People Have A Firm Stance On These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Not Specifying My Gender To My Online Gaming Friends?
“I F18 love gaming. It’s hard being a woman in some games so I just prefer not to specify when I play with people I don’t know online.
I was playing Minecraft Bed Wars on a server, and 3 other people and I had been together for about an hour now.
I’m going to call them B(M19), K(M18), L(M18), and J(M20). When J had to leave, we all exchanged Discords, made a group chat and we have been playing Minecraft and other assorted games together daily for a few months now.
I hadn’t specified my gender by that point, but we all shared little bits of our personal lives and so did I.
I never outwardly said I was male and I didn’t make any conversation points that would strongly point me towards being male so it’s not like I was LYING to them.
It was L’s birthday yesterday and we all were in a call, and they were pushing me to speak as I hadn’t spoken before, so I did.
They all got sort of quiet and were like “You’re a girl..?” I said yes, and that I had never said I was a man before, I just explained how people in games usually treat me differently so I don’t LIE I just choose not to bring it up.
B and K got quiet and left, J was like holy moly that’s not cool and L kind of insinuated it wasn’t funny nor cool and I bummed him out on his birthday
Soo.. AITJ? I feel so bad, nobody’s spoken since this happened.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are not morally obligated to share your gender with casual online friends. I wonder what exactly made L “bummed out” that you’re a woman! And they’re proving your point by immediately getting weird as soon as they find out. They assumed you were a guy because they assumed that the default human is a guy, and women are “other”.
From your comments, it sounds like they didn’t share overly private or personal information that they might only be comfortable sharing with men, which is the only valid reason I can imagine them being upset by this. My most charitable guess is that they all freaked out because they probably have a vague feeling that they have to act differently in front of A Girl and they feel awkward that they haven’t done that.
And that they got to know you as a person and they think of you as a person but now they know you’re a girl that feels conflicting to them because they don’t even realize that they don’t quite think of girls as people.
I suggest that you message each one of them individually (not in the group chat) on the discord with the following points: 1.
Tell them it wasn’t something personal about them, that you find that you always feel safer and more respected online when you don’t reveal your gender. 2. Tell them that you value their friendship and enjoy talking to and playing games with them. 3. Express surprise and confusion at their (personal) reaction to your voice.
Ask them why they reacted that way. Ask them if you being a girl upsets them and ask them why. Don’t let them accuse you of lying. If they say vague things like “it’s just different knowing that you’re a girl”, keep asking why. Eventually, they’ll either have to own up to blatant misogyny or acknowledge that it doesn’t make sense for them to judge you for this, and hopefully, they’ll get over it.
It’s hard to tell if these guys are just kind of boneheaded and haven’t examined their feelings and assumptions, or if they’ll decide to double down on sexism.” charonthemoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a woman who plays games too I never specify my gender for multiple reasons.
1. It’s not relevant or important. 2. It can bring misogynistic behavior. 3. Why would I have to specify I’m a girl? 4. People don’t even believe I’m a girl even when I speak and I don’t want to argue about that. People need to stop assuming others’ gender or that the default is male.
There are plenty of woman gamers, non-binary folks, or any other genders in the gaming community. (and outside of it too) You got this. Don’t worry, you will find good teammates/people to play with. I found many cool dudes on different games that absolutely don’t care that I’m a woman.” Waffles_ja
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It just sounds like the usual misogyny. Now any time you ever did better at them in a game, they were “losing to/in front of a girl”. It also made it so they couldn’t openly peacock at you and woo you with their noob winks.
They didn’t have any “right” to know you were a girl just so they could treat you differently. I would honestly want to call them out about how they immediately treated you, a friend, differently the instant they discovered your gender to the point where they had to go have a sulk about it.
That is such ridiculous behavior and is the entire reason so many girls don’t want people to know they are female online. It either invites unwanted attention and flirting or raging sexist screeches of disgust.” Slight_Flamingo_7697
21. AITJ For Choosing My Sister's Art Exhibition Over My Wife's Boss's Wedding?
“My wife (29f) and I (29M) have been married for 2 years. I have a younger sister (22f) whom I am close with. My sister is a painter and she is very talented. She usually participates in these art exhibitions where she shows her paintings to the public.
She invited me several times to go before, but I was not able to attend due to my work. In fact, the last time I said yes but then I had to decline. She asked me again and the timing was finally perfect, so I agreed and she even made me promise her that I would attend (the last time she was very disappointed and upset).
Suddenly, my wife tells me that her boss in her new job is having his wedding that day and he invited the employees, each with a plus one. My wife wants me to come with her and the wedding is in another city so I can’t attend the 2 events.
I told her I can’t come because I already said yes to my sister. She tells me that it is a new job, and it is very important for her career. I apologized but I can’t do the same thing with my sister again. She then goes off about how I am being unsupportive and prioritizing my sister over her.
Since then we are still not back to normal. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t think your wife is going to get fired or have her career derailed because her husband has a prior unbreakable commitment and can’t accompany her to her boss’ wedding.
If anything, it might even send a message that she is an independent woman who is not joined at the hip to her spouse—not a bad impression to cultivate for women in the business world. No, your wife just wants you to come and ditch your sister—again—and that is so selfish.
You are not “picking” someone over her, you are keeping a promise. I would think your wife would be glad to be married to someone who does that.” HeartpineFloors
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I think you need to find out how long has your wife known about this wedding.
Was it last minute? Or did she know for a couple of months? I guess that if it’s a new job, she could have been told recently. And against some people saying it cannot matter for a career, yes it can matter in certain fields!
You are going to have to decide if you want to disappoint someone you see every day versus your sister. Your sister will have other exhibitions and I don’t understand why it’s one day. Usually, exhibitions stay in place for several days/weeks, and what is only one day is the opening with a party.
You can go another day and ask your sister to meet you there.” Coco_Dirichlet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s their wedding day. This is a new job, so your wife is nearly a stranger to them, and you are definitely a stranger. They most likely don’t have the bandwidth to care about or remember your presence.
However, your absence from your sister’s event could do some permanent damage to your relationship with her and possibly other family members. “Oh, my husband couldn’t make it due to a prior family obligation. Though, he felt honored to have been invited to such an important occasion and looks forward to getting to know you and everyone else in the future.” There, your wife’s problem is solved. Tell her to remember what really matters and to get her head out of her rear.” MissAnthropy_YIKES
20. AITJ For Not Inviting My Family To My Wedding Due To Their Toxic Behavior?
“This happened several years ago and it’s mostly settled now (by me going no contact with that side of my family) but I got raked over the coals for this when it happened.
My wife and I first met at my aunt and uncle’s house. She was a coworker of my cousin’s. We met, hit it off, and the rest is history. Almost immediately my cousin started trying to talk me out of a relationship with her. My cousin is an only child that’s always gotten anything that she’s asked for so she hates it when she doesn’t get her way.
My cousin’s reasoning? “I don’t mix family and friends and I only invited her so you could hook up with her for a one night stand.”
Well, that’s not my problem because my wife and I have gotten along great since day one and I refuse to let my cousin dictate my life.
After that my uncle started in on me saying how she’s going to be unfaithful, she can’t be trusted, blah blah blah (he also worked at the same company so he knew her). I’ve been two-timed before. I know the signs. My wife is the most genuine person I’ve ever met and would never intentionally do anyone harm.
It’s not in her.
This goes on for the year or so that we were together. Then we got engaged and it really ramped up. My aunt, uncle, and cousin were all trying to convince me that marrying my wife would be a mistake, I’d regret it, over and over and over for the following year until the date of the wedding.
Obviously I didn’t invite them. It wasn’t a big ceremony, only about 20 people if that. I didn’t want people who actively trashed my wife for two years to be present for our day.
My wife was aware of all this trash talk by the way.
After the wedding I start getting calls and texts, and even my dad calling me to say how disappointed they were in me after all they had done for me (put used tires on my truck once that blew almost immediately and gave me some old yard sale tools for my job that I replaced as soon as I got my first paycheck) and how could I exclude them from this?
My aunt was in my grandma’s head and convinced her of all the lies about my wife so when my grandma found out they didn’t get an invite she didn’t show either.
I tried to play it off publicly like it got lost in the mail because I was already planning on going no contact but nobody really bought it.
