People Try To Get Out Of Telling These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
24. AITJ For Buying Weaker Drinks At My Friend's Out-Of-Control Party?
“I (24F) helped my friend Tiana (21) organize her birthday party because it was her first time planning one.
The night before, I went over to her house at midnight to celebrate.
The party started well, but things went downhill when Tiana got so intoxicated she couldn’t stand properly. She was slurring her words, and two of her friends almost ran out of the house to buy more drinks, which I managed to stop.
Since I was sober, I stepped in to buy weaker drinks, thinking they were too intoxicated. Tiana and her guests accepted the drinks without complaint but said that they tasted different.
Later, Tiana and her best friend went on a random chat site and almost revealed personal information, including that of my friend Anna.
We didn’t go on an actual random chat site. Downloaded a random chat site wannabe app. This app was worse (IMO) because we were talking to people in a 10km radius. As the night progressed, Tiana became increasingly emotional and started crying. Her best friend suggested getting fresh air, so we went to a local park.
To add to my frustration, my friends Reggie and Alisha gave Tiana a group gift without including me. I didn’t want to confront Tiana about it because I hoped to avoid any negative memories from her birthday.
A few days later, Tiana sent me this :
“Hey! I noticed you seemed off during the party which felt weird. I get that you were upset about the random chat site thing, but that isn’t nice. I invited everyone for my birthday, and it made me sad to see them uncomfortable, including you.
I don’t want you to explain or defend yourself, but I hope this doesn’t affect our friendship.”
This text felt like a slap in the face. After some back and forth, I suggested discussing things in person the next day. When we met, Tiana barely spoke to me, and the friend who came with me started calling me the jerk.
They claimed, “You weren’t even that helpful and did what any friend would do.” While this is somewhat true, no one else stepped up the way I did. I bought additional drinks, and extra food (since the original ran out), and helped organize games to keep everyone engaged.
I was called the jerk for giving them weaker drinks because “even if they were intoxicated, they had the right to drink what they wanted.” I explained that I wouldn’t have acted this way if Tiana hadn’t been so intoxicated and out of control.
I understand Tiana has the right to enjoy herself, but I wish she had maintained some decorum as a host or at least delegated responsibilities to someone else.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as somebody who also doesn’t drink, you’re doing an important, but unthankful job.
If you do the right thing they are gonna say you ruined the party if you’re doing nothing they are gonna say you ruined the party or even their life. I would get some more thankful friends” Unhappy_Practice_897.
Another User Comments:
“I just know I wish I had a friend like you!
No, you’re not a jerk. But I don’t think it’s an issue to be mad at one another and ruin a friendship. Just need to set boundaries and explain I will not partake in helping you get too intoxicated where you’re completely unaware. So next time, no one could ever be mad over something you’re uncomfortable doing, which is completely understandable.
I hope my children have friends like you, to look out for their well-being instead of partying like every mistake has 2nd chances. ” Hot_Journalist_790
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here in this. Tiana getting intoxicated was her own choice. If she had gotten poisoned by the end of the night, it would’ve been everyone’s job to take her to the hospital. Never do more for a person who wouldn’t do that much for you.
Your intentions were right, but maybe she felt you were being judged. That’s how she must be. Just explain to her that you didn’t want her to end up making very bad decisions that could affect her later. If she is a good friend she will understand and stay friends with you.
At her next party, don’t help out as much. Just go with the flow, let her realize on her own how much she can handle and how lucky she was that her 21st bday didn’t end up with her in the hospital. One day she will realize it.
If not, you deserve a better friend than Tiana” DranBrd.
23. AITJ For Snapping Back At My Mother And Nan After Years Of Their Unkind Remarks?
“My mother & nan have always had a habit of being unkind towards me and making fun of me, especially regarding behaviors that are common in autism which I am diagnosed with.
They always make everything about how I’m autistic and then make fun of my autistic traits.
I’ve been told that I’ll never get into my dream university nor will I ever become a lawyer, the unkind commentary is more obvious when my nan is over.
I’m non-binary and they will both get mad at me for politely correcting them after they misgender me or deadname me. They both regularly call themselves fat and constantly use me to project their insecurities saying “I wish I had your body”, etc as well as telling me I’ll look like them when I’m older, which has happened since I was a child.
They also tried to tell me that I should break up with my partner because they didn’t like him and wanted me to be with my best friend instead but don’t mind my sister’s partner who was very rude and disrespectful.
I communicate with them that this makes me uncomfortable and I don’t like it but I get told to grow up and stop being childish.
My stepdad has noticed it too as I asked him about it and he said he doesn’t like it.
Well. Yesterday my nan was over, as she has been a lot since my grandfathers both passed in March/April this year. I mentioned how she’s here a lot and then I asked her if she liked a certain place as we’re going out in November to celebrate my book’s release.
She said no and I made a joke about how she wouldn’t be able to come then. My mother yelled at me for being mean but I said I wasn’t being mean. She said I was being mean even if I thought I was joking.
I’d usually walk away when this happens because I don’t like drama but I’ve been stressed for a few days so instead of doing that I said “Well at least now you know how it feels.”
I did leave after I said that.
My mother seemed upset for the rest of the day and whenever I tried to talk to her she was really rude. I couldn’t talk to my stepdad about it due to my mother being around. I do intend on going no contact but I would like to get a stable job so I can afford my own house first and being autistic and in college is making it difficult.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They seem very verbally abusive, and if they can’t handle having their crappy behavior called out, then they need to change their behaviors. Absolutely none of that is on you. You were extremely straightforward, and still very civil, all things considered. Much better than the “oh, good, I wouldn’t want a fat cow coming to my celebration anyway” that would have slipped out of my mouth since they’re bothered by their appearance.
Congrats on the book, BTW. Keep living your life for you, and don’t be afraid to walk away from them completely. Especially with the misgendering and using your dead name, they’ll only ever hold you back from being your best self.” Kaynico
22. AITJ For Not Letting My Dad Name My Child?
“My (29m) wife (28f) is pregnant with our first child. We know we’re having a girl and we have a first name already chosen. It’s a name my wife has loved for so long and I think it’s a great name too so it was decided we’d go with her top choice.
Middle names are not something we have the strongest feelings about. My wife doesn’t have a middle name. So we may go that same route. We may not. We’re tossing around ideas.
Several of the people in my extended family suggested I should use my dad’s late wife’s late stepmother’s name.
To break that down for people. My dad was married to a woman “Mary” who was not my mom. Mary had divorced parents and her stepmother “Ruth” died around the same time my dad married Mary. Mary’s kids were closer to Ruth than their bio grandmother.
My dad and Mary’s kids never knew Ruth but grew up hearing a lot about her and formed a closeness to her from that. I was not close to Mary while she was alive and married to my dad and I was not close to Ruth for the brief time I “knew” her.
Mary’s legal name was also Ruth but she went by Mary. So the name Ruth carries a lot of personal meaning to my dad and my step and half-siblings. It carries no weight to me, however. But they believe it should. My dad always felt that I should have loved Mary and regarded her as my second mom because I never knew mine (complicated situation).
But I always saw her as my dad’s wife and nothing more. I was 11 when they met and 12 when they got married.
The name was suggested and I told them we weren’t looking to do honor names (which is true, we’re not) and they said it would be a wonderful gesture especially given Mary and Ruth were not biologically related but had love and I could say the same.
I told them it was nice to offer but one of the others could use it in the future instead. But they didn’t like that and after a few more attempts at pushing the name,e I said I would not use the name as my daughter’s middle name, and they needed to drop it because they could not force me.
They are angry I was so forcefully against the name. My dad more than anyone because he said I was displaying my lack of affection or regard for the woman who helped raise me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – What to name your daughter, including the middle name is up to you and your wife.
Your father and stepmother’s happiness is irrelevant to the situation. Also, when giving a middle name there is something very important to consider: how well does it flow when you have to shout it in anger on days that kid does something that ticks you off, first, middle, and last names will all come out of your mouth when that happens.
So, if Ruth interrupts the flow, that alone should toss it.” okIhaveANopinionHERE
Another User Comments:
“So, correct me if I’m wrong. Your step and half-siblings are trying to ‘pressure’ you into using their mother’s/stepgrandmother’s name for your daughter’s middle name. It holds no significance to you, so you suggested one of the users the name for their kids.
