People Are Appalled At These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Wanting To Leave My Job Suddenly Due To A Toxic Coworker?
“I (26f) work for a small law firm.
There are two attorneys and one other paralegal.
For a long time, I’ve felt like I’m not respected by one of the attorneys there. She isn’t my direct supervisor, but she will ream me every time I forget to do something or do something in a way she doesn’t approve of.
I have been in an abusive relationship in the past, and despite doing a ton of therapy, I am easy to trigger. When I’m triggered, I cry and can’t stop unless I remove myself from the situation. I have begun to feel that she’s figured out what triggers me and is doing it intentionally.
No one else is able to do this, and I have NEVER had this reaction to critiques from a supervisor before.
The last time she did this, it was over something that had not been communicated to me before. I showed up on time on a day when she thought I should be early.
Remember, she is NOT my boss.
My car hadn’t started that morning and I had to Uber into work, barely making it on time at all. She got in my face and yelled at me. I was already so frustrated about my car, and about family stuff that was also going on, that I knew I would cry if this continued. I looked away from her and said sorry.
She kept going at it and going at it and finally, I just yelled, “I barely got here at all! I’m doing my best! I’m sorry.” Of course, I began to cry.
Her response? “The crying isn’t doing it for me today, OP.”
I asked her if she thought I was doing it on purpose, and she acted surprised.
I excused myself to go to the restroom and tried to calm down. Sure enough, the other paralegal came and got me. When I got back to the office, the attorney got in my face again, yelling at me to calm down. Of course, because my tear ducts betrayed me in these times, I just shouted back that I was trying.
Just give me a minute.
Eventually, she laid off me and I did calm down, mostly. But not before texting a friend and telling her that I’m applying for a job at her company and to ask her to get a good word in for me.
She sent me a screenshot of that hiring manager saying that I was pretty much guaranteed the job.
Something in me snapped this time, and now the thought of going back to that place fills me with dread. I’m on the verge of tears just typing this.
My actual boss has never done anything like this, but he has to know that it’s happening, right? It’s not a big office. Even though I do really like him, isn’t he complicit in this?
Me leaving suddenly would leave them in the lurch, and now is a really bad time (for them) for me to leave.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. LEAVE. NOW. If you got the job, go take it and forget these people. Especially in a small office. Everyone knows, and your direct supervisor just doesn’t care to step in on your behalf. You don’t need to take this. “Giving them time” or notice is a COURTESY afforded to employers who RESPECT YOU.
They don’t. The lurch they will be in is one of their own creation…. not yours. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.” FashionBusking
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That lawyer is a mean person on a power trip and you are not her toy to play with.
Any difficulty the office faces with workload after you leave is the fault of management. On many levels – if things are so tight that one person leaving is terrible, they’re too tightly staffed. It’s the mean lawyer’s fault for getting her amusement by publicly humiliating you.
And it’s the fault of your actual supervisor for not managing his inappropriate employee. The fact that you didn’t leave the FIRST time that happened was a blessing and a chance that management didn’t really deserve to keep you. They’re not going to do their job, so go someone else.” CactiOnTheMove
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you don’t give your actual boss notice and your reason for quitting. “But he has to know that it’s happening, right? It’s not a big office.” Not necessarily, he may not be aware of how this person is affecting you and you are wrong to assume that he does.
Tell your boss what has been happening. Tell him that the environment has become so toxic for you that you have actually found another job. Do not let the bully lawyer force you to act unprofessionally.” kol_al
21. AITJ For Drinking On My Designated Driver Night?
“All of my friends have different policies as designated drivers. Some don’t drink at all. Some have a couple of drinks early on but then stop so they’re sobered up by the time we leave.
Everyone is responsible and we all trust each other.
Last night was my night, and my buddy brought his new partner to meet everyone. I picked them up along with everyone else and drove us all to the bar. If I drink on my DD night, I usually order my drink really early so I know it will be done by the time we’re halfway done with the night and completely out of my system by the time I start driving.
Technically, in my weight class, I can get behind the wheel right after drinking a beer and be under the legal limit, but the timing buffer makes me more comfortable.
I ordered my drink and then walked back over to the group. When the new partner saw me she asked what I was drinking and I told her.
She got upset and asked how we were all going to get home. I assured her it would be out of my system by the time we left. She was still upset and asked me not to drink it. I already paid for it, so I just shrugged and apologized. She stormed out.
My friend followed her and they wound up leaving in an Uber. My friends all reassured me, but the rest of the night felt awkward. AITJ? Should I have given my drink to someone else to make her more comfortable? I texted my friend to make sure we’re cool, but he hasn’t answered.”
Another User Comments:
“This sounds like a communication issue more than anything. I would say no one is the jerk here. It sounds like you are very responsible and have your DD nights planned completely and thoughtfully, which is great on you! Your friend’s partner also has the right to be uncomfortable with what was happening because a) she doesn’t really know you and b) she also may have had a bad experience that had a similar start to the night.
She should have been communicated with about what to expect out of the DD for that night so she could decide prior to going, and also she should have asked what to expect of the DD as well to make her own decision.” marbletaroroll
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – everyone has their own feelings about it. A friend of mine and I had a conversation about this a few weeks ago. She’s not comfortable going in a car with people who have had any booze and ended up in a situation with people who were overly relaxed about it.
Plus, they were on vacation in a foreign country, driving an unfamiliar rental car, in an unfamiliar area. She happens to be from Sweden where you can’t have any booze and then drive, so that’s her experience. Me, being Canadian, I tend to go with a similar thing to you which is one drink, early in the evening, with food, and I still feel ok to drive.
She said she would be ok with me doing that if I was driving her because she’s also more familiar with me and knows I take it seriously, plus because of the fact that being in Canada means I drive all the time. So I suspect some commenters on this thread may be viewing it from their own cultural lens in that regard, leading to the differences of opinion.
Also, everyone has their own tolerance. I can see the friend’s partner not trusting you to stop if she doesn’t know you well either. I would be leery with unknowns in a similar situation as well.” somethingclever1712
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, although I get one drink is normal, it really depends on the people who know you.
I would never get in a car with someone I just met if they had had any drinks. Because I don’t know their tolerance. She let you know she was uncomfortable and you brushed her off. Good for her for sticking to her boundaries.
Why are people so obsessed with booze that they can’t even go without one drink?” ahsoka_tano17
20. AITJ For Refusing To Take Down A Picture Of My Daughter After My Mom's Demand?
“I (23) have a 1-year-old daughter. I posted a picture of her leg on my social media story which consists of ONLY family.
Note: my daughter was wearing a diaper and only her chubby leg is seen.
So anyway. My mom calls me and states that she can see her booty in the picture (you can’t) and that I needed to take it down. I told her no and in short, she told me she had the final say and that I had 10 mins to take it down.
I again told her no and that it is my social media and MY child and that she had no right to tell me what I can and cannot post on my social media page.
And before anyone asks no we don’t live with her I have my own apartment with my fiancé (my daughter’s father).
For context: my fiancé was shown the picture and said there was nothing wrong, and I feel he is the only person who can tell me to take the picture down considering he is her father. My mom says I’m being rude and difficult but I feel like not only am I grown, she cannot tell me what I can and cannot post on my social media nor can she override me as my child’s mother.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I honestly want to know what she thought she could do at the end of the 10 minutes! I have a daughter who is turning 23 next month, she does not have any children yet, but she lives in her own home with her fiancé.
I was trying to picture what she would do if I tried to tell her what to do and my guess is she would tell me I can call back when I’ve had help for my mental issues lol.” svifted
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I admire the fact you didn’t lose your cool on your mom.
There is no one going to tell me I have 10 minutes to take a picture down of my child or tell me they have the final say over my child. And quite honestly if they did the only way they are seeing said child is through pics because they sure as heck would not be around them.
Tell your mom your child has 1 mother and that is you. Her options(demands) are not needed and they sure as heck are not wanted.” Lonely_Shelter_4744
19. AITJ For Not Responding To My SIL's Comment On My Plant Post?
“My SIL (36F) and I (35F) are in this plant exchange group on a social media platform.
(Side note: she married into the family like I did. My husband has two brothers and a sister.) I recently posted pictures of my new plants because I wanted to show them off to a group of plant enthusiasts. Many people commented, including my SIL.
