People Have Seen Better Days In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Planning A Vegetarian Menu For My Wedding?
“My (30f) partner (30M) and I are getting married next September and are in the early stages of planning.
We have been vegetarian for a while now and would like to incorporate this into our day so we can eat everything on offer. We met with the caterers yesterday and created a menu that includes loads of delicious food that we love and will enjoy (nothing unusual and have two choices for each course).
My family especially seems outraged at the prospect of no meat being included and is arguing that we need to think about what our guests want. I feel like I have lived on sides at restaurants many times, and I should be allowed to have ONE day where I can eat food I enjoy and others can too!
I’ve said that people can have a bacon sarnie before the wedding if it’s that big of a deal and it won’t harm anyone to go for one meal without meat. I feel like I’m going to be arguing about this with my family for the next 12 months.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your wedding, serve what you wish, but I always suggest to people planning an event like this to make sure there is a simple pasta dish available as an option, or something with a big starch component. It’s a safe option for those with tricky food restrictions, or in your case, meat eaters faced with vegetarian options.
Pasta can be simple and tasty, with or without meat, and it’s filling, so even if you can’t eat anything else on the menu you won’t go hungry. I have Crohn’s, an all-veg meal made up primarily of vegetables and meat substitutes would make me leave the party long before you cut the cake no matter how tasty it was because my body can no longer physically digest certain veggies.
It’s super crappy to go to a sit-down meal at a function you’ve been invited to and have to pretend to eat. And yup, I can and have brought my own food to functions but it’s not the same, you look and feel like an outsider.
But again, it’s your wedding reception, you plan the meal of your dreams. If your family really needs meat to feel fed then they can go through a drive-thru before or after the reception.” Jolly_Potential_2582
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they’re that outraged & refuse to eat nice veggie dishes for even 1day, vegetarian/vegan menu aside, then they can hold on to their outrage and eat before or after the wedding.
It’s not going to kill them & they won’t starve…well unless they’re petty enough to not eat the food. Oh well, more for everyone else. All you had asked is to have your favorite dishes on your day & for them to show up without throwing a tantrum.” Bread_Overlord-89
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, however, be prepared to let people know the menu and what it contains. I suffer from food intolerances, and while they won’t kill me, the consequences are unpleasant enough that I work hard to avoid them. Unfortunately, beans and the multitudinous cabbage clan are major offenders.
So often a nice vegetarian dish is a solid no for me. If you’re able to post the menu and put people in touch with the caterer for any questions they may have, that will handle any food sensitivities that might have people fighting shy of eating vegetarian even for one meal. I don’t normally make a big deal about them because I can go to most mainstream restaurants and find something I can eat without getting sick, but catered events are a little more perilous and then I disclose.” LadyAlexTheDeviant
21. AITJ For Interrupting My Brother's Time With His Partner To Retrieve My Desktop For Schoolwork?
“My brother, 25M, still lives in our family home with me, 15M, my sister, 17F, and my divorced dad (the man of the house) 55M. Although attempting college multiple times, his drive never manages to keep him in for more than a semester or two without quitting, and it’s a little disheartening seeing him go back to working at minimum wage jobs and playing video games until 3 AM in his room.
He’s a great brother, don’t get me wrong, I just wish he’d compile more motivation, but I can’t really judge, people move at different paces.
A couple of years ago, when he had finally chosen to enroll in a college that he had said was promising, he announced I could finally move into his old room.
So, I did. Over 2 or so weeks, I had spent countless hours moving dressers, disassembling and reassembling desks, hauling over technology, and you get the idea. The room was mine for a good month before we had gotten the phone call that he had been flunked out… already.
So he had to call me later to tell me that he would need to stay in my room for a few more weeks until he could go to the community college a few hours away. That few more weeks… turned into a few more months… turned into years.
I had never got a chance to properly move my stuff and belongings back out, and whenever I would TRY to, my brother would tell me to stop, as it would be “too much work” and “we’ll do it another day”. I talked to my dad and he told me to ease up on my brother although I was always very respectful.
A month ago, he had gone out with a girl, and because my brother is a very enthusiastic person, he announced they were an item before the second date even happened. And before you know it, the girl he brings in lives in his room with him.
Here’s where the issue comes in. I rely on my desktop, which is STILL in his room, for my schoolwork, and I had a project worth 35% of my science grade. The project was given to us for a single WEEKEND, and I had to get started. On the first day of the weekend, I noticed they were having a good time in there so I decided to leave them to their pleasures, but request no interruption the next day from my brother.
He told me that was perfectly fine, and apologized for the blatant activity. The next day rolls around, and the door to his room is locked. And what do you know, I hear them going at it again.
I get so upset I borrow a hairpin and lockpick the door.
I finally pick it and without hesitation, walk briskly to my desktop, looking anywhere except at the bed. As you can expect, I heard my brother going mad on me, and recall getting many angry texts from his partner later. I told my brother he had made a promise, and that seemed to upset him in ways I wouldn’t like to describe.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“One, your brother failed to uphold his end of the bargain and decided going all in with his girl was more important than that. He may as well have just told you no from the start that this was going to happen.
Two, he said you could have that room, you moved all of your stuff in there and he flunks out after a month and expects the room back? Then says he’s gonna go to community college and never does? He’s a lazy individual who needs to be dropped off in another state with $1000, a refurbished van, and instructions on how to write a resume.
A swift kick in the rear wouldn’t hurt either. He’s used to being lazy from the sounds of it, and he needs a reason to get off of his rear, and half promises of attending college aren’t going to cut it. NTJ.” TheRangaTan
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. And what’s up with your father allowing this deadbeat to move his partner into the house?? Your dad is a jerk for allowing your brother so much slack. You picked the lock when they were doing it, and you knew what you were doing.
That is clearly jerk behavior. Yes, your school project is very important, and yes, your brother went back on his promise that you carefully extracted from him, in a calm moment, in advance. Your brother is definitely a jerk. No question. Instead of taking the jerk route of picking the lock and barging in, you might have involved your father.
Although it does seem as if your dad is part of the problem. I’m so sorry for you going to all the work of moving into your brother’s room, and never being able to get your very important and necessary tools and belongings back out again.
As long as your father enables your brother’s bad behavior, he will not change. Clearly from moving the partner into the house, too, your father is enabling worse and worse behavior. Next, the partner will turn up pregnant and before you know it, there will be babies screaming all night.
Someone needs to wake up your dad. But I doubt if your lock-picking and barging into your brother’s private space is going to do that. Good luck with this mess.” Harmlessoldlady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He gave up his room to you when he left..why didn’t he move into your old room?
This part I’m a bit stumped on. Your brother has procrastinated helping to move your stuff back. Though not sure why you didn’t just do it and leave the room empty for all the help he didn’t give, plus the huge inconvenience. You did give him notice you needed in the room to do your school work.
Which he obviously ignored and thought his private time was more important. To be honest as a sibling, I would have done the same, embarrassing as it probably was, but the point needed to be made.” Kqhbabies
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Best Friend's Wedding In Australia Due To Financial Constraints?
“My best friend’s getting married in Australia (I’m from Malaysia) and she has invited me to attend the wedding and be the Maid of Honor.
Reasons why I’m hesitating to go:
- The trip would cost me about MYR 3K-4K (USD 700-900) and I am not exactly a wealthy person who can just drop everything to go without setting me back for a couple of months.
- Best friend is not covering any expenses for the trip (flight or bridesmaid dress), she mentioned she would help with accommodation but no guarantees and nothing is being confirmed yet despite the wedding being in early October this year.
- She’s coming back to Malaysia for her honeymoon and I would get to see her then if I decide not to go to her wedding in Australia.
- She’s having a tight budget for her wedding which explains why she can’t afford to cover the bridesmaid’s dress and is doing a lot of DIYs for her reception dinner. So if I do attend, I’ll be spending most of my time completing DIY decors and baking a wedding cake for her.
I fully understand that she has a super tight budget and I do not expect her to pay for my flights but still feel like she is not considerate that I would have to spend a few thousand to just be there for her wedding so that I do not disappoint her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As an Australian living in Malaysia, I’m honestly going to tell you not to go. Travel to Australia is super expensive right now, and once you get there, everything else will be expensive too. The ringgit is in the toilet, so the exchange rate is not in your favor and if she can’t even guarantee you accommodation, it’s just not affordable.
