People Find Themselves In A Pickle In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

Her mom knew, too.

“I (20F) have recently become lactose intolerant. I’m not sure whether it’s due to being food poisoned twice or just developed on its own. Either way, I can’t handle dairy as much as I used to.

I was never fond of dairy and my mother (54F) knew this.

When I told her, she first thought I was lying to avoid cheese altogether. I can still eat it but it hurts to stomach it. I once accidentally drank my sister’s coffee and forgot it had full-fat milk; I ended up paying the price for 30 minutes on the toilet.

The point is, I knew for certain I couldn’t handle any type of dairy and those were confirmations to my mother.

However, a few days ago, my mother made lunch and said she used lactose-free cheese on the lasagna. I believed her and got myself a full plate of it (I love lasagna).

I couldn’t even make it halfway until I practically sprinted for the toilet.

My mother claimed I’m just “not used to dairy anymore,” so she suggested I eat more dairy so my body can work around it. I absolutely blew up on her and screamed in her face.

My sister (22F) said I was being dramatic, so I stormed off to my room.

I don’t think screaming was the right reaction, and I feel bad that I perhaps had been dramatic. However, I don’t know if I can ever trust my mother again after that incident, so I’m just conflicted right now.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I actually developed lactose intolerance when I was closer to your mother’s age than you. Some people (not me) of our age despair over the ‘new’ allergies/intolerances cropping up – Peanut allergies were unheard of in my childhood. Gluten?

What the heck even IS gluten? Stuff like that. Anyway, in the past half-decade or so, I realized dairy products were causing the reaction you eloquently put as ‘I ended up paying the price (etc).’ In my case, I owned it. I love ice cream.

Always have, my entire life. The argument of ‘not used to dairy anymore,’ as if there’s some dairy muscle that can atrophy, is insane. Here’s proof: I still enjoy ice cream, whipped cream, and chocolate milk to this day. I do so knowing the price I will pay.

My continued consumption of these products has not lessened their effect. In fact, I can almost set a clock to it.

You’re 100% NTJ. Your family is KIIIIIIINDA the jerk. However, has anyone discussed or told you about supplements such as Lactaid? I personally don’t use them, I welcome the pain, but in my case, there’s no family friction, and in your case, perhaps it could help.

I’m not saying you should do so to appease others, mind you! But perhaps you could relate my experience and at the very least, make them acknowledge that you need supplements instead of whatever insane ‘intense dairy therapy’ they think is called for.” aytaidunno

Another User Comments:

“Shouldn’t have screamed at your mom but NTJ as she should not have fed you real cheese. I developed/was diagnosed with lactose intolerance when I was around your age. I ate quite a bit of dairy prior to that. In lactose intolerance, one’s body stops being able to produce enough of the lactase enzyme to digest dairy.

Assuming this is the cause of your symptoms, no amount of dairy is going to help. If you can, might be helpful to see a doctor in case there is another reason that may be causing a temporary sensitivity. I was diagnosed via a nasty b***d test so there was no doubt (thank goodness for lactase tablets!).

My mom, however, was lactose sensitive for a few years and used lactase tablets for a while when eating dairy but later found she no longer needed them.” dorothea1756

Another User Comments:

“While screaming isn’t always the best – to be honest, I find being cool and calm freaks people out more when I should be angry – you are NTJ.

Your mother deliberately lied to you. She messed with your food – and you don’t mess with someone’s food restrictions no matter how much you disagree. Your mother caused you pain – you would be right to apologize for screaming and then tell her that you will no longer be dining with her, and will be taking a step back from seeing her until you feel ready.

I’m lactose intolerant. It sucks. I have had reactions so bad it’s caused inflammation of the bowels. Which, by the way, sucks.

Depending on how old your mother is, she may be of the old-school mentality of “exposure in small doses can cure allergies,” etc. …but lactose intolerance is not a dairy allergy.

It’s closer to diabetes where instead of your body not producing enough insulin, it’s not producing enough of the enzymes needed to consume dairy safely. She needs education – but it is not your job to do that.

For yourself, lactaid pills or chewables are a boon for when you really want something.

Depending on how severe your intolerance is, you could be able to have some aged cheeses, as some cheeses naturally break down the lactose into sugar as they age. But if you are not comfortable experimenting with where the line is, don’t. But you’re not the jerk.

Protect your gut peace – and be glad this wasn’t during the great toilet paper shortage of 2020, because you’d have to bill your mother for every square she made you use.” punnymama