My dad brought it up to me and I basically just told him that I was not going to subject my wife to their toxicity on our wedding day.
We’ve since had a kid and they’re still as mad as ever at us. I broke my no contact rule one time to see if they wanted to meet my daughter when she was around one.
Radio silence. That told me all I needed to know.
Still somehow I feel bad about it in a way. My daughter won’t know that side of my family. I didn’t really know that side of my family when I was little either and it didn’t feel the greatest and I don’t want that to happen to her but still… I don’t know if it’s worth it for her to know them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for the past. But you’re starting to waver in your conviction and you need to knock that nonsense off. You want your child to have a large and loving support network, that’s nice, but “that side” of your family is not going to offer her love or support any more than they gave it to you when you needed it.
They certainly never offered any to your wife. They haven’t changed. You do not need to expose yourself, your wife, or your poor child to toxic people just because they happen to share some of your genetic code. Stop romanticizing this idea of “family”. If it helps to reframe things, keep in mind that these people are only “family” because a pair of ancestors had a relationship enough times to procreate more than once.
That’s it. You are not indebted or obligated to people just because they can trace their family tree back to the same ancestral ball sack and/or ovaries.
Also, I just need to highlight this: “I don’t mix family and friends and I only invited her so you could hook up with her for a one night stand.” Did they really think it was acceptable to treat a woman this way?
To invite her to their home with the express intention of offering her up as a conquest to a relative with the expectation that she be used and immediately discarded? Because that’s utterly vile. This alone should be a reason not to want these people in your life or around your child.” GlacialBlaeiz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is no reason you should have to invite someone who has been trying to wreck your relationship since day 1 (including running a smear campaign against your wife) to your wedding. And, to be honest, your father should have had your back on this.
I don’t care if they have done things to help you in the past or not – the fact that they have been actively trying to sabotage the relationship right up to the wedding trumps all of that and is a good indication that they would have made some kind of scene (probably when the celebrant asks “does anyone have any reason…”) Good for you for having your wife’s back on all of this!” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and a bit of advice. First, let me say that I’m all for cutting off toxic family. I’ve done it and zero regret it. Blood does not make family. But… you have to make a decision if you want the relationship or not.
Family is complicated and you often end up apologizing for stuff that isn’t your fault and just letting things slide. If you want your daughter to have the relationship, just be the bigger person, tell them why they’ve hurt you and apologize for not inviting them and then ask if they will all start fresh.
If you want this, I hope you can erase the last couple years and have your family again.” ObviouslyMeatloaf
19. AITJ For Being Petty With My Roommate Over Unfair Living Arrangements?
“A colleague and I met last year and bonded really well. She confided a lot of issues in me about her living situation, and we set out to find her a new place. It reached a point where I was even willing to let her move into my family’s home (at no cost) and eventually I changed my own plans to move in with her to help with costs, and her partner did the same, so it’s all split 3 ways (they get a significantly better room and bathroom).
My plan is to immigrate next year so the initial agreement was they would buy all the appliances because they intend to leave with them. I offered to pay a deposit on them but it was declined.
This is the first month of us living together and it has been… messy.
Lots of single-person decisions that I’ve tried to create a dialogue about.
Despite me moving in a week late and then spending more than a week helping a friend with an emergency, my roomie tried to argue that their partner shouldn’t pay 1/3 of utilities as they’re barely here.
This was after I had paid 1/3. The more I inquired about the logic surrounding this, the more I received attitude, which eventually devolved into me being told I must get my own appliances because they let me use their stuff out of “kindness”.
Now, as annoyed as I am, I’m also petty.
This girl is very big on her image and aesthetic. So anything I, a poor uni student, purchase will be ugly. I’ve also started making room for my stuff by dumping out the cupboards she has claimed in the kitchen and separating our stuff, good luck not having cutlery boo.
We also split transport costs when heading to work but I’ve opted to stay in my family home those weekends to save on transport and food. So her transport is going to cost her 70% of her earnings.
The worst of all is that they have been turning the water heater on and off to save money, which can only be done in my room.
I’ve previously granted them access but have no desire to do so anymore, which will increase the 2/3 that they have now committed to paying (in writing). Roomie is the only one without a support system so she cannot shower anywhere but here.
Additionally, they’ve pushed for this house to be very social, so I’ve had a lot of friends over who have cooked and brought booze, which they have enthusiastically accepted. Sound doesn’t travel at all so having people over will not stop, however the hospitality and good vibes their way will.
The partner told me how much she’s worried because this girl is creating an environment just like her previous place.
The partner asked me to sit down and talk to her, but what is there to say? So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 1 – stop worrying about her pocket money.
It’s not your burden to carry. As long as she pays what she agreed to, then however little she might have left is her burden to worry about. But, since they are already messing with you about paying up as agreed, let’s just presume she’s broke and gonna leech the whole time.
2 – stop allowing them to go into your bedroom to deprive you of hot water during the day. 3 – The situation cannot continue. Talk to your landlord and find out what your options might be, landlords want someone who actually pays rent and respects the property to some degree.
If you take the step to speak to them first and ask for help and advice, it’s much more likely to get a favorable result.” Trick_Force
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You tried to help them, tried to be reasonable, and even tried to have a dialogue re the utility split.
This was met with your roomie going scorched earth first re: the appliances. Perhaps she’s one of those people who is difficult because that’s how she usually gets her way, but it sounds like she’s met her match. She’s finding out the hard way what happens when people push back, especially when she hasn’t thought things through.
Sorry things are starting off so bad, but it sounds like you have the upper hand here. Best of luck!” BellaSquared
Another User Comments:
“I mean, by their logic, I shouldn’t have to pay for my Olive Garden because I barely ate any of it?
Did the partner not realize she would barely be there before signing a document saying she would pay to stay there? She can barely be there if she wants… that’s a choice. But paying rent is not. There’s no landlord on earth who would accept this logic.
“Oh well… I work 2 jobs and most nights spend the night at my partner, so I don’t think I should have to pay rent.” They’d laugh at you and make you pay (legally) or put you on the street so fast so they can get someone in there who will pay.
I think you can get their name off the lease… but that means no coming, going, and sleeping whenever they want. Because they need to continue to barely be there. NTJ, OP.” MajorRockstar79
18. AITJ For Telling My Stepmom I Wish My Dad Never Married Her?
“My mom and dad got divorced when I was very little and ever since then, my dad has been on and off with almost 10 girls in the years he’s been single. He just recently married one of the girls that he was involved with a few years ago and they moved in together and my brother lives with them.
My stepmom was very nice at first. Easy to talk to, accepting, and just genuinely very caring and kind! However that’s changed recently.
For a bit of background, my dad’s mother (my grandma) is very controlling and manipulative towards me and my brother. She does this by acting very nice and just letting us talk until we slip up, she then twists our words and tells my dad and then my dad will exaggerate it and complain to my mom.
My stepmom is the exact same way. She acts really nice and let’s us talk until she can twist our words and tell my dad.
Recently, I went to visit them and my stepmom did it again and then for the rest of the time I was there she side eyed me and gave me nasty looks.
She stopped saying good morning and good night to me like she always does and started pointless arguments with me. She eventually got so upset with me about a show I was watching (it was literally a cartoon) and kept saying it was inappropriate. By the way, I’m 17 and was watching Adventure Time, like what?
It’s a cartoon! Anyways I argued back at her and it then got really heated. She yelled at me and said something like “this is why we stopped asking you to live with us!” So I yelled back “none of us wanted you to live with any of us in the first place!
My dad should have never married you!” To which she stormed away and went to my dad and played the victim. Now my dad believes anything the women in his life say (his mom and his wife) so he believed her.
I got sent back home to my mom and told her everything.
She called my dad and gave him so much grief for believing my stepmom but I still felt guilty for saying it. No matter the reassurance I got from everyone else in my life, I still felt so upset about saying that. My stepmom had been nothing but nice until this trip.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I mean, it sounds like you have a loving mother. I don’t think anyone could force you to stay with the jerk your dad is. Maybe talk to mom if staying with her is an option until you are old/financially stable enough to get a place of your own.
(Same applies to your brother, if it’s the same mother.) Also Stepmother sounds toxic and your father is an enabler in the best case. NTJ, get your brother and run.” Screamin_Steve
Another User Comments:
“ESH your stepmom was out of line for the way that she was talking and how she is treating you.
