People Want Us To Believe They're Not The Bad Guys In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
18. AITJ For Not Cooking For My Mother-In-Law?
“I (35f) have just had a baby. I have been so stressed out recently because of it. My husband’s mother has just been making it worse, she keeps messaging me asking when she can come and see the baby. I always tell her I’m not ready for people to come over yet.
So she started asking my husband if she could come over and as he is a mommy’s boy he obviously said yes. He told me this and I argued with him that I didn’t want anyone to come over because of the state I was in.
He told me it would be fine and she’d only stay for an hour or two.
So she came around and kept asking me what I would be making for dinner. I said I was probably going to order food.
She snapped at me telling me that I should be cooking for the family as it’s my role as a wife. I told her I was too tired to cook and she called me lazy. I told her to deal with it or leave.
She told my husband that I was bullying her. I tried to explain to him that she shouldn’t be expecting me to cook for her knowing that I’m so stressed and exhausted. He just told me to calm down.
I lost it and told them to figure out dinner themselves then went inside. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That was established by the end of the first sentence.
Your MIL should be banned completely from your house unless a full apology is made accompanied by a good homemade meal made by her.
And only forgiven if you feel like it.
Your husband needs to be put in the hot seat. Why is he not doing the cooking? You’re busy with the baby! He had better be stepping up elsewhere.
You sound exhausted – and your situation sounds miserable.
Reach out and get help – doctors, midwife, your own family. Best of luck OP.” Sea_Midnight1411
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She should be cooking for you since you just had a baby. You’re clinically an older mom which makes the stress on your body even greater.
You need to rest and settle in with the baby, not be catering to guests. She can’t have it both ways. If she’s family, she needs to step up and help you out. If she’s a guest, she shouldn’t be there until you’ve recovered.
Husband needs to get his head on straight and put his family first. It’s time to unlatch from mommy and realize he’s a husband and parent now, not mommy’s little boy, and his new family is his priority.” MmeHomebody
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You never invited her so she wasn’t your guest, you’re recovering from childbirth and adjusting to the massive change of having a newborn, probably sleep-deprived, and most civilized people know that it’s customary to cook for new parents (or bring something super easy to prepare) not the other way around.
Your husband invited her, he can feed and amuse her.” rapt2right
17. AITJ For "Plotting" With My Dad?
“I (17f) have lived with my mom since my parents’ divorce 4 years ago. My dad lives a few states away, so I don’t see him much, and he’s honestly not very involved anymore.
Anyways, my mom and I used to be very close, but not anymore. She’s always blamed me and my sister (15f, who primarily lives with dad) for the divorce, saying many times it was our fault. The main issue is her live-in partner, Chris.
She met Chris about 2 years ago online, and from the start, he’s been very fishy. After the first week they got together she used to let him stay for weekends. A strange man she didn’t know was allowed to stay in the house with her young daughters, often alone.
Since we moved early last year, she let him move with us. He stays here rent-free. He doesn’t have a job, either. Or a car.
He’s the reason sis moved to dad’s house. He doesn’t do anything except ‘music’ where he sits in his room with a guitar (MY guitar, a gift from my dad, which mom gave to Chris) and makes so much noise I can’t hear my online classes.
He doesn’t clean up after himself and makes the BIGGEST messes in the kitchen. He breaks everything and steals our things, and whenever mom manages to say anything he says we’re lying to her. I’m expected to clean up after him because my mom pays for my phone.
There have been many altercations, mostly verbal, one serious this past year, but the last straw was today.
This past week, tensions have been high. Today, when my sister and I went to get our ice cream we discovered he had taken it from my section of the freezer and eaten over half the carton.
When mom got home we confronted her about him and she yelled at us but went to talk to him nonetheless. About 10 min later, we hear him absolutely SCREAMING from the garage. He’s going off on her about how we’re lying leeches, parasites, lazy idiots who sit on our butts all day, and lots of other cruel things.
My sister and I immediately left the house and called our dad, texting him the videos we had taken of the screaming. He plans to send some friends he has in the state to take us to the airport sometime in the next few days (Not quite sure abt the timeline, to be honest) to live with him full-time.
When my mom found out, she was livid that we were ‘plotting’ with our dad. She doesn’t want to let us leave because she doesn’t like our dad and ‘won’t let him win.’
She’s been calling us awful jerks, and I just want to know AITJ?
Or am I truly just being dramatic?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The minute your own mother calls you awful jerks, you know you’ve made the right choice to get away from the toxicity of your current living situation. Chris is a red flag city and your mom is not behaving much better.
If you are miserable and your dad’s house is an option, it’s absolutely okay to practice self-care and put your well-being and safety first by leaving.
If they have a divorce decree that lays out custody and such, your mom could have a legal way to make you stay.
So record the crazy ish she and Chris say and do. It will make it much easier for your dad to get and keep you girls. It also protects you.” FaithlessnessAway479
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
‘He stays here rent-free. He doesn’t have a job, either.
Or a car. He doesn’t clean up after himself and makes the BIGGEST messes in the kitchen. He breaks everything, and steals our things.’
And so your mother is fine with this behavior from the parasite she is supporting.
‘She doesn’t want to let us leave because she doesn’t like our dad and ‘won’t let him win.’ She’s been calling us awful jerks.’
Not a very convincing argument if she really wants you to stay. It is great that your dad is helping you to get out of this toxic living arrangement and good for you two on providing evidence of what is going on in your mother’s house.
Get packed up and ready to run, because your mother will try to stop you.” solitarybydesign
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Let her live with an outsider man who she believed more than her real daughters. She has proven time and time again that she only cared about upping your dad, and not about you guys.
I hope you, your sister, and your dad will live well.
Get important documents like your birth certificates and others before you go.” sooomo
16. AITJ For Suing My Best Friend's Mom?
“My BFF (F16), her mom, and I (F16) were all in a car together. Her mom made some soup and placed it next to me in the back seat.
Her mom was driving, and all of the sudden she jerked the wheel, causing the hot soup to spill out onto my foot. Didn’t go to the hospital immediately thinking it wasn’t anything severe, turns out it was a third-degree burn.
I was placed in the ICU for 2 weeks and had to get surgery. It was a sticky situation for my parents since the damage caused was a third-degree burn but it would’ve been my BFF’s mom’s INSURANCE I had to sue.
I was underage at that time so my parents and hers talked it out and it ended up with my parents filing a lawsuit against her mom’s insurance.
This wasn’t recent but the topic was brought up once again, and we got into a big argument.
Her side of the story is that we are BFFs and BFFs shouldn’t sue each other (although it was the insurance) and that if that same scenario had happened to her, she wouldn’t have done what my parents did.
My side of the story is that although we are best friends there was a big damage done to my life, I couldn’t walk for a month, was depressed, and was high off medication the whole time I was at the ICU.
I told her that I did not want this to happen and it was my parent’s doing (yes, I already told my parents I didn’t want anything legal happening between her family and me). I don’t know if I should feel terrible or not because at the end of the day I am the one who got a messed up foot for the rest of my life.
Edit: My parents and hers have decided on a settlement fee, however, things went down and the parents had some beef… so that’s when my parents decided to sue the insurance, and ended up returning the settlement fee. From my BFF’s POV, she told me that my parents took the settlement fee from her parents and after my parents got the settlement fee, they decided to sue the insurance for more.
Then her mom had to beg my parents for the settlement fee back… I don’t know if that’s true or not because what my parents said was different.
While all the parents were on the same page with the settlement fee, my BFF’s mom called my mom and started guilt-tripping to lower the settlement costs and how she treated me like her own daughter and always bought me food when I came over to their house.
Her mom also asked to lower the settlement fee because her family is ‘poor’ (they are not, they’re pretty well off themselves) and I guess that’s what ticked off my parents to file an insurance claim.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The way insurance works, especially in the described scenario, your parents wouldn’t have had the option not to sue. Usually, the terms of the insurance state that the insurance company has the right to sue on your behalf (even if you don’t want them to) to recoup the costs that they incurred on your behalf because of someone else’s wrongful or negligent conduct.
So, in this case, you paid for health insurance agreeing to the terms by doing so, you got hurt, they paid for your care, and they, per their terms, sued the person responsible for your injury to recover the costs they paid for your injury.
If you were in the ICU for two weeks and had surgery that is hundreds of thousands of dollars in costs. Your parents would have been out thousands for their deductible. Your friend’s mom was negligent and is responsible for the cost of your injury.
Why shouldn’t she have to pay for injuries she causes just because her child is friends with you? Morally and legally your friend is wrong. Frankly, that isn’t someone I would want as a friend. It’s years later and she is still trying to shift responsibility and blame the victim.” Letters_from_summer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is exactly what insurance is for. Using the term ‘sued’ her insurance company is misleading. It’s a normal process in this situation. Her mother was responsible for an accident that caused you harm and cost money and the mother’s insurance paying for it is exactly why her mother only has to pay her deductible and a higher yearly rate vs paying your medical bills out of her pocket.
