People Want to Hear Our Brashest Judgments to Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
15. AITJ For Not Wanting My Half-Sister At Our Family Reunion?
“My mom has a daughter Amy (27f) with a man called Brian. He left her while she was pregnant but stayed in Amy’s life. When my mom met my dad four years later, Brian started causing trouble and turned Amy against my dad and later against me and my younger sister.
Amy was not kind to us over the years. Mom and Brian were in and out of court fighting over what he was doing. Mom had Amy in therapy to get her behavior to improve, but nothing helped. My mom’s side of the family all struggled with having Amy around.
She was always going out of her way to crap on my dad or to be mean to my little sister and me. A few times, she called us names in front of our cousins that my aunts and uncles hated hearing and were worried they would mimic, especially the little ones.
One time at one cousin’s birthday party, Dad was in charge of taking photos, and she she started yelling out that he stank, that he was ugly, weak, pathetic, etc. Mom would always step in and pull her away, and honestly, it only ever bothered Amy when Mom was visibly mad.
Sometimes Mom would try to compose herself and just be cool and collected with her. But Amy wanted Mom to not be mad at her, and she wanted them to be close; she just didn’t want the rest of us.
It was a relief when Amy decided to stay with Brian.
I remember a few things about him from the time Amy was still coming around (mom and Brian had 50-50 custody). He was always such a jerk.
Mom’s family did keep trying to include Amy and be there for her. But last weekend, they hosted a family reunion to get together with relatives we hadn’t seen in forever or some of us hadn’t even met… and Amy wasn’t invited. My grandparents said they’d had enough, and my aunts and uncles agreed. After the party, Mom asked them if it was really so much better without Amy around, and they said yes.
Mom then noticed that I had been much more happy at the party and even showed up early to help out, and we talked, and I admitted to her that I was glad Amy hadn’t been there. I told her it was the first party I could remember where she didn’t make it awful.
Mom was so upset. Like she actually started to cry, and she admitted that she knew it wasn’t easy for the rest of us, and she was sorry, and she just wanted everyone to get along or at least for Amy to have grown out of the crap Brian had told her.
We hugged it out and everything.
But then Mom called a few days ago and told me she needs me to keep thoughts like that to myself. She said it hurt her a lot, and it was insensitive to say it to her because Amy is still her daughter, even if she is behaving badly.
I told her I understood and maybe we should just not speak about this stuff in the future. Mom got mad and told me to just not say I’m glad her oldest child isn’t around.
Now I feel really bad. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You answered honestly when asked a direct question by your mother, and your honest response is perfectly valid and fair. You didn’t even say Amy shouldn’t be around. You said you preferred it when she wasn’t, and given the history, that should have been no surprise.
I know you love your mother and you want to blame Brian 100% for who Amy grew up to be, but your mother had an equal role in raising her, and given that so much of her acting out was in your mother’s custody, she actually had more than an equal role in teaching Amy that her feelings of anger were justified and her maltreatment was okay.
She should have been in therapy years ago, and your mother did not need Brian’s permission for that. She failed her daughter, a daughter who is probably in deep emotional pain every day of her life, and still, rather than try to help her, she is punishing you and asking everyone to bury their feelings.
Until your mother grows up, and puts her children’s needs above her own desires for “everyone to be happy and get along” she is not a good mother to any of you, nor a good wife to your father, nor a good daughter/sister to her family.” Rikutopas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Amy is an adult and a jerk. Your mom is also a jerk. I say this because she has sacrificed your happiness and the happiness of others in a futile attempt at forcing Amy to have a healthy relationship with her side of the family.
Your mom needs to stop. She can have whatever relationship she wants with Amy but that does not entitle her to make everyone else suffer.
Your mother needs therapy; so she can see that she has done all that she could to foster a relationship between Amy and everyone else and it is not her fault it failed but it is time to move on and stop attempting to force it.
You are not at fault for being honest. You do not and should not abide by what your mother said about not saying you’re glad her oldest child isn’t around. Her oldest child made your childhood miserable and said far worse things about you regularly.
Your mother exposed you to that regularly. That is your truth. And your life is a better and happier one without her oldest around. Even the rest of your maternal family feels that way. It may hurt but so have the years of bullying and fighting.
Your mother doesn’t get to play victim when she made everyone else get victimized. I get that she’s Amy’s mom but she’s your mom too.” Foreverforgettable
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is the parent here. It is not your job to lie and protect her little fantasy about Amy and her behavior.
Amy is reaping the rewards of her own actions and decisions. Your mother too is reaping the consequences of her own decisions and behavior. Amy is the child. Your mother is the parent. Your mother has let Amy’s behavior slide for far too long and this is what she got.
In your shoes. I would open talk about the reality and when your mother protests tell her that you are done coddling the toxicity that she and Amy have allowed. You’re not going to pretend everything is wonderful because it’s not. Amy’s drama farming and offensive behavior is her own responsibility to control, and if she won’t, she will find that it starts to burn bridges with family.
Any invitations to participate will be conditional upon her behavior and she will be bounced if she can’t or won’t behave like a mature and personable woman. She is 27, not 7, and her crap is unacceptable. If your mother endorses the behavior, she can share the consequences.
They shape up, or they can stay away. Set the boundary, enforce it.” Winter-eyed
14. AITJ For Blowing Up At My Sister For Saying She's Pregnant?
“I (43f) and my wife (42f) have been together for 6 years now. We currently have two children and a third on the way. My oldest two (4f)(2m) are super excited to be having another sister.
We’ve been trying for a while, and IVF was thankfully successful, finally. We’ve kept my pregnancy from our families for about 4.5 months now due to our families not liking my wife and I’s not only lesbian marriage but also our interracial marriage.
Yesterday, we threw a party during which we announced our pregnancy.
It was obvious that everyone was shocked, and a few were not exactly happy, but we didn’t let it ruin the mood. About 20 minutes after things had settled and everyone congratulated us, my sister stands on top of our outside table and announced to everyone that she is pregnant also.
I didn’t let it bother me because I was happy for her, but I wished she had waited until another day. My wife was not happy with her but did not tell anyone that, and we congratulated her.
About 15 minutes later while talking to my sister alone, she tells me she LIED about the pregnancy but that she and her husband were trying and wanted people to know now.
Mind you, she told everyone she IS 2 months pregnant. I instantly started yelling at her telling her that not only was she a liar but that she did it during the party that my wife and I threw to tell them about OUR pregnancy and how she was selfish and attention-seeking.
She and her husband left as she was crying.
When my mom asked what happened, I explained to her, and my mom told me I should’ve just let her have her moment and left it alone. None of my family will talk to me, and even though my wife’s family is on my side, they think I should’ve done it privately and keep telling my wife and I that I’m in the wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She was being intentionally mean and was fishing for attention and a reaction from you.
Of course in an ideal world, we could always be collected and state our displeasure calmly, but your sister’s actions were definitely out of line and your frustration was understandable.
And knowing your families’ history of disrespecting your relationship it seems that their reaction to the situation is tainted by their bigotry.
If you want to be (overly) constructive about this, message your sister and explain how her behavior was hurtful, but that you are sorry about the screaming.
Anyways good luck and strength dealing with your families and congratulations on the pregnancy!” bluebird-illusion
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your sister has some problems – I don’t know what they are, but standing on a table at someone else’s party to announce your pregnancy and lying about it is VERY strange.
You still shouldn’t have yelled at her, plain and simple. Not only is it better to be the bigger person, but now you have a mess to clean up instead of your sister needing to figure out how she unwinds the false announcement.” CobraPuts
Another User Comments:
“I’m confused as to why your mom thinks you should have let her have her moment. What moment? A moment to lie to everybody about a baby/pregnancy that doesn’t exist. This one lie leads to many other lies.
For everyone in your life telling you that you’re wrong or won’t speak to you – please don’t waste your energy on them.
You were throwing a party for your baby on the way- not your sister or anyone else who is trying or currently expecting. Focus on your family and ignore the less supportive people in your life.
Congratulations on baby girl on the way!” dragonmom03
13. AITJ For Making An Insensitive Joke About My Brother And His Blind Partner?
“I (22M) have an older brother (27M) who’s been with this girl (around the same age) for quite some time.
My brother wasn’t as lucky in the gene pool as me, and he isn’t someone you’d consider conventionally attractive. He’s a good guy, just not lucky with girls or relationships in general. Well, his partner is blind (and also the hottest girl my brother has managed to pick up), and yesterday, they had a family gathering to announce that she’s pregnant.
While it wasn’t a planned pregnancy, they do plan to keep the baby.
My brother’s chick started saying how lucky she is that she’d found a man like my brother, as most men she’d met were only interested in casual interactions with her and didn’t want to be tied down to a blind person, and I made a joke about how most women wouldn’t even look at my brother, so he’s also just as lucky that he found someone like her.