Your dad is out of line for taking your stepmom’s side and not defending his own child. You were out of line and a jerk for the way you talked to your stepmom. You told her that no one wanted her there but that’s not true, your dad wanted her there and that’s what matters.
You didn’t say how old you are, maybe you are still a young child and that’s why you acted that way, but it sounds like you need to do some serious growing up.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“First of all, NTJ. But please allow me to say something: OP, you and your stepmom can fix this.
It’s very hard for a step-parent to break through with their spouse’s children, but you said that for a long time she had been nothing but nice to you, which means she had tried to be accepting and not to make you feel not welcome.
Don’t forget that previous relationship children are the biggest competitors and represent a significant threat to a new couple’s stability. Your stepmom is very aware of that, but I’m sure she would be more than happy to have your and her relationship improve, and if that happened it would also take a huge emotional burden off your dad’s shoulders.
You’re basically an adult now, and adult life is full of moments where a little compromise can go a long way in making things better for everyone. If you decided to try a small gesture of reconciliation and see what happens, my bet is that she will reciprocate.
Then you guys can build upon that. On the other hand, being almost a legal-age adult gives you also the option to cut ties with her altogether and just live your life without them. That’s the easier way out but probably also a missed opportunity.
Good luck.” giospez
17. AITJ For Being Upset My Wife Budgeted For Her Mother's Birthday Dinner?
“It was my MIL’s birthday a few weeks ago, her husband and one of her sons were out of town for a sporting event so my wife (35F) and her brother (42M) decided to go out for dinner instead of doing the normal family dinner at home with takeaways.
My wife brought it up with me and I said we couldn’t afford to go out for dinner at the moment, she said that she knew the birthday was coming up so she had budgeted for it. (my wife does the household budget and has done so for years) I asked what she meant and she said she’d made some cuts in our food budget by adjusting our meal plan for the month, she had reduced the snacks she brought for the kids and also used lower-quality meat for slow-cooked meals and maybe have to have eggs on toast for dinner once or twice if the budget is really tight.
That made me see red. I told her I don’t agree with her doing this as our teenage boys will suffer, she scoffed at me and said that they would not go staving & if they want extra snacks they have jobs and can buy them themselves.
I disagree as both boys are training in the off-season as we need them to get scholarships for college so they need to be eating more than just eggs for dinner.
I didn’t go to the dinner. A comment was made about why I wasn’t there and one of my sons said something about being too much of a jerk to come.
Last week MIL was over and tried to give my wife the money for the dinner. My wife refused and said we are not hurting and that just like everyone else at the moment we had to make adjustments. After MIL left I told my wife she should have accepted the money and my wife said she’d never do that as her mother has done so much for us over the years.
I told her that she can’t make those calls when it affects our family. She told me I was being a jerk over $150.
I just don’t think she should be making myself and the boys suffer for a month with poor-quality food so she can go out for dinner.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Let me get this straight, your wife does the money management, the shopping, meal prep, and cooking at a minimum. You didn’t notice anything different about the quality of meat or the abundance of snacks until she mentioned it to you.
What war crimes did she commit by thoughtful budgeting in order to have something extra? How did anyone here suffer? You did not suffer. Your sons did not suffer. Again, you didn’t notice anything until you were told and then you created suffering for everyone around you.” AdministrationThis77
Another User Comments:
“Couple of questions, wife is 35? And you have teenage boys and from what you have said they are close to college age so what 17? So your wife had them around 17-18? So more than likely as your wife has a good relationship with her mother that means the family stepped up and really helped out both of you when you were teenage parents..
and you can’t give up snacks for dinner for your MIL? Shame on you. YTJ… unless the above is wrong you’re still a jerk but I remove the shame. From someone who’s around the age of your sons, do better.” warmestregard
Another User Comments:
“YTJ many, many people lead healthy and athletic lives without junk snacks and high cuts of meat.
In fact, there are many athletes who are vegans and get all their protein from beans and tofu. So your children may actually have been healthier when your wife was budgeting. However, I am concerned that your budget is so tight that it took your wife a month to save $150 yet her father and brother have enough money to go on vacation during their wife’s and mother’s birthday.
While they are allowed to spend their money however they want, this abandonment led to your wife deciding she had to go all out and spend more on the mother’s birthday instead of the usual takeaway without discussing it with you first. So I am asking: would you have refused this economy?
If so, would it be based on your unnecessary meat-laden diet or perhaps because you don’t value your wife’s family? I mean, your own son called you a tight jerk when it was his food that was altered.” everyonemustlovecats
16. AITJ For Accusing My Partner Of Bad Aim Because Of Urine Everywhere In His Bathroom?
“My partner (33M) and I (28F) have been together for 4 years and lived together for about 3. We have 2 bathrooms in our home and typically we each have our own, he uses 1 toilet and I use the other. We also live in a newly built home with new toilets and plumbing.
It’s been my chore to clean the toilets for years and we are working on having better equity and division of household labor but this is where I might be the jerk.
In his toilet, there is pee literally everywhere around the toilet. It’s on the walls.
The rubbish bin. The floor. It is pee city! Upstairs in my toilet, this problem does not exist.
I’ve spoken to him about it previously and today brought it up again after cleaning it and he’s adamant that it’s not his fault and in fact, the size of the bathroom and humidity is what is causing his pee to be anywhere but the toilet.
He’s also saying he will start peeing sitting down to prove to me that it’s the humidity?
I told him that he must think I’m a real moron to believe that it’s not him just being bad at aiming in the toilet. I also told him he needs to stop making excuses and stop peeing on the floor.
AITJ? Is the humidity thing real?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s just a lack of consideration and bad aim. My ex got pee all over the place, just like your partner. I think it’s just laziness, too. It’s not hard to aim at the darn bowl.
Try letting your partner clean up his own mess and see how quickly he learns to aim better and not pee everywhere when he’s the one who has to clean it up. The humidity excuse is ridiculous. That has nothing to do with it.
Also: to prevent splashback that might occur, it would only take seconds for your partner to add a bit of toilet paper to the bowl and aim at that. The tp would absorb the urine and then cleanup later wouldn’t be such an issue.
Just a thought.” Eccentric_Mermaid
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Every guy should be willing to clean up after themselves. But this may not necessarily be due to “bad aim”. There are a number of factors involved between pressure, flow, and “nozzle shape”. If a guy has on some tight pants, it’s like trying to aim with a water hose that got run over by the car.
Sometimes a guy can end up with a “snake pee” where two streams go off in opposite directions and just as you figure out what’s going on and try to compensate, the streams converge.” LordGlow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it was humidity… sitting would still result in pee everywhere because of that… your bathroom would have the same issue since the humidity shouldn’t be too different between the two and you’re likely sitting.
Also, you can’t ensure he won’t pee on the floor to prove his point – he’s clearly fine with there being pee on the floor and okay enough with lying to you. Even if it was humidity and not him peeing wherever (and it’s not), that would just mean he needs to clean literally every time he pees.
This isn’t the checkmate he thinks it is. You don’t just shrug and say “Guess there’s gonna be pee on the floor.” He should clean as needed, which he’s now indicated is every single pee.” Massive-Emergency-42
15. AITJ For Not Giving Away The PS5 My Late Brother Promised To A Neighbor Kid?
“My brother passed away at the beginning of June. He had been severely ill, suffering from depression, schizophrenia, and liver cirrhosis, the latter having been caused by 20 years of liver-damaging prescription meds and self-medication.
He had no job and over the last two years, I largely supported him financially.
In the last couple of months, he was in a manic state: He tried to finance a 60,000€ sports car, bought several computers because he wanted to get into crypto mining, bought massively overpriced silver and gold (because handing out tips in a restaurant in little silver bars seemed cool)… all kinds of instant gratification stuff a person in a manic state would do.
He also promised to buy a Playstation 5 for a kid in the neighborhood.
After long hospital stays earlier in the year, he got some massive reimbursements from his (private) health insurance, and then never paid the hospital bills. That way, he had around 20,000€, that he spent on this kind of stuff, including the PS5, which only arrived after he had already passed away.
