People Feel Like Brats In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Supporting My Wife's Decision To Sue My Mom And Brother For Unauthorized Home Repairs?
“My mom moved in with me after she sold her home to avoid medical bankruptcy.
Things have been rocky because my mom was always my house my rules type of person.
I have an older brother Scott who helped my mom with home repairs but Scott and my wife do not get along so he doesn’t come over much.
Me and my wife went away for a weekend getaway and Scott and my mom repainted our living room white. It was navy with built-in bookcases and a pantry. The job was done so poorly and the original paint job with the bookcase cost us thousands to remodel.
My wife started crying and my mom and brother said they wanted to brighten the place up for my mom. I didn’t know this at the time but my wife called my SIL (my wife’s brother’s wife, who is a lawyer) and the contractor who originally did the work on our living room remodel.
My wife is getting ready to press suit against my mother and Scott and has already handed my mom a legal eviction notice. It’s deserved and I back it 100% because this paint job was done so poorly and without the homeowner’s permission. My mom is saying with an eviction for property damage she will not be able to find a place and my wife needs to stop.
My wife has installed cameras in the home and is getting the court orders in place for my mom and brother. My wife’s family is paying for this and at this point I’m afraid to say anything because I feel like if I protest too much the big divorce will come and with my wife’s SIL as a lawyer I don’t want to mess with the situation because it’s a mess.
My and brother told me my mom has rights and I said I guess it’s time for my mom to lawyer up on her dime because I’m not touching this and it’s my wife’s lawyers pushing things through (I did sign off on the lawsuit and possible criminal charges coming) My mom said she would contest the eviction and I need to man up and make my wife do the right thing and drop the eviction and lawsuit.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH except your wife. Your mother is completely outrageous. What she didn’t do beyond what the nant, guest, or in-law should do. – your brother is a complete moron. He knew you were out of town and never stopped to think that maybe you wouldn’t want the home you remodeled painted. Your mom is concerned about her.
You have been entirely too neutral. There is no staying out of this. Your wife is going ballistic and so extreme because you are not taking a stand. You should’ve immediately when you walked into your home and your wife began to cry. Tell your mother to pack her stuff and get out.
If your mother does not want an eviction with property damage on her record, I suggest she pack her stuff and get out of your house. That is the only way to resolve this. If she insists on trying to fight it then I guess she’ll have to deal with the record.” Apprehensive_War9612
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for being spineless. You did nothing when you discovered that your mother and brother had done what amounted to thousands of dollars worth of damage. Your wife doesn’t “get along” with your brother because he’s a jerk (and so is your mother).
I have zero sympathy for you, your mother, or your brother.” hubertburnette
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for telling your mom to lawyer up, AGAINST your WIFE! YTJ for not telling your mom to pay the original painter to paint it BACK. YTJ for not telling your brother off for saying your mom has rights while staying as a guest in YOUR house.
YTJ for not KICKING your mom out. YTJ for keeping quiet and letting your wife be the bad guy in this situation. YTJ for being a BAD HUSBAND Your mom can move in with your brother. YTJ” DoIwantToKnow6417
23. AITJ For Refusing To Swap Rooms With My Sister Again?
“Today, my mother mentioned that my sister had been talking about switching rooms. I asked what she meant, and she explained that my sister wanted my room because it’s next to a smaller room, which she wanted for her daughter. My sister is 26, still lives at home with her parents (and me), and has a two-year-old daughter.
What’s frustrating is that we’ve already switched rooms once. When she was pregnant, I agreed to swap because my room was downstairs, and it made things more convenient for her. Now, she’s asking for another swap, which feels unreasonable.
I’m not agreeing this time.
She’s supposed to be saving to move out, so there’s no point in disrupting everything when she might leave soon anyway. Plus, I’m planning to repaint my room.
When we got home, she brought it up directly, asking how I’d feel about switching.
I told her no, and she seemed genuinely surprised. When she asked why, I pointed out that she was supposed to be moving out soon. She got offended, accusing me of wanting to “get rid of them,” and tried to guilt me by saying it was for her daughter.
I stood firm and said it wasn’t happening. She had the audacity to call me selfish and was clearly annoyed, but I don’t understand why she expected me to agree in the first place.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have accommodated your sister once already and now she is back again asking for more accommodation because she has not saved money and has no intention of moving out.
She can still use the room beside your room for her daughter and just walk up and down the stairs. However, you should keep in mind that if she does move her child into the room next to you, that will be a big issue with the kid bothering you all the time.
You may want to consider that in your decision. For all you people stating OP should move out because he is 18, in the US an 18-year-old might well still be in high school at this point.” Expensive_Excuse_597
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She asked, you said no. She is asking for a favor and has no reason to be mad if you deny it.
Especially since you already did her a favor regarding this very same thing before. You are NOT telling her to leave. You only stated that she, herself, has plans to move out. And given those plans, swapping rooms is an unnecessary burden to you. As for the niece, she won’t be deprived if she doesn’t have her room.
Plenty of kids share rooms. Sis just wants to not have to share her room with her kid. But since she swapped rooms with you before, this predicament is her own doing. Not your fault she has no foresight.” AffectionateCable793
Another User Comments:
“NTJ All these people commenting you are the jerk are a different level of delusional. Stick to it buddy, you compromised once to help her why should you do it again?
Why should you always compromise? And to all you commentors HE IS IN COLLEGE. He is studying… I don’t know how you see that as the wrong thing and want him to move out at 18. He is making good financial decisions by commuting from home saving money for the future instead of spending thousands on renting/student accommodation, food, etc. It’s like you all never went to school or had an easy life.” Crafty_Thought
22. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister's New Partner At My Wedding After He Disrespected My Family?
“I (19F) am getting married in a few months, and my sister (25F) recently started seeing this guy, Jake. We don’t know each other well, but she surprised us by bringing him along to a recent family dinner, even though he wasn’t invited. The dinner was meant to be a serious discussion about the issues our family has been facing.
During dinner, my parents began opening up about some tough things they’ve been dealing with lately. My dad lost his job a few months ago, and my mom has been struggling with health issues. It was a heavy conversation, and you could see how much it affected them.
My dad was angry about the situation, and my mom looked flabbergasted when Jake jumped in with a joke, trying to lighten the mood. He said something like, “You guys are so overly dramatic. It’s like every little thing is a crisis! Can’t you all just lighten up a bit?
I thought I was walking into a soap opera with all this tension. Family drama can be entertaining, but come on!”
His comment felt disrespectful, especially when my parents were being so vulnerable. I could see my mom wanting to keep the peace and not draw attention to Jake’s rudeness, but it was hard to ignore.
I called him out on it right then and there, but my sister just laughed it off, saying he was trying to be funny.
After that dinner, I decided I didn’t want him at my wedding. I told my sister that I wanted the day to be positive, and his comments made me uncomfortable.
She got really upset and said I was being unfair, insisting that I should give him a chance because she likes him.
Now I feel bad because I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I also don’t want someone who disrespects my family at my wedding.
She’s now saying I’m being petty. AITJ for not wanting him there?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Perspective from a divorce lawyer. You said that your sister only recently started seeing Jake. Despite barely knowing your family, he thought it okay to comment on your family’s behavior without being asked. This shows he has zero respect for your sister, as well as your family.
Big red flag. The fact that your sister cannot see his behavior and lack of class and maturity suggests that he is already driving a wedge between her and your family (another red flag). OP, stick to your guns – it’s important to set your boundaries regarding the behavior you will and will not tolerate right at the start.
Make it clear to your sister that you love her and she is always welcome – she will need your support in the future when she comes to realize what a jerk he is.” Hairy_rambutan
Another User Comments:
“A rude joke to make but it does kind of sound like he was trying to lighten the mood and maybe does not understand social cues lmao.
If it was your sister’s long-term partner I would say uninviting him over that is dramatic but if it’s just some guy she started seeing recently, I don’t think it’s weird to not invite him. Getting married at 19 though… I don’t know about that.” Historical_Tie_964
Another User Comments:
“I mean ESH. Partner for making any comments, but I mean he was probably as uncomfortable as can be and didn’t know how to react. Your parents for continuing with the conversation. If they didn’t tell your sister that her bf would have to come to dinner another time, why on earth would you continue to have THAT conversation in front of a total stranger?