I responded to the first three comments and did not bother to come back and respond to the rest. When I was responding, she had not made a comment, so I did not even know about it.
Fast forward a week later, I got a text from a friend (who works out with her husband, my BIL) about how my BIL wanted to talk to my husband about my hostility towards his wife.
He feels that I am being hostile towards her because I did not respond to her comment on my social media post. The SIL told him, my other BIL, and other SIL about the post.
As the friend was working out with my husband’s two brothers, he heard them talking about this.
They relay everything to him. They told the friend that I have been hostile towards the SIL every time when it comes to plants. That my hostility has to come from the fact that I am jealous of the SIL plant collection. Mine you, I have been growing/collecting plants for the past three years and she started seven months ago.
They concluded that I was a jealous person and that the hostility has to be addressed.
I was a little upset when I heard this, so I reached out to my husband’s sister. I know that she is close to the SIL. I asked her what she knew about it and what she has been told.
She told me that the SIL was hurt when I responded to everyone else’s comment but hers. I told her that I only responded to three people and took screenshots of my post to prove it.
Bottom line my SIL got upset when I neglected to respond to her comment.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I personally would send a group text to everyone, all the brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law, and lay out exactly what happened. From there, I would then say that there was no hostility before this, but at this point, she has attempted to turn the entire family against you without so much as a conversation with you about it.
Unless she intends to publicly apologize for her actions and less than adult-like behavior, you have nothing further to say to her, ever.” PaintLicker_2022
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but communication is lacking. The SIL isn’t talking to you. You aren’t talking to the SIL. She is overly sensitive in the first place, didn’t simply ask you about it, and blew it up.
You apparently haven’t tried to overcome her lack of communication by simply talking to her, either. If you two just talk and work it out then that would undercut the bystanders and the rumor mill. If you wronged her (and that’s debatable) it was unintentional. I think SIL also has wronged you, quite a bit, with her reaction and the actions she had taken.
Definitely took the low road.” Wodan11
Another User Comments:
“Oh my gooood. This is such a painful example of people making social media so much more terrible than it needs to be. Honestly, I’d probably want to talk to BIL myself and be like “are either of you out of high school?
I am not going to walk on eggshells about my posts on social media”, but I’m aware that may not be the best choice. Eugh. NTJ.” ObjectiveCoelacanth
18. AITJ For Eating Dinner Without My Wife After A Miscommunication?
“Yesterday I got home later than usual running an errand. Whilst I was out I told my wife not to wait for me as she prefers to eat around 6 pm and I wouldn’t be home till 8.30 pm.
As I walk in the door, with my hands full she asks if I want to eat straight away? I say no, I’m hot and tired and need a little time before I’m ready to eat.
She says ok and then heads to our lounge.
I meet her there and sit and we chat. She says had some food earlier and isn’t really hungry anymore. After a while, I go to the bathroom and when I get out she’s on the phone to her mom.
I motion that I’m going to eat and she mouths ok.
I go to the kitchen and make myself a plate. The food was leftovers from the fridge and I just warmed my portion in the microwave rather than reheat everything. As I’m about to sit down she walks in and says, where is mine?
I like a deer in headlights say over there and point at the dishes I served myself from.
She then started muttering how she couldn’t believe I started eating without her and started being passive-aggressive. She had the hump with me the rest of the evening.
Am I the jerk for sitting down to eat?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This is just a breakdown in communication.
It appears she ate enough to tie her over until you were home. Then join you. It was reasonable for you to make yourself a plate and eat. However, asking her if she would like anything or going to join you is not out of the realm of possibility.” Voidg
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – it sounds like your wife and you had a misunderstanding and what you thought you were conveying with the pantomime while she was on the phone is not the message she interpreted from your pantomime. Talk to your wife, explain what you thought you were saying, apologize for inadvertently hurting her feelings (It sounds like she was holding off to have a real meal with you later on, interpreted your pantomime as “Hey, are you ready to eat?” and was then hurt when you didn’t warm her some also), and try to communicate better in the future.” Extension-Guess5911
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. Your wife should have communicated better that she was waiting for you to eat, yes. But it is common courtesy, let alone an expectation, to ask if she wants to eat as well if you know she only had something light beforehand.” samanthacarter4
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Name Our Son After My Fiancée's Deceased Friend?
“I am 26 and I am engaged. My fiancée is also pregnant. She’s due in October. We are having a boy.
She really really wants to name our son a certain name.
For the sake of the story, let’s say it’s Bob. Fiancée is dead set on naming our son Bob.
Now Bob is a very important name to her. A very good friend of hers name is Bob. Bob passed away tragically and she wants to name our son after Bob to honor him.
So before my fiancée and I knew each other, I actually knew Bob. He was a jerk. I never liked him. This was also when we were in our late teens, so it’s fair to assume he’s changed and that’s when he was friends with my fiancée.
I bet you’re reading this wondering why I’m so against “honoring” Bob by naming our son after him. Well.. the amazing and inspirational Bob.. the saint that he was.. actually died because of substance abuse. Now call me insensitive, but I don’t really want to name my son after a guy who died of substance abuse.
Much less a guy who I remember not liking very much, who then died of substance abuse.
My fiancé is very upset and thinks I am being a huge jerk. But I’m sorry! When our son asks why he’s named Bob, his mom will explain he was named after a really special really great person.
When he asks what happened to Bob, or why he’s never met Bob, then what? We say “oh yeah he gallantly and triumphantly… did too many substances and died.”
Like come on.
I don’t think I’m being crazy at all, but my fiancée is acting like I’m a member of SCOTUS or something.
I think my request is rational, there’s many great men on her side of the family we can honor if she wants. But why Bob?”
Another User Comments:
“Pretty sure this is a joke post but: No jerks here about the name, both parents need to agree and if you don’t want to name the child Bob then that’s how you feel.
Her wanting that name doesn’t make her a jerk either. YTJ for constantly dragging Bob for his addiction and not-so-subtly mocking him. You do this consistently in your post and in your comments. You disliking him as a person doesn’t give you the right to weaponize his addiction as a reason to dislike him, long after he passed. You don’t sound like a good person so I’m glad this is likely fake and you’re not really about to become a parent.” Jolly_Tooth_7274
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Growing up I was told I was named after a very popular fictional character until I turned 19. I’m sensitive about my name because I have two first names and the second one is from a car advert from the time I was born, and my other 5 siblings were all named after special/important people in the family (e.g an Aunty who cared for my father when he was young, mother’s older brother who was stillborn, a decorated vet Grandad, etc).
When I turned 19 I was told I was really named to honor my mother’s friend who died from substance abuse. My mother would describe how many substances she’d always take until the day she died and how she was homeless because of addiction etc. So no – NTJ.
Please don’t name your son “Bob” because it makes you think of your parents and yourself differently. Honestly would much prefer to be named after the fictional character instead, because then at least I would have a name cherished by my uncle lmao.” Minute-Judge-5821
Another User Comments:
“You have the right to veto any name, so technically NTJ, but you’re being a jerk about people who die of substance abuse. Some really really incredible people have died due to addiction. And if you couldn’t explain substance abuse to your kid in a compassionate way, if you couldn’t imagine any way to discuss that a person died tragically because apparently, they need to die triumphantly to have value (??), then that would be a failure of your morals, creative thinking, and parenting.
It wouldn’t be because it’s so impossible to explain such a thing to a kid. It would be you personally don’t have the capacity to do it, and would rather mock and avoid a subject than put in the emotional work to have the capacity to be a good parent who can explain difficult topics to your kid.
He mattered to your wife, and you can of course veto the name, but please be a decent partner and try to expand your understanding of this topic. And in general think about how to explain to your future kid how to see and value the humanity of people who are dehumanized by society, before the conversations ever happen.
If you don’t know how to explain that because you don’t know how to do it yourself, that’s something to work on.” roadsidechicory
16. AITJ For Donating The Gifts And Money My Absentee Father Sent For My Baby?
“I’m 31M and my partner and I just had our first baby 6 months ago.
My biological father left me and my mom when I was a kid and he just came back wanting to have a relationship with me 5 years ago. He means nothing to me.
I guess he found out about my son from my uncles and aunts.
He sent us a big package full of baby clothes, toys, and 5k in cash. He also sent me what he claims was my first onesie that’s a family heirloom or whatever.