What did your friend expect to happen? Who was supposed to pay for it? Sounds like your friend’s parents are mad because your parents held them accountable for the mother’s mistake.” Justaroundtown
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a lawyer, I will tell you that your parents did the normal thing.
Depending on your state’s laws, they may have had to sue your friend’s mom too, but it is a formality. This is what insurance is for, and if the insurance company had paid the claim there would have been no lawsuit.
You only had to sue because the insurance company refused to pay. Your friend is mad at the wrong person – she should be angry that you were hurt and the insurance company, that was paid by her mother to cover it (insurance premiums), refused to fulfill its obligation.” Guru1971
15. AITJ For Thinking My Wife Is Too Close To Her Brother?
“Savannah (25F) and Luca (28M) had a traumatic childhood. They moved around a lot, their dad ditched when Savannah was 10 and Luca was 13, and then their mom neglected them in favor of her partners and work.
They are extremely close to one another and Luca took care of Savannah when their parents wouldn’t. He made meals for her, helped her with homework, etc.
When I (32M) first met Savannah three years ago, I thought it was pretty sweet that she was so close to her brother.
Now, I think it’s weird. He’s very touchy with her and he used to take her out on valentine’s day whenever she was single. He also talks about how he knows her best and he’s quite hostile towards me. If I kiss her in front of him, he gets weird about it and doesn’t speak to me for the rest of the day.
He’s also quite emotionally abusive toward her at times. Whenever they argue which is usually about him thinking they don’t spend enough time together, he calls her every bad name under the sun and uses some things she’s done in the past against her.
His favorite insult is to call her a flirt for going out a lot in her teens and early twenties. I keep asking her to limit her contact with him, but he’ll apologize and she forgives him. He’s also a bit of a psycho toward his husband.
Ryan (33M) can’t have any gay or bi-male friends otherwise Luca will lose his mind.
The incident that sparked this post happened earlier this week. Savannah, Luca, Ryan, and I were on vacation in the Caribbean for the past two weeks.
We had an amazing time, but Luca was being extremely annoying and he didn’t let me spend much time with Savannah alone. He was also being extremely touchy with her and it just rubbed me the wrong way. On the last day of the vacation, Savannah wanted to swim in the sea and Luca kept complimenting her bikini saying that the color suited her and that it looked cute.
I brought it up to Ryan who said that he felt the same way but didn’t feel comfortable bringing it up because Luca would blow it out of proportion. I am not scared of Luca, so I took him aside and said that he was being inappropriate with Savannah.
He told me to shut up and later that day, Savannah was extremely upset with me because Luca had told her that I accused him of i****t which I did not.
Savannah is still upset with me and she wants me to apologize to Luca for saying that they’re too close.
The funny thing is that she agrees that they’re too close, but she still wants me to apologize because Luca is ignoring her now too. I’m not going to. Ryan has asked me to stop being a jerk and apologize to smooth everything over.
Savannah is a very sensitive person and she’s cried about this a few times which is making me think that Ryan is right and I should apologize. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Luca is an emotionally abusive and controlling boat rocker, and your wife and his husband are his targets and the main ones who he has conditioned to rush to steady the boat after he rocks it – putting him firmly in control, which may be part of why he does it.
His husband and your wife are trying to get you to join them in steadying the boat. Luca is acting like an abusive spouse not only to his husband but to your wife too. It may not be i****t, but it is definitely an inappropriate relationship.
Something really needs to be done and you enabling Luca will only embolden him, which is something the others don’t see as they are too focused on stopping short-term conflict by appeasing Luca.” jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, just taking something off the wrong tack.
You need to have a serious discussion with your wife focusing on Luca’s abusive tendencies. Individual and couples counseling probably wouldn’t go amiss in helping her realize that this is NOT healthy and figure out how to set healthy boundaries and distance herself from him, hopefully without cutting him off entirely.
Going to Luca is never going to work because his behavior benefits him, and he’ll just turn anyone who disagrees into the villain.
Focusing on them being ‘too close’ instead of isolating his worst behavior and focusing on that being abusive and unhealthy is too easy to get sidetracked into petty arguments – like, Valentine’s thing in isolation is pretty normal, plenty of dads, brothers, and grandfathers do something on V day even after the woman in question is in a relationship.
Ditto being physically affectionate, and even not loving seeing his sister kiss her husband. The insults, possessiveness, and cycle of cutting him off and apologizing, back to the status quo are things that are bad without question. Poor Ryan’s a good comparison, he treats them both similarly and Ryan is pretty unambiguously in an abusive relationship with Luca.
You need a hand showing Savannah that he IS NOT going to change without serious boundary setting, if ever, and that the way things are going isn’t healthy for her or you.” inkpaperdream
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Luca is a terrible person who terrorizes his sister and his husband and uses emotional blackmail to keep them in line.
It’s really difficult to act when you have an awful in-law because you cannot close that door if your spouse continues to keep it open. He has your wife in his trawl.
You are the only emotionally healthy one in this situation and absolutely cannot apologize to him because if you do you’ve just modeled that his behavior isn’t that bad and it’s okay to placate him.
I would talk to your wife and try and get her to admit that how he treats her and behaves is not okay. I’d then insist that she gets some therapy to help her work on developing healthy relationships.
This is going to be an uphill struggle though because while he may be an abuser he’s also the only stable figure who’s looked after her all her life and I personally think it’s going to take a lot of work before she gets to a place she can cut him off.
And unless he has a big change of heart, I don’t see any alternative to dealing with him. She may also not be able to, and you could be put in a position of either having this poisonous man hanging over your life or deciding enough is enough.
I don’t think you’re necessarily at that point yet, but you cannot let this man be a part of any kids’ lives, so in the future, if there’s no progress in your wife you may need to think about when you call time on this.
Also note, Ryan is in a relationship with an abusive man, and guarantee Luca’s taking it out on him right now without your wife as the punching bag. He’s pressuring you to apologize because in his mind it’s the easiest way to make it stop, the only alternative he’s not yet ready to consider.” FlahBlast
14. AITJ For Not Financially Supporting My Stepdaughter Through College?
“I’m married to my husband of 4 years, and we have kids similar in age to our previous partners.
My husband has a daughter Suzie (F21) and I have a daughter Lynn (F19).
This year, Lynn started her first year of university and is studying in another part of the country. She’s gotten a loan to cover tuition and I’ve sent Lynn some funds to help her with living expenses, and she’s planning on doing seasonal work over the holidays to get extra funds.
Suzie has started her second year of university in another part of the country as well. My husband has been sending her funds regularly throughout her studies, and he pays her tuition.
Recently, my husband came to me and said that Suzie is struggling financially after having car problems and asked if I could pitch in and send her some funds to help with expenses.
We have a prenup and keep our finances separate except for splitting rent and bills.
I politely refused and asked if Suzie had asked her mother to send her funds (just to make it clear, her mother is and always was involved in her life).
My husband got offended by my question and asked if I cared about helping out family members. He said that it’s only fair I send Suzie funds since I send Lynn funds. I pointed out that he doesn’t send Lynn funds.
He said that Lynn isn’t struggling, and got really mad and accused me of playing favorites.
I thought this was really out of the blue and told my husband that both Suzie and Lynn have one parent that’s financially helping them by sending them similar amounts of money so it’s not like their levels of support are really all that different.
My husband wasn’t having it. He called me selfish and said that I’m being a garbage stepparent.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not even close.
You should be extremely bothered by his angry response, though. He is also gaslighting you by accusing you of treating the kids differently.
You are NOT responsible for his daughter, and it is NOT your responsibility to help her.
Even worse, he may say that he would help your daughter if she needed it, but I guarantee you that he would adamantly refuse to do it if you asked him to.
His daughter has TWO involved parents who are more than capable of taking care of her needs.
For him to get nasty, rude, and angry at you for not wanting to send her your funds is outrageously inappropriate, selfish, inconsiderate, opportunistic, entitled, and unreasonable.” Electric_Birdies
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Having each parent responsible for the college expenses of their bio children – especially when the marriage is relatively recent is completely normal and is generally the way things are done unless there are specific reasons otherwise.
Not to mention that separate finances were expressly agreed upon in their prenup. A prenup also covers the general splitting of assets so it indicates that OP and her husband also intend to keep their assets separately and probably leave their separate assets to their children.
There is no good reason why OP should pay because the stepdaughter is ‘struggling’. Nothing indicates that the husband or wife can’t provide money if they think they want to. The husband stating that she is selfish for pointing out that HE doesn’t fund her bio daughter is manipulative and a not very sophisticated way of attempting to guilt OP into thinking she is in the wrong.
Also one never knows what the future holds for OP’s bio daughter. Right now she is taking out loans as well as working to help cover costs. OP indicates she sends some funds to help – not that she is funding an entire $60,000 per year tuition.
