People Are Buckled Up For These Wild "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Refusing To Log Out Of Netflix So My Stepmother Could Watch Her Show?
“My family (father, stepmother, me, brother, and sister) all share the same Netflix, but with different accounts obviously.
I was watching a movie and I received a text from my stepmother, demanding that I log out so she could watch her series.
I was confused because two users can watch something at the same time, so she logically could watch her series. I told her that she should be able to watch it without me logging off, but then she told me that my brother (3) was watching a movie.
I simply told her to get him off and that I’m sure he won’t mind since he’s been watching TV all day. She then asked if I was being serious, to which I replied yes. She then started telling me about how I was being selfish and that if I didn’t log off, she’d delete my profile.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think it is unrealistic to expect to finish a movie you are watching. And I’m sure the stepmother could have turned on something else for the 3-year-old and he wouldn’t have minded. Apparently the Netflix is an account paid for by OP’s stepmother for the entire family or they wouldn’t have their own accounts.
And I am glad OP’s mother stepped in and got an account that her children could watch without having to worry if the 3-year-old or stepmother wanted to watch something and force her kids to not only log off but threaten to delete their profile.
And the OP is the jerk?” Dneyman859
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t understand why people are so caught up about who pays for it. In a normal family, you respect each other with regard to the usage of a shared streaming account. Threatening to cut OP out of the shared account just screams a lack of proper communication and conflict resolution.
Don’t get your way and use threats of privilege removal? Hmmm… And like what many others have said, the brother is THREE. If he has really already been watching the whole day, OP’s stepmother should step in and stop allowing him to binge-watch. Like a simple “ok, this is your last episode/10 more minutes, etc.”” katebex
Another User Comments:
“Why didn’t anyone mention that Netflix lets users download stuff to watch on tablets, phones, etc? One of you could have downloaded what they wanted to watch (which doesn’t take long at all, like seconds or a full minute or less in my long experience) so that either her show or your movie could be finished “offline” (even if you really aren’t in airplane or true offline mode) while the other watches something that is streaming?
And why won’t she pay for a slightly larger account? She could upgrade her account to four people streaming at a time and she doesn’t have to keep it there permanently, she can downgrade later if she wants. Is this really about finances or something else?
If I were you, I would load a bunch of things onto your device, so you have something to watch if she does this again. Do it soon. This way even if she does prevent you from streaming, you can still have something available. NTJ.
I’m not sure why she flipped out on you, but this sounds like a power play, not a mixup over who is watching what. There are/were other ways to solve this instead of demanding that you get off the account so she can watch her show.” Good-Sorbet1062
21. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Cancelled Our Dinner Plans For A Trip With Friends?
“My partner’s birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I told him I wanted to take him out for it. Unfortunately on his actual birthday some of the guys are celebrating together so he asked if I could schedule the following weekend or something.
I then told him I scheduled a really nice dinner (expensive place) for the following Saturday.
My partner said he was excited.
Anyways, fast forward. Some of his friends invited him to go to another city on that weekend. He immediately agreed and then told me he was going there.
I was upset and kind of blew up on him. Like, you agreed to dinner with me what the heck?
He was apologetic but told me he couldn’t cancel since he already said he’d do it and asked me to reschedule.
I’m still upset and wondering if I’m the jerk.
I mean like I guess it’s his birthday but still… it made me feel so unappreciated and then he didn’t cancel plans with those friends.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and don’t bother pursuing it any further. He’s had two chances. It’s well past his birthday so it would only be a meal without any significance.
If he raises it tell him he’s blown you off twice and there will be no third time! He doesn’t seem serious about the relationship.” Snowymountainsbear
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It isn’t true he cannot cancel, he just doesn’t want to. He said he can’t cancel because he already said he’d do it, so that means he will go to dinner with you because he said that exact things to you before agreeing with the trip.
So he should cancel the trip, said he forgot about other plans he had and have dinner with you. I would seriously reconsider the relationship over this because as I see it he disrespected me and my time by canceling on me to go somewhere else while fully knowing weeks prior on dinner plan.” celestina047
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – honestly I’ve been there. He doesn’t value or appreciate you the way you deserve. I’d move the reservation to your own birthday or another special day and not say anything. You don’t have to lie either directly or by omission and see how he treats you going forward.
If things go well, you have a great dinner to look forward to. If not, you can look forward to taking someone else to a great dinner.” timegoesbytoofast
20. AITJ For Not Attending My Friend's Wedding After They Excluded My Fiancée?
“My fiancée and I were very good friends with this guy and his partner, for several years to the point my fiancée was a bridesmaid at the wedding, and me a groomsman.
My fiancée suffers from really bad self-deprecating anxiety to the point she can often barely leave the house. The friend’s partner used to be super attentive, calling her every day and checking in on her, just small things, until a new girl entered the group who had no time for this – kept calling my partner a brat, and telling her “going out with your friends should help” and to “get a grip”.
We also don’t do particularly well with money unfortunately, so can’t always afford to go out to town, etc, and the friend group lost interest in having little cook-ins with us, etc when we couldn’t afford to go for meals and cocktails.
The friend group started to drift a little, which we were chill with we did not begrudge them going out at all, we just couldn’t tag along!
It then started to turn pretty cold with them being quite abrupt with my fiancée the more we had to drop out.
Along comes the invite for dress shopping etc, and my partner made a huge effort to set a little money aside for this day, but proposed a little outing for a coffee with all the girls to clear the air. The replies to this were “do you really want to” and things like “you never liked me” and “you’re only acting this way because you’re jealous of me being engaged” (we’d been engaged about 18 months by this point so that didn’t even make sense).
She also claimed my partner ‘intimidates’ her which I don’t understand in the slightest, she looked up to her as a means of support if anything.
My partner and I also attended a friend’s small 30th birthday gathering at his house recently, and the guy was there – he lingered around me all night but refused to even say so much as a hello to my partner, it was super uncomfortable.
Anyway, a bit of time passed with them all not speaking, and the invites started going out so I asked my friend what the situation was. I fully expected the bridesmaid/groomsman invites to be revoked, as well as probably the daytime invites. He replied saying I could still be a groomsman and that he’d “love me to attend on my own” so I withdrew from the entire thing.
I did this as respectfully as I possibly could, and explained my reasons and he genuinely has been okay with me, but said it was ‘unexpected’.
I feel as though I’ve done right standing by my partner – it doesn’t seem as though anything serious enough to warrant them purposely excluding my fiancé has happened – especially considering it all stemmed from my partner’s mental health and our occasional lack of funds.
I’ve been worrying and wondering if I’ve made the right call for days.
A majority of friends who know the friend and his partner as well as the situation all agree with me too, just wanted to check with some unbiased folks!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They purposely uninvited your fiance for no good reason other than to be bullies to her. You must stand your ground with your fiance and simply not go. Showing this will get you brownie points and also show that you are serious about this marriage.” GoldenJaguar1995
Another User Comments:
“You cannot expect someone to go to a wedding without their partner. You also cannot expect someone to invite your partner when they do not like them at all. So you’re NTJ in the slightest. If they wanted you there they should have let your partner come.” paragontrigger
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These people were not supportive of your fiancee, cut her out of the friend group then still expected to be friends with you?! That was bold of them. Refusing to attend a wedding where your fiancee is not welcome was the right call.” linerva
19. AITJ For Wanting To Report My Tattoo Artist For Messaging Me On IG?
“A couple of months ago, I got a small tattoo from a tattoo artist I had booked with before.
We completed the tattoo (it’s amazing) and intended to schedule a touch-up appointment after it healed.
Well, recently, my tattoo artist direct messaged me on IG to tell me that he saw me on a relationship app. To me, this is wildly inappropriate and unprofessional. I had previously felt okay with the inherent physical intimacy of getting tattooed, but now, I can’t imagine myself ever getting tattooed by him again.
Would I be the jerk if I sent a screenshot of his message to his shop manager? I don’t want to get anyone fired, but I also don’t want someone else to go through what I did.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You don’t need to escalate it that far.
Tell him you would like to keep your relationship strictly professional. If he bothers you after that, then of course, say something to the manager. He did acknowledge that he knows you’re single and looking, so it’s not entirely out of left field. People meet in the workplace and fall in love ALL THE TIME.