I donated it all to a charity that provides clothes and toys for kids and sent the money to another charity in my town that helps single moms.
My uncle had a wedding anniversary a few weeks ago. We went there, and apparently, my father was invited too. He approached me and asked me if the baby likes the things he sent, and I told him I gave it all to charity. He said he’s sad about that, and asked if at least the money helped us.
I told him I gave that to charity too. He got really upset, and called me a jerk for 1) giving away his money and not returning it to him if I didn’t want it and 2) giving away the onesie that was in his family for a long time.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Congratulations on the baby! But NTJ at all. It seems to me like he basically tried to bribe you. Giving you that much money that you didn’t ask for…I mean given the circumstances, I guess he expected you to be like “omg Dad I love you, thank you so much!” The fact is that he abandoned you, so trying to sneak back into your life like that is messed up.
But you did the right thing. And I’m glad you didn’t fall for his ulterior motive. All the stuff that you donated will no doubt help so many people, so really, you’re not a jerk at all.” Logical-Abroad4945
Another User Comments:
“So when it was convenient for him to be a father you were just supposed to welcome him with open arms?
You did the right thing! and if family heirlooms were so important then he probably should have made the family more important….. it sounds like your mom raised you right, don’t let him worm his way into your family now that he is older and realizes that you are what he could never be a real father that takes care of his children!” KittyKat18–
Another User Comments:
“Sorry, YTJ. If you don’t want gifts from your bio dad, decline them and send them back. He gave the $5k to you, not a charity. There is a precedent of this being a YTJ case on AITJ when someone sold a car for cheap to his brother and the brother flipped it for more money.
It was decided that flipping the car was wrong, and this is basically the same thing.” Pale_Height_1251
15. AITJ For Wanting To Keep My Son Home From A Field Trip As Punishment For Bullying?
“I (35F) have an 8-year-old son named Avery with my husband Steven (35M). Avery is in summer camp right now and this past Thursday when I came to pick him up the director of the summer camp pulled me aside.
He told me that my son had started to bully another child. They said Avery was laughing and mocking the other child’s speech issues, excluding him from games during play times, and basically saying hurtful things.
I was so angry and ashamed to hear that and Avery tried to excuse his behavior by saying he was just “joking” when I asked him about it.
I’ve put him on punishment for a week and because I really want him to learn this lesson, I’m planning on asking my mom to watch him next Friday instead of going on a field trip to the zoo with the rest of the camp.
He’ll be doing workbooks all day, like the kid ones that help them practice their cursive and math and stuff. I told my husband what I was thinking and if that was okay with him. He said the weeklong punishment was enough and Avery should be able to go.
I acknowledged that I’m being very strict but only because I really want Avery to understand bullying will not be tolerated and it’s not okay. Steven says I’m going overboard and he’s only 8, so “it’s not like he’ll be a bully for the rest of his life based on this one experience.”
I disagree. I think if I let this behavior slide now it’ll definitely translate into other stuff as Avery grows up, so I think not going on the field trip he’s really looking forward to will make him think before he acts. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I’m not in agreement with the punishment as it doesn’t resolve two things: why he bullied and getting him to understand how to treat others fairly and compassionately. I also wonder about the divide between you and your husband which will definitely be seen by your son.
Kids pick up on this and they use it to their advantage, the little freaks. But what you’re saying here doesn’t make you or your husband a jerk, just parents who are struggling with a difficult issue trying to do the right thing for their kid.
Best of luck to you.” SueDohNymn
Another User Comments:
“Child psychologist here. First, I want to applaud you for taking the reports about your son’s behavior seriously and for wanting to teach him a lesson, which I presume is to not be a bully.
Your impulse to punish him isn’t wrong, but it’s super important for punishments to directly address the problematic behavior, as much as possible. Taking away free time and fun time can work to a degree, but to really teach your son a lesson you must get down to the center of the problem and then work backwards.
Here, what you want to address is how your son treated his peer, both in an effort to right the wrong that is the peer’s distress AND to ensure he doesn’t do it again, right? So what’s backwards of bullying? Pro-social behavior, or helpful, friendly, kind behavior.
I’d love to see him have to apologize directly to the student, possibly in front of others, and in written form, with an explanation of why each part of what he said and did was wrong, accompanied by a description of what “friendly joking” looks like, with examples.
Maybe he needs to hear the awful stories of kids being bullied, or have a conversation with someone who has survived bullying so that he can be presented with the possible consequences of his actions, the actions he currently sees as no big deal. The idea is to correct the bad behavior, so start with the “good” version of the bad behavior & work from there.
You can still take away free time if it actually works to decrease the behavior you want decreased; otherwise, it’s not an effective punishment. No jerks here.” DrKittyLovah
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he learns when he is 8 that in your house there are real, painful consequences for unacceptable behavior, you will save yourself so much trouble when he is 16.
Also, this is not judgment, only a suggestion as a mom of two adults. Maybe rethink schoolwork as punishment. Manual labor is fine. Do your folks have some bricks that need to be moved or a basement to be cleaned? I paid my lads 10 cents a completed page for workbooks.
They could negotiate for $.25 if the page required a lot of work. They both credited the payment for workbook pages for their full rides to college. They pointed out that workbooks were the only way to supplement their meager allowance before they were old enough to mow lawns.
They knew how many pages a Playmobil dude or box of Lego cost. Good luck to you and your family. It’s really tough to teach the hard lessons.” AngryWriterGrr
14. AITJ For Moving To Nome With My Husband Despite My Father's Disapproval?
“I lived in Fairbanks, Alaska, and recently I got married. My husband (m24) received a job offer in Nome. It’s a lot more money and we have a place to stay that is paid for, it’s a bed and breakfast and all I have to do is clean the place and keep it tidy when people check out.
The place isn’t very big and it’s not filled with lots of people. It’s so exciting I couldn’t be happier.
As soon as my father heard of this news he started to tell me that I’m moving for my husband (which is true) and I’m just trying to please him (not true).
He says I didn’t want to move and how I am abandoning my family. Even though, my parents got married and moved to Alaska two weeks after being married.
But when I bring that up, he says that was a completely different situation because he was in the military and he didn’t have a choice.
Also, my father seems to forget that my husband moved to Fairbanks to be with me while we were together. That wasn’t wrong but for me to move with him is a huge issue. I’m almost ready to cut ties with my father. But some of my friends agree with him and say that I shouldn’t have to move for my husband to get a better job.
So, AITJ for moving away?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and frankly moving far away from them sounds wise. UNLESS they are concerned your husband will leave and you’ll be penniless and stranded…they should be HAPPY for you. Your life is going to improve. This is a good thing.
They are instead trying to drag you down and keep you where you are. Move, enjoy the move, invite them to visit if it bothers them sooooo much, and enjoy having some distance from them finally.” maroongrad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, go and enjoy your life.
Try and maintain your relationship with your parents, but we don’t live in the 1900’s you don’t have to stay at home with them forever, video chat, text, etc make it easy to stay in touch. You’re married now and it makes sense to move with your husband if he gets a better job offer, you also sound excited about this move, don’t let your dad bring you down.
He’s probably just anxious because you just got married (I’m assuming) and now you’ll be leaving, so he’s “losing” his kid.” burns91710
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your life and life is for living to its fullest … so live it wide, not just long, and enjoy all the adventures you encounter along the way.
Nome is a new chapter in the book of you and a new adventure, and it sounds like a wonderful one! Your family priority moving forward is the family you are creating with your new husband, your parents are still your family, and always will be, but you are moving on with your own life now.
Congratulations on your marriage, I hope you and your new husband create lots of wonderful new memories together in Nome.” Sprogpaws
13. AITJ For Wanting My Fiancé To Dress Up For Our Wedding?
“I F(25) have been with my fiancé (M26) for almost 10 years. We have 2 kids and will be married on our anniversary this year.
We got engaged 6 years ago, and upon talking about initial wedding planning my fiancé told me he wanted to wear jeans and a button-up instead of a traditional suit like he did for our prom. He had never worn a suit or even slacks before, so I didn’t really have a problem with this as it was very him.
A lot has changed since then. He has moved way up in his career, and his style has changed too. He now wears slacks and jeans interchangeably at work and has worn a suit for a wedding once as a groomsman.
