People Try To Fill In The Blanks In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
19. AITJ For Giving My Starving Niece Formula When Her Mother Was Unreachable?
“First time poster. I’m 19 f. My family lives in a two-family house-so it’s me, my younger brother, and my parents, then my older brother (29) his wife( 26), and their baby (4 months). So yesterday, my sister-in-law asked me to watch my niece “for a few minutes” so she could go run a quick errand.
I wasn’t doing anything so I said sure. My niece was sleeping, she said she’d most likely be back by the time she woke up.
The baby woke up 45 minutes later but my SIL still wasn’t back, so I tried to call her. My niece, Stella, was a bit upset because she’s used to eating when she wakes up.
My SIL only breastfeeds her. She doesn’t pump ( she’s tried). Even so, I managed to keep Stella happy and entertained, until about an hour later. Then she was getting really hungry. We( my younger brother and I) kept trying to call/text my SIL but she wasn’t answering.
By now she had been gone like two hours, we were worried so we called our older brother but he also couldn’t reach her, he was at work though so there wasn’t a lot he could do.
By now Stella was getting more and more ramped up because she was hungry and now getting tired from all the crying.
Everything is going downhill fast. Stella is screaming and can’t calm down. Me and my brother are completely overwhelmed. Finally, I remember some formula company sent my brother and SIL some free samples when she was pregnant. She had said to throw them out because formula was poison and she didn’t want Stella drinking it.
But my mom saved it because one of her friends is having a grandbaby and she was going to give it to them. Stella was crying so hard she was having trouble catching her breath. We were desperate. So I checked the expiration dates ( all good until 2025) and looked up the brand to make sure there weren’t any recalls or anything( there weren’t), I used one of the bottles that she had gotten at her baby shower, and I made her a bottle.
Stella was definitely upset at first and it took us a lot of trying but once she got it she drank the entire bottle and then fell asleep.
Stella had been sleeping for like an hour and a half when my SIL came home. She was super apologetic, She said She had run into friends and lost track of time.
By now she had been gone about 5 1/2 hours. She was like, oh good, Stella was able to go right to sleep? And we said No, check your phone, it’s been absolute chaos over here!! and we told her the whole situation.
She FREAKED OUT on us for giving Stella formula.
She said we poisoned her, we ruined that Stella has only been breastfed until now, etc. We tried to explain to her Stella was STARVING but she said Stella goes much longer than 5 1/2 hours without eating at night and I was like… yeah duh AT NIGHT!
I can go a long time without eating when I’m not conscious too!
She said I was a jerk who didn’t respect her parenting decisions. AITJ for giving my niece formula?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Normally it would be a solid “Y TJ” to anyone who gave the formula to a baby against a parent’s wishes but in this case, you were put in an impossible position.
Your SIL was totally out of line leaving you for over 5 hours when she said she’d only be gone a few minutes and then not even bothering to check her phone. You were owed a huge apology, not a hissy fit.” Allaboutbird
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your infant niece was hungry, and her mother was MIA. You did the right thing. Infants should be fed on demand, so if your SIL is insistent on avoiding formula and she can’t pump & freeze, then she doesn’t have the luxury of leaving the baby with a sitter and going to hang out with friends for a few hours.
You probably already know this, but just in case the guilt trip is getting to you: please be assured that modern baby formula made with reliably clean drinking water is not going to harm your niece. It’s fine.” Ok-Sea3170
Another User Comments:
“Uh, no, NTJ.
I EBF my baby and would have been mad if anyone gave him formula without permission but I also wouldn’t have ‘lost track of time’ for FIVE AND A HALF HOURS and expected him to starve for it. You did exactly the right thing.
Not feeding her would have been terrible cruelty. The formula is safe and nutritionally balanced for babies. Your SIL is a neglectful idiot and your brother needs to consider whether she’s safe to be in charge of the baby without his supervision.” ArchipelagoGirl
18. AITJ For Not Inviting My Husband's Rude Friend To Our Wedding Reception?
“I (25F) have been married to my husband (27M) for a year now, but we’re finally having the reception in December this year. My husband has had a friend group since high school. They went to school together. Besides us, it consists of 5 couples and 3 single people.
The girl (27F) I mentioned is the only single girl in the group. Let’s call her Tiffany. Tiffany was in a relationship with one of the guys (27M) for 5 years before breaking up with him after she was unfaithful to him. He quickly moved on and started seeing a younger coworker (24F).
They have been together for 2 years now. She was very bitter over the breakup and caused a stir in the friend group even though it was all her fault.
I am considering not inviting her due to an incident that happened last year during Christmas.
That year, we all got gifts for each other. We hosted the Christmas event at our house and everyone came on time except her. Not only was she late, but she also didn’t greet my husband and me, but she greeted everyone else. She also got everyone gifts except for my husband and me citing that she only got gifts for the “real couples.” I brushed it off the first time, but she said it again twice.
She left early and everyone including us was confused as to why she acted like that.
Most of the friend group sided with us, but a girl and a guy were defending her, claiming her social awkwardness and inability to read social cues were why she acted the way she did.
I felt like her words and actions were so deliberate like there’s no way she forgot to get us gifts or greet us. She knew better. It felt rude and on purpose. Even though half of the group dislike her, the other half are still fond of her and close to her.
They hang out with her regularly. We still hang out with them too, but without that girl in attendance.
Tiffany also reacted poorly to the news of my pregnancy. She asked if it was on accident, if we truly loved each other, etc. It was the strangest reaction I had to my pregnancy.
For some context, I was in a relationship with my husband for 2 years before our engagement and marriage. We have a baby. We also have known each other for nearly 10 years and were close friends for most of that time before we started seeing each other.
I was not part of this friend group until we started seeing each other even though I also went to school with them. My husband also isn’t close to her and never has been. They have never gotten along. She’s really sweet to the other women in the friend group except me.
We’re the only married couple with a baby in the group. Everyone else is seeing each other seriously. No engagements yet.
I’m making this post because I’m reading that it’s rude to exclude one person from a whole friend group from a wedding.
Just wondering if I’m in the wrong for this. My husband is supportive and we both don’t want to invite her. It just sucks because his friends almost ac”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but if you do invite her, expect her to show up, not greet you, and not get you a gift. You and your husband aren’t friends with her, she’s rude, questions the integrity of your relationship, and causes drama when she doesn’t get her way.
Nope, nope, and nope. She wasn’t happy about your pregnancy and she won’t be happy with your nuptials. Joy-sucks don’t get invites to fancy, expensive events. I would not want to pay for her to eat and drink on your dime. If your friends can’t understand, then they can sit out with her.” Eastern_Condition863
Another User Comments:
“I can’t make the post any longer. I know a lot of people are saying they might have hooked up or something. Tiffany is still very much in love with her ex. Since the breakup, she has only seen guys who look almost the same as her ex even if they aren’t compatible.
My husband looks nothing like her ex. My husband also gave her a hard time following the break up because he was very close to the ex-bf. As for the real couple thing, we had a baby before marriage so she felt like we only got married because of the baby.” imhereforagoodtime66
Another User Comments:
“I’m confused about why she would say you aren’t a real couple when you’re married. That’s so strange. Regardless, I wouldn’t invite her, but I would mention it to the rest of the group beforehand. I wouldn’t speak poorly of her, per se, when telling them but say something like, as you know, she’s been rude to us recently and we’d rather not worry about it at our reception.
I don’t think you need to go into specifics (people might focus on the gift thing and think you’re being petty) unless prompted. If you are worried that some people won’t go when they find out she isn’t invited, I guess that they would’ve made a stink about it at the reception when they realized she wasn’t there, so you’re just getting the drama out of the way now.
NTJ” Armin_Tamzarian987
17. AITJ For Feeling Resentful Towards My Parents For Favoring My Sister's Kids Over Mine?
“I’ll attempt to keep this as concise as possible.
My wife and I have 3 children all under 9. And my oldest at the time had a very close relationship with my parents. My mother helped babysit about 2x a week during the school year (my wife is a school nurse) and we always made an effort to show our gratitude.
Flights for my mother to see her family, dinners, pedicure appointments- things like that.
About 4 years ago my sister who now has two children of her own both under 4 experienced the loss of her first unborn child unexpectedly and late in the pregnancy. I was very involved especially from the logistics side to help my sister and brother-in-law through everything.
