People Just Want To Be Free Of Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Calling My Parents Evil For Their Insensitive Remarks About My Wife's Grief?
“I (33m) had a very big fight with my parents over the way they speak to and about my wife Raine (32f). The end result of the fight is I asked them how they could be so evil and told them they should reflect on how heartless they are acting but that would require them to have a heart.
Of course, that is a very strong stance, and calling someone evil is extreme. But they have infuriated me and I don’t look at them the same anymore. But I want to know if I went too far.
So background: Raine and I met in college and we started out as friends who fell in love over time (2 years).
We got married a year after Raine graduated and we knew we wanted to start a family so we agreed to try before we were 30. We were successful and Raine got pregnant with our daughter Miley.
But we didn’t have a happy outcome. When Raine was 8 months pregnant with Miley, her father and brother were involved in a car crash.
Raine’s brother lived for 8 days after and her father for 9 and on the 10th day our beautiful Miley was stillborn. I struggled to hold it together but Raine’s losses were just unbearable. That time of year is always difficult for Raine. Three losses in three days and she found it hard to come back from that.
Those losses are still felt very strongly.
Fast forward a few years and Raine is expecting our son. The somewhat difficult part is he is due around that same time. It’s somewhat bittersweet because Miley should be excited about a baby brother, my FIL and BIL should be excited about another baby joining the family, but they’re not here.
This is where my family comes in. My mom told Raine that she can now focus on happiness around that time of the year instead of sadness. I told mom she was being insensitive and my mom said Raine needs to decide this will only be a happy time so our son isn’t burdened by the losses.
Raine told my mom she would still be happy about our son but there’ll always be sadness about our losses. My dad’s response was to say Raine should keep that to herself and act like it was any other time of the year. My mom agreed with him and said all honors to the dead should be kept private.
Raine said that’s not how grief works and it’s not how love works. I told them it wasn’t their decision how we honor or remember those we lost and I warned them to be very careful.
So my parents decided to go for the worst thing they could say and they told Raine she will be a terrible mother to our son and he deserves better, that he deserves to be more important than loss and grief.
I asked Raine to wait for me in the car and it’s when the fight with my parents took place. They argued that Raine was being selfish and acting like she was the only person who ever lost anyone. They wanted me to take our (mine and Raine’s) son away from her and oh, I still see red when I think about it.
Calling them evil hit a nerve and I was told by my parents and some of my siblings that I took it too far. I’m not sure there’s any coming back from this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Grief is very personal and affects people in different ways.
Just because your parents think they would deal with it differently, they have no right to impose that on others. Good for you for standing up to your parents, also on her behalf. I don’t think it makes them heartless, but I can understand why you needed to be this extreme…they do not sound like they are open to subtle hints.
Hopefully, you will be able to sort things out with them, though, so your son will not have to miss his grandparents. I wish you and your wife all the best.” Slayerofdrums
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and thank you for having your wife’s justified feelings at the forefront of your mind.
Your parents have absolutely no right to tell you and your wife how to grieve, and how to bring up your son. Totally off-topic (sorry!), one suggestion about names is not to use either her brother’s or father’s name as a first name. I know you might want to honor them, but let your son be his own person with his own first name, and honor those special people with middle names if you feel the need. Congratulations on your son, condolences on such difficult losses, and well done for looking out for your family.” WatchingTellyNow
Another User Comments:
“First of all, congratulations on your new son!! NTJ. Your parents overstepped. They may feel this way, but it is not their place to tell your wife or you how to grieve or parent. Things got heated, but if you are interested, you can probably repair the relationship and should set some boundaries while you’re at it. With that being said, if your parents are not the type to usually be this bold, they may have a genuine concern about the mental state of your wife.
If they usually keep their opinions to themselves but are saying they want to take the child from you because they are so concerned about her mental state to take care of him, they may be legitimately worried that it’s not a healthy environment to bring a child into. Really reflect on what your home environment is like and what it will be like for a child to enter into it.
It would be unfair to your son to always come second to his sister.” AnonymousPopotamus
21. AITJ For Wanting My Sister To Pay Market Rent Or Move Out After A Decade Of Subsidized Living?
“More than a decade ago a new job took me (now 45F) to another state. At the time, my younger sister (now 33) was living with me in a home I’d bought 4 years earlier, paying minimal rent. I asked if she wanted to “rent” the entire house at cost while I figured out what I wanted to do with it (didn’t know if it would be long-term, so I wasn’t sure if I wanted to sell right away, and renting to strangers seemed intimidating).
She agreed but was in school for teaching and couldn’t afford the entire bill, so she lived there for more than a year paying well under the taxes/mortgage. She eventually got on more even footing and started paying the full cost, but there have been times over the years when the rent will be late or not the full rent for various reasons.
Time, kids, job changes, and life happened, and now 10 years have passed. My sister is still paying the same amount even as rents have boomed; she’s paying more than $1K under market rent. In the meantime, lots of stuff on the property is needing repairs/replacement, some of it really expensive.
I know this is necessary for the upkeep of the home, but typically repair costs can be covered by rent income, at least to a degree, and not my personal emergency fund.
Simply put, the maintenance costs are feeling unsustainable and I want to sell or rent out the property at market rent with a management company (if I sold it, my equity in a savings account would bring in $8K – $10K per year, so I’m leaving lots of money on the table).
The problem is that my sister has said she thinks it is wrong to “profit” off of family, and that her credit isn’t great and she thinks she will have trouble moving out.
I could see letting her stay if she could pay closer to market rate (on the low end).
I wouldn’t gouge her but I’d like to be able to build up an emergency fund to handle repairs at the very least.
In theory, I’d love to be able to continue to help out family, but I didn’t sign on with a plan to subsidize her lifestyle forever.
This has been very stressful for me, and really bad for our relationship. We used to be close but the tension has gotten to the point where we really only see each other at holidays—she usually only reaches out when something breaks, demanding it get fixed or she’ll withhold rent.
I will fully cop to being a poor communicator at points and not going into things with a plan, but is it unreasonable, after a decade of letting her live in a nice house for way less than it would have cost otherwise, to give her a few months’ deadline to figure out where she’s going to go, and go?
I’d even be willing to help pay for the move itself if money is tight. I don’t like having this much power over my sibling’s life, while also feeling powerless.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and usually when people say don’t mix business with family – there is a reason for that saying.
While she is harping about her problems – she hasn’t tried to see how you are struggling to keep and maintain this house with its maintenance issues and not profiting at all by having this house work for you which is not business savvy.
You have played nice guy long enough – shame on her for taking advantage – if she hasn’t tried to better her situation in 10 years – likely she will not. You really need to stop trying to “help” her – you helped more than anyone would.
She needs to move out and you need to get a better renter who can pay a fair rent that could help you! Don’t let her manipulate you at all – stand strong and tell her that you helped her enough and now it’s time that you look out for your future.
If any of the family balks about it – tell them to offer help to her.” Smart-Bed7699
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m so sorry you are going through this. It is such a loss to pour your generosity and love into a relationship and then find out the other person is just using you in a transactional way.
Not even saying this is your sister’s intent, but she has gotten entitled, which leads to distorted thinking, which leads to her trying to manipulate you to maintain the status quo. Manipulation is the only way to maintain the status quo. The current situation isn’t rational or fair or kind to you.
It isn’t really even helping your sister. You are enabling her to live outside her means at your own detriment. Take better care of you.” OkFinger0
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What you need to do is reframe the argument here. She has been able to live in a property that you own paying much less than the prevailing rate for a decade.
If even during the last 3 years she has been paying $1000 less per month, you have saved her $36,000. Truth is it’s likely even more money over the total 10 years. Now, the property requires maintenance that she apparently hasn’t contributed to either. So her argument about profiting off family holds no water because she has been doing that very thing for a decade.
She has been profiting off of you for years. And unless she is willing to start footing some of the bills for the property maintenance and upkeep, or paying market rate, then she is going to have to move. She needs to understand that property ownership has expenses and it is unfair of her to think you should subsidize her life forever.
You’ve given her 10 years on your property and quite a break on the finances. If she refuses to hear you on that, ask her why she would expect even family to just allow her to save 10’s of thousands on her living expenses forever?
