People Have A Bone To Pick With Others In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Refusing To Fill A Customer's Car With Gas After Repairing It?
“I (23f) work as an auto repair tech in a shop a block from a gas station.
This will be important later in the story.
This afternoon a guy (30s M) came in to pick up his car after having it repaired for a fender bender.
I was telling him the total as he looked over the car and asked me why it had only a quarter tank of gas left in it.
I told him I had no idea and didn’t check the gas.
He then demands I take his car and fill it up with gas or he’s not paying for anything.
I told him no and if he didn’t pay he wasn’t leaving with the car.
He complains to my boss (40s M) about what I wouldn’t do and how I’m a bad worker who should be fired.
My boss backed me up, telling the guy he had 10 minutes to pay for the repair, leave or he’d call the cops.
He eventually paid but a few of my coworkers said I was a bit rude by not filling his gas tank when he asked.
Now I must add that, we don’t fill up cars unless they are running on fumes at that point.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless the odometer shows your place of work was moonlighting and driving his car around (which I assume was not the case), why on Earth would he expect you to be filling up his gas tank??
He was just a chancer who knows that the price of gas is extortionate right now.” Senti2com1
Another User Comments:
“I have never heard that a car is filled up with petrol at any service/repair center. The reason his car only had a quarter of a tank when he picked it up is that it went in with only a quarter of a tank.
I may expect a couple of km extra on the clock if the staff needs to take the car out to trial any work that was done, but that really shouldn’t make enough of a difference to the tank. He’s just trying to get a freebie from you.
Your co-workers don’t understand that it wasn’t your responsibility nor your workplace’s to fill up a customer’s car.” DiamondHeist1970
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Guy probably throws a fit with any service provider to see if he get extras free of charge. Add to it that you’re a young woman in a male-dominated industry, and he probably thought you were an easy mark.
F that guy. Good on your boss for both backing you up and not rewarding bad client behavior. Every time they win it bolsters their confidence to do it with the next business.” Reddit User
21. AITJ For Tricking My Brother Into Caring For His Own Bird, Risking His Job?
“My (M 16) brother (M 20) lives with me and my parents. He works from home coding games for some company. He owns a cockatiel (who we’ll call Snow) that stays in my room, since my brother complains that Snow is too loud and he can’t concentrate.
I feed and hang out with Snow while he barely pays attention to him.
I am in high school and have a job to save up for college, so I’m barely home. This means that Snow barely gets time out. I have him out before going to school and one day I had an idea, I could pretend that Snow wouldn’t go back to his cage.
It worked and my brother took him for the day until I came back.
This went on for most of the year until one day I was telling my friends about it and my brother heard. He then blew up on me and screamed “I missed so many deadlines because I was paying attention to the dumb bird!
I could get fired because I thought you needed me to have him out until you came back!” I wasn’t aware of him missing deadlines and now I’m wondering if I’m the jerk for tricking him, but then I look at how happy Snow looks because he finally gets enough time out.
Am I the jerk for putting my brother’s job on the line to make his bird happy?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Do you enjoy having and caring for Snow? If the bird were rehomed, would your brother care? Would you? It doesn’t seem like your brother derives much enjoyment from having the bird around.
It’s not even in a common area that he would look at it.” readytojudgeLOL
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His bird, his problem. Cockatiels are adorable, but they are loud. It is your brother’s responsibility to look after Snow, not yours. Don’t feel bad. Besides your brother looking after his pet, there are a couple of possible solutions: 1.) Snow officially becomes your pet.
You might have to reimburse your brother whatever he paid for Snow, and you would be responsible for food, vet care, etc. from now on. 2.) Your parents might be willing to have Snow spend some time in the living room, family room, or other common area.
This should be somewhere where Snow can see people and interact with them. Maybe your parents could let him out of his cage every now and then if Snow will let them put him back in his cage when needed. I feel bad for Snow, who is getting caught in the middle in this.
It isn’t his fault he’s a cockatiel.” Sea-Confection-2627
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think of birds as quiet, low-maintenance pets, which your brother ought to have researched before getting one. He should have a real come to Jesus moment and care for his pet, or take the bird to a reputable rescue group.
It’s okay to admit he got a pet he’s unprepared for and can’t manage the bird’s care, but he needs to consider rehoming unless you will have the time and inclination to care for it yourself in the future.” adlittle
20. AITJ For Telling My School About My Awful Home Life?
“I (15F) have had issues with my home life for as long as I can remember. First, it was my mother’s place, and when I moved out, my father wasn’t great either. He would constantly mock my gender identity, misgender me, yell at me for feeling any negative emotion at all (but also if I didn’t tell him how I was feeling), and some worse things that I don’t want to get into.
At one point in a lesson, I got a phone call from him but just burst into tears because I’d had a rough day at school and really didn’t have the energy to deal with him. My teacher sat with me until I calmed down and… I told her everything.
I don’t know why I did, I couldn’t really stop myself. But she got super concerned and contacted safeguarding, while I crashed at my friend’s house for a couple of nights. My school then called my father and got external forces involved, and we all had a big meeting.
But I just froze. I didn’t want to disclose anything in front of him because I might make things worse. Anyway, the meeting ended, I went back home with my father and now I am receiving constant grief for lying and tearing the family apart.
I can understand his anger: he’s just moved in with his partner, he’s constantly putting up with my mother still, he started a new job recently. This was another stress he doesn’t need. But am I really the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ just because you froze then doesn’t mean that you don’t need to talk.
Please go to the school counselor as many times as you need to feel comfortable. Sometimes it has to be the right counselor for you to feel okay to be open and honest. Counselors will understand that. Please reach out to them. What other health wellness areas that you have near you please utilize.
If you don’t know how to find those since I don’t know what country or state or Providence or anything you’re in nami.org is it good information spot. It stands for the National Alliance of Mental Illness. There are age-appropriate groups, counseling centers, and referrals from your regular doctors out there you just have to advocate a little bit more for yourself.
You were at a breaking point when you talked with your teacher I’m so glad that you had a teacher who was able to sit there and listen to you and help you. Of course you’re not going to feel comfortable talking about some stuff in front of your parents which is why counseling is done on your needs.
Please keep reaching out there is support available and I hope you find one where you are welcome spoken to correctly and that you feel comfortable. Wishing you peace calm consistent safe household.” boiledpenny
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He’s the adult, you’re the kid. He’s responsible for your well-being and not the other way around.
It’s no excuse that he’s stressed, it’s his duty to care for you. Besides, you didn’t do it intentionally, you were on the point of breaking and just broke down. This is no plot of yours to bring him pain. This is you being human and having feelings and needing support.
He should have given you that support instead of doubling down and hurting you even more. You deserve care, you deserve to be listened to. And you’re neither responsible for his situation nor for your mom being a jerk. The things that happened were the direct consequence of him being a neglectful father and not you doing anything wrong.
I’m sorry for you and hope you get help!” GrayDottedPony
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It looks like your parents are bad for each other and have a bad situation. However, that doesn’t mean they can take it out on you, their child. You shouldn’t be yelled at.
It sounds like you’re being mistreated, both by your mom and your dad, but I assume your dad is better than your mom which is why you’re living with him. That teacher did the right thing. I hope you can continue to confide in her and if the situation ever gets out of hand, so she can help.
However, I would see if you can talk to her about finding long-term alternatives to your situation – What does “leaving home” mean as a teenager? Is there government help you can get? I’m sorry that you have to grow up so fast and be put in a situation like this, but it’s likely better for you in the long run to be able to leave your current home life, so you can at least be who you are without being disrespected about your gender.
Sending you all of the love, strength, and hope that I have.” petrichorInk
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay For Hotels And Gas After Helping A Friend Move Across The Country?
“My friend asked me a couple of months ago to help them move across the country. I agreed knowing it’d be the last time I see them for a considerable amount of time. They never said I would have to pay for anything but they also never said they would pay for anything.
Comes the week of moving and I help them move across the country with their items. It’s only one car but I assist with any problems and driving and all that. There are a couple of nights of hotels and a lot of stops for gas.
I paid $300 for a one-way flight back to my city and I used up three days of PTO from work to help them.
