People Beg For Us To Make A Judgment On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Being Annoyed When My Partner Goes Through My Phone?
“My significant other and I have been together for a year and almost four months. He always asks me questions about boys (asking me if I find other boys attractive, asking me what kind of clothes I wear around boys, asking me about boys that I used to know, etc) and my answers to each question are never good enough and he always starts sulking no matter what answer I give him to all his questions.
He also likes to go through my phone every time I’m asleep and whenever I’m awake he’ll find any excuse to get on my phone. He will ask me if he can take a picture on my phone or go to the play store and download a game for me and then he’ll do what he said he wanted to do and then start going through every app on my phone.
I’ve expressed my dislike for him doing this but he acts like I’m suspicious for not liking it when he goes through my stuff constantly and he still doesn’t understand even though I’ve explained that I don’t mind it when he goes on my phone and I just don’t like it when he’s on it and won’t give it back.
I also wouldn’t have much of a problem with this if it wasn’t for the fact that he has a super complex pattern password on his phone, so I can’t go through his even if I want to since he enjoys invading my privacy so much.
He seems okay with me going through his phone whenever I ask if I can but I always decline because he should understand that if he HAS to know my phone’s password then he should change his to one that’s easy for me to remember too (you know – make stuff even and fair).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but there are some huge red flags. Abusers start out by wearing you down and making their dominance ‘normal’. He seems to have no respect for you. I encourage you to get out now and burn the bridges. Don’t end up gushing to your coworkers about some junky $10 shoes he bought you because he wants to make up for a fight.
It starts off with just him wanting to know about your day… in every detail… and then making you check in… and then a slap or two because ‘you make me so mad’ and then a baseball bat to your desk… you can see where this is going.
He’s just starting out. Leave now. And… P.S. It is never your fault that he gets so mad.” missaprile
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he’s got serious issues. What would happen if you were to change the password and deny him access? I’d bet the answer is he would threaten to break up, accuse you of sneaking behind his back, or become abusive, you need to break up with this man immediately.
If the answer is he would sulk and give me the silent treatment, you need to break up immediately. This man is not stable and there is NO reason for him to do this every day.” MissyBee63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but please read other stories where what your partner is doing is just the beginning of a spiral where he will try and isolate you and then become more and more abusive.
You should break up and hope you don’t have to resort to a restraining order. And these days, you have to do stupid stuff like check he didn’t put AirTags to track you.” jphamlore
22. AITJ For Joining A Competition Regardless Of The Prize?
“I (18M) like to draw just as a hobby. While my friends play Genshin Impact and really like it, I prefer games like Elden Ring, etc. Recently all of them (18F, 17F, 18M, 19M) joined an art competition, and the prize has something to do with the game (I think it’s like coins?
like you have to buy it with real money but I don’t know what exactly it is). They’re also competing with each other, not as a group.
It seemed pretty fun, but I also felt kinda left out; so I asked 18F if it would be okay if I joined, and she said that I could and that I didn’t need anyone’s permission.
So I started a piece for it.
For some reason, I thought that she’d tell the others, but she didn’t (this misunderstanding was 100% my fault). 17F caught wind of it and got really mad at me; she says that I’m acting without integrity since I don’t play the game.
I would’ve left the competition if she told me any earlier, but I already spent so long on this drawing and I don’t want it to go to waste. I told her I’m just doing it for the fun of it, but she said that my actions were disrespectful and that I was mocking the people who actually play it.
I asked the rest of them about it, and they didn’t think it was that big of a deal. I thought that too, but why would she have such a big reaction to it? Also now she’s mad at me for dragging them into it, which is also my fault, she has a right to be mad about that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, why is this person gatekeeping an online game that’s open to anyone? Shouldn’t she be excited that you’re showing some interest in something she also likes? Teenagers are the worst, I swear. You encounter less of this as you grow up.” krendyB
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
The prize is only usable in-game. Tell them if you win, one of them can redeem the code. Have them draw lots or some other fair method of choice. Now you are an extra chance to win and not a competitor who will let the prize go to waste.” ToasterforHire
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If there’s no rule that says ‘only regular players of this game can enter,’ or anything like that, there’s no reason for you to stay out of the competition.
I wonder if she thinks your skills are much better than hers, and that’s why she doesn’t want you to compete.” hes_got_a_guard
21. AITJ For Ignoring My Partner After He Ruined My Birthday?
“My (24,f) birthday was yesterday. My partner (24, M) and my friends threw me a surprise party a week before my birthday. It was super thoughtful and I was really surprised. I told my partner on Tuesday I didn’t want him to spend a lot on my birthday, bc he is a big shopaholic and we are in the middle of an unexpected move and we need to save our funds.
I asked him instead if he would clean our house after the party by himself as a present so I didn’t have to clean up my own birthday party. He was reluctant but agreed. It needed to be done by today bc we had a house show, but because we were going to the city after work yesterday and it was my birthday so my friend was going to come over I asked him to get it done before my friend came over.
Well, he didn’t do it so I was annoyed at him when I got home and he wasn’t even there, he decided to work overtime at work instead. He came in and had an attitude and didn’t say happy birthday to me, was basically silent and avoided eye contact.
He drove my friend and me to the city, about an hour’s drive, and wouldn’t talk to her at all even though she hadn’t met him before and really wanted to get to know him.
Once we got to my friend’s house he didn’t talk to anyone or look at anyone, he made all my friends super uncomfortable.
He also didn’t bring his debit card so he didn’t contribute to the bill at dinner. Once we all (6 of us) got back to my friend’s apartment he immediately went to her room and fell asleep, stealing the only real bed and making such a big scene.
The next morning, he woke me up at 8 bc we had to clean up the house before the showing when I was hungover and stayed up late watching a movie with my friends. I told him I wasn’t leaving and that his actions last night were selfish and that he embarrassed me in front of my friends and that he embarrassed himself and ruined my birthday.
He left and hasn’t talked to me all day and won’t apologize because he said he had already thrown me a surprise party, even though all my friends said it was a collaborative effort. AITJ? My friends all told me his weird silent treatment thing made them super uncomfortable and he knows my birthday is really important to me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You should passive aggressively pack up his things to move out. He’s an adult and knows how to use his big-boy words to communicate. He can take his immature attitude to his mom and stay with her. If he has always been this way he’s not going to change anytime soon.
Time to move on and find someone who communicates.” TypicalAd3575
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but he is. All because he didn’t want to clean up your place after the party. He should have cleaned. It’s really clear that he considers cleaning the house beneath him somehow and he will passively avoid it, even after saying he will do it.
That’s a bad sign in any relationship.
And to be so rude to your friends, and not help pay for dinner, and steal your friend’s bed! Your partner is a real jerk. Has he done this kind of thing before? If it’s a pattern, you might want to reconsider your relationship.” Harmlessoldlady
Another User Comments:
“Wow NTJ.
First of all, you shouldn’t have to clean up from your surprise party in the first place, even if you hadn’t asked for that as your gift.
Otherwise, it’s ‘SURPRISE, I threw a party in your house without your permission and now you have a mess to clean up whether you like it or not’.
Which ruins the fun.
So your request was reasonable. Secondly, he’s had a WEEK to clean up and he hasn’t?
All the rest of his silent treatment behavior is weird and rude and unacceptable.
All in all, sounds like yet another dude trying to punish his partner for being made to suffer the apparently intolerable horror of doing some housework, and we are all tired of that story.
Definitely, a terrible and selfish way to act for a birthday.” Left-Car6520
20. AITJ For Serving Frozen Lasagna For Dinner?
“I (45M) have three kids (13M, 14F, 16M) with my wife (46F). I work long hours and so does my wife. She works as a nurse and I work as an investigator for a state agency.
My wife has been wanting to eat healthier and she always wants to have fresh foods. She gets angry with me if I purchase anything frozen. The issue is that due to our work hours, it’s difficult to always purchase fresh.
I asked the kids what they wanted for dinner and they all wanted lasagna.
I picked up a large frozen lasagna and put it in the oven. They were all happy with the meal and I left some for my wife when she got home. She arrived home at around 10 PM and saw the lasagna in the fridge. She asked if I had made it and I told her no, I purchased a frozen lasagna.
She picks up the lasagna and throws it in the trash. I get up and go to our bedroom. She comes storming in and starts yelling at me for wasting money on frozen food. I tried to explain that the kids wanted it and that it’s not a big deal to have frozen.
She then storms to the refrigerator and starts throwing food out of the freezer.
She hasn’t spoken to me and acting very cold toward the kids. Her parents are aware of what happened and think the kids should be fed only fresh. The kids are noticing the tension between us.
AITJ for serving frozen lasagna for dinner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your wife is crazy to think that having a frozen meal every once in a while is a bad thing. If she wants everyone to eat fresh every day then she should do all the prep work for every meal so that way it only has to be thrown together and cooked. She can’t expect you to always cook fresh when both of you work long jobs.
