People Get Baited Into Telling These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
19. AITJ For Postponing My In-Laws Visit To Our New House?
“I (35F) and my partner (30M) of 8 years bought a new house.
We live near my family and 10 hours from his. We see them twice a year, but my MIL often cries on the phone because her son is so far away.
I don’t have a great relationship with my in-laws, they’re quite intrusive in their son’s life.
They have strong ideas of how things should be done and think they know better than anyone. My MIL also has the habit of making hurtful comments and if I react to it she pretends it was just a joke. So I’m a bit biased, but I try to make it work for my man’s sake because he loves them very much.
We recently moved into our new house and his parents wanted to come and help. I felt uncomfortable because, every time they visit, my MIL takes it upon herself to clean and tidy our apartment (we are both messy and fell behind in our chores multiple times so I can understand even if I don’t approve of the entitlement of doing as she pleases).
I was “scared” that she would decide where things should go in our new house. So I asked that they wouldn’t come, and they were understandably upset about it. She called her son crying multiple times, insisting on coming, saying I didn’t want her there.
It was a bit true but, isn’t it my right to move into my new house without unnecessary stress?
Anyway, we moved a month ago and in a week they’re supposed to come to visit for ten days. I just learned that my partner will be working that night so I’m all alone to greet them, after my day of work, and collect all the potential comments about what we did wrong.
I asked my partner that they come a day later because it is more convenient for us the next day as he will be there to show them around the house.
He told them on the phone and they got very upset, my MIL cried on the phone saying we don’t want to see them, that it’s my fault.
I feel like they’re overreacting. They ended up having a pretty bad argument on the phone, because she often talks about me, complaining that I never call her, implying that the funds I ask of him every month to pay his share of our rent is suspicious, falsely stating that I decided everything in our new house.
In the end, she hung up on him, with the threat that they won’t come at all. I offered my partner to call her back tomorrow once she calmed down. I won’t grovel and beg for her to come either, but I don’t want my partner to hurt if they don’t come at all.
I feel guilty that they argued over the phone so badly because I wanted to postpone for one day. We even offered to pay them a hotel for the night so that they could still leave when they planned to but they refused.
I’m upset but not surprised to learn what she’s been saying things behind my back.
I know she sees me as an adversary, “a girl who stole her son’s love” (I overheard her say exactly that to a friend one day at her place, and getting silent when I entered the room).
So AITJ for postponing their visit?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Honestly, I feel sad for your partner. He has an overbearing mom maybe but….you are 5 years older than him and rule the roost. Second overbearing mom. Do you see your family twice a year? Ummm…no. All the time. You let them come help you move?
Do you allow them into your home? Double standard. I had difficult in-laws and they NEVER knew I struggled with them because I love their son and wanted to make him happy and relaxed in his own home. That meant more visits than I wanted. Learn to bite your tongue.
Smile. Prepare your messy house for guests….common courtesy…. and respect your partner by being kind to his parents. But grow up and stop being so mean. One day you’d have them alone. You couldn’t even do that. For God’s sake. I’m surprised your partner is still with you.
He must be at his wit’s end with all your senseless drama. Be kind.” 11SkiHill
18. AITJ For Not Letting Go Of My Mother's Decade-Old Words About My Father Not Wanting Kids?
“I (29F) had a brutal relationship with my father growing up. We were close when I was a child but my teenage years were a nightmare. He was mostly verbally abusive, very rarely physically, but the words hurt the worst anyway. The worst part is he doesn’t even remember how bad he was.
Our relationship is somewhat better now through the adult years but I spent years in therapy at least partially because of him and the only reason I’m not still in therapy now is I can’t afford it. I’ve forgiven him but that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten how much he hurt me.
I take comfort in knowing that if our universe is limitless, somewhere out there is a version of me untouched by his careless cruelty. But I’m getting off-topic.
One time, my mother told me that my father never wanted to have kids, but she wanted to so he agreed. It might sound unbelievable but my mother didn’t say this to hurt me.
It might be difficult to understand, but I know my mother and she said this because she genuinely thought it would help. She thought it would make me feel better. It’s hard to explain why she thought that but as I’ve known my mother for almost thirty years I can say confidently I know what she was trying to say even if it came out badly.
She was trying to comfort me, but the words did the opposite. It was like everything snapped into place. Of course, my father never wanted kids, that explained so much. When she realized I was hurt by her words she rushed to add that he loved me after I was born, but I already knew that.
I know my father loves me but that doesn’t mean he’s a good father and he probably shouldn’t have been one.
This was years ago now, but I’ve never forgotten these words.
I don’t want children because I don’t think I am capable of being a good parent.
It took time for my mother to accept this but as I’m getting older she has finally resigned to it. It came up the other day and she asked me again why I wouldn’t want to, and I said that I don’t think that people who don’t want kids with their whole heart should have kids.
After all my father didn’t want kids and he probably shouldn’t have had them.
She snapped at me that I needed to forget about that and stop holding on to old wounds, she hadn’t been trying to hurt me. Well, I know she wasn’t trying to hurt me but she did.
I would give anything to unhear those words but I can’t. She didn’t mean for it to happen but I’ll never, ever forget that my father didn’t want me. It doesn’t matter if he changed his mind when I was born.
She shouldn’t have told me that. Parents don’t need to tell their kids everything, indeed there are some things they should never share.
My mother would never call me a jerk but she said I was being ridiculous and needed to let it go, it all happened so long ago and why does it matter if I know my father loves me and she was just trying to help?
I can’t just change how I feel though. AITJ for not letting go of words she said nearly a decade ago?”
Another User Comments:
“If those words still hurt you, they do. Your mum is just trying to get herself off the hook for her cruel remark (and yes, it was cruel, even if she didn’t intend it to be).
Love is a verb, so your father didn’t love you when you were a teenager, thought he may do now. There’s no point whitewashing this, and you don’t have to pretend it doesn’t matter to you just to spare your mum some guilt. NTJ” starkcattiness4433
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You feel how you feel, there is no changing that. It doesn’t matter if the thing was said ten years ago or yesterday, sometimes it just sticks. And what you were told, although not said in bad faith, did hurt you.
It’s nobody’s place to tell you when you should stop hurting.” pelonekogonek
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is a major jerk for ever saying that to you. It’s cruel. I am surprised you have a relationship with either of them. They sound awful.
As for the children. I had a lousy childhood and knew by the time I was 13 I would not be a good parent and I didn’t want to be a parent. I didn’t have children. I do not regret it one bit. I have a great life.
You can do this, too. Millions of us have. Look up the stats. 47% of people under 50 say they do not want kids. You are so not alone.” Straight_Bother_7786
17. AITJ For Making My Son Stay In A School He Hates To Save Funds?
“Our son(13M) went to the same elementary school as many of his friends.
We moved away to another section of the city because my mom was very sick and it allowed us to take care of her without driving 40 min each way. She needed to be checked on frequently and so we did it for her so she didn’t need to go to a nursing home.
But we didn’t think it would affect our son so much. My son is very gifted in math and engineering and is probably the typical nerdy kid. Things were fine when he was in the equally nerdy elementary school. Parents especially go to that school district because of the full AP and IB high school and the property values in the neighborhood make the schools there have special programs and after-school programs. There was a robotics program for their middle school which I don’t believe is offered elsewhere.
My mom passed 3 months ago and as we live nearby we are going to be renovating the home ourselves and moving in to live nearby which will take probably a year before selling. My older sister is in Europe so I don’t have other family help with this.
The problem is my son has been complaining about bullying Since the school year started he wants to go back to the original school district. My wife wants us to go back (as we sold our house at the peak and are currently renting) and rent there so he can go back while we travel 40 min each way to Reno after we both work full time.
It also means adding the cost of renting while we need to travel back and forth. My wife wants us to hire professionals and just deduct that from the sale of my mom’s house. I feel like one more year isn’t a lot to put up with but my son doesn’t want to go back to this school when he normally enjoys school.
He says the other kids make fun of him because my wife packs him meals. They bully him for everything according to him. The school he is registered to near my mom’s house is more in a rough area. I don’t think it means it’s bad but he hates it and cannot seem to relate to the other students.