I am planning the entire thing because he says the details don’t really matter to him.
He is planning the honeymoon. I mentioned needing the groomsmen to get fitted for rental suits and he was very against that which surprised me because he hadn’t said anything since we started wedding planning again this year. We had talked about him wearing slacks and a button-up very similar to what he wears to work.
But yesterday when we were talking about it he all a sudden blew up at me and said that he should be able to wear jeans and his groomsmen should be able to wear jeans if he wants to because it’s his wedding too.
I get that it’s his wedding too and I want him to be comfortable. I want him to think that he looks good and feel like he has a say on his wedding day too. Mind you I have tried to involve him in every single step in this process and he has just not been interested. It’s not really about the jeans for me.
I am just angry and sad because I don’t understand why he would be more than willing to look nice for work but not for our wedding. I don’t understand why he doesn’t care to look different from any regular event that we go to and why he isn’t treating our wedding as something special. He literally wears slacks at least once or twice a week, so I don’t understand what the issue is.
It makes me feel unimportant to him and like our wedding does not mean anything other than just another day for him. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here or everyone’s a jerk, I can’t tell. He clearly shouldn’t have exploded at you the way he did, but also, he explicitly said that he wanted to be comfortable at his wedding from day one.
You shouldn’t be pushing this. What makes the wedding special isn’t what you’re wearing, it’s what you’re celebrating. If you’re this hung up on clothing, then it sounds a bit like you’re after a princess moment, not a celebration of your relationship (which, for the record, is fine, but only if you both are after that “magical” moment OR agree to compromise for one of your sakes).” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“So from the beginning, he’s said he wants to wear jeans and hasn’t changed. His style at work changed because his work changed and he has to because it’s part of earning the paycheck, and it wasn’t his wedding to have an opinion.
In your own words, he’s not been involved other than his choice of dress, so presumably, you’re getting everything else you want. The one thing he wants, you have an issue with. He’s obviously a good man and father to your kids, or else you would have left him long ago.
Ask yourself if this is a hill to die on.” Lordhelmet2001a
Another User Comments:
“Get him a nice, custom suit. I hate wearing suits but for my wedding, we went to a tailor and had one made. It cost about double going and getting one from a box store, but it’s exponentially more comfortable.
It’s a wedding and getting a suit tailored will be a pretty minor expense in the grand scheme of the whole event, but will represent a big quality of life improvement. My only regret is my wedding suit was blue, looked great, and my wife was right about the color choice, BUT post-wedding, I would much rather it have been black.
Half the time we go somewhere where I need a suit, blue doesn’t match what she’s wearing and I end up wearing my uncomfortable black box store suit. Truthfully, I need to suck it up and go back to the tailor and get a black because as a jeans and t-shirt guy, the tailored suit made all the difference.” GSTLT
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Stepson's Birthday Due To Family Drama?
“My stepson will be turning 3 in August, I (F26) love him dearly and want to celebrate his birthday.
The things that are preventing me from wanting to attend are his grandmother and his mother.
I do not like his grandmother (my MIL) because she called me a bully and told me to grow up after I confronted her about showing favoritism. In the past, she and my husband got into arguments about her crossing boundaries and she told him she would sue him for grandparents’ rights and it just went downhill… she chose not to come to our 1 y.o’s birthday party because my husband is going to be there..
so I asked her if she was going to his oldest in August… she called me a bully… etc.
Now his mother is just an all-around mean person… I don’t want a scene to happen at his birthday party because we don’t get along.
So I offered a solution to my husband and told him we should just do something for him. He told me no one would show because his ex-wife is throwing a party and they are all attending.. and that I would be a jerk for not showing up.
I told him I don’t feel comfortable around either one and that I don’t want something to happen to draw attention away from the birthday boy… still, he has settled that I am the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“It’s a no-win situation. People will think you’re the jerk for not going and if you go and there is a scene somehow you’ll be the jerk then too.
All the other adults suck too. Personally, I think you’re NTJ for trying to make a sacrifice so he has a reasonable birthday. You can make up for not being there in other ways.” Normal_Fishing9824
Another User Comments:
“I don’t see why you can’t just take him out to do something fun as a family.
I have older kids, we don’t do big drawn-out parties every year. And sometimes there are 2-3 birthday events. It’s pretty unlikely that these consolidated single events for his birthday for long. I would suck it up this year and maybe for another couple of years if this is your husband’s preference.
It won’t be long until he prefers to have a friend party and maybe a special outing with each family.” KickIt77
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Which grandmother is the issue here (paternal or maternal)? That aside, ESH here, I think. I think you and SS’s mother should try and put things aside for a day.
No one’s asking you to like her or even talk to her, but there’s nothing in your OP that indicates you 2 can’t survive in frosty silence for a couple of hours. At the same time, IDK what the harm of doing something with just the four of you (you, hubby, your bio kid, SS) is.
The kid’s 3, he’ll be thrilled with a chocolate cake and a sugar overload, and he can have his “main” party that the ex-wife is throwing.” rishcast
11. AITJ For Defending My Partner's Eating Habits Against My Mother's Criticism?
“My (22M) partner (21) is a very picky eater. Sometimes it can be a lot but it isn’t something she can really help. A lot of times it is a sensory thing more so than just being picky to be picky.
She can’t stand certain textures, smells, tastes, and sounds that are associated with a lot of foods. It is bad enough to the point it can make her gag so hard her entire body is gagging with her. She also does really bad with chewing, if we are in a public place it isn’t as bad because everything else kind of distracts her but at home or in small dinner settings it is bad.
I think there is a specific name for it but I can’t remember.
She doesn’t try to control what anyone else eats and if we go out she will just go with whatever the group chooses and worst case will order from the kid’s menu.
Which I mean is a little weird but it isn’t harming anyone so I don’t see the problem. She is also open to trying something before saying she can’t eat it, honestly, she tries her best to deal with it by herself so nobody else is affected.
So we went out to dinner with my parents and they wanted to go to a nice place, my partner isn’t really into that but like I said she doesn’t want to make waves and goes along with whatever. When we get there and she doesn’t see anything she will eat so she asks the waiter for a kid’s menu.
My mother gives her a look but my partner ignores it. So when the time to order comes my partner ends up getting chicken tenders off the kid’s menu. Well after the waiter leaves my mother starts in on my partner saying she needs to grow up and not everyone can cater to her and she was embarrassing everyone acting like a child.
I told my mother to cut it out and leave her alone and that she knows the struggle she goes through because my partner looks upset but she won’t say anything.
The food arrives my mother starts chewing as loud as she can to upset her and by this point, my partner looks close to tears and is physically cringing every time my mother starts chewing again.
Finally, I had enough because she is chewing so loud it was annoying for me, and told her that she is the only one acting like a child and if anyone was embarrassing us it was her. I left money on the table for my partner and me and went home.
My partner cried the whole way home with a headache from the chewing and kept apologizing for upsetting my mom. I feel bad because my mom called later and said she was just trying to look out for us and that I really hurt her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner does her best not to inconvenience others because of what she deals with, and it sounds like she does her best to still be able to enjoy social eating despite anything that could trigger her. Your mother, on the other hand, is a MAJOR jerk.
First off, berating your partner was absolutely uncalled for. And then purposely doing something to upset your partner was the final straw in the jerk coffin. Honestly, your mom sounds like a nightmare. You sound like an amazing partner, but I’m sorry that your partner has to deal with your mom in order to be with you.” Infinite-Picture5779
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And the chewing thing does have a name it’s called misophonia and affects a lot of people so for your mom to purposefully trigger that is super disrespectful. There is nothing wrong with choosing from the kid’s menu, my stepbrother was super picky growing up and got a cheeseburger from a Mexican restaurant one time, AND THAT’S OKAY!
But good on you to decide to leave on your partner’s behalf. If your mother knew about your partner’s sensory issues with food she should’ve asked what restaurant you both would prefer to go to, but by the sounds of it, she didn’t care. you did the right thing.” xena_embassy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your partner eating chicken tenders literally does nothing to anyone but your mom taunted her when she was fully aware of what the loud chewing would do to her. I can’t think of a single way in which this behavior could have been ‘looking out for you’.
