People Want To Know Who's Blameworthy In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
20. AITJ For Calling The Police On My Sister's Partner?
“I had my sister and her partner Ted over for dinner. They visited from out of town. The next day after they left my roommate noticed the PS5 was missing and he thought I took it to my room.
My roommate and I have a little camera set up on the tv and door area just in case because of the entertainment system. We saw Ted took it and I texted my sister and mom and they ignored me so I filed a police report.
My sister and Ted are college students and Ted got arrested for theft.
My sister told the police that there was a misunderstanding and she tried to stick up for him telling the police that Ted could borrow it and she gets arrested as an accomplice.
My mom is mad about the whole thing and is mad at me for going to the police but no one returned my text and stealing from anyone is super cringy. Let alone your partner’s brother after you just had dinner with him.
My sister is like Ted came from a poor home and he’s working on his mental health and it was wrong of me to contact the police before getting to know Ted better and both she and my mom are acting like I’m a huge jerk for calling the police on Ted.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have anything to do with his life/mental health and/or the way he grew up. Everybody knows it’s wrong to steal. There is not a single person on Earth unless they are a baby or a toddler, who doesn’t know that it is wrong to steal. I’m willing to bet a winning lottery ticket that if Thievin Ted (his new name) had stolen something worth $500.00 (I’m a gamer so I know how expensive this thing is) from them, they’d be calling the police too.
To answer your question, no you are NOT the jerk. THEY ARE!” Lady_FuryX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What other felony-level behavior is your family willing to excuse?
I was a juvenile probation officer in grad school and worked with hundreds (yeah – the caseload was that heavy) of kids who had a lot of economic and other deprivations growing up.
We don’t excuse serious crime. Especially against family members.
I’m not saying in any way that the guy is physically dangerous, but there is a reason that the most likely person to hurt someone is a romantic partner or family member.
Keep an eye on your sister if you can, it is not normal for her to be excusing guys from committing felonies against her family.
And I wouldn’t let them in your household again – EVER.
Explain to your mother that when a partner convinces your sister that it is ok to commit a felony against a family member, with no return of the property, an apology, etc; that your mother needs to spend less time trying to jump on board with this crazy rationalization, and more time monitoring the safety of your sister.
Oh, and your mom should start saving up for the bond she will undoubtedly be paying to get your sister out of jail for the next felony committed with this guy.
There will be another one.” Deb_33
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your sister is blinded by love and your Mom stupidly feels sorry for them.
Don’t you dare drop those charges! If he gets off on this it will only get worse. He stole from his own partner’s family and didn’t care when she got arrested along with him. Next time it will be someone not related to your sister and they’ll both have records.
Let the charges stand and he has to face them in court. Hopefully, this gives him a wake-up call. Maybe sitting in that court and watching it all and the sentencing might wake your sister up to the fact this isn’t what she wants her future to look like.” MaryAnne0601
19. AITJ For Cutting Ties With My Partner's Family For Overstepping Boundaries?
“So my partner is currently deployed so it’s just me and our baby.
I decided to do a 12 ish hour road trip just my baby and me and my partner supported my decision. I had an argument with my partner’s sister the night before I left, who was very against me going and even insisted that I leave my child with them.
I was not comfortable with that decision and could not understand why going on a road trip was terrible. She even made comments like how she was going to talk to my partner (her brother) even though he and I have already discussed this road trip.
I thought we ended on a good note since we all ate together and they were so kind to my face.
Fast forward to a few days after I had arrived. I was with a friend who got a notification stating her location could be seen by the owner of the air tag.
(air tags are tracking devices people used for keys). I thought that very odd since the friend I was staying with the night before got the same notification. However, this time I knew it was my car. I called the police since I had no idea who would air-tag me or follow me all the way to my friend’s place.
We later found the air tag hidden under the dashboard where your feet go – under the carpet and floor mat.
The police did some digging and found the air tag belonged to someone in my partner’s family. I was furious. I ended up cutting those involved out of my life.
Furious because they were so kind to my face and still put an air tag that night before I left. Furious because they know I have an android so I wouldn’t have known if my friends didn’t have Apple. Furious because it’s so controlling to me and downright creepy to stalk someone.
It’s been about 2 weeks and now I’m starting to feel really bad about my harsh decision to cut them out. They claimed they did it for my child’s safety however, they could have just asked for updates or my location. I felt like my privacy was violated as were my friends and family.
I felt undermined as a mother and that there was no trust in me. However, I can’t help but feel bad that my child will go a while without seeing his aunts and uncles who adore him. Even with so many boundaries crossed – I can’t help but really be sad to not have them a part of his life for a while.
I feel guilty for being angry and needing space for a while because I know they truly love their nephew so I need to know – AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Ugh that is such a violation of your privacy. And I’m not understanding why they think taking a baby on a road trip is so outrageous.
I’m guessing they thought they were doing something good to look out for you and the baby and saw nothing wrong with it – and it is nice they wanted to make sure you all were okay, but his sister threatening to tattle on you to her brother and the AirTag sounds more like they think they have the right to tell you, an adult, how to conduct your life and care for your child.
It’s very controlling and I get why you went no-contact.
Eventually though, you are going to have to see them again since they’re your partner’s family. They need to promise they’ll never pull that controlling nonsense again and understand YOU are the mother and you would never put your child in harm’s way.
If they don’t see what they did was wrong, I hope your partner will talk to them and make them back off.” PeachCinnamonToast
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand that it is upsetting to cut them out for feeling like you are doing your child a disservice and withholding love from them, but take a step back and think about the situation more.
These people disrespected you, undermined your parenting, did not trust you, and exposed you to a high-stress situation where you had to get the police involved when you were taking a trip as an adult that your family was well aware of. They truly crossed a boundary.
They crossed a boundary to the point where law enforcement had to get involved and you feared for your safety. These don’t sound like the type of people you want to have around your baby.
Sure, they love your baby but they wouldn’t if your baby wasn’t related to them via your husband.
Your comfort is more important than them getting to continue to be in your life after disrespecting you and stalking you.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I know a man who put a tracker on the car of a relative for ‘safety’. When the relative found it, he was arrested. Because it’s illegal to track someone without their consent.
He went to prison for a few months and had to pay a massive fine as this comes under stalker laws.
Let’s be honest: you can never trust them again. Their behavior was controlling, illegal, and demeaning. They don’t see you as a person with agency, but as someone lesser than that they have authority over.
You will never be respected or well-treated by people who treat you like this.
In my opinion, you have underreacted. Do you really want your child to ever be around people who will behave like that? Who will violate you both with such disdain? You should get a restraining order against them and never be in contact with them again.
Once they’ve crossed this boundary once, they WILL do it again unless they face serious repercussions. If they consider you such a danger to your child, it wouldn’t surprise me if they contact CPS and attempt to take your child from you.
Also, please check your house for cameras and any technology for tracking apps.
That may sound over the top, but I assure you it’s not. They’ve already gone that far by tracking your car.
Protect yourself and your child. And if your partner doesn’t have your back over this, you and your child are not safe with him.” Accomplished-Cheek59
18. AITJ For Ruining My Wife's Daughter's Birthday Party?
“For the last few months, my wife has been diligently planning her daughter’s elaborate 16th party. Yesterday was the big day, my wife had rented a place and spent 2 full days decking it out for over 50 guests. I got off work and picked up our daughter (8) from school to go get us ready.
My attire was formal, my wife got me a purple tux. Daughter in a poofy yellow dress. I curled her hair and put a little ribbon bow in it, she looked as cute as a button. She waited downstairs as I got myself ready.
I came down and she was hurrying to clean herself, she had spilled cranberry juice while pouring it into a cup.
It ran off the counter and onto her dress. I immediately went through her closet to find a dress remotely similar and got her out of the poofy straight jacket and into the other. We arrived 1 hour before the party began, soon as we walked in the door my wife said…’What on earth is she wearing?’ I explained the accident, and in return, my wife said it was my fault for not supervising her.
I argued that SHE’S A CHILD.
My wife had me return home to clean the dress somehow and make our daughter change. I was agreeable, we were about to leave when I overheard my wife say to her friends, ‘I can’t believe my clueless husband let her come here looking like that, and what hairstyle was that?’ I called my wife out, she shrugged it off as no big deal. I pointed out the fact that she really liked the way I did her hair (I do her hair a lot of the time before school).
On the way home, she was bummed because she thought she looked really pretty before arriving.
I honestly felt bad for her, and I wasn’t confident that I’d even get the stain out of her new dress. I had her change into a pair of jeans and a shirt.
I got out of the tux and changed too. I texted my wife and said after her behavior and hurting our child, we were not returning to the party. I took her to a local amusement park, we had a blast riding gocarts, and playing in a huge arcade.