My own parents did. I’ve been asked out while working multiple times. Sometimes I go, sometimes I don’t. Your situation doesn’t have to be full of drama. If he politely took a shot then left it alone, I don’t see why there’s any need to be heavy-handed with him.” eaglehigh42
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is one of those seemingly innocuous things that is actually inappropriate. Yes, you’re on an app, yes people in your area are going to see your picture on the app. But there’s no reason to point it out elsewhere. If he’s on the app, he can obviously make a connection there, unless you didn’t match with him, which would be an indicator that you did not want to engage with him in that capacity.
Which means he is either trying to backdoor around your boundary or he’s calling you out for perfectly normal behavior for no reason. If I saw someone I barely knew go into a restroom at a grocery store then the next time they came into my workplace I said “Hey I saw you go into the restroom at the grocery store” or worse texted them, I would be the weird one making people uncomfortable.
Especially if my job required close physical contact with them. Chances are, this guy is not going to get canned for something like this, they’re just going to tell him that it’s not appropriate, which it isn’t. Unless he has a long history of being a less-than-decent employee and/or a long history of being inappropriate.
Either way, it’s not on you to point out inappropriate behavior. Worst case scenario, this is how stalkers start.” dr-sparkle
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Did you include your IG on the app? Did he mention remembering you from the shop? I was initially mad at the YTJ comments but if you have given access to your IG through the app then he was using the tools you made available to him.
If he had to go and dig to find your IG or use your information from the shop to get your IG then that’s an ENTIRELY different story. There’s a decent chance, in the case of your IG being provided, that he doesn’t realize who you are.
Even if your pictures have your tattoo in them, you said it was a small one. NONE of this is to give him a pass; I would have your exact same reaction in your position and be immediately worried about personal information and a creep.
Like the top comment suggested, pointing out that you’re a client and getting his reaction would be best UNLESS he had to creep to find your IG page. You have receipts for everything if he goes nuclear and could then reach out to his boss.
Even if you did now it sounds as if he would have enough wiggle room to plead innocence whether true or not.” RedKohtalo
18. AITJ For Suggesting People Shouldn't Go Out With Pet Owners If They Don't Like Pets?
“Somebody was complaining about their past significant others refusing to give up their pets in order to be with them.
When I told them to just not be with people who have pets, they posited that my comment was “degrading towards women”, to which I retorted that I thought choosing not to be with someone who already owned a pet was actually empowering.
After a little back-and-forth between the OP, certain other posters, and myself (posters who actually agreed with me), I commented that clearly, OP did not understand what it was like to give up a pet, citing a family member who was upset to have to give up a pet despite being allergic to said pet.
Furthermore, I commented that having a pet is an emotional and financial investment that is not easy to relinquish.
Am I the jerk here? Furthermore, how is what I said degrading?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You do not be with someone who already has a pet if you don’t want one.
Or don’t like them. When I was single the one thing that I made sure of is nobody could own a cat because I am highly allergic. And for me personally, I would never commit to taking regular allergy medicine. We all have things that are dealbreakers.
You don’t ask someone to give up part of their family for your sake. Like a pet because you don’t want or like them. Certain things you talk it out early. Absolutely nobody forced you into a relationship with a pet. The best thing is don’t get yourself in that position in the first place.
Plus most people wouldn’t consider giving up their pets because they are family.” Prudent_Border5060
Another User Comments:
“”Degrading towards women” makes less than zero sense in this context. I can usually parse these things out and get a decent sense of where someone’s coming from, even if I don’t personally agree with them, but this is … I don’t even know what this is.
I have a cat. I intend to always have cats. When I was single, I automatically ruled out anyone who didn’t like cats – regardless of how otherwise attractive they were – because “you can’t keep your cat if you want this relationship to move forward” is just not a conversation I’m going to have.
I was going to say something about how asking someone to give up their pets in order to be with you is almost as bad as asking them to give up their kids, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that there are those who think that’s a perfectly legitimate request, so … Good grief, the selfishness of some people.” All_the_Bees
Another User Comments:
“I got my first dog when I was four years old, and since then the only time I’ve not had a dog was a few years while I was at university, living in residence. My dogs are part of my family – they’re important to my well-being, and I cannot imagine living without their company and affection.
There is absolutely no way on earth that I’d give one up for the dubious privilege of going out with someone. Also, for the past 15 years, I’ve been actively involved in pet rescue – mainly dogs, but also cats, rabbits, and a horse. Before we place a pet in a home we do everything we can to ensure that we’re choosing a family where the pet will become a member, not just an add-on for as long as it’s convenient.
Animals are sentient beings with a high capacity to feel love, trust, joy, grief, fear, and abandonment. I’m not saying they’re the same as humans – they’re wonderfully different, but their emotional needs and feelings are real and important. NO ONE should get a pet unless they’re willing to make a full commitment to that pet for the rest of its life – and not just while it’s convenient.
And that includes never, under any circumstances, entering into a relationship with someone who won’t fully accept that pet and respect its place in your home and your life.” Awkward-Ad-1026
17. AITJ For Wanting To Leave A Bad Review After My Dog Found Pills At A Dog-Friendly Airbnb?
‘I booked an Airbnb last night that has a perfect 5-star rating out of hundreds of reviews.
My dog went under the bed within a couple of hours of being there and when they came out they were foaming red in the mouth.
I found that there were pills under the bed and I left the Airbnb in tears, 2 hours away from the nearest emergency vet.
My dog is fine, but it was terrifying to be in an unfamiliar area, not knowing if 2 hours would be enough time (pills can show a reaction within 2 to 4 hrs).
I talked to the host who agreed to refund me immediately and asked me to leave a positive review. I feel like as a dog-friendly rental they should take special precautions and there’s no way my review could be positive. On one hand, I want to warn other dog owners, on the other, I just want to be thankful my dog is okay and leave no review at all.
WIBTJ if I wrote a bad review?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: I think this depends on what kind of pills and how many. If someone dropped a couple of ibuprofen on the ground and the host missed them, I doubt that they’ll ever make that mistake again.
If underneath the bed was like, a minefield of random pills and junk, that would reflect negatively on the Airbnb. Like yes, you ideally don’t want pets and children to go places like that, but you also don’t want to stay at a place that doesn’t do a responsible amount of cleaning.
I think ‘pills’ is ambiguous, though I’m sure you were in a hurry and might not know anything else.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Hmm I don’t know about this one. Bad reviews have a way of following you around. They probably will do their very best to ensure that no one else experiences this again, and had no idea that something like that could happen, so what would the review contribute?
They shouldn’t have asked you to leave a positive review as that’s honestly pretty sketchy of them, but you don’t need to leave one at all. However you are totally within your rights to write a bad review, and it wouldn’t make you the jerk as you are sharing the honest perspective you have.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Actually, I would leave a review on how nice the space was. Mention the pet-friendly accommodations you found. Then remind people to make sure they check the space before letting your pet roam free AND include your dog got under the bed and found some medication.
(I might include whether the medication was in a bottle, those pill packs, or loose). State the owner was great, immediately refunding your money. It was stressful, and your doggo is okay, but remind people that pets are great at finding dangerous things that are left behind in shared spaces.
And then you may just want to add FYI for pet parents that the house and owner are great, but the closest emergency vet is two hours away. That may lead more cautious pet parents or one with an ill pet or accident/trouble-prone pets to pick a different location, while also again reiterating that the place and the host are great if that isn’t a concern for future guests.
With just a few more details you hit on most of the things people have mentioned here: 1) the condition of the place 2) your host was quick to respond 3) pets are as bad if not worse than small children and can find any danger even in pet/child safe places, so look for dangers 4) dangers can get into tight spaces, so be sure to check places your pet can get even if the place is clean 5) if someone else experiences something similar there is a paper trail for other renters to be warned by.
Then I would leave whatever level of stars you would have left if your dog didn’t find pills. If someone comes behind you and has the same experience in a short time frame then the host is going to get dinged for not having diligent cleaners, and that is a concern.
And for the record, there are tons of stories of children finding and getting into things that are left behind in hotels. Remember, in the eyes of the law pets are property, so the care due to a pet to prevent injury, legally speaking, is going to be less than that of a child.” Letters_from_summer
16. AITJ For Refusing To Help My MIL With Her IPad Until She Asks Me Respectfully?
“I (44NB) live/breathe Apple products – I have the watch, the phone, the desktop, the iPad Pro, and Air Pod Maxs’. My mother-in-law (73f) recently gave my husband (49m) her iPad (a Christmas present we gave her in 2015) for ME to fix, never asked me … okay so we don’t have the best relationship (that’s a whole other post) but I try, I really do.
