People Don't Realize How They're Perceived In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Parking Somewhere Else And Making My Husband Miss The Parade?
“Our town has a holiday/Christmas parade every year the Friday after thanksgiving. We have never gone to it before, and this year I (F33) thought it would be fun to take my two kids to it. My husband (M32) had to work and would meet us there.
When we talked about earlier I said, “I’m not sure where to park.” He suggested one of the parking garages. After dinner, I bundled up my kids in warm clothes and we headed downtown. Traffic was crazy since everyone in our city was there. The line of cars to the parking garage my husband suggested was so long, it was starting to leak into the main road.
I didn’t love that, so moved to a parking garage two blocks down, an easy 3-minute walk to the parade route.
Once I got to our spot, I texted my husband exactly where we were. He called me at almost the end of the parade and told me he couldn’t find me.
I told him again where we were and how we got there. He told me there was no way to get to us and said “Thanks.” In an annoyed way. I assumed that was the end of the call and hung up.
The parade ended two minutes after that, My kids and I collected our things and walked to our car.
On the way home, My husband texted me “Leave me alone when I get home.”
When we did get home, I left him alone. My kids asked why he was mad and he told them “Because I thought I gave simple instructions on where to park, and apparently that was too difficult.” My six-year-old said, “There was traffic!” And my husband just brushed it off.
“Well, I missed the parade and I’m upset.” He told our child.
We didn’t speak at all until today. I tried to explain that I was sorry he missed it, but I didn’t do anything to spite or hurt him. I can’t control traffic, and I’m going to make the safest choices possible with my kids.
I showed him on Google Maps where we parked and how we walked, because he could have done that as well. He could have even walked to us from where he was, but claims the sidewalks were blocked off, even though somehow when we were walking to our car 3 minutes later the supposed barricades on the sidewalks were nowhere to be seen.
I could see him realize that I was right, he could have easily found us. He changed from “I went where you said you were” to “I went where I thought you were.” But I gave the clear instructions and assumed he would understand them, which was on me I guess.
I told him it was hurtful to be blamed for something like this when I wasn’t doing anything other than trying to be safe in hectic traffic with my two kids and do something fun for my kids. He said then, it was hurtful that I made him miss it and he wasn’t able to spend time with us, and I should have talked to him last night.
I reminded him that he told me to leave him alone, so I did. He told me “If you knew what you did hurt me, why wouldn’t you say anything?” I said, “Please explain how me respecting the boundary you set was wrong.” And he got mad and walked away.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The man is an idiot, cannot follow directions, lies about blocked access to streets (ones you are using at the time), cannot give a cogent argument, has a hissy fit, and last but not least you took him at his word but did not read his mind and realizes bruised ego needed propping up.
You don’t have a husband & two kids you have three kids, your children will mature & grow up but your husband never will. Good luck.” Ireland1169
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband sounds like a spoiled child. I would find this so frustrating. You DID NOTHING WRONG.
He was unable to get to you and then made that entirely your fault. He could not follow instructions. When he finally realizes he might be wrong, he flips it and is mad because you left him alone…LIKE HE ASKED. Seriously, it sounds like you are talking to my 13-year-old daughter.
Self-centered, unreasonable, and just jerkish. This would start a much bigger conversation for me about him being responsible for himself.” OhmsWay-71
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP, your husband is very immature and he’s treating you very unfairly. This can’t continue. I recommend some relationship counseling so your husband can learn how to communicate effectively with you.
Hopefully to realizes when an issue is his to deal with internally and how to apologize properly rather than trying to blame you for everything. I see from your comments that this behavior is not uncommon for him. It’s completely unacceptable. He needs to learn to do better and the right therapist can help him but he needs to be willing.
Even if he won’t attend relationship therapy you could still go by yourself to help you decide just how much of his nonsense you’ll tolerate and whether you want to stay in a marriage like this.” pixie-ann
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Split Our Finances 50/50 With My Higher Earning Husband?
“My (30F) husband (32M) and I have been married for seven years and have a three-year-old daughter, Sophie. I work part-time as a preschool teacher, earning around 30k annually, while my husband is an engineer making over 140k a year.
When we got married, we agreed that we’d contribute to expenses proportionally to our income. This worked fine until recently when my husband proposed that we start splitting everything 50/50. He says he’s feeling burnt out.
He told me that since Sophie was born, he’s felt an enormous financial burden.
Between the mortgage, daycare, groceries, and bills, he covers most of our expenses, leaving him with less disposable income than he’d like. He said he feels like he’s carrying the weight of two adults and a child, and it’s starting to wear on him.
He pointed out that, despite paying for nearly everything, I still find ways to treat myself to new clothes or spa days, and he feels resentful that I never discuss those purchases with him.
I said that my “treats” come out of the small personal budget I’ve carved out by being frugal in other areas and that his solution isn’t realistic.
If we split finances evenly, nearly all my income would go toward bills, leaving me nothing for emergencies or Sophie’s extras, like dance classes or birthday gifts for her friends.
He mentioned that I spend more than 40 hours a week working part-time, caring for Sophie, and managing the household, but he feels like I don’t value how much pressure his income and career put on him.
He said if I started contributing more, he could relax and spend more time with Sophie, which he believes she would benefit from. This is unfair, however, as whenever he does have free time, say the weekend, he’ll be out the door by 7 am and the local runs and will grab lunch with friends.
Repeat another running session the next day. Go to the gym in the evenings.
Things escalated last week when Sophie got sick with a stomach bug. I stayed home with her while he went to work. That evening, I asked him to handle dinner while I gave Sophie a bath.
He snapped and said that I’m always talking about how exhausted I am, but at least I have time to spend with Sophie. He’s running on fumes here, and I don’t seem to care.
We had a blowout argument, where I yelled that his 50/50 plan was impossible unless I quit my job to work full-time, meaning Sophie would have to go to full-time daycare.
Since then, he’s been cold toward me, only communicating through texts about budgeting tools or articles about financial independence.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is an engineer so he knows that his new program isn’t realistic. He chooses to spend his free time relaxing instead of with his daughter or you doing things together as a family.
I am an engineer and I make $150K. Most of my income goes to support my family too (mortgage, insurance, healthcare, etc.) and I have had to work second jobs for much of my career when I made less. He needs to be reasonable and set a budget.
If not, he will find out exactly how little money he would have if he were divorced and paying both child support and alimony. I would recommend financial counseling (not church based) with a qualified third party that can also provide other counseling services. IMO he needs to grow up and realize the value of what he has.
Also, with a 3-year-old, it’s unlikely that you will be able to find a higher-paying job.” Live-Ice7323
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to just go with no jerks here. This is not an AITJ topic. You have a relationship problem. What he is asking is not reasonable at all.
But you also seem to not be recognizing the stress and pressure he seems to be under. Maybe he’s concerned about losing his job and being able to replace it. Most of the responses will say not the jerk because they are focusing on how unrealistic it is for you to be 50-50.
But that is ignoring the underlying problem and letting it fester in your marriage. 99% of the people on this sub do not make money like your husband does. So in many cases, I don’t think they can relate at all. With AI, there are likely to be a lot of musical chairs in 100k+ white-collar jobs.
And the jobs are going to be hard to replace when they are lost.” SDstartingOut
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re providing childcare that otherwise would need to be paid for. If nothing else, that alone makes a 50/50 split unreasonable. But I’m confused, how does he think he doesn’t have enough extra money but you do?
If you’re splitting expenses proportionally to income he should have over 4.5x the spare money you do after expenses. If there were hypothetically 100k of expenses every year you should be paying 17.6% (30/170) and he pays 82.4% (140/170). So you’d pay 17,600 and be left with 12,400 left over and he’d pay 82,400 and be left with 57,600 left over.” sammie_831
20. AITJ For Telling My Daughter Her Dreams Mean Nothing?
“Over the past couple of months, my (49M) daughter (16F) has been having bad dreams. This happens to everybody, but she will wake up and be visibly upset, and if the dream is about us there will be a discussion.
For example, last week she had a bad dream that involved my wife and I. Her dream was supposedly us yelling at her. Initially, we told her that it was just a dream and not to worry, as we had never yelled at her. She then started going on about childhood trauma and expressing emotions.
I didn’t argue, but instead just sat there and listened. I assured her that we are always there for her and she doesn’t need to hesitate if she needs to let us know about something, no matter what it is (this is what I always have said during each of these discussions).
