People Look On The Bright Side Of Their "Am I The Jerk?" Situation
22. AITJ For Not Letting My Nephew Play With My Limited Edition Collectibles?
“I (36m) am currently in the process of moving house so a lot of my belongings are boxed up and stored at my mother’s house.
I suffer from a few mental health issues and one of my coping mechanisms is collectibles. I have a lot of these ranging in value and recently my nephew (5) was staying with my mother and saw a box of my collectibles, which understandably he called toys.
He asked if he could play with them, which I said not those ones, they were limited edition and still boxed up. I did have some others that I wasn’t that interested in that I offered but he wanted the ones I said no to.
His father (my brother) said that I should have just let him play with them because he’s a kid and I’m an adult who doesn’t need “toys”. I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong, especially by offering others up so AITJ?
Additional info: I should note that I’ve kept a lot of my issues private from family, late diagnosis and we aren’t that close due to a large age difference and how they treated me in the past.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a right to decide what things you want to share and what you don’t. I’m an artisan, I make a lot of things, and I’m willing to teach young relations how to do some of the stuff I do, but with basic materials.
They get the leftover yarn from old projects or mass-produced cheap glass beads, not the cashmere and the pearls and gemstones. Same idea – the valuable stuff needs gentle handling and the cheap stuff is nbd if it gets damaged or lost.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mental health issues aren’t really relevant. You have possessions you value and don’t want played with, even if they happen to be toys. You offered an alternative. which the child didn’t like. Your brother finds it easier to give in to his child rather than set limits, so blames you in hopes of avoiding one of those harder parenting tasks.
You were fine. Don’t feel you need to give an elaborate reason for your decision or bring in your mental health issues. “Tom, these are parts of my collection only for display—I have others I’m happy to share. It’s not about Billy’s age, but respecting decisions people make about their own things.”” Zorkanian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I collect statues too, & while most of them are ‘mature’ (dark themes, scary characters) they have occasionally been described as toys & the size & colors of some of them only lend to that. However, I’m lucky in the sense that both my family & everyone I’ve met have understood that they are not toys & nobody has put me in any situations where I’m expected to hand them over to any children.
I’m eternally grateful that they understand what they mean to me, & they always advise their kids to be careful around them (not knock them over, etc). I’m writing this to say that it is 100% possible for a family to understand what these objects are, & that it is possible for a family to just respect your possessions in the same way you do.
It is possible to have a family that does not feel entitled to your possessions just because their kid took an interest. This is the way your family should act. If they don’t do that, then that’s not your fault. I do advise getting them out of there, because if your family doesn’t respect that, then they’re probably just going to let your nephew loose on your figures and then treat you as the bad guy for getting upset afterward.
It doesn’t even matter if the collection is due to mental health reasons or not, you still have the right to collect things & have them respected for any reason If their kid needs toys to play with it’s up to them to take him on a Toys R Us run or something.” CommanderFuzzy
21. AITJ For Not Telling My Family My New Address?
“I (21f) do not get along with my family except for just around 4 of them for tons of reasons. I have been saving up my money for a long time to afford to rent just a small house so I could live on my own.
For background on what my family is like they are the type of people to show up to your house uninvited and take whatever they please at any moment.
Anyway, recently they found out that I ended up moving out and called me and asked for my address so they could see what my house is like.
I told them that I would not be giving out my address or letting them come over. If they want to see me then I will come over to their house or we can have a family get-together. They think it is wrong of me to not tell them and are talking about cutting me off if I don’t allow them to come see me.
So am I the jerk for not telling them where I live?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! That’s not family, that’s a flock of vultures! I would advise you to set up security cameras or a Ring doorbell anyway. That way, if somehow they find out where you live, you know who’s been at your home if you’re not around.
Also, if they come knocking and you’re home, you are under no obligation to open the door.” RollingKatamari
Another User Comments:
“NTJ stick to your rules. Lots of people have stalkers, crazy exes, and toxic relatives and don’t give out their addresses. Some singles also pretend to have live-in partners so that they are not seen as vulnerable people living alone.
If anyone cuts you out then you know it’s because they care more about using you than you. Good riddance!” [deleted]
20. AITJ For Taking A Zoom Meeting In A Coffeeshop?
“I work remotely and sometimes I like to work in coffee shops. Usually, I’m just silently programming, but today I had to take a short Zoom meeting.
The person sitting next to me started repeating every word I was saying. I muted myself and apologized to them, but they told me I wasn’t actually sorry and was just a jerk.
I know my voice on Zoom is probably a little louder than normal. But the way I see it, people are talking in coffee shops all the time, I just happened to be talking to people who weren’t there (I used earbuds so I wasn’t playing my meeting out loud or anything).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Wearing earbuds is definitely better than not, but it’s still annoying for your fellow coffee shop patrons to overhear half of a conversation. You should have made more of an effort to talk quietly, and if you knew it was going to be a call in which you were going to do a lot of talking, you should have found another place to take it.
I’ve taken a Zoom call in public on a couple of rare occasions but only for meetings where I will be mostly listening, can pop in the occasional question via the chat, and/or it’s a very very short call. Anything more than that is rude.” fizzbangwhiz
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go out on a limb and say NTJ. I’ve been a barista for several years at various cafés (incidentally this includes a few different Starbucks locations), I also took a break and got a job working from home for a year, then went back to barista life.
Working in cafés, I’ve seen plenty of people take work calls and Zoom meetings while managing to keep things at a respectful volume, and since more people work from home now than ever, this is even more common. I think it falls under the realm of normal uses of a public café.
Also working from home sounded great before I actually started doing it, but I quickly realized that working 8 hours a day in your own house can really wreck the atmosphere of your home to the point that it can feel like you live in your office, so I totally get the desire to work at a second location.
At my current café, a few of my regulars are people who come in and work on their laptops for hours, occasionally taking calls. In my opinion, it’s not that annoying if once again it’s kept at a respectful volume. One thing that absolutely is annoying as a barista is when one customer starts badgering another customer because then I often have to become some sort of impromptu mediator which is definitely below my pay grade lol.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You’re not a jerk but you could have been slightly rude. It depends on the volume honestly. If you were talking way above the volume everyone else was then I can see how you could be the jerk. In high school between 2-8 of my friends and I would meet up at coffee shops almost every day to study, do homework, and help each other with college applications.
We were probably way louder than you and no one ever said anything or gave us dirty looks. The other customers were just as loud as us. I think it all comes down to reading the room and being conscientious of those around you. The person behind you definitely sounds like a jerk.
Coffee shops are known for being places to work/do schoolwork/socialize. They are definitely not guaranteed places of silence.” kaiasush
19. AITJ For Letting My Son Choose His Graduation Outfit?
“My 18-year-old son graduates high school tomorrow. I asked him what he is wearing under the robes and he said just jeans, a T-shirt, and Vans, nothing fancy.
I told him if he changes his mind he can go get something else to wear with my credit card.
My wife (his stepmom) asked me to ask him to wear something nicer and I told her I already suggested it and he is 18 and can wear what he wants as long as it isn’t something obviously horrible.
She got upset at me and said that was a cop-out and stormed off.
Her daughter (my stepdaughter) is also graduating and is dressing up, getting her nails done, things like that and I told my wife my son just isn’t super into getting all dressed up for anything.
It’s just not his way and he is 18 and capable of deciding for himself things like this.
AITJ for letting my son wear what he wants under his robe for his high school graduation instead of making him wear slacks, a dress shirt, and a tie?”
Another User Comments:
“Info: are you taking the kids out after for a family celebration? Does the school have any rules? What is the general protocol for photos? No jerks here for now – everyone is saying he’ll be in his gown the whole time but for my own we all unzipped for a lot of photos and most parents took their kids out for dinner before the grad night program.
It just sounds like she wants to get some nice photos of them both for the special day dressed up. And it’s possible his friends will all be as well. I think you should get more info before digging your heels in.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but maybe your son is. It’s a matter of respecting an official occasion. Would it kill him to wear dress slacks or even cargo pants and a dress shirt underneath his gown for just a few hours? He is more or less demonstrating that graduation doesn’t mean much more to him than another average day in school.
(Would he show up to a job interview in jeans and a T-shirt? Graduation is sort of like your official entry into the adult world, a time when you often have to play by rules you don’t necessarily agree with.)” Ouisch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Both my girls were allowed to pick their own clothes out (with in reason) by the age of 6. They wore uniforms to school but after school, I would ask them what they were doing and then ask if they could do X in a dress or shorts or whatever it was and they would decide if they would be comfortable in it.