Unfortunately, I got to a point where I couldn’t do anything with it and told my husband it needed to be brought in but I couldn’t because I couldn’t find an appointment for when I wasn’t working.
My husband made an appointment for today, and it just so happens my boss called me off for the day since we were overstaffed so I went with.
The genius at Apple tells her the battery needs to be replaced but that Apple won’t do that on her model because of its age (remember it was bought in 2015) and even then there is no guarantee that it will work.
She’s getting huffy because she’s worried about pics and data that she had on it and keeps asking my husband what she should do… my husband the ANDROID USER.
I chimed in that when WE gave her the iPad I SET IT UP to automatically back up to the cloud so unless SHE did something to undo that all her stuff should be on the cloud. The genius looks at her and then at me like “lady why are you ignoring them?”
The genius logged in to her cloud and verified that all her previous pics and docs are present in the cloud just like I said.
I then chimed in and said money wise it would be more prudent to invest in a new basic model iPad since even if you replaced the battery (estimated cost of $70-$120) there was no guarantee on how long it would work because of its age (Dec 2015 = almost 7?
years old). So what does she do? Ignore me, and ask my husband the ANDROID USER if buying a new iPad is a better deal. At this point in the store, I turn my music on and ignore them.
She buys the new iPad and we go to dinner afterward, where my husband opens up the iPad and starts the setup – I’m watching out of the corner of my eye – I know he won’t get far, he doesn’t…at which point he tells her to ask me (using my true name, not my deadname) for help …I’m eating and she says nothing.
On the way home she asks my husband, the ANDROID USER, if he will finish setting up her iPad to which he responds that she will have to ask me for help as he got as far as he could.
She left the iPad in our car for me to work on but did not ask me for help directly and/or respectfully…I told my husband I’m not touching it until she does.
I went one step further and said he’s not allowed to either (ie google how to finish it) and that inevitably when she calls tomorrow he’s to say “did you ask them for help?”
My best friend thinks this this isn’t a hill I should die on…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not a hill you should die on for sure, but definitely one worth putting a solid boundary around. You don’t need to be unpleasant to her to express that you deserve basic respect, and you don’t do favors unless asked politely.
If she takes it badly, that’s her problem. Let your husband try though, if he really wants to try. Sit back and watch the fun unfold if she’s going to be disrespectful to you.” SisterAlliance
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a hill to die on.
Your mother-in-law disrespects you in profound ways. Basic decency like using the correct name/pronouns. And saying thank you and please. It’s good that your husband corrects her when she deadnames you, but that is not enough. He needs to get his priorities straight. His mother is not even acknowledging the humanity of his partner and he deems it a silly hill to die on, excuse me?” ChickyNuggies6789
Another User Comments:
“A soft ESH. I don’t necessarily think you’re the jerk. Your mother-in-law is being incredibly rude and entitled but I do agree with your husband, it’s not really a hill to die on. I can tell that it’s about something more than just the iPad situation.
It sounds like a power struggle. However, I really do understand where you’re coming from. I think you gotta decide whether you’re okay with this becoming a larger deal and creating a bigger divide between you and her. Maybe just set up and politely let her know that you didn’t appreciate her passivity and next time she wants your help you would appreciate being directly asked. Or call her up and say you’d love to help her but you feel like you got swindled into it or tricked because no one likes to feel like they HAVE to help others.
That’s how resentments build up. Good luck.” [deleted]
15. AITJ For Confronting A Woman Who Took All The Food From The Community Fridge?
“I drop off boxes of food weekly to the community fridge/pantry.
Today I dropped off 3 huge boxes of food. The boxes contained tons of pizza dough, breadsticks, cookies, and pasta. Every week it’s the same people waiting for me to fill the fridge. I never say anything because it’s not my business.
Today after dropping the 3 huge boxes off I noticed the same lady waiting for me to fill up the fridge/pantry.
So I returned to the car with my husband and we sat there watching. This lady took EVERYTHING I dropped off. Of course I was angry so I went up to her and told her that the community pantry wasn’t her own grocery store and she can’t be taking everything and she has to share with the community.
She took everything I dropped off.. that’s about 30 packages of food. So am I the jerk for telling her off? I don’t know, people struggle but I do know greed and to me, she was being really greedy.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I used to help manage a homeless help center that served free lunches every day.
We also gave out vouchers for clothes at our adjoining thrift store, provided bus tokens, and other basic services. We had to have restrictions as to how much people could take/how often they could get vouchers etc. We’d allow clients to take a second lunch if they were bringing it to someone else, but other than that, it was one sandwich and cup of soup per person.
Were there times it felt kinda bad to enforce such rules? Yes, but it felt worse when we’d have to turn people away because we had no more food. Especially since the clients who came towards the end of our serving hours were often very elderly/women who didn’t want to stand around in line with possibly dangerous clients.
We did our best, but we had to follow a budget and could only serve so much per day. I don’t fault people in desperate situations for trying to take all they can get. It falls to the employees and volunteers of a charity to enforce the rules they have to ensure that the help goes the furthest it can.” Dcruzen
Another User Comments:
“Whoever runs the community fridge, I would go and chat to them. Tell her you are not happy that the 3 huge boxes of food you bring in regularly are being taken by 1 person. That you donate, because you want to help multiple people have decent meals, not one person taking it all.
If that community fridge has decent, caring people running it, then they will put a stop to it immediately. If not, and they blow you off, find a better place to donate the food.” KarenMaca
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. A woman near me collects food from the community fridge for others so there isn’t a wasted trip for multiple people if it is empty.
Another man takes food out of it and sorts it so there is an assortment of products in it and visits hourly putting stuff in to make sure people don’t just empty it. She could have a large family and be out of food bank credits or she could just be taking it all – but you don’t know her circumstances, you choose to donate, let the person hosting the fridge police it.” teanailpolish
14. AITJ For Moving Out And Taking My Cat Despite My Dad's Disapproval?
“I (f24) moved out from my dad’s house. He’s been very against it from the start, but it makes sense for me. I graduated, have a stable job, and pay rent and bills anyway, might as well have the peace and quiet that goes with it.
My dad disagrees.
For context, I didn’t grow up with him, and my living with him has only been a thing for the past 4 years, during which he didn’t take any particular interest in me as a person (we would go for over a week without speaking at times because he just wasn’t responding whenever I tried to initiate conversations).
The cat is 3 years old and he’s a good boy. He was a bit stressed during the move but he’s okay and he’s settling in.
My dad and his partner keep calling/messaging me telling me what a horrible mistake I’m making and how upset they are because of this.
I’ve spent what should have been a pretty happy time crying and feeling upset and guilty.
AITJ? I feel horrible, but they won’t stop even after I’ve explained how bad it makes me feel and that being independent is something I’ve wanted for a long time.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How sad that your dad has chosen to miss out on a relationship with you. I’m betting that Dad and his partner are upping the pressure and manipulation because they miss the rent money from you. Please don’t think you have to take on guilt from him and her.
He chose not to interact with you for a week when you were trying to talk to him, doing this repeatedly. Shame on him. Maybe what you’re feeling sorrow about is that you didn’t get the dad you needed. One that was there for you, to share milestones with, happiness, and harder times.
So sorry that you’re going through this. Wishing you well.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not sure if they miss you or your money. Either way, they will adjust or won’t. Not your problem. Your cat, PERIOD. No more discussion. No reason for you to feel any type of way over what they say.
Just don’t speak to them. If you do, and the convo goes sideways, then politely bow out.” livinlikeriley
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It doesn’t sound like they are viewing this as a bad decision for you, but that they simply don’t want you to leave because you are of use to the household.
What they’re trying to do is convince you that you’re doing the wrong thing so you’ll clip your own wings so that you can pay for part of the rent and stuff that makes their household better.” JCBashBash
13. AITJ For Not Telling My Friends About Our Mutual Friends' Elopement?
“I have a group of friends, myself, Derek, Nicole, Jessica, and Ben (all early 30s). We all met doing a mutual hobby in college, and we’ve done things just the 5 of us ever since.
A few weeks ago, Jess and Ben eloped. I knew about their plans to elope about a month before it happened because I helped with some travel-related plans (destination elopement), and they let me know it was only going to be them and their parents.
