People Ask Us Who The Bad Guy Is In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Not Letting My Brother In The House?
“I’m (26f) currently at my parents’ house because I have a job interview half an hour from their house this week (two hours from where I currently live).
I’m WFH at my current job, so it made sense to stay here for a few days. My brother (30) still lives at home.
Not strictly relevant, but the important context for my thought process: I spent several years when I was younger dealing with a stalker from my high school. He did things that I can’t write about. It’s part of the reason why I moved out at 18 to go to college several hours away and try to avoid spending long periods of time at my parents’.
My parents go to bed early (10pm-ish) and always make sure the doors are locked. I stay up a little later, as I usually go to bed around 12. My brother pulled into the driveway with no headlights at about 11:30 and then slammed himself into the front door. I was in the front room, so near the door, but kinda hidden by the thick curtains we have.
My brother didn’t say anything, just hit the door again. At that point, I had no idea who it was (my brother has a key, so I wasn’t thinking of him), so I had the ai assistant thing cut the lights so they couldn’t see in and went to my room to call the cops because I genuinely thought it was someone trying to break in or possibly the stalker hearing that I was in town because I ran into an old classmate today and maybe he heard.
My brother finally yells and calls our dad’s cell phone, waking both our parents up. My dad unlocked the door.
My brother gets in the house and called me a jerk for not unlocking the door, but he wouldn’t listen to the fact that him pulling in without headlights and slamming the door without saying anything honestly scared me. He’s mad because he apparently left his keys in his car and didn’t want to go back and get wet (we have a covered porch, so he wasn’t in the rain).
My parents are mad that I didn’t let him in because he woke them up and I should have known it was him (they are also annoyed with him). My brother says that my anxiety is unreasonable, and idk, I guess he’s kinda right in that the likelihood of it being a break-in was pretty low, but I still feel like the whole thing could have been avoided by him going back for his keys.
AITJ for not opening the door for him when he never said it was him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So what if it was raining, he had access to his keys, he should have gotten them and opened the door or used the phone he had with him to message you to open the door. Are you sure he’s 30? Because the way he acted is something you’d expect from a child who doesn’t know better.
He’s an adult, he should have known better.” Charlie_Parkers_Mood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Imagine, for a sec, the other scenario actually having played out. Someone planning on a home invasion pulls up with no headlights, walks to the door, and tries to bodyslam it open to break in. You decide that the logical response is to open the door and let them in.
They rob your family at gunpoint.
Your parents say… ‘It’s fine, OP, you did exactly the right thing.’ ???? Or would they say, ‘What were you thinking?’
Your brother had some pretty simple options here that didn’t involve waking everyone up just so he didn’t get a bit of water on his precious body or have to use his words.” Rowanever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can understand your parents being upset since they got woken up, but they shouldn’t be upset at you for it. Your brother is the jerk for sure, he already walked through the rain from his car once, he was just being lazy. Your anxiety is not unreasonable at all. I would be worried as well if I was in your situation.” Soulless2186
23. AITJ For Telling My Brother's Partner That He Has A Secret Child?
“My 15/M brother 17/M used to go out with a girl that was also 17. The relationship was good until she broke up with him out of the blue. After days of asking, my brother found out he got the girl pregnant and after he found that out he got scared and cut all contact with her. About a year later (now) he started going out with another girl 18.
I don’t like her that much but that’s beside the point.
About 2 days ago it was just my sister, my brother & his girl and me. About an hour or two that she’s been there I heard a knock on the door. I opened it up and guess who’s there? My brother’s ex with I’m assuming my nephew. I yell my brother’s name and he comes and is shocked with fear when they both make eye contact.
I guess my brother’s SO got curious and came also but didn’t know who the lady was. My brother was nervous because he had never mentioned he had a son (also I forgot to mention this but when I was little my brother would mess with me hard like knock the wind out of me so I couldn’t breathe and liked tackling me for no reason.)
Anyways, my brother is standing there really scared and that’s when I say ‘oh yeah (girl’s name) this is (ex’s name) and son’s name’ and I told her that they used to go out and had a son together. The ex was there because she wanted my nephew to see his father before she left to go to another state.
After she left, my brother’s girl flipped out on him.
After the chaos that I had enjoyed watching had ended, it turns out he might have impregnated his girl and will be keeping it. I’m currently being called a jerk because I spilled the beans so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
And your brother needs to stop impregnating every single girl he sleeps with. He’s annoyed because the girl now knows how he deals with unexpected pregnancies that he causes with his irresponsibility and that’s complete abandonment and being a deadbeat.
Of course, his new SO who he immediately knocked up is annoyed.” dogchick1985
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, he sounds like a deadbeat father. You did well because if he ran away from the first one, he would probably do it for the second one. And the fact he fails to mention to his current partner that he has a child is even worse.
Hope the ex put him on child support. Morally it’s wrong for telling her without his permission but enjoy your happy moment because you did the right thing.” Antique_caffe_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The ex was at your door with the baby. What were you supposed to do? Ignore her or slam the door in her face? It’s not like you randomly told the new girl.
But where are your parents? Your brother will have two kids before he’s 18. An adult needs to have a serious talk with him. He absolutely should be stopped before he has a third.” Malibucat48
22. AITJ For Telling My Sister She Doesn't Have The Right To Talk About Motherhood?
“I just had my first child 1 month ago. It was a baby oops, but my husband and I embraced this new adventure.
One of my biggest insecurities is not being able to fully breastfeed, because I had a breast reduction and this affected the amount of milk. And I had to do an emergency cesarean, going against the plan (humanized natural birth).
It’s a touchy subject for me, hormones don’t help with this, but I’m seeking professional help on this.
My older sister Carly has been struggling with infertility for over 5 years and IVF is not an option for her (I won’t go into that, but it’s her personal belief that it’s not ‘pure’).
Ever since I told my entire family that I was pregnant, Carly and I have drifted apart a bit, which I understand, but she never failed to text a few times and attend pregnancy parties.
She and my mom visited me this weekend for the first time to meet my son. I was talking to them when my son started crying, my husband said he took care of it while I talked (I really needed this).
I felt a judgmental look from Carly, and I, without much patience, asked her if she had a problem and she said ‘it’s sad when a mother doesn’t have a connection like one that breastfeeds their child.’
My mother scolded her and she just said ‘What? It’s my opinion, I hope in mine I have a totally normal birth, I’ll feel complete performing the task my body was made to do’. And she said other nonsense, but these two were the ones that bothered me the most and I ended up answering at the end ‘I’m glad I don’t listen to the opinion of those who haven’t had a child yet.’
She started to cry, saying that this was a low game of mine, and left. My mother decided to remain neutral on this matter and my husband supported me.
I know all the difficulties she faces with infertility, but it was something extremely difficult to hear.
AITJ?
Extra: I know it was a mean thing to say. But I ask you to take it into consideration, not JUSTIFY what I said.
Between sleepless nights, pain, stress, and postpartum depression, I really wasn’t in the best physical or mental condition to receive this kind of comment and I didn’t react well, I admit.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it definitely wasn’t your finest moment, but she deserved that one, especially since you say you’re already having to seek professional help for these issues.
Beyond being awful to you, how can she even say this about herself?
‘What my body was made to do’, when she has fertility issues and says she hopes to have a natural birth and be able to breastfeed, despite presumably being educated on how that sometimes just cant happen?
Obviously, she hates herself right now, but does making you feel bad help her at all? She needs therapy herself and to get out of your business.” Original-Winter9334
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was shaming you for not being able to breastfeed. It was a poor choice on her part to say ‘I’d feel complete doing what my body was made to do’. As a sibling myself, I would have said ‘yeah well your body hasn’t done what it was made to do. So I don’t want to hear about how I don’t breastfeed 100% of the time when you can’t even make a baby’.
I know that’s cruel, but it was a low blow to try and shame you for you not being able to breastfeed. I’d apologize later, but I’d hit back harder.” localcalypso
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She was wrong to say those things and although she has fertility issues, it doesn’t mean she is allowed to say things like she did.
I had fertility issues too and I never once tried to talk down to or insult any moms I knew.
You are correct in what you said, she isn’t a mother and she shouldn’t make mean judgments about your labor, delivery, or breastfeeding whether she has a baby ever or not.
Bonding with your baby isn’t about breastfeeding. Women’s bodies are built for children’s birth but babies sometimes have other plans and require a c-section.