Most of the time with my youngest she would put on shorts under her dress or skirt and out the door to play in the yard.” Syyrii
18. AITJ For Wanting To Leave My Heavy Drinker Partner?
“My partner is a heavy drinker. And for the past few weeks, I have made her aware of my discomfort whenever she is intoxicated or is drinking when out.
She always complains about how often her stomach hurts when she drinks, or how she feels sick, but ignores any tips or advice I give her.
I recently explained how I was worried for her health, as she recently started going to college in the morning already intoxicated. I don’t want to force her to stop, but I also don’t want to be around her anymore because of her total lack of care for her own health and how it affects me.
I’ve been spending more nights at my parents’ or friends’ houses because I don’t like being around her anymore. I don’t want to leave because I know she has no one else who will help her like I do, but I also want to leave because of her lack of self-care and self-awareness of her actions.
Can anyone please give me any advice?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sucks. There are no decisions you can make that will feel good in this situation. None. If you stay, and she doesn’t change, you run the risk of being her enabler. If you stay and she does change, she’s not likely to be the person you remember from before.
If you leave and she changes, her recovery may change her into a person you don’t find attractive, or vice versa. If you leave and she continues, you may feel guilty that you are not helping her. It sucks. But this is life. Sometimes, there aren’t good answers and the best solution is to walk away from something or someone.
Sometimes you will regret leaving. Sometimes you will regret staying. You can’t force her to be sober. Be true to yourself, as well. You can’t force yourself to accept her as she is right now, not how you want her to be, nor how you wish she could be.
Be true to who she is right now. Is she the person you want to be with? You need to take some time and think through these scenarios. In all likelihood, you are going to part ways with her. The questions are when and at what cost?
Good luck, my friend.” PickleLips64151
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner needs help, but you can’t force her to get it. More than that, you’re not responsible for her well-being. You said that you can’t leave because she has no one else who will take care of her the way that you do, but that isn’t a relationship, that’s a hostage situation.
A relationship should be entered into freely, not maintained because you “can’t leave”. Break up. It’s not guaranteed to change her, but it might serve as a wake-up call that her drinking doesn’t just affect her, it affects other people. And maybe she needs to lose some people and things that are important to her to actually understand the impact this is having on her life.
That sounds cruel, but some people will avoid change unless it is absolutely necessary. Right now, you’re making it unnecessary for her to change, because she can just keep doing whatever she’s been doing, and you’ll stay whether you like it or not. Again, it’s time to break up.
Oh, and this hasn’t even touched on the fact that you can walk away from any relationship you want, at any time, and for any reason. You don’t need a good reason to break up with someone; wanting to break up is reason enough!” car55tar5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Heavy drinker in recovery here. I’d recommend breaking up with her. Your current position is creating an incredibly unhealthy codependency that is damaging to you AND to her. You say you’re all she has left, but really you’re propping up her behavior when what she probably really needs to do is experience some real-life consequences for her actions.
You are also the guy giving her permission not to change. I know this all seems incredibly harsh, but all of my fellows in recovery and myself can recount at least one story where our last support gave up on us and left us, and we got better because of it, or it was what HAD to happen to get us well.
Her drinking is her responsibility, and you’re trying to make it yours. It’s not. Stop this cycle now and live your own life. Someone else suggested contacting Al-Anon and I suggest doing so, too. It’s an amazing resource for anyone, heavy drinker or not, who loves a heavy drinker.
Family, friends, whoever. You deserve better and so does she. Denying a heavy drinker their bottom is the same as continuing to pour booze down our throats. Move on. Wishing you only the best.” dondilicious
17. AITJ For Refusing To Handle Meat Despite My Husband Cooking Vegan For Me?
“I’ve been vegan for a while now and the transition has been easy, mostly because my husband, who is the one who cooks at home really does everything he can to make it easier for me.
My problem is there’s this food that is kinda like a schnitzel and we make it at home all the time. When I was not vegan I was responsible for marinating and preparing the meat with the breading and all.
The thing is now I don’t feel comfortable touching meat and my husband says it’s only fair that if he cooks for me, I help with this.
I told him if cooking my vegan food is bothering him I can do it, but for me, touching meat is a hard no.
He says I’m being unreasonable but I really think it’s a very reasonable thing as a vegan to not be asked to touch meat.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I have been a vegetarian my whole life. When I met my partner and I wanted to cook for him, he was happy to eat vegetarian food. However, I taught myself to cook meat for him. I understand what you mean about not wanting to touch it, but I also understand what your husband is asking for.
He’s asking for the same care and respect he has given you. You have to ask yourself whether you are willing to show him the same love he has shown you. Wear food prep gloves. Something. The only reason you are a vegan today is that he cooked for you.
This is ONE dish, you can compromise. YTJ.” HappyLucyD
Another User Comments:
“I get this! I’ve been vegan for 6 years in October. When I first went vegan I physically couldn’t touch meat without it making me sick! Then I had a job where I didn’t have a choice so I got used to it in the end.
And now I cook meat for my partner. I’ve set boundaries, which can be not cooking meat, meat only being prepared on one side of the kitchen, no vegan jokes, people not asking me about my food while I’m eating, that whole “if you were stuck on a desert island with a pig, would you eat it?” They’re my boundaries.
They’re allowed to change in time BUT if you don’t respect them, I’m not respecting you. Tell him you’re not comfortable and you’ll do other tasks to make it easier on him but for right now YOU WILL NOT TOUCH MEAT.” Quiet_Tourist_9199
Another User Comments:
“NTJ this is a perfectly reasonable boundary. I’m a lifelong vegetarian and have been vegan for 6 years, I’ve had several meat-eating partners and none of them have ever made me feel like I had to cook meat for them. When I see meat I don’t see a disembodied hunk of food, I see chopped-up pieces of my friends and it makes me sad.
Others may not understand that, but they don’t have to; they just have to respect and accept it. My partner is vegan though, so I don’t have to worry about that anymore. Direct your husband toward a recipe or cookbook. If he’s able to cook other things he can use his hands and brain to learn to cook this too.
Maybe you could cook more often, or find meat substitutes to cook as a compromise; it’ll never be a 1:1 but you can get it close and super tasty!” cat_like_sparky
16. AITJ For Publicly Calling Out My Grandparents For Criticizing My Mom's Post-Partum Psychosis?
“My parents and I (16f) spent Saturday with my dad’s family. So when my mom went MIA for a bit longer than usual I went looking for her and found her upset.
She said nothing was wrong. But an hour later I heard my grandparents call her a bad mom and I stopped and admittedly eavesdropped on what they were saying. They were saying mom should be ashamed for crying where I could see and how my dad ever let her raise me with him when she abandoned me when I was a baby for weeks and didn’t even care about me back then.
They said mom was a lunatic and should be ashamed of herself for ruining my life.
The context to that is my mom had PPP (post-partum psychosis) after I was born. She got really sick and spent 11 weeks in a hospital/treatment center to help her because she was really at risk.
My dad tried to get her help but a lot of people dismissed him. I was maybe 8 or 9 weeks old before someone took him seriously and helped him with Mom and got her the help she needed. The experience left them both with trauma and it took Mom a long time to recover fully.
But when she had, they were afraid to risk more kids and so they decided they were one and done with me. I’ve always been aware of this.
So hearing my grandparents speak to Mom like that was awful. Mom left them while I was still eavesdropping and she pulled me away and said it was okay.
A while later a group of us were in the kitchen eating and my grandparents were making comments about how lucky some people were to have lots of grandkids and how much it helps when each kid has more than one. My dad was like wtf at them.
That’s when I brought up how terrible they were to make more digs at more. I called them out on it. I said it was disgusting and mom didn’t deserve the stuff they said. My grandparents told me that I didn’t understand and I know they love me.
I said they sure didn’t talk like that. I said calling my mom a lunatic and rubbing it in her face that she only had me and no more with dad, when they know she was sick after me, made it seem like I wasn’t enough for them.
I also said it was terrible to shame a woman who made the safest choice for her family. My dad was furious with his parents and asked what was going on. They slipped up and basically confessed that they’d been saying stuff to Mom since I was a baby and always went behind everyone’s backs so we wouldn’t know.