In reality, your mom was trying to show YOU that your partner is a problem because that is how she sees her. Your mom’s behavior is selfish and mean.” Extension-Term-12
10. AITJ For Selling My Deceased Dad's Music Collection Without Telling My Hoarder Mom?
“My mother is a hoarder and a clutter bug. My dad passed away in 2008 and left his very extensive music collection to me.
I’m talking about tapes and CDs and box sets of music he started collecting back in the 1950s and the music dates back to the 1920s. There are probably over 1000 tapes and CDs combined in this collection.
The problem is that we are downsizing and moving in with my in-laws to save money and buy a house next year.
I don’t listen to any of the music that my dad left me, it’s just not my style of music. My dad’s biggest fear was that it would never be used again after he passed. My brother suggested that I sell the collection to an indie music shop so that someone else can enjoy it.
I don’t want to tell my mom because if I do, I fear it may end our relationship and she will guilt me forever about selling it. She won’t understand why I don’t want to store it until I die. She is also a self-centered narcissist who will make it all about her, but that’s a whole other can of worms.
So would I be the jerk if I just don’t tell her that I’ve sold my dad’s music collection that he left me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mother is a pack rat and if I were in your situation I’m sure she’d want to “just hold onto it” for me.
I’ve been trying to declutter for a couple of years now and I’ve learned to not tell her what I’m purging because she lays on the guilt pretty thick. I don’t even think she realizes what she’s doing. She lost her own mother at a young age and a relative made her give up ALL the belongings she had left from her mother, which wasn’t much to start with.
Anyway, if your father’s wish was that someone enjoy his music collection, and your mother isn’t one who will enjoy it, then getting to an indie music store is a fantastic idea. I’m assuming your mother has other sentimental items or mementos from your father?
As long as the record collection wasn’t the only thing he left behind, don’t hesitate to get it to people who will enjoy it. Also, you have my sincere condolences. I know it’s been a while, but I lost my father in 2009 and it’s still difficult some days.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad left it to you so it’s your choice what to do with it. If you don’t listen to any of it you’d be honoring his wishes for someone else to enjoy the music by selling it.
You can use the money you get to put towards your new house. There’s some beauty in that. Don’t tell your mom. There’s really no reason to. If she’s happier thinking the collection is gathering dust in storage than someone else enjoying this amazing collection then… weird, but so be it.
You can protect her feelings while downsizing and she’ll never know the difference.” fallingfaster345
Another User Comments:
“As the child of a hoarder, NTJ. Your dad wanted someone to use his collection, i.e. enjoy the music. You don’t. Different tastes, no biggie. And you’re doing your best to make sure it goes to someone who will enjoy it.
Awesome. And there’s no need to tell your mother – it’s not her stuff, it’s yours. Your dad clearly didn’t want her to hang onto it until she died, and it deteriorated until it needed to be thrown out. So again, you’re honoring his wishes.
And it’ll just stress your mom out, so you’re also giving her peace of mind.” Labby84
9. AITJ For Telling My Sister's Husband He's Enabling Her Weight Gain?
“My older sister “Sasha” (25) is simultaneously one of the most self-aware and also delusional people that I know. It’s almost like she chooses to be 1 of the 2 depending on what will get her what she wants in the moment. If she sees that it’s more advantageous to be self-aware, she’ll be that.
If she sees that having excuses in truckloads will be more helpful to her, she’ll come up with excuses.
I was visiting her and her husband a few weeks ago and she was saying, just openly that her doctor was concerned that she’s put on 70 pounds in 2 years and is now over 230 pounds, and average height.
Not to sound cold, but, I wasn’t surprised, I’ve seen her diet, and I know she’s not in great shape just physically. I asked if it was a thyroid or PCOS issue, and she said no.
My next question was if there were plans in place to get on some sort of diet and exercise plan.
My sister seemed to scoff at that idea and said that despite the scale saying 70 pounds heavier, she wasn’t sure that number was right. I asked how that could be, she said sometimes scales can be funky. She followed that up, by just throwing out there that her doctor is heavy himself, not sure what that had to do with anything.
What made me mad was that she was clearly trying to deflect blame/responsibility, possibly to protect her ego, and her husband just sat there, saying “Yeah, exactly, that’s a possibility too.” I took issue with him and told him that he needs to wake up, stop enabling her, realize how big she’s gotten, and realize how big she’s going to get if this weight problem gets ignored. He yelled at me that they were “handling it”.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your sister talking about her weight and her issues surrounding them is not your cue to chime in with your thoughts and opinions unless she specifically asks you for your thoughts and opinions. It doesn’t matter that you think she is denying obvious facts.
It doesn’t matter that you think her husband’s attitude is a problem. It was not your place and you should have kept your mouth shut. If you have actual concerns about her health and well-being, this is clearly not a way/place/time/situation to voice those.
That is a conversation you would have to think really hard about how to approach and set up in an environment that was appropriate. You didn’t do that. There are a couple of NTJ comments that are clear fat phobia. If you have actual concerns about someone’s health and think their weight is a contributing factor, this is not how you approach it.
Stop trying to use that as an excuse to be mean to another human.” MyShoulderHatesMe
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Honestly OP, just stay out of it. When your sister starts one of her rants, change the subject or leave. You don’t have to be her sounding board for when she wants to vent.
Or when she starts, ask her: Is this just venting or do you want advice? Sometimes that helps them realize just how much “venting” they are doing. It worked with my sister and she does less much venting now than before. Her husband and how he handles any issues with his wife is none of your business, as long as there is no abuse involved. If your sister refuses to address her health, that’s on her.
Don’t become her nursemaid if she gets to the point where she can’t take care of herself or is disabled. Again, that’s on her if she refuses to take care of herself. Her doctor told her what to do. No amount of badgering from you to her will change that and going after her husband won’t either.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But with a little catch. I would say NTJ because you care about your sister. People here say YTJ with the reasoning that you should mind your own business. This would apply if it was a coworker etc. but if it’s about a person you love, seeing that they slowly harm themselves and not saying anything would also be bad, wouldn’t it?
I would like to give some context: I studied dietetics at university and worked as a dietician for about 6 years. Every attempt to help is perceived as an insult if the person doesn’t really want to change themselves. I was scoffed at and screamed at by my patients during therapy because we talked about the health problems we had to tackle.
Other times my patients tried to argue with me about scientifically proven facts or wanted to correct me because they thought they knew better. They wouldn’t believe me when measuring their height or weight, they would accuse me of speaking propaganda or refuse therapy suggestions because they simply didn’t want to eat x or do y, and no proof in this world would change their mind.
And these were people who received therapy from a professional dietician in a hospital (where they were admitted due to their health problems). The best results were when I played the bad mean dietitian that forced them to do the things they didn’t want to do.
So the catch is this: You are NTJ, but your sister probably thinks you are. They will feel every comment from you about their bodies as an insult, even if your comments are out of goodwill. You can try to reason with them or explain how you’re worried about their health, and if you want to go that extra mile, invite her to hiking or outdoor activities.
But be prepared that your suggestions will fall on deaf ears. In the end, they will have to want to change themselves.” Lady_Camo
8. AITJ For Wanting To Leave A Negative Review For A B&B With Racist Decor?
“My husband & I recently stayed at a bed and breakfast. As we arrived, the owners greeted us and showed us to our room. I was really surprised to find a large wooden replica of a slave cabin right in the middle of the room, almost as a focal point.
It had a boy and a big ‘Mammy’ standing in front of the door, looking happy as can be. I cannot express how off-putting it was for me and I still have zero clue why anyone thought this was a good decoration for the room…I can’t even understand the purpose of it as the room was library-themed. It was not apparent in the pictures and if I had seen it I wouldn’t have chosen that place to stay.
I realized later they also had some other black figurines downstairs in the lobby. The owners were white and this was in the middle of a very tiny southern town.
In general, the experience wasn’t the best, and as polite as the owners were, I wouldn’t say they went out of their way to be overly hospitable.
But I almost feel like I should warn other people about the decor in this room because I’m not even a POC and it unsettled me. At the same time, I’m not sure if I’m being overly dramatic and I am not one to give negative reviews at all, and it feels bad to take an action that could harm someone’s livelihood.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The best way to stop racism is to call it out whenever it rears its ugly head. For all those saying that the owners may not know, you’d have to have been sequestered in a cave for the last two decades not to know that a depiction of a Mammy is racist, full stop.