Also, OP might want to help bio daughter in the future – if OP helps with grad school does she then have to give funds to the stepdaughter? Or maybe OP wants to use some of her separate assets to help bio daughter with a down payment – again why should she have to give an equivalent amount when the agreement was to keep finances separate AND specifically pay for each kid’s expenses separately?
ETA: The husband is doubly a jerk since he pays tuition AND living expenses for his bio daughter whereas OP’s daughter is taking out loans and only receives some ‘help’ with living expenses from OP. Why hasn’t the husband offered to pay tuition costs for OP’s daughter?” Jujulabee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
This kind of nonsensical conversation reminds me of dealing with my narcissistic ex-husband.
You describe an extremely clear equivalency: Each daughter is being supported by her own parent. The fact that he cannot see that and instead accuses YOU of doing what HE is doing (being selfish—after all, he’s unwilling to support your daughter but wants you to support him) is very common with narcissists.
It is projection (ascribing his own behavior or feelings to you) and gaslighting (saying what is true is not true).
It makes for very confusing conversations because the reasonable person just keeps thinking it’s a communication problem between two adults who are acting in good faith and with mutual love and respect.
The narcissistic person is playing by completely different rules, is not acting in good faith, and does not respect their partner as an independent and equally important person.
Once you understand that, these conversations make a lot more sense.” zepuzzler
13. AITJ For Giving My Daughter Extra Funds?
“I (31f) have one child (12f). My partner (32f) has one child (11m). We all live together and have for almost a year now. My daughter and I moved to be with them.
A couple of weekends ago the kids wanted to take their birthday money and go shopping.
The son’s birthday was in July but he had quite a bit of money left. My daughter’s birthday is coming up but we gave her the money a little early. We both told the kids that their birthday money was all they were going to have and no one was getting extra.
The day we were taking them shopping one of my partner’s family members went with us. Everyone looked around at a few stores. My daughter is the type to buy several smaller things with her money, while my partner’s son always buys one big thing.
Everyone gets ready to leave and my partner’s son starts complaining that he doesn’t have any money to buy anything. He had over 100 dollars. He wanted something that exactly cost the amount of money he had. My partner told him she would help with the tax.
The family member of my partner overhears this and says she would help. They go into the store and I go to put stuff in the car. They come out and I ask my partner if his item was paid for and she said yes.
I said ok I’m giving my daughter the same amount extra and she said ok. The son started throwing a fit saying that wasn’t fair and I didn’t do that for him. In my eyes they both had the same amount, it just came from two different places.
Now her family is mad at me and is excluding my daughter from stuff that they would have normally included her in. So AITJ?
Edit: The son had his entire item paid for by the family member, not just tax.
He got the item and still had all of his money.
He went to a family member after the shopping trip and complained about my daughter getting ‘extra.'”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are being super freaking petty here, in my opinion, unless there is something I’m missing.
It makes no sense for them to be upset in any way over this. I mean if the son’s gift required only the extra tax amount basically then this wouldn’t even have been that much extra you gave your daughter.
And it makes perfect sense to make their amounts even. It doesn’t matter where the extra funds came from. My question is this though, if you and your partner agreed on this then why is her family even involved in this conversation/issue?
They need to stop being jerks. And who excludes a 12-year-old child because of such a petty thing? Her family totally sounds like jerks here to me. And another question, how did they even become aware of what occurred? They shouldn’t even be involved in this at all.
What the heck? Stand your ground man.” Own_Log9691
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Each partner should deal with their side of the family. This shouldn’t be your burden to carry or explain (or your daughter’s for that matter) but your partner’s.
They should deal with their child’s tantrum, and explain the fairness of it all (I’m sure he wouldn’t have liked it either if the roles were reversed with your daughter, and he got less money).
But it’s also your partner’s role to deal with the exclusion of your daughter.
If anything, this isn’t happening because her side is toxic, but it’s enabled by either the boundaries she has or doesn’t have with them. What would happen if she stood up for your daughter? Isn’t that what blended families are all about?
So I don’t think those relatives are as much in the wrong as your partner. They can feel all they want about your daughter – but it’s your partner who determines the kind of treatment that will fly.” Ok_Examination7163
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like her son is a spoiled brat who wants to one-up your daughter. If your partner isn’t sticking up for your daughter to her family then you need to remove yourself and your daughter from this relationship.
If she is someone you plan to marry and treats your daughter this badly over a small amount of money just wait until something big comes along. Do what’s best for your daughter, not your partner.” murphy2345678
12. AITJ For Not Caring If My Extended Family Comes To My Wedding Or Not?
“I (30f) am getting married to my fiancé (32m) next year. Neither of us is particularly religious, but his mum is very devout. She lost a son (my fiancé’s brother) when he was fourteen and the church helped her through that unimaginable pain.
When my fiancé proposed to me (about 18 months ago now) and we started discussing the wedding, she pulled me to one side and asked if I’d consider converting and getting married in the church my fiancé was raised going to.
I was raised Anglican (I’m English), but in an Anglo-Catholic church (one that bases its teachings and services on the Catholic church), and my fiancé is Irish Catholic.
I should, at this point, emphasize that while I was raised in a Christian school and went to church as a child, my family is absolutely not devout Christians.
At most, they’re ‘wedding, funeral, Christmas’ Christians, if you see what I mean.
I thought about what my mother-in-law asked and I spoke to a priest in my local church about it too and decided that I’d like to do it.
This isn’t something I just decided based on my mother-in-law asking me, but I also can’t say I’d have done it if she hadn’t suggested it.
Anyway, we just sent the invitations out for the wedding next year and my extended family has now realized that the wedding’s going to be in a Catholic church, and it’s in Ireland.
My parents and brother obviously knew and are supportive, but my dad’s sisters apparently researched the church ‘to look for accommodation nearby’ and have discovered that it’s Catholic. They’ve all called my dad and are asking why we’re getting married in a Catholic church and not a protestant church, and if he’s happy ‘I’m moving to a different religion’, like 1) it matters, and 2) it’s not exactly the same god anyway.
They’ve started accusing me of ‘turning my back on the family’, and are suggesting we should have a ‘proper’ wedding in England and just a small service for his family in Ireland because we live and met in England.
I told my dad that if they didn’t want to come they were welcome not to, but he’s begging me to consider throwing a small ceremony in my town too so they feel included. If they’d gone about it differently (for instance, if they’d approached me personally and said they couldn’t afford the trip or something), then maybe I’d have considered that, but given how they’ve gone about this, I don’t want to do anything for them.
It’s putting my dad in a tough spot because he’s the oldest and the only boy, and he’s very protective of his sisters and his relationship with them.
Am I being the jerk by refusing to throw a ceremony in England for them after this/telling them to shove it up their butts?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you’re going to have to treat this like a destination wedding (which… I guess it technically is, England to Ireland just isn’t the distance I usually consider a ‘destination’ living in the States). Looking up some advice on destination weddings might be a good call, I’m sure any blog about those has at least one article of responses for family throwing a fit about not being able to attend.
Suspend all responses until you can work up a default one to give everyone that covers as many bases as possible – you’re sorry if they can’t attend because of cost, this is important to you and your fiance, optional guilt trip about you understand if other factors overcome their love for you, etc.” inkpaperdream
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Why should you have the extra expense of another ceremony just to please them?
If they really love you as much as they claim they’d support you and accept that you made these choices and this is the wedding you want.
Sometimes weddings bring out the worst in people but at least it’s shown you who really cares about you.
Hope things get better for you and Congrats!” ColdstreamCapple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you guys met and live in the UK does it not occur to your family that it might mean a lot to your partner to have the ceremony in his home country?
If they can’t respect the choices you are freely making for yourself then that is their loss.
And people referencing the troubles need to get a grip. If anything it would be far more understandable for the Irish side of the family to not want to visit England given the two countries’ histories (where, spoiler alert, England is not the good guy!)” -eatplants-
11. AITJ For Telling My Friend The Truth About Why I Don't Want To Room With Her?
“I’m looking for a new place, probably just a studio or one bedroom, because of price and not really wanting some rando roommate.
My friend Gertrude said that they had an extra room they’d be willing to rent out. She said they used to rent to another friend of hers but she moved out and they’d only rent to someone that’s a friend or family.
I considered it but then the subject of utilities came up. Her partner has 2 kids that are there half the month. Gertrude said, ‘well we’d split utilities 3 ways’.
If that was how they wanted to split utilities I figured groceries would be the same way.
Which yea ‘we’d all split food costs, any food would be for anyone’.
To me, that just seemed like it’d benefit them more than me for me to move in. Her partner is also… unmotivated and doesn’t even go to work half the time/she pretty much supports him/his kids.
I’m sure it would just be her and I buying food and the kids would help themselves to it so I’d be buying more but getting less.
I didn’t feel like paying for groceries for 4 other people but only splitting it 3 ways if that.
Same with utilities.
So I ended up saying ‘Nah that’s okay I’ll keep looking,’ when she brought it up.