I took her out to dinner, and we both really enjoyed ourselves and didn’t give a single thought to what had happened earlier.
My wife later walks in the door and completely lit into me about not returning back to the party. Said I had no right to deprive her daughters of the opportunity to make memories together.
I said, ‘Ever since your daughter came back into your life you have been rude to our daughter and have constantly compared an 8-year-old child to someone double her age making her feel inadequate as a freaking child.’ My wife: You’re just making things up cause you didn’t want to be at the party.
My wife is still currently mad and said I needed to apologize to her and her daughter for ruining the night. I told her the only person that needs to apologize is YOU to our 8-year-old child. She really thinks I’m wrong to the point I’m starting to think maybe I was for not returning back to the party.
BUT I know I’m not wrong about her needing to apologize.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife was WAY out of line both towards you and the daughter. Extremely disrespectful and very mean to both you and your daughter. If this is typical of how she treats the two of you, I’d personally talk to a lawyer to find out if it’s possible to split and get full custody of the child.
It sounds like she is awful to both you and your daughter, and you’d be protecting her in her childhood development. A single night of fun, while the right choice, doesn’t make up for a horrible childhood. Make like her daughter did and leave, lol.
It’s sad for her she came back…
And do not apologize because you didn’t do anything wrong. Apologizing to appease her terrible behavior will only make things worse. Also, the question is malformed because you didn’t ruin it. The party could continue without people that she didn’t value in the first place.
If the environment wasn’t what she wanted, that’s on her.” techienate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did the only appropriate thing you could to protect your 8-year-old daughter.
When a mother insults her daughter at a social event loudly enough for her daughter to hear, you do not bring that daughter back to that party.
Period. You take that child out of that environment immediately and spend a good amount of time reinforcing that she is great.
What you did was perfect, and now you need to immediately develop a strategy about having a talk with your daughter about what her mother said about her.
The obvious parental conflict, leaving a party, and going to a special fun place instead in the space of a couple of hours is something that is such a collection of exciting and confusing events that it will be occupying your daughter’s thoughts tremendously in the near future.
When parents call children negative names – especially if as you say she is otherwise a good mother – children usually try to figure out what they did wrong to be called such a bad name.
I think that it would be a good idea to get a children’s therapist on board here, and that might take some time so get started now.
I promise you your child is wondering about the comparisons her mom is making between the older daughter and herself. But the REALLY serious name-calling she overheard is something she is going to constantly wonder about if that is why her mom isn’t being so nice to her.
So, based on my therapeutic experience, she is going to ask several sources about the name her mother called her especially since I predict she is or will be blaming herself for the extended conflict you and your wife are having now.
If your wife provides ANY kind of negative response to you getting a therapist for your child to help the child deal with the volatility in the household with your wife’s behaviors, take that very seriously.
Your wife has created a situation so serious unrepentantly, that you want to immediately shield your child from the fallout as much as possible.
Your wife is not behaving rationally if she is saying her own 8-year-old daughter looks awful at a social event so loudly that your daughter overhears it.
You are not going to be able to manage this situation alone for your daughter, and getting a child therapist on board to help your daughter make sense of these events is one of the most important things you could ever do as a father.” Deb_33
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
But you need to put a stop to this, immediately. Your wife is being terrible to your daughter. Perhaps she used to be a good mother, but what she’s doing now is awful. Please don’t allow her to continue to do that while you hope things will change.
You need to remove your daughter from this situation at once. The damage that is being done to her – at only 8 years old – will not be easy for her to get over if she ever does. You’re clearly a good father. Please continue to be one and remove her.
Then, your wife needs to go into therapy. Overcompensating for being absent in one daughter’s life by being cruel to her younger daughter is NOT ok. She could maybe get past this with therapy and hard work. You don’t say why her elder daughter was removed from her, but if she treated her the way she is currently treating your daughter, then the pattern may be unbreakable.
If she’s willing to do the work to be a decent parent, then over time you could reconsider reconciliation, but only once there is proof of both time and action that she won’t treat your daughter like that again. Otherwise, your marriage is likely over.
I sincerely hope you choose your daughter’s safety over keeping both of you in this situation.” Accomplished-Cheek59
17. WIBTJ If I Ask My Mother-In-Law To Stop Buying Us Stuff?
“My MIL (60F) is… challenging. She has no respect for boundaries, refuses to understand the word ‘no’, and has a spending and hoarding issue the size of Mount Everest.
Some background: my fiancé (28M) and I (26F) have been together for six years and are getting married soon. Though he grew up in a home with financially irresponsible parents, we are in a very good position financially – I own our home outright thanks to a sizeable inheritance, meaning we are debt-free, and we both have full-time, permanent-contract jobs in STEM fields.
Because of this, we are lucky enough to be able to live comfortably, have savings, and still have some spending money for hobbies, nights out, etc. We both prefer to buy fewer items of better quality and don’t like clutter.
Enter MIL. In spite of the fact that my fiancé’s family is very much not well-off financially (to the point where my fiancé gives his mother financial assistance to keep the family afloat every month), she will spend hundreds a month on what I can only define as crap that then ends up in piles (literally just piles on the floor) in her house.
Not just for herself, but also for my fiancé and sometimes for me.
It drives me insane. For reference, this week alone she bought us some cheap dog toys that ended up in pieces within minutes and caused our dog to start choking (thankfully I was in the room, so I stuck my fingers down her throat and removed the piece blocking the airway very quickly), a nylon collar for our dog which was already fraying out of the box (our dog already has a very nice, sturdy leather collar that will last years, so I’m not sure why she bought it), and a massive bag of clothes for me, ‘for the honeymoon’ (none of them fit right, they are all styles and colors I really dislike, and some of it was very lacey undergarments that made me want to die of embarrassment on the spot!).
This has been going on for years, my fiancé is used to being steamrolled by her and just accepts it and enables her, and I’m honestly sick of it. I used to be nice about it, but now I’m going to start putting my proverbial foot down and say ‘no thank you’, and then deal with the hissy fit that is surely going to ensue.
So, WIBTJ if I stopped accepting the bagfuls of crap we don’t need, didn’t ask for, and don’t have room for that my MIL keeps bringing around, even though it will probably cause a massive fight?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all.
Forcing crap onto people who don’t want it isn’t helpful and to be so insistent about it is rude. If I were you, any time she gave me stuff I’d be very forward: ‘No thank you MIL we don’t want this’ ‘We appreciate the offer but have no use for this item so you keep it’ ‘MIL thank you, but we don’t want the clutter’.
Quit accepting the items. Don’t take them from her hands. If she brings stuff by you can also tell her it’ll be donated or thrown out so she can just keep it. I’d try and solve this now as well unless you intend to support MIL forever.
Her financial irresponsibility shouldn’t be your burden as an adult living independently. And if you were to have kids that’d be funds those children are robbed of.
Honestly, that seems like it’ll be the harder issue to tackle so I understand your fiance not wanting to confront her about her financial troubles but he isn’t doing her any favors either by using his money as a bandaid to her money hemorrhaging.
I’d find out his vision for the future before marrying or putting him in your house.
Is he willing to ever cut her off? If he does and she can’t afford her place will he expect her to live with you two? Things will likely be uncomfortable when discussed but it does need to be done.
It’s to the point the items are hazardous for your family and she is seriously overstepping boundaries. Shut it down.” Tasman_Tiger
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I think you need to sit down with your fiancé and explain that enabling his mother isn’t helping her long term.
If something were to happen to your fiancé they would have to cope so out of kindness you should try and come up with a plan. Some pre-marriage counseling where you can explain how you feel might help. Years ago I introduced a no dust rule so that if anyone got me a present it had to be non-dustable as that was just giving me work.” Agreeable_Reaction29
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ as long as you’re polite about it. As someone who has an immediate family member with a shopping addiction and hoarding issue, I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about and it’s exhausting. Your MIL needs therapy, but we’ve learned the hard way that unless she’s willing to see it for herself, there’s really not much you can do.
Shopping addiction is like any other addiction: they do it for comfort, in unhealthy ways (i.e. buying clothes armfuls at a time without even trying them on), and they can’t/won’t stop unless they hit rock bottom or recognize the problem themselves. BUT, you are not required to let her addiction (because that’s what it is… an addiction) take over your home or become a part of your life to the point where it stresses you out.
You are absolutely allowed to set firm boundaries, tell her that you appreciate her generosity but you have everything you need and prefer to keep things simple at home and to choose your clothes, etc. for yourself because you’re very particular. Similarly, you can tell her that you love how much she loves the dog but (white lie) the vet has told you to keep his toys to a minimum or that you’re trying to keep clutter down in the house.
‘That’s so thoughtful, but no thank you. We just don’t have room for one more thing right now.’ You are NTJ for drawing a line and saying that you love her, but this is a nope.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
16. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Stop Talking About Their New Job?