I don’t want him to be privileged and live in a bubble. My wife who also moved from a more normal school district to a more affluent and “gifted” school said it was more fun to be where other kids take academics seriously and didn’t make fun of her for liking it.
I have sat my son down and told him that life means he needs to deal with environments he isn’t used to and it’s better for us (as a family and for our finances) to wait until we sell the house and can more back next year.
He got angry and said he never wanted to move and I said it was for grandma. He argued grandma passed so we should move back I said he should try to get along with the other students. He refused to talk to me all week and refused to go back to school shopping which is normally his favourite time of year.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You made your son sacrifice for your mom and now you can’t even sacrifice for him when he is saying clear as day he needs it. Stop being selfish. It’s up to the parent to do what is in the best interest of their child, even if it is inconvenient for the parent.
Move back to the district he was in, give up what you needed, and be a good parent. Don’t be selfish” Connect_Tackle299.
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Particularly with the programs at the old school district, why in the world would you not want your son there?
And why would you want your son to stay in a place where he is miserable when it’s entirely possible to get him back to the old school and his friends? Yes, life means you have to deal with things you don’t like. Do you know what else life means?
Life means if you’re a parent you look out for your kids and do what is best for them.” Own_Lack_4526
Another User Comments:
“You ripped your son out of his community for your convenience. You took him out of a situation where he was seriously invested in the things that mattered for his long-range future, and you put him in a situation where kids end up because their parents can’t get them anything better — or in his case.
After all, his father is able but unwilling to get him anything better. And now you want to keep him there, again, for your convenience. On the off-chance that he matters to you a little bit, even if not enough to make you willing to move, have you at least looked into charter schools or competitive gifted programs?
The NYC public school I went to was nowhere near my house, and I imagine similar things are possible in any city where you can drive 40 minutes and still be in the same city. YTJ. The question is, how complete and irredeemable a jerk?” philautos
You can do what your son needs with only minor inconvenience to yourself, and your wife is already keen to do it. You are digging your toes in with a lot of self-righteous nonsense, perhaps because you are the sort of idiot who thinks that being relentlessly bullied for being clever/quiet/polite is somehow character-building.
16. AITJ For Being Upset With My Autistic Friend Over Their Behavior In My Apartment?
“I (19M) live alone in a small apartment and have done so for the last two years. My friend (NB20 autistic) also lives alone just a km or two away. We’re usually at my place as I have furniture you can hang out in.
Now I’m not the best at keeping my place orderly as I have ADHD and I deal with a depression that’s getting better. I regularly have dishes standing out on the kitchen bench for almost a week before I take care of it.
I always keep it handled before it becomes unsanitary though.
When my friend visits they tend to wash the dishes or pick up stuff from the floor. They would come in the door and immediately start washing my dishes. I asked them to please stop and just come play the game we had planned. They would usually say “I just have a couple of things left, you can start without me” I had to grab the sponge out of their hands.
Then the next time they would come over they would do the same thing again. This continued for months until we had a full-blown argument.
Yesterday I had a few friends over. We sat in the backyard of my apartment building in a shady nice spot, drinking juice and doing our stuff while chatting and helping one of our friends with her homework, etc. The relevant friend was trying to crochet a stuffed animal and cursing loudly when the project wasn’t cooperating.
I didn’t like that this was happening in a backyard that I know works as a megaphone into all of the surrounding apartments. They said it was fine as they were swearing in English (we live in Sweden) but I pointed out that a lot of people, even young kids understand English around here.
They started to argue and ask if I knew that any of the kids knew English or if I was just guessing etc. They stopped after the other people around the table agreed with me.
Today they texted me to ask me to put together a list of rules to follow in my apartment, I answered not to do the dishes or start cleaning/picking up stuff.
They started listing stuff that I had gotten annoyed at expecting me to explain what was wrong and I explained that for example, picking up yarn from the floor is part of the no-cleaning rule and that not stepping in a dust pile when I was brushing the floors is just part of common sense, etc. They answered that even though most people understand what’s odd or not, it’s not common sense and I need to be clearer.
I have been more patient than I would have been regularly about this stuff and explained anything I thought was common sense (like not loudly asking personal questions about my childhood trauma at 8 pm walking down a residential road). I am currently in the middle of finding a new place so I just do not have the energy to write a whole list of stuff and then have to argue every single point.
They said that they’re just not gonna come over anymore if I’m just gonna get irritated with them all the time. I feel like I’ve been mean but I don’t know how else to do it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I despise when people try doing this to my apartment.
I get wanting to help, but if it’s not asked for please kindly don’t. I hate that I’ve seen that mentality run around on social media to just start doing that for your friends when you see them struggling, but it’s my problem ” InevitableBudget4868.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s probably a blessing in disguise that the friend won’t visit you anymore. While someone with autism might need to understand why to grasp a rule, it is terrible to then start arguing with you about all of this. P.S.
flesta barn kan engelska, dom börjar fan med youtube/tiktok när dom är spädbarn numera.” Frieddiapers
Another User Comments:
“Okay, my first thought was 1. Your home your rules and 2. Does your friend realize and practice social cues as well as what you expect to be common sense?
Unless I am mistaken you did say autistic right? You have ADHD. You both have to adjust and that’s hard when you have part of you that works differently from the other and sounds like both of you are bumping heads. Is it a personality thing or something you both need to sit down and discuss if your conditions are making your friendship harder than it has to be?
I’m disabled myself and what is common sense to most is super hard for me to accomplish. I’m saying this simply because you mentioned it. Seems like you are friends but some deeper boundaries need to be adjusted.” Ok_Statement7312
15. AITJ For Not Making My Fiancé's Brother's Partner My Bridesmaid?
“My fiancé (28M) and I (24F) are getting married. We have been together for 8 months. When you know, you know.
We recently started wedding planning and everything was going okay until my future mother-in-law (FMIL) made a comment stating we are the reason why my future brother-in-law (FBIL) and his partner are breaking up. My fiancé and I were taken aback by this comment.
A little context, my fiancé has a younger brother (26M).
FBIL and his partner (25F) have been together for 2 years now. In those 2 years, he never introduced her to the family until my fiancé introduced me (2 months into us being together). In the entirety of our being together, my fiancé and I only hung out with them a handful of times.
I don’t know her personally at all. I never sat on one with her and had a conversation. I thought she was alright until I noticed some weird behavior after my engagement. On the day I got proposed to, she excused herself from the celebration.
When we asked my FBIL, he said she had some emergency. My fiancé and I didn’t think of it as anything since we were at a high from getting engaged. Afterward, she started giving me the cold shoulder and I couldn’t understand why. My fiancé noticed it too.
I never really confronted her because I was minding my own business and it didn’t affect me until it became an issue with the wedding planning.
Going back to the initial comment, my FMIL wants me to make her my bridesmaid because it’s affecting FBIL’s relationship.
FBIL explained to us that his partner didn’t want him to walk down the aisle with “another woman” at the ceremony. He is my fiancé’s best man at the wedding. I was hurt by the comment because that’s not fair to put that on me.
I cannot make her my bridesmaid let alone my MOH when I have other friends in my life that I am much closer to and have known longer. There are so many other reasons why we haven’t considered including her in our bridal party. My fiancé and I have noticed a lot of red flags in their relationship.
FBIL and his partner have broken up many times and gotten back together since our engagement. I think it’s not fair to have someone in ALL our wedding photos that FBIL is not even sure of, since they have an on-and-off relationship! His partner accused me of having a personal vendetta against her for not making her my bridesmaid.
Later in that conversation, FBIL told my fiancé and me that she was upset it was me getting engaged before her since they had been together for longer. He also told us that on the night of our engagement, she excused herself to talk to her mother on the phone because she was very upset with him.
Now it makes sense why she has been giving me the cold shoulder.
My fiancé has been very supportive in this entire situation. He has told his family that whomever I choose to make my bridesmaid is completely my decision and they shouldn’t have a say in it.
No one from my side of the family is one of my fiancé’s groomsmen too.
I don’t think I am being unreasonable, am I?”
Another User Comments:
“Your MIL and your BIL partner gives big ‘how do I make this about me’ energy. She can’t be upset with you two, she should be upset with her partner for not having proposed yet.
