People Press Their Luck In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Refusing To Continue Babysitting My Niece For Free?
“I (f19) have a 3f niece. My sister (F22) is currently in a troublesome relationship with her other daughter’s (8mosF) father.
After the birth of her youngest, she moved in with him permanently. Due to this, I had to take on watching my niece during the day so her dad could go to work. It was Monday through Friday from 6:45-3:45. Because of this I couldn’t get a job to help pay for my upcoming college needs.
I should note I received no payment for this.
After about 7 months of doing this (about two weeks ago) my mom and I went on a trip and I told her after I return I won’t watch her 3-year-old anymore, so now it has fallen on my mother and her.
I think I might be the jerk because my mother has been asking for “one day” away, but I told her to respect my boundaries and stop asking me. I have been in a place where I was sick and needed a break and I wasn’t given one.
My grandpa told me today “one day you’ll need help with something and I’m going to tell you that you can suffer.” I stated again “I will not watch her anymore, so please do not ask. The answer will always be no.” AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell Grandpa that what he said demonstrates that no good deed goes unpunished. You already gave them seven months of free full-on childcare, but apparently, that means nothing at al,l and refusing to continue putting yourself last means your family will get revenge on you.
Would that ever change no matter how much of your time and effort you give? No. If you are the solution to their childcare problem they won’t find another one. It has already been shown that your sacrifices will not be appreciated and will only be seen as what they are entitled to.
Your sister needs to sort her life out and find a solution that isn’t you. Your grandpa needs to turn a stool upside down and choose a leg to sit on.” jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re 18 focus on doing whatever you need to be doing to get yourself away from your family.
Explain to them how you spent 7 months not working on yourself because you were a babysitter. Suggest alternate arrangements: you can take classes during certain times to accommodate babysitting but only if it’s a paid job. If not, get a job and save up in a hurry to leave.
Tell your grandpa you will offer the help of babysitting if he offers the help of financial support.” SnooHesitations9269
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your whole family is acting like you are nothing more than a babysitter to all of them. But you are a fully autonomous human with plans and a life of your own and they are just using you.
Your grandfather’s statements are awful and imply that you should give up any will that you have for what they want you to do. Your sister got into the mess she is in and it is not your responsibility and you have been way more than supportive and she’s lucky that you’ve been there for her.
But your family expecting you or even demanding you work for free so that you can’t even get a job and save up for your own college is abusive. Again, they are only taking advantage of you and you have to take care of yourself.” [deleted]
21. AITJ For Resenting My Parents For Charging High Rent While Living At Home?
“My mum (F 62) and dad (M 72) have me (F 22) and my two siblings (M 21 and F 25) living at home. My parents live on the dole and have never worked a day in my life. They are horrible at saving and are constantly borrowing money from us.
They have been charging us rent since we left high school, from 150 a fortnight originally to 200 once we got decent jobs. And now they are wanting 300 to 400 due to rising inflation in Australia. Each of us now paying 400. Giving them 1200 a fortnight. We are not home all day like them using electricity etc, they don’t buy all our food and don’t drive me around (brother and sister pay for petrol).
Everyone else I know living at home doesn’t even pay to stay with their parents and think it’s ridiculous the amount we have to pay. When I bring it up to my parents my mum acts like the victim and my dad starts yelling. They didn’t even receive this much when we were younger from the government.
I can tell they are using our money for other things. I have brought it up to my dad and we had a screaming match about how it’s too much vs him stressing how he can’t afford things etc. I told him he shouldn’t have had kids if he is just using them for financial gain.
I constantly feel like we are being taken advantage of.
There is a housing crisis in Adelaide and he knows even if we wanted to move out we can’t find a place. I said some mean things but feel like they were justified. Am I the jerk?
I’m just adding this here. In no way am I asking to pay nothing. I’m simply saying that my siblings could move out or pay off a mortgage at that price. I want to stay paying at 200 AUD.”
Another User Comments:
“Forget Adelaide. If you guys have no ties to the City of Churches, (work, school) you could literally BUY a house together in regional SA or regional Vic, and start a new life in a new town, for the cash you are feeding to your parents.
You could buy a house 45 minutes from Bendigo, or Ballarat, or Wodonga, and find work in the area and live like kings for that money. You could literally pay the house off in 5 years for that money, and then move on to your own lives (houses, partners, etc) and rent the thing out as an investment until you’re old buggers.
You’re being exploited. This is massively shonky. This is the kind of shonky stuff Tracy Grimshaw has dreams about. Yes, your parents are taking advantage of you. Join forces with your siblings, and help yourselves, because you sure as heck can’t rely on your parents if they’re treating you like this.
NTJ, all of you. Burn your bridges and live your best lives.” NoraPann
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Move out with your siblings and rent something. Also, in my country, you can sue your parents I believe as long as you are studying. Maybe it is also possible in Australia?
Or maybe it is possible to sue them for the money you have already paid them? And make sure your parents don’t get any benefits for “supporting” you. What your parents are doing is terrible. It was their responsibility to support you, not the other way round.” magdalenka20z
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to refrain from making an actual judgment but I’ll add my two cents. First, it’s not wrong for parents to charge adult children rent if they make their own money. My younger sister has been paying rent since she left school at 19 and got a job.
I personally never paid rent because I was still in education and my dad received child benefits in my name (which amounted to about 220€ per month, my sister paid 200€ in rent). I moved out during university and started paying my own rent from my part-time job, but if I’d lived at home, I’d have had to pay about the same as my sister.
However, second point, the amount your parents are charging you and your siblings is insane and unreasonable. I also had a friend whose parents made her and her brother pay an unreasonable amount and they’re much happier now they’ve moved out. I hope you can either find a place to live or a middle ground with your parents.
I know it can be hard finding a place and my current one is (hopefully) just bridging so I can save up for somewhere nicer. Good luck!” bonjourmarlene
20. AITJ For Wanting My Family To Do More Chores Because I Earn More?
“I make pretty solid income working in tech, my spouse works in the public school system and earns a modest hourly wage, two kids are in middle school, and the cat sleeps all day.
They’re off for the summer living their best lives, I continue being available for work 10-12 hours a day.
WIBTJ if I told them they’re neglecting chores like doing dishes that pile up in the sink and cleaning the cat’s litter box that hasn’t been cleaned out in a week?
If it’s suggested I can just as easily do those chores myself, would I be a jerk if I responded that I make most of the income that permits them to live the way they do?
Yes, I need to have a sit-down with them all and we need to discuss roles and expectations, I’m just caught between being diplomatic and telling them how I really feel.”
Another User Comments:
“You would be a jerk if you told them that. And you’re a jerk for even thinking it. Yes, you need to have a sit-down as a family and figure out a way to all contribute to chores according to age and availability, but telling them they have to do it all or most of it because you make the income is beyond jerky.
Your children are your responsibility. Providing for them is not only a legal requirement of yours but also just the bare minimum of parenting. It’s not remotely something you can dangle over their heads. Your spouse works too. Them making less income than you doesn’t mean they work any less hard than you.
You making more than them doesn’t entitle you to have them be your maid. It’s disgusting you even think of it. I think this all boils down to you being jealous because your spouse’s work field gives them some downtime during summer and yours doesn’t.
As for your children, if you’re jealous of them enjoying their summer then you’re just a terrible parent. Rethink your views on marriage and family before having this talk with them. Because you seem to be expected to be catered to as the breadwinner. And you’re in for a big wake-up call if that’s the case.” Jolly_Tooth_7274
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If your wife got a winning lottery ticket, would you then proceed to do all the chores in the house while telling her she doesn’t have to because she’s now brought in more income than you? It’s not about income, and I think you should examine your attitudes around relationships and families regarding income.
It’s about division of labor. It makes sense for you to do fewer chores if you spend more hours working. Everyone needs to spend time making the household livable. Doing chores is part of that. Working is part of that. I also think you’re teaching your kids a terrible lesson if you do no chores.
Your wife makes income too, so if you do zero chores and she does all of the chores, you’re basically demonstrating to them that her income and time and labor are worth less than yours. And that doing chores is a game of trying to figure out what you can lord over the other members of the household to get them to do chores, rather than doing your part.