She said ‘how? It’s less rent for more space?’ I said, ‘yea but splitting utilities and food 3 ways for 5 people, I’m the one that’d be paying more for less’.
She sorta had an attitude but said ‘fine was just trying to help you out’.
I guess she ran around to other mutual friends and said that I accused her of trying to scam me when she was just trying to give me another option.
Friends said, ‘when you live with other people that’s just how it works it’s split amongst adults. You shouldn’t nickel and dime when you live with friends it all works out’.
I just don’t think I should have to help support someone else’s kids.
AITJ for saying no and being honest about why?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Gertrude cannot seriously think anyone would be ok with that split. If this were me, those ‘friends’ she whined to who say ‘that’s just how it works when you live with friends’ would be told that that’s exactly why I was honest with Gertrude about not wanting to get into a roommate situation with three other additional people in the mix.
If there’s anyone who chose not to be an adult here, it’s Gertrude. She had a tantrum when she was told no thank you. You were right to decline her offer.” Admirable-Frog-3748
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t say you had picked up that she was trying to scam you, she was the one trying to scam you though, and didn’t appreciate you not going along with the crap.
You do need to clear the air with the other people in your group and tell them exactly what happened, and if they aren’t willing to listen to you you need to accept that they’re not your friends. Because if they’re not willing to hear your account of things and hear what she was asking for and take in that she absolutely was trying to scam you and have you finance her and her partner’s life and their children, then they aren’t friends of yours.
You do in fact nickel and dime to a certain degree when you’re living with other people. Because you ensure that you are paying an equitable portion of the general expenses, and you financially protect yourself from being taken advantage of in other ways.
Her wanting you to cover groceries and cover a third of the utilities when five people would be living in the house is not acceptable.
She’s not your friend and you should just straight up toss her aside, but you need to review the rest of your group and find out if any of those people are actually your friends, or if they would rather you be scammed by her so that she and her partner will have more funds available to them so that they can hang more often.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She was scamming you, even if it wasn’t meant to be. Sharing a place with friends is a 50/50 on working out in my opinion — especially when one of the roommates has a romantic partner or kids.
You will be the odd one out and you would be obligated to take care of the kids by default. Feeding them, potentially driving them somewhere, or watching them if the guy doesn’t feel like it and the friend is busy.
And paying 1/3 of the groceries for 5 people, where everyone has free range to anything there does not benefit you very much. Less privacy in a sense. I also fail to see how 5 people in one place would leave plenty of room, kids, without meaning to, take up a lot of room.
It’s a lot of downfalls, and you said nothing wrong in response by telling her you did not accept the offer.” TiredDepravity
10. AITJ For Not Giving My Niece A Doll?
“I (38F) have always collected dolls, and have about 300 now – Living Dead Dolls, American Girl, Monster High, Reborn, Madame Alexander, BJDs, and antiques. They’re in every room of my house except the bathrooms. I don’t intend to buy anymore, because I’ve filled up all the places I can reasonably put dolls.
I am not a hoarder – they’re arranged very neatly and I keep them clean. Do they creep people out? Yes. Do I care? No. But my brother (29) has always hated them.
Last week, he came over with his 7-year-old daughter, uninvited. I generally don’t allow children in my home, but I make an exception for my niece, who’s very well-behaved for her age.
Like me, she’s autistic, and we both love dolls. She’s allowed to hold (not play with) certain dolls under my supervision, and we watch Monster High movies/webisodes together when I babysit. I also buy her dolls of her own and encourage her to bring them over.
Since they came over unexpectedly, she didn’t bring her own dolls. I let her hold my Jackson Jekyll doll, and my brother said I should just give it to her since she likes the character in the webisodes. I politely told him no, as the doll is one of my favorites and has been discontinued. He became very irritated, saying I was being ‘selfish and childish’, and said I shouldn’t care about a ‘boring, ugly’ doll, and finally accused me of hoarding.
I took the doll back and told him to leave.
Since then, our other siblings have been texting me, saying I should just give my niece the doll. I have refused for 3 reasons: she doesn’t actually want it, as she understands that my dolls aren’t toys, it happens to be one of my favorite dolls, and I have a whole set-up on my bookshelf where I have it and my Holt Hyde doll with Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Mary Reily, Hyde by Daniel Levine, and Unforgivable Stories.
(Frankie Stein is with Frankenstein, The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein, and Pride and Prometheus if anyone was curious.)
My siblings say my reasoning is childish and petty, and I’m starting to feel like I should just give her the doll so they’ll stop harping on it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Those are your personal belongings. Giving them away should only happen due to your own volition. Your brother is acting like a child, having a temper tantrum about not getting the ‘toy’ he wants.
Maybe ‘next time’ tell your brother that you’re willing to part with it if he buys it off of you for what it’s worth.
Then cite the price that some collectors would pay for a limited edition item like that, maybe that’ll get him thinking. And I know that those things can be rather expensive, especially limited edition stuff like yours.
Whatever the case, your brother is childish and petty for how he handled not getting what he wants, and I DO mean what HE wants, not what your niece wants.
The only thing I would add at this point would be, if they’re reasonable, to properly sit down with your other sibling who has been texting you, maybe give them a call, and calmly talk about how your brother insists on getting something he doesn’t even want in the first place, with a focus on how your niece did NOT want that.
Anyways, I’m sensing some pretty immature vibes from your brother. He may have some kind of mental development problems or other issues?” gabgab01
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for your interaction with your niece. This is something the two of you are supposedly bonding over.
If it’s her that’s asking for it absolutely. You respect your niece knowing that she knows they aren’t toys but collectibles and is well-behaved with them. You literally watch the show with her and you think she doesn’t actually want the doll?
You two are so similar (she’s autistic and enjoys Monster High and respects dolls) and you refuse to bond closer with her. I’m autistic too I know how hard it is with this stuff. But think about how much it would mean to her.
However, you are well within your right to say no to your brother asking on her behalf in a spoiling child way and not give her anything. NTJ in regards to your brother and your siblings.” Slimboy_fat101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your siblings should stop harassing you to give one of your collector dolls to your niece. The dolls are important to you, and your niece has fun admiring them in your house.
Your niece sounds like a sweet girl, and it’s wonderful that the two of you understand each other.
Keep sharing your joy with your niece, and encourage her to find her own collection. The niece could collect rocks, sea shells, dolls, model cars, stamps, or whatever else she decides is her passion.
Your siblings’ demands risk ruining this nice relationship.
They are showing your niece that it is okay to act like an entitled bully. Don’t cave to their pressure. Ask them: if a nephew admired his uncle’s coin collection, would they pester his uncle to give parts of his collection to his nephew?
Your siblings should show you more kindness and appreciation, in my opinion.” justmeat23
9. AITJ For Wanting My Mom To Tell My Aunt To Leave?
“I’m F16, my mom is 42 and my aunt is 54. I’ve always loved my aunt but there are certain boundaries not to be crossed, in my opinion.
My aunt is a really loud, obnoxious, and very very flashy and pretentious person. She lives in the UK, and we live in Ireland. My mother is the opposite of her.
Earlier this year in April it was my dad’s birthday and we were just gonna have a barbecue, but she decided she wanted to travel from the UK for it which is fine, I thought she’d be staying a couple of days.
She ended up staying for THREE MONTHS. Until JULY. I had no heads up she was coming. At the end of May/start of June, I had exams, and I study in the kitchen because it’s just easier for me to focus.
My family understands that. My aunt, on the other hand, does not. The DAY before my exams started, while my parents were at work and I was studying, she decided to throw herself a barbecue and blasted music on a massive speaker and drink, and dance, just to show off for her social media status.
I obviously could not focus at all because how can one study with a one-man party in the background? I was in literal disbelief because she knew I had exams the next day, and clearly lacks common sense, but I didn’t say anything because I try to be as respectful as possible especially to the extended family because everything is considered rude these days.
I could give plenty more examples of how disrespectful, petty, and entitled she has been while staying with us but we’ll be here all day.
Fast forward to September. I’m in 6th year now, the leaving cert year in Ireland.
They are very important exams and it’s a very stressful and significant year. I’ve been trying to stay on top of keeping a job and keeping up with school too.
Anyways my aunt decided she wanted to come back at the beginning of September, for what reason, who knows?
I was obviously devastated by this news and I just want to add that she has health issues and also lymphedema so she has difficulties traveling so I don’t know why she travels so much. She injured her foot BADLY while traveling here which I have no sympathy for because you’re an idiot if you continuously travel knowing the doctors told you to STOP.
Long story short she had to go to the hospital and now I’m stuck with her being here because she’s too scared to go home, so she’s gonna be here for the rest of the year it seems like.
I’m SO frustrated because I cannot focus with her here and this is a very important year in my life, so I told my parents they need to let her know it’s time to leave, but my dad said I’m rude and disrespectful.
