People Attempt To Argue In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Yelling At My Mom For Embarrassing Me About My Near-Death Experience?
“I (17f) almost passed away 2 years ago from a sinus infection eating at my skull and causing my brain to swell.
This is a lengthy one so I’ll put a TLDR at the end:
During the summer of 2022, I got a sinus infection, something I’m prone to so I did what I usually did for home treatment. It didn’t go away so I went to my mom about it who blamed the masks for it and just told me it wasn’t as bad as I was making it out to be.
I continued with home care and it didn’t go away- instead, it got worse, I was throwing up food water and my pills for other unrelated issues. I begged my mom to take me to which she replied by saying they’ll have to give me a shot.
After a couple of days, she relents and takes me in where the doctor said I was dehydrated and my lack of pills being taken caused it. They pumped some fluids on me via an IV and sent me on my way.
On the way out I peed myself (something I hadn’t done since I was 5) and Mom just bought me new pants and made me continue on my way.
We almost went out to eat and then home when I had “seizure-like activity” (doctor’s words not mine) in the back of the truck scaring my little brother.
We finally got to ER number two where they gave me an MRI to find out my brain was swollen and had med flight crew come and get me *didn’t get to fly since the weather was bad so was in an ambulance*.
After months of recovery including learning how to walk again, I’m mostly okay – tics, memory issues, severe headaches and if I get a major sinus infection again I could pass away.
Now onto why I’m posting this- my mother changes the story where I never begged her to go and highlights how I urinated and vomited on myself every time it’s brought up which makes me embarrassed. She never talks about her actions and one day I screamed at her telling her how humiliating it is for everyone to know.
She said I was being ungrateful and she went through stuff too. Should I have not been so harsh?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ My daughter is your age. I certainly would not want to bring up anything embarrassing to her. So you got tired of your mother, not considering your feelings.
Hopefully, she gets it. You’re right that your mother wants to change the story. But the story is that you’re a miracle.” Having-hope3594
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but the best way to stop this is to fight fire with fire. My sister loved to tell a stupid childhood story that painted me in a bad light.
One day it dawned on me that she did things a lot worse than I ever did, so, the next time she started that story, I said, “Oh I’ve got a good one about you – remember the time when…” That stopped her in her tracks.
She tried to tell the story a few more times and each time I responded the same way. It’s been years and she has never brought up that story again. You just need to dig around in your mom’s past (talk to her relatives) and learn about an embarrassing situation that you can share with others every time she decides to spin the truth of your story.” Reasonable_Tenacity
21. AITJ For Calling My Husband's Family Idiots After Their Insensitive Comments?
“My husband’s family keeps giving us advice and I thought that advice was dumb so I told him and now he’s quiet.
I will try to keep this short and to the point.
I (31F) told my husband (32M) that his family is dumb. We have been married for 7 years and have built a beautiful life together. He is an amazing partner and father to our 2 girls and I love him dearly.
We met in college which was 6 hours away from our home cities so we never really met each other’s families until the wedding.
Everything seemed fine they were all so nice and accepting and I got along with everyone. There were occasional yellow flags and my husband warned me of some family members, but for 2 years everything was great. Then I got pregnant with our first daughter. (I will now list out the major flags I have clocked)
-We had been trying for a year and had a few miscarriages. His sister responded with “Ugh this baby is going to be more important than me! And has already ruined our plans for the summer”
-While pregnant in 2020 I found out alone that my placenta wasn’t giving her enough nutrients and oxygen so we had to induce labor so she could grow.
I was so sad and scared so I just made a general social media post to inform family and friends. His mom’s response “Why did all these people on social media find out about this before me?!” Didn’t ask how I was or the baby just mad she wasn’t the first to know
The daughter is perfect, she is beautiful, silly, full of attitude, happy, and autistic. His mother comments on the size of her nose, and how dark she gets in the summer. (I’m black and my husband is white)
Now the moment I commented on his family that I finally lost it was when his uncle told us that we just needed to feed her raw milk for 6 weeks to cure her!
I’m not confrontational so I told them that’s not how Autism works and it’s not some deadly disease that needs curing.
When we were home I was fuming over another fix for our daughter and why isn’t she like her sister’s comment that I said his family were a bunch of idiots.
He got really quiet and hasn’t brought it up. But now when his mom calls he doesn’t tell me about it and sometimes leaves the room. I know some of what I was feeling was justified, but should I not have told him how I felt about some of his family members?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m leaning NTJ. What you said was mild based on their behavior. Does your husband not call his family out on any of this behavior?? If not, I hope you have a talk with him about it, because, in my opinion, that’s a yellow flag, maybe even a red one.
>His mother comments on the size of her nose, and how dark she gets in the summer. >his uncle told us that we just needed to feed her raw milk for 6 weeks to cure her! These are unacceptable. I hope he doesn’t just ignore their comments.” 5ftGoliath
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you said it alone to your spouse not to them. But the racist comments would’ve been the straw for me. Tell your husband you didn’t mean to name call but their suggestion is idiotic because it’s harmful and dangerous. Also, why is he ok with this?
They don’t seem very nice to me.” Character-Twist-1409
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve made a fair judgment about your in-laws. Your husband needs to be the one defending you and his child. Tell him you love him and appreciate the good points in most family members but their comments are idiotic.
You saying so might irritate him but their lack of care for you and your daughter is more than irritating, it’s uncaring and the skin comment is racist.” au5000
20. AITJ For Making My Son With ASD Pay For A New Pizza After He Ate The Whole Family's Pizza?
“I 45F, have two kids: 14M and 17F. My son has high-functioning autism, and honestly, most people cannot tell, but it comes out in certain aspects of his relationships such as thinking about others, compassion, etc. My son also eats much food- way more than someone his age.
He is not overweight in any way so the doctors have not considered this a problem.
Here comes the problem- for years when we have ordered food, he has neglected to realize that the food we order is for the whole family, not just him.
My husband and I have spoken to him about this multiple times, and he usually just apologizes. We are working on this with his therapist, among other issues he has.
On Friday, my daughter had work after school so she drove there while my son took the bus home.
He said he was hungry so I ordered a pizza and told him to save some for his father and sister. I only took a slice. Usually, my daughter does not eat much (1-2 slices), and the same thing with my husband. That would’ve left him with 5 slices of a LARGE pizza.
About 2 hours later, my daughter comes home and sees the pizza box empty and starts crying. She usually is not one to complain about food and will usually just make her food but she did not have time to eat before work today and during lunch, she was making up a test, so she did not eat since breakfast.
I was furious at my son and deducted the money for a new pizza plus a generous tip to the delivery driver from my son’s bank account. My son saw it and now he is angry. My daughter thought it was the right thing to do, especially when this is about the 3rd time it has happened to her.
My son reasons that he doesn’t work so his only sources of income are for his birthday and Christmas, so my daughter should’ve paid since she has a job. My husband and I both are on board with what I did, but idk, is my son right?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Having Autism is not an excuse for eating the entire dinner and leaving none for the rest of the family, even after being explicitly told not to do so. Having autism is also not a shield against the natural consequences of his actions.
He ate the entire large pizza that was the entire family’s dinner, and you had to order another one. It was only fair that he paid for it. In the future, perhaps it’s best to affirmatively set aside the food for your husband and daughter and yourself (labeled so there can be no confusion) and then let him eat.
Also, there are some diseases that either lead to extreme hunger or prevent the full cues from registering in your brain/body.” Little_Loki918
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is a perfect natural consequence. If he was still hungry, he could have made himself some food, but he chose to eat everyone else’s. He pays for that.
Why on earth should his sister buy him dinner? It’s not about him being autistic, as he knows what the deal is… He’s just a selfish teenager, and needs to learn that being selfish has consequences.” EffableFornent
Another User Comments:
“This has nothing to do with ASD, this has to do with your son being an entitled jerk. > My daughter should’ve paid He ate her portion and expects her to pay for it?