And chores shouldn’t be about “how you feel”, it should be about what’s fair. Nobody wants to do chores!” charonthemoon
Another User Comments:
“You would be a jerk, I’m in the same boat, I work 6 or 7 days a week to support a family of 5 on my own, my wife is a SAHM, which I agreed to, and while she keeps it clean on her own volition, I have 0 expectation for her to do anything, even if I work all day my home life is separate and still my responsibility, no dinner when I get home fine I’ll cook or order out, laundry not done, I’ll go do it, house not clean, I tidy up myself.
I have never 1 time asked “why is X not done” nor would I ever. If you want your house to maintain a specific standard that’s a you problem thus your responsibility. Just cause you make more doesn’t mean anything. Also another thought, this world is going downhill fast, things are going to get a lot worse, so don’t sweat the small stuff and let your wife and kids live their best lives now cause it may not last.” Big_Fly_1561
19. AITJ For Not Giving Up The Gym Machine To A Woman Who Left It Unattended?
“At my local gym this afternoon, I was headed to the calf raise machine and set up shop.
I was halfway through my first set when someone started hovering behind me. When I finished the woman said she was on the machine. I said, “It didn’t look like it, there was no towel, weight, or water bottle and you weren’t in the area.”
She said I was right but she was about to start but saw a friend so walked over to say hello and chat. She said she’s back now and asked me to move. I asked if she wanted to work in and she said no, she wants her machine back.
I had enough by this point so put my headphones back in and went back to work.
The manager was nearby and didn’t care at all. But the guy she was with shook his head at me and mouthed something on my way out.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She chose to leave the machine and go talk to someone else. Even if she had left the equipment there, it would have been rude to monopolize the machine while doing other stuff. You even offered to let her work in which is a totally legit offer and very reasonable.
She’s entitled and needs to get over it. She doesn’t own the gym. I also would have stayed and finished the sets after that and maybe done one extra just for good measure.” Blonde-Engineer-3
Another User Comments:
“People like that are why I bought my own weights and just workout at home.
It was so annoying waiting on some dumbbells and watching the person “using” them just play with their phone for over ten minutes instead.” BeefJerkyHunter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve turned my back for five seconds at the gym and had a machine I was going to use taken in the meantime.
I might get frustrated but it’s with myself for not just hopping on – the other person paid the same as me to use the machine and has every right to be on it if I’m not actively using it. I just ask politely to work in if they take a noticeably long time or I wait my turn.
The fact that you offered to let her work in was plenty nice enough.” heyjupiter
18. AITJ For Not Wanting My Half-Brother At My Graduation?
“My dad got remarried about 6 years ago when he got his partner pregnant. I never liked her, so you can imagine I was not thrilled. They never invited me to the wedding and basically pretended I didn’t exist which honestly messed me up pretty good at the ripe age of 12.
My dad and I talk now, but I’m not close with him, my stepmom, or the two kids he’s had. He’s tried to force me into having a relationship with them. Example: bringing them along to our monthly dinners we have without telling me, or making plans saying it’ll be the two of us, and then all four of them show up.
I’ve told him on multiple occasions that it makes me uncomfortable that he doesn’t tell me that they’re coming and then they just show up.
Anyway, my high school graduation is this Saturday. We were texting about it earlier today, and he told me the eldest kid, we’ll call him B, is going to be there.
He’s five years old. I’m upset because instead of my uncle using that ticket, a five-year-old who isn’t going to even remember my graduation is. I want to tell him I don’t want him to come, but I know he’s going to try and guilt trip me which he also frequently does.
Am I the jerk for not wanting him there?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Agree with prior posters that your dad put little to no effort in raising/supporting you. This being the case the people who attend your graduation should be those who were there for you and you specifically want to include.
So yep I would suggest inviting your uncle and finding a friend who needs an extra ticket to give the one that would have been your dad’s. You can always send your dad pictures.” 3Heathens_Mom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. STAND YOUR GROUND FFS just tell him that either it’s just him, not his do-over family and he’s honestly a deadbeat if he can’t find someone to be with that at least gets along with you, trying to force you to bond with kids you have nothing in common with.
That’s him trying to avoid his mistakes. Just say to him “Either you come to this ALONE or you and I aren’t going to have a relationship, I hope you enjoy being one of those parents who finds out their oldest child is married or is having kids of their own either through the grapevine or on social media.”” BCB0mB3RB0Y
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Matter of fact, I’d uninvite your brother AND your dad. This is your day. You bring those who make you happy and leave behind people who don’t. If he’s guilt-tripping you, set a hard boundary. You’re graduating high school so I’m assuming you’re an adult now.
You get to have a say in how people treat you and you get to do something about it. If he turns the guilt switch on, tell him you’re done with the conversation and mute the incoming messages. You did and said your part.” Huff-le-puff-
17. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Homophobic Sister's Wedding?
“I (21F) came out as lesbian to my family when I was 13, everyone was very supportive except for my sister (27F), she didn’t believe in the LGBTQ+ community, and she would often whisper slurs under her breath, usually calling me slurs that I won’t say here.
It irritated me but I let it slide, this would happen a lot.
She met the love of her life (34M) and they are getting married. My sister asked me to be one of the bridesmaids, I declined and said I wouldn’t be attending her wedding after all of the things she said to me when I was younger.
She blew up at me and told my family that I hated her. Now all of my family is mad because I won’t go to her wedding. I feel like a jerk now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Does she not have anyone else to be a bridesmaid?
You are not required to attend a family member’s wedding, but it is usually nice to do so. Having said that, it doesn’t sound like your sister made any effort to apologize and right her wrongful treatment of you. If she isn’t willing to support your efforts to find love, why would she even want you as a bridesmaid?
That’s supposed to be for your closest friends! If she is trying to reunite you in some way, she is going about it all wrong, but it sounds like she just wants her way. I wouldn’t attend that wedding either.” GuardEnvironmental83
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Honestly, I’d be going even further and adding the family to a group chat – including her fiancé – to make it clear. “Hi everyone, I’m very sorry to not be making it to [sister’s] wedding. I’m afraid I don’t know how to set aside her verbal abuse for the better part of a decade, including all the times she called me [slurs], and I can’t be there to support a day of love for someone who has never shown me anything but hate.
That said, feel free to donate to (your LGBT charity of choice) the costs of what would have been my bridesmaid dress and accessories.” And leave.” friedapplecake
Another User Comments:
“WHAT!!! Your sister is a bigot and expects you to put your feelings aside after she for years has been and is homophobic, and now she has a problem with the fact that you don’t want to go to her wedding.
That’s not your problem that’s hers. She brought this on herself she just wants to look good and she’s using you. Well done for not putting your beliefs aside just to make her look good. That’s on her not you. Please stand by your decision you really don’t need someone like that in your life.
Where was she when you came out, yes she was there but making snide and disgusting comments that really is on her. What is she going to do if one of her kids turns out to be LGBT? Make them feel like she did you.
NO you’re doing the right thing by staying away she’s a hypocrite and you’re not. Good luck and hope you have a great life, by being true to yourself. If your family can’t understand why you won’t go to a hypocrite’s wedding then that’s on them.” truthlady8678
16. AITJ For Not Putting My Office Chair On The Mat Per My Fiancé Requested?
“We’re getting married later this year and we just bought a house. Tensions are high.
The other day he walked into my office, we chatted for a bit. Then he saw that the desk chair was directly on the carpet and not the mat thingy.
It was that way because I was moving the room around. He asked me to put the chair on the mat thing.
I said I didn’t have time, stupid response sure. I was stressed out with work, on the verge of a breakdown, and didn’t think it was that big of a deal.
When I said no, he got all angry because how dare I do something that is going to destroy the carpet. I am a sloppy maniac who can’t take care of anything nice.
Later, I saw a tree blowing outside the window. I told him to look at it in case we want someone to come take it down.
His response “maybe if we’re lucky it will fall on your office and we’ll be able to replace the carpet you just destroyed.”
Anyway, there are more nuances to our relationship but that’s my side of this one small interaction.
Thoughts?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ for defying him, no. You’re kind of a jerk for continuing with this, as he’s apparently incapable of dealing with issues like an adult. My husband and I bought a house a few years ago. It took us months to get our finances in order.