Before that, he had a dream that her partner was being unfaithful to her, which led her to yell at her partner the next day and have another discussion. I asked if there was any reason that would lead her to believe he was being unfaithful, to which she said no but was feeling paranoid.
She later apologized to us and her partner.
Most of the time, there will be a lengthy discussion and then she will apologize later that day. However, today was a bit of a tipping point for me. Perhaps I didn’t need to be so blunt, but she had another bad dream, and this time I told her that her dreams mean nothing, and each time she wakes up she needs to move on.
She then started claiming that things that show up in dreams are a representation of internal thoughts, to which I reminded her that every time, there is a discussion, she apologizes later. I told her the discussions were very draining.
She hasn’t talked to me or my wife for most of the day, and after coming back from going out, she went straight to her room without saying anything to us.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. She’s 16 years old and she has a lot of stress and pressure in her life. High school, a partner, peer pressure, trying to figure out what she wants to accomplish in life, career choices, all that and more. Ask her if she’s thought about seeing her school counselor or a private therapist who can listen to her objectively and help her navigate through everything she’s feeling.
She may benefit from talking about her dreams and nightmares with a professional who will keep everything confidential. She may even feel less paranoid. You’re the parent who’s trying to help and it’s stressful. You’re doing the best you can but you get frustrated, understandably.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“Gosh, to be a 16-year-old girl been there. She’s comfortable talking to you which is good. And yeah, the conversations can be draining. I think she needs to learn some coping skills because it sounds like some anxiety which can lead to overthinking.
Is there not a counselor that she can talk to to help her navigate her feelings and thoughts and provide her with coping skills?” Horror-Baker2854
Another User Comments:
“I suffer from night terrors. I have since a very young age. Waking up from them can be extremely disorienting.
I have recently realized that I suffer from a “nightmare disorder”, I have to try hard to prevent the nightmares. A therapist may not be a bad idea, I was 33 when I realized my nightmares were not normal. She may not understand that her dreams are NOT a normal occurrence.
Maybe get her help.” TheTwinGods
19. AITJ For Not Letting My Aunt Join My Dinner Plans After She Cancelled Our Lunch?
“I was visiting my hometown for two days and planned a full itinerary of visiting different friends and family while I still had free time before I started my new job in March.
I planned my busy schedule weeks in advance, as soon as I decided to take the trip to visit. On the second day of my trip, I was supposed to go on a short hike with another family member, get lunch with my Aunt (Evelyn), visit a friend, and finally, my parents would join me for dinner with my grandparents.
My brother wasn’t joining us for dinner because of work, but I’d be drinking hot sauce with him that night.
My aunt told me she was flexible and good for lunchtime, so we didn’t set a time to meet until the day before when I asked if 12:30 would work for her and she agreed. While I was on the trail with my other family members, I realized we would need to turn around or delay my lunch with Evelyn by 15 minutes to finish our loop.
I texted Evelyn and said that I felt bad, but asked if we could move to 12:45 or 1:00 in case I was late, if not then no problem and I would turn around. She told me 1:00 wouldn’t work because she was busy at 2:00, and that 12:45 would be fine.
When I got into the car and called to confirm with her that I was on my way for 12:45, she asked me if it was possible to meet later in the day instead of rushing before her 2:00 pm appointment. I told her I could find time for her at 3:30 when she freed up, but she didn’t like the idea.
I knew from my mom that she had the intention of inviting herself to my dinner with the grandparents, but she never spoke to me or my grandparents– Evelyn asked me about my dinner plans and then asked to join. I tried to tell her that I would only be spending a few hours with them and that I already made time to spend with her during lunch.
Evelyn was like “Yeah, but why not just dinner. We’re family.” and I responded something along the lines of “I said no. Did you even ask the grandparents?” She hung up on me, and I needed to quickly call Grandma and warn her about Evelyn and reaffirm that I wanted to spend dinner with them.
In her defense, I think Evelyn might be feeling excluded from what could have been a family event. And she might have felt entitled to cancel our lunch plan after I had changed the timing on her.
In my defense, she canceled on me last minute.
If she wanted a larger gathering, she could’ve asked for one or planned her own. When she invited herself to a separate event, she should’ve been prepared to hear “No.” as an answer.
Next time I visit, I’d like to try and throw a small party including everyone in the story, including Evelyn and her daughters (my cousins).
My family has a history of drama, and I’m not used to being at the center. So I’d like to ask, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You seem to be making a big deal about all of this. I’m with her – you are family.
What’s the big deal? And to be clear – she didn’t cancel on you. Technically YOU were the one that overbooked everything. Remember – you were scheduled for 12:30; it was you pushing it back that made it late. And ultimately had her saying, let’s just meet up at dinner with the rest of the family instead of trying to force it in.” SDstartingOut
Another User Comments:
“You are overlooking the fact that you backed her into a tight time spot because you failed to manage your own time. Then, you request a 3:30 lunch, which is only hours after her lunchtime and hours before dinner time. So, she comes up with a reasonable solution, which is to join you for dinner.
And you, because you are being petty, tell her no. The grandparents did not explicitly forbid her attendance. Had they known you had missed lunch with her earlier, they may have been amenable to her coming to dinner. So, this whole thing about they only wanted to see you is not a legitimate excuse.
YTJ.” Unfair_Finger5531
18. AITJ For Not Sharing My Renters Insurance Payout With My Uninsured Friend?
“After my divorce, I found a new house. About a year after living alone, my good friend and her two dogs moved in. Everything was going well until there was an electrical fire at the house.
The fire was in the ceiling and had burned the beams in the house. The fire department had to break through the ceilings, leaving debris everywhere. The afternoon the house caught fire I was home alone with her dogs, I got them out.
Weeks prior to the fire my friend and I had been drinking some wine together in the backyard and I had mentioned she needed to get a renters insurance policy, and offered to give her my agent’s number.
She never got renters insurance.
So, now our house is uninhabitable and our belongings are covered in what I thought at the time was asbestos. I did have renters insurance. I told her at the time of the fire, not to worry that I would try to figure out a place to live.
Well, I did, with my renter’s insurance policy I got money every month to rent a place. I could have found a tiny place for myself and saved some of that money. I did not, I found a large enough home for her as well, and that would allow dogs and had a yard.
The fire happened in September and I covered the Air BnBs through the end of December (4 months). My insurance company had sent a company to my house to clean all the possessions, I did lie to the insurance company and pretended that her room was a guest bedroom so all of her stuff got cleaned as well.
Which she got all of it back.
My friend had wanted to find a more permanent apartment, which makes sense. However, she asked me to pay for that apartment or a portion of it. I told her that made me feel uncomfortable. She then avoided me.
I moved away from the city we both lived in, and it wasn’t until after I moved that I got a text from her. The text very dramatically explained how her heart had been breaking, and how I had chosen money over our friendship. That text enraged me, and I never responded. Our friendship has been over.
But just recently it all got stirred up again. My old friend and I shared a mutual friend, we will call her B. B. and I had been close friends for years, I even lived with her when I went through my divorce before I found my house.
B texted me a couple of days ago, saying it’s been awkward because she and my old friend have become best friends since I moved away, and she has been avoiding my texts because things are weird for her. Now, I took that as B has chosen sides, and I told her, I wanted to take a step back from this friendship (I mean hadn’t she already done that with avoiding me, but just didn’t say it?) Well B did not like me saying that.
I got an explosive text back, telling me my number was deleted it’s a huge weight off her shoulders, and what bothered me, was she said I stole from the friend I had lived with. I have been upset, even crying. Am I not seeing something, am I a jerk, and how would I have stolen from her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This seems like the ex-roommate should have taken your advice to get renter’s insurance. You even lied and said she wasn’t renting to get her possessions cleaned (which I even think you shouldn’t have done). I don’t know how your ex-roommate is saying you stole money from her when you were both in terrible circumstances.
Why would you pay for her apartment? You never indicated you received more money from the settlement, and, if you did, why would she be entitled to that money? You said to her to get renter’s insurance (and even if you didn’t, she should have it.
Have had too many friends that were screwed financially due to not having it). I think you need to talk to your friend B and set the record straight. I think your ex-roommate has been spinning a yarn so hard she’s making a sweater!” Puzzleheaded_Team846
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your “friend” did not have insurance, you did. That is the difference between her situation and yours now. It seems to me she was a bad friend to you, she was just after a free ride with you. I do not have much sympathy for a moocher like that.
