People Want Blunt Statements On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Asking My Brother-In-Law To Replace My Coat?
“Last year I was at the mall with my fiancee when I saw this awesome cashmere/wool coat.
It was perfect in every way and there was only 1 left in my size. The best news was that it was on clearance for $100 so I bought it without a second thought. I wore it several times last year but it hasn’t been cold enough this year for me to break out the coat.
Last week when I saw the news about the upcoming cold front, I decided it was time to take it to the dry cleaners so that I could wear it this week.
After tearing my closet apart without seeing it, I asked my fiancee if she had seen it.
She told me that she hadn’t seen me wear it in a while so she lent it to her brother to wear to a wedding. I was annoyed at hearing this but decided not to make a big deal so I simply told her to tell her brother to bring it back so I could get it dry cleaned. Thursday rolled around and he hadn’t brought it back so I asked her about it again, but nothing.
Come Friday, I hadn’t heard anything so I called him. He said that he told my fiancee on Tuesday that he got wasted at the wedding and lost my coat. I was super annoyed at this so I told him he owes that exact coat from that exact brand.
Last night my fiancee came home from work in a mood and handed me $100. She said that her brother dropped off the money and I shouldn’t have made her brother pay for the coat since I knew he doesn’t make very much and I haven’t worn it but a handful of times.
I looked at the $100 and told her I wanted a replacement coat or the amount it currently costs so that I could buy a new one and that $100 wouldn’t cover it. She said he went to the store and it cost $700 now but she knew I only paid $100 for it so she told him $100 would cover the cost. I argued that $100 doesn’t buy me a new coat.
We went back and forth but couldn’t find any common ground. She offered to throw in an extra $100 of her own money and said sarcastically I’m coming out ahead. I argued that I was still out of a coat and nothing would satisfy my loss except for a replacement coat.
She argued that I didn’t have to have the exact coat and that I could buy a similar one for $200.
She thought I was being ridiculous and called her parents on speakerphone. Of course, they sided with their children and her dad tried to say that a man shouldn’t be so hung up on a coat.
I told him that a man replaces what he loses. So now they’re all mad at me for wanting to make a profit from their son and intimating that he’s not a man.
Am I wrong for wanting the same coat as a replacement?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t see this as an attempt to make a profit. I see this as a man wanting his coat replaced. Just so happens that the value of the coat went up. If a thief steals from a home and takes gold bars from the safe.
When the thief is convicted and ordered to pay restitution, the current value of the gold bars is considered, even if the value of the gold bars was significantly less at the time of purchase.
BIL needs to have some integrity and take personal responsibility.
HE borrowed the coat, and HE lost it. As a man, you pay your debts! BIL is a jerk for losing the coat, but it happens, and the manly/correct response is to replace it. The partner is definitely a jerk for lending the coat out without talking to OP about it.
The partner is also a jerk for not being forthcoming with OP about BIL losing the coat. The partner is also a jerk for deciding how much BIL should pay to replace the coat on her own, without consulting OP. There are some red flags with OP’s partner, that he should probably take into consideration.” Itsy_Bitsy_Hider
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she didn’t hand her brother $100, she handed him a coat. He didn’t need $100 for the wedding, he needed a coat. I do a lot of bargain-hunting and thrifting. I buy things for a low cost that have a higher value because I invest time and expertise into knowing what to buy.
In this case, your financial investment was $100, but you also were in the right place at the right time to find a coat at a deep discount. You stored it and kept it in good condition. You had enough knowledge to see the value in it.
A value that your brother-in-law appreciated because he decided that it was nice enough to wear to a wedding.
When your BIL took the coat, he valued it at more than $700. They owe you a similar coat. Now, if he can find one for $100 sure and it needs to be the same materials and quality as the one he lost. That is work he needs to put in, not you.
You are dumping your fiancee, right?” GlassCharacter179
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give Up My Seat For An Older Guest?
“I (21M) was just invited tonight to a cousin’s (56F) birthday party to take place in a restaurant in my city. She’s actually my mom’s cousin and that’s why she is that much older.
I was not originally invited because of the size of the venue, but the location changed and now I am invited to go.
It is important to notice that my cousin has this conception of ‘kids’ to anyone who is younger than 30 years old approximately, so I would be considered a kid at her party even though I do drink, dance, and share with others who are not actually my age but family still.
Now, I was invited to go to the party but, as my mom said, there is a little ‘condition’ in case I go. It would be that ‘if any other guest who is older than me comes, and does not have a seat, I must give them my seat at the table and spend the night standing’.
It is important to notice that the party includes dinner, so I would have to, most likely, stand while everyone is eating and chatting.
The reason for this whole issue is that my cousin only booked for 50 seats but will have more than 50 guests, and I being a last-time guest, would have to be under those conditions.
The first thing I told my mom when she told me that, was that I wasn’t going, but she might need some help to keep an eye on my dad for some out-of-context circumstances related to medical issues that don’t allow him to fluently communicate.
After listening to that I said that I would think about going, but that if I had to spend the night standing because someone else wanted my seat, I would be leaving on the spot, calling a taxi, and going back home without saying a word to anyone.
My mom said that it would be rude to do it, and disrespectful, and in case I’m thinking of doing that, I shouldn’t go.
My question is, would I be the jerk if I did that? Or should I simply not go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Dude, don’t go. It’s not your fault your cousin can’t count and over invited. When you extend an invite to someone and they attend, YOU are THEIR guest. Therefore etiquette demands THEY ensure YOUR comfort. It’s monumentally disrespectful to force a guest to stand against a wall with a plate of food while watching everyone else have a lovely dinner.
I would personally feel so uncomfortable if I saw this situation unfold and would seriously call out the host. It’s one thing to voluntarily give up your sheet, it’s another to force someone to give up their seat because in your mind a younger adult is still a child.
Also, it sounds like your mom only wants you there so she can fob your dad off on you while she parties the night away.” CelticSkye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s rude to have these conditions. You would be reacting to rudeness. The only reason I would go would be to help out with your dad – but in those circumstances, I would have the cousin make you an exception to the ‘give up your seat’ rule as you’d be there to aid your father.
If your cousin can’t agree to that, don’t go as your cousin would be being doubly rude. Then if you get any flak for not going you could straight up tell people that you were going to go to help your dad but your cousin wouldn’t agree to guaranteeing you a seat beside your dad to allow you to do that.
Let the blowback fall on your cousin where it belongs.” kurokomainu
19. AITJ For Reporting My Neighbors To The Landlord?
“I live in a house with 4 apartments. I live on the upper floor. The house rules state clearly that the front door needs to be locked for safety reasons.
So I came home yesterday from grocery shopping and the door was wide open, even fixed with a doorstopper, so the door wouldn’t close.
None of the cars of my neighbors were in front of the house, I knocked and rang the bells of them but no answer, so one of them opened the door and drove off. I admit, I was angry. We live in the forest and because of such behavior, we already had rats and a fox in the house!
Also a few months ago there was an issue with a pyromaniac in the area, looking for open front doors and setting houses on fire. That guy was never caught. So because of that and because I wouldn’t notice anything going on at the door living on the upper floor, I called the landlord and reported it.
They were absolutely shocked and called all of us tenants for an emergency meeting, where it was clearly stated, that if something like this ever gets noticed again, there will be an eviction for safety issues and violation of house rules.
Additionally, it’s an insurance issue.
If something gets damaged or someone breaks into an apartment cause they could get in through the open front door, insurance won’t pay a dime. After the meeting, one of my neighbors started cussing me out, how I dared to rat them out, they had left the door open for a friend who wanted to stay for a few days and didn’t have a key to the front door.
I argued against it, if they expect a visitor, they should stay at home and let them in, those visitors not having a key is no one’s problem but theirs, and drove home.
Now I refuse to talk to that neighbor and refuse to accept their parcels (which I always did before).
I told my family and they said, I was too harsh, I should’ve waited for my neighbors to come back to talk to them first, while the other 2 neighbors sided with me. So I come here for judgment. AITJ for reporting the open front door?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that inconsiderate neighbor puts the other three tenants at risk plus puts the whole property at risk. Just because he didn’t want to be inconvenienced. If you have someone coming over you wait for them. You don’t let a stranger into your building and jeopardize the safety and comfort of the other tenants.
As for not talking to them and not taking in their packages. You’re not their parent let them take care of their own stuff. You don’t have to take your neighbor’s packages. It’s not yours. If they’re ordering something let them take care of it themselves.
You’re not being harsh at all they were compromising the comfort and safety of the building, the tenant, and the landlord. The landlord’s right, next time that happens eviction.” Antique_Ad_4413
Another User Comments:
“Your neighbor has ‘main character’ syndrome. His needs and his guests are to be accommodated contrary to established policy and to the danger or everyone else living there.
Your neighbor is a jerk with only cares for himself and nonsensical criticism for the rest of you.