They tried to lecture me about calling them out but Dad shut it down and asked me and mom to wait in the car. Apparently, some of the extended family are against me now for calling out my grandparents in front of others and my grandparents are also saying how disrespectful I am.
Dad raged at anyone who blamed me. But I do wonder if I should have handled it more privately? Like telling Dad instead of calling them out like that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“BRAVA!!!!!! Go you!!! You are a great kid defending your mom like that and calling out your grandparents’ nonsense, and it was even better that everyone understood that this has been going on for 16 bloody years.
Because if you didn’t, your grandparents would have LIED. Now everyone knows what terribly mean hateful people your grandparents are when it comes to your mother. I can’t image what your poor mother has had to suffer through alone for all these years. Hugs to you all.
Giant NTJ you are a hero!!” Chilling_Storm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What awful people, judging and condemning a woman for having had a life-threatening medical crisis then, and regular human feelings now! Apparently, your grandparents believe they are entitled to numerous grandchildren, regardless of the health, circumstances, and autonomy of those who would be parents to those children.
Pregnancy and giving birth triggered a PHYSICAL medical condition that was life-shattering to your mom. It was a crisis in her life, her marriage, and her dreams of motherhood. She did not choose that, nor “bring it onto herself” with bad behavior. Your grandparents’ cruelty and criticism towards your mom is dehumanizing and invalidating.
They weaponize their knowledge of her terrifying medical crisis to demean and shame her. Her function in their life is broodmare. Her failure to continue reproducing is “taking away” numerous imaginary grandchildren to which they believe they are entitled.” curiousity60
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – unhealthy family dynamics are that way because everyone feeds into it being normal and “just the way they are” until someone who is courageous and has enough self-confidence to say “This isn’t normal and I’m out of here if you all don’t stop” steps in.
And that was you! Your poor mom. I had family like this and my dad had to put his foot down because of the verbal and emotional abuse toll it was taking on my mother. People forget that one day kids grow up and figure you out – they aren’t naive forever.
Good on you!” Foamy-lizard
15. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out Of My Mother-In-Law's House With My Husband And Newborn?
“My husband (24M) and I (25F) moved in with my husband’s widowed mom at the beginning of 2024 to save for a house while I was pregnant with our first child. My husband works full time and I’m a stay-at-home mom to our now newborn baby.
We pay his mom a small amount monthly and live in two out of three bedrooms upstairs. One is used as an office/living, the second is our bedroom/nursery, and the third is my husband’s brother’s room, who is a recent college grad.
We knew this wouldn’t be easy, but after 7 months of living here, we’ve hit our roughest patch yet.
We intended to move out of his mom’s house sometime in 2025 and into our new home, but expenses and the economy have stalled our savings. Our plans have needed to change, but living in this current housing situation has become increasingly uncomfortable and taxing on our marriage.
We have very little control in the home, always having to accommodate the other two residents here who live differently than we do, and respect for our personal space and time is inconsistent. Sometimes the food I need to grab in my 5 minutes away from the baby isn’t in the fridge, or my mother-in-law is talking over me when I’m with my husband downstairs.
All of this compounds when you add in being postpartum, learning how to parent for the first time, and the pressure of taking care of a newborn that cries around the clock. My husband and I fight almost daily, I can’t get through a week without a meltdown that affects our routines, and I’m struggling to see how we’ll make it through the coming holidays without more conflict.
My husband is determined to stay here until either we 1) save enough for a down payment or 2) he gets a job with a higher salary. However, both of these are unlikely to happen within the next several months. Graciously, my parents have gifted us 10k to help us move out sooner and before things get any harder.
After receiving this, I told my husband in a conversation that we need to move out and into an apartment ASAP, but he completely freaked out. I made things worse by pushing him and creating a huge argument out of my pain points with living here.
Now I’m the bad guy for telling him that we need to move out sooner than we originally planned, and not into a house.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This is tough. I understand your frustration, but that 10k might be the best chance of getting a downpayment on a house, but only if it’s added to another pile of money.
Yes, you can use the 10k for rent. That will get you about seven months of peace (if the rent is $1500 per month), then you’ll be back on your MIL’s doorstep, worse off than you are now. “My husband is determined to stay here until either we 1) save enough for a down payment or 2) he gets a job with a higher salary.
However, both of these are unlikely to happen within the next several months.” I hate to break it to you, but both of these things are unlikely to happen for a lot longer than that.” Disco_Sugit
Another User Comments:
“Info: your previous plan was 1-2 years there and that was supposed to be enough savings to leave?
And now you have an additional gift of 10k? If that gift isn’t enough to help you out, what pace were you saving at that would’ve let you move out in a couple of months? What’s a reasonable estimate for a timeline? No vague “one year from now” plans.
A real sit down with your budget and savings. $X goal for downpayment, $Y is saved, so if you save an additional $Z per month then how many months until you hit your goal? Is that amount of time something you can live with? What mitigating things can you do until you hit that timeline to move out?
Can you go to your parents with the baby for two weeks to give all the relationships that are strained in your MIL’s home a break? Could you add a part-time work-from-home job to save faster? Could you buy a smaller or cheaper starter home than your eventual dream home?
Maybe deal with a longer commute or some other compromises?” notthedefaultname
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk. It doesn’t sound like your husband is considering the toll this takes on you (he’s not home for 40+ waking hours a week, but you are and you’re dealing with the in-laws; that takes a toll!).
But you sound like you are being demanding/inflexible in someone else’s house (“We have very little control in the home, always having to accommodate the other two residents here that live differently than we do…” Well, yeah, it’s THEIR house). You guys seem worlds apart.
Daily arguing is very extreme. I strongly suggest marriage counseling (if in the US: check your community resources for free/discounted sources, plus husband’s company may have an Employee Resource Center which often offers limited counseling support services). Other commenters here are right that the $10k will go quickly if you rent but could be a nice jump start to deposit in a house.
Consult a financial advisor (if in the US: check community colleges for free/cheap advisors, possibly in their tax center).” Beneficial-Way-8742
14. AITJ For Not Sharing My MetroCard With My Brother While Visiting NYC?
“I (38F) am visiting my brother (42M) and his family in NYC, let’s call him Jake. Since the exchange rate on my credit card is so expensive I took out a bunch of cash when I got to America (I live in Canada) and decided to just get a MetroCard with $100 on it because I figured we’d be taking the train a lot since Jake doesn’t have a car.
(FYI I’m staying for 2.5 weeks).
Jake found out I put that much money on the card and said that since I probably wouldn’t use all of it (I think I will) I should pay for them as well because I don’t even live in NYC.
I said no, and now Jake won’t go anywhere with me and refuses to show me NYC. So, what do you think? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m thinking that you probably didn’t need the $100 card. I am Canadian and visited NYC this year and simply registered my credit card with OMNY.
I just used that every time I went on the subway and it maxes out at $34 USD for a one-week period. So that’s how much it cost me to ride the subway. I technically didn’t even need to register my card, but did so that I could track the trips.
I’m not sure if you’re staying with him, if they are feeding you, etc, so depending on all of that might determine if you really should be shelling out some of the subway cost. If he won’t show you around, I recommend walking through Central Park, visiting the Intrepid, getting tickets to a Broadway show at TKTS, walking across the Brooklyn bridge (start in Brooklyn), and taking the Staten Island ferry (free!).” KateCapella
Another User Comments:
“Most likely YTJ. You glossed over some important points…which makes me think that you know they are relevant and wanted to present yourself in the best light possible. The most important ones are: Are you staying free of charge with him?
Are you paying for your food and helping with the housekeeping while you’re there? Is he playing tour guide? If EITHER of those is yes, then YTJ. He’s doing you a favor…and you want him to pay for the privilege…despite inconveniencing both him and your niece.
See what a hotel or Airbnb in or near NYC costs and then re-evaluate. Then add the cost of eating out for 2.5 weeks in the NY metro area.” Total_Vegetable_2246
Another User Comments:
“I call nonsense. The maximum fee I’ve seen for a credit card is 3% on top of the usual visa/MC conversion spread (which is the best you can get at something like 1.5% over mean).
If you exchange cash, you can’t do significantly better than that – say you save something like 2% if you don’t go to an exchange place but have a no-foreign fee ATM card with a very nice bank. Getting a $100 card with that means that if you spend under $98 on it you are losing money, if you spend more than that you will need to get another one or have to pay a difference etc in any case you will have some inconvenience for trying to save at most a couple of bucks.
