People Feel Fraught About These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Kicking Out My Ungrateful Brother To Protect My Family?
“So I had to tell my brother he couldn’t stay with me anymore today. He’s not on my lease and I have to look out for my kids first at least that’s what I was always raised to do.
Anyway, he wants me to be his caregiver with VA so we were all looking to rent a house together but we got denied because of his maxed-out credit cards. We were still looking for a place but my husband works at a university and has all the same breaks without pay so we asked my brother to help us in the meantime while we all looked for something else.
Doing that was like pulling teeth without being numb. He laughed in my husband’s face and told me he didn’t have much to help with because he needed to pay down his cards. Ok fine, so we asked him to just help out with food and household stuff like laundry soap, etc. He finally did at least that much after 3 months of footing the bill for all of us.
He still hasn’t bothered to put the money on his cards. He’s been spending $200 and up a meal even when we have food at home. After all that he started having a problem with my husband and I supporting each other as a couple. We’ve been married for 13 years now.
Then he started doing everything he could to keep me from doing my homework and even started slamming doors and yelling at everyone when I told him I had too much calculus homework to do what he wanted all the time and taking things as far as threatening me saying I better get him a rockstar too and destroying traditions with our oldest friend.
He also started telling my kids when I’m not around that he’s paying all of our bills when we’ve been paying everything this whole time and calling the few things he did buy his and not the household, and to top it off I have to follow him around like a toddler cleaning after him.
I finally told him he can’t stay here anymore because my apartments are having a problem with him being here and I can’t risk losing my home for my kids. He has a place he can go besides his car, where my husband, children and I do not but now he’s trying to guilt trip me saying how he doesn’t want to live in his car and what is he supposed to do then and just really laying it on thick and trying to not leave my home at all.
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“He’s a grown man and can figure things out on his own. He created this mess of a life, so he needs to figure out how to get himself out of it. Not your monkey. -and he wouldn’t help you, so why would you waste another dollar or minute on his ungrateful self?” Legal-Lingonberry577
Another User Comments:
“The VA offers rental and housing assistance and other benefits to get your brother out of the situation he’s in. But, he is not being practical. He has issues and he has to step up for himself and get professional help. You and your husband can’t force him to do that.
You’ve helped him as much as you can and now that he’s being toxic towards your kids, he has crossed a line. It’s time to refocus on your family and move on. NTJ.” shuckyducked
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. You’ve been more than patient and generous, but he crossed the line into entitlement.
Your priority has to be your family’s stability. Don’t let his guilt trips manipulate you; he’s created this mess for himself. Stand firm and prioritize your kids.” dorothyjackson47h62
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Give Up My Concert Seat For My Friend's Partner?
“I (24F) bought two tickets to a concert and I invited my friend (23F) to see it with me free of charge since we both like the artist and she’s taken me to concerts for free before.
I texted my friend a couple of times over a few weeks asking if she wanted to go to the concert with me, with no response. My friend has a pattern of not responding to messages/calls and being generally unreliable, so it’s not unusual for her to take months to reply.
I considered giving her ticket to someone else but ultimately decided against it in case my friend did end up wanting to go. I purchased the tickets in July and finally in September my friend responded and said she was in for the concert, so I was glad I didn’t give her ticket away.
Flash forward a few weeks to now and the concert is this weekend, just a few days away. I texted my friend earlier this week to confirm the plans. A couple of days later she responded by asking if her partner could come and if she could buy her a seat next to ours.
I said “Of course!” but was skeptical since I purchased our original two tickets months ago and seats were selling fast back then, so I didn’t think there would be a seat close to us available less than a week from the concert. But I trusted the process.
Lo and behold, there were no seats available next to the original two I purchased. My friend managed to find and purchase a seat in the same section, but it was 8 rows down from our original two seats. My friend then suggested that I give my seat to her partner so they could sit together while I sat by myself in the seat 8 rows down.
To that, I said, “If I wanted to sit by myself I would’ve only bought one ticket lol”. We went back and forth a little bit about how I thought the partner shouldn’t come if we can’t all sit together and how my friend had already spent the money for her ticket so she was coming.
I admit that I escalated things and got petty, but I was already frustrated that this was happening days before the concert when I’d been trying to plan this for months. I ended up saying something to the effect of “If you’re too insecure to spend one night away from your partner then maybe you both should stay home and I’ll ask someone else to go with me.” Not my finest moment, but honestly it’s how I feel.
I should’ve just asked someone else to go from the start, but I wanted this fun night with my friend. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry, your friend is such a PITA. You bent over backwards for her and she pushed you past your limit.
Ironically she probably can’t buy a ticket near her partner now anyway, though she may be able to resell it. It’s pretty clear it’s time to ask someone else and move on, permanently.” Short-Sleeves
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She is using you for a free ticket so she can go to the concert with her other friend (romantic partner IDK?).
I think you should have texted her to never mind, you’ll go with someone else after several weeks had passed with no communication. She doesn’t value you as a friend.” Gorilla1969
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stop playing this game with your friend. If she can’t get back to you and commit to something within a reasonable time frame *beforehand* (getting tickets and waiting 2 months for a response, is not reasonable) make your plans without her.
Also, stop waiting weeks for her to reply to basic questions. Expecting you to go solo to the concert so she can have a date night with her partner, partially on your dime is ridiculous.” Anxious-Routine-5526
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Spend My Mom's Death Anniversary With My Half-Siblings Who Seem Glad She's Dead?
“My mom passed away almost a year ago. She had cancer for 3 years. Her passing was hard for me (16f) but what made things even worse was I felt like my half-siblings (23 and 25) were giddy about the fact mom had passed away.
She was their stepmom for 20 years. They lost their mom 13 years ago and I know how much they still miss her. They would always get really on edge on the anniversary of her passing. I even saw them cry a few times. They never liked me seeing that though and would tell me to get lost.
My half-siblings used to blame my mom for their mom’s passing. They’d say it should have been mom instead of their mom. I get that they were kids so I’m not going to say I hate them for feeling that way. But I think that animosity for my mom living longer than theirs stayed. I remember they never came to see my mom when she was sick and they weren’t here when she passed away and when they showed up they seemed so happy.
They acted like it was no big deal. I could hear them laughing and giggling while Dad and I were going through funeral plans. A couple of relatives said it seemed so disrespectful for them to be so joyful around us and how could they not hold it in given Dad and I had lost Mom?
Others thought they should at least look like they cared a little. But then I also heard them laugh off someone who tried to offer them sympathy at the funeral saying mom wasn’t anything to them and they didn’t care.
A few weeks after the funeral they had taken down all traces of mom from their places and they were warning him they had photoshopped her out of photos they posted online because now she’s gone they can make them look like they wanted. Dad was so hurt and they argued.
But now Dad is trying to talk them into joining “us” for her anniversary coming up. They already said no and said they have nothing to grieve and they don’t miss her. But Dad still wants us to be together as a family. I told him I wouldn’t be there if they were.
I’m not about to spend the day with people who seem like they’re glad Mom’s dead. I said she isn’t their mom but she is mine and I love and miss her and don’t want to be around people who show so much joy that she’s gone.
Dad told me he needed me and we should all be together but I said no to that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad needs to stop trying to build a “family” and move on with the actual family he has left. Are they your dad’s bio kids and their mom was his 1st wife?
Do they blame your mom for breaking up their family? Whatever the circumstances, they are old enough to stop behaving like this. And your dad needs to accept that your mom’s memory and your comfort and mental health will not be served by these two being at the anniversary.
If anything, they should not even be told about when and where the event is happening.” Several_Essay_7028
Another User Comments:
“No, disregard those jerks. You and your dad should spend the day together and they can go away and do their own thing. Hold your ground, reiterate that they are HAPPY that your mum passed away and you will not spend that day with them.
Either you and your dad can spend the day together, or he can spend the day with them, he can’t have both. They’ve made it clear they aren’t interested so ask him to drop it. If he keeps pushing and makes them come, make your plans with other family members or friends.
NTJ” GreenTeaShaman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Tell your dad, *'”I think you and I need each other on this anniversary, but we do not need your other kids here to demean Mom on that day. If forcing them to be with you on that day is more important to you than (1) my being with you and (2) you and I being able to remember Mom without their glee at her passing; then you focus on making them spend the day with you.* *My focus is on remembering Mom.