In the month leading up to the event, I asked them if they were planning on telling Derek and Nicole. They agreed they would be telling them. Well, the weeks came and went, Jess and Ben eloped and Derek and Nicole were never told.
This afternoon, Jess and Ben dropped the news to the three of us that they got married, and showed us some sneak peek photos.
I pretended I was just hearing about this for the first time, but Jess let it slip I had gone to the dress fitting with her, and I could tell that Nicole and Derek were hurt by this information.
I’ve reached out to both of them to ask about how they felt and neither has responded. I’m feeling pretty bad about not telling them, and also like I’ve been put in the middle of a potential conflict I didn’t ask for.
It didn’t feel like my place to say anything about the wedding, but I feel like I’m at fault for not giving them a heads up, or even more at fault for pretending I wasn’t aware during the “announcement.”
AITJ for not telling my friends about the wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was an elopement. Those are often hush-hush, so telling them before the event would definitely been wrong. After that, it’s up to the bride and groom to announce the surprise so again, telling them and ruining the surprise would definitely been wrong.
You didn’t help things when you pretended to be surprised and then reached out to ask how they were feeling. Your actions made it look like you somehow did something wrong and you definitely didn’t. This is how elopements go – Shhhhh. Surprise!
The bride and groom dictate who knows what and when.” Aware_Welcome_8866
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk, of course, you should not have told the rest of the group. Telling the group was not your responsibility, and frankly, it would’ve been a pretty bad thing to do.
It is the pleasure of married couples to announce their marriage, and your friends have no right to be frustrated by you for keeping that secret as requested. They do, however, have the right to think it’s very weird that you pretended like you were hearing it for the first time.
Once the news of the elopement was out in the open, there was no reason to pretend like you hadn’t already been told. Taking it upon yourself to create a fake reaction in order to potentially save feelings that shouldn’t have been hurt in the first place is weird.
If your friends are hurt that they weren’t told, that is their problem. Creating a fake story to try to cover for that is, a weird thing to do. I get why you did it, but you should just tell them that you made a mistake.
And then everyone moves on.” FindAriadne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It wasn’t your place to tell. They said they would and didn’t. Nicole and Derek are mad at you because it’s easier to be mad at you than the happy couple who just eloped. Ask Jess and Ben to explain and apologize.” embopbopbopdoowop
12. AITJ For Assuming My MIL Would Buy The Movie Tickets She Offered As A Treat?
“My husband told me his mother texted him and told him she wanted to take us all (me, hubs, and daughter) to see Moana when it comes out in theaters. He left it up to me to contact her and coordinate so I did. I let her know it doesn’t come out until the end of the month and sent her a link to purchase tickets for a date and time at a theater and asked if they were good to which she replied yes, we will treat and I said thank you.
I assumed this meant she was going to go online and buy the ticket.
Fast forward to tonight, my husband asked if I confirmed his mother purchased the tickets to which I responded that I assumed she had but he said I should confirm. So I messaged her asking if she had and she said no, she thought I was buying them and she would reimburse me.
No worries, I told her that the showing was sold out and I would find something else. My husband freaked out at me saying it was all my fault for assuming she would get the tickets and that it was clearly me who was supposed to get them and that I was doing all of this because I didn’t like his mom.
I told him that was definitely not clear to me and that I felt he was gaslighting me and trying to make me feel bad.
After I had already found another theater with another showing that could accommodate us all and bought tickets, he still thought I was in the wrong and being a jerk.
It’s the fact that my husband thinks I am in the wrong completely here and I feel completely gaslit by him. I say it was a misunderstanding and it was fine. If anything he owes me an apology for thinking so badly of me. What do you think, AITJ for thinking my MIL saying the movie tickets were her treat meant she was going to buy the tickets?”
Another User Comments:
“He “freaked out” and called you a jerk because you and his mother had a cordial interaction and a slight misunderstanding, and you had to go to a different showing of a Disney movie as a result? Is he always like this?
Yikes. NTJ, I would have assumed the same thing you did, but regardless of that, it was just an innocent mistake. Your bigger problem is your husband’s reaction, and I hope he doesn’t normally come in this hot for the little issues that crop up in anyone’s life.” EsmeWeatherwax7a
Another User Comments:
“NTJ go get tickets for another showing. Problem solved! First, does anyone in the family ever talk to each other? Not a ‘how you doing, looking forward to the movie next week’. ‘hey Moana got great reviews’, not a ‘were you able to get tickets to that showing?’ Didn’t MIL talk to you about paying you, at all, ever?
Like, say she would bring cash to the movie and pay you. However, your husband is the jerk, wtf. I’m laughing out loud at how angry he is that he missed Moana. Haha. Something else is going on here.” Apprehensive-Care20z
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Perhaps you should have confirmed who was responsible for purchasing tickets. OK, fine. From the way you described the conversation, it sounds to me that your assumption was correct. But it wasn’t. So what? You made it right. Your husband is the jerk here. I do not think he is gaslighting you unless he has a pattern of feeding you untrue information in an attempt to manipulate you into believing you are losing your mind.
What he is doing is being a jerk. I mean, the whole thing is jerk behavior. Making you coordinate with his mother, assigning you with the task of talking to his mother. You aren’t his secretary. If he displays this behavior on a routine basis it is time to contact a counselor and an attorney so you can get out while you can.” rwphx2016
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Ex's Partner To Include Her Deceased Baby's Name On Our Son's Birthday Card?
“My ex (John) and I share a son (m8). We split up before he was born.
My ex got with his current partner (Sally) not long after, and they’ve been together ever since. Before John and Sally got together, Sally unfortunately lost a baby when he was a few weeks old. John has no connection to the baby at all.
Our son recently celebrated his 8th birthday, he had a card from Sally & John’s children (my son’s step and half-siblings) however, they put the name of the baby Sally had before meeting John.
This is where I could be the jerk, I think it’s weird that they would put the baby’s name on the card let alone tell my son that “his brother died” considering there is absolutely no link between my son and Sally’s baby. I could understand if the baby was John and Sally’s.
But, this all happened before she even met John.
Would I be the jerk if I asked them to stop doing it?”
Another User Comments:
“This is beyond weird. My mother lost a baby before I was born. I know she lost that baby and I know the memories of what happened make her sad, but she never tried to make me have feelings about the brother I didn’t know or put his name on a birthday card.
Only living people can send greetings. NTJ. Tell John that Sally needs therapy if she thinks that child is wishing your son happy birthday!” ArreniaQ
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Sally’s children, alive or not, are now your son’s step-siblings. You also mentioned that Sally & John have children together – your son’s half-siblings.
So if they as a family openly talk about their brother who passed as part of the family, you want them to then exclude your son from being part of the family that baby was a part of. It differentiates him from his half-siblings and excludes him from something they all have as a family.
When people move on we hope that any step-parents will step up and love our children and accept them, and there has to be some acceptance of the step-parents’ history too. Perhaps you should focus on building a strong and respectful co-parenting relationship with Sally that will benefit your child, rather than being insensitive and rude about the hardest loss she’s ever faced.” Resident_Pomelo_1337
Another User Comments:
“Personally, you would be the jerk. It’s not your business and if they get married, it will be his step-sibling who died. I don’t like hiding death from children. My nephew knows that his older brother died, his mom keeps the older son’s memory alive.
She’s not with my brother anymore, mom has kids with her now-husband and they know about their big brother too. He’s still part of their family, even though he’s dead. It’s not macabre. I think it’s loving. To them, big bro is an angel watching over them, I’m atheist but it’s kind of sweet.” Barfotron4000
10. AITJ For Expecting My Partner To Wait For Me After Work In The Rain?
“I got in a small argument there with my partner of 6 months after I asked if she’d like to come see me after work and get the bus home together. (context she works 5 minutes around the corner from where I do.) Today I finish 30 minutes after she does so I asked if she wanted to hang around and wait for me.
Her response was she was not bothered it was raining, so I should make my own way home.
So I replied with oh okay but I do it all the time for you even when it’s raining.
She replied back with oh thanks for making me feel like a jerk.
Hope you get home okay.
Since then she hasn’t responded to any texts I’ve sent to her apologizing. I feel like I shouldn’t have said that but at the same time I’m not really saying anything that’s wrong, like I have waited in the rain for an hour for her to come out of work, I’ve even picked her up when I wasn’t in work and she was.
So I just feel like this should go both ways and something she should also be willing to do?!?!?