Ergo, is probably fake, which makes sense as it all sounds very childish.” ThrowRAMomVsGF
13. AITJ For Wanting To Only Exchange Kids' Gifts At Christmas?
“My wife and I (30s) have a 1-year-old baby. We spend Thanksgiving with her family and Christmas with mine every year.
Christmas with my family is a ton of gifts every year – for my parents, brother, SIL, and their three kids (12, 16, and 22).
My mom gives a lot of gifts and while it is very sweet, it’s a lot of things to lug home every year. We have a very small house and too much stuff already, and honestly, the gifts aren’t always things we want or need. The last couple of years we’ve been selling a lot of the extra stuff on Marketplace (after smiling and thanking profusely of course).
We just don’t have room for all the things my mom gets us, especially since she also gets us gifts for birthdays, Mother’s Day/Father’s Day, and gets the baby multiple gifts for every holiday (literally – Halloween, Easter, Valentine’s Day, you name it).
My wife and I were talking about whether our oldest nephew is too old to get a gift for (at 22, we weren’t getting gifts from aunts and uncles anymore), and it led to us talking about how much money we’re going to spend on gifts this year, and how little room we have in our house.
Important is that we are one income as of last year as my wife is taking child-rearing leave to be home with the baby. We can swing it but it is very tight, by no means are we rich, we’re just keeping our finances tight in order to afford it.
We decided now that we have our own kid too, it would be a good idea to see if we can only exchange kid gifts with my brother’s family. I talked to my brother and he loved the idea, so we agreed to only get gifts for each other’s children.
I then messaged my mom, who had asked me earlier that day what we wanted for Christmas. I told her I was thinking about it and we don’t need anything and would like to just enjoy our time together this Christmas and don’t need gifts for us.
I know she wants to buy the baby gifts so I said feel free to get her a couple of things but don’t worry about us. She seemed perfectly fine with it, clarified not to get anything for them either, and the conversation ended.
Ten minutes later, she messages again asking why I’ve blindsided her out of left field and how can I be so inconsiderate. (Note – my mom can be extremely emotional and dramatic, and a bit narcissistic especially ever since I got married.) I calmly explained that this was the best decision for us because we have a small house and are on one income now, and wanted to enjoy the holiday together without worrying about the material aspect as much, while still keeping the gift magic for the kids.
(I also never said my parents and brother/SIL shouldn’t exchange gifts, that has nothing to do with us). She replied that I was insulting her, calling her materialistic, ruining Christmas, and a jerk. I stepped back from the argument at that point because I’ve been here a million times and I know she’s not going to absorb anything I say, will make herself the victim no matter how nice I am, and no progress will be made.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your mom is somehow equating giving gifts with giving love and not accepting gifts as rejecting love. It’s the time together that really matters though, and I’m sure she would admit to that if you asked her how she would feel if you swapped the holidays and spent a Christmas with your wife’s family… On the other hand, this would be a great time to set up a 529 or other type of college fund for your little one and direct people to that when they are asking what you want for holidays, birthdays, etc…” KrofftSurvivor
Another User Comments:
“If it’s just about control then nothing will help. That said, I love to give gifts and it’s part of my love language. But I love homemade gifts best! A tin of homemade cookies and a special family recipe written up nicely, I’m in heaven.
You could ask for a recipe or a framed photo of your parents with your child. Give them an ornament with their grandchild’s picture or handprint. We have family with limited finances, and the no-bake cookies from them are one of my favorite gifts. When our nieces and nephews were little they made us ornaments that 20 years later still get positions of honor on the tree.
Long story short, if gifts are your mom’s love language exchange things that will mean something to you when she is gone.” National-jav
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But it’s hard. My mother loves to do gifts but also most are unwanted. My family feels obligated. We also have very different financial statuses across the family.
We decided this year to do a Secret Santa under $20 food-oriented because we are all open to trying new things. My mom is also going to do games with prizes of different gifts, to get her shopping needs out. We can’t stop her from giving, but we make it known we will not be.” Mrs-Ahalla
12. AITJ For Refusing To Clean Up After My Coworkers In The Office?
“I have worked at the same small office for years. Before this company, I had always worked in larger offices, and at no time have I ever felt obligated to clean up after other people in the office.
My current office is split down the middle, 3 women and 3 men.
As it happens, one of my coworkers (let’s call her K) is close to the owners of the company, who also work in the office. She has always been the one to clean up the kitchen mess.
Maybe it’s because she feels closest to them, or because it makes her feel good about herself, I’m not sure. She used to often complain about feeling obligated to clean up the kitchen mess, but lately, I see things with her have changed. Her feelings have now morphed into “if it’s dirty, just clean it – no complaints.” And because I’m not going to clean up after adults in the office, she has decided I am “Not a Team Player”.
Since this has been going on for so long, I see how I have become extra careful not to leave a mess of my own in the kitchen. I clean up what I dirty immediately, and if I bring something from home to eat, I pack it up and clean it at home.
I also eat out quite a bit. One other thing to mention, I have not heard her talk to anyone else in the office about cleaning up after others. She only seems to have a problem with me. Is this because I’ve vocalized that I won’t participate in cleaning up after adults?
Honestly, I think the only reason this bothers me so much is because I’ve always considered myself to be a team player, and I know that she now considers me not to be one. And you’d have to see the look of disgust on her face during these conversations So, AITJ for refusing to give in and not cleaning up after others in the office?”
Another User Comments:
“Being a team player is about helping someone with a spreadsheet that’s gone rogue, proofreading a paper or working an extra hour to make sure that a deadline is met. It is not about behaving like a maid (or mother) running behind your colleagues and cleaning up their physical mess.
That has finally dawned on your colleague and I suspect she‘s decided you will capitulate more easily than the others. It is not your place or responsibility to do that. You should suggest that she speak to the actual culprits and hold your ground.
NTJ.” East_Parking8340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are also female and there is only one other female not cleaning up after everyone I am guessing? If yes, hello sexism. The expectation for you to clean due to your gender is massive nonsense. She also probably thinks you should be doing it as the new person, as she was probably doing it as the new person and then got stuck with it.
She’s actually mad you didn’t take it over from her so she doesn’t have to do it anymore, and she’s upset you have boundaries. Team players do the work they are supposed to, and help others when needed – they don’t do other people’s work for them, that’s a martyr or an idiot being taken advantage of.” Ok-Classroom5548
Another User Comments:
“Listen, it’s clear you’ve set boundaries and that’s admirable. K is likely projecting her own insecurities onto you because you’ve had the guts to refuse to be someone’s maid. Ignore her noise – a ‘team player’ doesn’t clean up after adults; that’s ridiculous.
If she wants to play cleanup crew for everyone else, let her crack on with it. Make your point consistently: you’re responsible for your mess only, not anyone else’s childish habits. It may make tense office dynamics, but sometimes standing firm is the most professional approach possible.
Keep focused on your work instead of their mess.” oksanazaharovaoshdc
11. AITJ For Exposing My Cousin's Comments And Getting Her Banned From Family Gatherings?
“In August, my cousin (25F) had her wedding. My sister-in-law (27F) is a professional chef, and my cousin wanted to have her cook a 3-course meal and a dessert for her wedding, and my sister-in-law (SIL) accepted the offer and made some darn good food for her wedding.
But my SIL expected payment from my cousin, and my cousin complained about how we were family, and it should be free. They got into an argument about it, and my family was split.
Some agreed with my cousin, saying that family should give each other things for free.
Some agreed with my SIL, saying that my cousin still needed to pay. Some just wanted peace. I honestly agreed with my SIL. Eventually, someone came up with a compromise. My SIL would give my cousin a discount, and both sides seemed to agree to that compromise.
My cousin paid my SIL but was still pretty angry. My cousin called me and my SIL a couple of hours after the wedding. She said it was all our fault she couldn’t go on a honeymoon, and that we planned this because we hated her.
She said some not-so-nice words and I told her to apologize, but she refused. I didn’t know what to do, but then I came up with a great idea. Every year, my family goes to my aunt’s house for Halloween, and I could ask her to apologize there.
On Halloween night, most of the family was in the kitchen talking, somehow, we ended up talking about the incident surrounding my cousin’s wedding. When my cousin went to the bathroom, I told everyone what she said to me and my SIL. My cousin came back and got some angry glares.