If she wants to do the wedding on a budget and can’t afford to subsidize your trip, then she has to expect you might say no. And if you’re Malaysian Chinese, will she expect Ang Pow too? I think you’re honestly underestimating how expensive this will be if you do decide to go.” Pleasant-Koala147
Another User Comments:
“Australian here, no jerks here but I really wouldn’t go if I were you. She isn’t a jerk for asking and you’re not a jerk for not going but if your budget is tight you can’t afford it. Australia is a very expensive country and the best of times and right now it’s even more so.
The trip is going to cost you more than you think I would avoid it. You said that the wedding is in Melbourne I live in Melbourne and accommodation and food here aren’t cheap at all.” ponte92
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here as long as she’s not pressuring you into it and not being a jerk about you saying no. You have every right to say no, it’s going to be expensive and a lot of work for you.
How about you offer to treat them to a nice dinner on their honeymoon when they come to Malaysia? It shows that you care about her and want to celebrate her joy, but it’s not as big of an investment as going to/helping with the wedding.
I’m in a similar spot with a cousin’s wedding, like 95% of the people she’s inviting live within 3 hours of her (including all the family she’s inviting) and she’s decided to have a destination wedding that’s going to cost about $1000 to go to. And I honestly do not want to go.
It’s a lot of money for me plus all the flying. I’ll have to take off 2 days of work and be flying/in an airport for 20+ hours in a 3-day spread. And honestly, with my health, I’ll need to take a 3rd day off at least just to recover from the trip and still be left in a rough state.
Plus it’s in Vegas, and I freaking hate Vegas. The whole family is pretty mad about to be honest. I don’t think anyone’s going…maybe our grandma? But probably not because it’s also right before the 2nd anniversary of our grandpa’s death sooo. Not going to be a great time for it…..
And at the wedding, I’ll only know the bride and groom and the bride’s mom…. who I’ve met once since a nasty divorce when I was 3 and she brutally screwed over my uncle…awkward. But it’s my cousin’s wedding, so I get the guilt you’re going through and the difficulty in making this decision.
Good luck!” gabbydearest91
19. AITJ For Not Going On Our Family Yearly Vacation Because The Chosen Week Doesn't Work For Us?
“Every summer my (30M) wife (31F) and I take a week off and go on vacation with my extended family.
I have 2 brothers and 1 sister and they each have 3 kids, but we do not have children yet. My parents rent a place to stay as a Christmas present to all of us kids and grandkids, which we all appreciate! So every fall we get together to plan out which week would work out for everyone, and usually the last week of July or the first week of August works out perfectly.
Well, this year they planned on going the last week of July which unfortunately doesn’t work for us since that is Iowa’s non-contract week for sports and most of our co-workers take that week off with their kids leaving us as the few who stay at work.
That part is understandable since my wife’s co-worker’s husband is the local school’s Football coach who is busy all year with that and weightlifting so that is the only week he can take his family somewhere. So anyway we brought up that week wasn’t gonna work for us and they told us that we need to make it work because it works for them.
Well after constantly telling them it’s just not gonna work that week they just completely ignore us every time we bring it up so we gave up and decided to take a week off in the fall to see a close friend of mine across the country I only see maybe once every 2-3 years.
In the meantime, after we decided to do that instead my dad passed away, which was pretty sad but he was getting up there and in bad health so it wasn’t too surprising.
Now that the vacation week is coming up they keep asking what my plan is and I keep telling them we can’t go and they act shocked saying “This is the first I’m hearing about this” and “You’re gonna go because it’s the first year without dad” and my favorite “Well just because your wife can’t go doesn’t mean you can’t.” Now my mom is furious (yes she’s a narcissist) and my siblings are annoyed that I am not going this year even though I told them repeatedly that one specific week wasn’t gonna work for us.
So am I the jerk for them getting mad at me after I told them this wasn’t gonna work for me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – of course you are not the jerk. Do you have any texts or emails from way back (before your dad died) where you told your family that you would not be able to make it because of the Iowa Non-Contract week?
If so, every single time any one of them makes a comment about it, send a copy of the text (with date and time stamp clearly showing). Just that and nothing else. You won’t be able to change their minds about it, but not actually arguing with them will make it easier on you.” VonShtupp
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, respond, “I told you we couldn’t make it that week, and you disagreed with me and refused to change the date, if you had wanted us there, you would have scheduled it for a time we could come. I’m done talking about it, you guys have been disrespecting me and my wife from the start, and I am done, drop it.” If anyone brings it up after that, just block their number until after your vacation.
You don’t need the stress.” FPFan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had the exact same situation with my family last year. There are exactly 9 days per year I can’t take off work, but they are scheduled at least 12 months in advance, and last year they planned the trip for 5 of those 9 days.
I told them I wouldn’t be able to come, and they chose those days anyway. Every time they tried to guilt me about it I just said, “I’m not holding it against anyone that it was timed when I can’t attend, but I will hold it against you if you try to put your emotions about that on me.” I even had to hang up a few phone calls.” Asherahs_Daughter
18. AITJ For Being Upset Over No Booze At My Brother's Wedding?
“My (30f) brother (24m) got married today. At the dinner and the reception, there was no booze. The tables all had sparkling wine for dinner and the bar only served pop, non-booze beer, and cocktails. They had a dressed-up wedding, they both wore tuxedos and all the guests wore evening wear and dinner was the high-class, elegant sit-down kind.
Neither of them nor anyone invited is a recovering heavy drinker. The reason my brother gave was that they didn’t want anyone to worry about having to drive home from the venue since it was in the country and everyone lives here and was going home to the city as opposed to a hotel.
And a side effect was that it saved them some money. Which I find ridiculous because they were not on a shoestring budget.
The venue was in the country far from anything else and there was nothing else besides houses close by. I think it was extremely tacky and rude to invite people to a dressed-up evening wedding and not have any booze available.
No one would have gotten rip-roaring intoxicated but a glass of wine or other drink during dinner and the dancing/mingling is a normal thing to expect. He thinks I’m overreacting and making too big a deal of this. Even though I am not the only one who feels this way.
AITJ or not?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your brother’s reasons for not wanting booze at his wedding are pretty well thought out and considerate, especially if there might be people in his family and friend group who tend to overindulge. Yours seem to be “because I think there should be booze there” and “he can afford it”.
Also, you’re his guest. At his wedding. Where he and his spouse get to set the conditions for their big day. His wedding, his rules – it’s very simple. Honor them or don’t go.” Fragholio
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. A little unusual, yes. Rude and tacky – no. Yes, you are making too big a deal out of this, case in point that is the wedding was today and you had to go onto here and validate your opinion.
And you felt you had to tell your brother at the wedding! If people are upset with them then that’s for the wedding couple to contend with. They must have known this was a possibility and still made their choice. Keep out of it.” Laines_Ecossaises
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely. YTJ. You seem to have misinterpreted the purpose of wedding celebrations. It’s supposed to be about sharing a piece of the spouse’s joy with you. Some people like to have booze for times of celebration and other people don’t. That’s fine.
The wedding is ultimately about the couple and it’s their decision. What isn’t fine is shaming a person for not wanting anything to do with booze as if it was some kind of crime and complain to them as if you were entitled to something.
That was a big jerk move. It can be a cultural thing to expect booze at weddings, which I understand. But you have to respect other people’s choices. There will be other opportunities for you to celebrate a wedding with a glass of wine, it just wasn’t this one.
Also now you got to know dry weddings exist! Since you now acknowledge that, next time if the inclusion or exclusion of something is so important to you, you can ask beforehand and decide if it is or not your kind of party.” [deleted]
17. AITJ For Not Telling My Parents That My Brother's Seizure May Have Been Caused By Excessive Caffeine?
“I (19f) have a 16-year-old brother, about a month ago he had a seizure at school in the hallway.
The seizure lasted about 2 minutes and the friend he was with called his mom, who’s a nurse.
My brother is fine now, but they couldn’t find anything immediate that caused the seizure (this is the first one that we know of). He’s set to go to a neurologist at the end of the month, during the wait he hasn’t been allowed to drive, work long hours, or really go out with his friends since we don’t know the cause.
About 3 days ago, he told me he had four highly caffeinated beverages in a row around the time of his seizure. He told me that half of these drinks can keep him going for about 8 hours, and he chugged 4 of them. Too much caffeine can cause seizures according to Google.