After the move, I received a cash app invoice asking for a couple hundred dollars in fees for hotels and gas.
They haven’t addressed it yet except through that invoice.
I was under the impression that people generally pay for things they need help with and I was doing them a courtesy by helping, on top of my own fees.
So AITJ for not wanting to pay them back for hotels and gas they would have spent regardless?
And how would I tell them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Personally, I’d just ignore the request. If it hadn’t been discussed beforehand then it’s pretty presumptuous of them to invoice you for expenses incurred while you were doing them a favor. If I’d asked a friend to travel cross country for me I’d have paid for their ticket home, as well as covered all expenses.
I think the fact that they never brought it up and sprung it on you after the fact speaks volumes. I’d wait and see if they’ve got the courage to address it directly, and then ask if you’d somehow forgotten the conversation where’d you be responsible for a portion of the cost of a trip that you took as a favor to them.” SpecialistFeeling220
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did them a huge favor by helping them move. The absolute bare minimum they can do is cover your costs. “Can you help me move” is literally just asking for an extra set of hands, not for that set of hands to also pay money.
It would have probably cost them thousands of dollars to hire a moving company. You just want the gas and travel expenses covered.
Edit: Wait, let me see if I have this straight. You helped them, and they’re trying to charge you? You’re not even asking for anything in return when you’re the one deserving of it?
This is some Judge Judy-type stuff. Your friend is an elite mega jerk.” twinkiehouse11
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not like this was a vacation that you both mutually enjoyed. OP was doing a friend a favor, that they most likely couldn’t have done alone.
Without his help, the friend may have likely had to hire movers to help (movers that they most definitely would’ve been paying), so the assumption that they wouldn’t pay isn’t crazy. OP probably would’ve just gone to work and actually made money if not for the fact that their friend asked for help moving.
OP having their costs covered is pretty normal. Plus, it’s courtesy/standard practice that if someone goes out of their way to help you, you’ll treat them after they’ve finished helping you (i.e buying them dinner/drinks) and in this case, OP expected to be thanked for their efforts by not being charged for helping a friend.” ldp1640
18. AITJ For Threatening To Cut Off My Dad If He Doesn't Pay His Share For My Car?
“My (16f) dad (45m) has always been a liar. He has been since I was a young kid. This past October my mom (43f) found me a perfect car. My mom and father made an agreement to pay for half.
(They are separated) Well, my father has only paid for a small fraction of what he owes. Anyway whenever my mom reaches out for my father to pay some more of the 1000 he leaves her on read and ignores her. (My mother has been more than flexible with him and doesn’t demand the entire amount at one time)
Well, whenever I bring it up to my father he starts screaming at me about it. And it’s not like he doesn’t have the money as he goes on expensive trips all the time. I told my father that I would stop seeing him if my car was not paid off by the one-year mark.
He blows up on me and starts screaming at me whenever the issue is brought up. My mom and I have been lenient towards the whole situation but I am sick and tired of waiting for him to finally pull his weight. My father and his partner (44f) are saying that it is totally unfair of me to say I will not be seeing him if the car is not paid for after a year of agreeing to pay for it because I will be ruining our relationship.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If your dad has always been a liar what made you think he would follow through with his promise of giving you money for your car? The reason to stop spending time with your dad shouldn’t be over a material item like a car.
It should be because of his inconsistencies, and numerous letdowns and lies. Let your dad know it’s not about the car. It’s about the repeated situations of him not following through with what he said he was going to do.” Magdaleo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Re Father’s partner’s comments about the relationship will be ruined if OP keeps bringing this up. The relationship is already ruined because of: 1. Not being able to trust father as he does not keep his word/lies 2. Yelling and screaming being his only defense.” Educational_Theory73
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your decision whether to have your father in your life should not hinge on his financial contributions. Either decide he is a bad person and excise him from your life, or decide you want to maintain a relationship no matter what.
An ultimatum over a grand won’t solve your underlying issues.” Own-Signature-47
17. AITJ For Implementing An Attendance Software That Exposed Late Employees?
“I (24F) work in a government office as the head of IT. Typically it’s super hard to get into any government office without having a “backer” but I got in because of my grades and contribution to the city (I’m not allowed to disclose the project my thesis partner and I created but it was a big help to one of the hospitals in our city).
Before I was appointed as the head of IT for this department, I started off as a clerk. When the head of the department realized I was good at computers(all of the other employees are in their 30s, 40s, and 50s and refuse to learn more about computers) Once I was appointed, I was quickly the target of the majority of the employees because my salary was higher compared to theirs even though they’ve been working for 10+ years.
I was the subject of rumors and was severely outcasted. Some would even go as far as to gossip about me while I was around (mind you these bullies are in their 30s and 40s) they tried to get me in trouble for so many reasons.
They always argued that I was lazy, always late, and always absent when I was doing more work for the department while sitting down at my computer. I would often catch them doing nothing during the day and they even manipulate their time-in so they wouldn’t be late (i.e. putting 7 am as their time in when they arrived at 8 am).
Our attendance tracker is just a log book where employees write down what time they arrive and what time they leave every day. Naturally, it would be easy to change the details.
Fast forward and I completed the attendance software that the head asked me to make and was planning to implement.
I created IDs for everyone and all they had to do was scan their ID by the entrance and their face, name, and login time would be flashed on the screen by the front desk. A week into this and majority of the employees were caught being late.
I would always arrive at 6 am to turn on the system and I would be the one to generate the report at the end of the week to submit to the payroll department.
The head of the office loved the new software and praised me while my bullies scorned me in silence.
One employee called me a jerk to my face for “ruining the system they were used to”
So does this make me a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as long as it is actually simple because I hate the system created by Kronos and clocking in and out is terrible on it.
But as long as your system doesn’t suck and it really is just scanning ID then great, you are making less work as no one has to manually put in the log book info.” glom4ever
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ! Congrats on being so successful as a woman in this field!
Wild guess: some of the animosity stems from you being a young successful woman, but well. The real jerk is your boss letting the other employees bully you for something he told you to do and the bullies for bullying (duh.)” bergwurz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did what you are paid to do. Namely, update the system. You brought them up to present standards when they were stuck in 1950. Do you really want liars and thieves to like you? That’s what they are. Lying to the company about hours so they can take home money they didn’t earn.
Keep on doing your job.” Special-Attitude-242
16. AITJ For Calling Out My Mum's Insensitive Comments In Public?
“Since I was little my mum has always judged people with the way they dress up, how much they weigh, and stereotyped races, I’ve always told her that what she says is rude and that she shouldn’t say those things.
The worst thing about this is that when she did do this kind of thing in public she spoke Spanish so no one would understand, until now.
So my mum (47F) and I (17F) went to this comedy show and at the interval of the show my mum started talking in Spanish about this woman’s body (this woman was beside her) and started making rude comments about her weight.
I told her that she shouldn’t judge strangers by their appearance and that she needed to be more careful about what she said. (note: we had been in a similar situation before when people were saying unkind things about us in Spanish).
The second half of the show starts and the comedian picks the lady next to my mum for the act and then the woman next to her has to pick someone else for the next bit of the act.
The woman points to my mum and then she continues the act by pointing at someone else. Halfway through the act the comedian comes back to the lady next to us and asks her where she’s from, and proceeds to tell the whole audience that she’s from Spain.
My mum looked so shocked and almost terrified that I couldn’t help but laugh.
When the show ended I told my mum that she should go and apologize to that woman but she refused to, saying that it was somehow my fault? I told her to stop being such an insensitive jerk and apologize because what my mum had said about that woman was very harsh and rude.
She ended up getting upset with me and made me run after her the whole way home.
I was getting super annoyed with how my mum was behaving and told my dad (50M) (they’re divorced) about the whole situation, she soon found out and said that I had lost her trust, that I’m just like my father and that I should show her more respect.
I don’t see how I’m in the wrong here but she begs to differ. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mum just got slammed by the Karma Bus. Doesn’t sound like she’ll be more careful in the future though. We (my husband and I) had that happen.