After he died, I had to pay the hospital bills, so the way I see it, I basically paid for all the stuff my brother bought with his reimbursements.
I don’t want to give the neighbor kid the PS5, even though my brother promised it to him.
But I also understand the desire of a 12-year-old to have a PlayStation.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry for your loss. All I can say is no one owes anybody in life anything and I know it may seem like a “12-year-old’s dream” but you’re not the one who made the promise to the kid, your brother did.
It would be a kind gesture, but in all honesty, you have to focus on yourself and look after your financial needs. That 12-year-old probably has generous parents willing to pay a PS5 for him.” naiovre
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, and I assume you are in a country where debt can be inherited like assets can be (yes those places exist for those in America.) It was your brother’s promise and he has passed. You don’t have the money really to gift it as the estate has gone to the creditors and you even paid out of pocket for that which wasn’t covered. Did you even know it was promised?
Did he ask for permission to promise this? Of course the kid wants it. He is a kid. Did he DO something to get it? Hang out with your brother when he was lonely? You could see it as payment for time spent, but it is really up to you.” KSknitter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but why are you paying the debts? Unless you are actually expecting to inherit anything, in which case anything there comes out of your pocket, then I wouldn’t care how much debt the estate had, and under no circumstances would I spend my own money paying these debts.
Legally you have no obligation to pay these debts and honestly, morally you don’t either. Why should you be penalized because a family member was ill? The company will write the bad debt off against taxes and the taxpayer will lose, but as the government gifts hundreds of billions, if not trillions to businesses each year, then this doesn’t even make a dent.” tomtomclubthumb
14. AITJ For Being Upset About Babysitting My Niece Without Compensation?
“I 19m am being forced to babysit my 5-year-old niece and she is a monster. She is constantly screaming her head off and always finds a way to ruin something I’m working on. Currently, I am rebuilding my Lego Batman display after she took it apart in search of pieces despite the fact that there are several boxes of Legos all around.
My mom agreed to babysit her for my cousin but really just watches daytime television all day leaving me and my sisters to actually babysit. The worst part is this is the 5th summer in a row we’ve had to babysit. My mom gets all the money from babysitting despite not doing anything which I feel is unfair.
After the Lego incident, I told my mom that “she always finds a way to ruin my summer.” My mother responded with “They’re family.” My cousin is a nurse and I understand why she would need somebody to babysit but she isn’t poor!
She could totally afford a nanny! I even had to keep her on my birthday when I wanted to hang out with friends. Tell me, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom on the other hand… My advice: Just stop babysitting. At 19, you could go ahead and get your own part-time job and live your life.
Your mother agreed to watch your niece. So you and your sisters need to find a way to be out of the house whenever the niece is brought over. If your mom wants you to babysit, she needs to hand over the money that she is being paid, or she needs to suck it up and do the actual babysitting herself.
Honestly, I would go directly to Niece’s mother and let her know that you are paying mom to watch television while my sisters and I are the ones actually caring for your child. From that point, I would negotiate my own rate of pay for babysitting and cut Mom out completely unless she is willing to do the work to earn the money.
Just so you know, Petty is my default. You know the situation better than I do, but you really have to stop letting your mother take advantage of you and make her responsible for the work she is getting paid to do.” PaganCHICK720
Another User Comments:
“I mean you do a good job painting your mom out to be the lazy one who collects the money without doing anything. This may be true, but I suspect the truth is somewhere in the middle and you’re being asked to help out at times because you still live under her roof.
Fair request if it’s not all on you and your sisters ALL the time. But if it is indeed as bad as it sounds, NTJ… just leave the house, and make your mom babysit. If she threatens anything about your place in the house, well… that’s always an option for a parent with older kids, but I also suspect she wants you guys there to help out and wouldn’t kick you out.” gatorfan8898
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I assume the few YJT sayers are North American, and maybe so are you but I really can’t fathom the USA culture that makes people say “Bruh you’re 19, if you don’t like your parents’ rules get out of the house”.
As a 23-year-old, I think I would’ve died if I was supposed to be out of the home I grew up in at that age. Leaving that aside; OP, a lot of people are going to keep asking you and I’m gonna add to the pile – have you told your cousin about this?
Cause if you feel bad for her because she clearly needs the help because of her job, then at least let her know that you (and your sisters) should be the ones receiving payment for the service she’s looking for. There’s literally no reason for your mother to give you work that ruins your summer and doesn’t compensate you in any way.” venr_vals
13. AITJ For Banning My Ex-Mother-In-Law From My House And Events?
“My ex wife’s parents divorced when she was a child.
Her mother is a … dominant personality, and it’s pretty clear that when it came to parenting time, her dad did his best, but got the short end of the stick. When I met them, my future ex-MIL was selfish and very difficult. My future ex-FIL was the opposite, and we developed a relationship that survived me divorcing his daughter for cause.
When my ex and I divorced, my ex-FIL was upset and let me know he had to support his daughter, but he thought of me as a friend and would do what he could to maintain our relationship. True to his word, we could take the kids to a ball game and comfortably ignore the ongoing drama between his daughter and me.
His ex-wife was the opposite. When it came to my divorce, she was an active participant, actually covering for her daughter’s affair. After the divorce, at least on my watch, I decided that all of the grandparents had equal status, an upgrade for my ex-FIL.
I have primary custody, and as a result, most of the kid events fall on my watch. When I had a birthday party for my son at my house, all the grandparents were invited, my ex-wife and her idiot partner too. I just insisted that everyone be on their best behavior.
Simple, right? It’s the child’s day, let’s focus on making it a good one.
Of course, my ex-MIL couldn’t pull it off, disrupting every event and then she went too far and I banned her from anything in my house. If the party is in a public place, then it’s on me to deal with it.
I should point out that the nearly everyone is invited thing is a one-way street. If my daughter’s birthday falls on my ex’s weekend, she has a party, but I’m not invited, nor is my ex-FIL, my parents, or extended family. I just do a small quiet celebration to avoid competing.
We have an upcoming pool birthday party, and my ex expressed her displeasure that her mother is banned. The pool party is my daughter’s request, and honestly, it’s about her friends, with us old people hanging out in the background. Daughter knows grandma won’t be there and is fine with it.
Apparently, I’m a jerk, for continuing the ban and favoring one grandparent over another.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Actions have consequences. Your ex-FIL’s actions have had the positive consequences of maintaining a good relationship with you and your child; your ex-MIL’s actions have had the negative consequences of getting her banned from your gatherings.
They started on equal footing and made choices that had consequences. It’s not favoritism when an adult’s actions lead to consequences they don’t like.” PurpleMarsAlien
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and you don’t say how old the child is, but it is possible that the child wants a drama-free party and requested a pool party specifically to avoid having grandmother there.
I am not saying the child doesn’t love GM, but she picks up on the tension even when GM is not being disruptive.” PurpleMarsAlien
Another User Comments:
“You’re not favoring one grandparent over the other, you also don’t have to invite your ex to every single event either, you’re divorced, no need to continue the happy family act.
She can invite her mother to her own party in her own time and you can invite whoever you want to your party. Your daughter got 2 parties and nobody starts useless drama, win-win. You’re making it complicated for yourself by trying to involve your ex in everything like you’re still married. Time to set things straight and put down some rules!” Important_Cost_7165
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay For My Sister's Graduation Dinner?
“I (32F) have a younger sister (26) who is about to graduate from her Master’s program. It’s been expected of me to pay for family dinners whenever we go out with our parents because I have been in a well-paying job for several years.
However, I am always expected to pay the bill each time we go out as a family. I have always taken care of my parents and I feel like I am continuing to provide for my family as well as my sister even though I am married and have children of my own.
For my sister’s upcoming graduation party, she has told our family she wants to go to a very fancy upscale restaurant and wants to invite a few of her friends to dinner as well. My parents are all for it but I know when it comes time for the bill, they will just pass it to me.
Considering that I would have to pay for not only my parents, sister, and possibly her friends, I told them I already have dinner plans but I can attend her graduation ceremony and now my family is upset and my sister said that I am selfish for not wanting to be a part of her big day.
AITJ in this scenario?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for the most part. At some point you’ll have to tell them to stop relying on your money. Being direct can be scary and cause problems, but like you said, you have your own family, focus on them.
