dress maybe that would have been a different story.

It’s not the dresses that make a wedding wonderful, it’s the people and love of all family and friends coming together for the happy couple. Wear the dresses you have already, and hopefully, it’s a beautiful day! NTJ.” Numerous-Oil9941

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5. AITJ For Asking My Roommate To Help Replace The Couch She Ruined?

QI

“I (27F) live with my roommate, Taylor (25F) and we’ve been friends since college and have lived together for a couple of years now and we’ve always gotten along great. A couple of months ago I wanted to spice up our common area so I decided to buy this really pretty couch for the living room.

It was costly so I made sure to let Taylor know how important it was to me to keep it clean and she told me that she would be careful.

However, last week when I flew back to my parents to be with them for Thanksgiving, I was under the impression that Taylor was also going to her parents for Thanksgiving since they are only a 2 hour drive from us, but lo and behold that didn’t happen.

After Thanksgiving and spending some more time with my family I flew back to my house and guess what’s the first thing that I notice? Cups, drinks, dirty plates, bags, and just an overall messy freaking house. But as I went to check if my couch was fine, I noticed it had multiple stains (possibly wine) and a big tear in one of the cushions.

How in the world do you even tear a couch?

Anyway Taylor tried explaining that she had a Friendsgiving and some of her friends that she had invited apparently got a little “wild” whatever that means but she said she obviously didn’t mean for that to happen and didn’t want to tell me until I got back to not ruin my time with my family.

I asked if she could maybe chip in on replacing it because the couch was only a few months old and I really loved it and it added some spice to our living room. However, she blew up at this question and thought I was being unfair and uptight because it’s “just a couch” and I should have expected things to get messy and not stay perfect in a shared space.

This made me feel bad for asking her to help replace it. She’s right, maybe I shouldn’t have bought something I cared a lot about in a common area and expected nothing to happen to it but it still hurts me that she doesn’t want to take any responsibility for what happened to the couch.

So AITJ for making this a big deal?”

Another User Comments:

“So, she has a point that items put in shared areas should expect to sustain normal wear and tear. But what you are describing is not normal use (even she admits that her friends got wild).

She should pay to get the furniture cleaned, and the cushion repaired. Paying to replace it is probably a bridge too far, but she should definitely pay to help fix the damage her friends caused when they got ‘wild.'” AdAccomplished6870

Another User Comments:

“Why didn’t you purchase a care plan with your expensive couch?

I don’t think she should get off scot-free but I don’t think you are blameless. You bought an expensive couch in a shared house and placed it in a common area thereby placing the burden of its care on your housemate. You should have had a care plan that covered stains and rips.

If you had a care plan I’d say she was responsible for the replacement fee. Since it appears you don’t, I think her giving you the cost of a steam cleaning plus a patch for the rip is appropriate. It won’t make it look like new but you aren’t entitled to new.  Don’t buy expensive furniture and put it in common areas.” throwAWweddingwoe

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You’re not the one making a big deal out of it. You asked. All she had to do was say no and then learn to respect other people’s property. Let her live with the stained and torn couch until she decides to replace it.

You’ve already made your living-room contribution. Should she have been more considerate and take responsibility for it? Yes, but she hasn’t, which should teach you not to bring expensive furnishings into the apartment as long as she lives there.” Beneficial-Ad4047

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4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Travel Across The Country For A Wedding With A Two-Month-Old Baby?

QI

“I (23f) am currently 20 weeks pregnant and am due mid-April. My husband (22m) and I were invited to his cousin’s wedding next June. I told my husband that I don’t think it’s a good idea if we go to the cousin’s wedding since it’s across the country (26-hour car ride or several-hour plane ride + two-hour drive to the airport) and the baby will be at most 2 months old.

We don’t see this side of the family very often because they live so far away, and if it was a few months later I’d say we could go. This is our first child and I think we’d still be adjusting at two months.

AITJ for not wanting to go?”

Another User Comments:

“Based on what you’ve said it doesn’t really seem like you’ve said that you’re not going, but instead you’ve given reasons why you both shouldn’t go. That’s not the same thing. If you don’t want to go say you’re not going to go.

You don’t have to give a reason if you don’t wish to, but he should still be given the agency to make a decision for his actions towards going. NTJ. At least not as is. Haha.” MrCellophane_SS_KotZ

Another User Comments:

“The people on this thread are nuts.