Everyone was so mad at her that we kicked her out and told her she couldn’t come to any more family gatherings until next year.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Cousin shouldn’t have expected the SIL to donate services, though that should’ve been worked out before she agreed to take on the job.
Her ranting later about how you “planned” this sounds unhinged. You’re the jerk because of how you ambushed your cousin at the party. Getting everyone to gang up on her while she wasn’t there to defend herself. Yeah, you really made yourself look good there.
You actually made me feel sorry for your cousin! She’s lucky she won’t have to put up with you guys during the holidays…maybe she can find someone who’s actually supportive and can help her address her problems.” stroppo
Another User Comments:
“To the actual question of whether OP is a jerk for spilling the beans on comments the cousin made about the SIL/family, I am going with OP = YTJ.
There was really no call to mention it knowing how others would react. This however is a textbook example of why it’s usually best to not ask family to do things for you in their professional capacity. These situations are ripe for ‘but I thought you’d do it totally free because you know we’re family so I am entitled to you doing this for me free of charge’.
If you are going to ask for or agree to something like that get everything in writing, follow normal payment and getting deposit rules, etc.” CuriousEmphasis7698
Another User Comments:
“Your cousin needs to chill. Calling you after the wedding and blaming you for not being able to go on a honeymoon?
Especially after she agreed to pay your SIL – at a discounted rate at that. She should have had all of this in her budget before planning anything. You guys really should have kept the rest of the family out of it. It’s really only between your cousin and your SIL, ultimately the agreement needs to be made between the two of them.
I’d be mad as heck if my cousin talked about me behind my back the way you did to yours. why was that necessary? You completely blew up the whole situation, even if it started with your cousin not wanting to pay. You guys sound like drama.
Yes, YTJ. This is no reason to blackball her from future family events.” AcadiaRealistic2090
10. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Get Professionally Diagnosed For Autism And ADHD?
“AITJ for telling my partner that she needs to get tested by a doctor in order for her to say “I’m autistic and I have ADHD”?
She constantly talks about this, and I don’t understand how to even have the conversation with her nor do I understand how to help her and I’m honestly tired of hearing the same things over and over again about the different reasons why she has these conditions without being diagnosed
I am diagnosed with ADHD and wouldn’t have an issue. I don’t have a problem with her being either or both and would be elated to know how I can support this but what is even going on?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The thing people don’t seem to understand about ADHD and ASD is that there are many symptoms that can be attributed to other disorders, mental health issues, etc. When getting tested?
Doctors actually consider if trauma, upbringing, or other mental health issues can explain the symptoms better than ADHD/ASD due to the crossover in symptoms. I understand testing can be expensive depending on where you live. I understand why people “self-diagnose”. It’s 100% different though to say “I think I might have ASD/ADHD due to x/y/z.” (this is fine) than it is to say “I 100% have ASD/ADHD because I do x/y/z.” (this is 100% not okay without a diagnosis).” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I’m not entirely sure what your concern is (genuinely not trying to be snarky, you just don’t really explain in your main post) but I’m assuming you may feel invalidated, or feel that she may be making light of these conditions – those feelings are okay and I understand where they’re coming from.
Or maybe I’m off-base, who knows. But obtaining an ADHD and/or Autism diagnosis if you’re someone with low support needs often offers high expense and risk for little reward. Those diagnoses are great if you need insurance to cover specific treatments, government assistance, or federally protected accommodations at school or work; but if you don’t need those benefits, a diagnosis of either condition opens you up to downsides like potential insurance denials for having a preexisting condition, medical ableism from doctors who view neurodivergent people as lesser (and yes, this is illegal, but it happens), difficulty adopting children, difficulty emigrating to other countries, employment discrimination (again, illegal but happens, and often hard to prove if not directly admitted), and probably a whole host of other things I can’t think of.
Not to mention the cost of getting especially an Autism evaluation done, and the fact – which other commenters have pointed out – that women and girls have a much harder time getting diagnosed with either condition.
So if the only benefit to spending potentially thousands of dollars to get an official diagnosis is to have a doctor confirm what you already assumed…
What’s the point? And, I’m assuming, your partner self-diagnosing is primarily a way to validate her lived experiences, find community, understand herself, and have shorthand terminology to provide to other people as needed – none of which is necessarily provided by a diagnosis. I guess my ultimate question for you is – if she gets formally diagnosed with both of these things, what changes?
Does anything change at all? From that, is this worth having a conflict about, or would this be better served by just asking her more about why she used these labels?” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“It took me over a year to finally get tested for ADHD after asking to be tested. When I finally did, my results came back as severe inattentive.
Autism experts say that the number of people who self-diagnose as autistic and get it wrong is actually extremely low and they recognize self-diagnosis as valid, especially when you see how hard it is to get tested for autism as an adult. It’s usually not covered by insurance, it’s very expensive, and the waiting lists are long.
Look, in a perfect world, we would all get tested once symptoms show up and be heard by doctors who actually listen. But that’s not the world we’re in. It’s very hard to get a diagnosis as an adult woman and women and girls have been misdiagnosed for decades.
You’re not a jerk for wanting your partner to get tested if you want her to get support. You are a jerk if you want her to be tested before you believe her. No one (or very few people) is going to self-diagnose as autistic or as ADHD just to try to get away with something.
Those diagnoses are usually more alienating to other people. If you’re willing to slap those labels on yourself, it’s usually because you’re so relieved to finally have an explanation for the difficulties you’ve been facing and now you have language to explain that to the people in your life who are supposed to care about you and believe you.” Wonderful_Reality939
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Throw My Sister A Baby Shower?
“My youngest sister is 6 months pregnant and I just found out about the baby. Yes, you read that correctly. She just told me, my other sister, and my parents about her pregnancy, meanwhile, the baby’s father’s family has known as long as she has known.
My feelings are extremely hurt, seeing as I talk to her almost every day. Granted, she lives two and a half hours away and I haven’t seen her in person for almost a year and a half, I still feel like this is something that she should have filled my other sister and me in on.
The baby’s father’s sister is planning a baby shower but has failed to reach out to anyone on my side of the family. My other sister feels it’s our responsibility to throw a shower, which I agree. But when we approached the pregnant lady about wanting to throw her a shower for at least our family, she acted uninterested in the idea.
I sat and thought about it for a day and realized there is so much that goes into a baby shower, logistically, emotionally, and financially. With her due date in late January, the only realistic time to have it is in mid-November, which is now.
But we have nothing. No venue, no decor, no food, no theme. Nothing.
Since I’ve voiced my opinions on all of this to both of my sisters, they’ve turned cold and bitter to me, saying how I just don’t want to find the time or the funds for this baby shower.
Which is very untrue, I’m just trying to be realistic on the whole matter.
I love both of my sisters to death and I would do anything for them, I just don’t know how it’s possible to plan an event this large when I work 80-hour weeks and my other sister works a night shift.
As far as doing a joint shower with his side of the family, my pregnant sister refuses to entertain that idea, saying there’s a language barrier and other nonsense.
How do I approach this? How do I keep the peace and still show my sister support?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO – Did your pregnant sister tell you WHY she waited to tell you, until now? Did she plan to visit or did you or anyone in your family intend to visit her, and that kept getting moved around/canceled? (I could understand why she’d prefer to give this news in person).
Is your family extremely judgy, and she had a fear about having a baby while unmarried? Has anyone said anything negative about her partner? (Why do you keep calling him her “baby daddy”? Are they not together? If this is the case, I’d go with… you sound a bit judgy) NTJ, but only if it’s about logistics.
You spent a lot of time talking about hurt feelings, but I think you need to get over that. I think you’re getting the cold shoulder because you’ve made this about you. I agree with most of your points, but a shower for a January baby is competing with the holidays (assuming you’re American – people have plans for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and all those related events).
Likewise, I think you could probably do the weekend between Christmas & New Year’s. (a lot of people are off, and it’s still a few weeks before the baby… hopefully). Is there some type of middle ground? Can you take her out to lunch with a handful of close family members and a few friends?
I do think this is the type of thing you want to resolve on both ends because a baby is coming and you don’t need to start a rift over a new niece/nephew.” Away_Refuse8493
Another User Comments:
“NTJ so the pregnant sister seems absolutely disinterested in you being a part of her pregnancy, meeting baby’s father’s family, joining their shower, and overall being any part of this so why are you stressing about it?
