People Are Apologetic In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Do House Chores Anymore?
“I am a 30F who is in a relationship with a 36M. We have been living together for 5 years. In general, we are very compatible except for house chores.
Even when I was working full time and I was more hours than him outside of the house I was expected to do all house chores. I tried dividing them many times but he never did them. Once he was 3 months not cleaning the bathroom…
Now I am disabled so I cannot work outside of the house so I became the homemaker. He works full time and we live at my family’s house so we don’t pay rent. I do everything at home despite my illnesses and pain: clean and tidy the house, do the dishes, do all the paperwork of the house, pay the bills, plan all the meals, do groceries (mostly online), cook, do all the mental load, take care of the dogs, etc. My partner occasionally does things like going to the groceries but he does not know what we need so unless I make a list he just brings candy home never useful things.
He helps occasionally throwing the garbage (it’s too much for me) but only if I nag nonstop for weeks. He has not walked the dogs or taken care of them in about three years after I stopped nagging him about it.
At some point, I accepted that I was never going to be anything else in life due to my disabilities and made peace with doing house chores.
It made it easier because now I don’t expect him to help so it angered me less.
He often gets angry at me if dinner is not ready, or if it’s ready too early, if it’s not what he wants, about how I do the laundry, how I clean, etc. I have been upset for a while now because lately, it has been quite bad.
A few weeks ago I pre-made part of the dinner (some wok vegetables with tomato sauce to mix later with rice or something) but I waited because he had been telling me to not make dinner so early. Then he came home and was upset that dinner was not made.
I asked him to make some rice with it (I was busy) but he refused. He then got grumpy because there was no bread (since I did not plan a dinner that needed it). And got angry for not buying it or telling him to buy it (meaning that I need to be the one keeping track of the food and what we need).
Today we were talking and he kept saying how I do more than he would “because I choose so”. I was trying to explain to him that he would never be able to afford a person doing all I do. I would never charge him of course but it makes me feel less worthless to have a job.
He started getting angry because “he also does a lot at home” and “I do more because I want to”.
I got tired of him not appreciating me and I told him that I wouldn’t do his chores since “they are so easy to do”.
He can cook his dinner since I don’t seem to do it fine.
He says that I am the jerk because “I make everything about me” and “he works really hard”. I think that he is the jerk because who demands that his disabled partner does everything and then constantly gets upset about it all?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m in a very similar situation as far as having a disability and getting stuck with the housework while my husband works full-time. I’m constantly insecure about it because I’m not contributing financially but housework and meal work and pets are a lot to take on and it’s the most thankless job people do, you don’t even have your own money to reward yourself after an especially hard day.
My husband loves to complain about my cooking, but we’re on a limited budget and no matter what I make I work hard on it and I’m always making new recipes. In my opinion, when one partner works and the other stays home it creates a power dynamic and it goes to the working partner’s head.
I’m sorry OP, just know that, even if he doesn’t recognize it, you do A LOT for him. I wish I knew how to correct this mindset but it’s a tricky one. Good luck and just know you’re a good partner and many men would be thankful for all that you contribute to the relationship.” ModestMeeshka
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You work from home but are disabled he should be pulling more than his fair share of the work. Why must you do everything when you are in pain? He does not want a partner he wants a maid and a cook.
Tell him he can pay for one. You have been living with this man for 5 years. What have you learned? He does not want to change. Believe him, he won’t. My Nana told me years ago a woman can do bad all by herself.
She meant never to settle and accept BS from a partner. He can change but he won’t. You have a decision. Stay for, however, many more years and become more and more miserable and resentful. Move on and regain your peace.” stinstin555
Another User Comments:
“You’re not his partner, you’re his live-in maid. He doesn’t respect you OR care about you. I agree with the advice to claim a bathroom and only use/clean that one. If he’s unhappy with his because he won’t clean it and starts using yours, change the doorknob (literally or metaphorically).
Do your own dishes, buy and cook your own food, and do your own laundry. He won’t be thankful for what you do for him until you stop doing it. Or just get out. NTJ.” Trasht79
21. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit A Child With Undisclosed Severe Medical Needs?
“I (15F) started babysitting in my neighborhood this summer to make some cash. I made a post on social media and have worked for many families.
I don’t have any professional childcare experience, but I do have 4 younger siblings, so I get along well with kids.
One mom, who I’ll call Grace, asked me to watch her kid for about three hours. Before I accepted, I asked her about the kid to see if I could handle them.
She said he was an independent 10yo who didn’t need much help. I felt comfortable with this and accepted the job. I arrived at Grace’s house 15 minutes early and Grace led me to her son’s room. When I walked into the room, I saw her son lying in a bed. He was not moving and was hooked up to a bunch of machines.
His facial features indicate that he had a severe disorder. I was immediately overwhelmed because I would have no clue what to do if something went wrong.
I told Grace that these are not the terms we discussed, her son is not independent. She argued with me and said he is because “I don’t need to entertain him because he is non-verbal and will not respond or make him food because he is on a feeding tube.
All I have to do is monitor his machines and distribute his medications.” I looked at her shocked and said that I was leaving because she manipulated me by withholding important information that would have never made me agree to this job. Grace got angry and called me a plethora of names and accused me of discriminating against disabled people.
I ignored her and walked out. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She lied about her son’s needs, and it turned out to be a lot more than you signed up for. Good job being NTJ but also smart! You do not want to be responsible for this child if something were to go wrong.
You also do not want to administer medications that you are not familiar with. The fact that she wanted someone who had no idea what they were doing (medically) taking care of her son is wild. I don’t know what that mom is smoking but I want some lol.” Intelligent_Habit113
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are not a trained caretaker/nurse/doctor, and you are a fifteen-year-old child. Her son is incapable of speaking, incapable of doing things for himself, and he needs medication and special medical equipment. A vast number of things could honestly happen during those 3hrs and I noticed that no one ever said anything about if he needed to use the washroom and was incapable of doing so himself – meaning that you a fifteen-year-old girl would have had to either change a 10yr old vulnerable boy or you would have had to leave him to lay in his own waste.
You did good by refusing her and I suggest you gather some proof if you can in case she tries to slander you to other moms because she sounds like the type. I would also suggest that you add in your ad that you are not a professional carer and will not be able to handle children with special needs.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – that requires a professional or someone who has had training with the parent who is the usual caregiver. Someone on a feeding tube can begin to aspirate. Did you know what to do about that? (I’m sure you know the Heimlich but feeding tubes are different and so are giving meds to someone on a feeding tube!).
Are you a nurse? Do you dispense meds for other children? (That’s very uncommon other than Tylenol or cold/allergy meds.). This is a specialty need. This was NOT a reasonable expectation for a 15-year-old babysitter. For comparison I used to teach patients to take their medications correctly – and I never took the pills out and handed them to them – they need to do that part themselves unless you are a medication nurse.
(The potential for a lawsuit is enormous). No that is NOT a job for a babysitter. That’s a job for a CNA at the least.” Fair_Ad_6259
20. AITJ For Refusing To Give Up My Room For My Pregnant Sister-In-Law?
“I (15F) live with my mom (45F), stepfather (44M), my 5 brothers (15M, 16M, 18M, 20M) and my step brothers (14M and 16M). My oldest brother ‘Matthew’ (29M) and his wife ‘Mary’ (19F) recently moved in after finding out Mary was pregnant.
We live in a 5 bedroom house (and an attic where my room is), my mom and stepfather in one room, my 2 step brothers in another, my 2nd oldest brother has his own room and so does my 3rd oldest brother, and my 2 other brothers share a room.
When my brother and SIL moved in my mom asked if I could share a room with my step brothers. I said I’d rather not because I wouldn’t feel comfortable. My stepfather said I was being a brat and that I should suck it up and give up my room because Mary and Matthew need their space.
I ignored him for the rest of the week until yesterday at dinner both my stepfather and SIL kept on telling me that I had to clear out my room by tomorrow because they would be moving their furniture in.
I yelled at both of them to get lost and then my SIL started crying and yelling at me about how she’d never let me see the baby and how horrible I am.
I sort of feel bad because I never meant to make her cry I was just annoyed. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Hey! NTJ. No way the jerk! When I was your age we lived in a 3 bedroom. My parents had one, my little brother had one, and I had one.