Your kids are also old enough to start helping out with the cooking if your wife insists on fresh-made food.” Extension-Battle-941
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s nuts. Frozen food is pretty safe and healthy, and frozen lasagna is very nice; I love it! You and your wife don’t have the luxury of preparing fresh food every day for you and all your kids.
With a large family, there won’t be leftovers that can last you through the week. Getting a frozen dinner now and then is the right choice. Your wife throwing away perfectly good food is demented, wasteful, and wrong in my honest opinion. Sure, fresh food is good for you, but it’s time-consuming to prepare.
Nothing you buy in the grocery store — fresh, frozen, or canned — is going to be absolutely pure and clean. It’s all been toted around on trucks, trains, and warehouses, and sat around in boxes. Have you ever seen that big tub of water in the back of the grocery where they throw all the fresh produce and just let it sit for hours?
Yuck man.” Harmlessoldlady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Especially nowadays, frozen food can come in healthier/less processed forms, so it’s not inherently going to tank anyone’s diet. It might be helpful to sit down with your partner and hammer out a compromise, because (no disrespect to her) it sounds like her expectations are unreasonable given y’all’s current state.
If there literally aren’t hours in the day for one of you to consistently ensure fresh groceries, but she’s not willing to accept your proposal (the occasional frozen meal), then she needs to come up with a counter-proposal that is equally feasible. Good luck and I hope the two of you are able to find a workable solution.” User
19. AITJ For Not Attending My Aunt's Birthday Party?
“I (15 male) and my brother (10) were invited to my aunt’s birthday party a couple of weeks ago.
For context, my brother and I have never been close to my father’s side of the family. Our dad isn’t really in our lives. He has other kids and he’s way closer to them than us.
At the end of last year, our dad died in an accident.
Since then his family has been trying to get closer to us which is fine. His sister recently invited me and my brother to a 6:00 pm barbeque birthday party. I texted and told her we’d be there.
On the day of the party, we drive to her house.
I’m not going to lie her house was in a shady area. My brother and I aren’t used to that. And I have really bad social anxiety so if my mom doesn’t get off until 6:30 that would mean that we’d be late and I’d be so embarrassed. We ended up not going.
She is now giving me the silent treatment. And I feel really bad. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Kinda are but you’re also 15yo so giving ya NTJ.
So you have more siblings that you avoid along with half your family just because of your dad’s shortcomings.
Try not to let anyone lessen your family relationships to or with others because of them or their actions. Only costs yourself family.” stillaborn
Another User Comments:
“So you drove to her house, saw she lived in a bad part of town, and then immediately went home?
It’s hard to give you a YTJ because you’re still a kid and you’re adjusting to dynamics changing after your father’s passing (my condolences, by the way), but I think in this situation you may be the jerk.
I know it’s hard with social anxiety but you would only need to be there for under an hour without your mom, and at least you and your brother had each other.
I wouldn’t say YTJ if you declined the invitation in the first place, but because you said you would go, the mature thing would have been to follow through.
But I don’t even know if I knew this at 15, and that’s why this is a really light YTJ for me.” p**********2
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You’re 15 if anything this should have been organized between your aunt and your mum.
I get that anxiety in any form is tough but you should have still tried to contact your aunt and let her know about the situation, then again I’m assuming there’s an age gap large enough to render her reaction to you not showing somewhat unjustified.” ErykYT2988
18. AITJ For Taking Revenge On A Noisy Church?
“Over the last few years, my neighbors (a church), have been playing music loud enough for things to fall off of the walls inside my house. The church is around two hundred feet from my house.
It is an everyday occurrence, mostly in the evenings, with the exception of the weekends, when they play until close to midnight on Saturday and around eight hours on Sunday.
I’ve tried to ignore it over the years, as best I could, but I’m finally at a breaking point.
I’ve tried speaking with them about it, I’ve called the sheriff’s office, and nothing has come of anything. They actually play louder after that.
Today, I decided to pull out some old speakers I’ve had sitting around for a while and play my own music.
Nothing derogatory as of yet. Just trying to figure out if I’m the jerk before I take it any further.”
Another User Comments:
“I mean be careful fighting fire with fire, seems like the cops are on their side, so maybe get evidence and document their volume and how the police ignored it and have a lawyer ready to go before you stick it to them… but NTJ because screw that.” CherryWand
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to dig deeper and look into the local sound ordinance. Most municipalities have codes with specific rules about sound and disturbing the peace. Usually, the code is quite clear about hours and loudness. For example, where I live in a residential area you cannot make any noise audible at the property line after 12midnight.
Study up, dig in, and sue the noise-making church. Small claims court typically allows up to $10k damages and you don’t need a lawyer. If they are violating a noise ordinance and they persist, sue again and again.” MDprivate
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Help In Raising My Nephew?
“I’m a 21-year-old male. My twin sister had my nephew 2 years ago.
The dad was there for my nephew until 2 months ago when he told her he didn’t want to be with her and be a dad and just abandoned them both. It’s messed up he did that. But in saying that my sister came to me asking for help raising my nephew and to be a ‘father’ figure in his life.
I said I can help her financially but not be there as a father! She got upset with me and left and won’t speak to me and she told our mother.
My mother has been hounding me to help her ever since, saying I should know what it’s like to grow up without a father.
I do feel awful and I tried to tell her I can’t be because I know I’m really immature and I love my freedom and just being able to do whatever I want and when I want and that’s not a good father figure my nephew needs.
My mother and sister say I’m no different from our dad and nephew’s dad. Selfish jerk that just thinks about himself. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re 21 and need to live your own life. It’s not true that children need a ‘father figure’ to grow up well-adjusted; love and good parenting are far more important.
I’m sure you’ll be there in so many ways for your nephew and you’ll be a good father to your own children one day if that’s how your life works out. But you don’t need to step in as a ‘father figure’ now.” Enough-Builder-2230
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you are different from your dad and nephew’s dad… you’re not a dad! Who says that to their son and brother? Both these women need to get some therapy if they think that’s an acceptable thing to say, they are setting your nephew up to be totally confused (and needless to say it’s a bit creepy).
You’re the uncle nothing else, you already have your role in his life, and it’s not being his dad!” Mommagrumps
16. AITJ For Wanting My Husband's Cousin Out Of The House?
“I (31F) and my husband (29M) just got married 8 months ago. We’ve been living in our home for a little over a year. Prior to this, we were living in his parents’ house for 2.5 years while our house was being built.
This was very difficult for our relationship, especially for me (being back in someone else’s home).
Three months ago my husband’s cousin (25M) needed somewhere to go. He was staying with us while he looked for apartments. My husband asked me if we could let him stay with us and he could pay a few hundred for ‘rent’ each month.
I said we needed to talk about it. Well the next day before we could discuss it, he went ahead and asked him to stay ‘for as long as he wants’. This annoyed me because while I was leaning towards letting him stay, we hadn’t discussed it, and we needed to set boundaries if he was going to stay.
Since then, my husband and I have been fighting A LOT more, my personal mental health was struggling before he moved in and has declined even more since then. Whenever I bring up that I’m uncomfortable with him living here it mostly gets ignored, or my husband says things like ‘what?
we’re just going to kick him out?’ And ‘it’s not his fault I didn’t talk to you before asking him to stay’. Supposedly his cousin’s goal is to save money to buy a house, to avoid wasting funds on renting. We’ve helped him in the past also.
When he didn’t have a car we let him use our extra car for months maybe even close to a year. My husband got him his current job which is very well paying. So it’s not like he can’t afford an apartment.
He’s just trying to save funds right now.
My argument is this, I’m not demanding he move out tomorrow! But he needs to start looking for a place of his own. Our relationship and personal life are suffering. We’ve helped him get on his feet.
I’m pretty sure he’s fairly financially stable now, and if he stayed for another month or two (or whatever) and really focused on saving he’d be even better. I don’t think we should put our life on hold or allow our marriage to suffer just so he can buy a house.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s not his cousin’s fault that your husband made a brash decision without your input, but you don’t need to suffer the consequences of having an additional member of the household. It seems like from what you have done for him already, you aren’t angry at all with the cousin, and wanting him to look for housing and giving him time to do so without majorly inconveniencing him is much more thoughtful and kind than I would be if someone just moved into my residence without my permission.” ItsDaBunnyYT
Another User Comments:
“This feels like an unhealthy relationship for you, with your husband. He doesn’t respect your opinion or care about your concerns. He seems to be oblivious to why a newlywed who had to live with his parents now lives with his extended family and doesn’t want it.
It sounds like an awful situation. Your husband doesn’t mind putting your life on hold or you being uncomfortable, so I think you need to think about what other instances you don’t mind your opinion or feelings being trampled on in this marriage. Good luck but I suggest getting out.