We were driving the Amish to shopping. And they were being very unkind in their comments in Dutch. Thinking we had no idea what they were saying. Surprise! I speak German, Penn Dutch is a dialect. When I told them in German I speak and understand, they were dead silent the entire rest of the trip.
And when paying for the ride, one of the husbands came to give a large tip, apologize for their behavior, and was pleased they’d been caught.” Dvilindskys
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but as you can see in the comments, some people will latch on to a word almost to the exclusion of other issues, so it’s wiser to describe the behavior without using words that can be used to get offended over to deflect from the criticism.
It’s not only the person themselves that might focus on the word, but others hearing the story. That said, I kind of suspect that your mother would have seen herself as the victim no matter what, no matter how you worded things; it goes hand-in-hand with her other behavior.” jwjnthrowawaykfeiofj
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Similar things have happened to my dad where they thought he didn’t understand due to a heavy accent and when he speaks to our family in public but they get promptly corrected. This has also happened to a friend even she said unkind things only to find out they were from the same province.
I noticed people don’t like to apologize when they make those assumptions but you told your mom how it is, even if the “jerk” wasn’t necessary.” GurElectronic4706
15. AITJ For Banning My Stepfather After He Called My Wife Not Beautiful?
“My wife and my mom have some issues. Nothing too severe I’d say, but I do stand by my wife and as a result, I’m not close to my family anymore. We got married a few weeks ago and my wife was a beautiful bride.
My wife overheard from someone, that my stepfather “Jake’s” mom (who was not at our wedding) asked him if she was a beautiful bride, and without skipping a beat he said no. My wife was obviously hurt and when I confronted him he admitted he said that and told us to stop whining, he doesn’t have to lie and he isn’t obligated to think everyone is beautiful.
I didn’t totally know what to do, because I do think the person who told my wife was just stirring the trouble. At the same time, I’m not ok with anyone hurting or disrespecting my wife. My wife wanted to ban him from our home because she didn’t think she should have to have someone who felt that way (and verbalized it) in her safe space.
I agreed and let Jake know he is banned. My mom is furious and says we are being dramatic, and don’t expect her to come without Jake. I said while that sucks, I will back my wife. My mom isn’t really talking to me and thinks we are too sensitive.”
Another User Comments:
“No judgment from me, since I can’t figure out why this is a thing. Aside from the fact that he likely doesn’t like your wife. I cannot imagine caring whether someone thought I wasn’t beautiful at my wedding. Especially when they didn’t say it to me.
I mean, it’s really nice if your partner thinks you’re beautiful. But why would you care if your stepfather-in-law or anyone else does? (Unless your job relies on physical appeal). It’s not like you’re shopping for a new partner in stepfather-in-law and using attractiveness to bait the hook for a date.” Meghanshadow
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. While I commend you for sticking up for your wife… Banning family over this 100% makes you AND your wife jerks… Your wife overheard from someone – meaning that person wasn’t directly addressing the comment to her and she heard it either inadvertently or because she was eavesdropping.
So it wasn’t directed at her to hear. Secondly, she didn’t hear it directly from the source, so you took it upon yourself to find out the truth, regardless of the outcome. And either one of two things occurred – you made the decision to address him in front of your wife and put him on the spot making you a jerk.
Or you addressed it with him privately and then relayed his response to your wife – this makes you a hypocrite because you can’t slam him for not lying when you yourself could’ve lied and avoided this.” PaintLicker_2022
Another User Comments:
“You’re right.
The person who brought this to your wife is totally stirring up crap. And was probably aiming to stir up crap from the moment they asked that question because there’s no good answer. If he says no then he said something mean. But you realize that if he said yes it would be construed as him being attracted to your new bride, right?
He’d be framed as a creepy old man lusting after his stepson’s wife. Either way, crap stirrer asked the question and would report the answer to your wife – either didn’t think you were pretty or thought you were pretty – and cause your wife distress.
Both you and your wife need to be smarter than this. Your stepfather’s opinion on your wife’s appearance is no one’s business. It doesn’t matter. And now you’ve let some crap stirrer use some petty nonsense to split apart your family.
Nice job. Big props to the crap stirrer who is probably patting themselves on the back for how easy it is to manipulate people, tear them apart, and make everyone miserable. (That’s the person you should actually axe out of your life immediately, by the way.) YTJ, and so is your wife.
Hope you can mend the rift with your mom.” lionne6
14. AITJ For Letting My Husband Sleep Through His Alarm And Be Late For Work?
“I (27f) have always had to get my husband (27) up with his alarms because he always sleeps through them. We’ve been together for 8 years and he sleeps like the dead.
He’s missed so many alarms, calls, appointments, and meetings because he sleeps through his alarm. I try to wake him up but I end up getting yelled at by him. Then when he does wake up he gets annoyed he’s late for things. He’s already missed a meeting for his college and now is in jeopardy of not going back because he slept through his alarm.
Today I let him sleep through his alarm and he was an hour late for his job. I tried waking him up for an hour as his alarm was going off but he yelled at me and hit snooze. I’ve had emergencies before that got worse than they needed to because he won’t wake up.
He’s beyond angry at me for making him late and not waking him up and I kind of feel like I am the jerk because he’s late and he needs this job.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He needs to figure this out. He’s old enough to wake up on his own with an alarm and has been for at least 15 years, well before you married. There may be an underlying issue – you may need to tell him that either he sees his doctor about a sleep study, or you’ll be sleeping in the spare room, and this is his problem from now on.
Him yelling at you when you try to help him by waking him up, and blaming you when he refuses your help, is abusive. Tell him that if he does this again, you’ll stay elsewhere for a week, and he can deal with his morning routine.
(Out of curiosity, has he ever lived on his own? Or did he go straight from living with mom & dad, who woke him up, to living with you and expecting you to take on that task?)” Jazzlike_Humor3340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My now ex-partner also had this specific kind of executive dysfunction, I can tell you that until your husband wants to start taking responsibility for himself and own up to this being firmly a “him” problem and not a “you” or “us” problem, it will not change.
Do not try to “help” him get up. Do not apologize if/when he attempts to blame you. Do not tolerate his yelling at you. Leave, get up, walk out the door, start sleeping in another room, whatever you have to do. But do not stick around for the verbal abuse.
Good luck.” junglequeen88
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. It would be one thing if he had an issue hearing his alarm, and you were able to shake him awake easily. Not only does he expect you to wake him, but he is an absolute jerk when you do.
And, from the sounds of it, he does at least hear the alarm, he just hits the snooze and chooses to go back to sleep. I’d tell him straight up that you are done being treated with such disrespect, he’s a grown man and he can take responsibility for his actions.
He doesn’t have any medical conditions that hinder his ability to wake up, he’s perfectly capable of waking himself up when he wants to, he’s simply making the decision to not get up on time and is trying to blame it on you.
If he still complains about not being able to wake himself up and needing you to do it, tell him that you’ll give it another go, but if he doesn’t get up nicely at your first attempt he won’t like the response:
- dump a bucket or two of water on him – if you can chill it with some ice even better (get a waterproof cover for your mattress first!)
- get an air horn (obviously don’t blast too near his ears)
- borrow a friend’s hyperactive puppy and shut it in the room until he wakes up
I’m sure there are some more creative ways that will help motivate him to get up. And when he has a cry about it, put it back on him – he doesn’t have the inability to wake up, he’s making a choice to ignore all signs that it’s time for him to get up, and blaming you instead of facing the consequences of those decisions.” kiwifarmdog
13. AITJ For Kicking Out My Intoxicated Partner After He Peed On My Belongings?
“My partner and I went out to a movie tonight and got intoxicated. We came back to my place and he refused to get into bed and slept on the floor for a while.
Two hours later I woke up and asked him to come into bed, hoping he’d be more willing to.
Instead, he stood up and started urinating in a random spot in my room. I asked if he was urinating and he said no. When I walked over and saw he was urinating on my dresser filled with a ton of my stuff I got mad at him and yelled at him to stop.
I told him to leave my house and take my backpack which he had urinated on with him.
He didn’t apologize and started laughing. When I insisted he had to leave he got really defensive saying he had consumed more booze than me and not to contact him once he left. I told him I couldn’t believe he won’t even apologize and he reiterated he drank more but agreed to take my bag and left.