Your sister for inviting him in the first place if she knew the purpose of the dinner. You because while I admire you sticking up for your family he wasn’t that disrespectful. Sure he should have kept his mouth shut but stress can make us do odd things.” dontwantanaccount
21. AITJ For Treating My Biological Kids And Adopted Kid Differently According To My MIL?
“So I (27F) had three kids, 6M, 3F, and a newborn ‘A’ with my husband (33M). Due to some unforeseen circumstances, we took in my friend’s son, ‘B’ who was born one day after my last kid.
Naturally, we’ve had to budget, since this wasn’t planned, and money is a bit tight right now. We had to cut down on a bunch of things, and though we tried to avoid it, so did the kids. My husband had been trying to find a better job, but he hadn’t had much luck.
Cut to a few months later, my husband just landed a better job, and my mother-in-law invited us to dinner.
At one point, while my husband and father-in-law were talking, my mother-in-law asked about the kids, and from there we spiraled until she went off on me about how ‘A’ gets new clothes, so did the older ones, but ‘B’ gets hand-me-downs.
‘B’ has to drink formula but I breastfeed ‘A’ and did so for all her older siblings, etc., etc., how I’m being unfair towards ‘B’ just because he isn’t my biological son, that I’m being partial towards my biological kids and that makes me a really bad mother.
I felt hurt because I’d been trying to make sure it wouldn’t come off that way.
We just bought new clothes for both ‘A’ and ‘B’, and both had to take hand-me-down previously, we’ve tried to keep things fair. I ended up crying, and we went home.
My mother-in-law texted right after, saying there was no need to be so emotional when she was just telling the truth, and I didn’t let her son have a nice dinner in peace. I feel guilty for my husband having to leave dinner early, and I didn’t mean to turn things that way.
My mother-in-law wants me to apologize, but my husband asked me not to apologize unless I think I’m wrong. This whole thing is making me feel like a bad mother, and I don’t know if I’m in the wrong here. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Girl. If nobody has told you this: you’re killing it. You’re a good mama. Newborns don’t need brand-new things. They grow out of things way too fast for it to matter. Hand-me-downs are fine, especially for babies number 3 and 4! Why buy new things when you already have used ones that work just fine?
When they’re older they still deserve new things but you still have like three years before it even matters! Until then they’ll never know the difference. Like… dude you can give babies brightly wrapped Tupperware filled with spoons for Christmas and they’d be happy.
Don’t stress about that. Nobody gets to decide how you feel about breastfeeding. That’s all you. As long as A and B are both getting full bellies, snuggles, and clean diapers that’s all that matters! The only thing that would start bringing you to “jerk territory” is if you named B “Harry” and forced him to live in the cupboard under the stairs while A “Dudley” has two bedrooms and bullies him regularly.” TAforScranton
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From what you’ve shared, it sounds like your mother-in-law is way out of line. “Just telling the truth” is often a phrase used to justify hurtful comments, and it’s clear that her words were more about criticism than genuine concern.
Remember, truth without love is just brutality. It’s normal to feel hurt when someone questions your parenting, especially when you’re already doing your best to balance things for all the kids. Your husband should have your back more when it comes to his mother.
You shouldn’t feel guilty for how things went down at dinner—your emotions are valid. You’re not a bad mother for trying to provide for all the kids and making adjustments in a tough situation. If you feel you’ve been fair and loving, don’t let her negativity make you doubt yourself.” Hendrix-Copperfield
Another User Comments:
“Look, if you’re doing your best to keep the treatment for all of them the same, then you’re not being partial. Sounds like your mother-in-law doesn’t like you or doesn’t like the fact that you took in a child and now your “natural” children are getting less.
Your mother-in-law can go pound rocks. Do not apologize for doing your best for all of the kids. If she is so concerned then she can send over some money to support them. You’ve done an amazing thing by taking in B. You’ve given B a chance for a loving family and yes things may be a bit rough but they will improve.
I would not apologize to your mother-in-law and I would say to your husband that your mother-in-law was way out of line with her comments. Further to that, I would double down and say that neither you nor your children will go visit her until she apologizes for her “truth”.
NTJ” FitzDesign
20. AITJ For Not Telling My Daughter's Friend's Mom About A Mother-Daughter School Event?
“So my daughter “Maddie” (12) has a friend “Louise”, who is in her class at school. They’re very close.
Louise spends a lot of time at our home, she’s a great kid.
But she and her mom butt heads a lot, which is why she is so often out of the house.
The girls’ school has an event coming up that is a “mother-daughter” event. You don’t have to bring your biological mom if you have a stepmom/aunt/grandmother who is your primary caregiver though.
Anyway, Louise was supposed to stay over the night before the event and I said I’d take both girls. But when I mentioned I presumed we’d be meeting Louise’s mom there, Louise said her mom wasn’t coming. I said I was sorry and asked if her mom was busy and she said no, she just didn’t want her mom to come.
Maddie then asked if I would participate as Louise’s “mom” at the event as well as hers. I tried to persuade Louise to tell her mom but she said no and said if I didn’t want to do the event with her that was okay, but could I please not tell her mom that mothers were going?
I was very noncommittal about it and got saved by my husband coming home.
I don’t know what to do. On the one hand, Louise’s mom would probably be hurt and mad at me if I didn’t tell her, mom to mom.
She hasn’t been keen on our girls being friends and is never shy about not liking me much. On the other hand, she knows where Louise will be, it’s not like it’s a safety issue. And it’s a school event and Louise doesn’t want her there.
I kind of agree she should have who she wants there. Louise has it tougher than other kids at school, and when her mom is around she feels even more like she doesn’t fit in. I’ve been the kid at school with the “weird” parents, it can be isolating.
So would I be the jerk for keeping Louise’s confidence and just letting her go to the event alone?”
Another User Comments:
“You represent an adult she trusts. If you go behind her back you will lose that trust and she will not have an adult female she sees as a maternal figure to confide in.
It’s also highly likely that she knows her mother would either decline or embarrass her. Whilst this may go against the grain I think you should put the child before the adult. Whether you present at the event as a maternal figure is up to you – I’d err towards not because if the mother does find out …… NTJ.” East_Parking8340
Another User Comments:
“As a teacher, NTJ. However, I would advise you to talk to Louise about the consequences of her choices here — her mom will probably find out at some point and when she does, she may respond by forbidding her from hanging out with Maddie outside of school.
And if she does, sadly, the adults (you, especially) will have to respect and enforce that. She could also respond by turning up the heat in other ways at home. I’d encourage you to keep your eyes on Louise and have her talk to trusted people at school to keep their eyes on the situation.” InnerChildGoneWild
Another User Comments:
“Wow, this is messy. I don’t understand how Louise’s mom is unaware of what activities the school her daughter attends hosts.? Were it me, I would be backing out of this whole thing. I would keep Louise’s confidence, but explain to her that I could not (in good faith) take her if she was unwilling to tell her mom.
This is really between the 2 of them, I would do everything I could to get myself from betwixt.” Ok-Horror-1049
19. AITJ For Wanting To Withdraw My Husband's Investment From Our Business?
“I bought a business that my husband wants to be a part of and help to grow, which I love because he brings a lot to the table. He wants to buy a 50% share of the business, which I agreed to. We agreed on a price.
He transferred the funds into the business checking account (which I already gave him access to) and thinks it should stay there. He doesn’t want me drawing it out into my checking account. I think it’s my right to do so because the business is an asset that I owned 100% and agreed to sell to another party, and it doesn’t matter if it’s him or anyone else when you sell an asset you own, that money is yours to do with what you will.
I told him that as an investor he’s allowed to have strings attached to his buy-in, and I have the right to decline if I don’t like those strings. I borrowed from my emergency savings to buy the business and would like to pay myself back, and put the remainder back into the business.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it doesn’t sound like he purchased the share. It sounds like he wants you to hold onto the money so he can still spend it on “the business”. There is no other sale transaction in this world where you can purchase an item, receive the item, and still have control of the money afterward.
Your husband is not being fair or realistic. I would have a conversation with him about it.” melaninmagic99
Another User Comments:
“That money is yours to take out of the business. If you leave it in and he doesn’t contribute equally, then you are putting more in than him and you therefore should be 2/3 owner.
For instance: if it’s worth 100K and he puts in 50K and insists it stays, then the business is now worth 150K and you still have put in 100 K, so you own 2/3. If you draw it out–all of it–then it’s 50-50. If he wants more operating capital, then both of you should put in the same amount.