“I (26M) went to college with my current friend group (two guys, a girl, and a nonbinary person). We all went for the same major, and we were all fairly good at it. My friend, Nemo (26NB), was especially good at it.
They could be reading a book in class and if the professor called on them, they’d still somehow be able to contribute to the class conversation like they were listening the whole time.
Once we all graduated, we all started looking for work, hoping to work close to one another.
Thankfully, most of us got into the same industry, and our companies often work together on projects. Nemo, however, didn’t really go for it. They started tutoring, then substitute teaching… They jump from job to job a lot and never really settle down. I think in the past two years they’ve had four different jobs.
I figured it was not my place to tell them how to live their life.
We were on a Discord call together a few nights ago, all six of us, playing some party games and just chatting, when Nemo mentioned they got a new job.
One of our friends, Seth (26M), is always really supportive of Nemo, so he asked what they were up to. They happily said they were a house cleaner.
My jaw dropped and I went completely silent. They had a degree from a fairly prestigious college for a subject they always showed interest in, and they’re scrubbing toilets now?
Like I get that I can’t tell them what to do with their life, but it made me so angry that they were okay with this when they could clearly do so much more with their life! They’re very intelligent and they work so hard, and they’re stuck in other people’s filthy houses all day.
They were chatting about the new job for a little bit, and Seth joked that he should hire Nemo because he was sick of cleaning up cat hair everywhere, and Nemo was all for it. I snapped and said something like ‘I don’t want to talk about how Nemo’s wasting their talent anymore’ or something like that.
The call went dead, and long story short, Nemo quietly logged off and I got an earful from pretty much everyone else about it.
The thing is, I’m mad because I care about Nemo a lot. Is it wrong of me to want to see them succeed?
My friends say I’m definitely the jerk, but Nemo hasn’t talked to me since. Was it wrong of me to be upset about this? I’m genuinely conflicted. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If Nemo is happy with the new job — it isn’t on you to comment.
You’re operating without insight into why they made those choices, and just judging your friend that came to you all in a group chat (that should’ve been a safe supportive place). Maybe Nemo was burnt out. Maybe they realized the career path didn’t make them happy.
But to treat a friend like that and put them down based on your own measurements of success — is wrong. You owe them and your friends an apology. You don’t support a friend by putting them down.” Agreeable-Tale9729
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are such a jerk.
How is Nemo’s life your business? How is this interfering with your life?
You are a sad, negative person. I hope this is a wake-up call: let people live their lives, you have absolutely no idea why Nemo decided to go on this path. At no point did you write about Nemo’s opinion as if you didn’t even bother to ask him.
You could have asked him. When you don’t understand something you can ASK people. But judging and rejecting someone based on your own opinion? That’s just sad. I’m glad Nemo’s friends took his defense!” Organic_Toe3998
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. That’s not your life or your business.
If that’s your friend, give your opinion (once) and support them in whatever they choose to do with their life. Many people go to school and realize that path wasn’t for them. I don’t think your problem is that he isn’t in that field, you think cleaning as a career is beneath him.
Cleaners can make money. So don’t knock it. Bottomline YTJ, be his friend and be happy for him, nothing else. Happiness comes in different ways.” new_clever_username
15. AITJ For Being Mad At My Friends For Reading My Notebook?
“I’m a 14-year-old male with pretty severe depression. At the time no one knew this and this story happened like 3 or 4 months ago but I’m still not over it. I started writing poems in a notebook and my class found them interesting with some asking me if they could look at them.
Of course I said no and most of them respected that. Some asked again but it was all fine. My own friends asked and I said no. Then they made it a game during break where they tried to get my bag so they could get the notebook which I said they couldn’t read.
I sit next to them at lunch and I explicitly tell them (paraphrasing but this sort of thing)
‘This isn’t a game. I don’t want you to read it. So stop trying to take it’.
All of them are like ‘yeah okay’.
I thought it was the end of that but boi I was far from wrong.
I go outside and put my bag on the side, thinking they would leave it alone and not care about it too much. I go and play football and go back to where I thought my bag was, and boom it was gone.
What did I do?
Search for it because I didn’t think they would actually take my bag.
I looked for them and find them, notebook in hand, all in some sort of a circle with a central person reading it. Quite frankly I was fuming, Never had I felt so angry.
Then they made it into this nonsense game that involved me running trying to get it.
I felt humiliated, disgusted, betrayed, and that I lacked privacy. Needless to say, I didn’t mind cutting contact with all of them. I didn’t talk to them for the rest of the day and then I went home.
I just cried. I mean I thought they were my friends and would understand but they didn’t and turned it into a game. They didn’t read it and then give it to me but made me run for it, which was extremely humiliating
One of them apologized after like 10 minutes.
He encouraged the others to apologize then left it. I was like ‘Ok’ no apology accepted but I acknowledged he regretted it. Fast forward to me confronting the ones I trusted the most individually through paragraphs, then creating a group chat with all of them in it and saying it.
In the end, they all apologized but not before trying some nonsense such as ‘we didn’t even read that much’ or ‘writing poems in your notebook is not embarrassing’ attempting to say I was embarrassed when I was just furious.
Ironically, my closest friend was the one who read my notebook and ran with it so that hurt.
He apologized. All of them did. I thought I moved on but I really didn’t
I’m still absolutely disgusted. We grew closer after that incident through knowing each other better and they never pulled this kind of thing ever again but it still hurts.
AITJ for still being upset?
They changed. They learned their mistake when they realized how upset I was. They never did anything like this ever again. But I’m still upset over it. I can’t write in front of anyone anymore cause I think they will try to read it.
Edit: A major reason why I think I could have been the jerk is that I kind of singled out the person who held the notebook and ran with it and put like 50% of the blame on them rather than dividing the blame.
They were all in on the joke yet for the first couple of days I did kind of hold a full grudge against all of them but ESPECIALLY this one guy. When all of them did the joke and should all be equally held accountable.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can accept their apology and even accept their friendship again, but you are not required to immediately start trusting them again and you can’t be a jerk for having feelings. They were cruel to you, and even if you accept their apologies that doesn’t automatically heal the hurt inflicted on you.” UrsaGeorge
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because no matter how many times they apologized, they still hurt you. Your feelings are valid. It’s such a trashy move to actually make you chase to get back the notebook where you wrote in and it even sounds like they’re excusing their behavior when they said ‘we didn’t even read that much’ knowing how many times you said no and to give it back.
It sounds even like you’ve developed trust issues because of it. Even if they changed, they can’t take back what they did.” h4tdogchizdog
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They should have respected your privacy, what they did was extremely stupid. Good for you for actually sharing how hurt you were and good for them for understanding that what they did was bad.
You are right for accepting their apologies but forgiveness takes time. I’m not gonna start with the ‘they thought it was a joke’ nonsense but people make mistakes sometimes and the fact that they sincerely apologized and changed their behavior shows that they are true, good friends.
I understand that it is hard to get over it, but try to work on yourself and put a closure when you’re ready. This is a lesson for you, as it was for them.” mikro-kerasaki
You might try learning shorthand or make some sort of code to write in. That way even if they did get it again they wouldn't be able to read it.
14. AITJ For Refusing To Tend To My Mother's Cat?
“My mother and step-father have 2 homes, one 25 minutes away from me in the suburbs and a beach house about an hour away.
They have 2 dogs and a cat at the one in the suburbs. My stepsister lives at the beach house year round and has a dog and a cat. The dogs all get along famously but the cats decidedly don’t. Because of this, they can’t bring their suburbs cat to the beach house.
Important to note that I also have a cat who does not get along with theirs.
My mom asked me to drive out to their suburbs house every day that they are at the beach house (which during the summer is most weekends and sometimes a week or 2 straight) to feed their cat (Captain) some wet food and give him his evening pill.
Am I the jerk for refusing to commit to this request? It would be about an hour round trip for me per visit and I wouldn’t be able to travel whenever they are out of town. I did suggest doing case by case and explained to my mom that I didn’t want to commit to it and then on the 2nd or 3rd they ask me to do this have to refuse because I had plans in my life and then have them guilt trip me into it by saying how I had agreed to do this thing for them.
They do not have any neighbors or other local friends they trust to do this and don’t want a stranger going into the house to do this. I would normally be able to do this but want to have the option to say no and not just commit my summer to feeding a cat once per day.
They are not offering to pay for my fuel and view this as a favor that I am expected to just complete.
Let me know if I’m being unreasonable here.
Edit: Important note – Captain has a strict diet and needs to be fed and get his pill at a specific time every day which is between 6:30 and 7:30.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, watching a pet (or child) for someone should be asked each time it’s needed not just a one-time agreement that you will do it every time. Things come up, work hours can change, plans can be made in advance without knowing you are needed. That is not right for them to expect you to drop everything every time they decide to go on vacation.