Mind you, this was my first ever room to myself I had always shared with my little brother or big brother. Anyway, Big Brother got his partner pregnant and they moved in and without being asked they took over my room and I had to sleep in the living room.
This was a common theme. I wish I had caused more of a fuss but I was very, very submissive. It was rough and you should and can say no. Also, I’m not sure if you live in the United States, but siblings of opposite genders can’t actually share a room beyond 12 years old.
At least that’s the law in my state. Good luck, sweetheart. You did nothing wrong! Also, Matthew is just slightly younger than me. I own a home, and him being with a 19-year-old is a problem in and of itself. My point being: that is a fully grown man and he needs to buy or rent his own home.
His refusal to be an adult is taking away from your childhood and that is so wrong!” Zombiestrudel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are entitled to some degree of privacy and having you share a room with the boys is asking too much. If you want to be a jerk about it (which is probably what you should do right now) try grossing out the boys.
Tell them gritty details about periods or something like that. Chances are that by this age they’re a long way from being comfortable with women’s bodily functions. Make them refuse to have you in their room. Besides… why do you have to bear that your brother doesn’t know how contraceptives work?” OrangeQueen_H
Another User Comments:
“As the only girl, and a teenager at that, you should, without a doubt have privacy and your own room. The two oldest brothers with their own rooms should be bunked together, you should get one of the rooms, and the married couple should get the attic (I am sorry).
Alternatively, the SIL could share your room and the oldest bro can bunk down with a brother – there are plenty of them. Because beggars can’t be choosers. Or at least that’s how it would happen if I was running things – unless there’s a basement that can be converted to living space, at which point you could keep your room.
There is NO WAY it’s OK to share a room with boys you are not even related to except by marriage. That’s not right at all.” 2dogslife
19. AITJ For Planning To Get Married Before My Fiancé's Older Brother?
“My partner proposed to me a month ago. His older brother proposed to his partner last August. They decided on a long engagement and having a big wedding next August.
We decided we didn’t want a long engagement and would have a small family ceremony at home this September.
We are in our mid-thirties and want to start trying for a family. We also didn’t want to do anything too close to their wedding next summer, as we thought it might cause tension and be too much for the family. We also didn’t go with August this year as it was ‘their’ month.
We told the brother our date and that we wanted to check if they could make it before confirming. Brother initially was like ‘great, we’ll be there’. A day later, all the toys were thrown out of the pram by both bro and his partner about how rude we are being, that it’s out of line and terrible etiquette, etc. They are really angry we organized a wedding date before theirs and they say we are wrong and have handled this poorly.
Are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“I firmly believe that getting married or having a baby doesn’t entitle you to anything. Even if you got married next August I would say NTJ, because people don’t “own” a month just because they are getting married. I think the thought and consideration you have put in is wayyyy more than most. You’re choosing a month different than theirs just so you don’t have the same month for an anniversary!
NTJ!!!! You are a better person than me.” Jorbarip
Another User Comments:
“Obviously NTJ. You’re not required to have a long engagement just because they did. You were cognizant of not wanting to step on their toes or have your ceremony too close to theirs.
It’s not like you’re looking to have some big, lavish ceremony to try to upstage theirs… you just simply don’t want to wait… so it sounds like maybe the other bride is fearing that the attention is going to be turned from her to you since your wedding is coming up first now.
(I say this because the brother didn’t seem to have a problem until he went home and told his partner). That’s just childish and immature. And listen, I’m from the South where “acting like a lady” is part of etiquette still in some parts… so if she wants to talk about etiquette, then let me give her a bit of Southern advice..
honey, the graceful thing to would be to step aside for a moment to let another bride have her day. Then you can go right back to being a bridezilla all ya want.” No-Actuary-9388
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They decided their date, and you decided yours.
As long as you didn’t plan them back-to-back, I don’t see why they’re concerned with your date. It seems ridiculous to me. I didn’t begrudge my younger sister one bit when she got married many years ago. I only just got married a couple of years ago.
You get married, if you want to, at the time that’s right for you and your important guests to be able to attend. You don’t put your life on hold just because someone else thinks they have some imaginary right to get married first. Not like you’re teenagers, you’re in your 30s and want to get started on the rest of your life.
Their plans play no role in it whatsoever.” jammy913
18. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out Due To My Insufferable Roommate?
“I (22M) recently got a new roommate after my old one moved out due to getting a new job in a city two hours away. My old roommate was kind enough to still pay for his half of the rent as well as his own until I found a new roommate which unfortunately took MONTHS due to the apartment having a few issues.
My old roommate had introduced me to a friend of his who was interested in moving in back in February. This new roommate (28M) moved in soon after and he seemed cool at first. However, over the last three months, he’s become nearly insufferable and I’ve begun to feel like a prisoner in my own home.
We live in a 2 bedroom 1 bath apartment with a living room connecting the two bedrooms. “Tyler” has completely taken over the living with all his belongings despite having his own room. He keeps his computer and TV in there and never leaves to the point he’s even been sleeping on the couch for the past month and a half for no reason.
He sits at the table two feet away from my room 24/7 on his computer writing a book and complains when I make any noise at all because it disrupts his writing. He never leaves for a job so I’m not even sure how he’s paying bills but I know it’s not because he’s well off because he constantly turns the AC off in the middle of the summer to the point it gets to 80+ degrees to save on his power bill.
He’s also incredibly creepy to me and my friends, forcing me to read inappropriate scenes in the story he’s writing multiple times and showing my friend explicit images of an elf he rendered quite literally within five minutes of meeting them. The list goes on and on of him just being overall controlling and angry with me constantly over the littlest things when I’ve tried to make him as welcome as I can.
This has begun to seriously affect my mental health though as I feel like I’m trapped in my own bedroom every time I’m home sweating uncontrollably because he won’t keep the AC on for three months now and I can’t ask him to move out as he’s on the lease.
I can potentially afford to live on my own in a different unit after some budgeting but I feel incredibly guilty for it despite how awful he is to me so WIBTJ if I were to spontaneously move out within two weeks and possibly leave him unable to afford rent considering he’s already being so stingy on the power bill?”
Another User Comments:
“This might sound dumb, but have you tried talking to him about your issues? You don’t mention that you have. I think if you just leave without at least warning/talking to him, you head into ESH territory a little. But you’re NTJ for not wanting to live with him any longer.
He does sound pretty intolerable.” Bethlizardbreath
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. The guy is a creep & you don’t want to live with him for numerous reasons, nor should you have to. Make sure you keep your landlord informed, but other than that? You shouldn’t feel at all bad about leaving.
You don’t owe this guy anything, not after the way he’s acted for the whole time you’ve lived together.” Far_Anteater_256
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t live in misery. He’s an adult and getting housing (including living with people) is his own problem. He also sounds creepy and controlling.
Find a new place, sign up for it, then leave the current one. Just make sure you arrange your exit so that if he goes non-linear you can get out without losing anything precious or getting injured (for example, you mention friends, so perhaps you can have a bunch of them over on the day you move out).” FelisCantabrigiensis
17. AITJ For Telling My Friend She Shouldn't Have A Baby Right Now?
“I (22F) have a 2-month-old son that wasn’t planned. I was told I couldn’t have kids anymore with the type of chemo I received, so wasn’t using contraceptives, and well…turns out they were wrong.
One of my closest friends (22F) has been feeling broody since I had my baby (she told me this is why she’s broody) and wants to have her own baby right now.
She asked me what I thought about her deciding to have a baby.
I told her that whilst I would support any choice she made, I wouldn’t recommend she had a baby right now. Both of us have another year left at uni, and having a baby massively complicates things.
I told her that she has only seen the fun side of having a baby, and not the up all night, smelly nappy changes and covered-in sick side of having a baby. I also told her that although I love my son more than anything in the world, I wouldn’t have chosen to have kids at this point in my life.
She accused me of being a jerk and said that I wanted to be the only one with a baby and that’s why I didn’t want her to have one. This isn’t true and it’s not that I don’t want her to have one (that isn’t my call to make) I just don’t think it’s a good idea.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You spoke your truth, she can decide what to do. Just don’t let her walk all over you and demand free childcare when she discovers how hard it is to be a full-time parent. I had two kids, they were planned but I still say there is no good time to have a kid, there are only not-so-bad times and bad times, and oh my gosh now what times.” Avocadosarecool2000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had two kids in my early 20s and it was both the best and the hardest part of my life. (I’m 40 now) My husband and I lived near poverty for a decade because kids are soooo expensive! Not to mention the changes that happen in your social life.