Accept that you can’t have everything you want and decide – spend the day focused on me and Mom or spend the day focused on your other kids.*” User
19. AITJ For Confronting My Best Friend's Husband About His Drinking And Neglect?
“My (31F) best friend (31F) since college is married to a guy (35M) whose life revolves around their college’s college football team and from my view getting intoxicated. They are married with 2 kids and I get the vibe that he isn’t helpful.
He spends every Saturday tailgating all day and then going to the game. This is a 12-hour day that he is away from his wife and kids. She goes to every game, but it’s less than half the time he spends.
We were talking and this last game and apparently he had friends in town that he hadn’t seen in a long time and got very intoxicated. He was loud, and obnoxious the whole time.
He went out that night too and left her to parent both kids by herself.
She is still breastfeeding so she doesn’t drink right now and it seemed like she was frustrated with him. I’ve never really liked him and I always thought he was not great for her or nice in general. Following social media, this has been something he has been doing for years.
I went to the tailgate once, and I found it to be a miserable experience. He was intoxicated and yelling this and that.
I reached out to him. Sent him a DM on Instagram outlining my issues with him and said he needed to be better.
The gist was that he needed to sober up and start planning your life around the kids and not his stupid sports team. He blocked me.
That night my best friend calls me and asks what I’m doing. I told her that I was trying to give him a wake-up call.
That he needs to get his stuff together or you guys won’t last. I said I could tell you were frustrated with him. She said she was frustrated, but one of the friends he hadn’t seen in 5 years at least. She said that he was up at 6:30 am helping with the kids despite being out till 1 AM.
She says my message has caused a big fight and she is mad at me. Says her husband is great with the kids and only drinks on Saturdays with friends. She said she likes going to football games (which I don’t believe), and I explained that I was trying to help her out.
I told her to wake up that this wasn’t a good relationship for her. She called me a jerk. She blocked me on social media. Every time I call, she won’t answer and texts back that we have a lot to talk about but first I owe her husband an apology.
I’m not going to do that. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely YTJ. You “spoke up for her” when she: 1. didn’t have a problem. 2. didn’t ask you to. 3. didn’t want you to. 4. didn’t agree with with you. 5. was not informed about it. To be clear, even if you are 100% correct about the dude, you would still be a jerk – You instigated a fight between her and her “intoxicated and obnoxious” husband without warning her and left her to handle the fallout alone.” Impossible_Rain_4727
Another User Comments:
“Of course YTJ, not sure why you had to ask. You know very little of what their marriage is like. And you don’t believe she enjoys football games??? Women can enjoy football too, I always watch my college team’s games, and my husband isn’t into football.
I am hoping this story is fake because, even from your point of view, it doesn’t paint you in a good light at all” NotUntilTheFishJumps
Another User Comments:
“YTJ This isn’t your marriage, and it isn’t your business. Your friend didn’t ask you to stick your nose in, nor did she share anything concerning where you might think this was an emergency.
Being frustrated with your spouse is something that happens even in the healthiest marriages from time to time, and it isn’t a cause for concern. YOU have issues with her husband. That doesn’t mean she does. And you stick your nose into her marriage creating a pointless fight over things you care about but she is fine with it.
If you think she’s not in a good relationship, then you come *to her* to speak your concerns. Going to him instead was out of order.” CrewelSummer
Another User Comments:
“My husband was a HUGE football fan. Every Sunday during football season was devoted to NFL and pre-and post-game activities.
I’m a football fan too, and enjoyed game day more often than not. But I didn’t necessarily want every Sunday devoted to that one activity. BUT – football season, even college football, doesn’t last for 12 months out of the year. It’s TEMPORARY. And like OP’s husband, my husband was on the job by 7;00 the next morning, usually taking our daughter to daycare on his way.
And, he was the absolute best father in the world I could have ever picked for our daughter. So, yeah – YTJ, YTJ, and, um…oh yeah, YTJ” Beneficial-Way-8742
18. AITJ For Giving My Mom The Silent Treatment After She Threw Away My Partner's Gifts?
“I (19 F) told my mom that I’m bisexual and have a partner (19 F) over 2 years ago. She told me straight away it would be hard for her to accept it and that I “shouldn’t expect her to do it” (my whole family is Christian and conservative btw).
At first she would barely speak to me, but at some point it got quite “normal” again. However, from that point on it was only getting worse and worse. Now, we fight about it all the time, mostly because she keeps disrespecting my partner, literally forbidding her to come to our house, saying that she manipulated me into this relationship and that she’s a “bad influence” (because I started to defend my partner and myself, which she considered disrespectful and said it’s “something she would never do to her mother” whatever that means).
She even implied that I leave my partner or “give myself a chance to meet some guy”. She’s extremely ashamed of me and my “lifestyle” and she’s paranoid about anybody finding out about my relationship. She doesn’t want to hear or see anything that even slightly reminds her that I have a partner.
But when I went to college things started to escalate. My mom got mad at me for decorating MY apartment with pictures of me and my partner, implying I did it “on purpose to make her upset”. That was just too much for me to take in at the time, so I stopped calling her and started avoiding her as much as I could because I felt uncomfortable in her presence.
Now we can talk about the main issue of this post. Recently my mom did something even more disrespectful. She threw away a collection of paper flowers my partner has been giving me since we started seeing each other (so for about 2.5 years). I got furious, to which she responded that they were “ugly anyway” and that there was no space in the bags to transport them to my new apartment, so she just threw them away.
Now I’m not talking to her at all and pretending like she doesn’t exist and my dad is upset with me. He said she didn’t know I wanted to keep the flowers and that it was my fault for not calling her after leaving for college.
Everyone acts like I’m overreacting because of something irrelevant, but for me, it was the most disrespectful thing my mom did to me (so far because I expect there will be more). I don’t want to talk to her unless she TRULY apologizes, even though I know she won’t because she’s narcissistic and my whole family is going to blame me for holding a grudge against her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and if you’re financially independent from them I would cut them off for at least the next couple of years. I would only consider rebuilding a relationship AFTER that minimum period if they truly apologize and start to show real support.” inscrutable-jane
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- she was very disrespectful. I’m tired of hearing because she is Christian she can’t accept me. It has nothing to do with being a Christian. Christians love and accept people for who they are and are not judgmental. I’m a Christian and I would never treat anyone like your mother did.
I have several people in my family who are gay. I love them and their partners as long as they spread love and not spread hate.” mackeyca87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m so sorry she threw those away that are so over the line, although it’s clear she’s passed it many times.
I hate to tell you this but she is only going to get worse, especially as your relationship with your partner progresses. If you’re able, please at least go low contact, and make sure anything else that’s valuable to you at their house is with you.
You deserve so much better than this. I put up with my family’s stuff when I came out as bi, and I still regret not saying anything.” sage_646
17. AITJ For Heating Up Noodles Instead Of Eating My Mom's Food?
“So I (23 F) got some egg fried rice takeout on Friday night, and I had it in the fridge till Sunday. I excitedly told my mom (51 F) I was going to heat it, and she flipped. She took the takeout from my hands and said it was bad and threw it out.
If she had told me to save it for dinner and eat her lunch, I would’ve been okay and honestly would’ve forgotten about having takeout by then. So I got some noodles, heated them, and said her food’s worse than the noodles.
Now I’m gonna be blunt, I don’t like 80% of the food my mom cooks, and she isn’t a fan of being in the kitchen.
She knows she’s not the best chef. I eat things out of respect for putting in the effort and time, not out of taste. I’ve suggested some easy-to-cook tasty foods, but she doesn’t take those suggestions. She cooks what she likes, and I get that the chef should have first choice, but our taste buds are opposites.
She’s picky af and hates everything I like tbh.
Before you say, OP you’re 23 and living at home, just go get your own place and eat what you want. I’m not in the position to do this, still finishing college, and we get along like 90% of the time.
To be fair, she’s menopausal and going through some mood swings, so I try my best to respect this too, as it’s already hard enough for her.
But I am a foodie. I like to eat what tastes the best. I am not picky and love to experiment with different cultures’ foods.
I also don’t waste my food, which she’s really bad about. She’ll throw out meals for the smallest issues or just because it’s more than a day old. I remember our days of being poor and only having the luxury of smelling good foods walking by.
Or on field trips, wouldn’t eat at places/just drink water. Or during MS when my bully kept taking my lunch money, so I’d skip meals and sit in the bathroom.