She even got quite good use out of your insurance, use that she was not entitled to. As for B if she has latched on to some lies that your “friend” has fed her, well, good riddance! The two of them can walk off into the sunset.” FragrantEconomist386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your former roommate is lying and telling tales to B, for drama or sympathy or to get special treatment from others with her sad tale of woe. B has listened only to the one side, is accepting it as the truth, and never had a conversation with you to hear your reality.
The bottom line is that neither of these people is worthy of the title of ‘friend’. Sorry, you did nothing wrong; you’re just being swept up in someone else’s drama.” TrainingDearest
17. AITJ For Feeling Betrayed By My Partner Over A Planned Surprise Visit From My Mom?
“My (19F) birthday is in a couple of days. I’m living very far from home due to university, so I’d just planned to spend it with friends; have lunch and then go do something fun.
Context 1: Last year my partner (20M) planned a surprise party for me, but people had a hard time making it so it happened a few days after my actual birthday. That and some other circumstances surrounding the occasion resulted in a pretty bittersweet time for both of us (I was sad and he was sad because I was sad, basically).
Because of that, this year I told him I didn’t want a surprise. Besides, I struggle with anxiety, so I felt calmer knowing I could celebrate it on my terms and not make a huge deal out of turning 20 if I didn’t want to.
Context 2: My mom hasn’t adapted too well to my moving away.
My parents aren’t together and live far from each other, so she was pretty much a single mom for most of my life. When I left, it hit her hard. That said, one of the reasons I did it was to create some distance between us.
She can be intense, and I just needed some breathing room. This intensity was exacerbated by the fact that she’s been missing me a lot, and has led to a couple of fights about boundaries and such.
I called my mom today and she revealed to me that she had been planning to come for my birthday as a surprise.
She had planned to gift me a night at an expensive hotel, then spend the weekend. She said she realized it probably wasn’t a great idea because I would want to spend it with my friends. I think the real reason is that she recently had to undergo surgery and traveling in that condition wouldn’t be worth it (before you call me a horrible daughter, I went home, stayed every night at the hospital, and after discharge I took care of her for two weeks).
Over Christmas, she asked me for my partner’s number and I gave it to her with his permission. He had known about the surprise visit all along. I felt so blindsided. If you knew me, you’d know that that kind of stunt would not go well with me at all.
In my shock, I didn’t discuss the matter much with my mother and called my partner right after hanging up.
When I asked him why he hadn’t told me, he got defensive. He said it wasn’t his place to tell me and spoil the surprise, or to tell my mom that I probably wouldn’t like it.
I told him I knew that he hadn’t meant to do me wrong, but that if the day had come and I just found my mother here, my plans made without asking me, with no warning whatsoever, I would’ve freaked out. I told him I felt betrayed that he would put my mother’s desires before mine.
He said he thought I would like it, and that he didn’t like me telling him “he had betrayed me”. Then he “apologized” saying he was sorry if I felt that way. By then I just felt sad and tired, so I asked him to talk later or tomorrow.
So, Am I The Jerk? Am I overreacting? Our relationship is wonderful, but I just feel so unknown all of a sudden, and it is an ugly feeling.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he knows you don’t want a surprise he should warn you. That way if you wanted to accept it you could pretend to be thrilled. Otherwise, you could casually drop to your mom that you will be busy for your birthday with plans that can’t be easily changed.” DiscussionExotic3759
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, except for your mother. Partner was in a no-win situation because I assume he wants to have a good relationship with your mother as the person seeing you and he is just currently a partner so it’s an awkward place for him to be.
If you haven’t already sit with him and talk about your relationship with your mother and anxieties and let him know how YOU would like for him to handle the situation if something like it comes up again. He should have given a better apology as well.” BigBroTKD
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner and your Mom both are, tho…but NOTE: if your telling is true, slight YTJ to your partner if he saw the debacle of your last party and tried to make it better this time around. Only slight, though.
(I’m curious about the “other circumstances for that one, truth be told. Missing Reasons on your part? Something else?) Perhaps you shouldn’t have given your partner your Mom’s contact info. Yeah…your partner did betray you by putting your Mom’s desire over your own…but again I feel he was trying to make up for the previous party and just went about it all wrong.
Oh! And “I’m sorry you feel that way” is in no way shape or form an actual apology.” GeekyStitcher
16. AITJ For Not Wanting My Aunt To Go Through My Journal And Invade My Privacy?
“My Aunt (F30) went through my journal and found all of my deepest secrets.
I (F15) live with my Aunt due to bad relationships with my Mother and stepfather.
My Aunt is a mother of 2 other children (M4)&(F1.5) who we will call Greyson & Ashley. In August of 2023, My Aunt asked me to move in because she knew that it was getting worse living at home, at first I talked to her about everything.
Then I slowly stopped because not everybody needs to know everything.
Me and my ex-partner (M17) who we will call Derek, was on and off at this point and when we first started seeing each other in September of 2023 we were super close I would fall asleep on the phone with him, and everything, well one morning my Aunt had walked downstairs and was trying to wake me up and she saw my phone set up.
She then picked up my phone started reading our texts and hung up the phone. Ever since then, I’ve had a downtime on my phone and she is slowly taking away all of my social media. 1st it was Snapchat now it’s TikTok & X next thing you know it’s Social Network.
Now I’m not good at face-to-face talking because I don’t think before I speak, and I don’t want to hurt her feelings in any way due to my my stepfather. She’s always been there for me but for the past month, I’ve started slowly closing myself off.
I never had my phone out near her didn’t talk about as many things and kept it short and simple. I was never hiding anything from her or lying to her about anything when I started closing myself off she just never knew.
Last week on Thursday I was showing her something on my phone then said “I haven’t looked through this in a while,” and proceeded to go through my phone mind you, I’m 15 and a girl needs her privacy.
She went through my journal and said “You lied to me.” And started getting mad I then said “What do you mean?” She then stated, “You saw Derek again.” And I wasn’t ready for that so I started snapping a rubber band on my wrist and just said “Yeah.”
She has always been overprotective and never really lets me have my own space neither does my Uncle.
I journal on the app Journal on my iPhone after she went through my journal I deleted every single journal I ever did. And was back to square 1, being depressed, mad, and very secretive.
I don’t know how to explain my feelings to her and just want her to put a little bit of faith in me. I’m scared that she might do the same thing to Greyson and Ashley as well and don’t want them to be put through that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but it looks like what you’re looking for is advice on how to talk to your aunt. So I’m going to tell you what this might look like from her perspective. She has really little children. She has never parented a teenager before.
She’s figuring out (incorrectly) what she should be able to see vs where you should have privacy. That’s how I’d frame the conversation. Like, “I appreciate so much everything you’ve done for me, but I want to tell you about something that is making me feel uncomfortable and less at home.
When you go through my journals and social media it makes me feel like you’re scooping out my private insides and putting them on display. I know you just want to keep me safe and be there for me. Can we figure out a way to do this that works for both of us?” Suggestions: have her friend you on social media and look at your posts from her phone (what most parents do).
No reading your journal. She might want to read your DMs or texts… don’t know enough about your situation to judge if that’s needed, likely it’s likely not. Also, do you have a therapist? If not, can you ask your aunt to help find you one, or go to your school counselor or another adult you trust at school?
Another adult can help you have this conversation in a way that feels safer.” books_n_food
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Part of growing up healthy in your teenage years is having a strong sense of privacy to explore things on your mind independently. When you’re online, it’s important to be safe and minimize sharing personal info, but your freaking journal?
That’s all yours! Your aunt has no business looking through what’s your diary, she has a huge problem acknowledging that you have boundaries.” WiseOldBMW
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they might not be aware what they are doing is wrong. Call them out on it.
Because you have a right to your privacy. Some people are just that clueless like your aunt.” byah_Ad6122
15. AITJ For Not Funding My Stepdaughter's Far Away College Education?
“I (51m) have four kids including my stepdaughter. I paid for my eldest kid, Jordan (26m), to college when he went. That was after I had married my wife, Marissa (34f). She has a daughter, Coco (18f) who now wants to go to college next year.
Coco is like a daughter of my own as I married her mom when she was 6 and I’ve been raising her with Marissa since.
She wants to go to a fashion school in New York to study design, art, and marketing. The school is very far away and there are some reasons I don’t think it is the best idea for her so will try and explain those to you.
Coco has a lot of struggles. She has barely managed to finish high school. She gets decent grades but it took a lot out of her even with her IEP. Jordan had a job during high school to prove responsibility and maturity for college but Coco couldn’t do that and keep her grades high enough.