BUT THEY DIDN’T LIKE THAT. Why? Why do they believe you should use a name that’s closer to them, than you? Let them be angry, they have no authority over your daughter’s name.” Ratchet_gurl24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your first refusal should have been enough.
Your dad and others pushing this … it’s not about the name. They hold a grudge about your lack of closeness to this person who is no longer alive. Honestly, shutting down any further discussion of this is a hard boundary (like, leaving the room, ending the call) that is worth setting.
Once you have a child they will probably want to see it, it may have a real effect. Only the parents get to name a child. You and your wife will name this kid, with or without a middle name, and you are the only ones who have to be happy with it (although I hope the child is too, later).” Tangerine_Bouquet
21. AITJ For Not Helping My Reckless Driving Partner After His Car Accident?
“My partner was in a car accident. He broke his left leg, ankle, and forearm, and he’ll be out of commission for at least nine months. Overall he’s OK and I’m glad and thankful for it.
my partner is a reckless driver. He eats and is always on his cell phone whenever he’s driving.
It’s been a point of contention ever since I met him the to point that I’ve either taken the wheel or left him and taken an Uber home because I didn’t feel safe. Ironically, he’s never been stopped or gotten a ticket over it.
About three months ago, we were coming back from a weekend getaway, and while he was driving, he was watching a race on his cell phone, a race!
I offered to take the wheel so he could enjoy it but he said no. We got into a huge fight and it ended when I said that if he were to get into an accident, no matter how bad, I wouldn’t help him. He got quiet and we made it back home safely.
Fast forward nine weeks later, he has an accident, a big one. He lost control and rolled over hitting a tree right on the driver’s side. He spent two weeks in the hospital and was discharged a few days ago.
During his time in the hospital, he confessed to me that he was distracted by his cell phone, which wasn’t surprising.
Since he lives by himself, it’s been quite difficult to go on with his life. I visit him but I don’t help him and while it does hurt me, I am standing firm with my promise. He got himself into this situation, why should I have to pay for it?
On top of that, his family is all over me and quite displeased that I am not over there. Since all of them live miles away from where he is, they can’t be there to help him. My partner is understandably angry with me but I can’t bring myself to be there for him even after all the warnings I told him.
So here I am, asking if I’m the jerk here and if I am, I’ll bring myself around and be there for him. Am I the jerk here? Should I help my injured partner after all of this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What I can’t understand is why you were riding in a car with him while he watched a race.
As others have said, I don’t know why you haven’t broken up with him. He’s not only irresponsible, but he is reckless and not concerned about putting others in danger INCLUDING YOU. Yes, he has broken bones, but you could have been in that accident too and you willingly ride with him. You don’t have to go be his nurse, he should probably move in with family while he recovers.
Sure he’s remorseful now because he’s hurt. I don’t believe his values have changed. ” tisane
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I can understand why you would be angry because he did bring this on himself. However, big warning… This guy is going to harm someone, one of these days.
You could be in the car with him when he crashes into another vehicle full of innocents. This is a disaster waiting to happen. He’s shown that he is not responsible behind the wheel. His phone should be locked in the trunk while he drives if he can’t stay away from it.
One second of distraction is all it takes. Not only would I leave him to fend for himself at home, but I’d leave him to fend for himself in life. People like this don’t change unless something happens that stops them for good. Jail or 6 feet under are two likely possibilities that come to mind if he continues on his reckless path.
You deserve far more than that in life.” Aggressive_Cattle320
20. AITJ For Telling My Coworker To Stop Acting Like A Tiktok Character At Work?
“If you guys are on Tiktok you may come across the Veronica account. The Veronica character is sassy and always sets her boundaries clear, “act your wage” and has a nonsense attitude.
It’s just funny TikTok about workplace drama. My coworker, ‘Sarah’ (29F) likes Veronica’s attitude and she often applies sassy responses to work. For example, if someone asks to borrow her pen, Sarah will reply something like “It’s not my duty to bring extra pens for you to borrow.
I’m not being paid enough to do that”.
Yesterday, Sarah had clocked out but I and other coworkers were still at the office for paid overtime due to an upcoming project. After a while, we found out that Sarah locked the storage room door and took the key with her.
(In my company, each department has a small storage room for important documents, etc). Usually, the keys are just on the shelf in front of the room, I don’t know why Sarah took the key home this time. We needed a specific thing to finish the work, so I tried to call Sarah to ask if she could just ship the key to the office (In my country, we have many instant express shipping like Grab, Be, …etc).
She didn’t answer the phone. We tried messaging her through social media, and yeah, no reply.
Fast forward to today, Sarah told us that she had a brain fart and thought the office key was her key. I asked her why she didn’t just call back after seeing our message about the situation.
She used her “Veronica-way” and told me “Well, after 6 pm, my time is for my family and myself. I will not take any work-related call. I don’t get paid for that time and effort to ship the key”.
I told her that her mistake led to the delay of our project, and it was her responsibility to fix her fault.
We wouldn’t have to call her if she didn’t take the key home. Sarah just quoted Veronica “No work call after work. You guys already have my time 8 hours a day”. I just burst out laughing and told her “Oh Sarah, stop Veronica-ing at work.
You’re not in a Tiktok video. You’re not a fictional character”.
She got angry at me and demanded we take this to HR because I caused a “hostile work environment” and disrespected her when laughing at her. My coworkers (especially the ones who did the OT) took my side.
But I did laugh at her nonsense answer, maybe I should be more professional and not laughing. The whole situation is childish (I know), so I need an outside perspective. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because she locked the supply closet and took the key home.
You say in your comments that you guys rarely use the key, so what was she doing with it? I almost feel like she did it intentionally just so that she could use Veronica on you guys. Especially when she saw your calls and messages, knew she took the key, and *still* ignored you even though she knew that *she* caused the problem.
I fully advocate for working only during paid work hours, etc. That being said, that’s not the situation here. When you cause an issue, it’s your job to fix it.” Queen_Sized_Beauty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a very “act my wage” person, and I also watch that creator sometimes.
Those tips are to set reasonable boundaries to make sure you’re treated fairly at work, and not to inconvenience everyone else. The way she’s acting is ridiculous. Her coworkers are not her enemies, and being a smart aleck about pens and refusing to answer her phone to fix her own mistake (knowing full well she put you guys out by doing that) is not good.
She’s the one making a hostile work environment by doing that stuff, not you. If she wants to take it to HR then let her, I doubt they’re gonna side with the one who’s doing the bare minimum and making things harder for the team” Great_Beginning_2611.
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move States For My Husband's New Job?
“I’m a 28-year-old mom of four, married for 7 years. My husband, 26, has always struggled with planning, leaving me to make most decisions. A year after our wedding, he joined the military, leaving me with our 3-year-old and 2-month-old.
I had to move us out of our apartment on my own. After his boot camp, we made frequent trips from KY to Illinois just to be with him, staying in hotels and Airbnb. Despite the strain, I tried to make it work, but it became too much.
Four years later, he chose to leave the military without a backup plan, despite my worries. I didn’t want to leave the military in the same place we entered—broke, in debt, and with no clear path forward—but he left anyway. We went through 8 long months of him being unable to find work, and I had to take on 80-hour weeks at my online job to keep us afloat.
At this point, we had four children and were living in his mom’s small 2-bedroom apartment. Eventually, we were fortunate enough to find a rental, even with his eviction record, and finally found some stability.
My husband now has a great job making 120K, but it’s in Ohio, 2.5 hours away.
He commutes daily, sleeping in his SUV when needed. He wants us to move with him, but I’m afraid of losing the peace we’ve worked so hard to build. For 7 years, I’ve been the primary parent, handling everything while working from home and homeschooling.
Now, with the kids in school, I’m able to breathe again—I’ve even started a medical assistant course and am working toward my BA online. For the first time, I’m taking care of myself, working out with a trainer, and trying to lose the weight I’ve carried for years.
Our financial situation is still fragile; we have debt, poor credit, and no savings as we’re catching up on bills. I fear moving will disrupt our stability and force me back into homeschooling all four children, leaving me alone to carry the load once more.
I know my husband’s commute is hard, and I appreciate his sacrifice, but moving again feels like a risk that would cost us the progress I’ve fought for. His job is unpredictable—it could change states again—and I just want some sense of security.
I take care of everything outside his job: the kids, the finances, the home. I finally feel like I’m in a place where I can breathe, and I’m scared of losing that. Am I wrong for wanting to stay where I feel we are finally okay?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your schooling is online and you’re at home with kids. Move. Unless there’s a real reason you want to stay where you are and have 5 hrs a day without your husband around. Security is such a cope. There’s no such thing in life” ActRich5154
.