Actually, your parents should be footing the bill, even though it’s not necessarily their responsibility, it certainly isn’t yours. Maybe suggest that the 3 of you split it. Tell your sis it’s a family celebration and for her to celebrate with her friends separately. Please actively practice setting boundaries, it’s uncomfortable but that’s how you grow.” _PSO_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ….. BUT my husband is known as the “rich uncle” to his side of the family and we aren’t rich. Just more financially stable. My husband is extremely frugal and saved to be financially independent since he was 18. So back to the story, every time we saw them or went to dinner my husband would foot the bill, no issues, no complaints, UNTIL he realized they expected it, picking steak houses instead of diners, started inviting more family members/friends, that sorta thing.
He’s not dumb, nor a pushover…Now anytime we go out, with ANYONE, friends, family, the neighbor, he always says right when we sit down “We’re on a separate check, my wife, son, and me” in front of everyone. If it’s a specific event, birthday party, or graduation, he offers to pay for whose “day” it is.
Not their spouse, children, or friends. We’ve never had pushback to our face, but we noticed people not ordering as many appetizers and drinks.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are being used financially and you should stop paying for any family dinners going forward unless it’s something like you’re specifically taking out someone for their birthday as a gift. The fact that not just your sister but your other family members are mad at you means they don’t appreciate what you have done for them and how much money you have spent on them.
Even if you were a billionaire it doesn’t give your family the right to try to force you to spend your money on them and their friends and then guilt you when you don’t want to.” imabeast9000
11. AITJ For Not Inviting My Toxic Mother To My Wedding?
“My mom had actually given me to her mother or my grandmother to be raised at the age of 12.
My grandmother enrolled me in middle school where I met my future husband, Collin. But that’s beside the point, my mother was not perfect no mother really is. Is my mother a good mother? Far from it to be perfectly clear, my mother had actually gotten caught stealing my charge card a few times while I was on vacation and never apologized for it.
Now before I was given to my grandmother my stepfather had actually raised me from the age of I believe 8 to 12 as his own child amongst his two kids. My stepfather was a great dad and a great mechanic unfortunately once I had moved out my stepfather and my mother’s marriage fell completely apart.
My mom then proceeded to go out of her way to blame me for their marriage failing. Once the divorce was finalized she moved back to Georgia where I was residing with my grandmother.
Around this time my 19th birthday rolled around and she invited me to go fishing, I was super excited and I even brought Collin to tag along.
We get there only to find out that she really had plans for us to go to Jacksonville which was a 3-hour drive back where we came from to pick up a rental car. I was fuming the entire ride there but I figured when she actually got the car we could just go back home and celebrate my birthday in peace.
Once we actually got to the dealership, Collin made the decision to drive us all the way back that way I could actually get some rest for the party that we were going to have when I got home.
My mom then sheepishly walked up to the car and proceeded to ask Collin for $300 because she wasn’t “aware” of a down deposit on a rental car.
We obviously told her to get back in the car and we already had another 3-hour drive ahead of us again. The entire car ride was dead silent as we got back to her home, she then proceeded to tell me that we could still go fishing and I slammed the car door in her face.
A few months later my husband decided to pop the question and the wedding was only a few weeks away. The real question ahead of us was if we should invite my mom, my husband then proceeded to tell me that he didn’t feel comfortable with her there because of the money situation and her being caught stealing money so many times.
When I approached my grandmother about the situation she completely understood where I was coming from as she was actually going to give me some of the wedding money.
Once the wedding was over we were going to start packing to move to Colorado as my husband was being stationed there.
Unfortunately, my mother basically lives on social media and almost found out immediately after the Wedding. The insults she screamed at me through the phone were pretty evident that we made the right choice, told me I looked improper in my wedding dress, asked me how I lived with myself knowing I destroyed my relationship with my own mother, the basics.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I was raised by my grandma and my mom is an addict, a narcissist, an abuser, and many other things. She will NOT be coming to my wedding, or any of my sibling’s weddings. She wasn’t invited to my baby shower either.
Our moms sound like they’d be good friends.” Hairy-Memory8069
Another User Comments:
“NTJ holy moly your situation reminds me of my cousin’s one. Long story short bad mother, bad relationship, said multiple things about his then-fiancée through the years and now wife, so he didn’t invite her to the wedding.
On the wedding day, she was throwing curses at the happy couple while the wife was pregnant with my beautiful niece. You weren’t a jerk at all, your wedding is about you and your man and whoever you guys want there CELEBRATING with you!!
I hope you have a wonderful life together and without toxic and entitled people in it.” Theycallmekara
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your mother is demonstrating narcissistic behaviors and I suspect she has other problems that you’re not mentioning here. It’s usually better to have boundaries to protect yourself from toxic people, even when those people are your mother.
Congrats on the wedding, don’t let your mother ruin the experience for you.” Ok_Cauliflower7364
10. AITJ For Not Using My 401-K To Pay Off A Loan?
“I, a 39(f), have had a 401-K since about 2007, when I had my office job. I don’t see it as a savings account that I can just borrow from when times get hard. I have around $20,000 in there. I’m letting it accumulate till I retire.
A while back my partner decided we should get a $6,000 loan since we had planned a CA trip and knew we would need money. While he did use a portion of it on me, he also used a portion on his friend who he invited last minute.
The friend had no money so he bought him a room, food, and other things for the two nights we were there. I’d say at least 40% my partner spent on himself.
Recently we got help from a “friend” to move into a bigger place. Since then she’s been horrible to us, calling us users.
I have already made a payment plan to pay her back, but I guess she was upset because I didn’t use my 401-K for the move instead. I never thought of it because like I said it isn’t a savings account I can just borrow from whenever.
If I do then I will have absolutely nothing to retire on. I do want to help and pay off the loan so we don’t have to pay the high interest anymore, but I am upset that I’m made to feel so guilty for not thinking about using my 401-K in the first place.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“DO NOT DIP INTO YOUR 401K, period. Short of emergency medical expenses, keep that sacrosanct, or you will regret it. Everyone sucks here, though you least of all. Your partner is an idiot for borrowing $6k for a trip. His friend is an idiot for taking advantage of your partner.
You and your partner are both idiots for moving into a place you clearly cannot afford. Your last-minute friend is an idiot for helping you live beyond your means and holding it over your head. You guys are almost 40. Learn to budget, and live within it.
It’s going to be painful due to the hole you have already dug but do not use your 401k as an anesthetic, or it will just be more painful later. If you cannot work with an actual planner, take this to one of the financial advice pages.” JudgeJudAITA
Another User Comments:
“I don’t really understand who you owe for what, did you borrow money from a second friend after your partner had already gone into debt owing a different person? The only thing I can tell you is that you’re NTJ for not dipping into your retirement.
You should keep that money where it is until you need it — there are penalties for withdrawing it early because it’s better for you to keep it untouched. But you should probably reconsider your relationship with your partner because it sounds like he’s pretty bad with money and happy to go into debt for stupid reasons.” fizzbangwhiz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How is this remotely a situation where you’d be the jerk? There’s a very short list of reasons to dip into your retirement account, and that list has things on it like “your house burned down and you have nowhere to stay,” or, “you just underwent an expensive medical procedure,” or other such life-altering events.
Who takes out a loan to the tune of six thousand dollars for a two-night trip? That’s a whole lot of bad decisions in a row. It sounds like your partner and your female friend both know about your retirement fund and are expecting you to shell out for them whenever they expect.
I’d imagine they’ll come up with no end of “favors” on your behalf that you’ll need to “pay them back for.” Don’t let them coerce you into doing it, you’ll only regret it later.” saltedfish
9. AITJ For Not Letting My Younger Sister Have The Big Room During Our Family Trip?
“My family and I went to the coast for the weekend and I was pretty excited. The moment we walked in my sister (14) decided to get the big room. There was another room with two twin-size beds that she wanted me and my older sister (16) to share.
The problem was we also have a brother.
My older sister and I said we would share the big room, so my brother wouldn’t have to sleep on the couch. So we asked my mom and she said my older sister and I could share the big room.
We’re the oldest while not by much but whenever our older siblings lived with us they always got to pick their bedrooms first that was just the rule.
My younger sister didn’t like that very much and told my father. My father got mad at my mom saying that Claudia chose the room first so she should have it.