I ended up with a c-section due to the baby being breech.
My milk came in and dried out 2 days later, but it doesn’t mean I didn’t bond with my baby.
She chooses not to do IVF because of her belief that her body was made to get pregnant naturally, and she may never have a child because of her ridiculous beliefs.” McflyThrowaway01
21. AITJ For Having An Argument With My Partner About Watching TV?
“I (24f) am going out with J (28m), not living together. We live in an area with not much to do, and we don’t make enough to drive an hour and a half to the city and an hour and a half back. So, tv shows and movies are what we do. I have asked countless times if there is a show we are watching together or a movie we both want to see, to try and not watch ahead.
If it’s something one of us isn’t interested in or a show we are watching separately, fair game to do whatever. If one of us does end up watching the movie, for example, no spoilers. He doesn’t like rewatching things he’s already seen. God love him, he does not do this. So, constantly, I get spoilers of movies I have clearly expressed interest in, or I end up having to go look up a synopsis of tv show episodes I missed because he starts it back in the episode he left off, and I’m lost.
Example: he watched the new Batman, and straight-up texted me a direct scene in the film.
Example: we watched Breaking Bad together, and when I could go over, I spent half the visits looking up what happened in the episodes I missed when he watches ahead.
So, am I the jerk for being annoyed he keeps watching ahead and spoiling cinema, or am I justified in being annoyed?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that’s just super rude. I hate rewatching stuff too but if I watch something ahead of my roommate and I know it’s something we watch together (or they will want to watch) I don’t talk about it, and I occupy myself on my laptop/phone while they catch up on episodes of whatever that I skipped ahead on.
Most of the time, however, I do NOT skip ahead on anything and WAIT to enjoy it with them.
I watch other shows I know they won’t like/don’t watch if I want to watch something and they’re gone.
If your partner can’t respect you in this very mild manner is he going to respect you over the big things as your relationship goes on? Like if you guys end up moving in together is he going to respect you enough to get his dirty clothes in the hamper and to wash his own dirty dishes… or does he plan to let you do all the cooking and cleaning while he watches ahead on everything and spoils movies for you?” VermontVampyre
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not at all. You’re trying to have a bonding experience with him and he’s crapping all over it by ruining any excitement you get. If he’s so incredibly bored, he can just watch something you don’t have an interest in seeing. You should have a genuine conversation with him about this letting him know how much your watching time together means to you and how much him doing this bothers you.” Ok_Kangaroo_3097
Another User Comments:
“Your partner kinda seems like an inconsiderate jerk. Is it that hard not to text someone spoilers? Refusing to rewatch episodes when you chose to watch ahead on your own? Idk, you’re NTJ but I’d dump him because rude. Unless that’s the only problem in your relationship in which case you’re golden.” tiannatorres
20. AITJ For Not Paying My Sister Her Expected Amount?
“I recently sold 2 tickets to an event, which I originally advertised through the internet. Baseline offers I’d been receiving not long after posting were around the 150 mark each. I asked my sister if she could suggest any other places to advertise, which then led her to offer to make a post about them. Through this post, I did end up selling the tickets, for 180 at that, and I offered her 30 for giving a hand.
She was very offended by how little this was compared to the selling price and clearly expressed that she felt she deserved more, which shocked me, as I feel it to be very fair considering how much she added? The conversation on the phone after got very sour so it’s really tainted the whole affair, and now I won’t likely be asking for help/receiving help again anytime soon.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
First off, she offered. Second off, she didn’t tell you what kind of compensation she expected beforehand, so by default, it is actually nothing. Third off, it’s reasonable to assume that she marked up to 180 because she wanted the 30 in difference.
That’s why always have agreements beforehand for this kind of arrangement.” ThomzLC
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She should’ve told you what percentage she was expecting of the total sale then you could’ve come to an agreement beforehand rather than her assuming.
Also if she’d been upfront about her high expectations you’d have the opportunity to judge whether her ‘help’ was worth her fee.” Coffeeandcrimeglobal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You two didn’t even form a financial agreement, from your perspective she was doing you a favor and you decided to throw her some bones, you did nothing wrong.” JCBashBash
19. WIBTJ If I Reached Out To Apologize To Someone I Bullied 25 Years Ago?
“25 years ago I was a bully to mainly one person. I was horrible and mean in so many ways and I am ashamed beyond belief. I then became a father and I watched my own son being bullied at school. I felt my son’s pain and I felt how I must have hurt that person so many years ago. I ran into him just once and I wanted to say something but I never did.
Now that my son is grown I can’t help but think about this person and the need to say I am sorry. I know that it is selfish of me to want to but I have a nagging feeling that I need to. For those that were bullied would it make a difference if that person said sorry 25 years later or WIBTJ to try?
Edit: The last thing I want is forgiveness or for him to say oh don’t worry about it. Watching my son struggle was like a dagger in my stomach every time I saw his pain. I just wanted this person to know that I was a jerk and that I’m sorry for being an unkind person.”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ if your apology is meant to relieve their pain, not your guilt.
You owe them an apology but are owed nothing in return. I suggest you find a way to send it without any gratification – perhaps a one-way letter. That way frankly you can keep the guilt but grant the apology.” CategoryReasonable67
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but don’t expect much. You may be met with open hostility, and they’d be completely justified in that.
In fact, they would be completely justified in however they act, from graciously accepting your apology to outright telling you to go screw yourself.
That’s not to say you shouldn’t try, but think hard about it and the reasons you’d want to. Is it to soothe your own conscience or to try to help them heal from the trauma you put them through?
Whatever happens, just accept it and move on. Don’t keep going at them to try to explain yourself or ask for some kind of forgiveness or whatever. That would just keep stirring it up, and you’d be bullying them all over again.
Victims of bullying often internalize the bullying, thinking they deserved it. They can carry it for the rest of their lives, leading to any number of emotional and social problems.
In many cases, bullying is trauma that never ends.” CaptHoneydew
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ, but I don’t personally think it’s a good idea. I’ve had people from my past reach out and I didn’t really know what to do with the apology. The damage from their actions and the trauma I carried and will probably carry for the rest of my life, were already there.
It also brought up old wounds. If an apology came at the time I could have maybe moved on, but after so long the apology is more for the perpetrator than the victim. The overwhelming shame you feel is a sign of growth, which is a good thing, but that overwhelming need to apologize seems largely to relieve your guilt. It doesn’t make you a jerk to want to relieve this guilt either IMO, I just don’t think it’s a good idea for the reasons above.
If you must, I agree it’s best to write a physical letter. Don’t mention anything about your son’s experience with bullying, and don’t try to provide any reasons for why you did it (it always just looks like excuses even if not intended that way). You could say that along with the bullying, you regret also not coming to the realization that your behavior was wrong earlier in life.
You could put something too about not wanting a response, but just wanting to apologize as you felt it was important. If they really want to respond they will anyway.” Conscious_Carry_9205
18. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Siblings Because I Have To Study?
“I am a senior-level college student being asked to ‘babysit’ my siblings (17 and 19) for a week during my finals week. One of them is going away to college very soon anyway and has to learn to be on their own regardless. The neighborhood is safe, they have security measures in the house, and it’s not like anyone’s going to break in.
I’ll also be in charge of pet sitting my siblings’ dog, whom I never have contact with unless I am pet sitting.
I really don’t want to get distracted during finals week and moving environments for studying is really difficult for me.
I’m really struggling to say no to this and don’t know if I’d be a jerk for focusing on myself and my studies. I do not live with these siblings, nor have I ever. It’s not like we’ve grown up side by side.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is absolutely ok to put your education first during a crucial time of your school year. They’re old enough to handle it by themselves. Tell your parents that you can’t babysit but you will absolutely be available if they need you. And if you can, could you at least make sure they don’t throw a wild party while your parents are gone? That could be their biggest concern… I hope.” kristiswright
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your parents are probably worried about them throwing parties or trashing the house. 17 and 19-year-olds don’t need constant supervision but it is good to have someone keeping an eye on things! Maybe offer to stop by every couple of days and check on them? Prioritize your studies, only offer what you can reasonably do, and stand by these boundaries.
It’s nice to help where possible but you shouldn’t be spending the whole week there right before finals.” Familiar_Doughnut713
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Don’t do it. First, one is an adult and the other is almost an adult. Second, your exams are more important than babysitting and petsitting.