If dad’s side is throwing a big shower mail some gifts or gift cards and wash your hands of it all. If you and your other sister are so adamant about throwing a shower for prego sis then just put something together at one of y’all’s homes, invite your family, but you need to ensure that none of you are all that emotionally involved in it because it doesn’t sound like preg sis is going to show up.” Beautiful_Sweet_8686
Another User Comments:
“Her shower does not need to be BEFORE the baby is born. Some cultures actually consider it bad luck. Why not plan a baby welcoming party two or three months after the baby is born? She is going to be in a better frame of mind AND it will make her feel special (lots of women seem to struggle with the baby being the center of attention after getting LOADS of attention for being a bride, and then a pregnant woman, etc. You may not be aware of whatever is REALLY going on in her life.
Her baby’s father’s family may be very enmeshed, or controlling, or mean, or just overwhelmingly helpful and loving and she doesn’t quite know how to merge his family with hers. Take the MUCH higher road for your event and invite ALL the families. It is really unforgivably rude of the baby’s father’s family to exclude your family from celebrations for the baby.” AlbanyBarbiedoll
8. AITJ For Evicting My Brother Over Repeated House Rule Violations?
“I (31M) live with my husband and my brother (25M) who rents a room from us. My brother has recently started seeing this girl (let’s call her Jenny) who has been spending the night every night for the past few weeks. We discussed with my brother when he moved in that he would need to limit having anyone spend the night to 3 nights maximum weekly just to avoid someone slowly moving in and/or still allow us to enjoy our house amongst just us.
This was never an issue with his last partner but he seemed to have forgotten with the new girl.
Eventually, my husband and I had to call him on it and told him he needed to limit how often Jenny spends the night. His response was “You won’t need to worry about it much longer as I’ll be moving out soon” and we left it at that.
He then ignored us both entirely for 2 1/2 weeks causing things to be awkward and uncomfortable and my husband called him out which caused a huge argument as he feels he should be exempt from this rule we’ve had with other roommates, resulting in me giving him a 30-day notice ending on November 26th.
He’s now refusing to pay any rent for November and as we have no contractual agreement I’m ready to have the authorities involved with a report of him trespassing if possible tomorrow.
For reference, we’re in LA and we only charge him $750 all-inclusive for rent including a bi-weekly maid service.
AITJ for moving forward with this while feeling like he’s taking advantage of and being unreasonable with a good living situation we’re extending to him?”
Another User Comments:
“Forfeit the $750 and start counting down to the 26th Nov when he shall move out. I don‘t think you should escalate it to authorities as this will make you the bad guy forever and ever in the eyes of your parents/siblings/relatives, and 750 is too low a cost for lifelong animosities.
But once he moves out, I would go LC/NC with someone so entitled and so disrespectful as your brother seems to be. NTJ.” Artistic_Thought7309
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your house. You’re allowed to establish whatever ground rules you see fit at the beginning of a lease, but you can’t have him trespassed, not yet.
He’s paying rent. He’s a tenant, and tenants have rights. Even without a formal rental agreement (which was stupid on both sides), it wouldn’t be hard for him to establish residency. All you can do is serve him with an eviction notice. Technically speaking, you can go after him for the last month’s rent after the fact, but that’ll be a small claims thing.
The police won’t help you until the eviction period has passed, and even that will be shaky if you don’t give it to him in writing. A lot of people are suggesting you don’t hold him accountable “for the sake of the relationship”. That’s a mistake.
Nobody screws you faster than family, and you absolutely should, but you won’t be able to until after the 30 days passes. Regardless of the outcome, avoid doing business with family in the future. Mixing business with family is always a recipe for disaster.” Saberune
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but as others have said I would hold off on calling the cops if the 26th rolls around and he isn’t packed up and out then I would say go for it but until then I would still at least give him the opportunity to honor the 30-day notice to leave.
If he was truly already planning to move out then this shouldn’t be a problem and hopefully, you can all just move on with your lives without this becoming a drawn-out legal fight and the irritation is limited. Yes, he is entitled yes he is being disrespectful but I would not want to fight so hard over $750 that I have to hire a lawyer go to court deal with the legal process, and still potentially come out with nothing.
Let it go and let him leave on the 26th and I’m sure that would be the less stressful outcome for everyone involved.” Jesus217102711
7. AITJ For Blowing Up A Scammer's Phone After She Stole From Me?
“I (19m) am a college student and recently was interested in buying tickets to go watch one of our football games.
I was going to buy tickets for me and a friend, my college has its own Snapchat stories where you can buy tickets off of people, usually you send the funds through Venmo, Zelle, etc and they email you the tickets. Usually, I would take precautionary measures, send half until I get the tickets.
However, this time I found someone selling the tickets for $30 each which was cheaper than most other people. So, I added her, we’ll call her Susie (20f). I asked Susie whether she still had the tickets. She said yes, I asked if they were still $30 she said yes, sent me a screenshot of where they were located and it was exactly where I needed them.
So I let her know I would need to wait for my friend to send me funds so I could buy them.
Later in the night, my buddy sent me his funds so I went ahead to buy them, it was late and I just wanted to get it done so I sent her the funds and was just waiting to get the email that she sent them.
Then she said “oh wait I thought you wanted both of them? They’re $60 each not $60 for both” which instantly caught me as strange since I confirmed the price and I felt like I had heard of people doing a similar scam but I just texted back “oh could you just send it back real quick.” She doesn’t respond.
10 minutes go by, nothing, I text her number, nothing. And then I realize she left me on read on the text, which made me think she had transferred the funds and dipped. So I called her and it went directly to voicemail, text her again and the text doesn’t say delivered which is another sign that your number is blocked. So now I’m freaking out I’m a broke college student who’s never been scammed. I think I have to call my bank and get a fraudulent charge.
But I decide I’m not gonna just give up so I call her probably 10 more times on snap. I won’t lie a bit much but I thought I could brute force my funds back. After that, I went ahead and screenshotted her original ticket post and posted it on my story saying to not buy tickets from her.
Then after an hour of no response, no calls going through, Susie texts back. She says I’m a weirdo for blowing up her phone and who do I think I am leaving 15 calls and texting her so much and it hasn’t been that long.
She said she was just at the gym and was finishing up her set.
Now Susie still hasn’t sent the funds back, it’s been 5 hours, and I am actually blocked (text boxes are greyed out). Am I going crazy, I definitely feel embarrassed about this but did I go too far?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is a thief and a close variation of this happened to me for much more expensive tickets (except my guy was in the wind instantly). It’s classic DARVO to make you stop because Susie hasn’t done this long enough to get a new number for each victim.
You did not; she sucks and the cherry on top, she made YOU feel bad. Scam artists play on the human behavior playbook. $60 isn’t a lot, but any time it’s a lot, only use PayPal for goods and services. Cash apps and Zelle have no recourse and as companies could not give a care.” Typical2sday
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but here’s when everything went South: “it was late and I just wanted to get it done so I sent her the funds and was just waiting to get the email that she sent them.” You needed to have reached out to her before you sent the funds to make sure she was A) available, B) still had the tickets, and finally, C) confirmed the price.
Lesson learned. Don’t send the funds until you have communicated first.” slap-a-frap
Another User Comments:
“You shouldn’t have blown up her phone – annoying and, usually, ineffective, as you have seen. Instead, when she didn’t respond, you should have reported the transaction on the app (some will allow you to cancel transactions, I think, although the ability to do that might be more limited than with, say, a credit card) and, as a student to your college and whichever office set up the Snapchat.
NTJ.” SavingsRhubarb8746
6. AITJ For Letting My Ex-Husband Take Our Daughter To Her Doctor's Appointment?
“I’m F (36), my ex-husband is M(32), we’ve been divorced since 2017.
I have full custody and we split time 50/50 every other week. We are both in new relationships; I’m married to a woman and he’s been in a long-term relationship with a woman and mother to his second child.
I’m trying to see if I’m the jerk because my wife is angry at me for having my ex-husband take our daughter (12F) to her yearly Dr. appointment.
It was his week with her, he took time off work and took her. My wife believes it was rude and disrespectful of me to have her dad take her when she was having “female” problems. She’s been having bad cramps. She doesn’t hide this from her dad; if she gets them bad at school he will take time off if it’s his week and go get her.
There is a history of female issues in my family that my ex-husband is well aware of. He’s known me and my family for 29 years and has seen my sister go through cancer. I also had issues with it while we were married. So this isn’t anything unheard of to him.