My mom understands where I’m coming from but she doesn’t wanna be rude and send her away. Am I the jerk for wanting her gone? I literally cannot take it anymore I’m so frustrated.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would be calm, but firm, and tell your parents that they must know this is a very important time for you and by bending over backward for your aunt they are endangering your results and making it very hard and stressful for you to study.
You really want them to consider it again and ask her to leave. While she is here you want them to tell your aunt that your study time has to be respected and that she has to be considerate of that while she’s here, which means no disruptive activities.
If she wants to dance and blast music or otherwise act the fool for social media she has a home to do it in. If she is in someone else’s house she should be mindful not to disrupt the lives of the people who actually live there.” jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s incredibly unfair of your parents to expect you to deal with this while trying to concentrate on exams AND hold down a job. Their main focus should be providing the right environment for YOU, not your aunt.
It’s their house their rules but it’s also your home so I understand your upset.
When you said to your parents about her leaving did you go through the reasons like you did here? If not then slight ESH as that would’ve been too abrupt and uncommunicative.” Britsgirl30
Another User Comments:
“No, you are NTJ. You need a suitable environment for your studies, and it is your parents’ responsibility to provide that for you. Being a student is a full-time job, and if they want you to succeed they must prevent your aunt from disturbing you.
You can not demand they send aunt away but I think you should insist on having some peace and quiet.” justmeat23
8. AITJ For Not Inviting My Step-Sister To My Son's Baptism?
“I (32f) married my husband (33m) two years ago, and we just had our first child together. We had a fairly ‘intimate’ wedding and only invited a select few people (close family and friends).
My parents divorced when I was twenty and my dad remarried when I was twenty-five. His new wife has a daughter, ‘Kelly’, who’s 26. I’ve lived in a different country since I graduated from university, so I’ve only met Kelly on a handful of occasions and we’re not close.
However, I included her in the invite list because she’s part of my dad’s family.
On my wedding day, Kelly showed up in a pure white cocktail dress. It was extremely over-the-top (think mid-thigh slit, plunging neckline). Very much a ‘draw attention to yourself’ type of dress.
Even ignoring the color, it was super inappropriate as we got married in a church. On the day itself, I decided to just ignore it and make the most of my day, but that didn’t stop members of my family and my husband’s family from asking me who she was and if I’d given her permission.
It was just unnecessary drama, and while it didn’t spoil the wedding, it certainly tainted it a little.
I spoke to my dad about it afterward and he told me that he hadn’t realized what she was going to wear until they got to the church (she traveled separately), or he’d have told her not to.
He said he’d spoken to her about it, and she said that she didn’t realize it would be inappropriate to wear white because the wedding was in a different country. We got married in France and I refuse to believe she genuinely thought the rules on wedding attire are drastically different here.
Anyway, we’ve just sent out invitations for our son’s baptism and this time, I didn’t include Kelly on the invite to my dad and his wife. He called me to ask if it was an oversight, and I said no, it wasn’t.
I didn’t want her there after what she did at my wedding. It was embarrassing and I didn’t want my son’s baptism to be tainted the same way.
My dad’s wife is very upset and has stated clearly that if she’s not invited, none of them will be going.
It puts my dad in a tough position, but I don’t want her there.
AITJ for not allowing her to come?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s not really family. You were already an adult when he met his new wife and you really have little to no prior relationship with her also adult daughter.
It sounds like his wife and her daughter are trying to create conflict between you and your dad. I’d arrange to talk to him without her present and actually discuss what’s going on. She is essentially telling him that he won’t be at an important event in his child and grandchild’s life because you’re not inviting her daughter who has a history of causing issues at your events?
How much of his relationship with you and his grandchild is he willing to sacrifice to make her happy? I would suggest if he doesn’t set boundaries now with these demands it could end up with him not being allowed to have a relationship with your child.” Pleasant-Koala147
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Do not wear white to a wedding unless you’re the bride. It’s a cardinal rule. She knew it. She decided to be an attention-seeking brat, at your wedding. There is no excuse. She’s lucky she wasn’t thrown out of your wedding.
The fact you don’t want to invite her to your son’s baptism is perfectly natural after her ridiculous attention-grabbing at your wedding. I’d call your father, ask him to put it on speaker for his wife to hear, and state that fact.
Ask your stepmother if she’d be okay with you wearing white to your stepsister’s wedding. If the answer is no, then she surely understands that her daughter crossed a line and isn’t welcome to any more events of yours as a result.
If your father decides to skip your son’s baptism, I’d make it clear that he won’t get invites to anything else. As he’s choosing his wife, and her daughter, over you and your son. If you’d done something wrong, that would be fine.
But his stepdaughter was wrong, and his wife is enabling it. So your father is making a choice to hurt you, to make his wife happy. He should at least tell his wife that if she wants to stay home and give your stepsister a pity party, then she’s welcome to, but that he’ll be attending his grandson’s baptism.
It may be a difficult situation, but he’s choosing them over you OP, and your child deserves to be number one, not his wife and spoiled, entitled stepdaughter. I’d have had someone drop some red wine on that jerk at the wedding party.
Good luck OP. Don’t let them guilt trip you.” LadyBladeWarAngel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and YTJ at the same time, the wedding has happened, she wore inappropriate clothing but she’s the only one who looks like a fool because everyone was talking about her in a negative way.
I don’t know how religious you are but a christening isn’t a huge deal where I’m from, it’s more of a nice party to introduce a child to their extended family and friends. I don’t know how much of an attention seeker this step-sister is but it’s going to be difficult for her to upstage a super cute baby unless she comes dressed as a giant baby.
You are kind of putting your dad in an awkward situation by making him choose between his wife and daughter and you, considering he lives with his wife he’s going to side with her to make his life easy. Don’t cause a rift between you and your dad and be the bigger person.
I know why you feel like how you feel but by letting her and her white dress live rent-free in your brain, you are only letting it dampen the memory of your wedding, and if the only thing that went wrong is a step-sister trying and failing to upstage you then you had a good time.
There’s always a guest that makes a fool of themselves. Prove to them that you don’t care.” Huckleberry_Training
7. AITJ For Telling Our Friends To Go Home After Asking Them To Watch Our House?
“We asked a friend to come watch our house and cats for a night before the family could come to take over the next day.
We left very early in the morning and they were supposed to be there around 8 AM to feed the cats, and said they’d just work from our house since they can work from home.
They didn’t show up until noon.
We have our doorbell camera and it announces when someone shows up. This bothered us because one of our cats is in remission for diabetes and is on a very strict feeding schedule to prevent him from going back on insulin.
Anyways, we didn’t think too much of it after that even though it was bothersome.
A few hours later they text my partner and ask if they can invite a friend to our house for dinner. It’s a mutual friend from college.
My partner and this friend don’t necessarily always see eye to eye, so we said something to the effect of, ‘the pets get overwhelmed with new people when we’re not there.’ One of the cats is a recent addition to the family in the last couple of months and this was our first time away since we got him.
Our friend says, ‘no problem, I get it.’
The doorbell cam goes off and the other friend is there, they leave and come back with food. We give it the benefit of the doubt, maybe they just came in to say bye or use the restroom.
We check back and see that their car still hasn’t left. After a while, confirming they aren’t leaving, we decide to call them.
I’ll admit, I was very terse. I said we were frustrated with the late arrival and that you asked about the friend, we said no and we knew they were there anyways.
I said, pack your bag and leave and we will have someone else come in the morning.
It felt dishonest to ask and then do it anyways, and my partner was so upset that it made me get even more incensed.
Are we the jerks here?”
Another User Comments:
“They asked permission to invite someone else into your home while you were away. Whether or not that was a reasonable request, you said no. Your friend not only ignored your wishes, but they lied about it.
It’s a sinkhole of their own making, therefore you’re NTJ.
That said, it sounds like you have fairly regimented cat needs (completely understandable). So you could have shown some flexibility for the friend doing you the favor re: dinner companion, especially if there was no pay.
They help you, you help them.
Turns out you caught your friend in a bare-faced lie, but I also hope you warned them you would be monitoring their activity through the doorbell.” DebianDoesDallas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For one the task that they were there for is to take care of your pets, not feeding them at the appropriate time and bringing new things into their environment that makes them uncomfortable is already not doing that.
This person bringing someone into your home after you told them that was not acceptable is absolutely wrong and you handled this perfectly by telling them to pack up their things and leave. It was extremely dishonest and a trashy thing to do that denotes that this person has no respect for you.
You and your partner are not jerks for being upset about this.” JCBashBash
6. AITJ For Setting Limits On Sleepovers?
“My husband (45m) and I (32f) have a blended family with 4 children under the age of 12.
All of the children primarily live with us.
We have a large couch in our living room, and since summer break the children have been asking to sleep on the couch and watch a movie on days they don’t have school.
We used to make the decision together, but recently he’s been ignoring what I’ve said and overruling my decision, allowing the kids to sleep on the couch every Friday night. When it was a shared decision I would allow it based on behavior the week before and treat it like a reward.
Now, it seems it’s a weekly pattern.