And even then, it’s not a good idea because they fight and break up all the time. Sounds like BIL needs to his priorities straight and start a healthy relationship. Your MIL has nothing to demand, and it’s not your fault that their relationship is failing.
I would uninvite MIL and the partner from the wedding” flowergirl139
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your fiance’s brother’s partner has a problem with her partner and not you directly. It is not up to you to assuage her hurt / jealous feelings over her partner’s lack of commitment to her by making her one of your bridesmaids, especially when she hasn’t projected so much ire in your direction unnecessarily.
You don’t need all of that drama in your life at all and certainly not on your wedding day.” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not wrong. FBIL’s partner is upset with him because he hasn’t proposed yet but somehow she holds you and your future husband responsible for this and is creating unnecessary drama.
Her behavior shows clearly that she’s too immature to get married. Be firm and stay out of it. It’s their problem to solve. Getting married is something serious and it’s not a contest “I have to be married first because I’ve been in a relationship longer”.
Lol. And FMIL should keep her comments to herself. You are not the reason they are fighting and breaking up. She can’t expect to put your life on hold because she hasn’t been engaged yet and her being a bridesmaid doesn’t mean she’ll magically get the ring.” missvanderflag
14. AITJ For Snapping At My Parents Over Their Constant Interference?
“34M. Parents tend to be annoyingly persistent when they think they know what’s best for me.
I know it comes from a good place but it’s difficult to have conversations with them because if I express a desire to buy/do anything they don’t simply listen or give an opinion; they actively push what they want onto me.
For example: I tell Dad I’m looking into getting a new car and considered Car A.
He’ll ask why don’t I look into Car B. I explicitly tell him why (e.g. expensive and doesn’t suit my lifestyle) but for the next few months he’ll ask at least once a week if I’ve decided on a new car and to look into B again.
My mom (who I know isn’t into cars) will randomly ask me to look into B. Suddenly “my mom’s friend from her karaoke group whom I’ve never met” is suggesting I look into B. Etc.
Last year I hit a breaking point. I was going on a trip and my parents asked if I wanted a new travel bag.
I said my current one’s fine. They got a new bag anyway and kept asking me if I wanted a new bag. Apparently “this new bag will be much better”, even though they’ve seen my old bag maybe once. After the 4th or 5th time, I told them on WhatsApp to stop asking me if I needed a new bag, I’ve repeatedly said I had a perfectly good bag that was less than a year old, it’s only been used a few times, and if I don’t think I need a new bag I don’t like being asked about it repeatedly.
The night before the trip they asked again. I looked at it and it was smaller than my current bag so I couldn’t even fit everything I wanted in it. I went on a long rant about how I dislike how much they try to push what they want onto me.
Sometimes what they think is right for me isn’t what I think is right for myself. When I tell them explicitly why I pick Car A over Car B and they continue to push B it feels like they aren’t listening to me or respecting my decisions.
When they tell me that the bag they got “will be better” than my current bag that they’ve barely seen it’s like they think I don’t know how to buy things for myself. They acknowledged this and then said they would try to do better.
Flash forward to a couple of days ago. I told the family chat that I found a huge spider in my car that disappeared when I tried to get rid of it so it might still be in the car. It was meant to be a funny story.
My mom sent an article on all-natural spider repellents and asked if I wanted her to make one. I said no. The next day I stopped by my parents’ house and before I left my mom insisted I hang this bag of herbs in my car to repel spiders.
I told her I didn’t want it. After she asked 3 more times, I took it and said something like “Next time something happens, I’m just not going to tell you” in Chinese. She said fine and took the bag back and was visibly annoyed.
Was this a harsh reaction?
My partner said NTJ but my sister said it might have been a bit of an extreme response.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to put them on an information diet asap. Until they can understand that, while you get that they want to be helpful, they are only causing stress for you.
The natural consequence of their behavior is that you don’t want to share things anymore. This is not a punishment, it isn’t a wild decision, this is the outcome of them pushing you over and over when you have already clearly articulated what you want.
When you set this boundary, be firm and consistent because they will not like it. Additionally, inform your siblings that you don’t want the information you have shared with them to be brought to your parents, because it will happen.” Nicolozolo
Another User Comments:
“We haven’t told my parents anything important since I was in my 20’s.
Stopped sharing anything until the event was over, including moving to another state (9 hours away), adopting children (3x), major surgery, vacation, housing on and on. In contrast, my sibling shares everything down to what brand of cake mix to purchase. My sibling is very like my parents, I’m introverted and private.
It causes issues but less than when I told them anything.” Slightlysanemomof5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but just like your parents aren’t going to convince you to buy that car B by constantly telling you to do so, you aren’t likely to convince your parents that their behavior is disrespectful and unhelpful.
You’ll have more luck with a therapist who can help you work on feeling confident in the boundaries you set than trying to convince someone else to change.” catsndogspls
13. AITJ For Babying My Singing Partner During Our First Major Performance?
“I (16f) have a singing partner (16f), and we are partnered up with another duo (both 16m).
Let’s call my partner Katy, and the duo Allen and Tom. So Katy is new to singing, and I mean new. She’s incredibly talented though, and loves it a lot. Allen seems a little wary of Katy but is warming up to her, and Tom has RBF so I can’t tell off his expression alone, but I think he likes her.
Anyways, off-topic. We decided to apply for a competitive venue, and we got in. My whole team has been practicing like crazy, so I felt we were prepared for the event. Before all of our events, we all have our ways to get ourselves ready.
Allen shakes his hands and bounces on his feet, Tom closes his eyes and thinks, and I do the choreography but smaller. But Katy worries me because she clams up and looks like she’s seen a ghost.
She then proceeded to yell that she wanted to sing before we went on stage.
I think the large crowds are still scary to her. Anyways, we started singing and I got the crowd hyped because I was working them. But I got far away from Katy, and she missed her cue, but I refused to let her fall, so I ran back to her and tried to back up her part, but without me leading the chorus, it fell apart more and sounded terrible.
My dad was in the crowd and said so as well afterward.
The crowd got quieter and it was awkward when we walked off. I told Katy I would back her up when she faltered, and she just looked kind of glum. We all started blaming ourselves except for Allen, who has a HUGE EGO and told us we should just make it better next time.
Katy started to blame herself and I told her not to, and she ran away to get drinks from a vending machine so she could breathe. I felt bad and turned to Allen and told him I should have protected Katy better, Allen was incredibly confused, and the two brain cells in his mind rubbed together to form a thought.
He accused me of babying my partner and not treating her as part of the team, but treating her like she wouldn’t be able to be good enough for the team unless I helped her. He then called me a jerk. I was stunned and just stood there, slack-jawed, and he accused me of seeing her as a “helpless dependent” in my eyes.
Tom was standing there the whole time and had no expression change that I noticed. Katy came back then, and commented that I looked dazed, but everyone was called back on stage and we lost, as expected. Katy left the venue crying, and I almost started crying, and then walked home and slept the rest of the day away.
I thought about what Allen said all day, and it made me think about how I don’t think I see Katy as a real member of the team. So, Am I the jerk for babying my partner because she’s new to this to make her comfortable, but ultimately bringing her down because I don’t see her as an equal to me?”
Another User Comments:
“I see the point Allen is making, so yeah YTJ, but don’t be so hard on yourself— you’re not even that big of one. I bet your support, even if “babying”, means a lot to her. In the future, just try to see Katy as her person, encourage her to find solutions to increase her skills, and respect her independence.
Recognize that Katy is capable of handling her decisions, even if she makes mistakes. Also, maybe ask Tom to get Allen to tone it down a bit,” umbrellasrock
12. AITJ For Not Forgiving My Sister For Wearing My Baptism Dress?
“My little sister (age 9) and I (19) recently started moving rooms. As I was moving into my new room, my old room (my little sister’s new room) wasn’t quite empty yet as she started to move in, mostly in my closet.
While I was emptying the closet, she found my baptism dress.
Now, I am very religious. I was baptized when I was 8, and the dress no longer fit me. My little sister was also getting baptized a few years ago and the dress fit her then, but I requested she didn’t wear it because, well, it’s mine.
I only wore it the week I got baptized. I would only ever want my daughter to wear it if I ever have a daughter.