Especially when she comes from the philosophy that family shouldn’t profit off each other. Perhaps she has some major financial issues going on and that is why she’s acting this way too. Maybe she’s just really scared.” Special-Parsnip9057
20. AITJ For Telling My Friend I Had More Fun Without Her?
“Last night, one of my friends decided last minute to cancel our plans, so I went out without my friend. The plan was to just go to a local bar, have food and drinks, play pool, go home. I met up with the group of friends we usually hang out with.
And I had a really great time. No one asked me to buy drinks multiple times throughout the night. No one asked me to leave early because of drama with another person, nor asked me to stay later than I was comfortable, both things that happen when my friend and I go out.
She is a very supportive and kind friend but she has very poor social etiquette and I just had a better time without her.
I made the mistake when she asked me if I had a good time going out of saying how wonderful my night was, how there was no drama and everything was perfect.
She seemed offended so I asked why and asked if it was a better night because she wasn’t there. I said that no one did any one of the list of behaviors that detract from my enjoyment of going out and said that she has engaged in those behaviors every single time.
And now she is mad at me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So you had a better time without your friend and you had to tell her. That is such a passive-aggressive action that I doubt she’ll ever want to go out with you again. You know she has drama but you still want to hang out with her anyway.
That was a really crappy thing for you to do to her. You made her feel horrible and no wonder she’s mad at you. NTJ for being tired of the drama and having an annoying night when you’re out with her. YTJ for telling her that and now wondering why she’s mad at you.
She’s never going to go out with you again. You may still do things as friends, but I doubt you’ll ever go to a pub with her or out drinking again.” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You didn’t need to be that harsh about it, but she sounds like a real piece of work that maybe having a weekend without now and then would help with.
If y’all are under 25, the etiquette is probably something that she’d pick up eventually, but kind, short statements of your needs and boundaries right when she starts intruding is more effective at teaching than “I went without you and nobody did all this annoying stuff I haven’t bothered to talk about before,” too.
Examples could be “I bought you two drinks last time and you still haven’t paid me back. I’m not buying more than one round tonight” or “Since you wanted to leave early the last time (person she’s dramatic about) was here, maybe this time we’ll both just be polite to her and try to have a good time.
If she starts something, go ahead and go. I’ll Lyft home when I’m ready.”” BeckyDaTechie
Another User Comments:
“YTJ or Everyone’s a Jerk here depending on how bad your friend’s behaviour really is. Instead of setting boundaries and mentioning things as they happen, you let things brew and then exploded at your friend.
Anyone would be upset if their friend told them they had more fun without them. Especially when at the same time confronted with a long list of things that apparently annoy them, when this was never brought up before. If I was that friend, I would wonder if you even thought of me as a friend at all.
I wouldn’t ever want to go out with you again either. If you want to keep your friend then go apologize.” clayxa
19. AITJ For Not Letting My Partner's Cats Into The Bathroom With Me?
“My partner Kelly has 2 cats that follow her everywhere. Whenever she goes into the bathroom they follow her. I have seen them snap awake middle of the night to follow her in.
I thought it was just her but once I started going over to her place they did it to me too. Like scream at the door and rattle it. I never let them in because I don’t want the cats in there when I’m showering or doing whatever.
Kelly always tells me to just let them in and has opened the door for them before leading to small arguments. She doesn’t like to see or hear them upset.
Some of our friends and I were at her complex’s pool yesterday. Came back inside, I went to shower, cats started doing their thing.
Kelly let them in, I got out of the shower and put them back out. When I was done Kelly and a couple of our friends started in on me being mean to the cats. I don’t think I was, I like the cats and let them lay on me and crap, just don’t want them in the bathroom with me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kelly is boundary-stomping you. While it’s absolutely fine for her to have the cats follow her, if that’s what she wishes, she never should’ve pushed the issue once you made it clear you did not feel the same way.
I do not believe short of locking the door, you would be able to prevent the cats from coming in, as Kelly would just continue to open the door. If the bathroom already has a lock, start locking it. If it doesn’t, you may need to install one.
However, doing so (either way) is probably going to cause a fight, albeit an inevitable one. While I hope that you’ll work it out in said fight, I’m sort of not convinced you will. If Kelly was able to be reasoned with, IMO, she never would’ve opened the doors that you did not leave open in the first place to give her cats free rein.
Her actions show you her first priority is her cats’ comfort, not yours. She is not acting mature enough to be in a relationship.” TheNewAnonima234
Another User Comments:
“Annnd this is when we lock the bathroom door. And if we don’t have a lock, we put a wedge under the door until we can get a locking door knob.
You don’t want an audience for your bathroom activities. Kelly and the cats can suck it up and deal with being on the outside of the bathroom while you do your business in blessed privacy. And this isn’t the business of any of your friends.
They can do whatever they want in their bathroom, but they can mind their own business about what you do. NTJ.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“Before anything else, let me say I love pets. But just like with people, there are limits to everything. I’m almost certain Kelly cannot articulate a good logical reason that justifies why the cats need to be let in while someone else is using the bathroom, at that exact moment.
And no, “because they’re scratching the door” or “they’re so cute, why not” is not what I mean by a logical reason. Also, you’ve certainly told her you’re uncomfortable with the cats being in the bathroom while you use it, and even so she has opened the doors allowing them in?
It seems to me Miss Kelly here needs to learn to respect your boundaries and prioritize your feelings over the cats’. It may be her house, but what’s more important? Make sure you, as a person, guest, companion, etc, are comfortable in the house/bathroom/whatever, or that the cats always get their way, even when it makes no absolute sense at all.
Friends need to get a grip too. NTJ.” Unofreu
18. AITJ For Not Returning A Buyer's Money After Selling Him A Motorcycle?
“I sold a motorcycle today with a clean title and such to a gentleman who paid in cash on a marketplace meet.
I gave him the title and keys and he asked no questions and gave me the money.
I left and 30 minutes later he texts me saying, “The title is weird looking and the frame looks chopped, come back with my money and I won’t call the cops.”
I told him “No I will not be coming back as you failed to ask me any questions and just said you wanted it.”
I was then threatened with the cops at 730 and they haven’t showed.
Am I the jerk for not coming to get the bike and keeping the money?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Someone else having buyer’s remorse is not the fault of the seller, so long as there was no shadiness or fraud involved. Also, this sounds like a scam to try and potentially rob you so they get the bike and the funds.
Good on you for not doing it. But keep records of the transaction, make sure it is no longer under your name just in case it gets used shadily, and save any texts/messages and make notes on or record any further calls (depending on legality in your area).” Icy-Consideration47
Another User Comments:
“Former Police Officer – So NTJ and the police aren’t going to get involved in this. It is entirely a civil matter and all private party sales are As Is, with no warranty. He had the opportunity to inspect the bike, he could have asked you for a test ride or to bring it to a mechanic first and chose not to do any of that.
So it is his bike and any issues he has are all his.” WinginVegas
Another User Comments:
“I mean, based on preliminary information, NTJ, but the way you described the transaction was a little bit sketchy. If you are using his “he didn’t ask about it” as a defense to sell a vehicle with problems you knew about or intentionally kept silent on information about the vehicle that could have changed the value of the sale in order to maximize your profit, then I would be inclined to go with ESH.
The buyer should have 100% done his diligence and been ready to walk away from a suspicious purchase so that automatically makes him a jerk here. I guess I just need more info, but I am still leaning… NTJ.” Reddit User
17. AITJ For Restricting My Daughter's Friendship With Her Unruly Friend?
“I (F50) have a daughter, Anna (F13) who has a friend, Kara (F14) of 3 years.
Kara has some serious mental issues. She is autistic, has anxiety and other problems. I believe Anna has been a good friend to her. I have also wanted to do what I could to make Kara’s life a bit easier, and I have allowed some behaviors that are unusual.
For example, if Kara is going to spend the night, she might show up at my home at 2 PM or 11 PM. I will never know when she might arrive. If we are picking up Kara to go somewhere, she will know at least 2-4 hours before so that she has time to “get ready.” I usually have to wait in front of her house for 20+ minutes for her.
Though I make an effort to have her safe foods in my home, often her parents bring her takeout to my home at all hours of the day or night.
