People Don’t Want To Admit These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories Exist
26. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out After My Partner's Family Disrespect My Groceries And Efforts?
“I’ve been with my partner for 3 years.
I’ve lived with his family for a year (his mom, grandparents, and us two) when I first moved in I was in my last semester of university and wasn’t working so I cooked and cleaned every day to help out. I noticed that things stopped getting done since I started working 6 months ago.
No one would cook and no one cleaned. Everyone would only wait for me to do things on the weekend (I work the swing shift and can’t clean since everyone is asleep when I get home) I noticed my MIL (F55) started to treat me differently when I started working but I ignored it.
The real issue is that I started to buy groceries for my lunches since everyone is retired except my partner and me but anytime I would buy food, my partner’s mom and grandma would eat everything within a day or two or throw things out or leave things out to rot.
I tried to ignore it and keep it to myself but after months of this happening I’m tired. I spent over $100 worth of groceries for the week to meal prep and all the meat I bought I found sitting outside in the garage rotten.
I don’t know how long it was sitting out but enough to be warm and black. I just came home from work and I just wanted to make dinner and go to bed but instead, I’m just in bed in the spare bedroom by myself.
I yelled at my partner telling him I’m over this of all my money going to waste and I can’t enjoy anything and no one helping. I told him I was leaving and was going to move out and go with my brother because I couldn’t do this anymore.
I feel bad for yelling at him but he hasn’t made it and hasn’t even bothered to look at places so we could leave. AITJ for feeling the way I do and reacting the way I did?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one’s had a conversation about how that work was getting done before you got there and isn’t getting done now that you have more money but less time.
It sounds like you have tried to talk to your partner about the waste and disrespect from his family more than once but nothing has changed or improved– just additional passive aggression. Finally having enough and taking the “moving out” matters into your own hands is just the next logical step.” BeckyDaTechie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you moved in because you needed somewhere to live while you finished college. You’ve finished and got a job, it’s time to go. Your partner can decide if he’s going with you or not if he is giving him a time limit for the both of you to find somewhere to live.
If he’s not (or if he doesn’t meet the time limit) move in with your brother and make it clear to your partner he’s not staying with you so often he practically lives there.” Ok-Raspberry7884
Another User Comments:
“Dear girl, you need to go away, leave them behind, and start to live your own life.
They see and treat you as a maid and a source of income, that’s all. Stay longer and they will suck you dry, financially and mentally. And no, you’re not wrong for yelling and feeling like you do. Your partner hasn’t even looked for a place for you and him: that tells me that he prefers the present situation: you bringing in the money and the labor at home and him and the rest of his family doing nothing.
What you feel is how you SHOULD feel: taken advantage of. You’re only 23: you don’t need this kind of life. You need some joy, you need someone who looks after you as well and you need to be able to put your feet up after one of your shifts.
Nothing wrong with that. So, go with your brother and then see what your options are. What you have is not a partner: it’s a leech.” plantprinses
25. AITJ For Asking My Friend To Remove Public Reels About My Coming Out?
“I (16f) decided to gather all my close family and friends at my place to come out to them as bisexual. This was (obviously) a big thing for me as I couldn’t even guess how my family would react and thankfully up until now, most of the reactions have been supportive and positive.
One of the more positive responses came from my childhood friend “Sara” (16f). After the party, she took me out to eat, at a carnival and even baked a “coming out cake” for me. During this whole process, we took many MANY pictures. A few days later I found out through a common friend that she’s been posting reels about me coming out publicly.
I was shocked as I wasn’t prepared to come out to EVERYONE just yet. Out of curiosity, I watched the reels she made- the first one being on what she did for me the day I came out to my close friends.
It was an innocent reel and I would have no problem with it being posted IF she had asked me beforehand.
The next few (a whopping 17) reels she put off of were erratic, to say the least. One of them went along the lines of ‘things I did to light up my friend’s spirit after she was disowned by her parents for coming out’. This did not happen.
AT ALL. Another one went along the lines of “my best friend’s partner broke up with her cause she came out as bi”. I found it wild. I called her and requested her to take down 17 reels and post the first one I mentioned with my face blurred. She started to beat around the bush, trying to bring up other things, and when she realized it wasn’t going to work, she started to cry.
She told me that her dad had just gotten fired from work and she needed money to support the family. She kept telling me that since the reels were monetized, I would help put food on their plate. I looked at her public profile (I wasn’t aware it even existed) and there’s no way she’s monetized. I kinda feel bad for her due to her family’s current situation so I feel like the jerk for requesting her to take down the reels”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have the right to decide whether you want pictures of you online, and it was very inconsiderate for her to put it all out there without your consent. Now, what makes her a jerk is using your coming out without your consent for some kind of content.
It’s disgusting. It’s your coming out, not hers, and you should have full control of it. I would give her the benefit of the doubt if she hadn’t come up with her narrative, which is honestly why I find all of what she did so repulsive.” Unlucky-Gift-9360
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Posting content about someone without their consent is a huge violation – then to compound that by posting lies and hurtful things about your family (them disowning you when they didn’t) is her opening herself up to a possible legal suit.
I’m not saying you would go there, but she needs to learn now where that line is before she does this to someone who would. Outing people publicly is a HUGE no-no. Tell her to take them down or you will report this to the platform as a violation.
If she doesn’t – this person is not your friend, no matter what they did for you. In the end, it sounds like she’s doing this for herself and her fake internet points and nothing more.” Discount_Mithral
24. AITJ For Leaving A Train Cabin Due To A Smelly Passenger?
“I (32F) am currently on a train from Budapest to Bratislava. Right before departure, I was in my little cabin alone when a man (older, probably 50?) Asked if he could sit. There were other, fully empty cabins.
He had just as much right to the space as me, I figured, so I gestured to an empty seat.
These are not big cabins, for the record; they are enclosed by a door and have a bank of seats three across on each side and that’s it.
As soon as he sat down, I started coughing, and not on purpose. This man reeked of stale smoke.
I don’t mean as he had just had one, more like he and all of his clothing were saturated as he smoked inside his home for decades. Every time he shifted, which was often, it got even worse. On top of this, I think he may have been ill because he kept coughing clearing his throat, and sniffling.
Due to all of these things, I kept myself as far away as physically possible, which was not very far, started mouth breathing, and put a mask on. Still, it was overpowering and I was starting to have a hard time breathing and was concerned about the smell catching onto my belongings.
So, I got up very casually, not in a rush, grabbed my things, and moved cabins. I didn’t say anything to the man or make a face or draw attention to it, but the action was obvious because we weren’t approaching a stop and we were the only two people in the cabin.
As I was opening the door, the man flipped me off and gave me a kind of sneer. I didn’t respond at all, and I don’t feel like I was wrong. It seems likely he was just unaware so I looked like a jerk or was aware and self-conscious and I made it worse, but still…AITJ for non-verbally making it pretty clear that I was leaving the cabin because of his nauseating (and I am not saying that lightly) odor?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh, completely NTJ. I started reading and I thought you were going to say you told him to switch cabins… He’s likely a creep. BeOnly creep would insist on joining a single young woman in a cabin when there are loads of options.
And only a creep would flip her off, or react negatively when someone moves. Read “Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker. I’m glad, for your sake, you couldn’t handle the smell b/c I’m sure his personality or intentions were 10x worse. Your nose saved you.” Away_Refuse8493
Another User Comments:
“Someone who gives a stranger the finger when said stranger has not even said a word to them, is someone who never gives a care what other people think anyway. Which is why they stink in the first place. Some people just don’t believe in listening to other people’s advice.
Which is another reason this guy stinks. There must’ve been someone in his life who mentioned the stench he insists on walking around with. NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are under no obligation to deal with smelly people. I had a coworker who used to bring me queries on something I had to calculate.
She would always go smoke before bringing it to me. I finally told her to come see me before going out to smoke. She got all offended and went to HR. They told her to stop going outside to smoke when not on break and to start emailing me the request. She didn’t last much longer.” TimLikesPi
23. AITJ For Sending Only One Of My Daughters To Private School?
“I have two daughters, and they are currently in years 6 and 8. Where we live schools are split into primary school (kindy to 6) and high school (7 to 12). Riley, who is in year 8, goes to a selective state school. She is doing well there as she is pretty academic and thrives in that environment.
There have been a lot of opportunities for her to extend her knowledge, in the subjects she is interested in. She is also in one of the top sets, which naturally gives her a smaller class size and extension work.