I work Saturday mornings and really need time to wake up and get myself together, and prior to this new arrangement, I loved having our downstairs to myself in the mornings – I could do everything I needed to without having to be quiet or tiptoe around.
The kids sleeping on the couch puts them directly in my space and I feel obligated to be quieter and change my morning routine.
AITJ for limiting these sleepovers to once a month and putting some boundaries down?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but the compromise is to let them do it, as long as they know that you’ll be getting up early and when they wake up they go back to their beds. You will not be tiptoeing around them, even if it’s early.
They’re kids, so let them be kids. But also, they’re kids, so if you need to work, you come first and they get off the couch and into their beds.” stropette
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You have a blended family with four little kids who have developed a tradition of camping out in the living room and watching a movie on Friday night and you want to stop that?!
Most mothers in blended families would be over the moon whereas you’re fuming about how to break up all that awful harmony and togetherness and bonding. Ugh. UGH.” HeartpineFloors
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – family traditions start in this way, and the fact that this helps them blend/bond is good.
However, you do need to go to work. Just do what you need to and don’t tiptoe around. I agree that it might be nice to try and move it to a Saturday night, which I would suggest a couple of weeks down the line after you have gently woken people up on a Saturday morning.
Make it their decision… even maybe suggest it one week as a one-off (plan something different on Friday) and then they will enjoy not being roused on Sunday and hopefully make it a permanent change.” CythraulGoch
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
Just do your morning routine, you don’t have to tiptoe around them. Don’t be rude of course and intentionally make loud noise, but lady, your kids are bonding. You should be happy about that especially since it’s so hard to blend families nowadays.
Literally, you’ll see so many posts from families that don’t blend. On top of that, they don’t have school the next day so if the only reason you’re upset is that you don’t get a whole floor to yourself to get ready for work then you need to build a bridge and get over it.
I don’t even think it needs to be a joint decision or a reward honestly. It’s Friday night and they wanna camp together instead of in their rooms. Let it be.” KiratheCat
5. AITJ For Giving My Roommate A Week To Move Out?
“I (28f) was renting a house from my mom and needed a roommate to help with the bills. My roommate (21f) had never lived on her own before and I had to deal with basically teaching her how to live with someone that’s not your family as well as the simple things like don’t flush your tampons (she causes many sewer backups because of this).
My roommate has a very entitled sense about her.
When she moved in my mom interviewed her and told her that she will be selling the house to my sister and her husband in October 2022 so she needed to be out by the end of September.
My roommate agreed to say that it was fine and signed the lease.
Fast forward we are now at the end of September I just closed on a house for myself and my sister has closed on the house I currently live in.
My mom has been telling the both of us since July that we needed to find other places to live. My roommate called my mom saying that she needs another month in the house as she hasn’t found anywhere to live.
My mom explained to her that the house was no longer hers so she doesn’t have a say but my mom being the kind-hearted and selfless woman she is called my sister and asked if my roommate can stay a little longer.
My sister agreed to a week. My mom tells my roommate and my roommate flips saying that she was being cruel and how dare she kick someone out on the street. My mom said that when she signed the lease she knew she had to be out at the end of September and then reminded her of the constant reminders she gave us that we had to be out.
My mom asked if she had even checked out any places my roommate said no and that she just figured that I would ask her to move in with me again since I bought a 2 bedroom home. She said she thought I bought the place with her in mind.
I looked at her and told her no that I was finally financially stable enough to live on my own and that’s what I was going to do. She then told me I was being selfish and should be on her side because she was about to get kicked out.
I told her that my mom was in the right and she was given more than enough warning and had told me she was looking (which she was not).
She started yelling at both of us calling us names and telling my mom that she was going to sue her because of all the trauma this is causing her.
All my mom kept asking me after was am I wrong, should I have just let her stay? Both I and my sister said no since this is no longer her house and she had a lease written up for the place that my roommate signed. I would like to note that my mom had told her she didn’t have to pay September’s rent as she knew finding a place is tough and cost a lot of money.
So are we the jerk for telling my roommate she has to leave?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and she’s not going to waste her time and money suing when she had a lease with a Sept end date and was given generous reminders about the looming date.
She doesn’t have a leg to stand on here and she knows that. She’s still young enough to think that threatening someone with a lawsuit sounds scary enough to get your way. The reality is that it’s the case of a simple contract and she signed a lease that ended in September – she agreed to the terms and can’t change the rules of play in the middle of the game.
If she won’t leave, your mom can file for an eviction, which when granted would drastically limit her rental options moving forward. People tend not to want to rent to a person who had to be forcibly evicted.” FaithlessnessAway479
Another User Comments:
“As both a functioning adult AND a real estate agent you and your mom/sister are absolutely… NTJ. A contract was signed by both parties and plenty of warnings and reminders were given. It was nice of your mom to give an extra week but way beyond what she needed to.
And if she’d sold to someone who wasn’t your sister she’d be sadly out of luck as many buyers would not allow her to stay. That being said look into the eviction process in your state just in case as it’s not as simple as putting her stuff on the curb and having your sister change all the locks in the home when she takes ownership (I tell all clients to do this any time they purchase a home but given the situation, I’d def make it a priority).
Roommate needs a dose of reality. Can’t believe she just assumed you would buy a house with a room for her in it. Congratulations on your home purchases and best of luck.” Silver_Advantage8576
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She is not entitled to a place to live KNOWING before she moved in that she would have to move.
If it was a part of the lease you should be good legally.
She also was given REPEATEDLY reminders of having to look for another place because it was being sold. She LIED about looking for another place to live and then ASSUMED that she would also be able to move in with you.
NO. NO. NO. NO.
Her lack of living arrangement is ALL ON HER. For not looking. For lying. For her entitlement. For her not being ready for the harsh REALITY of adulthood and the real world. Her homelessness is her own fault.
She had noticed from the beginning and IGNORED it. Give her one last notice of 30 days so you are covered legally and make sure someone is there while she packs and moves out.” SuperHuckleberry125
4. AITJ For Calling My Aunt "Mom"?
“I (15F) live with my dad and visit my mom every weekend. my aunt also lives with me and dad. She used to look after me while my dad was working so our relationship is closer than other aunts and nieces and sometimes I even accidentally call her mom.
For my birthday I was at my mom’s and she decided to invite her family for dinner to celebrate my birthday. My cousins asked me about what my parents bought me for my birthday and I was telling them that my mom bought a new phone for me.
My mom looked at me confused and said she didn’t buy me a phone and I was like yeah I know I wasn’t talking about you. She said but you said I did and I told her no I was talking about my aunt who actually raised me, I wasn’t talking about you.
My mom’s family all think I’m a jerk and my mom expects me to apologize and not call my aunt mom anymore but my dad and aunt said I did nothing wrong and I don’t owe anyone an apology.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with YTJ. You were at your Mother’s house, who threw a dinner party for you to celebrate your birthday, and for no real reason, you told her in front of everyone that you don’t consider her your Mother.
That’s rude and insulting to embarrass her in front of everyone. For once could you not have said ‘my aunt’? I think everyone has called a teacher or other close female ‘mom’ at one point. Could you not have just said, ‘I meant my aunt’ and left it there?
You are entitled to how you feel about your mother and your aunt, but I think you should apologize for embarrassing her in front of everyone like that.” GeminiAtl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Calling someone mom has become more of a term of affection.
An example is getting older siblings gifts for mother’s/father’s day or ‘mom friend’. I understand why your bio mom would be upset and maybe you should apologize for hurting/embarrassing her, but you are not the jerk just for calling your aunt mom.” itty-bitty-kings
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I was going to say ‘Gentle YTJ’ but the more I think about it, nope, you’re just a jerk here, teenager or not.
To be clear, you’re NOT a jerk for feeling closer to your aunt than to your mom, or feeling like she’s a mother figure to you.
Not at all. That’s totally reasonable. You aren’t even a jerk if you sometimes ADDRESS her as ‘mom’ when you’re with her, without thinking about it. I was a preschool aide, and the number of times little kids who felt safe and cared for and close to me called me ‘mommy’ is… well, innumerable, LOL.
It’s totally normal and not a big deal, and if she basically raised you, you’re certainly not a jerk for occasionally forgetting and calling her ‘mom’ to her face.
But that’s not what this was.
This was you, in conversation with entirely other people, WITH YOUR ACTUAL MOTHER PRESENT, referring to your aunt IN THE THIRD PERSON as ‘my mom’.
That’s not a thing that happens by accident. That’s a choice. The woman who gave birth to you, and who IS present in your life on a regular basis (every single weekend is not a negligible amount, it’s what most FATHERS in divorced families spend with their kids) was right there, and you CHOSE to refer to another woman as ‘my mom’.
That was deliberate, petty, and deeply hurtful, and you are more than old enough to know that. YTJ.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
3. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Pay Bills?
“I M(23) have been with my partner (22) for 5 years. We’re both part-time college students and full-time workers.