Her mother, Sally (F36), seems to be part of the problem. I feel that Sally does not set any kind of boundaries for Kara, and she does not respect the boundaries that I set.
Lately, Kara has begun to act badly. She mistreats Anna anytime Anna doesn’t want to do what Kara wants. She abruptly left a concert for something childish. She breaks Anna’s belongings and leaves her room a mess when she’s over. Most importantly, she and Sally both disregard any boundaries I set.
After some problems, I declined invitations from Kara. I texted Sally that it was no accident that the girls hadn’t seen each other. That I thought it was time for a break due to the way Kara has been acting. She called me cruel and accused me of isolating and ignoring Kara.
She defended all of Kara’s behavior, even ignoring a dangerous harmful thing Kara has started doing.
I accepted that I might have been a little harsh in completely shutting them down cold turkey. So I asked about them having a “meetup” with parents present. I am not comfortable with Kara being in my home anymore, and I am not comfortable with Anna being in the care of Sally, who knowingly left Anna at the concert without telling me so that I could move to a place where I could see her.
They agreed on a place and time to meet. Then two hours before the meeting, Sally informed me that “Kara didn’t sleep well last night, we can make it at 6 unless there’s a better time for me.” Yeah. The better time for me was the original time.
So I, in the vein of keeping peace, agreed to 6. However, now, I am thinking that this is just the same nonsense and I’m getting nowhere by agreeing to the change. It makes me want to go back to no contact for the girls. So AITJ for restricting their friendship and only allowing supervised visits?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s your kid, and she has to come first. If Kara is flashing red flags like this, you are well within your rights to restrict her interactions with your daughter. Although, very important you have a conversation with Anna about this.
Don’t just go: because I said so. Actually explain why you don’t want them to hang out as much.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I’m autistic, and Sally is setting Kara up for failure. Kara is attention-seeking online with shady men and disrespecting her ‘friend’ and you.
Anna deserves better, Kara needs an actual parent to parent her, and you need to demonstrate to Anna why you don’t let people trample on your boundaries. Sally and Kara have no respect for you, in turn, you don’t want to be around them.
A clear-cut example of cause and effect, aka, consequences. If Sally accuses you of being ableist, straight up tell her that enabling her poor parenting does no good for anyone. NTJ.” I_wanna_be_anemone
16. AITJ For Hiding My Earnings From My Neglectful Parents?
“I (17F) have 3 younger siblings (10F, 10M, and 6F), with another on the way. All of us are from different fathers, minus my youngest sister and the unborn baby, who are from my stepdad, who’s been with my mum for about 7 years give or take a few months.
I’m essentially raising my siblings by myself, and I know for a fact that when my newest sibling is born, it will be no different. My mum isn’t exactly the most hands-on parent, my birth dad unfortunately passed away quite a few years ago and wasn’t granted custody before then, I don’t even know who the twins’ dad is, and my stepdad is an absolute jerk.
When I say my mum isn’t hands-on, I mean she doesn’t do anything. And this includes making us food, helping with homework, paying for anything school-related, taking any of us anywhere, quite literally everything. She doesn’t even let us stay in the house during the day, she quite literally only lets us in when it gets dark and wants us out as soon as possible in the morning.
When I first started looking after my siblings more full-time, it wasn’t too hard for me to manage, but over time it became impossible to get by without paying for things. It’s not like we don’t have money – neither of my parents work, but get benefits, and I know for a fact they get money from certain other means.
Long story short, this all ended up with me getting a job when I turned 14. When I was about 12 or 13, I made friends with a girl who had recently moved to the area, and over time became really close with her and her family. I used to make pocket money by ‘working’ on her family’s farm, which then turned into a proper job when I was 14.
It’s a great job not only because of the money but also because during my work hours when my siblings aren’t in school, they can run around with my friend’s siblings in a very safe area and I don’t have to worry about where they are.
My hours have increased ever since I started college, I work 3 full days a week now and part-time the other 4 days.
I didn’t want my parents to know because that money is what I need to buy things for myself and my siblings, and they wouldn’t let me keep it otherwise.
I don’t know how they found out, but last night I came home from work with my siblings and my mum immediately confronted me and started telling me I was hiding money from her and my family that could be used to pay for baby things or could be spent on doing the house up.
Usually, when she gets angry, I just let her yell and it blows over, but then my stepdad got involved and I’d just had enough. I started yelling back, telling them that they’re both useless excuses for parents and it rapidly just got worse from there and didn’t exactly end well.
I feel bad, because I do have little bits of money left at the end of my two-week pay cycle, which I usually buy something nice for me or my siblings with, and it’s true that could be saved for the baby or used on the house.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ time a million — You are essentially a full-time parent AND working at age 17? My friend, you deserve to manage the money you make from your job how you see fit! You probably, more importantly, deserve to use that money for fun teenager things instead of stuff for your siblings, but that seems impossible given the situation, unfortunately.
Child-rearing responsibilities shouldn’t be falling on you, so even if your mom wasn’t the jerk for demanding your money (she is) she would be the jerk for not parenting her own children, and continuing to make more children for you to take care of.” trying2thrift
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You mentioned your friend’s family, that they are good to you and let your sibling go there when you are working. Can you speak to them? That is not a healthy environment for your siblings or you, all of you are being neglected and mistreated. Maybe they can find a way to get you help, and to get you and your siblings out of that house, while being able to stay together.
Regardless that is YOUR money. You shouldn’t even have to be using it to provide for any of your siblings, that is your mom’s and stepdad’s responsibility. Full stop. You are not selfish, that you’ve given so much of your childhood and time to raise and provide for your siblings shows how loving and selfless you are.” Ok-Acanthaceae5744
Another User Comments:
“OP, you can’t stay there just for your siblings. Nothing will get resolved. You won’t be helping your siblings or yourself. What you can do is leave, finish your education, and get a good job where you can help your siblings.
If you stay, it’s like being on a sinking ship and you are choosing to go down with it. You must make the jump now for the greater good. I would call your Children’s Authority and run a few things past them, such as requiring young children out of the house all day.
What is that all about? Where does your mom and SD’s money go if they want your money for the kids? Never leave any of your money at home in your room. They will find it and take it from you. If you can’t open a bank account with just yourself on the account, ask your friend’s parents to help you.
I’m sure they already have an idea things aren’t great at home. This is just a terrible situation for you and your siblings.” Witty-Help-1822
15. AITJ For Confronting My Mother-In-Law About Not Informing My Wife About Their Family Dog's Death?
“My wife (23) has had a family dog, living with her grandma, that they jointly had responsibility for, for 10 years.
I randomly get a message from my mother-in-law, asking what time my wife is going to work, and that she will call me when she leaves. Super weird. I get the call, and she tells me they had put the dog down the night before, and had a burial for it.
Now here is where I get angry. When my wife was 12 years old, their last family dog was put down the same way, unbeknownst to her. She was told the next day, and the dog was gone incinerated and buried. This dog was the most important being to her, honestly, I’m like number two.
So I got angry and asked some questions:
1. Why didn’t you call her as soon as the dog was sick? Why didn’t you give her the option?
2. Even if she couldn’t make it to be with the dog before you put her down, she deserved at the very least to know BEFORE I did?
3. Why are you still avoiding her? Why are you calling me? Of course I’ll be there for her when she gets the news, but don’t you think SHE should know? As the joint caretaker for this dog????
4. Why did you bury the dog and have a funeral for her WITHOUT her?
Literally, she could have taken a bus, and been there in 2hrs. It would have meant the world to her.
My wife has been scarred and has been super afraid of anything like this happening again. And of course it happens. The response of my mother-in-law?
I shouldn’t be having an opinion on this, and I shouldn’t be putting guilt on her. It’s not my place. I should be thinking about my wife’s grandmother and how she feels. There wasn’t enough time anyway, so it couldn’t have been ANY different.
I went to my wife’s work and talked to her boss to get her the day off, and then I broke the news. She has been crying her eyes out since. I convinced her to call her grandma for some closure to help her hear how the final moments of the dog’s life were, which I said would help her grieve in a healthier way.
She is currently in the shower, crying her eyes out. She said she is so upset she didn’t get the chance to see the dog, nor did she get a call from either of them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mother put down my childhood dog without me.