I don’t know whether to tell my parents or not due to other issues we’ve had at home, but I feel like that could have been the cause.
But if I tell, I betray his trust and my parents will be angry.
So, would I be the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“The person he really needs to be telling is his medical staff. You said ‘they’ couldn’t find the cause – as in doctors? Did he lie to a doctor about it? I can’t say whether you should tell your parents – it depends on how they are and what other issues you have at home.
But talk to your brother first and tell him he must tell the doctors about it. Ask them to keep it confidential if he has to. Firstly for his own wellbeing so they have all the info. Secondly, so that he’s not getting potentially expensive appointments if there’s no need for them.” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. And your brother has to realize that it will actually benefit him for them to know. The doctor will be more willing to not put him on medication and take a wait-and-see approach if there is a possible cause. Which means, that if he has no more seizures, while unmedicated, it would be easier to get his license back, etc. The medication sucks.
As an adult, living on my own, I had a seizure in my sleep on a first date. Imagine having to tell someone’s parents “Hi, so you’ve never even heard of me, but….” it was awkward, but the fact that I was asleep and it was witnessed was medically relevant.
My parents were my legal next of kin. Maybe tell your brother why it’s so important to tell your parents and give him the opportunity to tell them first.” Usrname52
Another User Comments:
“Yes, YTJ if you don’t tell your parents that your brother has been dishonest about what he’s ingesting.
It’s okay to break someone’s trust when they are hurting themselves. And if your brother is drinking that much caffeine, he is hurting himself. Maybe it didn’t cause the seizure. But at 16 he’s way too young to be ingesting that much caffeine, on top of the obvious drinking issues and who knows what else.” BroadElderberry
16. AITJ For Wanting To Tow A Car That's Constantly Parked In My Spot?
“I (24m) recently bought an apartment in the center of a medium-sized city around 6 months ago. One of the reasons why I chose it was because of the dedicated parking.
It’s off the street and private property (clearly marked) but there’s nothing physically stopping people from parking there.
Recently (as the title suggests) someone has begun parking in my space, I wasn’t sure if they were from the same building or not so I put a message on the building group chat (which everyone’s in) and no one knew the car.
Now I don’t actually own a car and don’t really use the space but I might one day and when some of my friends/family visit me they drive here and having that space is handy.
Because of this, I put a note on their car explaining how they’re not allowed to park there and should really move.
This was a month ago and nothing had changed.
I had some family wanting to visit in a week or so and the car is still there. There is a policy where if a car is not registered to a space/building and the owner of the parking space wants it gone then the company managing the parking area can remove the car.
Would this be too extreme, or is this justified?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – just tow it. People try to be nice with these things and it becomes one of those give an inch, take a mile situations. A friend of mine lived in a major US city where parking is notoriously VERY tight.
She rented the parking spot that was included with her condo, and she paid $50/month extra for it. Initially, she was nice and let the neighbor use the space occasionally, but asked the neighbor to be out at certain times. Initially, it was fine, but after six months, the neighbor would “forget” or park there outside the times it was ok, have friends/family use the space without asking first, etc, all of which just created hassle and inconvenience for my friend.
So, my friend, after fair warning, just started having the neighbor (or her friends, family, whoever) towed. It stopped the problem QUICKLY. Nothing like paying $600 to get your car out of an impound lot to stop you from parking your car in someone else’s space.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I had the same situation, though I rent. NTJ – You might consider telling the list that if the car is still there by X date, it will be towed. (because honestly, The driver of that car might be on there and just fibbing.) I wouldn’t mention anything about your parents visiting, though.
Also, you could consider a one last warning note, explicitly saying that this car will be towed next time it’s in the space. (I gather that you didn’t say that it would be towed, in your note telling them they really shouldn’t park there.) Another possibility is looking into the policy to see if you could actually rent the space to someone.
Just as long as you negotiated with them beforehand, for a way to ensure that your visitors could use the space. In any case, that way, even if someone is using your spot some time, you at least get some money for it. (I ended up letting my upstairs neighbors use my space, for a nominal fee and it’s worked out pretty well so far.)” drdish2020
Another User Comments:
“I would make it a policy of calling and having any car parked in the spot for more than twenty minutes after I noticed it towed. Because you don’t currently park a car there on the regular people are going to feel entitled to use your space.
When you do have a need for the space, like the family that is coming in, you run the risk of whomever the entitled person is at that particular time (you are likely to encounter more than one entitled parking person) causing a scene or damage or trying to get the car you direct to be parked in the spot towed. If everyone already knows they can’t park in that spot, even if it is open, then they won’t be looking to retaliate when you use your spot.” Letters_from_summer
15. AITJ For Not Punishing My Son For Entering The Girls' Bathroom To Help A Friend?
“My (36F) son (16) has more friends that are girls than boys. His one friend started her monthly while in school, my son being the boy he is told her and he gave her his hoodie to wear until her parent could bring a change of clothes.
Her parent was unable to bring clothes so he called me to get her what she needed.
When I dropped off the clothes and supplies he came to get them and the receptionist asked him how he planned to give them to her if she was in the bathroom.
He stated, “well if a boy identified as a girl they can use the girl’s bathroom, so for the next 15 minutes I’m a girl.” I won’t lie I laughed, I told him he shouldn’t be rude to people. The receptionist told him he needed to find another girl to take them to her and he said no because the other girls were teasing her.
He went into the girl’s bathroom and gave her the supplies under the door and came back out, the receptionist wrote him up for “inappropriate behavior with female classmates.” He ripped it up and told the receptionist that he hopes her daughter needs help from someone and they follow the “rules.”
Am I the jerk for not punishing my son for helping a fellow classmate and for not allowing the school to punish him?”
Another User Comments:
“I think he meant well, but he could’ve knocked and called her name. He doesn’t identify as a female, so the argument was kind of insensitive and irrelevant.
Cheers to him for caring about his friend, but that behavior really wasn’t appropriate. Neither was him being so disrespectful to a person who didn’t deserve it. Maybe don’t punish him, but you both should think about how he acted wasn’t appropriate.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I don’t agree as a woman. He doesn’t identify as a female so he shouldn’t let someone who did deliver it. Rather than acting the way he did, he should’ve suggested a female employee bring it to her. There’s something missing from this story. As a woman, I would’ve offered to bring it to the girl myself.
I’d imagine he went in there and another girl saw him do so and complained. People need boundaries and this is one. I don’t know if this is true, so don’t go off on me about that. But boundaries are there for a reason. And using the excuse of “transwomen” (paraphrased) he used for going in there was completely wrong, disrespectful and inappropriate.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you should have stepped in somehow. Your son was awesome for helping his friend. You suck for letting him make such a light joke about “being a girl” and not really understanding what it is to be trans or for that matter a cis-gendered female (thus not getting his own male privilege).
YTJ cause laughing at him wasn’t the appropriate response when he said “for the next fifteen minutes he was a girl.” Again, I think it was awesome he wanted to help his friend, but you shouldn’t have encouraged or allowed him to do it in the way he did.
Why couldn’t you take the stuff to the bathroom or go with a guidance counselor or teacher?” [deleted]
14. AITJ For Telling My Stepdad He Can't Dictate My Behavior In My Mom's House?
“I (13m) have a stepdad who’s a complete idiot. Today I was super hot, temperature-wise, so I took off my shirt. My mom’s husband/my stepdad, “Matt,” started yelling at me that it was inappropriate to have my shirt off in front of my little sister.
He called me a creep. I said to get lost, I had my shirt off all the time before he moved in (last year). He told me that as long as I live in his house, I follow his rules.
Here’s the thing. My mom has told me several times that his name isn’t on the lease, and he doesn’t pay bills.
So I told him, “actually, this isn’t your house. It’s my mom’s house, so I’ll follow her rules, and she doesn’t have a rule that says I can’t be shirtless, so either start paying rent or shut your mouth and stop trying to dictate what I do with my body.”
He blew up saying how disrespectful I am, that I can’t treat my own father that way. I told him that my father is dead, and I’ll show him the same amount of respect he shows me. Then I went to my room. Now that I’m thinking about it, maybe I shouldn’t have said that, so I’m not sure how to feel.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“My guy, I’m not even gonna give you a NTJ. I’m gonna give you hero status! I had a stepdad like that, except I was born female. He didn’t like that I didn’t shave (called me Chewbacca) and that I had more empathy for animals than him.