NTJ!” BeenThere_DontDoThat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You have a terrible husband who disregards your feelings and disrespects you as a person.
If you have the option to, move out and get some space. Permanent space actually sounds like a good idea since your husband doesn’t care about the impact his cousin staying there is having on your mental health and marriage.
Talk to your husband. Tell him he needs to give his cousin an exit date (that you both decide on) or you will be exiting. Reiterating that this is having a negative impact on your marriage and mental health. If he doesn’t care and won’t do anything about this well you need a new husband.” Status-Pattern7539
15. AITJ For Refusing To Sublet The Vacant Room In Our Apartment?
“I (24F) live with two roommates, Anthony (Tony) (23M) and Jana (24F).
We’ve been living together for 2 yrs now, Jana has been my best friend my entire life, so far it’s been easy living.
Unexpectedly, they were asked to watch Anthony’s sister’s home while she’s away for eight months, (without pay). They were told this four months ago.
Jana asked me 3 mo ago if I was comfortable subletting. She said I could say no. I said no, she told Tony, I thought that was that, but again, a month later she asks lightly if I know anyone who could sublet for six months.
My friends are pet owners and my apartment is a no-pets apartment, so they could not sublet. I said I knew no one, and then the issue died, until 3 days ago.
They’re supposed to be moving out this Monday (4/25). Thursday (4/21), Jana tells me Tony has found a sublet.
She asks if I would be comfortable living with Quinn (25M), Tony’s coworker. Tony and I work next to each other, and I know Quinn as a customer. The idea immediately makes me uncomfortable and Jana agrees why. Due to terrible past instances, this situation is extremely uncomfortable.
Having a random man I don’t really know coming into my home on EXTREMELY short notice made me immediately anxious. We have a tiny 1,000 sqft apt. I barely know this person. My bedroom and bathroom doors only lock from the inside so my stuff would be at their mercy when I’m not home.
Jana completely understands, but Anthony doesn’t. They get into a massive argument, I hear Anthony say ‘Her mental health problems shouldn’t affect what I get to do with my own room.’ The next day we all sat down to talk about it, I explained my past and how deeply uncomfortable I am with this idea.
Even so, a stranger moving in with zero notice, who he only knows through work. Anthony gets super upset with me, and tries to tell me not every stranger will hurt me. After pushing me enough, I started crying, which is embarrassing to me now.
He says directly to me that he had every right to fill the space he pays for and my trauma shouldn’t dictate that.
He keeps pressing, telling me he is losing rent from this. He is the only one ‘losing’ here. He gets angry, and says if I am gatekeeping who gets to go in and out of their bedroom, why don’t I pay for it?
He says he’s losing two shares of rent. A total of $5,000.
Before we moved in, I had no idea he would pay Jana’s rent, so I tell him he can’t use that against me. I pay my share of things (1/3 rent + 1/3 utilities and wifi), which has been fine and rent has been consistent since we first moved in.
They are the ones deciding to leave for six months, not me. I never knew this would happen, and if Anthony felt so strongly about subletting, he should have asked me personally instead of telling Jana to talk to me. He should have, at the very least, told me himself.
After a large emotional fight, he ended up saying we wouldn’t sublet and gave up. He feels he is losing that $5,000 by keeping his room empty. He feels he is entitled to do with the room as he pleases. All of our names are on the lease.
Am I the jerk for refusing to sublet the apartment, due to my past experiences and the short notice?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
When you live with someone you agree beforehand on who you are living with. I’m sure if they had told you that if they ever went away they would sublet you would have chosen different accommodations.
If it’s possible for you to cover all utilities (not rent) while they are away it would be fair because they could theoretically cancel them or suspend them if the apartment was empty.” tinaciv
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless the man is a licensed mental health professional, he shouldn’t be attacking you about your trauma.
Secondly, if they continue to try and sublet, contact your Landlord. In many places, Subletting is not legal and is considered a breach of the lease.
You have every right to want to feel safe in your own home. I know very few people willing to endure a stranger in their space.” Willing-Survey7448
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
They had 4 months to figure it out or find a compromise. They could have found a girl to sublet with if you were more comfortable or, frankly since they’re living at that house for 8 months, break the lease on this place.” MemesRmylovelanguage
14. AITJ For Not Wanting My Future Roommate To Work From Home?
“I have had roommates for several years, except for the last 3 years. My rent was raised 50% (yes) and now I have to go back to a roommate situation. I rented a 2/2, and I am looking for someone to stay in the other room.
I created a post where I mention the description of the apt, and rent amount (which is a bit below market because I stay in the big room and also because of my living situation preference), and also mention that I will prefer a roommate that does not work from home and has a 9-5 job, and I also mention that I DO work from home.
Well… The internet came at me for ‘banning’ people to work from home and how dare I, that I’m abusing people by doing so to the point that they have created posts WARNING people about me… then I got many private messages, DMs, and even comments on my social media post harassing me about this.
The way I see this is, that 2 people living and working in the same space will create a bit more issues, and potentially annoy each other. My job requires me to speak all day, so it may not be comfortable for the other person to work, and, at the end of the day, if they need to work from home they can rent another room.
It is not like I already have a roommate, and then I came up with this ‘banning’ out of nowhere.
I’ve done this every time I’ve looked for roommates, and it was never an issue, but that was when only very few worked from home (4 years ago +).
So, am I the jerk for not allowing my roommate to work from home?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s totally possible for multiple people to work from home. You also have to be mindful that because of the recent happenings, most jobs are work from home.
Nonetheless, kind of jacked up to say what someone can and can’t do especially if they have a job and the means to pay rent.” Thin-Skill699
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
When it comes to roommate situations, you need to make sure personalities match and the working situation is possible.
You’ve decided it’s not going to work for you, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It would be different if this was at the start of 2020 when everything shut down but things are opening up, and I think you mentioned you’re in Florida and we all know how Florida has handled everything.
I guess it would depend on how your post came across when you said ‘nobody who works at home.’ I do think the people you’ve had messaging you are those who are just annoyed that they see a double standard of sorts. But I do get your reasoning.
I hate people being around in my house when I’m working from home.” curious_writer13
Another User Comments:
“YTJ (slightly) but not because you don’t want a work-from-home roommate. This was also a requirement for me and my wife when we got a roomie. It’s because we want someone who will be out of the house and not home 24/7.
That way when we all have our days off we all can enjoy the peace of an empty house. My wife and I also work away from the house so our roommate also gets to enjoy alone time.
The issue here is YOU work from home and forbid it.
It’s a bit hypocritical. And if you’re worried about noise there are ways around that. You know, the whole rules for thee but not for me thing.” What_Was_I_doi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but my guess is the way you worded the ad is why people on the internet came for you.
Instead, put that YOU work from home and are speaking out loud on calls all day, so an ideal fit would be a roommate who works outside of the home full-time.” Traditional_Curve401
13. AITJ For Wanting To Cut Ties With Someone Because I Was Not Invited To Their Wedding?
“I have a ‘friend’ that I have known for almost a decade. We went to college together, worked together, and have many mutual friends and even my cousin is close with her as well.
For years this friend would invite me to bday parties, and grad parties, and even had a baby shower less than a year before her wedding that I attended and brought a gift to.
Fast forward she had a wedding last July and many mutual friends were both in the wedding and in attendance.
I was not invited. Now, this friend acts like nothing is wrong as if that made sense or something and I just cannot shake the blatant disrespect I felt. Even my younger cousin who I grew up with was there… I guess because they were in the same school club together as everyone else from the club was there lol like what?!?
Everyone says a couple can do whatever they want for their wedding and I agree. I just don’t see how I would be invited and present at literally every single life moment prior and then blatantly excluded with no consideration for the wedding. I have not spoken to her much since the wedding but I’m not really sure if I’m the jerk here or not for feeling the way I do.
She tried to let me and my other friend who was excluded know about a bday party for her this year which happened in March, my other friend went and I’m like… WHAT?!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, maybe. Is there ANY chance she just, forgot?
Like what did people say of your absence at the wedding and what was her response? It IS her wedding, just like it IS your life. If your feelings are: I don’t want to be around her anymore, then it would only be destructive for your mental health and eventually hers as well to force it.
You get to decide who is in YOUR life just like she got to choose who’s at her wedding.
So no, not the jerk, long as it wasn’t a mistake and you gave her a chance to answer for herself. Nobody likes being excluded, and everyone knows brides want ALL their loved ones at their wedding; this was almost like cruelly saying, ‘You’re just an acquaintance, not a loved one.’ Well, ditto.” Dizavid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe time for you to conclude that you and this other person were not ‘friends’ as you thought. Acquaintances aren’t always friends. If she invites you to another bday or other party, just rsvp your regrets without explanation. Eventually, she’ll get the hint.