So I’m left here to clean up the mess and see what paper is salvageable wondering if I’m really the jerk and if I should apologize for kicking him out.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a guy who has had more than my fair share of intoxicated nights.
I have never gotten to the point of urinating anywhere but a bathroom. I can’t even imagine being so hammered that you don’t even know you’re urinating in someone’s bedroom. Then, to top it off, the dude laughs and acts like it was no big deal. That’s grounds for breaking up.” SigSauerPower320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – what was he like when approaching him after the event? Any remorse? The thing is here, I know many of my friends who do stupid stuff like this (urinating in wardrobes/downstairs, etc.) but they are mortified after and clean it all up full of apology.
It’s as if they can’t help it. My concern here would be he is showing no remorse, has no respect for what he has probably damaged, and ‘drinking more’ isn’t an excuse – it something to remember not to do if he cannot control himself when doing it.” badreligionlover
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Drinking booze really isn’t a good enough excuse to urinate on someone else’s belongings. If your partner (hopefully now ex) can’t handle his booze, he has no business drinking. Then, to add insult to urinating-injury, he tries to manipulate you? Take him at his word.
Don’t speak to him. If he’s laughing about urinating on your belongings, his disrespect isn’t going to get any better if you fawn about trying to soothe his feelings. There are millions of men out there who aren’t manipulative jerks who can’t handle their booze.
You might want to have a think about whether this one is worth the hassle.” Panaccolade
12. AITJ For Mentioning My Wages While Discussing Movie Ticket Prices?
“I just bought a really expensive cat for myself and will be funding his food, medical care, litter etc. I have always wanted a cat and I finally make enough to cover me, my bills, and a cat.
My brother doesn’t have a real job, he just works for the family businesses and makes pennies. He never got a real job or made a real living. He still lives off of my parents. Even his car is from them.
I help my parents with bills, and pay for all my things too (my car and cat).
Two days ago when I went to buy my cat he messaged me asking me for money as he had an overdraft in his bank account. Begging me. So I gave it, as he said he’d pay me back. Still hasn’t.
So today me and my siblings were discussing watching the new Dr. Strange movie on Sunday as we are all off.
Tickets at our local cinema that we always go to is £4.99 per person.
My brother just called me saying his friend wants to join us. But his friend only goes to the Odeon Luxe cinema as he only watches movies in recliner chairs. I said I don’t care and I didn’t want to drive an extra hour for a movie.
He said he’ll cover the petrol. Fine.
So then I searched for tickets, which took a while as every screen was fully booked. Finally find one, and it’s £27.50. I thought this was ridiculous, and so did he. So he adds his friend to the call, making it a 3-way call, and asks him if he knows how much it costs.
The friend explained that he gets a free ticket and that he does not know the cost of the ticket. My brother was saying it’s very expensive, and I said, “Ha yeah it’s more than my hourly pay!” As a joke obviously, but it is a ridiculous price for me.
I have never spent so much on a movie.
My brother suddenly starts shouting at me on the call telling me the comment I just made was uncalled for. And the mentioning of wages is wrong. And that I shouldn’t have said that and that it’s not funny.
His friend didn’t speak. My brother asked me if this is how me and my friends speak to each other, and I said yes. My friends and I always talk about our wages, and how much we make as we are always changing jobs. Etc. He just continued to yell at me saying my comment was not necessary.
And in the end, asked me to buy the tickets.
AITJ for mentioning my wages?”
Another User Comments:
“OMG he needs to grow the heck up! You just said that it’s more than your hourly wages it’s not like you’re bragging about your wages while he is living on the streets or something.
And the nerve to ask you to buy the tickets….Well, mister go and make your own money and stop living on the money of other people. And I’m all for supporting people if you’re in a better financial state but there’s a limit.
So NO you’re re NTJ!” Mrs-Fleury
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How was this wrong? It would be one thing if you made fun of his wages or his friend’s wages but all you did was comment on the price of the tickets. 27 an hour is really good pay (in my area) so it should come as no surprise to your brother that you make less than that.
Your brother needs to mind himself if he’s asking you to buy him movie tickets and pay for his friend to come but he doesn’t want you talking about your money, he seems to be just fine with discussing your money and what you do with it.” Apollo42420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Make sure to get your kitty spayed, chipped, and keep them inside. You don’t want them getting out accidentally or otherwise and having proof of ownership (chip) can be massively helpful. I’d be a little worried your brother might sell kitty for some quick cash if I were you.” FailingHealth
11. AITJ For Saying My Wife's Education Is Her Own Responsibility?
“My (M38) wife (F34) has been a stay-at-home mom since we had a daughter 5 years ago. This was her decision and not something I forced on her in any way.
I didn’t even want a child but she insisted.
Before that, we had already been married for about 6 years, and while we both worked, I was earning more and had graduated college. She had struggled with college and racked up some student loan debt – and never really figured out what she wanted to major in.
She also worked, mostly managing in retail and jumping around a few different companies.
After we had our daughter, she stopped working and the plan was for her to go back to school at a later date. I never said she could not go back to work, or anything like that, but the fact is that something like daycare would barely be covered by a paycheck from her, while I was bringing in enough to cover all our needs.
Through all this time she was never really sure of what she wanted to study either, and never gave any set plan for making it happen. I told her again and again that if she told me how much we would need, and she committed to a study track, we could make it happen, kid or not.
But she never did this.
Now, as our kid will start school soon, she’s going to be able to go back to work and school. She finally found out how much she had to pay to remove a hold on her transcripts and again I’ve told her we can put it in the budget like any other bill and we pay it off.
But then recently we had yet another fight where she blamed me for “not supporting her.”
Now keep in mind, we have a house, cars, and several niceties and I have NEVER controlled her spending, these days every paycheck I get we pay off bills, and then split the remainder 50/50.
We have some credit card debt, but the deal has always been she can spend her half however she wants. Sometimes she buys stuff for our kid or the house, or fun stuff for herself too. I use mine to go out sometimes and save up for things like concerts and festivals here and there.
But again, I never tell her what to do with her half.
Now I certainly don’t believe in just saving every penny until you die, but it’s nonsense for her to yell at me for spending on fun (most often for both of us – but she conveniently forgets that) instead of wanting to live like a monk just to pay off debts faster.
Yet she still starts these fights arguing that I’m a jerk for not “pushing her enough” to study and get it together, that I did not set money aside for this stuff on my own, that this is not a top priority for me, etc. I have argued that her education is her own responsibility and that I have always said setting money aside for this would not be a problem, because I don’t tell her what to do with her half of the money, but she needs to take some initiative here, and not expect me to plan everything because she’s “bad at planning.””
Another User Comments:
“What a terrible marriage you settled yourself in: a child you didn’t want, a wife who refuses to be held accountable for her choice, and who feels the need to avoid reality for as long as she can, while having to provide for both.
Feels like you have two kids, not one. NTJ, but knowing you’re not the jerk is not going to relieve your situation. Until she gets ready to face herself and her choices in the mirror, she’s going to blame you and dig her heels in her moral high ground.
She needs to figure out why it was up to you to push her to study and not up to her to push herself. As an ex-fellow-forever-student (I managed to find my way after some therapy), I can 100% put myself in her shoes. I get it.
I was ready to blame a million things before I was ready to face myself head-on. There was no amount of my parents and my partner being right that made me kick myself in the butt. Instead of blaming other people, I was trying to blame undiagnosed health issues, which was wrong, but it was how I originally coped with feeling like a wishy-washy failure.
You can be right all you want but the realization has to come from her, not from you. I can’t really advise you on what to do next, all I can say is that she needs a boatload of introspection and a way to lead herself to that headspace.” ChibiSailorMercury
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you had pushed her, she would gripe about that. This sounds like one of those no-win situations. You offered to set aside money if she would pick a subject and stick to it. But she never did. Sounds like now that your daughter is in school and she has a bit more time on her hands, she is feeling lost. Instead of doing something about it, she wants to make it your fault.
Trying to use the “bad at planning” is just as bad as a man who uses that as an excuse.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“This really sounds like a bizarre arrangement for a marriage. Honestly, if you feel you literally have to divide the money half and half and each endeavor is its own separate thing, you guys aren’t a partnership, then why did you or your wife do this?