It should be asked each time with enough time in advance for both parties to be able to make arrangements.
That way you have time to move your schedule around it and they have time to find a boarding place for their cat if you are unable to.
They can’t just expect that each time will be the same when life changes so frequently it’s not realistic to expect you to just do it. If you don’t explain that to them they may take advantage and just leave last minute and expect you to just go with it.” cara1888
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they’re being super unreasonable. Like a single week? Like 2 weekends over the summer? Kind of inconvenient, but ok. For weeks at a time at random and also random weekends? No.
There is no reason they can’t bring the cat and just keep it in their bedroom (or a bathroom) when they go to the beach house.
Or alternatively, there are vetted pet-sitting services and their house is full of cameras.
If you’ve got beach house money, you’ve got pet sitter money.” amazonpixie81
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While it’s nice for you to do it on occasion or the expectation of doing it long term if it’s been planned out and agreed on.
Since this isn’t a right across-the-street thing they really need to arrange for boarding. Or pay a professional to handle it in-house.” Jeheh
13. AITJ For Cleaning My Aunt's House?
“My (23F) aunt (50? F) asked me to come down for about a week to dog sit for her and my dad. I had no problem, she paid me $200 for the job, very gracious of her.
She has a giant house she built herself in northern Florida, when I got here I couldn’t help but notice that nobody has cleaned in a while. There are four dogs here and a furry cat so there’s dog and cat hair everywhere against the walls, dust on everything and you can’t walk barefoot without your feet turning black.
I don’t judge my aunt, she’s a radiologist who works from 4 am to 6:30 pm.
My dad also stays here but he’s a truck driver who works every day except Tuesday. I have depression and anxiety so I often fall behind on my chores, especially when working.
To top it off my aunt’s daughter had been staying upstairs and left it a disaster when she moved. Well since I’m in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do but watch tv or play games I took it upon myself to clean their ENTIRE house, I picked up all of the garbage upstairs and organized everything.
I wiped all the counters, cleaned all the bathrooms, organized all the clutter, and deep-cleaned everything.
I like to clean, I don’t expect anything from this, I just hoped my aunt would be able to come home and enjoy a clean house. I proudly told my dad all of the things I had done around the house hoping to make everybody happy.
Some of the comments my aunt has made over the phone almost make me feel guilty for cleaning it. I think she thinks that I felt like I had to clean but I didn’t, it just passed a lot of time and it makes me feel good.
She hasn’t come home yet and seen it but now I’m almost nervous for her to come back because I fear she will think I was judging her. I wasn’t judging I just figured it would be nice to come home to a brand new clean house.
AITJ?
Edit: by organizing I mean I took the items, put them in a more appealing pile but left them in the same area. I’ve cleaned houses before and know people like their items where they leave them (me included). The upstairs I know my aunt doesn’t care about because most of it is stuff her daughter had left when she moved out and they’re not on the best terms so she’s not very attached to it.
I also only threw out garbage or food, not items that can be used.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You did something out of kindness. But when someone does something you feel like you should’ve been able to get done — it can make you feel like a failure.
Think about how you feel when you fall behind on your chores — it can reinforce that anxiety and depression. And someone doing it for you like you’re incapable just snowballs that. Add on that some people can feel violated if you’re moving their stuff around.
I’d just apologize for overstepping and just try to reinforce that you just wanted to do something nice considering how hard everyone works.” Agreeable-Tale9729
Another User Comments:
“I get it was done out of kindness and all but I’m gonna go give you a soft YTJ.
I would absolutely hate it if you did this for me no matter what because it really bothers me when other people clean for me without permission. Decluttering is also a thing I feel like you can’t do unless you live there otherwise it feels like an invasion of privacy for me.
That could be how your aunt is feeling and she’s entitled to feel that way. She is paying you to pet sit not clean house so you did overstep even if it was with the best of intentions.” Present_History2353
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You’re unfortunately right, she may feel guilty or self-conscious, as clearly you felt you had to clean. But that was just a genuinely nice thing to do, your intentions were pure, and – assuming you didn’t throw out non-junk stuff or root around her clothes or anything that could be… problematic – you did no harm.
Maybe lay some groundwork, or have your dad do it if he’s the only one in touch with her, to let you know it was done out of boredom or as stress relief and you had fun doing it. Just so she knows you’re not looking to get more money, or doing it because ‘how could anyone live like this?!’ She’ll probably still feel guilty, but grateful, and as long as she knows it was done for the right reasons, she can appreciate it and ignore the awkward thoughts.” GojuSuzi
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. As someone with more than my share of clutter, one of my pet peeves is when people attempt to organize my clutter without recognizing that there’s already some organization there. I used to spend a week figuring out what drawer stuff ended up in after my parents visited. I get the motivation and get your desire to be helpful, it’s probably best to ask in the future if clutter is just clutter or if there’s a method to the mess.” RainbowCrane
12. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Manipulative Parents?
“I had a talk with my parents a few months ago about posting embarrassing pictures of me onto social media, pictures of me sleeping, pictures where I just look bad, things that make me really uncomfortable having other people see. We came to the agreement that if they want to post pictures of me on social media, then they have to ask for my approval to post them.
Here comes my birthday and not to my surprise they both went ahead and posted pictures of me on social media, some of which I hate and some I don’t mind. I called them out in our family group chat and said ‘Did we not talk about posting pictures of me on social media without my approval?’ and almost immediately my mom said:
Mom – Are you freaking serious right now? I chose pics I thought you wouldn’t mind. Fine, I’ll take down the post and retract your ‘happy birthday.’
Dad – Ok…I’ll remove ALL of them. You no longer will appear anywhere on my profile.
Me – You guys have both violated my trust and an agreement we had.
Dad – Well, I’m your Dad and proud of you… so forgive me. I’m going through social media right now and deleting EVERYTHING that has you in it.
Me – For your information, I’m not being a jerk, you guys for some reason refuse to accept that I’m an individual human being with things that embarrass and humiliate me just like anyone else.
I set a boundary on something that makes me really uncomfortable, and you both crossed it. It doesn’t matter that you’re proud of me or that you’re my parents, that doesn’t give you a free pass to ignore my boundaries.
Mom – We have people here recording.
Drop it.
Me – And I’d really appreciate it if the incredibly manipulative ‘we did something nice, now you’re being a jerk, so sorry for saying ‘happy birthday’ attitude stops
They’ve been pulling nonsense like this my entire life, and after listening to psychology videos on YouTube while at work for a while (I’m not claiming to be an expert) I’ve become aware of how my parents are seriously affecting my mental health.
I still love them both but I desperately want to move out (I just turned 20 today), and I’m seriously tempted to cut them out of my life for a few years once I am moved out.
Am I the jerk? Am I overreacting? Or am I right and should I get therapy to make sure I have a healthy relationship with a wife and kids of my own in the future?
As I said, they’ve been doing stuff like this, MY ENTIRE LIFE. Even if this isn’t a big deal and I am overreacting, do things like this adding up over 20 years warrant my reaction?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you’ve been reasonable in setting the boundary.
They are just mad you followed through with it. A lot of the time, I think controlling parents get upset and freaked out when their children show their own personalities and take charge of their own lives.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I’d absolutely call their bluff by removing everything from social media (okay, that’s awesome, let me know when you’re done and I’ll let you know if you missed anything).
You are well within your rights to want to control your digital footprint (I have never posted any pictures of my (now) 16- and 18- year olds without permission, which means there are no embarrassing baby photos of them out there to be found in the future, but I still love them and am proud of them).” cayenne-bee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you need your space and some distance before you can have a healthy relationship with your parents, that’s what you need. I feel like we have to spend the early part of our independent adulthood getting over the ways our parents screwed us up.
Do what you need to do.” UrsaGeorge
11. WIBTJ If I Tell My Mom She's Making Me Uncomfortable?
“I have severe anxiety and depression and it’s the worse it’s ever been, lately. I’m at the point where I only talk to people because I’m paid to. I struggle to make phone calls and texts. Even writing this post is more than I’m comfortable with rn.
I’ve been dealing with mental burnout on top of that due to work. I’ve been feeling too overwhelmed to even think about having a social life. I hate myself for it and have been in an on-and-off pit of self-loathing because of it. My home is my safe place.
It’s where I can choose to talk to people if I want and relax, not having to worry about social expectations. My mom knows this as I’ve talked to her, which is why I’m pretty upset about what happened.
My mom has recently started talking to people online as she’s been feeling lonely since my stepdad passed a year ago.
