People Betray Others In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Letting My Cousin Have Her Bachelorette Party In My Husband's Apartment Without His Knowledge?
“My husband owns an apartment in London, that he rarely actually uses.
I live in London but not in the apartment but I’m free to go stay there if I want to.
My cousin asked me if she could have her bachelorette party there since the apartment is pretty nice and has an amazing view. I said yes because my husband wasn’t supposed to be in London the day of the party so in theory it should’ve been fine.
However, his schedule changed at the last minute and I never double-checked so he ended up coming to the apartment at midnight and we were all there. He was in a bad mood already so he coldly told my cousin and her guests to get out of his apartment immediately.
We ended up arguing because I told him he didn’t need to be so rude.
Now I have two people upset with me and my cousin is telling everyone I ruined her bachelorette party and that my husband is a horrible person.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely YTJ, what is wrong with you? How could you possibly think it was okay to let someone throw a party in an apartment that you do not own/live in without talking to the owner….? Doesn’t matter if he’s your husband, it’s his apartment and you do not live there.
Also, it truly doesn’t matter that he wasn’t planning to be there.” razzledazzle626
Another User Comments:
“YTJ; why didn’t you talk to him first about it ahead of time? The only answer I can come up with is… because you knew he’d say no. Which just makes you further more the jerk.
“However, his schedule changed at the last minute and I never double-checked so he ended up coming to the apartment at midnight.” Having come home at midnight/similar time from business travel, of course he was in a bad mood. You just want to get a shower and get to bed. You are really surprised?” SDstartingOut
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You don’t have gatherings at a shared home without TELLING the other person who lives there, or in this case, the ONLY person who lives there. You didn’t need his permission, but I can’t figure out how you didn’t tell him about it?
You knew he would be away which means you actively checked his calendar, you planned this whole party and yet either never mentioned any aspect of the party to your husband- which is odd- or you did but actively chose NOT to include the detail of where the party would be.
That’s not normal behavior. So ya, you upset your husband who realizes you deliberately didn’t tell him about this event happening at his home and he was just coming home late and wanted to go to bed, and you upset your cousin who had no idea she was having a squatter’s party.” mfruitfly
21. AITJ For Telling My Friend's Wife That Becoming A Psychotherapist Isn't As Easy As She Thinks?
“Our friend (m37) married Ale (f29) a few years ago and despite our best efforts, she hasn’t really connected with our group. Yesterday we were out and, out of the blue, she started talking about how stressful her job is (she deals with spreadsheets and invoices) and how she wants to become a psychotherapist like me (f41) as she loves how easy on the nerves my job is (for real).
She kept ranting about how she’ll set up a nice office, wear nice clothes, and make a lot of money.
I kept my cool until she casually mentioned how I’ll refer clients to her and asked what’s the easiest way to reach her dream. I told her she’s lost contact with reality in thinking this is easy and she’ll have to go through years of education and supervised practice before even considering a private practice.
I will not refer clients to her and she should consider her other dream (makeup artist) or keep her current job. She started crying and now her husband is upset with me for not supporting her dream.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sure she was just trying to connect but she was an “Oh, honey”.
I know she was being offensive and dismissive of your education and how hard it is to do your job. I tend to handle Oh, Honeys like they are kids and just nicely lay out the reality. I was in your shoes a few years ago.
A friend’s new partner was meeting us all for the first time. She asked what I did for a living and I told her – leadership development. She went on a 45-minute rant that you can’t teach that and it’s a nonsense profession.
I just let her go on and on and then asked what she did. “I’m a barista at Starbucks.” I don’t put down any profession so I didn’t say anything or defend my education, 20+ years of experience, I just laughed and got another beer.” BlueBelle2019
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, she’s incredibly naïve and would very likely change her opinion once she actually started the process of going into it. You’re also well within your rights to be annoyed at her dismissing your work as easy considering the work that goes into effectively dealing with clients, and her asking you to refer your clients to her is just flat-out rude.
I expect if you sent her an outline of what qualifications you needed and the hours you’ve spent to get to the position you’re in she’d change her tune about how difficult it is. The husband’s doing standard “don’t rock the boat” nonsense because the person he loves is upset regardless of the logistical challenges that have to be addressed for her dream.
But also, you’re allowed to be annoyed at nonsense, it’s concerning that people are expecting you to keep your emotions on a tight leash at all times because of your career path.” Silansi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: people do this all of the time with my husband and me since we’re professors and they think it must be easy since we are actually in the classroom 6-9 hours a week.
I tell them, “well, you’ll need 6 years of schooling making about 20k a year unless you want to pay for your degree, then you’ll have to beat out the other 50-150 applicants for your job and move to wherever that job is in the world.
Let me know if you need help picking a program.” That usually shuts them up. I think shutting her down was just fine. Maybe she’ll think before she speaks next time.” Sorry-Independent-98
20. AITJ For Calling My Sister's Partner Adorable?
“My (20f) sister (18f) has a significant other (18m). He came over to visit today and I went downstairs to get something and they were cuddled up on the couch and he was teaching her how to knit. He was so patient with her despite how stupid my sister was being (she was having a hard time understanding a lot of the things he was saying and he was still being patient is what I meant to say).
I just found all of it adorable, especially the fact that he was a man who knits and slowly made my way to the kitchen and grabbed a drink and then went back up.
Later, after he had left I told her that I thought her significant other and the whole knitting thing were adorable.
She said, “excuse me???” I asked her what and she asked me if I had just called her man cute. I said kinda? She told me that was a gross thing to say especially as her own sister. I said that I wasn’t trying to.
She said well since you think he’s so cute how do I know. I said that I wasn’t trying to offend her and that I was just commenting on something. She just groaned and walked away and I am starting to feel she was right and it was inappropriate to call her significant other cute.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: what is your history with her significant others? My sister stole three of my significant others and admitted to enjoying it. When she met my now husband she tried the same thing. He looked at her and said, “who are you and why are you touching me?” It was the first time a guy did not react positively to her touchy flirty ways.
She was shocked. I was thrilled. If you have a history of calling her significant others cute and then attempting to steal them then I understand her reaction.” Kayliee73
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you called the situation adorable and she was the one who used the phrasing she then objected to.
Either she’s insecure and was looking to read that interpretation into anything you said, is immature and just wanted to turn your compliment into a fight, or was just indignant because she found your comment condescending and wanted to hit back. Regardless she needs to chill and not engineer things to be mad for.” ItchyDoggg
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. But I’m calling you out on the “despite how stupid my sister was being”. I think there’s for some reason underlying tension and you look down on your sister. And let me tell you, crochet can be hard to learn, my daughter has been teaching me, and the terminology alone is a lot at first, let alone the hook and different stitches, etc. So, your sister wasn’t actually being ‘stupid’ she was just trying to learn a new craft for the first time.” Cocoasneeze
19. AITJ For Letting My Dog Off-Leash And Blaming A Girl For Her Dog's Reaction?
“I (25m) was on a walk with my dog (Mack, German shepherd) and partner.
We were walking past a field so I let Mack off leash to help get some energy out before we kept walking. As Mack was running around, a girl (probably 16) was walking past us with her dog (a big-looking mutt).
Then Mack started running up to her. She was pretty far away so she yelled at me to get my dog. I told her he’s friendly but she said hers doesn’t like dogs.
Mack started sniffing her dog when her dog snapped at Mack. I ran to grab Mack before they got into a fight.
I yelled at this girl that she should train her dog but she said she told me and then walked off. I was going to go after her but my partner said she couldn’t hold him and to just let go so I did. When we got home my partner said she needed some space based on how I handled today’s situation and some other stuff.
I don’t feel I’m in the wrong but apparently, my partner does.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ 100%. Not all dogs are dog-friendly, and some can’t be trained to be. Many are rescues who have faced abuse. These dogs need walks too. You wouldn’t be the jerk if it was a dog park or another area where dogs are ALLOWED to be off-leash.
Doesn’t sound like you were. It’s on you to keep your dog away from other leashed dogs. This is totally your mess up. Be a better dog owner.” yoloxolo
Another User Comments:
“YTJ hands down. If you can’t control your dog enough to call them back and still let them off leash, then auto YTJ in my book.
