People Question Their Actions in These Captivating 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
23. AITJ For Wanting To Sell My Brother's Ca?
“Three years ago my younger brother 31m came to me 34f and my husband 46m to borrow some money for a house as he was trying to gain custody of his son 5m. We loaned him the money against the title of his truck.
We only did that because the amount of money was over $1,500. He agreed to pay us back within a year.
After the first year, he hadn’t made any payments at all. In fact, he had been borrowing even more money from us, claiming to be unable to feed his son or needing things for his son.
We didn’t take his truck then as it was his only vehicle and he needed to go to work to take care of his son.
At the two years mark, he had only paid $100 which he had to borrow back as it was actually supposed to be for a bill. He continued to borrow small amounts of money (ie less than $30) at a time promising to pay it back.
My husband and I gave him the option to do some work around our house to work off some of the debt (at this point it was over $3,000) which he declined.
He ended up getting hurt at work and was out of work pending surgery and rehab. The third year rolls around and still no payments have been made.
I may also add that I am babysitting his son for free and helping him with things that he needs done and his partner bought him a new car. We cut him off from borrowing any more money last year.
Now to where I may be the jerk. He asked me to take his son to a birthday party thrown by his partner at a local park.
While there I found out that he has been telling lies about me and my family. When he got back in town his partner told him that I know. Now he is accusing me of mistreating his son while he was in my care.
Well now I’m thinking about taking the title for his truck and selling it to the highest bidder.
My family, especially my husband and I, have bent over backwards to help him and been more than lenient with him but now I think it is time to stop. My family is divided about this with some calling me a monster and others saying he deserves it. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he deserves it.
Sell the truck, it’s yours because he didn’t pay you back on time. Now he’s accusing you of mistreating his child – which only means he wants you in more trouble. The lies he has told others show that he doesn’t value you or the help you have generously given him.” oDuckology
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But in the future remember that a wise person once said never lend money to friends and family that you want to get back. This is the inevitable outcome. Only gift them money that you can afford to lose. Also, dude is a jerk, sell that truck.” SirShiggles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He just does not have his act together.
You own that truck, as per agreement, since it has been more than a year. It is your right to sell it, plus he has another car.” User
22. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Estranged Mother's Maid Of Honor If She Doesn't Make An Effort With My Family?
“I (25F) have been what you would say ‘estranged’ from my mom(45F). She hasn’t called, messaged or visited my kids and I in almost 2 years, maybe a little longer.
Every time I have texted her to see what she was up to on some days, to see if she would want to visit, she would always say she was working, which I can understand. But other times she would say she is busy and can’t that day, then I would never hear about it again unless I was the one reaching out to her.
After she would say these things, she would be going to the park or to do something else with my niece and sister on her days off or even after work some days.
A little, maybe not-so-important, backstory: My oldest daughter is 6 years old, turning 7 in November. She wouldn’t and did not take me to appointments if I was having car troubles, but would take my sister.
She didn’t go to my baby shower, but went to my sisters (both of them). She only visited me in the hospital once when I was in there with my oldest. My youngest was born in March of 2021 so, you know, restrictions, so she couldn’t come even if she wanted to. With my oldest I had Preeclampsia.
My youngest was in the NICU for 5 days because of fluid in her lungs. When I was giving birth, I bled nearly 1 liter of b***d. She didn’t check on me at all.
ANYWAYS I should have mentioned this would be my moms 3rd marriage. Her first one was to my dad, and the second one to my youngest brothers dad.
She forced me to take care of my sister and 2 younger brothers while she went to work or do something and she called it “Preparing you for parenthood”.
My mom has asked me to be her MAID OF HONOR. When she asked me this I literally asked “Why? Why me?”
She replied: “For obvious reasons and I would like the girls to be flower girls”
Again I asked her “Why?” followed up with “Wouldn’t you rather ask my sister?”
She stayed adamant with me being the M.O.H.
Today, I decided to message her and ask her if she could do me a favor and that I don’t want her to take it the wrong way. To make the message short, I told her that if I accept I want her to put more of an effort into a relationship with my family and I.
And I expressed how seeing posts about how she is out having all this fun with my sister and niece, upset me because I find my self questioning Why am i not enough for her to do that with me and my kids? I am a believer in parents should be there for their kids.
not the other way.
She has not replied yet. She left me on read.
So WIBTJ if I decided not to go if she got defensive in her answer, or just didn’t reply at all?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she will survive, and there isn’t much of a relationship to ruin anyways. What I am dying to know is Why she wanted you to be the MOH….from her behavior even now she didn’t do it to compensate or mend bridges or something.
My guess is your sister refused because it was too much work or something, hence who should pick up the slack right?” MousingJoke
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Been said on this subreddit often, a wedding invitation isn’t a summons. I’m not sure what her hidden agenda is for wanting you to be MOH, but it’s probably a selfish motive.
For both you and your kids’ sake though, I’d at least consider whether it’d be worth accepting to try to re-establish a good relationship with your mother, and by association, giving your kids a good relationship with their grandmother, although I’ll grant that your mom may not be interested in that anyway.” SANTAAAA__I_know_him
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Have you asked your sisters? I wonder if you’ve been asked because of the latest trend where the MOH seems to be planning much of the wedding instead of the bride, shelling out tons of cash. Or it could be the big show for hubby #3. Look, we’re so close, she’s my MOH.” FuzzyMom2005
21. AITJ For Using Fake Spiders To Keep My Cousins Out Of My Room?
“My cousins Jaime and Alex moved in earlier this year along with my Aunt Savannah since she’s going through a divorce. Jaime and Alex are very rambunctious, which I guess is normal for little kids to an extent.
But it’s been getting very annoying because they keep barging into my room constantly. I’ve tried talking to them multiple times that I want my space to be respected, I also talked to Aunt Savannah about it, but they keep doing it and she doesn’t really enforce that boundary. Jaime and Alex barge into my room whenever I’m tutoring as well.
I put a sign on the door saying to not come in because I’m tutoring a student but they’ll ignore it and sometimes come in 2-3 times during an hour-long tutoring session. These interruptions are very annoying and distracting to both me and the person I’m trying to tutor.
I tried talking to my parents about it and the fact that Aunt Savannah isn’t enforcing the boundary I set with Jaime and Alex, but they told me not to press Aunt Savannah about it because divorce is hard and they don’t want her to become depressed. My parents also don’t let me lock my door unless I’m getting dressed. If I try, Jaime and Alex will run to my parents and usually my dad will bang on the door until I open it.
They don’t see Jaime and Alex barging in as a big deal since my tutoring is technically volunteer work for my school’s honors society and it’s not a “real job” in their eyes.
Since Aunt Savannah and my parents are refusing to really do anything, I’ve decided to start putting realistic fake spiders all over my room.
I ordered some off an online store and also paid a friend who’s into ceramics to make some. Like most people, Jaime and Alex hate spiders and after a few days of discovering “spiders” on the doorknob and inside my room, Jaime and Alex now avoid my room like the plague. My parents got concerned that my room was actually infested and weren’t happy when they realized the spiders were fake.
I pointed out that I’m not breaking any rules and I got Jaime and Alex to avoid my room without making Aunt Savannah depressed by making her enforce the boundary with my cousins. My parents told me I was being mean to children whose parents just divorced and I should be ashamed with myself for purposely scaring them instead of being more patient.
I feel I have a right to privacy, and when I’m tutoring my student, they also have a right to an uninterrupted session. But are my parents (and now Aunt Savannah) right that I was a jerk for the way I did it? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Teach or bribe the little menaces to barge in on your parents.
Explain to them how their uncle approves knocking on the door until it’s opened. Bet yourself a spider on how quick adults will start the actual parenting. And get away ASAP from the family which doesn’t allow you basic privacy” Ventsel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Putting things around your personal space that can’t actually hurt anyone is perfectly reasonable.
The kids are going through a difficult time, yes, but that shouldn’t mean they are automatically entitled to your room any time they want.” smolbeanlady
Tell the little brats that if you have people there then they HAVE to stay put of your room because thise people come to you to get help.... keep the spiders handy and i a, sorry your parents don't give a crap about you trying to help others just cos younaimt getting paid for it
20. AITJ For Standing Up Against My Husband's Cousin At A Family Gathering?
“I, Indian (35f) married to Rob, British (36m) since 2018, am 8 months pregnant. We hosted a home party for Rob’s family. Ordered Pizza as I couldn’t cook huge quantities being pregnant. I met Rob’s cousin for the first time, Deb. Rob doesn’t keep in touch with her but invited her on insistence from his parents out of courtesy.
