People Beg For Our Help In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Greeting My French Teacher With Hola?
“My French teacher was taking the register, and I said hola. I usually say Hola to all my teachers since a large majority of my family comes from Spain.
As I said it, I instantly regretted it as she gave me a stern look and started yelling at me, saying I was apparently ‘disrespecting her classroom’ and ‘trying to make a fool out of her’.
My friends and I tried to explain that I do this all the time to every teacher, but she was not having it and sent me out.
This was my first time having her as a teacher since it was the start of the year.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you should report her over-the-top behavior to someone that can tell her to calm the heck down. I’d be having so many words with her if you were my child… I say hola to people or howdy, depending on my mood.
Nothing wrong with any positive greeting you give. Don’t give two rips if it’s French class or not.” Short-Classroom2559
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I cannot help but think of a Mr. Bean skit. I would maybe either write her a letter or take her aside before the next class and apologize again.
People like that are power trippers. So you need to bow down to them and make a show of it to get back in their good graces. It might be worth it to suck it up in this instance and do so. Let them believe they are the almighty powerful.
If that doesn’t work, I would consider seeing if you can transfer out of the class because she may maliciously grade you.” lending_ear
Another User Comments:
“My reply will probably not go down well on here, but in my opinion, YTJ for your response when she was taking the class registration.
I bet all your classmates went with the response of “yes” or “here” when she called their names. Why did you feel the need to be different from everyone else and come out with your response? You are in school, and obviously one school rule is to show respect to the teachers.
By coming out with the response that you did, you showed a total lack of respect for your teacher. Next time, try to do the same as your fellow students and show some respect to your teacher.” dmt19750804
21. AITJ For Considering A Sonic Device Against My Neighbor's Aggressive Dogs?
“I live in a home with a small fenced yard. 4/5 of my neighbors directly connected to my yard have dogs. 3/4 of these neighbors take care of their dogs and address them when they bark for extended periods.
Neighbor #4 is the problem. They have 4+ dogs (the number seems to change) that roam their yard all day while they are either not home or don’t care.
The dogs bark, growl, and charge the fence when my kids play outside or when we even walk into my backyard. It’s constant. I’ve heard these dogs barking as late as midnight. They set off all the other dogs in the neighborhood.
I’ve talked to this neighbor, and basically they don’t care.
They aren’t going to do anything to stop their dogs from barking or charging my fence. I’m honestly worried about the safety of my kids if these dogs are successful at knocking the fence down. The fence seems sturdy, but these dogs are aggressive and crazy.
I mentioned this to a friend, and she showed me some devices on Amazon that supposedly emit a frequency that only dogs can hear. The reviews say it even stops aggression in some dogs because it keeps them from barking. Another friend claims this is painful for the dogs and cruel.
Personally, I think my kids being afraid to use their yard is cruel.
WIBTJ if I use this device? Is it actually cruel to the dog? I can report the barking to my city, but they require 1-2 weeks of logs of the barking and are notorious for not addressing it.”
Another User Comments:
“So I’m a (26f) postal carrier and on my route a few people have those devices. I can hear them, and they hurt. I’m to the point of refusing to deliver to a house because it’s straight-up painful. If you want to get them and use them when your kids are outside to keep them safe, then ok, but please turn them off when you’re done because they suck and I wouldn’t want your other neighbors/the dogs to have to deal with that 24/7.” tinydarkness234
Another User Comments:
“I would recommend thinking very carefully about using one. They work for some dogs and not others. I have a device that was recommended to me, and it does stop my dogs barking. But I stopped using it because they are terrified of it.
My grandmother’s dog barks through anything. It wouldn’t work for him. Also, these devices cannot identify barks. They identify noise. If your kids are in the backyard making noise, they could be setting it off constantly, and that’s just not great. If my neighbor had one that went off all the time, my dogs would start peeing in the house because they would be too scared to go outside.
You aren’t just affecting the loud dogs with this device but any dog in the vicinity.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“The devices do not work. At best, they are junk; at worst, they agitate the dogs and can make the situation worse. Check your local ordinances to see what the rules are about having animals outside and sound.
You may be able to file noise and nuisance complaints if the dogs are outside after a certain hour or reach a certain decibel level. Also, if you can see into the backyard without having to get on a step ladder or anything (like from your deck or a window), look to see if the dogs have food, water, and shelter.
If not, contact animal control and they may be able to intervene because the dogs don’t have the minimum necessary care. Charging the fence shouldn’t be an issue so long as the fence is in good condition. If the fence looks like it is in need of repair and you own it, well, repair it.
If your neighbor owns it, you can call the city to inspect it.” Letters_from_summer
20. AITJ For Yelling At My Sister Over A Snack?
“I had just gotten a snack today from the store (trü frü) and left it on my desk. My sister was sitting on the desk chair while I was lying on my bed with my cat. I looked over after I heard a noise that was obviously the sound of the small bag that contained the snack.
I saw my sister putting it back and said, “Hey! Those are mine!” and she had a “uh oh, I’ve been caught” type of expression. She said she only ate one. Then I heard the unmistakable crunch of her chewing on the one she took.
I yelled at her a bit because I was upset about her taking my stuff yet again (she does this a lot). She didn’t say sorry until I pointed out that she still hadn’t. I know I was screaming, so maybe that made her mad at me, but I’m just sick of her taking my stuff.
We argued a bit, and she said that I also take her stuff. I asked her when, and she said, “You use my toothpaste!” which is indeed true, but that’s because there isn’t any in the bathroom. I am at fault for using her toothpaste a couple of times.
Although I feel like her eating my food and me using her toothpaste are a little different—since she still has a lot left (and it’s toothpaste), while I had only five pieces left, plus it was expensive and if I ever get it again, I’ll most likely have to share it.
I would also like to mention that I normally never take or use her things without asking. I feel frustrated right now because lately, she has been openly taking my things. For example: my bracelets (I normally point out that those are mine but end up letting her wear them since I don’t care for them that much), my small bag of chips that was obviously mine (I had to take them back as she didn’t apologize), my necklace (I made a post about that a few days ago if you want to form your own opinion on the matter), and today, my snack.
Anyway, I genuinely just want to know if it’s my fault that we ended up arguing over something as simple as food. I also feel bad about it.”
Another User Comments:
“You using her toothpaste and eating her snacks are the same. In families, this happens; it’s unavoidable.
She was wrong, and you were wrong. Go to a dollar store and buy some toothpaste. Put your snacks away from your sister. Agree with her that you won’t touch her things and stick to it. Until then, you will keep having this same issue.” cherposton
Another User Comments:
“ESH. If you are upset with her taking and using your things, how is that different from her taking and using your things? New rule: everyone only uses or takes things that belong to them. If she takes something of yours, then you are entitled to take two of hers, your choice.
Likewise, if you take or use something of hers, she is entitled to two of yours, her choice. Most people learn to share, but some cannot; so come up with some kind of rules that allow for peace in the house.” grckalck
Another User Comments:
“ESH. She shouldn’t take your snacks, and you shouldn’t jump straight to yelling when she’s frustrating you. Toothpaste is totally different, as it is not a fun treat that you specifically buy for yourself, but you should ask her before using it as well.” Luvlymish
19. AITJ For Telling My Friend Her Arrogance Is Driving Men Away?
“A friend complained to me last night that she experienced rejection, especially from men she is romantically involved with, and she asked me why that could be.
She is desperate; and all the men she comes into contact with are leaving her, and she cannot explain why. So, I honestly answered her, and that was probably a mistake.
She is very stubborn and stuck with her own opinion. She likes to discuss a lot and also seeks discussions with others.
These discussions are not about an honest exchange of views; instead, the other person, who only has to see things a little bit differently, is really being destroyed by my friend’s attitude, bossiness, and arrogance. It is particularly awful and disrespectful in tone when she opens up political issues.
I told her: It is difficult to get along with it. Sometimes, you just don’t want to discuss. And above all, not everyone wants to discuss until it turns out to be an unfriendly dispute. After all, we want to live peacefully. And the men you desire also want to live in peace and not constantly argue with you.
You always want to be right. You don’t allow other opinions at all.
She was totally surprised and said she had already received this kind of feedback from others, but she couldn’t understand it at all. After all, one should always be allowed to say an opinion freely, and she is outraged that I dare to say something like that.