I live by “I’m here for a good time, I don’t care if it’s a long time or not.” Every Friday, we eat together as a family, my mom, dad, and me.
Today she told me she doesn’t even like those times of eating out and that that food sucks. I started the Friday tradition and picked up the tab, and randomly during the week she’d ask me to order takeout for her, and I did. I don’t care about that.
But it’s kinda flipping the switch to ask me to order takeout and then say it sucks.
I think I’m the jerk for retaliating and heating noodles to express frustration. But my mom has randomly turned into a controlling health freak.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for eating your meal instead of the one she prepared. When you don’t like what’s on the table, that’s completely reasonable.
She isn’t wrong about specifically the fried rice potentially being bad, rice doesn’t get as long as other foods before it harbors some really bad stuff, but she is wrong to take it FROM YOUR HANDS and toss it out when you were okay with that risk.
Throwing away leftovers on the 2nd day is very strange of her regarding all the other types of meals, especially if your family has been food insecure before, that’s just an opposing behavior from reality, I couldn’t fathom what she’s thinking. But don’t insult her cooking if she’s argumentative over the noodles, that’s the only area you could’ve softened your response a bit.
Just say something like “I would’ve preferred fried rice, so these imitation Ramen noodles are the closest I’ll get to Asian food tonight,” and leave her cooking out of it. Then she isn’t insulted, but she can think about her actions and how she can consider what you want in the future.” Miserable-Act9020
Another User Comments:
“The normal guide gives four to six days to eat cooked rice so long as it’s been stored in a fridge that’s 40 degrees Fahrenheit or cooler, and never left out for more than two hours (or at most one hour on particularly hot days).
However, you don’t know when the rice was first boiled or how it was stored before it became your fried rice so better to err on the side of caution rather than an unpleasant day glued to the toilet.” No_Noise_5733
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Your mum was wrong to chuck it but you sound insufferable. “I’m a foodie”, “I can’t move out I’m in college”. Sounds like you’ve been coasting along in a very privileged life, and your mum has had enough of it and your bs excuses.” Colton-Landsington86
16. AITJ For Leaving My Overly-Attached Sister With Our Grandparents To Hang Out With Friends?
“Last weekend my parents went to a wedding and left me (16m) and my sister (11f) with our grandparents.
My parents wanted us to come with them and my sister wanted to go to the wedding and get dressed up and stuff. But my sister isn’t known for behaving well and the friends who were getting married didn’t want her there as a result.
So my parents were in a bad mood and my sister was upset.
My parents coddle my sister a lot. She acts childish because she’s treated like one by them. They make me act like it too. I’m supposed to be “soft and caring” with her.
They’ll make me do stuff with her because she wants to and it doesn’t matter what I’m doing. They interrupted me during homework to go to drive with her and mom to her extracurricular activities because my sister wanted me in the car. They make me give her hugs if she wants them even if I don’t.
I have to hold her hand if she wants to hold mine. They took the lock off my door at home so I’d need to let her sleep in my room if she wanted to. Stuff like that is normal for us. And saying no doesn’t do anything.
My grandparents have said they go too far as well. But my parents brushed it off.
My sister doesn’t like sleeping anywhere but in our house. So she hated the idea of going to our grandparents. And yeah, we’d have stayed at a hotel if we joined our parents for the wedding so don’t ask me how that would have worked. But after our parents dropped us off my sister was super clingy with me and she wanted us to do stuff together the entire day and be home with her to put her to bed. My grandparents knew my friends wanted to meet up so they gave me money and sent me out for the day (and until late that night).
My sister begged me not to go. She cried and threw a fit and continued after I left. When I got home she still wasn’t asleep but my grandparents made sure I could stay in “my room” alone and let me lock it.
My parents were so upset when they picked us up and my sister was still upset and my grandparents told them (our parents) they should be ashamed for letting it get that bad.
My parents told me I should be ashamed for leaving my sister in distress like that and where was my love for my baby sister, with a strong emphasis on the baby part?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and good for your grandparents for getting you some breathing room to hang with friends, and sleep alone (seriously, what on earth is with that??).
Your parents refuse to listen to your grandparents, unfortunately, and I doubt they’d allow you to live with your grandparents either. I would try to spend as much time there as possible since they’ll give you a break from your “baby” sister. How is your sister ever going to be a functional adult when they treat her, and you, like this?
You are not your sister’s emotional support human, and they are all gonna get a rude awakening in a couple of years when you move as far as you can away from them.” Llama-no_drama
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know about Child Protective Services where you live, but where I am, your parents would be in serious trouble for allowing you and your sister to share a room.
At a minimum, the lock to your room must be replaced. All educators are mandated reporters, so I would suggest telling a guidance counselor or a trusted teacher what is going on with the lock on your bedroom door and your sister’s easy access.
This should launch an investigation, and you can bring up other problems you’ve encountered as well.” Humble-Network5796
15. AITJ For Speaking My Native Language With My Parents In Front Of My English-Speaking Wife?
“I have always talked to my parents in our first language, although they are fluent in English.
My wife does not speak that language. When we are all together and talking, the conversations are in English. But let’s say my mom wants to tell me something directly, like “can you go over there and bring me that”, she says it in our first language, because habitually that’s how we always talked. I also respond in our first language.
My wife mentioned she finds this rude because if there is a common language we all know, and she is in the room, we should exclusively speak in that language. My mother in law added to that saying that otherwise one would assume you are talking about them.
Without arguing with my MIL, I told my wife that because you feel left out of the conversation that is reason enough for me to speak English as much as I can, but the first language still comes out from time to time, because again for 30 years that’s how I spoke to my parents.
However, it seems completely ridiculous to me that if we talk in another language, the first assumption is we are talking about you. I feel like that’s a trust issue, in that you don’t trust, wouldn’t talk about you behind your back.
Also, I would add I do always translate what was just said, if it was not said in English. And when my parents are talking to both of us or her they speak in English, we all do.
Anyways, fast forward and when my wife talks to her family she always talks on video call, and so I can hear everything.
I still do my thing and don’t really listen unless I’m a part of the conversation. When I talk to my family on the phone, I don’t use video call or put it on speaker and I talk in our first language.
She again told me that’s rude and I’m not being inclusive. But when I talk on speaker, she really just listens to the conversation and doesn’t converse.
So I told her basically 4 things:
1. That I don’t understand, does she want me to just never speak to my family in the first language again.
2. I am trying to speak in English as much as possible and have been doing more so slowly, but it’s a habit and it’s hard to break, I don’t mean to be rude.
3. I think it’s completely unfair to ask me we are talking about you unless we talk in English.
4. I don’t think it’s rude objectively, but I’m still trying to change it since she feels excluded
This led to a circular argument, where she just kept calling my behavior and my parents’ rude.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you and your family share a language that is how you’ve communicated most of your lives.
Why shouldn’t you speak it with one another? Your wife is the jerk here. She’s paranoid and insecure, thinking everything spoken in another language is about her. Why does she not trust what your folks and you are saying to each other? And why doesn’t she take some language classes and learn the language of her husband and his family?
Even just the basics. That would show so much respect for you and your cultural roots!” profmoxie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your wife that as a native English speaker she isn’t entitled that everyone on earth should speak English when she’s there, even more so in their own house. What is rude to me is that your wife never put some efforts to learn your native language to be able to hold some basic conservation with your family.
What is rude is telling people they should speak English when she’s there, even if doesn’t concern her, because she’s too lazy to learn their language in the first place. If she wants to feel included in your conversations, she’s free to learn your native language.
I’m sure you’ll gladly help her get some basic skills. It’s not like she doesn’t have the opportunity to learn… If she doesn’t want to make the effort then she only has to blame herself.” Timely3809
Another User Comments:
“You talk to your parents in your first language because it’s a cultural norm and a way to connect with them.
You’ve been making an effort to use English when you’re all together and even translate when needed. That shows you’re trying to include your wife.” SharonJohnson83
14. AITJ For Wanting To Announce My Pregnancy At My Birthday Party With My Ex Present?
“I (F30) and my fiancé (M31) recently found out that we’re expecting! We’re super excited, but as private people, no one outside of our immediate families will know this is my second pregnancy—my first ended in miscarriage. Out of a mix of anxiety and caution, we’ve decided to wait until after my anatomy scan (which is the week before Christmas) to announce it publicly.