So if you keep the same values as above, but instead he puts in 70K, then you only draw down 30K and now there’s 40K capital to work with, with both of you contributing half. That’s the only way to keep the business 50/50 and you consult an attorney and make this very legal. NTJ.” Wonderful-Ad9263
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it doesn’t sound like he purchased the share. It sounds like he wants you to hold onto the money so he can still spend it on “the business”. There is no other sale transaction in this world where you can purchase an item, receive the item, and still have control of the money afterward.
Your husband is not being fair or realistic. I would have a conversation with him about it.” melaninmagic99
18. AITJ For Refusing To Adopt My Partner's Gluten-Free Diet?
“My partner, let’s call him Jerry, is gluten intolerant. Jerry has severe digestive pain and problems if he consumes any gluten, though very slight contamination is generally ok. His family, who he lives with, eats glutenous foods all the time and he seems to have no problem with that.
Right now we are long-distance, but we have visited each other a few times a year. I am not gluten intolerant. I love eating bread, cake, cereal, noodles, and other glutenous foods. My culture’s dishes contain A LOT of gluten. I have ZERO expectation that he eat any of this.
When I visited I kept any glutenous foods separate from anything he would eat. All of that food was separately packaged and I thoroughly cleaned any utensils and dishes I used. I didn’t use anything that couldn’t be washed or thrown away when handling glutenous food.
Recently, we were discussing potentially moving in together. Jerry said we would both have a gluten-free diet. I said that I didn’t agree with that and wanted to continue eating my favorite foods. He got upset and said that contamination was a concern, so he wanted an entirely gluten-free household.
I told him that I would adhere to strict cleaning and separation, but I wanted to be able to keep eating what I liked, and it’s unfair to expect me to adhere to his dietary restrictions, especially if there have been no problems with me eating gluten when visiting or with his parents eating gluten.
I also took issue with him just deciding what I would be eating for the rest of my life without even discussing it with me first.
That being said, I could be the jerk. I know that dietary restrictions can be very serious, as well as allergies.
I have already given up banana-scented products due to him being allergic to them.
So, WIBTJ if I refused to go gluten-free for the rest of my life?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, my partner has coeliac disease (so more serious than an intolerance as it affects her immune system if she eats gluten).
She does most of the cooking (her choice) and while she’ll share some GF alternatives with me, for the most part, she’s just more careful with cleaning surfaces/utensils if I’m having something with Gluten in it. A lot of GF foods are expensive and/or taste weird too.” huesodelacabeza
Another User Comments:
“Ntj. You have shown that you are willing to change for the sake of his health (cutting out his allergens). But now he is telling you to alter your diet based on what’s most convenient for him. (If you get rid of the things you enjoy, he can eat anything in the house to his heart’s content without any concern or extra steps).
Allergies and food intolerance suck. But his body/health is his to care for and maintain. A normal person would be taking time to accommodate both diets in the home – not trying to amp up your cleaning routine or change your whole lifestyle to fit into the false reality he is trying to create in your shared space.” aj_alva
Another User Comments:
“My mother was gluten intolerant for most of my childhood. We ate gluten-free pasta with her. But we also ate regular pizza and she made her own. I don’t believe that he needs to be worried about contamination at all. That’s for celiac disease.
He just cannot tolerate gluten in his GI tract. Trace amounts won’t affect anything I guarantee you. So his dietary restriction just isn’t that serious. NTJ. But for a moment, imagine rarely sharing a meal with your partner. I think you can manage to eat some gluten-free spaghetti with him sometimes.
Gluten-free alternatives are about the same price. But gluten-free donuts??! Those suckers are EXPENSIVE and there’s 0 reason you should be eating those. You should have a regular donut while he has the GF one. But his expectation that you never eat gluten makes him the jerk 100%.” Rare-Development3411
17. AITJ For Being Upset That My Husband Prioritizes Our Cats Over Me?
“We have three cats that my husband adores. He would do anything for these cats. We often joke about how it’s always good cop bad cop between us because he feeds into their bad behavior (like letting them eat off his plate) and I don’t.
For context (this is going to sound like I’m patting myself on the back) I’m really low maintenance. He often even comments about how lucky he is that I’m this way. Most things in our marriage are pretty easy, as well.
There are very few things I ask for, but two things that I need desperately are my sleep, and for him to rub my head from time to time.
Whenever I ask him to rub my head, he complains and says he’s too tired. But 2 seconds later, a cat walks in and he’s literally up out of bed petting them and rubbing them and I’m annoyed.
The thing that really kills me is at night, one of the cats will lay at his feet, and rather than move the cat, he will move to my side of the bed until I’m practically falling out.
This also invariably leads to me having an inch of covers, as well. I’ve tried waking him up to ask him to move and he always says “I don’t want to disturb the cat.”
Last night, after a particularly long day at work, I asked if he would rub my head and he gave me the whole song and dance only to get up and pet one of the cats.
Then, I spend the whole night getting woken up every hour dealing with feet and fists in my back from him trying not to disturb the cat. The alarm goes off and, even though I’m still sleeping, he gets up and starts singing jingles to the cats.
I told him I was still sleeping and he said, “But you’re up now.”
He doesn’t understand how I feel like he would rather inconvenience me, his wife, than our cats. And his excuse is that he’s asleep. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Take it to someone who was married to a dude like this for 20 years: if he can’t show you basic affection/care like a back rub, but will do so for the cats, he’s not that into you and he doesn’t like/respect you.
He likes/respects the money you bring in and probably the chores you provide. Please don’t marry him and get stuck with this dude, you will end up miserable and it’s not worth it. Find someone who likes to do the little things for you instead of making lame excuses like “You’ll wake the cat up”.
I love animals more than anything but the cat will be fine if it gets woke up, it’ll just move to another spot or go back to sleep.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Time to close that door at night and get earplugs because the cats are gonna start scratching or meowing to be let in.
I’m an owner of 3 cats and contrary to popular belief it is very easy to teach them “No”. But you’ve gotta start early. Also, how come the cats sleep next to him and not on him? If he doesn’t move they might just snuggle up in between his legs instead.
Could you try sleeping on his side of the bed? If he’s not willing to compromise for the sake of your sleep that’s egotistical.” negativbeispieI
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, shoo the cat off first and then wake him to tell him to move. Eventually, either the cat or your husband will learn.
Also big +1 to the separate bedrooms. My husband and I will go weeks or months sleeping separately and then together just depending on sleep habits, the weather, snoring, etc. Sleep is huge. As to the head rub thing, tell him how important it is to you, that it makes you feel connected and cherished. And that it sucks to see him willing to prioritize the pet over you feeling loved. If he keeps ignoring or grumbling then maybe it’s time to have a deeper conversation about why making you feel loved is a burden to him.” Atris-
16. AITJ For Giving My Partner's Unused Gym Clothes To My Friend?
“I love going to the gym. I don’t like going alone, I love having a partner, but my best friend got deployed so for a while, I have been going by myself.
I was able to talk my partner into it.
I was able to convince her it would be a really good bonding and would help us build our bodies to be healthier together. I bought her some gym clothes she liked, got a year-long guest pass for my gym, and was excited to go with him.
We went together for about a month before she gave up.
So now at this point, I was in the hole already, I couldn’t refunded for the pass, and I figured it would be more hassle than it’s worth to try to return anything I bought.
So I put all the clothes I bought her in a gym bag and gave them to my friend.
I asked her if she wanted to start going to the gym with me and she agreed, now we’ve been going strong for about a month and she loves it and has no intention of stopping.
When my partner found out I asked her and gave her the clothes she wasn’t wearing she was beyond angry. I was able to get her the clothes back (they were too baggy for my friend so I just got them back and told my partner she could keep them for whatever).
She told me it wasn’t right for me to give the things I bought for her to someone else. I told her I bought clothes for working out and it made no sense for them to just collect dust in the drawer so I gave them to someone who would use them.
She is also incredibly angry that I now spend like 2 hours every night with my friend, which I don’t think is fair because I begged her to go with me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Giving anyone else’s things away is pretty much never cool.
It also seems a bit like you’re not being very mindful about the feelings it may be bringing up for your partner. Just because she won’t go with you anymore doesn’t mean it’s unfair for her to be upset that you’re doing something you said you saw as quality time with another woman.
And again, giving someone else’s stuff away is pretty much never cool.” angelica.s
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Once you give a gift it is theirs to do as they please with. So going to the gym is not her thing. So what? But for you to give the clothes to another woman and then start going with her?
Wrong as two left shoes! Get over yourself and go alone. My husband liked the gym and I gave it a go but couldn’t stand it.” PurpleSquirrel1999
Another User Comments:
“YTJ you bullied your partner into going with you to the gym. She tried for a month to please you, but hated it, like she knew she would.