“After the meeting, one of my neighbors started cussing me out, how I dared to rat them out.” I’d tell the neighbor I would be more than happy to do it again & again & again each time I saw the door wide open like that.
NTJ.” BeeYehWoo
18. AITJ For Refusing To Stop Doing Drag For My Sister?
“I (23M) am a part-time professional drag queen. But my sister (19 male-to-female) is transgender and tells me it makes her dysphoric when I perform.
Some back story; I first began experimenting with drag back when I was still in high school, doing the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
After I graduated, I practiced my makeup and performing, made some connections, and eventually began doing small shows around town. I got pretty good at it, and have started getting better jobs. I see this as a genuine potential career path. I’ve made a lot of connections and most of my friends through drag.
2 years ago, my younger sister came out to me as transgender. I’ve always been supportive, and she often refers to me as her ‘rock.’ My family is very tight-knit, but my sister and I have always been especially close, and I even got some blame from my family for ‘influencing her gender confusion’ with my drag, before my family came around.
At this point, my family is very close again, and supportive of both me and my sister, though I admit it was rough to start.
About a month ago, my sister called and told me she didn’t want me to do drag anymore. She says that the problem is that I get a lot of praise for it, and people often tell me that I make a very pretty woman.
According to her, some people have even compared her appearance unfavorably to my drag persona.
I think that’s terrible, and I told her as much. I genuinely do sympathize with her, but I drew the line when she asked me to stop doing drag. She told me it triggers her dysphoria severely, and that if I was really supportive I would stop.
I told her what a big part of my life it is, but she told me that she should be a bigger part of my life.
The thing is, my sister and I have always looked a lot alike, and the only reason anybody would think I look ‘better’ than her is because I wear a ton of makeup when I’m in drag.
My sister usually wears very little, if any. I’ve offered to teach her how to do it herself, but she refuses. She tells me that she doesn’t need makeup to be a woman, and does not owe anybody feminine presentation. And I agree! She doesn’t want to be seen as a stereotype, and I respect that.
I don’t want to make my sister upset, and I don’t want her to feel any emotional or mental distress, but I also love drag. It’s such a huge part of my life, that I genuinely don’t think I could give it up at this point.
Especially since I think there is genuine potential for a career for me in the world of drag. That’s why, when pressed for an answer, I refused to quit.
I thought I did the right thing, but now, I’m not as sure. My mom even told me that, while she won’t tell me what to do, agrees and feels I should ‘seriously reconsider,” because I’m her big brother, and should put my family before my ambitions.
I love my sister very much, but I think it’s unreasonable for her to ask me to give up doing what I love. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s asking you to stop doing a job you love that could turn into a career.
The easiest solution here is for her to not go to your drag shows and unfollow you on whichever social media you post drag stuff on. It won’t stop other people’s comments but she won’t have to see a hyper-feminized version of herself.
Is there a possibility of you guys going to family therapy? Having continuing conversations about this is probably the only way you guys will still have a strong relationship without resenting each other. Right now she resents you but if you stop doing drag you’ll probably grow to resent her for it.
The most you should reasonably be expected to do is not be around her in drag or send her photos or videos of you in drag. Which you may already be doing. To be blunt, it’s her problem that she needs to work through and find coping strategies for.
You can and should continue to support her but you don’t have to change a big part of your life to make her happy.” bellstarelvina
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Fellow queen and also trans here. Finally, something I can weigh in on with personal experience!
Your sister can set boundaries. Realistic boundaries would be ‘Hey, going to your shows makes my dysphoria skyrocket, so I’m sorry but I can’t come to support you.’ That would be reasonable. But telling you what to do goes beyond that, she is making rules.
And that’s not fair. You can explain the boundaries vs rules thing if you think that’ll get her to understand that she can’t tell other people to stop doing something because she feels bad about herself. It’s kind of like hardcore religious people telling others they can’t terminate pregnancies or do drag or whatever else with their own bodies – you can’t dictate what others do, period.
Is she going to tell other drag queens around her to stop doing it because it makes her uncomfortable? What is her end game here, tell Ru to cancel Drag Race? Is she aware that there are TONS of trans femme drag queens?
The bottom line: it’s on her to remove herself from triggers, not to eradicate them from the world.
It sounds like you’ve tried hard to include her, like offering to teach her makeup, you’re being a supportive older sibling. But something inside her is still not at peace. And unfortunately, that’s on her to resolve and not you. You can try to explain that separating you from your beloved creative expression will hurt you.
And assuming she loves you as family she should understand this. Although it looks like you’ve tried and she pushed back on it.
Honestly, I think she’s being selfish here, but no judgment because finding yourself when trans is painful and she’s lashing out at the closest thing she THINKS is causing the pain (you, but in reality, it is not you).
I’ve had to come to terms with my own gender presentation over the years. She is still REALLY young. I wasn’t totally comfortable with my gender situation at that age either but I’m much more secure in myself past 30. I think if you give her time to find herself it’s going to help.
In the short term, just trying to keep it away from her might help. Like not showing her pictures or being around her in drag, maybe getting her to block you on social media (and every other drag queen, I guess?).” VivienneSection
17. AITJ For Not Letting My Daughter Move To The Attic?
“I (37m) have been married to my wife Sadie (37) for 4 years.
I have a daughter, Chloe (9) from my previous marriage. Sadie has a daughter, Ace (19), from an ex. Ace hasn’t really been in our lives often; as she lived with her grandparents her whole life because the state took her from Sadie when Ace was 7.
We still saw her on holidays and tried to reach out.
Ace was living out of state with her partner but he was recently arrested, so she asked if she and her baby could move in with us as she needed help getting back on her feet.
My wife and I spoke about it and agreed. When I brought up the extra bedroom in the attic (which is an area in the attic we made into a spare room for guests many years ago and no one uses the attic anyway) my wife became upset – gasped even – and said she was not making her daughter with a 5-month-old baby sleep in the dirty attic.
I said obviously we would clean and prepare it, and where else did she suggest she sleep, which is when she told me Chloe’s bedroom would be perfect.
Chloe’s bedroom is very large and across the hall from the bathroom which Sadie said was perfect.
I told her Chloe would not be giving up the bedroom she’d been living in since before I even met her. She got upset and started to plead and said that this could make up for the years lost, and prove she really loved her and that she was wanted.
I basically told her no, she could prove that another way, and that we wouldn’t give up the bedroom. She got angry and said a 9-year-old does not need all that space, and I was picking favorites and not even thinking of the bigger picture, Ace would need more room, it’s hard for her to go up and down the stairs with a baby, etc. I stuck to my answer and my wife slammed the door and went for a drive.
Today she tried convincing me again and I wouldn’t give in and we got into another argument. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. You most definitely should NOT displace your daughter from her bedroom to make room for Ace. Having a 19-year-old stranger and her baby move in is going to be more than enough of a change for your daughter.
Your wife can find some other way to ‘make up for the years lost’ without kicking your daughter out of her bedroom. Sadie has already proven that Ace is wanted by taking in her and her baby. As for the stairs, women safely carry babies/children up and down stairs every day.
Do you know why Ace was removed from Sadie’s care?” Consistent-Leopard71
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife is trying to make it up to her daughter by penalizing yours. The fact that the ‘dirty’ attic isn’t good enough for HER child but is good enough for YOURS is atrocious.
I’m going to be mean here. Sadie was a young mother. But Sadie had the state ‘take her child’ when she was in her ‘mid-twenties’, I know there are a lot of stories of unfairness, but they do NOT take a child away from their adult parent for no reason.
At best, she’s been an absent mother. I know she’s tried to reach out, but she doesn’t have a parental relationship with Ace.
Staying strong here is important, not just because it’s not fair, but because Sadie has already destroyed one parent/child relationship, now she is going to destroy two more (hers AND yours with Chloe) to try and salvage the ruined one.
Ace is now also a young mother. She needs support, the support that I’m guessing Sadie didn’t get. Ace has had a tough draw growing up, but she’s also made some poor decisions and it’s great that the two of you are going to support her.
But she gets the support that is AVAILABLE (I’m not blaming her for any of this, this is all on Sadie). Chloe’s room is not an available resource.
You’ll spend money, time, and effort helping her. Chloe is going to go through a massive upheaval, bringing two new humans into her home, both strangers, one an infant.
Having some stability and privacy is key, she NEEDS that room, possibly more than Ace does. You need to find out what Sadie is promising Ace. You need to find out what Ace thinks she’s in for. And you need to make it clear to Sadie that Chloe is just as important as you and Sadie in house decisions because it’s her home too.
Ace will be with you temporarily (so long as she really is just getting back on her feet).
She isn’t a guest, but she’s not a decision-maker either. Sadie needs help dealing with whatever is going on in her head. Whether it’s guilt. Whether it’s thinking that HER family is more important than YOURS.