This is the first time I’ve asked if she wanted to do it as I usually am off before her and wait around for her all the time so AITJ for kinda expecting she would do the same for me?”
Another User Comments:
“When you think about your relationship, you have to zoom out and look at the big picture. To me, her behavior and response are awful. If you made her feel like a jerk, it’s because the truth hurts. With that said, does the good outweigh the bad?
Only you can know if she does other things that make up for this gross response. To me, “oh thanks for making me feel like a piece of a jerk” is a HUGE red flag. Do you want to be with someone who can’t receive a message without turning it back on you?
Big yikes. If this happens a lot, bail. It will likely only get worse. You’re NTJ. She is inconsiderate and hateful. You deserve better.” fanofthethings
Another User Comments:
“Wow, there are some people willing to read a whole lot of malice into your intentions made up out of nothing but their own projections here.
Some of these comments. Lol. You are NTJ. Her response was needlessly rude. My initial thought was that she had a bad day and was unfairly taking that out on you. That said, is this a one-time thing? By that, I mean her dismissive attitude towards you?
If this was unusual then I wouldn’t put too much weight on it but she really still should apologize to you for being so curt in her replies. You did nothing that should prompt you to apologize to her. If this attitude towards you is a more regular occurrence then I simply would not be in a relationship with someone who was comfortable treating me this way.
I expect a romantic partner to, at a minimum, treat me with kindness and courtesy. To be clear, I don’t care much about her waiting to go home together with you. I care about her attitude and responses to you.” Superb_Grapefruit854
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A similar thing happened with me. In 2019, my partner at the time worked in a Starbucks that was quite literally right outside a subway station that was on my way home from work. Every day I knew she was working I would go off the subway, pop in, say hello, and stay a few minutes to chat.
Then I would leave and get back on the subway because we have a 2-hour transfer system where I live. It was nice as I got to see her midweek as opposed to just the weekends. Fast forward to 2021, she managed to get a job while I was still looking.
I live on the subway line (like a 5-minute walk from the station) and every day she would have to go past my station to go home. She refused to get off the D subway to even say hello. And when I brought it up her excuse was that if she got off, she would then have to wait for a bus to get home (she would’ve had to wait regardless if she got off or not).
Unfortunately (fortunately?) we didn’t last long after. My advice for you is to find yourself someone who puts the same amount of effort into the relationship as you and you’ll be much happier.” lazerbreath_
9. AITJ For Refusing To Plan My Sister's Gender Reveal Party?
“A little back story, my sister (27 f) and her husband live at home in my parents’ basement and have for some time after losing two houses, due to their own poor money management and have no plans on moving out any time soon.
This past weekend (Sunday), we all gathered for my son’s 4th birthday celebration and while he was opening presents my sister announced she was pregnant and I was livid! So when she said, “Mommy and Daddy were so shocked,” I responded, “yeah, I bet they were.
You guys are living in their basement.” I know that was a jerk thing to say, but there it is. After the party, I sent her a text to say I was sorry that I said anything about their living arrangements and it wasn’t any of my business.
She never responded. Which is her right. I can say anything I want, but I have to deal with the consequences of saying anything.
Today (Thursday), she sends me and her sister-in-law an email asking us to collaborate to plan her a gender reveal, this is the first contact she has attempted to make since the incident.
Now, I have no issue being the gender keeper and making sure the correct color gets to them, HOWEVER, I do not think I should have to plan, execute, and pay for HER gender reveal. I have two kids and at no point did I ever think to ask someone else to do the heavy lifting to reveal my kid’s gender.
I am more than happy to plan her a baby shower, but this should be on her. Plus, the way she went about asking is just so entitled. I don’t feel like she asked me to plan it. She asked me to collaborate. There was no opportunity to say no and if it’s not what she wanted I’m the bad guy again.”
Another User Comments:
“Obviously NTJ. I would focus on what you are happy to do (the baby shower) and respond something like: “Hey sis, I would love to organize a baby shower for you. I am going to sit out of the planning for a gender reveal. If you’d like me to throw you a baby shower let me know what month/ date would work well for you, if you have any preference in terms of games or things you specifically want included and we can chat closer to the date about guest list and details.
Love you! X.” Shift the conversation.” AlwaysAnotherSide
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She stole the thunder on your child’s birthday! How wretched can she be? She can’t even take care of herself, has to leech off your parents for housing, and thinks it’s great news she and her irresponsible husband are having a baby?
And now she wants to rope you into paying for a ridiculous gender reveal? Your sister is certifiable. Maybe she should worry less about a gender reveal and more about getting her own place to bring her baby home to. At this rate, your parents will end up being free babysitters on a daily basis while she whines about how hard being a mom is.” Lazy-Instruction-600
Another User Comments:
“You’re assuming she wants you to organize and pay, which you would obviously be NTJ for refusing. But responding to her as if this is what she asked who be a bit of a jerk move and defo set you up to be the bad guy.
Why not respond with some different assumptions; “hi! I’d be so excited to be the gender keeper and make sure the correct color gets to you! Let me know how we can coordinate that!” Now at least she’ll have to come back with more specific things she wants you to do and you can specifically say “oh gosh no I’m so sorry, with the kids I know I don’t have the bandwidth to help with that” Automatically agreeing to such a vague thing as “collaborating” has a good chance to lure you in deeper than you want, but automatically saying no without outlining what you ARE willing to do seems unnecessarily drama-increasing.” 1136gal
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend Money On My Ungrateful Younger Sister Anymore?
“I (21F) and my little sister (18) don’t get along. Like at all, quite frankly I dislike her. A lot. She has an attitude, she is manipulative, and she did some messed up things to me when we were younger.
(I won’t get into it here).
Anywhoo, yesterday my mother and I went shopping after she picked me up from work the commute is over an hour so I don’t get home until 6:00 at the earliest. That’s if we don’t stop somewhere. Mother dearest and I got groceries, and when we made it home my little sister in all her infinite wisdom had decided to read off a list of stuff that we needed, then got annoyed when she realized we didn’t get any of it.
(We didn’t know). So I asked her why she didn’t text us this, and she replied that she was waiting for us. So I proceeded to say if it was really that important you would have texted us and she had no right to get annoyed. Let me clarify she has done this before many times.
She will also say she likes something so we get it for her and all of a sudden she doesn’t like it anymore and “We should have know that”. She got angry and called me a jerk.
I will admit I was probably the jerk when I said she was pathetic, but in my defense, I didn’t do anything to warrant being called a jerk (I don’t think).
It’s not the first time she has been verbally abusive to me and I’m over it at this point. Why should I buy her stuff if she is just going to complain and treat me like this? I bought her something for Christmas but last night I decided I’m not going to get her anything else.
She has a job, she can buy food. As for Christmas, I’m not buying her anything, ever again. I’m not going to use my hard-earned money on her when I’m treated that way. So would I be the jerk if I stopped spending my money on my little sister and didn’t get her Christmas?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m both a younger and older sister (middle child) and your sister’s behavior is not acceptable. She is purposely setting you up to fail for her amusement so she can continue to have these baseless arguments. Ignore her. Let her know that “I’m willing to talk and have a respectful conversation.
If you’re not capable now we can try another time.” She might be angry about it but you’re used to that behavior. It’s not your job to fix her or improve your relationship when her actions are the cause of your bad relationship.
She can change her attitude or you can adjust the way you behave around her and the things you’re willing to do for her. She knows this behavior isn’t acceptable. You’re not obligated to be kind because you’re family, or to keep the peace (keeping other people’s peace means you’ll never have your own).
Sis needs consequences for her actions, I’d not be lifting a finger to help a disrespectful 18-year-old (barring emergencies).” EJ_1004
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your sister sounds like a narcissist and needs a reality check. Definitely don’t buy her stuff if she can’t be grateful to you.
Regarding Christmas, my brothers and I actually agreed to not give each other gifts for a few years because we all felt it was a waste of money at the time (though we are now doing Secret Santa every year with my SIL), but we still got gifts for nieces and nephews.
You are not obligated to buy anyone a gift and you could simply say since you’re all adults now and you don’t want to continue gift-giving between the siblings – that way you’re upfront and polite about it (though I’m sure your sister still won’t take it well).” TopSecret34Throwaway
Another User Comments:
“Did anybody let your sister know the grocery shopping was been done and ask her did she want anything? Or was she just diligently at home writing out her wish list, waiting patiently to give it to Mammy when she gets back.