Deb kept commenting unnecessarily rude things at me. Eg: “I didn’t expect you’d keep a clean house”, I thought she hinted at my pregnancy and I ignored it. Later she said “You’re Indian, right, so how come you guys waited 4 years to have a kid? Aren’t you all big on population explosion?” then started laughing and said “Hope I didn’t offend you”.
I explained her politely India is not like that and it was a personal decision. After a while Deb came around and said “Hey you don’t have any fake accent, which is great because I’m able to understand you. Haha. Hope I didn’t offend you”. I started to think this is beyond mean behaviour but I kept cool.
Finally, she said – “You must be dying out here without your Indian curry which leaves the house stinking for days”. She seemed amused & this point I thought it’s enough, I simply told her to check with my British Husband as he’s the one making the Indian curry since a few years and our house never stinks.
She sheepishly added “Hope I didn’t offend you” and I calmly replied – “Your misinformed opinion is not important enough to offend me, Deb”.
Almost everyone who were around us burst into laughter including my husband. She felt embarrassed and left shortly. Although proud with the way I handled Deb, Rob later apologised and told me that was why he never kept in touch with her.
I was alright though. I didn’t think of it much as I thought I was still polite enough to Deb. A week later, Rob told me that Deb had bad mouthed about me to everyone. Some of his family members are blaming him for not standing up for Deb and that he invited her and let her be insulted. Some took my side and said its Deb’s fault.
She even lied about getting her stomach upset from the Indian food that I cooked that day. The ones who were at home know we ordered Pizza. Rob is the one getting to hear all this as no one came to me. Rob is getting calls from relatives he didn’t even know existed. He says he doesn’t care and it gives him more reason to not see Deb again and is OK with going NC with anyone who support Deb.
Should I take initiative and try to clear the situation? AITJ for letting this happen to my husband?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ even a little. She just repeatedly says offensive stuff and ends with, “hope I didn’t offend.” She doesn’t deserve to be part of you and your husband’s life. I assume anyone taking her side knows what she is like and agrees with her.” 2Whom_it_May_Concern
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- your kindness and witty comeback got her put in her place. She didn’t like getting knocked down off her high horse so she decided to spin tales on you. Let your husband deal with the family , since no one is brave enough to come to you. And if anyone does, then clear the air out and inform your husband.
I’m sorry this has happened.” Lemonhead_Queen
19. AITJ For Not Correcting My Dementia-Stricken Mother's Offensive Remarks?
“My (28) mother (66) suffers from dementia, I warned my partner (29) that she has no filter and is extremely prejudiced and homophobic, which are the reasons why I have not introduced them to my mom.
I have personally learned to accept the behavior trying to argue, rationalize, and or correct non physically harmful behavior is just not worth it, she will apologize then forget 5 min later.
So I have learned to live with it. Her doctors are also in agreement that it is a wasted effort to try and correct such behavior.
My partner insisted on meeting her, I once again explained why I am against it but they were dead set on meeting my mom. So we went to go meet her, my mom did what my mom does.
My partner was crying and got upset with me because I did not even try to defend / correct her.
I explained it is a waste of time, and I told you all of this before hand. They did not expect it to be so scathing. I said my mom does have a sharp tongue. My partner continued to question my actions for tolerating such behavior.
I simply replied she is my mom who is sick. Then I started to make jokes about it, and this upset them greatly. I just left it as if I do not laugh I will cry.
They kept trying to harp on it, calling me a failure of a partner to allow such things to fly.
I tried to tell them I explained all of this before hand, yet you still insisted. You think I really was going to go through the effort to try and correct the actions of someone that barely knows who they are half the time? I told them, I already tried to fight that war for years early on in this journey it was just too painful.
I had a choice to make learn to accept it or never see my mom again. I love my mom, so I picked the latter. I thought this was the end of it but it happened to come up again at a dinner we had with some friends, pretty much everyone at the table called me and a quote the “worst type of person” simply because I did not think it was worth the effort trying to correct the behavior.
One even said I should disown my mother. I left after that.
So AITJ for not correcting the behavior, and downplaying the seriousness of the issue? Did I overreact when I left the dinner? Should I have done more to protect the feelings of my partner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner needs to be educated about dementia.
For those who don’t know, it’s a FATAL brain disease. Correcting the behavior could result in a catastrophic meltdown. There are specific strategies for working with people with dementia. There is a ton of educational information online” 1indaT
Another User Comments:
“NTJ firstly I’m so sorry you’re going through this with your mother, it’s such an awful condition.
Your partner clearly does not fully understand dementia at all. If this is someone you would like you stay with I suggest the both of you go talk to a dementia specialist charity who can explain things. Sometimes it’s easier to hear things from an expert.” drinking-up-the-tea
You did well t walk put of dinner cos if they had said that to me they would all be wearing their food and I would likely have been arrested for assault....
As for your partner... honey I would kep,them as far away from your mother as is possible and you if I am honest... they have NO IDEA what you are going through NOR do they CARE... they care more that a poor lady with a terminal disease hurt their feelings and you didn't tell her off!!! W*F... they are stupid... no scrap that they are an absolute uncaring MORON who doesn't have the brain cell,so they were born with...
Thinking you should disown your mother for an illness she can't control... please get a new partner and new friends you deserve better WAY BETTER
18. AITJ For Telling My Partner She Has Unrealistic Expectations?
“I am m(20) and she is f(19) to preface. We are both in college and I have an internship that I have to work 8 hours a day for and she is here at my house to visit for a month, we do long distance but since it’s summer she has had time.
I am able to work from home usually however I need to be awake early to get started with my day, and she likes staying up and watching shows and movies which makes me feel really tired and unproductive the next day and whenever I bring it up she always just tells me to stay up and nap.
However, I am never able to nap due to my job and then I have to drive her to the gym and other places when she wants to go and she gets really impatient if we don’t go right when I ask. On top of that I am supposed to be always getting her things whether it be a phone charger, even if it’s right next to her, a glass of water, her phone, wallet immediately when she asks and it’s not up for question.
I know that I don’t always think of things and maybe I am wrong here and of course I have my faults, one big thing she always brings up is that when we first started seeing each other I was friends with these two girls and as time went on she really didn’t like them and it took a few months but I finally understood why and I told her that I wouldn’t text them or speak to them however every time an argument arises she always brings them up and tells me to go back to them even if we have talked about the same thing and it’s repeated every time, up to a point where I have to beg her to talk to me or even sit near me.
The most recent thing happened today where I was dropping her off at the gym and, where I live it’s like 100 degrees outside so I was just in my PJs, and drove her there. As she gets out of the car she makes a comment about how I didn’t open her car door and then she sent me a few messages about how I am expected to do that, which I always open her car door and everything when we are both getting out or going somewhere I just didn’t think of it when i’m just simply dropping her off since it’s the middle of my work day and I needed to get back quickly and get back to work.
I just feel a bit lost and I want to know if I am completely wrong for telling her she’s got some really unrealistic expectations.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The issue is you are spending your time constructively, she is not. If she were doing anything constructive with her time she wouldn’t have the time to come visit you for a MONTH and make unrealistic and selfish demands on you and your time.
Better to have a conversation now about expectations and boundaries than to keep having the same argument over and over. In my opinion, based on your post, she seems immature, entitled, self-centered, demanding and lacks understanding that you are working 8 hrs a day and may not feel you have the time or energy to stay up late every day.” Gladtobealive2020
Another User Comments:
“Dump her…. She sounds overly controlling and manipulative. Take her advice and go back to the two girls who didn’t criticize everything you did while simultaneously demanding the royal treatment. If your partner wants all that attention, tell her to hire a professional butler. You are her partner; not her errand boy.” Taru-Shinkicker
17. AITJ For Not Inviting My Sisters To My Wedding Due To Past Tensions?
“Several years ago, my second brother and I had a huge argument because he placed my daughters in danger. I called a relative to grab them and take them to the airport so they could return home. My first sister called me while all this was happening but I ended the call after it felt like she was just being nosy instead of being supportive.