Another User Comments:
“Yes, you are wrong. He is driving 5 hours a day. That’s unsafe and not fair to him or your kids. It will be hard to make another move but it sounds like you’re all in a better place financially and will find a new place.
The kids are still young and will adjust. This is part of having kids young. You were still adjusting to being stable adults yourself.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He has a history of not being able to plan, of irresponsibly quitting a job with no financial backup, despite having a family who was dependent on him.
A 2.5-hour commute sucks, but there are plenty of people who make it work. He’s wrong to try to uproot you and the kids and ask you to give up the stability that you’ve frankly EARNED through all your hard work. You were the responsible one and made everything happen for a long time as a direct result of his irresponsibility.
It’s his turn now. Don’t move to Ohio.” gordonf23
18. AITJ For Not Attending My Sister's Destination Wedding Due To My Children's Complex Needs?
“My sister (27F) is getting married sometime in the next few months. There’s a lot of TBD because she wants to find the perfect venue first. But she’s getting married internationally. Her dream for years was a destination wedding. This is her choice and she’s entitled to make it.
But she’s not inviting children to the wedding and having it overseas and because of this, I (30F) cannot attend her wedding. I have three children. Three children with complex needs because they were in the foster system and still have trauma from their experiences with their birth family (they are bio siblings) AND with their former foster families.
If the wedding was in the US I could make a destination work if I could be gone for 24 hours or thereabouts. But this would require at least three days and potentially four or five if there are delays or complications with flights. This just isn’t feasible with where my children are at and their progression is not fast enough for me to say they’ll be fine when the wedding comes along.
Our brother (28M) has a young baby at home and is also unhappy with the no-kids rule at a destination wedding.
My sister and I were always close and she wanted me to be her maid of honor and to help her plan her wedding.
I was upfront with her that I could help her plan the wedding if she wanted BUT I could not attend given the child-free part of the wedding and the fact it would take me away from my family for several days and not just a 24-hour-ish period.
She told me I could find a way to make it work and my husband could manage on his own. I told her that’s not how things work. She said our brother hates it but can leave his baby alone with his wife for the time it takes.
I reminded her that my children are not babies and have significant trauma.
She told me if I really wanted to be there I would make it work. I told her I cannot and that is not something I can fix. She told me to try.
I told her it would not work and I was telling her for the sake of honesty and transparency. But I would not let her shame me into changing my mind. She believes this is my attempt to punish her for the wedding she wants.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.Two main factors hinder people’s attendance at weddings: destination weddings and child-free weddings. Your sister has gone for not one but both of these options and cannot expect that people’s responsibilities suddenly vanish because she wants her dream wedding. I think she will find that a lot of people can’t attend for one or both of these reasons. A foreign destination wedding is a huge burden to family and friends: expense, time off, life commitments, and making it child-free on top of that, means leaving kids for many days, partners not being able to attend because they are left back home, etc. Most people don’t want to attend weddings without their partners either.
Your sister is unrealistic in her expectations of others.” Equivalent-Moose2886
Another User Comments:
“YANTJ Your sister’s dream doesn’t take into account that the people she wants to attend have lives and children. It’s a great dream to have, but she’s excluded the biggest part of your life- your children.
She’s the jerk. Don’t try to argue with her. Hold onto your dignity and respect her choices- but insist that she respect yours. I was a foster kid. I guarantee that the kids need you much more than her wedding does. (Thank you for what you’re doing with the children)” ChaoticCrashy
Another User Comments:
“Seems like she’s punishing herself. If she can’t understand the distinction between your brother’s situation and your own then she’s just going to have to live with the idea that you know what’s best for your kids and unfortunately for her they are a bigger concern than her wedding.
She chose the destination and now she’s destined to not have you there. NTJ” Lay-ZFair
17. AITJ For Denying An Employee's Loan For Medical Expenses Without Proof?
“I (30m) help with the family business. I have only just started to get into the hang of how the business runs and the stresses that come along with it. We give out loans to our employees that they can pay back through their salaries automatically with 0 interest.
There is one employee who has a reputation for getting a large loan to sort out family emergencies but ends up using a lot of that loan on drinking. There has even been a time when he has come to the office inebriated and had to be sent home.
So due to him (and quite a few others) we had to add a rule that the employee would need to show some sort of proof that, at the very least, some of the money used goes to what they had mentioned the loan was for.
The employee in question had applied for a loan to take his sick dad to the hospital. Since he wanted to take him to a private hospital, he had asked for quite a hefty loan. He did qualify for a loan, but I still needed proof to fully approve the loan.
I’m not asking for a full medical breakdown, but just some note or something from the hospital that they could give to HR for me to go ahead with the loan. He did not. He then came again asking for the money personally and I said I could not approve it unless I had proof and offered to pay to transfer him to a public hospital on my own.
He agreed. His father was seen, observed, and discharged the next day. I thought that would be that.
A few weeks went by and his father passed away. I got informed because the company pays a set funeral expense for immediate family members. They say he died of old age…..but I can’t help but feel it’s my fault.
He qualified for a loan. If I had been more compassionate instead of stern and just following the rules, I feel like maybe I could have prevented this for him. It almost feels like it was my decision that killed him. I did what I was supposed to do, but maybe I could have given him more.
This feeling of guilt has been weighing on me since then.
So, please be as honest as you can. AITJ for denying the loan?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ The company has a set of rules and as long as you use those same rules equally for everyone at the company then you are in no way being a jerk.
You told the employee the requirements and he didn’t do them so that’s on him. The jerk in this situation would’ve sent him away because they thought he was lying. You treated him fairly and believed that he was telling the truth so you did nothing wrong here” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Without some sort of evidence that the public hospital mistreated him, there’s no way to assume the private hospital would’ve given him better care, especially not care that would’ve miraculously saved his life. You handled the situation in a kind but professional manner.
What happened is unfortunate, but it is in no way your fault. To be perfectly honest, likely, taking him to the other hospital would not have changed his decline and death and the employee would be paying back a hefty loan for nothing.” Jazzlike_Property692
16. AITJ For Wanting To Avoid A Special Needs Friend Who Makes Me Uncomfortable?
“So there’s this very clearly special needs boy at my school.
He’s accompanied by a woman who helps him throughout school. He’s a nice guy normally I was friends with him for quite a bit but the problems arose when he became more romantically interested in me.
I am aromantic (no interest in romance) and even if I wasn’t he wouldn’t be my type, mostly because I feel the need to censor what I say around him (like no cursing or inappropriate jokes) mostly because he just seems way too innocent.
At first, it was pretty chill, he’d just drop some hints here and there. I didn’t want to hurt him so I just pretended I was oblivious.
Then he got my number and he’d call me every day after school and in every call he’d ask multiple times about kissing me the way he was stating these questions made it seem like he was intending to just suddenly kiss me without asking someday.
I told him no every time but the questions just kept coming up. I was extremely uncomfortable with it, but I still didn’t want to hurt him since I figured he probably didn’t have bad intentions and he’s really special needs so he might now fully understand.
So I just decided to avoid him instead I tried to not make it extremely obvious I was avoiding him because that would probably hurt.
I’m not entirely sure if he’s still interested in me but I’m still scared that he’ll do something. Recently I was at a dance and I don’t like crowds so I was off-wall flowering and he approached me and I got genuinely terrified. I was praying that a slow dance song didn’t start playing until after I got away from him.
I ended up leaving as soon as he looked away, then waited for my friend to get out of the bathroom because I was too scared to go back on the dance floor alone.
Before the dance, I probably would’ve said I still want to be his friend I just don’t want him to see me like that but to be completely honest he’s just made me way too uncomfortable in too many situations I honestly don’t want to be his friend.
I am tempted to tell him to stay away from me and if he sees me just don’t approach me, but I mean he’s still special needs and I’m worried if I did tell him to stay away it’d be way too harsh especially considering the only way he’s ever actually touched me was holding my hand or hugging me.”
Another User Comments:
“You have to vocalize it. Tell him you’re not interested. Tell the woman who helps him. It isn’t your job to manage his emotions, you need to be clear and vocal about your not being interested, with kindness but hon ty so he gets the message.