We moved in the day after Christmas that year. We were extremely stressed out. We snapped at each other a few times. But it was always relatively harmless, no name calling, just “get out of my way!” or whatever. AND we both always apologized for it.
The way you describe fighting with this guy reminds me of how I fought with my ex. And makes me thankful all over again that I left him. This kind of fighting should not be in a marriage because marriages are for adults.” MadamMarshmallows
Another User Comments:
“Um, NTJ, but y’all need to hold off on tying the knot until you resolve some of those issues because they’re not going to magically go away once the paperwork is signed. Seriously, though. Every couple fights a bit, but if he’s really tearing you a new one over something as trivial as a chair crushing the pile on a new carpet, you’ve got problems. Also, I mean, really?
Freaking out over an office chair on the carpet? Are you guys planning to actually LIVE in this house, or just enclose it in shrinkwrap like a collectible so it never loses any resale value? God help him if you ever have kids, or get a dog.” Ippus_21
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It may just be that the new house needs its first scratch so that it stops being new. Leave the chair and pour a glass of red wine. If he mentions the damage pour the wine on the carpet. Tell him now the carpet really is ruined so he does not need to worry about it.
If you two can work it out then get married. Otherwise, sell the house.” gastropodia42
15. AITJ For Not Letting My Baby Sister Play With My Necklace?
“I (16F) attended a sporting event yesterday with my family. This includes my one-year-old sister – whom we’ll call Ellie for privacy reasons in this post. She’s super attached to me, so I had her on my lap during the game.
At one point, Ellie started to get really fussy and fidgety.
She started tugging on my necklace and trying to put the charm in her mouth. I told her “no no, sweetie” and took the necklace away from her. We did this back and forth a few more times before I gave up and stuck the necklace down my shirt so she couldn’t get to it.
When she realized that she couldn’t get it anymore, she had a very loud meltdown. My stepmom stepped in at this point, but she was absolutely mortified. She started lecturing me about “being the grown-up here” and that I should have let Ellie have the necklace because it would have kept her quiet.
She even threw in an “I’m sorry sissy was mean to you” to Ellie.
AITJ for taking my necklace away from my baby sister?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I guess your stepmom won’t be satisfied until she has to rush her baby to the ER to dislodge a random item from her throat.
Some children are mouthy, and that’s why they make chew toys for babies that they can safely place in their mouths without the risk of swallowing them. Being the grown-up sometimes means setting boundaries, even if those boundaries cause a child, who is often incapable of understanding the boundary, to have a meltdown.
You didn’t do anything wrong, and the baby didn’t do anything unexpected. Your stepmom should take her own advice and start acting like a grown woman.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“Hi, mom of a 14 month old here. You are so NTJ. And in this interaction, you definitely were the adult and your step was not.
You protected something you care about. You also protected your sister. Toddlers are strong, she definitely could have broken the necklace and ingested the pieces. I bet Mommy dearest would have blamed you for that too. Not to mention that yes, babies and toddlers have meltdowns.
It happened. Nothing to be mortified about. The parent thing to do is to help them calm down and regulate their emotions. She is not doing her job as a mother and dumping it on you. I hope you can get away from that environment soon.” Certain-Business-632
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ellie’s probably teething and liked your necklace because the metal was hard and cold and felt good on her gums, but you’re not obligated to let your little sister chew on your necklace even if it hadn’t been a choking hazard.
Did your stepmom not bring any toys or teethers for Ellie to chew on? Because the correct response when a kid that young is chewing on something they shouldn’t is to redirect to something actually intended to be put in the mouth. It is the parents’ responsibility to make sure their child has the things she might need during an outing, and at this age that includes teethers.
(Other people have already suggested chewable jewelry, but if your stepmom continuously fails to bring teether toys and you rightfully don’t want to spend your money on stuff Ellie’s actual parents should be buying, then the cheapest and easiest teether toy for your sister is your own little finger, especially if she doesn’t have any other teeth yet in the area.
Just make sure to wash your hands first.)” meumixer
14. AITJ For Refusing To Fund My Parents' House Remodel Despite Covering All Other Expenses?
“I used to work in a different line of work and was living by myself in another city until 2020 when I moved back in with my parents due to my dad going through some medical issues and my mom having to become a caregiver for him for a period of time.
I had just switched jobs and now work 2 fully remote jobs from home with extremely flexible working hours which has allowed me to essentially become a pseudo parent for my younger brother who is 12 years my junior.
I (29m) currently live with my parents (late 50s) and my younger brother (17m).
I do not pay rent; however, I take care of 100% of the monthly bills/groceries for the house (owned by my parents) after moving back in and have been paying for any maintenance costs for anything that has broken down in the last 7 years. I have also paid for new appliances to replace broken ones including a new refrigerator, a new washing machine, and 3 new A/C units.
I am also currently taking care of 100% of my brother’s college tuition and will be for the next 2 years, paid for his driving lessons, paid for an old car for him, and paying for his rent and food (college is in a different part of the country), and paying for his air tickets to come back and visit once every 3 months.
(at the request of parents)
I paid for my own way through college as my parents did not support my choice of studies, including working myself to death to pay for food and lodging during that. I have basically been supporting myself since I was 16.
I basically had no social life during that because I had to work 3 different jobs to make ends meet.
My parents want to do a major remodel to the house that will cost a not insignificant amount of money. Yes, I am making enough money to pay for all this, but this is where I am putting my foot down and I refused. My parents insisted that since I am living at home and have not paid a single cent of rent for the last 4 years this is a very reasonable request.
The drama has now spread to my extended family and my aunts and uncles are now texting me and saying that I am an ungrateful child since I am refusing this and are trying to pressure me into paying for the renos.
I think that I have paid for more than enough in the last 10 years considering all the financial responsibilities that I have taken on.
So, internet, AITJ for not wanting to pay?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents chose to publicly denounce your contributions to the family. Therefore you have every right to clear your name to the same people. Make a list showing every expense that you have covered and had planned to cover.
List all the responsibilities you handled on their behalf including childcare care while your brother was a minor as well as everything that you pay for him now. Include the fact that you have been paying for all your expenses well before you became an adult, as well as the fact that you paid for your education yourself.
Perhaps you should offer to stop paying for everything else and offer to pay a fair market rent which they can use to pay for their own renovations. You can even offer to pay back rent for the past four years as long as they first reimburse you for all the money you spent on them.
I suspect paying rent would be far less than all the time and money you invested in them. Your parents should be thanking you for everything that you have done for them including helping your father with his medical needs instead of complaining that they want more.
Maybe it’s time to move out and put your own needs first and let them realize what they aren’t appreciating? How dare they lie to the extended family about your contributions to the family.” latents
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stop telling yourself that you don’t pay rent.
You are, almost certainly, paying more than you would if you were paying rent for a room and the use of the public spaces. Of course, I’m going to tell you to move out. It’s long past time that you do so. But their expectations of you financing their entire lives is much too much.
Plus the cost of paying for all the household’s costs is disgusting. It would be a good exercise for you to add up everything you paid in, say, the last two years for them. Include your brother’s tuition. Divide it by 24, the number of months.
That’s what you can afford to pay monthly for your own place. If you live in a HCOL area, think about roommates until you have saved enough or are earning enough to find a place of your own.” McDuchess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell them fine, if the problem is that you don’t pay rent, you are happy to start looking around and find a place for yourself.
Since the situation that you moved home to assist with is no longer an issue, there’s no need for you to continue to live with them and you will be happy to get out of their way. And then start looking at buying your own home, because with all that you cover for them, it sounds like you can afford the down payment and monthly bills for yourself (including mortgage).
Since they haven’t been paying any of the bills lately, give them a list of the average monthly total that they will need to start paying for themselves once you move out. Whether you include your brother’s tuition in that or not is up to you.
P. S. Good for you for putting your foot down. You may be able to afford the reno… but you would be doing a disservice to yourself and your future to pay for something that you have no equity in.” animaniactoo
13. AITJ For Asking My Roommate To Have Her Mom Visit Earlier On Sundays?
“I (18F) live with my roommate (18F) who I’ll call Suzie, and we live in a shared dorm room (standard dorm: small open room, no privacy) at college.