My parents have always walked on eggshells with my sister her entire life for fear of upsetting her but it was even more so after the tragedy. When she had her children both of my parents went to babysit for her as she “expected” it (her words).
The schedule is 5x week from about 7:30-5. Almost immediately my parents became overwhelmed with the schedule and workload. After one school year of this, my wife and I put our children in full-day programs. My mother insisted this was not necessary and they were happy to help.
I had numerous talks with her that they were clearly being spread thin with everything they’re doing and that hopefully the time they do spend with my children will be more enjoyable and not have to feel like work. That was over two years ago and since then my parents have yet to spend any on one quality time with any of my kids.
My oldest would reach out and ask to spend time and “chit chat”. That request is regularly met with an empty “we’ll see” or “let’s pick a good day”. Many of the events my parents do come to they have my sister’s children and it’s only an opportunity to get them out of the house than to spend time with mine.
The times they aren’t babysitting and come are rare and usually leave early due to being tired. When I see my parents watching my sister’s children, they are usually somewhat engaging and regularly will take them to their activities and also just let them tag along when my parents run day-to-day errands.
We’ve asked my parents for help for a date night or when schedules conflict and it’s hit or miss if they can help. The times they do essentially zero quality time is spent with my children. My mother will give the kids her phone and let them play games.
My father will have the television tuned to the news at a deafening volume.
This is all to say over the past couple of years I have pulled away from my parents and unfortunately have harbored resentment toward them and my sister. As I said I’ve had a couple of conversations where I’ve tried to gently talk to my mother about spending quality time with my kids.
I feel that I’m at the point where having a 100% honest conversation will only lead to irreparable damage because there is no other way to say they’re being bad grandparents.”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds to me like your parents are completely exhausted. They are older and should be spending quality time together, not looking after their grandchildren full-time.
Unfortunately, they seem to be easier to manipulate, which your sister knows how to use to her advantage. Perhaps they don’t realize this themselves or don’t want to admit it. A long holiday away from everyone and everything would certainly do them good.” TinyCynth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems like your parents have always favored your sister more than you based on your post. This is now carrying on to your sister’s kids. Don’t deal with your parent’s BS because they care more about your sister and kids than you.” ThatGuyWhoEatsBagels
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – They unfortunately chose to be more present for your sister than you. It’s not fair, but it is what it is. No use talking to them because what can they do? They’re afraid upsetting your sister will cut them out of their lives without a thought they cut themselves out of yours.
So yeah, you’re being taken for granted. If you bring it up, they’re not going to react well because in their minds they’re stretched thin and helping their kids as much as they can. Since you’ve already tried to create more quality time and they’ve passed on the opportunity, the best you can do is compensate for their absence and move on.
Ultimately, it’s their loss. This happened to me and it sucks for the kids who get ignored, but hey, nobody is in therapy over it years later. They just have no relationship with the guards and don’t care. -and the guards still haven’t clued in they lost a set of grandkids that would have been a wonderful part of their lives.
C’est la vie.” Legal-Lingonberry577
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, your parents ARE spread too thin. They have chosen your sister’s kids over your own, and your sister is probably thrilled about that. It’s time to have a frank talk with your parents about how you feel that your sister’s kids have far more time with your parents and that they are favored over your kids.
Suggest that they cut down on watching ALL the kids so that they can be fun grandparents and not daycare providers.” ElmLane62
16. AITJ For Not Accepting My Brother's Apology After He Disapproved Of My Gay Marriage?
“Let me start with the formalities:
Me (M, 31)
Husband (31)
Brother (let’s call him Jim, 34)
Sister-in-law (let’s call her Tammy, 37)
Backstory:
Jim got married to Tammy in 2011. She has been very problematic from day one, but we have kept our mouths shut because that’s his wife.
He and I have always been pretty close and he has always been very supportive of me and whomever I was with all my life. He was never religious until he married her, and while that is not a problem on its face, it became the source of our problems with both of them last year at our wedding.
One month before our wedding, on a phone call with my mom, I was told my two nieces (5 & 7) would not be attending. So I call Jim. He tells me he’s not comfortable with them seeing a Gay Marriage. I’m confused as to why this is now an issue.
My husband and I have been together around my nieces countless times over the years. They know I’m gay (they call me Guncle), and they are aware my husband is my partner. Jim seems to think they are unaware and says he’ll explain things to them later in life.
He won’t be swayed. I’m hurt, but I just tell myself it is what it is and try not to let it affect me or our special day.
FFW to Wedding Day. Everything goes off without a hitch.. or so I thought:
– After the ceremony during dinner, Jim told my parents he thought it was wrong that we allowed our officiant to include a verse from the Bible about what Love means.
While my husband and I are both non-religious, we have no issue with religion and let our officiant keep the line in because we figured our religious families would like it. Nobody minded but Jim and Tammy.
– About 30 minutes before the end of the evening, Tammy approaches a friend of ours and expresses that she disagrees with us getting married. Our friend told her that sucks and that she should go tell someone who cares.
This upset Tammy and she ran outside and started crying. Jim rushes after her to console her.
The next day, Tammy sends a message in our family group chat (not directly to us), apologizing for her behavior. The husband didn’t react. I gave a thumbs up.
Once we returned from our honeymoon, Jim texted me directly. He apologized for everything. I became infuriated. I told him I missed the old Jim. That Tammy has changed him and ruined our relationship. I was beyond hurt and I told him I heard his apology, but I was unwilling to accept it at this time.
FFW to the present day. We haven’t seen Jim or Tammy since the wedding last year. While I have returned to speaking terms with Jim, I still have never accepted his apology. My parents are now getting to the point where they think we want nothing to do with them and are avoiding them on purpose.
They told us we needed to accept their apology and keep things moving because they are family. I told them no, and this is the stalemate we have come to. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They should have skipped the wedding. I would be livid if people came to my wedding who didn’t believe it was ok that I was getting married and then also talked to my guests about it.
Wow. Also to not bring their kids because they don’t agree with it. Wow. Your parents are wrong. Family is great if it’s healthy. We aren’t obligated to keep garbage opinions around just because they’re family. Family doesn’t get to hurt you and view your love as wrong or a sin and feel free to share those opinions. ” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Just because you are “family” does not mean that you are supposed to forgive them for anything and everything. Tammy should have kept her opinion to herself. They both should have stayed home since it was too much for their daughters.
Your brother is not the same person you grew up with. Love is not Love if it does not include respect and acceptance.” Altruistic-Bunny
Another User Comments:
” NTJ Jim and Tammy decided to act badly at someone else’s special day and now are unhappy that there are consequences to their bad behavior.
Their actions were presumptuous, arrogant, and outright rude as well as homophobic. Seriously, what did they think would happen when they started spewing their unsolicited opinions at such an inappropriate time? The jerk is so tightly closed around their necks that their brains have been deprived of oxygen.” solitarybydesign
15. AITJ For Asking My Aunt To Use Air Purifiers For My Allergies At Her Holiday Party?
“Every year I travel to my home town for the high holidays. My parents usually host all our extended family for the holiday dinner. This year my aunt requested to host the new holiday. I love my aunt and uncle but I have pretty severe pet allergies and they have 3 dogs and 1 cat.
Dogs I can usually tolerate it as long as I wash my hands and don’t touch my face but cats are terrible for me, I get hives red eyes, and congestion just from sitting or being where they were previously. The only way I have found to fix this is taking strong antihistamines which usually knock me to sleep and cause me to be drowsy.
Even after that, the next few days were miserable for me as I still had itchy eyes, etc.
This allergy is something I started in adulthood and as a child, I had a cat and it did not bother me. My parents who I’m staying with have a low shedding dog which is easier for me to be around and I can manage.
Initially, I did not even think about how their pets would affect me as they only got them after I moved away. I decided that I would try to spend as much of the holiday in their outdoor space as possible and thought that I could provide them with a few of my air purifiers to run a few days before the holiday.
I sent the text explaining this to them 4 days ago. I said that I didn’t want to create a huge problem but I wanted to be able to enjoy the holiday with everyone and not have to go home early because I had to take an allergy pill that knocked me out.
This morning I received an angry text where she said she was offended because she is a clean person and I have no issue with my parents around their pet. She said that her house is her animal’s home first and said that I should have hosted if I was going to make demands (I would not have an issue with hosting but making everyone drive hours to me feels unrealistic).