So his carer gets the message. She and his folks are supposed to then work with him to manage his feelings and thoughts on that, not you, that’s not your job ” Rohini_rambl.es
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think you need to explain yourself to him further but if you would feel better, the next time you see him you could tell him very clearly that you like being friends with him but you are not romantically interested in him and you won’t be able to spend time with him if he keeps talking about it or bringing up things like kissing.
You respect his boundaries and he needs to respect your boundaries. I think you should also talk to an adult in the situation and explain that while you have been friends with this kid, you think he may need a little help understanding and respecting your boundaries because you do not want to have a romantic relationship with him.
It may be hard for him to understand but he needs to learn the difference between being a friend and then respecting the boundary when someone does not want a relationship. You will be helping him out if he learns this difference. Be kind but firm.” [deleted]
15. AITJ For Choosing The Lane With Slow Swimmers Over The Lap Swimmer At The Gym?
“My gym has three swimming lanes. When I went today, all three were taken.
The left lane was a guy swimming laps, the middle lane was four younger people playing in the water and the right lane was two older guys slowly walking back and forth. I chose to go into the lane with the two guys.
I sat on the ledge and waited for them to get near but they never got close enough to speak with so I made eye contact, smiled, nodded at them to let them know I was joining their lane, and then jumped into the pool.
When we passed each other, one of the guys stopped me and said:
Guy: Hey, why don’t you go to the other lane? It’s one guy by himself.
Me: Oh, he’s swimming laps so I didn’t want to get in his way.
Guy: Well, do you think it makes any sense that there’s only one guy in that lane and there’s three of us here?
Me: It’s okay. You guys are just walking and I’m just doggy paddling.
Guy: It’s not fair, you should go over there.
Me: It’s not that big of a problem.
I rolled my eyes and continued swimming. We ended up going opposite directions so when we turned around and met again, I went to my right, assuming that he would scoot over to the middle to give me a little space to swim by.
Nope, he did not move at all. By this point, my neck was touching the lane line as I tried getting out of his way. He walked right into me and gave me a hard nudge. It took everything in me not to kick him as I swam by, I settled with just saying “Jerk”.
Like I said, they were walking super slow so when I turned around, I had already caught up with them before they even reached the end of the pool. He saw me coming behind me so he purposely turned around, right into me, and blocked me again.
I yet again could only utter “Jerk”. By this point, I was over it so I was going to move over to the lane with the four people. I swam past them and jumped over to the other lane, looked at him, and said “Happy?
F’in jerk.”
Not even five minutes, they left the pool and went into the hot tub.
AITJ? Should I have just jumped into the lane with the guy swimming laps even though I wasn’t swimming laps?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it is standard practice that if someone is swimming laps, that lane is a lap lane.
If you’re not going to be swimming laps (or at a much slower speed than the person already in the lap lane), you don’t join that lane. You joined a lane where everyone could easily accommodate each other. The problem was that you ran into people who either were not up on standard pool etiquette or just didn’t want to share, period.” animaniactoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They were just behaving badly. For no reason, at all. I would have done the same thing. The guy swimming laps was doing something very different from those in the other two lanes. You were not interrupting what they were doing, as they were just walking around.
People swimming laps are usually looking off to the side when taking breaths, and not expecting to bump into another swimmer. You did nothing wrong, at all. You were considerate of others, which is something those two dudes know nothing about!” Aggressive_Cattle320.
14. AITJ For Not Going To My Friends' Party Because My Fiancé's Ex Was Invited?
“My fiancé, Ken (27M), and I (23F) are getting married soon. We were introduced by our friends, Spencer (27M) and Ashley (25 F), who recently started seeing each other at the time. Spencer has known Ken since high school, and I’ve been friends with Ashley since I was 11.
Before Ken and I started seeing each other, he had a partner, Beca. Beca knew Spencer and had met Ashley a few times. I had also met Beca before, but Ken and Beca were just friends at that time. Fast forward, Ken and I have been together for almost four years and are engaged.
A few months ago, Ken and I were invited to a party at Ashley and Spencer’s house. To our surprise, Beca showed up. We hadn’t seen her since we officially started seeing each other. Spencer came over and said, “Hey guys, I’m sorry, I didn’t know Beca would be here.” Ken and I thought it was Spencer and Ashley’s roommate, Max, who invited her.
Max is a longtime friend of Ken’s, so we shrugged it off.
During the party, several friends approached us, acknowledging how odd it was for Beca to be there, but making sure we were okay. The next day, Ken called Max to set boundaries and ask to be notified if Beca would be invited to future events.
Max explained that Spencer had considered inviting Beca, but they both agreed it wouldn’t be fair to us, so Max was surprised to see her too. This made things seem odd, so Ken spoke to Spencer, and they agreed. Spencer apologized, saying he and Beca were just good friends.
However, I was disappointed that Spencer tried to blame someone else for Beca’s presence.
Weeks later, Ken and I were invited to another party at Ashley and Spencer’s. We assumed Beca wouldn’t be invited but called Spencer to confirm. Spencer revealed that Ashley had invited Beca.
In response, Ken and I declined the invitation. Shortly after, I received a message from Ashley, pleading for me to attend and assuring me it wouldn’t be uncomfortable. I told her my concern wasn’t discomfort, but the fact that it felt disrespectful for them to continue forcing us and our friends into a situation with someone we had respectfully separated from three years ago.
I suggested having a separate celebration, but Ashley left me on read. I’m upset with both Ashley and Spencer, feeling their loyalties have changed, though Ken keeps reminding me that Beca helped Spencer through his divorce, just as Ken did. Am I in the wrong here?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for trying to claim exclusivity on a friendship when you don’t even have any conflict with the person you are trying to exclude except that they once went out with your fiance. You don’t own Ashley and Spencer. They are free to invite whoever they like to have at their parties.
Beca didn’t just “show up”. She was invited. Spencer was trying to manage you being difficult and you couldn’t let it go but had to involve everybody in the house. That’s so disrespectful. It’s their party.” Plumbus-aficionado
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your personal feelings about your ex/partner’s ex are not other people’s problems. They are allowed to invite their friend to their party.
Honestly, you and your partner are the ones who come off as rather immature in this scenario from the explanation I’ve read so far. It’s coming off as unnecessarily controlling, like, why did you need to play detective to figure out who invited her? What does it tell you that your friend felt the need to lie to avoid telling you they did?
By all means, skip the party. They don’t need people there who don’t know how to cope with mild discomfort. I’m sure they’ll find some other friends. This whole thing seems very stupid.” LevelCurrent3791
13. AITJ For Wanting To Take My Cat When I Move Out Of My Mom's House?
“I (19 F) currently live with my mom for college. I started nursing school this past August and decided it was not for me. Along with this decision, I also decided to move out of state to go live with my dad and stepmom for a while.
There are multiple reasons for my decision but I’ll list the main ones here: my mom is a high-functioning heavy drinker who is verbally and emotionally abusive. She has threatened to kick me out several times over the past 2 months I’ve been in school and since I turned 18 frankly.
The environment I live in is toxic and has hurt my mental health. Anyway, I made the decision to move and that made a whole argument start. One thing she said was that she wanted to be here the day that I left to make sure I didn’t take anything that didn’t belong to me.
Then I mentioned taking my cat, to which she replied I wasn’t allowed to take her because she’s not technically my cat. She’s right, legally my mom rescued her, paid for her food and supplies, and took her to the vet. But, we’ve had this cat since I was 13 and she spends 90% of her time with me.
She sleeps in my room, I’m the only person she lets hold her without her freaking out, she screams at my door when it’s closed and she searches for me when I’m not home. She also constantly wants to go outside and has tried to escape the house multiple times.
We recently moved out of my mom’s partner’s house where we had a boy cat she grew up with. My mom’s argument is that I’m being selfish, not looking out for my cat’s best interest, I’m going to scar her because she’s afraid of the car, and she’s not my cat.
The home she will be relocating to has a few cats, but she will have her own space in my room with me, just like she does already. I feel it’s also important to add that my mom is a nurse and usually works 4-5 days a week, 12 hr shifts.
My little sister (half) only lives with us on the weekends, and my cat doesn’t go around her (she’s super skittish because she’s a rescue). I think if I leave her here she will be sad and more lonely than she already is, but I also want to make the best decision for her.
Am I the jerk for wanting to take her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ As long as where you’ll be living allows the cat, just take the cat. A cat doesn’t recognize legal ownership (of itself or almost anything) anyway and just likes whoever it wants to, and it sounds like it has chosen you.