My year 6, Daisy does okay academically but is not as inclined that way compared to her sister.
I think she will get lost in the crowd should she attend the state school her sister attends. This option is always open for her as we live in the local catchment. Daisy, however, is an exceptional musician and has obtained a diploma in both the cello and piano.
At the private school near where we live, Daisy has gotten a music scholarship which partially covers the school fees. My husband and I want to send Daisy there as they have a wonderful music program and smaller classes for everyone. We can afford to send both daughters to the private school if we want, but I genuinely feel like the state school suits Riley better and the private school suits Daisy.
We don’t want to be unfair to Riley, and we are happy to pay for Riley’s schooling too, but I think it should be more about finding a school that suits them. My husband is having some hesitations as we pay considerably more for Daisy as it costs money for her music lessons, competitions, and other musical opportunities she often has, but we are happy to pay for Riley to learn as well, and she is doing a language lesson outside of school.
I would also like to add that some of the science opportunities Riley has at her state school won’t be available at the private school.
AITJ for sending only Daisy to private school?”
Another User Comments:
“Assuming you are in. The K, if your kid is in a Great grammar school she has a better chance at Oxbridge or Imperial from state/grammar school than with the same grades from private.
The key thing is the same grades, as long as the school has a great track record of guiding students to these opportunities you should be fine. The key difference is that in state schools most students don’t have a pathway on how to find and explore those opportunities.
As for monetary balance, I would recommend putting the difference in a savings account for your elder daughter, her hard work and brilliance are affording you the choice of saving on her tuition and she should be rewarded for it” ParkingIce6514
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your language makes me think you’re in Australia, so I’m going to continue as if you are. The private and selective schools follow the same base curriculum, and the chances are that they’re going to receive a fairly similar education. Daisy may need the educational support that a private school can offer, while Riley’s education is benefited by her being challenged by the selective school pathway.
Chances are, assuming she’s settled and has friends, Riley isn’t going to want to change schools anyway. Why don’t you have a conversation with her? Explain that you intend to send them to different schools, if she wants to attend the private school she can, and ask if there any hobbies that she’d like to get into.” Natural_Garbage7674
22. AITJ For Defending My Sister's Love For Cooking To My Partner?
“My (24m) sister (17f) loves cooking and baking. Ever since she was little she has taken it upon herself to make sure that everyone eats 3 good meals a day and that there’s always something to snack on and deserts. Anything that has to do with food.
2 days ago my partner came over (I live with my parents and sister) and when my sister came back from school and asked if we wanted her to make our food as well (she was already going to make herself some since in our country there’s no school lunch so she was hungry) I said yes since I was starting to get hungry.
We talked for a few minutes about what she should make and she went to make the food.
My partner kept giving me looks and being passive-aggressive about how I’m letting my sister cook for me, and how I’m never going to be able to take care of myself.
She then went on a whole speech about how when we started living together she expected me to cook as well and do house chores, that she was not going to let me “enslave” her like I did my sister.
I was mad, My parents work a lot so my sister is responsible for all the house chores (that’s one of the reasons that I still live with my parents and that I went to a close college that let me live at home, I don’t want all of the responsibilities to fall only on my sister) we both know how to do everything you need in the house, I know how to cook just fine and I help my sister sometimes, but she likes her time in the kitchen, she says it brings her peace and I’m not going to interfere with that.
I told my partner all of that in an admittedly loud and angry voice, and that considering we’ve only been together for 4 months I don’t think she can talk about what will happen when we live together, especially considering that I’m not sure anymore that I want to be with someone who has just met my sister for the first time and is now sure that she’s enslaved from one conversation.
She got red and left in a huff. She hasn’t talked to me since except for a text telling me that she needs time to think. Did I do something wrong? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner seems to be the kind of person who just jumps to conclusions and tries to implement her way of thinking on you, especially your sister.
As a girl and an older sister, when your siblings bring home someone for the first time, you try to be friendly and act cool if you are younger. Imagine your younger sister hearing this lady say this stuff and stop cooking ( even though it makes her happy) she heard your partner and wants to get along with her so your sister agrees with everything this woman says.” the__normal__one
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- it’s also concerning that your partner is universally deciding “how it’s going to be” when you move in together. The division of responsibilities, chores, etc., etc should be talked about and agreed to by both parties, she doesn’t get to tell you “how it’s going to be” She sounds very immature.
It also sounds like she made a snap judgment and was embarrassed that she was wrong so instead of admitting her mistake she doubled down on it (another red flag). It could also be a test to see if you fall in line with what she wants or stand up for yourself, if she tries to test you and get her way in other situations as well I would be very very concerned. Tread carefully here friend!” clevermuggle22
21. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Sister's No-Kids Gatherings?
“I’m the only one in my family with kids—two young ones, ages 4 and 6. My siblings don’t have children, and my parents are retired. Recently, my sister moved into a new house and decided she’s hosting family gatherings with a new rule: no kids allowed.
She claims her house isn’t “kid-proof” and wants more “relaxed” events. She framed it like she was doing everyone a favor, but let’s be honest—it’s just my kids, so this rule is aimed at me. It’s hurtful because these are family dinners and holiday get-togethers we’ve always celebrated together as a family.
Now suddenly, my kids aren’t welcome?
What bothers me most is how this will affect my children. My 6-year-old adores his extended family, and if he finds out he’s being excluded, it would break his heart. I’m worried he’ll never get over it.
How do I explain to him that he’s not wanted at these family events? It could create a rift between him and the rest of the family. He’s sensitive, and I don’t want him growing up thinking he’s not important.
When she told me about her “no kids” rule, I said I wouldn’t attend if my kids weren’t invited. She accused me of overreacting, but if this becomes the norm, what happens for holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas?
Am I supposed to leave my kids at home every time?
The rest of my family is siding with her, telling me to just “go along with it” and leave the kids at home for a few hours. My parents, who don’t have grandkids from my siblings yet, think it’s no big deal. They’re even pressuring me to cut my sister some slack since she had a tough time buying her house.
But where’s the consideration for me and my kids?
To top it off, my other sibling, who’s child-free, said, “Maybe this is good for you—you could probably use a break.” Great advice from someone who’s never had to juggle parenting while trying to stay connected to family.
AITJ for refusing to attend her gatherings and calling her out? I feel like I’m being forced to choose between being part of my family or being a parent.”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with No jerks here, but listen to my reasoning.
When _no one_ of your extended family is even mildly against this, then there is a message here: whatever you’re usually doing with your kids at family gatherings isn’t working for the others. Yes, kids are kids, kids can be a little much, they’re just happy to see everyone, parenting is hard, etc whatever we‘ve heard it all.
Nobody likes their parenting criticized but that doesn’t mean every criticism is unfounded. If you can be honest with yourself on that, you might be able to have an open conversation with your relatives about it and reach a different solution that doesn’t exclude the kids in principle.
You’re NTJ for not leaving your kids alone on major holidays, but if it’s like I feel it is, the others are NTJ either.” emadelosa
Another User Comments:
“YTJ only because this isn’t a holiday. Your kids are the center of your world, but they aren’t the center of everyone else’s world.
Your sister is entitled to host a kid-free gathering. If she and your family endorse excluding your kids from holiday gatherings, they are jerks. But not for having a gathering on a random night that excludes your kids. Edit to add. The only way your child would know he is excluded is if you tell him.
So you would tell him and create hurt feelings towards your family? He is important but so is your family and their feelings. Raising your kid to believe everything is about him and his feelings won’t do him any favors. Using your children too to manipulate your family into doing what you want makes you a huge jerk.
20. AITJ For Booking A Flight Home Instead Of Driving With My Partner's Bickering Parents?
“My partner and I, her parents, and her brother booked a cruise 9 months ago. Initially, I was under the impression we would be flying but her parents insisted on driving.
I brought up flying as an alternative but I was shut down.
Background: Her parents don’t get along very well. They typically fight at home and it’s clear they are not happy with each other. They are married but it is clear that it is not a happy marriage.
This affects my partner and her brother.
About 4 days ago, we met up at her house to take a truck down. After packing, we hit the road. A few hours into it, her mom starts snapping at her dad for little things. Ie: (backseat driving, use ba linker, slow down, speed up).
Her dad shushes her as he has to concentrate. They bicker back and forth until my partner reminds them to not do this with me in the car. We booked a hotel for the night and I wanted an extra room but it was shut down.