In the end, she said that I was welcome to come but she would not give me special treatment (because I didn’t need it as a child) or make her feel unclean as a host. She said that I did not have to come but she would be disappointed as she was looking forward to meeting my daughter.
I am really taken aback as I did not think my asks were super demanding. I basically just asked her to plug in a machine I’d provide and hit the on button. I never asked her to put away her animals or accused her of being unclean.
Maybe I was out of line for asking this? I’m not sure. AITJ for requesting that accommodations be made for me at my aunt’s holiday party?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Depending on how you phrased your request, it definitely could have sounded like you were accusing her of being unclean.
Just from your title that was the impression I got. You have a right to request a host help make their house accessible for you if they want you there. Your aunt is right that it’s her and her pets’ home first, and she doesn’t have to change anything about her home if she doesn’t want to.
I’d try talking to her again – and not through text this time since tone and intent are easily lost in text. You can also wear a mask while there to help mitigate the allergies.” Swirlyflurry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your aunt probably does have a clean home.
Unfortunately, the protein that triggers cat allergies is extremely difficult to remove and air purifiers do help enormously in reducing the risk. I ensure that I use mine when I know my son’s partner will be visiting as she is very allergic especially to our cat (although she will always pet him and give him cuddles because that is how she is; she loves animals).
Perhaps an actual conversation with your aunt to explain that you were not in any way disrespecting her or her pets, let alone criticizing the cleanliness of her home, etc might help. If you could let her know that however clean her home is, it will still have the allergens and that using an air purifier goes a long way to helping reduce the effect on you.
You may need to grovel a bit but the thing is not everyone understands how pet allergies affect people.” ShineAtom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am a pet owner and one friend is very allergic (I am as well but not very and not all the time so very manageable).
I always deep clean if said friend is visiting and would accommodate the reasonable requests such as yours. Now, on the various points in your message: – tell your aunt you don’t think her house is uncleaned but cat hair especially lingers more than dog hair and that your allergies will not allow you to breathe properly.
Have you tried taking your antihistaminic in the evening so you can sleep it off and still benefit from the effect? I am a clean freak but I have cat hair all around the house, there is no way that with 4 pets she can keep it under control with basic cleaning.
Unless she vacuums every day all the furniture and moves it around regularly, there is pet hair in her house.” Chemical_Cut7396
14. AITJ For Not Defending My Partner When His Friends Teased Him About His Weight?
“My 24F partner “Steve” 28M has always been on the chubbier side.
He still is somewhat active and is not large by any means but not thin. I used to be thin when Steve and I got together 18 months ago, but have since gained about 20 lbs. I’m still a healthy weight for my height, but not thin anymore.
A couple of nights ago, Steve and I were out for dinner. He told me I should watch what I eat because I’m gaining weight. I rolled my eyes and ordered a burger and fries (same thing as Steve’s) because I thought it was just a poorly thought-out joke.
But on the car ride home he told me he was concerned because I was gaining weight and becoming unhealthy and less attractive. He put it gently, but I was still upset and pointed out that he wasn’t the poster child of thinness himself, but he said it’s different because he’s the same size he was when we got together.
I told him to give it a rest and slept in the guest room that night. When I woke up the next morning, he apologized profusely and begged me to forgive him. Since he’d never messed up that bad throughout our year and a half of being together, I told him we could just move past it.
I thought we had forgotten about it until last night when we were out with Steve and his friends. They were joking as male friends normally do, which means they were throwing around insults. One of Steve’s friends made a silly comment about Steve’s weight and suddenly they were all piling on.
“Yeah Steve, you ARE large, hahaha.” Steve laughed along, but it was obvious to me that he was hurt by the comments. I thought about telling the friends to cut it out, but then remembered what Steve said to me just a few nights prior and decided he could handle a bit of playful teasing.
When we got home, Steve asked me why I didn’t stick up for him when I knew he was uncomfortable. I told him I thought he could handle it, given what he so comfortably said to me the other night. Steve said it was different because he didn’t make fun of my weight in front of my friends and he was coming from a place of concern.
He said he thought we had agreed to move past the comment he made and that what I did was petty and holding a grudge. I told him we weren’t going to get anywhere with this conversation and we should take time to cool off and think.
Steve booked a hotel last night and should be getting home any minute now. I’m still not sure if what I did was wrong. I talked to my sister and she said I should have joined in with Steve’s friends I wasn’t mean enough, but my sister was also a lot bolder than me.
If I am the jerk, I should apologize when Steve gets back. Any thoughts are appreciated.
Because I know this will come up, I am 5’6” and currently 155 lbs. I was 135 when Steve and I first met. Steve is 5’10” and ~210 and has been the same since we met.”
Another User Comments:
“These are HIS friends. Why the heck would you have to defend him from his friends? BMI is a trash measure, but even by BMI standards you are just on the cusp of being technically overweight at exactly 25. Plenty of very fit people would be classed as overweight by BMI because muscle is heavier than fat.
I don’t like what he said to you. I doubt health had anything to do with it when he included that he’s also less attracted to you. I’ll never be okay with people trying to dictate what people can or cannot eat at a restaurant.
Unless someplace one day serves substances with a side of harmful substances. I have to draw the line there. NTJ” fancyandfab
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. One thing to consider is that his friends were teasing him with their comments, but he wasn’t teasing when he made hurtful comments about your weight and tried to control what you ate.
He only cares about you situationally (as in, if you meet his standard of beauty). This is not a good long-term start to a relationship as your body will change with age and children. Do you constantly want to be concerned that your partner will leave if you’re not physically perfect to him?
I would lose 210 lbs of dead weight immediately.” Physical_Ad6875
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s incredibly self-centered to be butt hurt that you didn’t stick up for him when he dared to tell you you were becoming unhealthy/less attractive. You could have easily joined in making fun of him, but you didn’t.
Your sister isn’t wrong but idk if the relationship would be worth anything after that” bathroomstallghost
13. AITJ For Refusing To Host My Partner's Cousin's Husband In My Small Apartment?
“My partner’s dad has stage 4 cancer and has been in the hospital the past week. I’ve been there every night with them and have been supportive in the ways my partner has needed and have become a lot closer to his dad and sister throughout his illness.
We received some horrible news a few days ago that if the treatment he is on doesn’t work, then they will stop treatment, and worst-case scenario he only has a couple of weeks to live. My partner has been the sole caretaker and his dad has been staying with him when he’s not at the hospital. My partner’s aunt (his dad’s sister) and cousin decided to come visit when they heard the news.
They were planning on staying at my partner’s apartment which was going to work out fine. Then his cousin’s husband decided to come (they live in Germany and were going to spend time in the US after visiting us). My partner’s dad said he doesn’t feel comfortable with the cousin’s husband staying with them and he doesn’t even care if he sees anyone else ever again other than my partner, his sister, and I.
He’s very sick and just wants people he’s comfortable with around him. They came to an agreement that they would still come but the husband just couldn’t stay with them (or even come hang out with them) so my partner asked me if his cousin & her husband could stay with me or if they’d get an Airbnb.
I have never met or spoken to either of them and they would stay with me for a week.
My partner’s cousin would go hang out at my partner’s apartment every day and her husband would stay behind at my 800 sq. ft. apartment with me which makes me very uncomfortable – let alone for a week.
I’m also a tax accountant and it’s busy season, I work from home 4 days a week and my office would be where they stay so I would have to drive to my office every day. I’ve been trying to juggle everything but it’s been hard for me and having my time during the day at my apartment to work has been crucial. I told my partner they could stay with me if he also stays with me but he said he won’t be able to every night.
So I said no to them staying with me, but I felt like a huge jerk. I spent some time with my partner and his dad tonight and asked if his cousin & her husband have found somewhere to stay and he said no and that they hate me now.
I feel like I have done so much to support my partner and his dad during this time and feel completely let down and like that all has been lost. I lost my fiancé to cancer 10 years ago so this has all been hard for me but I’ve managed to support my partner and his dad without bringing all that up, and am proud of how I’ve supported him, but it feels like this just wiped the slate clean and nothing I’ve done is appreciated. Struggling right now.
If I’m the jerk then I need to fix the situation, so I’d just like to know.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ A man who you’ve never met would stay in your apartment WITH you there, albeit working, with no one else around, in 800 sq ft?