It genuinely feels great knowing that she has people to talk to while I’m out of the house. 2 nights ago, she decided to try her chances on Omegle for fun. She said that she had a fun time, despite having to wade through a lot of naughty users before she could actually talk to people.
I hate using the website for that and how I’ve been treated on it. However, she had fun, so I was happy for her.
Last night, I was winding down after a long, bad day at work. I’d done some self-care and ended up playing some video games until about 1 am.
I’d finished playing and was getting my stuff ready for work. I was exhausted.
My mom then comes out of her room, meets me in the bathroom, and says that someone wants to talk to me. I, thinking it was a friend of hers or a family member, agreed. She then turns her phone to me and I see that she’s on a video chat with someone I don’t recognize.
Her: Say ‘hi’.
Me (confused): Hi?
She then turns the phone back to herself and says something that I forget.
Her: He says he wants to talk to you.
Me (mouthing): Who is he?
Her: Some guy I met on the internet.
I got annoyed. I was in my pajamas with messy hair, looking the most like a grandma I ever have, and she catches me off guard with a video chat with some stranger.
Me: Well, I need to go to bed. I have work in the morning.
I went to my room and hear her tell him so as she closed her door.
I was angry. However, with how I’ve been feeling, this anger made me very anxious and I started panicking.
I straight up felt that my one safe place wasn’t safe. My security blanket, shattered. I started full-on ugly crying as an anxiety attack took over. I know that this may seem like an overreaction to some of you, and I agree. But, I felt betrayed. Like, my own mom didn’t care about how I felt.
She exposed me at a vulnerable time to a complete stranger. I cried myself to sleep and woke up exhausted and angry.
So, WIBTJ if I say something? I don’t want to because she seems happy but, I feel like she crossed a line.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mum didn’t mean to cause you any pain. But she did. She’s wrapped up in her life and didn’t think about you. She made a mistake.
It would be very reasonable of you to tell her not to spring a video call on you again without spoiling her happiness.
You don’t need to blame her or explain why. Just tell her not to. Even without your anxiety, that would be a reasonable thing to expect.” Just-Collar-5517
10. WIBTJ If I Take My Housemate's Dog?
“I am moving out of a property I have lived in for a few years. The landlord was my friend who gave me a good deal on a rented room.
Fast forward to today, the friendship has broken down and I am leaving. However, there is a beautiful, loving dog that I have fallen for (and vice versa I like to think).
The dog spends all its time with me, I pay for its food, toys, and bed (which originally just had a dirty pillow).
When I moved in, the dog was locked in a conservatory almost 24/7 (with the back door open so they weren’t melting in the heat). The last time the dog’s owner walked the dog was about 7 months ago when I do this almost every day. The dog’s owner’s friends and family know that I am the one who is looking after this dog, the owner is a heavy drinker who can barely look after themselves.
The dog’s owner is mentally deteriorating and getting worse by the day (hence why I need to leave).
In no way, does the owner mistreat this dog. They just have no affection towards the dog in terms of fussing, giving them attention, or even doing the basics like walking them.
The dog’s owner does feed the dog if I am out. The dog is not malnourished or treated badly at all. I just don’t think the dog will have a great life once I leave, I feel I have completely changed this dog’s life just by living here.
If I leave, the dog will be fed and just left alone, the dog has a ton of energy and needs to be out a lot.
The dog pines for me when I leave and I hear the dog whimpering as soon as I leave the house.
This does not happen at all when the owner is out, the dog has no care for its owner.
I want to take the dog with me. I have spoken with the owner and they said I am welcome to come and take them out whenever I want and keep the dog for a few days.
However, I want to be out of this toxic friendship for good. I don’t want to be around them AT ALL. I want to take this dog completely out of the situation and with me.
I know legally, I’m very much in the wrong. I am not the owner of this dog.
But I can’t bear to leave them, I genuinely love this dog like a family member and I can’t bear to see them go back to their life before I arrived. I don’t know what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“Morally, what you want isn’t wrong.
But realistically, taking the dog probably won’t work out great for the dog either, so I think YWBTJ.
Your friend is going to know what happened, and like you already said, the law is pretty clear about this not being your dog regardless of who takes better care of it.
So a potential outcome of taking the dog would be the dog being taken care of by you for however long it takes the owner to press charges, then the police come and collect the dog, possibly hold it in a county shelter in the interim, and then be returned to the owner at the end of it all anyway.
That’s a lot to put the dog through to go right back where it started, to be honest. You may want to offer to take the dog in should your friend ever have the need to rehome and maybe once you move out and they have to take over care duties again, they will see the light.
I wish the best for you and the dog. This situation definitely isn’t ideal but don’t beat yourself up when there’s only so much you can do.” PurpleProboscis
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Tough one for many reasons. It sounds like the pooch would have a much better life with you, but you really can’t go around stealing other people’s dogs.
If it were me, I’d try not to solve the world’s problems all at once. I know you said you want a clean break, but if the former friend goes to the cops the dog will be back in that neglectful situation permanently.
If you think they might say yes then offer to buy the dog (and get a written receipt), otherwise, take them up on the offer to take the dog for days at a time and get them used to the idea of the dog not being around and bring up the subject again in a month or so.
If they really are this disengaged with the dog, they may realize how less of a hassle it is. Good luck – for the dog’s sake I hope you get them.” KickstandSF
9. AITJ For Making My Ex-Employer Compensate Me For Damaging My Spine?
“I’m M18 and worked for a huge company that requires heavy lifting when I was 17.
I was a trainee, I wasn’t paid for the first 4 months, because ‘knowledge is worth more’. When other co-workers got mad at the suit guys for that, they tried to give me 50 bucks as a ‘bonus’. Also, the salary was pretty bad. 40hr per week, 500 bucks a month.
So here are some more things they did. In my country, working more than settled on has to be paid extra with money or more paid vacation. They simply eradicated the option in the software that shows extra hours, so we wouldn’t have evidence, and then forced us to work more.
They constantly bullied me for my weight (180 pounds on 5,11 ft) and made fun of me having a gorgeous partner, saying she’s with me out of pity because I look like Quasimodo and am broke so she shouldn’t have a reason to stay.
They forced trainees to clean without any break at all.
I once passed out and was in the hospital for some days because they let me clean the 32300 sq/ft building all day in the burning sun.
I also had surgery on my foot because of all the walking I had to do so my nail started growing into the foot.
Couldn’t walk properly for 3 weeks because of it.
But here’s the best thing. There are safety robotic machines for everyone to help with heavy stuff. They wouldn’t let us use them. Due to that, I now have a permanently damaged spine.
They give me daily calls and threats and now that I’ve blocked phone contact so they have to reach out to me via email, they demand that I call them so I don’t have evidence for what they’re saying since using calls as evidence is hard in my country.
Now I’ve heard that they wanna sue me because I was only faking it according to them. The doctors laughed in tears when I told them about it.
But here’s the best thing. They can’t fire trainees, I have to quit. And if you’re sick, they have to continue to pay you if a doctor diagnosed you until a certain time.
So basically, they now have to pay me until my new job starts. AITJ for that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘My employer is basically Satan and I’m getting the minimum compensation I deserve for the misery they put me through’.
You’re not a jerk for that but you are one for wasting people’s time on the most obvious out the world has ever seen, they’re jerks.” No-Platform-6803
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to immediately contact a worker’s compensation lawyer on this issue. It looks like you’re in Germany, I imagine it will be less there, but a permanently disabling injury in America at the age of 18 would get you a multi-million dollar settlement.
You need to do this as soon as possible, and keep every record from your doctor as well as collect all communication from your job.
I would also reach out to the German Statutory Accident Insurance, as they will pay for your medical bills and provide you compensation to live on as well.
Please do not let this go. First of all, you need to take care of yourself and the extra future costs and issues you’ll have because of this injury, and secondly, you will help make the workplace safer for others and ensure they don’t get injured as you did.” User
8. AITJ For Wanting To Chat With My Friends Online?
“My mom (f42) and I (m14) generally get along pretty well. I would say we have a better-than-average relationship than most mother-son relationships in our area. The one thing we don’t see eye-to-eye on is my social life. From late 2020 to late 2021, I was in async learning, and I interacted with a real-life friend and his real-life friends (I’ve never met them, but they’re good friends of mine), completely on Discord.
I never met up with any of my school friends and had two people who I barely talked to that went to my school. I had time limits in 2020, so my phone time was limited, leading me to avoid human interaction and become agoraphobic. During the summer of 2021, all the people I had known during the previous school year were hanging out while I had time limits, leaving me to be excluded a lot, and being depressed about it.
In late 2021, I’m at school on the first day, and I run into one of the people I barely talked to. We hang out during lunch, and I joined his friend group, as I already knew some people in his friend group pre-2020. Fast-forward a month, my mom is questioning why I’m spending so much time on Discord (I figured out my screen time password but had no reason to take advantage of it until now), and I responded that I was talking to my friends on there, she changed the password and told me that I should spend less time on my phone and that I’m addicted.