You decided to punish her by giving away her clothes and inviting a female friend to join you. Probably a female your partner already feels insecure about. And the comment about the clothes being baggy was just the extra ick on a turd sandwich. May want to do some soul search here, bud.
Do you want to be a manipulative person who likes to hurt people when he doesn’t get them to do his bidding? Or do you want to be the kind of person who’s in a relationship based on love, care, and mutual respect?” DubiousPeoplePleaser
15. AITJ For Inviting My Partner Over Despite My Parents' Disapproval?
“So I (22F) am living with my parents and have been seeing this guy (22M) for around 6 months now.
My parents know that we are together but are also quite conservative and don’t know that I go to his house to hang out as well because he lives alone. Hence, whenever we have to hang out I always have to lie about where I’m going and that is a bit unsettling to me.
Plus since I have a curfew I can’t hang out past 9/10 PM outside. So, because I’ve brought him home before and they’ve met my partner, I thought the best idea to meet my partner is just to hang out at my house and keep it very PG 13.
However, that didn’t turn out well either.
A few months back we were hanging out at mine until midnight just playing board games and my family got angry at me saying you can’t have him at home until midnight and that I’m doing something wrong as my parents live at home and it’s really uncomfortable for them with him staying so late at home.
They said couldn’t come home past 8 PM after that.
Last month, he was going to come home as we wanted to cook a meal together to which my dad said “There is a lot of garage work to do at home and we’ll be busy so don’t invite him over”.
But, I really wanted to cook a meal with him anyway so I invited him home after all the garage work was done. Somehow that also turned into an issue of me not listening to them and having no respect for their opinion.
They’re saying that I put my family down in front of a third person (my partner) and that I shouldn’t vent to him about anything they say that bothers me.
Am I the jerk for wanting to hang out with my partner at my family home?”
Another User Comments:
“Your parents’ rules may very well be stupid or seem stupid to you, but ultimately it is their house, and I think you’re a jerk for inviting your partner over when they explicitly said not to.
Your parents had a rule that they don’t want guests after 8 PM or when they are busy may seem strict or controlling, but tbh I think that is fairly reasonable. I don’t think your parents should be expected to host your partner and let him use their kitchen when they don’t want him to.
That being said, you are very much an adult and old enough to rent your place, so I’d say if you aren’t happy with your current dynamic, maybe look into moving out. I think your relationship with your parents will be better with some space.
Soft YTJ” puntacana24
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – this is the biggest thing, last month, he was going to come home as we wanted to cook a meal together to which my dad said, “There is a lot of garage work to do at home and we’ll be busy so don’t invite him over”.
But, I wanted to cook a meal with him anyway so I invited him home after all the garage work was done. Somehow that also turned into an issue of me not listening to them and having no respect for their opinion. – YOU MAY BE AN ADULT BUT YOU LIVE UNDER THEIR ROOF, THEREFORE NEED TO RESPECT THEIR RULES.
If you want to do things how you want, then you need to move out.” Lunar-Eclipse0204
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Parents are being too controlling. Try hanging out at his house from now on, and just tell them that is where you are going. You are an adult, and they have zero say in what you do.
The fact of you living in their house has no bearing on things. You have zero obligation to tell them where you are going. Again, YOU ARE AN ADULT. They do not control you. They have no right to impose a curfew on you. They are overstepping.
My suggestion is to get with some friends and get an apartment together or something like that.” Daddy_ps
14. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Partner's Surprise Birthday Dinner Bill?
“So it was my partner’s birthday last week and she decided to have a birthday dinner over the weekend and invited her friends and some family that lived nearby.
It was a good time and we all thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.
At the end of the night, it came time to pay the bill and everyone just started to pack up and leave. I thought they forgot about the bill so I called them all back but my partner said that I should let them go.
So I stupidly thought she had saved up to pay the bill. But no she expected me to pay it. She said that I easily make more than anyone there and I should just cover it as a birthday gift. She said this like it was a small bill.
The bill (translating to USD) was $550. A lot of money. This is so much money Most of the cost was booze and I had one glass of wine because I still had to drive. So I said no, paid for my share and my partner and the tip, and left.
That soured my mood. When we got back to my place my partner was a bit tipsy and wanted to stay up but I just said I was tired and went to bed. I avoided her on Sunday and I woke up early before her to go to the office today and have just been ignoring her messages.
Some of our friends are saying I shouldn’t be mad because it’s not even that much for me. After all, I make (translated to USD) a six-figure salary. I still don’t think it was fair to spring that on me though. The thing is, I wouldn’t have had a problem had she just asked. But the fact that she made it a surprise just irked me.
I’m thinking that perhaps I’m too caught up on the principle of the issue rather than the actions themselves.
Edit: I didn’t let the other guests leave before paying.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But this again… I wish I could tell EVERYONE IN THE WORLD- **before** a group dinner, make sure you know what the plans are for the check!
Your partner was the jerk for not discussing this with you prior and just expecting you to go along. You need to stop avoiding her, sit down, and discuss your boundaries (whatever they may be) regarding her expectations towards YOUR finances and how/ if/ when she is allowed to avail herself of them (especially w/o your prior consent).” Ok-Horror-1049
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A low six-figure salary isn’t that much in this day and age, and $550 for a dinner is a ton of money, no matter how much you make. It sounds like you need to find yourself a set of friends who don’t view you as a gold mine just because you happen to have a good job.
If they want to live paycheck to paycheck, that’s on them. You shouldn’t be blowing all your money on your partner, her family, and your friends. You should be saving up for a house for the sake of your future family, which may or may not include this girl.
Based on this latest interaction, I advise you to go with the “not” option.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“Yikes NTJ – I have a 6-figure salary and *I* still think $500 is a lot to spring on someone! Some kind of entitled for her to just expect you’d cover the entire bill for *her* friends and family.
Assuming that your SO will just cover an entire dinner – without even asking – is pretty bananas. What she did was presumptuous and disrespectful. Your money is not hers to use. That said, you should stop giving her the silent treatment because that’s about as mature as what she did.
It doesn’t take much to say “listen I’m irritated that you presumed I’d just cover the dinner without asking me first. I need some space to think this through and we can talk later.”” tinymi3
13. AITJ For Being Angry At My Friend Who Wants The Dog Back After I Rescued It?
“A few months ago, a friend of mine asked for help rehoming a dog she rescued while volunteering in Asia. I agreed to take the dog as I’d just lost one of my own and wanted to provide a home for another in need. I flew to Asia and brought the dog back to Europe because regulations state that pet dogs can only enter the country if accompanied by their owner.
Once here, my friend (who lives elsewhere in Europe) asked to come and stay for a week to help the dog adjust. I agreed, thinking it would be helpful. But after a few days, she suddenly told me she’s realized how attached she is, has had a change of heart, and wants to keep the dog herself.
She’s asking me to transfer ownership so she can fly the dog back to her own country, even though the dog is legally mine, and I’ve already spent a ton of time, effort, and money getting her here.
This is especially frustrating because, before I flew to get the dog, I asked my friend if she was 100% sure she didn’t just want to keep the dog herself, but she explicitly said she couldn’t take her due to financial instability, traveling often, and having other pets.
Now she’s changed her mind and claims she’s the dog’s “soulmate,” even though I’ve already made plans to integrate the dog into my home with my other pets.
I’m furious and feel used like this whole process was a way for her to get the dog from Asia to Europe just so she could swoop in and try to cajole me into letting her claim the dog back.
I told her she needed to prove she could provide a stable home, but I was beyond frustrated at her behavior. If I were in her situation, I’d admit defeat and bow out gracefully rather than mess someone around like this.
AITJ for being angry about her sudden change of heart and lack of foresight?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend asked you for a favor and you did a lot for that, it is just unfair of her to demand the dog back, even if she realized it was a mistake of her to give it away. If she would offer to fully compensate you for all expenses and owe you a huge favor on top, then maybe I would recommend thinking about it, but not without anything like that.” DonWilliam77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’d be raging too. She’s used you as a pet courier. But all the paperwork is in your name so you can tell her to go away. You will be blowing up the friendship but the dog will be in a better place.
She could afford your flight – I’d consider repaying that – but there is some reason she wanted you to be the patsy. Was she deemed not suitable by the rescue agency – I’d contact them and ask them. All the reasons this dog is not a good fit for her still stand.” Timely_Egg_6827
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Type up a bill of all expenses. Including the vacation time you took from work that you cannot get back. You earned that vacation time – that is a lot of money so add that in. Also charge her for the time you spent.