That’s how we went apart. Now she is totally angry and says she can no longer be friends with me because I don’t accept her as she is. I cannot understand this behavior and feel overwhelmed. Was I too hard and a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“It doesn’t sound like a great loss, but it’s pretty obvious from the detail of your description that you were talking about your impression of her, and not that of the men she’s trying to become romantically involved with. How would you even know the answer to that question if you were trying to answer it from some stranger’s point of view?
You wouldn’t. You likely don’t know how she acts with men, and your answer should have been along the lines of, “how am I supposed to know? I’m not there.” But instead, you fell into a trap and revealed your feelings about her.
If that’s how you feel, it’s no great loss. Just let it … and her go. NTJ.” UnabashedHonesty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you could have pointed out that her getting angry about hearing your free opinion is at odds with what she says she believes in.
I’m only half joking, but this was always going to end badly. I think there are actually people who think similarly about discussions and where this conversation isn’t an automatic train wreck. But it either requires a lot of tact on their side, as in they know what a good time for a discussion is or/and know how to use their words in a way that they don’t immediately step on people’s toes.
Or the other way is for them to acknowledge that their way of talking can be seen as harsh and that they’re going to be an acquired taste to many people. Your friend doesn’t fit into these categories, which makes her part of the “just being honest crowd but ironically can’t take criticism”: in other words, they got their head stuck up their own behind.” First-Industry4762
Another User Comments:
“ESH. The friend should not have asked for an opinion if she didn’t want to hear one. BUT it doesn’t sound like OP even likes this person, though, which is equally poor behaviour. It’s not very cool to pretend to be friends with someone that you secretly hate.
This isn’t overall an ‘I love this friend, but she has these one or two things that I don’t like’ situation. The post is literally that she is stubborn, bossy, arrogant, difficult…a lot of negative adjectives with zero positive descriptions. Then OP is like, ‘Oh no, now I am overwhelmed’ like seriously?
I am fairly certain OP was well aware of how this person would react, and the suggestion that this situation happened to OP is far-fetched. OP had an active role in this situation. ESH, the friend, isn’t open to hearing opinions, but OP seems manipulative, and I don’t really buy her naivety.
Also, side note: the OP’s description of men sounds highly sexist, and actually, many men do prefer opinionated women. I know many loud and proud women who have never had an issue. So suggesting finding a man hinges on a woman creating a peaceful environment for him is cringy af.” Beautiful-Party-4415
18. AITJ For Moving Out Of My Grandma's House After My Dad Died?
“I (19F but 18 at the time) used to live with my grandma (64F), my dad (41M), and my uncle (37M). My dad and I moved in with my grandma in 2021 due to reasons that have nothing to do with this.
We lived in my great uncle’s house until early 2022, then, we moved to a more remote area. My uncle (I’ll call him E for this) was on probation for a DUI for about a year while we lived together. After he got off it, he started doing substances.
Then, unfortunately, it escalated to hard substances. I believe he had an issue with it before all this, but I’m not 100% sure.
My dad, my grandma, and I suffered his verbal abuse all the time. E and my dad almost got into a fistfight one time.
And another time, E got really mad at me because he thought I ate his whipped cream (I didn’t) and threatened to call the cops on me (he didn’t). E and I have gotten into several verbal altercations as well. It was to the point that the slightest sounds would wake me up because I was scared he’d fly off the handle for reasons unknown.
In July of 2024, my dad passed away due to liver failure after a long-fought battle with drinking. Watching him die was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but I know he’s doing much better now. Now you have the context. Let’s get to the real reason I’m here.
This is something that’s been on my mind since all this happened. Shortly after my dad died, I moved in with my stepmom (she and my dad were separated, but I’ve known her since I was 5).
In the process of moving out, my grandma made a lot of low-key guilt-tripping comments such as “What am I going to do without you?” and “Why are you leaving me?” And I’m pretty sure E wasn’t happy about it either since I wouldn’t be there to cover my dad’s half of the rent.
I tried so hard to get a job, but I went to like 6 interviews after I graduated, and none worked out.
Unfortunately, my grandma isn’t innocent either. She also has a problem with booze and is an enabler for E. He’s lived with her his ENTIRE life, which, in my opinion, is sad.
But they both egg each other on to the point where they’d get into yelling matches. E hasn’t grown up one bit and treats my grandma like a slave. He expects her to do everything for him at the drop of a hat. The thing is that she just gives in instead of holding her ground.
E is definitely the golden child among the three. There was my dad, my aunt (39F), and E. The two biggest reasons I left are that I couldn’t stand being in that house without my dad and E. I felt so bad leaving her with him, but I knew if I didn’t get out of there, my mental health would’ve deteriorated more than it already had, and I wouldn’t have gotten a job.
Am I the jerk for moving out after my dad died?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Refuse to take the guilt trip you never signed up for. As to what grandma is going to do? She’s going to feel the full effects of her decision to enable E.
She’ll have to decide if she wants to continue enabling or if she’s going to make changes. If she’s still bringing it up, tell her that expecting you, a teen, to care for two grown adults while suffering verbal abuse while she enables a 41-year-old man is outrageous.” ApprehensiveBook4214
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your grandma is enabling your uncle’s behavior, and she wants you there to enable both him and her. Having you there makes it easier for her not to do anything to fix her situation, and she doesn’t care that it makes things bad for you.
Don’t go back. They’re both adults, and they obviously don’t want anything to change beyond ‘I wish somebody else would do something to make this better’ type of change. You can’t fix the situation – you can only mire yourself down in it.” ShannaraRose
Another User Comments:
“I hope your stepmother is more stable than the rest of the family. Growing up in an environment surrounded by heavy drinkers and substance addicts must have been very traumatic. You need to start focusing on your own mental health and your ability to handle your life differently.
If everyone is laying guilt trips and abuse on you still, you need to block them and stop communicating with them. They are only hurting you. I would strongly suggest that you join Al-Anon and begin to take steps to make sure you don’t become an addict as well.
It does run in families, so you need to make sure you stay sober. 6 job interviews are not enough. You should keep applying until you get a job. Once you have a job, it is MUCH easier to get hired elsewhere. Start to save up some money so you can become independent.
It is hard in this economy but it should be your first priority. Ask your stepmother for suggestions on what you can do to improve your chances of getting hired.” 54radioactive
17. AITJ For Bringing In A Misdelivered DoorDash Order To Prevent A Mess?
“I saw on my camera that someone’s DoorDash was mistakenly delivered to my house. I assumed they would come get it since this happens frequently in my area, and it is normally delivered to the house number on the opposite complex. So, I waited and didn’t bother to bring it in, even though the weather was bad.
About 30 minutes later, I got a bunch of motion notifications on my camera. The bag of food was blowing around on my porch, and I saw that their drink was about to topple out of the cup holder. It was snowing and windy, so I immediately ran downstairs to get it off my porch before their drinks made a mess all over my grandmother’s porch.
I placed the food on the desk and contacted DoorDash support, explaining the situation. They told me to dispose of it.
About 10 minutes later, the man arrived. I was upstairs in bed, so it took me a while to get dressed. I have an ill grandma, and I didn’t want to wake her up, but before I could even make it downstairs, he started banging on the door as loudly as he possibly could, repeatedly.
He accused us of having downed the drink after all that because the lid was half off (and the cup holder had gotten wet from the drink toppling over), even though I explained that we had just brought it in to keep it from spilling.
After he left, he came back and started taking pictures of our house with the food.
Am I the jerk for taking it in and causing this drama, or should I have just let it make a mess? It was either that it blew away and spilled, or I took it in.
When I checked the label, it said it was only bread in the bag that was blowing away.”
Another User Comments:
“Man, DoorDash really broke food delivery. Remember when ordering food just worked? You’d call up a restaurant, order food, and their driver would bring your order to the right door, ring the bell, and wait to be paid.
Now they don’t do any of those things reliably, but they charge you 30% plus a tip. What part of this experience have they actually improved? Apart from none of it?” _s1m0n_s3z
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it was cold where you are, you couldn’t afford to have the drink spill and make black ice and a trip-and-fall hazard for you or your grandmother.
I’d tell DoorDash about your neighbor. Maybe you can get him on a ‘Do Not Deliver to This Address’ list.” No_Philosopher_1870
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is DoorDash’s problem. You called DoorDash and they said to dispose of it. The guy who bought it could have just reported it and got his money back or a replacement order.