She didn’t even tell me he was sick. She said he got really sick in 2 days and couldn’t call me, which I still don’t understand. She was furious that a family member texted me to offer condolences saying he had no right.
Apparently said family member talked to my grandpa who was devastated and told him. My mother said she wanted to wait until the weekend to tell me. Again not sure why. She is always oddly controlling.” XxfallingfromfirexX
Another User Comments:
“This is legitimately a traumatizing event and from the sounds of it, it has happened before.
Personally, I know it’s different, but I had rescued 2 cats that had been left behind in my neighborhood. At the time I lived with my grandparents and they agreed as long as the cats didn’t cause problems. They took them to the vet (we had an agreement I would pay them back over time) and about a week later they took them to the shelter while I was at a friend’s house for the night.
Didn’t let me know. Didn’t have a conversation about it or anything. They said “we didn’t agree to pay for them.” WHEN WE HAD AN AGREEMENT I WOULD PAY THEM BACK. I hadn’t gotten my paycheck to make the first payment yet. They couldn’t understand why I was so angry or why I never paid them back for the vet.” Desperate_Fee2204
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every right to have an opinion on this since this is someone you love who’s about to be crushed in a very bad way. It’s easy for her to say that also when she’s not there to help pick up the pieces of your wife’s broken heart.
So yes, she SHOULD be feeling guilty over this. Add to the fact that your mother-in-law doing this exact thing before to your wife should make this a good cause for going LC with her for a few weeks. She didn’t want to communicate with your wife about the matter?
She lost her right to communicate with her freely for a good while now.” Owenashi
14. AITJ For Refusing To Dye My Purple Hair Brown For My Sister's Wedding?
“My younger sister (28f) is getting married, we just went out of town to watch her wedding dress shop (she did find the dress and say yes). We went out for drinks after to celebrate, and the conversation of my (33f) light lilac purple hair came up, I get a lot of compliments when I’m out, and I think she was already a little irritated that every wedding place loved my hair.
Anyways she said I plan on asking you to be a bridesmaid in my wedding, but you can’t have purple hair, you’ll need to dye it brown. My response was, I worked really hard to achieve this color as it’s been my dream hair color for a very long time, and that I’m not dyeing it for one day, that it won’t hurt my feelings to not stand up there with her and her million friends, especially considering I’m making her wedding cake and was already planning on finishing the decorations the day of her wedding.
I told her I’d have to scramble to finish her cake and get in for hair and makeup, and that I’m happy just sitting it out and making sure her cake is perfect. She snapped back with, you’re my sister and I want you up there, it won’t hurt you to dye it brown for a day, I love your hair but it’s my day and I want all the attention on me, not your hair.
I simply responded back with I still stand by my decision to sit this one out, and she just said well we have a year to discuss it…
There is absolutely nothing to discuss, I’m not dyeing my hair brown for a wedding, therefore I simply won’t be in my sister’s wedding.
AITJ for not letting everyone’s opinions and guilts make me change my hair for her big day?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is much too full of herself. She is fine to have that as a requirement of a bridesmaid but you are also completely entitled to reject it.
Her trying to bully and manipulate you is big jerk energy. Side question because I don’t know too much about it, but why is the requirement always to dye their hair, isn’t a wig a much less damaging solution? You still don’t need to do that.
I just have seen multiple bridezillas demanding people dye their hair and it never made sense to me.” Ignantsage
Another User Comments:
“If I were you I would straight up say to your sister that if a brown wig is not a good enough compromise, it was never the actual problem to begin with and she is just acting like a 5-year-old trying to ruin something of their sibling’s because god forbid they get attention/compliments.
ALSO I think sister’s idea of having you change your hair to brown would still backfire in her face lol. Considering how your hair is now, people then seeing you with brown hair would still probably compliment you on how nice it looks, and I’m sure if you can pull off your lilac hair now you’d even get comments along the lines of “you can pull off any look” so her desperate attempt to get attention off of your hair could go completely the other way lol.” Complete_Expert_1285
13. AITJ For Warning My Brother's Fiancée About Her Revealing Wedding Dress?
“My brother is getting married soon, and his fiancée chose a very revealing wedding dress. It’s low-cut, with a thigh-high slit and a sheer back. I’m all for people wearing what they want, but our family is quite conservative and opinionated, and I know this dress will cause a lot of drama, especially with our grandparents (talking people walking out on the wedding kind of drama).
At a family dinner, I pulled her aside and gently suggested she might want to reconsider her choice, explaining the likely reactions from our older relatives. I made sure to clarify that I absolutely respect it’s her choice and her special day but wanted to at least warn her of what could happen.
She got very upset and said it’s her wedding and she’ll wear whatever she wants. My brother is now mad at me, accusing me of trying to control their wedding.
Some of my family members think I was just looking out for her, while others say I overstepped. AITJ for telling my brother’s fiancée her wedding dress might be inappropriate for our conservative family?”
Another User Comments:
“Gentle YTJ. The time to mention it would have been before she went shopping. (And even then, remember that it’s just your guess that your grandparents will embarrass themselves by huffing out in front of everyone because of a dress.) If she already picked out the dress, she’s likely both emotionally and financially quite invested in it.
This is not something she can easily change. It does sound a bit controlling to come to her now- after she’s found the dress she loves- and to tell her she made the wrong choice.” HowlPen
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Genuinely, who cares if a couple of old people are offended?
Why does the world have to revolve around their outdated sensibilities? If anything, the hypothetical behavior of the elders is the most offensive and uncouth thing described here. Someone who walks out of a wedding over a wedding dress is just embarrassing themselves. People that cause drama in the name of avoiding drama (cough cough) are best avoided.” Creepy-Drink7191
Another User Comments:
“People talk really big here on the internet when it’s not their wedding or emotions at stake. Everyone’s like “oh, let the old people walk out” with this rebellious attitude, showing that they’ve never actually encountered a situation like this and don’t realize how awful, emotional, stressful, embarrassing, and destructive it would be in real life were it to happen.
Those commenters have nothing at stake when they act tough online. But in real life, actions have consequences, and the bride and groom will be very hurt and humiliated should people make huge scenes and walk out of the wedding. You warned your SIL. Your heart is in the right place.
Now the pieces will fall where they may. I hope it turns out ok. But it sounds like a train wreck in the making.” DaxxyDreams
12. AITJ For Not Reimbursing My Ex-Roommate For A Pack Of Red Bull She Left Behind?
“2 months ago, 4/6 girls on my last lease moved out. I renewed the lease, stayed at the place, and am now living with only one girl from the previous lease for the summer. I received a text from one of the girls who moved out asking me to reimburse her for a pack of Red Bull that she left behind.
She said she came back for the Red Bull pack 2 months later. I’m definitely not going to reimburse her. You moved out almost two months ago, left behind a case of Red Bull, and failed to mention it to me, nor did I hear anything of it from the other girl I’m living with (who Red Bull girl remains in contact with).
I ended up having some or shared it with my partner and friends. If she had said anything about it way earlier on I wouldn’t have touched it, or if I did I maybe would’ve reimbursed her. But it’s been 2 months, you are seriously asking me to reimburse you for a pack of Red Bull?
It’s also not like a personal item or anything, it’s a pack of Red Bull??? I’d get it if it was maybe booze. She moved out, she’s not coming back, she should’ve made sure she took everything or said something if it really mattered to her that much.
Anyways, AITJ???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is abandoned personal property; now depending on where you live there might be a certain timeframe or process before you can claim it, but considering the minimal value and the length of time no one could reasonably expect it to still be there.
Tell your ex-roommate that the storage charges are equal to the cost of the Red Bull plus ten dollars.” musthavesoundeffects
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not a storage locker. She can’t just leave things behind and expect you to hold them for her UNLESS she asked if she could leave them.
God how stingy – It’s a case of Red Bull. If it was that important, she should have taken it with her two months ago!” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – When a person moves out, the food that they leave behind is considered garbage.
It’s not like personal belongings that you may need to hold onto for a month. If she didn’t take it with her, you are not obligated to store it and can do what you want with it. If she wants to claim the Red Bull, then she can pay rent for the months she expected you to store it.” BigBlueD7664
11. AITJ For Not Asking My Partner To Drive My Friend To Work While I'm On Maternity Leave?
“I am currently 7 months pregnant and I give my friend a ride to work. I’ve been doing this the last year because they lived 3 minutes away from me when I was in my old apartment, and I continued to do the favor when I moved in with my partner.