Time is money. Whatever your boss pays you per hour. Present her with a bill. She can’t afford the dog. Even though she wants it. She probably can’t afford to pay you for the cost incurred but you shouldn’t be at a financial loss either for a situation that SHE CREATED. This was NOT a vacation for you.
You had ZERO intentions of going there and doing all that. So you have LOST A LOT OF TIME & MONEY. Someone needs to account for that.” Less-Quality6326.
12. AITJ For Not Understanding My Wife's 'Goofy' Comment About Our Son?
“I, a male (38 M) years old, have been married to my wife (37 F) years old for almost 10 years. We have been going through a rough patch for the past year and things are extremely tense. I have been trying very hard to make her happy but I seem to always miss the mark for one reason or another, and tonight was no different.
My wife and I were discussing our oldest son (17 M) and his bullying of our youngest son (12 M). Well after the conversation and my son left the room she stated she was not happy about the way he treated him. I replied “I agree” and thought that was it.
She then said very ambiguously “He is acting Goofy” I was not certain exactly what she was referencing. So I asked How so” and she just gave me this disgusted face and said “Just goofy”. When I tried to ask her to give me some examples I was met with more disgusted faces and a statement from her that “she can’t say anything to me without it being a whole thing”.
She then informed me she could not even have “this conversation” with me.
I simply said ok and was about to give her space when she just sort of snapped. Started heading up the stairs ranting about how she would go search his room (maybe for substances/booze) because I wouldn’t “man up”.
I then tried to explain that I didn’t mind going to talk to him, I just was not sure specifically what she wanted me to look into based solely on the comment of him acting “goofy”.
She then proceeded to tell me that I am just impossible and she just doesn’t get why I “always need her to hold my hand”.
I am really trying to be better at communicating and more specifically, hearing her and addressing her needs. However, I feel sometimes her standard is that I am a mind reader.
So, AITJ for not knowing exactly what she meant and not being able to take the exact action she expected me to when all I had to go on was “he is acting “goofy”?”
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like your wife didn’t think the situation with your bullying son was resolved at all. I’m guessing you talked to him (was that the only discipline he got?) but he acted funny, perhaps like he wasn’t sober? Then your wife said he was acting “goofy” and that she wanted to search his room.
Which you presumed was for substances/booze, even though she didn’t say so? Which makes me think you noticed him acting off as well. Yet your only reaction was to pretend not to understand, say a meaningless “okay,” and drop the ball? Your wife is angry because you’re turning a blind eye and not being a supportive father and husband.” Massive_Letterhead90
Another User Comments:
“There’s not enough information to judge. We are missing so much context. There could be a cultural or historical reference for “goofy” that has significance to her that you’re omitting. Honestly, it sounds like your relationship is ending unless you commit to professional intervention (therapy/counseling).
Your sons see the writing on the wall and are acting out. I’m leaning towards YTJ because you seem intentionally obtuse.” SlimTeezy
Another User Comments:
“This sounds a lot like me and my husband when we’re at the peak moment of a slow build-up of frustration.
There’s A LOT more going on here than this moment. Without you sitting down together and having an open conversation, as calmly as possible, you won’t find out why this was so triggering for her. It may be beneficial to have a marriage therapist or mediator of some sort during that conversation.
But there’s a lot of frustration on your wife’s part and this was just the breaking point. ESH. She should have shared her frustrations with you before it built up to this and snapping, but you also sound blissfully unaware of any needs your wife might be missing from you.” HMMMT12
11. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Location On Snapchat With My Partner?
“I’ve been seeing this girl I genuinely love a lot but she’s far too persistent that I should put my snap map on.
For as well as I can explain, my partner wants to turn on my Snapchat location but I do not feel comfortable using that as I do not trust Snapchat much at all.
TikTok, and social media, are all quite dangerous to me when it comes to knowing a location. She isn’t happy that I won’t turn it on so I decided to compensate for that I will tell her where I am and also take a picture of where I am at that moment when she asks where I am, but then it loops back to telling me to put the snap map on, me saying no I don’t trust it, I’ll send and tell you a pic of where I am, and her not thinking it’s good enough.
We both had a call on it recently and she’s persistent in making me put it on once again, I tell her bluntly I don’t want to due to how I feel much safer with it off, and my lack of trust for it, then she brings up the fact “if I don’t trust it, why use it.” Her point of view was that if I was kidnapped or whatever it would show her where I was, countering that by saying that I’d rather call the police in that case.
She sees it as me not trusting her whereas I see it as the opposite and her not trusting me enough to be on my own even while texting but I feel she’s making this a much bigger problem than it actually is (if it’s a problem at all) and to be honest, while I don’t trust her fully, that’s not even a reason why I don’t want my location turned on.
I’m not asking for advice, I’m asking who’s in the wrong here, if, anyone at all.”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. I love tracking my friends and family but if I ask and they say “No, I’d rather not”, then I don’t ask why and I move on.
No means no and being able to track someone 24/7 is pretty invasive. You shouldn’t have to send check-in pictures with map references in a healthy relationship unless you’re solo hiking or traveling in strange places. I can’t track my partner (though I’d like to) but it doesn’t upset me because I would not be with someone I don’t trust. Sounds like she’s been hurt before and needs some healing!
Unless she’s got SEAL Team Six-level skills, you’re better off being tracked by the police or emergency services. They don’t need Snapchat to ping your GPS.” RS3Taylor
Another User Comments:
“Irrelevant, but why does it *have* to be snap? Don’t all smartphones have location sharing?
It doesn’t matter. Not. Unless you’re in a literal war zone, she does not need to know your location at all times. It tells me she is either so suspicious she wants constant proof you’re not being unfaithful, or she’s so anxious she thinks something bad is going to happen unless she knows where you are.
In any case, that’s her emotion to manage. The answer is NO. And you can walk back your offer to provide visual proof of where you are any time she asks. Unreasonable and unnecessary.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I hope you do realize that this isn’t ok for her to demand your location, pictures, etc. You are not her pet cat with a tag.
It’s controlling and abusive. I know people share location often but it’s when both parties want to not because one pressures the other. I don’t get the point of tracking other people’s location, it’s invasive and controlling or anxiety-inducing if it’s for safety. Although useful if it’s a child-even if anxiety-inducing.
Never in my life did I share my location through an app with anyone, I have been married for 10 years. When it comes to safety me and my husband often let each other know we are safely back if we travel away from home separately etc. that’s it.” daydreamer19861986
10. AITJ For Telling My Dad I'm Putting In As Much Effort As He Does?
“Me (40f) and my dad (65m) have a very complicated relationship, my parents divorced when I was younger and his 2nd wife (affair partner) and I did not get on at all we were on and off with contact and it could go years with zero contact.
When my son was born my dad didn’t meet him until he was 2 he wasn’t interested really until he divorced his 2nd wife and married his 3rd wife (another affair). His 3rd wife and I get on fine we’re the same age so we have a bit in common.
My dad was very sick with cancer a couple of years ago and I helped as much as I could, one of my previous jobs was in Care so I would go help him wash, sit with him, and help him with meds when he was in recovery from a series of operations that sort of thing and for a while we got a bit closer and had a better relationship.
He is now fully in remission and recovered so that’s great but he started reverting to his uninterested ways, he never calls I always call him, never visits apart from once or twice a year, and shows absolutely no interest in my now teenage son.
Over the past 6 months, I have stopped making an effort, stopped calling to check in, stopped offering to visit (which was always met with an excuse as to why it’s not a good time) and he called me the other day after 2 months of no contact and said “oh well I’m a bit disappointed I haven’t heard from you.” I just laughed not in a funny way, sort of snapped, and said “yeah well the amount of effort I’m putting in to be your daughter is the same amount of effort you put into being a father and grandfather absolutely zero.” He went quiet and ended the call.
I got a message from my stepmum saying he was very upset and I didn’t need to say it like that as I know what he’s been through and I know he gets depressed easily and drinks when he’s down. She said I could have just kept it to myself or said it gentler.
AITJ for being honest even if I said it rudely?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Oof, his wife is such an enabler. It is not your responsibility to protect his feelings or handle him with kid gloves just because he’s emotionally immature with unhealthy coping mechanisms. He tried to guilt trip you, so you told him the truth.
He’s being faced with the consequences of his failure as a father and now he has a choice – he can fall into self-pity or he can take responsibility. Either way, all you did was tell the truth.” hannahkelli
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s upset because you’re right.