I can’t imagine going to someone else’s house to try and hunt down my food.” ConflictGullible392
16. AITJ For Wearing My Own Outfit To A Baby Shower When My Sister Tried To Change Me?
“My sister, J (18), and I (17) could not be any different. Just to name a few examples, she is the sporty one while I do theatre; she is extroverted while I am an introvert; and while her sweet 16 was spent on a yacht with all her friends, mine was spent with my tight circle.
Not only that, we even look completely different. J dresses and keeps up with trends, while I personally like to dress more gothically. We are so different, in fact, that when our parents divorced, she went to live with my mom an hour away and I stayed with my dad in our small hometown.
Another thing is that J also likes to take every chance she gets to belittle me and make me feel horrible about myself.
Anyway, today is our cousin’s wife’s baby shower. As I mentioned before, my closet is more gothic, and I do not have bright and fun colors (the only bright thing I had in my closet was a pair of pink cargo pants, but the baby is a boy so it wouldn’t work out).
So, I decided I would just dress how I usually do. I wore a pair of black bell bottoms, Doc Martens, a long-sleeve forest green blouse, a black hat, and a corset belt.
When I walked into my bathroom to do my hair, J walked in and immediately told me to change as soon as she saw what I was wearing.
I asked her why, and she started to blow up about how I was supposed to wear bright blue to the baby shower. I told her to just mind her own business and that I don’t wear bright colors and that there wasn’t a dress code at the baby shower.
J, upset with not having her way, asked our dad for his opinion and he said I looked fine. She then went on a rant about how it’s inappropriate to wear a corset and too dressy for a brunch.
When I told her that everyone wears corset belts to brunch, she went into her room and called the mother-to-be to try to tell her that I was wearing a corset and that she should uninvite me.
Mind you, this is all happening 20 minutes before the baby shower even started. But I went to the party a little bit earlier than what J had planned, and she said that I would be a jerk if I went to the baby shower.
I am now in my car, mustering up the courage to go into the small event space where the baby shower is being held.
But still, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your sister sure is. Honestly, your outfit sounds cute and not all that goth, just a little urban edgy. Your sister is only a year older, and your wardrobe isn’t really her business.
I’m guessing she’s a teensy jealous because you looked a little better than she did and overall, you might be growing into a more interesting or more attractive person. All that being said, as a somewhat unconventional dresser myself and a mature woman, it’s always a good idea to have one simple dress or silk pantsuit tucked in the back of your closet that you can have on tap.
Add interesting shoes and accessories, and you can always be ready for any occasion and be true to yourself. Obviously, this may have to wait until you have a little more income. Just be you.” Top_Diamond5312
Another User Comments:
“Oh, I hope you went in.
Honestly, at my baby shower, I had other things to be concerned about than going around checking the attire of attendees. Never one to wear corsets or a gothic look myself, but it sounds great. At baby showers, it is you that is wanted there and it isn’t like you suddenly decided to turn up in something inappropriate for the occasion.
If your cousin hadn’t wanted you to turn up in your normal attire, she would have mentioned it to you.” Inallea
Another User Comments:
“It’s so weird how I can see so many bad people behaving just like this all around, like I know someone that’s the exact opposite of you and loves to wear colorful clothes that are all skirts and dresses with some “frilly nonsense” (her words, not mine) and people always tell her how inappropriate they are and that she should just wear jeans and clothes her age.
Point is, people are selfishly invested in other people’s lives and crappy people hate when others don’t care about them and their crappy opinions. Obviously NTJ and you should just ignore her when it comes to dressing going forward, everyone got their likings and she should mind hers, even more when the event didn’t specify a dress code, meaning that not even the organizers wanted to restrict people, so your sister is a nobody in this matter and she shouldn’t be trying to restrict you.” Safe-Yoghurtt
15. AITJ For Charging My Unemployed Brother Rent While He Freeloads?
“My (28F) younger brother (24M) recently moved in with me because he lost his job and couldn’t afford his apartment anymore.
I have a decently sized house with a guest room, so I initially told him he could stay for a couple of months while he got back on his feet. However, I made it clear that I expected him to contribute financially once he found work.
He’s now been here for three months, and while he’s applied to some jobs, he spends most of his time playing video games and hanging out with friends. I told him I was going to start charging him $300/month in rent starting next month, whether or not he has a job, because I feel like he’s taking advantage of me.
He got really upset and said I was being heartless since he’s struggling and I “don’t need the money.”
My parents are also on his side and said it’s wrong to “profit off family” in a tough time. For context, I do have a stable job and don’t need the money, but I feel like he should be held accountable instead of freeloading.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve given your brother plenty of time to get back on his feet, but he’s not making much effort. If he can game and hang out, he can job hunt. $300/month is super reasonable. It’s about responsibility, plus it was disclosed that he’ll eventually have to contribute.
If your parents disagree, they can take him in. You’re not being heartless, just setting boundaries. Personally, I think he’s avoiding financial responsibility, and since the original agreement was that he’d pay once he had a job, he thinks not having one means he’s off the hook.
This leaves him with no motivation to work as he’s living comfortably off your back. Stay firm on your decision.” pinkskinss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The implied contra ruleset of ‘I will charge rent when you get a job’ is ‘I won’t charge rent until you get a job.’ The latter further implies that ‘your brother continuing to seek gainful employment’ is also a condition of the hospitality you are extending with your generous offer.
It has nothing to do with ‘profit’ or ‘family.’ If your parents don’t like it, why don’t they open up their house to him? He can sleep on their couch rent-free all they like.” Drebkay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – That’s your room that you’re paying for (whether by mortgage or rent) and he’s occupying it, PLUS I’m sure he’s spending some time in the common areas.
Ask him for a low amount of rent ($300 sounds very reasonable), as that should give him an incentive to get off his butt and do something. In lieu of being able to pay some rent, I’d be asking him to take care of the house while he is funemployed.” absyrtus
14. AITJ For Prioritizing My Future Over My Partner's Graduation And Birthday?
“I am a first year in college and my partner is completing his senior year in high school. I recently applied for an internship program (SHPEP) where you take classes for about six weeks at a big university (Columbia, UCLA, Rutgers, etc.) designed toward your future and your interests.
It’s designed for future health professions, so getting into the program can make you look desirable in the admissions process for medical school, dental school, nursing school, etc. I currently attend a community college, and I’d love to go to a bigger university, but I can’t afford it.
I feel that by doing this program, I will feel like most kids my age, network, and get a great educational experience. This program covers travel expenses, provides food, and gives you a stipend. A friend of mine went through the program and said she loved it, and it helped her land more internships in the future.
However, the program occurs during my partner’s high school graduation and his 19th birthday. He’s clearly upset, and he avoids talking about the subject. He tells me he only graduates from high school once and he will be there for me on my birthday. He tells me he’s afraid to lose me, but I tell him that this program will be good for our future, even though I feel bad for missing it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YWNTBJ and you are in a toxic relationship that is holding you back in life. High school graduation is nothing. It’s just nothing. Now, I know you would attend if your summer plans allowed it. And you would also be there for his birthday if your critically important plans to build a strong future for yourself did not prohibit it.
I am not saying that you necessarily need to break up with this kid, but I am saying that you are not allowed to skip the SHPEP program. It is very important for your future. If you want to still be with him and he wants to still be with you, fine, but the summer program is non-negotiable.
And I hope you will really think about the sort of man you want to allow to be a part of your life. I think you should find someone with a bright future who understands how important it is to make good choices and strive for success.” EmceeSuzy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he really cares, he’d be very supportive of your growth and future. As others have said, high school graduation isn’t huge compared to what lies ahead. Yeah, it’s a big milestone, but it pales in comparison to the road ahead.
When it comes to his birthday, well… He gets one every year. Don’t let him hold you back. If he’s worth keeping, he will support you. The whole ‘I’m afraid to lose you’ is his own insecurity talking. Go out there, do great, and help make this world a better place.
This is coming from a father of 2 and someone who wouldn’t let anyone hold them back from my future. It depends on what you want. You want to stay in your hometown and just work a lame job forever, or go out, explore life, and find your road that makes you happy?” ImAnAlPhAmAiL
Another User Comments:
“This nearly exactly happened to me. My high school partner was a year older and went off to university while I was finishing high school. We maintained a long-distance relationship for a year, and she came back for the summer for my graduation instead of taking classes.
Long story short, it didn’t work out, but it took 6 years of unhappiness to get to that point. She was just always a stage ahead in life compared to me, so we were never really on the same page. She also had some resentment for not finishing college faster or double majoring by missing that summer.