Usually, when you point out to someone with ASD that they’ve behaved badly they are apologetic, he just didn’t care until there were consequences and even then he’s sorry for himself, not his sister.” Pretzelmamma
19. AITJ For Sending A Venmo Request To My Roommate's Partner Asking To Pay Rent For My Absence?
“My roommate Eric (23M) and I (24M) recently moved to a new apartment. Our old one was spacious and the bedrooms were on opposite sides of the apartment so we couldn’t hear each other without yelling. Our new apartment is much smaller – the bedrooms and kitchen are all right next to each other.
We can hear each other from our respective bedrooms when talking at a normal volume. Both of our partners hate this. This isn’t a big problem for me since my partner lives alone and we normally hang out at hers. It is for my roommate’s partner, Hannah (22F).
She has three roommates in her cramped apartment and spends a lot of time at ours.
I was eating a snack and watching some Netflix on my laptop in our kitchen a couple of nights ago while Eric had Hannah over. While Eric was taking a shower, Hannah came out to chat.
She started with pleasantries but quickly got to the point and asked that I spend more time in my room while she was over, and she’d appreciate it as a girl. I explained that I normally do but I like eating in my kitchen. She asked if I could eat at my desk, I told her it’s more spacious and comfortable out here since our dining table is bigger.
Hannah then said that she was uncomfortable with me being out here while she was over and that she’d appreciate it if I could respect her and Eric’s privacy.
The thing is, I give them plenty of privacy. I’m at my partner’s a couple nights a week and I travel decently often.
Eric has my location and can always text to confirm he has an empty apartment. I’m also not listening in on them like a weirdo. I’m usually wearing headphones and if I ever hear them having a private moment while I’m in the kitchen, I’ll retreat to my room because that’s super awkward.
I responded to Hannah, “Sure, no problem, one second” and sent her a Venmo request for $2300. Told Hannah that if she pays my share of rent then I’ll leave my apartment whenever she’s here.
She got really upset and as soon as Eric got out of his shower she was on his back asking him to get his creepy roommate to stop bothering them.
I explained the situation and Eric backed me up, telling Hannah that I have a right to be wherever in my own apartment. But later on, Eric texted me asking to be nicer and more diplomatic in the future since my snarky Venmo request got him in trouble with Hannah.
AITJ for refusing to budge and for doing so in a snarky way?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and that’s…. honestly weird? My roommates always got along with my partners so maybe I’m just biased, but if you’re not knocking on his door while they’re in his room or like, watching movies with them while they’re doing “date nights” or whatever I don’t see what the problem is.
My old roommate once brought home Pokemon Snap because my then-partner, now-wife had mentioned missing it (this was before the Switch was invented let alone remade Snap lol), and we all three played together and had a GREAT time. He minded his own business most of the time while she was over but we never felt the need to shoo him out.
Especially not if he were just?? Eating? Hannah sounds like a brat lmao” korretto
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This was genuinely hilarious. She’s deluded. Is telling Eric he’s free to split your share of rent with Hannah diplomatic? Hannah’s requests were outlandish and honestly, she shouldn’t feel comfortable asking that AT ALL.
I’d spend even more time in the apt and the common spaces tbh. Get your money’s worth.” chaenukyun
18. AITJ For Being Upset That My Friend Applied For The Same Job As Me?
“So I work in the public utility industry. I recently was informed of a board member’s retirement and told I should apply for the position. I am very excited because it is going to give me some invaluable experience and knowledge.
Anyway, I was talking with my friend, who also works with me about the position. It comes with a small monthly stipend for serving on the board. Not necessarily money I need, but it’s a bonus for me. I would still want the position if it didn’t come with any extra money because I want the experience for my resume.
Anyway, this friend I was talking to about the position tells me that they are going to apply too because they want the extra money. I said I was offended because I want it for resume building and the friend doesn’t care about that aspect.
This friend then told me they didn’t care about my feelings and that I didn’t need the money so I shouldn’t even apply. I got upset because I thought our friendship meant more. This friend and I spend time together with our children, and we have done a lot to help each other out in the past.
I withdrew from the conversation immediately and have had a hard time talking to them because of this since it happened. I feel like I might be overreacting, and I’m not sure what should be done.
I would like to add my friend would know nothing about this position if it wasn’t for me talking with them about it because it is for a different organization and the manager for that organization told me about it personally.
I have also done a lot to help my friend financially within the last year. For instance, I support their small business by purchasing items from them and helping them source clients. I volunteer my time to help them with their inventory. And I helped this friend get hired for a job within my company.
This friend is a single parent, so yes the money would be helpful to them, but it would not be life-changing. It is about $200 a month. The position they work in is going to come with a $10/hour raise soon. I was also offered their position first as well, but I thought of my friend before myself because I knew they needed the money more than me.
Now this friend has a career and I am stuck in a dead-end job and want experience and networking opportunities so I can find a career for myself.
I don’t think I’m the jerk here, but am I?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You want the job for resume building, and he wants the job for the money.
Neither is a more or less valid reason for wanting the position. Also, an extra $200/mo could be life-changing for some people. You also just learned that your previous sacrifice to your friend was unnecessary. I’m not saying you should step on other people to get ahead at work, but if the position was offered to your first, fair and square, you could have taken it, and it wouldn’t have made you the jerk.” anothertypicalcmmnt
Another User Comments:
“Your friend was a bit rude, but yes, YTJ If you didn’t want to compete with your friend for a job they would otherwise not know about, maybe you shouldn’t have told them about it. Your circumstances are irrelevant. You wanting the job to boost your resume is not a better reason to apply for the job than your friend wanting it for the stipend.
If you both applied for the job and your friend was the candidate accepted, the people evaluating applications must have thought your friend was a better fit.” pudah_et
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as long as you keep your feelings to yourself. You both are entitled to apply for the job no matter the reasons.
TBH you shouldn’t have blabbed about it. It’s a tough lesson to keep your cards close to your chest, even with friends. Be satisfied that you will present your best self when you go for the job. Be the best fatharrylobster you can be instead of a second and inferior other person.” InternationalWeb8763
17. AITJ For Making A Scrapbook About My Stepson's Biological Mom For His Birthday?
“I (35f) met my husband (Roy) (38m) and have been married for 2 years. He has a son (18m) who we call “Max” from a previous partner. She had Max young and she sadly passed away by childbirth. Max only knows about his mom because of the stories his dad had told him.
He always had help from his mom growing up while being a single dad. Max and I have a good relationship. He knows I am not trying to replace his mom. He calls me mom and the first time, it was emotional for the three of us.
I do see him as my own, but I do not force anything on him. MIL (65f) and I have a good relationship. I can’t say the same as the relationship with Roy’s previous partner. She never liked her and she made Roy a father at a young age.
Now to the issue:
Max’s 18th birthday was yesterday. We all had a great time and Max had a blast with his friends and family. He wanted a bbq party (he LOVES bbq). A few months ago I was thinking of making a scrapbook about his mom and her past. I talked to Roy about this and he loved the idea.
So we went to work. We contacted her parents and they loved the idea. We got copies of all the pictures we wanted. We also wrote down some stories about her. It looked amazing in my opinion.
So yesterday was his birthday and after all the presents we gave ours (we also had other presents).
He absolutely loved it. He looked so happy with it!! I saw my MIL’s face and I knew she hated it.
After the party, she came to me while I was putting leftovers in the fridge and asked me what that was all about. I just told her that we wanted to give him something special about his mom and have photos and memories about her that he can always look at.
She started freaking out telling me that she was no real parent and that she was trapping my husband (which did not happen, there was a shock but they eventually wanted the baby). I was done with her hate for this woman and told her to leave.
Now she is texting all my husband’s family that what I did was wrong. I don’t know how I did anything wrong????????? Max loved the gift!
AITJ for giving the scrapbook or was it a bad idea?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. Creating a scrapbook to honor Max’s mom is a thoughtful, meaningful gesture.
You wanted to give him something special that helps him connect with his mother’s memory. If Max and your husband loved it, that’s what matters most. It’s tough when family has differing opinions, but you had good intentions and did something really special for Max” Affectionate-Pea6090
Another User Comments:
“Your mother-in-law can’t forgive a woman who has been dead for years? A woman who gave her a grandson? She is badmouthing you over a scrapbook? Your mother-in-law might be an actual evil witch. Does she really (REALLY) celebrate Halloween? Pay no heed to her and get on with your lives.