She’s also had a lot more times where she’s broken rules and she’s had social issues. She tends to be very trusting which has been scary before for us and we’ve had to intervene. I don’t know if she’d be able to handle college and graduate and I don’t want her to be so far away.
The path she wants to go down isn’t that stable anyway. If something unexpected happens this isn’t what I want to spend so much money on as she could get hurt or it end up pointless. I have two younger kids to worry about (11m, and 7f).
I talked to Marissa about it and she said that she doesn’t want to be very involved in this conflict. I concluded that if Coco would go to a college close enough to us that she can continue to live here I’ll pay for her tuition but if not then I won’t.
She and I have argued about it multiple times and she is mad at me. Jordan has also started taking her side which makes me wonder AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“A couple of questions: Can Coco realistically get accepted to this school? If she gets in and gets financial aid, would you stop her from going?
It’s fair to have concerns about whether she’s ready for college far from home. Is there something she could realistically do to prove her readiness, or is there nothing that would change your mind? Would she be willing to stay local for a couple of years, then transfer?
Would that be enough to prove she’s capable? You both have more options than you think. No jerks here.” nonesuch
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. As someone who works in college admissions, sometimes we advise an applicant to take a few classes at a community college to get their grades up and get a feel for college-level classes, then reapply to our school.
My friend’s niece from Podunk Midwest went to NYU and flunked out in less than a year because she tried to live the Gossip Girl life of nightclubs, taxis, and shopping instead of going to class, walking, and eating from the meal plan. She racked up an insane amount of debt on her parent’s credit cards too.
I can understand your trepidation about her going to NYC unsupervised.” mycatsitslikeppl
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like an issue for Coco, her mom, and her biological dad. In my extended family, everyone is pretty well off, but stepkids never get free tuition from step-parents despite having a great relationship with the kids.
That’s the natural order of things, you’re not a bank. Support Coco and her dreams, and if she’s ready/serious about this, she can figure out private loans and/or grants & scholarships. Your wife’s answer to this is very concerning, she arbitrarily wants you to pay with no additional detail as to why.
I think a much more in-depth conversation, perhaps with a neutral party like a therapist would be a good place to start to keep emotions out of the conversation.” MooseKingMcAntlers34
14. AITJ For Expecting My Stay-At-Home Wife To Do More Chores?
“Let me start by saying that I am absolutely in love with my wife. She is a beautiful person inside and out. She is also a fantastic mother who cares for our kids with her entire heart.
She is gentle and sweet and makes them feel safe and confident.
We are a single-income family, I am the one who works. My wife is a stay-at-home mom. When our kids were not in school, the house was in a constant state of chaos.
I totally understand this, toddlers are wild, man. Not much got done, but honestly, who gives care, the kids were happy, clean, and loved.
Now, the kids are in school. My wife is a stay-at-home mom and the house is still in chaos.
What’s odd is I am happy, again my wife is sweet, beautiful, funny, and kind.
BUT
– I do the grocery shopping (mostly)
– I do the majority of the laundry
– I make sure the bills are paid
– I clean the car on weekends
– I make dinner almost every night (after working) my wife is a bad cook but so was I until I worked at the skill.
– I sweep and mop the floors
– I take out the trash, etc.
– I could go on.
I work from home so I think I have a good understanding of how she spends her time.
We get the kids ready in the morning together, we go on a walk after.
Then she “eats breakfast and is on her iPad until 11” Now it’s maybe time to get ready for the day, and she will maybe do some laundry, clean a toilet, whatever.
She gets the kids from school, does their homework with them (again, great mom), and hangs out until I’m done working.
Now it’s time for me to cook dinner (I have told her countless times that I would love for her to cook a few times a week so I can spend more time with the kids, but this simply doesn’t happen) by the time dinner is cooked and we eat, it’s now time for a bit of family time and bed.
When I try to talk about this to her, she gets defensive (I try to bring it up gently)
Anyway,y she says that “she does a lot”. I’m sorry, I work from home, I don’t see how that’s possible.
We got into a large fight last night when I ended work early and started cleaning the playroom.
She asked, “What are you doing?”
And I responded, the room has been messy for a while and it’s been bugging me so I’m just cleaning it, can you please do some of this stuff during the day?”
All chaos broke loose.
She stormed off saying that I don’t see all she does, I couch-slept and decided to post this as any normal person would do.
I try to encourage her to do other things that may make her happy, like a yoga class (she has shown interest) volunteer work, or anything to get her feeling connected to a community again, I understand the SAHM life can be isolating. She says she will, but doesn’t.
I think she may be depressed.
Goodness, am I the jerk for working full time, AND doing the majority of house chores and being slightly annoyed by it? I just want to spend some quality time with my kids and not cook and maybe not have to push a mountain of clothes off the bed before sleep?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You hit on something though. She’s probably depressed. Those years before they start school are insane and then they are gone. Now what? It’s as if you need to create an entirely new life. Again. So. Couples counseling. It opens the door for communication and if you go with a psychologist (which I recommend) they are likely to spot depression and urge her to treat it.
You have every right to feel as you do but good insight as to why things are unfair.” trishsf
Another User Comments:
“The playroom is messy – so why aren’t the kids cleaning it up? You didn’t give their ages, but if they are quite young, you have bins where it is easy for them to throw everything in them.
As they get older, the bins get more specific (dinos in the blue one, barbies in the green one) or more specialized – shelving, electronics, lego sorting. I don’t expect a 4-year-old to scrub the baseboard, but I do expect them to clean up the toys that they took out.
If we are playing with something together, then we both clean up when we are done….” FormerRunnerAgain
Another User Comments:
“Normally laying into the stay-at-home parent is a surefire way to get called the jerk. However, in your case, it does sound like you are picking up the larger share of the household chores – laundry, meals, and housework.
And that’s going to be wearying for you as you’ve clearly stated. I think No jerks here – you’re right, it sounds like she may have depression or be stuck in a rut. It does sound – from your side – that the household chores are an uneven split.
You’re not saying you want to make her do everything you’re doing, just for a more even share of the non-child and non-income workload, which I feel is a fair discussion to have. And if it’s getting you down and you’re getting more snappy and short-tempered, that will bounce back onto her and the kids.
I think finding both of you support – as individuals, not just as couples -is needed. Something for you to do to destress, something for her to help her have a bit more variety in the day. Once both of you are in better headspaces then that chore-list conversation can be revisited.” Fearless_Spring5611
13. AITJ For Telling My Friend I Don't Care That She's On Her Period?
“So I (19f) have a friend, Brianna (19f) I usually see her regularly and hang out with her a lot but when I say I don’t want to, she tends to make me feel really bad about it.
Normally I get pretty bad period cramps and there were times I’ve gone to the hospital for it. It can vary where sometimes it’s not bad and sometimes it’s unbearable. She knows my period cramps can be pretty bad and the last time she saw me struggling and throwing up, she seemed to have a hard time and didn’t know how to react.
She constantly brings up how she panicked at the time and couldn’t think of what to do and I don’t want her to experience that again (mainly so she can just stop bringing it up because she knows it makes me feel bad and she still brings it up)
The other day I got my period and Brianna asked me to hang out with her and another friend, Tina. I told her that I couldn’t because I got my period and I was having bad cramps and I didn’t even go to school.
Brianna then tells me that we’re only just going to sit around and study together. I told her I was in pain and Brianna proceeded to say You know, me and Tina are also on our periods” and it was in a bit of a petty tone.
Normally I keep my mouth shut but she has played this card before and the last time she did this, I passed out in front of her and she panicked. I told her “Honestly I don’t care that you’re in your period”.
Now she’s mad at me and won’t talk to me.
I do feel bad now because she may have bad cramps as well but she also never mentions that she’s having pain and usually seems completely fine so maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. Tina called me a jerk but I want to know AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She acts as if all women’s periods are the same, which is not the case. She knows how you are in your periods and she doesn’t face the same thing as you, so it is unfair to say “I have my periods too”.
It’s like someone has cancer, and someone with a cold comes and says “I am sick too”. Your friend is the jerk here. To be honest, I don’t think you should be friends with someone who doesn’t care about your well-being. By the way please, see a doctor.
This level of pain is not normal (and if your doctor tells you it is, change doctor). You may have endometriosis or something like that.” Just perfect
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Anyone can have periods worse than others and it can cause debilitating pain and discomfort and can make them pass out.