I’ve learned to bypass them and still maintain good grades, and I do go outside frequently. However, in a conversation with the real-life friend and his real-life friends, we got into an argument I posted on YouTube but took down shortly after because my mom pointed out I was the jerk, which I agree with and have apologized to everyone hurt.
It doesn’t end there, as my mother took away my phone and my pc on the grounds that ‘I don’t know how to act on social media’.
I feel I’m not a jerk generally but acted out of spite, which was stupid, but I don’t believe I should have my socials taken away for this.
So now I can’t really make plans with anyone. This is going to be a big hit on my social life, and it’s very likely I might fall into depression again with a lack of social stimulation. My mom feels she can still find a solution to me having a social life by making me go to summer camps, but I don’t really like sports anymore and am still agoraphobic.
Plus, I know the type of kids that go to those camps, and they’re all basically jerks.
I forgot to mention this but my mom blames my depression on my ‘addiction’ to Discord. It’s more of a lack of social stimulation, which I guess is an ‘addiction’.
So if I’m asking AITJ for openly disagreeing with my mom about how my social life should go?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I’m sorry OP, these past couple of years have really done a number on teenagers’ mental health and social lives. Parents are constantly worried about how to do the best for their kids, and there are a lot of conflicting messages out there on what is right.
It sounds like she’s worried about you, because you do have mental health struggles and have had trouble with socializing, but she doesn’t know quite how to help best.
Have you tried to have a heart-to-heart with her about this? Share with her how hard it was being home and how connecting with people online is the best way you have right now to socialize with your actual friends.
Try and work out some reasonable boundaries with her for your internet use – it doesn’t necessarily have to be strict time limits, but you guys can agree on sites you’re allowed to use, what time you need to turn off the screens at home, the amount of access she has to your internet activity (unfortunately probably necessary until you can re-earn whatever trust you lost in the youtube incident), etc. I think she will probably be more open to you than you think if you can sit down and have a mature convo with her.” Lesmiserablemuffins
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – no one is a jerk for disagreeing with how their parents see things. Your mom isn’t doing anything that comes across as out of line. Addiction feels like too strong of a word to be used, but I only know what you wrote.
Your mom is doing what she thinks is best. That isn’t a guarantee it is the best, that is true for your strategies to address this issue as well though.
Because you mentioned how you both don’t see eye-to-eye, maybe try and show her what you mean?
We old people grew up with different ways to socialize, and messaging that outright viewed activities inside and on a screen as inherently… not bad, but not exactly great either. I am not thinking of the best words right now and do apologize. To summarize, if you feel she isn’t comprehending what your experience is, offer to share with her.” battle_bunny99
So, you're not a jerk for wanting to pick your friends. You are trippin for not better acknowledging your responsibility in why people might actually be distancing themselves and why you've lost privileges.
7. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Husband For Messing With My Laundry?
“I (27F) am around 4 months pregnant. At this point, I have 2 bras that still fit me, one being a maternity bra I just bought.
The other weekend I did A LOT of my laundry, 4 loads. My husband (27M) helped transfer some from the washer to the dryer, and I warned him multiple times that the last basket contained my only other bra, so it can’t go in the dryer.
When I went to bed that night to get up for work in the morning, the last load was in the washer. The next day I had work, then a game night immediately after then had to go to bed for work the next day on Monday.
After work on Monday, I had an accident and fell down the stairs so laundry was the last thing on my mind for a week as I have been sore.
This morning while getting ready for work, I finally went through that final basket and found my bra had gone through the wash and the wire was misshapen.
I told my husband, who had woken up a little from me moving around, and he literally laughed and rolled back over to go to bed. AITJ for being super upset at this?
He knows I only have 2 fitting bras at the moment and 6 months ago I was complaining I couldn’t afford new bras until I got some on sale for Black Friday.
We are living on only my income at the moment and my husband has been donating plasma so I am thinking about making him buy me a new one with his b***d money.
Update: talked to my husband after work today, he was half awake and didn’t quite register what I said and that was why he laughed. He does feel bad, he did look for my bra but didn’t find it while switching it over so figured it was in a previous load or I took it out already, and is going to replace my bra.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’d be different if you didn’t warn him not to put the bra through; I guarantee that wouldn’t be something a man would think about on his own. But he clearly ignored what you said and didn’t care after you were upset.
I don’t know, he doesn’t sound all that great to me.” Ghostfire137
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband sounds… not great. It’s one thing if it was an honest mistake and he felt bad but for him to just laugh it off and not take it seriously is not okay here.
Especially after making his pregnant wife the sole earner in the household. Who lets their wife struggle to buy proper fitting clothing like that? How are you guys going to get by when you’re on maternity leave? You don’t just need to make him replace it, you need to make him get a job.” teenage-mutant-swan
I wash whites on hot with bleach and dry on medium heat/perma press.
I think it's an old wives tale to not dry them. But hey, it's your choice. Henceforth, wash your own clothes. You want them done a specific way? Do them yourself. Every single time.
6. AITJ For Calling My Friend Out For Her Post?
“I (M) co-use a forum’s account with my friend H (F) (me borrowing hers). I’m notified whenever she makes a post or someone replies to her comment.
A few weeks back, she made a post titled ‘at what age is a female worth the most/has the most value’.
In the post, she said a teacher once told her: that a female starts to know how to dress herself at 16, but 16-18 is the age of girlhood & her mind is still immature.
She would be studying from 19-24 and her thinking starts to develop, but financially still too great. He thinks 25-28 are the golden years, she is now a few years from her graduation and a few years into her job, her mind is mature, her finances are doing well, and she knows well how to be pretty, which makes her in this time the most attractive.
She added ‘what do you think?’ at the end, asking for the forum’s opinion.
Now, this forum is very patriarchal and right-wing. Most of the users there are male & don’t really respect women. The answers were things like ’25-30 cuz they’re most attractive at this age’ and ‘old women’s minds being mature is just an excuse for those crones to feel better.’
She then replied in the post ‘why do y’all think women have no use other than being attractive and being pretty? Can’t women have a professional career & their own minds?’
Now, I was shocked to see this post. To me, the question itself was very inappropriate: it objectified women in the first place and it asks for other standards of objectification.
I also thought her scolding the people there for being patriarchal was ridiculous and useless, cuz the forum is very patriarchal to start with, it’s like you won’t go into a vegan restaurant expecting meat, and be upset when there’s none.
I talked to her about it, but she was very defensive about it, saying I don’t understand the meaning of objectification and I was being biased. The longer we talked, the angrier I got, partly cuz she as a woman objectified women and asked patriarchal men to objectify women, and partly because she never listened to me.
For a few times already, whenever we had a conversation, she would change the topic abruptly, or ignore the things I asked her the night before and begin the morning’s convo with something completely irrelevant, simply not respecting the convo.
Eventually, she got angry too, saying ‘yeah okay women should be born to get pregnant and gazed at, no use other than that, I apologize for not admitting that, are you happy now?’ Which completely altered my arguments and showed she never understood and respected my point of view.
She then said she was crying and would go on to ignore my messages for more than 2 weeks. I apologized the day after for being aggressive when confronting her, admitting that my attitude had upset her, but didn’t change my stance. I said I could illustrate my point once more if she wanted (to clear out the misunderstandings), but she wouldn’t reply to my messages.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So your friend makes a post, and you decided you knew exactly why she posted it. She told you that you were incorrect, but you still think you knew better than her why she made the post? Sounds pretty sexist to me, but okay.
So then you can’t accept that you don’t know her own mind better than her, and decide to repeatedly force your argument down her throat, complain that she’s ignoring you while you completely ignore her, and get annoyed that she’s trying to change the topic because clearly you are the only person that knows best and she has to listen to you.
Wow, look at that, right back at sounding pretty sexist!
Finally, after aggressively berating her to the point that she breaks down and cries, you again double down and insist that she is wrong and still needs to listen to you! Amazing.
Even if her post was objectifying women, I wouldn’t be surprised to see she’s internalized some of the constant negative messaging women hear from awful men, especially if you’re her best example of some sort of feminist man.” Lesmiserablemuffins
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. If you share an account, that obviously comes with privacy concerns. The way you write, it seems you are not considering that what you did might be uncomfortable for her.
She does not seem entirely blameless if those comments were in context.
If you want any meaningful conversation, better see that you find what her boundaries about her privacy of writing in that forum are and respect them better.” TheExaltedNoob
Another User Comments:
“The way she framed the questions (‘why do you think this?’) sounds more like trying to get them to explain their views rather than to confirm her own.
This could be just to understand their side better, or as a way to find reasonable arguments against them.