Then finds out her hopes & dreams are dashed. Not only was her wish list not coming to fruition, not even one thing was in the grocery. Devastation. She was expected to have a crystal ball and magically know the grocery shopping was being done and you were expected to magically know what her desires were.
Magical crystal ball…..not the best method of communicating. Everyone could do better. Nobody can change the past but you can change the future. We are all guilty of some appalling behavior in our youth and then we grow up.” No_Apartment7927
7. AITJ For Confronting My Family After Years Of Disrespect And Neglect?
“I (26M) graduated college in 2020 and had to put off any plans to take care of my family. All of us, including me, had an underlying condition that made a certain illness a death sentence, so beyond grocery stores, I really didn’t go anywhere.
College was a time of great growth for me as I made a lot of self-improvement from weight to friendships, and it all went 180 during this time. I never saw my friends, I was putting on weight, and despite this dark time of my life, my family, my uncle specifically, had the nerve to tell me “I wasn’t worth 10 cents”.
Everyone laughed it up like it was a joke, but with everything going on it cut right through me.
Cut to 2022. I had just gotten back from a trip to Disney World, where my aunt from another part of my state called me out of nowhere for $200.
She has a gambling addiction and even told me to not tell anyone she was at the casino. I didn’t give her the funds but I felt disrespected being seen as nothing but a piggy bank.
2023 saw minor instances of family not respecting my time, even when I already had plans.
Going to the gym for your personal training session? No, gotta turn around even when you’re in the parking lot to get someone some gumbo. Having a happy hour with your coworkers you enjoy spending time with? No, gotta go leave early and pick up medicine which could wait till the next day.
Wanna have a relaxing beach day? No, gotta be interrupted to buy someone a pizza with MY money and have it delivered to their house. You see where this is going.
2024 has been a rough year. I got laid off in May and have yet to find work since.
My car has been on the fritz, and some of these same family members have been sick and I’ve been taking care of them since I lost my job. What finally broke the camel’s back for me? Ten days after losing said job my mom told me I was a mistake and the only reason she didn’t end the pregnancy was because she was too far along.
She no joke told me this and that I was a selfish jerk because I forgot to put lettuce in a Chipotle bowl. I’ve let all of this stuff simmer inside me, as I’m the designated family peacekeeper and can’t get mad, but over the past couple of days, something snapped in me.
I’ve been calling everyone out.
I told my aunt either she gets help for her gambling addiction or I’m cutting her out of my life. I asked my mom does she still think I’m a mistake and she’s pretending like she never said it.
I’m making it clear to everyone that 2025 will be focused on me and only me. Am I wrong for harboring all this anger, especially over the course of several years?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’re just reacting because you’ve been pushed too far past your breaking point.
After all you’ve been through, I would too. Good on you for standing up for yourself, hope you can find some healthy distance from your relatives, it’s one thing to be the peacekeeper, but now you need to make sure your own peace is kept.” Young-creature
Another User Comments:
“Yeah YTJ, but to yourself, and from what you’re saying you’ve mistreated yourself for way too long. Go NC with all these leeches and focus on your life. Just don’t try to get excuses or some sort of justice by them realizing their mistakes, this kind of people never do.” IgorKasparof
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Been there, brother. Just slowly remove yourself from the situation, be prepared to get on your own phone plan asap and probably change your number so they can’t call and ask and your parents can’t threaten to cut you off.
That’s gonna be a move-out day play.” Dr_Bramus
6. AITJ For Wanting To Confront My Roommate About Her Drinking And Bed-Wetting?
“I recently moved into college with randomized roommates who I instantly became close with.
We have a suite situation so my actual roommate I live with is not what this post is about. It’s about one of my roommates who lives in the other room connected to the bathroom.
However, things started to take a turn. One of my roommates started to invite me to parties with her where we’d drink and dance and end up making awful decisions.
I’m a lightweight so I drink significantly less than she does, however, she always gets extremely sloppy and concerning when she’s tipsy.
When I first met her she was tipsy, and flirted with my ex in front of me and also my best friend who is a very gay male.
Also hooked up with the same guy I did and said I didn’t tell her they were the same guy but I didn’t even know they were meeting. She also has gotten into altercations and screaming matches with men that make me fear for her.
The one thing I cannot put up with though? Is the urination.
She brought home a hookup and urinated in her bed with the hookup. The next time we went out I ended up getting upset and going to sleep at a friend’s dorm instead of ours, and she slept in my roommate’s bed. My roommate went to go see about finding out if I made it to my friend’s safely and came back to our roommate in her bed asleep.
Upon further examination, she saw that our roommate had URINATED on her BED. My roommate told me she burst into tears and had to sleep in her ex-situationship’s room for the night.
Since that incident, she’s urinated in her bed multiple times and even came into our room and said “I know last night must’ve been amazing because I urinated on the bed.” Um???
What????
We had another roommate that we had to replace because of toxicity, however when we first moved in the girl told me how our roommate called her tipsy saying that “She’d urinate in the bed, she’d urinate anywhere she doesn’t give a care about anyone’s stuff or anything.”
Would I be the jerk for telling her she’s disgusting and needs to stop going out and drinking? Should I just try my best to continue staying silent?? I don’t know what I should do, but she wants to study abroad and I worry for her safety without anyone around.”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ for talking to her about it, but the urination aspect could be some medical condition. When in doubt, it’s best to be cautious and handle it with a degree of sensitivity and approach it like maybe she has a medical condition.
Also, her promiscuity is not yours to judge. Who and how many people she sleeps with isn’t your concern. So avoid that topic. But the urination, excess drinking, and dangerous altercations with men (not intimacy but the fighting) are ok to bring up. Talk to her with a degree of care and concern.
Don’t be accusing or she’ll just get defensive. Don’t call her disgusting or other insults either. Just try talking with her.” Mobile_Following_198
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it feels like her bigger problem is more her booze consumption. To me, it sounds like she might use urination as a reference for how “amazing” a night precisely because she was literally so tipsy, aka so tipsy she had no control over her bladder.
A lot of people who binge drink at parties have this kind of mindset, and glorify things like not remembering anything, throwing up, urinating themselves, etc. Her tendency to get into fights, to disregard other people’s feelings (or sexual orientation and hence consent!), to never think of the consequences of her behavior… makes me think that your issue that this girl is struggling with an addiction that requires more than a simple conversation to address.
I mean you can try to talk about it, but I’m not so sure about your odds. This is beyond your paygrade.” ladyteruki
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But she’s also not your responsibility, you’re meant to be adults who are able to live without parental supervision.
Calling her disgusting isn’t the way to go, having a sober conversation with her about how her actions concern you is a better way of handling the situation and I’d set clear boundaries that she’s not allowed to enter your dorm if she’s going to urinate in your roommate’s bed (wtf??
I hope you BOTH get apologies from her). It all sounds incredibly immature on all parts and I’d be thinking of distancing myself from them if their behavior doesn’t improve dramatically (do you really want to have someone who gets into altercations & laughs about urinating themselves due to heavy drinking??)” Old-Calendar-9912
5. AITJ For Locking My Charger To Prevent My Manager From Taking It?
“My (M, 25) manager Mike (M, 45) is in the office down the hall from me. He always seemed like a pretty nice guy and he’d stop by my office just to chat at least once a day.
We had a good relationship.
It all started when, a couple of months ago, he stopped in my office to ask if I had a phone charger because he’d left it at home by accident. I said “Sure, I always keep one plugged in by my desk,” and I handed it to him.
He thanked me, used it, and gave it back the next morning because he’d forgotten to return it. No worries.
Since then, he’d ask to borrow my charger a couple of times a week. I’d say sure and hand it to him. Lending it didn’t bother me, but he would always forget to give it back.
So I’d always have to walk down the hall to his office and ask for it back if I needed it. Not a big deal, but a little annoying.
Then, about a month ago, I went on vacation for a couple of days. When I came back into the office that morning, you guessed it, my charger was gone.
The thing is, I lock my office every time I leave. And the only other person with a key is…you guessed it…my manager. Mike.
Lo and behold, I walk into Mike’s office to check in, and my charger is there. Plugged into the wall.
Charging his phone. He sees me looking at it and just says “Hope you don’t mind I borrowed it while you were gone,” and tosses it back to me.
Since then, it’s become a pretty common thing for him to just walk into my office -locked or not- and grab it without asking.