Every year, I host a big gathering for Christmas and my birthday, since they’re a day apart. Friends fly in, and it’s the one time my divorced parents can stand being in the same room together. Since my scan is right before the party, and I should be starting to show, I’m thinking about using the “birthday” part of the evening to announce the pregnancy.
Here’s where the maybe jerk comes in—my ex (M32) will likely be there. We’re still “friends” because he’s close to a lot of my social circle, and we try to be civil. My fiancé and ex were friends for over a decade before things went south.
The TLDR of that was:
* My ex and I were in a relationship on and off for a year. It wasn’t great—he was controlling and obsessed with the idea that I’d “cuck” him if I did anything without him.
* Several months after our final breakup, my fiancé and I started seeing each other.
* My ex demanded my fiancé choose between their friendship and me. My fiancé chose me.
* My ex then spread rumors that we were unfaithful. We lost a lot of friends, and the ones who stayed neutral are why he’s still at gatherings—if they’re invited, excluding him feels awkward.
Even though my fiancé and I have been together for over a year now, my ex seems to have some lingering feelings or bitterness. He refuses to acknowledge our engagement and the energy is always off when I see him. Some friends think he’s still “grieving,” but my fiancé thinks we should cut him and those who defend him off.
As for me, I’m just trying to maintain peace with the friends who stuck around after the difficult times.
None of our friends know we even want kids. I was the oldest sibling of many and used to joke that I’d “done my time” raising kids.
I had an IUD and was scheduled for a tubal ligation, but I got pregnant against all odds. That first pregnancy and the subsequent miscarriage changed my heart about having kids. Since our friends don’t know about that, this announcement will come as a surprise—especially to my ex.
And yes, it’s half a Christmas party (so I can give my friends and family their gifts), but everyone’s there for my birthday.
So… WIBTJ if I announced my pregnancy after the Christmas part of the evening, during my birthday portion?”
Another User Comments:
“Your fiancé is 100% correct. You should cut him. Your fiancé has a lot of patience to put up with you trying to keep the peace. You can maintain peace by not demanding your friends cut him off, but by creating distance. This is someone who doesn’t respect your relationship.
He can grieve elsewhere. You and your fiancé are announcing, not just you. Ask him who he wants to be there… **YTJ** for putting your fiancé to keep being around a guy who accused him of being unfaithful to you.” trolley-dip
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have to stop letting him dictate your life though.
Your ex does NOT sound like a pleasant person, and I’m honestly surprised you’re nice enough to keep him around even after he blatantly lied about you. And about your friends, I would rethink your relationship with them too–how were they neutral about your ex making *you* look and feel bad?
Why are they defending his bad attitude? You even noted that he brings down the mood–I bet he doesn’t even want to attend the event other than to purposefully make you feel uncomfortable and guilt you. I’m on team fiancé here, please do it for yourself and drop the ex and those that may be on his side.
He’s making you suffer even after all this time, and making you walk around eggshells. Stop catering to him, and enjoy Christmas without a party-pooper this year. Congrats on your pregnancy OP :)” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for letting others dictate your friend list. If they can’t understand why you don’t want your controlling ex-partner there then they’re not friends.
Make your announcement at your party. It’s ridiculous that you’re considering not doing it because of an ex who you don’t even want there.” frozenbroccoli
13. AITJ For Keeping The Camera My Ex-Partner Gave Me As A Gift?
“It’s been over a month since I broke up with my ex-partner (M25), and honestly, it’s been a rollercoaster.
He moved to another state just weeks before we ended things, and the distance seemed to amplify the issues we already had.
For context: I (F23) broke up with him due to his controlling and jealous behavior. We were only together for a few months, but it felt intense, probably because we knew he was moving, and we were trying to make long-distance work.
Once he moved, things got worse—every time I went out, he accused me of flirting with other guys. He had shown this behavior before he moved, especially when booze was involved, but the distance made it unbearable. Still, he wasn’t all bad. He was generous, paying for nice dinners and giving me gifts, like flowers and a camera I’d wanted for a while.
Now, it’s been over a month since we’ve spoken. I packed up and shipped him the last of his things—a suitcase and a few small items he left. He hadn’t asked for them, but I thought it was the right thing to do.
Yesterday, out of nowhere, he texted me and asked for the camera back—the one he gave me as a gift.
When we were together, I had mentioned wanting a camera, and he happened to have the exact one I was looking for. He told me he never used it, so he gave it to me.
Since then, I’ve been using it regularly and love it. To me, it was a gift.
When he asked for it back, I agreed because I didn’t want to cause drama. I also asked if he’d received the other items, but his response was a flat “yes,” no thank you.
I started browsing for a replacement camera, only to find it’s sold out everywhere, with used versions on eBay going for $500 to $800. So, I texted him again, offering to buy it from him, but he replied, “No, sorry.” I tried one more time, offering to Venmo him $500, but he said, “Just send me the camera.
I only gave it to you because you wanted one.”
At this point, I realized this wasn’t about the camera—he doesn’t need it. He’s in a better financial position than I am and could buy a new one. I think he just wants to take it away from me.
I’m torn. Some friends say I should keep the camera because it was a gift, while others think I should send it back because I agreed to, and I broke up with him. I’ve grown attached to it, but I did say I’d return it.
What do you think? Am I the jerk if I keep the camera, or should I send it back?”
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk if you don’t return the camera ONLY because you already said you would. If you would have just blocked the ex, you’d have been fine.
You don’t have to return gifts, but the moment you said you would, you’ve locked yourself into jerk behavior for not. Because this isn’t: AITJ for keeping a gift. It is an: AITJ for not returning a camera I said I would – because I like it too much.
It doesn’t matter why he wants it, that he has money, or why you want to keep it. You said you would do something, so you should. Now if you’re okay with being a liar and keeping the camera (may or may not cause drama), then one “You would be the jerk” isn’t going to change that.” success
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If the camera is a gift. Is the camera a gift or not? If it is a gift then technically you own it and don’t have to send it back. Tell him that you own the camera, and it was a gift; then block him.
If this isn’t a gift you need to return it. Since he refused your offer of purchasing it, you kinda need to return it to him or it might be considered theft as the value of the camera ranges from 500-800 dollars. You also agreed to return it.” MannerMassive4142
12. AITJ For Refusing To Attend Homecoming With My Friend Who Keeps Going Out With A Horrible Guy?
“Me and this friend have been friends for over 10 years. We are childhood best friends and we are in a group with one other very close friend.
I feel horrible about the situation and I don’t know if I’m just being overdramatic. I’ll just call my childhood friend Sam and my other friend Lia. Sam has never had the best taste in guys and always ends up getting hurt by them.
Beforehand, me and Lia have always been there for her when things didn’t work out. However, there has been this one guy in particular that she keeps going back to and all of her friends and family are sick of him. For a couple of examples of things he’s done, he’s ghosted her for a week because he didn’t want to break up with her, let his friends harass her, just generally ended the relationship whenever he felt like it, and said that he doesn’t approve of her being friends with me and Lia because we are both gay (we’re both girls).
Every time she starts seeing him again she gets snappy with everyone around her, is constantly on her phone texting him, and gets defensive whenever someone tries and talk to her about how bad he is. Generally, she just becomes worse to be around when she’s seeing him, along with the fact that he is just blatantly homophobic.
They recently broke up again and everyone thought that was that. Then they got back together and everyone was upset. I’ll admit that things got heated and there was a lot of yelling on both sides. We should’ve de-escalated stuff but everyone was just annoyed and concerned about how this was going to end up when they break up again.
I was also very hurt that she would see someone who she knows actively disapproves of her friends. Everything escalated and Lia said that we didn’t want to go to Hoco with her anymore. That sounds like a small thing, but she doesn’t have many friends at school (we’re outside-of-school friends) and I know she’s hurt that we won’t go with her.
I’m just so emotionally tired of this guy and all his nonsense, it feels like she becomes a different person when she’s around him. I feel horrible because we are close friends and I love her so much, but this relationship is getting to be too much for me.
We’ve tried sitting down and talking about our concerns, which she just turns into arguments, we’ve tried just ignoring it but when they’re seeing each other he’s all she’ll talk/complain about and whenever they break up she gets really sad for a few weeks.