Forget about her and move on.” MDprivate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You have the right to feel any way that you want, given what is going on, just as much as she has the right to invite or not invite whomever she/they want.
Personally, given the apparent relationship that the two of you shared, would have expected her to invite you to the wedding, or if not to have let you know the reason for not being able to invite you, even though based on what you posted, I cannot think of any reason/excuse that would work.
You and your friend’s reaction to the bday invite are just about right, after being excluded from the earlier wedding.
If it was me, I’d probably just continue on with the limited to no contact and would either ‘decline’ or ‘ignore’ any ‘invites’ to future events, I would ‘decline’ any actual/personal ‘invites’ and just ‘ignore’ any that are just a part of a general ‘announcement’ that says that something is happening.
Chances are that she will eventually come and ask you ‘why’ and that I think would be the time to let her know how you feel/felt about being excluded from her wedding, and that you are not comfortable attending any future events, because (insert your reason here, could be due to the other mutual friends, family, and others that you would end up having to interact with, who will probably ask why I wasn’t at the wedding, or the like).
It apparently still hurts, and nothing is probably going to be able to change until she acknowledges, apologizes, and gives you her reason for not inviting you, but this seems like something that won’t be coming anytime soon, so you do what you must to both protect yourself and to make yourself feel a bit better.
Because what happened really sucked, but then things like this do happen, unfortunately, all the time, and it ends up being a/the time to re-evaluate what/how you feel about the relationship that the two are sharing.
Apparently, you were not as good or close a friend as you thought or believed, which again, sucks but is something that happens all the time.
I hope this made sense and was helpful.
Best wishes and good hope to you, your ‘other friend’ who also wasn’t invited, and everyone else going forward.
Be strong, be safe and be well!” Ground-Rat
12. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Turn The Volume Down?
“My husband and I have a 5-month-old baby. We frequently have people around for drinks.
My husband smokes when he drinks, and when that happens I do all baby care cause midwives have put the fear of god in us about third-hand smoke and SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome). On these social occasions, I drink less because I’m still breastfeeding, and my husband sometimes spends the following day napping on the couch (ahem hangover ahem).
I do all baby care then too. To be fair he does baby care at other times. Again, wonderful father. And husband. And human.
Onto the issue at hand. We had friends around today for lunch. Drinks were had. My husband has been smoking and I’ve been on baby duty.
Now, at 10 pm I’m trying to move a sleeping baby from his pram (we went outside for a bit) to his cot, and I intend to set up the baby cam and join the socializing happening in the living room again. We live in an apartment and our bedroom, where the baby sleeps, is next to the living room, where the husband is playing music like we’re in a concert.
I ask him to turn it down a bit, he says no. That’s it. No. I say OK, finish putting baby to sleep, warm up some dinner and make myself scarce. I’m no longer in a hang-out mood cause I anticipate a difficult night baby-wise and to be on duty till the day after tomorrow.
My husband calls me out on being annoyed (quietly, no scene or anything), I suggest we leave this conversation for tomorrow, he calls me spoiled.
The bottom line, the baby isn’t awake. I am anticipating difficulties due to noise, but difficulties haven’t yet materialized. But I do think turning down the volume when you have people around and a 5mo baby is a fairly bottom-tier request considering he won’t be the one putting the baby back to sleep if he wakes up.
My husband is, in general, an outstanding human being. But we have people around at least once a month and I despise feeling like the bad cop when this happens.
AITJ?
ETA: in addition to having people home, we both get chances to spend separate time with friends without the baby.
It isn’t just me looking after the baby and never him. And smoking happens outside the apartment, not inside.”
Another User Comments:
“Totally, 100% NTJ, but the same can NOT be said for your husband and his drinking crew.
You say he’s a good Dad and husband, but his actions while drinking say that’s a lie.
If he and your friends truly cared about you and the baby, this behavior WOULD NOT happen, period!
While I’m always an advocate for trying to work stuff out, I would question this relationship. That’s harsh I know. But the drinking and disregard for you AND your infant, not to mention the smoking.
(And I AM a smoker, but ONLY outside, away from any kiddos or anyone who doesn’t smoke.)
It seems, from only what you’ve said, that he doesn’t wanna quite give up the bro life, and that’s concerning.
Also, no drinking while breastfeeding! No one wants a tipsy baby!
Good luck, and good vibes headed your way!” BooBooKittyChris1775
Another User Comments:
“Well even good partners mess up sometimes and I think this time was his. Music down when your baby is sleeping and/or you are considering your needs to tend to the baby is a reasonable thing to ask.
A blanket no is not being a good partner in this example. The shift into being parents can be a struggle so I don’t like saying he’s a jerk if he’s generally otherwise a pretty decent partner and parent – but yet, in this situation, he was.
NTJ.” Gradual_Sigh
Another User Comments:
“‘Husband is, in general, an outstanding human being.’
Nothing about your post makes him sound outstanding. Your baby is 5 months old. You have friends over about once a month. On these occasions, he finds it necessary to drink to excess and smoke in the apartment your baby resides in with full knowledge that this puts your baby at risk of SIDS and a multitude of other health risks.
So in your baby’s short life (approx 150 days), their father has felt it appropriate to willingly put them at risk on 3.33% of the days they have been alive.
This isn’t by accident, this is done with forethought. This doesn’t even include the residual smoke and residue that would still be lingering.
Unless you are cleaning the entire apartment, floors, walls, and ducts, every time he smokes, the percentage goes up quite a bit.
This doesn’t even take into account that babies’ ears are quite sensitive and are easily damaged by loud sounds.
It sounds like you have matured and taken on most of the responsibilities of parenthood.
Your husband has not. He would be the jerk in this scenario.” noworriesbee
11. AITJ For Not Accommodating My Coworker?
“I work in an office setting and a number of my coworkers had babies since we were allowed to work from home.
Our company made a compromise to allow most employees to work from home (WFH) twice a week but employees had to agree not to provide childcare when WFH.
I didn’t understand that until my coworkers with kids started slacking off and becoming unavailable during the day.
Some of my coworkers would try to talk to me about their kids and how challenging and overwhelming it is. Then they’d start to ask me for favors.
For example, my coworker needed to come to a last-minute office meeting that I scheduled. He was supposed to be in the office anyways and not WFH that day. He threw a fit that he and his wife didn’t have a nanny that afternoon so he asked if I could take his place in the meeting.
I said absolutely not. I have my own work to do. If he can’t come in, then let the receptionist know so she can notify the office and turn in a PTO form to HR. He said that his kid wasn’t feeling well and he was still working but just couldn’t come in.
I told him he just did not want to let people know he was babysitting while WFH and now he’s asking me to cover for him. He went on about how hard it is with a baby and his wife working crazy hours, etc.
I told him that I couldn’t care less about his kid.
This is work, not family. If he can’t come in, then email our boss that he’s too busy with his kid to come to an important meeting and I’ll reschedule if instructed. But I’m not coming to the office or using my office time so my coworker can stay home and save babysitter money.
Edit: There is a HUGE difference in productivity with my coworkers who use their kids as excuses at work when they are in the office or WFH.
When they are in the office, they actually pick up their phone, respond to emails, check their messages, etc.
When they’re WFH, it’s like they’re on vacation.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – This doesn’t sound like a parent abusing the privilege of WFH. They had a sick child, which happens. Daycares won’t take a sick child and some home caregivers won’t come if your child is sick.
Sure they could have called in for medical leave and skipped the whole day, but they chose to work remotely and get as much done as they could.
Is that your problem? I guess not, but I saw your comment about scheduling the 3 pm meeting on the same day with only a few hours’ notice.
Was it necessary? Did you know he was not in the office when you scheduled it? Was it really a huge imposition to cover for him in one meeting that was scheduled pretty last minute? Why all the bitterness? Is there a larger pattern?
If you ever have any issues with your own loved ones that require your colleagues to support you, I think you will look back at this a think about it a little differently.” Used_Mark_7911
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as a parent I find this inexcusable. Don’t use your kids as an excuse to pawn off your responsibilities. This coworker of yours is failing as a parent and as a coworker. Prioritizing your family doesn’t mean your family takes precedence over everything.
It means you take all the necessary steps to ensure your family is taken care of which includes maintaining a steady job and, obviously, this includes being a responsible coworker. What are you going to do for your family when the company lets you go because you suck as an employee and coworker.” frigaro
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for your delivery.
I agree that the coworker needs stable childcare AND agree you aren’t responsible for accommodating but ‘just go get some stable childcare’ is a lot easier said than done. Source: the last three years of my life.
I pay over $17k a year for one child to be in daycare (if I wanted a center, not an in-home, I’d be paying $20k at minimum) and last year they were open only 70% of the days I paid for. Almost all of those closures were last minute.