Now my parents aren’t talking to each other and my father is giving both me and my older sister the cold shoulder. I didn’t want to cause a fight and now I feel like the whole thing is ruined. So am I the jerk?
Should we just give up the room?”
Another User Comments:
“As a youngest who also resented getting to choose last, I can see why your sister is upset. But NTJ – she is being selfish. Brother should not have to sleep on the couch. There are enough beds for everyone.
Tell little sis she can have the big room- but she has to share with you, big sis or bro. No one gets their own room when four siblings have two rooms. And if she doesn’t want to share, she can take the couch.” Fianna9
Another User Comments:
“INFO: this room situation doesn’t make sense. How many rooms are there? Who’s in the big room? Who’s in the small room? Is there a third room you haven’t mentioned? From my understanding the initial layout was like this:: BR: Little sister SR: OP, Older sister LR: Brother And now it’s BR: Older sister, OP SR: Younger sister.
But where’s the brother in this situation? I’m just confused.” IronikGames
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You and your sister don’t need to get the big room to stop your brother from sleeping on the couch. Sounds like you’re using this as a reason to get what you want.
If your brother and younger sister can share the room with two twin beds, then you or your other sister can share with him, and the other one bunk with the younger sister in the big room (or take the couch.) Obviously, everyone wants to have a room to themselves but if the house doesn’t allow it, your parents need to plan and make some decisions/or at least make ground rules around the decision process since this is an ongoing issue.
(Rotate, random drawing, etc.)” DerNibelungenlied
8. AITJ For Telling My Fiancé's Brother I Wouldn't Sleep With Him After His Insulting Jokes?
“I (24F) got proposed to 2 months ago. My fiancé Jax (28M) has a younger brother Jacob (23M) who I went to college with. When I was in college I was quite promiscuous and was pretty known for that.
My fiancé knew this and so did his brother. Jacob was a bit of a jokester so he liked to bring it up frequently. At family gatherings, birthdays, holidays, etc. My fiancé and his family often told him to stop when they saw I was uncomfortable with it.
Last night it was Jacob’s birthday dinner. My fiancé, a lot of his friends, a few younger family members, and I were there. Jacob started getting more intoxicated and started cracking unfunny jokes. Some included him saying how he was surprised I never took the chance to sleep with him in college.
Being fed up and a little bit intoxicated I told him I wouldn’t be with him if my life depended on it. He got upset and kept silent. The dinner was awkward for the rest of the time.
My fiancé and some of his family said that I didn’t do anything wrong and they even have been waiting for me to tell him that.
This morning I woke up to texts from Jacob’s friends telling me I’m a jerk. I didn’t do anything wrong but my friend requested that I post this on here to get outside opinions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as you said in your post, you know you didn’t do anything wrong.
People who insult women for having too many partners are misogynists. His jokes, if you don’t find them funny, are misogyny. You are not a jerk for responding to that, certainly not how you responded. You could’ve emptied his beer on his head and not been the jerk.
I don’t know why your partner hasn’t told him to cut it out, maybe he doesn’t want to seem like he has a problem with you having multiple partners in the past, which he shouldn’t, but he should have a problem with his bro making jokes you don’t like.
Edit: yep, I missed the part where partner and family have spoken to him.” magog12
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You may consider the decision that the next time he starts with this you leave and until he apologizes you don’t return to any family function.
If not – you and your fiancé and your BIL-to-be need to figure out how to handle this because his behavior is not acceptable at all.” MersWhaawhaa
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ, but look, your fiancé and his family really need to do something about this beyond just asking him not to do it.
They’ve asked him to stop and he hasn’t stopped; now he’s escalated it to his friends sending you abusive misogynist messages. Sit down with your fiancé and ask him what he’s going to do about it. If he says “Well I already asked him to stop, what can I do?” then you tell him the following: You cannot control your brother’s behavior, nor am I asking you to.
But you’ve asked him to stop and your brother refuses to change. Since something needs to change for this behavior to stop, and since it’s not going to be brother, it needs to be the rest of you. If you ask someone to do something once or twice and they refuse, you don’t just throw up your hands and say “Well, I tried!” You either decide you can live with it, or you change your behavior so that their refusal doesn’t impact you as much.
By continuing this dynamic, your fiancé and his family are saying “well, this sucks and is horrible for OP, but I guess we can live with this.” They probably don’t intend to say this, so communicating this is key! (“Go along to get along” is just such an ingrained strategy, that’s why they probably don’t even realize they are OK’ing his behavior by doing so.)
I hope that your fiancé and his family will see your point and be willing to change their behavior. I’d certainly encourage you all to strategize so you’re on the same page the next time this happens. If fiancé and/or family want to continue their behavior, well, then, again: The only person whose behavior you can control is you.
And your choice is the same: Decide I’m OK with this for the sake of family peace even though I’m being verbally abused, or I’m going to change my behavior toward this jerk. And then tell (don’t ask) fiancé and family about your decision, whether it’s that you’ll leave the room, blow an air horn at each comment, or just not attend.” FeuerroteZora
7. AITJ For Not Wanting My Stepson To Bring Random Girls To Our House?
“I (34F) got married to my husband (49M) four years ago, he has a 21-year-old son. He is really close with my husband and I’ve always tried to have a good relationship with him, but sadly, it’s always been impossible and he has never respected me.
Three years ago he moved to the city where we live because of college, he doesn’t live with us but he is around a lot. The problem is that lately, he brings a lot of girls to our house, like three times a week. He says that it’s because we live in the city center (he lives an hour outside the city).
I’ve told him that he can’t do this anymore and the worst part is that my husband is on his side.
Am I the jerk? I’m just tired of waking up several times a week having random girls at my house.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You are not a hotel. You are not a meeting pad. He is a guest in your home and as such should ask before he invites someone else. I have a great relationship with my mother-in-law. We live a distance away but neither me nor my husband would think it was OK to just turn up or worse turn up with guests in tow without asking first. My mother-in-law would also always check before she came to us.
You need to say to your husband that it’s highly disrespectful to you as a woman for him to use your home as a meeting pad. This is not his home and he is welcome as a guest but he needs to behave like a guest. Be polite to you and not use your home like a hotel.
Just out of interest is your husband doing all the laundry and catering around these visits? If you get no traction I would start saying things to the girls like “I hope you used protection because you are the 3rd different girl this week.”” Whitestaunton
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is the home you share with your husband. It’s not your stepson’s home. He is an adult who has his own place. You have every right not to want to wake up to strangers in your home. However, your issue is with your husband.
I believe in compromise but I also believe in feeling safe and comfortable in my own home. Especially when I am the one contributing to the bills. This is an issue that needs to be addressed between you and your husband. Your request isn’t unreasonable and just because your husband is ok with it doesn’t mean that it should happen.
You both need to be ok with people being in your home. His son shouldn’t be allowed to have strange women staying overnight in your home without informing both of you first and getting both of your permission. Personally for me, this would be a hill I would die on because I refuse to not have a say in who is in my home especially when I am helping to pay the bills.” Such-Awareness-2960
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You deserve to feel safe and comfortable in your own house. Your husband might be on his side, but have you really discussed what’s on your mind? Like everything concerning you about this. Have you discussed it with yourself? You might have to come to terms with it if your stepson really doesn’t like you.
We can’t force people to do things we don’t want them to do. Though right now his son is kind of forcing you into his lifestyle. If his father is on his side is there a compromise, maybe 1 day instead of 3? Is the bigger problem now that your husband isn’t on your side?
You should have a non-animous meeting. No hate. No yelling you know? That doesn’t have to be the compromise and the compromise doesn’t have to happen if you don’t want, but, love and being cordial is the best way.” Jman5390
6. AITJ For Not Skipping A Major Lab Test For A Family Vacation?
“About 9 months ago my mom booked a beach house for a week for a family vacation. It’s about 7 hours away. She has been looking forward to it and having our family there.
I’m a student in an occupational therapy program. It’s currently the main focus in my life since it is the last step to my career. I told my mom that the trip falls within my spring semester and I may not be able to come if I have something important those days.
She waved it off and said I could ask for accommodations. I just got my spring schedule and I have a major lab test that will cause me to miss half of the trip. My mom is upset and wants me to ask the professor if I can take the test on a different date.