I thought people would laugh at my joke, but instead, it just created an awkward atmosphere and my brother just looked embarrassed. Soon enough the gathering ended and my parents approached me to say that I was out of line with what I said about my brother, especially knowing how much he struggled with insecurity issues when it came to his looks, and that I should apologize to him for ruining such a celebratory moment for him.
I don’t understand how my joke could’ve ruined my brother’s moment, especially cause I’ve always made jokes about his looks, and he’d always laugh them off, but my parents insisted I apologize to him for what I said at the gathering.
AITJ, or are my parents just overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“God, you are that jerk. You put down your brother AND his partner at the same time.
What you said: “He doesn’t stand a chance with anyone but a blind girl, and a blind girl is too blind to realize she’s been duped.”
You called them both losers at the same time, as a response to them declaring their love to each other and during a party celebrating their child, which (you also just implied) will now have the same ugly traits as your brother in proxy.
You aren’t just a jerk, you are a monster.
I’d drop you out of my life permanently for something like this if I were either of them.
YTJ.” Encartrus
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You think it’s okay to bully him just because you’ve…bullied him in the past? Uh, that doesn’t make it any more okay.
He’s laughed it off in the past because he sounds non-confrontational and just hoped you’d outgrow it. At 22 freaking years old, you still haven’t outgrown being a childish bully.
You “don’t understand” how you ruined his celebratory moment? Uh, do people usually feel happier or sadder when someone insults them?
How about if someone insults them while they are celebrating? Can you imagine how spitting in someone’s birthday cake might ruin it for them? Yeah, that’s basically what you did.
You also insulted his chick by basically saying she had lower standards because she was blind, and implying that if she was seeing then she wouldn’t be with him.
Which is a shallow way to view her and her relationship with your brother.
What you said wasn’t a joke. No one else found it funny. You are the problem, you owe him and his partner an apology, and you need to think before you speak.” CrimsonKnight_004
Another User Comments:
“Jokes like these 100% depend on the trust, rapport, and dynamic you have with your loved ones. In some families, screwed-up, out-of-pocket jokes bring everyone closer – but they’re usually families who have incredibly close bonds. In my family, poking fun at even the most vulnerable things about each other is normal and safe.
It’s part of the culture here and we know underneath the obnoxious banter that it’s all love. This doesn’t speak for everyone of course, but my uncles and aunts who are blind and deaf reassure newcomers to the family that they prefer the humor because they can sass right back, and have everyone rolling on the floor with laughter.
We’re never laughing AT each other – always with each other – and if anyone else tried slinging an insult without earning that trust first, they’d get their a***s handed to them by the lot of us.
In your situation, it looks like you tried very risky banter without reading the room and it backfired. You can’t neglect building that bond and trust with your sibling and then expect a jab like that to go down a treat.
YTJ right now, but what you choose to do next counts for a lot.
You’ve got an opportunity to right your wrongs, fix this, and build a stronger relationship with your bro and his girl. Insecurities and bullcrap aside, I’m sure that you’re stoked about them finding happiness together.
If you love your brother and want the best for him, make sure your whole family knows that. It’s going to feel scary if you’re in the habit of trying to lean on comic relief (relief for you, that is) in moments when folks need to know you care.
Get it right, and maybe this time next year you’ll all be able to laugh about this.” Glum-Visual-1574
12. AITJ For Not Allowing My Sister's Partner In Our Apartment?
“I (27F) share an apartment with my sister (19F).
Let me preface this by saying that I am the only one on our lease, since she is not old enough (our complex says you have to be 21), so right now, she pays less than half the rent in exchange to stay here, which is around $400 out of $955.
She doesn’t pay for anything else: bills, utilities, etc.
Two weeks ago, after having an argument with our mother and I over not helping pay for other utilities, cleaning up messes, generally being a not-great roommate, my sister left the apartment and went to visit her partner (19M) at the bakery where he works.
He and I have had disagreements in the past about him smoking (not tobacco) in our apartment, which puts me at risk for eviction, and over him leaving messes and trash around when he comes to visit (where he normally stays for a few days at a time).
After this disagreement, however, I received a text from him after midnight telling me that I needed to call him to talk. I didn’t answer because I was upset myself, and I’ve not one to be confrontational, especially when I’m not calm.
He arrived at my apartment with my sister.
It was after 1 AM at this point. I was in bed, lights off, in pajamas, when he began pounding on my door. Before I even answered, he opened it and was in my room, yelling at me about letting my mom come between me and my sister.
I was already shaken at that point (my door doesn’t lock, so I was already very caught off guard), and I was scared. I told him that it was something between my mom, my sister, and myself. Not him.
He stormed into my room and tossed his key that my sister had given to him onto my nightstand told me to “have a nice e****g life” and slammed my door shut again before I could even answer.
I told my sister I didn’t feel comfortable with him coming to our apartment anymore. It’s been a week, and she and I just had our first fight about it tonight. I held my ground and said I didn’t want him over. She says I’m irrational and being selfish and that I’m destroying her mental health by banning him, but I really don’t feel comfortable and technically (and legally) it IS my apartment.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t let him back in your apartment EVER. He could apologize until he is blue in the face, no one gets to storm into your home and behave that way, then have the audacity to expect to be able to waltz back in like nothing happened.
I see a lot of people have mentioned getting g a restraining order, but those are not as easy to get as they would think. It takes a lot of documentation of stalking and maltreatment (usually in the form of police reports) to typically get one.
You should file something with your PD regarding his trespassing and menacing behavior, though… just in case anything causes him to escalate, especially regarding the safety of your sister. If he treated you that way, can you just imagine what he has done to your sister when they’re alone?
Definitely NTJ and get your locks changed since she’s giving out copies of your house key without getting your explicit permission.” kristiswright
Another User Comments:
“Lodge a report with the police. Get it on record, what happened, what was said, the threatening demeanour and words used and the invasion of privacy at 1 am (for goodness sake!) Having an official account of it will help out if you want to go down the route of getting a restraining order in the future.
You are not responsible for any conversation that your mother has with your sister. Clearly, your mother sees that your sister isn’t acting responsibly and isn’t contributing fairly towards the living situation.
How can your sister not see how incredibly inappropriate her BF behaved including making threats towards you?
Ask her if she was in your position with the 1 am scenario and was on the receiving end of the tirade, would she be ok with it? Would she be happy for him to come to her home and behave like that? If he didn’t hesitate to go to your home in the middle of the night and rage & threaten you; what will your sister’s future life be like if they continue this relationship & lived together… I’d be very afraid for her future safety too if she continued this relationship.
Perhaps a sit-down meeting between you, your mom & sister, and a neutral 3rd party to be a buffer/mediator. Give everyone time to think about what they want to bring to the table, make notes so nothing is forgotten and even have examples of how others share expenses & agreements so sister can see that the balance isn’t fair & it’s not just you and mum saying so.
Have ground rules that there is no interrupting someone while they are talking (a mediator can help keep on track). Allow feelings to be expressed & be open to feedback etc. Keep topics in their lane- rent & financials and very separate issues from the abusive incident & behavior.
The mediator is not to be involved or seen as taking sides, purely to help the communication flow and not get off track. Take 10-minute “time outs” if needed. Have a follow-up meeting if needed.
Who the F smokes in someone’s house without consent to do so?!
The audacity of him.
I hope your family comes together and you & your sister can repair your relationship. She may not come around straight away, it might not be until some time down the track that she gets out of that relationship before she can see clearly again.
She’s young, dumb & in love. When you’re in love, you do stupid crap; her head is probably in the love clouds and all she hears is the BF saying all the right words to make her push you all away. When she finally gets free of the relationship, please welcome her back into your world.
Set boundaries of course but she will need you and mum.
Good luck! You are most definitely NTJ.” Western_Process_2101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I keep seeing people recommending or saying to kick her out also, so I’m just going to say this:
PLEASE BE CAREFUL ABOUT KICKING SISTER OUT!
I get where people are coming from about sister, but honestly, the dude gives off bad vibes and tries to isolate her from family. She’s an adult and can make mistakes but he already manipulated the both of them into letting him have a key because F##kstick von Mariana Flag didn’t want to interrupt his nappy time when the rent-paying occupants of the apartment left for work.
He should have been leaving when you and / or your sister left, period. He had access to your unlocked bedroom during that time with clearly no respect for your boundaries and personal space, by the way.
Sit down with her, explain exactly why he made you feel unsafe in your own home, how every step he took was completely unacceptable, and how dangerous a situation he put the both of you in, and the consequences of that, is he’s no longer allowed in the apartment.
Don’t try and convince her to leave him. If she chooses to leave to be with him for her mental health, keep the door open for her to talk and visit, just without him. I’m just saying don’t kick her out and into the arms of this jerk as it wouldn’t be surprising if that was the reaction he was hoping for to further manipulate and mistreat her.” SleepyDog82gamer
11. AITJ For Accusing My Friend Of Copying Me On Social Media?
“I (26F) have been friends for a decade with “Janet,” (24F). We had never been super close up until 2020. Janet has always had some sort of disability, the most prominent being an autoimmune disorder that causes chronic pain. Janet is also very prominent on social media and often discusses her disabilities very openly.