We don’t live near family and don’t have many options for backup care. I regularly worked all night to make up for missed hours when these instances happened. Traditionally these backup care situations disproportionately impact moms/women in the workplace so, in addition to YTJ for delivery, your coworker is NTJ for sharing the burden of unreliable care with his wife.
So you are not required to have empathy, no, but it wouldn’t hurt you to either.” idrinkmycoffeeneat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it behooves you not to be a jerk about it. If the coworker has to work from home on short notice, yes, that’s a thing that happens.
However, if that coworker is unable to actually do the work tasks needed while at home, that coworker is obligated to take leave to cover that. If the coworker told OP, ‘my kid is sick, I am sorry I can’t make the meeting, this wasn’t expected, I had to take leave today because of my kid, can you cover for me in the meeting?’ That would be one thing.
What it sounds like is the coworker said, ‘Hey, can you cover me?’ If the coworker isn’t taking leave to account for not being able to do the work that the coworker is supposed to be doing, yeah, that’s a problem. Kids are relevant to that circumstance.
Meanwhile, as someone who is child-free by choice, I have spent my entire adult working life being a second-class citizen to my fellow employees who have children. And some of them try very hard to be fair about that. And some of them expect me to just accept that it is what it is, and the fact that they have chosen to have children makes them a priority for those who get time off because they believe they deserve that.
And they’re jerks for that.” SuburbanDemographic
10. AITJ For Not Wanting My Roommate's Partner To Be Alone In Our Home?
“My (27f) roommate (27f) and I have been living together for 2 years and were best friends for 14 years. Well, recently she got into a relationship and her partner started coming over. Before anything I told her 3 days a week is fair for their partner to sleep over which she didn’t take so well but respected.
A few weeks ago when I was leaving for work and so was she. I noticed that her partner’s shoes were in the hallway, which is where the shoes stay when entering the home. I asked about her partner being home when no one is and she reassured me that she would never do that.
Today I came from my mom’s. I was there from Friday to today. When I came home, my roommate was nowhere to be seen and her partner was home alone. She came hours later. I was angry and called her off because she broke that and disrespected the rules set for both of us.
I told our other friend about this and he disagreed with me. I am just not comfortable having someone alone here when no one is home. I sometimes feel like I am exaggerating but I don’t think so.
She had been talking to her other friends about me in a negative way about the situation and I feel the tension.
I am more than ready to leave and end this friendship once the lease is over.
AITJ: for saying something about her partner staying over when no one is here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ absolutely. It’s definitely inappropriate for a roommate’s partner to be in the apartment when the roommate is not home, especially since you already said you weren’t ok with it.
If no one else is home, who knows what he’ll get up to? If only you are home, there’s an implied risk of personal safety or your discomfort. Lying to you and hiding him shows she is not considerate of your feelings.” DigDugDogDun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if she has to leave for work early and he’s half an hour late in leaving, that’s one thing, but just chilling at the house when she’s not home? He has his own house! Sounds to me like you need a new place, or you should suggest they move out together if they’re going to be spending that much time together.
Alternatively, start charging the guy for his share of bills and utilities if he’s going to be there more than agreed.” pikasafire
Another User Comments:
“Think she is trying to move him in and you out. Of course, anybody staying by themselves like that would need you both to agree.
It’s common courtesy. NTJ. Just because she trusts him by himself with personal stuff in the place doesn’t mean you do. Booty calls don’t need to hang around all the time.
Do what you must but likely if you move and he stays, she will be lucky if it works out long term and she loses him also as a roommate.
Or worse he decides to stay but dumps her and decides he wants his new partner to stay over like she allowed him to do and the heck with you.” pensaha
9. AITJ For Refusing To Go To Italy?
“I (18m) got an offer for a Law+year abroad course at university. This means in the third year, I get to go to a country in Europe that has a partnered university to study that country’s law.
The thing is, obviously the university wants to know that the students can speak the language. So in order to apply for the course, you needed an A-level in that language (I’m currently doing French.)
However, a woman who works at the university told me that she’s known people that didn’t want to go to the country they had an A-level in.
(Idk why you’d even apply for the course then but anyway.) So they did another one part-time while doing Law at the university, especially subjects like going from French to Italian (similarities.) Then could change it in their second year before going away.
Now here’s the thing, I don’t care about France really, I’m only going because I wanted to go somewhere and they’ll only let me do France.
My mum has been wanting to do a family holiday to Italy for the past few years, mainly because she’s catholic and likes the idea of the whole family going to all the holy places. And my dad and brothers rejected her on that on the account of not caring.
I wouldn’t mind it, find the history of it really interesting actually, I just don’t care enough to learn the language to an A-level standard.
She’s been trying to persuade me for the last few weeks. As in her words ‘we’ll have to visit then at Easter, summer, and Christmas!’ But I’ve been pretty upfront and honest that I can’t be bothered learning Italian while at university.
Then today she really confronted me on it saying I’m being selfish, because I can make her happy by putting in a bit of effort and I’m choosing not to. Also, it’s not like I have a strong passion for France so it’s nothing but selfishness and laziness.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your mother is the one who is selfish. She is such a selfish jerk for wanting you to change your future plans to allow her a single trip or two. You’re a student, not a tour guide or Airbnb.
She needs to wake up and get the stick out of her butt and learn that the world doesn’t revolve around her.
She can make a trip and go another time, if it’s that important to her then she could plan it better and save up.” Piper6728
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Just go to Italy for a vacation while you’re in France. Your father and brothers are jerks, by the way.
I’m not religious and I loved visiting places of all religions. And them not going when it’s so important to your mother is really a jerk move. And, by the way, reducing Italy to religious spots is really ignorant on their part. I’m not Italian, but I’ve been there twice (once to Rome and once to a few cities in the North) and it’s a gorgeous country to visit.
By the way, if you’re willing to learn French you could learn Italian. The languages are really similar in difficulty.” ExcellentPatience298
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I say this as someone who did my entire university abroad.
You are there to be a student, not an Airbnb and a tour guide.
Your mom is selfish and is putting her own desires over your education. That is the point you need to make, no other. This is a boundary that is going to need to be very clearly established either way.
Go to France. Do your France thing.
If she wants to go see the Holy sights in Italy, she can up and do it any day of the year without mooching off of you.” S*************o
8. AITJ For Wanting To Move?
“My ex-husband and I have been separated for 5 years and officially divorced for 2 and a half. We have two children together that I have sole legal and physical custody of. Right now he and I live in different towns, about 25 minutes apart.
His relationship with our older child is strained but his relationship with our younger child is good. My ex sees our younger child 2 days a week (from about 3:00 pm to 7:30 pm, when he then is dropped back off at my home to sleep) and 1 weekend a month.
A couple of years ago both my ex and I met new people and he quickly moved in with his partner, she is lovely. I have been splitting my time between my home and my partner’s home but we would like to move into his house together.
This is where I, according to my ex-husband, become the jerk… my partner owns a house in a cute little town with an excellent school system, way better than the school system my now 10-year-old will go into if we stay where we are (he currently goes to a private school that I pay for but is aging out of it soon).
The problem is that the town my partner lives in is about 1 hour and 15 minutes away from where my ex-husband lives. Even though our divorce decree states that he is responsible for picking up and dropping off our son to try to make things easier on my ex I have offered to drive our son halfway to meet him one weekday (I’ve suggested meeting him at 4:00 pm and again to get my son back at 8:00 pm) and I’ve also offered to let him have our son every other weekend from Friday after school until Sunday evening, again with me driving to meet him to spare him from having to drive all the way to where we’d be living.
This actually works out to more time he will get to spend with our child, it’s just broken down differently and also gives them more weekend time to do things together. He is upset with me for planning to make this move and says I’m a jerk and it’s the meanest thing I’ve ever done.
He has said some pretty mean and terrible things including that our younger child is the only family he has and that I am awful for taking him away from him (remember we also have an older child together). I’m not taking him away.
I want to continue my life and I’m offering to give him more time and to meet him to do drop-offs and pick-ups to make it work for everyone. So I guess I’m wondering if the internet thinks I’m the jerk too?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, in fact, you’re very accommodating, he’s being unreasonable. I can’t think of any reason he would feel you’re keeping your son ‘away from him’ unless your moving on is a sore spot for him, I can’t understand why.
You have to live your life as well and make the best decisions for yourself and your children. 1hr 15mn is my travel time from home to school/work every morning (New Yorker) here… I do understand for smaller towns this is a big time difference but this is literally my commute every morning.” Chantalle22
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sure he asked your permission before his partner moved in, right? I feel sorry for your kids, especially your oldest. You are doing what is in the best interest of your kids, and that includes making a choice that results in you being happy.