This would not work as we do the tests with our lab partner and my professor is extremely busy. There’s no way she will change the date just for me. Commuting just for the test would be a 14-hour round trip. I think it would reflect poorly on me if I even asked because asking for special treatment for a vacation may make me seem unprofessional.
I told my mom this and she got upset and said that I didn’t care about spending time with the family. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom sounds entitled. I’m sure the professor could make an accommodation if there was a medical emergency or a death in the family, but not for a vacation.
You warned your mom about your schedule when she booked the trip and she ignored your concerns. It’s pretty crappy of your mom to throw a guilt trip on you saying you don’t care about your family. Remind your mom that the world doesn’t revolve around her schedule.” Able-Craft-5130
Another User Comments:
“I get that your mother has been looking forward to this vacation for quite a long time, but unfortunately things don’t work out sometimes at no fault of anyone. You’re right, the professor will not change the date for you and it will reflect poorly on you to ask for it.
Don’t know how you’re taking the test, but she probably wouldn’t want/have time to remake it for you either. It will also affect your lab partner as well. They will probably have other things to do and plan around the current schedule.
NTJ. Your mother might’ve not been a jerk if she just asked you, but when she started with the whole ‘you didn’t care about spending time with the family’, she became one.” haveitgood
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a university admin, class and test schedules are set long before the start of the semester and then the teachers plan their lives around that.
They don’t just sit around and twiddle their thumbs between classes, they do their research, write papers, prepare new test questions, answer e-mails, grade exams, go to a million billion meetings, read, write research proposals, deal with department drama, etc. Pretty much all our teachers work tons of unpaid overtime because they are so busy.
And I bet the lab is used by other people than just for your exam Also, many many years ago we had a class of about 300 students, and one of them requested that we change the date of an exam that the whole class was taking because he was going to a family wedding that day.
The exam schedule is handed out on the first day of the semester. We still tell that story at the department.” ohdearitsrichardiii
5. AITJ For Pretending To Be Christian To Please My Friends?
“I (20F) have been questioning my religion for a few years now. One of my best friends (20M) and his partner (19F) are both really big Christians. They have both, especially my best friend, been super pushy about me becoming a Christian. They would constantly bring it up and tell me how amazing it is to be one.
I felt like I needed to be one to be their friend. My best friend even said once he would distance himself from anyone who wasn’t a Christian. So, I eventually relented and said I would get saved. I said the words, I did what I was supposed to.
But deep down I knew I didn’t mean it. I just did it to please them.
Since then I have been doing Bible study with them, going to church, all things Christianity-wise. All the while knowing I wasn’t feeling it. I don’t agree with most everything they believe in.
My other two closest friends knew I wasn’t really a Christian.
Recently I had a falling out with one of those friends. She decided to go behind my back and tell the partner of my best friend that I wasn’t a Christian. Now two of my best friends don’t trust me anymore and I feel like it could be my fault.
Even though I know it wasn’t my other friend’s place to tell them. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk, unfortunately. I know you were doing what you thought you needed to do to make friends, but you had to know this was untenable, right?
Sooner or later it would’ve come out that you weren’t being honest with them. Good friends won’t pressure you about your religion, and you shouldn’t ever be put in — or put yourself in — the position of needing to lie about yourself in order to make friends.
This dynamic was unhealthy all the way around. Take the opportunity to either make a fresh start with them (“I’m sorry I lied to you, but I’m not a Christian and you’re going to have to be okay with that,”) or just make a clean break.
Frankly, they sound like more trouble than they’re worth.” one_1f_by_land
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. You’re a jerk for lying, they’re jerks for making you feel like you needed to lie to keep the friendship. I’ve been in your exact situation with the “Uber Christian” friends.
They would invite me to church and talk to me about converting. I told them that religion wasn’t really my thing. Over time they kept insisting that I needed Jesus and to just try it out so I could see the light or whatever.
So I did, I went to church, and surprise, still not for me. I communicated that to them when the next invite came up. Then, my friend tricked me into going to Bible study. I politely sat through it and went through the motions out of respect.
Here’s where our situations differ. I politely told my friend that I do not believe in that religion and pretty much nothing would change my mind. HOWEVER, I told her that since I loved her I would go to church events with her if she ever needed support, but purely for her benefit and not my own.
It worked out fantastic. I went to church a few times when things were rough for her and when they welcomed their new baby to the church. We even have some very pleasant debates and conversations about religion and science, not to change each other’s minds but just to talk about our views.
I respect my friends’ beliefs and they respect mine and we leave it at that because that’s how a good friendship works. If your friends don’t get that then they’re not your friends.” _mellophone_
Another User Comments:
“Look, these people aren’t your friends.
You shouldn’t lie to people to make them be/stay friends with you, that’s not friendship. It’s your fault that you lied to these people so they would like you, but it’s not your fault that these people are so judgmental that they are only friends with Christians.
A lesson to learn here is that lying to people to make them like you doesn’t actually make you friends, it just creates problems for everyone involved. If telling the truth means they don’t want to be friends with you, then why would you want to be friends with them in the first place?
Respect yourself enough to know that real friends won’t expect you to be anything less than yourself. Everyone’s a jerk.” Additional-Number969
4. AITJ For Arguing With My In-Laws Over Their Impulsive Gifts For Our Kids?
“My wife and I have two children who are both under 3. We make a decent income together and try to treat our kids without spoiling them.
My in-laws live about 4 hours away from us and are both elderly, so they only get to see their grandkids a few weeks apart.
I don’t know if it’s due to this, but they constantly buy stuff for our kids without checking with us first, despite how much we tell them to stop it and ask us first.
The problem is a lot of it is stuff like a suitcase full of clothes that the kids won’t grow into for years, or broken toys that we ‘could probably fix’, or a giant inflatable water slide that we have no space to put out.
Basically, my mother-in-law sits all day on Marketplace and Gumtree and just impulsively buys anything she sees because ‘it was a really good price!’.
We try to refuse these items, telling them the kids won’t like them or we don’t have the space for them, but they just won’t listen and every month we get a delivery of something else or they visit with a van full of assorted stuff despite our pleas to ask before buying.
So are we the jerks for having arguments with them for never asking first, and constantly buying random stuff for our kids that we don’t need or the kids won’t play with and demanding we take it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Getting given piles of stuff you don’t want or need is annoying, and they are being manipulative by getting upset when you’ve put a boundary in place and now by circumventing your boundary.
Their behaviour is out of line and yes, you are well within your rights to get angry with them at this point. This isn’t generosity or support. They’re fulfilling some need of their own and dumping it on you. I have a relative like this and no matter how many times I said we didn’t want the stuff she was giving us she kept doing it.
So when she handed it to me I would literally put it straight in the bin in front of her. It blew up for a bit but she got the message.” msfinch87
Another User Comments:
“I highly assume what they are doing for the kids is out of love.
But it’s not reasonable to give things to children that will constantly put pressure or create issues for the parents, such as massive garden toys that simply don’t fit. The way I would go about it if the stuff keeps coming is to visit them instead, don’t have them visit your home.
That way your kids can pick from the stuff and leave the stuff they don’t want to take for it to “be there to play with next time they come”. Additionally, when their house is eventually overrun with nonsense, tell grandparents that the kids would love to do a yard sale with them and all go out together for a day out with the money made.
This way it minimizes chances for you and grandparents to argue and keeps the kids engaged with them, which is what I suspect they want (going about it wrong)…. and most importantly your house isn’t the junkyard anymore. NTJ.” weewarmself
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mom was kind of similar when my kids were little.
My mom is a whackadoo though, so probably way far off from what you’re dealing with. She would bring over a trash bag of toys for each kid that she found at the thrift store that week. So that was two trash bags of stuff every week.
I don’t mind thrifted items, but the things she bought were broken. Like a Ziploc bag of action figures and half were missing body parts. Stained clothes. Drawn on dolls. Books with missing pages or crayon marks. Nothing any kid actually wants anyway. I tried telling her to put that money aside and give them the money like her father would give my sister and me baggies of his pocket change.