I wouldn’t change it for the world, but it seems your friend underestimates how hard it is, emotionally, physically, and financially, to be a young parent. You were honest and direct and I wish you the best!” uffdamaynard
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gave her your thoughts, which are reasonable.
Babies are lots of work and more than just playing with them. There are also smelly diapers and late-night feedings and waking up at odd hours because babies tend to cry for just about every reason you can think of. Then there’s also what happens when the baby grows into a child and teenager?
What happens when they throw scream-crying tantrums because they can’t have ice cream for dinner? What about when they’re a teenager and go down paths that aren’t necessarily bad, but most definitely different from the mental image of them as toddlers whose world revolved around their parents.” Ahstia
16. AITJ For Not Being With My Husband During His Heart Procedure Due To My Own Health Issues?
“I (F29) am Asian and so is my husband (30M) but he currently works in the United States. I’m a physician in my country, and I’m currently preparing for USMLE so I can move to the US with him.
He recently got diagnosed with a heart condition and needs ablation for it which is on Monday.
He seems to be freaking out and he asked me today if I can go be with him and he will pay for the international flight and everything. The problem is that on Wednesday I have an appointment with my neurologist so that we can decide on the dates for my next cycle of chemo for my MS. My mother also has a hysteroscopy the week after next.
Plus I have only two more months for USMLE step 1 and I’ll have to postpone it if I have to go stay with my husband for his procedure and recovery period (10-14 days). I have contacted my neurologist to ask how much further is it safe to delay my chemo.
All these plans have been made months in advance. And I’m the kind of person who’s extra rigid about plans and hates last-minute changes and can’t stand when things even slightly deviate but I am okay with this because my husband needs me and he’s very very anxious and actually scared of death.
I feel stuck. I am also doing ERP for OCD and that can’t be done in online/remote sessions and I have one session per week. I’m feeling stuck. I don’t want my husband to be alone AND SO ANXIOUS. He’s gonna be staying with friends of six years and they’re more than happy to take care of him during his recovery yet I’m also worried for my and my mother’s health too.
WIBTJ if I don’t go?”
Another User Comments:
“This is such a difficult situation, and one I’m most definitely not qualified to judge. I don’t know the situation well enough to tell you what to do. I’m so sorry you’re in this position, OP.
I want to say no jerks here because you both need the medical treatments you’re scheduled to get; the problem is that you’re not in the same place to support each other through it. You’re not the jerk for not going, but neither is he really the jerk because at the end of the day, he just wishes you could be there with him.” thatshygal717
Another User Comments:
“Info: I ask as someone who has had like 3 or 4 of them, a hysteroscopy is pretty minor, is there no one else that can help your mom? Not sure what your husband’s procedure entails but if it’s a ten-day recovery it’s a lot more serious than your mom’s.
I know international travel sucks but could you go only for a couple of days? Long enough to be there for the actual procedure and the first day or two home at least? That way you could be there for him but also home soon enough that you only missed one appointment and wouldn’t have to delay your chemo or tests.
I don’t really think you’re the jerk just trying to get details on if it’s possible to find some option that isn’t all or nothing.” ChemicalParfait
Another User Comments:
“Under your present circumstances involving your current medical status and your mom’s upcoming procedure, I feel you’re NTJ.
Now if you were healthy with no complicated medical circumstances I would expect you to fly abroad to be by your husband’s side. I would hope he will take this into consideration if you decide to stay at home and get your and your mom’s medical problems sorted. Best wishes and I hope all of your medical situations have a good outcome.” jibbergirl26
15. AITJ For Wanting My Sister At Our Wedding Despite Her Offensive Joke?
“I was in a relationship with my fiancé for 8 years before I found out I was pregnant and we broke up. For the last 5, it felt like he was determined to keep me at a distance, even going so far as getting me a separate apartment so I wouldn’t move in with him.
I ended up breaking up with him when I found out I was pregnant because he didn’t want a baby and I did, which was the final straw for me.
Our breakup lasted 3 months before he had a radical change of heart. Now we’re engaged and actually living together which has been very nice.
My sister was over a few days ago and made a dumb joke about me having to baby-trap him to finally get a ring and keys to the house. Usually, things like that don’t bother my fiancé but he was so angry and my sister ended up leaving early to avoid a fight.
After she left, he told me he didn’t want her at our wedding. I told him we couldn’t not invite her and he said we could elope instead then. I told him I wanted her there and now he’s upset with me too and feels like I’m taking her side/that I agree with her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO I want to make sure I get the timeline and information right first because it’s confusing to me – You were in a relationship for 8 years – The last 5 of those 8 years he didn’t want you to move in with him, is that correct?
Then you got pregnant and because HE didn’t want to be a parent, you broke up for 3 months. Then he had a change of heart and live together. (Is your child born already?) My most important questions: Did you discuss the baby/contraception/topic before you got pregnant, were you on the same page with contraception/”no if” – and did you know he did not want to be a parent?
Did you use contraception that you were both okay with?” darya42
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here! “For the last 5, it felt like he was determined to keep me at a distance, even going so far as getting me a separate apartment so I wouldn’t move in with him.” I think you should get to the bottom of what was going on during those five years to cause that distance which ultimately slowed down the progression of your relationship, as well as what may have caused his change of heart.
Unless that has already been discussed. “My sister was over a few days ago and made a dumb joke about me having to baby-trap him to finally get a ring and keys to the house.” I can understand why your fiancé was offended by that because based on your account of what happened between the two of you it certainly did not happen that way!
Good luck and congratulations!” izzy_bizzy_15
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here? ESH? I have no idea this is such a situation. He doesn’t want you close but now does? Your sister made a joke that could’ve been offensive to you based on how she said it but it’s not your fiance’s place to be upset.
Has he owned up to his previous behavior or apologized at all? Cause if he hasn’t then has he explained why he’s distant with you? This huge jump from “no I don’t wanna live with you” to “let’s get married or elope now” seems kinda fishy.
I’d recommend couples counseling because no offense but being with a person for 8 years normalizes certain behaviors for you that might actually be a red flag. At the very least get therapy for yourself so you can be in the best mindset for your baby because your fiance sounds like he really put you through the wringer.” Jumpy_Ad_3583
14. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Painted Jar To A Neighbor's Kid?
“I was on my morning walk as usual around my neighborhood, that’s when I found that a neighbor was making a free jar painting class with her nephew to dispose of cardboard jars that she has for some reason and also for her nephew to make friends.
It was free and I still had time before my online class so I went to try it. Also, the kids looked like they were having fun.
I’m kind of out of place for being near adult but I did enjoy the time and the kids did some interesting work themselves.
My favorite one is the grassland that has goats standing up, it was kind of creepy and funny.
I’m almost done with mine. I made a design full of minions. One of my favorite movies and I like the brightness of the yellow, when a mom approaches me with a kid holding onto her shirt.
The conversation goes like this.
The mom: Hello.
Me: Hi?
The mom: Hey, Kid likes your jar. Can you give it to him?
Me: Why?
The mom: Because he likes it.
Me: There are jars there. He can design his own. This is mine.
The mom: But he likes that one.
Like you said, there are some jars left. You can paint again.
Me: But that’s wasting my time. If you want mine, you have to give me 50.
The mom: What? The jar is free.
Me: But my time is not. Besides, I’m going to keep it for my desk.
The mom: Ugh. Just give it to Kid. You’re an adult, just do it for the child.
Me: Still no. Why can’t he make one himself? Look, the other kids are having fun. He can have more fun making it than taking someone else’s.
The woman huffs and grunts knowing that she won’t get what she wants.
She walks away pulling her kid who hasn’t said anything from the start. I thought maybe the kid does like my work but he never really wanted it since he didn’t say anything. I don’t know why the mom was too pushy for some cardboard jar.
After I was done, I said goodbye to the kids and the owner of the house and went home. I told my mom about what happened, she said that I was just childish and adding more garbage in the house and that I should’ve given it out since the kid liked it and that was the right thing to do.