My second brother and I hashed things out months later and we’ve been good since.
A year or so after this, my second sister called me and tried to start an argument with me over the incident I had with my second brother. I refused to argue with her over something that happened a few years ago and didn’t involve her.
It was clear to me that she and my first sister had been talking and I got the feeling my first sister embellished her version of the events to make me look bad. She got upset and blocked me.
My second daughter died shortly after this and my family rallied around me to offer support.
It was after this that things became weird. My first brother got engaged and when I met his future bride she was completely rude to me and I couldn’t understand why, then I discovered that my first and second sister talked bad about me to her and instead of her forming her own opinion of me she based it off of whatever they told her.
So she basically didn’t like me before even getting to know me.
Since then, my first and second sister bring tension to events. They don’t get along with my second brother or third sister either.
Since the loss of my daughter I have been battling depression and anxiety.
My wedding is a time of light and hope for me and I want it to be a happy occasion.
When I began making my guest list, I struggled with adding my sisters and when I mentioned it to my mom and FH they advised I invite those who would be truly happy for me.
I recently sent out my Save the Dates and didn’t send one my first or second sister because I don’t want the negative energy around me.
We don’t speak even though I’ve done nothing to either of them, which makes their behavior weird. It feels strange to not invite them but honestly I don’t want to deal with this crap.
I’ve also contemplated extending an olive branch to my sisters but then I changed my mind because I really haven’t done anything to them.
So AITJ for not wanting them at my wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ A wedding is never the right time for reconciliation. If people want to attend your wedding, they need to be on good terms with you before that. Otherwise, reconciliation can wait. And if they kick off about wanting to attend the wedding without doing any of the work to reconcile, they just want to attend the party and have no interest in a relationship with you.
Act accordingly.” Cursd818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry for your loss. When stuff hits the fan, just ask them why they want to come if you’re such an awful person. They stuck their noses where it didn’t belong. You and your brother are good now. You’re having a joyous occasion, which will still be difficult without your daughter.
Who needs their nonsense?” Historical-Goal-3786
16. AITJ For Uninviting My Wife's Cousins From Our Wedding After They Tried To Sabotage Our Relationship?
“Me and my wife (30 and 27) met a few years ago in Germany while we were both studying biochemistry.
We instantly bonded and she got rid of my cold german attitude and replaced it with her beautiful and happy latin American attitude. I don’t really have a very big family, my mom passed away a few years ago and all I have left is my dad and my younger brother who absolutely love my wife.
Since she had a more extended family it would make sense that we got married in her home country, besides my dad and brother were so excited to go to Latin America. I didn’t really care about the wedding itself, I was just happy to get married to the love of my life that I let her and my MIL do most of the planning, including the guest list.
This wasn’t the first time I visited her country, I had already met her family several times in the years we were together, I even started to learn Spanish so that I could speak with everyone who didn’t speak English or German. My wife’s family is extremely wealthy in their country and they own a lot of important company’s, with her 75-year old grandma at the very top of their pyramid.
I remembered the last time I visited that her grandma loves to paint so I bought her some vintage paint and canvas from Germany and I could truly tell she was happy and grateful, she told me I was like the grandson she never had, which kinda made the grandsons she did have angry.
My wife’s cousins have been trying to get on the will for years unsuccessfully, in the will right now it’s just my wife and her little brother, but her grandma told me that after we get married she wants to get me in the will as well, the next days were an absolute nightmare since her cousins keep talking negatively about me to all the family thinking I don’t understand, saying I’m only with my wife for the money and even trying to hire a woman to try and seduce me so that I would be disloyal to my wife, anything to get me off that will.
Of course denying any accusation and playing innocent with their family until I had enough and told my wife those two are completely uninvited, my wife supported this decision but many aunts and uncles are backing down since they think we’re being rude and my wife feels very bad about it.
But AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! But I’d be careful and watch my back at all times. These cousins really seem determined on getting you out of the way. Just be careful and cautious! And keep your guard up at all times! Congratulations on the impending nuptials! Hope you have a wonderful and fulfilling married life!” bimmer_rider
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk but as a latina myself you’re going to either invite them to the wedding and ignore them the whole time or be very supportive of your fiance right now because she will likely feel like backing down if the list of guest keeps getting smaller, yes we have a toxic family culture but familia es familia sadly for us Latinos But you are one 100% right I do have to say the whole woman situation seems heavy enough even by Latino standards” Commercial-Award-544
Tell her OK love of my life invite them and when we do see them in the future I will be polite FOR YOU and only for you.. explain to her that what they did hurt you amd you will have a hard time forgiving them for this let alone forgetting about it
15. AITJ For Not Informing My Estranged Sister About My Pregnancy And Son's Birth?
“My (44f) sister (40f) and I do not get along.
Here’s the back story…We never really have but it’s been 1000 times worse since I let her & her 2 kids move in with me 8 years ago. It was only for 1 year but our relationship went even more downhill during that time.
She’s a bit of a narcissist & when my daughter (4) was 6 months old, we found out she had tumors on her liver.
We didn’t know yet if it was benign or cancerous.
During this time my sister called to talk to me about our relationship, which I thought had been going pretty dang well. We spoke to each other & saw each other more often since my daughter was born and I thought it was so great. My daughter seemed to bring us closer.
During this convo though, she wanted to know why I treated her the way I did and she was tired of the way I was treating her, and b***d is thicker than water (and so much more).
I told her what was going on with my daughter and I really didn’t have the capacity to go through this with her at the moment.
She said, “I’m really sorry to hear that but you’ve been acting this way for years.” I was truly floored since I thought things were going so well between us. At this comment though, I entirely lost my patience.
I told her I could not handle this with her again (she goes through cycles with this), that we weren’t close, and never will be close but I was going to focus on my daughter who may or may not have a cancerous tumor (thankfully, we found out later it was benign).
She said all kinds of things to that through very long, elaborate texts and said she did not want me to be in her life.
Fine. In the time frame between then and now, we’ve been civil. I text her on her birthday & Christmas and when I have to talk to her about spending time with my niece (18) & nephew (13).
She doesn’t text or call at all. Then I got pregnant with my 2nd & had him 2 months ago.
She never calls my daughter or even texts to ask about her. So, I didn’t tell her I was pregnant or when he was born but my mom told her. Mom also told me that my sister was upset because I didn’t let her know about the pregnancy but especially his birth.
I told my mom that’s her own fault for 1 telling me she didn’t want me in her life & 2 for not even trying to have a relationship with her niece just because she was angry with me.
I still can’t help but feel some guilt here though. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She sounds a lot like my sister.
She can’t say, “get out of my life” and then…. still want you to keep yourself in her life. Stay LC, I’d even go NC. Maybe tell your niblings that you’re there for them, just in case she tries to keep you from them.” otsukaren_613
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also, her saying “b***d is thicker than water” is inaccurate.
The true saying is “the b***d of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” And it literally means that the bonds and friendships you choose are more important than bonds you had no say in forming. And your sister sounds incredibly draining and self-centered and I would recommend forming bonds that bring you peace and keep out those who bring you chaos and stress.” PogIsGreat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First congratulations on your new born. Second, your sister wants have everything everyway she can. Life is not like that. I have an entitled sister as well, and the reality is they never change or take responsibility for their actions or decisions and always need to play the victim. Your daughter had a tumor, she’s the victim cause your not giving the relationship she suddenly wanted to have with you enough attention.
She doesn’t want a relationship with you, how dare you not tell her about your life. No you shouldn’t feel guilty, because the fact that you didn’t tell her about your son means you acted from instinct and self preservation.” justanotherchronicle
14. AITJ For Kicking Out My Partner's Sister Who Uses Our Apartment Freely?
“I F24 recently moved in with my partner let’s call him John M24, John is from India and had moved to the US for college and now work.
We live in his apartment in NYC but over the past few months since I moved in. I’ve noticed a weird issue. While Johns family is based in India several of his family members have shifted to NYC in the past couple of years for school, work etc. About five of them live in the city I am unsure of his specific relationship to each one but he treats them all like siblings despite an age range of 18-32 between the 5 of them with none of them being his real sibling.