Saying give your partner agency to go…like duh he’s an adult, but I can tell you my partner is going across the country when I’m 6-8 weeks postpartum unless we’re both 100% comfortable with that and we have additional support built in to support me at home while he’s away.

If he’s been dying to see this part of his family, he should go visit them now. Don’t let these people who have lax boundaries and expectations for their partners have you end up making a choice that doesn’t feel right for you.

Wanted to share another perspective. And the great news is you have plenty of time to figure it out! Who knows you may end up giving birth a little ahead of schedule and decide you want to go, but absolutely communicate what makes you MOST comfortable with your partner (you are the one bringing this baby into the world).” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“NTJ if you stay home with the baby and he goes to the wedding. He hasn’t been around babies according to you. When he finally gets to be around his own baby, he will understand. There are so many things to think about with a newborn.

Will you be breast-feeding, or bottle feeding. The amount of supplies you will need for the baby is a lot. You can’t have just any old car seat on the plane. It has to be airline-safe certified. You’ll probably need a stroller too unless you intend to carry the baby 24/7.

I would never travel by car for 13 hours with a two-month-old. That 13-hour trip is going to easily turn into 15 hours or more with pitstops to fill up on gas, a meal break, and many diaper changes and feedings every three hours. Good luck to you.” Nanabanafofana

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3. AITJ For Not Letting My Dad Move In Because Of His Actions In The Past?

QI

“Growing up I never really knew my dad. He was in and out of the picture and in later years he and my mom would argue over his jail time for not paying child support.

My mom died and I live in her house with my partner and her child.

In my adult life, my relationship has been the same with my dad. He reached out after my mom’s death but he never really made the effort and it always felt that if he tried to have a relationship with me it was always for a new partner or wife’s benefit, not mine.

My dad recently had a bad wreck and his apartment only had stairs. He and his new wife acted like they would move into my home since it’s an old-school ranch house. All one floor.

I told him no. He asked me why I didn’t trust him and he would pay rent.

I asked him why would I trust him to pay rent when he never paid my mom child support for years.

His wife told me that was a rude thing to say. I told maybe they should ask one of her kids (she has 5) or one of my dad’s 3 other kids because of 1 of 9 I’m not stepping up to help because my dad has never helped me.

They accused me of dragging up their past and I told them their attitude is not going to mesh with mine long term. I was asked to leave the hospital because I was upsetting them while my dad was still there.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ at all.

He didn’t pay child support, he didn’t take care of you as a child, nor did he try and cultivate a relationship with you once you were an adult. But now he needs something, so obviously you should bend over backward to accommodate him and his new wife.

Forget that. Tell him he’s got 8 other kids he can live with.” Difficult_onion4538

Another User Comments:

“Seriously though, it’s not like you just brought it up out of nowhere they literally asked you why you didn’t trust him! And then his wife has the audacity to call you rude?

Like girl bye. They want to act like the past doesn’t matter now that it’s convenient for them but that’s not how it works. You have every right to protect yourself and your home. They can figure out their own living situation.” Petalfrostt

Another User Comments:

“My abusive parents used the old “let go of the past” nonsense, too. But when I thought about it, I realized: you know who wants to leave the past behind? People who are ashamed of what they’ve done. Criminals. Murderers. Thieves. It was clear what they really wanted: a get-out-of-jail-free card.

So I told them they are my past and went no contact. That was years ago. Now, when they want something and reach out, I tell them to stop contacting me because I’m letting go of the past.” YourOtherOtherLeft

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2. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Neighbor With His Dog?

QI

“My neighbor moved in a year ago with a service dog, but it clearly is not a real service dog. It wears a vest but will run up to anyone/everyone and want to play. Anyways, a few months ago he texted my roommate and me showing us where his spare key is located in case he needed help letting the dog out.

No conversation or anything just here’s my key if I need you to walk my dog. We both ignored the text.

Flash forward to today, he texts both me and my roommate asking us to go let his dog out to pee. Again, we never agreed to this or were asked to help.

It was just like an expectation. Neither of us was home either and he acted like we just were available for him.

AITJ for not helping him out?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – but I’m surprised that you didn’t nip this in the bud when he sent you a photo of the key.