I lucked out and got a decent job making around $60-65k a year depending on sales and also have a rental property that nets around $300 a month. My partner works as a Dental Assistant making $19 an hour and works 36 hours a week which equals roughly $37k a year with bonuses.
I’ve always usually paid for things because I knew I made more money. Recently we moved in together and I was ok with paying for most everything because I was under the impression my partner had no savings so I wanted her to save up and didn’t want to burden her, as her schooling is more difficult than mine.
She would always say that she has no money because of the bills that she had to pay. My partner got her car paid for by her dad and gets college for free through work. So she pays car insurance and whatever she spends on her credit card.
I on the other hand had to put down all the deposits for the apartment. I currently pay $1k for rent plus roughly $400 for all other utilities. On top of that, I still have to pay my car note and my college tuition.
My partner does help out buying some groceries and helps with the laundry. But groceries for the month don’t equal $1400.
Recently my partner left a bank receipt out with her total savings amount that I happened to take a glance at which turned out to be $40k in a savings account.
Now I’m questioning why I’m paying so much more of our living expenses. We recently got into an argument about finances and I brought up her savings account. My partner got mad that I found out and is accusing me of snooping around her stuff.
And now is trying to say that I make almost double so I should pay for most of the expenses.
So I need to know AITJ for asking her to help pay more?
Edit: my savings account is nowhere near hers.
My savings is at around 5k because of the rental property I purchased about 4 months ago.
I don’t want her to take funds out of her savings. What I would like is before she puts her whole check into the savings to help out with a utility bill or two.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This issue seems to be more about a lack of communication about finances. You have every right to demand she pay an equitable share. Meaning if you make double then she pays for 33% of the bills.
Though bringing this up during an argument might not be the best move.
She’s right that your bigger income means you should get a bigger share of the bills. I hesitate to call her a jerk as you volunteered to pay for the bills to help her save.
People saying they have no money is something a lot of people say, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s true. There might be reasons they think this way, like a lower earning potential, previously higher standards of living, etc. She might be operating under the assumption you have a much bigger nest egg.
Be open about both your finances and how you both want to pay for things moving forward.” InternationalAd6614
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, but not a very big one, and she’s not blameless. You both need to get a LOT better at communication.
Sounds like you invited her to live with you based on certain premises – you pay for everything while she pays for some groceries and laundry (or does the laundry?). Then you find out she has more in savings than you thought, so you demand she pay more – except not really.
Because you say that you ‘got into a fight about finances’ and only THEN did you bring up the savings account. Which makes me think you were fighting about something ELSE, and leaving out some big part of the story.
But whatever happened, it was a bad way to approach it. You don’t bring up the savings account you happened to have seen in the middle of a fight. You don’t bring up rearranging money splits in the middle of a fight – or bring it up in such a way that it’s a ‘fight.’ Especially since you have no idea where or how she got that $40K, or why she has it.
The way to approach this would have been with the proposal of rearranging the way you split things and your feelings. Lots of ‘I’ statements and not accusing her of hiding things.
Also, I don’t understand how or why you were able to afford an investment property after working for merely a year at $65K, but still pay rent at the place you live in.
That’s not really relevant, it just struck me as odd and another sign we aren’t getting the whole story regarding your financial situation or how this fight started.” Aelfgifu_Unready
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Based on income, you make double.
So whilst you might pay a bit more, she should be paying some of her way, not nothing. Maybe a 70%, or 30% split of all expenses. If she lived by herself, she would be paying her own way.
I think her savings is immaterial because maybe she had that money for a long time, maybe it was a gift. What concerns me is that she is saying she’s broke, that is a lie.
A lie is a lie is a lie. Lying about your finances is not acceptable, especially when you are meant to be a team and you are contributing more. For me it’s not about the money but the lying about the money that needs to be addressed. Her focusing on how you found out, has detracted from the lie.
You should also be saving funds. Simply put you should both be putting the same amount of savings away. Your rental net of 300 should be going into a separate account and used for emergency repairs or maintenance. This is not savings, this is for the property only.” oleanderbutton
Another User Comments:
“I think what she has saved is irrelevant and that money is hers just like the rental property is yours.
It just sounds like you should come up with an equitable split of expenses, usually based on salary.
You might also each contribute funds each month to a shared account for expenses incurred for the relationship (food, therapy, trips, etc).
What she does with the rest of her funds and what you do with the rest of your money are irrelevant.
I’d say YTJ for pointing to her personal savings as the reason relationship expenses need to change. Relationship expenses should be shared because you are both working and it’s reasonable for both of you to contribute. Full stop, her being a good saver isn’t the issue.
A word of warning though, she might like the deal she’s been getting and a change in that deal might make her rethink the relationship.
As an example, I had a friend who helped his partner through college, he paid all the rent and food, and she focused on tuition and books.
He estimated it was costing him $1000/month to cover her. After graduation when she got a job he was excited because now she could pay her share and he could start saving for a house with the money freed up.
But wait, she wanted a new car. She had a new job, was in her late 20s, and didn’t like having a 15-year-old car. Couldn’t they spend funds on a brand-new Camry? You see from her perspective she was getting the equivalent of $1k/month.
She was a partner/fiance worth $1k/month. So now she wanted that money spent on a car for her. When he suddenly wanted to spend it on his things she felt like ‘wait, I have a degree, I’m not making waitress money anymore, surely I’m worth more than $1000 a month, he wants to cover $0 of my expenses?’
They actually got married a few months after her graduation. They were divorced in less than a year.” OkProfessional9405
2. AITJ For Letting My Partner's Daughter Call Me "Mommy"?
“So I’ve been with a truly wonderful man (B) for the past 2 and something years and with him comes the icing on top, the cutest little 3-year-old girl (SG) you’ve ever seen.
He had her with his last significant other (EX). B absolutely adores her and rightfully has full custody of SG. Over the last year of our relationship B has really let me take a ‘motherly’ role with SG like if I put her in time out at his parents, he’ll back me up.
He even let me move in and be a ‘stay-at-home mom’. So SG and I are together all day till ‘Daddy’ gets home. B’s mom (MIL) has ALWAYS made sure to always refer to me as Meg to SG and I’m fine with that while B hasn’t been so meticulous.
SG does it sometimes too. I go all melted marshmallows every time she says it but I try to correct her. She doesn’t really care. She’s 3.
Flash forward to tonight at family dinner (with MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL, SIL son 1, SG, and me.) SIL’s son passed out on BIL’s lap and it’s SG’s bedtime.
She came in after SIL had given her a bath and put her in jammies.
‘All ready for bed princess? Should Mommy or Daddy put you to bed?’ B asked.
‘B don’t-‘ MIL began.
‘Mommy,’ SG said.
I picked her up.
‘Ok sweetie. Mommy will put you to bed.’
Before MIL started anything I took SG upstairs and put her to bed. We skipped her story cause it was so late but when I said ‘Night Sweetheart.’ She responded with ‘Night Momma.’ I became a glob of marshmallow outside her bedroom and tried not to cry.
(I always wanted to be a mom.)
When I came down the stairs I heard MIL arguing with B and SIL about my being called mommy. ‘But she’s not SG’s mother. She wasn’t there when SG was born or when she learned to walk.’
‘It doesn’t matter whether she was there or not. She’s being a wonderful mother to SG now and that’s what matters,’ SIL said.
‘Plus she’s been more of a mom to SG in the last year or so than EX has SG’s entire life.’ BIL chimed in.
‘EX is SG’s mother,’ MIL stated.
When I entered the room I just stood there. ‘And you,’ she turned to me ‘that was a really awful thing you did not to correct her. You’re not her mother.’ FIL took MIL home real quick after that, and before leaving SIL and BIL assured me they were on my side.
We went to bed not long after they left.
MIL sent a long text saying that I’m a jerk for taking a mother’s child from her and that she told EX about it. That I would never be SG’s mom and never be part of her family.
EX called B who didn’t answer then she texted me saying that I was such a horrible person for ‘stealing her baby’ and that I could go (B told me to use this term) ‘passionately hug’ myself. That I may have stolen her man but I wouldn’t steal SG too.
B told me that EX and MIL are just crazy. I have every right to be called ‘Mommy’ with everything I have and will do for SG. SIL is in agreement. I told my friends and they are split. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You didn’t force her to call you Mommy, she naturally did because you do in fact care for her as a mother should. A child can have multiple mothers and fathers. I think generally it may be normal for a parent to feel hurt knowing someone else is being called their role, and it may hurt even more if that parent isn’t involved as much in the child’s life.
But that’s their guilt because of their actions, not yours. You have done nothing wrong. Correcting SG may make her feel like you don’t want to be her mom, especially if she feels some type of abandonment by her birth mom.
Can’t really advise anything regarding MIL because I’m super petty, LOL, but keep doing what you’re doing, it sounds like you’re doing a great job!” Marie0492
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and here’s why. Whatever the ex went through, it could’ve been a mental health issue at the time and maybe she is getting help for it and trying to be better.