You were the one who decided that asking questions = agreeing with them, and then YOU refused to listen and decided that she was something she is outspokenly against even though it made her noticeably upset.
You refused to listen so she tried to get you to drop it and change the topic since you refused to accept that she knows her own values more than you do – which you based on one post that stunned you because she has never shown those values ever before… but you must be right in your interpretation, better interrogate her some more to get a confession.
And you got the confession, except that her angrily agreeing with your point just to shut you up for how disrespectful and unreasonable you were, is NOT a true confession of her inner mind. It’s like agreeing with an upset child ‘yes, I am mean and unfair for saying you have to brush your teeth, now go do it’.
It’s not really a confession.
Until you can show anywhere in the conversation or any other time you have had reason to suspect these are her true values: YTJ.
Actually, even if those are her true values, you still disrespected her and pushed her way past her breaking point, and didn’t back off when she repeatedly made it clear she didn’t want to talk with you about it, so you’re still the jerk.” could_not_care_more
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Both of you sound way too immature to be talking about the ‘patriarchy’ or anything political with how you write, talk to each other, and respond to things. This all could have been avoided if both of you stayed in your own lane.” throw_plushie
5. AITJ For Making A Teacher Cry?
“I (30M) am the head of IT operations for a vocational school, this school offers training in professional cooking and business administration.
Lately, my department has been under a lot of stress because of the sheer volume of work that needs to be done.
This all started when the governing body of several schools in my area ordered the removal of certain software. Because of this order, my team and I have to re-image every single PC that the school owned to remove 7zip and replace it.
The work however did not end there, we also have to prepare several new business administration classrooms. These repurposed classrooms all needed to be rebuilt from the ground up to support all the computers and network equipment.
This is all to say that for the past few months my team and I have been working extended hours pretty much every day.
We are a very small team of four tech technicians along with two interns all of whom have been working 9 hours shifts Monday to Friday. Because of this, the head of IT for the governing board wanted to give back to us.
At first, the idea of a free lunch came up but it was overshadowed by a group breakfast. The issue with this was that the restaurants that served breakfast in my area did not do delivery outside of fast food places.
This led to the joke of requisitioning a cooking class and making everything ourselves. This joke soon turned into reality. I got the funding to purchase the food from the governing board’s IT head and permission from the school’s director to use a cooking classroom.
When the day came we all had an amazing breakfast which boosted morale.
The problems began afterward with one teacher, she did not like my department’s breakfast gathering. Later in the day when I was in my office, she came into my room to complain about the breakfast gathering.
She started ranting and raving about how we were putting everyone at risk of getting sick and offending students. She then went as far as to insult my department and technicians, I had none of her nonsense. I went after her over the lack of respect towards my department and techs.
This caused her to get upset to the point she stormed out of my office crying after the tongue lashing I gave her.
Later that day I saw her again but we did not speak to each other, however, I noticed her makeup was a bit ruined from crying.
This made me feel guilty and that I may have taken things too far with her. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You both acted unprofessionally and rudely. We just have the backstory here as to why you’re stressed out so it’s okay, while she’s the random villain who came in at the end to ruin the hero’s day.
I’m not making fun of you, but that’s something we all do, our brains are wired for it. Whatever you said to her was most likely nasty and unnecessary, and you feel justified because of all your stress and hard work.
There is a reason you didn’t include what you said, despite including paragraphs of backstory that wasn’t necessary either.
I’m sure she’s got her own backstory to justify her anger, working as a teacher the past few years has certainly been no picnic either. But you’re both wrong (her more than you, definitely), and acted inappropriately, especially for work.” Lesmiserablemuffins
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
She was clearly not in the right, but reacting in a way to bring someone to tears does not help the situation. She was a jerk, so you responded by being the same level of jerkness. You could have responded with dignity and pride. Rather, you demeaned her.
I’m sure sorry that she treated you so dismissively. Absolutely not right, but it also doesn’t justify the way you reacted.
Everyone sucks here.” GrandpaJoeSloth
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. She had a concern about getting sick. You had permission to use the space.
Both are valid positions but in opposition.
Nothing else in your story is relevant. Are you trying to excuse your anger towards an individual due to workplace stress that she has no responsibility for?
It sounds like you both acted unprofessionally. Ranting and raving raised voices, and anger that causes a person to cry.
If she came in all guns blazing, there was no need to respond in kind, but you did.” Just-Collar-5517
4. AITJ For Letting My Friend Call Out My Other Friend's Rudeness?
“My (17F) best friend (20F) is a really big fan of a YouTuber that is actually a good friend of mine, so I had the idea to let her enter some of our calls to let them meet each other because I’ve talked a lot about this girl to my YouTuber friend.
The first call was really good! They talked a lot and were really polite to each other so I told myself ‘Why not let her come to our next call?’ Big mistake.
A few months go by and the next call finally comes and I was sure that this call would make them really close.
The call goes on and she interrupts me sometimes, but I played along with the conversation so not really that much of a deal until one of my attacks came in (for context, I suffer from depersonalization and derealization). So I turned off my camera and mic to let them continue to chat.
It was all cool until my YouTuber friend stars telling my best friend that she was being really rude to me for not letting me speak when the call was originally for the two of us and I actually felt bad for a lot of things (my relationship with my best friend was not the best so I was feeling down but I was hoping the call would make us solve some things).
So when she told her that, I had the opportunity to stop her, but I didn’t, so she just continued and when she went out of the call my best friend started telling me that I was criminalizing her and talking bad stuff about her behind her back (I never did that).
Now we are in a fight and we don’t talk to each other so…
AITJ for letting one of my friends tell my best friend that she was being rude to me?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ unless you were actually incapable of explaining to your YouTuber friend that you chose to back out of the call.
You should apologize to your best friend and let your YouTuber friend know that you had an attack and that it wasn’t your friend’s fault that you weren’t very involved in the call.” StatisticianSea5780
Another User Comments:
“Summary based on what I read:
You are ‘best’ friends with someone 3 years older than you.
You are also good friends with a YouTuber, who didn’t know your friend. Your ‘best’ friend is a big fan of this YouTuber. You introduced them (very nice, by the way). You let them talk for a while on one of your calls. You decided to have them chat again on another one of your calls with YT friend.
Your ‘best’ friend sidelined you in the call. You have an episode that requires backing out of the call, while still remaining present. Your YT friend saw your ‘best’ friend’s behavior and called her on it. You didn’t say anything. Your ‘best’ friend is mad at you for how all this went down.
Unfortunately, I think your ‘best’ friend is friends with you because you are easy to intimidate. She’s 3 years older than you, which wouldn’t necessarily be a problem, but it feels like she’s taking advantage of you, trying to diminish your presence, and then blaming you for her own behavior making her embarrassed in front of one of her idols.
In addition, your friendship hasn’t been that good lately, maybe have a third party talk it out with you, I would be willing to say she’s moving on to friends that do more for her, either in ways she can take advantage of or in the way that she can feel truly herself (not saying this is something bad against you).
The other thing I am concerned about is your YT friend’s reaction. It almost sounds like she was polite to your friend the first time because she cares for you, and then the second time might have felt like your friend imposed. She said that your friend didn’t let you talk when it was supposed to be a call between the two of you.
She clearly just wanted to hang out with you, probably was being polite again to include your friend and really cares about you to step up and protect you. Have a talk with her to see what she was talking about, whether it was a mood thing, or if she was seeing behavior you don’t normally see.
Then examine previous behavior to see if this friendship might be salvageable.
I’m going to say NTJ on this one, but I hope you can figure out what’s going on.” elvaholt
Another User Comments:
“So you let your friend berate your other friend for ignoring and interrupting you when you had purposefully turned off your mic and video.
You even admit you had a chance to correct them but didn’t because of other issues.
YTJ, if you have issues with your friend talk to them about it don’t be petty and a coward.” Certain_Effort598
3. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mother-In-Law To Be The Center Of Mother's Day?
“My MIL’s birthday happens to fall on or right around Mother’s Day every year, which means that we have/will always spend the entire weekend with her and my FIL.
Please allow me to explain that I’m not upset that I don’t get to be the queen of the day. Being a mom means everything to me and I just want a quiet morning cuddling with my girls and basking in our relationship before going out and doing everything my MIL wants to do.
It’s always a struggle to get even a little bit of time, as my MIL calls my husband repeatedly throughout the morning with questions/concerns about whatever plans we have. It’s exhausting.
This year is a huge milestone birthday, the 75th, and I’ve been excited about celebrating with her… until my husband explained that, while there are no actual plans yet, we’ll probably spend the entire weekend at their house several hours away.