I’m going on maternity leave next month and my friend has no idea how she is getting to and from work. She’s been trying to figure it out since I found out I was pregnant but she cannot drive, there are no driving schools nearby, the closest one is 2 hours away, and they have no family to help them.
I said I wish I could help more, but giving her rides while I’m on maternity leave and driving with a newborn at 6 am just isn’t happening.
Today she suggested I ask my partner (my baby’s father) if he would drive her, and I said no I’m not asking.
We have to be at work at 6:30 and my partner has to be at work at 7:30, and we live 10/15 minutes from my friend and our job is 20 minutes away from his job and I’m not making my partner wake up earlier than he normally does to get ready for work and drive my friend to work because she can’t find a ride.
She made a joke saying that he should because it’s his fault that I have to go out of work because he got me pregnant and as a friend, she would appreciate the favor. I said I wish we could help but I’m not asking him.
She’s upset with me because I won’t even ask, but I already know my partner will say yes because he has people-pleaser tendencies so I’m making the decision for him. Then she brought up how she wouldn’t have taken the job that I helped her get if she knew we wouldn’t be able to carpool anymore.
She figured it out when I couldn’t give her rides due to illness or appointments, but now I feel like she’s trying to guilt me and keeps insisting I just ask and won’t drop it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As parents of a newborn, you will have A LOT on both your plates.
Neither one of you should be adding to that. Even if you are doing the lion’s share of the parenting while he works, having a newborn is just overwhelming and a big adjustment, and he’ll also need to be supporting you in your recovery. He’s going to be exhausted and overwhelmed too.
He shouldn’t feel pressure to take this on as well. She’s an adult. It’s time for her to take responsibility for her own transportation. This didn’t come out of nowhere. She’s had 8 months to prepare for this situation and resolve it. It’s unfortunate that she was not able to do so, but you simply will not be able to continue to be her personal Uber with a newborn at home.
The answer is no.” CrewelSummer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you should speak with your partner before she does. Just tell your partner what your friend asked, tell them not only do you not think it is a good idea logistically, but you BOTH are about to have a new baby, so adding anything to your plates is a bad idea.
You are going to need support at home, neither of you is going to be getting great sleep, and any free moments should be spent with each other, resting, or getting stuff done. It makes no sense for him to get up an hour earlier to drive her to work when the two of you are going to be maybe the most stressed and busy as you have ever been or will be.
And you aren’t eternally responsible for your friend. Okay, so she wouldn’t have taken this job if you couldn’t drive her, well then she can find a new job. She has had 7 months or so to figure out her life, and sure, a driving school is 2 hours away, but she could have figured that out (spent a week out there to take the classes, for example).
And if driving for her is really not an option, well then she needs to find a new job and or a new place to live that facilitates her lifestyle. Do not let her guilt you. Talk to your partner so you are both on the same page, then give her a firm no, and be very clear that once you stop working, the rides stop, except in real emergencies (for example, if she figures out rides for like 2 months straight and then that ride cancels, sure, give her a ride ONE TIME because she is showing she has figured it out, and friends help each other).” mfruitfly
Another User Comments:
“Tell your husband that if your entitled non-driving friend approaches him about driving him to work he will not be accommodating her, people pleaser tendencies or not. He needs to please himself, he needs to please you, he can politely but firmly decline.
Tell him he will be sleep deprived and tired and he will have plenty enough on his plate without getting up an hour earlier every day to drive somebody well out of his way to their work. He doesn’t need this, it’s not his responsibility, and your work friend has had months to figure things out for herself.
NTJ.” YouthNAsia63
10. AITJ For Wanting To Use The Ride-On Mower Instead Of The Push Mower?
“I (23M) was back at home visiting family for the first part of the summer before I went back to college to start my summer job. My mom is recovering from surgery, so I knew I would be doing more of the chores than usual. For context, my mom absolutely loves housework and yardwork, and she likes it done in a hyperspecific extremely detail-oriented way.
She once told me I mowed the lawn wrong because the streaks left weren’t perfectly straight.
Two years ago, she bought a ride lawn mover after she stopped using a mowing service, and it has been working very well (it also leaves more uniform streaks too apparently).
She still has a push mower for that 1% of the yard that can’t safely be accessed by a ride-on mower.
So my parents pick me up from the airport, and right when we get home, my dad, who doesn’t live with us full time anymore, points at the yard and says, “See, OP that’s your job.” I tell him that I can do it very easily with the ride-on mower.
He says it would be inappropriate to use the ride-on mower while my mom is recovering because “we need to see that you are putting in the work for your mom.” I say that it makes no sense for me to use a push mower instead of a ride-on mower for the 99% of the yard that can be done with it.
He then tells me that I’m lazy and need to just do what he says so I “really understand the value of hard work.”
I then say it’s ridiculous that he doesn’t want me to use something that will make me get the job done faster, better, and less laborious all because he just wants to see me doing manual labor.
Even my mom said she doesn’t care if I use the ride-on as long as it gets done.
Am I right that this is weird or am I missing something?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do parents no longer say things like “work smarter, not harder”??
Hard work for its own sake when better options are available is just stupid. Also, while it’s nice that you’re offering to help your mother out for part of your summer, you’re not a child anymore. If your father won’t take the help you’re offering (which your hyperspecific mother is cool with), then he’s free to hire and pay someone else to handle it.” divinanity
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You used your words, didn’t insult or throw a tantrum. This is what overly controlling parents try to do: establish codependency. They use money, avoidance…all sorts of things, including backhanded compliments and slight insults to control you and get you to do what they want.
He is trying to “teach you a lesson” but the purpose is clear: He wants you to feel lazy. He wants you to prove yourself to HIM (and yeah, maybe your mom, as he said). A child that seeks their parents’ approval will do things their parents want.
That is the control.” DontTazeMe37
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Hard work” isn’t about purposefully making a job harder on yourself when you could have better tools to get the job done with. Your dad is on some weird power trip nonsense. Hope he gives up smartphones and computers since those are modern tools that streamline and make much of life easier than it used to be.
And microwaves? Better throw it out. He needs to prove that he can cook a meal the good old fashioned way, with hard work, building a fire pit and striking rocks to spark the fire, because flint-and-steel is for lazy people who are scared of hard work.” neophenx
9. AITJ For Asking A Woman To Keep Her Dog Off The Playground Equipment?
“When I work from home, I try to take my kids to the park in the morning for a bit before my workday starts at 8:30.
It lets me enjoy some of the summer break with them and gives their dad a bit of a break before I have to get into work mode for the day. It’s a city park that consists of a large grassy area with a playground in the middle.
The playground is not fenced in, but it is its own delineated area that is bark-chipped, so it’s still separate from the grassy area. It is a dog-friendly park, and while there are no posted rules, generally people keep their dogs out of the playground area.
I have no issue with dogs in general or at the park.
What I do have an issue with is sometimes in the morning there is a woman who will train her dog to do runs on the playground equipment. (I am not sure if “runs” is the right way to describe what she’s doing…but it’s literally like she’s doing a dog show course with the dog, up the stairs, through the tunnels, down slides, etc, and then gives the dog treats when it does well.)
I’m uncomfortable with this. It doesn’t feel safe. I know it’s a dog-friendly park, but the playground space is designed for kids and kids should be allowed to play in their space without worrying about a dog. Also, it’s clearly a well-loved pup and I don’t want to be held liable if my kid accidentally slides into it or something like that.
The last two times I haven’t said anything because I wasn’t sure, but at the end of playing, I noticed she seemed to be talking to my son. On our way home, I asked what she had said, and apparently, she’d told him to move so the dog could go up the stairs.
That just really bugged me because now it’s directly interfering with my kid being able to play.
The next time I see her, I want to ask her to not have her dog on the play equipment, but my husband feels like it’s weird but not as big of a deal as I’m making it out to be and the other people there when she is don’t seem to have an issue with it.”