I honestly probably would have resented her if she hadn’t. Not to say your relationship is the same or will turn out the same, but please truly consider whether or not you really see this guy in your far future and what it will look like getting there.
Part of me wishes my partner and I had broken up when she went off to college. I think both of our lives would have turned out very differently and even for the better. Just food for thought, but YWNTBJ.” iburntxurxtoast
13. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Put His Phone Away And Bond With Our Toddler?
“We have a 2-year-old son and have finally locked down a routine that works for both of us (we made it through some tough times figuring it out).
I’m with our son all day, doing errands, cooking meals, and working from home whenever I can. Dinner is ready by the time my husband is home, and we eat dinner together right away. My husband keeps pulling out his phone at the dinner table every day, and I ask him to put it away so he can bond with us.
After dinner, I go into my office and work as much as I can until my son’s bedtime. Usually, it’s an hour. Every day, my husband goes on his phone while our son sits with him on the couch, doom-scrolling YouTube Shorts. Every day, I ask him to put his phone away and play with our son instead.
Every day, he gets irritated with me and makes a big deal about putting his phone away.
I’m tired of it. Today, he did it again, so I told him that I was getting very frustrated at having to repeat myself. He is only with his son for one hour every day, and I take care of bedtime anyway, so all he has to do is wait an hour before he can do whatever he wants.
I don’t care. He told me I’m being a jerk and said that he’s tired from work.
Am I being a jerk here? Please be honest; I’m just frustrated.
(Also, I do no screen time myself throughout the day. I used to allow him to watch some shows while I worked, but he was impossible to deal with at the time unless he was watching something.
It’s been three months of complete screen-free time, and he’s so much better now.)
In case anyone wonders, he works a 40-hour office job.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. NTJ. NTJ. Lots of things: you said your husband only has an hour a day with your son.
This time should be used to bond with him, like you say. Actually play. Get on the floor with him. Roughhouse. Build blocks. Especially at 2yo! (I have a 2.5yo and 1yo.) Their imaginations are wild and amazing. He should be making up stories with him.
Coloring. Getting to know who his son is in this moment. I understand Dad may have a career in which he looks forward to doom scrolling when he’s home, but you’re not asking for much. Also, if you have your son on no screen time during the day, this should just continue for the night.
Have we not read the studies about what technology does to our kids’ brains? (If you want to check it all out, you can look it up.) Props to you for not allowing screen time. And lastly, he doesn’t get to call you a jerk.
Name-calling isn’t and never will be okay in a relationship. I would know—I’m basically in an emotionally abusive relationship, according to our therapist. I always told myself name-calling was a no-go, and yet here I am still putting up with it. You are not a jerk for telling your husband to be a dad.” Redditor__013
Another User Comments:
“This is heartbreaking for you and your toddler, I’m so sorry. He’ll be the one that’s sorry when this time has passed and he wasted it this way. My boy is almost 5 months old, and I can barely keep from weeping every day that I come home after work because I miss my wife and boy so badly.
Every second he’s awake, I’m playing with him. If he’s napping, I’m making dinner or cleaning. Being a husband is about service to others, including to our wives/partners. It’s not just our job to provide security. Being a provider means giving from ourselves for the benefit of our families.
I’m sick of hearing stories like this; I’m very sorry.” Phalus_Falator
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But here’s the thing. Most men want kids the same way that kids want a dog. They think about all of the cute fun times they’re going to have together, but in the end, the mother is the one who ends up doing all the work.
I’m not saying that your husband doesn’t love your son. He just doesn’t value the time with him now. He probably sees it as the kid being too young to remember it, or it not being valuable at this time. He will probably also say something like he needs to unwind after work and needs some time off and all of those things.
Well, if you have a kid, then you have to be a parent.” AboveTheCrest
12. AITJ For Bringing My In-Laws In To Stop My Husband's Unsafe Baby Practices?
“We have a 10-week-old baby. Husband (28M) absolutely adores him and wants to spend every available moment with him. I know he wants to be an amazing father; however, he engages in unsafe behaviors like falling asleep on the couch while baby is contact napping, leaving baby on the playmat unattended while the dog is in the room, or putting baby down for a day nap with his bib still on.
Husband claims I’m too anxious, making a big deal out of nothing – baby can’t roll yet, and the dog won’t hurt him; he holds baby firmly while sleeping, etc. And I admit I don’t react calmly and freak out, which makes him act defensive. But he is being unsafe and it stresses me out.
I feel like I can’t leave him alone with the baby, which only offends him more.
Last week, I had enough and asked my MIL and SIL to talk to him. They took my side and ripped him a new one. Now, my husband is angry that I brought him into it and made “a whole intervention” like he’s such a bad dad.
AITJ for insisting my husband change how he acts around the baby and involving his family?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your husband is the jerk. He is doing dangerous things that could genuinely harm the baby. Safe co-sleeping does exist, but not with anyone but the breastfeeding parent for the first few months.
Even then, you need to set up a space following the safe sleep guidelines. I am sick of men not educating themselves on this and forcing you to do the labor of finding sources to teach him how to be a parent when you yourself are new to it too… And then he doesn’t even listen to you.
I would be livid. If he isn’t willing to educate himself, he has to default to your knowledge. He doesn’t get a say in any decisions if he’s not knowledgeable about anything.” RevolutionaryHelp451
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have an acquaintance whose baby died because of co-sleeping.
She now blames everyone but herself and acts like it wasn’t her fault. Deep down though, she knows. Imagine living with that! And how much denial you would have to be in not to off yourself. This is why it’s so freaking dangerous. It absolutely kills infants.
Babies cannot protect their own breathing. Your husband is putting your child in danger. Unsafe sleep is probably the largest cause of SIDS deaths. You needed to do something ASAP to wake his butt up out of his own stupidity. Don’t let it take the death of your infant for him to see the error of his ways just because he has too much pride and ego to admit he’s wrong until the worst happens to prove it.
I would literally remove his access to the baby for safety reasons, or I’d never forgive myself if he doesn’t make an immediate change.” ManagementFinal3345
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and this is an issue you need to figure out now or else you’ll be stuck in this horrible parenting vortex forever: you being a cautious and informed parent, your husband being a stubborn, uneducated and easily offended parent.
You will react and he will dig his heels in. Everyone loses. Ask if that’s what he wants from the next 18 years of life, or if instead he’s willing to find some humility, admit he doesn’t know what’s right all the time, and trust that you know what you’re talking about (after building that baby with your own darn body!) and listen to and respect you rather than push back and dig in just to be “right” and “win.” It’s such a common and frustrating pattern (men are hard-wired to contradict women, and I invite everyone, men and women, to notice how many of your interactions are a man immediately arguing against whatever a woman has just said).
Far smaller issues have led to divorce. You can and should work on how you react, but you can’t ignore dangerous behavior, and the two are NOT equal. Good luck.” Successful-Maybe-252
11. AITJ For Asking My MIL To Not Smoke At My Home?
“I (38M) got married 6 months ago to my wife. While we get along great, I have an issue with my MIL. Although I have nothing against my MIL and generally have a decent, respectful relationship with her, I don’t like her lifestyle, namely the fact that she smokes (and has a strong smoke smell that comes off her every time she smokes).
Note that she does not smoke indoors. She goes outside to smoke and comes back, but the smell is still there.
I have expressed to my wife that I do not like the smell. Frankly, I find it gross. And while I don’t believe I can dictate her life, I don’t think I should have to accept it.
My wife agreed that when my MIL visits, she won’t smoke.
Last week, she visited and she continued smoking every hour like she normally does. I told my wife about it, and she said, “I’m sorry, I told her that was the deal,” and she agreed she wouldn’t; she said she would talk to her again.
Well, she talked to her, and she said she doesn’t believe she has to stop.
At this point, I got involved and told my MIL that I’m really not comfortable with her smoke smell. She got offended, yelled at me, and left.
Now she’s going around telling her side of the family that I’m a terrible SIL for requesting that.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wanting the smell of smoke in your home. You don’t say how long your MIL visited. A week? I hope not! What’s needed is to: 1. Visit her, where she unfortunately can smoke, but you can leave. 2. Keep her visits so short at your home that she smokes after she leaves (yes, she will smell like smoke when she arrives).