I just don’t know what to do anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but stay in contact with her and remain supportive so that she isn’t isolated and only depending on him for emotional support. Once she’s sufficiently isolated, mistreatment may come into play.” Interesting-Mouse-40
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Let her pick her partners and live with the consequences. If you don’t want to spend time with some homophobic jerk, justifiably, then that’s one of the consequences she will experience. But yelling at her for getting back together will have the opposite effect: driving her closer to him because her friends are berating her.
All you have to do is say you won’t tolerate his disrespect and she can see him when she’s not with you. I don’t understand about Hoco – is he going to? If so, why would you be going with them – is it like a whole group going?
If he is there then yeah, go by yourselves. If he’s not going then it was cruel to refuse to go with her as friends.” PracticallySkeptic
11. AITJ For Cutting My Son Out Of My Business?
“I 74M have a son who is 47M who got arrested for a DUI over 15 years ago and he is unable to find a regular job. He has ADHD, is married, and has two daughters. I hired him in my small business which is an office setting many years ago to give him a job for his family.
I have trained him, given him ample opportunity to be successful, and allowed him to hire multiple members of his wife’s family and friends. I am still keeping the business afloat for him financially and his wife works a well-paying full-time job. They bought almost a million-dollar house this year and spend money rapidly like putting their kids in multiple travel sports which cost several thousand a year.
I am not one to tell them how to spend their money but I’m providing context for the story.
My son and I had an agreement that I would receive a percentage on any new clients we find which I have found myself. I’ve had my business for over 50 years.
I enjoy working but being 74, I get tired and stressed easily but it keeps my mind occupied.
My wife and I recently purchased a small home and my son came over to help me move a fridge. He started yelling and swearing at me this past week and told me I was spending too much from the business with my wife and our new home.
I hired some contractors to paint and put in new floors. He told me he was only giving me $9,000 of a $36,000 payment I am owed. My wife and I are on a fixed income.
I told him to get out and he had a big outburst swearing, carrying on, and stressing me out.
He doesn’t even do his job and I am always doing the brunt of the work. I have decided to take my business back and all my clients and work on my own. He can figure the rest out himself. I’m tired of his lack of commitment.
His wife and he have also alienated my other children and family due to their awful drama and bullying tactics. They didn’t attend a family event over the weekend we had and honestly, it was the most fun I’ve had in a long time. My younger son and daughter both refuse to be around this son and wife due to how awful they have treated them.
My daughter hasn’t attended a holiday in two years because of this son and his wife and she finally came this past weekend and we had a great time.
AITJ to cut my son out of my business?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not attending to your business earlier.
You don’t need help, you need a lawyer, like yesterday. The longer you put this off, the worse things are going to get. Gather up all the paperwork about the transaction and what’s happened since then and take it to the lawyer for review. Be prepared to write a very large check to them; this is not going to be an easy fix.” Tarik861
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for cutting him off. But YTJ for leaving your other children out of your business for so long. You’ve seen that your son wasn’t capable of taking over the business. You’ve seen him use you as a personal ATM without even doing the work and you still planned to give him the business?
Why? You have a lot of groveling to do. Your other kids have had no contact with him a long time ago and I wonder why they still even talk to you. You should apologize to them for favoring him for so long. It seems to me like they deserve to inherit the business far more and they would probably be much better working for the company.
You have already given your entitled son his part of the inheritance (he bought a house worth a million dollars, FFS). It’s time for him to stand on his own two feet now.” Gennevieve1
10. AITJ For Causing A Rift In My Family Over My Allergies?
“For context, I (23F) am deathly allergic to kiwis and have started to have an oral allergy reaction to bananas. These allergies usually get worse, not better. I also was recently diagnosed with IBS and GERD. This caused a huge shift in my overall diet and is relevant to this situation.
This weekend I ended up staying the night at my parents’ house and my mom offered me breakfast which was some oatmeal banana muffin thing. I reminded her that I am allergic to bananas and said I’d make my breakfast but thanks.
She suddenly got extremely defensive.
She told me that I keep making up problems to feel special and that I can’t possibly have all these issues. I was very confused by this reaction because up until now my mom has been supportive and helpful through my diagnoses. I pointed out that she was there for both my allergic reactions and she was the one who suggested I could be allergic to bananas because they were making my mouth itchy.
She also had taken me to the hospital after I vomited blood. She responded that if I was allergic to bananas to prove it and eat the muffin. I asked if her whole goal with these muffins was some elaborate plan to either kill me or catch me in a lie.
This led to a screaming match she was saying things like “How dare you accuse me of trying to kill my daughter” My dad eventually came out and he immediately took her side but I’m over it and I left while yelling that they were crazy for thinking I’d lie about this.
I used some choice words and called my mom a mean person during my rant.
When I got home I saw that my mom and dad had put me in a group chat with my older brother, they sent a long paragraph that read as an intervention saying I had “Munchausen by proxy” (wrong disorder) and they were just trying to do what’s best. They also said I was not allowed to see or talk to my little sister until I apologized to them and admitted to lying.
I responded to their text by saying I will not be apologizing for this. After that, I blocked their numbers. My older brother agrees with me but says I should apologize to our sister who is extremely distraught about this. She and I are really close and he thinks that me sticking to my guns here isn’t fair to her.
I told her as much as I love her I can’t risk this happening again.
AITJ for causing this huge rift?”
Another User Comments:
“The number of people who don’t believe in allergies is mind-boggling. Tbh I have never met any IRL, only read about them on Reddit.
Your mother is insane. So what if she is right and her muffins don’t KILL you? They will make you hurt. Why would she want to hurt her daughter? Stay away from them. If you fold now for the sake of your sister, you KNOW your mother will give you food with allergens just to prove her point.
This can be dangerous for you.” JaguarZealousideal55
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is no such thing as „too many allergies to be real“. I suffer from MCAS, which makes me allergic to almost anything, I survive on 5 foods and if you smoke next to me or use perfume, you could kill me.
These people are not only crazy but incredibly dangerous for you. Go no-contact if you can. Never touch anything they prepared ever again. Get a paper trail from your allergist so you have proof if they try to rope others into their crazy story.” Haruno–Sakura
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What “rift” did you cause? You respected your allergy. You avoided a known allergen. Where’s the rift? I do not know what is rattling around your mom’s head – but demanding you eat your allergen to prove to her that you ARE allergic is crazy.
Would she expect you to fire a pistol to prove to her that it’s unloaded? Would she expect you to drive through a wall to prove your airbags work? Would she expect you to put your finger in the light socket to prove the lamp works?” opine704
9. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Husband's Disrespectful Brother Live With Us Again?
“I’m going to try to keep this short and simple but it’s a lot. My husband (25m) has a brother (17m) who has Asperger’s syndrome. He came to live with us after their mom passed from a massive stroke and moved out when I (22f) found out I was pregnant with twins.
He left so that we could have room for them. While he was living with us he caused a lot of problems between me and my husband’s marriage due to how he was behaving and how he was treating me. He was always disrespectful towards me and didn’t approve of my and my husband’s lifestyle and complained to my husband about it and would talk bad about me behind my back.
He did a lot of other things while living with us but it’s a lot of detail.
For the past couple of months, he’s been living with their oldest brother and his fiance and kids. And he’s been treating his brother’s fiance the same way he treated me and it’s caused some tension in their relationship.
Since he started living with them he has been at our house almost every single day and eats and drinks mine and our oldest food. I finally had to tell him that he needed to either stop or he would be buying them. He also sometimes shows up unannounced without any warning or even text that he wants to come over.
There’s more but again so much more stuff to talk about.
Well, me and my husband are in the process of buying our first house which is the perfect amount of space for our oldest and the twins. But today my husband’s brother came over as soon as I was leaving for church.
I got back home and his brother was leaving and said “I’m leaving because I don’t want to stay if your wife is going to be ticked off when you ask her the question”. After he left I asked my husband what he was talking about and had asked my husband if he could come and live with us again when we moved into our new house and that he would pay us $500 to live there.
I immediately told him no and explained why I didn’t want his brother to live with us again. My husband got mad and tried to ask again but I told him my answer would always be no. He didn’t talk to me again until he brought up another conversation (which might be a part 2 because it’s long) and we haven’t talked since.
So AITJ? I’m sorry it doesn’t explain a lot so if you have questions I will try to answer them in the comments.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Based on one of your other comments this kid has a dad and his older brother has full custody.