May I suggest though, just packing your stuff +cat and leaving? Not waiting for your mom to turn up and give you grief as she said she wanted to do? That way the cat and you can get away safely; I do worry for your cat’s safety if it is left behind with an angry parent. ” MistySky1999
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But if your mom is really intent on keeping the cat, maybe offer to pay for the adoption of another one that isn’t bonded to *you*. Shelters almost always have tons of cats needing homes. There are probably lots of free local cats on social media or local advertisement sites needing someone to take them in.
But my guess is that this is not about the cat at all for your mom. This is more about a way to maintain some control over you. Because you’re not legally the owner, you may have to just let the cat go to do what’s best for you in the long run.
The good news is most cats are highly adaptable. I’m confident yours will be fine if they end up staying with your mom. On top of that, a 21-hour drive to a new home with multiple cats would be extremely stressful for you. That would be true even if they were a cat that liked being in the car.” TxDad56
12. AITJ For Telling My Sister To Go To Work After She Left Her Cat At The Vet?
“My (34f) sister’s (27f) cat has very few teeth and she’s only found that out after having taken her to the vet for the first time about 2 weeks ago.
Last night she told me she felt a lump on the side of the cat’s face and immediately began worrying and saying she needed to take her to the emergency vet. The vet opens at 8 am which is well before she needs to be at work and even if she is a little late that is fine.
For context, we also work together. After dropping the cat at the vet they said she may have an abscess and they may need to drain it but they don’t know and decided to keep her for the day to check her out. My sister showed up at my house hysterically crying because she had to leave the cat at the vet and that she couldn’t stay there and just sit in the lobby all day.
I tried telling her the cat is in good hands (I take my dog to the same vet) and that they will keep her updated but there’s nothing she can do from here. She then starts going on about how she can’t possibly go to work because she’s hysterical.
I can’t understand why you would need to call out of work because you dropped your pet off at the vet. She wasn’t lethargic or not eating she was acting completely normal. She does not have a job where someone can cover her if she’s out so we lose a big chunk of our services if she’s not at work and we are a small company.
I told her just to go get ready and go to work a little late. Come to find out shortly after she tries calling out of work and I get upset. It’s not that I don’t care about the well-being of the cat but I think it’s ridiculous to stay home and cry all day because you had to bring your cat to the vet for you don’t even really know.
I called and gave her attitude about trying to call out of work and I must have guilted her to go in. Now I feel like she’s upset at me and one of our co-workers feels I’m insensitive but to me, that just doesn’t seem like a reason to call out.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t work if I have pets going in for operations. Two reasons. I had to do a major meeting 5 minutes after telling the vet not to wake my pet up as issues were found. The meeting went OK but don’t remember much of it.
Also been in the room for a routine operation for a dental abscess where the heart failed – The vet got her back but scary moments. And now I tend to need to redo work as too distracted with worry until know safely out. That though is usually booked annual leave though lucky to work somewhere that will let me timeshift in an emergency.
I mean a big part of why I work is to pay for my pets. You say it is silly to be upset because you don’t know so you can put it aside until you know it is bad news. Great for you. The uncertainty is why I am distracted and likely your sister too.
So for expecting that everyone handles worry the same way, well yes you are a jerk. Your business also fails the under-the-bus test. However, the fact your sister’s worry is having a material impact on you likely makes you less sympathetic. Nice if she could get a grip on herself and do her job but fearing loss of a loved pet, she might not be able to.” Timely_Egg_6827
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – If she wants to take a day off that’s her choice. Sometimes people need a mental health day. It may not be that serious to you but maybe it is for her. Are you her boss or her employer? Do you have to do the work in her absence?
Why is there not a contingency in place if she has an emergency? Edit: After seeing some of your responses why don’t you say “Hey sister I vouched for you to get this job and your repeated absences could affect how the bosses see me and my ability to make sound decisions/recommendations.
This bothers me can we talk about it?”” Plane_Ad_2376
11. AITJ For Ignoring My Older Brother While I Suspect Him Of Being A Narcissist?
“So, I have an older brother who I’ve never been super close to, on the surface, because of a 9-year age gap. But even as we have got older, and have similar interests in gaming and culinary arts, we remain apart. However, I’ve always felt he kind of deliberately does this.
Initially, I thought he was afraid if we became close, and then if something happened to me, he wouldn’t cope. In the last ten years, I’ve recognized he also has very low self-esteem and maybe doesn’t think he deserves a great bond with his brother.
I’ve had a fair bit of therapy, where he has not. We had a controlling father who died when I was 16.
Throughout our lives, he has made cutting remarks, even when I was a kid and he was an adult. He commented on how short I am, being slow to learn some console games, never acknowledged my successes and I’ve had people comment that he is envious of my career as a chef.
He dresses very well, has a sports car, owns a restaurant, and spent thousands getting hair replacements that you can never mention. All this time, I’ve just seen him as vain and a bit of a jerk. But over the last few weeks, it has dawned on me.
I think he is an actual narcissist. And all my life, he has been using me for supply. From an early age, I fear he has been deliberately eroding my self-esteem, chipping away. Insulting my friends. Never supporting me. And being distant, as a way to message that I’m not worthy.
This has caused untold hurt for me.
We have a sister who is a year younger than him, I don’t know enough about their relationship, but I suspect he may have done similar things to her. The veil has really been lifted, and I feel kinda stupid if it is true.
Everything is a joke for him. But there is a razor underneath.
So, I’m still processing, and not ready to confront him, and want to find the right time to talk to my sister because it might be huge if she has been suffering in silence or waiting for me to see the truth, so the last few times he’s knocked I’ve hidden like a 12-year-old.
He has been asking my sister if I’m out of town and is annoyed I haven’t contacted him, other than a voicemail at the restaurant. I guess I need to get this sorted, so AITJ for leaving people in the dark, while I chase this strong suspicion?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But don’t “confront” him. All you will do is generate noise. If your behavior changes, if you no longer feel the need to seek his approval, if you no longer feel hurt by his slights or seek out his company you may see a change in his behavior If you confront him, you will only give him an ongoing point of attack.
It will give him a focal point for any change of behavior you instigate. It will reduce your flexibility to try other forms of contact (or lack of contact) with him to see how it feels. In other words, it will become noisy and there will be little gain.
Take your time, feel things out, set a pace with him that suits you, and move forward.” Something-bothersome
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – for sure hide if you don’t want to see him BUT I would say it’s a very dangerous game to go around assuming you know why people behave and act the way they do.
Have you considered that as an older brother, he might have been treated differently after a new sibling came along, 9-year-olds experience a lot of jealousy, and family dynamics significantly shift when new babies come along, and the two of you have been compared by your parents and family for years?
My siblings are 17 years younger than me and I’m often resentful of how they are parented in comparison to how I was brought up. You’re making a lot of assumptions firstly about how your brother feels towards you and secondly why he might feel this way but doesn’t sound like you have ever asked him directly or made any attempts to get closer to him.
Maybe try having a conversation with him first adult to adult before labeling him a narcissist.” Defiant_Patience_103
10. AITJ For Confronting My Husband About Favoring His Niece Over Our Kids?
“My husband (30 M) and I (24 F) have been together for 6-7 years now. We have 3 kids together. Our eldest daughter is 5. When I was pregnant with her my husband got locked up, I was high risk and still worked to pay for 2 lawyers for him, his special care boxes in jail, phone calls, and sent money to his family in Central America who were in debt and they could lose their house if they didn’t pay.
His sister and niece often talked to me while he was in jail and often told me he deserved to be there. He always talked about wanting a daughter. However, when he got out, he often went out drinking, partying, etc. His sister would message him all the time asking for money for vacations, food, shoes, clothes, anything for her and her daughter, and he would send it.
I’d struggle to put food in the house and diapers for our daughter.
Eventually, I grew tired and left. After a few months, he begged me to come back, how he missed our daughter, and me. I went back. We had more kids, he doesn’t drink anymore, just works and comes home.
The thing is, he continues to make time for his niece (17 F), video calls texting all day every day. He always messages her asking if she’s okay, if she’s already in school, etc. He told me once that if I could help out, his parents’ property was sliding.
The dirt started to slide. To avoid the house going with it, they had to fix the foundation and add a wall on the ground. I gave him money and he paid a lot of money too. Only to find out weeks later, that the money was actually to create a bigger room and closet for his niece.