Now, she asked to wear it. I said no. She got upset and said that the dress didn’t even fit me.
She also said that she would look so cute in it. I said no again, that the dress was mine and I didn’t want her wearing it. She got mad and left the room. I still had things to put away in my room, so I grabbed the rest of my books and went to my new room.
A few minutes later, I heard her knock on the door.
I looked over and when she opened the door, she was wearing the dress!!! This wasn’t even that long later- she must have instantly put it on once I left the room because of how quickly she knocked on the door.
She started twirling around and said, “See? I look cute!”
I must admit, (although I don’t want to) I screamed at her to take it off now. She seemed surprised and said, “Why?” I screamed, “That’s my baptism dress, I didn’t want you wearing it!!!”
She immediately took it off and gave it back to me. She apologized and said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was your baptism dress.” I told her it didn’t matter, I didn’t accept her apology, and that she shouldn’t have worn it anyway. She got mad again and huffed that I should have told her and if I had told her she wouldn’t have worn it.
She got mad and started crying and went to our mom. Mom told me to forgive her because while it happened, it wouldn’t happen again, and there was no point in causing contention in the household. I get that, and I believe that we need to turn the other cheek and such, but I also believe that she needs to be held accountable because she does these things frequently.
I will leave things on the table and find them messed with, used, or broken. When I confronted her, she said that I shouldn’t have left them on the table, which is what our parents say. (though they do tell her not to mess with them, but she receives no punishment)
I tried to tell her the reason I was not forgiving her wasn’t because she wore the dress exactly, but because she overstepped a boundary I had previously set and that while she says she’s constantly sorry, she always does it again and again.
So, AITJ and holding a pointless grudge?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your sister was wrong. You have a right to be upset. But you sound very immature at 19 to be this raging over a dress that wasn’t ruined and a 9-year-old who is yes, still learning impulse control. Tell her you are upset with her for wearing it, explain no means no, and move on.
This is not an unforgivable act – and that’s what makes you the jerk.” magick
Another User Comments:
“Sweetheart, this is going to sound condescending and maybe even smarmy but I promise I am sincere… What does your faith teach you about a moment like this?
It’s completely normal to be annoyed by your baby sister disrespecting your known wishes and it’s normal to feel like you shouldn’t have to explain, the fact that it’s yours and you said ‘no’ should be enough….and it should. You aren’t wrong. At all.
But what about turning the other cheek? Walking the extra mile? Aren’t patience, forgiveness, and grace supposed to be what you’re striving for? Don’t you think it’s a little ironic that all this anger is about your baptismal dress? Let go of your anger and have a sincere heart-to-heart with your sister about privacy and respect for each other’s belongings.
Make this a moment for your sister to learn something that will help her as she grows up instead of just learning what makes you mad. She’s only 9, she is old enough to learn but not old enough that she doesn’t need guidance and reminders.” rapt2right
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It doesn’t matter at all why you didn’t want her to wear the dress. You told her no and she deliberately went against that. Kids need to learn to respect boundaries, and your parents are doing a pretty bad job of teaching you how to do that.
Are there privileges that you can take away from her for a while? Like things you enjoy doing together or something of yours she likes to do? If so, take that away for an appropriate amount of time, maybe two weeks depending on the frequency.
And do that every time she gets into your stuff or disrespects your boundaries. Your parents have taught her to be completely entitled and blame you for giving her access to things, which is unfortunate for everyone.” willikersmister
11. AITJ For Accidentally Falling On My Sister's Husband During A Family Vacation?
“I (27F) have been married to my husband, ‘Jake’ (29M) for five years and my sister, ‘Anna’ (32F) has been married to ‘Cody’ (36M) for seven and they have a child who’s five.
During my childhood, it’s been clear Anna was jealous of me in some way or another…she has some body image issues and projected it onto me because I was ‘younger’ and she thought I had a better body than her.
I tried not to take her awful comments to heart because I knew she was struggling even though I was told multiple times to cover up around her by our mum. After all, it made her insecure. This also took a hit on my mental health as I wasn’t able to express myself much due to having to always be careful of Anna’s feelings.
Eventually, Anna went to therapy in her early adulthood and I no longer felt like I had to walk around her on eggshells. After years, I truly felt that she no longer had any jealous feelings towards me.
Fast forward to this week, Our whole family (our parents, Anna and her family, and my husband and I) went for a vacation to a beach and it was just an afternoon when we were having drinks before going out for a swim so we were in our swimsuits already.
I decided to pass the drinks out and Cody stood up to help me as I was carrying a heavy tray, the action startled me a bit and I tripped over my foot and I fell on top of him, both of us crashing to the ground.
I immediately got up and apologized while grabbing his hand to pull him up.
Everyone was shocked, and my husband stood up quickly to help. Suddenly, Anna just storms out of the room and Cody and Mum follow her in confusion. I didn’t think much at first, I was more focused on cleaning up.
As I cleaned up, Jake started making comments like “That was inappropriate of you” and I was like huh? What do you mean? Turns out he was on about how my chest was pressed up against Cody as we fell. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and just ignored him.
Once I cleaned, I headed out to Anna to see what was wrong and I came to see her crying. Cody and Mum are trying to comfort her. I ask what’s wrong and she starts screaming at me, calling me a homewrecker for the same reason my husband was angry at me earlier.
I was shocked and so was Cody, he was adamant that it was nothing and he didn’t even notice and I said the same. She didn’t listen and just kept calling me a jerk so I just lost it and started screaming at her back, spilling everything I felt from childhood and I can’t believe she’s still projecting on some freak accident.
The whole thing was a mess and I was eventually taken out. Jake, my mum, and Anna are not talking to me while Cody and Anna keep arguing, causing their child to cry. Right now, I’m just trying to comfort their child, while feeling miserable.
All because I tripped, it’s caused the whole day to be ruined.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, unless something is missing that you haven’t shared. Your sister and mother need to get over the fact that you have a better figure than your sister and move on.
It’s ridiculous to pander to her fears. Your husband’s behavior is surprising. Why would he think that an accidental fall was you inappropriately exposing yourself to your brother-in-law? What basis does he have for that judgment? He saw you unless he thinks you rigged it to touch him, which would be twisted. This is a toxic situation that I hope you can get out of.
Tripping and falling, whether on someone else or not, is dangerous and painful. Why were they not more concerned? It sounds like they all thought you did it on purpose. I’d try to get around people who like and trust me, asap.” Euphoric_Travel2541
Another User Comments:
“Oh God… Life must be so difficult for you girl surrounded by so many crazies. Your sister is insecure. you should go no contact with her till she apologizes and controls her feelings. Your mom is a bigger jerk for enabling her bat-poop-crazy daughter to bully her sister.
Lastly, what’s wrong with your husband? You should focus on him to improve trust issues with him. Accidents happen.. he can be upset but blaming you is super crazy. Remove yourself from vacation and just avoid them till infinity. However, work with your hubby to make your marriage strong.
Remember your sister’s husband will be in your life so just avoid her whole family for her crazy behavior. And it’s good riddance if your mom and sis aren’t talking to you” shizuka_chan11
Another User Comments:
“Geez, so nice of you husband to ask if you were OK after your fall instead of berating you.
I’m sure whilst you’re holding a tray full of drinks the first thing you thought of in the 3 seconds you were falling was ‘Oh I’d better make sure I don’t touch Cody in any way cause that would be inappropriate.’ Seriously your husband is a jerk.
Your sister is seriously messed up. Again, didn’t stop to ask if you were OK was purely concerned about your body. She needs to get back into therapy. Poor Cody being married to such an insecure woman. It must be exhausting. Your mum is enabling your sister’s obsessive and your husband’s possessive behavior so she’s just as bad.
Why don’t you treat yourself to a spa day tomorrow or a shopping spree away from the lot of them? You deserve better and since nobody else has bothered to ask, I hope you’re OK after your fall.” Dear_Parsnip_6802
10. AITJ For Installing A Camera In My Room To Catch My Roommate Snooping?
“So for some background, I met my (now ex) roommate freshman year of college. We instantly became best friends and did everything together. Fast forward two years later we moved into an apartment together with two other friends. We will call my best friend Sally.