Am I in the wrong here? I spent an hour making it. Carefully and precise. I have protected it from the other kid’s grabby hands when they wanted to hold it. I put hard work into it even though I don’t really know how to paint.
It’ll be a waste of time if I would just give away my hard work, right? Even if it’s just a cardboard?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your jar to do what you want with it. If you don’t want to give it away, that is absolutely reasonable.
Honestly, if that mom rudely demanded me to give it to her kid, I’d refuse as well but I would also destroy it right in front of her.” BokChoyFantasy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you taught his mom a good lesson that just because she wants something for her kid doesn’t mean she can always get it.
Why should one person’s hard work be her freebie? I always despised those parents who harbor the belief that “Everyone should cater to their needs because it’s a kid.”” DylantotheJ
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why should you have given away your work to some strange mother demanding stuff for her kid?
Does that mean you are not supposed to admire and value your energy and time? I believe your mother is in the wrong here. Had you felt generous and given away your work then it would have been different. but for her to suggest to have given away something because it is childish to keep your own work actually teaches you the wrong message.” angryomlette
13. AITJ For Hiring A Clown For My Brother's Birthday Party?
“It was my little brother’s birthday this month and I wanted to give him a surprise. He always wanted something special like a magician or a clown for his birthday. And I learned recently that a friend of mine was training to become a clown so I hired him to encourage him and help at the same time.
When it was the birthday, my brother was so happy when he saw the clown. And the other children loved the balloon dogs and hats. I thought it was an excellent birthday party.
But after the birthday, when all the children were gone, my mom had a call from a little girl’s mother.
She complained about how the clown scared her baby and how we were irresponsible to never tell them there would be a clown. And each day she kept calling to tell us how her daughter couldn’t sleep anymore. How she always has nightmares. And all that stuff.
To the point now my mother is mad at me and blames me for everything.
All this is really stressing me. All I wanted was to create a happy memory. Now I really feel bad. I really feel like a jerk but at the same time I had good intentions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have had a lifelong (seriously since at least 3 by family accounts) fear of clowns. I will have a panic attack at a movie and be very scared at a pic. Everyone I know knows my fear, and if they had a clown it would be an issue without warning me first. But if you don’t know and have one?
I’m freaking having a panic attack and almost passing out and will be sweating death is eminent because I’m so scared. But it’s not your fault if you weren’t aware. My triggers aren’t anyone’s responsibility. To go further YES I HAVE CHILDREN NOW and if they had a fear I’d mention it when accepting party invites if it was something that may come up.
Clowns are scary and evil and I’m short of breath even answering but NO NTJ.” Worried_Aerie_7512
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t know it would cause anyone such distress. You wanted to do something nice for your brother who always wanted a clown for his birthday.
I had a real fear of clowns when I was little and when I went to parties it was hard but I was able to step away and take a breath when it got too much and calmed down or I would go home early but I never blamed anyone, it is a staple at children’s parties after all.
Though it’s really unfortunate that she can’t sleep now, it’s not really anyone’s fault and you shouldn’t blame yourself. It would have been nice I guess if it was known beforehand so that parents can be notified in case of something like this but you and you learn for next time.” Mikayla_31
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you were doing this for your brother who had expressed an interest in having a clown at his birthday. It’s a shame that one of the kids was scared but you didn’t know that would happen so that’s not your fault and you do not need to feel bad about it.
Your mother is likely frustrated that this other mother is calling her every day and is dumping that on you which is not fair.” Carikos
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Change My Last Name If I Remarry?
“I (46F) married my ex-husband in college. During the marriage, I graduated college and established myself in my career. After the divorce, I kept his name for many reasons, 1 – I had no emotional attachment to my maiden name.
2 – we had children, and I liked the idea that I would still have the same name as my children. And 3 – being established in my career and having all my financial records in my married name just made a name change a hassle I wasn’t prepared to deal with.
My current partner has recently started talking about marriage. I told him that if we marry, I did not want to change my name, mostly because of reason 3 above, and he said he was OK with that. He even joked that maybe he would take my name, as he likes it.
When my ex and his new wife heard about this, they were furious! They are even threatening to take me to court to force me to change my name if I get married! (Is that even a thing?) My mother is taking the ex’s side asking why I would want to keep my ex’s name when I remarry?
She says I’m just being lazy because a name change is not that difficult.
Am I the jerk? Or should I not worry about anyone else as long as my partner is supportive of my decision?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. All of your reasons are totally valid and more importantly, this is your choice to make.
It speaks well of your current partner that he’s so cool about the subject and your ex can kick rocks. He can’t force you to change your name and if he tries, consult an attorney about the possibility of filing a countersuit demanding that he be responsible for your legal fees.” rapt2right
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one can take you to court and force you to change your name. That’s absolutely ludicrous. Your reasoning is one million percent valid and there are plenty of women who don’t change their name for the same reasons (especially with children involved).
I have to say that it’s refreshing to see your partner being so supportive and encouraging of your stance…normally it’s the opposite on this thread lol.” Key-Bit1208
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Name changes are a pain in the butt especially if you have kids.
A friend of mine married a man from Indonesia and they do their names differently there so she didn’t take his name. They had a kid together and she finally hyphenated her last name because she was sick to death of being questioned about having a legal right to make decisions for her kid.
The ex can’t force you to change your name. Another friend of mine never changed from her maiden name when she got married because she was working on her PhD and didn’t want her records any different on her diploma. It’s your call to make.
Everyone else can just get over it.” [deleted]
11. AITJ For Snapping At My Mom For Waking Me Up To Help Her With Her Spanx?
“I (20F) am tired because my mom (46F) always wakes me up at 5 am to help her put her Spanx on.
I have no qualms about doing so on weekdays but yesterday I asked to please let me sleep today because I really needed to rest. I work from 3-9 and I have to complete activities after work which leads to me going to sleep at 2 am sometimes.
Since my wisdom teeth had been growing I have also been unable to sleep well enough. She told me very offended that I “was inconsiderate for not wanting to help her.” I told her that I needed to sleep, that I was actually exhausted. Finally, she said, “fine, I won’t wake you up.”
But today at 5 am I heard her scream my name “Come help me” and I just answered “No” and continued sleeping and then she started knocking on my door. I was upset because now I was awake, sleepy, and with pain in my jaw from the wisdom teeth.
I just snapped.
“Could you just stop? We talked yesterday and I asked you to leave me alone, you know that once you wake me up I can’t go back to sleep but you always have to think of yourself” and then she said, “Fine, thank you for not helping me, go back to sleep.” This upset me even more.
“I can’t sleep back and you know it, is it really difficult to leave alone one day?”
She just started mumbling about how since my father died no one has come to help her and that we are inconsiderate. That did make me feel a little bad.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is a grown woman. There’s no reason for her to wake you up every day for something as trivial as getting her Spanx on. If she can’t get them on by herself, she needs to find something she can get on by herself.
After all, what would she do if you weren’t there?” FaithlessnessTime701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is very strange a non-disabled mother would ask for help putting on Spanx. I suspect she may be suffering from some sort of less obvious disability. Has she been taking too much medicine?
Could you talk to her about what are appropriate personal boundaries? Depending on where you live you may be able to arrange some sort of counselling. As a disabled woman, I have been able to find some techniques to help me be self-sufficient rather than ask my husband.
I hope you are able to have your teeth fixed soon.” MaevaM
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she is manipulating you, and your father’s passing does not give her a pass to ignore your needs. She is negatively affecting your health sorry but her looking slim is not the priority here.
Seems like she is a narcissist who has to have everyone’s attention and time revolve around her. The only way to stop this is to set hard boundaries and not sway. Refuse point blank to help her put them on ever again. No matter if she wakes you up or complains she will continue to do this for life.
I could see her blocking you from moving out or having your own life because she sees you as her property that must do whatever she wants. She is using your dad’s passing as a tool to continually manipulate you, she does it knowing you will feel guilty.
It’s an abusive tactic that turns the victim into the one feeling bad and apologizing regardless of how bad the mom’s abusive actions are which started it all. I would advise you to buy earplugs and try and move out when you can. You may not think it’s as serious as that but this is your health she doesn’t care about.