That’s especially true in the South where they are still fighting the civil war. Similarly, for those saying you should give the owners a chance to respond, they can respond and apologize publicly when you leave your review.” He_Who_Is_Right_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would probably first send a message to the owners and give them a chance to change the decorations. If they respond negatively to that then definitely go ahead and mention it in your review, including a photo if you have one. People deserve to know what kind of place they’re heading to.
For the people who say it might be historical in nature—sure, but that’s why museums provide context and explanations of the items in their collections. It’s not appropriate for a vacation destination to provide slave-related items as decorations in individual rooms with zero information about why it is there.
Just because something is old or has historical significance does not mean it deserves to be celebrated and displayed, and if they do claim it’s there for its historic value, they better have a plaque explaining why.” fizzbangwhiz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And to all the whitewashers out there who are suggesting that OP contacts the owners first and comments gently on how offensive the racist memorabilia is have you not considered that others may have told them before just how horrific it is?
Please don’t! I’d be very surprised if the owners don’t know it’s racist. Either that’s why they choose to display it or they just don’t care. Post the review – and include the photos. You’d be giving a heads-up to those of us who’d prefer not to spend our money at potentially racist establishments.” lejosdecasa
7. AITJ For Not Attending My Late Sister's Husband's Wedding?
“My sibling died of breast cancer in 2019, two months later her husband was with a new woman and they got married about a year and a half later. The wedding was on November 6th, three days before the two-year anniversary of my sister passing away on November 9th.
I didn’t go because I was already emotional at the time and I didn’t think me crying about his late wife would make his new wife feel great. It also felt weird to me that he was remarrying so quickly. And lastly, I was the flower girl at their wedding when I was 9, and I don’t think I could handle being a part of a wedding with him that didn’t have her.
We were very close and visited her and her husband every summer and my sister named me at my birth.
Recently my dad told me he feels like I was overreacting and he wished I had gone to the wedding. My other sibling went but I didn’t.
He said that if they could go, I should have been able to. But my sibling didn’t see what my sister was like before her death. I visited her two weeks before she passed and it was a completely different person. I don’t know how I could handle seeing her husband who was so fatherly to me with someone else.
I was also not invited to the wedding and my ex-brother-in-law hasn’t contacted me a single time since she passed, so I didn’t think it was a big deal that I didn’t go.
My dad says men have needs and that he needed another wife, especially since they have a 2-year-old son.
The other woman had two older kids. He said it’s not my place to judge, but considering she was my sister, I think I do. They were married for 10+ years and most of my childhood.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your father is being misogynistic describing married women like an object, he is saying that your BIL is getting married so someone is taking care of your nephew.
Your dad is gross and it’s a cue to take his words on such manners with a heap of salt. You are right to not go to a wedding where you would not contribute to the happiness of the occasion. You are right to say “This would be bad for my grieving process, I don’t want to do this.” You are protecting yourself and helping others, I hope you find a way to deal with your BIL being remarried. I also understand why you’re judging, fate happens, but two months is quick and your position is blinded by the fact that your attachment to him is through his now-deceased spouse.
But you will need to find a way to talk to him if you want a future in this relationship.” JCBashBash
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here except for your dad and his squicky men have needs remark. You didn’t need to go to the wedding.
Grief is different for different people. And in terminal illness, the grieving starts before death. You have your lived experience of grief over your sister. Your former BIL has his own, different experience of grief. With a young child, he faced a unique set of challenges as a new widower.
Was he overwhelmed? We don’t know. Part of his healing process may have been finding this new partner out in the world. So, as external people, we see “2 months” and “a year and a half” and it’d be one interpretation to gauge these time periods as brief.
If we look at these times with a neutral eye? He saw this as the right path at the right time for him and his little one. I’m so sorry for your loss, OP.” Decent_Ad6389
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You weren’t invited, so have no obligation to go.
Keep in mind, it’s entirely possible that your sister discussed this with her husband, and encouraged him to move on in the event of her death. That’s what my ex did. I didn’t get married two years later, but I would if I met the right lady.
Another thing to consider, is that older people, especially when kids are involved, can more easily move straight into a serious relationship or marriage because after a certain age, you often know what you want and don’t want out of a partner, so it can be easier to weed out the bad ones.” laserox
6. AITJ For Leaving The Country Without Saying Goodbye To My Family?
“I (28F) have come back to my home country to see my family for the first time in 3 years.
However, I’ve been back for a month and they’ve been treating me more like a potted plant than a family member.
They’ve barely started any conversations with me and have ended ones I started. They have done all the planning without me. I kept getting messages saying “we’ve booked X” without ever getting asked if I wanted to do X, or if I’m even free.
They’ve made plans that included me staying at home while everyone else went out somewhere because they didn’t want to take a second car.
Finally, I went to my parent’s place and ended up having a blowout fight with my mom because she thinks that she should be able to ask me any question about my life at all and I should answer, and she doesn’t think I have feelings if she doesn’t agree with them.
The next morning nobody talked to me except when they had to and they all ignored me. The one person who did talk to me told me off for upsetting my mum. So I got someone to pick me up and take me away. I sent a message saying “you’ve made me feel unloved and excluded. I don’t want to see you before leaving the country”.
Nobody replied to this message so I enjoyed my last week and figured I’d deal with it all later.
Today I found out my mom came to the rural airport I flew out of and everyone has been messaging a group chat I’m in saying I’m so cruel for not saying goodbye and that my mom is so brave for letting me go.
But I didn’t know she was there, I only found out later when she posted photos into the group chat of me getting on the plane. Nobody has messaged me directly.
AITJ for not talking to her before leaving? Should I have reached out despite her not apologizing for the comments she made?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It seems like your mom might be doing the posting in the group chat for attention? Otherwise, why would she show up instead of texting you back? Based on your post history, it seems like your family is a little addicted to drama.
Leaving like that, if you go LC, kind of is the best of both worlds. They get the drama, but you don’t have to deal with it.” whatthewhythehow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but this is somewhat provisional. I think a lot of it depends on where the roots of your conflict with the rest of your family stem from, but I’m willing to assume a lot of it stems from stuff that happened when you were a child or teenager, which you didn’t have complete control over.
Maybe there are things you could have done to mitigate the situation back then, maybe not; it’s impossible to know. Here’s the thing: nobody’s owed a good relationship with their child. Nobody’s owed a good relationship with their parents, either. Sometimes people will just have fundamentally different personalities from their families, and sometimes irreconcilable differences will arise from that.
Based on what you’ve written, this might be the point you’re at now. This isn’t entirely your fault. Regardless of what the roots of the core conflict are, you’re now at a point where your current assumptions about your relationship with your family are completely valid.
They’ve just had the opportunity to take steps to improve their relationship with you, but they’ve chosen not to. If I was in the same position, I’d probably be making the same assumptions you are.
Have you considered writing an email or a social media message to your mum airing out your issues with her?
I mean, you’re already out of the country. The worst she can do to you is send you some rude replies back. Given that you’re already getting some blowback in the group chat, it can’t be that much worse. You know, you could post a similar message in the group chat to see what the general response is.
If they’re not game to message you directly, they can just wallow in their own pity privately, right?” IWriteThisForYou
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, while it does sound like there are missing points I checked your previous history for a little clarification. It sounds like your mother is either hot or cold, the only way she can come close to respecting your wishes is to shut you out.
Which is not fair to you and it would seem the rest of the family has chosen their side. Now the airport this was a complete show on her part. If she was close enough to snap a picture she was close enough to shout or grab your attention.
At the end of the day who was there to talk to? There was no third-party middle man, everyone in your family already picked your mom’s side long before you removed yourself from their presence, hence why the house plants received more care than you.
(I assume they receive water occasionally) Even if you had stayed to speak to her, what would have been said? I don’t think anything good, so maybe it’s just best to leave it be, and if you feel a need to say your peace a well-worded letter is always an option.” Helpful_Candidate_92
5. AITJ For Refusing To Pay My Partner's Pet Fee After Moving Out?
“I (35F) moved into a new apartment. I have been seeing my partner “Steve” (39M) for almost a year.