(This part isn’t too relevant but provides background for our relationship closer to the incident) About a week before my birthday, I met a guy at a bar that I thought I hit it off with. She and I walked him home because he lived down the street from our apartment.
A few days later, she texted me a screenshot of his social media profile and I responded with yeah I saw but we didn’t match yet. And she kinda just kept asking about it. So then the following week it was my birthday and we ran into him at the bar, she completely third-wheeled me and my other friends noticed and it was just horrible.
We left to a different bar and she left to go back to the bar and stayed out all night with her location off. Later found out they matched on social media.
About a month or two later, I noticed someone was going through my room.
I noticed things moved around, and I’m pretty OCD so I can easily tell if something is out of place. I had a feeling Sally was going through my personal belongings and reading my journal (where things were moved). She was the only one home all day and I just had a weird feeling.
So my other roommates went to the store and bought a camera for my room. Sure enough, every day probably three or four times a day, she was in there. Taking clothes, walking around inappropriately dressed (??) going through my medication bag, and going through the drawer with my journal in it.
I used to be a pretty non-confrontational person so I never said anything until the summer. She stayed at the apartment for a while after we all left and that’s when she went crazy. I texted her asking her to get out of my room and then called security and asked them to lock my door.
She made up lies and excused etc for why she was in there but I never said I saw her on my camera. I just stopped responding overall. I decided not to tell anyone other than our other roommates because I didn’t think it was anyone else’s business and I didn’t want to embarrass her.
However, I got back to school in August and turns out she had told all of our mutual friends “her” version of the story, that she was borrowing clothes that I said she could. And now everyone hates me. I had video evidence and pictures of her snooping but I’m trying to be the bigger person and let it go, but every single time I run into someone they bring it up and I’m just getting sick of it.
All of my friends now think I’m a weird creeper spying on her, even though it was MY room that I put the camera in. I realize I most certainly should have approached the situation differently in how I brought it up to her, but it’s too late now.
AITJ for installing the camera in the first place?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Everything else about the bars, etc. is not applicable. She is invading your privacy. You put up cameras to protect your privacy and your stuff. I would suggest putting a lock on your door as soon as you can.
She had time to manipulate the incident. Honestly, you should have said something right away. Had a meeting with the whole house. I know you didn’t want to embarrass her, but now she is pitting everyone against you to save face. Might be time to mention the camera.” blueeyedwolff
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Sally being in your room was a huge breach of trust and privacy. Putting up cameras was the right move as well. The only thing that you probably should have done was confide in a few more people early on about what was happening.
Both for your safety and to have more ongoing records and witnesses to whatever is happening should escalate into something even more serious that either needs a restraining order or police involvement.” GildedPoison
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and tbh I’d probably go straight to mentioning the camera.
She has no issue embarrassing you so why are you protecting her? You have no reason to be ashamed, rather you’re protecting yourself, your space, and your belongings. Now she’s impeding on your reputation. I’d put a stop to that ASAP and shut things down almost immediately.” InterestingPause2355
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband To Take Our Daughter Around A Stranger?
“My (36)f husband (41)m took our 10-month-old daughter to his mother’s yesterday to visit and was gone for 3 hours.
He does this once a week and she loves visiting her gamma. Today his mother came over and during conversation asked me if I had met let’s call him Nate, and I said who? When my husband went to her house yesterday he had a man with him called Nate, and my mother-in-law was uncomfortable with this man being there and understandably unhappy that her time with her son and grandchild was interrupted by this guy being there.
Also… they only visited her for an hour before leaving. My husband was gone with our child for over 3 hours. I’ve never even heard of someone called Nate and we have a limited group of people with interaction with where we live as most of our friends live all over the country.
My husband didn’t mention anything to me about this guy.
For some background, my husband is a recovering addict. He’s had a few relapses and while he does his best he still leans more towards partying than I like. He loves our daughter very much but he has struggled with the lifestyle change of having a baby.
Anyway, after some digging, my mother-in-law tells me that he met this guy recently down the street from where we live. We live on a cute little block in town but not the best area and not far from a not great area of town.
Again he’s never mentioned this guy to me. My mother-in-law says my husband and Nate talked about partying the entire time they were there. At this point, I’m pretty livid. He took our child and had her around a strange man I didn’t know for several hours just the three of them, and an hour at his mother’s house, and on top of it all didn’t say a word about it.
Just let me assume he was with his mother the entire time. The biggest issue to me is this is not safe! When I asked him about it he yelled at me saying I didn’t want him to have any friends and that I was always getting on to him for everything.
He stormed out and slammed the door scaring our two dogs (Aussies).
I guess my question here is AITJ for not wanting my husband to take our 10-month-old daughter somewhere with a man I have never met before.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but honestly it doesn’t sound like he’s “recovering” right now.
This has relapse written all over it, and it sounds like he could be using it while taking care of your daughter. If he’s bringing a dealer to MIL’s place (assuming because of the meet-up and time spent together) he is likely in way deeper than you have realized. Please keep your baby safe” Terangela
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you’re trying hard to convince yourself that you’re upset about something different than what you’re actually upset about. The problem isn’t that your daughter was in proximity of someone you’ve never met before; that’s something that happens literally any time your husband takes your daughter out in public, and it’s simply not an issue as long as your husband has the baby in his sight and under his control.
The problem is that your husband lied to you about what he was doing and never previously mentioned this supposed friend to you before, both of which have you (reasonably) worried because your husband is a recovering addict who you think is at serious risk of relapsing.
This is a more complicated and delicate matter. I think you’d like to convince yourself that the issue is simply about baby safety because that’s much easier to talk about and set down rules about. But it’s not that, and you need to be clear with yourself before you can sit down and try to have a serious conversation with him about what your real concerns are.” Jyqm
8. AITJ For Refusing To Sell My House And Split The Money With My Ex?
“Me M(33) and my ex F(33) have been in a relationship for 7 years. We had known one another in high school and had been involved several times since. She eventually moved in with me and had no job or money so I covered all the bills while she looked for work.
I was looking for a house when she came back into my life, she did not want the responsibility of a house, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to live where we were residing.
Eventually, she decided to house shop with me, she had a say in what she liked or disliked and luckily right before a major event, we found one we both liked, now mind you, she didn’t want ANYTHING to do with the house, just wanted her likes and dislikes to be deciding factors, she didn’t want to be on the loan, she didn’t want to pitch in for the down-payment, none of the Financials or paperwork was done with her because she didn’t want to be part of it.
Later she would cry about how she’s not on the loan so the house isn’t technically hers so I could just kick her out and she would have nothing; I would reassure her that we’re together so it’s ours and that I would never do that.
Anyhow, for nearly our entire relationship she’s wanted me to quit my job, and finally, for medical reasons, I had to leave my job, at the time she was glad for me to leave as she had finally found a job and had been working there for two years.
I was very hesitant as I’ve never had to rely on others financially since I left my parent’s house but she assured me we would get through it as a team and that I had enough in savings to where I wouldn’t need a job for almost a year.
Now I have been searching for work for about 6 months but haven’t had any luck, two months ago we argued and she told me she’s tired of our relationship and doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I told her I needed space to process so I took a few days and we had a discussion in which she said she didn’t want to leave me with the house as she knows I’m unemployed and am making the mortgage payment by consuming my life savings.
I told her I appreciate that and I’ll still not kick her out and I’ll respect her as a roommate and friend.
Today she told me we need to get a game plan for the mortgage because my getting a job isn’t working, I didn’t understand and said I’m working on it and I’ll figure it out, she suggested we sell the house and split the funds, I told her I have no intention of doing so and she got super upset; saying I’m being an awful person because of the position I’m putting her in (she cut off her family like 8 months ago).
She also suggested I just pay her however much money she’s paid in rent throughout our 7-year relationship, she’s only paid rent for 2 years and we lived in the house for 3.
She only just started to deposit money into our joint bank account when she got her job and even then it wasn’t even half the mortgage, nor was it used for the house bills, the money always went to eating out/groceries and her pets/vet bills.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like a partner and not a wife although you didn’t say that explicitly. If that’s the case you own a house and she doesn’t, but you should have had her sign a lease instead of viewing any contribution she made as contributing to a mortgage (which you have and she doesn’t).