If your parents don’t trust them, they can take them with them or send them somewhere, or get a babysitter or another adult.” Coco_Dirichlet
17. WIBTJ If I Secretly Shave My Head?
“I am a minor (hi) so my parents don’t make me pay for my own haircuts.
This Saturday I have a hair appointment I asked my mother to make after she got angry with me when I asked her to help me shave my head. She doesn’t want me to do anything to it even though it’s already been short for a while. So, my conundrum is that she is paying for a haircut that I feel I could easily do with my dad’s help at home without spending money because we already have clippers, but also she should maybe just let me shave my head at home?
I don’t know, help me.”
Another User Comments:
“Experimenting with hairstyles is a pretty common thing for young people to do. It’s a common first step into self-expression and identity because, well, it’s just hair! Dye it or chop it off, it’s low risk because it’ll grow back (usually). And it is normal to want to do that at your age.
Experimenting with your appearance etc. IMO, it’s a normal part of growing up. So no, NTJ. But she might get real mad (arguably also a part of growing up lol).” tiannatorres
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. One of the things about growing up is kids will try to take control of what they can in their lives. Hair is an easy one and as you grow up you should have a hairstyle you want.” Suspicious-Hat6285
16. AITJ For Being Annoyed By My Friend's Relationship?
“My 14F friend 14F and I have been perfectly fine on her end but on my end, it feels weird.
Now before you think oh she’s selfish just continue reading. This girl and I have been friends since kindergarten and she has gotten a significant other and I’m so happy for her. But now it seems all she wants to talk about is her SO and how loving he is etc and I’m just on FaceTime zoning out because I already know basically what she’s going to say.
I’ve asked her politely once can we go to a different subject and she did for like 5 min then went back to her SO. I hate having people just talk about how amazing their life is and how they have SOs, like who cares?
I’ve been politely trying to ask her to stop and talk about something else but no. I went over to her house 2 weekends ago and she invited her SO over so I had to hang with her sister.
I just feel left out. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m 25 and I have ‘friends’ who still act this way when they get into a new relationship. I would maybe confront her in a gentle way and say something like, ‘Hey I really want to prioritize our friendship, and I would love to talk about some of the other aspects of our lives right now.’ You could also always go the ‘it hurts my feelings and I feel a bit ignored’ route and make it clear that she can’t tell you how to feel.” riotgrrrl69
15. AITJ For Not Leaving The Job That Treated My Cousin Horribly?
“I (19F) got a job at a specialist’s office thanks to my cousin (42F), who was the manager at both locations of the practice. I was just recently out of work, so I was more than excited to receive this offer.
I accepted and began the week after Christmas.
Anyway, NYE came around and my family came over to celebrate. My cousin at some point had let it slip that the office I was working in was going to be shutting down at the end of May since the doctor that owns the practice would be retiring. She then told me that the other location would be staying open and that the practice would be transferring ownership to a sister company.
Finally, in March, the parent company decided to tell my office what was going on. We were all annoyed, we would all be jobless by the end of May since they wouldn’t let us transfer to the other office to keep our jobs. They even told my cousin that they didn’t need her, even though she had been doing this job for over fourteen years – she was useless to them.
I was livid, and I promised my cousin that I would stay with her throughout this. When she was going, I was too. Besides, my time as a receptionist was extremely detrimental to my mental health – it would be so bad that I would often cry on the drive home. So I was more than happy to leave.
Then, the week before she left, our medical assistant left. My cousin was going to take her place in the meantime, but she hated looking at gross things.
That’s when I stepped up to do it since I don’t mind looking at the gory stuff that would need to be cleaned up. And for the first time, I felt like I wasn’t just a waste of space.
Though once it was time for my cousin to leave, I was hesitant. I didn’t want to leave anymore and felt extremely conflicted. I had even asked my cousin what to do and she told me to do whatever made me happy.
I explained my conflict and she told me that I shouldn’t worry about that, and if I love the job, then I should stay. She assured me that she would be okay with me staying.
So I stayed. I got a promotion, and I now have enough saved up to move into an apartment by the end of July. Needless to say, I’m very excited. I have been telling everyone about my excitement, including my family at Easter breakfast. When my aunt (62) asked where I was getting the funds to afford the apartment, I said my job.
My other aunt (49) asked where I was working now, to which I told her that I was still at the same place. My cousin’s MIL just scoffed at me and said, ‘yeah we’ll see how long that lasts.’ And was just staring at me with such a negative glare, with a slight tone of disbelief. I might’ve been reading the situation wrong, but it seems like she was mad at me for staying in the job after they treated my cousin so poorly.
And now, I can’t help but think I’m a jerk.
So, am I the jerk for not leaving the job despite how horribly they treated my cousin?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you specifically talked with your cousin and she supported you that you should stay. That’s what matters here, if she changed her mind afterward or other people are sticking their nose into your business, that’s not your fault.
If your cousin is upset, after she said it was ok, then you need to talk to her and find out why she changed her mind. Anyone else…. Tell them… politely… to go screw.” Thisisthatguy99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your cousin isn’t mad at you so I don’t know why these other relatives are involving themselves. One has a point though. Be careful with your money because the company you’re working for could drop you quickly just like they did to your cousin.” Coffeeandcrimeglobal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Everyone experiences the same job/company differently and it sounds like you lucked out and found a job you are both good at and like. Sorry cousin lost her job and I hope she has found a new one.” Delicious_Wish8712
14. AITJ For Being Upset With My Friend For Sharing Photos Of My Daughter Without My Consent?
“I (23F) have a (3F) daughter and I am a single parent with very few friends so I need a second opinion.
I have a friend (25F) who I have known for nearly 7 years now that babysits my daughter while I am at work in the morning and I just found out that she has been taking photos of my daughter while taking care of her when she’s ‘being cute’ and has been sending them to a friend of hers that I have never met. I only found out that this has been happening because said friend shared one of the pictures with her coworker who recognized my daughter because of a noticeable genetic condition that she inherited from me and called me to ask if I had given birth in the past few years.
The coworker (22M) who was shown said photo used to be a foster brother of mine several years ago that I was particularly close with but drifted apart from around the time I became pregnant with my daughter. I was extremely upset to learn about this because I feel like my friend has no right to be sharing pictures of my baby with people I don’t know without my knowledge but when I confronted my friend she claimed that I was overreacting due to other issues this situation has brought up and that she knows and trusts the friend she sent them to.
Am I the jerk for being upset with my friend about this despite her being there for me for so long and doing me such a huge favor by babysitting my daughter while I work?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Oh God no. I understand wanting to take pictures with a kid you’re close to, but sending them to a stranger to the mom and then telling the mom that she’s overreacting?
You are more than allowed to not want those pictures to be shared with whatever restrictions you please – it’s your kid! The fact that it cycled through multiple people you don’t know is a problem.” Eastern_Amphibian385
Another User Comments:
“YTJ but only a little. If you want a boundary to be set you need to disclose that boundary. You should not expect everyone to have the same level of security standards you do and then get upset with them when they don’t… now you have full rights to not want your daughter’s pictures to be shared with people you don’t know or on social media platforms and you need to take ownership of this desire by explaining that BEFORE you leave her in the care of someone, not by getting upset after.
Your friend had no harm intended and I’m sure if you discussed your wishes calmly she will understand but probably was surprised by your behavior seeing as you never mentioned anything and went on the defensive.” PomegranatePuppy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I don’t think you’re a jerk for being upset but I don’t think this has to become a big deal. Just sit your friend down, and let her know that you’ve forgiven her about the photos but from now on you would not like her to send photos to anyone except to you.
If she refuses to do so, find another babysitter.” juiceboxfriend95
13. AITJ For Not Being Transparent With My Roommates?
“My partner (22, M) and I (23, F) live with my sister (19, F) and her partner (22, M). The house we are staying in belonged to my sister’s partner’s grandmother before she passed away about 2 years ago, after which it was promptly ‘gifted’ to him and my sister by his mother. The mother pays the insurance and mortgage on the house still.
All four of us living here split the utility bills equally and currently do groceries separately for the most part. My sister and her partner invited us to live with them to ‘save up and get back on our feet’ because the worldwide panini kicked our butts emotionally and financially.
Since living here, my mental health has absolutely tanked and I ended up starting therapy in early February of this year after developing an eating disorder that caused me to lose 50 lbs in ~6 months.
I was also diagnosed with Bipolar II.