Another User Comments:
“Probably won’t win the no dog on the playground argument. But you can explain to her basic manners. If somebody is using something you want to use you wait your turn. Her dog can wait to go up the stairs until your son is done playing.
Let her know your kids have already learned this concept, and you’d be happy to check if there’s an opening at their school since she clearly needs to remedial course in kindergarten sharing.” sharperview
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only time she should be using the equipment with her dog is if the park is empty.
My dog loves climbing and sliding but if actual people are there we don’t go and if someone shows up with their kid(s) we go to a different area. Dog friendly or not, the equipment is meant for humans and it was wildly out of line of her to tell your kid to move so the dog could use the equipment.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ to the extent that she asked your kid to get off the playground so her dog could play there. It’s a kid’s playground and kids absolutely get to play. What are the town regulations about leashing in that park? If leashes are required, then NTJ for that as well.
If it’s OK for a dog to be off leash there, then she gets to have the dog off the leash. But, to reiterate, she does not get to tell kids to not play on the playground equipment. As for the hygiene thing, if you’re worried about that, then you need to stay away from the playground.
Playground equipment is chock full of animal germs, regardless of dogs. And filthy with other kid germs as well. If that’s a concern of yours, bring sanitary wipes or keep your kid away.” KingBretwald
8. AITJ For Losing My Cool When My Wife Blocks The Doorway?
“I was raised to always be helpful and polite. I like to hold the door open for people, as an example.
I always try to treat my wife with respect. She is a good person but even if she weren’t, I would. She has been trying to be like me lately. And it’s driving me nuts.
She cannot understand the Time Cop rule that two bits of matter cannot occupy the same space.
She will hold the door for me and then stand in the way. When I hold the door for her, I stand to the side so she can pass. She cannot seem to grasp this concept.
I have had to start traveling for work and she drives me to the airport.
I could Uber but she says she likes the drive. We always stop for breakfast on the way so it’s a way for us to sneak in one more date before I’m gone for a while. So I will have my backpack on and my rolling luggage in my hand.
She will open the door, go through, and hold the storm door. But she will fully stand in the way.
I have explained the concept of standing to the side. I’ve asked her to please just go through and I will deal. I’ve tried leaving before her so I can deal. I’ve even tried just standing inches away as she holds the door and I cannot move forward.
Nothing works.
I was in a hurry yesterday because my flight was changed. We could still stop for breakfast but we didn’t have much leeway. And she would not get out of the way. I lost my cool and asked her to please get the heck out of the way because I needed to get to the car.
She is mad at me and has brought up my rudeness on both our calls since she dropped me off. I think that I have been very patient and she should have taken the hint before now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ with hindsight, leaving the word “heck” out would have been best (not just because it’s rude but because it gives her something to latch onto, which deflects from the fact that you are right to be frustrated with her behavior, flipping things so you are in the wrong for that one word), but given that she has ignored your attempts to solve this problem multiple times I can understand your frustration.
Have you tried directly asking her to literally explain how you can get through the door with her standing right in the way? Perhaps if you ask her to stay just where she is and explain to you what you have to do to get through the door you might finally get through to her.
(Or not.)” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My dad used to do this all the time. It annoys me to no end. Once we were doing some housework and I was carrying an 80lb bag of concrete through a door. My dad (not carrying anything) would not get out of the way.
Even after asking him to move he just wouldn’t. No malice or anything – he just can’t understand that he needs to get out of the way for other people. Anyway I ended up dropping the bag trying to get around him and broke my foot.
I got angry enough that he sure as heck gets out of the way now. Your wife will remember this and move out of the way from now on. She won’t be happy about it but she won’t keep being inconsiderate. There’s this pervasive mentality that you need to be kind and gentle with everyone at all moments so as to never have someone experience a negative feeling because of you.
But sometimes it’s necessary to get angry to properly express yourself and have the other person recognize those emotions. Anger and frustration are emotions that exist for a reason. It’s not right to stuff them down because you never want another person to feel bad.” False-Leg-5752
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It took me 8 years to finally win this battle with my partner, so maybe I’m biased, but opening the door and then standing in it is about as infuriating as it gets, after the millionth time explaining something to no avail, it seems reasonable to lose your cool a bit.
If OP’s wife reads this, when you are getting the door for others it’s so that THEY can get through it first, and to accommodate such actions, open the door allll the way and stand to one side of the door frame or the other.
Once the person’s made it through the door you can step through as well, while pulling the door shut behind you, it’s polite and helpful without getting in anyone’s way.” InnocentKit
7. AITJ For Setting Boundaries For My Autistic Nephew In My House?
“My nephew is autistic, very limited verbally, he just voices his demands and what he wants to do/eat which 99% of the time he gets his way.
My wife and I have recently had a new baby. My sister and her partner wanted to visit the baby and introduce our nephew which was perfectly fine. We have two dogs, one of whom is a rescue who is very timid and wary of people coming into our home so we always put her upstairs in her bed when we have people around.
So they came round and immediately my nephew was allowed free rein of the house. I said he wasn’t allowed upstairs as we didn’t want him to annoy the dog/upset himself with her barking or worse get bitten! I also didn’t want him out in the garden as I had just cut the grass and didn’t want grass all over the house and end up having to clean it after they left so asked if they could just keep him inside and downstairs.
My sister took the huff and said you aren’t allowed to do anything in this house and left. She then went and told my mother that we were excluding our nephew and I’ve since been told by my mother I need to make more of an effort to see him.
Our baby is still a newborn by the way and my wife is recovering from a tough pregnancy and a c-section. I don’t feel I’m being untoward setting boundaries in my house that perhaps don’t fall in line with their system?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and it’s going to be REAL important for you to stick to your guns and make clear to your family that in your house and about your baby, you set the rules and they get to either follow them or get lost. One of the most important jobs you have as a father is protecting your recovering wife and newborn from people trying to intrude, cross boundaries, or otherwise cause stress, PARTICULARLY when it’s your own family.
Being allowed in your house and around your baby is a privilege they earn by following your rules without fail. If they push back at all, don’t trust them to be there. No one else is entitled access to your baby or home.” Irish_Whiskey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ those boundaries are reasonable. Look even though he is autistic he should still be able to behave himself (albeit with a bit of extra care). Just caving into every demand is going to stunt him in life because then he is going to wonder why everyone else is not caving to every one of his demands.
I wonder what your sister told your mother about the encounter though. Did you explain why he couldn’t go upstairs or to the garden to your mother? Also, you did make an effort to see him but your sister got huffy because you put some rules down in your own house.
But more than anything ask her why you have to put in the effort. You just had a child and that is draining. You don’t have to put up with garbage just because your sister is getting huffy. And that there would be even more boundaries around him interacting with your child in order to keep them both safe (as there should be for any child not just an autistic one).” Azsura12
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your house, your family, your rules. On top of that, you are trying to make sure everyone is safe. You mentioned that one of your dogs is skittish and wary of folks coming into your house. Putting her in one room when folks are visiting is great, as it’s only when they’re there and your visitors can stay safe.
If your sister can’t understand that or isn’t willing to help enforce those boundaries, that’s on her. Willing to bet she’d be immediately whining if her son got hurt because he didn’t respect your rules and the dog’s own boundaries.” Efficient_Wheel_6333
6. AITJ For Getting Engaged While My Terminally Ill Mother Is Alive?
“Last week I (f36) got engaged to my partner (m27) of a year. We both know it’s early, but we also both believe that when you know, you know. Today, I told my mother that he had popped the question to which she burst into tears and I got an ear-bending about how selfish I am.
For context, my mother was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer and was given a year to live upon diagnosis. A year later, she is still doing extremely well with her health and there has been no change in the size of her tumour. As an only child, with no other living family, when my mum passes, I will come into a life-changing inheritance.
My partner and I are incredibly happy together and have an extremely healthy relationship. We understand each other, prioritize each other, and navigate conflict well. As I have been married before and my ex took me to the cleaners in the divorce, I asked him for a prenup to which he immediately agreed and explained that he completely understands why I wanted one.
My mum has met my partner several times and has said several times that she’s happy that I have such a reliable and worthwhile man to look after me when she passes.
That was until today when she unleashed about him being a parasite and how selfish I am for getting engaged while she is still alive.
According to her, it is something for her to lose sleep over, but she won’t explain why despite my asking.