If that’s the case then he needs to stay at his older brother’s or suck it up and go to his dad’s. This is not a situation of he has nowhere to go, he just prefers your house because your husband allows him to disrespect you” H_Alexa.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Warn your husband that if he tries to just move your brother in one day, the result will be divorce. And have your ducks lined up, because your husband is the real problem here. He doesn’t care that his brother is mistreating you to the point of mistreatment, and he doesn’t care about your opinion.
He will force you into a position you don’t want to be in, and for the safety of yourself and your children, you’ll need to leave. Be prepared.” Cursd818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- Asperger’s doesn’t entitle one to be a complete jerk. I understand your husband’s frustration with this whole thing.
It is his brother after all, but you should come first. Could you have a written agreement with terms written out with behavior that is acceptable and not acceptable? If the brother can’t cooperate, then his booty is out on the curb. It is your home too.
You should be comfortable and respected.” HMMMT12
8. AITJ For Choosing To Be My Sister's Man Of Honor Over My Father's Wishes?
“My sister (22f) was supposed to be getting married this year but she pushed the wedding back another year because my dad and stepmother refused to let me (17m) be her man of honor when she didn’t ask our step or half siblings to be bridesmaids or groomsmen too.
My dad confronted my sister about asking me several months ago and told her it wasn’t right. He told her she had to include all of us or none of us would attend the wedding and he would stop me going too. She told him she was not going to give in to him.
He said she shouldn’t prioritize me over siblings who are younger or just not biologically related to us. She said they (him, his wife, and the other kids) were only invited so she could have me there and since he was imposing such an awful rule she was just going to move the date, I’d be 18 and able to choose so she didn’t need to invite the rest of them.
The new date is next year and I will be 18 and I’ll already be moved out. My dad and stepmother are upset she actually went ahead with her plan and that I still plan to be her man of honor. They told me I cannot and should not do this.
I am putting my other sibling’s feelings at risk and making them feel rejected by the two of us. They said my sister was making me choose between her and the rest of my family and I should not choose her for that reason. I told them I would always choose her and they were not going to make me say no.
This argument continued and I ignored it for about two months but the other night they told me to sit and talk to them and they said my other siblings had noticed what was going on and I should feel bad about that. I told them I didn’t.
They told me I have five other siblings and shouldn’t hurt a relationship with them a relationship with one. I told them I didn’t care what they said, I’d be her man of honor and they wouldn’t stop me. So they need to just let it go because they are making the countdown to my 18th birthday a bigger deal.
They said I’m being hurtful and I’ll regret my decision to burn all these bridges in 10 or 20 years. My dad told me I might think mom would be proud of me for standing by my sister but he believes she’d be disgusted at the two of us for not making room for the growing our family did after she died.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I am guessing the only reason the others feel bad, if they even do, is because Dad and step monster told them a stilted version of the story to make them feel bad. The only people burning bridges are those trying to enforce a blended family instead of doing the work to make one happen.
NTJ. I hope your sister’s wedding is beautiful and drama-free.” fiestafan73
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It sounds as if there are problems between sister, dad, and stepmom “Sister said they (him, his wife, and the other kids) were only invited so she could have me there “.
And the dad is taking it out on you. It also sounds like your dad is fixing to lose 2 of his children. Stand up for your sister, and I also think your dad is SO WRONG, I believe your mom would be proud of you, for standing up for your sister on one of the most important days of her life.
We don’t know the problems between sister, dad, and stepmom, but regardless, this is your sister and her soon-to-be husband’s wedding they get to say who will be in the wedding party, not your dad.” LosAngel1935
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The only one making you choose between your sister and them is your dad.
This is your sister, of course, you are going to be there regardless of who is included or not included. It’s not like you are responsible for who your sister chose for her bridal party, so it’s wrong to try to prevent you from going.” Stranger0nReddit
7. AITJ For Refusing To Be My Best Friend's Maid Of Honor Because Of Her Groom's Past?
“My best friend Cris is 23. She’s getting married to this guy “Dylan” who is 27. They met 8 years ago. Yes 8 years ago. When she was 15 and he was 19. I’ve been best friends with her since we were little kids. She had a rough life. Her mom doesn’t care about her and older men picked up on that.
In Dylan’s defense, Cris lied on the social app at first and said she was 18. Then once they met, she told him she was not. He felt weird at first, but said “Age is just a number”
Dylan thought he was a good guy because he didn’t get intimate with her until she turned 18.
But yet it was fine for her to go down on him. I never liked him but he’s not a horrible guy like some people I’ve met.
They’ve kept in contact on and off and she’s always been in love with him. But he was a lost person trying to find his way.
They stayed in touch. But he was always unavailable. He said he morally didn’t feel correct and didn’t want to hurt her.
They seemed to reach each other at the same time of year. All these “weird coincidences” that she’d tell me. She would dream about him and he’s in distress.
Then he would reach out to her randomly being in distress. So she takes that as something more.
Then 6 months ago, she tells me they reconnected for the first time in over two years. They met up. He confessed his love to her. Told her how she was right in front of him this whole time and he couldn’t see that it’s been her all along.
All of the right things. Saying it’s been so hard for him and he’s thought about her every day. How she’s his soulmate.
I told her to be cautious. But nope. They got engaged last month and are set to marry this year. He seems to be what she’s looking for now.
Stable, looking for the same thing as her now.
So I get an invite to this wedding and I almost spit out my drink. I think it’s so insane to do this. To a guy like that. So suddenly. It was to be her maid of honor.
I told her “Cris. I love you so much. But why would you marry this man? He prayed on you when you were younger”
She just said “he’s always felt right”
I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing this all is just so crazy and I love and care about her so much.
Yet I’ve spoken to him, and he said he’s always cared and loved her and nobody has compared to her but he didn’t wanna hurt her”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You don’t have to be a maid of honor for anyone or attend the wedding, and you don’t have to have a reason.
But they are not jerks either for wanting to be happy. I will say that if the only thing you have against him is that he was with her when he was 19 and she was 15, that alone is not a good reason. As you stated, she lied on the social app.
She was LOOKING for an older guy. If not him, then the next one. NOTE I do NOT think what he did was OK, I’m just saying it’s not all on him. But more importantly, it’s not like they’ve been together this whole time and he’s been controlling her.
They are both adults NOW and they are allowed to choose who they want to marry. If he was mistreating her all this time, that would be a different story.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“This is not going to end well for you. You CANNOT object or disapprove of someone that your friend loves and expect to win that fight.
Period. If you don’t support her and it turns into this thing where you try to make her and him seem like bad people you are going to lose your friend. Period. Pick your battles, and support your friend. YTJ.” Electrichead64
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but…..
This sounds like hard-core love bombing, the beginning of an abusive relationship. She won’t want to see it right now, and there’s nothing you can do to make her. You can; – decline to be her MoH. You don’t need to give a reason, you could just say you don’t have capacity right now.
– stay friends, support her, and go to the wedding. I know you know what he is. When the day comes when she knows what he is, she’ll need a trusted friend to turn to. She is way more likely to do that if you’ve been supportive rather than critical of them.
– make sure she knows you will always be her trusted friend, no matter what because it’s only a matter of time before he starts trying to isolate her from her support network. – encourage her to talk to a therapist about her childhood. This is the thing that will help her to help herself.” ScubaSuze
6. AITJ For Being Upset That A Guest Ate My Allergy-Safe Food?
“For context, I have a lot of allergies, all revolving around latex in some form.
But there are certain things I can have like cooked tomatoes but not raw ones.
My allergies are strange but I just roll with them.
Right now, I live with my dad rent-free because I can’t afford to live by myself despite having a job. And because of my autism and depression.
Because of my allergies, I am very strict on my food.
I usually cook the food for the week and my dad chops up tomatoes so I can use them but not touch them. My dad handles all the cleanup. I absolutely cannot have bananas or avocados anywhere near me. My dad likes avocados but he only has them when I am away and he cleans up very thoroughly afterwards to prevent cross-contamination.
As for bananas, we don’t even keep them in the house because I get sick with even the scent. Also, I get rashes if my skin touches any of my allergies and my tongue feels like it is burning if I eat them.
My dad has an out-of-town guest who is staying for a few days.
I don’t mind him staying in the guest bedroom.