You shouldn’t have to soften how you feel or speak to him, especially from what sounds like already half-kidding straightforward truths – and honestly, even if you were to want to, it sure doesn’t sound like you’ve learned how to from him. And considering she’s his former affair partner, step-mom isn’t my first pick for giving you advice on healthy relationships or boundaries either.” CCracking good
Another User Comments:
“In my opinion a little bit YTJ. You started ghosting him as punishment for him ghosting you. He couldn’t know that you were unhappy about him not reaching out. Instead of cutting back on contacting him, you should have directly spoken out your displeasure about his behavior so he at least was allowed to improve.” Overall_Sorbet248
9. AITJ For Moving My Dad's Socks From The Dryer To Do My Laundry?
“I, (17F) needed to do laundry today because I was almost out of clean clothes. In my family, everyone does their laundry whenever they need to; we don’t have a schedule or anything.
I was home alone because my dad (48M) was at work, and would be for a couple more hours. Before I moved my clothes to the dryer, I noticed my dad’s socks were in the dryer still. They were clean and dry, he just always leaves them in there for days on end before putting them away or moving them.
I needed to use the dryer obviously, so I moved the socks to his laundry basket approximately three inches away. My dad is VERY particular about his socks, so I made sure they all were out of the dryer before putting my clothes in. (Our dryer isn’t some vast abyss, so it wasn’t hard to verify they were all out)
When my dad got home, I found him frantic in the laundry room sorting through his socks. He starts yelling at me that he’s told me not to touch his socks, and now one’s missing, and they cost $25 a pair (They aren’t special medical socks or anything, he just really likes high-quality socks.
To each their own.) and this is all my fault.
I calmly explained to him that I checked the dryer and made sure they were all out before I put my clothes in. Then he said that I should have left my wet clothes in the washer until he got home and could move his socks himself.
This sounded slightly insane to me. I asked if there was a chance he forgot to put one in the machine, but no, of course, he couldn’t have made a mistake, it had to be me. The sock is currently still missing, and he’s very angry at me.
I know his socks are really important to him, and it’s his house, and he’s told me before not to touch them, but I feel like it might be a little selfish to leave your clean, dry, socks in the dryer other people use for days and days after they’re done, but then get upset when other people need to move them to use the dryer.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If he is particular about his socks, then he should act particular about his socks by removing them from the dryer when they are finished. Leaving them in the dryer was his fault. If he wanted to account for his socks then he should have done it sooner.
Otherwise, it’s rude to expect others to not do laundry because he hasn’t completed their task for days. He is wrong. You did nothing wrong. He says he cares about his socks, but then doesn’t take care of them. That’s not your problem at all.
NTJ.” WealthOk9637
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s being irrational about the socks. Also for a guy so fussy about his socks, leaving them in the dryer for days is foolish when others need to do laundry too. Beyond that, if his sock was left in, it would be with the load you did, which it was not.
So either it never made it to the dryer to begin with, or it got lost within the washer/dryer parts (which happens)” Stranger0nReddit
8. AITJ For Telling My Daughter She Needs To Achieve Something To Be Celebrated Like Her Brother?
“I have a 16-year-old daughter, Katty, and a 14-year-old Jake. Jake is more of an achiever—he’s involved in sports, does great in school, and recently won an award for community volunteering. We have been celebrating his achievements, usually with a dinner out.
Katty, on the other hand, doesn’t do much. She hasn’t been putting effort into anything lately. She basically just goes to school and then exists in the house—she spends her free time on her phone or watching TV, doesn’t have any hobbies or interests outside of her friend group, and doesn’t put much effort into schoolwork.
This results in her not getting many celebrations outside of her birthday. We stopped forcing her to do sports or other clubs when she hit high school.
Katty came to me and said she felt like it was unfair we celebrated Jake, and I decided to have a conversation with her.
I sat her down and explained that we love her just as much, but if she wants to be celebrated like Jake, she needs to put effort into something. I suggested she try finding something she’s passionate about or work harder in school. That she should make her own goals to work towards.
I thought I was being honest but gentle.
Katty did not take it well. She exploded, accusing me of playing favorites, and said it was unfair that Jake gets all the attention just because he’s always doing things. She even lashed out at Jake, telling him that he was “the golden child” and she was tired of hearing about how great he was.
Jake was hurt by her outburst, and now things are awkward between them. Katty has been avoiding both me and her brother since then, staying in her room or giving us the silent treatment. My husband thinks I could have phrased it better, but I believe this was an important reality check for her.
If she isn’t doing anything then there isn’t anything to celebrate.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Makes perfect sense to me. I’m assuming you all would celebrate her birthday, graduation, etc… does she think people are just going to throw parties for her for no reason?
She’s old enough to learn that’s not how to world works. Maybe get her into therapy. Sounds like she’s in some sort of woe-is-me spiral, maybe some outside perspective would help her get on track or at least understand why people who work hard and achieve things get celebrated for them, while people who do not, do not.” Important-Nose3332
Another User Comments:
“Do you spend quality time with her? Because if she’s feeling emotionally neglected, that issue is bigger than celebrating achievements. If you go to his games/events and then do things to celebrate him, it can feel unfair, even if she’s not “doing things”.
Dropping activities and school work and not doing anything outside of screen time… That sounds like she could potentially be depressed or going through some stuff that you may not be aware of. It sounds like you’re trying to be fair by having equal rules, but by your rules, one of your kids is telling you they aren’t having their needs met.
Listen to your kid. Find a way to meet her needs.” notthedefaultname
Another User Comments:
“This is why it’s better to celebrate effort rather than achievements – some kids have an easier time achieving than others, and constantly celebrating other kids’ achievements is hugely demotivating for a kid who’s trying their heart out but not getting the same results.
It can also lead to the more “gifted” kids not learning to work for things that don’t come easily to them, and when they start to face challenges as adults, can tend to burn out or crash and burn. It’s little wonder that your daughter is feeling the way she is.
You say she just needs to ‘put the effort in’, but you still only plan to celebrate achievements.” perfidious_snatch
7. AITJ For Wanting To Stop Going To Church With My Gym Teacher?
“My gym teacher sees me as an outcast who’s extremely shy and asked me to go to church with her every 10:45 AM Sunday and hang out with other girls.
I thought the church wouldn’t be so long and I couldn’t say no since she was trying to be helpful and wanted me to join, so I did agree.
But when I did go there, I had to stay there for THREE whole hours and found out that my teacher was EXTREMELY religious, even saying that she was crying and praying all night for me to come.
Which made me pretty uncomfortable, and she also asked my friends if I was free to spend more time with her as well. She also kind of joked about why my parents didn’t believe in religion, but I didn’t think much of it until well, THAT.
She also made the other students remember that class and their thoughts, invited me to a group chat with those students sent a pic of the bible recital(?), and told them to remember it until next Sunday. This was all very overwhelming.
But even if I want to cancel it, I already agreed to come to church every week, and I JUST figured out that she was trying to make ME Christian.
It was so obvious but I thought the main point was making new friends so now I regret that. But I already agreed to dance in November with the church friends also out of spite, and they seem to welcome me so now I’m pressured.
Would I look like a jerk who ghosted/bailed on them and my teacher? School is tomorrow and I’m not sure what to tell my gym teacher.
Also to clarify: She said she wasn’t like those “weird forcing Christians” and that she just wanted me to make friends.
She did not tell me more specifics.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your teacher is being WILDLY inappropriate. This might be culturally dependent, but at least in my country it is strictly forbidden for teachers to interact with students in a way that cannot be monitored by the school, and religion is generally a no-go topic outside of specific circumstances (like if it’s related to the class) and even if this isn’t the case where you live, that does not mean her behavior is any better.
Stop going, leave that group chat if possible, and let the principal and your parents know immediately.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You are not obliged to continue engaging with her. This is control. So what, you promised her you’d go? She is taking advantage of her position as a professional, your trust, your age, and as you stated the fact that you’re an outcast. She assumes you will have limited people to talk to about it.
It is not her role as a teacher to force you to have friends or go to church, her role is to teach her subject and care for your well-being in a professional capacity. Tell your parents, and the principal, and do not spend any more time with her outside of school.
She will continue to overstep your boundaries. Stay safe.” River_Pleasant
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she is your teacher and is already taking advantage of her authority over you as a teacher and you’re naiveté being unaware that using her influence in her capacity as a teacher to advance her religious views is a violation of the First Amendment (unless you go to a private school).