I am not and haven’t really discussed mine in length.
Recently, I have been afflicted by really bad pains in my hands due to my job. I expressed how badly things had gotten when I found myself physically incapable of using my left hand for the most basic of tasks, such as picking up a pencil or waving.
I told Janet about it, as she is a friend, and she was sympathetic. But then, less than 24 hours later, I went onto her social media and I found her crying to her followers about her own “chronic hand pain.” I was kind of dumbfounded since she had just been with me the day before opening jars and carrying around things with no pain or complaints.
I decided to let this go and believe that she may in fact be suffering like I am because, how do I know if she hasn’t been dealing with this? But then it started getting weird.
Janet started asking me more and more questions.
What the pain feels like, how frequently, does it shoot to other places or was it localized, etc. At first, I didn’t think anything of it and answered her… only for her to have the same type of pain less than 24 hours later! I was shocked that she would say that she had the same level and type of pain as me, even using the same terminology I did.
I decided to stop answering her questions, and for a couple of months, she stuck with what she had already told her following. Until last night.
After a few visits with my doctor, my pain is gone, thankfully. The only thing that is gone for good is the grip strength I once had, but I just have to cope with it and manage.
Janet called me last night and I, stupidly, told her that my pain is gone and explained my grip strength issues. Can you guess what happened next?
This morning, less than 12 hours later, Janet posted a 20-minute sob fest on social media regarding her “grip strength” and how she is going to have to cope with it leaving her.
I watched as she dramatically let tears fall down her face while discussing how she can’t do basic tasks anymore. Frustrated, I texted Janet and told her to stop mimicking my very painful condition and using my symptoms as her own for her following and for attention.
She wrote back that I was a jerk for suggesting she was doing that and then ran to her social media to state that a friend thinks she’s faking and how hurt she is.
At first, I gave her the benefit of the doubt, but after her symptoms mirrored mine so quickly, it was suspicious.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What she is doing is actually really harmful to the disabled/chronic illness community she is apparently a part of. What she is doing is not okay! You were right to call her out. I would never share anything about your health with her again.
This has happened to me as well and it’s awful!
-a disabled person who has been living with 25-30 chronic illnesses (including multiple degenerative neurological disorders) for 20 years and has a paralyzed hand from a nurse who hit my nerve, not my vein when trying to set an IV.
People like her are the reason I stopped trying to find a community/support system online as so many people just want attention or to have a suffering contest. I don’t have the energy for that nonsense! I just wanted to find people who would understand how hard it is to lose so much when you lose your health.” Deep_Middle9124
Another User Comments:
“That is not your friend.
I had a friend who did this all the time. And it didn’t just stop at looking for sympathy for pain.
This friend also stole very personal stories to do with childhood trauma that me and a few friends had shared in private.
I only found out the truth of this when I met an ex of his, and she was telling me a story he had told her about a very specific event I had told him about when I had a mental breakdown from it. Word for word stole it.
People like that are not your friends.
NTJ, and if anything, my petty butt would put it all on blast to show the truth.” SundaeRealistic629
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
“She told me that she has not been tested, but she feels she has one, she just doesn’t know which one.”
I know from experience that it’s hard to get a diagnosis from doctors when you have an autoimmune illness or a chronic pain/fatigue syndrome, but this statement really rings alarm bells for me. Especially alongside your experience of her literally taking the words out of your mouth and parroting them to her social media followers.
People with genuine illnesses want to get a diagnosis. They want to take the tests and rule out the possibilities that aren’t right. They want to get better. There is very rarely a good reason for not seeking answers.
It sounds to me like your friend needs to be evaluated for Factitious Disorder, rather than an autoimmune illness.” Normal-Height-8577
10. AITJ For Using My School's Food Bank, Even Though I Live In A Big House?
“My family is broke enough that we struggle with a lot of everyday expenses and qualify for some government assistance but not broke enough that we’re not able to eat or anything like that (partly because my mom works a second job under the table).
I (f18) work but my parents don’t want me to pay for household expenses because those funds will be used to pay for my school.
I go to a community college that has a food bank for students. All students qualify and you can go once a week.
To relieve some of the pressure on my family, I go to the food bank every week and we stock the fridge/pantry with what we do eat and anything in the boxes that we don’t eat is donated. For example, we get milk and eggs a couple of times a month.
We raise chickens so we don’t usually need the eggs and most of my family is lactose intolerant and can’t have the milk so we give them to the single mom in the apartment down the street or if we get a snack that we don’t like we either give it to someone that w know needs it or we drop it off in a food donation bin.
Someone I know saw me in line for the food bank and called me selfish for going since she’s seen my house and knows we can afford it (we have a big house in a good neighborhood but we bought it for next to nothing because it was unlivable and my dad, uncle, and their friends had to spend over a year fixing it up).
I know everyone qualifies for the food bank but I was wondering if we really are selfish for taking advantage of it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
What you see from the street isn’t the whole picture.
This classmate of yours is living off the notion that food banks are only for people who are homeless.
This is very misguided of her, but it isn’t your place to correct her.
Many people are working poor. They work. They manage to keep themselves from being evicted. But they don’t have enough to get themselves out of that rut.
Food banks are there for both ends of this.
Your family is working poor – they managed to get a house and they are working but still just can’t get out of not having enough. Foodbanks can help with this – the bucks saved on groceries can help a family buy other needed supplies or help them chip away at debts that may be holding them hostage.
Please try not to feel guilty. You are doing a good thing for your family and you are not taking advantage of anything. If you ARE feeling guilty, maybe reach out to one of the people who runs the food bank (an employee or organizer, NOT a random volunteer) and ask them for clarification on who qualifies to use this food bank.
They won’t say “only people who are homeless.”” Ohcrumbcakes
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s for students. Not your whole family. You taking stuff is no problem. But not the whole family. And even worse. Taking stuff you don’t even eat and re-donating it is gross.
You need to stop this. It’s for the students. Feed yourself and refuse anything that you can’t use before you take it.” turriferous
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and this is exactly why food banks are available.
I don’t agree with people who have tons of finances and buy designer everything going to them, but your situation is not that.
Food insecurity is a big deal and also eating healthier options costs more. If you can eat healthier and not worry about food, then you are absolutely doing the right thing.
I am disabled and got seriously injured at the beginning of August, so my husband had to quit working and take care of me full-time.
I had casts on both legs for 4.5 months and then braces, and I’m just now relearning how to walk but still can’t even sleep in our bed; it isn’t accessible enough. So for the first time in our lives, we are getting help with food.
Despite having a house in a nice area. Every time we think my husband can go back to work, I have a major medical setback, and it is delayed. We still need to eat. My only regret is that I can’t go to a food bank because I can’t get up for long and that I didn’t apply sooner.
We get just enough help that hopefully we can manage. I lost almost 30 pounds before giving in and asking for help.
Don’t feel guilty. But in the future when you are doing well and have graduated college and established yourself, pay it forward by donating to food banks in your area.
That would be awesome.” Americanhealth74
9. AITJ For Purposely Not Doing My Partner's Laundry Before His Interview?
“To keep this short, my (25f) partner (26m) had a big interview on Friday that could jumpstart his career. He’s been planning for it for about 3 weeks. Usually, I do all the laundry and take care of our flat in terms of cleaning.
On Wednesday, he told me he wanted to wear a very specific blazer, and it was in the bin to be washed. I usually do laundry on the weekends because I am a full-time uni student + I work part-time, so during the week is hard to make time to go to the laundromat.
I told him I would do it Thursday night though, and he said ok. (Mind you, he hasn’t been working since he just graduated school in the fall semester, so since the end of December, his parents have helped him pay the rent until he gets a job.)
Anyway, Thursday rolls around, and I get home from class, and he’s just playing a video game, and he immediately asks me when I’m going to do laundry since he’s very nervous and wants it to go perfectly. I’m so tired from school because I had an exam he didn’t even ask me about, so I feel irritated and say I’m going to do it later, but I’m going to nap first. He again says ok, and he’s going to meet up with a friend for a drink to help calm his nerves.
Anyway, as the title says, I ended up not doing the laundry because I was tired and also partially mad. He was super livid, ended up wearing something else, and saying that I screwed him up by not fulfilling what I agreed to. I thought this might blow over since he said it still went well despite me “attempting to sabotage him,” but he is not speaking to him still and has even said he may go stay with his parents over this.
Was I really that much of a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I think you are right to be mad, and it sounds like this conflict was always going to happen at some point as he’s treating you like a bang maid.
You should NOT be doing the majority of household chores, and that he couldn’t even bother to care you were tired after a full day – dang.
You sound overworked, and him putting everything on you is a part of that. How often do you accept more than you can handle? Are you a people pleaser?
The “you promised” is a pretty darn weak defense from him, as are his plans. He can cancel them.