You did a lovely thing for your son. He loved the gift and the gesture. That is all that matters. P.S. You sound like one of the normal ones in this situation.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re an amazing Mom. You put so much work, time, effort, and love into making something special for your son.
The way you embrace the connection to his biological Mom rather than shunning it truly is beautiful. Your MIL on the other hand, I don’t think I have the words, she has a bitterness in her heart. Being charitable maybe she feels a bit left out after the help she put forward with him growing up.
None of that is your problem.” FeedsBlackBats
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Reconcile With My Sister-In-Law After She Kicked Us Out?
“My wife and I agreed to help my wife’s sister with her two young kids. She moved into a big house, is a single mother, and is a president of a company.
Before she moved, we would help out a lot with the kids, overnights, taking her to sporting events, taking her to school, picking her up from school, helping with her dogs, etc.
We rented out our home, and moved into her house with our senior dogs start of the year, with the promise of her renovating the basement into a fully functional house with everything we needed. That never happened. We decided to tell her in July it was best we move back home after a year as she was not able to fulfill her promise, and we needed our own space and that was not going to happen clearly.
She was silent and never said anything. Refused to listen more to my wife who wanted to help with coordinating schedules so she could still help with the kids after school.
August 1st she just sent via text to move out that weekend, and would tell the kids we were just on vacation but she wanted us out of the house ASAP.
It was devastating and a surprise. Especially how close we are to the kids. My wife made quick arrangements to stay with our close friends. It was decided I would move 2 hours away with our dogs as I work from home and staying with my wife’s mother was the best option while she stayed with our friends in town as it was down the street from her work.
I want nothing to do with her ever for what she did. She continues to gaslight us and say we never did anything in the house. We took care of everything, she only saw us in the evenings when she came home late when we were on the couch before we went to bed. We took care of the kids, and the house (she is the filthy person to clean up after) and said we didn’t do anything at home and doesn’t know why we invited ourselves to live at her house!
My wife wants to make nice and move past to see the kids, however, I will not be doing anything of the sort as she damaged us financially and emotionally. It took a toll on my wife and I’s relationship and my mental health.
AITJ here for not ever wanting that woman in my life again?
I want to speak so bad to her, but told them it’s best to just be quiet.”
Another User Comments:
“I am a landlord and after reading the replies you left you SIL broke the law. What she did is called an illegal eviction. It varies from state to state but you are required by law to give someone 30-45 days to move out.
You could take her to the cleaners if you sue her.” Solid-Feature-7678
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I’m pretty sure your sister-in-law missed the memo on how the family works. It sounds like she pulled a classic “thanks for the help, now get out” move.
Moving in was supposed to be a team effort, not a free babysitting service with a side of emotional whiplash. Understandably, your wife wants to keep the peace for the kids, but you’ve got to protect your mental health first. Maybe send her a card that says, “Wish you were here… in a more functional way!” But really, take care of yourselves—life’s too short for family drama that leaves you feeling like you just binge-watched a bad reality show.” Zealousideal_Elk2208
15. AITJ For Not Inviting A Friend To Our Small Business Owners' Christmas Party?
“In my (30f) wider friend group most of the guys work for the same big company. They have this huge Christmas party every year and our wives/partners get to go as their +1. While some of the girls also work for different companies, three of us run our small businesses.
One day I was chatting with the other two business owners about this year’s Christmas party at the big company. One of them mentioned how sad it is that we, small business owners, don’t get to have our own company Christmas parties like everyone else.
No one is ever giving speeches about how well we’ve done this year and how grateful they are for our long hours and hard work. So we came up with the idea that the three of us should make our own joint “company” Christmas party this year.
No big speeches or anything, we just get together, dress up nicely, and go out for a fancy dinner. And this time the guys would be the +1s and not us. This is very important to me because I’ve lived in the shadows of my significant others before.
I have worked in the same field or even at the same company as they did while earning less or having a job title that’s below theirs – knowing that I am just as good at what I do, as they were. This party would hopefully lift my spirits and self-confidence in my current work.
Now a few days ago, another girl, who is in our friend group but is not a business owner, heard about our plans and she told one of the girls that we hurt her feelings because we (specifically me) are excluding her from our Christmas party.
Truth be told, she is not my favorite person. There has been beef between us before, and if it was up to me, I would not invite her anywhere. I am only friends with her because my friends are. But I do take care that she doesn’t feel left out, I always invite her to gatherings where the entire friend group is invited, etc. She is not the only one in our friend group that has not been invited. And it’s not like she’s missing out, since they will have a company Christmas party at her workplace too – to which we are not invited. I don’t want to invite her to our small business party, but the others feel bad for this girl and want to invite her.
In my opinion, inviting her defeats the whole purpose of the party and I told them I’d rather cancel the party altogether. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s annoying to me that people want to force themselves into situations where they’re not wanted. If the purpose of the party is to have a good time then having her there negates that.
I too would rather cancel the event than put up with someone like that especially when they have their party to destroy or go to.” Lay-ZFair
14. AITJ For Cutting Contact With My Birth Parents And Not Inviting Them To My Birthday Party?
“I (16m) was adopted and my birth parents chose an open adoption because they wanted to know about me and see me sometimes. My parents were very willing to do that. They had an open adoption with my sister Mylee (19f) and always wanted to allow us to have connections to our birth families.
For the first 7ish years the open adoption meant a phone call once a year and one visit with my parents sending updates to my birth family. Mylee had more contact with her birth family but in different ways. Our contact levels were always really different.
But after my birth parents had another child when I was 7/8ish they wanted more contact and for me to know my “siblings”. I say “siblings” because while I’m biologically related to their kids, my siblings are Mylee, Jamie (22m), and Kiara (24). Jamie and Kiara are my parent’s bio kids.
I never felt that close to my birth parents or birth siblings and I never really enjoyed spending time with them. If they had disappeared from my life it wouldn’t have upset me. But over the last few years, stuff got more complicated because my birth siblings started expressing a lot of jealousy of my siblings and being weirdly territorial with me.
They’d try to get between me and my siblings when we’d sit together. They would ignore them other times if my siblings tried talking to them. We also had situations where they would scream and cry and want me to go home with them and my birth parents would try to pressure my parents to force me because my birth parents knew I didn’t want to go.
My birth parents blamed my parents for me not wanting to have sleepovers at their house and things like that. My parents never ended the open part of the adoption because they didn’t want to be the people who came between their kids and their kids’ bio parents/families.
But with how old I am now, I talked to my parents and told them I wanted to end contact and didn’t want to include them in my 16th birthday not too long ago. They understood and agreed they would respect my decision. Turns out my birth mother had another social media account with a different name and she was social media friends with mom on that too.
She saw photos from my birthday party and then confronted me over it on social media. She told me my “real siblings” would be so crushed to be cut out of my life like this how much they adore me and how they would have loved my 16th birthday party.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ and I am so sorry that you’re in the middle of this. I was adopted and adopted my child. Open adoption is very unfair to adoptees but people don’t realize that it completely robs us of choice and agency in our adoption.
You need to simply cut all contact with your birth family. They are not able to be in a healthy relationship with you. Because they know you’re identity, you will have to deal with this for a while but with luck, they will eventually stop.
Just do not engage with them.” EmceeSuzy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It sounds like your birth parents have essentially caused you to want to keep away because of their overbearing attitude. The first siblings are still young and don’t need to know about things like a 16th birthday party. Did your mom know that that other social media account was held by the birth mom or was she deceived?
This seems way too intrusive and it seems like the more you would include them the more they would want to be all in your life. ” Having-hope3594
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your birth parents adopted you out for whatever reason. That’s cool. Now they want to play “happy family” with you when you have your own family.
That’s not cool. You are doing the right thing by establishing boundaries so they do not negatively impact your life. They do not get to come between you and your adoptive family. They gave up any say in your life when they adopted you out.