This was starting to get on my nerves so I went on Amazon and found this thing called a LockSocket, which locks your charger in place so it can’t be moved or taken. I got it the next day and it only took me a minute to install it on the outlet in my office.
Since then, my charger is always right where I need it, but some of my coworkers think I overreacted and should just buy another charger. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ And how cheap can a person be not to buy a charger? I have multiple chargers including chargers stashed in overnight bags and totes.
I have chargers plugged into sockets at my desk and by my bed with the charging cables attached so I literally just have to plug in the cord when necessary or to make sure everything is charged. Your manager is so cheap that he is making his life more difficult because he had to physically walk and unplug and plug a charger rather than spend $20 for his own.” laurazhobson
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!! If anyone should buy a new charger it’s your manager!! Why does he think he can just waltz into your office and take your personal belongings without permission or even a heads-up? Just because he has a key doesn’t mean he can do whatever he wants.
OP you did nothing wrong. You were kind enough to let the manager borrow your charger and not make a stink about him constantly ”forgetting” to give it back to you for MONTHS. It was honestly time you put your foot down OP. Also, why are your coworkers giving their opinions on something that has NOTHING to do with them?
If they’re so bothered maybe THEY should buy him a new charger.” Otherwise_Scene3553
Another User Comments:
“It is not nice of your manager but without more context hard to say. I am also a manager and I work my butt off for my employees – and sometimes I have so many things going on to manage I don’t have time to think about this kind of stuff.
What is your manager like? Does he do a good job as a manager? Does he support and coach you? Does he improve things? Does he listen? Does he take it up for you with C-level? If not, he’s a jerk and you are NTJ – but I would have warned him.
If yes he’s not a jerk and would understand your action but it’s petty of you to lock it so you would be a bit of a jerk. You would have gone way further in your professional relationship just by talking to your manager and asking in a friendly way: hey boss, you seem to forget your charger a lot – wouldn’t it be more convenient if you had a 2nd in your office too so you don’t have to get mine.
Do you want me to order one for you from Amazon? I have a couple of golden employees like this – they know I care for them to have a nice job – so they care for me in the little things.” dudetellsthetruth
4. AITJ For Leaving My Own Surprise Birthday Party And Getting Kicked Out?
“I, a 22-year-old male, had my 22nd birthday last Wednesday. For reference, my parents and I have never gotten along. I don’t expect perfection from anyone and never have, but they definitely could’ve gotten to know me better. For years, I have begged to not have a birthday party as I don’t drink and these parties are usually an excuse for my family to get intoxicated and disorderly.
Every year, I am told that I need to have a family party or I will be kicked out from my house (in which I have a lease and pay rent to my father).
This year, I explicitly said that I will not be having a birthday party and just wanted some peace and quiet after a long day of work.
As I arrived home, I noticed 20+ cars belonging to family, friends, and neighbors parked at my house. I called my mother and asked what was happening and was told that I needed to have a party “for the family”. I promptly hung up and drove off.
My mother kicked me out and I’ve been crashing on my cousin’s couch.
Edited for clarity: My mother kicked me out, not my father. I’ve been in contact with my father consistently since about returning and setting up some boundaries.
I want to say to all who read this that my father is the greatest man I’ve met but unfortunately, he continued the cycle.
My dad has a terrible relationship with his own mother and ended up marrying my mother who is incredibly similar in opinion, presence, and demand. My mother is an incredible force (not a compliment) who has terrified me, my siblings, and my father for our entire lives.
Our entire lives have revolved around making her happy, if she’s not happy neither are we etc etc.
My father took my side in this whole ordeal as he has before, he has been sleeping on the couch since. That’s the dynamic between my 6’4 father and my 5’3 mother.
As you can probably infer, due to the height difference many assume the emotional abuse would be the opposite but my dad is the sweetest and kindest father, who somehow took the time to teach me everything I needed to know to survive and become an adult.
I am truly lucky for him but I guess that makes me equally unlucky for my mother. I will be moving back in but luckily as I’ve been working full-time in law enforcement for about a year I’m pretty close to being at a point where I can move out and feasibly rent and save for a home.
I’m pretty tough, I think I can last a few more months (hopefully, lol).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When I was about 8 or 10 I decided I didn’t want birthday parties with all the neighboring children invited, and guess what? My parents said “OK”, and we ended up with small family gatherings I didn’t mind – basically, my choice of cake for dessert at supper, and some small gifts.
That’s how these things should be handled. Take the money you were paying your father and find somewhere else to live. If you have a proper lease for that rent, you might be able to enforce it, but honestly, the further away, the better.” SavingsRhubarb8746
Another User Comments:
“1000% NTJ – remind your mother that she is now in violation of the lease agreement that you both signed. Either they let you back in until the termination of the lease or you will take her to court for illegal eviction. If/when they let you back in, tell them that you are no longer their son.
You are their tenant & ONLY their tenant. You will pay your rent as per the lease agreement & will abide by the terms of the lease. After that, there is nothing else.” curlyq9702
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s a word for people like your mom — abusers.
The way she’s treating you is not ok. The absolute best way to deal with an abusive parent is to get distance. It doesn’t have to be physical. You need to find a way to be financially separate from her because otherwise she will do things like this and you won’t be able to stop her.
I’m so sorry you have a mom like this. You deserve so much better.” Venusdewillendorf
3. AITJ For Uninviting My Daughter From Thanksgiving Because She Won't Host?
“In our family, holidays are rotated, so one person hosts the Fourth of July, another hosts Christmas, and another hosts Thanksgiving, etc. This way, no one is constantly hosting, and it makes it fair for everyone. This post is about my middle daughter, Clara. Clara has always been skipping her host duties, when it gets to her she has an excuse why she can’t host. It ranges but usually goes along the lines of stress or she is too busy.
This results in other family members to pick up her holiday. It is frustrating and multiple people have talked to her about this. She bailed on hosting Easter but promised me that she would do Thanksgiving so we swapped holidays. At the time I made it very clear she needed to stay true to her word and if she dumped it on someone else she wouldn’t be going to Thanksgiving.
It usually gets dumped on me.
Anyway, I called her asking if she wanted me to bring a dessert board for Thanksgiving. She told me that she could not host because she had just moved into her home (she moved in July), and it was too messy to host. I told her she could clean since it was a few weeks away.
She told me she can’t.
I know the other kids can’t host it, (well one could but she is doing Christmas and it’s not fair at all for her). I informed everyone it would be my place this year. I also informed everyone that Clara is not invited this year to Thanksgiving.
Clara was upset when I told her that and we got into a huge argument. She thinks I am a big jerk. My other kids are split, two of them are happy since they are tired of picking up her slack when this happens while others think this is too far.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m really struggling to make a judgment here because I think the concept of “everyone HAS to host one large gathering” is kind of odd to me. My sister hates hosting people in her space and I’d never want to make her do it just because it’s what is seen as fair.
On the other hand, my brother and sister-in-law love hosting people and parties at their house. They usually do Christmas, Halloween, and Easter and have everyone over. I usually do Thanksgiving and New Year’s, and our parents will usually do like 4th of July, Labor, and Memorial Day (they have a pool).
It just kind of worked out that everyone picked holidays that play to their strengths and my sister has been to every single event and will always offer to help set up/clean/bring things in lieu of official host duties. I couldn’t imagine forcing her to take on duties that she hates and make her miserable or telling her to not come to our parties, because I love her.
Sure, I get stressed hosting too, but I’d rather have my sister to celebrate with than alienate her and still have to pick up the slack. I think I’m leaning towards YTJ because I don’t think this should be such a forced procedure.” _ChloeSilverado_
Another User Comments:
“Question is this something everyone willingly agreed to or was told this is how it is? Some people just aren’t good hosts and don’t want to host. What about having her pitch in at/with hosts on the prepping and cleaning? Should she flake?
No. She should be an adult and have an honest conversation about what’s going on with her. But booting her from family holidays seems extreme. Life is short and sometimes there are empty chairs over the years. Don’t make regrettable choices over this. Have a conversation.
Discuss each other’s expectations, abilities, and realistically make a new plan. My way or the highway causes hurt and separation. I don’t know if anyone is a jerk or just really bad communicators.” quietchaos5
Another User Comments:
“This “rotate the hosting duties” is clearly not working for “everyone”, specifically Clara.