Whether it’s thinking that having a baby means you’re entitled to preferential treatment. Whether she’s trying to cope with her own past by giving Ace what she didn’t get herself. But Sadie needs to deal with what is available before she destroys another family.” Natural_Garbage7674
16. AITJ For Refusing To Search For Our Birth Family?
“My sister (23) and I (20 f) are both adopted but we do share the same bio parents as well. My sister and I were both adopted as infants. She was placed at birth and our parents adopted her. When they learned our birth parents were expecting another kid they wanted to place for adoption, they were willing to adopt me as well.
My birth parents decided not to have any contact with us and to leave us no letter or anything. This is something I have always been fine with. I do not consider my birth parents my real parents or even people I need to have contact with.
My sister has always longed to know more about our birth family, the reason we were both placed for adoption, especially when we’re full siblings and our birth parents were still together three years after placing her. Over the years she has talked about them and asked our parents what they know about them.
Our parents didn’t know much but promised to help us find answers when we were old enough if we wanted that.
My sister always had this dream that we’d do the birth family search together. However, I never wanted to get involved in that. Now I’m expecting a baby and my sister has decided it’s time.
She said my son could have two more grandparents if we did this. I told her I did not want to join her in the search and I would not get involved. She told me this is something we both need to do and I need to do it for my son and for all future kids so they can know where they come from and who their family is.
I told her those people were not my family. I told her my family are the people we grew up with.
Our parents intervened twice. They told my sister that this is a personal thing and it’s important to respect each other’s viewpoints and wishes.
The second time they told her they would help her search but she needs to leave me out of it unless I change my mind.
My sister tried to get my husband on her side and he told her to drop the topic. So she went back to telling me we were doing it and as someone about to become a mom I should do it and she’s sick of me digging in my heels.
She told me a good mom would do this. Hearing that is what made me say she can’t bully me into doing what she wants. She was hurt I would accuse her of bullying and told me I didn’t need to be so much about all of this.
My husband and parents think what I said was fair. But I still feel so bad. My sister really took my words hard. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good moms set healthy boundaries. This is a healthy boundary for yourself and she keeps trying to break it.
Sorry not sorry that the truth hurt her but what she did was bullying. The one who should be hurt the most is you. Her saying you are not a good mom because you don’t want to find your birth parents is so wrong and manipulative.
I am so tired of people telling moms that they are not good moms for a variety of reasons to get them to conform to their will.” saedgin
Another User Comments:
“Nope! Your sister is trying to bully you and when she gets the answers she is seeking you can bet she is going to share the results of her search.
I hope when this happens you will be strong enough to give your sister support while at the same time keeping yourself from being dragged into the drama that is surely to follow. People who give up their kids usually have a pretty good reason and most likely will turn out to hurt your sister because they obviously didn’t want either of you since they gave two of their children to the same family.
Your sister is wrong. Good luck.” ConfusedAt63
15. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Husband's Ex-Wife's Kids?
“I (31f) am married to James (35m) and we have a 3.5-year-old son together. James also has two children Grace (13f) and Luke (14m) with his ex-wife, Sharon (36f). Sharon and James have been divorced for 12 years and ever since Sharon has been in a string of relationships and had four additional children who are ages 10 and under.
She is currently married and has three stepchildren who are 7 and under.
James has always been willing to help Sharon out if needed so the kids can see them getting along and so they know he always does his best for them and their mom.
But now he wants ME to go a step further than he ever has and he wants me to babysit all of Sharon’s kids since I’m a stay-at-home mom technically, but I do run my own online business to earn money and am able to do that around everything else in my life.
He said Sharon is struggling to find childcare for all the children she has and her husband is a bit of a deadbeat. I found out after that Grace asked her dad to help out because she was worried about her mom.
I told James that was too much for me.
He said he would help where he could and I wouldn’t need to worry about the money side because he would take care of it. I told him that’s a lot though and honestly too overwhelming for me. He was frustrated with me and I told him I didn’t appreciate the pressure he was putting on me.
Later Sharon calls and tells me she wants to start dropping off the kids after Christmas. I told her I hadn’t agreed. She told me James had told her I would do it. She then told me that I should be willing to help out and it would win the kids over (Grace and Luke) to me and maybe even to my son (their half-brother).
I told James he had no right to promise anything on my behalf. He told me he believed I would be on board and he was surprised I was so against it when I never had a problem with him helping. Then he asked me to give a reason that couldn’t be helped with getting someone in to help me take care of the kids.
I told him he could just pay for people then if he’s so determined but I won’t be babysitting.
I also told him we need marriage counseling because of this.
Also, and this might be meaningless but I feel I should confess it here. Another reason I am unwilling, even if it wasn’t so much hard work, is the fact Grace and Luke have never shown an interest in my son.
But their half-siblings from their mom and stepsiblings from her? It’s totally different. I think it’s because they consider all of them, even the steps, their mom’s kids. But with my son, he’s mine and not as much their dad’s. They are not fond of me or their mom’s husband.
It’s something I have been working on. But I admit the idea of having all the kids and as my son gets a bit older, him watching his two siblings treat their other siblings so much better makes me say no anyway.
Anyway, Sharon is calling me a jerk and saying I am not thinking of my stepkids.
James thinks I should have been willing to work with him to figure out a compromise. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I do think you have some level of obligation to help with Grace and Luke. They are your husband’s kids, and when you marry and/or go out with someone with kids, it’s a package deal. Sometimes you’ll have to help take care of your partner’s kids, and you’re going to be an adult in their life, no matter what.
But this? Sharon has been in a string of relationships and had four additional children who are ages 10 and under. She is currently married and has three stepchildren who are 7 and under. Nobody can seriously expect you to take care of SEVEN additional kids on a regular basis.
That’s not babysitting. That’s a nascent ‘Lord of the Flies’ situation.
It’s also EXTREMELY problematic that your husband committed you to this insanity even though you refused. That means he really doesn’t respect you at all. This isn’t grounds for counseling. This is grounds for divorce.
If he wants to care for all these nine kids and money isn’t an option, he needs to put them in childcare. Or else hope that one of Sharon’s exes disguises himself as a nanny in order to become close to the children.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Are you sure this is where you want to be?
- He seems to parent with his ex better than with you
- He hasn’t agreed to marriage counseling
- He told her you would babysit
- Still wants you to babysit even tho she calls you names
- He isn’t helping the kids accept you or your son in the family
- Is mad that you aren’t taking on this work
There is a lot going on here and I feel bad for your son. How the other kids treat him when adults aren’t around.
You might want to pull out of all this dysfunction before it gets worse because I’m thinking after Christmas you may find all those children in your home. No one appreciates you or wants you there. Good luck.” Less_Ordinary_8516
14. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Wear My Prom Dress?
“I (25, F) had my prom in 2017 and I bought my entire prom outfit myself due to my family not having the best financial situation, I saved for over a year to be able to buy my dream dress and jewelry (everything in total about $300, which is a lot for us).
I had an amazing time and that dress is very important to me since I have never had the best self-confidence and it made me feel beautiful.
Now my sister (18, F, let’s call her Annie) is having her prom later this year and she asked if she could also use my dress.
She loves it and wishes to use it. I told her that I would prefer it if she didn’t since it is so important to me (I also have a nerve disorder and it makes it hard for me to let other people use my things) and she said okay and said she at least wanted to ask, but she was fine with finding another dress and I said I’d help pay if she wanted (and if she wanted, she was welcome to use the jewelry, she will wear the hair accessories).
I am pretty stable in income. Annie thanked me and said we could go shopping together.
Now, I live about three hours away from my family due to school and I don’t go home often due to not having a car. I came home last week to visit as my nephews (cousins’ kids, she’s like a sister) were getting baptized. When I walked through the front door to my parents’ house, Annie was wearing my prom dress, and my grandma and mom were taking measurements.
I asked them what they were doing and they said that I was being a jerk for not letting Annie use it. She is my ‘baby sister’ after all (Mom’s words). I got upset and screamed at Annie to take it off, which I later apologized for, she believed I changed my mind since Mom said I had agreed. I yelled at my mom and grandma because they tried to go behind my back and even change the dress to better fit Annie, she is 155 lbs, and I was almost 300 lbs when I wore it.
I cried and yelled at them. As soon as Annie came back with my dress, I took it and packed it down, saying I’d stay with my cousin.
Now my family is torn. Some people agree with me and some say I’m a jerk for not letting Annie use it.
I don’t feel like I was in the wrong for not letting her use it, after all, it was my dress that I paid for and I even offered to pay for her dress.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Classic case of ‘meddling mum’.
There was no issue concerning the dress until your mum stuck her nose in and created the problem. Your family needs to respect your belongings and your wishes and the boundaries that go along with them. Not only was she disrespecting your boundaries by letting your sister ‘use it’, but was also going to completely alter the dress which would’ve literally just given your sister the dress and ruin all sentimentality the dress has for you.
If your mum had a photo of herself with a passed-on relative, and someone else wanted to put it in a frame that was smaller than the photo, your mum would be furious if that person were to cut or fold the photo to make it fit in the frame.