Focus on what is best for you and your future. Your adoptive family is your family. These people are strangers who decided to force their way into your life. You are right to cut contact to prevent any more damage to your relationship with your family.” WhereWeretheAdults
13. AITJ For Demoting My Sister From Bridesmaid Over Unpaid Bachelorette Party Debt?
“My sister, friend, best friend(maid of honor) and I took a trip to Vegas as part of my bachelorette. My sister has a history of not paying people back, including me but it was smaller things like restaurants so I let it go.
I knew this and wanted to put my card down for the hotel, food, etc, and have my bridesmaids pay me back. But my best friend said she would because it’s not right for a bride to do it. I thought there was no way my sister wouldn’t pay her back, I thought shame would make her do it so I agreed.
We got a 2 bedroom suite and it was 2 nights in Vegas. We agreed to split everything. I paid my portion as well and each person owed $600 not including flights. What I didn’t know was my sister asked my best friend if she could put her flight on her card as well because she was maxed out on her credit card.
I did not know this and my best friend thought it wasn’t a big deal. So my sister now owes my best friend $800. She waited for her to pay her back for 6 months and then mentioned it the last time we had coffee. She admitted she didn’t want to tell me because she was supposed to handle everything but my sister has not replied to any of her communications.
I asked my sister who said she was broke and told me to please smooth things over with my best friend. I have no idea how I’m just supposed to convince her $800 loss is ok. I told her she needed to pay her back and she got angry and yelled at me saying she wouldn’t have attended the bachelorette if she knew it was so expensive and it was my fault she was now in debt to my friend.
I’m pretty angry but I couldn’t do anything and paid back my friend and removed her from the bridesmaid list. I told her she could come as a guest but as being a bridesmaid is expensive then she doesn’t have to be one.
She got mad and said it would be humiliating if she showed up as a guest and told our mom. My mom said I should just cover the cost but let her be a bridesmaid for the sake of us being family. I’m conflicted because I did do a Vegas bachelorette but my sister never told me she is broke.
I don’t even know if she is broke, she has a good job and she is known for sometimes skipping out on paying the bill. But AITJ for downgrading her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry, your sister messed around and found out. I can’t imagine the cost of the trip didn’t come up beforehand, and she knew she owed your friend afterward and blew her off for months.
Which is what a spoiled child does. She’s expecting other people will just clean up her mess as usual. Well if you stop cleaning up her messes, she has to sit in them. Let her. Either she pays you back and prepays all her bridesmaid obligations, or she is out.
And don’t let Mom and Dad bail her out either. She needs to take the responsibility. And if people ask at the wedding why she is not a bridesmaid, simply tell them to go ask her.” tictac toss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…I’m so sick of people saying “Just do it, because we’re family” to keep the peace.
Be strong and take a stand on this one. Do not let her be a bridesmaid if she doesn’t pay you back BEFORE the wedding for the trip and if she can’t afford her bridesmaid dress…oh well. And….anybody who has anything to say about it can pay for her.
Stop being used by your sister. Forget the family!!!” tired little pigeon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your sister needs to learn, if you borrow money, you pay it back. Does your best friend know you paid the money back or does she think your sister did, if she knows it was you, the best friend might not be comfortable being around your sister anymore.
Don’t feel bad about your bachelorette party, your sister knew, she wasn’t forced to attend. And she didn’t have to lie about paying the money back she borrowed. Don’t add her back as a bridesmaid, tell her she’ll be a guest, or she can stay home.
She knew she wasn’t going to pay the money when she asked for it, family or not, she has no right to use people and expect everything to be ok.” LosAngel1935
12. AITJ For Confronting My Cousin After He Made My Sick Mother Cry?
“So, I (F25) have an elder cousin (M27) who is a literal pick-me child. I admit that his family losses (nephew & oldest brother) took a toll on him, especially after his eldest sister turned to substances after having and watching his mom, my aunt (who hates me) deteriorate over time because she took custody of all 3 kids.
Growing up he (M27) was very close with my younger brother until we ended up in our dad’s mother’s custody in 2011. We grew up and grew apart, and I was the only one out of my 3 siblings who came back home. Well, my brother told me to notify said cousin that he was coming home since my cousin and I work at the same place.
My brother was super excited. So, I pulled my cousin aside and told him, only to be met with a very cold selfish response from him regarding the news. I was taken aback and upset by his attitude. This cousin told me that he was going to be working and that he had no time for childish nonsense anymore.
Okay cool.
This cousin then went to his mother and lied to her saying that I screamed at her son halfway across the workplace and embarrassed him. My aunt is also my mother’s sister. My mother is completely disabled and in a nursing home.
I’m EXTREMELY protective over her since I found out about my 3rd sibling passing back in Nov. My aunt chose to call my mother and screamed at her for over an hour about me embarrassing her son at work and that I needed to stop harassing him.
My mother called me crying and begged me to leave him alone to keep the peace. So I did, until it ate at me and ate at me until I snapped. You don’t make my mom cry and get away with it.
So today I confronted my cousin telling him that the next time he has an issue with me to address me as an adult or keep his mouth shut because if my mother calls me crying again because of his mother’s need to defend a male child that both of them will face legal issues.
He then pulled me aside saying I was being childish. I said no, that my mother was sick, and I didn’t need the stress of being a 7-week high-risk pregnant female. I’m my mother’s POA and I may be placing a no-contact order between my mother and aunt for now because I no longer believe my aunt is mentally okay due to her hatred of me and the loss of her son and grandson.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Don’t talk to that cousin again, unless it’s work-related, and try to do it via email or text. He sounds a bit unhinged and delusional if he is going to lie to get his mommy to feel sorry for him.
Ban your aunt from talking to your mother. Screaming for an hour is abusive and unstable behavior. Protect your mom and protect your unborn from these stressful petty people. Good luck and congrats. NTJ” Rohini_rambles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ regarding the family relationships, protect your mom from these unhappy relatives.
But do be more careful at work, you don’t want to lose your job over this nonsense. You might want to let your manager know there is some family drama going on, you’re fine working with your cousin and won’t let it affect your work.
Just so the manager is ready if cousin makes false accusations.” Internal_Home_9483
11. AITJ For Wanting To Confront My Friend About His Unrealistic YouTube Dreams?
“I have a YouTube channel with a few thousand subscribers and monetization. I know it isn’t a whole lot but I’ve seen some level of success posting on YouTube. When my channel really started to pick up some of my friends wanted to get in on the action so they created channels.
Most of them created nothing too serious just some gaming edit-type videos.
This would be fun and all but I have one friend that is down on his luck you could say. This particular friend is putting so much faith into becoming some internet celebrity to the point that’s almost all they talk about.
This has been going on for over a year while the friend puts in little effort but all of their mind. What I mean by all of their minds is they don’t have any real plans for the future, they are hoping if they grind out some low-effort content YouTube will just come down and bail them out.
I’m a supportive friend but this person hasn’t seen any level of success and I genuinely think their time would be better spent doing something else. (I know subscribers aren’t too important but just for context this friend has around 30 subs)
I’d also like to mention I’m not just assuming this person was inspired by me to create a channel, they’ve told me directly.
This friend is always comparing their channel to mine saying things like this video performed better than one of your old videos. Not to mention the fact that their channel name is very similar to mine.
It seems like nowadays people have this weird perception of YouTube where they think everyone should have a channel and they NEED to upload videos.
It’s fine to not have a YouTube channel and I feel like seeing a small level of success put some unneeded pressure on this particular friend. I guess it’s worth mentioning this is the “get rich quick” type of person. YouTube even on a small level is a huge time sink, and this friend has more responsibilities than me (kids).
I don’t know if I’m being too critical. I want to see this friend succeed and achieve whatever dreams they have but I feel like the YouTube plague got to them. They are only motivated by potentially getting money. I don’t think what they are doing is healthy or adds any value to their life at all.
All this being said I might be reading into it too much.
Would I be the jerk if I confronted this friend about YouTube? I haven’t said anything super negative because I fear they will take it the wrong way.”
Another User Comments:
“It’s a tricky situation.