Their bickering makes me extremely uncomfortable and I really didn’t want to go on this cruise with them because of this. Before heading to the cruise, there was more bickering. It was a constant battle between them and it was really upsetting my partner and her brother.
I couldn’t take it anymore.
While on the cruise, my partner and I book a flight to fly back home. After telling her mom and dad, her mom was more surprised that her daughter was going than I was and brushed it off. She was more dismissive of the reason we gave her because we didn’t want to deal with their bickering on the drive back.
I think I might be the jerk because of my reasoning but I need to know if what I did was justified.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You get to set boundaries about what you’re willing to put up with. You didn’t mention who paid for the cruise and the associated expenses.
If it was her parents paying, you do owe them gratitude for the trip and the time & cost they put out on your behalf. You don’t owe them a captive audience for their drama, though. On a personal note, it’s worth considering how individually and as a couple is going to handle her parents’ toxic vibes going forward.
What boundaries make sense? If they’re miserable to travel with, will opting out of all family travel moving forward be something that you can stick to? The mom-snapping-at-dad-during-travel scenario reeks of anxiety paired with control issues. I highly doubt that travel is the only time that pops up as a major bummer for the rest of the family.
Nobody and no family is perfect, but you’ve gotten a close look at how that family functions, and I would bet you have enough data to know if it’s a family you want to be in, or not.” ATXNerd01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am adamant that I am allowed to remove myself from situations where I am not comfortable, whether physically or emotionally.
If you used your money to book your flight and didn’t leave them stranded, (meaning you weren’t expected to drive), then you have no obligation to travel with them. You already caved in on what you wanted, which I would not have done, but as an adult, you shouldn’t have to just agree to drive if you can afford and prefer to fly.
Free will and all that.” Charming_Butterfly90
19. AITJ For Wanting To Address My Roommate's Overbearing Body Odor?
“I (27M) need help. My best friend’s (27M) backside smells like swamp even fresh out of the shower. We live together. It’s overbearing a lot of the time. He’ll wake up in the morning and come hang out in my room or the living room in his boxers and I can smell it when he walks past me.
It leaves the smell of swamp on our couch. I wish this was a troll post but I am so serious. I don’t know what to do here. He has internal issues, but without giving details away, his gas is WAY more rank than others because of it.
He has had to keep track of his bowel movements for a GI doctor. It’s also so bad that his husband (29M) has confided in me that he can’t be intimate with him anymore because of how bad the smell has gotten. He will finish work and it stinks.
He showers and within 10 minutes it stinks. I just don’t know how to tell him, or if the blow would be softer coming from his husband. We both want to tell him because it’s become so bad that we’ve both noticed it and discussed it, but questioning someone’s hygiene isn’t ideal. I think he’ll shut down and be upset either way sadly.
We also don’t know the best way to go about it. Or maybe we should do it together? I don’t know. It sucks knowing he has underlying problems that could be causing it because that makes it even more sensitive of a topic.
His husband said that when they do shower together (they don’t always), he noticed that he uses his soapy hand to wash for like 10 seconds and then he’s done with his downstairs. He also has a hairy backside apparently so that doesn’t help.
AITJ for even wanting to bring this up? I just don’t want someone outside of us to notice it and make fun of him for it and neither does his husband, and I can’t take the smell myself. Send help.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Honestly, these are the tough conversations that good friends have. If it’s that bad, you can’t let him walk around in that state, for your sake and his. It’s also causing intimacy problems to some extent. You can bring it up in a careful, respectful way.
Or you can do it casually and nonchalantly. Either way, if you’re nice, this is not a jerk move at all. It’s for his good as much as it is for yours.” RowBowBooty
Another User Comments:
“I have one point to make I think it’s important his husband tells him.
Not you. I think it could go badly if you say anything because his first thought could be that “they’ve been talking about me behind my back,” and open up a whole host of paranoia. This is mainly because anyone being told they stink of swamp, is instantly going to put them into a negative mind space and put them on the defensive.
And if it’s got worse, he might also be avoiding going to the doctor because he is avoiding the news. A tonne of avoidance on his part going on.” pedantasaurusrex
18. AITJ For Offering My Daughter's Former Friend A Ride To School In The Rain?
“My daughter (15) used to be friends with this kid (15 or 16, I think 15). Two of their friends were seeing each other and their friend groups somewhat combined, and when those 2 broke up, they stopped being friends, but my daughter and he had no ill will. My daughter has told me this and said they occasionally talk, it’s just that they’re not as close due to their breakup.
Earlier today it was storming as I took my daughter to school. It was raining hard and it was windy. I live only a 10-12 minute drive from my daughter’s school, but it is almost an hour-long walk, especially because you have to cross 3 bridges back to back.
He lives close to my house so when I saw him walking to school this morning I knew that he had already walked a lot and still had some distance to go in the rain.
He is a very sweet kid and I felt bad and asked my daughter if we should offer him a ride.
My daughter said ew that’s weird, you just want to drive up next to him, he’s gonna think we’re kidnapping him. I said, I mean are you ok with me picking him up? I said yeah I’m ok but he’s gonna think we’re weird.
I said it wouldn’t hurt to offer. She told me to not do it because he’s going to think that we’re weird. I said no he won’t, let’s just offer. I pulled up next to him, rolled my window down, and asked him.
He looked forward thought about it, then said sure, and hopped in the back. He kept thanking me throughout the entire ride. He said that his bus got canceled, so he said it would be safer to walk than to wait for the next one.
My daughter seemed upset and when I asked her at home she said that I shouldn’t have done it. I said that she said she was comfortable, and she was only saying no based on what he thought, so it was better to just try.
She said that even though he didn’t think it was weird, it was better to be safe and not do it. She has been distant since and I am starting to think that I shouldn’t have done it, as it may have affected my daughter’s social life if he took it wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Fifteen-year-old girls get embarrassed easily by their parents for things that are not embarrassing at all. I remember my mom answering the phone on Christmas Day (we didn’t have caller ID!) with “Merry Christmas!!!” Instead of hello. I was embarrassed. Why?
I don’t know. Just to be safe, I’d ask your daughter once more if anything happened between her and this kid. I’d tell her I was sorry if I made her uncomfortable.” twelvedayslate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Classic teenager response from your daughter.
Honestly, when I was around that age I may have reacted similarly. You didn’t do anything wrong, the kid was grateful, and your daughter will hopefully realize that nothing bad is going to come from it socially once she gets back to school and sees nobody is talking about it.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“My close friend has a kid about that age… and the kid’s school is near my house… occasionally if I get off work early or they leave late and I see them walking (while I’m passing by on my way home) I offer to give them a ride home.
It’s never been weird and always appreciated IIt’sonly weird if the kid doesn’t recognize you and then they feel uncomfortable or pressured.. this kid knows you and feels fine about it… maybe your kid would feel differently in the same situation and is projecting” Acceptable-Soup5156
17. AITJ For Wanting To Warn My Brother's Fiancée About His Behavior?
“My brother Mike (21M) proposed to his now-fiancee Zoe (22F) last week and she said yes, and plans to get married in March next year.
But I (16F) think that if Zoe married my brother, it would be the worst mistake of her life.
I don’t like to use the word hate or hate anyone or anything, but I can say with full honesty that I hate my brother. He is selfish, self-centered, emotionally immature, and only cares about himself and how something will affect him.
In his eyes, he is never in the wrong. I have never heard him say sorry unless he was forced to by my parents. He is the most unreasonable person I have ever met. You can never resolve an argument because he cannot see anything he did wrong.
He doesn’t talk about his emotions and thinks, “Emotions are overrated.”
He is sexist and thinks that a wife should always obey her husband and that men are superior to women. And he is so stupid! He thinks that “Drinking and driving is safe as long as you don’t crash.” I could write a 3000-word essay about why Mike is a bad person.
Mike and Zoe met each other online and have went out long-distance for 3 years now. Zoe is one of the kindest and sweetest people I know. She always makes you feel included and is just the kind of person that you feel safe around, and will never judge you for who you are or what you like.
She deserves someone so much better than my brother.
My Mom also thinks that their marriage is going to end badly but is not going to say anything and is being supportive. So if I say something to Zoe I’m on my own.
I want to tell her that marrying my brother would be a mistake, but I don’t want to cause drama.
And I don’t want to tell her and she marries him anyway and she hates me. But I love her and I know that marrying Mike would be a huge mistake.
So WIBTA if I told Zoe to not marry Mike?”