It wouldn’t matter if that person gave the photo back, cause now it wouldn’t be the same photo cause it’d be either creased around a certain parameter, or it’d be cut and a bunch of background would be missing.
Her opting to change your dress is a selfish thing to do on her part cause she’s not putting herself in your shoes to consider how you’d feel about it.
My advice; gather anything important to you, get a chest with a lock to put it in, and hide the key well (I suggest either keep it on you at all times, or find a place where no one will think to look).” Gamerthon98
Another User Comments:
“NTJ they are literally cutting up YOUR dress that you paid for yourself. That’s not letting your sister borrow it, that is making it for her and giving it to her. Your mother had no right to let her have your property. Honestly, if I were you I’d demand that my mother pay me back for the sum of the dress because what they are doing to it is irreversible.
Not only that but why would your sister put it on because your mother said so? It does not belong to her so she shouldn’t have been asked.” User-undetected0
13. AITJ For Asking My Stepdaughter To Drive My Daughter To Her Friend's House?
“My (42M) wife (39F) has a daughter, ‘Sophie’, with her ex.
She is now 17. I have an 11-year-old daughter with my late wife. My wife and I have been together for 3 years. My wife is very kind to my daughter and they are quite close. My daughter has very little memory of her mom and has told me how nice it is to feel like she has a mom now.
My wife is also happy to play that role in my daughter’s life. I’m not as close to Sophie, because she’s older and she spends two weeks a month at her dad’s place. But she’s polite to me and I think she’s a wonderful girl.
Sophie’s dad is pretty well off, my wife and I are less so. He was the main earner before my wife left him. My wife and I both work full-time, but we have to be careful with our finances right now. We got my daughter a few books and Sophie a dress for Christmas.
Both of them liked their presents. Sophie’s dad got Sophie a brand-new car. We have only one car in the family right now, I drop my wife off on the way to work in the mornings, so it works out. But it does mean that I couldn’t take my daughter or Sophie anywhere during the holidays, as my wife still has to work.
I have the week off because I’m a teacher. (She did have a few days off though.)
Now that Sophie has the car, she is planning to go to her friend’s New Year’s party. My daughter asked if Sophie could drop her at her friend’s house too, and Sophie said it’s too far out of the way (an extra half an hour approx) and it’s her car, so my daughter can wait until she’s old enough to drive.
I thought this was uncalled for, so I said Sophie was being rude and she should drop my daughter. She said it’s not her fault I can’t afford another car for us.
My wife said I should just let it go, because my daughter has a dad all the time and Sophie only has one half the time, and a car is fair compensation (not the right word, but I can’t think of a better one) for that.
My daughter and Sophie are both upset now – AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you don’t get to dictate what someone else does with something you didn’t pay for. For all purposes, you STILL have ONE car in your household and you need to figure out how to solve transportation for YOUR household without pushing these responsibilities on someone else’s kid and someone else’s property.
SD explained the issue, it’s another 30 minutes out the way, which makes it an hour round trip (there to drop her off and back to where she was originally going), and then you haven’t explained how your daughter is going to get picked up.
I’m assuming somewhere in your mind SD is going to do the round trip hour ride again to get your daughter.
NYE is not a safe time to drive for kids anyway… Don’t start suddenly making plans with SOMEONE else’s car. Her father did not get her that car to help out YOUR household and your daughter.
He got it for HIS daughter. Would it be nice for her to help when she can? Of course, but she hasn’t even had her car for a week and you’re already trying to push responsibilities off her. Your attitude will lead to damage in your relationship with your wife and SD.
She’s not obligated to give YOUR kid or anyone else a ride.
Also, you don’t mention anything about the relationship between the girls, my guess is not that close… she probably doesn’t see your daughter as a sibling/sister.” SuperWomanUSA
Another User Comments:
“YTJ but just a teeny tiny bit. You signed up to have a daughter, but Sophie didn’t sign up to have a younger sister, so it is your responsibility to take care of her, not Sophie’s. Of course Sophie needs to be polite and nice to her sister, but she shouldn’t be required to do parent things like giving rides.
If you try to force the issue, she might just come to resent her sister, which would be awful for everyone! But it definitely makes sense why Sophie giving the ride seems like the best (and in fact, only possible) solution.
In cases like this, I would usually suggest paying the older sibling a rate that is below that of a professional babysitter or Uber driver, but still enough to feel like an actual paying job.
But, since your finances are tight, maybe you could work out a trade instead? Like, you’ll do all of Sophie’s chores for a day in return (or even younger sis does them, or the rest of the family working together), or you run an errand for Sophie sometime when she otherwise would’ve had to drive herself, or you’ll cook her favorite meal the day before, etc; since driving her younger sister around should be treated as a favor to her/you, you should offer Sophie a favor in return to show that you understand it’s an imposition and appreciate her help.
This can really help strengthen your relationship and show that you respect her as a near-adult! (If you’d bought Sophie the car on the condition that she use it to give her sister rides, that would be one thing, but that’s obviously not the case here.
The car is Sophie’s, not yours, no matter how badly your household needs a second car.)” SilverStars413
Your step daughter is not your daughters chauffeur. 30 minutes is definitely unreasonably out of the way. Her having a car does not mean she owes you the use of the car. The first comment in this thread is spot on.
Maybe do a better job using the car you have. Your wife cannot drive it while at work, so why didn't you drop her off and pick her up so that you could have access to the vehicle. You'll need to plan better for occasions like this.
And none of that is your stepdaughters responsibility.
12. AITJ For Telling My Pregnant Sister She's Overreacting?
“I (35F) invited my entire extended family over for an early Christmas dinner per my mother’s request. My mom has had a health issue this year so she asked me to host the family event since she won’t be able to and because our house is quite spacious and we are a large family, to begin with.
My wife (Charlotte – 38F) has a corporate job and excellent people skills. So she is an amazing hostess. She entertains everyone, asks everyone what they’ve been up to, and shares stories to keep the night fun. And since the dinner was at our house, she went out of her way to make sure everyone was having an excellent time.
She even had our kids (7F and 8M) participate.
Through the night, my sister (40F – Sarah) announced she was pregnant for the very first time. She had to go through a lot of treatments to get this so it is clearly a big deal for us all.
Charlotte acknowledged it by congratulating her and asking how far along she was, how she was feeling, if she had any special plans she could help with, etc. But the conversation died around 20 minutes later.
Sarah came into the kitchen to ‘help’ but what she really did was complain about how self-centered Charlotte is since she didn’t let anyone take in the news of her being pregnant.
Honestly, I was perplexed because even our kids congratulated her and I did not know what else we were supposed to do. She said everyone was ignoring her news.
I merely told her she was emotional and overreacting and that Charlotte was just trying to be a good hostess.
Sarah said I was messing with her and called me a jerk for suggesting pregnancy made her emotional because she knew exactly what she was saying. I cannot possibly suggest that because I have been pregnant before myself! Twice in fact! I couldn’t even say anything because she stormed off and played with the kids for the rest of the night, and sulked away.
Now everyone thinks we had this big fight because of how she acted while it was barely an argument. Was I a jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like your sister might have been imagining how everyone would react to this news, which is obviously huge for her (especially if she’s been going through treatments).
She said that Charlotte didn’t let anyone take in the news: maybe Charlotte was so busy asking questions and hostessing that she really didn’t let anyone absorb the news and give your sister that big reaction she’d been looking forward to. I don’t think wanting that reaction makes your sister narcissistic.
It’s not easy trying to conceive without success for so long, and it makes sense that she may have been looking for a display of joy from her family that was overtaken by (what sounds like) a series of interview-type questions by Charlotte.” greysphan20
Another User Comments:
“You told her she was emotional and overreacting. If a man had said that to her, this entire thread would be about how insensitive men are. It’s the exact same with you. You were entirely dismissive with the Oh, little woman is just hormonal. Of course she’s emotional. I don’t care how many times you’ve been pregnant.
Charlotte sounds a bit like a micromanager. Now it’s time to talk about X; now we’ve talked about X and we’ll move on to Y. Your sister is demanding more attention than others want to give. I understand how excited she is, but she can’t expect other people to live up to her emotional involvement.
Everyone sucks here.” Fredsundertheblanket
Another User Comments:
“Don’t know if you know this but your sister is allowed to have emotions. She’s allowed to be upset, to feel like the attention was taken off of her, and to want more from the situation. It doesn’t make her wrong or bad to want to receive more love and to celebrate something that was clearly a hardship for her.
Regardless if you feel like someone is overreacting, that is not an excuse to try to shut them down and tell them to swallow their feelings.
You’re 35. If your sister says she felt ignored, reach out and ask her what you can do to help the situation and make her feel better.
Express that you’re sure your wife didn’t mean it that way and then the both of them can have a conversation about it too. Like the adults you are. I think it’s safe to say YTJ. If not for telling her she’s overreacting, then for the way you’re speaking about her in this story.” stuckinthevoid00
Each character in this story is being incredibly selfish and judgmental. Your sister definitely needs to get a grip on her expectations, but wow was everyone in the story awful.