3. Or work out another way to see her, such as meeting her elsewhere in public or joining remotely. Let your wife visit her, or only go on special occasions … whatever can be worked out. People allergic to smoke (and allergies can develop later) do these kinds of things all the time.
It can be difficult to ‘negotiate’ with someone who thinks they’re already doing everything right (e.g., smoking outside only). Second- and third-hand smoke do have effects, though, and keeping your home as free of it as possible is your right. Your wife’s also a bit of a jerk for apparently lying to you that her mother had agreed (or MIL is an even bigger jerk for passive-aggressively agreeing the first time).” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My rules are, you may not smoke within 50 feet of my home. You may not bring your smoking products into my home. You may not come in my house until more than 30 minutes after smoking. You may not have smoking products or any of that in my car, ever.
I have asthma and allergies. I like to breathe. The last time a repairman was here, he had apparently smoked just before getting here. I sent him back outside and grabbed my nebulizer and meds. Thirty minutes later, I went out to talk to him.
I could smell the smoke on him still. I called the company, and they sent a non-smoker. Do not let MIL come to your house. Your wife can go see her mom at mom’s house.” Fickle_Toe1724
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I also can’t stand the smell of smoke and I could never have it in my house for days.
However, I don’t see a solution if she already goes outside to smoke. Your wife was naive in agreeing that her mom wouldn’t smoke when she visits. How can a smoker who needs a smoking product every hour simply decide to stop smoking for several days?
It’s obviously impossible. She could agree to smoke a little less, but you will still smell smoke on her clothes and hair. Smokers don’t realize how they and their houses smell. I don’t really have a practical solution here, but your wife should be the one to mediate, and your MIL sounds like a troublemaker if, instead of talking about the issue with you, she jumped in and told the whole family that you’re a bad SIL.
I would honestly ask not to have her at home so frequently and for many days.” electrolitebuzz
10. AITJ For Demanding Payment Instead Of Free Labor On My Partner's Rental Remodels?
“My partner and I have been together for three years. During this time, I have helped him remodel some of his rental properties and perform other property management tasks.
He helped me repair my home after a major flood incident. I would say, up until this point, our work-for-exchange has been fairly equal, or slightly tipping the scale in his favor.
He recently decided to completely gut and remodel one of the rental homes.
This project is expected to take six months or more. We anticipate remodeling several of the properties over the next few years. This is going to be a significant time and labor investment.
We have talked about marriage and what a prenup might look like.
He has been clear that he wants to keep his rental properties as separate property if we were to get married. He has even gone as far as to say that he would want the rental properties kept even separate from me in his estate planning/will, and that everything would go to his siblings.
This has been alarming to me and quite hurtful. I understand that he doesn’t want to lose assets in the event of our divorce, but I truly don’t understand the estate side of things. This detail makes a difference because we have a 13-year age gap, and he would likely pass before me.
I have told him that if he wants to keep the rental business separate, that’s fine, but I will no longer be volunteering my time to his business. Basically, I won’t be his free labor slave girl to enrich him and his family. If he wants me to come work on remodeling the properties, he will need to pay me as if I were an employee.
I told him my pay rate would be $20 an hour. I have also suggested he call on his family to come help him. I am firm on this boundary right now.
He is becoming resentful of my position on this. He believes that my helping him benefits both of us.
I have asked him how it benefits both of us, and he really can’t quantify how it benefits me in any way. We have totally separate finances. I am on board to be a partner and teammate, but what he expects doesn’t really look like a partnership to me.
So, AITJ for not agreeing to work on his rental property business for free?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and those rates are crazy low. It is unrealistic to expect you to do the work for free and then have his family benefit at his passing.
I cannot see in any way that this is acceptable. If there were kid issues, maybe, but it sounds like there are none. Maybe an even split between you and the family, but still he should be paying you in some way, but leaving you completely out of any premarital assets seems extreme.
My husband and I have assets, but like you, I have premarital assets that are mine and left to my kids and grandkids. He came into the marriage with NOTHING. But we now have four homes and cars and stuff because of my funds, not his.
We had agreed that what was mine would go to my kids and that what we accumulated together would be split amongst the grandkids, his and mine. His kids have treated me like crap throughout the marriage, and now it is worse. Now his grands get a set amount with specific jewelry pieces, and mine now split the rest. There didn’t used to be a his and mine, but his kids have now prevented me from seeing his grands, as I spoil them too much, make them laugh, and help them enjoy their time.
I was falsely accused of something, and now they hold an even bigger grudge against me even though it was proven via video that it was not me. So while I don’t want to hurt the babes, I do not want his kids to benefit from my death.” MrsNobodyspecial67
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!! Good luck to him on getting someone to do construction work for $20 an hour! Your boundaries are completely reasonable and totally understandable. Why would you put all that time and effort into his investments when, if something happens to him or your relationship, you walk away with nothing after all your hard (free) work?
That’s crazy! He’s resentful of your position because it calls out his selfishness and narcissism. Stand strong!” wisewoman707
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! NTJ! RED FLAGS! “We have talked about marriage and what a prenup might look like.” “He has even gone as far as to say that he would want the rental properties kept even separate from me in his estate planning/will and that everything would go to his siblings.” This is VERY UNUSUAL for a prenup.
And if you are together for 20+ years, it could end up super screwing you over when you need it most. I wouldn’t sign anything like that. Does he have any other significant investments or assets that would be included? I’m guessing not. Get a lawyer and rip that prenup apart.
Also, make sure you understand the rules for common-law marriages and/or CIRs in your state. “I told him my pay rate would be $20 an hour.” ??? Why sell yourself so short? That’s barely above minimum wage! “I am on board to be a partner and teammate, but what he expects doesn’t really look like a partnership to me.” You are 100% correct.
Do not back down. Don’t sign a prenup without thinking through lots of possibilities, good and bad, 5, 10, 20, and 30 years later.” CryptCranker0808
9. AITJ For Replacing My Sister's Thoughtful Earplugs For Better Studying?
“I’m a college student and I work best in silence. For Christmas, I wanted to get some earplugs to study better, but I was told it “wasn’t a proper gift” and to think of other stuff to get.
On Christmas Day, I was gifted a set of loop earplugs by my sister. I am very appreciative that she thought to buy me a set after hearing me complain about noise, but to be honest, I don’t think they fit my needs. The ones I was gifted are sold as being for noise reduction and for making loud events, i.e., concerts, a bit quieter.
When there, they do make things quieter, but I was hoping to get noise-cancelling ones.
I had looked before the break and decided I wanted to get the top-range earplugs that could change the volume. This meant they would be useful for me in all situations—for class, for studying in my room, etc.
I reckon that it’s enough of a reason to get the better ones, but it feels like an insult to my sister to replace her present. I know she would be hurt, but I feel like my problem isn’t solved by her gift. I also worry that it may be a mental thing—that I didn’t get to choose the ones I wanted the first time and I’m being a brat now.
It’s also a lot of money to spend, so I don’t know what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“I tried a set of noise-cancelling loops then got my own set of the adjustable ones. Be warned, they do feel in quite different shapes; the switch set has a much chunkier feeling ring and can’t use the XXS eartips they sell separately.
If you want to avoid hurting your sister’s feelings, you could consider buying a set of noise-cancelling loops, or the ‘mute’ pieces that attach to your existing set to provide extra noise reduction. Then tell her you like them so much you wanted a second pair to sleep in or something, so you make her feel like her gift was appreciated and being built on rather than replaced. This is probably a much cheaper option for you too, at least from my experience buying them in Aus.
I would say no jerks here, she tried and you can appreciate that while trying to meet your own needs.” Jassamin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you’re worried about what your sister might think, just sit with her and tell her that while you loved the thoughtful gift and you definitely needed an earplug, those in particular don’t fit your needs.
Therefore, you’re exchanging them for others. She’ll understand. I wouldn’t try to lie to her or hide the new earplugs. That’s childish, and if she ever finds out, she may feel bad. Be upfront and honest.” DracoRubi
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – she meant well, but we get gift receipts for a reason.
Also, whoever told you that they “weren’t a proper gift” doesn’t know what they’re talking about. My husband and I asked for a small step-pedal garbage can for Christmas and his brother got it for us, and we were excited because now our cat can’t wake me up at 4 a.m. scrounging for Q-Tips.