She clearly said her dog does not like other dogs and you didn’t abide by that boundary. Some dogs just don’t like other dogs and no amount of training will change their opinion. If your dog got hurt from that incident then it totally would have been all on you as it was your dog that approached, not the other way around.” Kirin2013
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Keep your dog on a leash, first of all, unless you’re in an area where it’s permitted to let him off-leash. When you let him run loose, you put him and everyone else around in danger. He could run onto the road, or into the path of a bicycle/scooter/skateboard.
He could knock small children over, or scare the ever-loving out of anyone who is afraid of dogs. He could walk over broken glass or something equally detrimental to his health, or eat something that could make him sick. Or, as you apparently only just discovered, he could run at a dog who doesn’t like other dogs.
Not every dog likes dogs, and it’s not something you can necessarily fix with training. These dogs still need to be exercised though, and their owners are well within their rights to take them out for walks so long as they take the proper precautions.
Maybe that means a muzzle, or maybe it means warning people who approach that “hey, my dog isn’t very friendly to other dogs”.
Also, another note: sometimes dogs who are friendly to other dogs just end up hating a particular dog for no reason.
Just because Mack is friendly doesn’t mean he’ll like every dog he meets, and every dog he meets might not like him. And a normal person, on hearing that, will give that dog ample space so as not to stress it out and put their own dog in danger.
You, however, let Mack run full-speed up to a dog who doesn’t like dogs — a fact that you knew — and get in that dog’s personal space. You put Mack, that dog, and that dog’s handler at risk of injury. You are without a doubt, 100%, the jerk here.
If that wasn’t bad enough, you, a 25-year-old grown man, were about to CHASE DOWN AND YELL AT a 16-year-old girl for the crime of walking her dog. There are so many things wrong with that course of action, I don’t even know where to begin.” clockwork-hound
18. AITJ For Refusing To Bring Food For My Partner's Co-Workers?
“I was planning to bring food for my partner at her workplace. When I asked her about what she wanted, she told me she would like a pizza from Little Caesars and I told her I was going to be there in X time.
She then 2 minutes later texted me a list of things and asked me if I could bring those too, telling me that their co-workers would obviously pay for them when I arrived.
Trust me on this, it was not about the money itself but I told her no, I told her that I was planning to bring food for her because she’s my partner, but I’m no delivery boy for anyone else, let alone people I don’t even know.
She understood and told me it was okay, but that I should not bring anything after all because she would tell them I could not make it, and it would look weird if I did.
AITJ for reacting like this at her petition?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Trying to do something nice for your partner doesn’t mean taking orders for the group. It doesn’t matter how easy or if you were making the trip anyway. Everyone already had a lunch plan before your call so no one’s out cause of your extra attention.
The side-eye you receive next time you do bring your partner lunch will be well worth avoiding setting a precedent. While it would’ve been kind, no one is entitled to your efforts here but your partner.” throwaway_72752
Another User Comments:
“NTJ with a soft jerk at your partner for taking orders before clearing it with you.
You wanted to do something nice and sweet and she volunteered that to others which is out of line without your agreement no matter how easy or affordable should they not have paid you back. The way everyone is saying you should have just been “nice” is baffling.
You are your own person and get to offer your kindness and effort to who you choose to and nobody gets to tell you to extend it to more people, especially on the merits of just because it is “easy” and “doable.”” WillAccomplished5414
Another User Comments:
“I’d say no jerks here. You would’ve had to shell out for the extra food without a 100% guarantee you’d get the money back, and you don’t know these office mates. In exactly the same way, people who don’t feel comfortable ordering for the group on delivery apps, are not jerks.
No one is ever obliged to pay for other people’s stuff, even temporarily, and it should be okay to say no. Sure, it could’ve been nice to bring food for people, I get that, and I see why your partner asked. But it would perhaps have been preferable if your partner had asked you in advance of taking orders (maybe even collected and sent the money in advance too).
Overall it doesn’t sound like she was being malicious or trying to treat you as a delivery boy – though I totally understand why you felt that way. I totally see both sides. Not sure it makes sense to blame anyone over what sounds like a miscommunication.” yenfina
17. AITJ For Yelling When A Kid Almost Pulled Out My Piercing?
“I was at the store with my mother yesterday, and about a week ago I had gotten my navel pierced. I was wearing a crop top since I didn’t want to irritate the pierced spot, as I have sensitive skin.
This young boy, maybe 7 years old? ran up to me and said “mommy this girl has a shiny thing in her belly!” Then he reached out and almost yanked my piercing. I shouted in shock and the boy’s mother came up to me and told me not to yell at her son.
My mother was watching and told this boy’s mom that if maybe she had a little more control over her child and didn’t let him touch strangers, I wouldn’t have yelled.
I didn’t even yell directly at the kid, I yelled because I almost had a piercing ripped out.
I feel bad because I raised my voice around a kid in general but at the same time, he caused me pain and almost gave me what would’ve been a painful scar? So was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kids should know about touching others, but sometimes they forget cause SHINEY.
Your reaction was justified, as was your mother’s. In the last 2-3 years, you think parents would have taught kids to not touch anything, let alone strangers. Stranger Danger jumps into mind every time I hear of kids being allowed to touch others, it is stupid to think like that, but in my job, I jump to that often because, well….
dangerous strangers used flashy things to coerce children. Also, make sure you have cleaned the piercing site, kids’ hands are always gunky.” OriginalDogeStar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My 6-year-old has ASD and loves being overly touchy-feely with me and his sibling, but has been taught body autonomy (I always ask for hugs and kisses and respect his no if he’s not in the mood) so knows that you are not to touch strangers without consent.
This is a classic example of yet another parent raising a fragile ego adult (never gets told no/corrected when they did wrong, so grows up unable to handle rejection). If my kid was about to do something dangerous/that could injure someone, I would have no issue with a person yelling a warning (it’s clear you didn’t yell AT the kid) and then explaining after why it occurred.” curious_seahorse1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the child’s parents should instruct them about personal space and keeping hands to themselves. If the child isn’t able to do so, keeping a wagon, stroller, or objects in busy hands is a great alternative. Sometimes there are cognitive differences that can make for challenges with remembering space bubbles and hands to oneself.
Holding the hand of a caregiver is another good tool at times for a child in public spaces. Piercings can be so exciting especially if a child hasn’t seen one before. Very cool! One of my little ones will make observations and touch EVERYTHING they can when in public so we have to utilize many tools for safety/comfort.
They’ve not touched anyone yet, but I worry about that day. They’re 1:1 always though. Special needs kiddos, and it’s evident with them. Still, no way would they have access to another person’s body in a space. That sucks this happened to you.
That’s scary. Hope you don’t get an infection OP!” totalitarianbnarbp
16. AITJ For Wanting My Son To 'Man Up' And Take Allergy Meds For My Partner's Dogs?
“My son has a pretty severe allergy to dogs. It’s not just the dander and hair (although that is bad, too) but he is very allergic to their saliva and will balloon up like a bee sting if he gets licked by one.
My partner is AMAZING! She wants to move in and has two cute terriers but does not want to give them up. I feel bad forcing my kid to take allergy meds and deal with the fear of living with them half of the week (I share custody with his biological mother).
AITJ for asking her to re-home them or AITJ for asking that he just take allergy meds and “man up”? If it matters, he is 10 years old and a little immature for his age. I am also worried that this might be used against me in court as our divorce has gone on for several years from mediation to collaborative divorce now to full-on litigation as his mother wants to move them far away from me and minimize contact time.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for saying “man up” about a 10-year-old. It’s not “forcing” him to have him take his medication. He’s allergic, and he needs it if there will be dogs. It’s also really rude to ask her to re-home them.
But I notice you haven’t considered the other option. You’re thinking about having him compromise, and about having her compromise. Where’s the option where YOU compromise? Why does she have to move in? Why can’t you visit her only on the days that you don’t have custody?
Frankly, the fact that you didn’t put that option on the table is making you a bigger jerk.” Apotheuncary
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk to move your partner in when your son is that allergic to dogs. It sounds like you two should keep living separately if you want to make this relationship work because allergy meds can help but if he is that allergic the amount of medication he would need to take is significant and it is an unfair burden on the child.
I also feel like you’re kind of a jerk for adding this extra contact about your divorce at the end because it sounds like you’re trying to make an excuse that it would be unfair for this to be brought up in divorce court, but if you’re choosing your partner and her animals over your kid that’s a valid thing to get brought up in a custody agreement.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting to medicate your child. This situation is a mess. I am so tired of the “just take a pill” trope. Allergy meds can have adverse side effects and they don’t always work. If he swells up from a lick, this is more than a minor allergy.