You have a joint account for some reason, and the two of you will have to disentangle from that. Whatever you do with the house is your business and not hers, although you might have to evict her if she doesn’t leave.” Electrical-Ad-1798
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She didn’t want any of the responsibility and risks of home ownership, so doesn’t get any of the benefits of home ownership. You may have been in a relationship, but she was essentially a renter and just like other rental situations the renter doesn’t get equity just by function of being a renter.
This is why it is highly discouraged for unmarried people to buy a house together, as it just gets messy in the event of a break-up. With a divorce, you at least have lawyers and judges to help make decisions about how to split things up somewhat equitably.” speakeasy12345
Another User Comments:
“Of course NTJ, but you’re causing yourself problems by allowing her to continue staying there now that your relationship is over – even as a roommate or friend. I think you’re going to have to forget your promise not to throw her out when she’s making life so difficult for you, your relationship is over, and she’s going to be every bit as bad as a roommate as she was a partner.
And she’s no friend of yours – she is only interested in getting money (or the equivalent, the house) out of you while you’re financially vulnerable, being unemployed. You’re going to have to evict her and then block her if you want any peace. Maybe you’ll need a lawyer to help.
If you don’t she’s going to continue to try to wear you down until you give her some cash, probably a lot of cash.” SavingsRhubarb8746
7. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Accept Our Baby's Untraditional Name?
“My wife and I (both late 20s) had our first child together in June. Before he was born there was a lot of talk about names from different family members on both sides, but the pressure to tell was on my side specifically.
We didn’t tell a soul what the name would be until our son was born and we had left the hospital. My parents were disappointed when we announced our son’s name.
My family is very traditional in how they name us. We were each named after grandparents and that’s how they feel everyone should name their kids.
My wife’s family doesn’t have a tradition when it comes to naming babies. They just name them and go. No fuss or insisting on certain names. But my wife’s side tends to favor more uncommon and unusual names.
My wife’s and my taste tends to lean a lot more to her side than to mine.
Which is how we ended up choosing the name Hollis for our son. This was not something my parents liked because they expected our son to be either Jack (my dad) or Parker (my FIL). But I know they were expecting a little Jack to be born.
So that added to their reaction. But they quizzed us on our choice to “break tradition” and I told them it wasn’t a tradition my wife’s family used and we decided we weren’t going to have one either.
Over the last couple of months, both parents have questioned why, and have wanted to discuss other names for future babies.
My mom has been the worst by far. She asked why we went with something so unlike the names we have in our family. I told her our family wasn’t the only family involved, but that we also didn’t take the family tastes into account.
We went with what we liked. She pointed out our taste were a lot like my ILs and I said yes, but that it wasn’t about my ILs and their taste, it was about my wife’s and my taste. I told her I was done discussing it and since that point, I now change the topic or end the conversation when she brings it up or refuses to let it go.
We had a little naming ceremony on Saturday and my mom decided she was going to dig in her heels about the name she told me we’d picked a stupid name and she hated it, she wanted us to change it and name him Jack or Parker.
She told me we had no business breaking a long-held tradition in our family and there’s a reason those traditions are there so foolish people can’t name their babies the worst names imaginable. She also said my ILs must be so smug thinking they’ll have at least two stupidly named grandkids as they had all stupidly named kids.
I lost my temper. I told her to shut up and accept that we’re not naming our kids like she and Dad named me and my siblings and I told her she would need to leave and learn to be more respectful because I would not take those insults against my wife or her family lying down.
My mom hated being told to shut up and she said I had no excuse for rudeness to her face. I thought she was crazy when she was rude.
AITJ though?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your mother wants to have a say in naming a baby, then she should have another baby.
She was unnecessarily rude and disrespectful to you, your wife, your ILs, and your child. I’d seriously consider going NC with her if she doesn’t change her behavior as your son will pick up on it as he grows up and it is not acceptable to expose your family to her.” frozen broccoli
Another User Comments:
“NTJ….Tradition or not, this is your child. And any future children. No one gets to tell you what you should name your child. You could say, “Well parents, that was your tradition. We decided to start our tradition as a family”.
I love the name Hollis. As for mom, unfortunately, this might be a dealbreaker in going limited contact or no contact. You will have to set an example. Let parents know right off the bat, that calling their child anything else than his name, will not be tolerated. If they are at your place, you get up and show them the door.
If you are at theirs, you get up and leave. Same with any outside venue or relatives’ home. If you are at relatives’ homes who are on Mom and Dad’s side, you can let them know your boundaries as well. Curious, what was the middle name?
Because I like either father’s name as a middle name.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s as simple as this, if the kid isn’t theirs, they don’t get to decide the name. If they have a naming tradition, it doesn’t matter, still not their kid, so it’s not their decision.
They have no right to insist the name be changed and they shouldn’t get jerk-talking the name, you or your wife for picking that name and not a name they wanted you to pick. Tell them to either grow up and accept the name or they can look forward to not seeing their grandkids.” kornflakes1989
6. AITJ For Being Upset My Sister-In-Law Keeps Using My Kids' Names?
“So I really would like some advice just to know if I am overreacting or if this whole situation is as aggravating as I find it to be. So I (F 42) and my husband, Oliver (M 44) got married when we were 26 and 24 and we have four children, together.
My husband has a little brother, Mason (M 39) who married Jane (F 34), they have three children together but are expecting a baby.
Me and Jane get along pretty well, she and her kids come over to my house a lot while our husbands are at work so we spend a lot of time together.
However, there has been one thing that has always bothered me about Jane. A couple of years ago when Jane’s son was being born, she told me that she wanted to name her son Oliver after my husband. Here’s the problem my son, who was two years old at the time, was already named Oliver after my husband.
I expressed this to her, and she then acted like she understood but when her son was born she named him Oliver.
Mason told me and my husband that they would only call their son by his middle name or by the initials of his first and middle name (ex/ OJ).
However, for the past ten years, Jane and her kids have only called their son Oliver. Jane also tries to get her son and my husband to be close, going as far as to just bring him over to the house by himself a lot, even when she knows my husband and son are trying to spend quality time together.
This has always rubbed me and my husband the wrong way but for the sake of his family we chose to just not make it a big deal.
But flash forward to now, a couple of days ago Jane and I were talking about baby names for her and Mason’s new baby.
For more context, my daughter Annabelle doesn’t get called Annabelle and instead goes by her middle name Lilly. And everyone has been calling her Lilly since childhood, not Annabelle.
Well when me and Jane were talking about girl baby names, she said she was already set on a name for a girl and said Lilly.
I asked her the reason why, and she stated it was the only name that she liked for a girl and that she genuinely didn’t like any other name. I said to her that she knows my daughter goes by Lilly and that that is her name.
She instantly got very defensive and tried to say that Lilly wasn’t my daughter’s actual name so it didn’t matter and that I was being ridiculous. I then said, “You’re the ridiculous one and crazy at that.” This got Jane mad and she immediately said she couldn’t believe I called her crazy and then she rounded up her kids and left.
Honestly, I feel like if Jane hadn’t already done this before, I wouldn’t have minded her wanting to name her daughter Lilly as much. But twice? It just feels intentional at this point.
However, I have been thinking about how I might be overdramatizing this whole situation.
I am hesitant because I don’t want to ruin my husband and children’s familial relationships with their cousins and brothers with this issue. But AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah. She’s a bad relative. Chin up. Big step back. Big. Don’t host her anymore.
Be vague about your plans and too BUSY to see her. If she gets the message she will name her daughter something else. If she doesn’t then continue after her Lilly is born. Everyone around you sees what she is. And girl…keep her AWAY from your husband.
She sounds unbalanced. ” 11SkiHill
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is creepy and weird. Is she trying to be you? Also, if they come over when your husband and son are bonding, step up and tell her it’s not a good time, it’s family day for your son and husband or have him say it.
Protect your time. Nobody is owed your time and attention.” ChickenScratchCoffee
5. AITJ For Not Allowing My Kids At My Parents' House Due To My Brother's Suspected Substance Use?
“We live in an area where substance use is still illegal and possession/dealing is punishable with a prison sentence.