11. AITJ For Going To My Nan's Funeral?
“My Nan died on the 10th Nov, she was 101 and went peacefully. The funeral is being held on Monday and is 200 miles away so around 2 to 3 hours traveling by train.
My Mum (f 71) has a meal with friends (1 of 3 with same group of people) and she would have to miss it due to traveling. She decided that we shouldn’t attend the funeral due to my (f 36) health as I’ve recently finished chemo for Hodgkins (b***d cancer).
I was never asked how I felt but did mention it’s not the traveling that I find hard, it’s the arranging trains and hotels on my own that suits both of us. She went on so much that I gave in and agreed to not attend.
The next day I realized I would regret not attending the funeral so called her with more options about getting there. 1 being if it was just she didn’t want to go I would take my children (f 6 + f 9) and go by myself, or if she thought traveling was too much we could stay an extra day for a rest, but if she could let me know her choice so I could book.
She put the phone down and started telling people I told her I decided she wasn’t to come.
Yesterday was 2 weeks since she started ignoring my calls. I got home to find she had been in my home to drop a bag of random things off.
I called her and asked why she was saying I had said horrible things. She said I stabbed her in the back as I agreed I wasn’t going. I said I changed my mind, that’s not a bad thing. She was so spiteful so I said if she’s not talking to me don’t let herself in my home when I’m not here, it messes with my head.
AITJ for deciding to go to the funeral and outing that her excuse for not going is a lie?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Oh wow. Is this new behavior for your mom, or does she typically treat you like this? The funny thing is, she didn’t need to make an excuse.
A simple ‘I’m not able to make the funeral’ is a complete sentence, and she doesn’t owe anyone any more than that. You shouldn’t have had to miss a funeral that was important to you simply because your mom didn’t want to miss lunch with friends.” Owned_By_3_Kittehs
Another User Comments:
“Your mom is 71, why can’t she just say she can’t do the travel? I don’t see why anyone would question that. So weird she feels she needs another person to be the excuse. You’re NTJ and if you’re going to regret not going make sure you go.
Funerals are for the living, some people need them and some don’t, but both are ok. If you want to say goodbye, make sure you do. And take care of yourself! You’re a warrior fighting cancer and everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, should be bending over to accommodate you right now.” Heavy-Today509
10. AITJ For Not Telling My Significant Other That My Dad Is Trans?
“I am (17F) raised by two dads. One is my stepdad, though he still raised me and I consider him just my dad I’ll call him stepdad for this, and the other is my bio dad who is also transgender. My dad passes and he doesn’t tell people about it because it really isn’t their business for most people, but has never been scared to tell people if they somehow ask about it in any way.
But he gave birth to me and since has had my younger brother with my stepdad.
Everyone at school who knows me knows about my having two dads and even though I have gotten teased before, it’s never been a huge deal. The issue is with my significant other (18m).
We have been together for a year and we have been friends since the start of high school. He has known me since the beginning of my having two dads and never had a problem before, but when he came over he saw my dad looking through my baby book and my dad invited him since he will always take a chance to show me off (embarrass me).
At first it was all cute and wholesome, but then my SO asked my dad about my mom which was awkward but my dad told him straight up that he was the one who gave birth to me and he is technically my mom. My SO was just like ‘Oh’ and was pretty quiet for the rest of it around my dad, but when we went to my room he got mad at me for lying to him about my parents and birth.
We argued since I didn’t think it was important that my dad is trans and asked why it was even an issue. He just avoided answering me and soon we got loud and I told him to leave. He did and I just felt like crying, my dad heard us and came to me and comforted me.
I can tell he feels bad, but he hasn’t said anything much. I don’t think I’m in the wrong, but when I talked to my friends most of them said I was in the wrong. I don’t even get what he is mad about in the first place.
He hasn’t talked to me since and it’s been three days, we normally meet up in a specific spot together before school, but he wasn’t there and he hasn’t talked to me in our shared classes. I don’t know what I’m looking for here, but I guess another perspective on it, maybe some insight?
I’m not sure, but was I wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“Examples of lies of omission that matter long term: your marital status, your criminal record, the existence of children. Things that in some substantial way can affect the other if the relationship becomes serious enough to intermingle households, make long-term plans together, etc. Examples of things that absolutely don’t matter to him or his future if he stays with you: your parent’s gender during birth.
NTJ – I might give him a chance to explain himself if there is something else going on here, but I highly doubt it. Find a partner that doesn’t care about your dad’s gender any more than you do! (Not to diminish your dad’s journey, of course.)” RNH213PDX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You didn’t lie, you just didn’t provide him with extra information you didn’t think was necessary and understandably so, your dad is your dad! But I can understand your SO (of a year, too) feeling mightily embarrassed asking your dad about who your mom is when he was speaking to him the whole time.
I’d have probably been a bit miffed that my partner let me walk into that, just because any kind of awkward situation with in-laws or partner’s parents can be mortifying.” Boohookazoo
9. AITJ For Not Caring That My Dad Was Having An Affair Again?
“My mom and dad had me (16m) and when I was 6 my mom was expecting another baby, my little brother. She was 7 months into her pregnancy when she started to feel sick and went to the hospital. Some tests were carried out and it turned out my dad had been having an affair and he passed along some disease to her during her pregnancy.
I remember my mom losing her mind on Dad when she got home and I remember how devastated and scared she was. My brother was stillborn not long after and my mom never left the hospital. She bled really badly after the delivery. My mom kicked Dad out the day she found out.
My dad’s family (his parents, three siblings, and two SILs) were disgusted with him.
When I was 10 my dad met and married his now wife Kate. From the time I met Kate, she had this attitude of ‘I don’t know why everyone is mad at your dad, he treats me well and shows me so much respect’.
She told me I should forgive my dad and not carry a grudge for my mom. She also told me she would get his family to stop treating him like a criminal. She never let the thing go. Over and over she told me to let it go.
We clashed over that so often and my dad’s family told her to go screw herself with that attitude. She was like ‘Your dad has grown, he treats me like I deserve to be treated, he learned his lesson, he’s a good man with me, he has someone he loves now and wants to have a happy marriage with’.
This was an ongoing thing.
Three years ago I realized my dad was having an affair. He was saying he was working but I didn’t buy that and neither did my family. He and Kate have three kids together (my half-siblings, I know, but I don’t care about them or see them as my family).
Kate found out about the affair two months ago. She fell apart. Then last month she found out we all knew/suspected he was having an affair. For a while, she was trying to confide in me and I would just walk away from her or do something else and wouldn’t listen.
Then on Thanksgiving, we were all together with my family (dad’s family) and she broke down even harder because nobody comforted her or stood up for her. That night she told me she thought I cared about and loved her and would be there and support her through this because she’s family, she’s my stepmom, she’s the mom of my siblings.
I called her delusional and told her if she ever felt like I cared it was because it was what she wanted to think and not because I ever cared about her. I told her she now knew what my mom went through only less severely.
And that I guess she wasn’t as special as she thought she was since he fooled her too.
She started yelling and called me a monster and told me I wouldn’t ever see her kids again if I didn’t act nicer. I shrugged at her yelling because it wouldn’t upset me at all.
She said I should have more loyalty to her and I had to hold myself back because I really wanted to call her delusional again.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father’s disgusting, selfish behavior led to the deaths of your mother and brother. He is directly responsible for that.
The fact that your stepmother minimized and berated you for not ‘letting it go’ is very indicative of her character. She didn’t care what had happened to you because she was fine. And now she’s not fine, she expects you to comfort her? She is just as selfish as your father, oddly they made a good pair.
A woman who treats a grieving child in such a despicable way and then u-turns and demands that you be her emotional support animal is completely incapable of empathy and compassion. Do not give her a second thought. You’ve been through enough. She reaped what she sowed, and just because what you said was a bit harsh, doesn’t mean it wasn’t true and well-deserved.” Cursd818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your description was factually correct. She lived in her own fantasy world. She thought she was special, rather than simply a waypoint in his trashy life. She believed she was your mother rather than simply your dad’s wife. When life told her otherwise in a way she couldn’t ignore, she still clung to the pieces of her fantasy world that hadn’t yet shattered. You simply reminded her of something she always glossed over: the fantasy role she cast you in was never based on actual fact.” extinct_diplodocus
8. AITJ For Not Allowing My Partner's Parents To Stay With Us For A Week?
“I have owned my new house for less than a year.
I worked incredibly hard for it. My partner of only 9 months moved in with me because he had nowhere to live at the time, and I allowed it. I pay all mortgage payments, utility bills, cable, internet, and water. We both buy groceries although he buys a bit more, and he usually buys my petrol as we often take my car when we are out together.
I added him to my health insurance and gym membership because it is slightly more for a couple and turns out a good deal.