Anything can be a proper gift if it’s something you want or need.” ColoredGayngels
8. AITJ For Not Taking In My Grandma's Elderly Dog Instead Of Watching It At Her House?
“I’m a pet sitter and my grandma needed me to watch her elderly dog while she went out of town. I was excited about it. A couple of drop-ins at least twice a day. I even bought them toys, etc. I could totally swing that, but then she called, basically telling me to keep the dog at my house.
I told her I was fostering kittens at that time, and she knew about them. I told her I would try and see if they all got along so that the dog could stay, but more than likely, it would be a no.
The dog was elderly, and she said she didn’t care if he died at my house because he was old.
That was super triggering, as I rescue animals. I told her I could not watch the dog if she didn’t trust me at her house. We have not spoken since. Was I in the wrong? She lives over 30 minutes from me. I was going to do it for free.
My business is on the line, and I’d rather not risk it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, so she swapped up plans a few weeks before her vacation and expected you to just be cool with it? I don’t understand the other people in here calling you a jerk, they must be the jerks we hear about on every post about how you have to help out family and how family is everything.
You don’t owe your grandma crap. Let alone free boarding for her dog at your house where you foster other animals. Let her pay for a sitter if she’s got such a problem. I’d also stop talking to the person who is okay with going on a vacation while her dog is dying.
She doesn’t care if it dies at your house? She’s freaking disgusting.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, if this was a customer, I could see your issues, but this is your grandma. The dog is elderly, and grandma was trying to make it easier on you.
Older dogs are going to want to stay away from the kittens and do their own thing. She was telling you that she understood if something happened to the doggy since he was old; she was letting you know she was not going to be hurt and not blame you.
Instead of hearing that, you made this about you. Sometimes, we step up and do these things for our family. Are you OK with not speaking to your grandma over a misunderstanding? It’s easy to call and discuss this. Grandmas are not there forever.” MrsNobodyspecial67
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your grandma is grown and can definitely find another sitter that has an open schedule. You’re already busy taking care of small animals and adding an elderly dog to it is just going to stress you out. Especially if your grandma said she was okay if the dog died at your house; low-key, it sounds like she wants the dog to pass at your house so you take responsibility for it.
It’s your business and you have to make hard decisions, but with this one you’re not the jerk. It makes sense why you didn’t do the job.” Jackalz_10
7. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband To Go On A Japan Skiing Trip?
“My husband and I have a 1-year-old daughter at home. I work full-time in a hospital, but my husband works from home and has a very flexible schedule.
He wants to go abroad to Japan with his friend at the end of January to go skiing.
While I would die to be able to go, I can’t because 1) I don’t have enough PTO and 2) we have a baby at home. From my standpoint, I don’t want him to go because I don’t get to have fun and I’m jealous.
He is extending our nanny’s hours for that week, so technically, I will have the childcare coverage that I need, but I still feel like it’s unfair. AITJ for telling him to stay home?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This is your own post from when baby was 6 months old.
“Husband doesn’t like parenting. We have a 6-month-old girl, and I recently went back to work. We have a part-time nanny, but my husband (who works part-time) is with her half the day. Well, like the title says, he hates staying home with her.
He loves her, but he says he hates parenting a baby. He said he feels like he’s just trying to keep her from crying all day and it’s stressful. I just feel so sad. I see all my friends who have partners that LOVE being with their babies.
I wish I had that, but I don’t. Not sure what I’m looking for here. Encouragement? Hope?” Sounds like hubby needs more parenting time, not vacation.” Top-Cantaloupe3356
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Because he already figured out childcare, and in the post, you state it’s for jealousy reasons.
Don’t be jealous or upset; just learn to communicate properly. If you can’t take PTO, it’s not really fair to be upset, but I would say make time to take your own week off! You don’t have to skip a trip just because you are doing it separately.
You guys are blessed to have a nanny and to be able to take solo trips, so just breathe. It’s okay. It is alright for both of you to recharge.” NoCrybabiesAllowed
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So this is how my husband and I handle things like this.
Leaving the country: Unless it’s for a wedding or funeral that one of us isn’t able to attend, we don’t leave the country without each other. We are upper middle class, and can afford one nice 2-3-week vacation out of the country a year.
So we go together. Inside the country: We each get 1-2 weekends a year away from each other if we feel like it. He can go camping with his friends, and I can go on a girls’ trip to Maine if I feel like it.
Sometimes we both take advantage of these weekends away; sometimes I don’t feel the need and am fine with him doing so. It’s no biggie. Time apart is healthy, though we do prefer to take our weekends away together. The Deal-Breaker: We cannot go on a solo trip if it impedes on time or the money spent on a trip that both of us could take and enjoy together.
If his going camping with his brother cuts into our planned out-of-country trip time or the money we have available for it, then absolutely not! So yeah, your husband is going on a pretty big trip across the world to Japan. That’s an expensive and far trip to take without your significant other.
Would this trip get in the way of a family vacation in the future? And if not, would he be fine staying home with the baby so you can get your own trip away on your own in the future? (To somewhere equally cool.)” LighthouseonSaturn
6. AITJ For Telling My Best Friend That She Needs To Get Help?
“My best friend (of three years) has been in an abusive relationship for God knows how long, and I have repeatedly told her to get help. I understand that abusive or toxic relationships are not easy to get out of.
In the past, I offered to pay for her therapy sessions, but she said she doesn’t want or need them.
I told her she could consider staying with me, but she also said no to that. I kept trying to get her to talk to somebody other than me, but she never listened. Also, I’m dealing with my own mental health, and it really broke me watching her get mistreated like that.
So, I told her I felt uncomfortable with her telling me some of the things he did. (She told me in graphic detail.) I said, “I don’t think I’m the person you can vent to anymore. I’ll always be happy to help, but there’s not much I can do when someone doesn’t want it.”
She said, “You’re a horrible friend. I don’t get why you’re telling me this now. It just sounds like you never cared for me in the first place. I thought I could trust you.” I told her it made me uncomfortable, but she “forgot,” I guess.
I said, “I care about you, but it hurts me watching him mistreat you like that. I did my best as a friend. I really can’t do much as you don’t want to fix the situation you’re in. You complain and ask for advice, yet don’t want to get help.” She called me an unpleasant person and told me to never talk to her again.
So, now I’m blocked and overthinking whether I overstepped.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sometimes, people want help but they don’t want to hear the gravity of their situation. This is not your fault and you’ve done all you can. Once she’s out of this, she’ll realize you were always trying to help.
If she cuts you out, there’s not much you can do at this point. You sound like a great friend, and she’s very lucky to have you.” Significant-Bobcat48
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Looking out for your friend. Growing up with my mom being in relationships like this, it was very tough to watch happen with there being nothing you could do about it.
Hopefully, she will see it as a wake-up call, but I wouldn’t count on it. Unfortunately, it can be very hard for them to leave their abusers. When you’re offering all the help you can and she calls you a horrible friend, that’s on her, not you.
You seem like a great friend looking out for her best interest, even if she’s not.” Secret-Suspect7488
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Asking not to hear graphic details of your friend being abused is not ‘overstepping’; it’s setting boundaries. You have done all you can, and your friend chose to lash out at you instead of reflecting on her own relationship.
Protect yourself and try not to take this personally. It’s very much not about you.” Motor_Dark6406
5. AITJ For Refusing To Compromise On My Dog Breed?
“I’m planning on getting a dog. I grew up with a pit bull. I’ve always liked big dogs. My partner of 8 months is more fem than I am, and is really into small dogs. She wants me to get something like a Shih Tzu or Pomeranian, but I’m looking for something 60+ lbs full-grown.
She said I should get something like a pug as a “compromise” since we have talked about our future together.
She said if I’m unwilling to compromise, it means I don’t care about her or our future. I don’t want a small or medium dog.
I want a large or even XL breed or mutt. It will be living at my house. Am I being unfair by “refusing to compromise”?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t being unfair… You’re being incompatible. You want to have a large dog, you want to be around a large dog, and your partner doesn’t want to be around a large dog, it seems. This will be a source of tension in your relationship because if you two were to move in together, your large dog would be present in her life every day.
So, what I’m saying is, you can get a big dog; you aren’t being a jerk, but your relationship will suffer because of it.” hereforyounot
Another User Comments:
“A dog is a long-term commitment. I’m not saying you are wrong to get the type of dog you want, but she isn’t wrong that you are placing the type of dog you get over your future together.
Which is fine, if you aren’t that serious about her. But dogs are a long-term commitment. I guess it’s good to work this out now, though, while the relationship is still young. There’s less to lose if you two decide the relationship can no longer progress.