I didn’t have time to do meal prep over the weekend, so I asked my mom for a few meals, so I didn’t have to buy anything and I had something to tide me over for three days.
My parents are divorced. She made me a week’s worth of food and extra for my dad. My boxes were clearly labeled and put on one side of the fridge. She also bought some takeout from a safe restaurant.
Well, the guest ate some of my food and some of the raw tomatoes my dad had put in a box in the fridge for my use, yesterday while I was at work.
So now, I don’t know what is safe and what is cross-contaminated. My dad doesn’t understand why I got angry about it. He did offer to buy me some more food to replace but it is gonna be takeout. I wanted my mom’s cooking because I don’t get to eat it anymore that often since it is rare that she cooks.
My aunt brings her home-cooked food every two weeks since she is a doctor. He also thinks that I could cook the food on the stove and it would just be tomatoes cooking. He is right in that way, but I still think I am justified.
I didn’t tell my mom about the situation.
AITJ for being cross with a guest about eating my food?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being frustrated. Was the guest aware that the food in question was prepared specifically so that you could eat it due to allergies / dietary restrictions?
Was the guest aware of the restriction on cross-contamination issues with raw tomatoes? If the guest was made aware of and disregarded these issues they are a bad guest. If they were not made aware, and depending on expectations set on ‘helping themselves’ I am guessing they had no reason to think that they were not supposed to consume prepared food from the fridge.
If I am a guest in someone’s home I don’t just go into the fridge or cupboards and eat stuff, but there might be different expectations in your Dad’s home.” CuriousEmphasis7698
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Based on what you said, the guest is a guest of your father’s, I would’ve expected maybe wrongly that your dad would’ve told the guest what they couldn’t take from the fridge.
Especially if he is aware that you have labeled food and that you have food, allergies.” thinkevolution
5. AITJ For Not Reporting A Classmate Who Brought A Kitten To School?
“I lost two of my best friends over this.
On Friday, one of my classmates, for some inexplicable reason, decided it would be okay for him to bring a small kitten in his tote bag. Obviously, this is dangerous for multiple reasons. The cat could suffocate, we live in Florida and it’s hot, the kitten could become stressed, people have allergies, etc.
So, naturally, I went off on this kid. My best friend, let’s call him L, was with me.
L thinks I was totally in the wrong for calling attention to the situation but I wasn’t thinking at the moment, I love animals and I was angry.
A few minutes later, while walking to lunch, a trustworthy friend told me they were taking the kitten to a teacher’s classroom and so I thought, “Okay, good, problem solved, no reason to tell admin.”
I had some doubt but figured I’d look crazy trying to tell an administrator at lunch where there are literally like 200 hundred kids that somebody has a cat in their bag.
I just considered the situation squared away.
Well, come to find out, he didn’t take the kitten to the teacher he said he would. He continued showing it off and passing it around to his friends. L was who eventually told the administrator and got it taken care of.
The cat is ok, that is not the point of this story.
L says that because I didn’t tell anyone, the cat could’ve died. I said that I thought it was taken care of, but this didn’t shake him.
Later on that day, L and our other best friend both texted me saying they don’t want to be my friend anymore because I “complain too much while never taking their solutions”, am “cowardly”, and “cross boundaries.” Some of this is related to past incidents, but the cat thing is really what ended it.
I now have to continue to work with L on our school’s haunted house and it annoys me because I know what kind of person he is, and I know he’s probably gonna try to paint me as an animal-hating psychopath to our friends. This was honestly a long time coming since he and the other best friend have oftentimes treated me poorly, but it doesn’t make me any less angry.
But I don’t know, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They’re mad you confronted kitten boy, while also being mad you didn’t tell admin? Seems like they were trying to find a reason to cut things off. Friends come and go, but I’d talk to an admin about maybe switching activities in the haunted house so you don’t have to work with L.” Aggressive_Counter_5.
Another User Comments:
“Just as every other person in the world had to learn this lesson as a minor.. becoming a man is finding out what pillars create your foundation, what you stand for is who you are, once you have that figured out life becomes easy (socially at least).
Because instead of thinking about how to make everyone happy, you’re boldly walking around being yourself, and no matter if people agree with it or not.. they will respect it. So forget everyone else, figure out who you are and anyone who doesn’t align with that walk straight past them, you’ll be surprised who ends up turning around and following too.
FYI there is one facet of life that this does not work in, but navigating long-term relationships with women is a topic for a later chapter” Fun-Actuator8833
4. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Adjust His Gym Time To Help With Our Son?
“My (f32) husband (m33) and I have been married ten years and we have a 3.5-year-old son together.
I’m also currently 6 months pregnant. We’re both working full-time hours, though my husband (S) leaves at 5 for an hour commute and is usually home before 4. These times depend on the amount of traffic as it’s only a 25-minute drive/ride without traffic.
S also works irregular shifts – he was on nights last week and didn’t help at all with our son and often goes away, usually for weeks but sometimes for months at a time.
During these periods I’m on my own and solo parenting without support as our families aren’t anywhere near us.
EDIT TO ADD: He currently has a 1 hour PT session every day at work. So this gym session is something he’s adding on top. I would be more understanding of the timing of this was the only time he had to go to the gym to keep up his fitness.
The issue:
S needs to keep a certain level of fitness for his job. He has access to a completely free gym and pool at his job, but he refuses to use it and wants to use one closer to our house. After 6 months of indecision, he finally joined one yesterday morning.
I went out and did the groceries while he was with our son, and then he had a lay down for an hour and then we swapped and I had a snooze for about half an hour until it was time to get up for dinner.
I come out and he’s said he’s going to the gym.
I’ve asked if he can maybe avoid going to bed Bath and dinner time routines as it’s hard work, especially as I’m 6 months pregnant and exhausted from working full time.
S has gotten angry at me for “dictating” things to him and accused me of not supporting him.
I may be a jerk because I laughed at him and said that if I didn’t support him, I wouldn’t have just uprooted my entire life, moved interstate, and gave up a well-paying and secure job to support him and his dream. I told him I genuinely didn’t care what other time he went, I was just asking him to be considerate of the challenging time that was dinner bed bath, and to pick any other time.
There was more back and forth, but that’s the crux of the matter.
He’s been cranky at me ever since, refused to sleep in our bed (went to the spare room), and has ignored me since (though will engage if I make the effort to first).
I’m currently debating going on a family day trip with my in-laws as I don’t feel like being ignored and embarrassed by his behavior and attitude toward me.
So, am I the jerk for asking my husband not to go to the gym at a certain time?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re 6 months pregnant. Growing a life. He can go to the gym a few hours later or during work where they have a full gym available to him. NTJ. Your husband is being picky and needs to just suck it up, especially while you’re pregnant” username attempted
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!! I understand that he works irregular shifts and requires the gym for his work, but it is difficult to solo parent especially if you’re 6 months pregnant and working and looking after your child is a job in itself that you both would have agreed to.
*”S has gotten angry at me for “dictating” things to him and accused me of not supporting him.”* he needs to support you too, and you both need to help when it comes to your toddler, it cannot just be you. I hope you two can find a compromise in regards to his schedule that’s fitting for both of you” loathes
3. AITA For Calling My Niece “My Baby”?
“I (23F) recently visited home for my niece’s 7th birthday party. I live about an hour away from my hometown for college and I’m currently pursuing my Master’s before I go to law school. This is all to say that I see my family maybe once or twice a year due to classes and my working two jobs.
My niece’s birthday was two weekends ago, and she and I are quite close. I spent a lot of time babysitting her when I was younger and still at home because my brother and SIL both worked jobs. My classes were all online, so it was natural for me to become the instinctive babysitter.
I was happy to do so because I love my niece and wanted to lighten the load of my brother/SIL’s emotional and physical loads.
My family (SIL and brother included) knew I would be attending my niece’s birthday party as a surprise.
When she saw me, she ran up to me and shrieked happily. I wrapped her up in a big hug and said “Hi, my baby!!” before giving her a smooch. I sent her off afterward to mingle with her guests like a proper host lolol.
I then sat with my own family and caught up with them. Later, my SIL seemed distant and annoyed with me. Before presents, she pulled me aside and asked me not to call my niece “my baby” again because she found it offensive. I profusely apologized as soon as she said so and promised I wouldn’t do so again.
I spent the rest of the party calling her sweetie or just by her name.