No. That’s not acceptable and very weird, inappropriate, and uncomfortable. There must be a hotel if they can’t find an Airbnb. And who goes to another country/state/city without a place to stay in advance?” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“Wait so it is okay for them to not want a stranger around them but you are expected to live with one for a week and someone you have never met or spoken to you’re NTJ and if they can’t understand that then that is on them…if your BF can’t understand that then keep your distance for a bit…you have been there for them but it doesn’t mean that you have to do everything they ask…and even the dad said that he doesn’t care if he sees them or not” mumof13
12. AITJ For Wanting My Husband's Parents To Visit Less And To Be Included In Decision Making?
“My husband’s parents live overseas and they came to visit us when I had a baby. I understand that they were excited and wanted to see the baby, however, I wanted some privacy for recovery before having visitors just days after discharge from the hospital and asked my husband if they could come a few months later.
We also had a live-in nanny to help with the baby for the first month or so. My husband said no, they’re here to help me so they’re coming for 2 months.
Their 2nd visit just months later – husband informed me they were coming and for longer than previously thought.
No discussion with me. We had a huge fight before they arrived as his mother was unhappy that our baby addressed my mother a grandmother term that sounds similar to the term for his mother (Chinese dialects). They did not discuss this with me directly, just went to my husband and called me disrespectful which made my husband angry with me.
I did not have a chance to explain that it’s not uncommon where I’m from for children to use similar (but not the same) terms to address both grandmothers and they can learn the difference if we teach them. I explained this to them when they arrived and they agreed not to push it.
Third visit – no discussion with me, just informed me they’re visiting for X weeks. We had the biggest fight. All the resentment I had poured out – his parents picked my induction date, our baby’s name had to be approved by them because some names sounded too similar to a relative and therefore was not allowed (meanwhile his sister had a baby and used a combination of my name and my baby’s name), we weren’t allowed to set up our cot or car seat as it was ‘bad for the baby’ so I struggled in hospital while he did that after birth and then didn’t know how to loosen the straps to buckle baby in when we left the hospital.
I said that I was fine if they wanted to visit for a week (which was what I was initially informed) but any longer then they could stay elsewhere (they can well afford an Airbnb/hotel) and we could meet them daily for meals. My husband told me to take the baby and move to my mum’s when they visit.
This house is theirs and they gave it to him. Before we got married I made it clear I did not want to move in and wanted a place of our own. My husband told me that we’d get a place of our own and this was temporary then would make up all sorts of ridiculous reasons for why other homes weren’t suitable.
Now he says he will never move and won’t compromise on the house.
Bub slept the whole time they were here last time and was so unsettled. I know babies can adapt. I know I have no right to tell them not to come, it’s their home.
AITJ? I just wanted my husband to include me in the discussion but he doesn’t see that. I plan to move since I’ve been told to leave, and then not come back but my heart breaks for my baby.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They sound utterly intrusive, and your husband should be standing up for you.
Staying for that amount of time is unreasonable. You need to be comfortable in your home. If he’s saying he’ll never compromise on the house let his parents dictate your lives. Honestly, I’d move out. Move in with your Mum and let him realize you won’t put up with his nonsense.
On the flip side, they were reasonable about the grandmother name thing. Maybe talk to them directly and tell them it’s too much for you?” Top_Most_3528
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it seems to me that you are in a very controlled environment and that your opinions don’t matter.
Based on your history it also seems like this was intended from the start and never will end. Your husband does not take you seriously and because his parents own the house, you can’t resist getting your privacy invaded all the time. I suggest you think carefully about your future.
Is that the life you love and is that really how you want to spend the rest of your life, being a nobody in your husband and his family life?” Unhappy_Wedding_8457
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Both your in-laws and your husband have crossed major lines here.
Your wishes as your husband’s WIFE and a new mum should be paramount and his parents should be getting in line. I’m sorry but this doesn’t sound like a healthy dynamic for you or your baby. If your husband doesn’t start respecting you asap you may want to consider where you stand.” Radiant_Composer_454
11. AITJ For Saving Money For Emergencies Instead Of Giving It To My Mother?
“For starters, my life is kind of weird and out of the usual. I’m 27, I have never lived on my own, and I’m still working on my associates.
We’ve always been poor, living below the poverty line, but for a long time above the line at which we would get any help. Our lives have improved massively since ACA came into being, and we were able to get food bank food, food stamps, and healthcare.
So unsurprisingly, I qualify for school grants to pay for my tuition. My grandfather also has a small fund that he will pay my tuition out of as well. The money my grandfather sends me always goes to my mother, to contribute to the household.
Any money left over from my grants, which is usually less than $2,000 a year, I stash away in my savings. Either if I need future schooling, or if we have an emergency I now have $10,000 stashed away compared to my mother’s $0 to help pay for emergencies.
This money is not savings that I would be willing to spend on just about anything. There are three very specific use cases that I would allow this money to be spent on. Buying a house, serious medical expenses, or car repairs bills, etc would leave us seriously destitute.
I do this and do not consider this money my own, because my mother is completely incapable of saving or budgeting. She admits this herself. She talks constantly about how terrible she is with money, how stressful it is how she can’t even try to budget and it just falls apart all around her and the money all disappears.
I’ve seen this my entire life.
I am her child care, my little brother is now 14 so this is a lot less necessary, I mostly take him to and from school. I work exclusively for her, and so anytime I’m making money she’s making money.
I have a snap card that pays for my food, I pay for my medications, clothes, shoes, furniture, everything. We have an agreement that while I am in school I will not have to pay rent, and once I am making money it would be a reasonable amount, 30% of my income so long as I continue to be a functional and helpful and contributing member of the household.
I do about 50% of all housework, 90% of all yard work, 50% of all of the projects she starts and is unable to finish, work part-time for her, and I’m in school. I’m her only emotional support outside of her therapist which she refuses to see more than once a month, and I’m actively trying to find a therapist to help us improve our relationship.
Today, she’s talking about how mad she is at me again, because I feel “no need to contribute to the household” and I’m selfishly holding on to the money for myself. We have had this conversation about six times. Every single time I have explained that I don’t consider this my money, and I’m simply holding it as an emergency fund for anyone in the household.
She then says that that’s incredibly hurtful, acting like she is completely unable to save money, and is so terrible with money that she can’t be trusted.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Based on what you said, your mother struggles with budgeting and saving. It is completely reasonable to save money for emergencies.
Talk to your mother when she is in an ecstatic mood and explain everything. Your mother just seems confused. And try to move out ASAP.” cool_popular_person
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re being smart and responsible by saving for real emergencies since you’ve seen how easily money can disappear.
Your mom’s frustration probably comes from her struggles with money, but that doesn’t mean you’re wrong for holding onto savings. You’re looking out for the household’s future and that’s not selfish, it’s smart.” imalkrz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Make sure she cannot access your savings.
She uses money from your grandfather already and she is not good with money, she needs to stop pressuring you. Do not give in. That money will be such a comfort to you, just having it. Do no give in to her demands.” hadMcDofordinner
10. AITJ For Being Hurt By My Friend's Comment About My Eating Habits After Recovering From An Eating Disorder?
“I (22f) was bullied during my high school years by Regina George type of girls in my school and I developed an eating disorder.
The only person who knew about that was my BFF/classmate Christine who was my biggest supporter. During a time when I had no contact with those girls, I got better, started eating normally and regularly, and I got into my dream university. Unfortunately, Christine is not the study type so she moved to a different city and has a stable job now.
I got close with 3 of my classmates, Luke, Jessica, and Lena. Lena and I got especially close because we both needed to travel to school by the same train, we lived 30 and 35 minutes from school so we didn’t get accommodation. During our first year, we were talking about intimate personal stuff and I told her about my high school years and an eating disorder.
We never talked about it again.
Lena and I got the same paid internship. We were getting breakfast, lunch, and dinner from the company but Lena barely ate anything. Her father is a bodybuilder and her sister used to be a fitness model she told me during one of our lunches she doesn’t eat unhealthy food (namely pancakes, stew, and white pastries..).
When our internship ended and we were traveling home by train for 2 hours, she told me I was eating too much. I was shocked and I didn’t say anything to her for the whole train journey, but she also didn’t say anything more and she was on her phone the whole time.
It happened on Saturday before our last week before exam season, I relapsed and barely ate anything until Monday. On Monday I went to school despite the fact I already vomited three times that morning and I met with Luke, Jessica, and Lena (she took a later train).