He’s involved in her life, coaches her track team, spends time with her when it’s his week, and teaches her to cook. Overall he’s a good dad. A lousy husband to me but a good dad to her.
I didn’t think this was an issue since he’s not one of those typical “periods are gross eww” guys and she’s been open with him about her issues and he’s sympathetic to it.
She knew her dad was taking her and didn’t say anything about it. We communicate very well so I’m fairly certain she would have said something if she was uncomfortable.
It’s important to mention in my state full custody doesn’t really mean much. There are a few things that are your choice, like the school they go to, the religion they practice, and a couple of other things that I honestly don’t remember because they’ve never been an issue.
But one thing is it’s against the law to withhold medical or doctor-type things from the “non-custodial” parent. Not that I want to but even if I did it’s against family law.
My ex and I didn’t have the best co-parenting relationship at first but we both realized it was doing more damage than anything.
We now peacefully co-parent. We are not buddies but we get along enough to both be present. If she has something going on when it’s his time or my time we are fine with “losing” time. He’s taken her for things when it’s my time and I his time.
It took us a while to get here but she is so much happier.
My wife swears it was beyond rude and disrespectful to have her dad take her. I think it’s important to mention there is a decent age gap between her and me, so I’m thinking this is a generational gap issue.
She grew up where periods were taboo. Everyone knew girls got them but no one talked about it.
So AITJ for having my ex-husband take her to the doctor?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP…and kudos to you both for being involved and sharing responsibility.
There is some strangeness about fathers being involved in their daughter’s “women problems” but at the same time there is an equal amount of almost hostility about men not knowing enough about women’s anatomy and cycles… shouldn’t he be involved in his daughter’s health? Or should he just pretend he doesn’t know?
How would the wife have felt if the father had refused to buy hygiene products because “that’s a woman’s thing.”” ratchetology
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 12 is frankly old enough that the doctor probably has a conversation with just her and then with the parent, so if there’s anything she’s not comfortable saying in front of her dad, the doctor probably has a little alone time to get that information first. My dad was always really sweet to me when I had bad cramps in middle school.
He’d bring me the heating pad and make me hot cocoa and rub my back. I can’t imagine being any more embarrassed to go to the doctor with him rather than my mom.” algunarubia
5. AITJ For Refusing To Move My Car For My Mom's Partner?
“My mom has a new partner who comes over on the weekend and he LOVES to complain. Where we keep our dog bowls, the fact that we let our dogs roam the house, the way we lock our back door, etc. He always gives his 2 cents and expects the house to accommodate his request. And my mom is the type where her partner and his opinions are priority over my siblings and other family members so she tries to get it to follow suit or else we’re “ungrateful children who don’t want to see her happy” (her favorite line used against us over the last 5 partners she’s claimed to be her future husband).
So, Dude’s most recent complaint is about where I park my car. My siblings and I all have cars so the driveway is “full” but we always lived by the silent rule that the sooner you get your car, the better the spot you get.
My mom got the garage, my older sis got the open treeless part of the driveway, and I’m parked slightly under a tree in the driveway and personally cut branches to better keep my car clean from leaves and bird poop. And when dude comes over, he wants to park behind me in front of the garage.
He regularly drives a Chevy Malibu and wants me to park fully under the tree not because his car won’t fit, but because he doesn’t want his car too close to our trash cans.
He’s asked me a few times to move even going as far as complaining to my mom to force her to make me move and I refuse.
We have a big driveway. He can park diagonally and there would be no problem. There are even 2 spots in front of my sister’s car, he can park on the side of the road, or upfront in the grass, but he insists on parallel parking behind me almost bumper to bumper.
After weeks of complaining, he decides to start driving his Ram truck which is bigger, and says “I’m driving my truck today, you gotta give me some space.” (Spoiler: I don’t) Some might feel like I’m making a big deal over a parking spot, but I need this guy to know that he is not my king and doesn’t get to dictate how this house is being run after only 3 months of seeing my mom.
So AITJ for not parking under the tree and giving him what he wants?”
Another User Comments:
“How old are you all? At least over 16? Why can’t Mom go to his house? You all seem old enough to be able to be alone. Your mom has partner problems. Not fair to make you all treat her many partners like they run the home.
Do any of you plan to leave? Pay rent? Have jobs? I’d look into your own place if mom and partner keep playing king and queen over the peasants in the family.” karjeda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “My mom is the type where her partner and his opinions are priority over my siblings and other family members so she tries to get it to follow suit or else we’re “ungrateful children who don’t want to see her happy” (her favorite line used against us over the last 5 partners she’s claimed to be her future husband).” She obviously has terrible taste in men, and on top of that, no love or respect for her own children.
It sounds like she only cares about her “happiness”, no matter how brief. She is going to be shocked out of her mind when all of you go NC when you move out.” Wanderluster621
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is – if she prioritizes her latest partner over her children she’s kind of a lousy parent.
If I were single (I’m married) my 3 kids would take precedence over any temp partner. They are my forevers while he may just be a placeholder. Additionally, no partner is going to dictate to my kids or me about their preferences for dog bowls, etc. Entitled much?
Yeah, so he’s not to be given any voice in the matter of my home, my kids, my pets, or my driveway. He can park on the street or go back to his house!” artlifearizona1
4. AITJ For Refusing To Stay At My Partner's Mold-Ridden House?
“I (20f) refuse to say at my partner’s (21m) house because it is riddled with mold in the walls. My partner lives in a really old house that is literally in a ditch like you cannot see it from the road because the roof is at the same level as the neighborhood footpath and is always in the shade.
Although, considering this his family has done up the house and yard really well. However, when you walk in you get bombarded by this intense musty black mold smell. The house is clean so I assumed it was in the walls.
For backstory when we first started going out I noticed this and didn’t know much about the health side effects of breathing it in so I ignored it.
Over time I developed an immune deficiency and suffered from rashes and always felt tired and drained after leaving his house.
It is also worth noting that my MIL suffers from an autoimmune disease and nerve disorder and my partner suffers from sinus problems that he cannot work out the cause of.
These problems didn’t exist until they moved into the house. Upon later research, this is related to long-term term mold exposure.
This is when I stopped staying at his house for a while and my health issues disappeared. I started staying there again and they are starting to come back.
When they were away I went over to feed the dog and took my parents with me to prove I was not crazy. They definitely think there is mold in the house because the smell is so pungent. So much so that they don’t want me to stay there anymore because of the health effects it could have on me.
I’ve asked my partner if he thinks there could be mold in his house due to my symptoms and the smell. He said that they keep the house clean (which is true) and he cannot smell it. I didn’t want to escalate it in case of offending him.
I don’t know how I am gonna explain my refusal to stay at his house though. He is already starting to notice that I am avoiding it again.”
Another User Comments:
“And they have a dog? Oh, the poor thing. I’d show him the research you did on the matter and ask him how he and his mom are feeling after being out of the house for however long.
Offer to bring an expert just to check if you’re right. If you’re wrong then no harm but if you’re right then they could be moving to changing their lives for the better. NTJ of course, if he starts pressuring you to come over or getting angry when you don’t then I say it’s worth breaking up over.
Your health is more important than his wishes.” socialyawkwardpotate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ we bought a house that we didn’t know had mold. I started having headaches, sinus problems, fatigue, chronic respiratory problems, etc. We found out I was allergic to mold and that in the basement there was mold behind the paneling.
Between that and some other problems with the house, we decided to move out. We cleaned the mold and sold it. When we moved into the new house I bleached the whole basement to make sure there was no mold there! Black mold is no laughing matter and hides well anywhere.
Do not go back and have him come to your house. There is a reason you feel better at home.” Frau_Drache
Another User Comments:
“I inhaled mold in a house I lived in 25 years ago and it took me a decade to get to the point where everything I eat creates a mast cell reaction.
It took me until a year and a half ago to get diagnosed, after telling docs for YEARS that I inhaled mold. At this point, my sinuses and eustachian tubes are inflamed and I can barely hear out of my right ear, and I can’t even smell food without my sinuses becoming inflamed and my ears plugging up.
This part alone has been going on for 6 years. I have spent over 80K between wasted years with docs who treated me for all kinds of things, and the mold treatments I’ve done so far. I’m still not much, if any, better. About 25% of people are super sensitive to mold and their bodies cannot get rid of it and it takes over.