If she does not treat you fairly after you tell her you will not be going to church with her anymore you need to discuss with the principal or school board. Do your parents know what she’s been doing trying to convert you?” User
6. AITJ For Wanting My Spouse At My First Meeting With My Bio Dad?
“So I guess I should start with a bit of background. I recently got into contact with my biological father after 27 years of no contact as he left when I was a baby.
Things are going okay and we’re slowly getting to know each other. But he is flying into my city in a few days and wants to meet up. Which is great but he hasn’t been talking about details like dates or places with me.
He has however been talking about those things to my mother as I learned today when she asked what time she should pick me up for dinner with the bio dad on Thursday.
I was not aware he had even picked a day, never mind a time. He has invited my mother to dinner but both he and my mother have said my spouse has to stay home.
When I asked why I got ganged up on by both of them on how they think it’s inappropriate for my spouse to be there because he has nothing to do with the situation but it’s okay for my mother as she knows bio dad.
I have stated that I am not comfortable with that as I don’t know him and would like my spouse to come, but now I’m the bad guy and am being unreasonable for wanting to bring my spouse. Am I being that unreasonable? Why is it inappropriate for my spouse to be there to support me but it’s appropriate for my mother to be there to support “me” (she’s only going to make him feel better not me).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He disappeared when you were a baby, he had a choice you had none. If he wants to talk now it’s your choice, and your choice on how and who will be there. I would tell him directly (and your mom) that you are well past the age that they get to decide what they allow you to do, never mind that daddy wasn’t there during that time at all so he’s twice as out of line as your mom.
Takes a lot of work to build a relationship with a parent that walked out in a child when they were a baby, he’s doing an awful job of even trying to do this healthily. Do you want to have a relationship with him?
You don’t have to owe him anything. If you do then do it your way set boundaries and do not allow him or your mom to cross them. Once you decide something don’t even listen to objections and if they keep going hang up.” beginagain4me
Another User Comments:
“This is not the issue; whether your spouse should or shouldn’t be there. The issue is meeting your biological dad. I imagine this has been weighing on your entire being heavily. It’s going to be a tough meeting. How could it not?
I’d go to the meeting with an open mind. Don’t get disappointed too quickly. Get to know him. I hope it goes well and you get what you are looking for.” Much_Classic_2959
5. AITJ For Feeling Neglected When My Partner Spends Hours On The Phone With His Dad?
“Me (38f) and my partner (36m) have been together about 5 years.
And our evening always plays out the same. He calls his dad to have a shot with him, ends up staying on the phone for 2+ hours and a half pint in, and then re-emerges with a really good buzz going on or inebriated and then expects me to be happy that he graces me with his presence and I have to entertain him for the rest of the night.
That’s the short version.
Long version… we have a toddler together, so in the meantime, I’m taking care of her, getting her dinner, ready for bed, etc. She is usually asleep by the time he decides it’s our turn for his attention. And by that time I’m usually feeling alone, neglected, and frustrated. I’ve either been alone with a toddler all day and could use some adult conversation and company or I’ve worked all day (a few days a week) and would like to spend the evening decompressing with my significant other.
He works full time so our evenings together are pretty much the only time we get to spend together.
I’m just tired of waiting my turn, I’m tired of his dad hijacking our night. That sounds awful and I like his dad, we get along well, but I feel like I’m not a priority in my partner’s life.
And it’s not like they don’t see each other. They meet up a few times a month. And when I bring it up, it turns into me being jealous and insecure, and how dare me try to ruin their relationship, he’s not gonna have his dad forever and he’s not gonna be able to call him one day.
And I get that, yes time with our parents is fleeting, but two hours every day while your partner and kid sit and wait for you is a little much or am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But your issue isn’t that he calls his dad, it’s that he consistently neglects your relationship and his responsibility to his home life.
It’s great that he has a golden relationship with his dad, but he’s using the calls as an excuse to get toasted and avoid parenting/home care/your company. His dad is not the issue. Have a convo but be ready to find alternative solutions that don’t involve him not calling his dad daily.” Willing-Helicopter26
Another User Comments:
“The problem isn’t the phone call. It’s that he’s opting out of parenting, partnering and family time for two hours Every. Single. Night. What would his reaction be if you just disappeared for two hours every night? “He’s not gonna have his dad forever…” He doesn’t get to have you forever, either.
Not without you choosing him. Make it clear he needs to pull his weight in this relationship and the parenting stakes. NTJ.” embopbopbopdoowop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My dad is Mike Sr, I’m Mike Jr (obviously) and my son is, you guessed it, Mike III.
I love and respect my dad as much or more than anyone on this planet. Except my fiancée and kids. And he gets that. He’s the one that raised me. If I’m on the phone with my dad and my kids need me or my attention “Hey bud, I’m gonna jump off here and…” or “Hey man, Kristy needs me I’m gonna get off here”.
I know my time is fleeting with him. He knows it as well. But he would never keep me from my family time just for giggles. In my case talking to my dad after trying to talk to me would get results because he’s a pretty understanding dude, and he and my fiance get along great.
I’m not saying to do that, BUT it could help.” MadderHatter32
4. AITJ For Refusing To Cover Wedding Costs After Being Kicked Out Of The Bridal Party?
“I (41F) have always been close with my brother, “Tom” (38M), and we’ve had a great relationship.
When he got engaged to his fiancée “Sarah” (38F), I was honored to be asked to be a bridesmaid. They’ve been planning a big wedding for over a year, and I’ve been heavily involved in helping organize things and even offered to cover some of the costs since my brother and his fiancée were on a tight budget.
A few months ago, my partner proposed (I already referred to him as my husband, but we weren’t officially married) to me, and I said yes! We kept it low-key to not take away from Tom’s upcoming wedding since we have been together for years and have an established marriage-like life together.
However, after announcing our engagement, Sarah became cold towards me. Tom later told me that Sarah was upset, feeling like I “stole her spotlight” by getting engaged before their wedding.
A week later, Tom and Sarah called me and said that, because of the “timing” of my engagement, it would be “best” if I stepped down as a bridesmaid.
Sarah wanted the focus on her, and apparently, my new engagement was “too distracting.” I was hurt but agreed to step down to keep the peace.
Here’s where things escalated: Tom recently asked if I was still willing to help cover the wedding costs I had previously offered to pay for (a significant amount).
I was shocked! I politely declined, saying that I didn’t feel comfortable contributing anymore since I was no longer in the bridal party and felt hurt by the situation.
Tom got upset and called me selfish, saying I’m ruining his big day. Sarah even accused me of “holding a grudge” and trying to punish them.
Now, my family is split—some think I should still help since I initially offered, while others agree that it’s unfair to expect me to contribute after being kicked out of the wedding party.
So, AITJ for refusing to cover the wedding expenses after being removed from the bridal party?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Why would you announcing your engagement have any influence on their wedding? Does everyone have to pause their life until the highly exalted Sarah gets married? You have no obligation to pay for anything for your brother, other than what you want.
Them expecting money after treating you like this for no valid reason is absurd.” ChallengeFlat7795
Another User Comments:
“Your family doesn’t get a vote on how you spend your money. Period. And Sarah needs to figure out that behavior — especially nasty, self-centered, crazy-ass behavior — has consequences.
What, during the year of wedding planning, no one in the wedding party is allowed to get engaged? Or, God forbid, pregnant! Or, how about married!!! They’d be wearing a different ring to Sarah’s Big Day, how distracting! Sarah and Tom have, how do I put this nicely, kind of lost their minds over what’s important in life and the precedence of their wedding over everything else in everyone else’s lives.
They’ve treated you concerning the wedding and now they think you should subsidize them? No, thank you. NTJ” Nester1953
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ and I am worried about your brother and his fiance. Their actions are wholly irrational and so self-involved that I’m having a difficult time believing your story.
There is no reason for you not to get engaged in advance of their wedding and there was no real reason for you to downplay it. Well, there was but the reason was that your brother and his bride are monsters. Please tell the family members who question your decision that they are welcome to pay.
You might also mention that it was disappointing enough when your brother removed you from the bridal party, and that his decision to complain to others about your decision to let him pay his wedding expenses is just gross.” EmceeSuzy
3. AITJ For Wanting To Only Cook For Myself In A Shared House?
“My roommate does the shopping and buys food but she doesn’t cook mostly because she isn’t home until around 10/11.
I get off at 5 pm and work from home and typically only eat once a day.
I cook when I get off work. The issue is she has 4 kids here (6/14/15/17) and her sister is staying here with her 7 yo.