I felt awkward talking about it in front of Luke and Jessica but I needed to confront Lena about what she said so when she went to the restroom I told Jessica and Luke I needed to talk with Lena privately because something happened during our internship.
Jessica told me she knows about the „eating thing” because Lena wrote her a message while we were traveling back from the internship and Lena is right. Luke asked what eating thing? So I told him about my eating disorder and what Lena told me.
He was shocked and didn’t say anything. When Lena came back we didn’t talk about it anymore but after school, Luke took me to a Café and bought me coffee and pastries while I was crying like crazy and telling him about terrible things I wanted to do to myself.
When I came home I wrote both Lena and Jessica messages about how their words hurt me and that I relapsed. Jessica wrote me that Lena was right and asked me why I wasn’t talking with them during our Monday lectures and why I went with Luke to a Café.
Lena wrote me I am too sensitive and she doesn’t understand why I relapsed. I skipped the last week, Luke checked on me every week.
Tomorrow I should go back to school with them again and I need to know AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the best advice I can give you though is that you don’t tell them any more personal information about yourself.
They don’t believe you or they wouldn’t be treating you this way and saying they don’t understand why you relapsed. Separate yourself from them, they have negligible emotional quotient.” pumpkinjooce
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You eat as much as you want as long as you don’t go to the other side of the spectrum when it comes to eating disorders.
You know your amount when it comes to eating. That girl Lena THINKS she’s being helpful given her family’s dynamic on eating but she isn’t.” Hungry-Book
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would simply say they are not helpful to you right now.
A real friend or just a good person would not make comments about food given your past. They also wouldn’t double down. They would step back and say I didn’t mean the comment harshly however I will be mindful going forward as I don’t want you to relapse.
I genuinely would want my friend to get better. That being said since you are in a vulnerable state it’s best to remove people like this. You’ll be at the point where words don’t bother you but for now, they do and that’s okay remove them and let Luke know as it would be awkward.
It’s better to just make plans together and work on yourself. Look into resources and pair with others who are more friendly and kind and understanding.” blackwillow-99
9. AITJ For Buying Myself A Gift After My MIL Bought Me One From The Same Shop?
“I’m currently on vacation with my husband and his parents in a part of the world that is famous for producing really beautiful and high-quality leather goods. We visited a city that has a shop that is particularly well-known for leather goods and I had made a specific plan to visit.
When my mother-in-law heard that I was going she wanted to go too.
We had a good browse around the shop and my mother-in-law asked me if there was anything in particular I liked. I mentioned that I particularly loved a certain range of accessories in blue leather, pointing out a luggage tag and passport holder.
My mother-in-law then told me she would get them for me for Christmas, but that I had to promise to ‘forget’ she had bought them. I said thank you, that’s so kind, etc and she went to pay.
I browsed for a few minutes more and then decided I was going to get myself a pair of gloves from the same range.
My mother-in-law met me at the checkout just as I was paying. She asked if I was getting a gift for someone and I said I was buying myself some gloves.
After that, for the rest of the day, she was a little cool and standoffish with me, which is unusual because we generally get on well.
I eventually asked my husband if he could talk to her to find out what was wrong. He spoke to her and then told me she felt that it had been a little rude and disrespectful of me to buy myself something from the leather shop when I knew she had already bought me something.
She felt that she was treating me so that I didn’t have to spend my own money, and that it was a slap in the face that I told her I wanted one thing and then bought myself something else in addition. She felt it was something like entitled behavior on my part to use her generosity as an opportunity to get more things.
I feel somewhat blindsided by this because it had not occurred to me that my behavior could be viewed as disrespectful. The shop was expensive and I specifically mentioned the luggage tag or the passport holder as things I liked because they were the cheapest things there.
I would never have told her I liked the gloves because they were far too expensive to expect as a gift. As far as I was concerned her purchase and mine were separate – I didn’t expect hers and was just grateful that she was being so generous, but I didn’t think it meant I should forego getting what I wanted for myself.
My husband thinks it’s not a big deal that I didn’t do anything wrong, and that I should just let it blow over. But I don’t know if I should apologize and clear the air. My mother-in-law is a nice woman and not prone to being difficult, so I don’t want there to be any bad feelings.
I would be interested to know if others think there is something I should apologize for since she’s usually very reasonable and easygoing.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Why would it be disrespectful to buy yourself something different from the same collection as your future Christmas gift?
I don’t get my mother-in-law’s reasoning at all. I wouldn’t apologize for what I believe is her unjust behavior. Why ever for? Just because? No and if she ever asks your husband for an apology from you to say to her she is just being silly and no apology is coming.
Then drop it. Amazing to me what some people choose to get upset over.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you spotted she was angling to buy you something & deliberately said you liked a couple of the less expensive items in order not to seem greedy & spare any potential embarrassment if another item e.g. the gloves, were more than she expected to spend but felt obliged to have offered. Your mother-in-law is being weird – older people often have a distorted sense of how much younger generations can afford, usually because “I couldn’t have afforded that at your age” & this can lead to them feeling what they consider a generous gift isn’t met with the fawning appreciation they expect.” rocking_womble
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you were being thoughtful picking out something less expensive but still desired for her to treat you to. I understand she isn’t prone to being difficult so you don’t want to make waves with this. Maybe you could speak to her and thank her again for the unexpected generosity and mention it was not meant to be greedy or disrespectful you had wanted each item and when the opportunity presented itself you simply took it–no offense intended. In the end, it’s her decision whether this is going to be a big deal for her.
Do your part to be graceful about the discrepancy in expectations, but don’t go away feeling you did something wrong in buying yourself something you wanted.” OkraEither2528
8. AITJ For Not Inviting My Estranged Father To My Wedding?
“I (31) married my wife over a year ago. We started planning in 2022, this was when my close family (brother, 37 father, 57) was estranged to me for years.
**Background on mom, my brother, and his partner:**
Long story short: My partner (now wife) and I had terrible months living in the same house with my brother + his partner, which ended in us moving out after my brother was incited by her to break into our apartment and my mom being permanently hospitalized until her untimely passing.
There’s a lot that happened, but I only have so many characters so I have to skip most of the fluff. You have to trust me when I say it was a nightmare.
**Relationship between my father + me:**
He’s been a distant figure since the divorce of my parents when I was 6.
My father has been open about me not being his favorite child:
* I was born male, he wished for a girl. He kept a strand of hair when I was an infant. It felt and looked like a girl’s to him.
* I had health issues early in my life.
He feared to be financially liable for a cripple.
* He felt the children he set into this world were “taking his life away”
* He told my mother to not let me attend a university because it’s expensive.
* He *never calls and never visits*.
* I have no skills that are of particular use to him.
My father’s view on a father-son relationship differs from mine. He said to me if I’m interested in my creator it’s my duty to call and check up on him, not his to call me.
**Planning of the wedding:**
*We did consider inviting my father and his wife,* but decided against it for three reasons:
1. It’s a given that if we invited my father, my brother as well as his partner would’ve known about the wedding in the shortest time. We feared she would do her worst and not leave us alone.
2. My father and especially his wife have accused me of only being interested in their money.
3. We were not invited to his wedding and were only informed years after the fact.
So in the end it was a question if I could rather live with the potential terror my brother and his partner could cause, as well as the accusation of only inviting monetary gifts.
***OR***
My father was upset because he was not invited to my/our most important day.
**Fast forward to today:**
On our anniversary, I decided to make our wedding “public”, since my brother reconnected to me after falling out with his partner, who was unfaithful to him not just a couple of times.
My father congratulated me, I thanked him and offered to send him pictures of my wife and me from the wedding. He never answered after that.
Last week it was my father’s birthday. I messaged him, tried calling him, bought a gift card, and got some copies of our wedding photos for him – no answer.
Yesterday *my brother* informed me that my father was very angry with me and thus decided to ignore me, but he couldn’t tell me why. I can only assume it’s because of the wedding.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He did not earn your respect due to his multiple insulting behaviors since age 6.
You were perfectly in your right to not invite me. Now that all involved are adults each person gets to decide if they want to rebuild a genuinely healthy relationship. Your gracious gift with photos placed the ‘ball in his court’. Don’t pine over what is not, give them an equal chance to show up.
Distance yourself when they revert to hurtful statements and behavior. Most importantly, shift your attention to your new life and thrive. Humans have a pattern of letting others steal their focus via preoccupied thoughts (e.g., questioning AITJ, I wish it was different). Best to you!