For whatever reason, she does not want to/does not feel able to host. You aren’t entitled to demand hosting from her. I think you’d be wise to move away from “trying to force Clara to get in line” to “figuring out a way to handle holidays that feels fair to everyone, without demanding that specific people host”.
I don’t know what that would look like, but the alternative is either a) deeply resentful hosting by Clara, or b) estrangement from Clara. Possibly even both – a) followed by b).
There are ways to make a big family gathering at one place feel like less of a burden to the host, and there are alternatives to having everyone come to one person’s place for a big family gathering.
I think you are currently being a jerk (so YTJ for the moment), but I think it is because you are focusing on trying to be “fair” to everyone and not accepting the reality that this plan isn’t a workable plan, no matter how fair and doable it seems to you.” SnarkyBeanBroth
2. AITJ For Not Wanting Parental Controls On My New Phone That My Biological Dad Bought Me?
“I (15M) have lived with my current foster parents since I was 9 years old but I’ve been in foster care since I was 6. I will call my foster parents ‘Henry’ and ‘Erin’. I got a new phone as an early Christmas present from my biological dad, it is an iPhone 16 pro max, which is the phone I wanted so I am very happy about it.
My previous phone was an iPhone 11 and it was bought by Henry and Erin.
On my old phone, Henry and Erin had set up loads of parental controls on it, so I couldn’t download any apps without them approving it, I couldn’t turn off share my location, I couldn’t change my passcode, it would lock everything except their contacts at 8 pm every night until after school and they had a time limit on YouTube so I could only watch it for 30 mins within the time where my phone was unlocked anyway and I could only go on websites that they approved of (like there was a list that I could go on and I couldn’t go on anything that they didn’t manually add to that list).
These all really annoyed me, but whenever I asked for them to be turned off they told me that they bought the phone and so these were the rules.
Now I was given my new phone by my dad on Monday and I haven’t used it yet because they’re telling me that I have to let them put the same restrictions on the new phone as they did my old phone.
I said no because that isn’t fair, I should be allowed to use my phone as my dad says because he paid for it. I said to them that my dad paid for the phone so it was his choice and that he doesn’t want me to have those restrictions on.
But now they’ve changed and said it doesn’t matter who bought the phone even though that was their whole point before. Now they’re saying that because I am living with them I have to follow their rules and the rule for having a phone in this house is that they put restrictions on it.
I don’t think that is fair at all considering they didn’t buy the phone?? I don’t see how they can do this?
Before I got home from school on Monday, they took the phone out of the box and my dad sent it in and set up all the restrictions and now I’m trying to figure out a way to take them off.
I am thinking about complaining to my social worker because it is not fair that they put these restrictions on my phone even though they didn’t pay for it?”
Another User Comments:
“Maybe use this as an opportunity to re-negotiate what controls are placed on it.
Keep the location tracking as that’s important for your own safety (even though I’m sure you hate it), and see if you can get them to agree to let you be able to look at whatever websites you want (with the exception of adult websites, of course).
Agree to keep a passcode they know, but allow you to watch YouTube for longer. Give and take, that’s the key here. Some you might win, some you might not. Give them a chance to trust you, and give yourself a chance to prove you can be trusted. It does sound like they’re a bit constrictive in your phone use, but I don’t know you, perhaps you need those controls for whatever reason.
Or perhaps, as I said, this is a chance for you to prove you’re able to be responsible.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“While I might argue that a 15-year-old’s restrictions on their phone should be different than a phone received when younger, as in theory that a 15-year-old should be more mature and capable than say, the same person at 12, I can’t reasonably say that 15-year-old should have no restrictions, and it is the responsibility of the parents to determine what restrictions to put in place.
So yeah, a gentle YTJ on this one. Your bio dad is in your life, but he’s not the one who’s responsible for you. For recourse, I’d argue the individual restrictions, not that any exist (8 PM at 15 seems a bit early to me, but my curfew – for everything – was 7 at 14 years old, and I totally hated my father for it.) Go to your SW if you wish, but know that they’re unlikely to change a thing as your fosters aren’t harming you with their care here.” tosser9212
Another User Comments:
“OP not gonna say you are in the wrong because of your age. I am also not going to say your carers are in the wrong based on the information you’ve provided. I am coming from the position that I previously was a foster carer as well as a worker within the law enforcement system.
Your biological father is making a power play here. You may not see it because generally speaking, kids in care tend to see even the worst parents as being on a pedestal. For whatever reason, you’ve been in foster care for the majority of your life.
A good portion of that time has been under the roof of your current carers. Whilst I appreciate that at 15 you think you should be able to do what you want on your phone, you need to understand that your carers are most likely just looking out for your best interests.
Your biological father, for lack of a better term is throwing in a grenade. In my opinion, he may be doing this for a few reasons. 1. To ‘prove’ to himself or your case worker that he is a good parent because deep down he knows he isn’t.
2. To drive a wedge between you and your carers in exactly the way it appears to have. 3. Because he cares about you genuinely and thinks that getting you an extravagant gift will somehow make up for you being in care since you were six years old.
Honestly, it could be a mixture of the above. Regardless though, he should have discussed such a gift with your case worker and carers (if there is contact between him and them) to make sure it was okay, and so that he could discuss the rules surrounding usage of the phone with you.
If you legitimately think that your carers are not doing what is in your best interests then you should speak to your case worker. Let them be the mediator as they are basically in charge. There are possibly also things occurring in the background that you are unaware of.
For example, the court or department in your jurisdiction that deals with children in care may want contact with your birth parents to only occur when they are aware of it. Your carers could simply be following rules that a court or your case worker has outlined to them.
If you think that they are on some level being reasonable because they care for you then perhaps sit with them and discuss how at age 15 you should have more freedom. This could look like having the parental controls but with fewer restrictions or it could be without the parental controls but with your carers able to look at your phone/messages/photos when they feel there is a need and without notice.
Ie. They know the unlock code to the phone. At the end of the day, it is about trust. Show them that you can be trusted with more freedom then they’ll likely be more willing to become more lenient as you get older. Try to make sure that regardless of how the conversation goes with your carers you keep your cool.
Good luck.” 83poolie
1. AITJ For Not Buying A New Shirt After Accidentally Spilling Coffee On A Stranger?
“I was at the Disney hotel and was making coffee, the cup spilled out of my hand as I was putting the lid on. It splattered all over the floor, on myself, and also lightly splattered on a person behind me. She kept saying I wasn’t taking responsibility for spilling on her.
The first thing I said was I’m sorry and immediately started cleaning up the coffee on the floor so no one slipped. She was complaining of it being a new shirt and her day was ruined. I just kept saying I was sorry as I was on the ground wiping up coffee.
She demanded I take responsibility and buy her a new shirt and Tide-to-go pen. Because it wouldn’t come off with a napkin. She continued to loudly say you’re not going to take responsibility for this. I told her it was an accident and I didn’t intentionally throw coffee on her.
I walked out after I cleaned the floor off and went to Disney with my 9-month-old, 5, and 7-year-old.”
Another User Comments:
“Lol I accidentally dropped a bottle of red wine on the floor and it shattered and of course there was a gentleman RIGHT there…I got a speck on me and this poor man got wine from thigh to ankle on his jean leg…I mean drenched!
After apologizing 5 million times and making sure it was just wine no shattered glass I offered to pay for a new pair of jeans. This man looked at me like I had 10 heads and said it was an accident have a good day. NTJ, it was an accident” Atalanta89
Another User Comments:
“Yes, you didn’t intend to splash her. But how does that make you not responsible? Your actions caused an innocent person discomfort — she didn’t do it to herself, YOU did it. It was up to you to make her whole, or as close as you could.
And a mumbled “sorry” wasn’t cleaning her shirt. You screwed up but she had to bear the cost. Are you seriously saying that you’re only responsible if you purposely harm someone? The law might beg to differ, and etiquette certainly would. YTJ.” Little_Outside
Another User Comments:
“In a perfect world, you’d have politely offered to pay for a new shirt and she’d have politely declined your offer while secretly seething with anger on the inside. (Well, in a perfect world, you’d have been more careful and not spilled coffee on her.) Just because it was an accident and you didn’t do it on purpose that doesn’t mean you’re not responsible for it.
The outcome for her is the same- she’s headed to Disneyland in a shirt with coffee stains on it. YTJ. This was your fault and you should’ve made it right. But woohoo! You probably saved enough $ to buy a pretzel & a soda from Disney.
or maybe just the pretzel.” EmilyAnne1170