That swelling could happen in his throat one day. Epi-pens are meant for emergency situations…and they don’t always work. (Ask me how I know!) Instead of listening to people on here, take your son to an allergy specialist to get advice on handling the situation.
It sucks. Dogs may not be compatible with your son ever. Then you and your partner have a lot to sort out. She is not wrong for wanting to keep her dogs. You are not wrong for prioritizing your child’s health.” sawta2112
15. AITJ For Not Inviting My Ex To My Housewarming Party?
“I (33m) separated from my ex (29f) around 6 months ago we have 2 kids together (5m and 3m) and we both have kids from a previous relationship (mine 13m hers 9f).
It was a very messy breakup. There was deceit, lying, manipulation the whole 9 yards. It was brutal. She did some truly awful things and lied about nearly everything along the way. It was like she became a completely different person or I never knew her at all.
When we split I left our beautiful home with a bag of clothes and my car, she got everything. The worst part about the breakup was that through it all I’ve had to remain strong and stable to continue being the someone that she can lean on when she was struggling yet the one time I showed an ounce of weakness she used it to beat me down even further.
This weekend I moved into my own place after living back with my mom for the past 6 months. I decided to have a small housewarming party to bring in this new chapter of my life and to celebrate moving on etc. I invited my family but I also invited her family who I get along well with.
But I didn’t invite her. My reasons for not inviting her were: she was at work that night, I thought she wouldn’t have come if I did invite her and I did not want her there. She has since told our 5-year-old son that she wasn’t at Daddy’s party because I didn’t invite her.
Am I the jerk for not inviting my ex to my housewarming party?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m so sorry that you seem to have an ex who will manipulate you via your children. I would counsel you to only communicate with her by a court-ordered app.
That way any manipulation nonsense she tries is part of the record and can be seen by the judge. I’m sorry she did this to you, deceivers suck. I can’t imagine why you would invite her, I know you have to share your kids but she shouldn’t attend the party that you give to basically celebrate the fact that you got your own place away from her.” Remote-Physics6980
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maintaining a civil relationship with a co-parent is important. That said, the party was to celebrate your life in a new home – she is not your friend, she is not your partner, and her presence would have reduced your enjoyment of the accomplishment – so there’s no reason you should have invited her.
It doesn’t sound like your ex has moved on at all – especially if she’s saying negative things to your children. In the end, she did tell the child the truth – she wasn’t there because you didn’t invite her, and when your child asked you about it, you could have said “yes, this party was a special time for just daddy and his friends”.
Your kids know you are broken up, they’re going to have to learn that their mother won’t be involved in every event, every time. Start establishing this separation as normal now, so they aren’t confused or upset later.” savinathewhite
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are entitled to your own peace. You deserve it. You have earned it. She would shatter it. She is already continuing the process of breaking you down by spinning things like she is to your children. I am going to be completely honest. You need to keep contact strictly about parenting with her.
Let your ex-in-laws know about what she is doing. You may need to limit contact with them as well. Focus on you and your kids.” AwaySecret6609
14. AITJ For Suggesting We Order Chinese Food As A Punishment For My Brother?
“My brother (M20) is autistic, but not enough to be noticeable unless you live with him. Yesterday my mother asked him to make dinner, it was a simple recipe and wouldn’t have taken more than 10 minutes.
She texted him at first, then she called him. Just to be ignored. She finally got through to him and he said he would make it. 10 minutes later and nothing’s being done in the kitchen. So my father had to intervene, he called my brother and he said the exact same thing.
But 10 minutes later he had to call again because he hadn’t begun. Still nothing happened.
Generally, my parents would just have someone else make dinner in this situation but my brother had acted oddly bratty and defiant lately, which was a big personality change. So they were set on having him make dinner.
They would have punished him but they had nothing to take away, he owns his own phone, TV, Xbox, and so on. But then I suggested we order Chinese, my brother’s favorite. But we don’t get him anything as punishment.
My mom thought my idea was genius and went through with it.
My father hated the idea and thought it was cruel, my brother made some microwave ribs before he found out we got Chinese, which my mother hates and didn’t ask him to make. When he found out he acted like it was funny but he’s easy to read and was clearly sad and regretful about the situation.
And now I feel bad.”
Another User Comments:
“Initially I was going to say a bunch of stuff about how starving people isn’t punishment, it’s just cruel, but I saw another comment of yours saying he had already eaten. So with that in mind, absolutely NTJ.
It was his turn to make a meal for everyone, and he didn’t. He ate something, and you guys took care of yourselves. It’s a win-win. However, maybe check in on him. You said you’ve noticed a change in him recently, and that he’s been acting sort of “bratty” lately, so I’m wondering if there is something going on with him?
I’m autistic too, and sometimes when I get really overstimulated by something internal (like an illness or injury) I can come across as a huge jerk. My entire mood shifts because whatever is happening inside takes up all of my brain’s processing power, so I don’t have the capacity for anything else.” ThePhilV
Another User Comments:
“NTJ NTJ NTJ. Why is everyone acting like the brother is a child? No. OP nor her parents need to chase him around because his behavior changed. He needs to be an adult and either deal with his crap or go to them and talk about it.
He is 20. If he doesn’t want to contribute then he doesn’t get to reap the fruits that were picked through his family’s labour. Autism is not an excuse and especially not an excuse with the type he has. He was just lazy and thought he could get away with it.
OP, don’t feel guilty for standing firm. If he is old enough to get a job, pay for his own things, and understand right from wrong, then he is old enough to understand the consequences. Due to his refusal to cook, you had to order out.
He doesn’t get a treat if he decides not to contribute.” Dependent-Slice-330
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your actions were petty and you dismiss your brother’s behaviour as rude rather than considering any underlying causes. Google executive dysfunction. It’s a key element to autism and may explain this specific situation.
The personality shift you describe may be explained by underlying changes in his mental health which is a matter to be dealt with by compassionate help, not internet strangers’ judgement.” barnfodder
13. AITJ For Refusing To Pay $300 For My In-Laws' Christmas Gift?
“I have a SIL who likes to take over the holidays. Usually, I don’t care, I just kind of go with the flow. Every year we usually pitch in together and get my husband’s parents a gift for Christmas from all of us.
This year my SIL pretty much decided their gift on her own, and then came to us saying our share was $300.
That is a lot of money for us. I love my in-laws, and if I could financially do it I would buy them anything they wanted. I don’t spend that much on my family even though I would love to. After getting for the kids, the money just isn’t there if we want to eat and pay the bills.
I feel so much stress and anxiety this time of year. I dread the holidays now. I also feel guilty for saying no, and needless to say I am not very popular right now. My husband thinks it is a bit much as well, but I am the bad guy.
What is the appropriate amount for a gift? AITJ? Should I just give in and scrape up the money?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. The budget should have been thoroughly discussed and agreed upon before the gift was selected. You and your husband need to renegotiate this plan and come up with a gift that all contributors can afford.
It’s not your SIL’s place to decide how YOUR money is spent.” MedicinalWalnuts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a gift – it’s the care and attention that went into choosing it that’s the important thing, not what it costs. Your SiL sounds like she’s a bit of a nightmare.
FWIW my family stopped giving gifts at Xmas years ago after it just became a big ‘money-go-round’ of people buying things for other people/for one family member to give to another/for other people to give to them with a big ‘settling up’ of the net position re: who owed who at the end.
Instead, we pledged to do more things as a family and get together for home-cooked meals more regularly. With the current cost of living crisis, it’s highly unreasonable to have an expectation that people can & will just pitch in hundreds of $/£/€ for Xmas gifts – particularly if they’ve not been consulted in advance.” rocking_womble
Another User Comments:
“Here is what I think of adult children going together to get a group gift for their parents: 1. The same person should not be responsible for it every year. That is a burden to that person. In your case, does this always fall on your SIL’s shoulders?
If so, it shouldn’t. You and your husband should also be taking a turn coming up with an idea for a gift that falls within the limit set. 2. A limit needs to be set on any gift so it falls within every person’s financial constraints.
It is not fair to ask any family for an amount that they are not comfortable giving. In my family, the amount is set at $150/family. 3. If circumstances like these keep happening then the joint gift-giving needs to stop and everyone can purchase or make their own gifts.