If a blazer was so darn important, he should have gotten off his butt to take care of his crap instead of putting it on his exhausted partner while he played all day and then went out that evening to play.
So while I do think you were a bit petty, I don’t think the lack of a blazer would tank an interview.
Oversleeping after being exhausted isn’t sabotage.
You had one moment of not being a great partner. He doesn’t sound like a good partner at all.” Kettlewise
Another User Comments:
“Going with ESH.
Him for not doing his laundry (or much of anything really) for 3 weeks, knowing he wanted to wear that specific blazer.
Also, more that a little bit of an overreaction to say that the blazer is what screwed up his interview. He had other stuff to wear, and if it was that important to him to have that specific blazer for the interview, he’s more than capable of doing his own laundry.
That being said, you did say you would wash it, and then you didn’t. He was counting on you doing it and you let him down. You could’ve just told him to do it himself if you weren’t going to. I get your frustration, you have school, work, and it sounds like you do most of the housework on top of it if he’s sitting around gaming and asking you to do the laundry he could easily do himself with all this downtime he has.
There’s no reason he couldn’t put the game down for a bit and handle it. That’s still not a good reason to lie about doing a basic household task. Communicate – would it have really been that hard to just tell him you’re tired, so if he needs it done by x time he should do it himself?
You said it was partly because you over-napped and partly because you were mad. Had you just overslept, I’d say NTJ, accidents happen, you’re burnt out, and he would be overreacting for nothing. There’s no way that blazer was the make-or-break deciding factor he’s acting like it is.
Instead, you admit you did it cause you were mad, hence the ESH. I wouldn’t go as far as to call it “sabotage” necessarily, maybe a lazy ineffective attempt at it, but it was still intentionally spiteful regardless of how much it actually played into the outcome.
You do realize that your bf (who you share a home and living expenses with) having a job so he can contribute to those expenses is something you want, right? Next time, instead of trying to sabotage him, either do what you say you’re going to do or tell him that you’re not his personal laundry service and he can do it himself.
Those are the non-jerk options available to you. He overreacted, but it was still a reaction to what you did (or in this case didn’t do). Would’ve never happened if you were just upfront with him about the laundry (I hope, unless he’s just a jerk in general but then why even be with him?).
He sucks for being a jerk back, but you kinda started it.
Apologize to each other, communicate openly going forward, and move on. If this is a one-off in an otherwise good relationship, it’s a good opportunity for some growth for both of you. You guys are in your mid-20s now, it’s time for you to communicate like an adult and time for him to start doing things for himself, also like an adult.
The situation is salvageable as long as nobody doubles down. You’ve gotta be honest and he’s gotta realize the blazer didn’t mean crap, and he’s blowing it out of proportion.” Patient-Vacation-530
Another User Comments:
“A soft ESH.
You should have told him to take his washing himself as he’s not working and you are.
You knew you don’t have time to do the washing during the week.
What was stopping your partner from doing his own laundry? He’s known about this interview for three weeks. Why did he leave it until midweek the week of the interview to tell you he needed the blazer cleaning when he knows you only do the laundry over the weekend because you don’t have time during the week due to work and course commitments?
He’s been stressing over this interview and planning it for so long, so why on earth was he sitting playing video games all day the day before the interview knowing his blazer hadn’t been cleaned yet, sat waiting for you to finish work and uni to go out and clean it?
If it was that crucial to him he really should have got off his butt and taken it to the laundromat himself. Any reasonable person would. I bet he was the kind of kid who always told his Mom he needed a costume for school just as he was going to bed the night before it was needed, and his mommy would always pull an all-nighter making sure he had it.
Your man sucks significantly more than you do. You suck because you failed to set a boundary. He sucks because he expected you to be his Mommy and run around sorting out his interview outfit last minute because he couldn’t be bothered to plan it far enough in advance for it to go into your usual weekend laundry, or be bothered to go to get it cleaned himself despite having ample time and energy to do it himself.
Your partner is waving all the red flags, oceans of marinara. Take note.” Medium-Fan440
8. AITJ For Putting A Big Water Bill On My Tenants?
Something needs to be investigated here.
“Our tenants have been living there for a year now, and they’ve always made payments on time. A week ago, the water company sent them a $5,000 bill along with a notice that they had been using abnormally large amounts of water for the past 3 months.
The water bill is in their name, and the company bills once every two months.
When I got there, I was surprised to see a circle of tiny lawn sprinklers squirting in the lawn. I didn’t even realize our property was installed with lawn sprinklers.
I’ve previously lived there for years and have never turned them on. But apparently, they were turned on somehow and have been left like that for months. I didn’t know how to turn them off, so I just hired a plumber to shut off the valve to the sprinklers.
I paid for the plumber.
In our lease, it is specified that they will pay for utilities and water. But the tenant said they don’t know how it was turned on and that they just didn’t notice the sprinklers going off in the yard for months during the rainy season.
Now they want us to foot the bill because they say it’s our fault that they were never informed of the sprinklers’ existence. But I know they must have turned it on somehow while living there because I’ve lived there for ages without anything happening.
I don’t understand how they couldn’t notice lawn sprinklers going off for months without telling us or doing anything.
The water company is unwilling to lower the bill, and I think they should pay it, although I might be willing to pay part of it as a symbol of good faith.
They told me that their finances are very tight. They are three college friends in their 20s with no dependents working as very highly-paid engineers at Microsoft, so I know they can pay it off when their paycheck arrives. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The bills come every other month.
The latest bill included a warning about 3 months of excessive water usage. Meaning at some point in the final month of the prior billing period, something happened with the water sprinkler system. Considering these men warned you when they got the second bill, I want to lean towards the first bill couldn’t have been too much higher than normal. Or they ***umed it was something they did and tried to cut back.
That did not work, and the following billing cycle added a m***ive bill to the point that they got you involved because no way they are consuming that much water.
You lived in the home for 10 years. In all that time, you never noticed the sprinklers.
But upon arrival, noticed them. That’s a bit odd and leads me to believe they are somewhere not super obvious. If you didn’t notice them for 10 years, you can’t expect them to have noticed them in those 3 months.
You then call a plumber out. Instead of asking him what was wrong, you have him shut the water off to the system.
You are now unwilling to hire someone to look at the system and discover what is wrong with it.
I’m sorry, but the tenants are not responsible for the sprinklers they didn’t know about that most likely broke sometime in the last 3 months. I recommend they hire someone to come look at it and then sue you for all the damages, the cost of the repairs, and the repairman when it’s found out that it broke which is definitely on the homeowner, not the tenants!
YTJ.” Critical-Musician630
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
It is your fault. It’s your property. How do you not know you have sprinklers on your own property? I at first ***umed they were running hoses or something. You say you “know” they must have turned them on.
Except you don’t actually know that so that’s a lie. You’re just ***uming they did because you didn’t. If you didn’t know you had sprinklers then how can you be surprised that they didn’t either? Even if they saw them on they’d ***ume that was you taking care of the lawn how you see fit.
I know I wouldn’t have ***umed that water was coming out of the same meter I have to pay for as many properties have irrigation water that is separate.
Even if they turned it on it sounds like you have zero reasons to assume that as they’ve been good tenants paying on time.
I think this time around you’re gonna have to******* up and give them the benefit of the doubt about that. You didn’t even know you had sprinklers at all, so it makes me wonder if you also didn’t know there was an automated schedule set to kick them on.
I’m sorry but I’m always biased toward tenant rights in these situations and if you overlooked sprinklers on your own property then that sounds like landlord responsibility to me.” ChevCaster
Another User Comments:
“I live in a high water cost area and had a sprinkler line break off – so the entire section was just slow leaking into the ground 24/7 for who knows how long.
I got a similar letter from the water company. My bill (2 months) was $800. My normal bill is $75 except at the height of summer when we water 7 days a week, 3x per day, when it’s about $150.
A $5k water bill would be a fire hydrant or the yard would be a literal swamp.
Even in the rainy season, you’d have to notice. It’s not raining 24/7 for 90 days. Fwiw – if something is broken the water company will often reduce the bill by a certain percentage if you show that it was broken but you fixed it (here it’s 50%).
I feel like the owner knew or should have known, but the tenant also had a duty to recognize something was happening.
The tenant has some responsibility to regularly check to make sure things are ok and let the landlord know there’s problems.
I have a spare bathroom that I never use.
Once in a while, I pop my head in, flush the toilet, and run the shower for 30 seconds.
Fix the problem. If it was broken, split the bill. If tenants turned it on and couldn’t figure out how to turn it off, they pay.
ESH.” ParisThroughWindows
7. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Step-Sister's Treatment With My Education Fund?
Family or not, it’s not their responsibility.
“My mom passed away when I was 7.
She was an only child and her folks had passed away long before I was born. She left her estate to my dad with finances in an account for my future.
My dad has a hard time dealing with her death. He fell apart. I went to go live with my aunt because he was not doing well.