Suzie lives very close to the college, and goes home for the weekend every Friday, and comes back to the dorm on Sunday nights anywhere from 10-10:45 pm, (sometimes but not always, later). On the other hand, I do not live close to college, so I don’t go away on the weekends.
Every Sunday that Suzie comes back to the dorm, her mom also comes with her to our room to put her stuff away, clean, etc. Her mom doesn’t stay a super long time (I would say 15-20min., on occasion longer), but mainly my issue is the time that she has her mom over.
Honestly, it’s just in general frustrating that it’s every single Sunday that her mom is in our room at that time, but I’m not really sure how much I have the right to tell her how much she can have her mom over? Probably not much I can do there, but I digress.
Also sometimes her mom tries to make small talk with me, when, in the nicest way of saying this, I don’t want to feel like I have to talk to her every time, yet I don’t want to come off as rude; I just don’t want to feel pressured to talk/be “on” when her mom is here, on top of the time that her mom is here.
Suzie is just extremely dependent on her family, and I don’t know her very well and respect her in that way for the most part, it’s just that habit has made living with her kind of frustrating in the sense that I feel like I’m living with a little sister.
I just don’t know what to do because I don’t know how to go to her now after it’s been going on since school started and set a boundary with her.
So, WIBTJ for going to her and asking that she come earlier with her mom if she really wants her mom to come in with her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Does your dorm not have a guest curfew? Maybe that was just my school. Freshman year and dorm living is HARD. Can you imagine paying as much as you do to a landlord and they put you in the same room as a stranger?
Insanity. You have to communicate with each other or it’ll boil over. I’d just say “hey is there any chance when your mom comes that it could be a little earlier? This is kind of my wind-down time.” Unfortunately, it is her room too, so if her mom can’t come earlier you should just accept that it’s 20 minutes of discomfort.
It does sound like you have every weekend to yourself, so make sure to count that blessing.” VelvetPenguin87
Another User Comments:
“Slight YTJ, OP. That’s learning to live with a roommate. They will do things you don’t like. Like have their family come in. I could see it being a big deal if mom was staying for 30_ minutes, but 15 minutes?
You’ll live. If not, then go hang out in the lounge or something. You’re just beginning your college life and this seems pretty tame on the roommate scale. And the mom cleans? That’s cool! Is she stealing your food? Leaving messes? Coming home heavy drinker at 1 am and waking you up?
No? You’re good.” Beautiful-Tourist-70
Another User Comments:
“You wouldn’t be the jerk to ask her to come a bit earlier, which is perfectly reasonable because that’s fairly late on a Sunday night. Just say something, it’s not a big deal. It’s not like you’re telling her.
Her mom can’t come over or do any kind of stuff like that. You just don’t want someone over at 10:45 PM. It’s perfectly reasonable to not have her have guests over after something like 8 PM on a school night. The alternative is her mom doesn’t have to come in.
The best way to handle it is just to be really nice and say you’re totally cool with her mom coming but it’s just a bit disruptive that late at night and you really wanna stay focused for the next day.” Prestigious_Blood_38
12. AITJ For Offering My Estranged Sister A Smaller Share Of Our Father's Inheritance?
“I (30M) have two older half-sisters (44F) (39F) who each have their own mother, and a younger brother (27M).
Our eldest sister lives in Africa (she is 1/4 African we are not).
Our father passed away 3 months ago. He had a family trust which possesses half his assets and it is split evenly amongst the 4 children.
His Will holds another house worth ~1.7 million dollars. This house is split between the younger three siblings and his caretaker who worked for him for 20 years and invested a small sum into a business he owned. There is also a house in Africa which he has left to my eldest sister’s grandmother.
My father and eldest sister had an argument two years ago over a house my sister owned. I wasn’t involved and my Dad knew I had a good relationship with my sister so he didn’t involve me in any way.
My eldest sister spoke to me about the argument once when he was alive and mentioned that he threatened to cut her out of the Will.
My two oldest sisters don’t talk and haven’t for years, again because of a financial dispute over the same house.
When our Dad died and I read the Will I immediately told my sisters that I felt it unfair. The Will was written 2 years ago when the big dispute happened and I felt like the relationship between my dad and eldest sister had been improving.
I felt that perhaps he would have updated the Will had he lived longer. I don’t think he expected to die (I certainly didn’t) but also he had been in hospital for many months and was 72.
Fast forward a couple of months and my two sisters are still not talking, but we have proposed that all 4 of us dilute our share of the 1.7 million dollar house from 25% to 22.5% so that our other sister can get 10%.
I spoke to the eldest sister on the phone and she was unhappy with only being offered 10% and instead wants an even 20% between the 5 of us.
I haven’t spoken to her since yet but after thinking about it for a day I feel it’s wrong that she feels so entitled. I felt the additional 10% was a nice gesture, especially considering she will still get 25% of the trust. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, your role as executor is to execute the will as written, not to revise it. The only discretionary power you have is to interpret things that are not mentioned in the will. You are duty-bound to follow your father’s will as written.
If you feel that your sister was hard done by your father, you are free to give any portion of your share to anyone else. You are not authorized to change the terms and reduce anyone else’s potion, even with their agreement. Each person must act on their own initiative after the proceeds have been distributed in accordance with your father’s instructions.” kol_al
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if I’m understanding this correctly….the trust is split amongst the 4 kids…the main house worth 1.7 is split between the three kids and caretaker (not the eldest)..and the house in Africa is to the eldest’s grandmother. Who will get the grandmother’s house in the future?
Will it just be the eldest sister? If so, I don’t think she should get any part of the house… but if you all decide she should…10% is more than fair considering that by diluting the percentages any further…you’re screwing the caretaker as she isn’t getting anything from the trust. That would also mean, at the end of the day…the eldest would have most of the inheritance.” ostrichfood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – 10% of $1.7 million is $170K, which is pretty high in a Will. It sounds like the family has included the sister in the amount from the Will when it wasn’t necessary as indicated by feeling like it was unfair and may have been changed had he lived longer to reflect the improvement in their relationship.
So, it sounds like she’s a little too entitled and may need to understand that $170K is higher than the current version of the Will.” DetectiveQueasy1711
11. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With My Sister About Babysitting Her Kids?
“I (29F) love my nieces and nephews to pieces, but my sister (33F) has started relying on me way too much.
I work a full-time job, and I have my own social life and responsibilities, yet it feels like every weekend or evening she’s asking me to watch the kids so she can go out or just “have a break.” It started as the occasional favor, which I was happy to help with, but it’s turned into multiple nights a week.
Recently, she asked me to cancel my plans last minute to watch them, and when I said no, she got really upset and called me selfish, saying that “family helps family.” I reminded her that I love her kids, but I have my own life too, and that it’s not fair for her to expect me to drop everything whenever she wants a night off.
Now she’s telling other family members I’m being unhelpful and making me feel guilty for setting boundaries. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And be firmer with her. “If you bad mouth me to others, you should get a new babysitter. I already helped you X number of times this past month alone.
Going forward, you need to ask me a week in advance, and if I have other plans, you ask someone else with no issues. You also say please and thank you and don’t take me for granted. I love my nieces and nephews but I don’t like your entitled attitude very much right now.” And if you need to limit it to a certain number of times a week or month, then tell her that too!” Trick_Delivery4609
Another User Comments:
“I believe I might be the jerk because I decided to stop helping my sister as frequently with babysitting her kids, which directly affects her ability to take breaks and manage her own time. By setting boundaries, I may have come off as unsupportive or selfish, especially since she relies on me to help with her kids and sees this as something family should do.
My choice to say no could be interpreted as letting her down or not fulfilling a family responsibility, which might justify her feeling upset with me.” Acrobatic_Raise9279
Another User Comments:
“”She got really upset and called me selfish, saying that “family helps family.”’ I’d love to know the last time she helped you with ANYTHING.
Let me guess; she doesn’t pay you either… You have helped family. You are not required to be her on-call (probably free) babysitter until the end of time. You are an adult with your own life and responsibilities. She chose to have children, therefore, finding care for them is HER responsibility.
You can point out to all the family members she’s complaining to all of the childcare you have provided that she has not shown any gratitude for and encourage them to feel free to take over the childcare themselves if they are so worried. NTJ.