I’d have replied to that text and made it clear I was never going to be available to help so please make other arrangements. So if you haven’t already I’d suggest letting him know that now because in my experience entitled people don’t seem to understand subtle hints.” Ornery-Process

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but if you are willing to help your neighbor, maybe you could have a conversation with your neighbor to kindly explain how you expect requests for aid to be presented. And to let them know the limitations of when you will be able to provide them with help.

I will say that it makes the fabric of a neighborhood much better when neighbors are able and willing to help each other. To quote Gary Parrish: Be careful. Be kind. Be good. Rep your hood.” Comfortable-Judge909

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Holy, with my place strangers, also known as the neighbors above me, first will get a cavity search before they are allowed in my apartment with my dogs.

Let alone me allowing them to walk with my dogs. What is this person thinking? Not even asking, just expecting? Besides you don’t know the dog, if it bites someone you might be liable. Never ever walk strangers’ dogs unless well-lectured or in emergencies. This not being an emergency.” Mundane_Morning9454

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1. AITJ For Confronting A Dad Who Didn't Understand The Soccer Rules?

QI

“I (m18) am a soccer referee. I have officiated since 2020 and have played soccer for 12 years now.

I have been wondering about this for a while now.

Last weekend, I was officiating a few games for U10 boys. For ages 10 and under in the select league I was reffing, there is a special set of rules.

There is a line called the “build-out line”, and it is essentially a line on both ends of the field (about 10 yards in front of the goalkeeping box). So long as you are behind the line, it does not matter where the players on the opposing team are.

You can be past the defenders but not pass the build-out line, and score. In an older age group, offside would apply and this would not be allowed.

However, this is very clearly written in the rules, and in the last game I reffed, one of the kids on the blue team scored 3 goals this way.

Behind the last defender, but not passing the build-out line, so they all counted.

Every time, some dad from the team that was losing kept screaming that I had no idea what I was doing and that every one of the goals was offside. I heard one of the parents say “it’s onside because of the buildout lines”, but it was very quiet.

The dad continued to shout but I ignored him, and the game finished with his team losing 6-0. At the end, he was swearing to a bunch of the parents on his side, and I heard him say “This ref is terrible.”

I walked over to him after I blew my whistle and said “every one of those goals was legal because of the buildout line rules.

You should consider learning the rules of the sport before you sign up your own child and swear in front of a bunch of kids.”

He looked like he was about to explode. Some of the parents looked angry too and his little circle went quiet.

He started clapping sarcastically and said, “way to keep it professional, sir”. I then left.

I told my parents and my mother laughed. My father told me I shouldn’t bother associating with people like that and it makes me stoop to their level.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The ONLY thing I think you should maybe have done differently would be to give him this dressing down sooner. If a parent is being rude and disruptive, you can ask the coach to speak to them at any time. If they refuse to stop, you can ask them to leave the field/park.

Him being loud and wrong was distracting for you, it was also certainly distracting for the kids trying to play and learn. That dad blew up because he’s a hothead and he was embarrassed. That’s on him. You shouldn’t feel bad about it.” Reddit User

Another User Comments:

“As a past sports league board member I would 100% expect my league coaching staff to step in after the first incident and I would expect that parent to be banned from games if disrespected a ref or a coach. You get 10/10 stars for professionalism.

I would talk to the league staff that hired you about how to handle these situations. At a minimum, I would expect them to empower you to tell the coach on that parent’s team that they need to rein in their own bystanders/parents. If they fail to rein them in I would start putting penalties on the team.

You shouldn’t be subjected to that and his kids shouldn’t be seeing it. NTJ.” capmanor1755

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I would suggest phrasing it as the “rules of the league” rather than “rules of the sport” since most of us who have played, ref’d and coached soccer have never heard of build-out lines – although it seems like a smart variant for little kids.

Definitely tell your supervisor which team the parent belonged to and ask that they have the coach speak to him before the next game. In the future, tell the parent to be quiet during the game. My 14yo threw a parent out mid-game for behavior like that.

The parent straightened up and when my son officiated a future game of theirs other parents thanked him, as it had really straightened the guy’s behavior out and everyone was enjoying the games more as a result. My son also told a coach he’d throw him out if he questioned his calls again without having the rule book open to the correct page and being right.

Because my son was correct and the coach was undermining his authority by repeatedly challenging the calls. No one needs that in little kids’ sports, especially when these adults are trying to intimidate you kids who are officiating.” pupperoni42

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