Since my previous divorce she has told me, many times, not to get married again. However, I have always maintained that I would want to, should the right man come around.
In my mind, he very much has. I can understand her being upset that she might not be able to attend the wedding, but we were intending to elope anyway. However, I would have thought that me having a stable and settled family of my own, when she passes, would be reassuring.
But apparently it’s not.
The bollocking from her has been mighty, mostly revolving around how we haven’t thought about her feelings before getting engaged. She has told me that she doesn’t know me, doesn’t like me, and doesn’t want to hear from me again.
So AITJ for getting engaged?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The parasite comment is weird. Did she elaborate further on this? Do you make significantly more money or does she think he is trying to get citizenship or something? I don’t know what part of the world you are living in and if medical costs are a concern.
Perhaps she (as the parent of the bride) feels upset she can’t fund your wedding because of her medical costs. Maybe she is just upset about her medical concerns and lashing out. I’m sorry you are having to go through this at a time you should be elated.” bestbobever
Another User Comments:
“I’m really glad you’re getting a prenup. Super important when it comes to inheritance. I’m glad your partner sees that it’s important. Being terminally ill doesn’t prevent your mom from being selfish, unfortunately. Based on her response, you could lie to her and tell her the engagement is off or you cannot update her on getting married, etc. She’s made it clear she doesn’t want to be a part of your marriage so respect her wishes.
NTJ.” Ok-Heart375
Another User Comments:
“Wow, holy smokes. This is so similar to my current situation. My dad recently (like 1.5 months ago) got diagnosed with stage 4 terminal pancreatic cancer. I’m 1 of 2 children, and we are each inheriting a life-changing amount of money. My partner and I have been together for 8 years (both 24), and my dad had already cried to me about not being able to walk me down the aisle.
My partner and I talked to him about marriage, he was all for it. I actually brought up the prenup to my dad, he said he thought it was a good idea. My partner also agreed immediately. We’re getting married on the 22nd – after being together for over 8 years but only being engaged a month.
I’m so sorry about your mom’s cancer. I’m also sorry that she doesn’t support the marriage. You would think with the prenup being on the table, she would be more accepting. That’s not really making sense to me. The similarities between my current situation and your post really struck me and I had to leave a comment.
You are DEFINITELY not the jerk. Your mom is confusing.” Pale_Ad_8313
5. AITJ For Wanting Reimbursement After Paying A Taxi Cleaning Fee For A Friend?
“Last weekend, a group of us went out drinking, and unfortunately, one of our friends got sick.
When it was time to head back to our hotel, we needed to take a taxi. However, our sick friend ended up vomiting in the taxi, and the driver demanded a hefty cleaning fee. Since I was the only one with cash on hand at the time, I ended up paying for it.
The next day, the friend who got sick apologized and offered to pay us back, unaware that I had covered the cleaning fee. Another friend in the group quickly chimed in, saying that she didn’t need to pay us back at all. That upset me because I was the one who had actually paid for it, and it was a significant amount of money.
After the trip, I reached out to the friend who had told our sick friend she didn’t need to pay, explaining that I had covered the fee and needed to be reimbursed. He was reluctant and huffy about it but eventually repaid me half of it.
I’m still quite upset about everything that went down.”
Another User Comments:
“There’s a jerk here, but it isn’t you. The friend who quickly chimed in had no business making decisions about YOUR money. Since they weren’t out of pocket at all, it wasn’t their decision about being reimbursed or not.
The cost could have been shared amongst the whole group, or paid by the person who was sick, if everyone had known you’d paid the entire amount. You ended up paying for half of the cleaning fee…why not let the whole group know, and share that cost?
NTJ for wanting to be paid back, but you only recouped half the cost!” tinyd71
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Sick girl for getting so intoxicated she vomited in a taxi. Guy who responded to her message she didn’t have to pay and then refused to pay in full for her.
You for not answering for yourself in the group chat, for not communicating directly about it in the group chat (it’s ok to point out he can’t decide that as you were the one who paid and wanted to take her offer to repay you) or 1 on 1 with the girl who vomited. You for being upset about 1/2 reimbursement because you didn’t communicate like an adult when she offered reimbursement.” landry_pond
Another User Comments:
“Having been on both sides of this situation NTJ. I had to pay the fee twice. 1st time was my fault for spilling late-night food after the bar all over the backseat with a group. 2nd was when a friend vomited out the window on the way home.
Uber was on my card so I got it with that fee. Immediately text the friend the next day with a receipt and they sent that cash by app in an hour. The person who makes a mess in the ride share has to pay the cleanup bill.” WinEquivalent4069
4. AITJ For Refusing To Get A Haircut Because My Parents Suspect We Have Lice?
“I (17F) am refusing to get a haircut despite my parents, mom (50F) and dad (56M), insisting on it. Here’s the context: My mom, who is a teacher, had a student with lice, and now she’s worried our family might have lice too.
To make treatment easier for the lice we may or may not have, she wants me to cut my hair.
I have extremely curly hair that puffs up and knots easily, and my experiences with hairdressers have been pretty terrible. I feel like every hairdresser I’ve been to hates working with my hair because it’s so difficult to manage.
The whole process is overstimulating for me, with the tight paper around my neck, the heavy bib, and the constant yanking of my head.
When I refused to get a haircut, my mom involved my dad, who started yelling at me. He told me to respect my mom’s wishes and just get the haircut.
I argued that it’s my hair and I should have a say in what happens to it. He said until I get out of the house and become an adult, then I can have a say in what happens to me.
So, am I the jerk for standing my ground and refusing to get a haircut?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t get your hair cut because no salon will service a client with a suspected case of lice. If your parents believe your family has a lice infestation, you need to get rid of the lice before you can get your hair cut.
Your parents are not well informed on the matter.” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“No, you don’t need to get your haircut because your mom has a student with lice. I also have super crazy curly hair and I hated all my haircuts until I found a specialist in curly hair.
Look for a Deva curl-trained stylist. They cut each curl separately in the curl pattern and my hair has never looked more spectacular. Good luck whenever YOU decide to get your haircut.” pixyfire
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should have bodily autonomy. Nobody should be able to tell you how to keep your body/body hair.
That said, do you have lice? Why do your parents think you have lice? How is your hair hygiene? I have very long hair and it took me a while to learn how to take care of it. How do you take care of your curly hair?
Do you need help with your hair? Is your mother asking you to get a haircut because she wants to be controlling, for you to look good in interviews, for the big family party with lots of photos, etc?” First_Grapefruit_326
3. AITJ For Yelling At My Friend For Calling Me 'Father' Due To An Online Ordination Joke?
“When I (26M) was 18 I got stupidly intoxicated with my friends and we thought it would be funny if I got ordained online, I didn’t remember it the next morning and only found out when they sent me a congratulations email on becoming an ordained minister.
I didn’t bother to change it and left it as a funny story to tell and something that could one day come in handy. But technically I was now a member of the clergy of this strange online church.
It’s vaguely necessary to know that my family is also very catholic and I was pretty sure the online church was protestant or nothing specific at all, whatever it was it definitely was not catholic so my family, especially the older ones, would not approve, so I kept the story only for friends or icebreakers.
My little intoxicated choice had no real effect on my life whatsoever until a few months ago when my childhood friend (26F) read an email over my shoulder from the ministry congratulating me on the anniversary of me getting ordained and it referred to me as Reverend (my name here).
Now my childhood friend and I met at our church and she is still very catholic whilst I am not so much. She read the email and found it funny too, so I thought I was in the clear.
That was until we both hung out with our mutual friends (mostly from our childhood) and she referred to me as Reverend (my name here).
Everyone was kind of confused but I assumed she was joking and explained it to them. She continued with what I assumed to be a joke and I didn’t find it that funny but it wasn’t that annoying so I let it slide.
That was until a week ago when we hung out again as a group and she referred to me as Father (my name here) over and over. I found this really quite weird so I asked her to stop but she said she had to refer to a member of the clergy respectfully.
I was slightly dumbfounded and just left it.
We hung out again yesterday and she did it again in front of all our friends and everyone was really confused and probably a bit weirded out. She continued and one of our friends made it into a suggestive joke despite both of us being in a relationship with other people.