So I basically lost both parents in one go. He came to visit me every once in a while and after about two years he did come and get me. He had met my stepmother and he wanted a family again. I wish he hadn’t.
My stepmother isn’t a terrible person. She was actually pretty nice. She didn’t try and replace my mom. And she was fair in how she dealt with myself and her daughter who was my age.
My father, however, overcompensated a lot. He would give my stepsister anything to try and win her over.
The year we turned 16 he bought us a car to share. But she monopolized it and would only let me have it when her mom insisted I get a turn. My dad would tell me to just let her have it.
I eventually just stopped using it at all.
I got scholarships and got out of the house as soon as I could. When I graduated from college I approached my dad about getting the funds my mom left me to put a downpayment on a house. He told me that there was only like $5,000 left.
This was really strange. I did receive an allowance from my dad while I was at school. It was great because it meant I didn’t have to work. I could just concentrate on school.
It turns out he used the funds to pay for my stepsister’s college.
And give her an allowance. And pay for the insurance on her car, which it turns out, he also bought out of those finances.
I was, and honestly still am, furious. I had him show me the account. There was actually a little over $6,000 then.
I took it all. I used it to get an apartment in town and never went back to his house.
I have done well since and finally own my own home. I am married to an amazing woman, and we are building a great life together.
My stepsister on the other hand is kind of a *******. She was recently arrested for driving under the influence again. So her trial is coming up and if she completes an inpatient treatment for her drinking problem, she may get probation rather than incarceration.
My dad doesn’t have any finances to help her.
She doesn’t have a dime either. So my dad approached me. I said no thank you. He said if I didn’t help her, then he would have to mortgage my childhood home. So I told him that he could have all the finances my mom left for me.
He is mad at me and says that I don’t understand what he went through to get where he is.
I told him that neither him nor the kid he sucked up to with my finances were my problem.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Since he wants to use your childhood home to emotionally manipulate you, all is fair after that.
What he did with the funds is illegal and called theft. He clearly doesn’t see or comprehend or likely care as to why he is in the wrong. I guarantee he knew every time he took the finances out that it was not his to take.
kudos for taking the remainder and not looking back and for making something of yourself. If you chose not to take action against him for what he had no right to give to your stepsister, clearly that’s up to you. But never think you are in the wrong for standing up for yourself and not allowing him to do that to you with his poor behavior, who in turn has done a terrible job raising your stepsister.
Grief is no excuse for being a crappy human being. I’d not offer up a dime. Let him get a personal loan then to help your stepsister out of the mess she’s made since he enjoys enabling her.” Hey_Blondie73
Another User Comments:
“So let me get this straight.
He stole thousands of bucks your mother intended for you. Despite that you STILL offered him what little finances was left of your inheritance AND HE IS LIVID?! I get you think this is rubbing it in face, but honestly, it’s far more generous than I would be.
You owe him nothing. He stole and planned poorly. And, like in many cases, the GC suffers as well because they don’t have the skills to cope with life as an adult. Your dad, in short, royally screwed up. But none of that, not a single atom of it, is on you.
It is not on you to fix their mess.
One thing I want to share-when you grow up expected to always put the feelings of others ahead of yourself, having normal boundaries feels incredibly selfish and bad. But that doesn’t mean it’s bad. It’s like when you go to the gym for the first time.
You don’t know what you’re doing so it’s awkward and the next day you hurt. Not because you did anything wrong, but because you’re using muscles you never used before. It takes practice to get to the point where you can be comfortable prioritizing yourself without being like “Wait am I being selfish?” If you can, I’d recommend therapy to help you with that journey and how to proceed with whatever relationship, if any, you want to maintain with your father and step-sister.” Born_Ad8420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Instead of putting her on probation, they need to put her to work in a hospital where she can do scut work and see what happens when you drive intoxicated and kill somebody or hurt yourself. I have zero sympathy for anyone who drives impaired. I don’t have much sympathy for someone who goes out and gets impaired. It’s scary as heck to drive down the road and suddenly stop because there’s a body in the middle of the street.
Thankfully, the girl was just completely intoxicated and passed out, so I was able to prevent someone from hitting her until the police and ambulance arrived. I didn’t know she was intoxicated. I was just thankful she wasn’t dead. I don’t even want to think about what her bal was.” Kooky-Hotel-5632
6. AITJ For No Longer Financially Contributing To The Household After Moving Back In With My Parents?
“I (22F) have been diagnosed with depression and gaming addiction. I hold a stable job making a very good salary, and I have moved back with my parents to save up for a down payment as well as their general concern over my mental state.
To be frank, I have no hobbies other than gaming, and the only social life I have is playing games with IRL and online friends. However, after I graduated from university and came back, my parents have elected to smash one of my monitors, cut my ethernet cord, and now physically taken my PC due to arguments over my gaming habits.
After work, I come home and play games until I sleep, and over on the weekends, I play games the entire day.
It has been going on since two weeks ago, and they are refusing to give back my PC even though my psychologist says that this is doing more harm than anything.
They call me childish for not being able to control my own habits despite the fact that I am holding my own job. This has caused me to become more depressed than usual, with my days now often spent 95% of the time with me in bed aimlessly scrolling through social media.
I am back on my antidepressants, and they seem to think that this is the better alternative. I have voiced this opinion countless times but they refuse to listen to me or my psychologist (and I have a letter written from them).
I use to pay a much above average monthly rent for my 1 bedroom and washroom that I share with my siblings.
However, this month, I refused to pay my “rent” since they are treating me as a “child,” and as a “child,” they do not pay rent.
They are now calling me a vindictive jerk and freeloader because I am no longer contributing to the household.”
Another User Comments:
“This is one of those stories where I feel like I need more information. I suspect if I were to ask the parents their perspective, they’d give me a very different story. (Not to say I think you are being dishonest.)
Is it cool for them to destroy your stuff?
Absolutely not. But I’m a firm believer that if you live under my roof, you live under my rules. Period. Rent or no rent, it’s my own home.
If my kid was ever to live in my home again, it would be a very specific arrangement designed to help them move on to bigger and better things, not a crutch to fuel unhealthy behavior.
If you don’t like rules, you are free to go. No harm, no foul.
But breaking those rules should bring an eviction notice, not destruction of property.
As for OP, it’s not just about maintaining a job. It’s about building a healthy life. I like gaming as much as the next guy, but gaming should be a garnish in your life, not the main course.
Gaming can be a release. But it can quickly become an emotional crutch to numb out rather than taking the time to face and conquer problems and actually make life better.
Going off of only one person’s perspective, I’d say both sides are a*****s in this situation.
Pay your rent dude.” ucacricket
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You haven’t posted details, but having lived with 2 people who also suffered from gaming addictions, they were loud, they did not clean anything, including themselves. They didn’t even flush the toilet so they could quickly go back to their rooms to game.
If you only game and go to work, I can’t imagine you take very good care of yourself on the weekends and after work.
Your parents suck because breaking your PC wasn’t the answer. They should have just given you whatever notice is required in your location and evicted you.” PopRococo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ If you have been diagnosed with a gaming addiction, you are not capable of properly deciding how much is enough and when to stop. But if you hold a stable job and make a good salary, your addiction is not so severe.
I think you have a functioning level of depression and are really into games. Perhaps your gaming helps to alleviate your depression, and it’s the depression that needs to be treated. Your parents are treating you like you have an addiction, but you seem to have no desire to change your gaming habits.
I can see their perspective that taking antidepressants and gaming less or none is the better option if your gaming is really a harmful addiction. No one here can tell you if your gaming is too much and too harmful for you, but your parents think it is.
If it’s their rule that you don’t gamete whatever level they consider excessive, there’s no way around that while living with them. If all you are going to do with your life is play games, I can see why they wouldn’t want to support that, although to be honest, breaking your personal property which you paid for is kind of a jerk move.
But property can be replaced; your life cannot. Even if you are paying rent, you are their child and are going to be treated like that if you live with them, so either stay with them and let them help you with your gaming addiction, or find your own gaming hovel and get on with your life.
Tell them to put the finances for your broken equipment towards the down payment.” el_pedanto
Another User Comments:
“YTJ- you don’t get to move back with parents and then lounge around all day every day. When do they have personal space in their home?
It’s nothing like watching your child sit there, wasting their life playing games all day. Making finances or not, there’s a thing called wasted space, and you’re it. No one will force you to become better. You have to want to make the change. And while I’m sure your parents expected more from you than to work play games and die, they are wrong for touching your stuff.
But still, you can’t just stop paying rent because of what they did. Tell them you will be taking the cost of replacing the items out of the bills, but you should still pay something. But until you start trying to do something this will keep happening.