Another User Comments:
“Your brother sounds awful.
I’m sorry you have to deal with him. I’m going to still say YTA. First off you don’t want to cause drama? In what world doesn’t this cause drama? If you get what you want and he doesn’t marry her do you think he’ll just say “Fair point let me go to therapy and work on myself”?
And if you don’t do you think either he or his fiance will be super pleased with you? Like it or not Zoe is a grown woman and having a 16-year-old she has no real relationship tell her she’s making a mistake isn’t really going to help her.
She’s not your friend or your family, best you can and should do is really ride this one out.” Reasonable-Ad-3605
Another User Comments:
“Not a good idea. YWBTA, but also, you will alienate yourself in the process. There is no way you talk to her and it doesn’t find its way back to your family, and by then the damage is done.
You will come across as a strangely jealous sibling of your brother, regardless if that’s true or not. You’d be framed as an attempted saboteur of their relationship and it will do you damage. If you are close to her, be there for her.
If you aren’t, then you should keep a safe distance. Your brother could be the devil himself but if you go about telling everyone in the wrong way it’s only going to bolster him up and make you look spiteful. Just be careful and smart about how you address this if you feel you need to, but don’t be shocked when it fires back in your face negatively.” Happy_Slappy_DooDoo
16. AITJ For Taking Back Starbursts That Were Stolen From Me?
“I (18F) am part of a play, and we have a tradition called “mirroring,” which is like Secret Santa for theatre kids. We write down our favorite things and get gifts for each other. My friend, let’s call her Irene, got me as her mirror, and I figured it out when I caught her giving me a gift. Meanwhile, I noticed that her mirror wasn’t decorated, and it seemed like she hadn’t received any gifts.
I started to think no one got her, so I decided to get the whole cast involved to surprise her, but then I realized I messed up when one of the girls (we’ll call her Wendy) actually had her as a mirror.
Wendy is a bit standoffish and rude to everyone, including me.
After I mistakenly called her out, she quickly decorated Irene’s mirror. Irene gave me a big bag of pink Starbursts, one of my favorites. But I noticed that Wendy spelled out Irene’s name using pink Starbursts, which was odd since Irene hates Starbursts and only likes chocolate.
I asked Wendy if she had taken them from my desk, but she gave me a vague answer. Her friend claimed they got them from Target, but when I checked, I noticed my 90ct bag was half-empty, and the remaining Starbursts matched the number on Irene’s desk.
I explained the situation to Irene, and she also thought it was weird. I told her to keep the Starbursts, but she returned them to me since she didn’t want them and they were originally mine. Wendy had told Irene she bought them at Target, which seemed like she was covering her tracks.
Later, Wendy asked if I took the Starbursts, and I lied, saying no, because I hate confrontation and felt like if she could lie, so could I. Later, she accused me of talking behind her back and said again that she bought them from Target.
I just walked away because I’m terrible at confrontation. Wendy even brought three new packs, which made me think she was trying to cover her tracks more.
Now I’m wondering if I was wrong for taking back what was stolen from me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTA. I love and miss theatre but I sure don’t miss the backstage drama lol. Next time she brings it up, “Dude, I have no idea why you think I’m the kind of person who would steal from someone else’s mirror. That would be awful to do.
Irene and I are friends, and she knew someone stole half my starbursts from my mirror, she doesn’t even like starbursts, so she gave me hers instead of letting them go to waste. I don’t see why you keep accusing me of being a thief, and since you don’t believe me, us going around in circles here isn’t gonna change anything.
You should probably just ask Irene if she gave them to me if you’re that concerned that someone stole starbursts.” big_mothman_stan
Another User Comments:
“Leave it alone now. I’d also wonder if you were blaming the wrong person – Wendy might not have known whether Irene liked Starbursts, or someone else might have stolen yours… I could see stealing back something you could prove was yours – I’ve done that – but all candy of a particular brand is identical. And why would Wendy blame you for stealing the candy when Irene doesn’t like it and gave it to you?” SavingsRhubarb8746
15. AITJ For Going To My Dad's House To Eat After School?
“My parents are divorced and my sister (12F) and I (15M) split time between mom’s house and dad’s house. Our older brother (18M) lives with dad now. My mom is married and has stepkids and younger bio kids with her husband. They struggle financially and because of financial issues, they also don’t have a lot of food at their house.
They get help from food pantries and stuff but they still don’t have a lot of food or choices. And some of it is older and not fresh/tasty.
This isn’t enough to change custody. I’d like to live with Dad and so would my sister.
My brother felt the same. The judge doesn’t take what we want into account when we’re under 18 and I know that from my brother and the financial issues and food issues didn’t make a difference either. We were in court last month and the judge said shared custody continues.
Dad gave us keys to his house and he always said we could go to his house after school and eat if we wanted to. So I take my sister and we eat there.
My step and half siblings go to mom’s house and they normally wait until their dad or my mom gets home for dinner since there isn’t always enough for something after school.
We all qualify for free school lunches. Except the younger kids who go to daycare.
My mom’s husband found out what we were doing the other week because he saw me and my sister leave dad’s house and walk back to his and mom’s house.
He got out of work early. He told Mom and she confronted me about what we were doing at Dad’s and then she asked if we got food there. I didn’t say yes but she figured it out and she told me it was disgusting to only take my sister or to bring nothing back for the other kids.
She told me I should be ashamed. She yelled at Dad too. She told me I was wrong to do something like that in such a selfish way and she even asked me how I could do that every other week knowing I have siblings at her house that don’t eat after school until dinner.
Her husband was super angry too because he knows Dad could afford for us to take stuff for the other kids but we don’t.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It isn’t your dad’s responsibility to feed anybody else’s kids. The judge won’t do anything because he’s limited to operating within the confines of the law as it’s written.
Someone has to file a complaint against the mom for negligence for it to be logged with the court. Either call CPS or go to your school social worker, explain that you and your sister are not provided adequate food at your mom’s house and that she is refusing to allow you to access the food resources readily available at your dad’s house, despite not being home herself. Ask for a guardian ad litem to represent you and little sis in future custody litigation.
Food restriction is something that CPS takes very, very seriously.” Kaynico
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…it is not your dad’s responsibility to feed kids that are not his. He is a great father to make sure you are being fed daily. Your mother should be grateful that he is making sure you eat and that takes a burden off of her.
Your dad needs to get an attorney. Normally at your age, you get a say in where you live. On a personal note if I was unable to feed my children on a regular basis I would let them live with dad until I was in a better situation.
My children’s needs would come before my pride. It may be she is receiving child support and doesn’t want to give that up.” catladyclub
14. AITJ For Not Blindly Supporting My Partner's Expectations Of His Friend?
“I (39F) was hanging out with my partner (37M) tonight. We’ve been seeing each other for about 8 months, but it’s still a pretty new relationship.
He recently bought a caravan to live in with his pets after going through a tough situation. We were talking about it, and he mentioned he was upset because he had asked a friend for help, and they didn’t respond for about 24 hours.
I don’t know the friend or what was asked, so I asked if they had kids. He said yes, and I explained that as a parent, I sometimes get distracted and don’t respond to messages right away. He agreed, and then I asked what he had requested. He told me he’d asked if he could drop his dog off at their place while he was at work.
I asked if he offered them money, and he said no. I suggested that since dogs require attention, he could offer to pay them. He didn’t agree with me and was just like his dog would be in the yard. Keep in mind this will be multiple days a week, and I tried to explain that if I was asking someone to babysit the minimum expectation is that I offer them money for their time/resources.
At this point, he got up to get a drink and seemed a little annoyed. He said he’s known his friends for years and that I don’t know them (which is true). I asked if he was mad at me, and he said yes because I didn’t take his side.
For context, my ex used to say the same thing about me not supporting him in the same way. I try to see things from the other person’s perspective and don’t feel comfortable blindly taking sides. I just want to understand the situation and have a conversation about it.
I feel like I struggle to read the room in these situations that they just want blind support and do not try to understand the other person’s actions and perhaps try to grow from it.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Ooooh the tough call is that you don’t know the friend, but I do think your partner is being unreasonable and entitled regardless.
– this person is a parent – multiple days a week with no compensation – no one in their right mind would leave a dog outside the entire time – the dog will need attention, engagement and enrichment.” Tough_Crazy_8362
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t believe in always supporting a partner regardless of whether they are right or wrong.