He raised his hand to my mom when I was 17 and I threw his behind across the room.” ren_the_seahorsedad
Another User Comments:
“Men being shirtless isn’t really a big deal. Why does he think it’s creepy? And you are her 13 yo brother, not a random adult stranger near your sister.
If I were you I would ask my sister if it bothers her. If it does, please do cover up. But probably it’s just him trying to “assert dominance” and dictating your life. You were a bit disrespectful, but honestly, he called you a creep, a heavy insult, you really don’t have to follow his rules, only your mom’s, so.
But he will probably stay married to your mom, so cursing him out will not bring a favorable outcome. I don’t know his personality but there are some people who will nag you about it for your whole life and resent you. And he seems like the guy who thinks of himself as an “alpha male who will NOT tolerate disrespect” and all that nonsense.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are still a child and an adult who is claiming to be your parent and deserving of respect should not be escalating and reacting so immaturely to you. If what you were doing was a true problem and he was a true parent, he would try to communicate in a mature and educational manner why you shouldn’t do what you are doing and what you should be doing instead.
This man who is not your father or financially contributing to your household had a completely inappropriate reaction to you taking off your shirt. You are right to say that he cannot tell you what to do with your body, and you are right to reinforce that he does not have the status that he claims he has.
I don’t want to jump to any conclusions over a post, but please keep your guard up and record anything that feels off to you when it comes to this man. It puts me on edge that he’d make a remark about you while trying to assert an unjustified dominance over you.” [deleted]
13. AITJ For Refusing To Reconcile With My Brothers Who Betrayed Our Family For Money?
“My nieces and nephews lost their dad (Lane) from an accident. Lane left behind a substantial amount of money.
My brother’s wife (Suzy) decided not to follow his will. My parents helped my nieces and nephews by getting them an attorney. I also took custody of them.
Suzy started spending money like crazy. Also during this time, I noticed 2 of my brothers (Jayden and Brayden) started going on trips and spending money I knew they didn’t have.
While cleaning my parents’ home I found hidden cameras. That’s when everything came to a head. I found out that Suzy paid Jayden and Brayden for information on my parents. Things she could use against them to stop the court case.
The pain they caused my parents, my nieces and nephews.
I can’t express it enough. I decided then and there to never speak to Jayden and Brayden again.
Long story short. Suzy blew through most of the money my brother had within a year. Even though the kids won the case. They still lost. My 6 kids and my 4 nieces and nephews I have raised are also no contact with Jayden and Brayden.
We haven’t been for 5 years.
Recently Jayden came to my parents. He has cancer and needs help. Although I understand Jayden is sick. I still can’t bring myself to be around him. My main concern is my nieces and nephews. Reopening the pain they had when their dad died. There is no trust there.
My dad said that I am being the jerk for completely cutting contact and not allowing my sick brother to make amends.
So I am asking AITJ here? Should I allow contact again?”
Another User Comments:
“Unless your brother is going to make amends with his nieces and nephews by making them financially whole he doesn’t deserve any consideration.
He, your other brother, and the SIL should have been charged with theft and fraud especially if your deceased brother had a will. Stay NC, you’ll be better for it as will the children. Your parents should keep their mouths shut and be reminded that this man literally stole the future of these children.” Jdpraise2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s not sorry. He’s desperate. He’s fallen on hard times and has found those bridges he burned are still burnt, and the flames of trouble are coming closer and closer. So he reaches out to a burned bridge to hope somehow the bridge will still let him cross.
But that’s the thing about burned bridges. We can’t unburn them. The bridge has to be entirely rebuilt. If your bros want to reconcile? They need to make those kids whole and right the wrongs they committed against them (ex: starting a payment plan to give them back what was stolen from them).
THEN maybe the bridge can be rebuilt, but that’s really up to you and your nieces/nephews. Until then, forget him. He’s done nothing to show remorse or make things right. He wants support for his hard times and will take from those going through hardship himself to propel himself forward.
Scummy.” StragglingShadow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – a grown person stole from children for financial gain. That is disgusting. I’m willing to bet the help he wants is financial, because if it was otherwise then he would’ve tried to reconcile before he was ill.
You have no fiduciary responsibility to him, especially since he’s made no restitution or even apologized for his actions.” gurlwithdragontat2
12. AITJ For Vomiting On The Pavement Due To Morning Sickness And Not Cleaning It Up?
“I (23f) am pregnant and have been having really bad “morning” sickness. Yesterday my fiance and I took his niece and nephew to a museum. FMIL insisted on coming so we let her. I don’t have a bad relationship with her but I also don’t have a good one.
My fiance has always been a mummy’s boy and when I came along that kind of stopped, I think that’s why she’s standoffish.
Anyway, on the way out of the museum, we decided to walk down the road to a restaurant to take the kids out to eat.
Halfway down the footpath I could feel the sick coming on and stopped in my tracks to try and fight it but I couldn’t. I was panicking looking for an appropriate place to be sick but there was no garbage or dirt and only pavement.
I leaned against a wall dry heaving with bad stomach cramps and it just all came out on the pavement. My fiance made me sit down and went to get the car. We ended up leaving. My FMIL on the way home kept talking about how I embarrassed her and how I should have cleaned up.
AITJ? I do feel bad for not cleaning it up and feel very embarrassed myself but I feel FMIL could be a bit more understanding, especially with the morning sickness and having no tool to clean it up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re pregnant and stuff like this happens.
In the future you can carry a plastic bag or one of those vomit backs from buses/planes with you so you’re prepared (when I was a kid I once threw up on the pavement right next to our neighbor’s garbage bin lol. For some reason a few hours later nothing was visible anymore and I always suspected that birds ate it but I don’t know if that’s true).” akiraMiel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Once when I was on a bus, this little girl (I’d guess 12-14 years old) threw up on her friend and on the floor. Everyone close enough immediately tried to help, sat her down, gave her water, and used tissues and napkins to try to clean it up.
She was clearly embarrassed but she was unwell and everyone around her understood that, including her friend (same age as her) who got thrown up on. It’s no different with you. You did not have napkins and tissues and unfortunately had to leave it, but it is what it is.
Someone will hose it off or a dog will eat it or it’ll rain eventually. It’s not that big of a deal. Your FMIL is absolutely the jerk. Your fiance handled it exactly as he should’ve and you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Stuff happens.” murphyslawsuit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 1. There’s an unspoken competition between you and MIL. Most families will go through it. That’s normal, it’s a new dynamic that will get settled eventually. 2. Don’t ever apologize because you are pregnant and got sick. How are you going to clean up the pavement?
Hook a hose up to the hydrant? She’s a jerk for thinking it’s about her and her embarrassment. Congratulations on your pregnancy. A real family member, if it bothered them, would have helped you in that instance instead of criticizing you. Mention that to your husband.
You are pregnant. Some things that happen are uncontrollable. Her crappy reaction was totally controllable. She just chose to be a jerk and make it about herself. You’re NTJ.” B1ggl35
11. AITJ For Not Inviting My Daughter's Bully To Her Birthday Party?
“My daughter is turning 6 in a couple of weeks so we are throwing her a surprise birthday party. Her class had an end-of-the-year party yesterday so I decided I’d hand out her invitations while she was distracted. I gave all of her classmates invitations except this one girl who has been bullying my daughter since school started.
My daughter is Korean in a mostly white school and this girl has apparently made it her life’s mission to bully my child every day about it. She calls her mean names, makes fun of her eyes, the food she brings for lunch, and even has gotten physical. The teacher tries to separate them as much as he can but it still continues.
So I decided not to invite her, I didn’t want anyone to ruin her birthday party and I wasn’t taking any chances.
I picked my daughter up from school today and her teacher asked to talk with me. He said it was really inappropriate of me to not invite the one girl and just because my child can’t take a little teasing doesn’t give me the right to not invite someone.
I told him unless he was going to make that girl’s bad actions suddenly stop then she would not be allowed anywhere near my child’s birthday.
The girl’s mom has tried to reach out a couple of times, none of which are apologizing for her daughter’s actions.
I feel bad that I have to not include her as I was always the kid who never got invitations to parties but my baby will always come first. My husband is on my side but I still can’t help but feel a little bad.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not inviting your child’s bully, but it’s been discussed on here before that it’s not ideal to hand out invitations like this at school. For exactly this reason. But I think you definitely get a pass on it this time.