The problem began when I realised his family members just show up to the apartment whenever they feel like it, they all have keys and they all come in and out throughout the week. Sometimes randomly staying the night in the guest room, coming over to watch TV or make some food even when John and I are not home etc. This was incredibly jarring for me because it felt like there was no privacy left to be within the house when all these people could just come in, borrow things, use the apartment and leave.
It’s not that they made a mess or broke things but it was just them using our apartment as their own.
Yesterday I had come and one of his younger “sisters” around 19 was cooking something in the Kitchen and having had a long tiring day I had just wanted to come home to a silent quiet apartment to relax in.
Upset at the noise and smell I asked her why she thought she just had the random right to come into our apartment whenever she felt like it and use whatever she wanted. She didn’t reply but looked extremely offended and that really irked me. I asked her to get out of the house and she did muttering things under her breath at me in hindi (a language I don’t understand).
That night John came home and asked me why I had been so mean to his sister and kicked her out of the house. I said I was sick and tired of them coming over and from now they were not allowed in the house without letting us know beforehand. John said I was being a massive jerk to his family and disrespecting what they provide for us and his duty to provide for them.
We haven’t talked since and he slept on the couch last night.
I don’t think I was in the wrong but John is really upset so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This is a cultural issue. You need to actually talk to him and together discuss what you both want. You make a new plan, You learn to live with it or you break up.
Edit: some people who are indian are saying this isn’t an Indian thing. I don’t know I’m not indian. Let’s say cultural here means different background or family values. Also yeah she’s the jerk for yelling at the sister as the first move. She’s not the jerk for not liking the arrangement and he’s not the jerk for being ok with it.
They just need to talk it out.” Anguscablejnr
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for yelling at his sister who has full permission to be there previously instead of talking to your partner about wanting more privacy on your apartment. Like did you ever even mention it to him before snapping at someone else? Also, didn’t you realize his family came over all the time before you moved in?
This might be an incompatibility issue, but you addressed it poorly.” thewhiterosequeen
Another User Comments:
“Hate to say it but YTJ You said it yourself, you moved into HIS apartment. How much rent do you pay? Are you on the lease? That’s also an improper use of the word “boundary.” A boundary is something that only applies to you, not everyone else.
You can’t set a boundary for a house that other people live in either without their approval. Correct usage would be “my boundary is people coming in and out without my knowledge or approval. If you continue to let that happen, I will move out.” And you should definitely move out.” johnjonahjameson13
It's not normal at all for this to happen in indian families unless theynare actual b***d relative tbh... mybro in law is Indian and his actual brother wouldn't dream of doing this without prior warning even tho my sister wouldn't object to am extent...
I think though this could be a major warning of incompatibility cos i really don't see him stopping them and he's not going to side woth you in this at all.... think you need to look to move out
13. AITJ For Purposely Failing My High School Entrance Exams To Avoid Studying Biology?
“I don’t know about other places but from where I come from, we need to pass an exam to be able to get into your dream highschool, and of course if you fail, you would automatically be considered as a failure in life. For those who want to prove that they’re extra smart and special, they can take part in another separate exam to get into a Specialized highschool (or what we call “Highschool for Gifted Students”), and I was one of them.
For context, to get into a specialized highschool, you would need to take a test in a specific subject like Math, Literature, History, Physics, Chemistry, Geography, Foreign Languages and more, and if you pass, you are placed into a class that specializes in that subject. These tests are unimaginably difficult, and those who do pass are considered to be young geniuses and the golden child that every family wants.
The things that are taught in specialized classes are sometimes even harder and more advanced than what are taught in college.
Up to that point, I’ve always had a dream of getting into a specialized high school, specifically into an English or Chinese specialized class. (both can be entered by just taking an English test).
However, my mom was pretty much against me specializing in Foreign Languages. She would rather have me specializing in Biology. She put me into a Biology class to prepare for the test, but to stop me from complaining and being difficult, she also let me join an English class. Honestly, preparing for two subjects at the same time is almost impossible for me.
I desperately wanted to quit Biology, and I even told my Biology teacher that I don’t want to do this anymore. Still, both my teacher and I couldn’t convince my mom to let me quit.
On the day of the specialized tests, I suddenly have a thought. Maybe I no longer wanted to get into a specialized school, I don’t need to do anything to convince people that I’m still special. So I decided to purposely fail both my English and Biology test. When my mom knew about this, she said that she just wanted me to study Biology just because it had more job opportunities than English.
In spite of her explanation, I stood by my decision, I don’t want to work for a job associated with Biology. I told her English was more associated with society and our everyday life, that’s why I wanted to specialized in it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ language proficiency has a far FAR wider set of job opportunities than biology.
Also while you might not need to prove you’re still ‘special’, going to the specialized school would likely give you an advantage when applying to any sort of college or university you might want to attend” Nekodragon21
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your future, your decisions. But why did you tell her? If it is a difficult exam it is not hard to fail it, and no one needs to know you failed on purpose.” Bored-Viking
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP. Your future is yours alone to decide. Your mother is wrong to be against you specialising in foreign languages. You specialising in foreign languages would mean you get a chance to study whatever to do with languages at university such as linguistics, education, international law and political studies and commerce.
You being able to specialise in foreign languages make it easier for you to possibly work for the government or even with an international organisation such as United Nations I wish I have a word with your mother on this” KangarooOk2190
12. AITJ For Refusing To Give Back My Great Great Grandmother's Wedding Kimono?
“I (29F) was given my great great grandmothers wedding Kimono. Before I get into it, let me give you some background. I was adopted as a baby. So my adopted family has always been my real family. That’s all I’ve ever known. My nana is English, and my grandad is Japanese. They divorced before I was born but have always been in my life as my nana and grandad.
My great grandma passed her mothers wedding kimono down to my nana.
10 years ago she told me she would pass it down to me. 3 years ago I was going to be married and my nana gave me the wedding kimono telling me it was time I got it and that I should get married in it.
She told me to take good care of it and to pass it on to my kids. I never got to wear it for my wedding because of unforeseen circumstances. My husband and I got married but never had a ceremony like we wanted. Eventually we will do a big ceremony. We even flew to Japan Feb.
2020 and I got the rest of what I needed. Only the kimono was passed down so I needed to get all the other pieces. So I picked out an Obi belt, Obi-Ita, nagajuban, Eri-shin, etc. I picked it all out to go with THIS kimono.
This was very special to me since I love my family so much and have always been interested in Japanese culture.
My Grandad and great grandma are the ones who got me into the culture and taught me about it. I always thought that my family loved me as if I were their own b***d. That was until I got a call from my nana. Apparently my grandad was asking for the kimono back to give to his niece who is b***d related. He said she was very into Japanese culture and their family history.
(I am too) So he told her she could have the kimono. Even though it had been passed down to me. My nana told me I should give it to her since it’s HER families kimono. I might not be b***d related, but it is still my family as well. I’m starting to feel like maybe my family doesn’t consider me a real member of the family.
If I were b***d related, would they still have asked for it back? Then my nana said she only gave it to me for my wedding, even though she said she was giving it to me before I even had plans to be married and told me to pass it on to my kids.
I feel hurt.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I can’t even begin to imagine how this makes you feel, and I am so sorry that the people you always thought to be family are acting this way towards you. You have every right to be upset. But the question is, do you want to placate them and give it to the other person, or do you want to keep it and possibly ostracise them?
I won’t criticise your choice either way. But it’s something you need to think about before doing something in haste. Have your parents been involved in this at all? What do they have to say about it? Is anyone backing you here or are you left to fend for yourself?” JaneDoe_83
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry you found out that some family’s love is conditional and that they don’t care for you as you obviously thought they did.
Wear the kimono to your wedding, give it back to them, and never talk to them again. They want their b***d to have it and will probably try and make you miserable if you go against them. Family shouldn’t treat you like this.” YesImReallyLikeThis
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you aren’t the jerk for feeling hurt and I’m genuinely sorry that your family is treating you this way.
It must be beyond hard and I can only imagine what you’re feeling. However, your question was would you be the jerk for not giving up the kimono and I say yes. Not because your family’s logic is okay but because they’ll feel bad it was passed down to someone they didn’t want it passed down to (as much).