Brianna and Tina should be more understanding. Doesn’t matter if they’re on their periods, theirs don’t seem as bad as yours. Also, there’s no excuse for acting petty and rude and calling you a jerk. Real friends would understand your situation and not make you feel like garbage.” [deleted]
12. AITJ For My Best Friend's Valentine's Day Flowers Not Arriving At Work?
“So, this happened on Valentine’s Day. It’s a long-winded story so buckle up.
My best friend’s husband has always been bad with gifts – like she only had one Christmas gift under the tree and it was something she ordered herself.
For Valentine’s Day, I wanted to make sure her dude had ordered her flowers as she had been telling me she really hoped she got some. Called him, and to no one’s surprise, he had not bothered to order flowers for her – and it was the day of.
I told him to just e-transfer me some funds, and I’d run to a flower store and make a bouquet for her, write the very inappropriate message on the card that he wanted on there, and deliver them to her. This was to all happen during my lunch break as I got half an hour longer than my best friend.
He told me he would send the money when I was at the store.
Due to reasons beyond my understanding, my phone company had some kind of glitch and deactivated my sim card, which forced a logout of my Apple ID, and suddenly my entirety of contact info, banking info, and everything is gone.
The phone was an unusable brick. After 3.5 hours I had finally gotten it straightened out. It was an hour before she was done work so I contacted her husband and asked if he still wanted me to make the bouquet and I was so sorry that I was unreachable.
He let me know he pulled some strings and got a flower delivery to their home. Fine with me!
My best friend did not contact me for hours, and when she did, she was extremely hostile and very unempathetic to what I had dealt with that day.
She let me know that it was my fault she sat at work all day waiting for flowers and never got them because my “phone got switched off or whatever”. She still received flowers at home, just didn’t get them at work. I think a “big show” of stuff is important to her.
She still won’t speak to me, and I don’t want to apologize to her for something that was out of my control. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her anger should be at her husband. Don’t try to help. They have communication (or other) issues.
Don’t involve yourself in their relationship. For whatever reason, if things went south again, she would blame YOU instead of the person she is married to.” BreastClap
Another User Comments:
” NTJ. Seriously, your friend is being way out of line here. You went out of your way to salvage her Valentine’s Day and she has the nerve to blame you for not getting flowers at work?
That’s just absurd!! She’s just childish. You don’t owe her an apology for something that was completely out of your control. She should be grateful for what you did instead of throwing a tantrum.” MiaMeadowRue
11. AITJ For Giving Flowers To All My Friends, Including A Male Friend, On Valentine's Day?
“Last week, on Valentine’s Day, a few friends and I (F21) made plans to go out to eat together.
We thought that it would be fun to still do something nice despite all being single. I went grocery shopping earlier that day and saw that they were selling bouquets for not that much so I figured I’d get a few to give to my friends to make them still feel special on Valentine’s Day.
This was a group of four (myself included) and it was all girls except one guy. I actually debated whether or not I should get the guy friend flowers because I was scared that it would send the wrong message but since I had gotten everyone else flowers, I thought that it may actually be hurtful to not get him flowers as well.
I also thought he may just appreciate it since men often do not get those kinds of gifts. I do not have any romantic interest in this friend. At the time, everyone seemed to be very appreciative of this small gesture and we all had a nice night.
Things started to get a little weird two days ago when I was hanging out with one of the girls who we had also gone out to eat with. She started asking me if I had any romantic interest in this guy because of the flowers.
I understood where she might be coming from but at the same time, it seemed a little silly to me since she was there and knew that I had given everyone flowers. I am also pansexual so realistically if the flowers did have romantic intent behind them, there’s no reason why it would be targeted more toward the guy in the group than anyone else.
Still, I understood and told her the truth which is that I have no interest in him and it was truly just meant to be a platonic gesture to make my friends feel a little special. She seemed very irritated at my answer and eventually ended up telling me that it had put her in a weird position because she was interested in this guy.
I had never previously been told this and I don’t think that I really had any reason to believe that this was the case.
I told her that I was sorry and that I have no romantic interest in him, nor do I think he has any romantic interest in me since he seemed to have an understanding that the flowers I got for everyone were platonic, but this friend continued to seem angry despite the apology.
She told me that I should have consulted her or our other female friend before doing it… which I did not consider before because I got these flowers quite spontaneously and I also wanted them to just be a nice little surprise. I told her my reasoning and she said that she just thought that it was very inconsiderate.
Quite frankly, I’m very confused and I’m just wondering if this is a situation where I’m being completely oblivious. Did I cross some sort of social boundary that would make me the jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – not for buying flowers for friends!
You also had no obligation to ask anyone if it was okay to make a nice gesture for a group of friends. If she had feelings for this guy, she should have done something about it herself, rather than blaming you for anything. What a ridiculous thing to be upset about!
You did absolutely nothing wrong here.” SquishyBeth77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Even if you did know about your other friend’s interests in this dude, you had no obligation to NOT buy flowers. The bottom line is you bought flowers for all your friends. There’s nothing weird about doing that.
Your friend needs to be more courageous and express her feelings towards the dude. It isn’t your job to play matchmaker and you don’t have the type of power to keep them apart as this friend was suggesting. In other words, you did nothing wrong and your friend’s criticism is misplaced.” BeardManMichael
Another User Comments:
“So NTJ. That was a super nice and cute thing to do, and I’m sure he really enjoyed being included in the gesture and it made his day. I think it sounds like she’s just mad purely because she likes him, and perhaps perceived an interest (made up or not lol) in him and reacted poorly.
If you were honest and upfront about it, there’s nothing else for her to go off of. Maybe offer to help wing woman her if you think that’ll help.” tarnishedhalo98
10. AITJ For Refusing To Clean Up After My Siblings Because I Own A Horse?
“I 16f am very independent and self-sufficient. My siblings on the other hand (13f and 19m) are completely useless and just game all day then cry and yell if they get asked to do anything.
I own a horse and most of the time I’m not home, and my parents hold that over my head because it is a lot of money to pay. I had a big argument with my mom before she left for a girl’s trip to Mexico (she does this at least every 2 months) about how she has enabled my siblings, then dumps all of the extra work on me.
I explicitly told her that doing the chores doesn’t bother me (doing dishes, cleaning the kitchen, doing the laundry) it’s the fact that my siblings don’t have to do anything while I have to do everything and clean up after them.
She yelled at me for over a day about how I was ungrateful and spoiled for not doing what I’d been told, which is completely untrue because I still did what she asked. I was just trying to express how frustrated I have been because since I’ve turned 10 I’ve been expected to be a mother.
She completely dismissed all of my feelings and then said I must have had a horrible life and that she was just a bad mother I had already explicitly told her that I think she is a good mother and that it’s a very hard job, which is why I think everyone should pull their weight and it shouldn’t be all on her or me.
The day she left I just couldn’t handle the fighting anymore because I had tests and had to meal prep for myself, so it all just got swept under the rug. I cleaned the whole kitchen 2 days ago and it’s already completely trashed, and my dad told me that I needed to clean it all up because it was disgusting.
So I said no, that all of the dishes in the sink and trash everywhere weren’t mine but he said I had to do it and it wasn’t up for discussion. I get that they pay a lot of money so I get to do what I love, but my siblings still get a bunch of stuff that I don’t get, am I the AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“A parent paying for their kids’ passions and hobbies should not be a transactional experience, it’s what a good parent should do (if they’re able). It sounds like you are very good at communicating, and I’m sorry your parents don’t seem to want to listen.
NTJ. Keep trying to get them to listen. If they don’t, you’re only a few years away from being able to leave – and then they’ll be forced to get their act together once you’re no longer in the house. If it were me, I’d never speak to my family again, but that’s your choice to make.
I do find it interesting that you’re the one who became the parent-child when you were in the middle. Most of the time it’s the oldest – do you know why your brother was exempt from this?” allisonjpeg
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being parentified. These are not your children.
You do live there and are part of a family, so helping out now and then and cleaning up after yourself is expected…this sounds like a whole lot more. You can change this dynamic by paying for your horse directly by earning money at a job at home or elsewhere.
Service fee. Cleaning the whole house once a week = x amount and so forth. Babysitting siblings = x amount per hour per kid. Call a babysitting agency to see what they would charge for these tasks. Keep track of the hours you work at home one week first to see what you should be earning vs the cost of the horse.