When he gets home and our daughter tries to talk to him about her day at kinder he doesn’t pay attention, but when his niece calls, he jumps to answer the calls. It’s gotten to the point where he has called our daughter by his niece’s name, various times.
When I went to buy shoes for our kids and my mom, he asked me to get his parents some too. It turns out those shoes I got his “mom” were for his niece. I confronted him about it and asked him to focus on his children first. If he can’t do that, then I’ll go back to my hometown.
He says I’m acting extremely jealous and crazy. AITJ for confronting my husband about his niece?”
Another User Comments:
“I sense a lot of unpleasant things here, your ex-con husband, his niece is his niece? I don’t even know why you are still with a man like that, oh wait yes I do know because he manipulated you while you were a child and now you can’t see a life without him, hopefully you can open your eyes for your children’s sake and your own.” Unalimonagrio
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to yourself! Why are you with this draining man? He is not making life better for you or your kids. Holy cow! Get rid of him, or move out. The thought of this man was draining my soul; I cannot imagine what he’s done to yours!” PickleNotaBigDill
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom's New Partner At Our First Christmas After The Divorce?
“My (28F) parents (50s) divorced at the beginning of this year, after 30+ years together. We (my sister and I) knew they had been unhappy for a long time, so we weren’t surprised and were supportive of the divorce.
Things started amicably but turned sour in the spring when my mum found a partner. The divorce hadn’t gone through yet, and my dad reacted quite badly. Things have been tense since.
My sister and I decided, that we should split up for Christmas this year, and “take” one parent each.
I got my dad, but he asked me if it was okay if he did something entirely different this year, and went on a holiday. I was supportive of this. This meant, that I was now free to join my sister and mum. But my mum is saying, that she would like her partner to join us for Christmas.
And I just don’t feel ready for that. My point of view is, that this is the first Christmas after the divorce, and I would like to only have to cope with that. With this new normal, and not having my whole family together for Christmas.
My feeling is, that it feels like way too much for me to cope with if her partner is there too.
Now, I have met her partner multiple times, and am fine with him. I’m just not ready for him to join us for Christmas yet.
This year has been a lot for me, and I’m still trying to find my new normal, after the divorce.
My mum keeps saying, that I’m being unreasonable, and my reaction is way too strong. That maybe I’m not handling the divorce well, because I live further away (an hour and a half).
She says, that I’m putting her in a difficult position and that it’s been a long time since the divorce (less than a year).
I have the backup plan of joining my partner’s family for Christmas instead. But, again, my mum thinks that is a very strong reaction.
AITJ, for not being ready for my mum’s partner to join us for Christmas? Or am I being unreasonable and childish? I feel like, it’s still so soon after the divorce, but my mum feels differently, as she says she had been divorced mentally for a long time before.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you were 8 years old, ok…you might have a case. But at 28, you can’t grasp the concept that both of your parents moved on probably years before any paperwork was started? You write “…but my mum feels differently, as she says her and dad were divorced mentally for a long time before.” Yup.
The irony here is, your parents probably stayed married for many years longer than they should have “for the kids”. In return, the kiddo wants to punish them for doing that. (essentially) as you (kiddo) argue that it’s too early after divorce for YOU to cope with the new partner.
She’s in her 50’s. Should she make you feel better by waiting until her 60s to start seeing someone again?” CommunityGreat9255
8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband's Friends To Bring Their Dogs To Our House Anymore?
“Would I be the jerk if I didn’t want my husband’s friends to bring their dogs to our house anymore. I was not very comfortable from the get-go with them bringing them over the very first time.
The first time they brought their dogs over it was their big dog and little dog. Their big dog is long-haired and I am still finding hair in my curtains, and on the couch after cleaning the cushions and lint rolling it from top to bottom.
In my favorite chair. Both dogs were all over our couches. The little one peed on our floors which I found after they had left. There’s even hair all over the inside of my truck that I still can’t seem to get rid of. They’ll ask us if they can come over and that’s cool with us but they never tell us when they are bringing the dogs.
So whenever they get here and let their dogs in the house it’s very awkward because I just expected them, not the dogs too.
This last time they brought both of their little dogs over and washed them a bit outside since they were dirty which is fine but then they took them to the master bathroom and started giving them flea treatments and a flea bath.
They did both dogs in our bathroom one at a time. Multiple times I had to run the first little dog off of our bed because she was still wet. This morning I found some live fleas in my bed and on my baby and me.
We haven’t had fleas in this house until they were here and giving their dogs flea treatments. (Husband said they could use our bathroom without my knowledge)
After they gave their dogs a bath they were partially dried and back up on my couches. They stayed for a while and left and I noticed a live fleas on the couch as well.
Which was kinda unnerving. I welcome my husband’s friends I just don’t like it when they bring their dogs. Months ago I had a senior cat and he absolutely hated their dogs too, the first little dog always tried to mess with him. (Cat had no fleas, he was combed and treated on a regular basis from the day we got him to make sure there were no fleas).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the audacity of not only bringing them unannounced but also doing flea maintenance at yours is absolutely insane. They’re doing it on purpose using your house the same way as a parent uses a diaper changing station for their kid.
Tell them no dogs please for these exact reasons if they ask and if you see dogs you’re not opening the door. Also, make sure your husband is on board because I don’t know if he is based on your description” Domonero
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you have a husband problem, not a friend problem. It sounds like your friends asked your husband if they could use your bathtub for the flea treatments, presumably because they don’t have a large tub. Your husband said yes to this. I don’t know if your husband isn’t bothered by any of the consequences or if he doesn’t realize that you’re bothered by it.
But you need to talk to him or he will keep allowing the dogs to come over.” Atherial
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – showing up with dogs, without first making sure it was okay with the hosts, is incredibly rude. Bringing dogs with fleas to someone’s home is actually insane.
They know how terrible fleas are to deal with, and they just brought the infestation over to your place. That’s incredibly selfish and rude. My pets got fleas in summer when I was growing up, and it was a nightmare. The fleas got into every carpet in the entire house.
We needed to do flea treatments every week on the animals, treat the carpets every few days, and wash bedding every day. Fleas are no joke.” No_Raise4523
7. AITJ For Celebrating My Birthday Separately At My Dad's House?
“My parents got divorced when I (15M) was 3 and my mom got remarried when I was 8. My stepsister (14F) and I share the same birthday. I have a stepbrother (10M) too but he doesn’t share the same birthday. Because my stepsister’s birthday is the same day as mine, my mom and her husband insisted that we celebrate our birthdays together every year and do a joint thing.
I asked my mom to do it separately but she said it was more affordable and let them go all out for us. I asked my dad if I could still have parties when I was with him and he said sure. So at Mom’s house, I never asked for a party and just went along with whatever while Dad’s house was where the real celebration happened.
This year my mom and her husband took us to some spa place for the birthday celebration and brought us out to eat afterward. They said celebrating with family was the best way to celebrate birthdays. That was 2 weeks ago.
Dad threw the party for me on Saturday.
But it was a sleepover and a party in one. My best friends and I went to this VR gaming arcade and spent a few hours there and then we went back to Dad’s and had lots of food and snacks and played video games pretty much all night long.
It was the best.
Mom came to pick me up yesterday when one of my friends was leaving and she heard them say thanks for the invite and stuff. Mom saw the balloons Dad put out too. Then she asked on the way to her house if I had a party and I said I always do.
She said I never ask her to throw a big party when I celebrate at her house. I told her I save that stuff for Dad since it’s just about me and I don’t have to share it with her stepdaughter. She told me I should invite my stepsiblings then.
I told her I didn’t want to. That it’s bad enough sharing the celebration at her house but I won’t do it at dad’s and I told her they’re not my friends, I don’t want to spend time with them, I just have to.
Mom’s husband was upset when he heard.
Then my stepbrother was upset that he missed out because he loves video games and never gets to play them all night. My mom lectured me for like an hour last night about it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is making the mistake a lot of adults make in blended families.
They fail to acknowledge their kids’ needs over their fantasy “family.” In doing so, they forget that their child may have separate needs and the happiness of the steps becomes more prominent. As long as you’re respectful of the steps, there is no need for them to infringe on your activities with your father.” LouisV25
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think you went about it maturely. The steps didn’t even know it was happening and wouldn’t have if your mom didn’t make an issue. Your mom is the jerk for that and creating division when she’s been trying to force this perfect idea of a family she has.