Here, you were alone, so it’s not like you contradicted him in front of others. But why does he think his friend should have responded immediately? Why does he think his friend, in his silence, did not already respond to his question by not responding at all?
You are NTJ. Do not agree with anyone about anything just because you have a relationship, whether it is friendship or marriage, because sometimes people are just wrong. My opinion is never indulged stupidity. Your partner has stupid ideas about what friends are expected to do for friends and how much time they have to get back to him.
Of course, it all depends on their friendship and their particular relationship, so I could be totally wrong about them, but you expressed discomfort in blindly supporting partners based on past experience, so in your case, you’re still NTJ. Go with your instinct and don’t let others tell you you’re wrong, especially when you’re right.
Good luck” EchoThis2
13. AITJ For Being Upset That My Husband Didn't Stay With Me During My Surgery?
“I (28F) just had intense surgery done. After the surgery, I will no longer be able to have children.
Anyway, the surgery was about an hour long plus 2 hours of recovery, my husband (33M) was welcome to stay with me until I was taken in and welcome to join me in recovery, but his mum has started TMS therapy for her anxiety (Transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) is a procedure that uses magnetic fields to stimulate nerve cells in the brain to improve symptoms of major depression.
It’s called a “noninvasive” procedure because it’s done without using surgery or cutting the skin.). The therapy is about an hour’s drive away from us in the major city so he’s been taking her four days a week since she started it because she isn’t allowed to drive afterward, I asked hubby to please ask her to organize someone else to take her because I wanted him with me since I was anxious about this surgery (definitely don’t want more children but was also anxious at the thought of now it’s near impossible to have another).
He wouldn’t, so he dropped me off and waited until I was taken into the preparing area, then he left to go to her house, I got a text about an hour later saying “Mum’s TMS got canceled because the clinicians called in sick”. So I thought oh awesome now he can come be with me instead of leaving me alone and anxious.
(Heart rate sky-rocketed so I was given nearly 20mg of diazepam to calm me down), he said no he was just going to chill at home because he didn’t want to wait around bored, which is fair enough but he could have easily stayed with me until I went in then went to the cafeteria and got food while he waited but again he said no. I’ve always cried and been incredibly anxious/scared when waking up after surgeries so I wanted him there with me to provide comfort and reassurance.
AITJ for being angry that he wouldn’t come in and support me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Last month my wife had to go to the hospital for day surgery. I had planned on dropping her off and then going back home until she was done, but I stayed at the hospital nonetheless.
Why? Part of the reason was that the staff said she’d be out by the time I got home — which wasn’t true — but a larger part is that I love her & didn’t want her to be alone at that time. The smile she had when she woke from anesthesia & saw me made it all worthwhile.
Your husband should have returned in time to be there when you came out of surgery. Tell him I said that, & he’s a jerk for not doing that.” FunnyAnchor123
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ but I am kinda shocked they didn’t make someone stay there while you were having the procedure.
Any time I have ever been sedated someone needed to wait there (the US though so maybe it is different elsewhere). Either way, your husband abandoned you. Even if it was a minor procedure, you asked him to stay. No questions, he should have stayed.” SeorniaGrim
12. AITJ For Not Letting My Unemployed Brother Move In With My Family?
“I have a brother who was laid off from his software job almost a year ago. He hasn’t found anything yet and has been crying on LinkedIn for people to help him.
He tried Uber and food delivery and hated it. I told him months ago to dumb down his resume for either retail or fast food and he still uses his tech resume because he thinks it impresses people. After a year of searching it doesn’t.
He’s asking me to move in because he has to sell his home before it goes into foreclosure. I told him no because he has always looked down on me getting married and neither of us having fancy tech jobs with benefits. My wife thinks my brother is an arrogant player because when he was at the height of his career he would always bring his latest flavor of the month around and my wife had to pretend to be nice but not get too close to these women because she knew how my brother was.
I told my brother that he just needed to get a small apartment. He said cheaper apartments are now like $2500 a month and he’s just throwing that money away at that point. I told him my family life is crazy with the 3 kids and it would be crazy to have him move in with all his stuff.
My brother thought he could buy a shed and store some things in the garage until he got on his feet. He told me the commute is going to be crazy from my place but I have to understand he has already weighed the pros and cons and he can can make it work.
I told him I weighed the pros and cons and it’s not going to so when he sells his home he needs to find another place to live because he’s not moving in with me. He told me he’d remember this because I didn’t help him when he was down and at his lowest. I told him I don’t remember him ever helping us at our lowest so maybe my brother is getting a visit from karma.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I already know I’ll get downvoted, so go ahead. Look you have every right not to let him move in with you – that’s fair. You have your own family to worry about. But…your question is whether or not you are the jerk for telling him that he is getting a visit from karma.
Yes, yes you are. And you know you are which is why you are asking the question. A non-jerk response to his equally wrong and out-of-line comment would be “I’m sorry you feel that way, I wish I could help but I really can’t”. Instead, you elected to shove a knife in and twist it.
Whether or not your brother “deserves” this is immaterial. One is a jerk based on one’s actions. Your actions were poor.” Clear_Moose5782
Another User Comments:
“Not TJ because it’s your home and you don’t have to let anyone move in. But YTJ for your karma comment and it would have been quicker to make a post that just says; **”I hate my brother, and I might be a little jealous of him; the end”**” MutantHoundLover
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should have bit your tongue and not made that “karma comment”, but the main thing is that he cannot just demand of you what he does. It is perfectly okay if you do not want him moving in, so clearly he is the jerk for trying to press you to do something you don’t want to do and which would have a huge effect on your daily life and your family.” DonWilliam77.
11. AITJ For Wanting To Name My Daughter The Same First Name As Her Cousin?
“I’ve had a dream name for a future daughter picked out for over a decade and when I shared it with my husband he loved it too, (Going to use “Mary Sue” as a placeholder for privacy).
Hubby and I have been trying to conceive for years due to me having PCOS and while we’ve been trying his brother and wife have had a baby. The ‘problem’ is that they named their daughter “Mary Jay”. It was heartbreaking for me that they used the first name I had my heart set on because it just highlighted the fact I hadn’t been able to have my daughter like she replaced my baby.
Well, now I’m finally pregnant and just passed the end of my second trimester so things are looking good and we’re discussing names. I still really want to use “Mary Sue” but my husband says it would be weird if she had the same first name as her cousin.
I argued that it wouldn’t feel like the same name because this name has several popular nicknames and they use a different one than we had planned.
He says we shouldn’t do it because it will cause drama between him and his brother because they are very uptight and get snooty and think everything is about them so they’ll assume we did it on purpose out of spite or something and they’ll just be passive aggressive and make interactions between us awkward.
Only recently has this changed. For years they were basically indifferent to each other just quick awkward “hi how are you”s at family gatherings.
They never had a fight or anything they just never got close or connected the way a lot of brothers do.
Now we all talk a little more, though it’s still stunted and awkward conversation but we all try. So we don’t want to rock the boat, but should we have to tiptoe around them?
So if you were ever a parent in this situation or a kid with the same name as your cousin please tell me how you felt.
Mostly I don’t want my daughter to think she has a secondhand name like we couldn’t think of one so just used her cousins. Or that they will fight over it when they are in those tantrum years over who owns the name and other dumb stuff kids argue about.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! My cousin and I have the same first name – and for years we went by the same nickname, too. It was never an issue, and honestly, I liked having the same name as my cool older cousin. It made a kind of special connection between us.
If it was confusing, relatives said “Big Jenny” or “Little Jenny.” This is now rather amusing because, at family gatherings, I am still called Little Jenny sometimes, but I am about 8 inches taller than my “big” cousin, lol.” hikemtnsnh
Another User Comments:
“I’m not gonna say you’re the jerk but I have a cousin who has almost the same name and depending on how someone pronounces our names they can sound the same (think Anna and Hannah) We loathe each other.
We’re no contact now and I’m practically no contact with her parents too. We were pitted against each other and there are zero happy memories from growing up. Could you switch the names you like and do Sue Mary instead of Mary Sue?
Still, use the names without both kids having the same first name?” Perfect_Calendar9847
Another User Comments:
“I have the same name as multiple cousins. I genuinely believe that people overblow the whole “same name thing.” And in my family, it’s nearly exactly what you’re talking about, think like “Kerry Ann” and “Kerry Rose” and we both go by “Kerry” outside the family.
I think if you explained the reason you’re doing this and come up with a suitable family nickname for your child that doesn’t impose on them it should be fine. However sounds like your husband doesn’t want to do this and he’s the one who needs to get on board.