This irked me a lot and when she called me Father again I yelled at her to stop.
She got angry and stormed off with a few of our friends. Everyone went home after and a few of them are texting me telling me to apologize to her.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She kept needling you publicly over something dumb and refused to stop until you had to get loud. You don’t have to apologize to her for anything. Make sure those flying monkeys know exactly how long she’s been pestering you over this and how many times you tried to get her to stop without yelling.
If they still insist, then just say ‘nope’ and ignore them.” Owenashi
Another User Comments:
“As a general rule of thumb, getting blackout intoxicated by default almost always leads to jerkness (and those shockwaves can sometimes last a lifetime). Honestly, though, it’s kind of funny and a pretty typical intoxicated teen scenario that you probably need to get a little thicker skin about.
It’s a big red button that many would find very difficult not to push now and again over the course of a lifetime.” Tombstone_Shadow
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. She’s a jerk for not stopping a behavior that was bothering you. You’re a jerk for yelling.
You weren’t wrong to put a decisive end to her bullying, but yelling is almost never the answer. By the way, for the people who think you’re a jerk for getting ordained online….it might just come in handy someday! My ex-husband performed my daughter’s wedding because he did that.” tawstwfg
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Nephew's Birthday Party After Being Left Out Of The Initial Invites?
“I (F30) have a brother and SIL roughly the same age as me. They have two children (M8/M10).
We were all at a family gathering when my SIL’s mother idly commented ‘I’m looking forward to seeing you at Nephew’s birthday party tomorrow’.
Now this shocked me because despite knowing he had an upcoming birthday, I’d heard nothing about any party and assumed there wouldn’t be one this year, or that it was going to be late next week and invitations had yet to be sent. Clearly, this was not the case, and I told her that I know nothing about any birthday party.
She looked a bit awkward and apologized before changing the subject.
Well, I was quite upset at the revelation that there was apparently a birthday party planned with family but I hadn’t been invited, and I left quite shortly after that interaction. It’s important to mention that while there has been some family tension since I split with my partner as my brother was extremely close friends with him and often took his side, there have been many birthdays for kids and adults since, and I’ve been invited/attended them.
After the family catch-up, I received a text from my brother inviting me to my nephew’s birthday. There was nothing really to the text, just an ‘oh hey, Nephew’s birthday tomorrow if you’re free’.
My knee-jerk reaction was no. I am free, and I love my nephew, but I believe I was either outright forgotten, or that I just wasn’t invited. And now, because the cat is outta the bag, he’s inviting me to save face and so he can’t be called the jerk for not inviting me.
I don’t know that I want to walk around a birthday party hosted by two people who, in all likelihood, didn’t want or care to have me there in the first place. Plus, because I knew nothing, I don’t even have a present for my nephew.
But I’m worried about the potential long-term fallout or hurting my nephew’s feelings.
WIBTJ if I refuse to go to my nephew’s birthday because I believe I was forgotten or excluded? I’m worried I’ll be the larger jerk for missing my nephew’s birthday when I have an opportunity to attend.”
Another User Comments:
“I’d honestly just ask, straight up: did you mean to not invite me and are just saving face, or did you forget? Because I know things have been awkward since my split, though I didn’t really think you’d go this far until yesterday when SIL made her comment and I had heard nothing of this birthday.
You’re already thinking of going nuclear (in the sense that you’re skipping a birthday while being free), so why not just ask. You have his number and your own overthinking won’t bring you closer to the truth because he’s the only one who knows. Or just say it’s short notice and drop by with a gift at the most, if that’s what you’d rather do.
At the end of the day, it’s his birthday, so I’d still show up briefly to give him a gift if it was me.” canyonemoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Everyone knows that you weren’t invited because your ex was invited. They invited the ex and not you because they thought you would cause problems. Even if we all know you won’t.
Your brother isn’t saving face, everyone already knows you weren’t invited. That’s why the aunt didn’t say anything in response. She knew, she just wanted to upset you. Don’t go, and drop off a gift ANOTHER day, if you want. I would avoid the whole party altogether and take a break from the brother.
If he cared about you, he wouldn’t have invited you. It’s pretty clear he wanted your ex there instead.” New-Link5725
Another User Comments:
“It depends what you wanna do. If you wanna try to get back the relationship with your family, go buy something for your nephew, go there and pretend to enjoy the situation.
Sometimes for family, you have to accept things that are not fair, like going to a party where you weren’t invited and they invited you for social pressure. On the other hand, if you don’t really care about maintaining the relationship with your family, stay home.
You won’t be a jerk for not going there, they didn’t want you there and they invited you cause they had to. But keep in mind that you are creating a situation that in the future they can hold against you. Furthermore, you may consider doing it just for your nephew.
I don’t know what kind of relationship you have, but even though he is young he will probably remember this thing. You can even go, give him a gift, stay for a short time, and leave. In any case, you can’t be blamed for your decision.
They didn’t behave properly, so the decision is up to you. If I were you, I would go just for the children and my parents.” Neves281
1. AITJ For Not Making My Son Apologize After He Insulted My Niece Over Her Eating Habits?
“My sister hosts a dinner party at her house every Saturday. We are not from America, but our kids are born here, so they enjoy foods such as pizza and burgers.
I usually don’t want to come empty-handed, so I always ask my sister if I could bring pizza for the kids. She always agrees and has no issue with it.
I have noticed her daughter avoids eating any of it, and whenever I ask her if she’s going to take some, she always responds with “I don’t eat processed junk.” Her mother is aware of her saying this but never corrects her behavior.
This is the reason I always ask her mother if it’s fine to bring, and yesterday I mentioned that her daughter doesn’t seem to like pizza. She says it’s fine to bring it anyway.
Yesterday the same thing occurred. I offered her once again, and she made a rude comment.
This time, however, my son responded to her. He tells my niece that she can go eat grass like cows if she’s so healthy. Other kids were laughing, and some adults mentioned how the little kid is protecting his mother.
This results in my niece crying, and her mother took her to the side.
The entire dinner night passed with my sister not saying anything, until after. She calls me and says that I should have made my son apologize for his insult. At this point, I’m also irritated, and I tell her the past few times her daughter has made rude and unwanted comments right in front of her, she has done nothing to correct it.
She then says that her daughter has never made my son cry and embarrassed her in front of everyone.
Both my parents agree that my sister needs to correct her daughter’s behavior.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Leave your niece alone. You bring pizza every week.
Every week you ask her to take some. Every week she says no. STOP ASKING. Let her eat what she wants. She hasn’t told you to stop eating it or made any comments not in response to your harassment. The only reason your son made a mean comment was because of your inability to accept that you should have no opinion over your niece’s eating habits.
Apologize to your niece and let it go.” Internal-Confusion15
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, she’s a kid. She probably is repeating that she doesn’t eat processed junk from her parents who taught her to stay away from processed foods, a choice many parents make.
It’s really not easy to get a kid excited about unprocessed foods so good for her! Why are you continuing to ask her if she wants pizza if you know she doesn’t like pizza? Just leave her be. You are asking your sister to bring something for the kids to eat and she’s not correcting your choice of pizza because it sounds like her kid will just eat what they eat and she wants your son to be able to have something he likes too.
You are taking the pizza rejection way too personally.” Prudent_Fold190
Another User Comments:
“But your niece doesn’t eat pizza. Every single weekend you do the same thing. You bring pizza, your sister doesn’t care. And you keep badgering this kid to have a slice.
This kid has already said no. She has declined over and over and over again. But YOU KEEP going. You don’t respect her “no”. So this time your niece lost her temper and snapped at the overbearing, pestering, disrespectful aunt and said she doesn’t eat processed junk.
You were being an overbearing nasty aunt who wanted to shove food down your niece’s throat because it BOTHERS YOU that she doesn’t eat it. Either your mom guilt for your kids liking pizza is being triggered or you just want to harass the kid to prove a point to her mom that she’s somehow denying her child a delicious meal. YTJ.
P.S. You need to tell your son that you were wrong. And have him apologize for telling his cousin to go outside and eat grass if she’s so healthy. Remind your son that eating healthy is important and a good habit. It’s OK to enjoy food, it’s also important to be making healthy choices most of the time.” itammya
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