That said – as a pre-emptive measure to next year, I’d get with the administration now and make sure your daughter doesn’t get placed in a class with Bully Girl. Since you brought this to the school’s attention multiple times throughout the year, one would hope it wouldn’t be necessary but it’s better to be safe than sorry.
You can’t guarantee there won’t be a new bully every year but you can do as much as possible to keep your daughter from being in class with students that you know have been problematic. At least in elementary school.” rak1882
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
The teacher kind of is, though. It sounds like he’s aware of the bullying. What has he done to stop it? Is the girl’s mom aware of the bullying? If the mom isn’t calling to apologize — what if she doesn’t? Demanding an invitation?
Can the teacher imagine your girl’s birthday party — a day that is all for her and she is stressed, scared, upset, and feeling overall bad because a child whose mission it is to make her own life miserable has to be there? AND what kind of kindergarten teacher is this???
This is a time to teach friendship and sharing and he lets this continually go on in his class. Please, please tell me how the mother worded her demand! NTJ …teacher doesn’t even control the bullying in his own classroom then tries to guilt you into putting your daughter’s emotional safety and health at risk again in your own home… absolute nonsense.
“A little teasing” — it’s never a little teasing. It’s harassment. It’s racist. And what he sees is only 10% of what goes on — like all bullying.” DuchessCDM
Another User Comments:
“Ok, the most gentle ESH ever. I agree with all the comments that the teacher is grossly inappropriate condoning bullying, the bully’s parent is a jerk for the same reason.
I also agree that you are completely within your rights to invite whomever your daughter wants to her party and exclude anyone who your daughter does not want there. The gray area is that you did give out invitations at a school event and a lot of teachers have a policy where invitations in school need to include the whole class.
Had you tracked down the kids individually or sent out an email, you would 100% be in the right. This venue clearly excluded the bully and I think it would have been best to avoid using a school function. Again, super gentle. You seem like a great and thoughtful parent.
I hope your kid has a wonderful birthday.” Dearcantaloupeplay
10. AITJ For Wanting To Confront My Husband's Friends For Overstaying Their Welcome?
“On Easter, I told my husband’s friend we have plans, they live 2 hours away from us. They showed up anyway. We dealt with it and included them (reluctantly) in our outing. On Friday they called again to let me know they are coming, I told them firmly that we have plans for some activities, and about perhaps 3 hours later I see headlights on my driveway.
It was them again (Steve and Diana). I asked where they were heading and she says we came to see you. She’s very overbearing and pushy. I thought she was joking but she came in with a plastic bag with clothes in it. She calls it the Mexican luggage.
I was so flustered but I was cooking and when my husband came home from work, we sat down to have dinner. She helped herself to the pot roast and after a few bites, she started complaining that it had mushrooms in it. I thought she was allergic to it but no she hates mushrooms. I didn’t get up to fix her anything because they weren’t invited.
The next morning on Saturday, four of my friends and their husbands were to come over for potluck breakfast, I see her scrambling eggs in the kitchen. I was livid because she knew the plans, she made enough for her and Steve, and then when my guests came over she sat down to eat again.
She had also gone through 4 pastries that I was saving for breakfast. Now there are only 6 left out of 10. I want to tell her off for several things she does and I don’t want them to come over almost all the weekends… WIBTJ to tell them off?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These people are walking all over you. You don’t need them in your life, let alone your house. I would be very blunt, mean if you have to be, and tell them they are no longer welcome. If they show up at your house, don’t answer the door (or crack it just enough to tell them to leave and quickly close it before they try to barge through you).
They may be your husband’s friends but if he’s not willing to do this then do it yourself. The worst that’s going to happen (even if he doesn’t back you up) is they’re going to get mad and refuse to hang out with you guys ever again which is ideal anyway.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“As long as you let them push you around they will. They tell you they are coming you tell them no, please don’t come. They show up you don’t let them in the house. You tell them every time I tell you we are busy you come anyway.
Please go home. Who cares how long they drove to get there? Tell them anytime you come when we have not invited you it will be the same. You will not be allowed in. That’s all you can do.” mcmurrml
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – They’re stomping all over your boundaries.
You say yours and her husband are best friends, what is he doing to put a stop to this? He really should be the one telling his friend that this isn’t okay, but if he refuses to do this, then you need to put your foot down and not let them in.
Instead of simply saying “I have plans” add “I have plans so we will have to schedule for another time that works for both of us”. If she pushes this then add “If you won’t take my no seriously now, you’ll certainly take it seriously when you drive two hours to my house, uninvited, and get turned away at my door.
Sorry, but my house isn’t open to you at any time you want. This doesn’t just go for you, it goes for anyone”. Be firm.” sferg87
9. AITJ For Wanting To Change My Name From Angela To Artemis?
“My mother named me after her beloved grandmother Angie (Angela), I was born roughly 10 years (guesstimation) after her death.
A few years ago my mom told me the other option for my name had been Artemis. I was immediately like “and you named me Angela, when I could be Artemis ____?
That sounds like some awesome Daring Do stuff.” She then explained the story behind the name.
Fast forward like 5 years later roughly present time, I’m in my early 20s and seriously considering changing my name to Artemis. I love the name, spelling, way it sounds, and mythology behind it.
I told her and she basically said “you want to give up your great-grandmother’s name”… but you know dramatically.
I love my mother and we always joke about dying on the same day (morbid I know but she has already lost one child and I always try to make the best life decisions in order to live a long healthy life.
I also tell her she has to help teach my children’s children, so she has to live long too).
I’ve repeatedly discussed with her about changing it and compromised using her great-grandmother’s name (Rosé) as a future middle name for any girls I may have.
I don’t like Angela… it sounds old and is so common.
I have grown so much in the past years and unfortunate things have happened, I feel like changing my name will be a new beginning, especially with having to decide this year if I want to do it as I graduate from university in less than 2 years and studying abroad means I would have to get a new passport and change all my visa info.
Also, universities are notorious for not changing names on the documents.
If I don’t do it now, I fear I will regret it.
AITJ in this situation? I understand my mom being upset but I’m not my great-grandmother Angie and I never will be. I don’t like the name plain and simple and have a great option in honoring her other choice.
P.S. My grandmother, her mother already started calling me Arti too.”
Another User Comments:
“You would not be the jerk for changing your name. It is you and your identity. If what you currently have doesn’t fit you then it is fine to find a new one.
It’s not as if you’re killing great-grandma because she’s long dead. And Mom can remember her without you carrying that name. Mom may grieve a bit for “losing” that name but she will survive.” Ducky818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I didn’t have a problem with my first name until I was 5 or 6 and we moved to a completely different area with a different accent.
The kids at school changed the soft sound of the first letter to a harsh guttural one. I am very sensitive to sound and I found it unbearable. I legally changed it as soon as I could and my mother was absolutely furious. But the thing was, it was me being called by name every single day, not her.
It was my decision, my life not hers. The only thing I regret was that I made but a small change to something very similar, now I wish I had chosen something totally different and really cool! No regrets, I just wish I had gone so much bolder!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Hi, OP! I changed my name legally when I became an adult. My parents waffled about my first name and ended up vetoing one because a friend didn’t like it. That name became my middle name. Growing up I had a hard time with my first name, since few pronounced it correctly, and there were half a dozen of us in the same grade with the same name.
I started going by my middle name in high school and it felt like a new beginning. I legally changed it when I got tired of telling new doctors, banks, etc that I went by a name different from my legal first name. If you’re in the States the paperwork is a bit of a headache, but I don’t regret it.
All the best to you from this internet stranger!” No-Introduction2245
8. AITJ For Telling My Pregnant Sister That I Don't Always Like My Kids?
“I am a 28-year-old single dad of two (8M, 6M), I love my kids very much, they are the world to me. Even though I love my kids I can’t deny that they are frustrating, exhausting, etc… and sometimes I don’t like them but when I look at their faces and remember the lack of support their mom provides, that feeling of “not liking them for a second” disappears (I’ve never told them that I sometimes don’t like them).
My sister and her husband are expecting, she is 8 months pregnant and invited me to go drink a coffee and ask me about fatherhood and the things they should do to take care of their baby. I said (among other things):
“Hey It’s important to know that you won’t always like your kids, sometimes you’ll have the desire to drive them to the nearest foster care home and leave them there but you have to be patient and love them.”