As a side note, I would hate for my children and their spouses to go without in order to give me something for Christmas.” Kmia55
12. AITJ For Wanting Compensation After My Nephew-In-Law Ran Over My Dog?
“My in-laws’ family had a gathering yesterday. My nephew-in-law (early 20s), the son of my wife’s half-brother, accidentally backed over one of my dogs (in his company truck I believe) and broke my 7-year-old mutt’s femur requiring surgery or amputation. There were other minor complications, but not worth mentioning because they are easily treatable.
My father-in-law phoned my wife, I’m assuming immediately after, and then she told me. I made it down the driveway, less than 500 yards, from where it had occurred. My dog ran off into the woods back towards the house, and I had to go into the woods to carry him out.
My nephew-in-law was gone from the scene when I arrived.
Took my dog to a 24-hour vet where ultimately I elected to save his leg at a cost of 7300 bucks…well not to exceed that, but between 6k and 7300. I have not received a call or text from my nephew-in-law who did it or his father who knows about it.
The story I received from my father-in-law and his brother, while I went into the woods is that they saw it happen and tried to get his attention. It didn’t work. I don’t know if my father-in-law said he’d take care of it and told him to scram….but what I do know is he knows he did it, as it’s been relayed to me from nephew-in-law to brother-in-law (nephew-in-law’s father), to father-in-law, to my wife, and then to me that they feel bad.
I’m at a loss. I don’t even feel that it’s me being mistreated but my entire family, my wife, three kids, and me. No accountability. Didn’t wait to help. I haven’t heard the words I’m sorry. Nothing. I could never be like that to anyone ever, and they know that.
He’s a grown man now and needs to face the situation. His dad and grandpa shouldn’t fix this. Even if they told him to scram he should have stayed for the dog and did what he could to help him. I just don’t get it.
AITJ to bring up being made whole for the issue?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would send them a bill and sue if they don’t pay it. If this is family, what are your friends like? I would go NC after they paid. The people involved in the accident are immature and acted badly.
The poor animal. Call his work and tell them about it. Maybe they will make him pay. Also, you can sue the company.” Any_Dragonfruit4130
Another User Comments:
“NTJ exactly, and I’m really sorry your dog got injured. But, the phrase you used earlier, something about every conversation ending with “watch out for the dogs” or similar (can’t find the exact wording) suggests some degree of reasonable foreseeability on both parts.
He hit the dog and if I were in his position, absolutely I would have stayed to see what needed to be done, help with that, express regret, etc. But in a big truck and with dogs running free, it’s not a stretch to see this might happen and what you could do to help avoid it unless he was driving recklessly.
I live in a similar type of property and when vehicles are moving around the house, I call my dogs and account for where they all are, so they don’t get hurt by accident.” AdventurousFrame332
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are certainly within your rights to ask for reimbursement but I don’t know that you’re entitled to it.
If he was backing out of your property from a parking where he was reasonably supposed to park and an unleashed dog ran behind his car, I’m not sure that’s negligence on his part. Even if it was negligence, he is only liable for the cost of a 7-year-old mutt.
Now if he agreed to cover the vet bills before the surgery was performed, you would then be entitled to the full cost as you would have detrimentally relied on his promise before laying out the money. Unfortunately, pets are considered property in the eyes of the law.” Sweet_Livin
11. AITJ For Giving Up On Helping My Husband With His Weight Loss?
“My (F31) husband (M34) and I have been together for 7 years, married 2. Lately, he has expressed disappointment in his weight gain and appearance.
He’s never been athletic or a big exerciser but was always slender and lean. Maybe it’s genes or age catching up to him, but he’s gained about 30 lbs over 2 years, and his physical shows he has high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and vitamin D deficiency.
His family also has a history of diabetes and heart disease, which he has been very concerned about since his physical. All these factors brought him to the decision that he needs to lose some weight and get a little more active.
A few years ago I dropped 25 lbs and have kept it off.
When I saw him struggling to stick to a diet, I offered to develop a meal program and help him see it through. He’s been diagnosed with ADHD and often struggles with planning and impulse control. He seemed excited about the help but said he felt a little bad having me do extra work.
I told him I’d love to help and I got right to work.
I calculated his TDEE and built a whole meal plan around his calorie goal to lose 1-2 lbs per week. Every weekend for a month, I cooked, packed, and labeled every meal for him.
It was a large variety of dishes to keep it interesting and delicious. Every day before work, I’d pack him breakfast, lunch, and a snack. Dinner was also a meal prep when he got home. I explained to him that if he sticks to what I’ve made, he will stay within his calorie allowance and see results.
Inexplicably, every week at his weigh-in, his weight went up 1-2 lbs. We moved his weigh-ins from Mondays to Fridays. I recalculated his TDEE. I reassessed my calorie calculation on my recipes. He wasn’t weightlifting. He promised he was sticking to the meal preps.
It didn’t make sense why he’d be gaining weight.
This morning, I reworded my questions a little. I asked him if he was eating anything at work besides the meal preps. He told me after he finishes his meal preps, he’ll go to a restaurant near work and get another meal during lunch.
He keeps a bag of candy on his desk to eat throughout the day. At night after I’ve gone to bed, he’ll eat 2-3 meal preps or make a sandwich with a bowl of cereal. By my calculations, he was eating more than twice his max calorie range.
He told me he thought when I said “sticking to the meal preps” that meant eating the entirety of the meal preps and then it wouldn’t matter what additional stuff he ate, he’d still lose weight. I was frustrated, but I calmly told him there was no way he could have thought that’s what I meant.
I told him I’m sympathetic to his ADHD and how it might make this journey difficult, but if it’s something he wants, he needs to try. He told me no one asked me to help him, so I told him “that’s fair.
I’m done trying to help you with this.” And things have been weird between us since.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “He told me he thought when I said “sticking to the meal preps” that meant eating the entirety of the meal preps and then it wouldn’t matter what additional stuff he ate, he’d still lose weight.” I’m sorry, but surely he’s not that out of touch to think that’s how it works.
It kind of feels like he’s playing dumb because he just wanted to eat whatever he wanted. Yes, he did not ask for your help, but it doesn’t sound like he turned down your offer to help either. You went to the trouble of preparing his meals, and if he didn’t want that he should have said so to save you all that time and effort.
It seems like he would like to lose weight, but doesn’t actually want to put the work in. He will have to get there on his own.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“He’s not confused, he has a food addiction. It’s a real thing.
He knows exactly what he’s doing. He’s not gonna change unless he wants to change a new amount of effort on your part is gonna make that happen. I would leave the ball in his court and tell him that while you’re happy to help he has to be genuine about wanting to do so.
It seems more like he’s down on himself, but not and a mental place where he actually wants to get healthier.” Prestigious_Blood_38
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But doing everything for him isn’t helping him. It’s a problem I have struggled with myself – if he isn’t involved in meal prep, what you’re choosing, why you’re choosing it, and how it helps him, then he has no idea what he’s doing to lose weight.
He isn’t being given (or choosing to learn) the tools he needs to make this a permanent change rather than a diet that will just end in him being heavier than when he started. That’s unsustainable for the both of you. What you’re doing doesn’t make you a jerk at all, it just doesn’t help him as much as you think it does.
And he is a jerk because he’s not a fool and he isn’t incompetent: “He told me he thought when I said “sticking to the meal preps” that meant eating the entirety of the meal preps and then it wouldn’t matter what additional stuff he ate, he’d still lose weight” – this is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever read, and it’s impossible to believe he truly thought this.
A thinking adult should know he can’t be eating out and having candy if he’s trying to lose weight. You’re not making him magic laxative meals that shield his body from the additional calories he’s shoving into it. To pretend to be ignorant of what he’s doing is, frankly, ridiculous.
He’s been wasting your time and effort for weeks, and in your position, I’d be insulted that he expected me to believe this nonsense. I wouldn’t help anymore either, even if he asked for it. I’d teach him how to do it himself, but I would never do it for him again, and leave myself open to being blamed for not being clear enough, or not making magic fairy dust that magics weight away.” DenizenKay
10. AITJ For Buying A Meal For A Homeless Man At McDonald's?
“I was visiting in Alaska. I went to McDonald’s to get a hot coffee in the morning so I could read my book away from the cold. And as I was sitting there reading, a man asked me for help so I said “how can I help you?” He said he only has a quarter and he’s hungry so I said I’ll get you something like a burger combo and this other lady heard me.