I don’t think you’re a jerk for the particulars of the situation, but I can see the overall misery in your relationship. I wonder if the child was planned or you guys got pregnant and she didn’t want to terminate the pregnancy?
Because this sounds like 1) your wife taking out her deep regrets on you 2) you have a weird relationship with her if you’re allocating money and giving her an allowance like a child. You ARE controlling the spending, and it is not indicative of you seeing your marriage as a partnership.
Do you not see that? You’re allocating and budgeting the money. You’re saying half of my check goes to what YOU think, half of my check goes to what I think. You’re deliberately making sure there’s a half of money she doesn’t have access to and you’re the breadwinner.
You don’t respect this person at all, you clearly think she dropped out of school because she’s a person who wanted a baby. Which may be true. But that’s a weird perspective to have about your wife and child…not a happy one.
You wouldn’t use it as justification to not waste money on what you see as stupid ambitions Basically you’re not a jerk but what are you doing married if this is the type of agreement you feel the need to have..?” meeplewirp
10. AITJ For Wanting To Watch A PG-13 Movie On My Birthday Instead Of A Kid's Movie?
“My sister has 2 kids. Both under the age of 2. For my birthday, I wanted to go to the movies with my parents and sister, who of course, brought her kids.
My mom and I were deciding a movie for us to see. My mom wanted some kid’s movie because she thought that the babies would love it. I, however, told her that I didn’t want to see some kid’s movie and it was MY birthday, not theirs.
It’s not like I chose a super gruesome movie, it was PG-13!
I tried to explain that me choosing a movie for my nephew on MY birthday is like me demanding to watch a movie I want on HIS birthday. My mom didn’t like this, and she called me selfish and a “rude little girl” (I’m not little, I’m literally 15).
And she yelled at me and sent me to my room. Even though it was my birthday. If my nephew was older, like 6-10, I probably would’ve considered it. But he’s 2! It’s not like he’s going to remember it! But I don’t know, was I being selfish?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister needed to hire a sitter. It’s not a birthday gift for you if the movie you pick is for someone else. You know what’s selfish? Bringing your two children and expecting other people’s birthdays to revolve around them.
And frankly, I wouldn’t expect a two-year-old or younger to be able to sit through a movie in a theatre. Your sister has kids. YOUR life shouldn’t revolve around that.” Kettlewise
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your day, if they don’t want to do what you want then don’t go with them.
I would find a way to go with other people like friends who WOULD like to see what you choose (I took public transit at 15 before my car, but I don’t know how safe or accessible transportation is there). Happy Birthday and this thread can be a gift for you to show your family what jerks they are in this case (mom is ridiculous, and people who bring babies to movies are jerks because they tend to not be quiet and cry during loud scenes).” Piper6728
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your birthday. You should get to pick what you want to see. Your mom is a bit of a jerk here for not following through with the above. But your sister is the biggest jerk here I mean UGH. She took, not one, but TWO babies to the movies?
Like Tom Segura said, “If your reason for doing it is you couldn’t get a babysitter… Well you don’t get to go to the movies!”” [deleted]
9. AITJ For Telling My Brother He Won't Get Anywhere With His NFT Start-Up Plan?
“I (21F) overheard my brother (28M) ask our mom for funds to start his business, a really large sum. My mom was on the fence about this as it was a very large amount but he was assuring her that it was going to work and that it’ll give them lots of funds back.
My mom has a big soft spot for my older brother so she was actually talking about doing whatever she can to rake up the funds for him. I went into the room and asked him what it was for and he said it was for this “NFT start-up company” (???) he was making and that we should support him as he’ll be “making us rich”.
For some background info, my brother proudly identified himself as that one personality type (I don’t know I think it’s the entrepreneur or something I don’t know) and would always get into everyone’s business about their jobs and “suggest a better option” and when asked to do that himself, he says he’s “merely a mastermind” and that it’s not that easy to come up with ideas.
Basically, he just wants to boss us around. He also started “researching” (AKA TikTok videos that say they earned so much in like 3 days from playing NFT games) all about these NFT games and one time managed to get my entire family (including me) on board to play this FREE mobile NFT game religiously until we all just stopped playing it (also he stopped playing first).
After that, he started forcing my sister (23F) and me to start streaming games and do YouTube, etc, which we didn’t appreciate as my sister and I are fairly introverted and we weren’t comfortable in front of a camera, but my brother got so mad he said we were wasting an opportunity and when asked to do it himself, he’d make excuses (Story not really relevant but kinda shows his character better).
At present, I told our mom that she shouldn’t lend him anything and that he should just find a job. He basically blew up at me and said that we wouldn’t be “poor” if I didn’t take up nursing school (which my mom is helping pay for because she wants me to be a nurse) and that I was the reason for all the financial problems in the household.
I then told him that he’ll never get anywhere in life with his dumb mindset. Reminder, that he’s been unemployed for years. He stormed off and my mom argued with me that I shouldn’t have said that to my older brother, that I might’ve just got him insecure about being unemployed, and that we should just let him do what he wants at our expense, so she’s making me apologize.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for saving your mom from losing her savings. Your older brother just wants to get rich quick with no hard work. People that do start small businesses or startups that succeed and make people rich are the result of a lot of hard work and a lot of good luck and your brother sounds like he doesn’t have a work ethic at all.” housepage
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My brother (25) is also super into NFTs and cryptocurrency, but he supports his passion by having a 9-5 job – one that actually encourages his interests (he’s in digital marketing). NFTs and crypto have become catch-alls for people who claim to be entrepreneurs, but they’re crazy challenging fields that take a ton of research to be successful in.
I get the frustration you must be feeling seeing your brother essentially mooch off your mom for years and act like hot stuff. Asking for a huge loan on top of it? Maybe it wasn’t the nicest way to do it, but the man’s almost 30 and quite frankly, deserved to be put in his place.
I would’ve clapped if I saw it in person.” CoconutChai73
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You should inform your mom the vast majority of NFTS are scamming crimes. So sure, you could make something if you’re smart enough to scam people and not be scammed yourself, but you’re also likely to be behind bars for a while.
There are various YouTube channels that cover these schemes and the individuals currently getting arrested and charged.” icylotus
8. AITJ For Wanting To Stop Visiting My Toxic Half-Siblings?
“My (25f) parents divorced when I was a baby. I went to live with my dad and grew up having a good relationship with both parents. My dad never remarried but mum remarried to an absolute jerk. He’s abusive (physically and mentally), ignorant, racist…the list goes on.
Mum is from a pretty conservative culture and pressure from her peers and family prevented her from having a second divorce. Especially because her first divorce was considered to be over something “silly” by her community. She married my father when she was quite young and as time passed and she changed, she realised that they weren’t actually compatible.
She got a lot of hate about this and was shunned until she remarried.
Together, Mum and Jerk have 3 children, S (20f), S (19m) and D (11m). All of them are really mean and toxic (they seem to really take after their father). They have no idea how to behave in public and I feel embarrassed every time I visit them.
They swear loudly at each other, threaten to beat each other up and generally behave like total bullies. This is all in public by the way. Sometimes we’ll be out at a restaurant for example and they’ll behave like this.
They also discuss topics that I find cringy super loudly in public.
For example, they’ll show off how they spent x amount on clothes or shoes. They’ll make a point to let everyone know how much they spent or how much money they have.
I have tried for years to find some common ground with them.
My mum always tells me that they’re still young and they’ll grow out of it. She says that a lot of it is Jerk’s influence and he won’t have a hold on them forever. She’s kind of powerless and doesn’t get much of a say in how they are raised. It’s really sad but honestly, that’s a story for another time.
I’m really patient and try to ignore them when they’re rude to me. I try so hard to build a relationship with them but we genuinely have nothing in common. I feel absolutely drained after I hang out with them. They also make a point to make jokes about my dad’s ethnicity and remind me constantly that I’m not their real sister.
It has gotten to the point where I don’t even want to visit them anymore. This makes me super sad because I want a sibling relationship so badly.