Her and her husband’s faces went white and told me it was disrespectful for my kids to say it and that if I feel it I should never out it and keep it to myself. They told my mom and my mom called me the jerk for even letting that thought cross my mind.
So AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I feel for your sister and BIL because that kind of starry-eyed nonsense makes parenting even harder. Real talk, kids are challenging, and no matter HOW easy your kid is, there will be hard days or weeks or even months, and nobody I know would ever say they always like their kids.
You were trying to be supportive and realistic and set them up with positive and realistic expectations. I’m sorry your family is all being so ridiculous and judgmental. You can just remember this and have a little internal smirk the first time their perfect precious angel child has a meltdown at a family get-together.
They’ll learn.” inara_weatherwax
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My parents (well, my mom) have made it clear, there’s a difference between loving your kids and liking them. Love is unconditional. You love your children because you are biologically wired to them, because they are your flesh and blood, because you make the choice every day to love them.
You like your children when they are likable. They are not likable when they’re being clingy while you’re all touched out, or when they get a rebellious streak, or when they are fighting each other. They are likable when they’re being sweet, when they’re cooperating, when they solve a problem, when they show you their newest discovery, when they bring you dandelions, when you connect with them over a shared interest. Your sister and her husband are only appalled because they haven’t had to care for kids yet, and they haven’t been exposed to the idea of love vs like.” penpapercats
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Just wait, your sister and husband are going to feel the same way, they’re passing judgment on you for being honest after they asked your advice. And your mom is only acting like that because they are her grandbabies, she isn’t going to mention the time she dreamed of tossing your butt into a wood chipper… My kid (8F) is my life, I mean she is what keeps me going and is so full of love but there are times when I just have to stop and count to 10 before I say some stuff.
Her problem is she is too much like her mother. Who, by the way, during our divorce in front of our daughter (5 at the time) told me that she wished she never met me and she didn’t care if that meant our daughter would never have been born, she would be better off without her.” Forseti555666
7. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Change His Unusual Laugh?
“My partner and I have been seeing each other for almost two months now, he is usually stoic, serious, and doesn’t laugh often (mostly smiles or chuckles) but when he does, it’s…it’s very odd.
You know these weird laughs that robots make to hide as humans in TV shows? Yeah, he does one of those. “HA…HA..HAHA…HA.”
Initially, I really didn’t want to tell him that and I thought he was just messing with me and I found it very funny because there’s no way that’s his real laugh but then I realized that’s his real one!
We were at a restaurant and he started laughing like that, I was so embarrassed, some people even started looking behind briefly to see who was making this weird robotic voice.
I told him nicely that his laugh is very unique but very unusual, I asked him if he could change it, he said that he would try.
After a few attempts, he gave up and said that it hurts when he tries to change it. I told him to fake it until he makes it, but he refused and said that if I’m embarrassed then that’s my problem. He is now upset and distant from me but I don’t get it, it’s just a laugh, he can change it if he tries to!
It’s not like it’s a medical condition.”
Another User Comments:
“Never ever ever critique someone’s laugh. You make them embarrassed and self-conscious whenever they’re at their absolute happiest. When they’re about to laugh, when they’re in that moment of joy–guess what happens? Your shallow little voice comes creeping into their mind, along with a flood of insecurity, and their joy dies as what you said fills their head and they quiet themselves.
If it hurts him to change his laugh, he cannot just “change it if he wants to”. You’d rather him be in pain than express his happiness as himself? I’d personally dump someone over this. YTJ.” littlehappyfeets
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and a big one.
So the one time your partner seemingly expresses happiness you bring him down? It’s his LAUGH, it might be annoying but he can’t help it. Somebody laughs when they find something funny and are having fun, so now every time when he laughs he’s going to think of that time you made fun of something that was a really just natural instinct of his.
Apologize to him over and over again.” joetchua
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Be glad that your partner is laughing, and leave it at that. If a man can’t relax at his happiest, then he’ll never be truly happy. I don’t know why you want to make him miserable, but it’s not conducive to a long-term relationship.
This won’t be the last time that your partner does something embarrassing in public, and I guarantee you that your public embarrassment over something so trivial looks far more awkward to onlookers than his robotic laugh. I, for one, am more inclined to laugh with someone who laughs like your husband than at them.
I have less sympathy for the insecure little girl who wants to kill his buzz.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
6. AITJ For Cutting Off Contact With My Neglectful Father And Not Telling My Siblings Why?
“My parents divorced when I was three. He demanded every other weekend visitation, as well as said he would take me to dinner multiple times a week.
The thing is, that never happened. In fact, the one scheduled day he was allowed (Wednesday) he would often forget to come, and then when he did, he’d yell at my mother for not having me ready. When I was on my computer doing schoolwork, I was working too much and needed to play with them.
If I was playing for more than 30 minutes, I needed to stop and do work.
My first few memories involve him complaining about taking me to parties, saying it was “his time with me”, and taking away my blanket which was my comfort item during vacations.
After a while, he resorted to taking my phone because anytime I wanted comfort, I would call my mom. My baby half-brother was born, and this lack of attention turned into nothing. I didn’t get the care to know me, because “your mother is going to give you gifts anyway.” Cue a few random puzzles on Christmas when the other kids got piles.
When my half-brother outgrew his bed, they decided that since I wasn’t over often I didn’t need one. They got me a thin floor mattress and he got my bed. My mother offered to buy them one for me and they refused. They also lied about her, from saying she smoked and owed him money, to being in jail.
I asked Mom anytime I received conflicting information, and she disproved it every time.
My baby brother liked playing on my mattress but he had lice. This isn’t a big deal if they clean the sheets. I got lice three times from “clean” sheets. My stepsibling who had a one-month earlier birthday than I did got to stay up two hours or more later because “she was a year older”.
One day when I was about 15 I left, and couldn’t find my laptop charger. Instead of tearing through my room for what might’ve been in my corner (I did not have a room), I asked him to look and see if it was there. Instead of telling me he wasn’t home, he started giving me this text rant about how irresponsible my mother had made me, how horrible of a parent she is and that’s why I turned out like this, on and on.
“Shut up about my mother. You keep saying this stuff and you’ll never see me again.”
He has not seen me in years.
I may be the jerk because I never told my brother anything, and I’m certain he feels horrible about the entire ordeal. I didn’t tell the family what was happening and I never told them how I felt about it because I thought I couldn’t.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is important that people protect their mental and emotional health. You were made to feel like an unwelcome guest so you quite understandably decided not to stay anymore. The truth is lying about your mother was a way of getting at and mentally abusing you.
Your mother wasn’t there to be upset you were. You gave your father an option. Be civil or be gone, he chose to be gone and that speaks volumes. You don’t say how old you are now. There is nothing to stop you from reaching out to your siblings and step-siblings once everyone is older.
The truth is this kind of abuse usually needs an outlet so I don’t imagine things have remained completely rosy in the relationship between your father and the other children in his life once you were no longer available to scapegoat …you may find you have more in common just on that front alone than you think.” Whitestaunton
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d talk to your mom about what happened and maybe get social services involved because what he was doing was neglect.” GAmb1t1995
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The best thing you can ever do for yourself is to protect your mental wellbeing.
It sounds like they barely cared for your well-being when you were there, and just wanted to bad-mouth your mom. Live in peace OP.” Rohini_rambles
5. AITJ For Being Angry With My New Flatmate Despite His Apology?
“Last Friday I (21f) moved into a shared apartment. I only ever lived with my parents or shared a flat with my sister (26f) who moved in with her partner once our contract ended.
Friday is a weekend here. As I was moving in, the flatmate said that he was here if I needed anything and went back into his room.
Found out that we’ve both lived in the same city and he said he’s lived there since 1987 up to 2 months ago, so he’s at least 14 years older.
Went grocery shopping, back to my room, and started unpacking and building furniture. Then came the knocking.
For reference, I was unpacking while watching Wonder Woman 1984 – it’s around 2.5 hours long right?
This guy knocks 8 times, every 20-30 minutes! Every time, he doesn’t say anything but “Don’t be shy, if you need anything I’m here” nothing else. It’s also very clear that he’s inebriated.
Time passes. It’s around 23:30. All this time he’s in his room listening to EDM music QUITE loudly (which I don’t mention because, inebriated guy who’s way older than me?) I just stay in my room.