You keeping the kimono shouldn’t take away from the hurt you feel. Why hurt someone else? Also, am I reading it right that nana wasn’t blood related to great great grand ma? If so then I think granddad’s say should matter here and it would be hurtful to him I’d you didn’t give the kimono up.
Also your grand dad is the jerk. I can see you’ve put effort into prepping for the wedding. I’d wear the kimono if that’s something you wanted to do for the wedding though personally I’d be getting my own kimono without such a negative memory attached to it to pass down to my kids” Primary-Curve-2888
11. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Partner's Grandmother's Full-Time Caregiver?
“Over the past few years, my (32F) partner (36M) has increasingly become the default care person for his 90 year old Grandmother. His grandmother has adult living children, but they refuse to be involved. What started out as dropping off occasional groceries, has turned into something more like a full time job.
My partner’s Grandmother, let’s call her Lisa, lives alone in an apartment.
She has personal care workers that come a few times per day. She is totally unable to walk, cook, or use the restroom on her own and therefore requires assistance for all activities. She cannot afford to live in a private retirement home, and emphatically refuses to move into a long-term care home that is covered by insurance.
The thing is, Lisa needs (and deserves) a lot of help, but she’s a difficult patient. She will call at any hour of the day or night crying as if something horrible has happened when it’s a only mundane issue. She consistently finds something “wrong” with her PSWs and then refuses to have those individuals return.
Because of this, the agency sometimes doesn’t have anyone to send because everyone working in the area is on Lisa’s blacklist.
When she needs something, no matter how big or small, she calls my partner for help. If he can’t help her immediately but offers to come by after work, she cries and acts like she has been left to die.
I love and care for her, but I think she is using dramatics and guilt trips to manipulate us. We would do anything for her, and she knows it.
This is where the jerk part comes in…. My partner cannot miss anymore work to help Lisa, so he has asked me to step up. I have a more flexible schedule than he does, but I don’t work any less.
I honestly think the caretaker relationship he has established is unhealthy, and I’m not comfortable being taken advantage of in this way. If there is an emergency, I will drop what I’m doing and rush over to help. I will gladly pick up groceries, stop by for a visit, and help when I can.
However, I’m not comfortable interrupting my workday to get her a glass of water or change her sheets when she refused for the PSW to do it for her. I think it’s ridiculous.
Today, my partner called from work to say that Lisa didn’t like the PSW, had them leave early, and now doesn’t have any food prepared. Apparently, she’s very upset about it and needs someone to come over.
I refused, and told my partner that we can order takeout and have it delivered to her house. I can’t stop my workday for this type of problem. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and it may be difficult for your partner to accept this at first but I agree that it’s become an unhealthy dynamic with his grandmother.
And certainly you cannot and should not be pressed into that dynamic as well. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable or a jerk, and in fact I think you’ve been remarkably patient. But don’t get sucked into it, hold your ground and see if your partner can come to understand that this is a disservice to both of you.” TylerLockwoodTopMe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if it was one PSW it would be , yeah maybe thy’re rude/bad/unprofessional…but since she has a full on blacklist of them I guess she is just bored and this is her sort of kinda entertainment. Chase away the PSW workers and then chase family around. I kinda understand she doesn’t have much to do as she is not self-sufficient, however you are young working people and can’t be her caregivers/toys” MousingJoke
i think he needs to get HER ADULT children together and have a family meeting... tell them exactly what she is doing and that THEY need to wade in and either find her an agency that will work with her, or they appoint 1 person to make decisions for her
Or tbey all chip in to pay for nursing care or they move her into the care facility whether she likes it or not...
She is manipulating him and by default you with guilt because she knows her own kids are not willing to put up woth her behaviours and this is why they refuse to player game....
HE needs to realise that she is NOT his problem but if he loses his job then it will be YOUR problem cos then you are going to have to support him cos then she's gonna get worse by using the well now youncan be my carer but he won't get paid for it and she's then going to refuse anyone but him making it worse... being someone's carer is hard work especially when it's family and emotion is involved....
Stay firm tell him no not happening
10. AITJ For Telling My Atheist Cousin To Respect My Mother's Faith During Her Cancer Treatment?
“For context: I (f23) and my cousin (non-binary20) have always been close and neither of us believe in god. Let’s call my cousin Charlie. Charlie and I have always been close and Charlie is autistic but for the most part, does get social cues and is very empathetic. However, they do voice their opinions and believe in things very strongly.
In the last year, my mother (Catholic) developed a severe form of breast cancer which runs in our family and it was clearly something to worry about. She had it cut out and is going through various rounds of chemotherapy. I’ve had to move out because my young daughter is at the age where she’s in nursery so could’ve brought something home and made my mum worse.
I’ve been going to church a lot with my mum recently (just me and her) to make her feel better and just to make her happy really. It’s the one time I see her a week and it’s the only thing she leaves the house for. My dad doesn’t go because he’s an atheist but hasn’t said anything like what my cousin did.
Anyway, my cousin came around a couple weeks ago (they live abroad) and Sunday came. I got ready to go to church with my mum and they basically gave me a weird look and asked why I was going. I said I had just started to go with my mum.
Then Charlie said it was a waste of time and we should go somewhere else instead.
I said no, I wanted to go with my mum. Then Charlie said that I was a hypocrite when I didn’t actually believe in god. And that people shouldn’t waste their time believing in something that’s not real. Here’s where I might be the jerk. My mum was literally in the next room so I got really mad and took Charlie out and just told them to shut up and that all my mum had to give her any hope was her faith and even if I didn’t believe in it I was going to support her, cause I didn’t want to make things worse for her.
Then Charlie said fine and basically sulked for the next two days and after that basically acted like it didn’t happen. They went home a week ago and left on good terms like nothing happened but I’m still mad about it. I’ve heard my mum crying to my dad about being scared and since that happened with Charlie, I’ve been hearing it a lot more.
I really don’t know what to do to reassure her. I think Charlie’s a moron but now my other cousins are saying I was unnecessarily horrible and Charlie just wanted to get their view across. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And Charlie thought that by ridiculing your mom’s beliefs that doing so would make her feel better and more hopeful?
If your mom already knew that Charlie’s an atheist, then they wasted their efforts in announcing it and is a jerk. I commend your efforts in supporting your mom despite your differences in religious beliefs (and will say a prayer for her and the rest of you).” jbuckets44
Another User Comments:
“Charlie’s a jerk with no empathy, despite what you said in your introduction.
I believe you are NTJ. Perhaps the greatest gift we can give to someone (especially someone in a health crisis, like your mom) is our time, doing things with them that give them comfort, even if you do not believe in it. You don’t have to “believe” to go to church. The spiritual communion is comforting to your mother, and you love your mother.
Charlie is very young. Hypocrisy is not a fair label. ” User
I know you don't believe but if taking mum to church is helping her then you stick woth it and tell the cousins that if they feel this way they can stay away from you and your mum cos she does not need negative people around her right now
9. AITJ For Accidentally Revealing My Ex-Husband's Past To Our Daughter?
“I(35F) divorced my (41M) husband, 10 years ago after I found out he was chatting & receiving inappropriate messages from other women. By the way, this was not the first time I found these types of messages in his phone and I had already forgiven him once before for being unfaithful with a coworker. When we split his family and mine blamed me and for some reason & just assumed because I was the one who initiated the divorce, that it was my fault.
I didn’t really care or feel the need to explain myself so I let them continue to think whatever they wanted all these years, including our oldest daughter who was 7 at the time.
I didn’t think she was old enough to know her dad was an unfaithful jerk and mostly didn’t want her to dislike her father over it, If anything I figured when she was older she could ask me why if she wanted to know and I would explain it then.
Well she is 16 now and the other day she was present at a family dinner, where my brother (40M) made a rude remark to me, along the lines of me not being a good wife and that’s why I gave up on my marriage so quickly. My brother is the family jerk and is always saying ignorant stuff like that, the family and I usually just try to ignore his comments and judgements but for some reason it just really rubbed me the wrong way this time and I blurted out, sarcastically “oh yeah, it’s my fault (Ex-husband name) was unfaithful to me multiple times and couldn’t stop texting other women.”
Right after I said it I looked across table and the look on daughter’s face broke my heart!! I felt terrible I said it in front of her and now she doesn’t want to talk to me or even give me the chance to apologize!! I just got caught up in the moment & was tired of my brother trying to shame me for being divorced and honestly I forgot she was there.