She must’ve been homeless too and asked for help. But as I was ordering this meal, the cashier was extremely rude and annoyed now (she wasn’t before). The homeless man was right next to me I should add.
It made me think, maybe from her point of view, she had to work for everything in her life so she’s mad when she sees a “handout” or she’s just having a bad day.
I don’t know, I’m not her. My guess is that they have to deal with homeless people hanging out and, not always but often, not being respectful of the customers, employees, or facilities there. By buying them a meal, I essentially reinforce that behavior so they will continue to come just chill at that location and make the employees’ day harder/less enjoyable.
My point of view was it was cold outside and someone needed a warm meal and I could provide it just because I could. And the homeless man was actually very polite so I saw no problem in that moment. Just wanted someone to eat who can’t.
I can’t wrap my head around this situation. I didn’t mean to make her day worse.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I work with the unhoused population and some people get super uncomfortable around them because they don’t like to think about how easily it could be them.
They’d rather live in a bubble where “people like that” don’t exist, or are unhoused due to their own bad decisions and therefore *deserve* it somehow. You have a kind heart, please don’t lose it.” MochiPryncess
Another User Comments:
“If it’s anything like the fast food place near me, the homeless people harass customers inside and at the drive-thru and do substances in the bathroom if they can grab the door before it closes when someone comes out (since it’s now locked).
They throw trash everywhere and have smeared waste on more than one occasion. Probably the worker is sick of it and doesn’t want the begging in the building behavior encouraged. NTJ for it but I can see why the establishment wouldn’t want it.” InevitableRhubarb232
Another User Comments:
“I work for the city I live in. Having cleaned up after the homeless, it’s hard to have sympathy. When food is given, the garbage is left behind to rot. When we break down camps (usually after a complaint), we have to endure booby traps, such as fish hooks hanging from tree branches.
When bags of donated clothes are stolen, the contents are strewn about, making a mess of the area (clothes don’t get picked up by the street sweepers very well). Do I think people deserve a home and food to eat? Absolutely.” Ok-Trip-8009
9. AITJ For Wanting To Keep My Incarcerated Sister's Cat That I've Cared For?
“My sister was arrested and has been in prison for a few years. She was living with me before she was arrested. She is estimated to be in prison until 2028. Now in the time that she has been in prison, I have been taking care of her cat.
She didn’t ask me to take care of her cat either, she just kinda expected me to.
My dog has grown a close bond with her cat. Like these guys are attached at the hip. They groom each other and they become stressed when they are away from each other.
I have had my dog since the day she was born and I have had this cat since 2021 and she now is four. My dog is three. The cat has been around since my dog was about 2 months old. I don’t want to separate them at all because of how closely bonded they are and how attached we both have grown to this cat.
My sister wants her cat back when she gets out of prison. (I have paid for everything as well for this cat since my sister has been in prison and I don’t think my sister has any plans of paying me back.) WIBTJ if I kept the cat and didn’t give her back?
I have had the cat for the majority of its life at this point. I don’t know if I have it in my heart to give her back when my sister gets out of prison.”
Another User Comments:
“The cat has bonded to you, your dog, and where you live.
Your sister is a complete stranger to her. So while the cat *was* hers, the cat has moved on with its life and adopted you, and your space. It’s not a dresser, or a favorite chair, or her car: it’s a living, feeling kitty that has a pretty good life right now in a loving home.
When she gets out, depending on how she adjusts, she’d be better off adopting a new kitty she could bond with. Taking the current cat out of its home, and away from its family, would be an act of cruelty. NTJ.” 4th_chakra
Another User Comments:
“After the first year in the pokey, she has already given up any rights to the cat. It’s hard but the cat’s life is important too. It deserves a warm loving home, not some cold and damp jail cell. The cat didn’t break any laws.
Why punish it? Just saw a Judge Judy show over this same situation except it was a dog. That person lost big time and was embarrassed by making herself look like a fool on national TV.” Willy3726
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That cat ceased to be your sister’s the moment she managed to get herself locked up for YEARS.
Of course, the cat’s bonded to you and your pooch. You are the family your cat knows. Your sister is irresponsible, and I’m not talking about whatever crimes she committed. A responsible, loving pet owner would recognize that you don’t come back from that separation.
The cat is happy in your home. Your sister may be looking at the cat as something good she can look forward to when she gets out but life doesn’t work like that. She’ll have to start over with a new pet — if she’s even in a position to take on the responsibility of a pet.
She has no idea what her post-incarceration life is going to look like.” Peep_Power_77
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Babysit All My Niblings At Once?
“I (24F) am the youngest to 3 brothers (36M), (34M), (31M). Yes, I was the surprise baby and yes, I was coddled growing up. They’re all married and I get along really well with my SILs. Between the 3 of them, I have 7 niblings all of them under 10, and one of my SILs is pregnant with the 8th.
She’s my middle brother’s wife and they already have two kids.
Here’s the problem. When it used to be just 3 niblings, I used to have a full auntie/niblings day where I would basically take them out from sunrise to sunset, sometimes it was in the middle of the week, sometimes in the weekend depending on my work/social schedules.
From the start, I made my boundaries clear because I had read horror stories about babysitting. I basically said that I would only offer that 1 day a week of auntie fun/babysitting and would only babysit otherwise if there were extreme circumstances, for example when one of my SILs had their second baby, I was more than happy to have their toddler over for a four days sleepover until they were out of the hospital and settled at home.
With each added member to our days, it became my worst nightmare to handle that many kids alone. Say what you want about me but that’s a lot of responsibility and a lot of kids and just one me. So I started cutting the time and mixing and matching.
Still the same day but for example, I take one of my brothers’ kids for something fun at breakfast. Another brother’s kids to lunch and the last brother’s kids to dinner and I’d mix it up the next week. No one had any problems with it.
Now that my SIL is heavily pregnant, 31 weeks, with their 3rd kid, she brought up the thought of me maybe keeping her kids all day and bringing them to stuff with the other niblings because she used to use that as a self-care day for herself.
I turned her down and told her my reasons 1) It would still be a lot of kids to handle if we merge, 5-6 and 2) it wouldn’t be fair to the rest of my niblings.
She understood (no crazy, selfish SILs here) but I could feel her disappointment and that has me feeling guilty because I’m not a mom, I have no idea how hard it is for her.
My brother talked to me after that and asked if I would reconsider if he sent their usual babysitter with me to help out? I told him I’d think about it but I don’t want to be unfair to the other kids, plus, I don’t know this person that he would be sending with me.
AITJ if I also turn down that offer?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they have a regular babysitter they are willing to send along, then there is nothing stopping them from letting you have the niblings for part of the day and then you drop off their kids to the babysitter who has money for the zoo or aquarium or picnic in the park or whatever y’all do with kids in your neck of the woods.
Same cost to your brother and SIL. SIL gets a day alone and no extra stress for you.” RMaua
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Being a mom is hard. And one of the hardest parts is realizing that sometimes you don’t get relief. Kids are fun and great, but no one who didn’t conceive the kid is ever responsible for their care and entertainment.
It can feel isolating sometimes, but that’s the way it is. You already do so much for all your nieces and nephews. They shouldn’t ask for more. Surely her husband, parents, sisters, other SILs can help out by giving her a self-care day if she needs it.
That’s not all on you, and if you keep feeling guilty you may let your boundaries slip. You sound like a great sister and aunt! Don’t feel guilty for maintaining your boundaries.” absolutophobia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At the end of the day, they PICKED this life.
THEY decided to have multiple kids. It’s THEIR job to raise them and find suitable childcare. It’s not your job. I will say life isn’t fair. So JUST watching their kids isn’t a huge injustice. The other children will survive. You can even do different days.
So do this day for just them. Next week do a day for a different brother’s kids. Etc. You could do days where you take the oldest to something then another day take the younger kids. Split them up however is convenient for you.” zombiescoobydoo
7. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out And Stop Financially Supporting My Parents?
“I (23F) am the breadwinner of the family. My culture expects us to care and provide for our parents as soon as we’re able, and we’re not really encouraged to move out–especially an only child.
When I got a job, my parents started to ask me to chip in, and then little by little, I got to the point where I was paying for everything. My mom doesn’t have a job, and my dad earns extremely little. I want to complain and say no, but I feel bad given their age (54).