Also, stop wasting time and/or seeing a psychologist if you don’t really want to change. I love my kids. And I love it when they are home, but I still want an empty house at times. I push and want to know my kids are LIVING.” Foxieknows2Much
5. AITJ For Not Explaining Why Some Family Members Weren't Invited To My Wedding?
“Recently, my partner (25M) and I (24M) of 4 years recently got married. I come from a very traditional, if not stereotypical, Latino family. The chisme (gossip) is DEEPLY ENGRAINED in the whole family. I have about 7 uncles, one of which is also bisexual like myself.
He got married some time ago, and when he sent out invites to the whole family, a large majority of them declined because of “religious reasons” which really saddened him. I kept this in mind when it came time to send out my invitations and those particular family members did not get one.
About a week ago, my husband and I went to my dad’s house for the annual family reunion. I really didn’t want to go because I knew in the back of my mind this absolutely was going to get around, despite the lack of posting on any social media, but my dad and mom really wanted me there.
They are very supportive and the “Be loud and proud” type people and I love them to death for it, even if it’s a little obnoxious (the spirit is what counts though right?). I voiced this concern to my dad and he was very insistent that if crap goes south, he’ll be right there to laugh about it.
The entire time, my husband and I are getting some intense side-eye. The family that didn’t attend didn’t even try to hide the fact that they were whispering about my husband and I. About 2 hours later as I am 6 or so drinks in, the straight uncles took the initiative and decided to “ambush” me and ask why they weren’t invited. I was polite and reminded them that they turned down the bi-uncle’s wedding for religious reasons.
They responded with at least wanting to be thought about and being invited. I told them that I did think about them and decided they weren’t worth the $.57 postage to be told they weren’t going to attend for bigoted reasons.
It would be understating to say that their reaction was less than pleased. Crap hit MULTIPLE fans.
My uncles went off for being compared to a postage stamp. My dad was EATING it up. My mom was a little mad at me for causing a disturbance in her house though (which unfortunately made me question everything at that moment). My grandma was giving me the “Judges in Spanish” look.
My husband kind of grabbed my hand and said let’s get out of here before you anger me any more people (in a laughing manner), and proceeded to drive us home.
My dad sent me a “That’s my boy! Good on you for standing up for yourself!” text.
My mom was still less than thrilled about how things went down. My bi uncle sent me a text “Saying thank you for standing up for me but, now my relationship with my brothers is strained to heck, and I didn’t want that.” My phone and social media have been blowing the heck up ever since then but I’m kind of ignoring it though.
But I do feel bad for my uncle because he just wants to be close with ALL his brothers and not just one.
So, AITJ for how things went down?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The hatchet to bury belongs to the one uncle, it’s not yours to stoke the fire with.
It appears your one uncle and his brothers are on good terms despite their personal beliefs and this may have come about through a lot of impassioned dialog to get them there.
All of your uncles, religious or not, presumably want the best for you.
Not agreeing with who is your significant other does not mean they stopped caring. A case in point is your one uncle still having some relationship with his brothers. It’s quite possible your religious uncles have had some change in heart, perhaps in time they saw the pain they put your uncle through.
I’m not trying to play devil’s advocate here, because I can’t, since your religious uncles were never given the chance to express themselves about your wedding. That is, with the exception of them wanting to be invited.” PopcornDelights
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Did they really want to be invited?
Do you think they learned from their mistake with your uncle and wanted to show they’ve changed? Or did they want to be able to make a big show of rejecting your invitation and passing judgment?
Either way, as much as it sucks for your uncle now, if his relationship with his brothers was built on ignoring their homophobia, he’s really not in as good as place as he thinks he is.
It might benefit him in the long run for the family to be called out and hopefully let every one cultivate more authentic relationships in the future. But, even if that doesn’t happen, you have every right in standing up for you and your husband, so it doesn’t even have to be about him.
BRAVO for doing it! Also, I love your dad!” BreakfastF00ds
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you did not only stand up for your uncle, you stood up for yourself and ANY other family member who is LGBTQ+. Also, they only wanted to be invited to reject you, and you just did not give them the pleasure to dismiss you.
There is always one who needs to be the first one to stand up against the bullies, and you, my man, were that hero in this story.
There is always one who needs to be the first one to stand up against the bullies, and you, my man, were that hero in this story.
Not responsible for that. Is it his responsibility to realize it and heal or keep taking the mistreatment.” Not_lovely
4. AITJ For Ruining The Family Tree?
“I F (22) have been with my partner Luca M (23) since my senior year of high school. For a little context, Luca is infertile, and the chances of us having our kids are extremely low.
I am well aware of this and it truly doesn’t bother me. I have also never really wanted kids, especially at a young age. Luca and I are on the same page and we want to live our 20s free of the responsibilities kids bring.
My family on the other hand does not agree with our ways of thinking. I am an only child and the only one left to “continue our bloodline” – my dad’s words. We were having dinner and the conversation over dinner was going well until my mom and grandma brought up the conversation of marriage and kids.
They asked when we planned to get married and we said it wasn’t our main priority. Mind you we have just begun our careers and are not in a financial state to even consider a wedding. My mom’s rebuttal to my statement was that she would cover any expenses, which also meant she would control everything, I said firmly no thank you we’ll wait.
They also discussed kids and said we’d have to have them quickly because my “fertile clock is ticking.” Luca told them that was ok because he was infertile. My mom goes, “So you won’t give me proper grandkids?” She then goes and I quote, “I have already accepted that my grandchild won’t be pure with your genes, now you say you can’t have any at all.” I blew up and asked what she meant by pure and that she was being completely disrespectful to us.
Luca is Cuban and has a darker complexion which my family seems to find an issue with. I have come to find out they have been bad-mouthing us behind our backs. She said that we have never had a mixed child in the family. Luca then asks if we were to have a kid, would they not love it because it wouldn’t be white?
They called him rude for insinuating such a thing. I backed him up and said if we have kids or not is up to us and told them they were out of line. She also added that if we adopt we’d ruin our family tree and it wouldn’t be legit.
I stood up and left with Luca, ending the conversation with you’re all a bunch of screwed-up jerks.
That night, I received a text from my mom. She started by saying I was ungrateful, and I am a disgrace to the family. Saying I should be ashamed of how I spoke to her and that she deserves an apology.
She called me after I left her on read and said I am being brainwashed by Luca. She says she can arrange an artificial insemination with one of her friend’s (white) sons. That I should want kids, especially now because I can stay home and raise them.
I called her a lunatic and said she was a witch. I called her a racist witch who I am frankly ashamed to call my mother. She cried and hung up and I received a text from Dad saying I took it too far, and I’m not allowed back in their home if I don’t plead for their forgiveness and oblige by their standards.
I replied screw you and blocked them both. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your parents are.
My mother looked at our first totally adopted daughter and called her the N-word. I ushered my mother out the door and she was never allowed back.
My children are beautiful. My children are perfect. They are perfectly & exactly what God chose to create. My children would only know love in our home and anyone who didn’t see them as wonderful could stay the heck off our land. (Sorry for the vulgar word)
My husband is full Scots from Scotland he’s a naturalized citizen, I’m 7th generation Texan, black land, gravel road redneck now in expensive shoes. I come from Irish, Scots, Welsh & English ancestors, all poor. My parents were poor before being poor got help. They didn’t have an indoor toilet until my husband bought one & put it in for my mother in her house.
My children are white, Hispanic, black, Comanche, Navajo, and I’m pretty sure I’m forgetting something. We run from almost fish-belly white to dark black. If you add in the sons in-laws & daughter in law, we also have Cuban, Chinese, Japanese, more black, more Hispanic, and again, I’m forgetting something.
Oh! Nigerian naturalized American citizen. Oh, Indian from India, not American Native Tribes.
My family is stinking gorgeous. Amazingly beautiful. We look like an ad for Coca-Cola singing to the world back in the 70’s. We offend racists everywhere we go. We irritate all sorts of political lobbies and activist groups.
And I don’t care. This is MY family. Every shade of skin, every straight, curly, kinky, wavy, red, blonde, brunette, black hair on their heads. The grandchildren being born are gorgeous. Our family tree as turned into an incredibly beautiful vine that twists & turns all over the world.
And frankly, anyone who doesn’t like our variety can kiss my amazingly white rear end. We like each other, we love each other, we are 100% crazy about each other and as my football-playing son-in-law said, “Mess with my little mama’s family and we’ll throw down on you in 8 different languages.” Lol, I’m his little mama.
He’s 6’7 & I’m 5’2″. We’re also various sizes.
I’ve told you all of this, so you’d know that yes, you are correct. Your mama is a racist, your daddy is a bigot, and Luca is your family. Be loyal to your family. If anyone can not love your family then toss them.
We continued to support my mother financially & care for her physically till her death. But she was never allowed ever again to be around my children. Not the birth, step, adopted, or fostered ones, not the white, brown, black, copper tones, gold shades, or ANY of my children.
Some people have to be loved from a distance and not allowed input into your life.
If you and Luca don’t want children then you should not have them. If you don’t want them now but do in your 30’s have them then. If you want them in your 40’s have kids then.