**Bonus points for a well-formatted submission (it delights the eyes).” DesertSong-LaLa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father demonstrated throughout your life that you’re just not that important, yet he expects filial devotion. Your brother behaves in such a way that your father approves of, but he seems to accept the reasons why you didn’t invite him either.
If you’re inclined to offer your father a means to a relationship with you, then you can let him know your reasons and explain that he was successful in raising you to be able to stand on your own and not need him, his money, or his approval. However, courtesy and consideration can go both ways.” srgonzo75
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and stop calling that man your father. I’m sorry you’re going through all of this, but you’ll be better if you would just think of yourself as an orphan. You would have no more expectations and no more disappointments.” Impossible-Most-366
7. AITJ For Not Finding A Job Quickly After My Business Failed?
“I’m 19 (M). Here’s the situation, I have an online business reselling products and have had that running since my senior year of high school, I graduated in May of this year, and it was going well I was giving 350 a month to my mom.
I even bought 2 cars and we agreed on how the financing plan would work, for the first car we would finance it for 6 months and then pay it off, and even after 6 months she insisted we keep financing it. I even gave her the money in full for it and she kept it in her savings, and the second car about 5 months into the financing I offered to just pay the car in full and she insisted on keeping it financed, when I took it to her now she says she thought I was talking about using the money from the savings and not my own money when I told her it was from my own money.
So after I graduated we ended up going on a trip for a month and the finances were tight and the business wasn’t doing as well. I did give her money for insurance, mortgage, and 2nd car payments in advance from January to May, But the trip was after the money I gave her and when the money with me got tight.
She put the trip on a credit card which was about 7k and 3 weeks after we got back, she was constantly yelling at me to get a job since the online business wasn’t doing so well, so I started applying at Walmart dealerships as a salesman.
The thing is, she’s impatient with the job-finding process and is expecting me to find a job and get hired by the end of the week, and even when I’m telling her I have interviews lined up next week she’s still getting mad because I’m not getting them within the same week and doesn’t even know if I’d get a job at Walmart because they take forever to respond.
I’m still looking for jobs and most don’t get back to me after sending in my resume. This is the first month I won’t be able to pay for insurance (We’ve had both cars for about a year now and I paid it every single month in full since we got the 2 cars and it is expensive around 500 a month) and I was helping out with mortgage too.
But from June to this month September, I haven’t been able to help her with a mortgage, we were on a trip from mid-June to the end of July, and for the first time this month, I told her I needed the insurance paid from her side.
She’s constantly yelling at me randomly saying I’m lazy and the only way for me to learn is if I was kicked out of the house and forced to grind my way to buying my place. She’s also saying to go to those job agencies where they find you a job because “I can’t do anything on my own”.
Just today I took a 1-hour nap and she woke me up getting mad at me still for not having a job when it’s 9 pm and I can’t just walk into a store asking to get a job because they’re closed right now.”
Another User Comments:
“Well a soft YTJ (I wouldn’t call you that, but it’s part of this forum) you knew the business “wasn’t going so good” for a while and only started looking for jobs when mom started telling. Why did you buy 2 cars?
That seems unnecessary and probably financially irresponsible. Sell one now. If Walmart is slow to respond, go in person and introduce yourself to the manager. When mom has been yelling all the time, taking a nap probably was a bad idea. Why does a 19-year-old need a nap?
Are you up too late? Texting, gaming? Needing a nap when you’re unemployed sounds like you’re not making responsible choices. ” tisane
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a mother of a similar-aged kiddo, I can tell you that even though lots of places are hiring, you don’t make a living wage.
You had a business venture that failed- but it sounds like you’ve given her a lot of money in the past. (You helped her buy a car?!) and have been consistently giving her money toward her mortgage. Can you talk to her about her concern?
It sounds like she’s stressing about money – has something changed with her financial situation? I mean I’m assuming that up until the last year she was paying for all of those things fine with perhaps a little assistance from you. It’s a learning opportunity for sure though – in the future don’t commit to giving her money unless you have it in hand – and be sure to set some aside for rainy days like this one.
Kudos to you as well for your entrepreneurial spirit!” Hobbster048
Another User Comments:
“NTJ However look into working for the p.o. in your area. Here they start at around 20 per hour. They have really good benefits too. My neighbor works there and started when she was 18.
She’s younger than me (43) and can retire in about 5 or 7 years. Also depending on where you live mortgage inspections can be lucrative. Don’t fall for the get certified now sites, you don’t need to be certified. You just need an ABC number which is a fancy background check.
Some inspection companies will pay for that” corpse_in_waiting
6. AITJ For Leaving My Own Surprise Cancer Remission Party?
“I (35M) am a very private person, I have no social media, don’t want my wife (32F) posting photos of me, although I don’t tell her not to, just don’t ask her to post me. Celebrating Father’s Day or my birthday, I don’t like attention on me and prefer to keep things low-key whenever I can.
So, keeping that in mind, I was diagnosed with an extremely curable type of skin cancer. It was caught very early on and I never felt scared for my life in any way, shape, or form. I’m an engineer and I think analytically and wasn’t scared by a diagnosis with a 0.03% fatality rate.
Still, I told my wife of course, and she was terrified. We talked through it and told her my doctor was very optimistic and said we had caught it early on, etc. None of it seemed to help, but I tried. After a while, I told her that we shouldn’t tell our kids, 5F and 7F.
My wife wanted to tell them, but I was adamant about that, I’m not even sure they would understand what we’re talking about. Reluctantly, she agreed not to.
About a week later, I got a call from my dad…..asking about my cancer. Turns out, my wife posted on social media about my cancer that morning.
I called her and wasn’t happy that she posted my business and hid behind the “You didn’t say I couldn’t post it, just not to tell the kids” excuse. There is no way she would think I wanted that posted online, no matter what I said.
So, she took it down and time went by.
Very quickly, I was in remission from my skin cancer and my doctor told me, word for word, “We don’t like to say you’re ‘cured’, but, you’re cured”. I told my wife and she was ecstatic.
She told me she was worried all this time (I could tell) and glad we put this all behind us. I thought we could put this all behind us too….
This weekend, I’m coming home on Friday. I see a lot of cars parked on the street, some in my driveway.
I couldn’t think of any birthdays or anniversaries I missed, but went in anyway…… It was a party for my remission diagnosis. I was mortified at this, she’s never done anything like this and we’ve talked about how I would hate a surprise party multiple times.
I asked what this was for and said “I’m sorry, but I didn’t know you planned this, I’m just coming back for some files and heading back to work”. It was a lie, I gathered up some meaningless files in my office and said thanks to everyone for coming, and left to go back to my office, messing around on my phone until everyone left.
My wife knew I was lying and we fought that night I told her I didn’t know what’s gotten into her, but she knew I would never want this and she doesn’t get to make a big deal out of something personal I never wanted to be public in the first place.
We’ve been cold this whole week and my brother said I’m the jerk since I told him I just pretended to go to work.
So, AITJ for not wanting to celebrate beating my cancer?”
Another User Comments:
“Your wife is a trauma vulture and a decidedly gross one at that.
I *hate* social media and those who post stuff like this on it even more. What’s more, I’d never even dream of disrespecting my partner as blatantly as she has (thrice in this post alone!). NTJ by a landslide, OP. You handled this as graciously as one could give the circumstances.” ELRONDSxLADY
Another User Comments:
“Well, I don’t like it either when someone spreads my diagnosis. I mean I don’t have something life threatening, it’s MS but it’s inappropriate to spread it when it doesn’t concern your health. The coworker talked about it to her best friend who doesn’t work in our shop anymore.
I was fuming. We decide who we tell and who we don’t. We can’t control ppl, but as your wife, she should have the empathy and brain to know who and how you are and not overstep your boundaries. You have been married for a while.
She has to know that you hate attention. NTJ.” DaisytheW33b
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you’re in a tough spot. NTJ for wanting to maintain your privacy and handle your health matters in a low-key manner. Your preferences need to be respected, especially in such personal matters.
While your wife likely had good intentions in celebrating your remission, understanding each other’s boundaries and communication styles is crucial in a marriage. It might be beneficial to have a calm, open discussion about how each of you prefers to handle personal victories and challenges going forward.