I, 35F, have two children aged 9 & 6. Generally, I have a great relationship with my parents who are relatively young as grandparents go.
My sibling, M, mid-twenties still lives with my parents and has had some employment since leaving school but is generally mostly unemployed. (This is relevant).
Today I collected my children from my parent’s house as they had attended a concert which my children were playing in at school. We’d planned to stay a little longer once I spoke to my husband to allow my children to spend time with both their grandparents as one was at work.
I popped upstairs to use the restroom and once again could smell that someone in the house had been smoking substances. This has happened on many occasions. I’ve raised concerns to my family about this in the past but my sibling has denied it and nothing has been done about it.
It is well known within our family that my sibling is a heavy substance user.
I have no issue with him choosing to take substances, however, I do have an issue with him smoking whilst my children are in the same house.
I left this evening immediately after smelling this.
And texted one of my parents later to say that I could smell it in the house, and I was no longer willing to have my children around it any longer. They are becoming aware of it as one said that their uncle’s room smelled “funny” and it was like a smell we’d had when walking and someone walked by smoking.
I asked my Mom to visit us in our home if she wanted to from now on, and to instead come to ours if she was dropping the kids off.
Just to clarify, we do not rely on my parents for childcare at all. My Mom collects one afternoon from school which is her choice, otherwise, they’d go to after-school care.
Sleepovers happen occasionally but they are very much on their terms.
My Mom has texted me back again tonight saying that my Dad has searched my brother’s room (again, mid-twenties) and they’ve found nothing. He is “devastated” and they are adamant that the smell was from some rotten food he had in his room.
From the text that was sent, it sounded like she would be falling out with me if I didn’t go back on what I’d originally said.
There’s a very long history of my sibling being supported no matter what his behavior and I strongly believe that he has also started to deal substances.
He is unemployed but currently renting an expensive car and looking at purchasing another. He has no savings that I know of, so even if it’s not dealing he’s again using my parents for money when he’s had a job for less than a year since leaving school 10 years ago.
AITJ for standing by what I’ve said and refusing to allow my children in the house whilst he’s there smoking?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he’s dealing from the house then he’s putting your parents in a very dangerous position. Their home could be taken in civil forfeiture if he’s busted and it’s considered part of his “operation”.” jillian512
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s called protecting your children. Don’t give in to your parents. They are in denial.” SNS989
4. AITJ For Accidentally Cracking My Partner's Closet While Assembling It?
“I (m29) and my partner (w29) are getting into fights repeatedly because I try to help her with things she can’t do. The latest example is that we just moved in together, and my partner bought herself a huge closet for her clothes. Of course, a closet isn’t easy to assemble, but I still tried my best to do most of it.
Everything went smoothly until we wanted to put all the parts together. We are both not very tall; I’m about 177cm (5’11”) and she is about 152cm (5’0″), so it’s hard for us both to do the upper parts. We tried to do it somehow, but it didn’t go well.
We tried to do it while it was lying down and then we tried to lift it. We were able to put it together and just needed to lift it in the end. The problem was that while lifting it, the back of the closet, which is only a really small and slim piece of wood, got a small crack.
It isn’t huge, but my partner hates every small mistake on her stuff. She wants it to be perfect without any scratches or cracks.
At first, she was, of course, annoyed about it. I tried to find a solution for it and wanted to contact customer support to see if there was a chance of replacing that piece.
For me, that was something I would do for her the next day because it was already late. I didn’t say too much about the incident afterward. After a few hours, she came out of the bathroom super mad at me, saying that I don’t care about her stuff and that it’s in my blood to sabotage her (This comes from previous fights where I tried to do things for her and also unintentionally damaged something or made a mistake).
I know that I can be clumsy, but I try to be careful with the things I do. Maybe not always to the same level as her, but I try my best. Also, a similar thing happened to a smaller closet of hers where, sadly, something also had a small crack because I let it fall as I couldn’t hold it anymore while assembling.
But back to the story today. She is also super mad because I didn’t say sorry until now and that it seems like, because I didn’t mention it at all anymore, that I don’t care about it. For me, it was clear that I would contact customer support tomorrow, which is why I didn’t say anything more about it.
She also said to me that now, after it happened, it is too late. I should have told her in advance that I couldn’t build it up instead of trying and then breaking or doing something wrong while trying.
So, am I the jerk for cracking a part of my partner’s closet while assembling it after she asked me to build it up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – furniture building is awful. Mistakes happen. She needs to settle down a bit. Also, you’re not a giant but 5’11 is tall.” jrm1102
Another User Comments:
“NTJ unmove in with her and break up, why would you want to be with someone who treats you this way” No_Arrival_9090
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it sounds like there’s a lot of frustration built up here, both about the closet and maybe other things too. It seems like you genuinely wanted to help, but your partner might be more focused on the outcome rather than the effort you put in.
She’s upset about the crack, but also that you didn’t apologize right away. To her, it probably felt like a lack of acknowledgment, even if you were planning to fix it. That said, it’s important to communicate expectations beforehand. If you’re not confident about assembling something (especially given past experiences), letting her know in advance might save both of you some stress.
The comment about “sabotage” seems harsh, and it sounds like it stems from unresolved tension over past mistakes. Maybe a conversation about boundaries when it comes to helping her with things would help—like asking her what she needs and whether she actually wants your help in the first place.
You could also try to focus on how you both react when things go wrong and make a plan for better communication around that. At the end of the day, it’s about teamwork and understanding each other’s needs.” User
3. AITJ For Demanding My Parents Apologize To My Husband For Their Judgement?
“I (27f) met my husband Jamie (27m) in high school. He was the boy with the bad reputation for dumb stuff, and by dumb stuff I mean, not stuff he did but stuff he didn’t do, like going home or having an adult around him.
His mom was an addict who didn’t let him come home before midnight on any given night. So he’d spend his time in different places which made adults think poorly of him. By the time people realized it was because he had a lousy mother they judged him for her actions.
My parents were some of those judgemental people. They’d see him out past dark and make comments.
They were awful when Jamie and I started seeing each other. I told them they considered themselves Christian and should be more understanding and welcoming of someone who didn’t have a good home life.
They’d say he wasn’t trying like he could do anything about his mom. They judged him for not going to college. They deemed him lazy for not going even though he held a job since he was 14 and with the help of the couple he’d worked for, went to trade school.
My parents were so lousy about it all that we didn’t talk for a whole year. Then they reached out via my siblings to apologize to me and they appeared to accept Jamie and realize they had been wrong about him. Jamie always got along with my siblings.
But he started to get along with my parents too and it was nice.
We got married two years ago and we welcomed our first baby together in June.
Last month we had a big fight. They showed that they kept their opinions to themselves for this long but they never saw Jamie as a good person, they always saw him as trash.
It all started because Jamie was alone with the baby for an entire day and they were horrified I trusted him to watch our child without me there. They spewed such hateful things about Jamie that aren’t true. He’s an amazing dad and husband. He’s not his mother.
He has never been in trouble with the law. So the fact they spoke about him like he was some criminal? I was so angry. I kicked them out and told them I was done with them.
We’re still good with my siblings which is where this post is taking us.
We started talking about Christmas and Jamie and I said we’d host them. My mom was trying to get my siblings to ask me if I’d come to Christmas dinner at their house with the baby. One sibling said Jamie and I were hosting. Upon learning that my mom took said siblings phone and called and asked me how I could leave them uninvited. I told her if they ever want to be invited to anything again they will truly reflect on their actions and words and make a real and heartfelt apology to Jamie.
But that is the only way. And it has to be real and to him and not me. I then hung up on my mom.
My parents are now claiming I’m trying to blackmail them, which I don’t think they truly know what that means.
And a text (I assume is from mom) accused me of being disrespectful of my parents and saying you can’t demand an apology.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents don’t know their place. They claim to be Christian but don’t appear to know the basic foundation of how a marriage works.
When you and your spouse married you became one, so by them insulting him they are insulting you. It isn’t their place to chime in with their baseless opinions unless you ask for their advice first. If they want to be right fighters let them fight that war alone.
Trust me, the stress and anxiety over this isn’t worth it. Let them simmer awhile and hopefully, they will come around. If they don’t, your heart will go on.” GemGlamourNGlitter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s your family now along with your precious child. It’s horrible that your parents voiced that they don’t think he’s trustworthy enough to be left alone with his child.