Clearly, he and his mom are sick due to the mold exposure. This is incredibly serious. That house needs to be remediated for mold. NTJ – I would not set foot in there again.” PittieLover1
3. AITJ For Making My Wife Delete A Photo Of Us I Didn't Like?
“My wife posted a photo of us recently and I absolutely hated the way I looked.
It was two photos, I said the one photo was okay to post but the other was terrible. I recently had a very bad haircut.
She posted it anyway and I was very upset. I told her to delete it. She said she won’t because people already saw it and she asked at the time if these photos were okay when she took the photos.
I said I didn’t get a good look at them at the time.
She deleted it and started crying.
She got so mad at me and wouldn’t talk to me for hours after I made her delete it.
She said most guys wouldn’t care and would just let their wife be happy.”
Another User Comments:
“There’s nothing more upsetting than someone posting a photo they look and feel good in, while knowing it’s a horrible photo of the other person that would make them uncomfortable.
My friends/family/partners and I have had no issue deleting them, and it would be upsetting if someone refused. My absolute favorite photo of myself from prom is “for my eyes only,” because my adopted sister (BFF that my parents adopted) looks goofy in it.
Her refusing is ridiculous, because it’s about the respect she has for you and your feelings. NTJ.” Adventurous_Bunch799
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s rude to post photos of people without their consent. One of the only times I’ve been mad at my partner was when I found out she had taken a photo of me while I was sleeping (I forget the details, but I was in some kind of goofy position) and shared it in a group chat with her friends.
I was really upset with her, but once I cooled off I explained how it was messed up that she took a photo of me when I couldn’t consent, and then posted this photo to a group I wasn’t in, to people I didn’t know very well.
She understood and deleted it, and (as far as I know) hasn’t taken more pictures of me while I was asleep.” DiopticTurtle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People should respect your wishes in terms of appearing online. Some people don’t like it because of a bad haircut, some people don’t want to out of necessity.
A man I put in prison was released and found me because a relative posted a location-marked picture of me, without me knowing. It should be a universally respected request.” Iwantmynameback
2. AITJ For Coloring In A Children's Book At The Doctor's Office?
“I (23 M) go to my doctor every few months for routine checkups/health concerns. Every time I go, I usually wait 5-10 minutes in the waiting room before getting called in. Every time I’ve gone there’s been a little table of kids books, crayons, and one of those toys with the beads on wavy wires.
Even with multiple months between visits, the table always looks mostly untouched.
Yesterday I was in the waiting room before a checkup and I figured there’s no harm in checking out the table. The only other people in the waiting room were a mom and her son sitting next to her playing with the bead thing.
I was flipping through the books (most of which were completely blank) and I got to a really cool page with the green goblin on it. The mom’s kid seemed pretty occupied by the bead thing so I started coloring and as soon as I did, I could see the mom giving me a dirty look.
After a few seconds, she sternly said “You know those books aren’t for you right?” from across the room. I told her that I’d never seen anyone coloring in the books and that I was only doing one page while I waited. Even after I showed her that most of the books were blank, she continued to sternly tell me that “The books are only for kids.” and that she “doesn’t want me in the kids’ area because of stranger danger”.
I said that I could take the book back to my seat if that would help, but she wasn’t having any of it, so I walked back to my seat. She continued to give me dirty looks until I got called in for my appointment a few minutes later.
I think she must have said something to a doctor or other staff member because as I was leaving, the guy at the front desk called me over and asked if there were any issues with my appointment, and when I said no, he told me to “just be mindful of other people”, to which I said ok and left. I didn’t really care enough to argue with him at that point, but I still feel like there wasn’t anything wrong with me coloring in one page of one of the many blank coloring books.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The mom wayyyyyy overreacted. But…you’re 23 and capable of bringing forms of entertainment with you when you anticipate having to spend time in a waiting room. You can tell that the children’s corner was meant for little kids by how small the table and chairs are.
I’m not at all saying you’re a creeper like the mom was implying, but folks get nervous when adults try to hang out in little kids’ playhouses or try to squeeze into those tiny chairs amongst the coloring books and those big crayons made for little toddler hands.
You could even bring one of those coloring books for adults with you next time if you find coloring especially soothing pre-doctor-visit! I’d recommend you work on it in the grown-ups’ seating area, however!” EnvironmentOk5610
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s literally there for people to color in.
If she’s so uncomfortable she can change doctors. I was legally an adult and triaged in the children’s ward of a hospital before, no idea why and frankly didn’t care – just needed medical attention. They’ll buy more coloring books as the pages fill up.
You weren’t snatching the book out of the hands of a child.” chaenukyun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was coloring in the waiting room at our veterinarian recently a few days ago, and I’m old enough to be a grandparent. It actually came in really handy one time because a mother came in with two bouncy kids, and she couldn’t focus on the conversation with the receptionist. So I said to the kids, “Hey, I was just coloring, but I have to go, and I didn’t finish it yet.
Can you guys finish it for me?” So they wandered over to see and started coloring. Mom was mouthing THANK YOU with such relief. The woman you encountered is paranoid.” GhostTeeth42
1. AITJ For Telling My Stepsister To Get Over Herself After She Rejected My Attempts At Bonding?
“Stepsis Savannah is deadset on this fantasy that her bio parents would be together if not for my dad, which is not the case at all.
Savannah still won’t open up even when I’ve tried everything to connect with her.
Basically, it’s always like this:
I invited her to do something that I knew she’d like. She’d rather stay home.
I got her a gift, she doesn’t want it.
Throws it away right in front of us sometimes.
I sent her a funny video, she’s flipping out with her mom (‘Jane’) because she thinks the video is about her and accuses me of making fun of her.
Basically, Savannah’s made it clear for 2 years now that she wants nothing to do with me.
So I’ve given up and just stay away from her.
My younger stepsibs did want to have a bond, so we spend a lot of time together. The last straw with Savannah was when I invited them to have a sibling day with friends.
Savannah said she didn’t want her bio sibs to go. Stepsibs wanted to go and parents approved, so we went.
Savannah told me off when I got home because they’re her bio sibs and not mine. I’m so fed up with her at this point.
I told Savannah to get over herself. You’re 15, not 5. Go ahead and keep ignoring your therapist and staying in your delusion that my dad is evil and ruined your family. But the world doesn’t revolve around you and people are allowed to move on and be happy even if you decide you want to be miserable all the time.
Dad asked me if something was up because Savannah was obviously upset and causing issues for everyone later. Which is when I explained what happened. Dad basically said he knows we’re frustrated with Savannah but my delivery was mean.
I think Dad’s being too sensitive and coddling Savannah because even Jane is on my side.
Savannah has a therapist but never listens to them and it’s been years. Savannah is going to be a legal adult in 3 years and I think somebody needs to tell her straight. She’s trying to force everyone else to be miserable but nobody is going to tolerate that once she’s out of school.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ imo. From your post, it seems you’ve been trying to meet Savannah halfway for a while now and she’s shut down at every point. When she starts trying to dictate how you interact with other members of the family, she needs a reminder that it’s not her place to dictate it.
You pushed back after a prolonged episode of guilt-tripping and resentment. I do think the blame lies squarely with your parents though. They’ve dropped the ball on helping her and left you to deal with an atmosphere of resentment which is not your fault.” xxxdggxxx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you are both young teens. Teens have problems regulating their emotions in a good way and expressing themselves in a “proper way”. Were you harsh in the way you talked to your stepsister? Yes, but it doesn’t make you a jerk.
Your parents are the ones who should address this and tell her to be civil to you and the other siblings. She doesn’t have to love you, but being respectful and civil when interacting with you is a minimum. Her mum should address her thoughts and dreams. Maybe it’s time to explain that even if she breaks up with your dad, she never will go back to the “bio-dad.”” horseandcat84
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Savannah is determined to separate her mom and your dad. If she can make everyone else miserable enough you two will go away. That’s probably her plan BUT, the rest of you should not have to deal with her. Does she have her own bedroom?
She needs a place the adults can send her when she can’t be civil. Somewhere she can’t cause issues for others. Keep standing up for yourself, and the other kids. Do not get any gifts for Savannah, ever. Do not invite her to join you for anything.
Ignore her as much as possible. She enjoys hurting you and getting a reaction from you. Don’t give it to her. Go on with your life as if she is not there. It will be better for YOUR mental health. Good luck. Hugs from an internet Grandma.” Fickle_Toe1724