He knocks again, with his speakers now being in the kitchen (right outside of my room) asking if I want some food as he’s making some. I explain that I have an ed and make my own + can’t eat most foods. He nods and again tells me to “not be shy.” I keep unpacking with my TV on quite loudly.
Hear a knock, don’t answer.
1 am. My room is locked, the lights are off and I’m in bed, trying to sleep. The music turns off. There’s a knock at my door. For a whole minute, he says he’s got some food for me and that he wants me to open the door.
I start recording, wait for him to try and open the door and I scream something like “It’s one am and I’m recording the fact that you are knocking at my door in the middle of the night, which is considered to be harassment and if you don’t stop I’ll report this to the landlord.” (looked it up, night disturbances like this are considered harassment.) He leaves.
I get up in the morning and go to the bathroom, there’s a note saying he’s sorry and that “he lets himself loose on the weekends.” I ignore the note and by the time I go there again, it’s gone.
Don’t see him for the entire week.
Then on the weekend, he knocks on my door, says he’s sorry for last week, talks about how he’s divorced, how his partner is gonna be around soon, etc. practically monologuing about his life.
On Saturday he knocks again, tells me to not be shy.
Then literally 4 minutes later he knocks again. I open the door, he laughs and says “just a bit of a repeat from last week.” I immediately cut him off, “There will be no repeat of last week.” He’s taken aback. “It’s a joke, don’t you have a sense of humor?” “I do, but I also have tact.
You’re only gonna knock on my door in case of emergency” and lock it in his face. Haven’t seen him since because I went out on Sunday.
I do feel a bit bad about how I handled the last part, as he really did seem sorry, but he seriously made the worst first impression.
I am moving countries in 5 months so this is very temporary, which is why I took the apartment without checking roommates.
AITJ for being angry after he apologized?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is not normal roommate behavior. I had a lot of roommates over the years, and the general unspoken rule has always been that a closed bedroom door meant do not disturb unless necessary.
If people want to socialize, they will hang out in the kitchen or living room. Five months is still a long time. You are going to need to make sure the boundaries are clear. I would suggest chatting with him some time while he is in the common area and say, “If I am in my bedroom with the door shut, I really do not want to socialize or be disturbed. It feels less like my own private spot when you are knocking on my door.
But please come say hi if I am hanging out in the common areas–I do not want to be strangers, just want to have boundaries.”” holierthanmao
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Check for hidden cameras in places you wouldn’t want them (bathroom? bedroom?). Maybe it’s just me, but I would keep some sort of defense near the door, like pepper spray or a baseball bat, depending on what you like.
Also, I’d refrain from giving him any kind of personal information (past, present, future) and keep anything personal (or with your personal info on it) out of his reach. You don’t know if things are gonna escalate. Hope you get things sorted, wishing you luck!” rataviola
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t mean to scare you but that kind of behavior, the insistence, the lack of any respect for your privacy or personal space, sounds almost like the precursor to some kind of attack. Maybe not, maybe he’s just lonely and socially useless, but you are absolutely not the bad guy for not playing along with his nonsense, and honestly, I’d tell your landlord about how he’s acting especially since he tried it again.
Is there anyone close enough to hear you if you call for help? This whole thing is creepy as heck and I find myself wondering if five months is too long to put up with it.” xer0fox
4. AITJ For Being Upset That My Partner Is Too Sad To Do Anything On My Birthday?
“My partner of 5 years’ grandmother died this past weekend after struggling through late-stage dementia. She was truly a great person and was the cornerstone of the family. I’ve spent every holiday at her house with my partner’s family for the past 4 years. She made sure I felt included knowing that I didn’t have any family in this part of the country and for that, I will always feel grateful to her.
Unfortunately, her death happened exactly 1 week before my birthday.
My partner has understandably taken her death very hard. For the past week, I’ve tried to make sure everything is taken care of for him (cooking, laundry, cleaning, dog walking, etc) so that he has time to grieve.
What bothers me is that now that my birthday is this weekend, I want to do something to celebrate. I knew it wasn’t the appropriate time to have a party, so I said I’d like to have dinner with him and our friends.
He immediately said “I’m not going to be able to do anything for your birthday.
I’m still grieving and I don’t want you to expect anything of me.” I was kind of hurt by this, but I guess appreciative that he wasn’t going to promise something and then let me down when the time comes (this has been a problem in our past that we’ve talked about).
The thing is, I told him weeks ago that I would like a love letter and maybe some flowers sent to my office on the day of my actual birthday (Tuesday). I know he hasn’t written anything and will not send flowers. I’m not assuming this, he pretty much told me that he didn’t get around to it and now doesn’t have the capacity to.
I guess I’m kind of bummed that even though he’s grieving, he is literally putting zero effort into celebrating my birthday (I’m the type of person who is really big on birthdays).
The whole situation makes me feel stupid and selfish – obviously, his grandmother’s death is more important of an event than my birthday.
But I just can’t help but feel hurt and upset…
Am I the jerk for being upset that my grieving partner didn’t put any effort into celebrating my birthday?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You my sweet sweet girl are not a jerk for feeling your feelings.
He’s not a jerk for being honest about what he can give and or do. I will say I’m disappointed in your partner. He knew weeks prior what you wanted for your birthday. You wanted something sentimental and love. Had he maybe put in more effort he could have possibly had this completed prior to his grandma passing.
Then again I’m one of those people who has so much love to give so doing something like what you asked would have been my jam. So maybe I’m a jerk for thinking he could have been working on it the whole time.
If he never makes up for the birthday though, well, that would give me cause for concern. I do wish you both the best and hope you also take time to grieve and feel your feelings about her. I only say this cause I always focus on other things than feeling my feelings and maybe your birthday and all that is a way to get your mind off grandma and that’s totally cool but you also have the right to be upset and sad.” _parenda_
Another User Comments:
“Yes, YTJ. I realize you’re the type of person who places high importance on birthdays (I am the opposite but I’m trying to understand), but when you think about it you have a birthday every day of the year or every month, or annually if you are traditional, it just depends on how often you want to celebrate it (I’m joking, sorry).
Maybe examine why the birthday celebration would be more important than caring for the feelings of your partner when he just lost a VERY important person in his life? He may not get over this for months or years, will you not be there to support him through what he needs?
Since you love birthdays, go ahead and have your birthday, but absolutely don’t expect him to join and have fun. Some people find it difficult to go on and live life when their loved one is no longer. For them, THAT may feel selfish. To make matters worse, asking him for a love letter and flowers, and then him clearly stating his needs and tempering your expectations by saying he isn’t going to do anything, I think is very mature of him, and would be great of you to accept his wishes with grace so that you can both be happy.
You will have 365 days of a year, every year, for him to do things for you. Support him when he needs you to, and he will support you when you need him to. A birthday, I would say, doesn’t fall into the category of requiring support.” Desperate-Clue-6017
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You can’t help your feelings, but give him some grace on this one. I love birthdays, but they really aren’t that big of a deal in the scheme of things. He’s grieving and it sounds like it’s causing depression.
There’s no time limit on grieving, especially someone he was really close to. A week isn’t that long; sometimes it’s even worse the week after when the business of the services is over. I’m sure you’d rather the love letter come from the heart and with thought, and not be forced by someone grieving.
I think it’s better he was honest with you ahead of time so that you’re not disappointed on the actual day. Do something for yourself, like spend the day doing something you enjoy, getting yourself a special treat, ordering your favorite take-out, or going out to dinner with friends.” Previous-Bowler-1327
3. AITJ For Snapping At My Partner After He Publicly Mocked My Insecurities?
“I (25F) recently got fillers to address a couple of insecurities of mine and I’m happy with the results.
Although I’ve been told that I’m attractive, I’m very insecure and suffer from low self-esteem. Fillers helped my mental health and I don’t regret them.
My partner has always been super against it. He always says that I’m perfect the way I am and even describes me as “delusional”.
We had a couple of arguments but I made it clear that it’s my body, my choice.
A few days ago we went to the beach and I went off by myself to get some drinks. This guy started flirting with me aggressively and my partner approached us.
He jokingly told the guy that I’m “not worth the hassle” and that I’m “insecure” anyway. His example of my insecurity was that I got fillers recently.
I was shocked and started yelling at him. He told me to calm down and accused me of completely overreacting to a harmless joke.
I decided to leave the beach and go over to my friends instead.