I’m going with no jerks here.” ashleighbuck
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, but your partner is right, if you don’t want to compromise on this, it could be a major deal-breaker and be a sign that you guys just don’t have compatible relationship goals.
You say you should be able to get whatever dog you want because it’s your house and your partner doesn’t live there, but dogs are a 15-year commitment. Are you planning to not live together for the next 15 years? Because that’s the message you send when you plan to lock in a 15-year commitment without factoring your partner into the situation.
Dogs are living creatures with wants and needs. This isn’t like buying yourself a car and just having it take up a space in the driveway. If your partner really doesn’t want a large dog, she will not be able to avoid having to deal with it if she so much as even visits you.” Korrin
4. AITJ For Leaving My Dad's Pizzeria Over Free Labor And Control?
“I (28M) and my dad (59M) own a pizzeria together. But my partner of 2 years, Emily (29F), wants me to quit and both my sister (32F) and my mom (56F) agree with her.
Both my dad and Emily hate each other. She tells me that my dad is taking advantage of me as almost free labor, that whenever I was doing a delivery he’d always talk poorly about me (I only have her word for it, I was not present), that he’d always bring me down whenever I’d do something wrong and when I did something right he’d always go off about something else I did wrong, ignoring what I did right (I was, and probably still am, so used to it that I never noticed; my sister says I was conditioned to just take the verbal abuse), that I work more than anyone else in there including him, yet I’m not treated with any respect.
She always jokes that if I ever leave, the restaurant will sink within months.
And he says that she’s with me only because I have a restaurant (Emily doesn’t want anything to do with the restaurant or anything of my dad) and because she speaks poorly of him to people in our city, or so he tells me, but I’ve never seen her speak bad about him to anyone unless it’s brought up.
I say almost free labor because until roughly 1 year ago, I didn’t get paid; whenever I needed money, I’d just ask my dad for money whenever I needed to buy something or wanted to go out. That was the norm for me for 11 years, and it only changed when she insisted I ask to get paid.
Whenever I brought the topic of getting paid to my dad, he’d always become upset and aggressive, not physically, calling me ungrateful, saying that he’s building this business for me, that his father never left him anything, that I have a nice car that he gave me (he got mad when I said I had to work to get it), that I have a house that I will inherit when both my parents pass away, and that many people tell him that I’m very lucky to have a father who is giving me a business.
Eventually, I started getting paid. First, I got paid 400€ a month, but now that I want to pursue a better education to increase my resume, I asked for a raise, and I should get 600€ a month (we’ll see). The minimum wage here is 820€, and he says that the 220€ missing is for rent, which I find fair.
After talking with my mom and my sister, I’ve come to realize that my fad is very controlling when it comes to money. My mom’s paycheck is controlled by my dad, which he ends up using to pay salaries in the pizzerias or buy things we need for work; my mom has to ask my dad for anything she needs to buy, and he always gets irritated whenever she does so.
I inherited 1.6k€ from my grandma, but I came to find out that it was used to pay electricity bills for the pizzeria.
I don’t want to end up like my dad. I don’t want to live my life full of stress, not knowing if I’ll have enough money to pay the staff, almost overworking myself to an early grave.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad is taking advantage of you financially. Nothing he is doing is ‘fair.’ Do you have paperwork stating you own the pizzeria with him? If you do, then you should be getting your share of the profits. If you don’t, then you are giving your life on the promise that you may or may not inherit a business when he decides to retire and/or he dies.
Look at the tangibles. He is using Mom to float his business. He used your inheritance to float his business. He is leeching off of everyone so he can act like a big shot businessman when he is just running a failed business. You want proof one way or the other?
Ask your partner to record him trash-talking you. That will be all you need. Dad is a user and a control freak. Your best place is away from him.” WhereWeretheAdults
Another User Comments:
“I’m …..so confused. You OWN this restaurant with your dad? Like, have legal partial ownership?
Because then you should be involved in the business end. And you can’t just ‘leave.’ You’d have to sell your half of the business, and he’d have to agree. And your partner has nothing to do with your dad but knows he talks about you when you are on deliveries?
Is she sitting in the kitchen ‘having nothing to do with your dad’?” Usrname52
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it seems your dad is treating this as a father/son business, thinking you’re free because you’re his son, but sadly he doesn’t realize you’re 28 and already should be starting a family.
Your partner, sister, and mom are right; your dad is plainly taking advantage of the situation by saying he won’t last long, that his business will be yours through inheritance, blah blah blah—we heard that before. It’s time to give your dad notice, start a real job, and create your life.” Right-Anything2075
3. AITJ For Refusing To Buy Girl Scout Cookies Because Of My Celiac Disease?
“I (36F) am a new manager at my office. I started about 4 months ago, and while I’ve been trying to get to know my team, I still don’t have all the dynamics figured out.
One of my team members recently asked me to buy Girl Scout cookies from his daughter, and I said I couldn’t because I have celiac disease, which makes me allergic to the cookies. He suggested I purchase a box and give it to a friend or family member because it would mean a lot to him and his kid.
The conversation continued back and forth, but we didn’t argue, so I thought everything was fine between us.
Then I found out that he had been talking behind my back about how bad of a manager I was because I was “stubborn and stingy”. Apparently, their previous manager used to buy a lot of cookies, so I look mean in comparison.
I’m not close enough with my other coworkers (besides the one who told me about the gossip) to talk to them about this, but I get the impression they’re on his side because one of them made a big show of leaving a plate of cookies they’d bought from him in the breakroom, telling everyone to help themselves and then saying directly to me, “This flavor is gluten free, so feel free to eat some!” I wanted to keep the peace, so I just said thanks, but I didn’t eat any because I’m pretty strict about cross contamination with gluten.
I worry that I made things worse by not eating them, but at the same time, I don’t think I’m obliged to support his cause. My friends say I should just buy a box this time, and if he does it again, then I can stand my ground, but it’s not really about the cookies now.
It’s about him trying to shame me into doing what he wants. AITJ for not buying cookies from him?”
Another User Comments:
“”No, thank you” is a full sentence and your team member ought to respect it. I know selling cookies is mostly about $$ for the Girl Scouts, but it’s also about teaching girls people skills, planting the early seeds of business/marketing/strategy/fundraising, learning to deal with rejection, and more, and all of this is undermined by the trend of Mommy and Daddy posting on social media or forcing their coworkers to buy cookies.
You are not obligated to buy cookies from a grown man, and if he can’t understand that, maybe he ought to attend more Scout meetings with his daughter.” Acrobatic-Kiwi-1208
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Aside from all the cross-contamination concerns (which are serious enough as is), if you do purchase them, you’re setting a precedent as a manager.
“You bought some of Jimmy’s cookies, why won’t you buy mine?” You either get stuck having to contribute to every little fundraiser, charity drive, or whatever, or you run the risk of being accused of favouritism. Same reason you should only ever participate in whole-team activities like after-work drinks (at least ones where everyone is invited and people can self-exclude).
This is less of an issue where you’re an incredibly tight-knit team and you’re more of their colleague than their boss, but as a new manager, heck no.” chalk_in_boots
Another User Comments:
“Most offices I worked at, fundraising for kids was not allowed. It caused too much drama.
Not everyone wants whatever crap you are selling. And while you could have bought a box and tossed them in the break room, that is your decision. We had one office that didn’t have that policy. Everyone had like 2+ kids. And every day, someone was coming around begging for us to buy.
If you said no, it was like well you did from so and so. I mean, it was like 50 kids with fundraisers going on at the same time. I’m not cutting myself short for someone’s kid just because of pressure. Someone complained to corporate, the policy was put in place.
Solved the problem pretty quick. Large offices with multitude homes, it gets ridiculous quick. Great, his daughter is in the scouts. Part of that is fundraising. Don’t harass coworkers, get your kid and uniform and knock on doors. Ask permission to set up a table outside of a local business.
But people come to work to make money, not spend it on crap they don’t want just to keep the peace. NTJ. And give it a few months after this to see if you can get the no fundraising policy put into place. Act as shocked as everyone else.
Shouldn’t we be working instead of selling cookies?” Alycion
2. AITJ For Telling My Aunt She Is Just Like Mum?
“My mum is considered by most, if not all, of her relatives to be irreparably narcissistic. During almost all trips, I’m often forced to act as a mediator between her and her siblings, which has led to me getting really close with my aunts and uncles on her side.