He is close to his parents and they come to town several times a year to stay with his brother. A few weeks ago he said they were coming up again for Christmas and wanted to spend half the time staying with us.
His ex-partner had made them feel uncomfortable so they said they would like to be able to stay with their son now that he has a new partner.
I am a shift worker and have no time off at Christmas. The last time his parents were here they asked him if he was off for Christmas but did not ask me, and did not ask me if it was ok to stay at my house.
His parents don’t really talk to me – when we meet up with them they focus on talking to their son and say very little to me. We don’t have any relationship.
I find his parents disrespectful when they visit. A couple of days ago they dropped in for a cup of tea at 8 pm.
Once here they announced they were hungry and wanted to eat with us. We don’t really do big dinners, we just snack so there was no food prepared. They then said they would order pizzas for themselves to eat at our place. It was 8 pm and I wasn’t keen for them to stay late, so I suggested they go out to McDonald’s.
His parents discuss my financial situation with my partner behind my back. They are keen I don’t use his inheritance/savings towards the house and wanted to know if I was meeting my financial obligations without touching his money.
Finally – when we were out to eat, they dropped my knife on the floor.
They put it back on the table for me and then seemed surprised that I wanted a new one.
I honestly don’t want them in my home to stay over. I will tolerate visits, but not staying here. I am working shifts over Christmas and I think their behavior shows that they are not considerate people to my needs, as I’m just a significant other.
AITJ for saying no?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is your house. And his parents realize he is doing nothing to contribute towards it. You say your partner moved in because he had nowhere else to go, not because you are deeply in love and planning on spending your life together.
If he was sleeping on a friend’s couch because he had no place else to live, would his parents expect to stay at that friend’s house for a week?
When their son has a place of his own or is paying part of your mortgage and utilities for living with you, then he can extend an invitation to his parents to stay at ‘his’ home.
But right now he doesn’t have any place to invite them to stay. Tell him absolutely not they are not welcome to stay at YOUR house. And start charging him rent. He is freeloading. And he learned it from his parents.” introspectiveliar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your house, your rules. You do share a household, so your partner should get some say. It would not be out of order for you to assert control. But inviting guests over without consulting you is rude. Having them invite themselves is flat-out nonsense.
Just put your foot down and let the reactions give you an idea of what married life might look like. Does your partner back you up? Do they listen to your objections? Do they come up with counter-arguments, or do they just apply pressure? Is the reaction from the parents an escalation?
Everyone reading this knows the answer to all of this already. Do you?” DahDebil
7. AITJ For Refusing To Watch My Coworker's Kids?
“I (28f) work in an office setting, but I travel occasionally for work. On these occasions, I always bring my partner, Sadie (32f), with me and we make it a mini-vacation. I would say I travel maybe 9 times a year and each time is maybe for 5 to 10 days.
The company I work for pays for travel, living, and food expenses, anything I don’t use is paid out, but with two of us, we easily use it all. I should also note that I’ve been with this company for nearly 10 years, did schooling through them, and worked hard for my position.
I have a coworker (36F), Sue, who is a mom of 4 kids under the age of 8. Sue has been with the same company for 15 years and as long as I’ve known her, I’ve only considered her an acquaintance. She often gives me grief about not having kids and how I’m ‘lucky’.
The issue happened a few days ago when I rejected a travel job and Sue begged my boss to let her try. He caved because it was an emergency and I had already scheduled off for Thanksgiving. Sue made all her arrangements and asked if I could watch her kids for the week she’s gone.
I told her no, because I’ll be traveling and she told me this will be a great way for me to experience the joy of having children. I told her no; I don’t want to watch her kids because I enjoy my kid-free life and I refuse to travel with kids.
We went back and forth a bit before I told her to stop asking me because my decision is final and I won’t compromise Sadie’s trip just because she got a wild hair up her butt to do something she’s not nearly qualified enough to do.
I did not tell her the last part, I just said I don’t want to compromise Sadie’s trip because she’s hosting with her mom.
From the g*******e, I heard her husband drove their kids an hour to her parent’s house before leaving. A few of my coworkers are saying that I was very cold for not helping her out since she only wanted to experience what I do.
My boss thinks I’m in the right because I shouldn’t compromise the PTO I placed, in advance, months ago for something she planned less than a week ago. Sadie is 50/50, saying she understands that Sue gets under my skin often, but that we could have done the trip with them and survived. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and Sue, Sadie, and your co-workers are taking crazy pills. Sue for obvious reasons and, duh, she has a husband (who doesn’t need to go with her) and apparently Grandma, so why ask a co-worker; Sadie for being naive about liabilities of taking custody of four kids under 8 on a trip for a week; and your other co-workers for their self-righteousness-THEY could have volunteered. Tell them: ‘Wow, you’re kind!
Do you want me to tell Sue as early as now that you’ll babysit her kids for her next work trip?’ Good on you for being the sane one.” peregrine_throw
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ask the coworkers criticizing you why they didn’t offer to take care of Sue’s kids.
Tell Sue you’re not going to discuss children with her. Shut her down every time. If it continues tell your boss he needs to shut it down. Or you will consider it gender-based harassment (because Sue doesn’t do this to male coworkers) and you’ll take it to HR.
In the future don’t give a reason. ‘That’s not possible’. ‘I can’t do that’. ‘I have other commitments’. All good ways to politely say no. Giving a reason gives the other person ammunition to try and convince you.” ApprehensiveBook4214
6. AITJ For Letting My Partner's Daughter Wear Whatever She Wants?
“I (36M) have been with my partner (34F) for just under a year. We’re both single parents, my fiancee passed away 5 years ago but her ex-husband is still in the picture. Both our daughters go to the same school, mine is 14 while hers is 15. We don’t live together yet, I want to finish the work on my house before they move in.
We both have slightly different parenting techniques, she’s more focused on her daughter having good grades, and making sure she can get into a good university while my approach is more ‘Do what you want with your life I’ll support you regardless’.
Last weekend my daughter was supposed to go to a friend’s 18th birthday party.
They’re not very close friends but she got invited. I knew that the girl’s parents and other relatives would be there so I had no issue with letting her go. But last week my daughter asked her friend if my partner’s daughter could come to the party (they’ve become pretty good friends ever since we started seeing each other) and her friend agreed. So I arranged everything with my partner so that her daughter would spend the weekend at my place instead of going to her dad’s.
When Saturday came I picked up her daughter in the morning because my daughter wanted to go shopping with her before the party. Her daughter had brought a dress from home that she was supposed to wear, it was a full-length dress. In the evening when the girls were getting ready, her daughter decided that she didn’t want to wear that dress but instead borrowed some of my daughter’s stuff so they could wear matching outfits, a skirt and a crop top.
I never have an issue with anything my daughter wears, I always thought teenagers should be able to express themselves so I always just bought her whatever she liked. I dropped the girls off at the party at 10 pm and then picked them up just before 1 am (that’s the time I and my partner agreed on).
Her daughter then spent the night at mine and I dropped her off back at my partner’s on Sunday afternoon.
But Sunday evening she called me after she saw photos on Instagram that her daughter posted. She was furious at me for letting her daughter dress the way mine did, she said I was supposed to make sure her daughter wore that dress she brought with her.
So I explained the whole situation to her but it just ended up in a huge fight between us. Since then we’ve only talked once as she’s still very upset with me. I told her she was overreacting. I honestly don’t know what to think of this whole thing.
So AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, imagine if you went policing her daughter and had her wear a conservative dress when she had a short skirt with her. The child is old enough to know what she wants or doesn’t want to wear.
But I do wonder what you see in her mother since she seems to have very conservative ideas and you have such different approaches to parenting, that I would wonder whether you’re compatible in other aspects of life.” stressedpesitter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for sure but quick protip that telling people they’re overreacting is a great way to annoy them beyond reasoning.
Personally, I react very badly to having my feelings dismissed even if I can otherwise be convinced to relax my stance on something. She may even be madder about that than the dress code I think. You can defend your (reasonable, in my opinion) stance without dismissing her (somewhat reasonable, certainly defensible, in my opinion) discomfort with how her 15-year-old was dressed.” MapOfProblematique
5. AITJ For Kicking My Pregnant Daughter Out Of My House?
“I (45f) have a 27-year-old daughter. She has 6 kids, between the ages of 10-11 months. There are 3 different fathers, she receives child support from 2 of them, and she is still with the 3rd one and they have been together for 5 years.
My daughter works part-time, and her fiancé is a chef full-time. They have lived with us for the past year and a half, due to getting evicted from their last home. The kids and they have our upstairs bedrooms (there are 2) but that’s still crowded for 6 children.
They are constantly asking me for help with phone bills. My husband and I have asked for no rent so they’d be able to save money to get a home, which I do not believe they were doing.
I have put up with loud voices throughout all hours, and waking up at different hours to cater to children because I love my grandchildren.