Why on earth would your father host his ex-wife’s stepkids? If he takes you to Olive Garden, would you have to take stepbrother because he loves pasta?” UusiSisu
Another User Comments:
“First of all, stepdaddy needs to stay out of it. He has no opinion or fight in this.
Second, you did ask your mom to do separate things and she said no. Third, your dad can do what he wants at his house and she cannot control that. Tell Mom and stepdad to shut up and leave you alone. Step siblings are upset because they told them about the party.
They should not have said anything. Not your problem.” better_as_a_memory
6. AITJ For Wanting To Change The Restaurant For Our Ladies Group Meetings?
“An acquaintance of mine started a small ladies’ group. The purpose of the group is social: we get together and go out to a restaurant to eat and “catch up”. I am okay with this and have been participating, however, we keep going to the same place every month.
Ironically, this is the acquaintance’s favorite place, because they like to eat a particular dessert item on the menu there.
Additionally, the location of the restaurant is pretty much close to where they live, whilst me and some of the others, have to drive a long distance to get there.
Plus the food is expensive, not good, but mediocre at best. I and others have suggested that we switch it up and go somewhere else sometime because we are tired of going to the same place every month.
The acquaintance was offended and mentioned something under their breath about “this was their group” and finally, “one of you can pick somewhere else” and when it was suggested somewhere else to meet for the month, no one showed up.
As a result, I have pulled back on going and limited the amount of times I go.
I do not feel it is fair, that we keep going to the same place that “she likes” and that is convenient “for her”. There are plenty of other places to eat within a few miles of this restaurant, that we can go to.
No one is having an issue with driving to those places sometimes. Also, she seems unwilling to reciprocate and drive to some nice restaurants that are convenient for the ones who have to drive a long distance to get to where she likes to go.
She wants us to drive to where she is only and not the other way around. Transportation is not the issue for her or us, so I am rather ticked that we keep going to the same place over and over, and are inconvenienced and frustrated in the process of trying to get there.
Occasionally is okay, but not each time.
Some others have started scaling back on attending as well. So I told them I would only be attending here and there and not every month if they continue to frequent this same place over and over, I would consider participating if we go somewhere else.
The acquaintance had the nerve to be disappointed. They don’t seem to understand the idea of switching it up some, and are insistent on doing what they want.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have every right to resent substantial travel to a place you don’t enjoy, over and over again.
If, perhaps, others in the group feel the same way, maybe the acquaintance will get the hint when and if the attendance plummets precipitously. Otherwise, it would seem that the positives of this group don’t outweigh the negatives for you, and you are doing the right thing by scaling back your participation.” ArtShapiro
5. AITJ For Kicking My Friend Out Of My Birthday Party After Finding Her In My Parents' Bed?
“I (20F) celebrated my birthday a few days ago. I’ve had the house to myself and I wanted to celebrate with as many friends as possible.
I have a friend group from my workplace and we all became pretty close, that’s how I met with Ellie (20F).
I feel like Ellie has some confidence issues that lead her to crave attention. For example, the same day our mutual friend Emily (21F) got a promotion Ellie had to make a scene and cry (literally cry) about how our boss isn’t appreciating her and got into an argument with Emily after Emily told her it made her uncomfortable she made the day all about herself.
Another good example is when we all were hanging out at a bar and the bartender hit on one of us asking for her Instagram Ally immediately told her afterward “he’s a bartender, he’s probably going after who seems the easiest to get with don’t get too excited.” I’ve been trying to talk to her about her behavior because even though she had some issues I didn’t want her to have anyone to talk to at work or to be left out.
Then my birthday arrived, and I wanted to have a big party at my house I invited all of my friends so I could also introduce them all to my partner (24M). The party was fun we all got tipsy and everyone got along with my partner at some point, Ellie disappeared from the party, and we looked everywhere for her until I heard some shouting from my parent’s bedroom.
When I got there I saw Ellie and her partner under the covers of my parent’s bed. (The shoutings were from Ellie and her partner after Emily opened the door, apparently it was not even all the way closed) When I got there I was shocked and I acted out of emotion.
I told them both to get dressed and get out of my house as quickly as possible. I closed the door so no one would see them getting dressed. When they finished Ellie didn’t even look ashamed, just casually walked hand in hand with her partner out the door.
I feel like I might be the jerk because I can’t imagine how embarrassing it must be to be caught in this position and not only that but to be kicked out in front of everyone she probably did it because she has some issues with herself, but everyone told me it was the right thing to do.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This is so funny because almost the EXACT situation happened to me when I was 20!!! On my 20th birthday, I walked in on my problematic friend having an intimate moment with a random dude on MY bed!!! It was a small party though, which I feel makes it even weirder because it was like 8 of my closest friends and her random hookup.
But the fact that she did it on your PARENT’S bed makes it pretty congruent!!! Needless to say, we didn’t stay friends. She seems like a load of trouble and you had every right to kick her out. NTJ. And I wouldn’t be surprised if this friendship didn’t last.” Rare-Antelope-5731
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – that was unbelievably rude. BTW I wouldn’t worry about it being embarrassing for her. It sounds like she got off on the subtle exhibitionism of deciding to use the bedroom in a stranger’s house for intimate purposes, not closing the door properly, and then sauntering out of the party as cool as you like when she was ‘discovered’.
She may well claim all sorts of embarrassment later, to keep a ‘victim’ status but – as Maya Angelou says – when somebody shows you who they are: believe them. You may not have the power to restrict her from the group but be as cool as you like to her and don’t let her play mind games with you or emotionally manipulate her.
She’s not *your* friend….” cynical_old_mare
4. AITJ For Reporting My Friend?
“For those who do not know, A buy nothing group is a social media group/movement of individual neighborhoods posting items that they are giving away and asking the community for items. These items can range from furniture to books to ACs to laundry detergent.
The group intends to create a community and help pass along things within the community for those who are interested. It is a group I feel proud to be a part of because it is at its core a completely altruistic endeavor, which is something that you do not often see nowadays.
One of my friends frequents this group to claim ACs being given away and then sells them back to people in the neighborhood. I have found this abhorrent for a very long time but never did anything about it.
I am in the process of moving and need new ACs and I saw one being given away in the social media group but saw that my friend had already claimed it in the comments.
This was confirmed when later that afternoon in another group chat, I saw him selling the exact AC.
I messaged him and asked if I could have it for free, half joking but also not because he got it for free. He said no, which, fair.
So I asked how much he wanted for it, and he said $85. I said the most I could and would pay was $40. He responded that the mount for the AC is worth $20 alone. I corrected him that the whole thing was free.
That last part in particular made me very angry.
As this was happening, I was texting some friends and my brothers and they suggested I message the original person giving away the AC. I messaged him and found out that he had not even officially given it away yet! My friend was selling an AC he did not own yet.
So I told the OG poster what my friend was doing along with screenshots of our conversation as proof that he was selling it, not taking it for himself. The OG thanked me for letting him know and told me he would look into it.
Almost immediately, I get a message from my friend, SUPER angry. He blocked me and he’s been furious for two weeks, talking negatively about me to my friends as well, who fall on both sides of the fight.
So Am I The Jerk for snitching on him for abusing and taking advantage of the buy-nothing group?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ NOT for “So Am I The Jerk for snitching on him for abusing and taking advantage of the buy nothing group?”. However you’re the jerk for only snitching on him once it affected YOU because quite frankly you didn’t rare enough to snitch on him before that.” Lia_Delphine
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You knew YOUR friend was doing this the entire time, but didn’t care until YOU were inconvenienced. Like you’re legit NO better. They should kick BOTH of y’all out of the group. If you do rat him out, just make sure you tell the community that you knew the whole time but waited until it affected you to snitch.” busy_midnight113
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Grandchild's Party Because My Ex-Wife Will Be There?
“After YEARS of dealing with my ex-wife’s antics, I no longer have to, as my kids are now adults.
This woman made my life unbearable. I remarried about 2 years after divorcing, and you can guess how that went over. This woman was unfaithful MANY times but expected me to always be waiting in the wings. When my kids were in school, she tried to exclude me from their records, even putting her current partner’s name as another parent I found out by chance and visited the principal with a copy of my divorce papers and that was quickly rectified. My wife had to file harassment reports against her because she has NO respect for boundaries.
The only reason she doesn’t have a criminal background is because my wife didn’t want it to affect the kids so didn’t press charges. She used to drive by our house at different times of the night. Drove by my wife’s job when she worked on the other side of town herself.