It was super late one night, and I (M22) sat with my aunts and uncles (30-45). My mum is the eldest of 6 and had kids before them, so once I hit 20, they mostly stopped seeing me as one of the younger generation and instead more as a “younger brother” in their words.
We were all a bit tipsy, and one of my aunts (F45) asked me which one of them I thought was most like my mum. I initially told them none of them were. After some convincing and assurances that nobody would be offended and that it was “MOST alike” and not actually the same, I eventually caved, telling the person who asked me that I thought if anyone, she was probably most like my mum.
She immediately got offended and defensive.
I assured her the only reason I said that was because she seems like the kind of person who would get angry if she were proven wrong. She responded that she doesn’t have an issue with learning. I asked her what would happen if I were to correct her in a game of trivia if we were on the same team, referencing a situation that had happened earlier that day when I had told her the capital of Iceland was Reykjavik instead of Nuuk.
During the game, she went from 0 to 100, claiming I was the “most disrespectful little crap she’d ever met”.
She went bright red and started yelling about how that situation was different because I wasn’t simply correcting her; I was insulting her intelligence. I pointed out that I had said it bluntly and didn’t think I had to be gentle with adults when telling adults when they’re wrong.
(This is where I think I probably should have stopped poking the bear.) She snapped back, asking if I was implying she “isn’t an adult”. To which I said, “No, I’m just proving that you get mad when you’re proven wrong.” I then turned to my aunts and uncles, who were thoroughly enjoying the show, and said, “Jury, may I present exhibit A (My aunt’s name) getting angry because she was proven wrong.” They all laughed, and my aunt instantly got up, said, “You all can eat dirt,” turned to me and said, “I hope there’s glass in your drink,” and then left.
Once she left, I began to feel like I had stirred up trouble. I knew that she didn’t like being corrected and was still upset about the situation from earlier. I do completely recognize that in poking for a reaction—even as a joke—I was definitely aware that the interaction wouldn’t end well.
So I probably should have ended it instead of letting it grow the way it did. She was also clearly the most intoxicated out of us all. My aunts and uncles assured me that I was just making fun of her and that she shouldn’t have gotten so offended, but I feel it was still kind of my fault for poking an intoxicated bear.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she asked a question and you answered and then challenged you by asking for evidence. She shouldn’t have asked a question she didn’t want to hear a response to. You were even assured that nobody would get upset by your answer.
Sounds to me like she probably knew what you would say but not how you chose to say it. Important question though. How much more intoxicated than everyone was she and how intoxicated were you? If you were pretty much sober and she was blabbering about, then I revoke my answer and you become the jerk.” CaptainScruffy22
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You, because—well, family traits are just that, shared in the family. So yeah, maybe she does have the most similar traits, but instead of simply saying it in a no-nonsense way like ‘You seem to be similar to Mom and struggle with being corrected, but hey, who in this family doesn’t struggle with it, haha,’ or whatever, no, you kind of made a spectacle out of it and made inflammatory remarks.
Her side, because you don’t ask a question you don’t want an answer to. Then don’t get mad because someone, after you pushed for the answer, gifts you with the unflattering truth.” Holiday_Presence9270
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. The person who got upset is the person who REPEATEDLY ASKED and CAJOLED you into expressing your thoughts.
And the irony of her reaction is something she would have chortled at had it been anybody but her. (Your other aunts/uncles did when it was her!) And her reaction wasn’t even close to what she assured you would be the general response. It wasn’t even mildly negative.
It was over the top… like a narcissist, maybe? You don’t need to poke this bear anymore, but you also don’t need to feel guilty. She put you in that spot; she kept demanding your perspective but couldn’t manage her feelings about it. All of that is on her.” swillshop
1. AITJ For Requesting To Work Alone In Baking Class After My Disabled Partner Took Over The Work?
“I (19M) recently signed up for a baking class somewhere last month, and the first order of business for the head chef was to group all of us into pairs. No one knew the other, so it wasn’t easy for people to choose partners, so the chef did a ticket raffle with everyone’s name, and I ended up with Tanya (23F) as my partner.
Tanya has a disability; she is unable to walk due to complications, and she is in a wheelchair. I didn’t have any issue looking forward to working with her, and she seemed cool at first. The first few days were just theoretical, with nothing much going on; hence, I couldn’t get a better idea of what Tanya was like as a course partner.
So now we begin one of our first practical classes (each class is about 5 hours), so you know we are together for quite a bit of time. We are given instructions as a whole class and then set out as a group to respective stations, where work begins, such as mixing ingredients and other tasks.
Tanya always insisted on dividing the work so that we could finish faster. She usually took the critical preparations of whatever we were preparing, and she mostly messed it up, meaning our final product was way below the needed standards. She would use her disability in a subtle manner to excuse her messing up the products, saying that it could be tiring to mix ingredients in the position she is in and that I should just try to bear with it.
So now we are always producing very crap bakes because she refuses to let me help get the ingredients together, saying she doesn’t want to seem like she can’t keep up with the class and that she has something to prove. Out of everyone, I am now the only one who isn’t actually gaining any skills compared to how expensive the course is because all I’m essentially doing is cleaning up after her disastrous work and wiping surfaces.
The funny thing is that our station is just next to where the chef is, and he sees all these shenanigans while doing absolutely nothing. All he does is tell her that she is doing so great (for her “situation,” but she doesn’t understand), and this makes her delusional about the quality of her work and causes her to insist on taking on more tasks.
I got fed up because I wasn’t learning anything, and significant time was passing by while I wasn’t there to waste money. I spoke to the chef about the situation, asking about a separation, and he said it would be wrong to do that just because of her disability and that it wasn’t right to do so.
Nevertheless, I still insisted despite him ignoring the main issue. He gave in to my request, and now I participate in the class as an individual.
Tanya made it seem like I left her alone because she is disabled, and my fellow classmates now look at me like some devil, with others coming up to me telling me that my morals aren’t right.
Only a few agreed with my decision.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So, she says this: “saying how it could be tiring to mix stuff in the position she is in, and I should just try to bear with it.” But also this: “she doesn’t want to seem like she can’t keep up with the class.” It’s one or the other here.
Either this is too tiring, and she’s struggling and needs to ask for more time, more assistance, etc., or she is fine and can keep up. I’m not saying that her disability doesn’t play a part here, but it’s her attitude on the matter that really makes this hard.
She’s not letting you ‘help’ but is forgetting that you’re there to learn just as much as she is. It sounds like she’s using this as a chance to prove she can do something, and that’s fine—but it’s coming at the expense of another person who is also there to learn.
I’d have a talk with her and tell her that either she lets you participate just as much as any other team/couple, or you will continue to be on your own for as long as she isn’t letting you participate. Move it away from ‘helping her’ and into ‘participating in a class you also paid for.’ NTJ.” Discount_Mithral
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and if it continued to be an issue, I’d straight up demand a refund. All notions of politeness and ‘going along to get along’ go right the heck out of the window the instant my wallet is involved in the conversation.
And if anyone else in the class gave me crap, the INSTANT response should be a suggestion to switch partners, and anyone who hesitates for even a moment should be accused of bigotry before they can take a breath. ‘Oh, you don’t want to partner with a disabled person?
That’s pretty bigoted and narrow-minded of you, isn’t it?’ I’m sure that sounds ridiculous and hyperbolic, but it’s the only way to deal with these kinds of people in the real world. They’ll watch you suffer through something and then suggest that you’re a bad person for not doing it with a smile on your face, and if they actually felt that way, they’d agree to go through it themselves without a moment’s thought.” deefop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But it would be uncomfortable for me to deal with people coming up to me and questioning my morals. Your request had nothing to do with morals. It has to do with y’all be paying lots of money to learn and try things and she was preventing that from happening because she felt she was entitled to.
If they would like to show how high their “morals” are, they can request to be paired up specifically with her. If the chef isn’t the owner of this business and they have other chefs to learn from, I’d take this higher and ask for a refund for this class or to be allowed to use the money from this class to be applied to a different chef/class.
You shouldn’t have to deal with harassment from people who know nothing of the situation. Nor should you have had to even ask to be placed with someone else after the first failure. He should have either rotated pairings or asked you if you wanted to do things on your own or at least asked how you were feeling about the situation.
This guy just didn’t want to deal with the situation and I think even if your partner wasn’t disabled, the instructor would have reacted similarly.” snowpixiemn