This way, you can ensure that both of your needs and comfort levels are respected.” Sweet_Butt03
5. AITJ For Telling My Friend She's Chronically Online During Our Unplugged Trip?
“I (18F) recently went on a trip with my friends as a final hang out before we all leave/start college. We wanted a pretty unplugged trip so we could be in the moment with each other as much as possible.
When my friend brought up the unplugged idea, he had a little pushback from one of our friends (who we will call Nancy). Nancy is constantly on her phone checking all her social media accounts and endlessly scrolling TikTok. It took some convincing but she eventually agreed to not have her phone out while we were all together doing things.
Nancy’s humor is basically whatever is popular on TikTok and the internet in general. All her jokes are just TikTok audio quotes and meme references. Like I understand some of them are funny and referencing them from time to time is a good laugh, but she does it all the time to the point where it gets old.
Her current goes to the “very mindful, very demure” one which she quotes as often as she possibly can. A few of us have discussed her doing this before, and we’ve all agreed that it’s a little much at times.
We were in the store one day and she saw this really small cabbage and she said “Very cutesy, very demure, it’s giving coquette” and some of us laughed. Then we kept shopping and we went down an aisle with skin care products like pimple patches and she picked one up and mewed and started saying pimple patch a bunch.
We all looked at her weird and she explained it was a reference to a video of Kim Kardashian and her daughter.
The rest of the time we’re in the store it’s just non-stop references and I get annoyed because I get all of them on my social media feeds and I was looking forward to getting away from it for a bit with this unplugged trip, but here’s Nancy parroting everything as often as I see them on my feeds.
We get back to the cabin and as we’re unpacking what we bought she’s repeating the jokes she made in the store to the people who weren’t there and I lose it and tell her to shut up because she’s being annoying.
She asks how she’s being annoying when she’s just making jokes and I tell her that it’s the same jokes over and over again and that she’s not even funny she’s just chronically online. She denied that she was and stormed off and locked herself in her room.
She came out later for dinner but she didn’t say anything and sat there on her phone. The next morning she packed up her stuff and left.
After we all came home I got a paragraph text from her saying that I had hurt her feelings by yelling at her in front of everyone and saying she was chronically online.
I apologized for blowing up on her in front of everyone because she didn’t deserve that, but I didn’t take back what I said about her being chronically online. I tried to explain to her she just referenced things too often and it could get annoying but she didn’t want to hear it and stopped texting me.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“Eh, I think there is a productive way to address a problem and then there is an annoyed reaction to a problem. You only did the latter. If you truly were concerned, then sit down and have a genuine discussion.
You reacted in a demeaning way so of course she got upset. YTJ because the kind way to handle this with a friend would have been a discussion about your feelings before you blow up at her. Does not seem like you like your friend very much so why have you remained “friends” she did nothing wrong here, you just did not like what she was doing.
You, however, were the one that has been gossiping about her, getting annoyed, and ultimately blowing up at her. For simply being on social media and talking about it? Yeah YTJ.” Listen_MamaKnowsBest
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like she’d do fine in my friend group!
We’re all memes and laughs. You have different senses of humor, and that’s fine, but you’re not better than her and you don’t get to be rude. You think your actions are fine because you look down on her but ignore where the jokes come from for a moment and we have one person trying to joke with their friends (maybe a bit repetitive sometimes but what jokes don’t get repetitive eventually?) versus someone who invites their so-called friend to hang out, tries to change who they are, talks about them behind their back, insults them and drives them away from the group.
Girl, you are NOT all that. YTJ.” Euffy
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Idk about all these people saying she’s ND- you aren’t licensed medical professionals with diagnostic tools- all you have is a long paragraph, so just stop. I say YTJ because you don’t like this girl, so instead of publicly humiliating her, why don’t you just stop hanging out with her?
I get why you were annoyed- it is irritating- but this was a short farewell trip. Surely you could have forced yourself to be kind for a short amount of time. Instead, you decided to be a bully. I hope that you shed the mean girl persona before college starts- real adults aren’t going to put up with it.” Individual-Paint7897
4. AITJ For Not Reading My Parents' Divorce Papers And Continuously Bringing Up Alimony Issues With My Dad?
“My (29F) parents are divorced. I lived with my mom and visited my father every 2 weeks. He had to pay alimony, sometimes he would pay too little or none, he’d pay some back but not all. We really relied on it since it was for food and rent and my mom did not yet have a job.
When I went to Uni my father had to pay me alimony/child support too. I wanted him to continue to transfer the money to my mom since I had my tax/insurance with her. My mom had sued him for the missing alimony and won.
He was angry at first but then happy that she had to pay a lot more tax due to it. Eventually, he found out my bank details and transferred them directly to me. The same thing happened and he’d miss paying.
Here I might be the jerk because I kept bringing this up quite often, but it was a difficult time for us.
He did eventually pay everything back so I might be too resentful.
There are other occasions, though, that worsened our relationship gradually.
He’d always wish for expensive gifts; like a 700€ model railway and in turn got me nothing, forgot my birthday, or got me something meaningless (M&Ms for my 18th BD)
He’d also blame me for things like not yet calling my granny for her birthday even though I’d have a few hrs later.
So a year ago he wrote me a message stating that he was fed up with me mentioning this alimony thing again in some other context and blocked me.
He told me to go look for other people to exploit and that I should be more thankful that I could go to university and do my job thanks to his support and that I was very money-hungry.
I had no way of contacting him but he’d eventually wrote to me a few weeks later that he’d think about letting me back into his life and about forgiving me when I look through the divorce papers to finally see the truth.
So from this first message onwards, I stopped writing him or visiting him. I cried a lot after this. It was like losing my father, I don’t think I can ever see him the same as before. I felt miserable.
Looking through the documents feels futile and every contact with him now makes me feel miserable.
I visited a few months after this for his wife’s birthday. I wrote down what I wanted to talk about but wanted to do that after the party in private. Unfortunately, they left for the holidays the next day early in the morning, so we never got to talk it out and he also pretended like nothing had ever happened. Months later he sent another message blaming me for never writing to him and saying again that if I don’t read those documents to see the truth I will have to live with the consequences.
I fear that my point of view is too one-sided but I also feel like my life is better without him and I am not truly seeing myself as the bad guy in this. I also don’t feel like I exploited my parents. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. Yes, he was late but he paid it all in the end. You’re almost 30 and you’re still bringing it up? Even after it’s over? At what point did he stop having to pay alimony? Is he still paying? If your conversations revolve around how he wasn’t fulfilling his obligations post-divorce, then he is probably trying to show you that the divorce settlement may not have been all that fair and that’s why he was resentful of having to pay it.
You however want to comment freely but don’t want to see even a bit of your Dad’s experience or get context. Are you afraid it will make your mother less of the good guy or your dad less of the bad guy? Others have said, the divorce is between them, but you keep inserting yourself into it with comments on his late payments, which as you say have all been made.” joosdeproon
Another User Comments:
“You’re afraid to read the divorce papers because you’re scared it will confirm that you and your mum were the jerk in this story. You watched your mother struggle to raise you but how do you know it’s from the missing alimony payments and not something your mums done?
It seems like everything you know about the story is from your mother’s perspective – at least from the information you’ve provided. You need to either read those papers and make your own decisions or leave your father alone and stop bringing up the money and being bitter all the time.” 34stallen
Another User Comments:
“I’m so nosey I’d just have to see what was in those papers. Probably doing it to make your mom look bad, or he overpaid in support. There’s something there. You might be a better person than me. If my parents are divorced I imagine I’d have looked it up on casenet to get to the bottom of what happened. But if your dad is a jerk anyway, why would you even bother?
The fact that this is coming up 20 years later is crazy.” No_Jaguar67
3. AITJ For Telling My Dad About My Romantic Involvement With My Step-Brother?
“My (27F) dad (58M) and my stepmom (56F) got married earlier this year. She has two sons, James (25M) and Carter (23M). The only son I was familiar with was Carter whereas I had only met James twice before the day of the wedding.
At the wedding, James pursued me like no man ever has before. We instantly connected. When we went to the bar later, he was very forward with me and I fell for it. From that point on, we talked non-stop for 2 months. Within 2 weeks he talked about wanting to buy a house for us, how many kids he wanted, and what he would expect me to do as a wife.
Over the next 2 months, these are some things that were said by James: telling me he’d put me on his benefits, what we’d name our daughter if we had one, wanting to “create a life together”, calling me his “special girl”, talking about how he wants me to carry his children, telling me “he’s low key waiting for me to tell him I love him”.