We decided that it was the right time for us to move in together. We both were working full-time and made the decision to split the rent. Dogs and cats are allowed in the complex. There is a one-time fee of $500 per animal and then a $40 monthly fee.
I am not an animal person and we decided it wasn’t the right time to adopt. Steve is now working part-time. His parents are helping with his share of rent. I got offered a new position in another state and we talked about how the job would help with my career.
I let the landlord know that I would be moving out of the apartment and the lease would be Steve’s responsibility.
I moved to the new state at the beginning of this month and have been doing really well. I am living in a new apartment that is close to my new job.
Steve has visited me a few times over the weekend. My old landlord reached out to let me know that Steve had a German shepherd living in the apartment. I had no idea as my partner hadn’t mentioned it to me. I contacted Steve and he told me that he was babysitting a co-worker’s dog.
This month’s rent was due, and the landlord texted me that the one-time fee would be added. Steve texted asking if I would be willing to pay the $500 towards the fee. I called Steve and told him no, I was no longer living in the apartment.
He got mad and started arguing. His job let him go recently and he is struggling to pay the bills.
His parents and sister reached out to me asking if I would reconsider as they had lent Steve money. Their concern is that they do not want Steve evicted from the apartment.
I told them that I couldn’t help as it wasn’t my responsibility.
AITJ for making my partner pay the animal rent fee?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you don’t even live in that state anymore and weren’t even aware the dog existed. If it’s anyone’s problem, it’s Steve’s.
And if he’s watching somebody’s dog, he should ask them to cover the fee. His family is concerned about him being evicted but doesn’t want to do anything else about it. Granted that sucks, but again, not really your problem. I honestly think you should go NC.
If they’re going to do this and you agree, who knows what else they might try to take advantage of you about.” SnooDonkeys9547
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wow, you dodged a bullet there. Let poor Steve, his “co-worker’s” dog, and his family go the way of the former apartment.
Tell the landlord, you are not responsible for anything. A year may seem like a long time, but clearly, you don’t know Steve as well as you thought. He appears
. Hope your new job, home, and new relationships will bloom and prosper for you.” Harmlessoldlady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you’re in your 30s in a now long-distance relationship with an almost 40-year-old who relies on his family and begs his partner to pay his bills, is this really something you want to drag on? Also, he took this dog in, knowing full well what the added costs would be, this is his problem, why would he take on extra costs after losing his job?
His mum and sister can scrape the 500 together if they’re so worried. Also, why is your old landlord messaging you and not him? Lose his number, you’re no longer a tenant.” idkwhyimdoingthis2
4. AITJ For Wanting To Ban An Aggressive Neighbor From My Parents' Property?
“My husband and I had been abroad for a few years and recently came back. We’ve been staying with my parents, with plans to stay longer as we all get along (they actually lived with us in the past). They’ve missed their grandkids and we’re fixing up some parts of the house for them, so it makes sense.
Multigenerational households are more common where we live.
The other day, my daughter (3F) was sitting on the front porch with this bubble wand the size of her face and a tray of dish soap and water making bubbles minding her own business. My dad was sitting with her on the porch chatting with her and enjoying the weather.
Meanwhile, I was helping my mom with some gardening in our front yard maybe 30 feet away. My dad calls out that he’s going inside for a second, we say yep no problem, and my daughter continues entertaining herself.
From where my mom and I were in the yard, we had a direct view of the porch so could see my daughter fine.
But because of trees/shrubs, my mom and I couldn’t see the front path and no one on the path could see us until they were practically at the porch at which point we’d be behind them. So I’m glancing over at my daughter every few seconds and then all of a sudden I hear “WHO are you?” in an extremely aggressive tone.
I look up and there’s this older woman practically looming over my daughter. My daughter is unfazed and tries to blow a bubble, but because she’s three it’s not an exact science and this older woman goes “DON’T YOU SPIT AT ME!” By the time she gets to the word “ME” my mom and I are on our feet and practically on top of her and my dad has come barreling out the front door.
My daughter starts screech-crying and I grab her and this woman has the nerve to mutter something about kids needing manners these days. My dad in his most scary serious no-room-for-protest voice tells her to get off his property and she does.
But then later after we’d calmed my daughter, my parents tell me that she’s an older neighbor who has “been through a lot” and who my mom has a casual relationship with and exchanges seeds and cuttings and supplies with, and who was very helpful to my mom when my dad was in the hospital a while back.
My mom goes over there to give her things sometimes. They tell me she’s not so bad when you get to know her, she’s just old and sad. Their position is “stern talking to when one of us next sees her and not being allowed around the kids.” My position is “why is this woman allowed on your property ever again and why would you want to interact with her even socially.”
My parents are willing to defer to me when it comes to the kids and my family’s personal safety but they clearly think I’m overreacting a bit. My husband, who was out with our older 2 at the time, thinks my dad scared the jerk out of her (probably yes) and that we can leave it to my parents who know her.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, not for flipping out, I would too but it’s your parents’ house, their rules. I think it’s a good idea not to have her around the kids ever again and give her a talking-to. But if they want to be cordial after that, I don’t see the issue here, especially when they’ve had a cordial relationship before.
If peace is an option then they should take it. It’s not like they’re besties and are going to see each other every single day, and have dinner parties. it’s just more of a can I borrow a cup of sugar, hi how are you type of thing.” My-Username-Is-Dis
Another User Comments:
“Mmmm this is a tough one. I’d definitely say NTJ and the neighbor is the jerk because I understand how protective mothers are, and what kind of a person yells at a child who is just trying to blow bubbles?? But I do want to give her the benefit of the doubt, and perhaps she was just having a bad day and maybe has some mental health issues.
I can understand not wanting her on the property, but I would compromise because your parents clearly have somewhat of a relationship with her and it would be rude to tell them to cut her off completely because that should be their choice and you don’t know anything about her or what she’s been through.
I would have your parents ask her to stay away from your daughter because she is now afraid of her, and if she comes over and sees her, ask her to head home instead and call if she needs something. Personally, I would give her a second chance because she might have some kind of condition that confuses her or something?
But if she did it a second time I would absolutely ask my parents to tell her to stay off of the property because at that point she’s definitely doing it intentionally.” ImFromLath
Another User Comments:
“100% NTJ. A grown adult should not be coming onto a property that isn’t theirs and yelling at a 3-year-old.
And if the excuse is that she is mentally not all there then even MORE reason why she shouldn’t be on the property. She is already making up lies about the child spitting on her, for all you know if you weren’t there so quickly she would have used that as an excuse to hit your child.
In my experience, people who make up lies like that do so so that they have that excuse as to why their behavior should be accepted. So either she needs help and shouldn’t be around children OR she knew exactly what she was doing and even more so shouldn’t be around children.
It seems like cohabitating with family is normal for you so it’s less ‘their house their rules’ and more ‘we all live here and need to do what is best for the most vulnerable person’. If your parents want to see her there is no reason they can’t simply go to her house.
Your daughter deserves to not have to fear being assaulted when there isn’t another adult sitting right next to her. If it happens again she may very well be afraid to go outside.” Kitty_hostility
3. AITJ For Telling My Husband He Has It Easy During My Pregnancy?
“I’m 7 months pregnant. It has been very difficult for me with all the medical stuff and chronic pain I’m constantly dealing with. My husband gets annoyed every time I bring up how much pain I feel.
It’s not like I complain constantly but it has slowed me down which made my husband think I’m looking for excuses to not get anything done.
Yesterday morning I woke up with terrible back pain. After I vented about it and expressed my discomfort he “snapped” at me and told me that I was acting like a spoiled princess and that I’m a mother, I should start acting like one.
I snapped back saying that he doesn’t get to dictate how I should feel and deal with what I’m dealing with because he has no idea what it’s like. He was like “yeah but we’re in this together, I put the baby in there remember?” I told him yes but he’s not the one doing the work so he has it easy.
He looked at me shocked and went quiet for a minute. He then said “Ah-ha how typical! Trying to use the “I’m the mom” card against me already? How much “leverage” are you planning to get with that”. Which hurt because he made me feel like I’m milking it.
We argued about it then he left and refused to respond to my phone calls all day. In the evening he got distant and ignored me when I tried to speak to him and then said that telling him he has it easy was way out of line and an awful attempt to discredit his efforts and sacrifices but all he does is provide.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Get one of those machines that gives men what it feels like to have contractions and period cramps then tell him he is a spoiled princess for being in pain. NTJ he is delusional to think you are not in a lot of pain when pregnant, when I was I thought my ribs were going to break at one point because of how bad it hurt.