This means we won’t be able to celebrate with my mom, that I will no longer be able to attend a brunch for moms of kids with special needs where I’d finally meet other moms in the local group, and that any thought of a quiet, stress-free morning with my girls is gone, as we’d stay at their home and be at their mercy.
If my MIL/FIL made an effort to celebrate other family members’ birthdays with them, it’d help soften the disappointment, but they have a summer home across the country and conveniently go up there right after her birthday and return right before his, missing almost every other family birthday, including all of their grandchildren’s, but, if we should dare miss one of their celebrations, we’ll ‘owe’ them.
If it were a situation where this was the first year that the weekend revolved around her birthday, I’d be all right with it as it’s a huge milestone and I’m not a completely terrible human being, but it’s always like this, just with extra emphasis this year because of the significance.
Give it to me straight: am I the jerk for feeling this way? I’m not going to make a big deal about this or demand plans change, but your input will help me take my medicine.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you should make a big deal of this.
Your MIL is a huge jerk enabled by her family including your husband to insist Mother’s Day always revolve around her because of her birthday. How selfish! My own MIL immediately turned Mother’s Day into a focus on her daughter and daughters-in-law as soon as we became parents.
As the moms of young kids, it was our day, not hers.
Please reclaim your day and the whole weekend. Send regrets you can’t attend your MIL’s event that weekend, and send her flowers on her actual birthday. She could absolutely have scheduled her 75th celebration the weekend before or after Mother’s Day to be more gracious.
Stop being a taken-for-granted doormat. It is not a lesson you want your kids observing.” Allimack
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They seem self-absorbed and needy. You’re not wrong to want to be able to celebrate in a way you enjoy instead of having the day hijacked by your MIL’s desires.
Having said that, it is a milestone birthday and your in-laws will undoubtedly make you pay a price for missing the event. I would suggest talking with your husband and letting him know that you’d like to plan the next one the way you want since it’s your day too.” luka_m8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You get to give your mother-in-law a gift and a card or just a card or a phone call or nothing at all before or after. You got to have Mother’s Day for yourself. If people really love us and care about us, and they are normal, they will want us to do whatever fits best for us.
And if we send them a card? Well, that’s just frosting on the cake.” mcclgwe
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Incorporate Things From My Mom's Wedding?
“My parents have been divorced since I was 3 (currently 23) and my dad is an actual jerk.
I got engaged in January of this year and my whole family has been heavily involved in the wedding planning (including my fiancee). I want to include things from my grandparent’s and my aunt’s wedding, cause they are both very important women in my life.
But my mom has everything still saved from her wedding (which ended in divorce), and she keeps asking me if I want to use her veil, pieces from her dress, her entire dress, the jewelry she wore, etc. I don’t want to use it cause it was for a wedding that ended in divorce.
I’m not superstitious but I don’t want the bad karma to ‘leak’ into my wedding day. I feel bad for saying no cause I’m her only daughter and she’ll never get to send off anyone else.
Do I graciously say no, or******* up and be a good daughter and wear parts of her wedding day outfit?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
But is your mom an ‘important woman in your life’? You don’t have to wear them, but these are items that are important to HER as a person and a mother, not her as a divorcee. If it’s about her wedding at all, it’s about the fact that it produced you, regardless of how awful your dad was.” Usrname52
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Your mother and father married for love, regardless of whether they got divorced.
No object or accessory is going to contaminate your marriage’s health. Your marriage’s health depends upon the attitudes you and your husband bring to it, and like the weather, it will change.
If you simply don’t like the things your mother is offering, that’s fine. Styles don’t always transition well later. But it is hurtful that you’re accepting things from other female family members, just not your mother, and you’re blaming it on your mother’s divorce. Ouch.
So, if mom had stayed married and unhappy perhaps you’d feel different? Yeesh.
You are being very superstitious.” Johoski
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I’m sure you consider your mother an important woman in your life, but when you don’t include her in the list of important women, it may seem like you don’t.
If you don’t want anything from her wedding, is there something the two of you shared that you can include? Your going home from the hospital outfit, a Christening gown, a baby blanket, or a toy she might have made? Anything, really, that represents your relationship with each other rather than her relationship with your father.
Even though she’s going to walk you down the aisle, she may just want to be represented in a more tangible, permanent way. Depending on your relationship with her, maybe you can explain your feelings about her wedding. I wouldn’t do so if it would hurt her, though.” unabashedlyabashed
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Unless your mom has been a complete jerk parent, you are absolutely insulting her. You are choosing keepsakes from other people who have played significantly less important roles in your life and deliberately excluding the most important woman from your life and for what reason?
Superstition and ignorance.
You should be ashamed of yourself.” YanceyWoodchuck
1. WIBTJ If I Interfere With My Ex's Parenting Style?
“My (42f) ex-husband (43m) and I have been divorced for 7 years. Since then he has had custody of my (8f and 11f) children from 3 pm on Friday, after school, until approximately 3 pm Saturday. 24 hours.
For Xmas 2020 I bought them tablets, which they love. At my house, they average 1-3 hours per day of tablet time.
Too much, in my opinion, and that is my fault for not regulating it better. At his house, however, they average 12-14 hours of the 24 hours he has them on the tablets. (I have the family link app, which allows me to monitor these things).
That seems absolutely INSANE to me. I try to butt out of his time. For example, I think he feeds them crap (frozen burritos or pizzas most weeks), lets them stay up too late, never makes them brush their teeth or hair, etc. I never mention it because I figure it’s not my place to tell him what to do, I wouldn’t want him to critique my parenting decisions.
I have talked to him about their time, but he always brushes me off saying ‘they never get to do that at your house’ or ‘it’s what they want to do.’ Meanwhile, he spends all that time playing Minecraft in his bedroom. (The girls don’t have a bedroom, they sleep on bunk beds in his living room.) But this feels different.
I have the ability to remotely shut down their tablets at will, or to allow X amount of time per day. My question is is it ethically within my rights to shut down their tablets at his house, or continue to suck this up and fume about it?
Edit to add: not sure if it’s relevant, but he also owes me over $5k in child support. Also, that 24-hour time period is the ONLY time he sees them. They are with me the rest of the time. Even though he only lives 3 blocks away.”
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk for abruptly turning off the tablets without warning, and it will backfire on you. As a single parent who raised two kids, I didn’t agree at all with how my ex dealt with the kids (before they abandoned them completely).
However, we did talk to each other about the broad parameters of things. You and your ex should be talking to each other, not as a critique, but as a way to be in sync about things. Instead, you’re fuming and letting it fester, which is not healthy.
Now, if you and your ex talked to each other first and came to some kind of agreement about tablet time, then you’d be doing it the right way. You don’t get resentful kids because you’re co-parenting on this. And, if you can’t agree, you have to let it go.
Sure, dad may be an idiot for not fully taking advantage of his time with them, but that’s his choice. Like it or not, you’ll only make things worse if you try to control this. Specifically, all the adults are jerks.
I also think your kids are not going to be irreversibly harmed by a lot of screen time once a week.
Is this really another battle you need to have?
When I got divorced, before I got custody, my budget was in tatters. Until I managed to talk my boss into a raise, I was losing money every month, trying to pay support, pay off my bills, and deal with finding an affordable roof over my head that had space for me and my kids.
The same was true when I was given full custody — my ex lost their ‘dream home’ because they were now paying support. Having bunk beds in the living room may be the best solution for the short term. Yes, he should be paying his full support, but that is a different issue.
Please talk this out with your ex before you do anything. And ask yourself, what’s the actual harm here, and is it really worth it in the grander scheme of things you’re going to have to co-parent over? Remember, you are not far removed from angry, sullen, teenagers.” vortexofchaos
Another User Comments:
“Can’t you just keep their tablets at home? I don’t see why this has to be a big thing. He’s feeding them, they have beds to sleep in, and he’s in the home with them. He may not be the parent you want him to be, but lots of kids don’t have those things and don’t get to see their dads.
I’m not sure how you think you know what he’s doing the whole time he’s with the kids, anyway.
YWBTJ for ‘interfering’ but I don’t see why you have to do that at all. Just keep the tablets you bought at your house, which only speak to your parenting style, and let him entertain them on his own.
Seems like what you want anyway, yes?” PurpleProboscis
Another User Comments:
“I think YWBTJ. To me? This isn’t about ‘parenting styles’ – this is about you needing to micromanage your children’s lives, even when they are not with you.
Who cares if they eat a frozen pizza or microwave burritos once a week?
Or don’t brush their hair one morning? And why are you spending all of the time they aren’t with you remotely monitoring their devices? That’s a huge You Problem that says you need a hobby.
Frankly, your girls probably need that time & space away from you to let their (not-so-proverbial) hair down and relax.
Changing my vote: YTJ. You can do it, but your next story will be asking why your girls don’t wanna ’hang’ with you anymore.” MannyMoSTL