I want to give them a good life, but it’s jeopardizing not only my future but my current life experience–each paycheck literally gets spent, leaving me with nothing. I’m honestly so tired of supporting them, feeling like I work and work and not get to enjoy any of the results.
My family has a rocky background. My dad never wants to give my mom money, because aside from making little money, he has trust issues because my mom’s not the best at handling anything really. Now, my mom feels like it’s my dad’s obligation to give her extra cash, and she wants to have money for herself.
Like I said, I already pay for everything, leaving me with nothing and debt, and my mom wants me to give her extra cash monthly–because apparently, it’s SO hard not having any even though all her needs and wants are met.
I want to move out.
And I don’t want to tell them. I just want to live for me. I want to be a normal child and not be burdened by responsibilities that shouldn’t have been mine in the first place. I want to receive a paycheck and not already expect that I won’t be using any of it for me.
But I feel guilty. My parents aren’t bad parents. They love me both so much, and I know moving out would not only break their hearts, but also possibly their relationship (that I think only exists now because of me, and the fact that my mom has no one else to turn to and no job to support her).
I just don’t know what to do. Would I be in the wrong if I move out without telling them, and basically cutting them off, given that they rely on me?”
Another User Comments:
“You don’t say what country you are in, what your educational level is, or what you do for a living.
At 54 your parents should both be working and not relying on a 23-year-old regardless of what culture you are from. Every culture expects able-bodied people to contribute. Sit your parents down, tell them you can’t continue to do this on your own and they need to start contributing.
Give them an ultimatum, either get jobs or start applying for government aid because you need your own life. Then stick to it.” BGS2204
Another User Comments:
“Your parents owed you everything that is within their power, upfront, the moment they brought you to this world.
And you owe them nothing. But sociocultural contexts vary and some cultures expect more from the children. Some believe the parents get to decide everything. Then there is the question of whether you were loved, supported, made feel secure, and bonded with your parents. If you walk out I don’t think that makes you a jerk.
But is that walking out of their house or out of their lives? I think you should find a comfortable amount of contact/distance with your parents that you will not feel gaslit into committing by social norms, by your family, or by your potentially manipulated sense of responsibility.
If that is walking out without a word that’s fine. Drawing boundaries is hard. People that don’t listen make it harder. So which boundary do you want?” lethargicbunny
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your parents were able to have shelter and food before you started working, then there is NO WAY you should be expected to now pay for everything.
They made it before you got a paycheck. If your parents consider you their “Retirement Plan” then shame on them, this is not 300 years ago. If your mom wants her own money, then that is between her and her husband, not YOU, she can go to work or push her lazy husband to get a better job or budget better, NOT your job to supplement “she wants her own money”.
Why should she try to budget if someone is giving her more money? That is nonsense. What if you lost your job? Would they kick you out or push you to get another job? That is what your mom and dad should be doing, THEY should get another job.
This is WRONG, culture or not, it is WRONG. Are they planning to marry you off for a bride price, or expect your husband to also provide for them? You are NOT their Retirement Plan (repeat!) Wanting your own life, your own money, does not mean you do not love them (and I am SURE you are also hearing the “you must not love us” from them already).
You love them, but YOU need to take care of you. What IF something happened to you? They would be sad, but they would manage. They would continue to live. Whatever is wrong between your parents is between them. NOT YOUR JOB to fix that.” NCKALA
6. AITJ For Refusing To Only Cook Chicken For My Partner?
“My partner (28M) and I (37F) are childfree, both work full time.
He is insistent that every meal we eat needs meat. I’m not too fussed, but when I cook I always make sure there’s a meat element.
Over the last few months, he’s been “going off” certain meats. Pork? Nope. Beef? Nope.
We can’t even have bacon or sausages (unless they’re chicken sausages).
We normally split cooking based on workload, and for the last couple of months I’ve been working OT so haven’t been finishing work until 7/8 at night so he’s been cooking all our dinners.
And everything is chicken-based.
Chicken curry, chicken pie, chicken, and rice.
Chicken chicken chicken.
I’ve not said anything because I’m grateful I have a dinner to come home to. But I am sooo tired of chicken.
My work has calmed down over the last few weeks so I’ve been able to cook for us again, but it’s just complaint after complaint.
And all about the meat.
I made a chili, why couldn’t I use chicken mince?
Made toad in the hole, chicken sausages are as nice as pork.
Made a steak dinner, why couldn’t we have chicken breast?
I told my partner tonight I was making an apple pork casserole and he asked why it couldn’t be apple chicken?
I snapped.
Because I don’t want to spend my life eating only chicken. I’ll eat only chicken when he cooks, but if I’m cooking I’ll do a variety of meals and meats. If he didn’t like it, don’t eat it. That I am so incredibly done with just chicken.
He told me I’m being a jerk because his tastes have changed and I should stand with him with it all. Chicken has so many different ways of being made
But I don’t want to just eat chicken.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s funny how he expects you to “stand with him” on the chicken but doesn’t want to do that for you in terms of variety.
He is being selfish and imposing his tastes on you while having no flexibility in return. Just start cooking for yourself and tell him if he wants chicken so bad he can make his own meals. Chicken is a wonderful and versatile ingredient, for sure, but anyone could get tired of the same thing over and over even if it is prepared in different ways.
You did nothing wrong. Just because his tastes changed doesn’t mean yours have to as well.” TheGoodJeans
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. BUT one possibility is that he has contracted Alpha-Gal and is reacting to red meat. This is a reaction to a tick bite, and a few hours after eating red meat the body develops an allergic reaction.
I suspect my husband has contracted this. So far, touch wood, he only suffers this after eating kidneys. He never eats any other offal (I love liver, he doesn’t). We have two Coeliac’s in the family and occasionally I would make steak and kidney pie using gf pastry.
He would wake up at night with an itchy rash, which he blamed on the pastry. On Saturday, I made a Steak and Kidney pie, but I topped it with mashed potatoes instead. He woke up at 2 am with the same itchy rash. Luckily anti-histamines brought the itching under control.
The next day I googled “can you be allergic to kidneys?” Alpha-Gal was given as a possibility. Perhaps it’s worth talking to your partner and asking him WHY he no longer wants to meet beef, pork, or lamb. Is it the taste? The texture?
Does it make him sleep badly? You could suggest that he tries other bird meat – ostrich, turkey, duck, guinea fowl. This would give you some variety in your diet. Or you could cook your chosen dish and just fry up a chicken breast or some chicken sausages for him.” Future_Direction5174
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Look I am a very picky eater and most of the meat I eat is chicken in various forms. I know this is a limiting diet and don’t expect anyone else to cater to me. I live with my partner and we have solved this problem by having some meals we eat together and some we eat on our own.
He’s not picky at all and loves variety so there are even times when we’ll get takeout from different restaurants and come home to eat them together. Your partner is being stubborn, he won’t change for you but expects you to change for him.” Vast_Self1149
5. AITJ For Not Refunding My Friend After They Changed Their Mind About Concert Tickets?
“About 2 months ago, I bought some tickets to a concert that is now two days from now.
I bought 2 general tickets, and then a day later bought 2 VIP instead (change of mind).
I had a friend who heard about this and asked to buy one of my general tickets, and then a month later said they wanted and bought the other general ticket off me (both face value). This concert sold out, so they sent me the cash straight away for these and because Ticketmaster wouldn’t let me transfer them I had them in my account (adding I did tell them this straight up when they bought them and said I would transfer them as soon as I could in the system (I think the message said the transfer would be available 2-3 days before the concert).
Cue the last 24 hours, they’ve messaged me (3 days before the concert) saying they have also now bought 2 VIP tickets, and no longer need the two GA tickets from me. The message was quite vague as if they wanted me to just instantly send them the money back ($500ish).
I said ok, checked the tickets, and realised I am now able to transfer them. So asked for their email and suggested they should try to sell them ASAP since the concert is in two days…this is the weird thing, they’ve ignored my request twice now for the email, and keep asking if I can just contact Ticketmaster on their behalf and request a refund.
I asked if they could not do it themselves after I transferred them to this person, and they said it’s better for me to do it?
It’s a strange situation because I really just want these tickets that they’ve paid for out of my account and they can deal with them.
If I knew they were going to renege, I would have sold them months ago on marketplace, but don’t see how them changing their mind with less than 48 hours to go is my issue.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First off ticketmaster won’t give you a refund for the tickets.