WIBTJ if I stop visiting them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not visiting them would be one of the best things you could do for yourself.
You are getting nothing out of this except being embarrassed and treated badly. You can choose your family. They do not have to be blood. A friend can be like a sister or brother. Go no contact. You will be so much happier for it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you can spend time with anyone you want and refuse to spend time with anyone you want!! If they are draining you that much then feel free to save that energy for someone else.” Excellent_Care1859
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only one who gets to decide who is allowed in your space and your peace is you.
If not having them in your life is what you need to do to protect yourself, do it. They can reach out to you if they “grow out of it.” Speaking from personal experience, that’s unlikely at this point without major intervention or some life-altering experience.
I’m sorry you won’t have the sibling experience you want, but please quit putting yourself through this.” UngodlyTurtles
7. AITJ For Ignoring My Sister And Her Partner Who Lives With Us?
“My sister (20) has always known how to push my buttons. She’s younger than me (I’m 21) so my mother always says she is just “being your little sister and teasing you.”
But it’s not just teasing me, it’s insulting me and making jokes I hate and then getting mad when I’m upset saying I’m too politically correct/sensitive.
She argues we are in our own home and she’s allowed to say anything behind closed doors.
Whenever we have an argument she complains about me to her partner, which I understand is gonna happen but he lives with us so when she’s mad, he’s mad and I’m getting dirty looks in the living room, and when we eat dinner.
One time he got angry and stormed into my room to yell at me when I was on a call with my friend. I’ve never done that.
She’s very smart so argues with big words and so I don’t know how to respond.
There are some things I know how to do that she doesn’t but she refuses to let me help her even when I offer it and will immediately go to anyone else.
Right now she is upset with me because I am honest about how I do not like her partner and I don’t want to live with him.
I don’t like how he treats my cats. He doesn’t keep good hygiene, and moans while he eats. He’s like a child and refuses to sit down to eat and licks the food off the plate or his fingers. He even eats the tomato sauce in the ravioli can before it’s even cooked and sticks his hand into the pot of food he is cooking to eat it.
I will roll my eyes or get up and leave. I only get verbally mad when I see him swinging my cats around or being rough with them. I got mad at him for leaving the stove on and walking away from the food he was cooking and I yelled at him for standing behind my mom’s moving car.
I upset him one time cause he didn’t see me sleeping on the couch and he sat on my head accidentally which I immediately laughed and playfully said “you just sat on my head! You jerk!” And while I could have been super mean I just thought it was funny.
He apparently got so upset he cried to my sister cause I called him a jerk. My sister then yelled at me for doing it and told me to apologize. I didn’t.
After all this, I’ve decided to stop interacting with them if I don’t have to.
I ignore them both and If they do talk to me I just give short answers. It’s worked so far to avoid arguments but my sister is going to my mom now to complain about me not talking to her and claims I hate her.
She says I’m making her partner uncomfortable and I’m being mean to them for no reason.
I feel like I am doing what I need to do to be comfortable. But what do you think? Am I being the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ.
Do yourself a favor though. Next time he’s behind a moving car stay quiet. Seriously. He’s so unaware he sat on your head, you weren’t even angry and then HE cried! Wtf?! Is he 2? He is not a functioning adult, sounds like he was raised by wolves with no manners at all and to top that he barges into your room to yell at you?
What if you’d been getting dressed? Judging by everything that would have been your fault too!” sharri70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ he sounds like a nightmare. Next time he’s standing behind a moving car don’t say anything (just kidding). In all seriousness, you’re not the jerk for not wanting to interact with this man.
He seems insufferable and inconsiderate.” Pretty_Pen4851
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family lets him swing your cats around? You say your sister is smart but being smart is more than being eloquent. She’s being a little jerk and letting her partner mess with your cats for no reason.
That’s pretty stupid. They treat you like crap for no reason and your mom enables it. Don’t let them trick you into thinking this is ok or normal. They’re all toxic. And your sister will complain no matter what you do. Ignore them and avoid the headache.” GiveBirthSurfAndTerf
6. AITJ For Wanting My Mother To Return My Stolen Inheritance And Personal Belongings?
“My father’s dad passed away years ago (2010 or around) and when he passed he left all his grandchildren (10 total at the time) $16,000.
My mother and father had 3 of us at the time, my mother was the one who was in charge of our bank accounts. She took not only mine but my younger siblings’ money as well.
I didn’t find out until around last year when I went to access the account to see how much I had to see what I could use for college money and what I would save to get a house or apartment after school.
I found out she took all of it when we first got the money.
On top of this, she and her current husband currently live in my apartment which my grandmother had talked to her landlord to let me have once I was out of foster care facilities, which was when I graduated high school.
I was the one who let them live there, but it was only supposed to be for a year, it’s been 4 years now. And they have completely trashed the place.
On top of that, my mother owes me money I got while babysitting her friend’s kids ($200) and for one of my old phones I had sold to another friend of hers ($100).
Along with her just now (as of 4/9/22) took me off her food stamps. She also has a lot of my belongings and my social security card and birth certificate and gives me nonsense reasons on why she can’t mail them to me. (Doesn’t have the money, can’t find it) And her husband has taken two of my belongings.
But I feel like a jerk for wanting my stuff back and for wanting my money paid back.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I think you’re screwed anyway. Good luck getting any traction on the small stuff, and the 16k was taken while she was legally in control of it (you were under 18, parents and guardians can take your stuff).
That really sucks man. It is financial abuse, but I’m not sure you have any recourse. You should talk to a lawyer about this- bring any documents you have on the topic.” Arguablecoyote
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Go get your stuff from her house.
You can ask for a police escort if she won’t let you in willingly. You could also try to get official replacements for the documents. Then move on to pressing suit for your and your sister’s money from Grandpa. You may need to get a lawyer for this.
Having been in foster care might actually help as some transitional services may be available to you, like having legal representation. If you inherited the apartment where Mom and BF live, you also need to start legal eviction proceedings. Then you will have a place to live or to rent out to help with bills.
You are entitled to this. If you have difficulty getting papers from Mom from the will, trusts, etc., go through the county and through a lawyer. You can do this! Take your life back!!!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…you need to get this through your head you’re never getting a dime for anything…you can go to court and win and she will never pay you…in her mind, you owe her for breathing.
End of story. So chop it up to the game and move on…count your mom out as a loss and live your best life…either that or continue to argue and let her drag you down in the gutter with her…if you have papers on the apartment, evict her or let it go…let this be a lesson to you get everything in writing and when you make it in life leave a bonafide will not just word of mouth…also put money in an interest bearing trust account for specific people.
Never trust family with money it brings out the worst in them…they become savages…other than that if you can prove it’s yours lawfully then go get your clothes and gear. Tell them you want it or you gonna make a stink. It’s a gamble but it just depends on the way the wind blows and your mom and her dude sound like they have an issue you don’t wanna deal with walk away and start over.
Good luck.” HumbleBasis3603
5. AITJ For Leaving My Dad's Funeral Because I Didn't Want To Take Pictures?
“I (24F) was attending my soon-to-be (48M) father’s funeral with the rest of my family. When we got there we were flooded with people who were wanting to share their grief.
Some people brought gifts some didn’t and the day went on. But when it was almost time for us to go to the reception I saw my mom talking to my youngest brother. It looked like she was wiping his tears which at first seemed harmless, until she pulled her phone out and told him to smile then proceeded to snap a picture of my brother.
I was so confused and then I saw her flag me down and insist that I take a picture with the rest of my family by my dad’s ashes and motorcycle that he had previously owned. I kindly declined her offer and walked away.
When I arrived at the reception I again saw my mother taking pictures with my family.
Then she again asked if I wanted to take a picture with her. I declined her offer again and went to the bathroom to calm down so I wouldn’t flip out on my mother. Just as I was wiping the water off my face my mother walked in, she asked if she could talk to me.
She said that if I wasn’t interested in taking photos then what was the point in coming, that is where I had to draw the line.
I proceeded to yell at my mother saying how it’s not about taking pictures it’s about everyone getting together to mourn the loss of someone special. She ran off crying and I was so mad I got in my car and left. A few weeks later my family texted me and some said what I did was rude and mean, while others said what I did was completely okay.