She is the one that does not respect or care about you or your very valid needs.” Sweet-Interview5620
10. AITJ For Telling My Half Siblings The Truth About Our Father's Affair?
“My half-siblings are the kids of my father and his other woman. He was unfaithful when my sibling and I were very young, and carried on being unfaithful for a couple of years until he got caught.
They only got caught because she was pregnant and wanted my father with her so told my mom. My sibling and I were young. Mom kicked Father to the curb. Father married the other woman. My father and his wife never told their kids about the infidelity and always led them to believe mom was their family and they were part of my and my sibling’s family with our mom.
This led to a lot of upset because our mom had nothing to do with them and she was always clear she would never have anything to do with them.
It came up recently and now that all three are adults I was honest with them about why they weren’t treated like family by my mom and why they’re never going to be part of her family.
They were so upset. My father and his wife are angry. My half-siblings are so mad at them for leading them on for so many years and letting them expect so much from my mom when they now realize why she never had anything to do with them.
I have been told it was not my place to tell them and it was spiteful.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I mean, someone had to tell them. NTJ. Your dad and step-mom made your mother out to be the bad guy when she was really within her rights not to be involved in the lives of those kids.
They have been feeling this sadness and rejection for all these years based on this terribly false expectation that your dad and step-mom set because they didn’t want to be honest.” loloannd
Another User Comments:
“”My half-siblings are so mad at them for leading them on for so many years and letting them expect so much from my mom when they now realize why she never had anything to do with them.” If anything, someone should have told them sooner.
These kids were led on for too long, they were hurt by this lie. NTJ. INFO: Why did your father and his wife think this was a good idea? What could the kids have to gain from this? They could have simply said that “daddy remarried” and stayed with that, they didn’t have to lie (aside from omission).” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Hold on… your father has an affair with his mistress for years. Said mistress gets pregnant so your dad comes clean to your mother. This leads to a divorce. Your father marries his mistress. Tells YOUR mother, the woman they hurt and humiliated to look after THEIR children and treat them as her own?
Your mother had to endure all of this for decades? The constant presence of the proof that her disgraceful husband was unfaithful? NOBODY CLUED YOUR STEP-SIBLINGS IN?! Honey, you’re not the jerk. Neither is your mother. Your half-siblings are innocent. Your father, however, and his mistress are absolute jerks.
Dictionary and three languages defying no words at all for what cruelty they forced your poor mother to endure. And you and your sibling had to go along with this as well. Again, NTJ!!” BooksCoffeeDogs
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Fiancé's Friend To Our Wedding After He Threatened To Sabotage It?
“I (23F) started seeing my fiance Joe (23M) 5 years ago.
Over 2 years ago he met Max (29M) and started acting very strange, not like him. I realized it was because Max was older and he was trying to fit in, so I didn’t say anything.
Eventually, I found out Max was telling Joe to do things I wouldn’t approve of and lie to me, and he would back him up.
The thing is, before he appeared in our lives Joe (who is autistic) had never lied to me before, so I realized Max was a bad influence and started pretending like he didn’t exist. Whenever Joe mentioned him I changed subjects and refused to go anywhere he would be.
At some point Joe asked me to give him a chance, I agreed and we went for dinner “to see what a nice guy he is.”
That’s when it was over.
During dinner the fact that Joe and I hadn’t slept together yet popped up and, even though I don’t owe anyone an explanation, I was forced to explain why I made the choice of waiting till marriage and Joe said he always agreed to it.
Max, who was a stranger to me, completely flipped. He started ranting about how that was the worst decision ever, trying to convince us, and it got really awkward. Joe was just laughing, thinking it was a joke, but I froze.
At some point, Max says he won’t allow it.
He said we would be making an awful mistake if we got married and never had intimacy with other people. That’s when I started arguing back. We had been together for 3 years, if Joe were to be intimate with someone else it would be unfaithful.
Joe, still thinking this was a joke, excused himself and went to the bathroom.
That’s when Max took the opportunity and told me about how he tried to force his best friend to be intimate with some girl the night before his wedding, because he had only been intimate with his fiancée, and wanted to show him what he would be missing.
He said: “I couldn’t convince him, it was late, but I will find a way to get Joe in bed with another woman or I’ll sabotage your wedding. I’ll stop at nothing.”
We were at a fancy restaurant, so I didn’t want to cause a scene and said nothing.
When Joe came back we paid and left. On the car ride home I told him what happened and he didn’t believe me, we had a huge argument about it. The next day he apologized, told me he spoke with his friend and he confirmed what I said and they got into an argument.
Joe insisted that I should trust him not to be intimate with other people and I insisted that Max’s intentions were the problem, not my lack of trust in him.
At that moment Joe told me he respected my decision to exclude him from my life and we never talked about it again, but recently we were talking about our wedding and he brought him up.
I said he’s not invited and he flipped, saying he is one of his best friends (I don’t see them as that close, but okay) and that it wasn’t fair.
We are planning a destination wedding. The worst case scenario is having Max around for a whole week trying to get my fiancé to be intimate with a stranger doing God knows what to him.
AITJ for not wanting to invite him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if this is real, though it seems far-fetched that someone would admit to your face that they’re going to “force” your fiance to be intimate with someone else. I would also recommend you seriously evaluate this issue and what it means for your relationship.
If this is true, then Max openly admitted to Joe his plans to sabotage your relationship, and his disrespect towards the both of you, and yet Joe still continues to engage in the friendship to the point he wants him AT your wedding? Girl, come on.
There are boundary issues there at the very least. You are extremely young and by your own account, inexperienced. I would strongly urge you to consider how this partnership would suit you for the rest of your life.” DorothyZbornaksArmy
Another User Comments:
“Of course you’re NTJ.
Your fiance is though. It’s not “fair” if someone who disrespects your relationship doesn’t come to the wedding? What’s not fair is your fiance allowing the disrespect to continue even at the expense of your relationship. He shouldn’t be prioritizing someone like Max, he should be prioritizing the relationship.
If he wants someone like that in his life I’d seriously call into question his ability to be a good life partner. He’s already showing that he’s not so good at it.” DaleCoopersWife
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why does your fiance think of Max as his “best friend”?
They’ve only known each other for two (2) years! There is no way that man would ever be invited to my wedding or any other party for that matter (or in my house). Your SO needs to get him out of his life because that man is poison.
If he’s trying to wreck your wedding now, what’s he going to try to make your husband do after you’re married? By the way, your husband shouldn’t be speaking to anyone, especially this awful person, about being a virgin. That’s a private matter. You might want to tell your SO about this.
Tell your SO that he’s not invited to the wedding and if he has a problem with it and cannot see what kind of a person Max is, then tell him goodbye. He didn’t believe what you told him in the car and you’ve been together for five years, yet he thinks Max would never say such a thing.
Something needs to be done to make your SO see what kind of a person Max truly is.” Slow-Cherry9128
8. AITJ For Not Allowing My Overstepping Cousin To Have A Relationship With My New Baby?
“I (24f) had my first son in October 2020 and lost him at 5 months old due to SIDS. While he was still alive I had a cousin (21f) who would discreetly try to overstep my place as his mother (tried to introduce him to her family members without me) but after he passed she would outright overstep, never once reached out to me for condolences but would constantly post about how much she misses him and loves him including a post on MOTHER’S DAY about how she misses him and misses being able to put him to sleep every night (her mom watched him 2 days a week if that since I worked 3-11 and I didn’t want my grandma or mom to be overly exhausted).
So since she’s constantly disrespected my place I decided she can’t have a relationship with the baby I’m due to have in June unless she sincerely apologizes and shows she can change. Especially since she took a blanket my grandma made him on Easter and was showing it off like it was for her baby it reaffirmed my decision.
However, I’m still getting pushback from a few family members about this decision and now I’m wondering if I’m making the right choice or if I’m the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Before anything, I’m so sorry that happened to you and your family. My condolences.
This cousin needs to be cut off. She’s dangerous. Not only is she delusional but she may have for-real mental issues that will affect your sanity if she’s allowed to be around you and the new little one. Just no. NO. You will need to be clear that she has gone completely overboard and has made herself the center of her own drama.