My husband was similarly against our children sharing names with relatives, even pretty distant ones. No jerks here.” SaveBandit987654321
10. AITJ For Taking A Late Night Bath Due To My Psoriasis?
“I (26F) live in the upstairs apartment in an old duplex house. Below me is a single man who is in his mid-30s. The walls are very thin here. I can hear him when he walks downstairs, so I’m sure he can hear me too.
We don’t really interact with each other at all besides the courtesy half-smiles when we pass each other in the driveway.
Long story short, I have psoriasis. I am currently experiencing a flare up and it is extremely uncomfortable. One of the only things that give me instant relief is a hot oatmeal bath.
Two nights ago I woke up around 1 am in extreme itching discomfort. I tried to ignore it but I just couldn’t. I decided to take a bath. I was in the bath for about an hour and filled it up one additional time to get it hot again.
The next morning I woke up to a text from the guy downstairs saying that I woke him up with the running water right above him and I needed to take my baths at a reasonable hour. I simply said, It’s a medical thing, I didn’t mean to wake you”.
He texted back “What medical need could you possibly have that you need to take a bath at 1 am??” I didn’t answer him and he texted again saying he would be speaking to the landlord about this. I didn’t respond again because I didn’t need to explain anything to him regarding my medical history.
Also, I’m not sure what he thinks the landlord will do. I’m allowed to take baths in my own home.
I do feel bad for waking him, as I know he works late and was probably just getting to sleep after a long shift, but I’m not going to suffer in bed all night.
I told my mom about this and she said she sees both sides, but I should try to be more compassionate about others. I told her if he wanted complete silence, he shouldn’t live in an apartment.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You can bathe or shower whenever you need to, it isn’t like playing loud music.
This is equivalent to your neighbor asking you not to walk around at night or in the early morning, if this is too loud then it is a problem with the property.” mlc885
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You summed it up perfectly – you are allowed to take baths in your own home.
You are making a reasonable effort to be as quiet as you can which is all you can do. Anyone living in an apartment/duplex setting will hear their neighbors. As long as everyone is making an effort to be quiet (I don’t think you are splashing around and singing in the bathtub) you are good.” Waste_Worker6122
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I live in apartments and I hear neighbors on all sides of me but unless it’s excessive and disruptive.. if you just wait it stops lol I mean at this point I tune it out. This guy is just being a jerk IMO.
Confirmed by his sarcastic demand to know your medical history. You’re welcome to take a bath whenever you want since you pay rent for your place lol I hope you feel better soon!” kirar2
9. AITJ For Making My Mum's Friends Pay For A Taxi After Oktoberfest?
“I offered to drive my mum and some friends to and from an Oktoberfest about 30 30-minute drive from home. Both my mum and her friends are pretty mature when it comes to drinking, usually, they just get a little tipsy and then call it quits.
Because of this, I was initially fine to drive them home at around 12 at night when the festival ended.
I arrive to pick them up and they are pretty inebriated, they could barely get in the car without falling over so I instantly regretted offering.
My mum is pretty sober in comparison but the others are gone.
When I was about to move off somebody in the back seat randomly got out saying ‘I’m walking to the next pub’ then ran off down the road.
I drive around for a bit looking for her and I find her stumbling in the middle of an A-road (60mph speed limit) and blocking traffic.
I pull over and manage to get her in the car. I’m extremely angry at this point and I felt like just driving home alone.
The same lady then threatened to be sick so I quickly pulled over and forced her out of my car onto the pavement where she began to spit etc.
I gave in and ordered a taxi for them and made all the other friends sit on the curb. I waited for it to show up, and then I drove home with just my mum, who was equally as annoyed as I was.
I’m feeling pretty bad for making them pay £50+ for the taxi especially after I offered to drive them.
On the other hand, they aren’t kids anymore, in fact, they are all over 40. One of them apparently left their phone at home which is an extremely irresponsible thing to do when going on a night out. The fact I had to search for one of them and stop them from getting run over is crazy.
I’m also pretty upset with my mum too, I’ve made it apparent how much I hate dealing with intoxicated people in the past.
Let me know what you think.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You took it well and beyond your initial offer to get them home.
Their getting so wasted to throw up would be on them. Getting a cab or Uber was the right move and paying for it correctly as they put themselves into that position that ended up making you call them a cab. You did the right and good thing.” PumpkinPowerful3292
8. AITJ For Being Frustrated With My Pregnant Wife's Lack Of Planning And Increased Dependency?
“I work from home and my work is based on productivity (I only work half the year overall). My wife is a stay-at-home mom, we have 1 child and one is on the way (8 months pregnant).
My wife doesn’t plan For example, she can’t figure out what to buy in a grocery store because she can’t figure out what she wants to cook for the week. Or she can’t decide where she wants to eat for dinner at 10 am in the morning because she isn’t hungry.
I am a type A personality, who likes to plan things ahead of time. We also have a nanny who comes in for 3 hours about 3-4 times a week to watch my son while we get stuff done.
Issue/Conflict: While I understand pregnancy is hard, I try to accommodate as much as I can.
Until inevitably I break down over the stress of handling everything. I would do most of the dishes, cook at least half the meals, give my son his bath, put him down to sleep, and clean up the house.
Where I usually break down is when she will always say she needs to rest after taking care of our son in the morning.
During his nap, she would spend her time eating, texting, and playing games. She may try to rest in the last 30 minutes before our son wakes up.
But if she doesn’t get any sleep, she would rest when the nanny comes or I would assume the responsibility of taking care of our son before the start of my work (evening shift).
Then at night, she would always do the same thing. On occasion, she would do the laundry. But it is always last minute, leading to going to bed at midnight, and the cycles get worse because she doesn’t have good sleep.
I always eventually get frustrated with the wasted time and shouldering more and more responsibility.
Then we fight and everything resets. But the cycle always continues and I start to do more and more.
Am I the jerk here? Or is my perspective wrapped?
If you need more background, I am happy to provide more detail. Sorry for the rant and paragraph of text.”
Another User Comments:
“It always baffles me when people come here to complain that they have kids/wife is pregnant and they just cannot stand doing chores. Yes, YTJ. Kids are hard. Being pregnant is hard. She is not lazy: she is growing a human being in her belly, just being awake and breathing drains her energy.
It’s not a surprise you need to pick up some slack.” IrrelevantManatee
Another User Comments:
“Dude she’s busy building a baby for you, that takes a LOT of energy and saps her entire being, physically, emotionally, and mentally. You two need to have some serious conversations, and you need to understand that pregnancy is not a walk in the park, it permanently changes you every single time.
That said, she might have a bit of the old ADHD and executive dysfunction since she’s not good at planning things. Maybe talking to a therapist (for both of you) would help you get on the same page. Or suck it up and take time to plan meals together, buy accordingly, and set up a chore roster – but keep in mind – big baby in there moving around and generally sucking the life out of her.
Women do most of the organizational labor in marriages, now it’s your turn. Good luck!” Mortifydman
7. AITJ For Considering Reporting My Mom's Plan To Marry Her Nigerian Pen-Pal?
“About three years ago, my mom (52F) was nearly scammed on WhatsApp.
When I (29F) explained it was a scam, she confronted the scammer, and he “admitted” his wrongdoing. I asked my brother to block the number, and I thought it was over. However, months later, I discovered they were still talking and had formed a friendship.
They discussed everything from Nigeria’s economy to cultural cuisines. It wasn’t romantic, but a pen-pal style friendship. She promised not to send him any funds or talk to him if he asked for it.
A year later, she confessed she had been sending him a monthly stipend for medical care and to support his family.
I was horrified because she was financially unstable, and I already helped her and my younger brother (24M) make ends meet. She defended her decision, saying it was her way of making a positive impact.
Recently, my mom finalized her divorce from my abusive father.
The divorce was expensive, and she still owes her attorney. Last night, she dropped a bombshell: now that she’s divorced, she plans to marry her Nigerian friend so he can get a green card and support his family. I was shocked and immediately told her this was a terrible idea.
She reassured me they’d keep finances separate, he’d only stay temporarily, and she’d get a prenup. They’d divorce once he was financially independent.
I told her this was marriage fraud and warned her of the legal risks. She insists she’s just helping a friend, and that I’m being overly negative.
I know she’s going to do whatever she wants, and I told her I won’t be able to save her if things go wrong. She still plans to go through with it.