So am I the jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are a lot of reasons that so many films and books take place during funerals because those times are TOUGH. Everyone is carrying so much and in such different ways. Some need it to be about them, some need to be distraught, some need to be super strong, and others just can’t.
Grieving is an intense and personal process. I am sorry for your loss. Your mother’s actions, picture taking, that is not how you grieve. That is understandable. I think that sometimes emotions run so high in these positions. Empathy is very difficult to add to the processing of such a huge life event.
People are on high alert and things that may seem so tiny at any other point feel so intense and huge. Take your time and be gentle with yourself. Take the time and space that you need. Process things and do what you need. Sometimes you have to just take care of yourself and that is ok.
This is difficult and there is no time limit on anything that you need to move forward. Don’t engage with your mother unless you want to. Nothing good will happen if she is defensive and reactive – even if you approach with good intentions – if you are not ready you do not need to go there.
This is hard! You are not the jerk. This stuff is NOT easy. Getting through the day is a win. You know what you need. You are doing it.” BoneBrothHustle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know your mom, but I do know grief makes people do some weird stuff.
She should have respected your stance on not being photographed at your dad’s funeral. I can understand why you snapped at her, you’re grieving too. Both of you deserve to mourn your loss in your own ways. Death sucks. I’m sorry your dad died.” UnderwaterAlly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. I’m sorry for your loss, I lost my dad seven years ago, and it still hurts. It’ll get better, I promise that. I could understand the mom for wanting pictures with family as it may be a way of her coping, but if people refuse, that is totally fine.
And if she’s doing it for social media… then I can go on about how that’s not okay. The way the mom went from crying to smiling and taking a photo and moving on was kind of odd to me as well. But I don’t know if she has done this before or not.
You are grieving your father’s passing, everyone there is, and every single person will have their own way of coping with the grief. I can completely understand you OP for not wanting any pictures, as I myself would probably want to focus on my dad and being with family and friends.
Then again, she’s coping too. But your mom became the jerk when she pushed the question multiple times, and pushed you to your limit in a very emotional situation. She should’ve stopped at the first no, at most the second no.” KingPiscesFish
4. AITJ For Returning The Puppy My Dad Got Despite Me Wanting A Cat?
“I (20F) live by myself at my dad’s house in CA. He works and lives in Dallas but flies over one weekend every month to hang out with my little sister (she lives with mom at mom’s house) and me.
Repeatedly for the past few months, I’ve been very clear that I can’t handle the responsibility of raising a puppy.
I’ve always said getting a cat would be better since they’re more independent and I work full time.
He visits this weekend and it’s Friday. He talks about getting a dog and I say no. On Saturday, he forced me to go visit a bunch of dogs to check them out and I kept on saying I wanted a cat instead.
He found a dog he liked and said he was getting it. I wasn’t thinking and got all excited with my little sister that night and thought of names for it. But then it dawned on me that I would be the only person cleaning, feeding, walking, and generally taking care of the dog since dad lives in Dallas and my busy sister lives with mom.
I texted my dad that night that getting the dog was a bad idea. I told him I might grow resentful of it. He said just give it two weeks. I said no. He said give it one day and I’ll take it back. I reluctantly said, “fine.”
Today was the day the dog came and I genuinely gave it a chance, but it didn’t even feel right to me. The dog was much happier at the rescue house because it was owned by a nice lady who kept the dogs warm, fed, and very socialized. Eventually, it was time for my dad to take the dog back and he was not very happy.
I feel bad but I don’t think it’s my fault. He never discussed the responsibilities associated with owning a dog with me. He also just assumed everything without researching. When I brought up that since I work full time the dog won’t have time for exercise he replied “just leave it in the backyard.” I researched it and it turns out that’s a horrible idea for a dog’s mental health.
Now I’m sitting here writing this at my kitchen table with all the would-be dog toys, treats, and leashes that say “I love my dog” feeling like a complete jerk. I think I’m not the jerk but my self-esteem is at an all-time low and I could use the reassurance.
But I’d rather have the truth over false reassurance.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you told your father multiple times you didn’t want a dog but would rather have a cat and still he got the dog. And who gets a dog to leave in the backyard?
That’s just disgusting to get a dog and ignore them. Get yourself a cat. I love cats and except for cleaning the litterbox and feeding them not much more you have to do except love them. I could not live without a cat and they are fine while you’re at work and you can even leave them for a weekend with lots of food and water down but no more than a few days.
Good luck.” krissyskayla1018
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Pets really shouldn’t be gifts. I respect you for being responsible and honest. Remember though that cats also require your time and care. Many people get cats thinking they are an “easy pet”, but many times they are doing just the bare minimum for them.
Most cats are fine with being alone throughout the day, but will still require exercise through play and interaction with their human family. Be sure to research the needs of a cat to make sure your cat has the best life you can provide. Good luck.” Few_Philosopher2039
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did great! You knew that you didn’t have the time and you researched the needs of a puppy. Your dad saw just his want and didn’t care about the puppy or you. They are living beings. To even say that a puppy should stay the whole day alone in the yard, how horrible.
And I bet he has no idea how much training they need and that they pee and poop everywhere in the beginning. He wanted a stuffed animal! Thank you for doing the best for the dog!” Sheeps_n_Birds
3. AITJ For Asking My Husband's Friend's Wife To Stop Visiting Him Uninvited?
“My husband’s primary residence is in Italy, mine is in the UK. On one of my trips to Italy, his housekeeper told me that the wife of my husband’s friend kept trying to visit him while I wasn’t there.
She said she came over every single day even though most days he wasn’t even home or was working from home so didn’t even say hello to her.
We went out together as a group, so I brought it up to her when it was just the two of us and asked her to stop.
I told her my husband doesn’t like being disturbed while he works so she should really arrange something instead of just turning up. She waved me off and acted like it was no big deal.
I asked her several more times to stop but she continued to do it the minute I was back in the UK every single time.
In the end, I was so fed up, I contacted her husband and asked him to tell his wife to stop. He wasn’t aware this was going on and said he would speak to her. His wife is now angry at me and is claiming I’m implying things about the type of woman she is.
She also said I was treating her like her husband’s property and I was pathetic for telling him instead of just admitting she made me insecure.
My husband is mostly indifferent but also told me I had caused chaos in their friendship group as everybody knows what’s going on and it’s causing a lot of gossip.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why are you talking to the woman? Talk to your husband. There are two possibilities here:
- He wants to see her. In which case, she’s coming by and it’s fine. Now if it’s not fine with you (if you think it’s inappropriate), you need to tell your husband this.
He’s the one who made you vows. Not some random woman. If your husband refuses to respect your wishes, then you have to analyze – are you being paranoid or is he being disrespectful? Therapy can come in handy here. In a healthy marriage, the partners should be able to communicate effectively.
- He doesn’t want to see her. In this case, you need to stay out of it. Your husband is a grown man. He should be able to fight his own battles. You should not be fighting them from another country. It sounds like he doesn’t support you anyway, since he seems to be blaming you for causing a scene.
Either way – you shouldn’t tell the woman. It’s not between you and her. It’s either between you and your husband OR between your husband and her. And yes, complaining to the husband of the woman is akin to treating her like the property of her husband.
You’re trying to get the husband to chastise his woman for her bad behavior. People who are married are still two separate people. Don’t forget that.” criticalgraffiti
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is chaos in the friend group and a bunch of gossip because this woman is way out of line.
Don’t sweat it. You did everything right. I also have no idea why so many people are accusing your husband of being in on this. Correct me if I am wrong, but the way I read things is she comes by every day you are away wanting to see your husband.
The housekeeper shoos this woman away because he is either not there or working and doesn’t want to be bothered. The woman leaves, and your husband isn’t always informed she stopped by and carries on with his day. Your housekeeper knowing this woman is up to no good tells you and your husband when you are both together.
Then after you tell the husband your husband is indifferent and passive because he maybe doesn’t see things as a big deal because she never gets past the front door, but tells you his friend group is going nuts over this. He doesn’t blame you are shame you for it but keeps you in the loop.