If you think you can’t have kids because Luca is infertile but y’all decide years from now you want kids… I can assure you there are hundreds of thousands of children praying every night someone will come and love them. They are babies, toddlers, young kids, middle schoolers, high schoolers.
They are black, white, brown, golden, every shade skin comes in. They all need care & love. And I can assure you that shooting one out of your body doesn’t make you love a child more than adopting one. Skin doesn’t have to match nor hair nor eyes only hearts need to open to each other.
I hope you choose to keep your parent’s influence a bare minimum because hate gives birth to hate and they will only birth more hate into your life unless they change their hearts. Hate never births love.” Misty-Far
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am very vocal on this subject: STOP PRESSURING PEOPLE TO HAVE CHILDREN.
Look at how many people have kids that they don’t want, or can’t afford just because their family pushes them towards it. My mom was amazing. She supported my lack of interest in parenting. My brother gave her 2 – the first one 5 months after she passed. She was excited to be expecting one, but never expected us to do it FOR HER.
And it was soul-crushing when she didn’t live long enough to be a gramma. And where do people get off thinking they have the superior genes anyway? My kids would have been blind old cat ladies who collect rocks. Oddly enough – that sums my niece up except for the old part.
Seriously though – with the number of kids that are just BORN because having children is what is expected, and those kids being in bad, neglectful situations and ending up in the foster system or on the streets, it’s high time parents stop demanding procreation.
Good for you if you choose yourselves. Good for you if you choose to take on a baby that NEEDS a home. Shame on your parents for putting the pressure and guilt on you for having none at all or adopting and “ruining” the tree.
And a BIG middle finger to them for being uppity that your man is not PURE. Your parents suck. I wish you and him all the best!” oldwitch1982
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I’m black and would go so far as to say nobody’s the jerk – they’re a sad and unfortunate product of their society through and through.
It’s sad when we (all people) see it so ‘thrown’ in our faces.
Someone told me once it is also the beacon of progress. If you thought like your parents – it would mean society had not progressed. Hence, I’m grateful when I see posts like yours.
They remind me there are waves of change because people IN those communities are seeing it for themselves – and that’s progress.
Thank you for not letting us minorities feel gaslit – it feels like it when everyone is assuming families like yours don’t exist or should be excused. It should not be excused, welcome to the side where we see it, acknowledge it – and are willing to tolerate it as long as they see it too and are willing to change it.
Otherwise, f right off with that is fair imho.
Wishing you and Luca all the best! I truly believe what’s ‘meant to happen will happen’, whether it’s for a ‘season, reason, or a lifetime’.
Please just remember not to attach yourself deeply to another family in the wake of such a situation, you will always make your own family when you know what you value and direct your own life based on that.
You and Luca deserve a shot without any pressure.” mayfeelthis
3. AITJ For Leaving My Ex's Stuff Outside?
“My ex-wife and I recently got divorced after almost 10 years of being together. I caught her unfaithful and we tried to reconcile but with no luck. We’ve been on good terms and trying to keep it civil for the sake of our daughter.
Yesterday while I was at work, she messaged me to bring her a few items she had stashed away.
I agreed but told her I would bring them after work. I got caught up at work and when I got home it was late. She wanted me to bring a few folders and a box. My wife during college liked drawing and painting and this box and envelope contained drawings and paintings she did.
She asked me if I could leave it at the door or hand it to her mom.
By the time I got home, I was tired and it was dark outside. My ex-wife is staying at my ex-MIL’s house. When I get to my ex-MIL’s house, my ex-wife is out.
Her mom cannot stand me, so I placed the envelope and box on top her mom’s car and left.
Later that night, my ex-wife calls me asking me where her stuff is. I told her on top of her mom’s car. She thanks me and hangs up.
She calls me back saying it’s not there telling me her mom went out.
I told her it probably fell off while she drove. She starts crying telling me she asked me to do one thing and I can’t even do that. She calls me the worst and tells me I’m horrible.
That she wanted to potentially sell those drawings and paintings. (They were actually really good).
I hang up but it dawns on me that I might have been a bit petty and unreasonable.
Aitj?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
I get that you don’t want to see your MIL; no one likes to be yelled at.
I also understand that it must be hard to have to deal with an ex who was unfaithful. In this situation, you also picked one of the worst ways you could have dealt with it.
You could have told your ex no, sorry I’m not able to, you’ll have to come pick it up.
You didn’t, which put you in this situation where you are now responsible for her belongings that are important to her.
When you get there you see your ex isn’t home, you then had quite a few options. Text her and say sorry, I’ve had a long day and I’m just not able to do it after all, could you please come pick it up tomorrow?
You could have left it at the door, rang the bell/called/texted that it was there and left, so you didn’t have to deal with anyone. You could have even left it on the car if you instantly, while doing so, called and let her know that it was there so they could come get it at once.
Instead, you left it on the car and didn’t tell anyone. Your MIL could have not noticed that it was there if it was dark and she was in a hurry to go somewhere, depending on things like how dark it was, how large the items were, and how tall the car and she is.
Someone could have walked by and just stolen it. The weather could have turned and damaged or destroyed it.
You are the jerk to me in this specific situation because there were so many ways you could have handled this and her cherished belongings, and bar of just throwing her stuff away yourself you picked one of the worst options.” chonkosaurusrexx
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You committed to a job that you didn’t do, and in the process, you destroyed something that mattered to someone. That’s a jerk move, doing nothing would have been better.
Should the mom have seen the box on her car?
Probably, but if she didn’t know to look up there in the dark, she wouldn’t have checked and assumed it was clear.
You ask where the mom went, and try to find the box. This is your mistake, and although you can’t change the past, the least you can do is own it.
As for malice, it’s impossible for us to tell, but I do find it suspect that of all places to place something, the top of a car was it. Like placing the box on the hood would have been 1000x better since it would have been seen.” justUseAnSvm
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You chose not to take any of several much better options…
Tell your ex that you do not wish to interact with her mother and ask her to meet you to collect the box from your home or elsewhere. Regardless of what time you would have dropped it off, you KNEW that you wouldn’t want to interact with her mother and you KNEW that you didn’t want to approach their door because of the RING.
Since you KNEW you didn’t want to actually do either of the two options she asked for, you should have told her that right away.
Being afraid to even leave it by the door seems pretty lame, honestly. And on the car is a ridiculous place to leave it.
The minute you knew you were not going to put it by the door or hand it to the mom, you needed to decide to hold onto it another night until there was a better time to safely turn it over to your ex. You needed to text your ex right then – to let her know what you were actually doing instead of what she was expecting you to do.
Frankly, it does seem more intentional pettiness than just plain incompetence. Neither option paints you in a good light.” swillshop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She wanted them delivered but left no specific instructions or a time that she or her mother would be there. If I am waiting for something valuable to be delivered to me by someone I know, then I would make sure I was available to get them.” feminist1946
2. AITJ For Excluding A New Co-Worker?
She said one thing but felt another.
“I (29M) am a super social guy at work. We used to have a really cold, unwelcoming office, and my team (4 of us altogether) were brought on to improve morale, so I’m not saying that to brag; it’s literally part of my job description – organizing events, fielding complaints and relationship dynamics, just generally making sure everyone is comfortable and happy.
I’d like to say I’m pretty darn well-liked and haven’t seen any evidence to the contrary yet, and this has spilled over into my life in general, and I’m one of those “always smiling” types overall.
The reason I said this is because my colleagues have recently asked if I have a problem with our newest starter (31F).
She works in sales and is a little quiet (most likely because she’s new) but ostensibly nice from what I hear. I’ve not got anything against her personally per se but she’s allegedly mentioned to my team, but not me, that she doesn’t get invited to outside-of-work events (non-official functions, parties, dinners, etc. She’s looped into all official events, of course) or invited out to lunch at all and spends a lot of time alone in and around the office.
I admit to giving her a wide berth but that is just because during her first week before we’d been introduced, I was getting onto the elevator and noticed someone had dropped a key card in the lobby, I recognized her face and approached her at her desk when I got to our floor, she looked apprehensive about me approaching, so I slapped on a smile and went to speak.
I just got out an “excuse me, but I think–” before she interrupted with what sounded like a pre-prepared speech about how she wants to keep work and personal life separate and didn’t wish to engage unless it was work-related. I didn’t say anything and just placed her card on her desk and left it at that.
She approached me at lunch that day to apologize and said she thought I was asking her out but did so in front of a crowd of people to whom I then had to explain myself. Overall, she made me uncomfortable and feel guilty for being friendly, so I tend to follow her rules and only send her emails in group threads.
But seeing as I’m something of a social hub in/outside of work, this had apparently had a knock-on effect of others kind of distancing themselves too.
So, AITJ for following her ROE?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She made it awkward to begin with so you kept your distant.
Then she made it even more awkward by issuing a public apology when it should have been private. Now, she’s saying she isn’t invited to outside non-work related events.
Are you the only person who hosts/organizes these events? If yes, it’s ok not to invite her because she doesn’t mix personal and professional life as she told you.