He’d send me a lot of stuff on Instagram about children, couples, sweet words, etc.
It all went south when I went to stay with him while he was working. He’d just gotten back from a 2-week trip to Thailand as well and had gotten me a necklace.
As soon as I got there though, he was off. The first 2 days were ok but it got worse the longer I was there. He would barely acknowledge me when he got home. On the morning I was leaving, he told me that he “thinks I should leave the necklace here so I don’t get the wrong idea about this”.
He left for work. I headed home. I texted him later that night, and it was a big paragraph which I regret now, but I was so shocked and confused. I cared about him and just wanted to know what he was feeling so we could talk about it.
But he ghosted me. I felt so awful. I live with my dad and one night he saw me crying. He asked me what was wrong and I thought ‘What do I have to lose?” and told him what was going on. My dad didn’t say much.
He went to Carter and asked him if he knew what was going on between us. Carter would tell James this, and he ended up calling me. He asked me if I’d told my Dad to get a reaction out of him to which I said no, I was genuinely heartbroken and couldn’t hold in how upset I was anymore.
He pretty much said, “It’s not you, it’s me”. He said he’s not sure what he wants. I asked him if he still wanted to talk and he said, for now, he didn’t want to. We didn’t talk for a month after that. Until he contacted me again and this time, he was a lot angrier.
He told me I was a “stupid jerk” for telling my Dad and that “this could have been good.” He also told me that he threw out the necklace he got me.
So, am I the jerk for telling my Dad?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You were upset, you talked to your parent. But this whole relationship is made of red flags with how fast he was moving down to the name-calling at the end. I’m willing to bet that if you married him you would’ve seen more of that.
And that’s all aside from him being your stepbrother…” VictorOfArda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for talking to your dad. But I am trying to decide if you are a jerk or just stupid about everything else. First of all stepbrother. It just ew & makes both of you creepy.
Second of all, you are almost 30- did you seriously not see the red flags waving themselves right in your face? Like you would have had to step around them. Unless you have never watched TV or read a newspaper, magazine, advice column, etc. – you would know that rushing into things, buying gifts, steamrolling, etc are the classic signs of an bad person.” Individual-Paint7897
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You are entirely too old to be acting like this. You are nearly 30 and you got some 25-year-old boy gassing your head up about what you’re gonna name your future daughter. Instead of focusing on your stepbrother maybe you should be focusing on getting your life together so you’re not living with your parents” Apprehensive_War9612
2. AITJ For Not Wanting My Dad To Meet My Partner Due To His Negative Comments?
“My dad (52M) and I (22F) have been extremely close most of my life, but over the last year or two, we’ve started arguing pretty severely.
I have always loved traveling and have been out of the country a fair bit of times, every time either on a school trip or on my own. My dad has never had any interest in leaving the country, and he gets incredibly upset/angry when I do so.
He has said some pretty hurtful things during these arguments, like that, I’m wasting my time, money, and life, that I need to “start living in the real world,” and several implications that our relationship will never be the same because of my travels. I know that he is coming from a place of hurt, he feels abandoned and like I’m leaving him and my family behind, so I try to not argue back, just sit quietly, listen, and tell him that while I understand, I’m ultimately an adult and will continue traveling/going through with my plans.
Last year, on a trip abroad, I met my now-partner (21M). We hit it off very well and kept talking casually for several months, seeing each other when I was in the area, and officially labeling our relationship several months ago now. At first, my dad was very against this relationship.
When he found out I went out with someone on my trip he told me he would “never fully trust me again,” and told me I was crazy and wasting my time, although he did stop once my partner came to visit me in my college town.
Since then, I thought he had accepted this, as he frequently asks and jokes about my partner, has asked when my family can meet him, and even had a nickname for him. I was genuinely excited to introduce them, as I believe they would get along well.
Recently, I told my dad I planned to take a long trip to visit my partner, and, while I expected an issue with the trip itself, he said a lot of really hurtful things about my relationship. He said that I need to move on, that we are not “really together” because we don’t see each other in person every day, to see other people/find someone here, that he’s probably being unfaithful and will outgrow me/lose interest, that I’m wasting my time and life, etc. He was also very angry that I had not introduced them yet.
Since this, though, I have lost all interest in introducing them at all, and want to tell him that I will not be doing so.
In my opinion, either my relationship is real and I should introduce him to my parents, or it is invalid, as my dad says, and I have no reason to introduce them at all.
Maybe it’s spiteful, but I want to tell my dad that if that’s how he feels, then there’s no reason for them to meet at all. It genuinely makes me sick to picture him playing nice to my partner’s face and then telling me to see other people once he leaves.
That being said, I know all of this would just cause more conflict, so WIBTJ for telling my dad that, if that’s his opinion, he’s not meeting my partner?”
Another User Comments:
“Your dad is the jerk. He needs to learn to let go of his children and let them explore the world, make mistakes, grow, and learn.
I’d say he’s jealous of you and what you have done for yourself… My husband asked my dad for his permission out of respect but made it clear we were getting married with or without his approval. Your dad needs to grow up and get over it.” Ordinary_Forever2863
Another User Comments:
“Your dad is having a crisis about you leaving him. He doesn’t want to be “abandoned” or alone. That’s the stuff he needs to work through in therapy or something because the way he’s acting is completely unreasonable and only gonna push you away more and more.
I don’t think he’s being creepy like the comments say, I think he’s just very emotional about the idea of you being so far away and he doesn’t know how to acknowledge or express that healthily.” SessionBoring9259
1. AITJ For Not Tipping At My Wedding Reception After They Gave Our Cake To The Wrong Table?
“This happened many years ago at my wedding. We had a small reception at a nice, but not exactly fancy, restaurant.
It was a small group, only about 10 of us. We ordered entrees for everyone and a top-shelf cake from the menu, though it wasn’t strictly a wedding cake.
Dinner was nice, but when it came time for the cake, it didn’t come. We waited and waited, but the cake was a no-show.
I flagged down a waiter and asked about the cake, so he went in the back and came back a few minutes later and said “Oh, sorry, we sent that cake to the wrong table.” As they only had one of that kind of cake, they couldn’t give us another.
They offered to give us a different cake, but everyone was full from dinner so we just said no and I told them to take the cake off the bill (obviously). I didn’t cause a scene at all, but I was pretty miffed at the whole thing, namely because the server who gave us the bad news was pretty flippant about the whole thing.
So when the bill came–for ten or so people it was well over $200 (can’t remember the exact figure)–in the “Tip” space I wrote “Cake?” I’ll be the first to say it was passive-aggressive but I didn’t feel like tipping because they gave away our freakin’ cake.
Tipping should be for service well done.
I’ve always wondered over the years, though, was I the jerk for not tipping?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I do have to wonder how many years ago this was if you could provide 10 people with dinner at a nice restaurant for under $300.
🙂 There was a funny story on here not long ago where a special birthday cake was delivered to the wrong table. As the adjacent table was also celebrating a birthday, they thought nothing of it and started to eat the cake. The waiter came along, apologized, and took the remains of the cake over to the other table.
LOL” Juanitaplatano
Another User Comments:
“I’d say YTJ because, for a party that size with multiple servers, it is a lot of work. They messed up but they took the price off of the bill. There’s no way to know that was even any of your server’s errors.
Perceiving someone as flippant is your perception and not necessarily reality as well. Beyond that observation, there was nothing wrong with the service, or else you would have surely included it if you’ve been thinking about this for years to try to justify it.
These people worked their butts off with a large party and missed out on numerous other tables/tips so even if you don’t tip well not tipping at all let alone leaving a rude comment about something you didn’t even press as an issue is a major jerk move.
The arguments about the tip-based industry are something to be discussed but this instance involved people who worked for basically free assuming they get the mere dollar or few minimum wages most states implement and missed out on multiple other opportunities to earn. It should have been elevated to management to get the full story before punishing the wait staff IMO.” noteanymore
Another User Comments:
“Not enough information about the restaurant, in some restaurants the servers cut the cake or distribute the dessert. In others, it could be just imputed in the system and someone else cuts or prepares the dessert and has someone else distribute it to the tables.
With large parties most restaurants I know if you have a larger party, they automatically put the tip in the price between 10 and 15%, it is up to you if they deserve more. Most menus or there is a sign stating it.” CowboyBootedNJ
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