She has always blamed and resented me for the divorce since the day we sat her down to tell her mommy and daddy were just not in love anymore. She is very much a daddy’s girl and now I’m afraid of a few things , that she will feel differently about her dad. And/or think I said it on purpose to tell everyone what a jerk her dad is..
I have never said a bad thing about my kids dad in front of them ever and we actually co-parent pretty well, this was the first time I’d ever said anything negative about or towards him and even know it was the truth I still feel terrible. Of course my brother told me I am a jerk for saying that in front of my daughter, so I’d like to know what y’all think, AITJ???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Like you said, it’s not your fault your ex was a jerk. It’s unfortunate your daughter heard what she did, but she wouldn’t have heard it if it hadn’t happened. I am in a similar situation as you. My ex was a horrible husband, but I haven’t told our kids to what extent.
It really isn’t their business, but in saying that, if they ever do discover what a despicable spouse he was, that’s still on him. He has no one to blame but himself. Hopefully, your daughter will calm down so you can have a discussion about what she heard. It’s a lot for her to process.
Especially if she blamed you and had him on a pedestal.” just_me_being_me_
Another User Comments:
“YTJ For letting your daughter find out this way. It’s something she should have been told in private. You went about this all wrong. You should never have kept this a secret. Doing so protected your ex husbands behaviour, you never owed him that.
Honesty is the best policy. You should have been honest with your daughter about your reasons for splitting up from the start. Her dad is who he is and it was for her to process and deal with.” pinkunder
Was it all on you NO... your own family never asked you why you took the steps to end your marriage.. that's on them!
Maybe give daughtertime to cool, down but if you and ex are friendly now you need to get him together woth daughter and get him to tell her the truth.. the fact she won't speak to you isn't right... would you have told her like that NO.. u***s happened and now HE needs to admit his part in it all and HELP YOU fix this...
Also why the jerk do you bother with your family ?? They sound like a lot of toxic jerks who would rather blame you than your lying cheating EX for your family breaking down
8. AITJ For Refusing To Work With A Client Who Mistakes Professionalism For Friendship?
“I have been assigned to work with a client, Lady, who is around the same age as me.
However, after three months of working together, Lady continues to struggle with completing assigned tasks due to her anxiety. She will start to cry when asked simple questions. I have asked for advice, taken some online trainings, etc. I have even had my boss sit in to help with the tasks.
But for whatever reason, she is just overwhelmed and refuses to do anything.
She will also rant about things that are not the focus of our meeting. I think she believes we are friends, due to closeness in age. Last week, she talked for over two hours about her favourite movies and how she loves X character more than Y character.
I tried to bring her back on task, but she said she was happier talking about movies.
This has started to take a toll on me, and I recently reached a breaking point. I expressed my concerns to my boss, stating that working with Lady seems futile since she does not actively participate in the tasks we assign her.
He told me to work with her.
I have clients who want to work on things and I could be using this time to make it happen. I started telling Lady that if she cannot stay on task, then I will call in the next person and we will work together at her next meeting.
Lady got upset at me yesterday, when she started talking about a movie in theaters she wants to see. She said “I think you would like it. If you want to go with me.”
I said I don’t hang out with clients outside of work. I said our relationship was to help her do XYZ tasks and she shouldn’t think it was anything else.
She said we talk about movies and have such fun times, why wouldn’t I be her friend.
I said again that this is a job, we are not friends.
This led to her shouting at me, which prompted me to firmly state that if she cannot respect my time and effort, she needs to work with a different advocate.
My boss has assigned Lady a new advocate but informed me that I cannot simply decline clients. However, I firmly believe that my time and energy would be better spent with the clients who actively work towards their goals, as I have a group of other individuals who need support and additional tasks to be completed.
So, am I the jerk for refusing to work with Lady and setting boundaries in this situation? Your honest insights would be appreciated.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You didn’t decline the client. The client completely failed to understand why she was meeting with you. When you declined to be her friend and “go on a date” she kicked off.
Not sure what your manager is thinking, so I assume there is something else going on.” solidcordon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ based on OP’s comments (strongly suggest you add an edit to clarify you’re in social work), it’s fine to establish professional boundaries as needed but this becomes vastly more important in any field where you’re working to support someone in any kind of vulnerable situation or where you need to be able to objectively advocate and or make decisions regarding them e.g. social work, lawyer, doctor and so on.” Remarkable-Intern-41
Another User Comments:
“I mean, jerk or not, if your boss says you can’t decline a client then you can’t decline a client and expect to remain in good standing at your job. It isn’t really about whether you’re the bad guy or not. I’d be very careful with how you handle this kind of thing in the future if you want to remain at that job.” the_road_infinite
7. AITJ For Taking Care Of Myself Before Comforting My Upset Partner?
“Today I, (22f) got into an argument with my partner (23M). It kinda began when he texted me while I was at work basically saying I wasn’t doing enough work around the house.
He shortly followed up by saying he’s sorry and didn’t mean what he said. And that’s he’s just been overwhelmed because of his mental health issues he’s dealing with.
(He’s been struggling with depression for about the past month)
Honestly I understood where he was coming from but it still really hurt my heart. Especially because I’ve been spending a lot of time helping him through this tough time and being by his side. It hurt me that he treated me like that even though I’ve only been supportive of him.
When I came home from work I was honest and said I was still upset with him from earlier because it really hurt me. From there we ended up in a pretty heated conversation about what he actually meant to say and address in his text.I’ll be honest and say that I was pretty defensive because I felt like it was a bad time to bring it up considering I was still feeling really hurt.
The conversation ended with him crying and going to our room, and me being really upset and sad.
At this point I felt like I had reached my limit. So instead of trying to comfort him in the room, I decided to take some time to make myself feel better first. So I did a bit a cleaning in the kitchen (distracting myself with tasks helps me calm down)
After about 15 minutes I went to ask my partner if he wanted to finish our conversation, and he said not yet. I said okay and I went back to doing what I was doing.After another 10 minutes he comes out the room and he’s super upset with me. There was a lot of dialog but the gist of it was that he felt like I was wrong for not coming to comfort him.
I explained to him that I felt really bad as well, and was at a point where I felt like I needed to take care of myself first before I could do anything to help him. He said that I was wrong and didn’t have any respect or love for him for taking time to take care of myself first. He said that since he was the one crying I should’ve went and helped him first. He then left the house and isn’t talking to me.
I just feel that I will always be there for him but there are times where I have to make sure I’m okay as well before I can do that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t put out a fire with an empty bucket. There’s no point in both of you being miserable. I honestly can’t tell if he’s being manipulative on purpose, or he’s just so self-centred that he is incapable of understanding that you have feelings that are just as legitimate as his.
He shouldn’t be blaming you for not immediately pandering to his emotions, he should be able to regulate his own emotions *like an adult* so as to not make you as miserable as *he* is.” Natural_Garbage7674
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The mature thing is to know when you need to step away. That’s what you did.
That said, you guys have too much drama over nothing. Chill.” lovely_aria_ann
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk and you guys need to chill the heck out. Why are you getting upset about him commenting on cleaning and then apologizing? Why is he crying when you say you are upset? Either you guys are really bad for each other or you both just need to mellow out.” angiehome2023
I don't know if this is normal for him the my need for comfort comes before you being upset... have a think if it's not then yes it's maybe down to him being down and some al.owance can be made... if its a standard this is what he always does thing then tell him to dry his own b****y tears cos he's manipulating you to get his own way...
Good luck though
6. AITJ For Choosing My Career Over Moving With My Partner?
“My (28m) partner (27f) and I have been together for several months now. Long story short, the town we live in is where I have friends, family, my own house that I bought and a career path as an apprentice (I’m about 18 months into a 4 year apprenticeship as a boilermaker/ welder).
Population of about 200 000 and a fair bit of work for what I do. She was raised on a property outside a small sugar cane/ banana town with a population of about 7000 or so, 300km north, and has a lot of friends and family up there. She also has 2 kids to a previous partner aged 3 and 5.
When we first started seeing each other, I made it clear I was open to moving once I had my trade but that’s still 3 years away roughly, as work prospects will be limited for an apprentice. I also own my house so I’m not thrilled on packing up and leaving right away, I’ve only lived in it for 2 years.