You will have to sell them. You already got the cash. Tell them if they don’t want you to transfer so they can sell them, you will try to sell them but if they don’t sell oh well. Because honestly, this is not your issue.
Try to sell them – if they sell for more than face value, just give them back their money. If they sell for less, give them the less amount.” WickedAngelLove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’ll tell you why. It’s not just because you’re not the buyer’s ticket concierge.
It’s because the buyer changed their mind so last minute. If they changed their mind right away and you refused the refund then MAYBE you’d be the jerk, but the fact is now you have almost no time to try to sell THEIR tickets and it’s THEIR fault.
So sure, you technically still have them but you need to reach out and tell them “Hey I’m sorry but you bought these tickets. They are yours and your responsibility to sell. I need to transfer them to you asap so that you can try to sell them if you want (hopefully for a profit for you, good luck!)”” tuneful_radio
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Ticketmaster will not pay you a refund for bought tickets in this case. They do this when you insure the tickets but even then the guidelines are strict and won’t allow you to just hand them back ’cause you have too many tickets.
This is your friend’s problem, believe it or not, but they are ghosting you so they can afterward shift the blame on you, “Hey you owe us 500-ish dollars for those tickets, remember I gave them back to you. What do you mean you didn’t refund them?
That’s your problem, you owe me money.” If possible I would transfer the tickets asap and be done with it. Reselling through Ticketswap for example comes at a loss, in the end, it will cost YOU money if you do decide to sell them. I could suggest selling them and deducting the loss from their returns, but honestly?
I think it will create more drama in the end because chances are they will not accept you deducting the loss of the resale. It’s them who should be reselling the tickets, not you. This way they can decide the price.” Blue_Waffled
4. AITJ For Refusing To Split Vacation Costs Equally Due To Not Having Kids?
“Next year is my parents’ 45th wedding anniversary, and my sisters and I want to get the whole family together for five nights in a lake house somewhere in middle USA. I have three sisters, we are all married, and combined they have six kids total. I don’t have kids.
I live in Colorado, but my sisters and parents all live on the east side of the country. Because of their travel costs, we have to make sure wherever we choose is within driving distance for all of them, which would make it flying distance for my husband and me.
My sisters want to split the costs evenly for the lake house, even though their kids and will be taking up more bedrooms than my husband and I. I explained that this is unfair because we don’t have kids, and we should split it by room each family will be using.
They tried to guilt me into splitting the costs evenly by saying it’s more expensive to travel with children, and we all want the kids there, so we should all (me and my husband) be willing to help the parents out. But my husband and I have to fly AND rent a car, so our costs add up too.
So I said I would not be splitting it evenly and would pay for the one bedroom my husband and I are taking up. Now this is causing a lot of drama in the family. I’m not sure if I’m in the wrong because I really do want all the family to get together, and taking a stand about this might be more trouble than it’s worth.
So, AITJ for not paying for my sisters’ kids to take a family vacation?”
Another User Comments:
“So you will pay for one bedroom, and chip in for Mom & Dad’s room. OR, you can take the number of bodies staying in the house and divide that into the cost. Then each group can pay for their number of bodies.
Make sure you get a room to yourself. I’ve seen too many times when the single person or the couple with no children get screwed out of a room with a bed and a door.” Tinkerpro
Another User Comments:
“Do not back down on your stand!
You & your husband are already taking up the extra expense of flights & a rental car because you want your sisters to be able to drive up to the holiday destination (thus saving their money). It’s not fair that you guys end up subsidizing the others even more.
If this creates a rift between you and your entitled sisters, so be it. There has to be a time when you stop accepting their entitled behavior and call it out. NTJ.” Spiritual-Bridge3027
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. When my family gets together, my siblings and I split the costs thusly: we take the entire cost and split it evenly by person.
So my partner & I pay two shares, one sibling’s family pays four shares, and the other sibling’s family pays three shares. It’s the only fair way to do it unless there is an enormous income disparity. Even then, unless the wealthier parties freely offer to pay a disproportionate amount, the trip should be budgeted based on what the least well-off people can afford.
Your siblings cannot reasonably demand that you subsidize their families. Honestly, the cost of your travel is immaterial. It’s just unfair.” bouncing_haricot
3. AITJ For Not Picking Up My Stepsister When Her Car Broke Down?
“I got three random texts in a row and then a phone call that was a number I (23m) didn’t recognize.
Didn’t answer and read through the texts. Found out it was my stepsister (24f). Her car broke down, she was about 30 minutes from my place and her dad and my mom told her she could spend the night at my place and that I “needed to come pick her up.” She called me again and I still didn’t answer and I ignored her texts.
The next morning all chaos broke loose. My mom called me a bunch of times and her husband was texting insults repeatedly at me. My mom asked me why I hadn’t answered my phone or gone to pick my stepsister up. I told her I wasn’t asked I was told and I do not welcome people with whom I have a bad relationship.
To sum up our relationship. We knew each other from kindergarten. We didn’t start out as steps but as kids in the same school. By the time we were about 7, we had a very tense relationship. I don’t know what started it but we fought a lot and it only got worse whenever we were put in the same class.
My mom met her dad through the school calling them up and saying hey we need to talk about your kids, they fight a lot. Through that, they started to like each other and began seeing each other when we were 9ish. They got married 8 months later.
Our dislike for each other did not change because we were supposedly family at that point. We went to therapy together and her dad sent us to this bonding camp thing where we had to do challenges each day for like a month in the hopes we would work together.
I ended up with a dislocated shoulder from that because she refused to take part in one part of it and I fell. My mom put her foot down about it being the end of that. But we didn’t even tolerate each other. It was either outright avoid and if we couldn’t, there was tension, we glared.
We have not been in the same room since she moved out of my mom and her dad’s house and went to live with a friend. 18 months ago I was in a pretty bad accident and spent some time in the hospital. No concern was shown.
She didn’t call to find out how I was or come to see me. Did I care? No. But this is a point I will make because of the big deal about her staying at my place. We do not help each other or care what happens to each other and that’s how it is on both sides, not just me.
She had to get my number from my mom last week. She did not have it already.
Because I didn’t answer or let her stay I was told I’m now a terrible, awful person and my mom’s husband has asked repeatedly how I could do that to my “sister”.
My response to him was where was she when I was in the hospital. That was ignored. My stepsister ended up waiting in a coffee shop for her dad to make the 6-hour drive to her.
Adding extra detail I forgot: The texts/calls started at 10 pm.
Her car had broken down and she’d left a really bad date and couldn’t get a place to stay because everywhere was very busy because of two events going on. I found this out later.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your mom and her husband are well aware of the history between the two of you.
If they wanted you to pick her up and provide a roof over her head for one night, they should have called and asked first. The fact that you do not have each other’s cell phone number says it all for me. They both know there was a very good chance you would say no if they had called and asked, so they unilaterally decided to give her your cell number and told her all would be fine.
Why on earth would your mom’s husband drive 6 hours to your stepsister? She could not possibly have driven 6 hours for a date. She could have gotten a cab or Uber or rented a car to get home. NTJ.” No_Cockroach4248
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Tell your mother that not only did she utterly fail you by forcing you to live with a girl who bullied you to the extent you had a serious injury, but she is now allowing her husband to also bully you for refusing to engage with your abuser.
Did they seriously think you would allow her into your home? That would be extremely foolish, there’s no way she wouldn’t take advantage and do something awful to you. Your mother was a terrible mother back then, and she is a terrible mother now. Warn her to get her bully of a husband to leave you alone and read her the riot act for handing out your phone number.
But, frankly, I’m shocked you’re in touch with any of them. Maybe consider if there’s any point being in touch with foul people like that.” Cursd818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell mom’s husband that she isn’t your sister, never has been, and never will be, she’s his daughter and nothing to you.
You show her the same care that she has shown you. Mom and stepdad have no right to give her the okay to stay in your apartment that you pay for. Also if mom has a key to your apartment for emergencies change your locks without telling them.
They may give stepsister a copy so it doesn’t happen again which she could use at any time.” wlfwrtr
2. AITJ For Excluding My Partner's Friend To Help Another Friend?
“I (23f) met my partner David (24) two years ago and became close with his friends.
David has two best friends, Marcus (24) and Tom (23). They go way back to high school, where they ran track together.