Now, I’m debating if I should report her to the authorities to stop her from going to Nigeria.
I know it could ruin our relationship, but I fear the consequences of her actions—legal trouble, and losing her job or house. I’m stalling for time since she hasn’t realized she needs a visa for Nigeria, but I’m torn.
WIBTJ if I did everything I could to stop her from going?
And open to alternative suggestions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re not a jerk for trying to protect her, but reporting her is probably not the best course of action. You don’t want to get your mother in trouble with the law. You just want to protect her from this man who is preying on her.
You’d be better off over at r/legaladvice than here. I’m not a lawyer or any sort of expert on the matter, but I don’t think the authorities would stop her from going to Nigeria. However, reporting her could get her in trouble *after* she marries him and they apply for his green card or whatever, since at that point, she would have committed a crime.
Up until that point, it wouldn’t be a crime. The marriage itself isn’t a crime. Going to Nigeria isn’t a crime. Do you think your mom would agree to talk to an immigration attorney? Maybe they could talk her out of it.” SoMuchMoreEagle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for your feelings but you can’t prevent her from marrying. All you can do is make his path to a green card or citizenship harder which will mean they would stay married longer. I’m sorry you are dealing with this. Stop helping her and try to get her to pass on any assets to you or put them in a trust. Talk to an estate lawyer about it before proposing anything to her, so you know details about how it works.
If she doesn’t want to do this then there is nothing you can do but let her live her life. ” righteoushippie
6. AITJ For Not Allowing My MIL To Stay Over Unannounced After My Kid's Game?
“We live 2 hours from in-laws, but they still come to see us and mostly the grandkids a lot – to the point that I have asked my husband to help me establish the boundary of no more unexpected drop-ins, especially unexpected sleepovers, especially on school nights.
I believe this is fair, as does my husband obviously or he wouldn’t have my back on this.
There have already been a couple of times we have had to put our foot down on this, but there are still versions of unexpected pop-ins. For example, the day after asking about the kid’s sports schedule, they were just there without notice, and yes of course expecting to come right over after – which was awkward as we hadn’t planned to accommodate anyone else for dinner.
Today she texted at 1 pm saying she was coming into town for one of the kids’ games and asked if she could stay the night. I didn’t see this until 3 pm, but even so, 1 pm seems very last minute to me and did give me anxiety.
My husband told her staying over would not be a good idea as our youngest has been hard to put down lately (NOT a lie) and she kind of blew up on us.
She hit us with the “wow ok”, “after all I’ve done for you” and “I’m astonished” and also used her issues driving at night to show how selfish and mean we were being (paraphrasing)
I said it was not fair to try and guilt trip me when she knew my boundaries and anxieties before leaving and it was on her to have a plan and consideration for us.
She is now saying we are not welcoming.
I think some people might think I am being the jerk because while it may give me temporary anxiety, being accommodating to loved ones is important and we should be able to set aside our discomforts for them sometimes.
On the other hand,d this was not an emergency, this was not a championship game, she had made almost every other game and if she wasn’t sure she could afford a hotel or drive home that night it was wrong to assume she could stay over when I’ve been pretty clear how I feel on that.
So AITJ for making my MIL either stay in a hotel or drive home after she came into town for the kid’s game?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – They have been made aware that you do not want overnight guests on school nights or without sufficient notice.
That does not mean on a school night with no notice – And anything less than twenty-four hours is not noticed. It is an announcement. If she truly wanted to be a helpful person, she would ask ahead of time which games or events you’d be willing to host overnight, and she’d schedule with you.
Her behavior is manipulative, and you would be absolutely in the right to put your foot down and ignore the nonsense that follows.” KrofftSurvivor
5. AITJ For Choosing To Spend My Wife's Birthday At A Concert With My Brother?
“I’m (29M), my wife (28F) and I recently got into an argument when I told her that I would not be spending the whole day with her on her birthday and instead would be hanging out with my brother. My brother (31M) and my wife share the same birthday month and their birthdays are a week apart.
I saw that my brother’s favorite music artist is performing in our city and I wanted to surprise him with tickets, coincidentally, it’s on my wife’s birthday. My brother has never seen this artist perform this would be his first concert ever.
I told my wife the plan I had to hang out with my brother that day, and she got upset. Even though we agreed to celebrate her birthday the day before the concert ( because all her friends can only make it on that day) she’s still upset that I won’t be with her on her actual birth date.
I understand the importance of being with her on her birthday, but I told her since we are celebrating the day before that it should be okay for me to go to the concert. The artist that is performing is pretty big and has never been to our city before so it’s an opportunity that I don’t want to pass up on.
I also told her that we can spend most of the day together because the concert starts at 7 pm, so until then we can do whatever she would like, I can even plan a super fun day for her.
I don’t think my going is that big of a deal, I feel like the most important thing is that we celebrate and she gets a party with all her friends.
She thinks it’s a big deal and doesn’t want to go to the concert at all. I have plenty of nice gifts that I plan to give to her. But I don’t want to buy my brother another gift because I know he’ll love the one I have planned. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Did you even invite her to the concert? I get the impression you didn’t. If you already know all her friends are unavailable on her birthday, that means you know she’ll be left alone. The fact that it’s in the evening makes it worse.
She’s your wife. If you had any consideration for her you would have at least made this a conversation, instead of just telling her “Oh yeah, I have to hang out with my brother on your birthday” when you don’t even have to, it’s a choice you made.” Strange_Shallot8833
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You decided to make the unilateral decision to do something special for your brother (as a surprise gift to him for his birthday) on her birthday, leaving her alone unable to plan to spend her day with you, although you were available.
You didn’t consult her in advance to ask her what she thought about your idea, and see if she would like to go with all three of you. So yeah you’re a mean person.” mostly_lurking1040
Another User Comments:
“Sorry but YTJ. Her birthday means a lot to her.
It doesn’t matter that you don’t think it’s a big deal. It’s a big deal to her and you are minimizing her feelings. I mean it’s her birthday. She already had to move the friend’s party to accommodate their schedules now she has to accommodate your brother?
“the concert starts at 7 pm, so until then we can do whatever she would like, I can even plan a super fun day for her. – So you haven’t given any thought to what to do with her on her birthday? Do you even want to be married?
You did this behind her back and just assumed she would be okay with it? You could have bought your brother the tickets and he could take a friend. So now, she has to spend her actual birthday night alone. Not great, you are treating her like she’s 2nd best. Good luck with that.
She will probably not be happy with you for a long time.” Away-Understanding34
4. AITJ For Kicking My Religious Fanatic Grandmother Out Of My Birthday Dinner?
“She is something me and my mother call “religious fanatic”. When I was younger, around 12, I cut my finger deep with a knife while I was preparing some snacks for myself. She was the only one at home, my parents had to run some errands in town.
Instead of administering first aid, or rushing me to the emergency room, she started praying over my own and didn’t let me get the aid kit myself. My only luck is that my parents came home earlier than expected. As you can imagine, my mother was furious, and didn’t let her watch over me, or my younger brother again.
She also blames me for my visual impairment, saying that I wouldn’t need glasses if I believed in God more.
You can imagine I’m not overly fond of her. Our relationship got even more strained when she moved to our house. My mom and I try our hardest to be respectful and tolerant of her, but she is making it extremely hard.
Every time I happen to be in the same room as her, she tells me to drop out (I’m in my final year of MA, no way I’m doing that), that I should just find myself a husband and have kids. Now, that wouldn’t be such a big deal for most, but this comment of hers is grinding my nerves.
A, I’m openly AroAce and B, I’m medically infertile. She knows this but still believes that God will heal my infertility.
Now, getting to the point. For my 25th birthday, I invited my family to our favorite restaurant for dinner. And, of course, I had to invite her too.
As soon as we sat down, she immediately started hounding me about marriage and kids. For an hour straight. My mom tried to make her stop, and so did my maternal grandmother and my father. Not only did she not stop, she even got staff involved with her comments.
I told her if she didn’t stop, I would have her kicked out. She didn’t. So I kicked her out. I had my father drive her home and then return to us in the restaurant.
So, AITJ for kicking my grandmother out, and not talking to her unless I need to?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your dad is 100%. It’s your dad’s parent, it’s his job to set safe boundaries and keep his mom from hurting his children. He let her attack you for a solid hour until you made him take her home.