I never complained to my daughter because I believe family is very important. It’s just that my children are all grown up, my youngest moved out 4 years ago and my husband and I had hopes to remodel. We didn’t expect them to be living here this long.
On Christmas Eve, my daughter gathered us all around and announced they were pregnant with baby #7. Everyone was all excited, but I felt dread. That would mean another child in our house with not much room. I looked over at my husband and could tell he felt the same, we discussed it later and decided we were going to have to ask them to move out.
Last night at dinner I brought it up to my daughter and her partner and we told them, they have 2 months to find a place because we cannot have another child here. My daughter started crying, saying she couldn’t believe I’d throw her to the streets for having a baby, that this was completely unfair and not enough time.
I told her I was sorry, it was painful for me as well, but these living conditioners were impossible. She demanded I give her more time or she’d go to the courts and I told her news flash, the courts only give you 30 days.
She then said my grandchildren were going to be homeless because I was selfish. She made a social media post asking for rooms to rent because ‘she’s pregnant and has nowhere to go and her family doesn’t care about her.’ AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Not only does she have six kids and lives rent-free, has no money saved, gets help from you and your husband, and has all this time to save but obviously hasn’t and decides to get pregnant on top of it again with no home to go to.
She figured she lives off of you. That’s what it is, she wasn’t planning on ever leaving. She needs to be more responsible if she can’t afford a home then how is she gonna be able to afford a seventh child?” Consistent-Ad3191
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! YOU were selfish? First of all, nobody needs seven children. Are they hoping to continue until one has superpowers or something?! Also, if you have children, you pay for them. Yes, things happen and it gets tough, that’s where you came in to help.
But you did not choose to have an extra nine people in your house when you gave birth to one.
You can love your grandchildren and give her a wake-up call at the same time. Let the ones old enough know they always have somewhere safe.
Be that for the little ones too. It’s time to stop letting your daughter take advantage of you. When does it end?
In almost all developed countries, the amount of people in your house is considered mistreatment by the children or living in unacceptable conditions at best. It’s not your fault or problem.
I hope something changes from you being told she’s taking advantage and you can enjoy your life while still being the best grandparent. They’re so lucky you’re the way you are.” whatsername235
4. AITJ For Bringing A White Chocolate Cake To A Party?
“I (24f) recently moved to the city most of my paternal family live in. I grew up in another city and went to college on a different coast and wasn’t close with them, spending only 6 Christmas with them growing up. I visited everyone in person once when I moved so they know I’m living in the same city.
I’m a pretty good cook and baker, so when I was invited to a potluck family party at my grandparents’ I brought chicken stew which received a lot of praise. One of my aunts asked if I also bake and I said yes, showing them a few pics of my baked goods.
My cousin Lisa (30f) then invited me to her little girl gathering, telling me it was a drink and dessert party and that the theme was chocolate.
I made a beautiful white chocolate cake for the party. It wasn’t big as Lisa told me there would be like ten people attending but because it was small I was able to make it a little fancy with silver and white winter decorations.
Everyone exclaimed how beautiful the cake was and when Lisa put it on the table it stood out as the rest was different shades of chocolate brown. My cake was praised. The food and drinks were delicious. I hung out with my cousins and met Lisa’s friends and her husband’s family.
I thought everyone was nice.
Later, Lisa called me, not exactly complaining but telling me next time I should keep to the theme of the party. I told her I did as white chocolate IS chocolate. Lisa said that her husband’s sister and a couple of nieces thought it was inappropriate of me to bring a dish that stood out so much, completely ignoring the party theme.
They felt all everyone talked about was my cake. They asked Lisa to tell me to ‘tone it down’ or don’t invite them or me to the same party because they can’t stand someone so attention-seeking.
Personally, I don’t think I did anything wrong but this is a group of three people thinking the same thing, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If Lisa wanted a chocolate party where everything was brown, she should have said that. If she wanted a chocolate party without white chocolate, she should have said that. Absent other instructions, you honored the theme. I’m sensing that Lisa is just jealous of your baking/cooking skills.
For your information for the future – and I’m sure you know this – white chocolate contains no cocoa/cacao solids (and sometimes not even cocoa butter), so it’s debatable whether it’s chocolate at all. Also, many people who like chocolate explicitly do not like white chocolate.
I suspect even if you had asked Lisa her opinion on white chocolate, she would have still found a reason to be unhappy.” Independent-Length54
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Her reaction was dramatic and DEFINITELY wrong, but if she asked you to make a cake and mentioned a chocolate theme, jumping to white chocolate without clarifying is weirdo behavior.
She pretty much asked you to make a chocolate cake, which when people say ‘chocolate cake’ it has a meaning (and the meaning isn’t white chocolate!). It DOES seem attention-seeking to me.
Anyone in their right mind would take the chocolate theme to mean actual chocolate (and no, white chocolate is NOT chocolate).
Acting like you didn’t know what she meant is weaponized incompetence. Just admit that you heard chocolate and wanted to do something creative/outside of the box, so you did white chocolate!
I also like to be creative with my baking. I get it.
But if somebody asked me for chocolate cake, I would never present them with white chocolate cake and then act like they had no reason to be confused or upset. A chocolate cake with some white chocolate accents/decor? Fair game. But fully white chocolate… is not what they were looking for.
Obviously, nobody would’ve expected the extreme reaction she had – it should be okay to have some fun with it but it seems like your cake was potentially the main dessert. It would’ve been so easy to say ‘I’m thinking of doing a white chocolate cake, is that okay?’ – some folks don’t like white chocolate.” dataanddoodles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I don’t think anyone called Lisa, I think she made that up as a deflection so she wouldn’t have to say ‘I’m jealous your cake was praised.’
As for the white chocolate: is it chocolate/is it not debate, meh.
Do what makes you happy, you feel confident making, and proud of bringing to a gathering. If Lisa and/or Lisa’s other friends and family have a problem with that, ultimately you’re probably better off without them as your main socializing engagements. Of course that feels sucky now cause you’re new to the area but you will find your people and then it won’t be a big deal if Lisa and her little minions don’t like how much other people liked your cake.” Objective_Hotel1079
3. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law To Call My Daughters By Their Names?
“I (38f) am married with 2 children – twins Amy and Nina (6f). We live in the same town as most of his family are in the house I inherited from my grandfather. It is the biggest house in the family so we often host family gatherings.
My husband’s youngest sister Jane (31f) has been traveling for work ever since her early 20s. In mid-2022 she moved in with her fiancé about half an hour’s drive away from us. After that, Jane showed up regularly at family gatherings and rebuilt relationships with her family members.
The only thing she never bothers to do is address my daughters by their names.
Amy and Nina are identical twins. I understand when people refer to them as ‘the twins’ but I think it is important that their individuality is respected. I always tell family and friends that now that they are 6 years old it is important for them to have their own identity and if possible please treat them as individuals rather than a pair or a unit.
My girls have different interests and hair/dressing styles so it is not hard to tell them apart.
Jane always insists on calling the girls ‘the twins’ and makes no effort to distinguish them. I asked her many times to treat them as individuals, like her other nieces and nephews, and Jane would say OK and then keep doing the same thing.
Last Christmas Amy made paper cranes and Nina painted flower pictures as their Christmas gifts for everyone in the family. They signed their names and individually handed the gift to everyone. Jane’s fiancé had to work this year and did not join us so after brunch she video-called him in the living room while the rest of us did our things nearby.
Her fiancé saw the crane in her hand and asked where she got it and Jane said ‘Oh, one of the twins gave it to me for Christmas. The other twin drew some flowers.’
I felt that this was disrespectful as my girls put a lot of effort into the gifts and deserve to have their private dedication recognized. When everyone left, I told Jane I expected her to call my girls Amy and Nina from now on and to treat them like individuals and know their differences.
Jane said that she won’t bother as my girls are too young. So I told her she was banned from my house until she learned how to address my girls by their names. Jane just stomped off. My husband agreed with me on this.
A few days ago my MIL called to plan my husband’s birthday in early February. I told her we could have the party at my house like usual but Jane would not be invited. My MIL was alarmed and asked why and when she learned of what happened she was mad at Jane.
Jane called me a few hours ago calling me a jerk for making a big deal out of something insignificant. She said my girls would be known as the twins whether I like it or not and once they get older people WILL recognize them as individuals but not now when they’re young and ‘just another couple of girls.’ She said she deserves to be with her family for her brother’s birthday and I need to let it go.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sucks to be identified as only a relationship with another party vs your own unique identity. This is their family – you do not dress them alike. I’m assuming their hair is cut differently given you referenced it. It sounds like they do not present themselves as twins so it’s pretty darn rude and ballsy of Jane to think glossing over their names and only identifying them as ‘the twins’ is okay.
This is your home and you are within your right to do this. That said, you might be going about this wrong. And it sounds like you can get your MIL and your husband’s family on your team here to fix Jane’s attitude. From now on, Jane is only known as MIL’s youngest daughter.