Your sister is being entitled, ungrateful, and rude. Keep your boundaries and don’t let her continue to walk all over you!” KimB-booksncats-11
10. AITJ For Wanting To Bring My Own Allergy-Safe Products To A Friend's Sleepover?
“I’m going to a friend’s house soon to sleep over. I’ve been there before but had to leave early because her mom is obsessed with everything lavender-scented; air fresheners, her laundry detergent, dish and hand soap, even her feminine products. I am very allergic to artificial scents like these and I will break out if I use their products (it’s happened before.)
I was wondering if I would be the jerk if I brought my own toilet paper and possibly hand sanitizer or hand soap? I asked my friend’s mom if she’d be okay with me bringing my own products next time I’d come over and she told me I don’t need to do that (even though I was literally breaking out in hives and had to take medication for it).
I’ve texted my friend about it and she said her mom would likely be upset but I should do what I need to to be comfortable. So WIBTJ? I’m contemplating not going if I can’t do this.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t really think it needs any further discussion, just put the things you need into a small tote bag and carry it with you into the restroom.
A polite person wouldn’t ask why you’re taking the bag in with you but if they do just say that it’s your personal toiletries that you need for your skin condition. If they give you trouble over this, then you may just be incompatible with this family because it is completely reasonable for you to carry with you things that you need to stay healthy and comfortable.” NotThisAgain234
Another User Comments:
“Don’t ask! Just do it. No one needs to know what you’re doing in the bathroom! If someone brought their own soap to my house because it’s their fav and good for their skin I’d think nothing of it.
If they asked to borrow some, I’d think nothing of it. To each their own! And whatever happens behind closed doors with hygiene is certainly none of my business. If I know what type of TP is getting used, we’ve run out of things to chat about.
NTJ.” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“Lol the fact you broke out on hives and the mom didn’t see an issue with it baffles me. Since you didn’t add ages… If you’re a teen, have your mom remind the other about what happened the first time.
That’s putting her kid in danger, not cool. If you’re of age, tell your friend that if you can’t bring your own products you will not be staying over because it is a health issue and the mom is being insensitive. NTJ.” Reddit User
9. AITJ For Yelling At My Neighbor For Idling His Noisy Truck Early In The Morning?
“My neighbor keeps idling his big, noisy truck at 4-5 am outside my house, waking me and others up regularly.
It is always for about 30 minutes at a time and most of the time he isn’t even in the vehicle (he turns it on and goes back inside his house).
Until now I have said nothing because my spouse didn’t want to rock the boat.
This morning we both went outside and once my partner saw who it was immediately went back in. I couldn’t contain myself and began yelling at him from outside my house — I angrily said “stop doing this!” possibly including a few expletives.
AITJ?
I’m not proud of it but I am so tired. Between him and another repeat offender (a different issue that I have been to the authorities about), I am completely sleep-deprived.
And it’s so unnecessary on this neighbor’s part — the truck is new and it’s a balmy 80 degrees so he doesn’t need to warm the engine…
Note — I have called the police and council before and as you might guess, NADA.”
Another User Comments:
“Yep. Have you ever just talked to your neighbor to let him know that his noisy truck is annoying you into temporary insanity?? No you did not.
Had you and he ignored you and kept doing it, but you didn’t. Unfortunately, that makes you the …well..you know. People are not always aware that their actions have adverse effects on others. It doesn’t make them bad people, just makes them not your favorite neighbors.” Maleficent-Set5461
Another User Comments:
“I understand your frustration. My place is on the parking lot. So. Much. Loudness. To me, it should be common sense that a big truck is loud. Heck, that’s probably one of the reasons they bought it. While you could’ve handled it better, that type of stuff builds up.
You probably had neighbors in their beds applauding you. BUT…. I might suggest going over there later and saying, “sorry about what I said when I was exhausted….” and maybe explain how he’s waking everyone up and wasting gas, or whatever. Good luck and I hope everyone gets some sleep soon.
One question though, why did your partner even go outside if she didn’t want to do anything? Surely you both suspected it was Mr. Rattail again?” Apprehensive_OlCrow
Another User Comments:
“I once (sort of) got a guy in trouble with the military over something similar.
He parked outside my bedroom at our complex (he was somewhere in our building), and at about 3 am, he’d sit and idle and rev his illegally loud muscle car for roughly fifteen minutes. It rattled my entire apartment. I was working from 7 am to 9 pm at the time, so naturally, I was not pleased with my precious sleep being disrupted. My roommate caught me looking for something to smash his windshield in with one morning.
I barely remember this – but I had apparently very noisily gotten a pipe for a hammock stand out of the closet and she came out of her room to me trying to figure out how to get outside to put it through his windshield.
She got me to go back to bed. He was military and she had friends on the same base and got him reported. I don’t know the precise results but he stopped parking near the building and eventually undid the illegal muffler job. I don’t have any advice, but sleep deprivation can make you absolutely crazy.” kalluhaluha
8. AITJ For Kicking Out My Freeloading Best Friend?
“I (23f) come from a somewhat wealthy family and my parents have always helped my siblings and me financially. I got my bachelor’s degree at 21 and have a relatively well-paying job.
I have a best friend (24f) we’ll call her “Emma”.
A few months ago I moved into my own 2 bedroom apartment in a suburban area. Emma, a week after, called me and asked to crash for some time as her significant other had kicked her out and she had nowhere to stay.
I asked her if she had asked her parents or any of her siblings to help her and she said she wanted to live with me since we are closer. She also said in her words “Friends are supposed to be there for each other, why can’t you just help me?
Besides it’s only for a little while.” I agreed to let her live with me while she gets her stuff sorted out.
Ever since she moved in Emma:
– Does not pick up after herself, there are dirty clothes and dishes everywhere. I am always making an effort to keep my living space clean and she just messes that up.
– She has expressed a dislike for my cat and even once let it out in the hopes that it gets lost or never comes back.
– She doesn’t contribute to the apartment and does not seem to want to get a job. She has a business management degree so I’m assuming she can at least apply for some jobs with that.
– She takes my stuff for example wearing my tops and even using my makeup.
I asked Emma how far she is with getting in a better position and she told me that she’s not ready yet and she will move out when she gets her stuff in order.
I reminded her that I only agreed for a short while but it has been 3 months already. She shut me off and went to the bedroom.
The following day I called my sister (26F) to come and talk to Emma. Long story short a friend fight ensued (verbal), Emma saying all sorts of things like “You are just born with a silver spoon in your mouth and have no idea about reality and how life is.” She ended up packing up her stuff and leaving.
Now our mutual friends are telling me Emma is posting stories on Instagram and shaming me and my sister. Some friends are calling me cruel for kicking her out at a low point in her life while some are saying Emma needs to learn responsibility.
AITJ for kicking her out because we’ve come a long way actually since high school and I feel somewhat guilty.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Whether you come from a wealthy family or not doesn’t matter. You got your degree, you got a job. You got your own place.
And just as you move in she’s having trouble. Her finding an excuse to move in with you was planned. She thinks that because of your wealth, you should pay for her life. She doesn’t have a job and doesn’t plan on getting one.
Any friend who thinks you kicked her out when she was down just volunteered themselves for her to stay with them. Make it known too, “thanks for that! I’ll let Emma know that you’re offering your place to stay until she gets things sorted!”” Exciting-Peanut-1526
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I’m honestly at the point with these stories that before you kick people out you should treat these situations like you are at work. Start with a verbal warning – discuss it. Step 2 written warning- send emails and text messages to document what your problems are.
Third – take pictures, video document what is going on, and then kick them out. If anyone has a problem with your actions exhibit what I have been living with these were my attempts to correct and address the issues if you have any further comments direct them to the other party.” jsbleez
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “She said told me that she’s not ready yet.” There is no waiting until ready when you are an adult living on someone else’s generosity. And she couldn’t even bother to pick up after herself. “Some friends are calling me cruel for kicking her out at a low point in her life.” Feeling like she can choose not to work or look for a job and live off of someone else’s generosity for months (and treating them like a maid) is not a low point, it’s just being a terrible friend.
“She has expressed a dislike for my cat and even once let it out in the hopes that it gets lost or never comes back.” You would have not been the jerk if you had kicked her out then – your pet shouldn’t have their health and safety at risk from a guest. Also, WHO DOES THAT?