During the downturn of my mental health, my partner and I began distancing ourselves from my sister and her partner, purely to try to help me manage my mental health and try to contain my blossoming eating disorder – which we were honest about with them. This still really upset my sister and her partner, as they wanted us with them all the time, and after many months of tension and pressure from them (that made my mental health much worse), my sis’s partner let it slip that they mainly let us move in to have friends and someone to entertain my sister while he worked long hours.
He said since we were pretty closed off these days, he almost didn’t see the point of allowing us to stay with them anymore.
This revelation from my sis’s partner was not a total surprise unfortunately because the moment we needed some space, they began treating us very coldly – ex: passively-aggressively mentioning all the times we turned down their offers to do stuff, reminding me of ‘my issues’ almost every time we speak, criticizing our financial habits/choices, repeatedly bringing up my food issues and how it inconveniences them because I had to start buying diff groceries from them, limiting the space we were allowed to take up in the kitchen with the groceries, and much, much more.
Any time my partner and I tried to initiate conversations to resolve these issues, my sister would storm off and lock herself away in the bathroom or their bedroom, and her partner would turn the conversation around on us and reiterate all of our ‘shortcomings’ as roommates.
I have relayed all this (and more) to my therapist, whose advice is to get out as soon as possible.
My partner and I are actively working to leave this situation because of the enormous toll it’s taking on my mental health and my ED recovery; however, I feel like I might be a jerk for not trying harder to stand up for myself, set boundaries, or have conversations with them to fix all of this…
AITJ for not being more forceful in my attempts to resolve our issues with our roommates?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it’s not fair for them to treat you like their need for temporary entertainment is more important than your rapidly declining mental health. if they want entertainment they can buy a tv, you can’t buy the ‘cure’ to mental illness. They also were cold to you when you wanted space. It also shouldn’t matter what the reason is for wanting space for them to give you that space.
You are not the jerk for putting your own safety and your own relationship with your partner above the entertainment of your sister and her partner.” nkcoibff
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, why subject yourself to unneeded stress. Your sister needs to grow up and get out of her head. She doesn’t seem to understand the concept that other people have issues and that she should be more empathetic.
Hope you work things out with your ED and Mental health.” avidwonders
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s only so much you can explain. Your therapist is right. Get out of there after sorting your financial issues. The sooner the better. They did help you at first but now they are just adding more to your plate.” ZealousidealAir8827
12. AITJ For Being Angry At My Friends For Siding With My Ex?
“My ex and I were in the same, very close-knit friend group in uni.
We had a very messy breakup with both sides very hurt, towards the end of it neither of us was even speaking to each other.
One of my closest friends, who I’ve known for 6 years started distancing from me and began to spend more time with my ex. To be fair, a month after our breakup she completely put her life on hold for me, moved into my room, etc just to make sure she could check up on me easily and be there for me but after that, it all went downhill and now 3 months later we don’t even say hi to each other.
I started being excluded from hangouts, group chats were made without me, etc, etc. My own friends would treat me like trash. It was all so horribly middle-school. They would invite me to places and then flake out last minute cus they just decided to go w my ex instead and we couldn’t be in the same place at once.
In the beginning, I asked everyone if they were going to choose the ex over me and they all assured me that they were neutral or on my side but now it’s so obvious that they’re more his friends than mine.
AITJ for being mad at them and expecting something more? I never expected them to cut him off I just wanted neutrality, to be treated the same as him. Am I expecting too much because they’re his friends too and he has a right?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is NO such thing as neutral friends. They must choose a side because friends cannot be completely neutral, and you shouldn’t expect them to be.
You will probably NEVER know why you are being bailed on by them. I personally feel losing friends in a breakup/divorce is hard. The only thing you can do is get up, dust off your jeans, and move on. It WILL hurt, there is no way it won’t.
You lost a partner, and friends to boot. A crappy, crappy place to be in – spend some time on yourself.
You will be surprised at how quickly you will find a GOOD friend or two. Those who you can keep out of the middle of the relationship with your partner – which honestly is where your friends should be. Speaking from experience, my heart goes out to you. I would normally say good luck, but in all honestly, you do not need it because you WILL be OK.” BrendaLouBrendaLou
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being upset about it – People forget that breaking up with friends can hurt just as much as romantic relationships. You have had a double whammy.” _dustypickles_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t help how you feel and it is an incredibly frustrating situation. One of my exes originally lived 200 miles away from me, moved to me and we were together for 3 years.
Introduced her to all my friends etc. When we split and she moved back south, I sort of took it for granted that my friends of 8 + years would either not pick a side, or be on my side (especially as my ex lied to me). Some were, but there were still a fair few that stopped talking to me and became her friends after the split.
Unfortunately, you can’t force people to be on your side, and stressing out over it won’t help you feel any better. It’s easier to accept that this is what’s happened, forget people who will easily forget you, and move on from the situation.” HannaaaLucie
11. AITJ For Telling A Kid I'm A Devil-Worshiper?
“I (28m) live in a big city and yard space for entertaining is a luxury. I inherited 10 acres of land from my grandfather which he bought in the 70s.
It’s a dream location for an Easter egg hunt and 90% of family events are held on my property. There are 2 houses on the property. The house that I had built 2 years ago and my grandfather’s house which has remained untouched since he passed away.
I am an Atheist and you will not catch me in a church but I have no problem celebrating religious holidays like easter if there is food involved. My dad and his wife are more active in church than most of the family.
My family was getting together for easter and my dad asked me as a favor to let his wife invite her church friends for an egg hunt after lunch. I reluctantly agreed.
This pious kid who I thought at the time was 12-13 for his size but I found out later is 9 asked me why I never go to church. Keep in mind I have never met this kid in my life so I can only assume he has heard something about me from my stepmom.
All I said was the church was not my thing. He asked why not. I said a different viewpoint and he wanted to know what religion I was. I said I do not belong to any religion and I consider myself an Atheist. He asked what is that and I said I do not believe in a higher power. From that conversation, he told me I was a devil worshiper.
I was like WHAT??!! I told him I sure was and in the house, he would see my animal sacrifices mounted on the wall. I told him everyone thinks I got those deer from hunting but they really are sacrifices. This kid lost his mind. He ran screaming to his mom I was a devil worshiper and sacrificed animals. He was crying with snot running down his face.
At first, my dad and stepmom did not get what the kid was saying because I don’t hunt. The deer mounted on the walls belonged to my grandfather. My dad asked why this kid thinks you are a devil worshiper. I told him the kid was nosy and made assumptions that I agreed with. I got yelled at by this kid’s parents. They are yelling at me red-faced and I cannot stop laughing telling me about my prosperity and that I’m evil.
I told them to go take their superstitious nonsense off my property.
I am getting into so much drama. Drama llama stepmom is saying I have humiliated her in front of the entire church and she will never forgive me. I told her I don’t care and reminded her I only tolerate her. My dad wrote a public apology on his social media on my behalf.
There was some backlash from the family and he deleted it. I feel a family meeting coming on which I won’t subject myself to.
AITJ for agreeing with this little brat about his assumptions? I really think they overreacted. I might have taken it too far with the deer sacrifice.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
The kid’s 9 and you’re talking about him like he’s a full-grown adult.
He’s parroting things his parents and Sunday school teachers told him, not some irredeemable reprobate. You could have simply explained that no, just because people have different beliefs doesn’t mean that they worship the devil. Kids learn that their parents’ prejudices are wrong by interacting with people who don’t conform to what their parents say about them. You’re almost 20 years older than him and you acted like a playground bully.
Grow up.” FrederickChase
Another User Comments:
“Both you and the child sucked, but he is nine and you are 28. As an adult hanging around kids, your one job is to just keep the peace. If the kid says something rude, laugh it off then bring it up with the parents later. Instead, you made a nine-year-old cry, and are somehow proud of that fact.
Even if it wasn’t your fault the NINE-YEAR-OLD cried, you should still apologize to the parents, as it’s your event and you’re partially responsible for bad stuff happening, but it was ENTIRELY your fault, and you should absolutely apologize.
Yea what the kid said was rude, but again, he is nine. And instead of having the emotional maturity to take one rude comment from a child, you instead ruin your event because you had to get your ‘witty’ own in. And then after seeing a nine-year-old cry, instead of thinking ‘maybe I went a little too far’, you DOUBLE DOWN?