(there are personality disorders that explain this, but….) This is unacceptable and immature behavior and you and your new one can’t be exposed to her drama. NO is a complete sentence, by the way. Tell your safe people (hubby, mom, grandma, siblings) that this girl gets no access to the new baby.
Get a ring doorbell or other security so she can’t just show up and barge in. Lock your doors. Make sure she doesn’t have a key. If she does, change your locks. Block her on social media. She is not rational.” thegloracle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is something wrong with your cousin, and she should not be allowed near the new baby. Do not use Auntie for sitting the new baby, she will just allow cousin access. Be ready for your aunt to complain about how you are treating her daughter if she isn’t already.
It doesn’t sound like she sees how creepy this all is for you. For all of the other family members’ complaints, tell them that they are welcome to create their own babies to offer up to your cousin.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“OP I’m so sorry for your loss.
I can’t even imagine the pain. Going no contact with her sounds like the best choice for your family. I’ve read your comments that say you’ll talk to her post-birth. If it were me, I would not talk to her at all to share she can’t see the baby.
I would just go no contact with her. Block her number. She will get the message. I would also set up the video doorbell and security cameras as others have suggested. Wishing you a relaxing rest of your pregnancy!” Dogs_Are_the_Best22
7. AITJ For Snapping At My Overweight Mom About Her Weight Comments?
“My (21f) mom is a pretty good mom overall but she has one weird preoccupation: my weight.
I was a pretty chubby kid and I’m still overweight now, although I am a lot thinner than I used to be.
My mom (50f) has always made little comments about my weight. “Are you sure you want to eat that?” or “I think you’ve had enough” that kind of thing.
She has chipped away at my confidence for years and it affected my self-esteem as a teenager.
She still does it now less frequently but it came to a head at my sister’s birthday. I went for a second slice of cake and she said “Maybe stick to just one” and I admit I snapped a bit.
Because the thing is my mom is overweight. She’s actually probably obese – she’s bigger than me and she has been for a long time. I don’t know whether she’s projecting onto me or what but I find it really hypocritical.
So this time I literally said back to her “You’re the fatter one, maybe you should take your own advice”.
She looked at me like I slapped her across the face. She got pretty upset and I ended up leaving the party because she wouldn’t speak to me. I know it was harsh but I feel like it needed to be said. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I hate people who dish it out but can’t take it. I also have a feeling that the obsession with your weight has some context to it. Was she skinny when she was your age? Does she also weight-shame other people? Have other people said something that’s making her act like this?
None of it excuses it, of course, but if you feel like you can, maybe try having a conversation about this. I’m saying this as someone who was skinny-shamed for years (still am), and my parents let it slip once that they feel embarrassed when our family friends make comments about my weight.
Also, it’s me giving me Yolanda Hadid lmao.” 99problemsandafew
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Clearly, she is the jerk. She had degraded you and disrespected you, and damaged the self-esteem of her own child. Was what you said hurtful? Yes. I think it’s clear that she was (and has been for a very long time) the agitator, and you are simply fed up.
If you want to repair the relationship, you may choose to apologize, and be truthful about how her words have made you feel over the years. But I would completely understand if you choose not to go that route. I think she bears the responsibility of apologizing to you for how she has treated you.
You are enough, just the way you are.” DisastrousNewspaper5
Another User Comments:
“Oh Hon, NTJ. You could have maybe been more tactful, but as someone who has been in about the same situation, I know how those comments keep pushing you closer to the snapping point.
My mom always tried to push her weight loss goals and insecurities onto me, and she didn’t stop until one of my aunts did the same to her by trying to push Weight Watchers. Then she realized how much it sucks and stopped for the most part… in the end, I think she really just needed the wake-up call that she was causing more harm than good.
She still brings it up every now and then and still goes through the cycle of talking about eating healthy and then trying to push leftovers and desserts onto me, but it has gotten so much better. Me on the other hand…I am healthy, but my confidence has yet to recover.
If it weighs on you, you could apologize for being harsh but make sure she understands that you will not tolerate her making digs about your weight. She needs to understand that it isn’t okay and that you are an adult so your weight isn’t her business.” Skye-is-falling512
6. AITJ For Working Strike Jobs To Pay For My Wife's Cancer Treatment?
“I (m32) went to my parents’ house to visit for a weekend as the whole family was there. My parents and my two brothers and my sister were also staying for the weekend. It’s been about 2 years since the whole family has seen each other so we had lots of things to tell each other.
I am a travel nurse and I have been going around to different parts of the country to maximize my profits. I was telling my family about this at dinner and everyone seemed happy about it and were talking about how tough it is because I’ve been traveling around working to provide for my kids and wife with cancer.
I talked about the different things I do as a travel nurse and when I mentioned how I recently filled in for a hospital worker who was on strike, my sister started flipping out. She called me many horrible things like a class traitor and greedy piece of junk right in front of my face so I started yelling back at her telling her I needed to pay for my wife’s cancer treatment and provide for my children, and if I could make enough money at a regular hospital I would.
By now it’s chaotic with everyone trying to calm each other down, yelling… and my sister eventually gets up angry and yelling how she doesn’t want to sit with a class traitor. We come from a poor family. When she’s leaving I tell her “piece of crap I hope your husband gets cancer so you understand you spoiled brat” and my parents start yelling at me.
My mother said I ruined the dinner, so I just also left early and did not go back. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I think you are under a lot of pressure and going through many emotions. Your sister chose to prioritize her ideology over the tough situation you are in.
I incline towards your sister is the jerk. I don’t think your response was great but I also think you are going through such a hard time and your sister could have been more understanding. I am so sorry to hear about your wife’s illness.” Easy-Concentrate2636
Another User Comments:
“Whilst I sympathise with your situation the nursing staff were presumably on strike for better conditions which would mean your job is paid better or has better health cover and so you wouldn’t need to take extra shifts as a scab to pay for treatment.
It’s obvious why you cross the picket line, and you have your reasons. But your sister isn’t wrong. That said you attacked her in a ridiculous way which makes YTJ. She wasn’t attacking your wife or your situation, not everything is about that.
It’s a terrible situation and most people would make the same decision you did, but I’m not sure that you even considered that crossing the picket line would be a bad thing so perhaps this is your sister’s issue (we can only speculate on the info given).
It’s not something one should be doing nonchalantly, in fact being a scab regardless of monetary need should be a mental tug of war, and it seems you didn’t even consider it unethical.” Bosconino
Another User Comments:
“Everyone is a jerk here. Your sister certainly for being so rude.
You because you escalated by yelling. It’s possible to firmly stand up for yourself without raising your voice. FYI, your sister has a point. As you well know, conditions for people who work at hospitals have been beyond difficult for the last few years due to various factors.
Nurses & other hospital workers who have to resort to strikes to improve their working conditions & the conditions of patients deserve your support. There are lots of opportunities for traveling nurses. Take ones that don’t involve crossing picket lines & undercutting people who are trying to make their work lives better & in many cases, safer.” YMMV-But
5. AITJ For Expecting My Husband To Ask Before Using My Car Or Taking My Money?
“My (35F) husband (35M) keeps taking my car without permission. I have told him multiple times that I do not want him to use my car without my permission, and that he should ask before taking it.
Please note that he has his own car that works perfectly fine, but he still takes mine.
I asked him why and he said it’s smaller and thus easier to find a parking spot so he doesn’t have to walk a little further when he has to park a little further away with his own car (for when there are no bigger parking spots).
We got into an argument over it this time, and we ended up talking about taking money from someone when they weren’t at home. I said if I am not at home and you can’t reach me, it’s not normal to just take money from my wallet without asking – he said to him, it’s very normal to just take money and give it back later.
It’s just borrowing. The same for the car, he is just borrowing it and it’s no big deal.
I realize we think about ownership differently, but AITJ for expecting him to at least respect my boundary and to not take my car or money without permission unless it’s an emergency?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he wants to drive a smaller car, why didn’t he get one for himself? He’s not stranded, he has his own vehicle. And if he’s not bothering to communicate, how does he know whether or not his partner has plans to go out?
“Oh, she can drive his car?” So can he! As for wallet raiding, sure, if it’s an emergency, but not as a casual convenience, and it better be communicated. For casual use, he knows how to use an ATM. And doing that and not mentioning it is just rude.