Then present this to your parents professionally and calmly. Or stop horseback riding. At 16, I’d be saving my money where they don’t have access to it and focusing on that and doing extremely well in school. At 18 have a detailed plan you do not share with them, on moving out, in case they try to keep the status quo going by keeping you there.” Antelope_31
Another User Comments:
“Sad fact, parents have leverage. It’s your horse. They are expensive to board shows, vet bills, and shoeing. The less leverage anyone has over you, the less control they have. Now, weigh the options: 1. Sell the horse 2. Keep as is, and consider your service payment for the horse Understand that when you are an adult, you can leave.
Get a plan, and don’t burn your bridges. You may perceive your parents as being unfair, but you may need them for university expenses, etc. Let your emotions dissolve a bit, and be a bit more tactical and transactional.” loves caratss
9. AITJ For Wanting To Enjoy My Music Concerts My Way Without My Wife?
“My wife doesn’t like the music I listen to, it’s ‘shouty’ and ‘gives her a headache’, that’s fine. We either listen to music we both like or I wear headphones. We go to a fair amount of gigs (of our music type) together where we either sit or stand off to the side.
For that type of music, I don’t mind and I enjoy that experience.
For the music I solely like, more punk/rock/pop-punk vibes, I enjoy being closer to the front, pits if they have them, just be where there’s more energy and you’re with people screaming the lyrics back at the band.
I haven’t been to a gig of my music taste for years but last year I went to one with a friend and had such a great time. I’d forgotten how much I enjoyed it. So wanted to do more this year.
There are a couple of bands coming to our town next month, both within 30 minutes of our home.
I asked her if she wanted to come – she said no. I bought two tickets to one of the gigs and one to another.
I told her I bought the tickets for myself, which didn’t go down well because I didn’t specifically tell her I would still be going after she said no. She’s also mad that the two are so close together (in the same month)
Anyway, my Dad is in town for the first so he’ll be coming with me to that gig. I spoke with my wife about that today and that was fine I then mentioned the second (pushing my luck probably) she said let me listen and decided she would come.
There are still a few tickets so I can get her one not a problem.
I mentioned to her that I want to ‘be in the mix’ and close to the front to which she said categorically not and the expectation would be for us both to stand off to the side, as we normally do.
I replied that if that’s the case I would prefer to go alone and enjoy my music the way that I want to.
An argument broke out in which she likened it to me destroying a toy because I can’t play with it the way I want.
So, am I the jerk? Should I be happy that she’s offering to come with me and watch the gig from the side? I feel like at this point I’ll just be stood there resentfully.”
Another User Comments:
“Why is your wife trying to gatekeep your band experience?
It’s super weird and controlling she would try and encroach on a band you like that she didn’t originally want to go to and then diminish your experience. Let her stand on her own on the side and you have fun upfront. My friend’s wife does this to a lesser extent – invites herself to gigs she doesn’t like and then he feels obliged to stand at the back with her and then tells me after how he wishes he got to come closer like the rest of the friends do.
It’s very selfish in my opinion. NTJ” Maximum-Ear1745
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You asked her before you bought the tickets and she said no. Then she listened to the band and decided that she would ao see them live. You already planned to be in the pit/close to the stage.
If she wants to see the band live with you next to her, you can go together next time the band is around. I’m old(-ish) and you won’t see me anywhere close to the pit. But I wouldn’t mind my friends leaving me in the back to go have fun in front of the stage.
People have different ways to enjoy live shows.” Ok-Carpet5433
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am a huge fan of a particular band, and my other half is not. I’ve got myself a pit ticket for a couple of gigs later this year, and he is not coming, because as I said to him, “he would suck the joy out of it”.
Similarly, my other half is into thrash metal. I don’t go to those gigs because I don’t enjoy them, and he wouldn’t enjoy them as much if he knew I was just putting up with it for him. I mean everyone is an adult and we can enjoy things in our way.
We don’t always have to be joined at the hip and do the same thing.” mavwok
8. AITJ For Being Upset My Deputy Organized A Team Gathering While I Covered Her Shift?
“So I am a store manager at a large UK retailer and we employ a team of 12 in our store, a fortnight ago we had our belated Christmas night out/meal as we could not find a suitable date that worked for everyone to be able to attend during December and wanted to make sure that we could all go.
Once a date was set a colleague who is the member of staff who is in charge of social gatherings etc booked a dinner for us at a restaurant not far from where the store is for 6.30 pm on a Saturday evening.
We always have our staff schedules posted at least 4 weeks in advance to allow for those with childcare needs etc to have plenty of time to sort that out and our management staff work weekend on – weekend off.
When the schedule for the week of the night out fell, it was my deputy and another female management colleague’s weekend and I was off, I was approached by my Deputy to ask if I would be willing to work the shift on her behalf so that she could spend the afternoon getting ready, I told her I was apprehensive because last year’s meal fell on my weekend on and I had to work it and didn’t think it was right that I should do it again, she argued that I didn’t need to get ready, makeup, etc and all I needed was a change of clothes, despite my apprehension I decided I would do it for her.
Fast forward to the day before the meal, she approached me at work to say she was going to send a message around all the team to let them know that she was going to be ready at about 5 pm and that everyone was invited to join her in a pub for a drink and she was letting me know that she was doing so before she put it on and I got cross.
I told her that I thought I would be very poor if she did so because I wouldn’t be able to attend said gathering because I was at work covering for her and I would have attended otherwise. Regardless she did so anyway but waited until she finished and I couldn’t say anything to her, because I wouldn’t call her out publicly in front of others and certainly wouldn’t want to discourage others from going because what they do in their time off is up to them.
Naturally, I got pretty angry at work, and whilst not outright calling her out my mood visibly changed as much as I tried to not let it, another colleague who is close to my deputy kept prodding and prodding at me about what was wrong and I eventually lost my composure and told her that my I thought my colleague was out of order for doing so when I had graciously arranged to cover her shift.
Come the night out the next day no one attended the pre-drinks at the bar other than my deputy and the colleague who I had got cross with at work, because it turns out they all thought it was poor as well. This has in turn created a workplace split between those 2 and the rest of the team, and the 2 feel it is my fault.
AITJ for making a big deal of this or am I within my rights to be angry that my deputy was arranging a team get-together that I wouldn’t be able to attend due to covering her shift.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your colleague asked for a favor, you (when you didn’t have to) agreed…
then she proceeded to not show the same courtesy. (keeping you out) but in the end those who tried to discriminate against you…. end up exposed because of their poor judgment and wrongdoing……. which the rest of the staff, clearly have seen. Let them be….if only she had an ounce of sense in her brain, she would have approached you and apologized. But I guess it is too much to ask.
It’s hard to work with a narcissist. Good luck.” binsomniac
7. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Stay With Me After My Aunt's Death?
“I (23F) could use some perspective on a recent situation involving my partner (25M) following the passing of my aunt. We’ve been together for 5 years, and my aunt played a significant role in my life, essentially raising me before I moved to the States.
When I got the news of her passing, I flew home immediately for the funeral. My parents joined me a couple of days later.
Given that I was away for about a week, I asked my partner to take care of some things at my place, like feeding the fish and taking out the trash. However, he complained about the inconvenience, questioning why I couldn’t ask someone else to do it.
Understandably, I was already stressed about flying back for the funeral, being there for my family, and dealing with my grief.
Feeling guilty for burdening him, I eventually compromised and asked him to check on the house at least every two days while I was away.
Fast forward to when I returned home about 10 days before my parents did. I was feeling incredibly depressed and didn’t want to be alone. Since we both work from home, I asked my partner to stay with me. Initially, it was comforting having him around.
It motivated me to stay active and distracted from my grief.
We also had made weekend plans to go skiing with friends, plans that were made well before my aunt’s passing. It was a good distraction, being with friends, and even hosting a small Super Bowl party afterward.
But once everyone left and the house was empty again, the sadness and loneliness hit me hard. I asked my partner if he could stay just one more day because I wasn’t ready to be alone yet. Instead of understanding, he got upset, calling me selfish for asking him to stay and saying he felt like a prisoner.
He even complained about me taking up all of his time.
It made me feel bad and it made me feel even more alone and unsupported, I broke down. I tried to explain that I just wanted someone to be there for me, especially since my family back home were all together, grieving and supporting each other and I didn’t have family around.
He reluctantly stayed and said he might feel resentful because it felt like he didn’t have a choice. It hurt because I didn’t want to force him to be there for me.