Call and harass me over the stupidest of things, yelling and screaming. The list goes on. And now that I do not have to interact with this woman, I do not want to be in the same room as her. She even went as far as to cause a rift in my relationship with my son that took years to repair.
We are now on good terms and my health is now in a better place because I no longer have the stress of the myriad of situations with her.
Which brings me to my issue. I have a 10 y/o grandchild, and my son invites everyone to his birthday parties every year.
My ex attends, and she tries her hardest to interact with me. I want absolutely NOTHING to do with this woman. I don’t cause a scene, but I refuse to talk to her, and I will NOT act like nothing ever happened and be ‘friends’ with her.
But she is all about appearances and doesn’t stop when I refuse to engage. I want my son to have something for my grandchild with just US, and no longer attend these birthday parties. My wife thinks I should just suck it up once a year because she said it isn’t about me, it’s for my grandchild
So, lay it on me, AITJ for not wanting to attend my grandchild’s party and have a separate celebration?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Though, I have to ask: do you want her to win because this is how she wins, by bullying you out of family events?
Do you miss out on important events and settle for leftover scraps? By having a separate event, you give her a wider audience to manipulate into believing you’re a bad grandparent for not attending his grandson’s birthday. It also helps to strengthen the now healthy relationship you have with your son.
I understand you want nothing to do with her. However, you need to ask yourself how long this model of engagement with your son and grandchild will work going forward.” Mikkelsen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Being the son of parents who had a relationship like this, I can tell you that rotation has been the only way to do this.
Doing a separate event every year would also be great, but I suggest talking to your grandchild’s parents, presumably your kid and their partner, annoyingly this is the situation. They should be well aware based on their childhood and growing up, but if I were you, I would only tolerate that ex at events like weddings, which are tnce-in-a-lifetime events.
That’s the road I took with my parents, and it is so much better, and relieves a ton of stress on my end, as balancing their tumultuous relationship had me dreading holidays, Now that everything rotated, I am way happier. I hope the same for you!” yeahillhaveanother
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but here’s the thing…this is exactly what she wants, and then she can look like a reasonable person while you look like a jerk holding a grudge. It’s all about the image for her. I’d go and walk away every time she approached me.
I would make sure everyone there who counts knows you want to be the peacekeeper so you refuse to engage with her. Make her look like the stalker she is. It will drive her bananas and she will end up showing her bad behavior if you play it right.
You have to be smarter than these awful people. Be the doting grandfather you want to be and block her.” fiestafan73
2. AITJ For Telling My Dad's Ex That Her Kids Aren't My Siblings?
“My dad was married to “Helen” for 7 years. I (17f) was never close to her or to her children (9 & 8). Her kids are not my dad’s kids btw. They’re from her ex but he wasn’t really around so her kids lived with us 100%. Dad had me and my brother (20m).
Our mom died when I was 6.
Dad and Helen’s marriage started to fall apart a year ago and he filed for divorce months ago. Helen and her kids moved out. But Helen expected me and my brother to still play a role in the lives of her kids.
She said the four of us were siblings after 7 years and we disagreed. We didn’t pay her kids much attention or act like older siblings to them. They did call us their siblings though. So I know they saw me as a sister and my brother as a brother.
But we never said siblings. We’d say stepsiblings or Helen’s kids depending on who we talked to.
Helen’s youngest had their birthday a couple of weeks ago. Dad wasn’t invited but I and my brother were and we didn’t go. Helen came to the house the next day while Dad was out and tried to berate me but I didn’t open the door.
She yelled at me for a few minutes and left. She called my brother a few times from an unknown number because he blocked her. When she couldn’t get him to answer she found me walking home from school and told me we needed to talk and I told her we don’t, she’s not a part of my life anymore.
She told me her kids don’t deserve to lose their siblings because of a divorce. I told her we were never their siblings. I told her I wasn’t going to pay more attention to them now that she and Dad were divorcing than I did during their marriage.
She told me I watched them grow up and how could I not adore them. I told her I never paid that much attention to them.
She tried to play the “parent” card and I told her I don’t need to listen to her anymore because she’s not my dad’s wife anymore or won’t be soon.
I told her she has no authority over me and she needs to accept it and help her kids accept what’s happened instead of bugging us.
She called me cold while I was walking away from her and then she called Dad to rant at him about me disrespecting her like that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are blood relatives. And then there’s family. Sometimes your blood relatives will be your family. But not always. Sometimes your family is people you share no DNA with, and sometimes your blood relatives are strangers to you, by your own choice.
In the situation you describe, it’s possible that you could have developed a close bond with two kids who were not blood relatives. It’s possible. That never happened. And nobody can force that connection, no matter how much they might want to. Helen sounds like a real nightmare, and strangely disconnected from reality.” CommunityGreat9255
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Step bonds are built. Too many people think the act of marriage makes you a family. It doesn’t. It makes the couple a family. Everyone else has to build that bond because family is a relationship. She’s the jerk.
She doesn’t get to tell you or make you something that you’re not. Her kid’s feelings aren’t more important than yours to you. They are more important to her than your feelings. Dad needs to tell her to stay away from you.
Brother is an adult, he should TELL HER!” LouisV25
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She’s delusional if she didn’t somehow notice you were only reluctantly participating in ‘her family’. You don’t respect her, you don’t love her. The same for her kids.
While it’s unfortunate for the children, they’re victims of their mother repeatedly denying reality. Please keep yourself safe, and tell your dad about the stalking and harassment. Then if he’s no help, tell other adults what’s going on. Your safety is paramount.
You’ve got important exams on the horizon and need to be able to focus on your education, not your ex. ” I_wanna_be_anemone
1. AITJ For Ignoring My Dad Because He Doesn't Put Effort Into Our Relationship?
“It sounds extremely rude at first, and it is. But I think I sort of have a right to feel the way I do. I (17f) have a dad whose daily schedule is to wake up, work, come home (sometimes, if he doesn’t come home, then he’s out with his friends drinking) eat, watch TV in his room, and sleep.
That is it. He talks to me sometimes when he sort of has to because I’m the only one with him or because he needs help with something. Usually, I would greet him from work with a hug or something and ask him about his day and he would do the same to me.
That is about the most common affection we have really. I thought it was normal because that’s the way it had always been since I can remember. He rarely eats dinner with my family, and when he does he’s on his phone scrolling through TikToks or staring at the TV.
Anyway, the real part I feel conflicted about is my behavior that I purposely started this year. I figured that since he rarely ever even talks to me I’ll just straight up ignore him or put very little effort into our relationship. He doesn’t put effort into his relationship with his family, so why should I do that with him?
I sometimes greet him from work, I give him one-word answers and I sort of just avoid him because whenever he does talk to me, it is so forced it hurts. I didn’t think much of it and saw it as okay I guess but my mom one day told me why I don’t text my dad during my lunch break at school anymore (I used to do that daily but then stopped).
She guilt-tripped me into feeling bad for him because he told her about it. I feel like he does deserve to be ignored because that’s the way he treats his family, but at the same time I feel bad because he is a roofer, so he works all day in the hot sun just for my family.
If I were to work all day in the hot sun, I know I would want to be alone too once coming home. I don’t know if I should feel bad for him or not.
Some days I feel like a horrible person but other days I think he’s the horrible one.
I probably yapped more than needed, but I just needed to express my feelings of confusion somehow”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ but I understand and sympathize with your situation. It was not unreasonable for you to want more interaction in the relationship with your dad.
Your only problem was going about it by giving him the cold shoulder until he figured it out. He noticed your distance but doesn’t know why and probably doesn’t know how to fix it himself. The solution is communication! Let him know you appreciate all the hard work he does and you know he must be tired when he gets home but you want to spend more time with him.
Someday you’ll be out on your own or in college or whatever you’re planning, so tell him you want to take advantage of this time you have together to be close. This isn’t true of all men but some of them just don’t communicate well about these issues so he might appreciate you opening up to him this way.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. What you’re feeling is valid, but rather than giving him the cold shoulder and just ignoring him, I suggest you guys just have a heart-to-heart talk about how you feel. It may just be that he doesn’t notice how you feel.
Your dad isn’t a perfect human too. I don’t approve of your mom’s “guilt tripping you to feeling bad for him” but she also maybe just went the wrong way about it, with good intentions.” Roadtonowhere_3756