Who wants to be trying to pay for something with an empty wallet? He’s been asked to not do it, he’s ignoring that boundary. That’s hugely disrespectful.” Mira_DFalco
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My spouse and I both feel our cars are shared property, but we also ask before using the other person’s car because we were not raised by wolves.
And if there was ever anything that one of us wanted the other to not use without asking, that would be respected too. Just because it’s not a big deal TO HIM, doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal. His refusal to acknowledge that is really disrespectful. If he refuses to take the point and you want to be petty, start finding things that are a big deal to him, and use them for illustrative purposes.
Tools, gaming systems, TV remotes, coffee mugs, shoes, heck, even his underpants can all be “borrowed” by you or anyone else with your permission and returned in any state at all because iT’s JusT boRroWiNg and no big deal since you’re married, right??” DetailEquivalent7708
Another User Comments:
“I’m 52 and been married for 30 years and I still deal with things like this. While married I do not believe in things that are Hers and mine, but ours. However, there are logical things that are just off-limits to take without asking. My big one is my MFing debit card.
We arranged our finances in a way to manage a budget. I’ve always been the one to pay the bills and manage our finances. She has always been terrible with money and she admits it. After getting us in multiple financial binds, I gave her the ultimatum 15 years ago that we stick to a budget or we’re getting a divorce.
She agreed and things were much better. Then years later she started taking my debit card because she wasn’t sure if she had money in her account. Every month I immediately transfer $500 to her debit card. This isn’t money to be used on groceries or bills, but her personal stuff like doing her nails, hair, etc. The issue is that on more than one…err…more than a few dozen times over the years, I get somewhere and need to pay for something like gas, etc, and discover she took my debit card and didn’t put it back.
Now I’m literally stuck.” Parking-Fly5611
4. AITJ For Supporting My Friend's Decision To Charge A Non-Supportive Friend For Nail Services?
“I have a friend, Abby, who wanted to learn nail art/tech as a hobby (not professionally), so about eight months ago she bought the stuff and started to learn off YouTube. Some other friends and I supported her and let her try things on our hands.
As a result, we walked around with some incredibly wonky acrylics and questionable nail art for a while, in the early months of her hobby.
Now one of our friends, Bella, wouldn’t let Abby do anything on her nails because ‘You’re not good at it and I don’t want ugly nails’.
Abby respected her and didn’t ask her again.
Well, fast forward eight months and Abby has gotten good at it. Really good. And all of us are now getting free nails from her, very beautiful ones at that.
Bella has now asked Abby to do her nails, for free because Abby does our other friends’ nails for free.
Abby refuses and says since Bella wasn’t going to support her earlier, she can’t reap the rewards now. Abby says she’ll do Bella’s nails if Bella pays her the average rate for a set of acrylics, to which Bella threw a small fit.
All of us support Abby on this.
I’m pretty sure there’s a folk tale about a rabbit and some bread or something that basically sums this up.
Bella has blocked Abby and is texting all of us repeatedly to block Abby as well. I get that Bella might think this is unfair, as I understand not wanting to have ugly nails and feeling left out when everyone else gets nice ones… AITJ for siding with Abby and excluding Bella?
Or is Abby being mean and petty?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bella was rude. Bella didn’t support Abby from the start. Abby honed her craft after practice and practice and practice. Bella suddenly supports Abby’s work, because now it’s at Bella’s Standards, and expects it free.
Abby says no. Bella can’t expect to get something free just because it’s suddenly at her standards (Though, if you are in the States, legally, Abby can’t sell nail sets without a license in most states. Make sure she checks in on that before she does such wherever you guys are just for safety!
Wouldn’t wanna see a fellow beautician be in trouble).” xEnraptureX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stick with Abby. Girl knows who her real friends were, all of you who proudly flashed your ugly nails for months to help her get the necessary practice to get good.
You guys supported her and you guys get the benefits of her appreciation. Bella didn’t help, and Abby graciously didn’t beg her or push the issue. Now Bella wants back in and wants the benefits of labor she refused to do. When told no, because she didn’t earn it, she throws a tantrum instead of being respectful like Abby was to her.
One of these people is worthy of your friendship and one isn’t. I think you know which one.” lionne6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t know about a rabbit, but when I was growing up I read the story of the little red hen.
There are probably other versions around the world. But it’s basically what you said. The little red hen asks for help, and everyone around her goes “Not I!” When she finally has delicious bread, everyone says they want some, but she says, “I gathered the wheat, I ground the flour, I baked this bread, so I will eat the bread!” It’s not as if she is completely denying doing Bella’s nails at all.
She just wants to be paid for it, which is fair. I have no idea, but I’m betting that the supplies to do acrylic nails aren’t cheap. Abby didn’t charge you when she was learning, which is fair because it was probably really hit-and-miss. But now that she knows what she’s doing, she’s still not charging you.
Probably to make up for the weeks you walked around with… interesting nails. Maybe, it’s time for Abby to start charging people, at least for the cost of materials, if nothing else.” NotSoAverage_sister
3. AITJ For Defending My Mom's Cooking After My Partner Called It 'Inedible'?
“I’m 33M (half Filipino on my mother’s side), my partner is 30F (white).
I have a 2-year-old son with a good friend of mine (long story, not relevant here), we share custody but were never really together.
My partner and son get along great. We have been together for 10 months. She hasn’t met my parents yet and they live in another state.
My mom invited us both to her house for a holiday, and we accepted. My partner, son, and I took a one-week trip to Seattle where my mom lives, and visited her house one evening for dinner.
All my siblings were there with their families, everyone met my partner, and things were going great.
The kids were eating at their own little table (9 cousins all together) and we adults were at another table.
My mom served the food and we ate. It was mainly Filipino food, but she made very plain side dishes as well (mashed potatoes, plain rice, steamed veggies, etc) for everyone to choose, in case someone didn’t like the Filipino dishes too much.
My partner then just said to me “This food is gross”. I told her that was really rude and not to say that to my mother. My mom then asked everyone how the food was and we all said it was great. My SIL joked (as she always does) “Way too spicy for me, I better stick to broccoli and rice”, and my partner said, “it’s pretty inedible.”
My mother was hurt, and she called my partner rude and impolite. I agreed. My partner got angry at me and called me a jerk. I told her if she wanted to act like a toddler, she would be free to join my son at the kid’s table.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If there’s one thing we all learn, it’s not to comment on the food other people are eating, especially not if it’s from a culture outside of our own. She was behaving slightly worse than a toddler because a toddler would just cry; she, instead, chose to be hurtful and call your mother’s food “inedible.” I’m Dominican and I don’t expect everyone to love Dominican food, but if someone were to say something rude about food when I’m inviting them as a guest to my parents’ home, I’d most certainly flip out at them.
You are absolutely in the right here.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, I encourage you to give serious thought to why you are in this relationship and exposing your son to such unkind attitudes. Good people are not knowingly mean. If they are unintentionally mean, a good person will immediately apologize.
If your partner was this openly unkind and rude in front of people you love, people who are important to you, people she was meeting for the first time and should have been attempting to win their approval, what will she be like when you’re not present?
How do you think she talks about you and your family behind your back? What kind of attitudes is she going to spread to your son? What kind of things would she say to your loved ones when you’re not there to hear it?” ChocolateCoveredGold
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mom is an angel for cooking, and no doubt your partner is in the wrong for insulting her food to her face ESPECIALLY after you told her not to, like someone else put time and effort into that food and it’s not your fault she didn’t like it.
Like that’s just rude. As for your comment about going to the kid’s table; was it wrong in front of your family?? Yes. But was it deserved?? Most definitely. As a picky eater, I never tell people I don’t like their food to their face and have even eaten things I haven’t particularly liked just because it’s polite and nice and I still appreciate the effort that went into it and can recognize it’s not their fault I don’t like it lmao.” Reddit User
2. AITJ For Prioritizing My Adopted Sister Over Future Biological Kids?
“I (34M) have a sister “Kaitlyn” (21F). We have a decent age gap. We’re technically half-siblings but never use the term. Her dad left before she was born and our mom died when I was 22 and Kaitlyn was 9. As I had essentially helped my mom raise her, I gained custody and continued to raise her.
I adopted her when she was 12, and while we still refer to each other as brother and sister, she will always be my first kid. I changed her diapers, and I started clothing and feeding her long before our mom died as our mom needed help financially.