You have good intentions, but telling your friend to quit something they’re passionate about could come off as discouraging, especially if they’re already feeling down. Instead of telling them to quit outright, maybe you could guide them toward balancing their YouTube efforts with other responsibilities, and gently point out that success on YouTube often takes time, effort, and a lot of luck.
Encouragement and a reality check can go hand in hand without being harsh.” SpicySassiex
Another User Comments:
“I think what OP is saying though is that this dude is trying to avoid having an 8-hour-a-day lifestyle and is hoping to hit some sort of lottery with low-effort content.
And instead of putting time and effort into the craft, he just wants to talk about it all the time. Which, at the end of the day is just talking nonsense. If I were OP I would probably encourage them to find some sort of stable full-time employment to support his family and in whatever spare time he has put the work and effort into creating quality content and slowly building a following and brand.
If the content starts to take off then by all means quit the other job and go full-on into content creation. As a father that’s what I would suggest, more so in the interest of his kids than his chasing of desire” Aggravating_Aside790
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Idk why all these weirdos saying YWBTA. Friends have this kind of talk. As a friend, you should be honest, blunt, and caring. I can tell these people never had real friends they call family. If you care for their well-being, you should bring it up and explain it to them.
Sounds like he is about to have a mid-life crisis” UncertifiedFoo
10. AITJ For Resenting My In-Laws' Expectation Of Full-Time Babysitting During Visits?
“Whenever I’m visiting the in-laws (~3-4 times per year), we stay at my brother-in-law’s house because they have an extra bedroom (and also insist we stay with them).
My brother-in-law and his wife expect nearly 24/7 babysitting because I’m not working during these trips. They leave my niece with me and start asking and telling me to do things like feed her, why doesn’t she read a book with me, and not to let her watch TV.
They just disappear into their worlds the whole day (one goes to work and the other works at home).
I don’t mind helping out for a few hours here and there but being expected to just watch her the whole day during the whole vacation (if I don’t have plans outside of the house) seems excessive to me and I find myself growing very resentful.
I honestly don’t understand what they do when I’m not around as they don’t have a babysitter normally. Whenever I express that I’m tired or try to get away for some rest, they end up commenting later on in a “joking” way about how I and my husband should reconsider having kids in the future since we get tired so easily.
Or that we should watch my niece for a longer period (i.e. weeks) before seriously considering a child. These comments rub me the wrong way and seem so inappropriate to me because having a child is a lot of work, but just because I don’t want to watch their child 24/7 doesn’t mean they can say such rude things to me.
I’ve complained to my husband a few times but he seems to think that this is all normal and that this level of expectation for babysitting is also totally normal and “part of the culture” (they are South Asian). However, I’m not sure if this is the case because they tried to have their other sibling (sister) who lives in the same city agree to schedule babysitting their kid one to two weekends every month and they refused leading to a small fight.
Recently I got so annoyed at their behavior over the past few trips (especially leaving their child with me and my husband when we have been feeling unwell and sick), that I told my husband that I don’t like his brother and think that him and his wife are extremely self-centered and demanding people who are bad parents because they are always trying to pawn their kid off on other people.
This started a big fight as my husband felt close to his brother.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Of course, they insist you stay with them because they get to force you to be their full-time babysitter for the duration of your vacation.
They are taking advantage of you and moving forward I would just refuse to stay with them. As for the argument with your husband, I would just tell him that they don’t even have enough respect to ask if you can watch their child, they just pawn her off on you and leave and it’s not right.
Maybe that’s “normal” in their family but it’s not for you, and you’re not comfortable with it.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your in-laws are completely out of their lane, expecting you to spend your entire vacation providing free childcare. Start making extensive plans outside the home when you visit.
See everything there is to see in that area. Visit all the relations. Leave the house and go to a coffeehouse to read. If you have to be in their house, nap. A LOT. And if none of that works, let your husband visit his family on his own next time while you go do something you would enjoy.
Good luck!” PrairieGrrl5263
Another User Comments:
“Life is short and spending your vacations having your arm twisted into babysitting someone else’s child is probably not what you need. You need to be able to unwind and recharge your batteries when you are on vacation. To me, it sounds like your problem is your husband because he seems to agree with staying with his brother and gets upset when you don’t like that.
Does your husband participate in this babysitting or is it mostly you doing the babysitting while your husband goes off by himself to relax? Does your husband care that you are coming back from your “vacations” having not had any relaxation? I like the idea of the poster who suggested that you go off to a hotel and let your husband stay with his brother and babysit if he wants.” Reasonable-Sale8611
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Best Friend To Move In Without A License Or Future Prospects?
“I am 21f my husband is 21f, and my best friend is 19f (we will call her Sally) if any of that matters. Please don’t leave comments in regards to us being married so young is a mistake, as that is irrelevant to my question but I constantly get comments about it on here.
My husband and I have our apartment together, and we have come to realize it is fairly expensive to live on our own we live and were considering the possibility of a roommate when our lease runs out. My best friend has had a rather rough living situation and has moved in with her older sister.
Her older sister wants to buy a house next year so Sally will need to find somewhere else to go. I previously suggested that Sally, my husband, and I all get a place together. When I suggested this, she had plans to go to cosmetology school and get a driver’s license, with her sister’s help.
The issue is, that she no longer cares about getting a license or has any interest in a future career. She works a warehouse job making a couple of dollars over minimum wage, which doesn’t go very far where we live. She also claims her anxiety is too much for driving so she won’t even go get her driver’s permit and try to learn.
She says that she doesn’t need one because she wants to move to Europe and hates America, and she doesn’t care about a future career because she needs to focus on right now.
I am concerned that she is going to want to stay with us long term (5+ years) and not make any effort to move on her own when the time comes.
I am also worried she is regularly going to ask me to buy her groceries and ask for rides and I don’t have the means to care for another person financially. She already asks her sister for money often asks me for rides and doesn’t help with gas money.
The reason I view a license as important is that she spends $80+ Ubering every day, and with the cost of living here, I fear she would miss her portion of the rent spending that kind of money on Uber. I told her I could get her into paid EMT classes with me and could ride with me to work, but the moment she found out she would have to remove her piercings she immediately lost interest.
WIBTJ if I told her I don’t want her to move in without a license and some sort of prospect for her future?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ First, let me say that you seem incredibly mature and forward-thinking for being 21. I admit, I certainly wasn’t that self-aware way back when I was a 21-year-old.
Your reasons for wanting your friend to have a license and better job prospects are very valid. You are correct in thinking she will end up too dependent upon you and I will tell you, it will end up harming your marriage in addition to your friendship with her.
You don’t need the stress and grief it would undoubtedly bring. Explain your reasons to her in a gentle way and retract the offer of letting her move in with you. Remember, the human brain does not finish maturing until we reach 25 years old on average.
She still has time to think of her future and begin to make plans. Neither of you is wrong, you are just way ahead of her in responsible thinking.” 77Megg77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I agree with others this there are just too many red flags and it doesn’t sound like the best option for a roommate.
The thing is if she does get a license she will still need a car. The expenses of a car, gas, maintenance, insurance, etc may not be much less than an Uber. In her situation, it would make the most sense to find somewhere to live where she could walk, bike, or take public transport to work.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Ah, yes- this is a bad, BAD idea unless you want to become her chauffeur and ATM. If she’s your best friend, and this situation goes south, your friendship is going to go with it anyway. It’s great to help people out, but they have to help themselves as well.
If she wants to work a minimum-wage job with no aspirations of growing as a person, that’s fine, but it sounds like she’s setting you up as her surrogate mommy. She’s still young, and she might be a completely different person five years from now.
You can rethink your decision down the road if she grows up. You aren’t the jerk for expecting her to carry her weight and she is not there yet.” c_galen_b
8. AITJ For Wanting My Stepdad, Not My Biological Father, To Walk Me Down The Aisle?
“I (28F) have been seeing my partner (30M) for almost two years now. A couple of weeks ago I had a girl’s night with my best friend, mom, and sister, where we sparked a conversation about when I thought we would get engaged and married. About 45 minutes later, I received a call from my Biological Father( Let’s call him Paul).