Absolutely YTJ.” Vast-Oven8271
Another User Comments:
“Definite jerk in this situation. You took an opportunity to teach a curious child who had likely only been exposed to a single church and one set of ideas for this whole life and crapped all over it. As an atheist, I know it can sometimes be exhausting having to explain yourself and your beliefs to people who aren’t open to them, but you’ve reinforced bad religious ideas in a child who is now just going to fear people like you.
Always approach conversations like that with as much patience and compassion as you can, even if you’re not being met with it. You could have even just excused yourself for literally any reason rather than take the opportunity to bully a literal child who sounds like they’re asking earnest questions.” lines_down_im_down
10. AITJ For Destroying A Relationship?
“I (13F) was talking to a boy (15M), also don’t worry he’s a year older, my birthday is just late in the year.
We were talking for a couple of weeks and we really liked each other. We ALWAYS talked and flirted and did other couple things. Just to clarify we were not a couple. The other day I was on social media and I just decided to check his tagged posts. I see that a day before he was tagged in some girl’s post. So I click on her profile and scroll to her posts from July and I see all his flirty comments, so I assume she is an ex or ex-fling, something along those lines.
But I was confused as to why he was tagged in her most recent post. I, being the nosy person I am searched her up on VSCO, and found a picture of them together in March 2021. This was April 2022 so I thought nothing of it. Still, I was confused about the post.
So still being nosy I searched her up on TikTok and found a video of them together just the night before.
I scrolled and found all his flirty comments and everything. I was understandably upset. I saw that she and I both followed and were followed on social media by a guy I snapped once or twice earlier in the year. So I decided to text him. I said something along the lines of, ‘Hey I know we don’t know each other but I need you to do me a favor.
We both follow a girl and I think she and I are with the same guy. Can you please text her and ask if she’s single or talking to anyone.’ He agreed and texted her.
Not surprised when I found out they were in fact talking and used to go out for 7 months but broke up and were talking again. I confronted him and was immediately blocked on everything, Snapchat, socials, TikTok, and he blocked my number.
The guy who I had asked to text her made a group chat with us. She and I found out that we had been played by this guy. She told me that she blocked and unadded the boy. I feel as if I ruined their relationship, even though I knew nothing about her during my time with him. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
It’s his fault, not yours or hers and you didn’t do anything wrong because you didn’t know and when you did the first thing you did was find a way to tell/inform her.” Deer-Sage
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This new age of technology and your age, I can see checking him out online. He is a ‘player’ and will probably be for a long time. You can do much better, he is a ‘liar.’
You do realize you are not going to end up marrying guys you meet at this age right? Teen/early 20s and for someone like me 30s is when you find qualities you want in someone.
Go out until the relationship fizzles, take a break and when the next partner comes knocking, you have a better idea about what qualities you want in a partner.
NEVER rush into a ‘relationship’ with someone because you don’t want to be alone, or that you must be a loser without a partner. You do not realize how strong you really, are and how much you learn about yourself during those time frames.
THAT is when you work on yourself, to learn to be happy in your own skin.
Love is an exploration at this age and each breakup makes you that much STRONGER. Have intense love and breakups and grow from them. My heart is with you.” BrendaLouBrendaLou
9. AITJ For Telling On My Brother-In-Law To His Parents?
“My BIL (23) has always had an explosive temper. He was kicked out of his parents’ for verbally abusing my MIL, and I’ve seen it when he helped my husband out on jobs. I’m good friends with his wife, L. They have had many issues and it seems to be escalating. She is very much a devout Baptist and doesn’t believe in divorce, but she is considering leaving him.
He is extremely controlling and emotionally manipulative towards her.
For example, she recently became pregnant and wanted a pizza Lunchable. Instead of getting her one, he called her childish and told her to grow up. He is also talking to other women online, saying he wants to do things that he won’t even do with L. A few days ago, she asked me to talk to him about it, because she is afraid to.
I messaged him, very respectfully, and told him they needed counseling, and that he needed to work on his temper, or he was going to lose her. He responded by telling me his family only liked me because I had a kid with their son, and called me a witch.
My husband was LIVID. My BIL refused to answer my husband’s calls and texted him saying we were both snowflakes who couldn’t handle the truth.
L then messaged me, saying BIL was going to run to mommy and daddy saying I was nasty toward him. His parents already don’t like me and talk about me behind my back (they do it with L too) because I have rainbow hair, and tattoos, don’t go to church, and moved in with/had a baby with their son out of wedlock.
I called my MIL and sent her the screenshots while I was on the phone with her, and told her the way her son spoke to me was unacceptable.
She hung up on me and refused to call me back, just messaged me saying she was busy. She has been very cool towards me since when she decides to speak to me. I know at some point she will go off on my husband for this because she always bottles stuff up. It seems like she thinks her baby boy can do no wrong and blames me because she doesn’t like me.
I spoke to a friend of mine, and she said I’m a total jerk for sending the messages to his parents, and that we should have dealt with it on our own. I only did it so that I could get to them before BIL did because I knew they’d believe him and hate me more. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your BIL is a controlling, manipulative jerk who mistreats his wife and is scared to confront your husband because he won’t face someone who can fight back.
Your MIL knows the truth but wants to believe a lie instead. Your SIL needs real help, which you can give her if she wants it. But forget about your in-laws dealing with this guy; a police officer will probably need to speak with him instead.” ChapSteve711
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your SIL literally said she is afraid to speak to her own husband about her feelings.
You should do everything you can to support women in a domestic abuse situation, and informing his parents is sensible, in the hope that someone will be able to tame his temper.
You didn’t lie or deliberately set him up out of pettiness or your own feelings. He acted this way, and if running to his mommy and daddy hurts his feelings, then he has to face the consequences of his actions!
If it didn’t work and they aren’t on board, then at least you and SIL know where you stand. Keep helping her get out of this horrible situation.” Original-Winter9334
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In-laws are family and this is the kind of thing a family unit is supposed to come together to solve. The fact that these people are devout and ‘believers’ makes their behavior even more reprehensible.
If I were you I’d be running away and not looking back. If my husband didn’t want to go with me I wouldn’t change my mind. People like this also will not go to counseling and cannot be reasoned with. Don’t waste your time on that.” Impossible_Milk_8553
8. AITJ For Cursing In Front Of Children?
“I was at Taco Bell with my friends, waiting in line for our turn, and I said a swear word.
They looked around and pointed at the kids in line in front of us and said quietly, ‘There are children here.’ I just looked at them and said ‘I don’t want to modify the way I speak just because there are kids here.’ So we had a long talk about it when we got back to their place and they said they didn’t want to make kids uncomfortable when we’re around them.
I just don’t think cursing in front of kids is that big of a deal. It’s just words, and they hear them all the time on the radio, in movies, and at school. I’m not cursing at them, and I’m not letting out a huge string of curse words either.
It’s not that I don’t care if I make them uncomfortable, I just don’t think that’s the case.
And if it is the case, I think it’s the parents’ job to speak up and set that boundary, not mine to modify what I’m doing because it may cause offense. I spent my entire childhood doing that, and I honestly don’t want to do it any longer. And for me, that’s the crux of the issue. Cursing is part of the freedom I have that I never did before, and I don’t want to stifle myself unnecessarily.
However, I wondered… am I just clearly in the wrong here? IS it really hurting children, as they believe, if I swear in front of them?
ETA: Because there is some confusion – I did not and would never swear at the children or anybody else for that matter. What I said was a swear word followed by ‘that is adorable!’ to something one of my friends showed me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – everything you say is true and I totally agree with you. On the flip side, in common courtesy as per most societies, certain words carry the weight of disagreement as such can be frowned upon. You have to remember, these other parents aren’t wrong either. This will mainly depend on the circle of people you are in at each time.” badreligionlover
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Have some courtesy, to EVERYONE. People only use curse words when they don’t have the vocabulary to use some other word instead. (I.e., not smart) as my English teacher told me in high school. I personally HATE hearing curse words and I am 52 and my dad was a TRUCK DRIVER. People should be more polite to you and from you in EVERY situation, not just language.
You will get more from others speaking with honey than cursing at them. Who wants to help someone when they just let out a swear word directed at them.” BrendaLouBrendaLou
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not the only person who is probably cursing in front of them just that hour that day, IMO you can’t shield kids from things like that. The trick is to focus on the parenting part of this and teach your children that you can hear it, but that doesn’t mean it should be repeated. And that eventually when they’re older and can actually understand what the word means and the impact you can make by saying it, that then they can consider if by knowing what it means and the impact if the risk outweighs whatever they think would benefit them from saying it.” adge4real
7. AITJ For Telling My Family I'm An Atheist?
“My mom grew up in a very fundamentalist midwestern Christian community for most of her life and moved to the east coast in college in order to start a new life without as many strict religious rules and expectations.