A happy mom is way better for your kids too!” Canning-mama-1998
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You compromised, he doesn’t want to do it. Then he proceeds to call you a bunch of things for ‘taking his son away’. Also, he can’t even try to have a relationship with your oldest child.
Though now I get why it’s strained. He’s the jerk in this situation.” h4tdogchizdog
7. AITJ For Showing My Dad How Disrespectful It Is To Always Be On Your Phone?
“My (19F) father (69M) can’t take his eyes off of his phone.
Whenever we’re walking, he’s texting his partner. Whenever we’re eating supper, he’s scrolling through social media. Whenever we’re talking, he’s doing god knows what on his phone. Etc, etc, etc. He’s been like this since I was an early teen and I’ve always hated it.
He would NEVER look me in the face or pay attention to his surroundings, just his phone. Of course, I don’t care if he goes on his phone like a normal person, but when we’re walking & eating and he can’t look up, there’s a problem.
I’ve tried to talk to him about it so many times, but it would always end in an argument. So a month ago I took it upon myself to give him a taste of his own medicine, doing the exact same things as him.
He hated it and finally broke.
He argued with me about it last night and I told him why I did it. He went off on me and said it ‘wasn’t the same’ and that I was ‘just being disrespectful’ and he had ‘important things to tend to’ (he was always texting his partner & on social media, he had nothing important).
Then he told his partner, who also went off on me calling me a jerkbag and that I’m just like my mother. Now everything is so tense.
I feel like what I did was a bit childish and I could’ve handled it better, but I honestly hoped he would understand if it was happening to him because he would never understand any other way.
I don’t want him to get hit by a car before he gets it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your time together should be respected. No one likes to deal with anyone who can’t recognize that the person standing in front of them is more important than someone on the phone/social media.
If you want to focus on your phone, bye! Maybe your phone can have a conversation and hug you.” plainfully_oblivious
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in any way.
He is a hypocrite and it was good to give him a taste of his own medicine.
The fact that he complained about it to his petty SO who sounds very toxic seems like a joke.
Are you living with him? If yes then there is any way you can live with your mom?” Prestigious_Net_383
6. AITJ For Asking My Ex To Move Out Of Her New Room?
“Brittany (22F) and I (28M) had been friends for over 1 year and live together in the same small rural community.
I had been in love with her for a long time, and there had always been a really special connection between us and some sort of tension. About 2 months ago we finally kissed for the first time, and it was absolutely beautiful. We started hanging out all the time and sleeping together.
After sleeping together for only 2 weeks or so, she announced that the room she was staying in was too small and that she had arranged to move into the larger room directly underneath the studio where I live and run my business.
The thing is – the rooms are literally so close together that you can hear everything: footsteps, cough, a word spoken, bed squeak, etc. The rooms also share the same bathroom.
She didn’t discuss the idea of moving in so close with me at all before making plans with the landlord. When she told me, I was surprised and felt some resistance. It was good that she felt comfortable with me and wanted to move closer to me.
But it was still super early in our relationship so I was apprehensive.
I asked her what would happen if it didn’t work out between us. She said that she would move out and find somewhere else.
Well, guess what, literally on the night she moved in, she told me she’d had a realization that it wasn’t going to work between us, and that effectively the relationship was over.
We’d been seeing each other/sleeping together for 1 month at this point.
I was really upset and heartbroken. We talked about it all.
However, in relation to the living situation, she now doesn’t want to move out and is going back on her word.
How can I possibly try to release my romantic attachment to her and move on while she’s living so insanely close to me?
I’ve been depressed and uncomfortable ever since she moved in. I’m unable to focus or relax. It’s horrible. I can hear everything that goes on in her room, I see her almost every day and am constantly reminded of her and the pain of heartbreak.
I also feel super uncomfortable about if/when we start seeing other people and can hear everything in each other’s rooms.
I would consider moving but my place is absolutely perfect, I was so happy before she moved in, and I’m all set up here with my business, equipment, etc.
AITJ for telling her that she should move to another room? I would be happy to help move all her stuff for her. What do I do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You and she had a gentleman’s agreement, and she’s not honoring it.
That aside, instead of trying to ‘tell’ her to move to another room, there could be a more effective approach.
‘Hey Brittany, I feel really awkward bringing this up, but the truth is, I’m just not over you. It’s gonna be really hard for me to move on while you’re so close by. Now, my feelings aren’t your problem, and I know you really like your new room, but I was wondering if you would consider moving to another room in our community.
If not, I totally understand, but if you did happen to be open to it, I just want you to know that I would help you move all your stuff and chip into your next month’s rent, for the inconvenience.’
I know you didn’t ask her to move directly beneath your business.
I know she broke up with you, and it really hurts. I’m suggesting this approach not because she’s somehow entitled to the help or extra cash, but because it has a good chance of incentivizing/making her more receptive to the outcome you want.” lesbianinthewild
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like she was and still is careless with your feelings. You won’t be able to make her move, (but I like the advice given earlier about how to encourage her to go) so just focus on the fact that she clearly never had any real feelings for you, is not your friend because friends aren’t so careless, and therefore you don’t have to worry about anything that she does anymore, wherever she is.
Find someone who treats you like a partner in your relationship.” Morningsuck_123
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be My Friend's Personal Driver?
“I (17 F) recently got my driver’s license back in October. My friend (17 F) who lives across the street from me still hasn’t gotten hers yet since she shares a car with her mom and was late to get her permit. When I got my license, I started to give my friend a ride when we had plans or both had to go somewhere.
However, recently I’ve been getting really annoyed at her for continuously asking me for a ride. In the beginning, she would only ask me for a ride if her parents couldn’t drive her.
Now, she doesn’t even bother to ask her parents if they can and only asks me.
It’s starting to really bother me. Obviously, I’m fine with giving her a ride places since she doesn’t have her own car and I do have my own, but that’s not even the case anymore. It’s like I’m her default chauffeur.
I really don’t like it.
Anyways, the other night one of our friends asked us to come over and my friend asked me for a ride immediately. This time I said no because my other friend told me I should start setting boundaries. I told her that I can’t always be her default ride and she should try to rely on her parents more.
We got into this big fight and she said her parents work a lot and she hates to burden them more by asking them for rides. I told her that she’s burdening me with constantly asking me for rides and getting mad when I can’t drive her places (which has happened in the past).
Ultimately, she actually can get rides from them – she just never asks and has now put the burden on me.
She stopped responding to her texts. I don’t think I did anything wrong since if there was an actual issue with her genuinely not being able to get a ride or only asking occasionally, I really wouldn’t care about it so much and she would’ve told me since we are very close.
However, she asks me for rides constantly and never does anything for me in return. My mom said I should have just given her the ride since we both were going to the same place. I tried to explain to her why I was upset but she didn’t understand.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You are correct, you are not her private chauffeur. Just because you live across the street from each other doesn’t mean you have to drive her to every single event.
I don’t even agree with your Mom that you should drive her if you’re going to the same place.
Sure, maybe some of the time but I love driving and I love driving ALONE, for some alone time, to think, listen to podcasts, etc. It would drive me nuts to ‘always’ have to drive a neighbor somewhere just b/c we’re going to the same place.
She’s not entitled to rides b/c she’s your neighbor.
And you definitely should be asking for gas money. If you haven’t – start!” Feisty_Brunette
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
If you are both going to the same place, it makes sense for you to go together if for nothing else than to minimize car/gas usage.
That being said, she is the jerk for taking advantage of your generosity. Your friends are correct about drawing a boundary.
‘I don’t mind carpooling with you, but I’m not your chauffeur.’ Consider asking her to chip in for gas money or pay for your meal, etc. She should be grateful that you sometimes can help alleviate her need for a ride.
She absolutely should not get mad if you can’t drive her.” ToasterforHire
Another User Comments:
“I think it’s the difference between ‘we’re going to the same place, so can I get a ride with you?’ and ‘hey, I need to go somewhere, give me a ride’.
If for whatever reason you’re going to the same place at the same time, then it would be churlish of you to refuse, but if she just wants to use you as a taxi service, then obviously you’re well within your rights to refuse.
Ultimately, who you allow into your car is your choice and not hers, so I’ll tentatively say NTJ.
However, if you’re going to the same place, just give her a ride.” SpareUmbrella
4. AITJ For Signing A Long-Term Lease With My Ex-Sister-In-Law?
“I (27F) created a bond with my ex-SIL for 8 years. My parents weren’t very close to my SIL since the beginning of the relationship.
Some family drama ensued and it ended with a fairly nasty divorce between my brother and SIL. I didn’t get mixed in with the drama.
A couple of months ago, I called my parents as they asked me to. They decided to move abroad to avoid the drama and I was told to take in my little brother.
My little brother is not that ready to be independent and be on his own just yet; so I had no choice but to take him in.