Now I’m left questioning if I was wrong to ask for his support during such a difficult time.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Why doesn’t he want to spend time with you?? Especially after being together for 5 years? He works from home how hard can it be to work from your home.?Do you guys see yourselves moving in together in the future? Because if he already doesn’t want to spend a few weeks with you it doesn’t seem like he’s looking forward to that.
I’d think you’d like to spend time together, especially after 5 years. And it’s not like you’re making him spend the whole day at your house and saying he can’t leave at all I’m guessing? I don’t think this is a good sign sadly. Not the jerk tho!
He should be there for you to comfort you, he should want to be there for you!” Peppa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m going to do the cliche AITJ thing and say: DUMP HIM He is not partner material, it’s times like these where those qualities become not only the most obvious but also the most important.
You lost a family member and are in mourning, he should WANT to be there for you however he can, he should WANT to stay with you and keep you comfortable knowing how hard this is for you. Complaining about the inconvenience of checking on your fish and place for you – telling you he feels like a prisoner staying with you -telling you to stay one more night “might” build resentment.
There are more flags those are just the brightest ones, are all flags indicating that he already resents you, he already dislikes you. I can’t think of any other reason to treat someone the way he is treating you right now. You do not deserve to feel like a burden, you are not a burden, you are a human who is going through a difficult time and needs the support of your partner.
That’s what a partner is for, to be there for one another, to love and support one another. It is not okay for him to drag you down and make you feel this way. You are not selfish, you are not inconsiderate, you are not demanding, you are not insensitive.
All of these things are being projected onto you by him. You deserve worlds better and I truly hope you know that, if not before writing this post I hope you know that now. There are amazing loving and compassionate guys out there, he is not one of them, and he chose to show those colors to you now.” CowardlyGhost99
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Further Renovate My Flat For My Friend?
“My BFF (34) is going through a not amicable divorce and is supposed to move out along with her two kids (a boy age 6 and a baby girl age 2).
Although her ex is fairly well off and she is used to comfort, she is ready to be free at all costs. We live in Europe so she will only have minimal financial support.
As she was desperate to find a suitable place, my husband and I had a flat rented out, which was going to be vacant, so I offered it to her.
She’s seen it 6 years ago. It has a mortgage so she will only have to pay this, which is half the amount for a similar flat.
The condition for the rent is to be minimal as we’ll only make slight adjustments when the tenants that inhibit it leave.
Sadly, those people left the flat in an awful state, so we ended up exceeding the budget for it 3 times. We used extra effort to renovate it as fast as we could, so she could move out quickly and we wouldn’t lose a full month of rent.
She saw it a week ago and was enthusiastic and even got the key, so she could start to do some cleaning, purchase a bunk bed for her kids, etc. It is livable, although it is not new, but it still can be rented out for around 50% more than the mortgage.
She will need to deep clean it herself, including some nasty stuff in the bathroom, deal with bad tiling, and buy the desired bed for her kids on her own. We will need no prepayments from her side, nor will she start to pay rent until the end of this week.
We don’t know if she will stay for six weeks or a year, and neither does she.
Yesterday I got a call from her, complaining about the general condition of the property. She complained a lot and wants us to pay for professional cleaning, to change the rusty mirror in the bathroom, and to change some of the appliances in it.
I agreed they are not new, and that I can arrange some additional budget for cleaning help in the next week, but this is it. She argued that nobody will be OK with this flat as it is, that even if I rent it to a stranger it must be ready to move in, and that now she is grossed out by some parts of it (like the distance between the tiles).
I tried to be understanding but felt crushed because she told me she was the one doing a favor by renting it now as it is and having to accept those things. It felt like she was making a mistake like she struggles with all the work she is doing, so I explained to her that it is not too late to drop it and find a different place to rent.
But for this price that is what I can offer. My husband is saying that I put my friend above our family because we can profit from the flat to at least cover some of the expenses we have incurred. We feel like we are the ones doing her the favor, and he doesn’t want to pay a dime more for that flat.
So, AITJ for knowing the place does need work done, but not willing to do it because these are the conditions and she can take them or leave?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If her rent isn’t covering any bills except for the mortgage, she is living free there.
If she wants the flat deep cleaned, she should pay more ‘rent’ so you don’t have to sit on the costs. Or she can rent another place for double the price she would pay in your flat. The only exception is if there is still money for the deposit from the first tenants.
Then you should use this for the renovation” Trevena_Ice.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not only for another tenant you would have first, last, deposits, etc., you could afford new things and deep cleaning. Plus, you would make more money. By letting her pay much under market value, she should just accept and take it, or find something else.” JGalKnit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Beggars can’t be choosers. You are doing her a favor by renting a flat for half the price. So tell the little princess you would be more than happy doing all those things the day she pays full rent. As long as the place is habitable to the local standards and that is good enough for the housing people, it should be good enough for her.” Mustng1966
5. AITJ For Being Upset At My Husband For Buying An Expensive Car Without My Consent?
“Finances have always been a heated discussion between us. We both value different things. A recent example he got upset with me buying Mickey Mouse ears for our kids from a thrift store for a family vacation (that his dad paid for) to Disneyland but has no issues with eating out often.
My husband totaled his car on Monday. He was looking at his phone and ran into the side of a building. Wednesday morning he asked me to drive him to a dealership 45 minutes away to look at a brand-new electric vehicle that was out of our price range.
I asked him to try sharing our other vehicle for a while and take our time shopping around. I work from home and his office is within walking distance of our home. We could share 1 vehicle. It may not be ideal but we could make it work.
He was dead set on buying this brand-new electric truck. I drove him to the dealership and hoped that he was just getting a closer look at the truck and would think it over. He asked my opinion several times between him talking to the salesman and I told him he shouldn’t do it, reiterated that we should shop around, etc. He bought it even though the payment was over $1000/mo.
I’m mad. I told him I felt disrespected, and not heard, he had unfairly accused me of buying our kids used items for a vacation saying the money was tight, that I think he’s selfish, my car is 20 years old and if he thought we could spend that much on a car payment he should have chosen something cheaper for himself and bought me something new too.
I resent him right now and I’m having a hard time being cordial. Today is his birthday and I didn’t do anything special for him. Am I being dramatic and unreasonable? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband is very selfish and irresponsible. He only thinks of himself and I am pretty sure this is not the only disrespectful incident that has occurred. People do not change and are who they are- and resentment does not subside.” Revolution_Bry
Another User Comments:
“I love that he rewarded himself for recklessly crashing with a brand-new vehicle. Want something new yourself? Just destroy it without thinking of the family finances. NTJ. He celebrated himself enough already.” Major_Barnacle_2212
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Nintendo Switch With My Sister?
“I, 18M, asked my bio dad for a Nintendo Switch for my 16th birthday not thinking he’d get me one because I’ve always been the kid left out and forgotten. But to my surprise, a few months after my birthday, he dropped off a Nintendo Switch with the info that it would also be my sister’s, 14 at the time of writing, as well, turns out she wanted one too and it was almost her birthday then.
At the time, I had no issues with this and let her play on the system and even take it home (I didn’t live with my bio dad but my sister did).
A few years later I had invested a lot of money into this system – new controllers when the old ones broke, games, travel cases, and screen protectors.
With them only buying a few games here and there and my sister didn’t play on the system that often, so I expected her not to purchase much for it. She even had a lot of classic Nintendo systems for herself to play on that my dad had bought for her and him to play together.
Then, a few months ago, my father ended up in prison for 20 years. I was way more hesitant to let my sister have the switch after this because my bio dad was the most responsible person in that household, and he constantly forgot to take me and my sister to medical appointments (still haven’t seen a dentist in the past 6 years).
And when I was about to cave and let my sister take it over there against my better judgment, may I add, I found out she had stolen my old DSi and a few of my 3DS games even though I had caught her with them.
She swore up and down that she had found them for me and was going to give them back.
My DSi had been missing since 2018, and I later found pics of her and her parents on the DS the whole time it had been gone.
My dad had taken it a few months before and said he had lost it, and by looking at the pics, it appears he had given it to her.
And so, because of all of this, I’m worried I’ll never get my system back if she takes it, and if she does return it, I’m worried some of the stuff I’ve bought will be gone either from her losing it or from her mother stealing it and selling my stuff.
I’ve tried explaining this to my grandma, but she says this isn’t fair for my sister and that I need to share the system with her because she has just as much right as I do to it. I then reminded her that I don’t care if she plays on it so long as it doesn’t leave our house.