Especially a best friend??? “Emma saying all sorts of things like “You are just born with a silver spoon in your mouth and have no idea about reality and how life is.”” Even if that is true, it doesn’t justify her behavior or treatment of you – including trying to kill your cat.” Kettlewise
7. AITJ For Not Allowing My Siblings To Visit Their Brother After Finding A Strange Teenager At His Place?
“I (22f) have guardianship/custody of my younger siblings (D – 17m; E – 15f; K – 12f; F – 9m). They regularly spend a few days at our brother’s (V – 26m) place.
V and I don’t have the best relationship but he gets along great with the younger kids and they love staying at his place.
I don’t have a problem with them visiting him as long as either D or E are there to supervise.
Yesterday, I picked them up from V’s place. When I got there, there was another boy. I thought he was a friend of E so I offered him a ride home but he declined and said that he lived there.
Before we left I asked V why he had a random teenager living with him. He told me that the boy was his partner’s nephew.
He’s not though. I didn’t say anything at the time because I didn’t want to start a fight but I know that his partner doesn’t have any siblings.
When we got home I told them that I didn’t want them to visit V for a while which caused a huge fight and now the younger 2 won’t talk to me and E has threatened to run away because I’m such a jerk.
D doesn’t really care because he only really came along to supervise the younger ones but when I asked him about the other kid he said he didn’t know him but that he definitely wasn’t his partner’s nephew.
I’m not sure if I may have overreacted because of the complicated relationship I have with V.
After having slept on this, I’d really appreciate an outsider’s opinion.”
Another User Comments:
“The posts on here seem naive. If the brother has lied about his relationship with the boy then just asking him about it won’t help. I don’t understand why people don’t seem to get that?
If the situation is sinister in any way then her brother will likely DARVO and that will just cause huge hassle for the sister and not resolve the issue in any way. Everyone seems to be relying on the idea it’s a misunderstanding or OP will definitely be able to tell that whatever further excuses the brother makes will be easily discernible as lies.
But if OP’s concerns are justified and given she knows a lot more about the brother and their upbringing, her spider senses carry a lot more weight than any opinion posted here; then she cannot rely on anything her brother says on the matter and needs to find out from other sources and if that’s not possible, keep her siblings away.” rox4540
Another User Comments:
“NTJ mainly because you are 22 and parenting 4 children and that’s a lot! It would be a lot for even the most seasoned mother but you not only have to sort through the abuse you experienced growing up (based on another comment you left), but you have to also care for 4 other traumatized kids.
So first off, have some grace for yourself. You’re trying your hardest! And sometimes doing something in the best interest of children will lead to those children being mad at you… doesn’t mean you should not continue protecting them. INFO: I guess my question is, what is your fear if they continue going to V’s and the teenager is there?
Did D say anything more about what he thought of the teen?” BeatSneezer
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You went off without all the info and started a fight you didn’t have to have. Children under 23 or so don’t have all the emotional processing skills (among others) that they need to take sudden changes like this one without acting out from strong emotions, but that’s barely a blip in the ‘suck’, just annoying to have teens and pre-teens being sulky and loud while they process the change.
He should be telling the guardian of three girls under 18, especially if there will be older male relatives/friends around when there will be new faces in the mix ahead of time. You and V don’t have to like each other, but you DO have to maintain a basic level of respectful communication with each other if he’s going to watch the girls for any amount of time, etc.” BeckyDaTechie
6. AITJ For Not Caring More For My Husband's Cold While I'm High Risk Pregnant?
“I am 31 weeks pregnant very high risk and within the same day (2 am) of him developing a cold I left the hospital because I was in a hypertensive crisis earlier and was on the fence of being induced by the Dr for pre-eclampsia signs.
My husband (32M) was at the hospital at the beginning but had to take our kid home and came back to pick me up once I was cleared.
Here’s the issue: after not a lot of sleep, I still woke up to take our kid to school, noticed he was still home and he told me he was not feeling well (sore throat, congestion, etc.) I made him some breakfast and hot tea and took my kid to school.
I came home and took my first round of meds and went back to sleep. I woke up around noon, still not feeling too great so I ate, took my second round of meds, checked to see if he had a fever while sleeping, and picked up the kitchen a bit.
Around 2:30 pm I woke him up and asked him if he could take me to pick up our kid and pick up more meds (if I have the option to not drive it’s easier than to drive because my belly hits the steering wheel and is uncomfortable) and that he should drink some water and eat something.
He agrees but looks visibly upset and continues to look upset throughout the time.
We get home I ask him what’s wrong and he says “I do not care about him because I couldn’t even get him water when he was sick”. I am confused because I’m still trying to take care of myself after the hospital, so I told him I can only do what I could do in the meantime (make breakfast while he was awake).
I asked if he wanted any other help and said he’d do it on his own because once again I do not care. At this point, I’m getting upset because he knows the issues I’ve been having and realistically I don’t want to risk getting sick myself, but he said it wasn’t an issue since we rode in the car together (fully masked).
He then began yelling at me that I never return the same amount of care for something as simple as waking him up to take meds and give him water.
I’m confused about whether I’m the jerk or not because if circumstances were different I wouldn’t mind taking more care but I’m just not physically or in the mental space to keep taking care for others while my health in pregnancy is declining.
I feel bad that he has a cold but even the arguing raised my blood pressure to almost the point of having to go back to the hospital. So AITJ for not helping more with my husband’s cold?”
Another User Comments:
“JESUS H. CHRIST. He didn’t get this sorta attitude overnight.
Just asking, but is he a momma’s boy? How shortsighted is he? Behavior is on the verge of sociopathic. I would really think about having any more kids with this jerk! A cold sucks, but he sucks harder. HAVE HIM READ YOUR POST. NTJ.
Good luck to you and your soon-to-be infant.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you are both overcoming something and to be quite frank, his is not as bad as yours. He’s acting like a child. I’m sorry you are having to deal with such an inconsiderate jerk.
Drop a few hints to your nursing staff and see if they don’t cuss his butt out. I know a lot of nurses who would take great pleasure and bringing down a man a couple of notches, especially since his behavior caused you to have to go back into the hospital.” Wise-Employment-7351
Another User Comments:
“NTJ what is your husband trying to harm you and your unborn child?? You should not be making breakfast but on full bedrest with him waiting on you and the kids. You are about to stroke out…who is gonna take care of this big baby when you’re dead??
Tell that jerk of a hubby to take care of himself and the kids because you’re going back to the hospital to check yourself in because you cannot get the care you need at home. I still wanna slap your husband silly… Cannot get his meds and water please.” Crafty_Ad9011
If your wife has a stroke or aneurism and DIES who is going to pack your lunches and make you feel like a big, smart boy?
5. AITJ For Wanting My Roommate To Replace My Groceries With The Same Quality Ones?
“My (f22) roommate (m21) messages in the group chat and says “hey folks, I’ve used someone’s eggs from the fridge
I will return them when I get my groceries tomorrow”.
When I got home I saw they were mine and they’re all gone except 1 ( I don’t remember how many were in there but I didn’t use much and it was a box of 12 eggs).
Now I don’t have a problem at all that he used them but the problem is he has done this before with other groceries like veggies and eggs and all and when he replaces them he gets the generic stuff like the cheapest option.
I’m very particular about my groceries, I take time to choose what variety of apples or tomatoes or eggs, etc I want. And at most times I get the more expensive version cause I just like it better.
Last time he borrowed some tomatoes and they were those heirloom tomatoes that I got from the farmers market and when he replaced them he got the normal ones to which I just said don’t worry about it I don’t want those tomatoes.
Now this time the eggs that I use are organic free-range extra large eggs and they are expensive than the normal ones but I don’t want to use the generic ones just because he wouldn’t get them.
So WIBTJ if I say anything about these things, or if not then what should I say to him, I don’t want to make it too awkward but I would still like to address it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you’re being set up to be the jerk. This may be on purpose or not. Next time something like this happens, reply with something similar to the following: “Hey Roommate, no problem at all! These things happen. The eggs you used were X eggs from Y store.
I specifically bought those as they’re my preferred meal. Please swap those back in as soon as you can. Thanks!” If he chimes back that his generic substitute is fine, you can reply “Oh I have nothing against Z brand eggs, I just specifically buy X eggs as I particularly prefer them.