Good luck with your husband thinking that his “part” in the baby-making makes his words ok. Also, I think he’s a walking red flag with the second paragraph.” NiteGrimwood
Another User Comments:
“Umm…generally “making the baby” is the easiest part. Particularly for the one carrying the baby through term.
There are multiple things wrong with his reaction. First, when did being a mother equate to “deliberately ignoring personal pain”? Yes, sacrifices happen…that is a far cry from personal neglect. 2nd, what does he believe a father’s role is? I’m quite concerned. Does he genuinely believe he has put in the same amount of work as you?
Just no. Again. The person who is pregnant is doing the bulk. That is a fact. Pregnancy is usually not easy. Sometimes it is, but not usually. Your husband is being very selfish. Deliberately avoiding practicing empathy. I don’t mean to sound harsh. Maybe he is a good partner in many other ways.
In this way – he is failing you tremendously. NTJ in any capacity.” LAM_humor1156
Another User Comments:
“NTJ LOL, just wanna point out you didn’t use the mom card on him, he did it to you. Except when he does it, it means that because you are a mother you should be happy to make all those sacrifices when it comes to your comfort and happiness.
Because what gives women more joy than to fulfill their only purpose in life, right?? Your husband does have it easy. Because if he well and truly felt you guys were in this together, he’d be giving out back- and foot rubs left and right at the first sign of any discomfort for you.
Because that’s what supportive partners do. Listen. This could just be a case of a clueless husband who needs a little wake-up call. But this could also be an early warning sign that you’re soon going to be a married single mother to a baby and an adult toddler.
Either way, this requires a discussion. Maybe at your next prenatal appointment, which he should absolutely be attending with you?” Reddit User
2. AITJ For Teaching My Son Life Skills And Letting Him Cook Once A Week?
“My son, 16M, makes dinner for the entire family one night a week. My wife and I trade off the rest of the week. He also cleans his room, does his own laundry, and cleans his bathroom.
My MiL is staying with us and is annoyed that we make our son do “so much.” She said we are stealing what should be “the carefree years of his childhood.” The bathroom he cleans is the shared bath for both his room and the guest room.
My MiL declared she will clean this bathroom now even though she is a guest because my wife and I are “too lazy” to do it ourselves. My wife tried to argue with her, but I convinced her to let it be because if she wants to create work for herself, God love her.
The issue is with dinner tonight. My son was putting some stuff in the crockpot and my MiL got all fussy and said she would make dinner if my wife and I were “too lazy” and my son got upset because he was excited to make this dish.
So my wife and I booted her from the kitchen. Now she is in her room pouting and complaining about us on her phone to all my wife’s relatives about how we are terrible lazy parents who robbed our son of a happy childhood. Are we jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And you aren’t “giving him adult responsibilities”. You are ensuring that he will become a functional adult, capable of feeding himself something other than Ramen & takeout, cleaning his home, and caring for his clothes. You’re making sure he doesn’t leave home helpless.
His future roommates and romantic partners will thank you. I was allowed to make dinner once a week from the time I was 8 and found it shocking when I reached high school and most of my peers couldn’t boil an egg in HomeEc.” rapt2right
Another User Comments:
“You and your spouse are NTJ. You are actually encouraging your kid to be self-reliant and self-sufficient rather than a lazy mamma’s boy who may grow up thinking only women do household tasks. You are not robbing him of a childhood but you are instilling in him living skills (cooking and doing housework is not gendered fyi and social class has nothing to do with it.
A living skill is a living skill) he will carry for the rest of his life and you are both doing him a favor. Don’t listen to MIL and tell your son there is nothing wrong with him being able to do household tasks like everyone else.
You allowing him to cook at least once a week also instills his interest in making delicious comfort dishes at home.” KangarooOk2190
Another User Comments:
“NTJ oh my god you’re going to make your son’s future partner so happy. Basic responsibilities are incredible for kids, especially around the age when they want more independence.
You’re teaching your son how to fend for himself before he has to figure it out on his own. I have a family friend who never let his daughter learn any household skills. Her first week living alone she trashed her apartment and her dad had to hire professionals to clean the mold, rot, etc from the apartment.
Your MIL is just mad that you’re not spoiling her darling grandson when you’re doing exactly that by teaching him life skills for free in a safe environment.” lunamunmun
1. AITJ For Altering My Partner's Inherited Ring To Propose To Her?
“My partner inherited her grandma’s ring collection after she passed away. Most of them do not fit her and need to get adjusted, however, she will wear them around a chain if we go somewhere nice.
My partner is super sentimental and her ring collection is super important to her so I thought it would be perfect to get her favorite one (her grandma’s wedding ring) adjusted and propose with it. We’ve been together for 5 years and she’s had the collection for three.
When she was at work one day I took her favorite one and got it adjusted. I hid it in a baggie in my sock drawer so it wouldn’t get lost before I decided to propose. Well, my partner was going out one night and wanted to wear one of the rings around her neck when she realized her favorite one was missing.
She started going absolutely nuts, like I’ve never seen her so irrational and emotionally primal over anything before. I pretended to look with her, knowing the ring was actually in my drawer.
She was turning out everything looking, and when she looked in my drawer she started going mad on me, saying I stole her ring and was only pretending to look because I’m a thief.
I explained that I was going to propose with it and she wouldn’t let up and said that I should’ve said I wanted to propose or at least get it adjusted for her if I wanted to surprise her. She took her things and broke up with me.
I think she’s being irrational, I didn’t have bad intentions and I didn’t steal the ring. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your intentions weren’t bad – but you should have asked her if she even wanted to have her grandmother’s ring ‘adjusted’ – it could be she wanted it to remain exactly the way it is.
What you could have done is purchased a promise ring and proposed with that and then told her that you thought maybe she would like her grandmother’s ring to be her wedding ring – and let HER make that choice. You DID steal the ring.
The MOMENT she noticed it missing you should have told her what your plan was.. but to pretend to help look for it was a jerk move. She did overreact (imho) and maybe she will come back around after she has calmed down – but it’s going to take a lot, I think, for her to trust you again.” MissSuzieSunshine
Another User Comments:
“You blew it, in many different ways, as others have mentioned. You could have, for example, offered to pay for having it adjusted like she wanted when she couldn’t afford it. That would have been a great opportunity to talk about marriage and the longer term, which would have made proposing when the ring was done a possibility.
I have no qualms with proposing using an heirloom ring. Engagement and wedding ring prices are ridiculous, especially if you’re young and trying to deal with the challenges of these economic times. My (now-ex) wife was thrilled at the idea of wearing her grandmother’s gorgeous ring, but we’d talked about it first, and got it from her parents, who were also happy.
Her fury, anger, and disappointment are quite reasonable here, given your behavior. You destroyed her trust in you. I suspect that this was probably just the last straw with you; that things weren’t going so well for her before this. In any case YTJ.” vortexofchaos
Another User Comments:
“Ok three ways you went massively wrong here. Dude, you can’t alter the state of the ring when the person owns it without asking them. You are permanently altering the state of their property which is bad enough to do without permission when it’s a replaceable item they bought and can buy again if you mess it up, but it’s infinitely worse when it’s something so irreplaceable and sentimental. You only ever do that with the full consent of the owner.
People who do this get it from the partner’s parents or grandparents. You took it from HER. She already owned it. What?? You were going to propose to her with her own ring?? Like leaving out the fact that you were going to permanently alter the physical state of it without her consent which, RED FLAG, you took it without asking her, and then intended to propose with it??
It makes more sense to get a $20 cubic zirconia from Walmart than do this. You could go on Etsy and get a $60 one custom-made for her! You led her on by letting her think it was missing when you knew full well where it was.
And don’t say it would ruin the surprise because you even said she was displaying a level of distress you had never seen before, so you knew you should have come clean then and you didn’t. That’s so messed up. You screwed the pooch on multiple levels here, man.
And who proposes to someone with a ring they already own? Who steals from their own partner? Who steals from their own partner, a ring they already own, to propose with?? I just… this is a head-scratcher. YTJ.” neeksknowsbest