She met my dad, they had me and my brother, and while they raised us to believe in God, we never went to church or did services except for weddings, baptisms and funerals and I was okay with that. Then when I was 11, my mom’s mom, my grandma, passed away after a 9-year battle with cancer. This angered me because while I wasn’t religious my grandma was VERY involved with her church and was considered saintly in the community for helping out, working services, etc. She did not pass away peacefully, let’s just say that, and I was so angry that someone who dedicated her life to God so much died such a slow, painful passing, and I renounced religion at her service (privately to myself).
Over the years, I got over it and moved on until my mom was diagnosed with cancer 4 years after my grandma’s passing. I didn’t pray to God, instead hoped the many doctors, nurses, and specialists could do everything they could and they did for almost 8 years before my mom succumbed as well. It was a very traumatic experience and, my dad, my brother, and I were with her till the end.
After my mom passed, her family came out for her funeral as I expected. They asked me if I prayed for her health and I said no, I renounced my religion and prayed more to the doctors who kept her alive and comfortable as long as they did. Apparently, this was the wrong answer, as this created a major controversy and I was told I think my mother is nothing because there is no afterlife and I disrespected her memory.
My dad thinks I have a right to believe what I want but he thinks it was the wrong place, the wrong time.
AITJ?
EDIT: I do not wanna come off as disrespectful to people who are religious and do believe. I honestly renounced my beliefs due to my own personal impact on them and I don’t wanna come off as shaming you or my relatives.
That wasn’t my intention when they asked if I was praying for my mom’s health. The doctors who took care of my mom were amazing and so kind and helpful, many were with us from the beginning, and I wanted to put my faith in them who could give us clear methods and straightforward answers. I really don’t want this to come off as shaming religion because you can believe what you want and if it works for you?
Perfect. But in my own experience, it hasn’t worked for me which is why I’m where I’m at now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They asked you to answer.
Those who tell you it was bad timing, should keep in mind that those relatives of yours asked, and there’s nothing that particular type of religious person loves as much as an opportunity to let others know how much they pray and shame others for not praying enough.
Had they (the askers) been appropriate, they would have just said they had been praying for your mom and will pray for her soul. They wouldn’t have asked about the status of your prayer meter.
I’m an atheist, too. When things are out of our hands, we hold on to hope. Religious people express hope through prayer, ritual, ceremony, etc. as fitting with their particular religion.
The rest of us just have a more abstract sort of hope. I am happy to receive what I consider hope and well-wishes from religious people in the form of prayer, because I know that’s what it is – well-wishes. I am not happy to be told that I should be praying, too.
The way they asked you whether you’d been praying, there was only one correct answer – the one that would have been a lie.
And lying – especially to seem more devout than you are – is also considered a sin in their eyes. You could not have won this one. It was a gotcha trap. I promise you, religious people do come in a lot less toxic version than this. I am so sorry you had to suffer the toxic kind at such a raw and vulnerable time.
My condolences, too, to both your mom and grandma. I can’t imagine how emotionally exhausted you must be at this point. Have some hugs from an internet stranger.” JemimaAslana
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You shouldn’t lie about your beliefs to make others comfortable. However, I’m sure your family felt a little blindsided by it considering how important it is to them and they believed you as well.” Classic_Special7045
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I consider myself Christian, I don’t do a whole lot of the churchy stuff. I pray, I read my bible, I go to Christmas service, the usual stuff. If people ask what I believe I’ll tell them. But when it comes to tragic events, I have never asked somebody if they prayed throughout the event lol.
The most religious thing I’d say in a time like that is ‘sorry for your loss, I’m praying for you and your family,’ because typically people don’t take it the wrong way.
What her family did is stupid tbh.” Bishcop3267
6. AITJ For Sitting In Someone Else's Seat?
“I (17M) am a senior in high school. I am a member of my school’s music program, I have been playing the Alto Saxophone for 5, almost 6, years. The girl that sits next to me in class (18F, I’m gonna call her Kylie) also plays the alto saxophone, and she has been for 2 years now. Kylie and I were somewhat friends throughout 10th and 11th grade, however, more recently, she has been out of control and talking about everyone behind their backs, and blowing up on people over minor inconveniences, so I stopped being friends with her.
To those of you that do not know, seating is a very important thing to classical ensembles. In December, our director had everyone play an excerpt from ‘Sleigh Ride’ by Leroy Andersen in front of the entire class. Neither of us performed perfectly, however, there was a noticeable difference in my ability and hers. For the next 3 months, every day she actually showed up to school, which is like twice a week, three times if she was in a good mood, she would yell at me and tell me to ‘sit in the right seat you immature witch’ until one day when I went to go to the bathroom before class, and when I came back I watched her pick up my saxophone and move it.
Naturally, this annoyed me because I don’t like other people touching my instrument.
After seeing this, I decided I was fed up with her nonsense so I went up to the band director and told her about everything that Kylie was doing. She sat down in a practice room with both of us and told her to stop being immature, and she checked the seating chart to put the argument to rest. As it turned out, she had put her in the seat above me (even though after asking everyone else, they thought I was in the right seat), which I had no issue changing, I apologized to her and told her it wouldn’t happen again and I was sorry for not listening to her.
Here we are, 2 weeks later (today, less than 2 hours ago), and I get a message from her on Snapchat. It’s a long message, like, a really long message. She basically yelled at me because I never gave up the 1st saxophone part to her because I never was told to, and playing over her solo, that was never even given to her, yet she is ever so passionate about, yet she never bothers to bring home her instrument (it has not left the building since November) or even show up to school.
She also told me that it was a ‘4th-grade thing’ to tell the band director that she was touching my instruments, something very strictly against the department policy, and swearing at me every day over a chair. Also, this is in the advanced wind ensemble, which is the one she was told very strictly not to join at the end of last school year.
Also, she deadnamed one of my transgender friends in the hateful message I received from her.
So, AITJ for sitting in the wrong seat? I know this is really childish, but I wanna hear opinions from people that don’t know me IRL and automatically have a bias towards me.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Obviously, you know Kylie is an immature brat.
But your behavior is also bizarre.
How did you not know where you stood after ‘Sleigh Ride’? The band director would have clearly articulated the seating to you at that point, or if there was to be a change. This went on for 3 months before you checked a seating chart? I’ve been part of advanced orchestra and chamber music groups in high school and college, this discrepancy for weeks, let alone months, makes no sense.
After every challenge you know where you’re sitting. This is the most important thing in music groups.
Regardless of how Kylie acted, her behavior is sort of understandable if she thought every single day you were deliberately sitting in her seat — which you kind of were. Moving your sax is not a capital offense, and I can understand after 3 months why she might do that.
Did you actually know it was her seat or not?
If Kylie doesn’t show up to school or practice her instrument, why is she in the advanced ensemble? Why was she placed ahead of you? Why was none of this clear from the start, or when her behavior and telling you ‘you’re in my seat’ persisted, did you not clear it up earlier?
Kylie is obviously a jerk but struggling to understand why you persisted in not fixing this situation.” Independent-Length54
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Kylie’s definitely a jerk and you absolutely did the right thing by taking the issue to the band director when she handled your instrument without permission. Her Snapchat temper tantrum is just embarrassing.
That said, if you’ve been in the band for years, you know that the first saxophone part isn’t yours and should have given it up when the director confirmed you were in the wrong seat.
You said seating is very important and that despite you thinking you play better, the director seated Kylie above you. Yet you say you weren’t told you needed to give the first part to Kylie. You weren’t told specifically to do so because that’s what the chairs mean and you know that, so it was a little petty not to.” ChurlishSunshine
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, you constantly talked about how she doesn’t show up to school, doesn’t take her instrument home, isn’t a great player YET she still received the seat over you.
Yeah, she has her own issues and is in no way right in how she is acting but I think your reactions, the nonsense excuse of not knowing to not play over her part, and the seating in general stems from jealousy if anything.
While bad-mouthing her on this post you basically pointed out that the girl does the absolute bare minimum and still plays better than you.