Since I bought X eggs for myself, and you used them, please return what was used”. He may push back again. This is where you turn the tactic around. “Wow, it kinda hurts that you would use something of mine, not replace it, and blame me for it.
I bought those for me. I understand you used them and that’s ok, but then you don’t want to replace them. Your judgment on how I spend my money is harsh, especially since you seem to enjoy the things I’m spending it on.
I’d like to enjoy them too. Please replace my eggs.”” victrin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and say something firm ASAP. I had an ex-roommate who would REPEATEDLY: 1. Eat an entire bottle of my organic Heinz ketchup every couple of weeks and replace it with HUNTS (lol sorry Hunts dippers) 2.
Speaking of, I would buy a 12-pack of soda cans which would last weeks and weeks before living with him. He would drink the whole box while I was at work and claim he had had a diabetic emergency. Then he would replace the 12-pack with one 2-liter bottle.
I was scared of making it awkward and didn’t say anything, I just started unsuccessfully hiding things. This was 12ish years ago and I cry at young me.” StarCrumble7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a person living on a farm, I can tell you that not all eggs are the same.
I can’t eat commercial eggs and my nutritionist says it’s most likely got to do with the concentrates that battery hens are fed. The same applies to heirloom tomatoes. They have a very different taste and texture so I’d be mad if someone took my top-shelf stuff and tried to replace it with bargain bin crap.
Just tell him that you understand that sometimes, he might run out of things and it’s convenient to “borrow” from your housemates. However, he needs to understand that you prefer quality over quantity, and replacing your carefully selected groceries with generic ones is no longer acceptable.
In the future, you’d appreciate it if he called or sent a message if he needs someone else’s groceries or quite simply, go shopping and make sure he has everything he needs. Generic, or whatever. If it happens again, label your food and tell everyone in the house that your food is off limits.” Ok_Smoke_1056
4. AITJ For Being Upset That My Mom And Partner Aren't Excited About My Job Interview?
“I (23F) just graduated college and moved back home to NY from FL. My partner (29M) lives and works in FL. I majored in environmental science and minored in environmental engineering.
I have been seriously applying for jobs for 3 months. My mom has been bothering me about getting a job, saying I should work at McDonalds because any job is better than no job.
It has led to many fights between us.
I knew I wanted to stay in FL since my friends and partner were there. My partner and I discussed that it would be hard on our relationship if I was away for long because of long distance, so we hope I get a job in FL and move back soon.
If I was still in NY for >6mo we would consider breaking up.
A week ago I got a message from a recruiter about a job in tech sales. I told my mom and partner about it. Both of them said how sales is super hard to work in and they didn’t know if I would like it.
I accepted their advice but told them that I was very interested in the job because it is in tech. Also, if I don’t like it I could leave and try to find another job in tech. The salary is 45/55k plus 15-30k min commission.
Today I got a call that I had an interview scheduled for tomorrow. I told my mom and my partner and I was excited. My mom asked why I didn’t get an interview from a place in NY. Then asking about how many applications I sent out in NY and said I should try to find a job in my field.
Previously she told me that many people don’t work in their major and that I should look into business jobs because environmental jobs are hard.
I told my partner about it and he said: “oh nice”. I asked if he was excited for me and he said that I’m not going to like it and it would be better if I looked for a job related to my major.
I got upset that he wasn’t happy for me and it turned into a big fight. He said he’s just trying to give me advice. I told him that I’m interested in the job and he should be supportive of me whether he thinks I should do it or not because it is my decision and my life.
I thought he would be happy that I am coming back to FL but he said it isn’t a big deal because I’ve only been in NY for about a month. Now he isn’t talking to me.
Both my mom and partner are mad at me and say I’m being overdramatic and that they were just trying to give me advice.
I am upset at both of them because even though they have the right to give me advice, it is my life and I do not have to listen to it. This is the first interview I have gotten from my 3+ months of sending apps.
I know I am being a bit dramatic but I want to know if the argument was valid. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. After being hounded by them for months to get a job, you finally land an interview, which is great! What’s not so great are two things: your mom and SO’s lack of support and the fact that your SO doesn’t seem to care whether you come back to him or not.
It’s all fine and well to want to give advice but they should have congratulated you FIRST and then slowly introduced the pros and cons to help you prep for the job and interview. If you’re going back to FL for them, don’t. Set boundaries and please know that we are rooting for you!” Ownerofthelonelyhrts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is looking out for your best interest and possibly thinks you are not ready to be far away from home (since you’ve already moved back home once). Your mom is not the jerk in the situation though her approach could have been nicer.
Your partner on the other hand, that one raises a red flag hun. It’s like he doesn’t want you to live in Florida with him or near him. That usually means either a) feelings have changed and he’s no longer in love; b) he is tired or bored in the relationship; c) he’s scared of commitment; d) he likes living alone and doesn’t want to live together; or e) he’s sleeping with someone else and you’ll find out if you live there.
Usually, more often than not, the answer is unfortunately e. I would definitely be suspicious of the way he’s acting. I would have a sit down with the partner and find out why he doesn’t want you to move to Florida. If he can’t be straight with you, then you don’t need him in your life That being said, congratulations!
Sales is a lot of work, but some people are born to sell things and are very good at it. Those that succeed can make a great deal of money at it with commissions.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Wow this is tough…. sort of both.
YTJ because they just wanted to help you and you just got mad at them. BUT.. NTJ overall because they could have said ‘oh, well I hope you like it. It could be hard. You may not like it. I hope it’s what you want’ instead of all this two-faced crap they are pulling.
Especially your SO… how he says if you are gone too long you two are breaking up then casually just goes ‘oh it’s ok. It’s only been a month.'” Fluffy-Doubt-3547
3. AITJ For Refusing To Attend Family Gatherings Due To Past Exclusion?
“I (18F) am the youngest in my close family circle so far. Now, my family always holds gatherings at my grandma’s house once or twice a year depending on the circumstances. Obviously, I attended every single one, except when I was feeling sick.
My cousins (and older sister) would always play board games or talk about various topics.
However, I would always be purposely excluded from everything. Whenever I asked to play, they would come up with the excuse “We have already started. You can play in the next round.” When the next round would come, my cousins would just get up and leave me alone with the game.
Something similar went with the conversations.
I would often sit in a corner or, when I was allowed, I would get my mother’s phone and play or watch something. As you can imagine, the gatherings were boring experiences. The only good thing about them was the food.
(Grandma’s food never disappointed)
That ruined my relationship with my cousins and aunts/uncles, but what gave the final blow was when on my 8th birthday, I had my first party. I didn’t have many friends, so I invited my cousins. To no one’s surprise, I was once again ignored by everyone.
It got so bad to the point I had to lock myself in my parents’ bedroom.
In the present time, I was asked by my mother to attend the family gathering this year. I refused, telling her that I never had a good relationship with my cousins and I do not wish to be ignored AGAIN.
She was a bit bitter, but she didn’t pressure me.
When she returned home a few hours ago, she started yelling at me and how I am ‘selfish’ for refusing to attend the gathering. She said that she ‘covered my rear’, in her words, by telling everyone that I was sick.
She also went as far as to say that I disappointed my grandma and I don’t care about her. (That’s not true. I adore her but I physically and mentally can’t stand my cousins anymore.)
It’s been bugging me, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your mom is.
The quickest way to find a bomb is to blow it up. That may not be the safest, and there may be collateral damage, but it is definitely the quickest. So pick up your phone and send out a group text to everyone there. Explain why you didn’t come and won’t be coming in the future.
Name names and point to specifics. Then tell mom that you’re not going to play along; if she had truly cared and done the parenting thing to protect you from their bullying, she might have a basis to ask, but she didn’t. So call her out for lying about you being sick.
Include those details and send that out to everyone, too. Then don’t look back. Go see Grandma on your own terms and spend time with her alone.” Tarik861
Another User Comments:
“I mean, you MIGHT be the jerk? Is there an aunt or cousin or someone you trust more than the others that you could have a private conversation with and ask for and receive real feedback about why the others are excluding you?