Not only that, work prospects for me up there are limited especially as I’m not qualified yet, so even if I could magically continue my apprenticeship I’d be taking a massive pay cut and step backwards as far as my progression and learning goes.
Last week she went up to her hometown with the kids for a week, and while she was up there completely blindsided me with the decision that she was going to move back up there in December when her lease is up, rather than move into mine which we had planned originally.
She also asked me to come along. I’ve tried reasoning and explaining and compromising to meet halfway, suggesting we wait until I’m qualified but she’s adamant she’s moving in December which basically gives me 6 months to make the biggest decision of my life. Stay here and lose her, or lose everything I’ve worked hard for to move up north with her.
Ultimately my minds already made up even though I only found out about this move a week ago. I’m not going. Which ultimately means we have to break up. But I told her 2 nights ago about my choice and of course I’m the biggest jerk on the planet, she hadn’t even considered breaking up until at least December when she moved as she seemed to be expecting me to wait that long to make up my mind.
I’m looking at it pragmatically – if she’s going and I’m staying, what’s the point in seeing each other until then? It’s just gonna make the inevitable breakup so much harder on her, me and the kids.
So AITJ? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills here but I also accept that maybe I’m just being completely selfish here and not considering her, and by making the decision to stay I’m just being a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- you have a right not to want to pack up and move, change your whole life for someone you’ve only known a few months. It sounds like you’ve got a good head on your shoulders to make the call to break up now, rather then later when feelings are even stronger” Mscatw
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You sound like you have a career plan. People who have them are so much more likely to succeed. Am sure you’ve explained the logic and the plan to her, but I’d go through it once more so that there absolutely no misunderstanding that it’s not a don’t care decision it’s a plan that makes better sense.” DigitalVamp
I agree wth you if she's going in December what's the point in delaying the split... or is it cos you earn decent money, like to treat her and the kids so by splitting now her lifestyle drops slightly???
Nope tell her that If she can take the decision to move back without prior in depth discussion with you then YOU can take the decision on not delaying the split until december....sounds like you live in a plac3 big enough that you won't bump into get in a daily basis...
Finish your apprenticeship, get yourself a good position and live in your home while you do so THEN decide what's is best for YOUR future
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Sell My Old House And Buy A New One In My Partner's Preferred Suburb?
“Myself (30m) and my significant other (39f) are currently living in a rental in “suburb A”. The house is large, but there is little to no backyard and the front verge is tiny.
However the house has been sold recently, and the new owner has made it clear that at the end of the lease (march 2024) we are to move out so he can move in. Fair enough. We have 2 children (7yrs + 2yrs).
I own a house in “suburb B” which is 20 minutes from suburb A. My house is smaller and older, but has a massive back and front yard and is in a quiet street.
It is also closer to the city, freeway and beaches. Not that any of these things really matter, but are still nice to have closer as they are places we frequent as a family on weekends.
My mother was living at this house until recently, her own mother passed so she moved to her house.This leaves my house empty, meaning I go for a few hours on the weekends to do gardening and general upkeep.
I bought this house before I had met my current significant other, with another girl. She lived there shortly before we realised things wouldn’t work and she moved out (10 years ago)
My significant other now believes that I should sell my house to buy a house in suburb A, although I am not fond of the idea of selling and taking on a larger mortgage.
I have worked hard to buy my house, and have put a lot of work into renovating it, and take pride in the work I do. I have offered to renovate the house to my partners liking (kitchen, bathroom, new floors etc) and if it would mean she felt more involved and would make the house more enjoyable for her to live in.
My significant other’s parents live in suburb A, and our eldest does go to school there. I do understand that this location is her comfort zone, and has a lot of positives. I have nothing against living here as we have done for several years now, but I am also of the mindset that we recently have had a house become free that we can live in, not pay rent, and is a fair option.
It’s also worth noting the rental leaves me with a 300km commute to work and back each week, whereas my house is 1/2 of that. The travel doesn’t bother me as I have been doing it for years, but now my significant other is claiming the travel between suburbs is a burden to her. She has her own car and is more than capable of driving.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The least risky, expensive and most convenient option is to move into the home you already own, at least temporarily. Significant other can either go along, or commit to footing the bill for more expensive housing in her preferred location, assuming she can find something. Don’t sacrifice financial and shelter security over the preference of someone who’s assuming neither expense nor risk.” User
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You both get a say in the living situation. And both options have pros and cons. It’s really a matter of talking more to your spouse about it and figuring out a solution that both of you can live with.” marieennui
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You both have good reasons for your favored choice, but I lean a bit more towards your significant other.
The house you own is one you purchased with a previous significant other, and that has the potential to hang over your relationship, building resentment, as long as you live there. You keep talking about having another mortgage, but that wouldn’t be the case if you sold the other house. Your commute doesn’t sound like it should be a factor.
(I commuted 560+ km/wk for decades).” Ornery-Wasabi-473
And yes before anyone starts I am a female.. who was a SAHM while my kids were younger then i worked too but me and their dad worked opposite shifts for years so someone was home for the kids.... and if we had a clash his parents used to help us out !!!
I'd she can find a house with a yard etc with a yard as bog as your property that's going to require a little mortgage then would you sell, your property to help fund it ? Is she willing to go out to work if she doesn't already to help pay a brand new mortgage? All these things need massive discussion before you make a set decision...
if your mom hadn't lived in house B would partner have moved in there with you years ago? I mean you offered to re renovate it to her wishes but I think its the fact you bought it with an ex 10yrs ago which I find daft really its a b****y house...
4. AITJ For Being Annoyed That My Partner Won't Compromise On Vacation Plans?
“First of all let me start by saying that we have been together for 2 years now and she knows my parents very well. They met each other plenty of times and spent a lot of time together.
We live in a poor European country. Average salary here is like 400 euros per month. I finished university last year and got a high paying job which is super hard to come by in my country.
She is still in university and from a lower middle class family.
Besides this, my parents are very rich. We own a beach house in another European famous tourist destination so obviously when I discussed going on a summer trip with my partner I proposed the idea to come here. However, she rejected because “my parents might be around there” which made no sense for me because she met them and spent A LOT of time with them, even alone without me.
They get along really well and she likes them.
I was a bit mad because now I needed to literally waste money to book accommodation in the exact same country where I already have a family beach house (she still wants to go to the same country) just because she doesn’t want to stay in our house.
But I was okay with it and started giving her other options where we could go to.
And this is the part that annoyed me the most and why I am writing this in the first place. I gave her a list of 5 cities where we could go and wanted to hear her opinions. Told her that I chose these 5 cities because they are the easiest for me to drive to and to be honest most affordable.
Yet she rejected all the options and wants to go to another, 6th place which is not only the most expensive city in that country but also the furthest away and would take me 3 more hours to drive. She is set on this and does not want to make a compromise, whenever I tried bringing up other ideas or cities she becomes defensive and dismisses my ideas.
Am I right to think this is spoiled behaviour? I am literally offering her a free vacation, first in my family house and then in plenty of other destinations yet she is throwing fits and not willing to make a single compromise. Her only duty here would be to just pack her bags and I would take care of everything else yet she still doesn’t want to make a single compromise and make it easier for me (especially since I am a new driver and additional 3 hours of driving to another city is a big deal for me).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – As I understand you are the one offering and paying the whole vacation and you are the one driving there so you should have the biggest vote in the decision. I think she should be thankful to join you, and in case you are going to the same place as where you have the family house where you could stay for free then she has to make up for the difference in costs.” julia1707
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- oh, no, your story is going to force me to use a word I hate, I despise, but it is a perfect fit for your partner. She comes off like a huge entitled gold digger. If this is how she acts while you are just in a relationship, I can only imagine how she’s going to be a little ways down the road.
Time to examine whether you want a future with someone who could act like this…” InterabangSmoose
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A vacation is a luxury, and we don’t always have the funds or time or ability to afford it. She can complain all she wants but it doesn’t change the reality that you can’t afford it.
You need to stop second guessing yourself and recognize that she’s the jerk. Tell her to choose one of the first five options or the vacation home. If she wants to go to the sixth place, she can start saving her money.” pjeans
3. AITJ For Not Showing Up To My Best Friend's Game Night?
“This involves me (27M), my best friend Derek (27M) his partner Mollie (26F) and Mollie’s sister Courtney (28F). Derek and Mollie have been in a relationship over a year. Derek and I are roommates so I’ve known Mollie for awhile. She’s a nice girl but has this attitude of she’s always right.