Never a name. Just MIL’s youngest daughter. Or, your husband’s (name’s) sister. You will make the point ABUNDENTLY clear to her if you guys handle it this way because Jane will get darn sick of being ‘Nana’s youngest daughter’ or ‘Flloyd’s youngest sister’ without a name.
Get the girls in on it too. No more Auntie Jane – just ‘Nana’s youngest daughter.'” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Nope. This is putting Jane ahead of Amy and Nina. OP is 100% correct in making Amy and Nina’s home a safe place that doesn’t allow in people who do not respect them.
Jane does not deserve to attend this party, especially at their expense. OP’s husband doesn’t deserve to have his birthday centered around Jane’s petty name games. This isn’t about Jane. This is about Amy, and this is about Nina. Jane is optional. NTJ.” KittyKiitos
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Have A Father-Daughter Dance With My Stepdad At My Wedding?
“I (27F) have known my stepdad since I was 10 and he became my stepdad officially (as in he married my mom) when I was 11.
My dad died from cancer when I was 8. I was a real daddy’s girl so it broke my heart and is probably why, no matter how loving and kind my stepdad is, he will never be able to earn the title of dad or take an equal place in my heart or life.
And my stepdad is a lovely person. He wanted to be a second dad to me. We discussed this in therapy when I was a kid. He said he would love to have a dad title and nickname and he would love for me to embrace him as the dad my dad sent to me when he couldn’t be there.
It was during that whole discussion that I revealed Dad wouldn’t have sent me another dad, because he even said he would be my only dad, in one of our last full conversations, when I was really sad about losing him and I felt nobody understood.
My mom and stepdad wanted to know if that was the reason I didn’t want to call my stepdad a dad name and let him in as much as I did my dad. I told them even without that I wouldn’t have wanted a new dad.
We came out of therapy where not everyone was entirely happy. My stepdad was unhappy that he would never hear me call him anything other than my stepdad or his name and that I would not want to work on building a father/daughter relationship with him that would be like what a normal father/daughter relationship would be.
I was unhappy that in compromise, I would not correct and they would never correct people who mistook him for my dad and would say it to us. But I had to give something and that was my part of the compromise.
Even though my stepdad has four bio kids with my mom now, he still feels a loss that we don’t have what he wanted us to have.
I love my stepdad. But it’s very different from the love I have for my parents. It’s closer to the love I have for my uncles honestly. And when my fiancé and I started wedding planning I knew the whole walk me down the aisle/father-daughter dance would be an issue.
So my fiancé and I planned something more unique. An immediate family dance. For me, it would mean one big dance with my mom, stepdad, and my siblings. With my fiancé, it would be his parents, grandparents (who lived in the same house as him growing up so were immediate family), and siblings.
I asked my mom and stepdad if they would like to take part in the dance. My stepdad asked what about the father/daughter dance. I said this would be in place of that, so the whole family could take part. He told me he wanted the father/daughter dance.
That he wanted a special moment for just the two of us. I told him I would rather the dance with us all and no father/daughter dance. We had already discussed that I would be walking down the aisle with my fiancé so he was incredibly frustrated and upset that I didn’t want a father/daughter dance.
He and my mom told me I was wrong. They told me I should do the father/daughter dance and stop trying to come up with anything but.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m impressed with your story, honestly. It’s really tough losing a parent, especially at such a young age, and it’s tough Mom moved on pretty quickly.
I can understand your stepfather wanting what he does, but in my opinion, he is WAY OUT OF LINE.
In a step-parent/step-child relationship, the child is the one who determines the extent and depth of the relationship, the adult doesn’t get to force the dynamics of the relationship THEY want on you.
That’s ridiculous. You’ve said you love your stepfather but that he will never be a replacement for your father, and that is perfectly understandable and acceptable. This man also has FOUR biological kids of his own. The fact that he is STILL pushing your boundaries and demanding ‘fatherly’ ceremonies SIXTEEN YEARS into your relationship is INSANE.
He really needs to get over himself and focus on being the ACTUAL father of his four biological children and let the 27-year-old mature adult live her life.
I think the ‘family dance’ is an awesome compromise to include everyone and enjoy your day. Good for you for coming up with the idea.
Anyone who doesn’t like it can pound sand, frankly. It is your and your fiance’s day.” Aggressive-Bed3269
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but this is close to ‘no jerks here’. You may never see him as a father figure, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t view you as his daughter and that this whole situation probably hurts him.
He doesn’t get to tell you that you are wrong for what you want to do with your wedding (emphasis on ‘your wedding’). That’s where he’s a jerk. Perhaps it might be nice to acknowledge him somehow, though. You don’t have to acknowledge him as your dad, but somehow, publicly acknowledge him that you appreciate all he’s done for you since he’s come into your life.
He’s not your dad and never will be, but he WAS there to help raise you and love you like one of his own.” seregil42
1. AITJ For Not Making My Niece Return Her Poker Game Winnings?
“I (28f) am currently taking care of my niece Tina (9f) while my brother is out of town for work for a month. I work from home so I temporarily moved to my brother’s house to look after her. Tina’s mother passed away but her maternal grandparents live in the same neighborhood.
My brother told me they visit the grandparents weekly and sometimes Tina will play with the cousins as her aunt and uncle also often visit her grandparents.
Tina has plenty of toys. She is also tidy and usually picks up after herself, so I don’t really know what toys she has.
Just a few hours ago, Tina’s aunt, Wendy, dropped by with her son, Bill (9m), and asked Tina to return some figures that were her stepson’s. I asked Tina for them but she refused, saying she won the figures in their poker game and was entitled to it.
Apparently, their older cousins played poker together at their grandparents and taught the younger ones to play as well. Tina said that Bill wanted to play with her tablet but she refused. The older cousins then suggested they played poker for it, an hour on Tina’s tablet versus something Bill has that Tina would want in return.
The only things Tina thought were worth an hour on her device were the Star Wars figures Wendy accidentally unloaded from her car and made Bill keep an eye on. So Bill wagered the figures, and he lost all but two of them to Tina, with their 12-year-old cousin as their witness.
Wendy then needed to hurry home and grabbed Bill, not noticing the difference in the bag.
The figures were Bill’s half-brother’s who left the bag in Wendy’s car. He was panicking when he noticed all but two of his figures were missing, so Bill was forced to tell his mom and brother what happened. Wendy asked for the figures back.
They are not particularly expensive, like $25 – $30 each, but Bill’s brother did save up for them.
Tina refused to give them back, saying she won them fair and square and their cousin was the witness to the game. Wendy said she couldn’t hold a child poker game responsible for the loss of actual properties and that Tina needed to return the figures.
I offered to call my brother and did but his coworker picked up and said my brother was in a very important meeting and people not directly involved could not interrupt. As my brother forgot his phone, he would be unreachable until the end of the meeting, 6 or 7 hours from now.
So I left a message asking him to call me back. I told Wendy we would have to wait for my brother to make his decision. As for now, Tina would keep the figures until her father said otherwise.
Wendy said she did not have 6 hours to wait.
She said I should be able to see how messed up this is and make Tina return the figures. Again, I refused to make her, saying I personally thought Tina earned the figures and my brother was the only one who could make Tina return them.
Wendy called me a jerk for stealing and as she could not wait around took her son back, saying she would call later. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Those figurines were not Bill’s to gamble. Tina has received stolen property, and you are refusing to return them because your 9-year-old niece ‘won them in a poker game?’ You are supposed to be the adult in charge here.
Once it was made clear that they weren’t Bill’s toys, by not returning them, both you and Tina were no better than thieves. Way to teach the kid values. How many figurines are we talking here? Because if ONLY 2 were left, it makes me think it’s probably upwards of $100 worth of toys at least. That A KID saved up for and you are refusing to return.
You really need someone else to point out how crappy a move that is?” Shibaspots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because it’s entirely reasonable to have the father handle the issue and make the decisions himself when he becomes available. This is about kids’ toys so it is in no way time-sensitive.
The aunt can easily wait for a day to have this resolved. Just gotta tell her stepson she’s sorry for causing the inconvenience. The aunt is a jerk for trying to pressure OP into not consulting her brother. The aunt is also the jerk for failing to teach her son that you don’t give away things you don’t even own.
If he broke or lost them the blame would also obviously be on him, no?” Blechblasquerfloete
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The older cousins should be punished too. You said Bill wanted to play with the tablet at first and not own it. The cousins then suggested to gamble the tablet at poker.
This is very serious… Bill was also certainly pressured to gamble the figurines. This is very wrong to let kids gamble things if not illegal. Even more, if one of them is pressured to do so. If Tina had lost, they would have been hard on Bill to return the tablet.
The biggest jerks are the cousins but you are a strong contender for the title. What’s next? Letting the owner of the figurines organize a fight club to get them back? Seriously what’s wrong with people.” LionIntelligent5026
At least teach your niece to gamble with someone that actually OWNS what they wager.