I stepped away and answered his call. The call started with our typical “How are you” and “What have you been up to” My normal response is to tell him what I am doing for the time being, which I did. I told him I was having a girl’s night and jokingly mentioned that they were teasing me about getting married soon.
He responded with “You should. I can’t wait to walk my daughter down the aisle” I went silent. For some back story, my mom met Paul while visiting some family out of state. She went back again to visit him a few times when she got pregnant with me.
She came home to have me and Paul never came to see me or visit after I was born.
My Mom started seeing my Dad(her on-and-off partner. let’s call him Steve) when I was only a few months old. Steve has been my Dad since then.
He has raised me and taken care of me all my life. I didn’t know that Paul was my Biological Father until I was about 8. I still have had no real relationship with him since that day. As I got older we have had some communication but nothing very consistent.
So when he mentioned wanting to walk me down the aisle one day when I got married I was caught off guard. I cleared my throat and told Paul that although I would love for him to attend, I would be asking Steve to walk me whenever that day was to come.
I could tell he was more or less angry when he came back and said “But he’s not your father. I Am” Before the conversation could get more heated I simply stated that Steve was indeed my father and I was going to hang up the phone.
I hung up and went on with my girl’s night not giving the conversation another thought until 3 days later I got a long text from Paul explaining why Steve shouldn’t be allowed to walk me down the aisle and how I was insensitive by not thinking he would want to walk me.
I haven’t responded yet but he keeps having my sisters (Paul’s other daughters) try and contact me to say I should see it from his point of view. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A sperm donor and a dad are two different things.
If your sperm donor had been a part of your life, making you his focus, he’d be your dad. But he wasn’t. Steve was there–he was Dad. He did the dad things. Do not let sperm donors manipulate you. Tell your sisters that they can have sperm donors walk THEM down the aisle.
If you do get married, and you have someone other than your mom walk you down the aisle, then please opt for the man who stood up in the role of DAD.” PickleNotaBigDill
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My stepdad raised me. He’s been in my life since I was 2-3 years old.
My sperm donor (as I call him) has never really been around. I saw him maybe a handful of times while growing up. I have a relationship with the rest of his family but not with him. I get it. You want the man who raised you to walk you down the aisle.
& it’s your wedding, your choice. Don’t let anyone guilt trip you into anything you don’t want to do. There’s so much more to parenting than just merely having a physical relation and helping to physically create a child. He did the easy part. Your stepdad has done the hard part.
Your stepdad is 100% your dad.” MentalCasey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You get to choose who you want to play what roles in your wedding, whenever that happens. If you want the man who raised you to act in that role, then ask him. Your bio father chose not to have contact with you, so you found a replacement.
Simple as that. You could have a conversation with your bio father about this if you want to, yes. But I would think that a waste of time and breath, considering you said he’s enlisted your half-sisters into trying to convince you to see things his way.” PrincessReptile
7. AITJ For Wanting To Move My Partner's Mom With Alzheimer's To A Care Facility?
“So I (39f) have been seeing my partner for around six years and we live together.
A couple of years ago my partner’s mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
She was living in an assisted living facility for most of that time, but as she’s gotten worse she’s needed more care. She was living a couple of states away and wanted to stay there, and my partner and I couldn’t relocate to be closer to her because of our jobs.
A couple of months ago we went to visit her and discovered the facility she had been in wasn’t taking proper care of her, so we took time off work to move her out and try to find a better facility for her to stay in.
We came to the mutual decision it would be best to move her to one closer.
We wanted to make sure we moved her into the right place, so we agreed she would stay at our apartment with us for a short period until we found it.
I work in managing a few senior communities, so I told him I would be able to see the signs of which places were good or not, as well as being able to talk to the people I work with to find the best choice.
It’s been about two months since she’s been staying with us, and it’s been hard. We have very little free time together now, and we’ve had to hire 24/7 home health care for her, which means another person in our apartment. To be clear- money is not an issue in this at all.
About a week ago I brought up the topic of moving her into a memory care facility to him, and he almost immediately said no. I know a large part of it is he wants to spend as much time with his mother as possible, especially after being away from her for so long.
I tried to explain to him that there’s a good facility a couple of miles away from where we live, but he’s not having it. I told him I miss being able to relax and have our own space at our apartment, to which he responded I was being selfish.
Yesterday I decided to take a tour of the facility by myself, and when I told him he became upset and hasn’t spoken to me since. So am I the jerk? I know a part of me is being selfish for this, but I do also know it would be much easier on all of us, including his mother if she was staying somewhere specifically dedicated to giving her the care she needs.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. The two of you are not married. Your partner and his mother are the central pair in this family and you are the third wheel. Of course, his primary loyalty is to her. Stop looking for a facility for her and start looking for an apartment for yourself.
I am very sorry to be the bearer of bad news, and it isn’t fair, but to continue in this relationship will require you to put your partner’s mom’s needs above your own. Indefinitely. And even if she passes away or goes into a care facility, it doesn’t mean you’ll be his top priority.” FeedbackCreative8334
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you and your partner need to sit down and have a very serious conversation. It may come to the point that the two of you won’t be able to agree and you might need to move out. I hope it doesn’t come to that, but he’s going against the agreement you had about finding her a place nearby.” LowBalance4404
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You need to tell your partner that his reasons for not placing his mom in a memory facility are bogus, he can visit her there just as easily as in your place. They can provide better care for her than you can even with help from a home service company.
He is being completely unreasonable and frankly obtuse in his thinking. And finally, it is not fair for you to have to put up with this poor situation in his mother’s care. So, no jerk at all, you need to tell him so or it may have a completely unwanted effect on your relationship’s future.
You have to set the boundary and then stick to its implementation. What he is doing is just wrong, for him, for you, and frankly also for his mom.” PumpkinPowerful3292
6. AITJ For Reclaiming My Reserved Bike Spot After Three Years?
“We (My husband 28 and me 27) live in a German city where riding by bike to work or school is very VERY common.
We live in a 10-apartment complex. The apartment has a garden so we have a 3qm garden shed, the apartment complex also has a shared bicycle shed with reserved and numbered spots with personal outlets for e-bike batteries.
The shared shed is very small for the amount of bikes owned in the complex, some neighbors have 3 or 4 bikes per apartment and only 4 apartments have their own small sheds because of the gardens.
6 weeks ago I got an e-bike and started to use our spot in the shared shed to park my bike because I want to load my e-bike and it does not fit in our shed next to our garden equipment and our 2 bikes. Also, the garden shed has no outlet.
Hence us living in Apartment 1 we have the most convenient spot, right in front of the door. It’s easy to move in and out of the shed.
Onto the issue:
Since day 1 someone moved my e-bike away from our spot, squeezed it in some corner or in an open space, and put their own bike in our spot.
The first 2 or 3 times I was scared and thought my e-bike got stolen! It is annoying that I need to look for my bike, and that every time I want to go to work, grocery shopping, or do something else.
After 5 weeks I had enough and taped a paper on my bike that said „Do not move it, this is my reserved spot“.
I know it sounds petty but I spent 20-30 minutes per day looking for my bike and then getting it out of the last corner available, then when coming home I needed to move other bikes to be able to get to my outlet and load my bike.
Today I saw the neighbor moving my bike when I wanted to go grocery shopping. I confronted him and said I didn’t want him to move it and that it was my reserved spot. He yelled at me that I had not used this spot for 3 years and now I was not entitled to it and to put it somewhere else, for example, my garden shed. Another neighbor chimed in and said my neighbor is right.
They both called me a jerk for putting away other bikes to use my spot.
So my question is, AITJ for putting away bikes and disrupting the order that formed the last 3 years to use my spot? Am I no longer entitled to that spot because I did not use it the years before?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Tell them you had no idea they were using your spot without permission for three years but now they have admitted it could they please provide you with compensation? Also to stay out of your spot in the future. You’ll probably have to just keep moving their bikes every day, even if you aren’t using your bike.