Even if she apologized for her mistake, I wouldn’t invite her either. Keep it strictly professional. Non-work-related events are personal. By her automatically assuming you were going to hit on her, I would say she would continually think you were trying to hit on her if you did reach out and invited her to non-work related events.
But, if you’re not the only person to host or create events, that isn’t on you. That is on the organizer not inviting her.
I’d avoid her for simply interrupting me without having no clue as to what I was going to say.
Yes, she doesn’t like being hit on at work and it’s probably happened a lot for her to react like that, but that doesn’t give grounds to interrupt someone before they can even finish their sentence and establish context.
If you were asking her out/hitting on her, she should let you ask your question, give her a canned response, and then report it to HR.
As a woman, that is what I would do. Interrupting is one of my biggest pet peeves because people always seem to interrupt before you can establish context. I say continue to avoid her, and if people ask, tell them why: she told me she doesn’t like to mix her personal life with her professional life.
By doing this, you would be covering your behind for future issues that could arise from this colleague.” Bookishrhetor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Having said that, you also might have to decide whether you really want to invite her to stuff, because she sounds like she could potentially give you trouble, even unintentionally.
If you do want to be friendly to her, then just the next time you have lunch, mention to a coworker to make sure she’s invited, maybe talk to her and do a ‘reset’, “Sorry, I think we got off on the wrong foot, but I don’t want you to get the wrong impression that I hate you or something, etc., etc.” That should go some way to smoothing it over.
But on a personal level, if it were me, if I heard that prepared speech, I’m totally A-OK with never talking to her again outside of work and I don’t care what her impression of me is, because that’s a major red flag in any circumstance.
Maybe I resolve the misunderstanding and bury the hatchet, but I would still make her ROE my ROE.
Because this woman is 31 years old, I don’t wanna screw around with playground politics and relationships and stuff, because that stuff doesn’t fly in the workplace. She can find a way to navigate her own darn self into lunches and stuff by becoming more friendly with her coworkers.” zilooong
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If it is “literally your job description” to spread sunshine and make everybody happy, you are not fulfilling your duty, are you? To me, it seems she wanted to set some boundaries, maybe because she has experienced something along the line of harassment in a previous workplace and that she slightly overdid it.
The “studied in” sentence she used is a standard one to decline romantic offers without being rude. This and that she apologized to you in front of people and that she finds no one to go to lunch with tells you that she is a bit socially inexperienced or insensitive or too shy to talk easily to people.
She may even have taken you for someone else, which can easily happen if you are new. And she apologized, which shows she tries to get along with people.
Instead of approaching her like, “Sorry we had a bad start, wanna go to lunch with me and my colleagues?” you go, “BUT EVERYBODY LIKES ME AND OBVIOUSLY NOBODY LIKES YOU, SO ALL OF THIS IS NOT MY FAULT,” which makes me think that you love a lot to be loved by everybody and are extremely angry as it did not work at the first attempt.
This is quite worrying. She never said she does not want to interact with colleagues at all. You resent her to an extend that your coworkers noticed, which is fine if you are just the other employee but not if you are paid to find social solutions.
As a lot of people obviously like you, your opinion has some weight, so maybe your behavior even adds to people avoiding her. If all of this is a poorly disguised power move to punish her for not instantly liking you, you need to realize that you are exactly the kind of guy she wants to protect herself from.
If so: Leave her alone and seek professional help. You are misusing your position. If you are a nice guy who just does not know how to solve this: Work begins where fun ends. Get over yourself. Make one of your colleagues reach out to her, a female one if available, and try to get her more involved if she wants to.
STOP ACTING LIKE YOU ARE ENTITLED TO EVERYBODY’S AFFECTION. IT’S UNPROFESSIONAL AND SLIGHTLY CREEPY!” thanktink
1. AITJ For Being The Reason My Ex Has To Move Into A Small Apartment?
“I (40F) was married to Chris (42M) for 15 years. We have 3 children, Alex (15M) Lexi (12F), and Spencer (9M). I filed for divorce 2 years ago because Chris is obsessed with moving to a warmer climate. During 2020, he began working from home, and by the end of the year, his company decided to give up office space, and now he had the opportunity to live anywhere.
Years ago, we agreed that we would move when we retired. He became obsessed with this idea and I refused to entertain it until our kids were done with school and I could get my pension. We tried therapy but he would not compromise, like buying a vacation home.
It was full-time in the warmer location or nothing. It got bad enough that it was the only thing he ever focused on. It absolutely destroyed our marriage and the resentment is strong.
He was confident he would get custody of our kids because he makes a significant amount more than me and his family is pretty wealthy.
He was also sure that Alex would want to move with him because he loves the place my ex wants to move to and plans to attend college in that state. He knows I would never be far from any of my kids and hoped to divide and conquer and that would force me to go too.
My ex was pretty much laughed out of court by the judge and told he cannot uproot his children “because he wants to live in warmer weather.” He wanted custody but the court looks at the best interest of the children and we were ultimately awarded joint legal custody Now he has to work it out with me since he needs my approval to take the kids which will never happen.
He has tried to pressure Alex but to our surprise, Alex is not interested in his father’s bribes.
He went as far as buying a house there and met a local woman about 6 months after we filed. She is pressuring him to move full-time. He can only afford a 1 bedroom apartment in our hometown right now.
Our kids don’t want to go with him because they have to sleep on an air mattress and pullout bed and it’s uncomfortable. The best scenario is for our kids to have 2 homes that are comfortable and close by and I am very aware of this but still believe it should be in our home state.
He wanted to meet for dinner the other night and I agreed. He presented me with a whole new plan to move, including a brand new home for me, and offered me more alimony than I was awarded (basically the rent he currently pays for the apartment).
Additionally, he offered an in-law suite/apartment for my mom to stay in or move with us. What he presented was better than any scenario he presented when we were married. I could have a much more comfortable life if I agree to these terms (they would be legally binding) but I still shut it down because this is the reason we got divorced. He is arguing that I am ruining his life and I think he did that all by himself.
He thinks I am being vindictive and an outside opinion might be helpful. So, am AITJ for refusing to move?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
And honestly, it speaks volumes about both of you (and is fundamentally the reason why you’re NTJ) that you point out that “this is the reason why we got divorced”.
This is the crux of the whole thing and what your ex doesn’t understand: that it isn’t about finances.
He thinks you’re being vindictive and holding out for more, so he keeps offering more until it becomes almost grotesque, how obvious it is that he thinks he just needs to buy you (and your kids) with the right amount to get what he wants.
But he’s missing the point completely. This isn’t about finances or about you being spiteful or vindictive or wanting ANYTHING from him. This is about the fact that YOU HAVE A LIFE WHERE YOU ARE. He doesn’t see you or the kids as whole humans… just as accessories to be dragged along to wherever HE wants to be.
But you ARE whole, autonomous humans. You have INVESTED OF YOURSELVES where you live now. You don’t just have a job, you have friends, a life, and your favourite places to spend time. And yes, you can theoretically make new friends, find new favourite places.
But you don’t want to – you NEVER wanted to. He did. You like the friends you have where you are, the life you have now. And so do your kids. So why would all of you give that up at any price just because he wants a different one?
Why is his dream, as a single person, more important than all of your established lives?
He needs to get his priorities straight. He is not the centre of the universe. You all do not need to revolve around him like the sun. And you are NTJ for understanding that.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I am so sorry.
He destroyed his family over a personal obsession, and I bet his kids know it. I bet they absolutely know this has nothing to do with acting in their best interest, it’s just a selfish desire.
He was willing to uproot his kids when it wasn’t necessary and try to force you to uproot and lose your pension/financial security.
And then he chooses to not have a home where his kids can sleep.
What a selfish, self-centred individual.
I don’t think you are being vindictive – you don’t want to move.
You already offered reasonable compromises – moving at retirement, having a summer home – he was the one where it is all or nothing.
He was the one that wanted with no consideration for anyone else.” Kettlewise
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, rather than move with your husband and keep your family together, YOU filed for divorce, YOU have put your family in this position, HE didn’t file for divorce, YOU did, and now you’re still trying to control him, even though he’s BENDING OVER BACKWARDS trying to accommodate you even though YOU divorced him, and split up his family.
I’m ready for all the hateful comments coming my way, but that’s the truth. SHE filed for divorce because of this, NOT him. Ultimately a man has a right to move his family to wherever he sees fit, for whatever reason, weather, opportunities etc, you were sick of hearing about it, and had to have YOUR WAY, so YOU divorced him, and now the idea of him actually being happy seems to eat away at you, so you’re putting up roadblocks to it no matter HOW HARD he tries to bend over backwards EVEN THOUGH he doesn’t have to since you’re not married anymore.
The only thing I agree with you on is that it’s probably beneficial for your kids to stay where they are, at the same time, they’re children, they don’t get to make that choice… YTJ.” Reddit user