(My partner and I currently live together and he works 5 minutes away from where we live now. My little brother and I work up North, approximately an hour away, and he is learning to drive.
I can make the sleepy drive to and from work, but prefer not to impose that drive on my little brother.)
I’ve been stressing out about finding an affordable 2-bedroom apartment up North, for weeks on end. However, I couldn’t afford to support the 2 of us if he couldn’t come up with his part of the rent.
I’ve expressed this to my parents twice but was met with a ‘you can move in with your uncle here in XXX’. My uncle lives in another state and I don’t plan on moving any further from my partner than I have to.
My ex-SIL talks to my little brother often and asks if she can move in with us.
I thought it was a great idea as we are still relatively close with her and it would help us with rent. A 2 bedroom apartment would cost us $1600+ utilities, while a 3 bedroom would cost $1800+. I have spoken to my older brother and asked if he’s okay with this and he said ‘Do what you need to do, but there will be consequences to your actions’.
I looked and found an apartment, near where my little brother works, and we started processing the lease. I let my parents know that we got a lease and that my ex-SIL will be moving in with us. They started asking ‘why are you moving in with her?’, ‘Why are you helping her?’, ‘why can’t you just live with your little brother’?
I reiterated that I could not afford to support both of us, so we decided to move in with my ex-SIL. I was met with ‘You’re going to regret what you’re doing to us’ and ‘Do whatever you want’.
My parents proceeded to tell my older brother that my little brother and I were moving in with his ex-wife and that they offered to pay part of our rent prior to knowing about my ex-SIL.
My brother gets angry and tells us it was disrespectful of us to live with his ex-wife. I told him that not once did they ever mention nor offer to help us. But, my brother said they told him otherwise. I truly understand where my older brother is coming from, but he sees us as ‘helping’ his ex-wife.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents really are, though. I bet this isn’t the first time they’ve tried to cause problems between you and your brother. I’d suggest the two of you sit down and compare notes about things like who paid for cars, car insurance, extra-curricular activities, prom stuff, etc. and you’ll find a whoooole bunch more.” maroongrad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family, except your little brother, sounds super toxic. Your parents should have been supporting the minor child they brought into this world, and they shouldn’t be punishing you for doing what you needed to keep everyone housed and safe.” TinyRascalSaurus
Another User Comments:
“So your little brother needs financial support and you’re supposed to magically come up with it or move away from your job and partner?
NTJ
I get why your older brother is mad though. Your parents are major jerks. I’d try to explain what really happened to him again.
Most people don’t want their sister moving in with their ex-spouse, but you’re in an impractical bind, so I get it.” newbeginingshey
3. AITJ For Calling Out My Dad's Behavior?
“I (19f) was having lunch with my family at a restaurant, I had my AirPods in because people chewing and smacking their lips somehow gets me upset.
After a while I notice my parents talking, and my mom is starting to look a bit upset and my dad (60-something) was looking grumpier than usual, so I took out an airpod and listened in.
My dad was raising his voice and telling my mom (40 something) that she was being dumb or something for wanting to go see a house we put a loan down for, the reason he was mad is that we might not get the house after all but she had a meeting already and still wanted to go see.
I got annoyed and raised my voice slightly and began to say the following ‘hey you know what? We’ll drop you off at home, you’ll get in bed and sleep, my mother and I will go see the house so stop complaining and stop acting like a little kid’.
He then said in response ‘no you can go to bed.’ I then, in turn, cut him off and told him he was being annoying and went to hide in the restroom until it was time to leave.
Once we got home my mom held me back and told me I need to apologize.
I don’t feel guilty, and he’s always been like this, all grumpy and really insensitive, and always treated my mom poorly most of the time and I’m tired of it. I feel like I should feel bad?”
Another User Comments:
“I have to go with YTJ here.
Take the high road next time and let them go at it, it’s not your business. You also escalated things first unnecessarily and there seems an air of mutual disrespect here – particularly as you’re missing the first half of the conversation. I’m not saying your dad is right here, I’m saying you’re definitely in the wrong as per your question.
You’re 19. Start looking to move out if you can’t deal with him to the point where you’re hiding in the bathroom until it’s time to leave and if you’re feeling sick of it all, which is understandable. Then again, if you’re hiding in the bathroom… it doesn’t sound like you have the maturity to move out.
I think you all have some growing to do that doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen any time soon.
If you don’t feel guilty, then you don’t feel guilty. It seems you’ve already decided that you’re NTJ, and no one in this family seems, from this small insight, in any way open to change or growth.
Also, AirPods in at dinner? It’s rude still, despite your issue with chewing.” tierce-de-picardie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, sounds like a nice after-dinner thing to do. Dad is just grumpy. Maybe he has hemorrhoids or something. But I think your words would have more strength behind them if you didn’t run off to the bathroom like a 13-year-old.
You’re an adult.” dinahdog
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ugh. Dad sounds like not a very healthy person for other humans to be around.
Plus, given the ages, seems like dad married mom at best when he was about 40 and she was about 20. That’s usually not the healthiest of dynamics, and the younger person usually doesn’t know any better because they lack life experience.” OpheliaRainGalaxy
2. AITJ For Yelling At My Mom?
“I (16f) am very lazy and I have a messed up sleep schedule, I’m constantly tired and stay up at random times, mostly at night. I’m also homeschooled so I have no structure. Now onto what happened.
Yesterday I tried to force myself to stay awake all day and I managed to make it all the way to 9 pm.
At this point, I was dead tired and wanted nothing more than to sleep, but my mom was against me sleeping so early. She said my father would have yelled at her about ‘taking a nap so late.’ I asked for at least 1 hour and she said fine whatever and left to go outside.
So I went to bed and she woke me up an hour later to eat dinner. This was fine though because I was still tired. So I ate and went to bed.
However, another hour later my mom woke me up to go brush my teeth.
And at this point, I wasn’t mad at her because brushing my teeth is important and I understand that. But when I tried to go back to bed I wasn’t tired anymore. And ended up having a breakdown. It was stupid I know.
But I was so fed up and had waited for this moment all day. I thought that I would end up only having two hours of sleep and it was my mom’s fault for waking me up in the first place. So I was crying and trying to calm down.
My mom came in later and yelled at me asking why I was crying and why was I still awake. I told her everything and she told me to go lay down in the dark and try to sleep. She went back outside and I tried to sleep for 20 minutes but nothing, so I took some melatonin and finally fell asleep 20 minutes later.
Today hasn’t been much better. I got 7 hours of sleep (hooray!) but I’m still dead tired. And on top of that, I’m trying to stay awake all day again. I made myself some breakfast and my mom came in and said ‘What are you gonna do after this?
Sleep?’
I said ‘haha, no, I’m gonna stay awake again’. And she said, ‘ok well don’t cry and throw a fit again, I can’t deal with that,’ and I just said nothing and continued cooking. She finally said, ‘Oh so now you’re mad at me?’
So I finally broke and yelled at her. ‘You know, your little comments aren’t helping me, actually, nothing you are doing is helping me, you told me to fix my schedule and stop being lazy so I’m trying, I’m so tired and I just want to eat.’
She yelled back at me, ‘you think that sleeping all day is gonna help you? Just because you’re tired doesn’t mean you need to sleep. Look at me, I’m tired all day but I still stay awake, why can’t you do the same?
It isn’t that hard!’
I said nothing and she mumbled under her breath and left to go back outside. So now we refuse to talk to each other and I know she’s mad at me.
I feel like this is my fault because I was the one who has the messed-up schedule in the first place and yelled at her.
If I had just answered her and not gotten mad none of this would have happened and everything would be fine. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Look, I’m going to go with NTJ. Your schedule is messed up because your parents did not provide you with structure when you needed it.
You need to realize that not all of your life will nor can be like this. You need to get a grip, one day you will go to university or get a job and you will have to practice time management, your schedule, and organizing skills.
The sooner you get to it, the easier it will be to transition into your work/education roles later.
Another great thing would be to get a part-time job now, you have the time. It will help you create better habits.
You’re not hurting your mom by shouting at her as much as you will hurt yourself if you don’t start actively working on bettering the mess that your parents left you in.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you gotta get better at time management and getting on a schedule, it’ll come through. I did the same thing at 15-18; stay up all night, nap after school, one day just clicked. It’s not really unusual for a teenager to have a messed up schedule.” StrangeLoveBeats
Another User Comments:
“Yelling is probably not the best way to handle things, but it is understandable that you would have a short fuse when you are sleep deprived so I am not ready to condemn you as a jerk. You have enough judgment in your life.
Your mom’s snippiness is not helpful. She is the grown-up here. All of that said, have you seen a doctor?
There are medical conditions that can leave you exhausted. To some people, they look a lot like laziness. Fortunately, many are either treatable or manageable.