Eventually, they will figure out they can’t walk all over you.” GenxBaby2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Report everything to the rental office. They can send out a notice to everyone so that it doesn’t make you look like the bad guy and your stuff gets broken.
Also, suggest that a (preferably hidden) camera be placed inside the shed. Just because you didn’t use the space for your new e-bike doesn’t mean that you automatically forfeit it! They just don’t like to be called out for their behavior, preferring to point their fingers at you.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“So, not really T A, but I don’t think you’re handling this well. This bit of your story interested me … <> It seems to me that despite the letter of the law (i.e., this is your reserved spot), residents have been making do with a first-come, first-served system for a while.
All those bikes have to be stored/charged somewhere. It simply can not be the apartment complex’s rule that “some apartments get to store/charge four bikes, other apartments get none.” Management has dropped the ball on this, and tenants have made their own rules.
Call the management company and ask for clarification. Ask that they send out a memo regarding who gets to park where. Then you can claim your spot.” Active-Anteater1884
5. AITJ For Making An Inside Joke That Offended My Sister-In-Law?
“I (36M) have been married to my wife (37F) for 15 years now. My wife loves the SNL Totino’s sketches, and by love I mean: watches them at least twice a month, and dies laughing every time. She’s weird, but I love her.
So, during a period of staying at home, I got into 3D printing, and my wife even got me my 3D printer for Christmas 2020.
In 2021, before football season started, I got the idea of making her her own Totino’s Super Bowl Activity Pack (it’s from the sketches), and she loved it, and couldn’t stop talking about it even months later. And because of that, I always make her a new one every year.
This year, my brother finally proposed to his long-term partner (late 20s), and they moved closer to us, so we invited them to watch the first game of the season with us. They were there when I gave my wife her activity pack of the year, and I said (verbatim BTW): I was going to give you a different Totino’s experience this year, but arranging a life-changing lesbian experience with my friend’s attractive sister was a bit hard to swing; so, here’s another activity pack to pass the time while we watch the game.
It was a joke, it was *very obviously* a joke, she laughed so hard she had tears in her eyes until my SIL went and ruined the mood. She got upset about me: for infantilizing my wife and being a misogynistic jerk… it was a long rant, that’s what I remember off the top of my head.
We were all surprised, my wife looked at me, I looked back, and then we both turned to my brother. He was just standing there not knowing what to do. And here’s where I might be the jerk. Instead of just explaining that it is an inside joke, offering to show the source material of said joke, or just deescalating; I went and said: You must be really fun at parties, it’s a joke, and the person that was meant to get it (pointing at my wife) seems to like it, so what’s your problem?
She doubled down, my brother finally unfroze and showed her the videos, but she still said that she stood by what she said.
So I just asked her to leave and told her that I don’t want a jealous stick in the mud to ruin a funny tradition I have with my wife.
She left in a huff, my brother followed her, and now both of them, as well as my parents are asking me to apologize for my comments and saying that I behaved like a jerk. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – No need to apologize, of course, she should instead apologize to you.
Like all these types they feel that they are the vanguard of what is right and seek to virtue signal to the rest of the world from their high horse. If she was offended herself, fine she should have calmly stated that and left. But no, she felt the need to ‘protect’ your wife when your wife neither asked for nor needed any protection.
It was in your house, your joke to your wife, your wife loved it, end of story. Leave if you are upset and spare the rest of humanity of your pious crap.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I had no idea what the SNL Tontino’s sketches were, I just googled and watched a couple of videos.
So funny! And it made sense of your “lesbian experience” joke. Which, is hysterical by the way! You and your wife sound awesome and fun, and I don’t think you have anything to apologize for. The SIL sounds like a total drag. I wouldn’t even waste time on the situation.
Let it all blow over. Just know that in the future, this is the stuff you’ll have to deal with and proceed accordingly.” 89mountie
4. AITJ For Asking My Roommate To Flush Her Used Toilet Paper Instead Of Throwing It In The Trash?
“I (19F, white) have been living with my college roommate (19F, Hispanic) for the past two years. Last year, our dorm building only had community bathrooms, so I was completely unaware of her bathroom habits as we did not share this space.
Fast forward to the current school year, we now have our apartment where the two of us share a bathroom.
After about a week and a half of living together, I started to notice a foul odor coming from our bathroom. I spent hours scrubbing the shower, sink, toilet, floor, and counters, but the smell did not go away. I convinced myself that it must have been the sink releasing some trapped gas from the pipes or something.
I submitted a work order to have the drain looked at and called it a day.
Another week goes by and the smell is almost unbearable. Maintenance still hasn’t come, so I open the cupboard underneath the sink to try and have a look for myself.
When I open the door, my nose is violated by an odor one can only describe as a porta-potty that has been sitting in full sun on the hottest day in July. I now realize where the stench is coming from as my eyes fall onto the trash can underneath the sink that is completely overflown with brown and yellow stained toilet paper.
I walk directly over to my roommate’s bedroom and confront her about this.
I ask why she has been throwing her used toilet paper into our trash can rather than flushing it down the toilet. She tells me that it is “Mexican culture” and I wouldn’t understand.
I have never heard of this in my life so I continue to question her about it. She tells me that everyone in Mexico throws their used toilet paper in the trash because the septic systems there aren’t designed to withstand toilet paper being flushed down them.
I believe myself to be a very understanding person but this is just completely bizarre to me because my roommate has lived in the USA her entire life and has never even been to Mexico. I asked her if she wouldn’t mind flushing her toilet paper in our apartment due to the horrific stench that had built up over the first few weeks.
She tells me that this is a part of her culture and she doesn’t appreciate the fact that I am not respecting it. She has been acting extremely standoffish and rude towards me since our conversation and I don’t know what to do.
AITJ for asking her to flush her toilet paper?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In places where they have to throw away toilet paper, THEY THROW IT AWAY. Hiding used toilet paper is some seriously messed up stuff she’s doing. This is either a power play or something more disturbing.
I’d be breaking that lease ASAP.” RandomModder05
Another User Comments:
“NTJ first off you guys have the proper septic systems in the US, so I bet if all those people lived in the US, wouldn’t they gladly flush? She’s acting like it’s a day of the dead & you destroyed all the candles on her Ofrenda get out of here with that nonsense She’s just upset you’re rightfully grossed out by a gross habit that her family household got her used to due to their foreign household getting them used to it due to the septic system If she’s still weirded out by it then I would leave the trash in her car and if she gets mad, say your culture brings trash to the dump since nobody leaves poop stained napkins in trash cans just radiating in the air” Domonero.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I lived in Mexico for a while, as a North American, and was surprised to learn about their toilet paper habits. However, people empty their garbage regularly down there, and it never got to the point of smelling in any bathroom that I was in during my many years in the country.
understandably, she wouldn’t want to change her toilet paper habits, but she has to understand that stinking up your bathroom with many days worth of used toilet paper is not acceptable. She needs to agree to take the garbage out at least once a day if she’s going to throw her toilet paper in there.” Novel-Vacation-4788
3. AITJ For Telling My Wife To Stop Caring For Her Wealthy Step-Grandma?
“So I, M40, told my wife, F39, that she needed to cool off caring for her step-grandma(SG), F92.
SG has been in her life since her teens.
My wife started by just helping out here and there about 10 years ago after SG’s husband died however SG’s health, both physical and mental has declined a lot in the last 2 years.
It’s gone from my wife helping once or twice a week to going every single day. We don’t live locally so it’s a 90-mile round trip.
SG has 2 sons, both live within an hour, one living just 10 minutes away yet do as little as possible.
It’s now got to the stage where SG needs residential care, she’s been declared unsafe to stay in her own home due to physical & cognitive breakdown (dementia) by medical and social services.
Now in the UK if you have assets/savings over £100,000 then you have to fund your own care.
SG has assets/savings totalling north of £650,000 so she’s liable for her own care costs.
Both the sons are insisting that she doesn’t need residential care and that she can manage on her own despite all evidence to the contrary.