Marcus and Tom are completely different types of people. Marcus is more reserved, but Tom is the center of attention at parties and really outgoing.
He also has had a lot of partners, but we have given up on getting to know them as he always finds some reason to break up with them a day or two later.
So, a couple of weeks ago, I asked David why I had never seen Marcus bring around any of his partners.
I was surprised when he told me he had never had a partner. He also told me not to tell him I knew, as he is ashamed of it and is a very private person.
This surprised me because Marcus is a handsome, athletic guy.
I also have never noticed him having any trouble socially; he is good friends with many people and is easy to hang out with. I told David this, and he said that Marcus gets anxious when approaching women and keeps making excuses not to.
So I told David I was going to try to set him up with one of my friends.
I talked to a friend I knew was into him and asked if she wanted to come out for drinks with the five of us the next day. Everything was going great until Tom joined us half an hour later. Tom didn’t know anything about my plan, but it frustrated me that he took over the conversation and eventually left with the girl an hour later.
I then sent Tom a private message telling him what I was trying to do, and he was very understanding. But the following weekend, he did it again. I tried talking to him about it, but he downplayed the situation.
Eventually, I decided not to invite Tom.
I invited a coworker, and we went with just the four of us. They had a great time, and I made him get her Snapchat. We went out again the following weekend, and she told me they had been talking on Snapchat every day for a week and that she liked him.
Eventually, with many hints from me and David, he asked her out, and they are going on their second date this weekend.
So here is where I could be a jerk; Tom made a private group chat with just me and David and told us that he felt excluded the last couple of weeks.
I told him I was sorry but he knew what we were trying to do but he was actively messing things up. He sent me a long text telling me it was not his fault she liked him and that he could not force her to like Marcus.
How uncomfortable he was with my weird obsession with trying to get Marcus a girl, even to the point of excluding him. I told him that it was not my problem, he couldn’t keep his behavior in check for one night, and that I could invite whoever I wanted and blocked him on everything.
David agrees with me, but he thinks I’m being too harsh on Tom as he is just being Tom and has no bad intentions. Now I’m doubting myself if I made a mistake.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Double-partnering (or blind-partnering, or your setup) is a perfectly reasonable thing to do if it isn’t against the wishes of any of the people involved. Note that Tom was not involved. Also, inviting friends to meet who you think might like each other is a natural thing to do–whether ‘set up’ or not.
You seem to have a read on your friend that she wouldn’t like Tom (although maybe you were wrong). Honestly, it doesn’t sound like you really like Tom much, and it’s fine to invite and hang out with only people you want to hang out with.
So even without a ‘set up’, inviting people you like and not inviting Tom is fine, and if his feelings are hurt, he can go find someone else to hang out with. Lots of people have ‘that friend’ that sucks up all the oxygen in a room and prefer that person in small doses.
If your friend chooses to go out with Tom instead of Marcus, that’s totally her choice. If she didn’t get a chance to talk to anyone except Tom because he’s that ‘big personality’ type, and left with him because she felt cornered, of course you didn’t want Tom there.
Can’t tell from this story, but you’re NTJ for not inviting Tom (or anyone else) to things no matter what.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“Tom doesn’t seem like a good friend to Marcus. Tom knows he goes through these girls like he’s changing a maxi pad and still can’t stop himself from pursuing a girl you were trying to set up with Marcus.
Even after you told him your intentions he doubled down on the “I can’t help she liked me better” he knows what he’s doing. He doesn’t keep these girls for long and OP says he easily attracts women’s attention so what’s the harm in him looking for anyone else besides the person OP is trying to actively set up with HIS friend??
I think your partner and Marcus really need to examine their relationship with Tom when it comes to him being unable to keep his pants up for his own friend. Tom gives off that “I’m the main character and I can’t help other girls are jealous of me” mean girl vibes.
NTJ although blocking him seems extreme. I’d be interested to see if Tom tries to flirt with the girl Marcus has taken out on a date if they were to go in a group again.” Specialist_Point1980
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tom was intentionally doing that, the first time he may have done it in error, but once he knew what the purpose of the outing was, he was intentionally going out of his way to get the girl’s attention.
It really doesn’t matter if he’s upset, OP and her partner are not required to spend every weekend with him, and if he’s so in demand maybe he should spend it with the women he picked up. I, however, would ask my partner if Tom has ever had issues with Mark before, if Tom has gone out of his way to ‘beat’ Mark in the past or show him up.
My concern would be that Tom believes he’s competing with Mark and working hard to sabotage so he could win.” Vegetable-Cod-2340
1. AITJ For Not Attending My Sister's Baby Shower After My Miscarriage?
“I (29F) and my husband (29M) discovered we were expecting in April, six weeks after my sister announced her pregnancy. We were all thrilled, imagining our kids growing up as best friends. Unfortunately, in June, we had a miscarriage. It was our second miscarriage that year, and it hit us hard.
I struggled deeply. We tried to cope by booking a trip, listening to podcasts, attending therapy, and joining support groups, which helped somewhat.
After the miscarriage, we became a bit distant from the family because I couldn’t bear to see my sister pregnant. Whenever we went out to dinner, where we usually talked and shared about our lives, we just couldn’t engage in conversations anymore.
Most of the time, we went home early because it was too painful to see them. People would ask how her pregnancy was going, and she would share moments about her ultrasounds, check-ups, and milestones. We couldn’t participate in these conversations or even try to be happy for her because it triggered me and made me cry.
Three months later, my sister’s wedding was approaching, followed by her baby shower/gender reveal the next day. We informed them in advance that while we would attend the wedding and celebrate with them, we couldn’t make it to the baby shower. Being around pregnant women is a trigger for me, reminding me of our loss.
They seemed to understand but hoped we might change our minds, especially since my husband’s family was coming to support us.
We attended the wedding, brought a gift, picked up their wedding cake, and celebrated their special day. However, the next morning, my older sister (not the pregnant one) sent me a long message, essentially saying, “Your sister was there for you during your milestones, why can’t you be there for her now?
Focus your energy on her and move on already.” I was devastated, feeling like a bad sister, and cried my eyes out. My husband was furious at the insensitivity and realized this was how the whole family felt.
Now, we are seen as the bad guys for not attending the baby shower.
So, AITJ for not being there for my sister during her special day?”
Another User Comments:
“The only jerk here is the sister who sent the incredibly insensitive and cruel message. You are NTJ for staying away from things that are painful right now. Celebrating your sister’s wedding was great.
I hope you had quality time with your family and told that sister how much you love and support her. I think you’ll find that you are not seen as bad in any way by anyone except the jerk sister who you should block completely.
Feel free to forward that message to others, who will see it for what it was, and sympathize with you if they are decent human beings. In your own time, you’ll come to know your nibling and hopefully develop healthy relationships and the ability to be around joyful people who are pregnant without it putting you back into your own loss.
However, grief is real and you are allowed to feel it and deal with it in the ways you need to–avoiding a baby shower is completely reasonable and healthy! I hope you can work through this in therapy and support groups and with your husband but know that the loss is something you will continue to feel, just that time will allow room for more other things, including joy, alongside it.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had a miscarriage in 2023 and then a neonatal loss this July with my first living child. I am barely functioning now four months later. I have told my loved ones to not tell me if they’re pregnant and to tell my husband instead (he is ok with this).
I am giving myself full permission to not go to baby showers until I decide that I can do it. I don’t have a sister, but most of my close friends have newborns or are trying to conceive. It’s painful. You wish you could be happy with them, but your heart is broken.
Two miscarriages can feel absolutely devastating, and people don’t understand until they’ve experienced it — how much it crushes your spirit, your innocence, and your future. I cry every single day. When I miscarried, I also cried every single day for a few weeks, and I was depressed for months.
It’s a loss, NTJ, and sending you so much love. I hope you can be surrounded by loved ones who understand, even if they aren’t blood-related.” Effective_Mix_2443
Another User Comments:
“I don’t want to call you a jerk because everyone grieves differently but realistically how do you think this is going to work…are you going to ignore the baby when it comes?
Never want to hear about them? Never go to family functions because someone else is pregnant? Squash her joy because you experienced a loss? Life goes on. You can be sad AND be there for your sister. If you ever have a baby, you’re going to want everyone to gush over you.
You’re going to want to talk about it and share your joy.” ChickenScratchCoffee