Who determined that you are lazy? Your mother? Adolescents need more sleep and often have disrupted sleep schedules. There are some great meditation videos online that you might find helpful. I do hope you check in with a doctor. Be gentle with yourself.” AngryWriterGrr
1. AITJ For My Choice Of Wedding Location?
“Last summer, my first husband passed away after being in a car accident a month before. The doctors expected him to pull through yet be paralyzed from the waist down, but he already had health problems and the trauma from the accident ultimately prevailed.
I and his parents organized a funeral at a spacious old Catholic cathedral. I kept thinking to myself the whole time, this place is too beautiful for a funeral. For some reason, it felt wrong having such a sad occasion there… I even remember wishing that I had married my first husband there instead of the outdoor wedding we had.
Fast-forward to early 2022, I reunited with an ex of mine from years before. We started going out again, and before we knew it, we were engaged. I’ve been criticized a lot for how fast I moved on but I guess everyone heals differently. We started planning for the wedding in March (the wedding hasn’t happened yet; it will be in May), and we decided that we’d have it at the same cathedral where my first husband’s funeral was held.
I still am in contact with my first husband’s parents, and they were happy for me when I told them I was seeing someone and then when I got engaged. On a phone call, my first husband’s mother asked about the wedding, so I said that they could come if they wanted to.
She seemed a bit taken aback at first so I totally thought I screwed up but she then said she’d love to. Then I told her that it would be held at the same cathedral as my first husband’s funeral and… she went off on me.
I don’t know how to explain what happened other than to just write the conversation down (as well as I can remember):
Me: We will be marrying at the (insert name of the cathedral).
(silence)
Her: (my name), I just can’t believe it.
Me: Believe what?
(silence)
Her: I’m sorry, this is just, appalling to me.
Me: I want to have our wedding there in honor of (my first husband’s name). I would have married him there if I knew about the place.
(silence)
Her: OP, you’re moving on too quickly.
You need to slow down. Think of how (my first husband’s name) would feel. You can’t replace him.
Me: I’m not replacing him, I’m trying to keep his memory alive. I’ve found love again but I will never forget him.
Her: You’ve moved on. You’ve moved on.
(My first husband’s name) hasn’t moved on. (My first husband’s name) will NEVER move on. And I’m sure if he were alive he’d want to.
Me: I’m sorry.
(she hangs up the phone)
I haven’t spoken to her or her husband since. I still plan on having my and my fiancé’s wedding there but it just puts a bad taste in my mouth knowing that my first husband’s parents are against it.
But after all, they aren’t involved in the wedding anyways so I don’t see why they should have a say. I wish they’d at least support me bc I’ve been through a lot, but this isn’t that now. I’m in a better place and they don’t like to see me happy.
But I also kinda feel selfish since they aren’t.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to withhold a verdict because this seems beyond just jerk behavior. I don’t think you’re a jerk per se, and I don’t think others who are judging you are jerks either.
But I certainly don’t think you’re in the right.
Really I’m mostly shocked that you’re surprised other people are hurt and horrified by your lack of tact and that you’re interpreting this as them withholding support you seem to think you’re due.
Your first husband died suddenly less than a year ago. You reunited with an ex less than 4 months ago. You got engaged after about 3 months of going out. You’re getting married about 6 months after reuniting and less than a year after your first husband died and you planned the wedding for the same place you held your husband’s funeral because all you could think about at the funeral was what a great wedding venue it would make.
The thing is, I don’t even think you’re a jerk for moving on quickly (just incredibly reckless), I do think the fact that you’re annoyed your late husband’s family is hurt by this is appalling. Did you really think people wouldn’t think this was weird?
Do you really not realize how fast you’re moving? You’ve made it clear how little respect you have for your late husband. You’re either stupid, still in shock/numb to the trauma of what you’ve been through, or heartless. I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you’re just not thinking clearly.
In which case, my advice is to slow way down and rethink your plan.
Your choices are appalling and your MIL told you the truth. You are moving on quickly and you aren’t thinking about the emotional impact on others who loved your late husband.
Regardless of how you really feel, your actions make it seem like you don’t care and it’s such an obvious social faux pas that I’m struggling to believe you didn’t realize it until she told you.
It’s okay to move on, it’s even okay to be ready to be married, but you can’t expect others to also be ready to see you move on and the choice to use that particular venue feels like rubbing their nose in it.
Did it really not occur to you that many people would be reflecting on the fact that the last time they were in that venue was to watch you bury your husband?
Expecting their support in this is where you’re starting to veer into a jerk or at least self-absorbed territory.
If you cared about their well-being or comfort at all you would have chosen a different venue. If you wanted their support you would have chosen a different venue. You had to know this would be very hard on them and saying you’re honoring your late husband is just nonsense given the context.
You didn’t even know about this venue until the funeral. It’s not like this is your home church or the only option where you live.
Imagine burying your child and then being invited to watch his wife marry some other guy less than a year later in the very place you gathered before burying him.
Imagine being told it is to honor him because his wife wishes she did her wedding to him differently (I mean how hard could you have twisted the knife with that comment?) The only way to make this more obnoxious would be to have put a dance floor on his grave.
You’re right that you’re entitled to make the choices you want to make, but you aren’t entitled to their unconditional support. It’s not that they don’t like to see you happy. It’s that they don’t want to see you trample all over their son’s memory.
If you were getting married anywhere else I think they would be more supportive. If you’d grown up in that cathedral and been in there your whole life for other things than his funeral this would be more understandable. But the way this is written it sounds like you were shopping for wedding venues on the day you buried your husband.
Given the way you’re moving on (red flags all over), anyone in their right mind who cares about you would find your behavior concerning. I think they are showing appropriate concern by expressing that you are moving on very fast in a problematic way and that your choices seem misguided at best. It really does sound like you’ve lost the plot.” KelpieMane
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for choice of location, but speed is very very concerning for me as a fellow widow, also with a period between accident and passing. You feel like you’ve grieved in the time between so feel ‘ok’ afterward. Having a similar loss story, I would caution slowing down and remind you that the ‘standard’ advice is no major decisions for at least 12 months.
My grief didn’t hit for a year – I just functioned, then it went down in a handbasket.
Location-wise, our kids were baptized, we married and my dear husband’s funeral was all in the same church, and his ashes are interred on the grounds.
We still attend the same church. If I ever re-marry, I’d like to use our church. So the decision to re-use the location doesn’t bother me, but we are active in the community as well.
Although an ex, you need time to process the loss and its impact.
It will become a factor in your new relationship, and your new partner may feel like they’re living with you and your late husband’s ghost.
I’ll be blunt, but you’re also an easy target (even if you don’t feel it right now), presumably with an inheritance connected. Re-established relationship to marriage in less than 5 months?
All before the 12month anniversary? Mega alarm bells and red flags.
Stay engaged, but at least add a couple of years before marriage. Then consider venues.” Trifecta_life
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I think you’re lying here, you say ‘I want to have our wedding there in honor of (my first husband’s name)’ and that’s not true, is it?
The reason is that you find the venue beautiful and you really only use that ‘honor’ line to placate your first husband’s parents.
You’re getting married soon after losing your first husband, you’re not a jerk for that, I get it, I probably would have too, given the chance, when I lost my partner because you’re just looking for love and comfort and an escape from the pain.
I get it, you’re not a jerk for that.
But holding the wedding in the same place as the funeral, I think that’s a really trashy thing to do to everybody who cared for your husband having to go there again.
I wish you the best in your new marriage, but get married somewhere else for the sake of everybody who knew your first husband.” Pale_Height_1251
Another User Comments:
“From reading your story, it looks like you cared nothing for your husband and anyone may think this ‘reconnection’ was a bit too quick and convenient. But I don’t think that you didn’t care. I think you are suppressing your grief and refusing to process his passing, which will have major consequences down the road.
I have never lost a spouse, but I have my own long history with grief and I can tell you from experience that not dealing with it has long-term mental and physical health effects. You disassociated with his funeral by focusing on the beauty of the church.
You moved on to an ex because sometimes grief makes you try to go back to a time in your past when you felt happy and unburdened.
You are rushing headlong into wedding planning because maybe you are scared of what happens if you stop occupying your time with this new relationship and actually feel the overwhelming grief that you’re keeping at bay.
I’m not going to judge you for it and I don’t think anyone rightfully can because grief looks different for everyone. But what you’re doing… rushing into the future… won’t leave the past behind and you WILL have to face it.
If you don’t deal with it now, it may keep you from ever truly moving on and will wreck your new relationship. I’ve never commented before, but I wanted to add one more voice that hopefully compassionately says, take some time. Slow down.
There’s no race here, and you can’t outrun your loss. I wish I had more to offer and I’m so so sorry for your loss. NTJ.” AnatomyNerd19