We’ve argued about this and he was mad that I ditched him. He said that it was just a harmless joke and that I’m too vain. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This is not harmless and it’s not a joke. This is him being rude to you and trying to embarrass you. Sit him down and tell him that you’re sorry he is insecure and you’re sorry that guy was flirting with you but you were NOT flirting back, and what you wanted in that situation was for him to come up and like kiss you or be cute to assert your relationship.
The enemy was the man flirting with you. You were not the bad guy. By insulting you to try to make you look like less of a catch, he’s telling you that’s how much he values you: that he thinks you’re an insecure burden.
He needs to really apologize and fix his behavior. Otherwise, accept that he will put you down to keep you insecure enough to stay in a bad relationship.” Another-dumb-idiot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he’ll say that to a stranger, what is he saying about you to his friends?
Might be time to take a step back and decide if this is just an example of how he will behave if you don’t do what he wants in the future. Good luck. (Sometimes you have to do things for you. I got my front gums trimmed because I was self-conscious about how much gum showed when I smiled. Sometimes you just need to take care of yourself.)” del901
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would also question whether you want to stay with him. I have facial piercings and coloured hair, both of which my partner doesn’t hate, but they’re equally not something he was personally into. I kept getting piercings and colouring my hair all of the colours and he still makes a point to compliment me and has grown to actually like my hair coloured!
You’re not vain, it’s your face and he has no right to disrespect you and give out info like that. If it was me, he’d be my ex by now.” Carrie_Mc
2. AITJ For Defending My Daughter After My SIL Blamed Her For Her Son's Near-Drowning?
“My wife and I went to a summer beach party and took our six-year-old daughter with us. She’s a strong swimmer and knows not to get into the water without alerting us, so although we were watching her, we weren’t hovering over her.
She was making a drip castle by the edge of the water.
I was playing football with some guys a fair distance from the group (so we didn’t hit anyone with the ball). My wife was hanging out with her family. All of a sudden we hear screaming. I run to the water and see my BiL pulling my nephew, a two-year-old boy, from the water.
He was gasping and crying. He’d wandered into the water and been knocked over by a wave.
SiL started screaming at MY DAUGHTER (?!?!?!) saying that she’d told her to watch him and calling her a selfish brat and a spoiled little witch and other things.
I got so mad. I told my SiL that my daughter is six and not old enough to be responsible for a child. I said she was a worthless piece of crap for not minding her kid.
My wife had to grab our daughter and then drag me off because I was hopping mad.
Some think I was right, but others are saying it’s ridiculous to expect a woman who almost lost her child to be rational and I way overreacted. Should I have been more understanding?
My nephew is alright, by the way. He didn’t inhale any water or need to go to hospital.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ultimately she put a 6-year-old in charge of her 2-year-old. Whether or not she was expected to be rational after he was in a dangerous situation, she is the one who endangered her child. And then she took it out on your child, who was probably terrified at all the screaming and things with your nephew.
However she was feeling, I would have felt the same way in your position. How dare she attack your 6-year-old so viciously, with actual insults, right then about that. I am on your side here, completely. I’d have torn her a new one.” i-Ake
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 6 is not old enough to watch a child, and a reaction like that isn’t because she was worried about her kid. It’s because she’s trying to shift the blame from herself. She knew darn well that her child is her responsibility.
That kind of reaction is more indicative of a personality flaw. If she had been concerned about her son she would have been taking care of him and spoken to you calmly about it later if she still had concerns. Seriously though, a 6 year old?
Who calls a kiddo names like that!?! That’s some messed up stuff and she owes your daughter a sincere and loving apology.” RosyClearwater
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She gets no slack cut from me because “she almost lost her child”. Here’s why:
- A good, attentive parent would have kept their eyes on their 2yo.
- A good parent knows that a 2yo needs eyes glued to them, so it logically follows that a 6yo also needs watching, although not quite as strictly.
- A good human knows they’re not entitled to crap so it’s their job to take care of their own obligations and to kindly ask for help and gracefully accept a ‘no’.
- Adversity exposes who you are. I can tell you I’ve lost my temper on 3 people in my life: my husband, my dad, and my daughter. They all have the same personality (deeply provocative and it was always the straw that broke the camel’s back-reactive abuse if you will – although that doesn’t excuse it).
I can count on one hand how many times I lost it at my dad and daughter and two hands on my husband in 30 years’ time. I’ve never lost my temper at anyone else. Not another family member, friend, boss, coworker, client, or stranger.
It takes a deeply entitled, deeply troubled individual with such a damaged thought process to scream at a 6-year-old niece for something that’s not in any way their responsibility. Her thought process allowed her to blame a 6yo instead of herself (external Locus of Blame) and to fully vent her fury on the child.
That’s not something that can be explained away by “oh she was upset because her kid almost died.” I feel so sorry for that little boy.” Accomplished_Sun_258
1. AITJ For Telling My Husband He Can't Keep Financially Supporting His Friend?
“My husband has this really tight-knit group of friends who all grew up together.
One of the friends fell on hard times after her husband left her and emptied all of their accounts and moved to a different country.
At first, I was understanding when my husband was constantly paying for her and I never said anything even when he paid so she could go on one of the vacations they always go on.
It’s been 7 months now, though, and I think she’s just taking advantage of the situation. There’s another vacation coming up and she expects my husband to pay so she and her children can go but I told him a few days ago that he can’t continue to pay for her.
We had a fight because he said he was just helping out a friend and he didn’t understand why I was upset since he never stopped me from helping anybody when they needed it and it wasn’t impacting me in any way for him to help her.
He said I was a good person and I should understand but I refused to budge and told him he couldn’t help her anymore. He told me if he didn’t pay for her, she and her children couldn’t come on the vacation and that wouldn’t be fair.
I was so upset I told him I didn’t care if they missed the vacation.
Now he’s frustrated with me and I think he thinks I’m being selfish because he made a comment in the heat of the moment and then tried to backtrack.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is allowing himself to be played. Almost to the point that makes me wonder if she has something on him. Is she blackmailing him with something? Why is he finding it so hard to stop? Why can’t someone else foot the bill this time?
I’m sure there are churches, volunteer groups, social services, heck even GoFundMes that could’ve been reached out to if things were that dire. Has he asked her what her long-term plans are? “Helping” includes the bare minimum: food, clothing, shelter, and maybe assisting in finding a job or a lawyer.
He’s supporting a separate family. Would he be comfortable with you paying a man’s bills long-term, including vacation for him and his children? I don’t care how generous you are, there’s a limit where it becomes inappropriate. Are your finances completely separate from your husband?
Is he still paying for all the things he’s been paying for regarding your home and relationship? I don’t get how he thinks you wouldn’t be affected by him giving money to another woman for who knows how long.” D_Nicole91
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Yet instead of drawing a line for him, sit and talk and try and help come up with some alternative ways to help moving forward.
Talk about if he just keeps fixing it for her, how will she ever learn to stand on her own? Also; it’s a group of friends – is he the only one stepping up? Do the others know he is stepping up alone? Are they all doing so without the others knowing?
Why not come together to make sure to compare notes? Make sure they aren’t all individually doing things that may be putting band-aids on something that might be better addressed with long-term views. Maybe there are some feelings of responsibility, pity, etc. You won’t get anywhere simply telling him no – TALK (not fight, not lines in the sand) about it more, and get the rest of the group involved after some talks with him.
If he stonewalls, then maybe reach out to someone else in the group to get their opinions.” Babsgarcia
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. If he was helping with rent & groceries, that would be different. It takes a while to get back on your feet.
I got divorced a little over a year ago & am just now becoming stable. My ex did the same stuff with the money. My friends have helped by hiring me to work for them (I was freelance when married but have made it full-time once divorced), and they wrote me wonderful reviews to help me get more business.
The support of friends was needed to survive. But for vacation? That’s too much unless you’re wealthy. I get he wants her kids to continue with the things they used to get to do, but their father is the one to blame for this, not their mom, not your husband, and not you.
I think your husband’s generous nature is wonderful IF this is his normal behavior & he takes care of your family first. I think you need to talk with all the other friends in the friend group & talk about all of them dividing the cost to make sure she & her kids get to come.
And put a time limit on how much longer they’ll help with big fun stuff. That way, you don’t feel like she’ll be taking from you indefinitely, and you’re not setting her up to become dependent on your family.” Evening_Produce1070
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