She and my sister have still been pushing me to give her the switch and keep telling me I have no right to take the system from her. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here honestly, you’re kids arguing over the console, world-shattering stuff this is not.
You’re 18, either going off to college or getting or getting a job. If the former, leave the console with her, it sucks a little but it wouldn’t be fair to take it off to college with you if it’s shared, just be the bigger person.
If the latter, just buy your Switch, they’re not that expensive these days, get a basic model and just keep your games and any peripherals you’ve already bought, then give her the old one to keep. You’re her big brother, be the bigger person.” Remarkable-Intern-41
3. AITJ For Dedicating My Book Only To My Professor And Not My Family Or Friends?
“I am dyslexic, and I’ve struggled with every subject in my life except English. Five years ago, I picked English as my major in college, and shortly after I started, my professor told me she saw the potential in me and constantly encouraged me to write a book.
My professor was the only person that kept encouraging me. I had an idea for a book and told my professor about the idea. She has contacts who work in publishing and told them about it, and they were keen to get this idea published. This book has taken me five years to finish as although writing is my strong point, there are still some aspects I was struggling with as well as that I had to keep editing bits out to make the publisher happy or change some bits.
At the start of the book, there’s a “with thanks” page that authors normally use to dedicate their book to someone or to thank someone. I wrote with thanks and dedication to my professor “insert name here”. I also did an acknowledgment, mine was pretty much a letter thanking her for her support in detail.
During this journey of writing a book, no one apart from my professor and her contacts supported me.
My book hasn’t been published yet, but I do have a few copies before its release, and I showed the book to my family as I was proud.
To me, writing a book with dyslexia is a massive achievement; unless you’re dyslexic, you don’t truly understand the struggles we face, and it feels like I can do anything now that I’ve got a degree and a book published. When my family saw the with thanks page and acknowledgments page they were upset that they weren’t mentioned. I showed my friends the book, and some of them were a little hurt they weren’t mentioned in the book.
Am I the jerk for only dedicating my book to my professor and no one else?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it’s your book and for you to decide who to dedicate it to. If your family or friends failed to provide any support or encouragement they shouldn’t be included. Maybe you can write your next book about unsupportive families and you can dedicate it to your family for inspiration :)” Szabidoki
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve accomplished something wonderful, and the first thing these people think is, “But what about me?” These people are not your supporters. You can’t share your successes with them. The people who share your joy are your friends and family. The what-about-mes are not.” AdOne8433
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wow. I am truly proud of you AND impressed with your achievement. Don’t feel guilty- if you had included your friends and families in the acknowledgments, it would water down the impact that your professor had on you. And this person deserves much accolades.
Hold your head high. This was an amazing accomplishment.” Dark54g
2. AITJ For Asking My Friend To Buy Her Own Rock Climbing Gear?
“So my friend and I recently got into rock climbing, I got into it a few months ago and she then started liking it as well. I let her borrow my extra harness (which is more comfortable than renting one out) as well as some carabiners and chalk.
We go climbing once or twice a week together and she uses my extra harness when we climb. She recently bought some shoes, a chalk bag, and a belay device. I was expecting her to also buy her harness as well as carabiners.
Recently I asked another one of my friends to join us and wanted to lend her the extra harness because it is more comfortable than the rentable ones.
I didn’t ask for this because I felt uncomfortable and unsure how to broach the situation. So my other friend just used the rentable one.
I bought a new harness because I wanted one without leg loop tightening, I also wanted to bring my other friends climbing and have a comfortable harness for them to climb in.
I have borrowed it out to other friends as well as my friend who I regularly climb with.
Well, this weekend I have another friend coming into town, so I asked for my harness back after our climbing session so that I could give it to my friend to climb, as well as my carabiners.
She was a little taken aback (I have asked for it back before to give when climbing with other friends who are usually first-time climbers). She said she might want to rock climb this weekend with another friend and asked if she could keep it.
I said no because I would like my friend to climb in a comfortable harness. This was the first harness I bought and I found what I liked and wanted in a harness from it, and thus the reason I bought a new one.
My friend has been rock climbing for 4 months.
Am I the jerk if I asked her to buy her harness and the rest of the necessary gear she needs?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s reasonable to borrow from a friend the first few times to establish whether it’s a hobby they’d like to continue.
Now that it’s been 4 months, I’d expect that she would want a harness of her own, and it’s reasonable for you to ask her to buy her harness so you can continue inviting more friends to the sport, the same way you introduced her. If she takes issue with this, it’s not your problem.” reticulocyte.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It was nice to let them borrow your equipment to try it out. Time to tell her you were happy to lend it in the short term but long term she should get her own. Offering your help, in the form of expertise not money, in purchasing her equipment would be extra kind as a friend.
But if you offer that I’d make it clear she will be paying ” a_lee4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a perfectly reasonable request. Sounds like there may have been some misunderstanding/miscommunication with you lending her your spare. And she thought she could keep it indefinitely?
Either way, you’re not the jerk. You’ve done her a kindness these last 4 months and now she’s more serious about it, she can get her own harness.” jerkchickennnnn
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move To Florida To Be Close To My Wife's Parents?
“My wife 23f wants to live in Florida not because of the interest but solely because of her parents.
My wife is currently in the Navy but will be out late next month. We have built a life together: cars, a house, 2 dogs. Rarely do we ever fight, or disagree sure we are humans after all but never name-calling or anything of the sort.
We have been planning to move back to Japan. I was all for Japan because I knew it would be safe for her and our future kid. After discussing it she was against it because she didn’t want to live in a different country from her family.
I obliged and realized she’s got a point and was okay with that.
Next, I wanted to move to Texas, again we can afford a nice house and a safe area and we can still live our normal lifestyle. She stated that she hated Texas after her time living there.
As much as I wanted to move to Texas I understood her point and said okay that’s fine no worries.
Her parents decided on a whim that they wanted to move to Kissami FL. I have no problem with her parents moving they are adults, allowed to make their own decisions.
Now that her parents are moving to Florida she wants us to follow. Also, we found out that she is pregnant with our first kid.
I realized the area that her family is moving to is not somewhere I want to raise our kid. I don’t think it’s a good area and it won’t be safe for our kid or her (my concern).
I expressed to her about what I think and that it’s not a good idea to move there. So my wife’s mom (call her Jill) is telling her that she needs to move in with the parents and that if I loved her I would follow her.
I expressed that I’m not taking away her family and we can always come visit and see them and vice versa, but Jill is telling her that if she moves to PA then she’s never going to be happy and always depressed. Basically filling her head up with lies.
Yet she claims that whatever she wants she’ll support it.
After sitting down and talking about our future together or separately, I still want to be in the kid’s life and be heavily involved. But at the end of 4 days, my wife said that she’d trust me and moved with me.
She proceeds to tell Jill that she wants to stay together and continue building our family. Jill proceeded to call her names and claim that have fun being manipulated and depressed. I can’t believe you’ll stoop that low. Naturally, my wife got upset and was like I’m going to lose my parents.
Then tonight she told her that if she lives in PA she is going to be white trash. She proceeded to ask me why PA, and I told her because I was injured in the Marines and we don’t have to pay property taxes which is huge.
Then Jill tells my wife if she moves to NJ they will stay instead of moving to Florida.
So AITJ for not wanting to live in Florida to be close to her parents, and am I responsible for causing this argument and almost divorce? Please be honest I do truly want what’s best for my kid and her, but more importantly the kid.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe she should think about the kid as well and not her parents. You’re right about the fact that y’all can just visit them, I don’t think most people move to the place their parents are at every cost it’s weird.
The fact that Jill resorted to name-calling and saying random nonsense just shows desperation and it’s really bad from her side. You’re right in this, don’t worry.” GoodbyeMyLife
Another User Comments:
“I wouldn’t want to move to FL for a variety of reasons. I’ve heard that hurricane insurance is getting out of control and corporations are just leaving the state instead of trying to keep insurers.
I only point out that specifically because you mentioned taxes. I also wouldn’t want to go through my maternity care in FL either, but your wife may not have that concern NTJ.” PuzzledUpstairs8189
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife needs to see her mom’s interference and emotional manipulation as a threat to your family.
It’s only going to get worse when she interferes with how you choose to raise your child. In some cases, close family isn’t healthy. While Florida and Texas have some worrisome politics, families live happy and healthy lives in all 50 states. Find a place that speaks to you and settle in, make friends, and firmly keep boundaries around the Mother-in-law.
That’s way more challenging than a zip code.” OhioPhilosopher