She deserves a chance to be the mother because she is one. You and your partner don’t get to sabotage her relationship with her child. You don’t seem to care about the pain you and your partner are causing the mother deliberately so I don’t know if you deserve to be considered a good influence on the child.
You’re actively supporting parental alienation with your partner. He could’ve screwed her over in court because he has money. You’re also very irresponsible to yourself for even agreeing to the situation you’re in where you have absolutely no control over your own life and he gets to call all the shots.
The moment the 2 of you have a real disagreement, you’ll get screwed over and that child will be the one to pay the price. You and your partner are really selfish. Your fil, sil, and bil seem judgemental too, they don’t want to believe that the ex could be trying to get better.
She could’ve had postpartum for all we know that could’ve been untreated and resulted in her actions.” queenlegolas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Never reject your sweet baby girl. And she is yours now. She’s 3, she doesn’t care about biology or birth.
She calls you mommy because that is who you are to her. She hears about mommies all the time in society, she knows that’s the woman who loves you more than anything and takes care of her; she calls you mommy because you are her mommy.
If the Ex were involved she might have 2 mommies (but that doesn’t sound like the case, and it wouldn’t diminish your role either way).
It would be cruel to correct that sweet baby. It’s a form of rejection.
And her little brain is doing so much pattern recognition and processing, it could be something genuinely hurtful to your relationship in the long run. There is no reason to inflict that on a little girl because of your MIL’s sense of propriety.
None of this has anything to do with your little one, and she shouldn’t be made to participate in this grown-up drama.” JustheBean
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You sound a little young and a two-year relationship in the scheme of things is not that long, and you’re not married. I don’t say that to be mean or hurt your feelings, but you and your partner are pushing ‘OP is your new mommy’ really hard on a three-year-old that isn’t at a place to really understand all of that.
Her biological mother is her mother and appears to be involved in her life, and the truth of the matter is you are not her mom. No matter how much you love her and you want children, you have an obligation to respect her actual mother and the current situation has the potential to damage that relationship, and you are without question undermining her as a mother in many ways in this post. Your partner needs to co-parent more effectively with his child’s mother, you need to back out of her role in HER child’s life, and you both need to find better ways to make a blended family work.
This ain’t it.
The daughter’s mother and the guy’s mother were out of line for being so rude about it rather than having an actual discussion.
If you and the guy end up having a child together that is actually yours, and you split, are you going to be happy when he is pushing his next partner to be called ‘mommy,’ be a stay-at-home ‘mom’ to your kid, discipline and raise ‘her’ baby?
Especially before the child can really understand? Something to consider.” MagicianGOBBluth
1. AITJ For Saying My Sister Is A Fat Bitter Jerk?
“I (25M) have been living with my wife (24F) for three years. She’s been my wife for two years and my partner for five. My wife is a fairly thin woman, which she is severely conscious about. She has received many rude comments about her weight, which has brought down her self-confidence.
Some of these comments come from my sister (19F). My sister was originally fine with my wife. Especially in the earlier years of our relationship. But in the past few months, she has started commenting on my wife’s weight. She would make comments such as ‘Oh, is that all you are going to eat?’ whenever my wife would fill a plate.
And things such as ‘Be careful, it’s windy outside and you might get blown away!’ whenever the weather was bad. I think I should mention that my sister has gained a noticeable amount of weight recently. I’m not trying to accuse her of anything, but could it be possible that she’s jealous of my wife?
I’ve discussed this multiple times with my parents, stating how these rude comments make my wife uncomfortable. They excuse it as my sister being an ‘edgy teenager’ and going through a ‘phase’. I’ve decided not to discuss the topic anymore with them.
Whenever I bring the conversation up with my sister, she disassociates from it and completely ignores me. I tried to ask if she wanted to talk to me about anything (see what was causing this behavior) and she shut me out.
My wife and I have slowly started talking to her less, but we can’t completely cut her out of our lives since she is family. Because of this, we have been biting our tongues and dealing with them. Well, that is, until the other day.
My wife and I decided to invite the family over to celebrate her new work promotion. We cooked a big dinner and even a dessert. Everything seemed to be going fine at the dinner table until it was my wife’s turn to fix her plate.
She put a large amount of food on it (larger than usual) and my sister noticed. My sister mumbled under her breath ‘Not like that food is gonna make a difference.’ And my wife had enough. She excused herself from the dinner table and went to her room.
Shortly after I could hear her loudly crying. My parents were in shock. I had had enough. My wife didn’t deserve to feel like trash on a day that was special to her. My sister was unfazed and made another comment.
‘It was just a joke, she doesn’t need to be a baby about it.’ In the heat of the moment, I slipped and said ‘She’s just skinny, you don’t have to be such a fat bitter jerk about it.’ Needless to say, that dinner was cut short.
My wife is still genuinely hurt by this situation. I don’t think she knows about what I said to my sister. My mom called me a jerk and my dad said I should know better. I’ve tried reaching out to my sister, but she wants nothing to do with me.
I’m starting to feel bad about what I said. AITJ?
Edit: My wife and I have decided to go no-contact with my sister and low-contact with my parents. We have made it clear that until they show my wife respect, they will not be a part of our lives.
For those of you worried about my sister, if my wife and I ever do reconcile with my parents, then I will suggest that they find my younger sister a therapist. In regards to the ruined promotion dinner, a few days later, I took my wife to her favorite restaurant and spent the entire day with her, just us two.
My wife has moved on from the situation, but I will continue to give her all of the attention that she deserves and remind her how beautiful she is every day.”
Another User Comments:
“YOU let this go on FAR too long OP.
It’s YOUR job to defend your wife from your family. YES, you can cut off family members, especially ones that are constantly belittling you or your wife!
A good therapist can help you get to the root of this. Your sister is the golden child and you have been taught to keep the peace at your own expense.
The fact that you desperately want to apologize to your SISTER proves that. You owe your WIFE an apology for not putting an end to this sooner!
Your sister is no longer welcome in your life until your wife receives a sincere apology AND agrees.
Family doesn’t mean you get to hurt someone over and over with no consequences.
A good therapist can help you set healthy boundaries with your entire family. As long as mom and dad enable your sister (they should have been shutting her down EVERY time she made a nasty comment) they need to have firm boundaries as well.
Good luck honey. Your wife deserves so much better than this.
NTJ.” Personal_Regular_569
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your sister is clearly being a bully to your wife. She’s the biggest jerk here. Whatever she is experiencing internally doesn’t excuse her behavior.
Hopefully, your sis will get some help and eventually apologize to your wife for her abhorrent behavior. Otherwise, cut her out of your life.
Your parents are jerks for not correcting your sister’s behavior and for ignoring what is clearly some self-esteem or other mental health issues related to body/weight.
Your sis needs help from a professional.
I’m giving you a very soft jerk judgment because you know it was wrong to call your sister a bitter fat jerk. I’m not a proponent of ‘t*t for tat’ justice although a lot of people are.
It is wrong to bully anyone and make nasty comments about their weight, even if they started it. You are too old to not know this. Next time simply kick your sister out and tell her you aren’t going to allow her to abuse and disrespect your wife.” Historical_Divide673
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That clap back made me laugh. My guess is your sister feels insecure about her own weight, especially when your wife is around to highlight the size difference. And tries to make it seem like your wife’s weight is the problem.
But she’s 19. A legal adult. I had been on my own for two years at her age and knew long before that how to treat other people. She needs to grow up and learn to care about how her words affect people.
Also, your parents suck for babying her. The real world is going to come back at her far worse than you did, and your parents are setting her up for failure.
Also, what happens when you have kids? You could end up with a daughter who is built similarly to your wife.
Is your sister going to criticize your kid’s weight too? Make them feel insecure about their body, to make her feel better about her own? If she won’t have a mature conversation with you about her behavior, it’s time to cut ties.” JustPeachy622
Another User Comments:
“Fat shaming anyone already makes you a jerk, someone can be bitter and mean but their weight is not related to their meanness and only shows that you wanted to hurt her like she hurt you. That is childish and to be honest, everyone sucks here but your wife.
YTJ for that alone.
If your sister is so conscious of other people’s food/weight, it could be that she has an eating disorder or serious body image issues and you’re not helping her by pinning ‘jealousy’ on her when she very much can’t help the fact that she is triggered. She needs to get help, not be further ostracized by you just so you can feel good about yourself.
Weight gain can cause a lot of dysmorphia (I know this from 20+ years of experience with OSFED (Other Specified Feeding and Eating Disorders) and several iterations of eating disorders) and it is so hard because you can feel like you don’t recognize yourself anymore and are completely in an out-of-body experience.
Your sister sounds like she needs compassion and help, not your petty and childish reactions that were only meant to be hurtful and serve no other purpose but to be defensive rather than reaching in and asking her if she’s okay.
Your sister was rude, no doubt, but you made a bad situation worse.” nodaybuttoday__