He needed to stop her immediately, tell her what would happen if she continued, and follow through. He enables her cruelty to his family. Put the onus on him. Don’t interact with her anymore., and if he pulls the family card, let him know he needs to grow up and be the adult in his relationship with his mother” Sad_Gold730.5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, next time she’ll talk about that with you, tell her that “*For every time you bring up me having kids, getting married, God and all that, I will donate 3 dollars in your name to Planned Parenthood, The Satanic Temple, and a shelter for animals, and you don’t want me to do the first two.
So for every time, there is a two in three chance that you’d help with family planning and the local chapter of the satanic temple*”. And pull out three dollars from your wallet, put them in an envelope, and give her a thousand yards death stare.
NTJ” RemoteBroccoli
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Participate In Family's White Elephant Christmas?
“My family isn’t huge into gifts for adults, but we have a Secret Santa every year at Christmas. I’ve been having a pretty awful year, and I’ve been really looking forward to it – I already have notes on different ideas for different people. But my aunt (the host) just declared she’s switching it to a White Elephant so there’s ‘less pressure and more fun!!’
A white elephant, for those who remain in blissful ignorance, is when everyone buys a gift/packs up something random they don’t want, and puts it in a circle. Everyone grabs a random package. This can be stolen from them and exchanged with something else.
I get the idea, and I see how it could be fun, but I… kinda hate it.
I know I’m being spoiled, but the thought is what counts, and this game systemically removes all possible thoughts. All of my childhood gifts were sold/given away when my parents cleaned out my old room (and I’ve been away at college and obviously not given anything), so I was looking forward to having one single thing to have.
I don’t know why, but having something tangible I can pick up and see to remind myself that the person who gave me it cares about me and wanted me to have it matters to me.
I haven’t responded to the post yet – I kinda teared up when I thought about it too hard, especially since this could be the plan for the foreseeable future.
At this point, I don’t want to go. I can send a nice gift to put in the pool (or maybe some brandy for the dinner so there isn’t one extra gift), but I don’t think I’ll be able to fake having a good time if I come.
I also don’t want to pressure them into NOT doing this if they’re really happier not thinking about it.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’re free to not attend a family event. But this may be planned to save everyone money. I WISH my family did a White Elephant gift exchange.
My husband and I both have large families and it can get expensive and time-consuming buying presents for every single person. When our finances were tight a couple of years ago we just didn’t get presents for anybody and it sucked. A white elephant gift exchange is a cheap option that allows everyone to participate and keeps the people who can’t afford presents from feeling left out.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I also despise white elephant or dirty Santa-type games. I hate the idea of “stealing” someone’s gift. I would think about attending but make it clear you are not going to participate in that part of the day. Maybe ask a friend if they would like to exchange gifts, and set a mutually agreed upon budget. I *love* giving gifts.
I love putting thought and effort into making a person feel seen and loved by their gift so I am in absolute agreement with you that these games suck all meaning out of gifts. To me it makes it all seem greedy and shallow. NTJ” Cultural_Section_862
2. AITJ For Not Attending My Mom's Rescheduled Surprise Party After Organizing It?
“My mom’s 70th birthday is tomorrow. I planned a large (50-person) party at their neighborhood country club including food, cake, balloon arch, decorations, music, everything.
I planned this over several months. I drove 10 hours each way to be there in person and surprise her. Unfortunately, my parents live in a town hit by Hurricane Helene and there was no power at the venue last Saturday, so her party had to be postponed. I had already traveled there and my mom was very happy and surprised to see me, and we still celebrated my mom’s birthday with our immediate family.
Although she was sad it couldn’t happen as planned, she was thrilled to hear I’d planned a surprise party and loved every detail. After spending two days with family I drove the ten hours back home.
Now power is back in the area and the party has been rescheduled for this Saturday.
I’ve still done all the work to communicate with guests and coordinate with vendors but I am not planning to go in person. I have to work a full day Friday and be back at work Monday morning so it would be a quick turnaround.
It would also be costly for both gas and boarding my dog (who my mom doesn’t allow to stay at her house). I also have other plans this weekend – a 12-mile run that I put off from last weekend that’s important for my half marathon training, an NWSL soccer game, and a concert (both of which I have tickets to already).
I’m also just generally behind on chores and things from being gone last weekend.
Because of all these things, I’m not planning to go back to my mom’s party, but I know she wants me there. She even offered to buy me a plane ticket if driving was the issue, but because there are no direct flights and the airport is an hour away, that would only save me 2 hours each way versus driving.
Am I the jerk for not going to her birthday party when it means so much to her for me to be there, even though I’ve already put a lot of time, energy, and money towards celebrating her birthday?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’ve done a lot already.
You were there for her actual birthday, and you organized a huge party you wanted to be there but there were difficult circumstances. It’s not like you are just ditching the party for no real reason, the whole plan had to change because of a massive natural disaster.
But most importantly, you were there on her birthday!” Tdluxon
Another User Comments:
“Look, I know you’ve put in the time, energy, money, and emotional labor toward this celebration already, and that’s amazing of you! But the thing is, if you don’t go to the party, your 70-year-old mom will be devastated. No one expected Helene, and it’s not your fault.
But when your mom looks back on this incredible party that you put on for her, I think what she will feel the strongest is your absence from the event. Alas, YTJ. Just go. ” Pterodactyl_Noises
1. AITJ For Calling Out My Family For Forgetting My Birthday?
“My (36) birthday was at the beginning of the month. In the last 10 years or so, I stopped celebrating it for mental health reasons. Everyone would usually forget, I would get depressed, and I figured out it was just better to stop getting my hopes up so I wouldn’t be disappointed.
This last year, however, has been one of the hardest I’ve been through. I’ve been severely depressed, been dealing with an injury that I just found out has caused permanent damage to my back, and lost my job due to the injury. I’ve been dealing with all of this by myself while trying to navigate helping care for my terminally ill father and little sister acting out because she’s struggling with her stuff.
It’s been a lot and for once, I needed a day that focused on celebrating me, because I’ve been feeling more alone than ever. I get that’s probably stupid, but I just needed SOMETHING.
I talked to my family about it and they agreed to do something nice for me this year.
My birthday rolls around, and.. nothing. Mom and I talked, and she said “We’re doing something this weekend.” Great! I’m excited! The weekend rolls around and instead, she takes my little sister out to get her hair and nails done and to go shopping. I was crushed.
A few weeks go by and my mom asks me to take my little sister out to go get some stuff because she’s been depressed and stressed out. I was busy with appointments so I said I couldn’t. Mom asked me to reschedule my appointments because my little sister needed me and said I was being selfish by not putting family first.
This is where I feel like I may be a jerk. When I heard her say this, I lost it. I told her how it was funny that I’m the selfish one when I have dropped everything every day for everyone else. But none of them could even be bothered enough to wish me a happy birthday, so I don’t matter to any of them.
Now I’m getting calls from my family telling me I’m a jerk because she’s dealing with a lot and it’s not fair to hold it against her for forgetting about my bday and I need to grow up. (To be fair, the only ones that did wish me a happy bday were my partner who was out of town, and my grandmother)
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, the fact that you’ve been there for everyone else, even when you’re dealing with your pain, shows how selfless you are. It’s not selfish to ask for *one* day when people acknowledge you, especially after everything you’ve been through this year.
You told your family what you needed, and they still dropped the ball. It’s frustrating when you’re always expected to put others first, but when it comes to you, it’s like your needs don’t matter. It’s not about the birthday—it’s about being valued. They’re gaslighting you by making you feel like you’re in the wrong when they failed to even show basic consideration.
You deserve better.” dreamwarrior99
Another User Comments:
“I feel this. My younger sister got a lot more support/help because her struggles were more evident than mine and I always try to handle everything alone. So when I do ask for help it’s very difficult and if my family shut me down when I did, I would be crushed. Especially since I’ve seen them do it repeatedly for my sister.
I think maybe having a sit down with Mom and Dad to talk about all this or maybe even a family therapy session if they’re open to it would be a good idea because it’s obvious to me they don’t understand the depth of your hurt at all.
And for you, it’s years of resentment so if you don’t already have someone to talk to, I would find someone because keeping it in obviously isn’t doing you any good. If after trying to talk to mom/dad doesn’t work, I would just set boundaries with them and stick to them.
Aka you’re happy to help out on days you’re free but are unable to reschedule preplanned activities or appointments due to any family needs outside of emergencies. Then start planning something nice for yourself on your bday every year and celebrate it with friends” Opposite_everyday