I was there for every nightmare, temper tantrum, and survived the hormonal teenage years. She’s my kid. No doubt about that.
Kaitlyn is at college now but still lives with me on breaks. I’ve been seeing my current partner “Abby” (32F) for 8 months now.
We’ve began talking about the future, what we see for ourselves, etc. I mentioned that it was important to me that Kaitlyn always had a home with me, that I’d always want a room set aside for her, etc. Abby was somewhat hesitant and asked why.
I told her that if anything happened, I’d want Kaitlyn to have a safe place to land. Abby doesn’t like that. She asked what happens when we have kids. I said I could care for all of them, but Kaitlyn is my first kid and she’d be a priority, same as the rest. I’d do the same for any kid we had.
Abby got upset and said our kids would be my “real kids” and they should come before Kaitlyn. I refused. She told me this was wrong and I’d be a horrible father if I acted like this, our hypothetical kids deserved better, etc. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“”Abby got upset and said our kids would be my “real kids” and they should come before Kaitlyn.” Your relationship essentially ended the moment she said “real kids.” You can hem and haw and delude yourself into thinking that you can look past this.
But the resentment is always going to be there. Kaitlyn is your daughter. Your partner does not see her as your daughter and believes that biological children (who don’t actually exist) are real and that any child who comes from alternate situations…like adoption, is not a real child.
That is a fundamental incompatibility with who you are as a person. It’s time to accept that and move on. You are only 8 months in. Rip the band-aid off and make sure the next person you date understands that Kaitlyn is your daughter and always will be.
NTJ.” The__Riker__Maneuver
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk, but I think you should consider how realistic the goal of “always having a room set aside for her” is. Letting her know she’s always welcome and you’ll make any changes you need to house her if she’s ever in need is cool.
But keeping a room set aside, as in not a bedroom for anyone else, may not be possible depending on the cost of homes in your area and how many children you plan to have. If you have a three-bedroom house and two children, the children who live with you shouldn’t be sharing to ensure that there’s another room that Kaitlyn can use if she needs it or whatever.
I find it so unrealistic that I’m sure “set aside” was bad wording, but if that was the wording you actually used, I sort of wonder if Abby is coming from an understanding that you think your adult first child needs a bedroom in your home even at the expense of children who actually live in your home, which may explain where her response is coming from.
INFO because I want to know what you meant by “set aside” and if that’s the wording you used with Abby.” Kittenn1412
Another User Comments:
“Info needed: I can’t give any judgment till you clarify what you mean by letting her always have a place to go.
Do you mean that whenever you buy a home one room will always be dedicated as her bedroom regardless of how old she is? Or do you mean she will always be welcoming your home if she needs a place to crash? Because if I was thinking of starting a family and buying a home with a partner and he had an adult child the same age as your sister and he insisted that regardless of my thoughts or how much I put into a home one bedroom at home always had to be dedicated as the adult child’s personal bedroom I’d be pretty miffed too.
However, if my partner had an adult child and they went to make sure that the adult child always had somewhere to land in case something bad happened then that makes total sense I don’t see what the problem is with that.
Frankly speaking, I think it would be weird if you wanted your sister to have her own bedroom when she was like 28.
Or when she should be starting her own life and having her own place to live etc. I think you could read a lot of similar situations with people who marry spouses who have adult children and how it causes tension when the adult children don’t leave the nest in their mid-20s or early thirties etc. What happens if you have like say a three-bedroom house?
One bedroom would belong to you and your wife. One bedroom would belong to your sister. But where do the three kids sleep? Or are you going to expect to constantly upgrade to a bigger house because your sister always needs her own room? Of course all this is moot if what you mean is that your sister will always have a place to land if an emergency comes up or whatever.
That makes a little sense to me. So again before I can vote I think you need to clarify.” SnooFloofs9288
1. AITJ For Wanting My Parents To Visit My Kids On Christmas Day During My MIL's Time?
“My family (41M, 8M, 2M) and I (37F) moved away from our home country a year and a half ago.
It’s a long distance, so anyone who wants to visit can only do it by plane.
My MIL is super afraid of planes (she’s cried uncontrollably the couple of times she needed to get on one), so she hasn’t come to visit, nor will she ever come to visit.
Despite our plans to visit, we haven’t been able to due to my husband almost losing his life a few months ago. And because that wasn’t enough he is now battling cancer.
My dad came at the start of the year when my husband was in the ICU.
My parents had to cancel their trip because my mom had health issues, but he bought a last-minute ticket when it seemed like my husband was about to pass away. So my dad has seen my kids, but no one else has.
On to the story:
Because his treatment is almost over, we decided to go spend the holidays back in our home country. We’ll go there for 3 weeks, we’ll spend one with my parents and 2 with his mom since my parents are coming to visit for 3 weeks after New Year’s.
Because of this, we’ll spend Christmas with my husband’s mom.
Because we normally celebrate on the 24th, I asked my husband if he’d be okay with my parents visiting on the 25th (my parents live a couple of hours from his mom). He made his “absolutely not face”.
I got upset and told him it wasn’t fair. His mom doesn’t like Christmas, and it’s a super important holiday in my family. Despite this, and setting aside the fact that she treats me poorly, I’m willing to spend it with her and I’m only asking for my parents to visit for a few hours, so they can see the grandkids on such an important date.
He got upset and told me I shouldn’t just present half-baked ideas. And that I should first consider if he’d be upset at me asking to have my parents “invade” on his mom’s time with the kids.
I told him that in that case, we’re not spending more time with his mom and that I’ll visit my parents by myself on the 25th.
He got even more upset and told me I shouldn’t abandon my children at Christmas. Again, we celebrate on the 24th and have always used the 25th to visit whichever grandparent didn’t get to see us the day before.
Am I the jerk for wanting to have my parents visit my kids on Dec 25th, even though it’s set to be out the time with spend with my MIL?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband sounds unreasonable and emotionally manipulative. You’re supposed to care about “abandoning the children on Christmas” and consider how he feels about your family “invading” but doesn’t care if you have to hang out with a woman who doesn’t like you?
At what point is he or you going to prioritize what you want and need? Ask him why his desires on this holiday trump yours. And, honestly, just go visit your parents whether he approves or not. He doesn’t and shouldn’t control you.” aboutsider
Another User Comments:
“ESH. So many questions… So your parents get a week in December and 3 weeks in January. His mom gets 2 weeks in December. And you’re going to insist that she host your parents during her limited time with the kids? Didn’t you agree to these travel plans?
Why didn’t you schedule your parents for 1 day Christmas Day and the rest of the time with your MIL? If you all committed to being one family when you and your husband married, you could all spend all holidays together. If my partner makes an “absolutely not face” related to my parents, he wouldn’t be my partner for much longer.
He remembers your dad was the one to visit when he almost passed away, right? Personally, I find that after all of the traditions that changed and not being able to have the huge, all-inclusive, family gatherings that my family has historically been blessed with, I’m grateful for any time a good group of us can get together.
It matters less to use the good china and matters more to be grateful for what we have, including each other. If anyone doesn’t want to embrace the spirit of the holiday, shouldn’t they not bring the rest of the group down? You celebrate Christmas Eve with your MIL.
If your husband has an “absolutely not face” for your family, maybe he can stay with his mom on Christmas Day to celebrate an occasion they almost didn’t get to share this year and finish cleaning up the mess from Christmas Eve while you drive the kids over to your parents?
You could offer to take your MIL too.” JazzyKnowsBest13
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So you’re inviting your parents to spend a holiday at someone else’s house? How is that acceptable etiquette? Sorry, but you’ve already laid out how your parents are going to be visiting you for 3 more weeks right after this trip, so essentially your parents will get 4 weeks with your kids, plus they have the ability to visit you whenever.
His parents are only getting these 2 weeks to see him (after he nearly passed away) and see the kids for the first time, and you are trying to squeeze your parents into their time? The Christmas is ‘more important’ concept is bogus. Literally millions of people don’t spend the actual holiday with their relatives – they ‘do Christmas’ when they finally get together – families have been splitting the holidays for centuries.
You’re creating conflict by catering to YOUR family over his – seriously try to write this same story from his parents’ POV.” TrainingDearest