Now I have a few reasons why I have said she needs to step back:
1. If the sons are so insistent then they should be the ones to care for her
2. We have a child with SEN & I feel the amount of time she’s at SG’s, it’s impacting on him
3. It does have an impact on home life. My wife doesn’t work as I earn enough for her not to but we agreed when she gave up work to have our kids that she would take the traditional housewife role, although I would still do my fair share.
Because she’s always out, her share of the household duties are getting done. When I do it all, on my days off work, I go to work and 2 days later, nothing has been done again. This has happened since her care duties increased.
I feel that she’s being taken advantage of and that the sons are not wanting to pay for the care because it means significantly less inheritance.
Care facilities currently run around £1200 per week. As things deteriorate then SG will need further care, upping the price. I estimate that should she live another 2 years, with the rate of decline then it’ll wipe £250k from the assets/savings.
I also, and the bit that might make me the jerk, think that myself and our kids are being neglected because of the time spent at SG’s.
I’m fed up with not getting much time to spend with my kids or her because on my days off I’m doing all the chores that have piled up in the week.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. If this woman is important to your wife, I understand why she’d want to help and be there for her.
Sucks that the sons aren’t doing much of anything, but that likely is putting a lot of pressure on your wife and it’s not like that’s her fault. However, if it’s impacting the household I also understand you being frustrated if you feel like you’re having to take on too much.
As with many posts, please just talk it out (calmly and with respect for her feelings and not from the perspective of you being right and her being wrong)” thrwwy1225
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Assets of the person are for the person and not for some Inheritance bonanza for the children.
Her stepmother needs to be in an assisted living home that is funded by the sale of the house and other monetary assets. And what is left after she passes, then, and only then becomes an Inheritance for the surviving children absent a will. I would have your wife petition a court to make her the guardian to do just that.” PumpkinPowerful3292
2. AITJ For Locking Up All The Kitchen Wares Because Of My Messy Brother?
“I’m in my mid-20s and my younger brother (early 20s) is my roommate while I attend college.
My mother gave us a deal that as long as we worked and or were in school (I do both) we could live at home to save money. She commutes to and from during the weekend and has a room in another city for the week.
The problem is he is an absolute jerk. He refuses to clean anything or take care of his animals. He will leave his cat’s litterbox full of feces and urine so that I have to clean it up. He doesn’t feed any of the 3 animals or give them water.
He damages the rental property when he gets angry at the most minute of things, slamming and breaking cabinets, putting holes in the wall, damaging doors you name it. He also refuses to clean the kitchen or anything that isn’t his bathroom. The cleanliness of the house, specifically the kitchen, is so poor that we have a massive roach infestation which has been going on for 6+ months.
He leaves dishes and garbage everywhere for weeks to months KNOWING it is only adding to the roach problem and REFUSES to do anything about it until he is ‘good and ready.’
I gave up cleaning the kitchen almost a year ago because I didn’t have the time between work and school to keep his insane level of garbage and dirty dishes at bay.
Especially when I have to hand wash everything because he broke the dishwasher in a fit of rage after he lost a video game. I have to eat one meal a day of fast food because the fridge is so dirty from improperly stored cooked and raw food, that I get food poisoning EVERY TIME.
Tonight I got fed up and essentially barred him from using the kitchen. There are no pots or pans, no food in the fridge as it was all cross-contaminated, and there is no silverware. The kitchen is empty, with all kitchen wares shoved into a box locked in a gun safe.
I refuse to live in squalor caused by a roommate that my mother will not kick out, and I refuse to get sick any longer. I also refuse to deal with this diplomatically because he is a narcissist (our father is one and I’m not using it to describe someone vain) and is unable to take responsibility for anything.
He would sooner create WW5 in our house and fight, over accepting that an action he took was incorrect.
AITJ for locking all the kitchen wares up?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but it may be safer to tell him you had to get rid of it due to mold or something like that before you blame it on him directly.
Blame it on vermin, something “adjacent” to what his squalor could cause. That means you’re not blaming him. It’s the only way I could tolerate living with a narcissist with no expiration date in the foreseeable future.” MauiValleyGirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Get those animals out.
Animal control, shelter, whatever you have, get them out. They are living in filth with an owner who is violent, aggressive, and unpredictable except in his filth. Take photos of their living conditions and send them to whoever deals with animal welfare in your area.
Get a good lock for your door if you don’t have one, get a camera for your room, and leave it running/ set up to record based on movement when you are out to protect your things. If your brother is home and gets violent then barricade yourself in your room and call the police.
Your mother is burying her head in the sand because she doesn’t live there and he likely keeps a lid on the worst of the violence when she is around. Keep yourself safe. Speak with your college about resources for students whose families are dangerous to them and with the police or domestic violence charities for advice on what to do when he is being violent.” Lulubelle__007
1. AITJ For Telling My Fiancé To Invite His Stepdad To Our Wedding?
“So this has some backstory, I am supposed to get married this spring to my fiancé James. James and his mother don’t have the best relationship because she got remarried to his stepdad, Ryan.
His mother and his bio dad were on and off again separation and around when James was 15, his mom said she was done and divorced. Around the same time she was seeing Ryan. I know James believes his mother was unfaithful but I have talked to his other siblings and they don’t think so.
It was a messy situation where they were on constant breaks and mom pulled the plug.
Anyways James’ bio dad hit the bottles and he passed away before James graduated college. His mom and Ryan married and he hates Ryan. He blames Ryan for the divorce and how his bio dad handled it.
I have personally met Ryan and he is a decent guy. James has confirmed with me that Ryan has only been polite to him, he doesn’t have any complaints against the guy besides blaming him for the divorce. He also doesn’t cause drama at events, just acts like a normal guest
.
To the main issue, we sent out invitations for the wedding and he did not invite his stepdad. I didn’t know this at the time the invites where went out. He told his mom, that while she may be her husband he is not his family and isn’t invited. It’s his event and he can decide who to invite.
It didn’t go well, to put it bluntly.
Invites to Halloween party happened and the invite was just addressed to him. I was not included. We called her up and he asked why I wasn’t invited. His mom told us that I may be his future wife, but I am not family to her and she gets to decide who to invite to her event.
Big fight over the phone.
I know his mom is making a point, it’s very obvious and I personally would be upset to not have my spouse invited to a wedding. I get her point. Not thrilled I got pulled in but again I know she is making a point.
I told my future husband that he should invite his stepdad and it is hypocritical to be upset that I am not invited to a family event when he started this by not inviting Ryan. He set the standards and his mom is following them.
He told me it’s not the same. I told him it is, especially when your beef with him is over your mom remarrying.
We got into a fight and he called me a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The Stepdad is not responsible for anyone’s behavior but his own, so blaming him for his father’s heavy drinking is not fair.
Additionally, leaving him out of the wedding is spiteful and petty, and it goes to show you how immature he is that he doesn’t recognize the hypocrisy of it all. I get people saying you should stay out of it, but everyone in that family seems to be dragging you into it, one way or another.” Angelblade92
Another User Comments:
“You’re marrying someone mad at a person who has never been anything but is in the wrong place at the wrong time and for something someone else did. Did you never think at any point he could do the same to you?
I get not being buddy-buddy with his stepdad but hating him for his father’s actions is ridiculous and for me, a person who can’t reflect and change their opinion on people who have again done zero things wrong is not a person. I would dig into your morals on this one and what morals you want your kids to hold.
edit: NTJ” BriefHorror
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. Wedding invites should be a two-yes situation where both of you should agree on who is invited and who is excluded. So he shouldn’t have disinvited Ryan without your agreement. I do think you’re being unsympathetic to him though.
He has a lot of feelings about the end of his parent’s marriage and his father’s death. You don’t have to agree with them. But if you’re marrying him you need to be able to respect those feelings. If you don’t respect those feelings that’s fine but then it does call into question whether you should be marrying him. You seem to respect his mom’s feelings more than his.
She’s being a jerk too by not inviting you. Again, you don’t have to agree with your fiancé here, you don’t have to side with him – but neither should you be siding against him. Here again, if you think James is in the wrong and cannot accept his view on this, that’s fine, but it suggests maybe this isn’t the right person for you to marry.