According to your op, you’re holding grudges from when you were 8, so there’s at least a possibility that you’re highly dramatic and they just don’t want to deal with it. Would you be open to hearing it and making changes if they told you the problem was you and your behavior?
One of my cousins is you. We invite her when we have to.” Early-Light-864
Another User Comments:
“I might get hammered for this, but I am going to go with a GENTLE YTJ. You give your age, but how big is this age gap? People are crying that they are bullies, but all I see is at worst ignoring/not wanting to play with younger sibling/cousin.
I was an “Age Gap Baby”. Too young to hang out with my parents/aunts/uncles. Too old to WANT to hang out with my siblings/cousins. Family gatherings could be painfully lonely for me too. It sounds like you are moping in a corner waiting to be included. That is not going to happen (especially if you are not even there).
Here is some advice. Sit at the table. INVOLVE yourself in conversations. ASK questions and make comments. Not being included in the game doesn’t exclude you from being present. You are now at the age where that age gap is going to start to matter less.
The older generations of your family are going to start dying soon. Start learning those family stories & recipes while you can & stop holding (?) year olds responsible for not wanting to hang out with 8-year-old you.” InkPaladin
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Fiancé's Ex To Our Wedding?
“My fiancé (34M) and I (31F) are getting married soon and we’re finalizing the guest list. He has a daughter from his previous relationship and we’re trying to include her as much as possible.
The issue is his ex (her mother) who expects to be invited to the wedding. For context, my fiancé and I have the daughter most of the time, her mother gets her maybe a weekend a month. She’s a nice enough person but she has a lot of problems with drinking too heavily and then becomes a less nice person.
While I understand that she’s an important figure in our daughter’s life, I’m just not comfortable with the idea of her there at the wedding. From what I know, she’s not made steps towards stopping her drinking problem and I can only imagine what kind of choices she would make at the wedding and I don’t want the stress of that on the day.
She and I have had a pretty good relationship for the sake of the daughter, but there has been some tension and disagreements in the past.
For instance, when she came over inebriated before and said that she wanted to see her daughter more, that I’m pretending to be her mother etc. I can understand where it’s coming from and she is nice, but she ultimately has problems that she’s not willing to confront at the moment.
I’ve tried to talk to her about it before, more for the daughter’s sake but she just brushes it off even when she’s sober. I want our wedding day to be about me and my fiancé, rather than any potential awkwardness or drama.
My fiancé wants to keep things amicable for our daughter (and he also has a feeling that his ex is already annoyed that we’re getting married, and this only got worse when she realized she wasn’t invited) but understands my feelings about it.
His ex has already expressed her displeasure about not being invited and I’m worried that it will create more issues. However, I do want our wedding day to be focused on celebrating us without the stress of anything she might do. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a rare case where an ex-partner gets invited to the wedding, even when kids are shared. There will be plenty of people there the child knows. Plenty of people who will likely be willing to keep an eye on them. She can hang out with her grandparents, aunts/uncles, and cousins when the bride and groom are busy.
Mom doesn’t need to be there. And if mom has a heavy drinking problem she’s not addressing, she shouldn’t be there. That’s almost asking for an incident. After all, if she can’t handle the very normal thing of not being invited to an ex’s wedding, then how’s she going to handle the much more challenging task of watching her ex get married and move on?
She’s not going to handle it well, that’s for sure, and after some drinks, it’s very likely she causes a scene. Your wedding isn’t about your partner’s co-parenting relationship and should not be centered around it. In fact, this is a time when you need to be strong and set and hold boundaries with the ex.
If she learns from this that all she needs to do to get her way is to throw a fit, guess what she’s going to keep doing forever.” CrewelSummer
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s you and your fiancé’s wedding and you can invite whoever you want to.
If she has a drinking problem, inviting her to the wedding could be an issue because if she gets inebriated and starts to misbehave, you should have to get someone to escort her out, which could cause more problems later on. I know some people will invite the other parent, if they have a friendly co-parenting, to the wedding if they have young children to have someone be able to watch over the child during the reception or to take them home with them after the ceremony/ reception, so the newly married couple can have a night to themselves.
But it sounds like you might not have that relationship with the child’s mother.” needabook55
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nobody wants to be at their ex’s wedding unless 1) they want to cause drama, or 2) there’s an open bar (and they’ll probably cause drama).
My guess is her reason lies somewhere between 1) and 2). Stay firm in your boundaries, but you can try to be kind too and let her know you’ll share any cute pictures of her daughter all dolled up so she isn’t missing out on the cuteness of it all.
If she’s worried about the daughter, let her know who will be taking care of her and where she’ll be staying overnight. Firm and kind would be my recommendation. Make sure your fiancé is on the same page and don’t budge. It’s your special day.” Key-Government-1535
She's a drunk, too. Don't let her come. Make sure you have bouncers.
1. AITJ For Not Letting My Ex Contribute To Our Son's Savings Account I've Been Building For Years?
“My ex and I divorced 8 years ago. We have a 12-year-old son together. We don’t discuss finances other than child support. I don’t care for any money he may or may not give to our child directly.
Years ago I opened a savings account for my kid.
I religiously transfer a set amount + child benefit into it every single month. I also put some “loose change” in there whenever I can. My kid knows of this account and gets to decide if any monetary gifts from family and friends are to be spent immediately or added to his growing savings.
He doesn’t keep tabs on the account but has a rough idea of how much he “gets” every month and how much he’s got already.
My son must’ve told my ex about the account because my ex approached me about it.
He asked to see the account – I refused.
He asked to at least know the exact amount (he has a rough idea) – I refused, I don’t see the point.
He asked to contribute and become a “co-owner” (as in the account is to be “from mum and dad”) – I asked if he’d like to make a big initial payment – he doesn’t, as he doesn’t have “that kind of money to just throw into an account nobody can access for years” he just wants to join in now and throw in some cash here and there, but the amount that’s already in there is to be overlooked. I refused.
He told me that I can only afford that thanks to his child support contributions – I told him that the child support is his duty and is spent on our son’s current needs, not for him to hold it over my head.
He called me a jerk for not telling him about the account when I first opened it because now he’s “8 years behind” and won’t be able to match it and it will look bad when my kid grows up and only gets my support.
I told him that it’s up to him whether or not he invests in our child’s future, he still has a long time to save something if he so wishes.
He told me I was a jerk for purposefully making him look like a “bad dad” for not having thought of something like this.
I don’t think it’s fair of him to ask to jump in and claim to have contributed to the savings I’ve worked hard on for years, but now I wonder if I actually acted like a jerk for creating a situation in which I look like the “better” & “more caring” parent?
Should I have told him about it when I first opened the account? Should I just let him contribute to keep the peace? The money is going to end up in my son’s account anyway, no matter if he receives payments from 2 savings accounts or just one.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve done nothing wrong, in fact, I think his reaction to this realization that the account exists is all the proof you need to know it would have been bad for him to be involved from the beginning. If he can contribute to it, he can withdraw from it too, I believe.
Minimally it would introduce questions about who really provided that AND it would give him some more say in how it is spent. Keep firm boundaries. He is in NO WAY disadvantaged here. He can start his own savings account for the kid, either large or small.
It is absurdly unreasonable for him to expect you to ‘share’ it with him now. It’s also a common but faulty critique for people who pay child support to act like everything the recipient can do financially is ‘because’ of that contribution. Pay no mind.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is no reason that he needs to know the exact amount. He is also just as capable of opening a different account for your child by himself and start saving there. It’s just such a strange request. The amount there has no impact on how much he can transfer/save or even have in a different account.
Would be concerned that even if he figures out he can’t touch the money now he may pressure your child at a different stage when he does have access to it.” SpinachnPotatoes
Another User Comments:
“So, he expects you to handhold him through being an active parent?
NTJ. This is absurd. This is what happens when men are not held accountable for their responsibilities and pawn them off on women – you get lazy jagoffs who gaslight their active-parenting ex into believing they are in the wrong for stupid stuff like this.
OP, he has always had the capability of starting a savings fund for your son. Most parents do if they can. It seems he’s more concerned about how he looks than his son’s actual well-being. You know he’s wrong here – don’t let him manipulate you into thinking otherwise.
You are not responsible for keeping up a facade for him. Screw him, OP. Not literally, of course.” Internal-Student-997