I find her a little annoying but Derek loves her and I support him so I’m friends with her. She’s a really good person I will say and comes from a great family. Which includes her sister Courtney, who I have met once or twice.
About a month ago Derek asked me what I thought about Courtney.
I said she was attractive and really down to earth and I’ve had good times whenever she goes out with us. Derek said Mollie wanted him to ask me that. I said I wasn’t interested in her due to her history. But if she wanted to ever hangout or something casual she could have my number.
Derek reported back to Mollie and the last few weeks have been awkward. Mollie seems standoffish. I bought her a drink and asked her what was wrong last week. She said she didn’t like what I said about her sister. I said that her sister had been married before, was pregnant and got divorced. It was too much baggage for me.
I thought it all was good after we talked.
Last weekend Mollie hosted a game night at Courtney’s house. She made a big to do about this game night and kept asking if I was gonna come. I told her maybe. I had other plans that night so I might stop by. I went out for a drink and then decided to stay home and watch a game.
At 8pm Mollie started texting me asking when I was coming. I started ignoring her and then she called like 3 times. Derek started texting me too and I told him that I didn’t want to go over to Courtney’s for some couples game night and wanted to watch the game. He said it was duo games only so they needed me.
I said that I said maybe to begin with so they should find other games. Mollie called me one last time on Derek’s phone. She sounded mad and was like telling me to come. I told her to back off and leave me alone. Derek texted me yesterday and said I should apologize to her and her sister.
As Courtney was the one without a partner and went and got my specific beers that I liked. I said that it wasn’t my fault, I never gave a yes and never told anyone to get me anything. And his girl should have respected that. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, maybe drop by isn’t a yes.
Also, everyone gets all crazy if a guy doesn’t accept a woman’s ” not interested”. Why is it any different when a man says it? What would she have done if you had shown up with another girl? You don’t owe her an apology. No is a complete sentence, and if your roommate gives you any grief, tell him that you are feeling way uncomfortable and he may have to start limiting the times his partner comes over.” Alarmed_Listen5588
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – You shouldn’t have ignored all their texts and not told them to back off. And, because you told them you might stop by, as soon as you knew you weren’t, you should have texted them to let them know that. They should not have kept pushing. Simply replying back would have solved a lot of this.” GMGERRYMANDER
Then she gets butt hurt cos her plan obviously didn't work yet he expects you to apologise cos his girl can't accept your not interested and her sister went bought your favourite beer on a maybe!!!!.... maybe they should have just accepted the forst no and picked other games... maybe his girl should accept the fact you aint into her sister who comes with a kid and a divorce as a romantic partner but are willing to be A CASUAL FRIEND when it's mutually convenient... i think mollie has the idea that setting you and her sis up means you will move in with sis and her and derek get his place while having cute double dates.....
Tell Derek that younaimt apologising until his girl admits that is her plan and that she then accepts and stops her crap
2. AITJ For Insisting On Good Behavior From Kids At An Ice Cream Shop?
“I (24F) and my partner (25M) went with his two nieces (11F and 5F) and his daughter (3F) to a local ice cream shop.
Unfortunately, the younger kids’ behavior became extremely disruptive. They were running around, being hyperactive, and causing a disturbance in the shop. As the situation escalated, I expected my partner to address their behavior and help maintain order. However, he seemed unfazed and did not intervene. This lack of action frustrated me, as I believe it’s important for kids to learn appropriate behavior in public spaces.
Feeling overwhelmed by the chaos, I suggested leaving and going to an alternative location that would provide more space for the kids to play while we got our ice cream. I hoped that a change of environment would help calm them down and allow us to enjoy our time together.
Unfortunately, the other ice cream place was packed with a long line and no available parking spaces.
This added to my frustration and disappointment, as I had hoped for a more peaceful outing.
Throughout our search for another option, I had to repeatedly reminded the kids about the importance of staying seated and wearing their seatbelts in the car. I wanted to ensure their safety and avoid any potential accidents. It took some effort, but eventually, they listened and remained seated properly.
I praised them for following the rules, hoping to encourage good behavior.
We ended up taking the kids back home promising to get them ice cream from Walmart. However, when the kids left, my partner abruptly informed me that he was taking me home because I had overreacted to the kids’ behavior. He accused me of caring too much about what others think and spoiling the fun for everyone.
Additionally, he stated that there would be no future outings with his family.
Now, I’m left questioning whether I was the jerk for making the kids and my partner leave. Should I have been more understanding and allowed them to “be kids” without intervention?
I would like to acknowledge that I grew up in a strict household and that may have influenced my reaction, possibly causing me to overreact in this situation.
However, I want to emphasize that I maintained a calm and composed demeanor throughout, never raising my voice or losing my composure.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as presented. Esp. about the seat belt thing–that should NOT have been an issue(and you shouldn’t have had to be the one to enforce it). Fine on no more family outings, Until he’s willing to corral the kids he brings to the rodeo–he should leave them home.” MountainMidnight9400
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He won’t try to discipline his kids, but he’ll discipline you? He seems a bit controlling. You “overreacted”, so he needs to punish you and now you’re wondering if you should push your feelings aside to appease him? You should rethink the relationship, especially if he’s doing things like this a lot (finding faults in you, then punishing you until you feel bad/wrong so that you do what he wants, instead of the two of you having open discussions and finding solutions you both like).” VegaofLyra
1. AITJ For Changing My Lawn?
“Two years ago, my ex and I(29M) broke up. Neither of us could afford the rent on the home we were in by ourselves so we had to seek separate living situations and move out.
I was fortunate to be able to buy my first home during this time.
The thing is, I moved to a historical black neighbor. Everywhere I’ve lived, I’ve always hated the appearance and maintenance involved with lawns made of turf grass. So last summer I began the process of sheet mulching my entire yard and this spring/summer I’ve began reseeding.
I am seeding with predominantly micro clover, with some native wildflower seeds mixed in. In the ~9 months I’ve been working on this project, I’ve had some neighbors approach me and ask what I’m doing. Whenever I would explained my intentions, I would receive either neutral or positive reactions.
Here is the part where I’m wondering if I’m the jerk.
Just last week I received an anonymous letter from someone on my street. It was short and to the point, telling me that they were upset with the eyesore I’m creating and that they will continue filing complaints with the city until the problem is resolved. The neighbor essentially explained that everyone in the neighborhood has worked hard to get where they’re at, everyone takes care of their yards, and who am I as a white guy to come into their neighborhood and change things up?
I was told that “this isn’t the trailer park you are used to” among other insulting and charged comments. We also aren’t in an HOA or anything. I want to be as fair to this person as possible so I will say this: The last portion of my front yard that I sheet mulched was somewhat ugly.
There were a few small portions of long grass that poked through the cardboard that I did not trim. I did not intend to trim down this grass as I was going to rip it out when I got to seeding this portion. Upon receiving this letter, I re-prioritized and worked on this uglier section “out of order.”
To me, it seems like this neighbor jumped to conclusions about me without talking to me first. I feel as if I am being made to feel unwelcome in my own home. I know I could have taken care of that small section with a few overgrowths sooner but did that really warrant the letter I received?
Give it to me straight, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. From reading your comments it appears that you moved into a historically Black community and made zero effort to get to know the folks who were already there before ripping up your yard and diverging from the community “look”. It’s absolutely a jerk move to take a “this is my space, I can do what I want” attitude as a white dude stepping into a majority minority neighborhood.
This is why folks of color think we white folks are clueless.” RainbowCrane
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I can understand why a majority black neighborhood would be worried about gentrification and entitlement, but you’re doing a lawncare with a longterm goal. It might behoove you to actually approach your neighbors and get to know them rather than waiting for them to come talk to you.” Icy_Sky_7521
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here I think both sides have merit. I believe in having the right to do what you want with your property, but I also have read a history book and see what has become of black communities when people get their hands on them. I have driven on freeways through old black neighbourhoods that were torn down.
So, you can have a clover lawn… but nine months of cardboard would be an eyesore.” MissCrabucket