Self-reflection time.” Shareesav
5. AITJ For Making My Wife's Brother Take An Uber To The Airport?
“We live in the southwest suburbs of Chicago, and my brother-in-law booked a last-minute trip to Cancun last week with his fiance, also made it a point to tell us it was +/- $2500 for the two, with airfare, all-inclusive resort for the week. Awesome! Good for you! I was off all winter (I’m in construction and it was slooowwww) so now I’m finally back to work.
I get home from work, and my wife says ‘I have to drive BIL and fiance to O’Hare tomorrow at 7 am’. I say God no, as I’m currently working near O’Hare, and from our house to O’Hare is easily a 90-minute ride, in rush hour traffic, on an expressway that is under awful road construction (keep in mind I drive it EVERY DAY) and there are constantly accidents because of this.
My beautiful, caring wife has a hard time saying ‘no’ to anybody, so she therefore agreed, no questions asked. Now, the kicker… WE HAVE A 3-YEAR-OLD. This isn’t the first, second, third, or 4th time they’ve put her on the spot for a free ride to the airport, with my son tagging along for a 3-hour car ride on one of the worst stretches of expressways in the country (I made my opinions known on the previous free rides).
So tonight, I put my foot down. I believe if he has no problem dropping almost $3k for the vacation, then by all means he can handle the $80 uber ride in a car that doesn’t involve my kid. I may have been brash, but I voiced my concern and she asked ‘am I supposed to tell him no?’ My response was ‘absolutely’, and she didn’t think I was serious.
I told her either you text him to take an uber or I will, the only difference is you’ll be nicer about it. So, now she’s annoyed at me because she had to tell her brother no at the last minute, I’m annoyed they continue to put her on the spot. Also, I made her change her answer 2 years ago when they did the same thing to her, except it was in January and a snowstorm and they didn’t get the idea then.
Soooooo AITJ?
Edit: BIL’s request was to have my wife (his sister) drive them, and since I’ll be working, she would have to drag our 3-year-old son on an 80+ mile, 3+ hour, 7 am rush hour commute on an incredibly dangerous expressway that has about a 10 mile stretch of construction, multiple accidents on a daily basis, and pepper in a regular Chicagoland expressway shooting in the mix.
After him telling me how it was nearly $3k for their all-inclusive vacation to a resort in Cancun, then sneakily asking my wife for a 7 am free cab ride while I’m at work (he was here yesterday for Easter dinner, part of me thinks he purposely waited until I wasn’t around to text her and ask), you’re right it annoyed me to the point where either she tells him nicely that he will have to find another ride that doesn’t put my son in danger, or I will, and my version of it wouldn’t be as cordial.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is Chicago. It has one of the best mass transit systems in the country. If they don’t want to Uber, they can use rail. Granted I’m not absolutely positive how early the trains start, but I’ve gone from airport to suburb multiple times on the trains. They can also pay for parking and drive themselves. Multiple options.
Your wife shouldn’t be volunteering with you. But is that a typo? It looks like you’ve written that you’re currently working near O’Hare unless you meant to write ‘nowhere near.’ If it’s a 20-minute inconvenience because you work in the same area, then you kind of are a jerk for not driving them. But if it means you have a 3-hour drive and then have to get to work after, that’s a massive imposition and your wife should not have expected you to do it.” MyFaceSaysItsSugar
Another User Comments:
“I’m very conflicted on this. On the one hand, your BIL is absolutely taking advantage of your wife’s kindness. And if he has the $2500 to spare on the last-minute vacation, he absolutely has money to pay for a taxi to the airport as well. So if this post was written by your wife wanting to know if she was the jerk for telling her brother no, I’d tell her she wasn’t.
On the other hand, there’s something quite paternalistic and unsettling about the way you describe the situation. You forced her to say no. You don’t want her driving those roads where you say there’s lots of construction and accidents. You’ve forced her to say no before.
I think as a father, it’s okay for you to say that you don’t want your kid in the car for an unnecessary 3 hour round trip on a bad road.
You, the kid’s dad, are well within your right to say that. But your wife is a fully grown adult. If she wants to make that drive, you don’t really have a right to tell her no. You don’t have a right to interfere with her relationship with her brother either. You can express concern, but you can’t force an outcome. She’s a human being with autonomy, who may occasionally do things you don’t approve of.
You can see that her brother is taking advantage of her kindness. Do you ever think maybe you unintentionally take advantage of it too? It seems like you have a stronger will and more backbone than her. I can’t imagine her being able to easily stand up for herself in minor disagreements with you.
Very hesitant ‘everyone sucks here’, by which I mean you for the paternalism, your BIL for taking advantage, and your wife for not standing up to either of you.” bleepybleeperson
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he’s taking advantage of your wife who doesn’t have the heart to say no to something she really doesn’t want to do. You’re concerned about the safety of your child. It’s not about having control like a lot of the raging feminists that you find on the internet cos it’s got nothing to do with that cos you’ve clearly said you don’t control her time for anything until now cos it concerns the safety of your child.
If he can brag about how much he spends on his last-minute vacation he can drop more money on an Uber to make it to his expensive vacation.” LiveKangaroo8201
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your wife sucks because she doesn’t have the nerve to tell her own brother no, that’s too much to ask for with a three-year-old son.
Your BIL sucks because he doesn’t have the forethought to take care of his own trip to the airport.
You suck in many ways and are a jerk if nobody else sucked here.
You suck because apparently, you drive very close to the O’Hare airport – every day for work. You could take them in. Sure, you might have to get up a little bit earlier. But you could drive them to the airport.
You also suck, because you told your wife – no way is she going to drive to the airport.
But then you’re making her tell her brother. This is the part where you get to play the white knight, the hero, and rescue your wife. Sure, she doesn’t have the nerve to tell him herself? Well, you do. And that’s where you come in. And you let her down.” Capital-Western8687
4. AITJ For Using The Salad Spinner As A Dryer?
“I (26F) have lived with my husband (27M) for 2 years (have been married for 10 months).
I am a large woman and my undergarments are extremely expensive, as well as easily damaged by the machine dryer. I have been air drying them for years, but recently read online that using a salad spinner dries them out quite nicely and doesn’t take nearly as long. I have been doing this for four months with my CLEAN undergarments fresh out of the wash.
Today, I was doing laundry and my husband saw me spinning my individual undergarments. He asked if this was the same salad spinner that I dry our greens with, and I said yes. I explained to him that I only put clean ones in there and also wash the salad spinner afterward, but he insisted that I was disgusting for using this trick and that putting my garments in a utensil we put our food in is a health and safety hazard.
He also vowed to never eat my salads again if I put the greens in the spinner.
Am I the jerk for putting my undergarments in the salad spinner to dry them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m guessing he has no issue using a dish towel or hand towel washed in the same load of laundry as your undergarments. He probably has no issue wiping his mouth on said towels after he brushes his teeth.
So why get skeeved out over clean garments in a food prep bowl. If you had a splinter in your foot and needed to soak it in an Epsom soak to draw it out, would he freak out over using a kitchen bowl? It gets washed after. It’s just life. Things get dirty, then we clean them. Rinse. Repeat.” Girl_with_no_Swag
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here
It’s not really a health hazard from what I can tell, but because it’s kind of an unusual use of a shared item that is used for food, I would have run it by the other person. I feel like it was a little inconsiderate to just do it.
But, I can see why you assumed it wouldn’t be a big deal since it’s hygienically pretty similar to using a dish towel to dry the salad spinner.
It’s just clean fabric. So I think he was cruel to say it was ‘disgusting’, instead of just saying he’s not comfortable with it and asking you not to do it anymore, or even replacing the spinner.” Extension_Ad_972
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in my opinion. It’s clean undergarments in the spinner, and you wash the spinner afterward. When your husband is drying after getting out of the shower, does he have new and separate towels to dry his butt?
People are somewhat strange about some things. I work in retail, and I had a customer that was very picky… she didn’t want her new, unopened package of fragile garments in the same bag as her toilet paper and didn’t want her can of dog food in the same bag with her other food. I also know people that wash their caps in the dishwasher.” Baganthaal
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, simply because another lives in your house and uses the utensil. You don’t just get to decide to use food prep utensils to dry your undergarments without talking to the other person who eats food prepared from said utensil.