They keep cooking during the day and not washing dishes or cleaning the kitchen so it’s always disgusting by the time I have to cook (my roommate told me to stop cleaning up after them because I’m not their maid and she wants them to clean)
I cook a lot of different things from Chilli, soups, pasta, baked and fried goods, curries, stir fry etc. I make good use of the food we have available.
When she goes shopping she asks me what to get/what we need. She buys things she knows I like to eat and even gets me quick things for my lunch break.
The issue is I don’t know how to prepare for a large family so I’ll either make too little or too much and they won’t eat leftovers or I make something they never had /tried and only us 3 adults eat it so I’m stuck eating it for like 3 days.
Last night I made spaghetti and meatballs. I didn’t make enough pasta so instead of making more noodles they just left the food out uncovered and made a cup of noodles (ramen) wasting the meatballs which I could have eaten off for at least 2 days.
My roommate doesn’t care if I’m cooking her food she even asked what meat I used when I described the dish she laughed and said “Good you made it with beef no one gonna eat that” I woke up the next day they ate the entire pot.
I’m kinda annoyed they don’t clean up and didn’t bother to put the food away so WIBTJ I just cook for myself or order out? For a few days without saying why?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you have a very confusing living situation! You are ROOMMATES.
Do your shopping, cooking, and cleaning. Have separate storage areas and don’t put up with the others not cleaning up after themselves. Does your roommate own the property? I struggle to understand why you would choose to live with all those other people. It sounds like chaos.” Red-phone-box
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You have a strange relationship with this woman and a strange living situation. You all are crossing all sorts of boundaries and it’s hard to make any sense of what’s right and wrong when you’re letting shop and buy food for you so it’s not YOUR food.
You didn’t shop for or pay for the ingredients. In this boundaryless free-for-all environment, you would be the jerk. You’re living communally. You can’t be selfish and individualistic (I cooked it so it’s MY food) then take part in the community (free groceries! but still MY food) That’s jerk behavior.” Remarkable_Duck_2714
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But your problem is twofold, one, if you are going to do the cooking for everyone, then you plan the meals and do the grocery shopping or give a list to your roommate to do so. And that leads into the second part, learn to cook with recipes that you can easily determine the portions of.
Because of those two things not happening, they are directly leading to too much cooked, not enough cooked and thereby have her kids to supplement and make a mess of things. Just some organization needed out of this chaos.” PumpkinPowerful3292
2. AITJ For Telling My Wealthy Friend She's Not Good Enough To Be In The School Choir?
“Me and my friends are all 16-17-year-old girls attending a private high school that offers various scholarships.
I am on an academic scholarship, and a few of my closest friends are amazing singers on singing scholarships. Namely, Kate, who has always been on a singing scholarship and often gets the lead roles in our school musicals. I am not exaggerating when I say she could easily go professional. Sarah (not her real name) is not on any scholarships, though she is incredibly wealthy.
Despite Sarah being in many choirs, her singing level would probably get a few cheers in a public karaoke bar but not much more than that.
Recently, my school held auditions for a small, selected choir that would tour internationally and represent our school. I didn’t audition, but my friends all did.
Unsurprisingly, Kate and the other scholarship singers made it in, while Sarah did not.
During a musical rehearsal, Sarah was upset, constantly making passive-aggressive remarks about how the “poor kids” got in because the school wanted to look good and accusing the teachers of favoritism, especially towards Kate.
She had been making these comments since Friday afternoon, and I didn’t say anything since I thought it would die down, but it just seemed to get worse as no one agreed with her. This afternoon, Sarah approached me and continued insulting Kate and the other students who got in.
I was pretty upset and said “You are not a good enough singer to be saying this stuff. When was the last time you got cast for ANY role? You didn’t even make callbacks for this musical, and you think you can get into a select choir.
You’re delusional”. Sarah left in tears, calling me a “mean person.”
Afterward, Sarah sent me a text accusing me of embarrassing her publicly, and Kate messaged in our group chat that while she appreciated that someone stopped Sarah’s behavior, it wasn’t my place to insult her in return as it’ll cause future problems. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, although, in my opinion, you should always try and choose your words carefully in the name of keeping the conversation constructive. People do and say stupid things, we all have. I wouldn’t be too hard on Sarah, you’re all teens who are still growing and learning about life, and yourselves.
Everyone makes mistakes, and ideally, everyone is using experiences like yours to improve themselves. To help encourage that result, like I previously mentioned, try to be constructive and careful with your words! But you are NTJ. Without being able to know how her singing is firsthand, at the very least, she was bad-mouthing people and being spiteful because she felt bad herself.
Not cool.” throwaway
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yes, you could’ve phrased it better, but you still didn’t do something all that horrible. Maybe you’re just not the most diplomatic, but that’s as far as I’d take it. You’re young right now but someday you’ll realise that the world is full of people who can’t stand up for anything, not even themselves.
And then there’s a handful of people like you, who stand up for things even if they don’t directly impact them. The world needs more of the latter, and you shouldn’t let anyone – not Kate, nor Sarah – make you feel bad about standing up for the right thing.
Not now, not ever.” Lazy_Decision8756
Another User Comments:
“Lol NTJ – Perhaps you could’ve been a little more tactful but after listening to her nastiness for several days, you lashed out. Oh well. I would let Kate know that you didn’t mean to make things worse but no apology to Sarah.
Sarah should be apologizing to all of you for having to listen to her. Oh, and the “poor” kids comment. Not a good look for Sarah.” Recent_Nebula_9772
1. AITJ For Not Wanting My Stepson Around On My Birthday Due To His Mom's Tracking?
“I (34F) have asked my partner (37m) to not do anything for my birthday on my actual birthday because his son will be with us that weekend.
We have been together for 5yrs living together for 3 years. He has a son (10 years old) from a previous marriage with a very high-conflict ex-wife. When I say high conflict I mean she has gone to the extent of threatening to “mess us and our children up” I have two daughters from my former marriage and one daughter with my current partner.
She is very controlling and just loves to cause chaos. About 3 months ago she decided she would get my stepson an iPhone so she could have access to him at all times and track us. We tried to tell her the tracking was unnecessary and it was invading privacy.
She went off threatening and calling names like usual.
We let it go but it has gotten to the point where she calls and texts all day and will ask “What are you doing at X location”. It’s just too much for me and I am not comfortable with someone having my location at all times, especially someone like her.
(Keep in mind We don’t track him when he is with her because he is with his mom) I have made my feelings known about this but my partner says he doesn’t want to deal with court yet again. I get he wants to avoid going back and just let it go but I’m not ok with it.
This month it’s my birthday and I told him I wanted to wait to go somewhere the weekend after my birthday when we don’t have his son. I don’t want to spend my birthday knowing we can’t do anything without her tracking everywhere we go.
I just want some type of privacy. I love my step son and we do other things as a family but I’d like just this one day to have some privacy. AITJ”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What a lame person to have nothing better to do than track her ex and child while she doesn’t have her residential time.
This is just so petty. I know you said your partner doesn’t want to go to court, but this isn’t just about her “tracking her son” it’s an invasion of privacy. If she’s texting your partner while you’re out at places, or randomly texting the child with no previous context of how she would know you’re there – you may have grounds for an anti-harassment order or an anti-stalking order.
(Both fare ree to file in my state – check your local laws.) IMO – that would be worth it for the peace of mind of not having her monitor your every move.” Discount_Mithral
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s understandable to want a day of privacy, especially when dealing with such an intrusive situation.
You’re not asking to exclude your stepson permanently, just for one day to celebrate your birthday without the added stress of being tracked. It’s important to have boundaries, and you’re being respectful while still trying to navigate a tough co-parenting dynamic” Ok_Imagination4705.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your feelings are completely understandable, and your partner may not like it, but he brought his ex into your life, so he needs to either live with it or deal with it. It’s not fair, but it’s the cards that life has dealt you.
His ex is determined to ruin your life, so something needs to be done. And he chose to not go to court, so the ball is in his court (pun intended).” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“Girl! NTJ but you need to make him leave that phone at home when y’all are going places OR turn off the location.
Next, you need to gather all evidence of her being a psycho and if she acts crazy because you turned the location off let her know y’all will be headed back to court with that evidence and to the police for threatening you. Lastly, your partner needs to back you up on this.
They need to step up and take action and not use the excuse of going to court again. What’s more important your mental health and safety or taking a deranged person to court. Get it together sir. And ma’am you need to hold him accountable.
Also… Happy Birthday.” Visible-Palpitation7