I’m an extremely affectionate person. I call my niece and nephew an array of terms of endearment, both including “my baby.” I’ve called both of them this occasionally before around family and no one has said anything.
To be honest sweetie/sweetheart is more common for me, but this isn’t the first time. I never say stuff like “You’re my baby, this is my baby, etc.”, I usually word it like “Of course my baby, hi my baby, yes my baby, etc.”.
My SIL is still mad at me, and later called me a horrible aunt and person for calling my niece “my baby”. I tried explaining it was just a term of endearment and saying I meant no harm, but she seemingly did not care and kept calling me horrible.
It’s breaking my heart because I’ve tried apologizing and making it up, but my SIL swears I’m out to get her. I don’t know why she thinks this, I’ve done nothing but look after her and my niece. I just wish she would listen to me instead of icing me out.
AITJ for calling my niece “my baby” as a term of endearment?”
Another User Comments:
“Okay, you used a term of endearment for your niece, her mother didn’t like it and asked you to stop, and you apologized and stopped. Now she’s icing you out, which you can’t do anything about further because, again, you’ve apologized and corrected your actions.
NTJ for this isolated incident, but do you have a pattern of being overly fond/surpassing or ignoring boundaries and recycling disliked behavior? If not, I don’t see the problem here. Idk, people are uptight sometimes. I call my little siblings ‘baby’ or ‘babe’ all the time.
Old ladies at church cuddle my little sister and coo ‘My baby, love, my cute/sweet one’. It’s a normal endearment for a child. I mean, I wouldn’t call my sibs ‘*my* baby’ but that feels weird linguistically anyway for me. This aside though, obviously it upset your SIL, so idk if that matters.
Ig the only thing you can do now without becoming distant to the child is just stay away from that particular endearment and do a little self-examination to see whether you did something else that your SIL has been resentful about and the ‘my baby’ might just be a trigger for that?
And just move on without using that endearment anymore. But I’d rule NTJ here because you’ve apologized and made efforts to correct your behavior.” User
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To See My Neglectful Father And Entitled Half-Siblings Anymore?
“This is just a throwaway account but I need opinions on this situation. I, 15F, have lived with my mom, 36F, since my parents got divorced when I was 4 months old.
I have a stepmom, 34F, and 2 half-siblings, 7F and 2M. For this post, we’ll call my stepmom Emma, half-sister Olivia, and half-brother Luke. When I was born my father wasn’t in the delivery room because according to him he couldn’t deal with the blood. From my mom’s retelling of this situation, he only saw me 2 days after I was born because he had to go buy a pair of shoes and was hungry.
This is important to the story – before I was born my mom went to Portugal and my dad stayed in Canada after telling her he had work. My uncle worked with him and called my mom to tell him that my father hadn’t been at work and friends had told him they had seen my dad gambling.
When my mom got back she found out he lost all of their money and my grandparents convinced her to leave him, but my father denied the divorce until he got deported and he had to accept. When I was 8 my mom and stepdad sat me down and asked if I wanted to meet my dad, of course, I said yes, I was 8.
Years later it’s coming back to bite me. My sister is the most entitled 7-year-old I have ever met and my stepmom’s goal is to ruin my life because one of my biggest hobbies when I was younger was ballet so she put my sister into it.
Next, she found out I wanted to do gymnastics so she asked me to teach my sister some stuff and I agreed. She later went on to put her in gymnastics lessons and now she found out I like cheerleading so she signed her up for the cheer squad in my town as a flyer.
He won’t pay for anything since he thinks $200 a month is enough for everything I need so my mom has to pay for everything I need which is almost 2X what he gives me, however, if my siblings want an 800-dollar bike they get that $800 bike.
I once went 3 months without seeing him because he was “sick”. Recently my stepmom has stopped talking to me or even looking at me, and my father thinks I shouldn’t be mad at him for not taking me to Portugal after promising me for over 5 years then proceeding to take my siblings and tell me he has no space for me, his firstborn and oldest. Would I be the jerk if I told him I didn’t want to see him anymore?
I don’t think this will get many reads but if it does I will update this to let you guys know how this is all going.”
Another User Comments:
“I would like additional details. What’s your main issue here? That your half-siblings are getting more than you and you’re not treated the same?
Do you feel jealous of them and their seemingly luxurious life? Is your mom and stepdad not as financially well off as the dad? Or is this that you’re struggling because you view it as he abandoned you? That you feel constantly lied to and that he makes empty promises to you?” empathy needed
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just stop contacting him. If he contacts you and wants to see you ask ‘why?’. If stepmom wants to know what you’re doing tell her ‘Oh, this and that’ or tell her something you hate doing, maybe like debate or something you know sister won’t like.
Don’t ask dad for anything. If he says he can’t get you something laugh and respond, “I didn’t figure you would anyway. That’s just the type of man you are.” wlfwrtr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry that you are going through this and I am sorry that your father is being a jerk.
You have every right to want distance from them I would encourage it because it is clear that they do not have your best interest at heart. I do hope that in the future he gets some sense and maybe y’all can have a relationship when you are older.
Also, you are not obligated to teach your sister anything, but remember that she is a child, and perhaps your relationship with her will change as she grows up.” Snack_Thyme
1. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Husband Babysit My Niece And Nephew While I'm At A Wedding?
“My husband and I live about 4 hours away from my sister, husband, and her two kids (13f and 12m). They lost power this week due to the hurricane and won’t get it back until next Saturday.
My sister asked my mom if she could bring my niece and nephew to stay with her this week and she agreed. She is going to meet my sister halfway now to get them.
We are supposed to be going to a wedding this week in another state, but my husband and son (5) were staying home because it is too expensive for flights and it is my cousin’s wedding anyway who he doesn’t know well.
It is also a child-free wedding. My sister was going to take her kids and they were coming to the rehearsal party but staying with another relative in the same city for the wedding night.
My mom just called me and asked if my husband would watch the kids instead.
My husband is hesitant because he has to work and has to get my son to school every day, and they would just be here. He is just uncomfortable doing it himself. I told my mother I could stay home and help him but she was adamant I go.
She doesn’t see the big deal because they are teenagers that don’t do anything but that is not true. They always complain that they are bored constantly. I know it will be hard for him to handle all 3 for 3 days plus the pets.
My mother is upset now because she doesn’t understand why we are pushing back.
She also got angry because I asked her if my sister knew she was calling me and why wouldn’t she call me herself to ask, to which she replied of course she does, what is the big deal?!!
My sister has enough money to change their flights to come out of our city instead so I don’t understand why we aren’t keeping that plan.
I just have a weird feeling she didn’t want my mom to ask and now I am split between my husband and mother. My husband is also annoyed because ever since we got married four years ago she treats him like her own personal mechanic, IT support, you name it.
She doesn’t even ask she just tells. Her reason is, of course, that family helps each other.
So, AITJ for fighting for my husband and telling my mother no? Honestly, I don’t even want to go to the wedding anymore because I won’t have my husband with me when she inevitably talks about him pushing back to everyone she can there.
She is retired and has nothing else to do but cause drama.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good on you for standing up to your mother. Now extend that to all future requests too, when they are unreasonable. Your mother didn’t check with you before she agreed to babysit your niece/ nephew.
You or your husband are in no way responsible for taking over. You should call your sister, and say I’m sorry my husband is unable to handle this as he has something critical going on at work, and I just wanted to make sure there’s no misunderstanding/ hard feelings between the two of us.
If your hunch about your sister is right, let her handle your mother. Good luck!” duchess5788
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, no is a complete sentence, he doesn’t want to do it and the reasons don’t matter. Your mom is acting in a very jerk-like manner with her insistence.
Now she has made you so uncomfortable that you don’t want to go. So…. don’t go, enjoy the time with your son and husband and send your regrets to the happy couple. You don’t need to spend a ton of money only to have someone else make you miserable.
Meanwhile, I would not discuss it with her any further.” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ What kind of entitled confusing backward lack of communication is happening here? If your sister wants a favor she talks to you and your husband directly, it’s disrespectful.
Your mother also has zero respect for you or your husband, else she wouldn’t be dictating what’s going to happen with the full belief that what she says goes. Hold firm, for your marriage’s sake, for your husband’s sake, and your child’s sake.
Don’t let her cross this boundary, if she attempts, ensure there are repercussions. ” I_wanna_be_anemone