Horrible. I think you already have learned that this is how they feel. They may be able to pretend for a bit but their opinion of him is set in stone. And. Christian? Must be a different God than the one I talk to.” trishsf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’d go as far as to contact the parents again and say, “If you can’t make a sincere apology after all these years watching the man husband was and the life HD had, become the MAN he is now, a supportive husband and an amazing father, then perhaps OP is the one who had the bad parents.
They claim to be God-fearing, and I am not particularly religious at all, but I seem to remember, judge not lest ye be judged. Tell them their actions will have their grandchildren never seeing them, them never seeing the grandchildren, being ostracized by their kin.” SavageTS1979
2. AITJ For Telling My Mom She's Ruining Our Blended Family?
“My mom has me (17f). She had me young, broke up with my dad and he passed away when I was 3 and let his family support me after he died and she was alone because her family wouldn’t help us.
She got married when I was 6 and had two of my half-siblings (10f,9m). Her marriage broke down while she was pregnant for the second time. I was never close to their dad so we don’t have contact with each other anymore. But he sees my two half-siblings.
Then my mom got married again. Her husband “Dave” has a son (11m) from a previous relationship who he has full custody of. He and my mom also have two kids together (6m,5f). My mom and Dave’s families are not involved in our lives.
Dave was a foster kid so never knew his and my mom’s family still isn’t over her having me when she was 19 and don’t condone her having a child outside of marriage so…
My half-siblings from mom’s first marriage and I have extended family. They have their dad they see 50% of the time, and his family.
I have my paternal family. We each have contact with them, get gifts from time, time with them, parties, dinners, etc. My half-siblings get a bunch of vacations every year. The other kids don’t. My mom has chased after her ex and my family to include everyone but they don’t.
My mom has threatened to keep my family from me if they don’t include all half and step-siblings. But I fought back against that and told her I wanted to be able to see my family without everyone else. She yelled and cursed at both her ex and my family for not “being more inclusive”.
Mom talks about this a lot around the kids, she complains a lot and encourages them to complain and express their jealousy. She feeds into it. Which makes everything worse. Dave and I have a very tense relationship too. I said no when he offered to adopt me.
And I didn’t advocate for his son to join in on some of the experiences I get with my extended family. Not to mention I don’t talk about having parents. I’ll just say I have a mom.
For the last two or three months my half-siblings have been fighting like crazy and my stepbrother asked Dave to get divorced so it could be just the two of them.
Mom was so shocked by how things turned out. She said something like families don’t fight like this, they love each other. How did we get so bad? How come there’s no blending? I told her that she was messing everything up by trying to force my family or her ex and his family to treat everyone like family when they’re not and how bringing up how unfair and wrong it is around younger kids is going to feed the jealousy.
I told her it wouldn’t get better until she realized she couldn’t control everyone and let go of us all having very different families. Mom was shocked I was blaming her at all and she told me if I was a better big sister to all five kids, I would make sure they’re included and I would be on her side about everything and how much it angers her that I blame any of this mess on her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why is she placing the welfare of her family on your shoulders? She’s the mother—this is on her. You’re her child and this isn’t your cross to bear. I honestly don’t know what she’s expecting. My family is one of those blended-to-the-bone ones but we are an exception to the rule and there are still boundaries in place.
The strong extended family culture helps, but it is foolish to expect this dynamic from other families and even stupider to place the burden on you, a CHILD.” torotaco
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your mom has some sort of need to be a wife and not be alone.
She keeps working towards that without any thoughts about how her offspring can handle it. The kids are just expected to deal with it and make it work. And if you don’t, it’s just to give her grief. This is a messed up situation, and I feel for you.
But until your mom wants to be a mom, and not just someone’s wife, it’ll probably continue.” NobodysBabyDaddy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your mum is delusional. She has this rosy idea of a big, blended family and refuses to see the truth in front of her eyes.
And she refuses to see how stupid and entitled it is to expect your paternal family, or your half-siblings’ paternal family, to take care of kids who are nothing at all to them, just because they are related to your mum (who, again, is nothing at all to these people).
She’s hurting all her kids (and stepkids) with this attitude, and if she keeps it up she will end up without any of you – and she will also destroy any bond there could have been among you and your siblings.” Agostointhesun
1. AITJ For Telling My Friend She's Wrong To Pursue A Man Expecting A Baby With Another Woman?
“I have this friend. She saw a guy last summer for a month or so. He ended it by saying it just didn’t feel right or something like that, end of July.
She said good luck and I hope you find what you’re looking for. Fast forward to January and she tries to text him but the texts don’t show delivered so she SnapChats him. He responds and they talk a little and decide to meet up.
He tells her that he got someone pregnant that fall and she’s currently like 4-5 months pregnant but they’re not together and he’s interested in seeing where things go with her. She says she might need extra reassurance but she’s willing to give it a shot.
They go out that one night. The next day or two he texts that he really needs to focus on the baby and being there for the baby mamma and be patient with him. She says wow this is a 180 from Friday so I’ll wait till I hear from you again.
He reaches out two weeks later to say the baby mamma is in the hospital and the baby may come early and even though they aren’t together he needs to be there for her. My friend was like wow I feel so led on etc and the guy just said yeah it’s a tough situation but I’ll get through it.
Fast forward to this July and she gets a text from the baby mamma! This woman tells her how desperate she has to be to want to pursue a man who is having a baby in 5 months with someone else. And says they were together trying to work things out and he lied. And that she knows her issue is also with him but it’s pathetic and desperate that she would’ve pursued a man who rejected her last summer and was having a baby with someone else.
My friend said this woman was not a girls girl and needed to take it up with the man only.
She’s been stewing about this and I told her the woman had no business reaching out to her, especially after all this time but she probably just found out herself.
She probably has pregnancy hormones like crazy. Honestly, I also found it a little desperate to text then Snapchat a man who said he wasn’t feeling it with you last summer and to decide to pursue a relationship with this same man who got someone else pregnant after breaking it off (very soon I might add) and having all that drama to deal with.
And that this woman’s point that it’s also not being a girls girl trying to see a man having a baby with someone else is valid and she kind of set herself up for drama with that.
Well, she’s mad at me.
I was just trying to say she really shouldn’t pursue men like this in the future. I didn’t call her desperate but just said I could see where this woman was coming from and considering my friend is a psychologist, I’m surprised she would put herself in that position..
and at her shock that this guy would “do a 180” and choose his new family, this woman carrying his baby and his baby to be there through the birth etc shouldn’t have been a shock and seems reasonable. Make better choices. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s a psychologist? You buried the lead. Thought this was teen behavior until I got to that part. Yeah, it’s not rocket science that you are inviting drama into your life if you decide to pursue a man who has already dumped you in the past, he is currently having a baby with someone else.
Her judgment is horrendous and I can’t imagine she would ever advise a client to make these choices. Yikes. She is accountable for the completely predictable fallout of her behavior.” Antelope_31
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she should’ve known better than to trust the words of a man.
What did she expect? For him to be a deadbeat and not be around to help his baby momma and the child?? And your friend is the one who isn’t a “girly girl” because she decided to pursue a man expecting a child. “Take it with the man,” like a girl you KNEW about her.
Honestly, she should be embarrassed.” One_Tap_6195
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your friend shouldn’t have kept reaching out to him and just moved on, especially since it wasn’t that serious, they only saw each other for a month last year! The guy shouldn’t have gone on a date with her again when he has a baby coming and wants to work it out with the baby’s momma.
He’s entitled to see people if he’s not with the mother but if he told the mother that he wanted to work on it then he’s a jerk. The baby momma shouldn’t have reached out to your friend complaining, it’s the guy that’s responsible and has loyalty to her, not your friend.
You shouldn’t have started criticizing your friend. Instead, you could have said that she should forget about it, leave them to it, and move on. Sometimes friends just need to vent and have someone listen. Anyone who calls themselves ‘a girl’s girl’ is a jerk.
Someone genuinely looks out for other women and supports them doesn’t go around calling themselves a girl’s girl to try because they don’t need a pat on the back for it.” Proud_Fee_1542