He maybe he’s even like look at this nonsense. If this is even a remotely accurate breakdown don’t let others get in your head about your husband and keep living your best life.” wilie345
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You spoke to her like an adult and gave her the courtesy of asking her to stop.
She dismissed your request at the moment and, as you didn’t mention it, I assume she didn’t make near-daily trips to your Italian home when you were also there. Only after you were gone did she outright ignore your request, and continue as before.
Add onto that her reaction to your speaking to her husband, and those do not seem like the actions of an innocent woman. It is weird, however, that you needed to handle this. Once you spoke to your husband and he realized how often she was randomly dropping by, he should have been the one to tell her to stop.
And if she continued her behaviors, he should have been the one to speak to her husband. I think it’s entirely possible that he was completely ignorant of her bizarre behavior, but once he knew about the behavior and you expressed how uncomfortable it made you (if he didn’t realize how weird it is, on his own) he should have been the one to handle it.” FilteredRiddle
2. AITJ For Leaving The Hospital After My Husband Called For His Mom Post-Surgery?
“My husband (31) was in the hospital for a surgery that involved anesthesia.
His mom came to wait with me there but didn’t speak to me because we had been having some minor disagreements. She offered me coffee but I declined politely.
Hours after the surgery, we were told only one person could go into the room for the day since he was still under anesthesia.
From what I understand he woke up calling for his mom, the nurse asked for his mom to go in and she did. I was irritated and felt like all this waiting and stressing out got ignored. The nurse told me that he was still not fully awake and was repeatedly calling for his mom spontaneously, she was basically hinting that I shouldn’t get worked up over a natural reaction from my husband but I couldn’t help but feel irked. I wanted to go home so I left 10 minutes later.
His mom called saying she got out of the room after I left so I could get time with him but instead I couldn’t wait and went home. She said this was not okay and I flew off the handle for no reason, I said that her son acted like I wasn’t there but she said that he can not be blamed for something he can’t control and I’m just being unfair to him and putting blame on him because of a disagreement between her and me.
I cut the conversation short after I sensed that she somehow blamed me for being unacknowledged and ignored. Her husband texted later saying I’m being hostile over nothing and that I should focus on my husband’s health instead of acting petty but I don’t think I did anything that qualifies as petty.”
Another User Comments:
“You should be ashamed of how you acted. The nurse was absolutely right. I have literally had surgery, while married to my HUSBAND, and I woke up calling out for my mother. I have no relationship with my mother. She has destroyed most major events in my life, including the police called on my wedding day because of her, and forced me to spend my wedding night sleeping in my and my husband’s marital bed with her because she was trashed, and my husband slept on the sofa.
I don’t even remember calling for her. I’ve heard people not even remembering they’re married when they wake up. Some people haven’t even recognized their actual parents. Your concern for your husband was completely overridden by childishness and selfish pettiness. You left your husband in a hospital because he called out for his mom.
Please, please reevaluate how you look at things. YTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I noticed that you never stated your age or how long you’ve been married… You know you messed up. Your husband could have been calling for the Queen of England and he’s never going to remember doing it.
Please chill… your mother-in-law offered you a cup of coffee and instead of taking her up on it and discussing your anxiety, you played the petty card. Your problem is you. Please seek out some professional help… you need to learn how to deal with basic life events.
Yes, in this situation, YTJ.” OhioGirl22
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’m a nurse anesthetist and: 1. people have no idea what they say when they wake up from anesthesia and even a pretty while after 2. It’s perfectly normal and fine for patients to call for their moms when they feel sick, are in pain, etc. Dying patients usually call for their mothers, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that since our mothers are (usually) the ones taking the most care of us and we all carry them deeply in our hearts.
So yeah, you have no right to be upset and act childish about this, and yeah, YTJ.” nNeuroticMonkey
1. AITJ For Wanting To Cut My Unsupportive Ex Out Of Our Unborn Child's Life?
“A guy (30) meets a girl (29). They fall in love and the guy promises her the world. She gets pregnant and suddenly it’s only her responsibility to raise the baby.
So at the moment, I am halfway through my pregnancy. He never came to any ultrasounds, never asked how the baby was doing.
Refuses to pay for anything. Doesn’t take the parental leave because it means that he has to tell work that he got his ex-partner pregnant.
I told him a few weeks ago that he could go and live life like nothing happened but I will ask for alimony because he needs to take responsibility in some way and that he could never ever come back.
He decided that he somewhat wants to be in her life but doesn’t want to make concrete decisions.
But now I had my last ultrasound and saw her little fingers and feet and feel like he doesn’t deserve to meet her or be in her life.
I paid everything for her, I am the only one worried about health scares. I was already struggling with different things during pregnancy and he only made it harder and the worst thing is him hiding the baby from everyone in his life like my child is some dirty thing to be ashamed of.
Basically, he is saying I won’t do anything for this baby but I am just going to visit a few times to see if I like the vibe.
WIBTJ to tell him that he will never meet her.”
Another User Comments:
“As a single mother who has done everything by myself, I think it’s best to let your child decide the relationship they want to have with their father.
I went through similar with my own father and ultimately decided at 18 I wanted nothing else to do with him and cut him off and I’m thankful to my mother for allowing me to make that choice. Sometimes people can change for the better.
I know it’s not fair but I’d give him the choice to be there. Although I don’t agree with you cutting him off I still can’t definitively say YWBTJ because I know how it is being in a situation like that.
It’s heartbreaking.” ThingExpensive5116
Another User Comments:
“OKAY … I get your feelings. And I do not like his behavior. BUT.. at the end of this equation is a child. This child will become a teen, eventually an adult. At some point, the dad question will come up.
Now, if the child is a young teen, your explanation will suffice, or at least it could potentially be. BUT … the dad question has a way of popping up twice. Usually, the second time happens when your child is more mature and has different needs.
That would be about the time when your first explanation might still garner you sympathy but the child will feel like her chance to have a dad got stolen.
1. He has legal rights, so do you, but so does he. You cannot just say, pay, but don’t come knocking, even if he might deserve it.
So.. the odds of the dad question only popping up twice are already slim.
2. His behavior is immature but there is a fundamental difference between men and women. You – having that child inside your womb – have no escapist route to postpone figuring it all out.
He does. He is making poor choices that you are entirely entitled to make him regret right now…but that does not mean, he will not come around.
3. I get it, you want to protect your kid from disappointment. But denying her a chance to get to know her dad is the wrong move because eventually, the kid will make its own decisions…and they might lead to your choices now backfiring.
Instead of saying “You will never meet her” use the legal route to control visitation times and custody.
You might be right, he might turn out to be a deadbeat, and he might shape up and need to make amends for that happening a bit late later.
You do not know that yet. So yeah, YWBTJ, go the legal route and keep tight reins, but do not make it zero access just yet.” GrassTerrible5262
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mom faced a similar situation when pregnant with me. She decided to let my bio father in my life.
She always made sure I was safe (as he was an abusive man). But at the age of 10, he told me “I don’t want you and I’m signing my rights away. I don’t love you”. Those words I’ll never forget. And then the next 4 years I was forced to visit due to the laws here in the US (he wanted control and fear and how he did it was “fight” for custody).
Those 4 years are traumatic for me and I often can’t remember much from 10-14 due to my body going into survival. At 14, he had a severe incident and died. I was heavily conflicted about his death. But he had another daughter, my little sister, who’s 8 years younger than me and I have a relationship with.
She was taken away from him as a baby and doesn’t remember him. Her mom remarried and that man claimed me and my sister as his daughters and for a long time she thought he was her “real” dad. (I say “real” because he may not be bio but he raised her and to me, that’s more real.) She is now at the age of she wants to know her bio father.
I have never sheltered her from what he did to me, my mom, or her mom. But I don’t fault her for wanting to know him at all. I just break a little because she will have these questions maybe for life. I sometimes consider myself lucky because I’m not left with those questions.
But at the same time, I’m left with trauma (that I have worked through and use to help teach others what harmful substances do to families from the kid’s perspective).” Brown-eyed-otter
Metaspoon Slow or Crashing?
If Metaspoon is causing your browser to crash or run slowly, please try viewing the article in Lite Mode and it should run more smoothly!