Also, as someone with expensive undergarments, this just sounds ridiculous. I can just imagine a hook or a bit of lace getting stuck in something and damaging the item.” Awkward_Un1corn
3. AITJ For Losing Patience On My Roommate?
“My roommate is Indian born/raised but we live in the US.
When we first moved in, he planned to have a car but didn’t & never told me. I get it if he can’t get a car but because of that he fully expected me to furnish everything. He offered to help how he can but obviously didn’t mean it based on everything you’re about to read. He didn’t help at all in finding stuff (mostly the social media market).
He messaged maybe a few people (guessing like 10). I literally messaged ~3-400 people. He didn’t help with any arrangements despite always being at the apt.
When I got some art, I asked for help to carry some from the car & he seemed annoyed. When I hung it up after some time (took me a few weeks bc I got robbed), he said something like ‘oh you finally hung them up’.
Never offered to help even though we discussed wanting things before
When I got a coffee table, it also took some time because bc I had to fix it with power tools/one tool was stolen in the burglary. The first thing he said after bringing it finished to apt was about him not liking it (even though he said he liked it before I bought it.) When I was dealing with the burglary and gone for a few days, he didn’t clean any of my stuff but basically said he was cleaning stuff but gave up because I didn’t a few weeks later when I was back.
After this talk, he would unload some stuff but very idiotically (cups near edge, things in obviously wrong spot, things thrown to back, food bag smashed in cabinet). I also gave him more storage space than I have, so if my stuff isn’t put properly, I literally can’t fit stuff on the shelf.
The above happened at least 3x, & then I brought it up to him and he denied it right away, saying ‘that’s never happened before’ & he didn’t notice.
Every time I bring things up, he first denies it. One time I gave a specific example of a second time in response & he said ‘oh now you are keeping track of me?’
1 time (after calling me out) he told me not to move his pan. I responded by saying something like ‘okay but can you clean it/the counter?’ He freaked out & said how I never clean my stuff in a timely manner, the spills were all mine (even though I rarely cooked then), & then got really passive-aggressive & was like ‘oh I am so sorry to disturb you.
It’s all my fault’.
1 time my parents came to visit. My roommate got home & said nothing to my parents. My parents felt so uncomfortable they left 15 minutes later. Also weird bc my mom had met him before & picked him up before to bring him to an apartment showing.
So, am I crazy for being massively triggered by all of this? Any tips? Going to bring this up with him soon.”
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. It seems like you never talked about your expectations and duties in the household. When I was living in a flat with roommates I would never think about cleaning stuff from other people… you can’t expect that. If it got too gross the dirty dishes moved to their rooms. And if you decide to put up art you can’t expect him to help.
Your expectations are too high and you need to have a conversation about household stuff and boundaries. He kind of seems annoyed with you as well. So maybe look at what you do as well…” Remote-Equipment-340
Another User Comments:
“Soft NTJ.
If your roommate is from a different country, he might not know how to shop around for furniture or even care about furniture. The cleaning and parents thing might be cultural, doesn’t mean you can deny fault and be passive-aggressive though.
In general, your issues with him do not seem major enough to break the lease, I think you’re annoyed with a conflict-averse individual with very poor communication skills. Roommate issues can seem VERY BIG though so I empathize, I’ve had my share of bad roommates. If breaking the lease is very easy, hope you can!
I would suggest you set some clear boundaries, separate your life as much as you can and get a new roommate when possible.
Best of luck!” EasyPoet4491
Another User Comments:
“Honestly these are very small miscommunications.
You sound like you want him to act like your partner and not a roommate.
‘He cleaned but didn’t clean my stuff,’ ‘he won’t help unload the car,’ ‘he didn’t talk to my parents when they visited.’
He’s your roommate, not your wife.
This is a lack of communication and lack of boundaries from BOTH sides.” Shareesav
2. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Parents For Opening My Package?
“I’m a 31-year-old man who lives on the property behind my parents’ place, and I frequently get packages delivered such as records and housewares, etc…
I ordered them a new remote for their tv as it was broken, and paid for it (it cost next to nothing, just wanted to do something small for my parents.)
I walked over and asked them if a package arrived for me, they said yes it did, and they opened it and it worked. I immediately asked them to not open packages addressed to me, and the response was ‘oh we felt it and it felt like a remote, plus we were waiting for it.’
Later on, I went back over and I brought it up that they broke my trust, where I was met with responses along the lines of ‘it’s the first and last time’, ‘we only opened it because we were expecting it’, ‘what are you hiding from us?’ and I said it’s not about that, it’s about my parents breaking my trust and privacy.
At that point, my mother told me to shut up, and that she was sick of my attitude.
I’m 31, live in the back property by myself, pay my bills, pay my rent, live my life, am open about my life to my parents, and all I expect is that my privacy is respected. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Did you tell your parents that you had purchased them a new remote before it arrived?
If you did, then I don’t see why you care whether they opened it or not, since it WAS for them. I can understand if they were opening your mail on a regular basis, but it kinda sounds this was a ‘one-off’, and you’re just nitpicking. If you’re so concerned about your packages being opened, order from Amazon, and have them delivered at one of the ‘drop-off” locations’.” Noneya_Biddness
Another User Comments:
“I kinda feel like YTJ because it just happened once and only because they knew what the item was. It kinda sounds like when you brought it up they understood your concerns and were willing and ready to move on while respecting your boundaries. You kept going with it unnecessarily. If this was a pattern or if they did it again after you explicitly asked them not to, THAT would be different.
But you don’t say this ever happened before, which leads me to believe it was the first time they’ve ever done it.
So this is what you’re getting so upset over? The first time they’ve ever done it? Where they were expecting a package from you for them? And they seemingly agreed to move on and not do it again? Come on.
Like you never made a mistake. Please.” tiannatorres
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But also not a surprising series of events. Like yeah it’s rude to open someone else’s mail but they were expecting a package for them to come in your name, it’s not this insane overreach. I think expecting big privacy when you are 31 and live on their property just isn’t that realistic.” CategoryReasonable67
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It was just a misunderstanding and you are holding on to your grudge unnecessarily. If they were to continue opening your mail after you’ve clarified your boundaries then they would be wrong, but not when it was just a misunderstanding.” Sure_Finger2275
1. AITJ For Getting Angry At My Dad For Making A Joke Out Of My Fears?
“My (15f) parents’ (38m and 38f) relationship has been a bit rough these past couple of days. They still very much love each other and there are no signs of divorce or anything drastic but they have been arguing a lot. And last time they argued my dad took it too far. I was upstairs playing games on my pc while my sister (11f) was on hers.
My parents went out to get supplies for an event we had the next day. I wasn’t sure what happened but my mom returned home by herself. She was pulling out supplies when she turned to me and said ‘Papi is walking home. He jumped out of the car at the drive-thru and told me he was walking home after an argument.’
I was shocked and she told me she had to leave again.
There was one more place she needed to stop by. So she left again. She brought us food but I ate it so fast out of stress eating. Something about my dad is that he is narcissistic. He thinks he’s indestructible but I know he isn’t and yes our neighborhood is very good but my anxiety went through the roof.
I opened our garage and waited for him.
After 10 mins I broke down panicking. I wanted to leave to go look for him, I knew the general area of where he could be, but my sister was home and I knew I couldn’t leave. I broke down crying pacing the garage and after another 20 mins, he got home. I ran into his arms and hugged him. Then told him how stupid he was.
Here’s how the convo went.
‘NEVER do that again you had me worried.’ Keep in mind I’m still bawling my eyes out.
‘Worried? About what it’s me we are talking about,’ he said with a chuckle.
‘YOU NEVER KNOW PAPI!’ At this point, I’m shouting.
‘OP you are crying for nothing,’ he said at this point laughing.
I told him I couldn’t stand looking at him and ran upstairs.
I can’t forgive him. I’ve never felt fear like that before in my life. The next two days I gave him a bit of a cold shoulder and my mom told me it was not my battle and I should forgive him and that I’m being a jerk for holding a grudge that isn’t mine.
Am I?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I got mad at a lot of irrational things when I was 15!
This seems a bit of an overreaction but it seems there is more to the situation and more on your mind. I also struggle with anxiety and definitely recommend therapy, you might have to shop around to find one that you mesh with.” Ok-Struggle3367
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Also, you seem to be all about the drama. Seriously. A freak out over a grown adult deciding to walk home in order to cool down after an argument?
You sure you weren’t looking in the mirror when you diagnosed someone as narcissistic?” Foggyswamp74