Nope. I asked her to take them to the store and let them pick out what they wanted. Nope. Nothing I did stopped her. We had stopped communicating for other reasons, so that’s the only way it stopped. Your in-laws probably don’t come to the same level of crazy, so maybe my suggestions would work on them?” Liss78
3. AITJ For Wearing A Revealing Dress To Prove My Husband's Business Partner Is A Creep?
“My husband was planning to go into business with someone I dislike.
I’ve tried talking to him and we’ve both heard bad things about him, but my husband wouldn’t budge and seemed determined to go through with it.
The potential business partner invited my husband to a party which was just an excuse for them to talk business.
I wasn’t going to go originally because I don’t like those types of parties but I changed my mind at the last minute.
I ended up wearing a very revealing dress on purpose as I knew if the business partner was the type of person I believed he was, it would make my husband see for himself and reconsider their partnership.
They ended up having a fight because my husband didn’t like the way the business partner kept looking at me. He got angry and asked the business partner if he was enjoying looking at his wife. The business partner tried to deny it but my husband was furious and we ended up leaving before they could talk business and my husband wouldn’t commit to rescheduling.
On the drive home, he was annoyed at me. He said I knew what I was doing and to not play coy.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is a classic case of a woman being fed-up with how their partner is friends with a creep and doesn’t realize it until it affects them.
I am a 29-year-old guy and have seen this scenario many times and still fail to see how all parties don’t see what I see when it comes to misogynistic guys and how easily they get away with their nonsense. It makes me so mad… I have called shenanigans on so many creeps in my friend group over the years and no one takes any notice until it’s too late, I am almost beyond caring if it wasn’t for my programming.
Screw this guy and his nonsense, I am sure you aren’t able to properly convey via words how to describe this creep and his behavior so kudos to you for doing what you did. It is amazing how tolerant of this kind of nonsense behavior guys are until it affects them directly, NTJ all day long.” Lockjawjak
Another User Comments:
“Honestly NTJ. You knew bad things about this guy’s character, your husband refused to see them, so you dressed up for a party and let the business partner fall on his own sword. If anyone ruined the business relationship, it was the business partner.
It’s not like you walked up and tried to seduce him; you just put on a revealing dress. Your husband is only annoyed at you because you were proved right.” SolutionLeading
Another User Comments:
“Ehhhhh very difficult to say – you were playing coy, BUT here’s the thing: you’re a married couple.
And since his business dealings can and will affect your life as well, you do have a right to step in if you’re not convinced about something or someone. I suppose the revealing dress technique was a bit petty, but ultimately it served its purpose.
I’d say NTJ but by a smidge.” Purple-Trouble-5943
2. AITJ For Yelling At My Family For Joking About My Fake Childhood Wedding?
“When I was 9, I had a pretend wedding and my ex was the groom.
Recently during my dad’s birthday dinner, the pretend wedding got brought up because my parents found some pictures from that day and they were being passed around during the dinner.
My family, my ex’s family, and some other friends were all cracking jokes about how they thought we would eventually have a real wedding.
At one point my brother said it was too bad my ex hadn’t been a gentleman and lost his chance because now the wedding was never going to happen. My ex said “never say never” and everybody was cheering him on even though I told them to stop as I could see my partner was getting upset.
They wouldn’t drop it and my partner ended up leaving early after having an argument with me.
I was really upset and angry after he left so when it was suggested we should recreate some old childhood photos including the wedding ones I yelled at them to shut up and stop talking about the stupid wedding and how a real one would never happen.
Everybody got quiet and it was awkward so I ended up going to sit outside because I was still so angry and didn’t want to be around them.
In the end, my ex came outside and told me it was just a joke and I didn’t need to yell at everybody.
He brought up how I’ve never minded the jokes in the past, not even after we broke up, and how I shouldn’t let my partner’s insecurity cause me to get angry at my family over a longstanding joke.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here…you, your family, but not the partner, although he’s about to be ex number two …. Gee, isn’t it a coincidence that somehow these photos were found just a few days ago, and then of course must be passed around with everybody there including, and especially, your current partner.
The fact that even in the title you refer to these as jokes… How everyone thought there would eventually be a real wedding.… your brother saying too bad it didn’t happen… Your ex saying never say never… And then the worst part… everyone CHEERS HIM ON.
Then you say you and your soon-to-be ex-partner got into an argument and he left, and then you supposedly got mad at everybody. A little too little too late for the partner. You had your chance to really shut that down multiple times yet you didn’t.
You allowed your family and the ex to be complete total jerks not only to you but most certainly to your partner and your relationship.” dart1126
Another User Comments:
“Mmm mostly NTJ. The only thing I think you should have done was shut that nonsense down while your partner was still there.
I don’t know how not one human was able to see how inappropriate that was (except the victims of course). Oh wait, it is because they probably want you with the ex so they have their “one big happy family” picture they have in their head.
It is strange when family obsesses over exes. And generally when done in front of new partners, an overt way of pushing them out. I’m sorry you got into an argument with your current partner. I would apologize for not being as firm until he left. Also, your ex is wrong.
If a joke is making someone uncomfortable, it is no longer a joke.” Vegetable-Box3050
Another User Comments:
“I honestly think everyone sucks here. You guys are broken up, making jokes in front of your current partner is inappropriate and it’s weird of your ex to say “never say never” like bro come on it’s not happening.
You both have moved on, at least you have! So it was definitely inappropriate. I’m shocked at the YTJ comment on here because the partner was rightfully uncomfortable as were you. Just because it was a long-running joke doesn’t mean it’s okay.” Embarrassed_Advice59
1. AITJ For Publicly Calling Out My Friend For Stealing My Artwork?
“I (24m) am an artist. I do digital art most of the time and sometimes traditional. I’ve opened commissions here and there and have done some work for a few people.
My friend (22f) who we’ll call ‘Beck’ likes doing art too. She’s asked me if I make decent money with commissions and I told her yes but only because I work a part-time job as well. She talked about becoming a full-time artist and some of our friends gave her support while others weren’t too sure about that decision.
The next day I received a message from one of my clients. They sent me a picture of an art commission I made for another client and I noticed my watermark was gone, the picture was flipped, and the colors were changed. I asked where they got the picture and they sent me the link and it was Beck’s Instagram.
She posted the picture saying “Commissions open! DM me if interested,” and I was angry. I decided to comment on her post and said “I don’t appreciate you scamming people out of their money and stealing my artwork. Please delete this.” She ended up blocking me.
I got a few messages from some of our friends saying I’m a jerk since I should’ve messaged her instead of commenting on her post and practically ruining her. While my other friends backed me up and told me that Beck got what was coming to her when she posted my artwork.
I feel like this could have all been avoided if she hadn’t posted my work and passed it off as hers but at the same time I feel like she deserved it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Making it as an artist is an extremely hard thing to do, takes a lot of skill and time to create commission-worthy artwork.
You would have put too much into your artwork that understandably you are annoyed and, personally, in no way in the wrong. She knowingly removed the watermarking and attempted to change it enough to pass it off as her own and failed, she had what was coming to her.
By doing this, she was potentially hurting your earnings/income as well and scamming potential clients with misleading advertising. Simply, your artwork, your right to do as you please when your work is involved.” Busy_Matter_8641
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a professional graphic designer.
I’ve had this happen several times in my 20-year career. It’s infuriating. I’ve found ex-coworkers’ online portfolios with my work in them. Once had a whole direct mail campaign design I did for a freelance client stolen by their competitors. The worst was when a friend told me they had shown my work to a friend of theirs who commented that it was fantastic and they planned to steal the images to get work.
That one I told to go ahead and try me and see if they liked a lawsuit. You called her out publicly and I’m proud of you. She got what she deserved. Tell your friends to get lost if they’re more upset that she’s caught in a lie than for you, the actual wronged party.
Personally- regarding the thieving co-workers I got mad as heck for a few days then got over it. Why? Because when someone hires them and they don’t have the skill or talent to produce commissions commiserate with what they’ve shown as it’s my work… well they just look like a jerk and get less work in the long run.” Flimsy-Masterpiece08
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Art is hard work. First off it’s disrespectful to the artist. Artists work hard on what they make and if they are good they get lots of commissions. Second, it’s scamming customers which is rude because they are spending their money on this.
Also, I hate when people try to claim art as their own. My sister is an artist and people have tried this before. I don’t get it. Whenever I post art I always credit artists and talk about how amazing they are. Because oftentimes people say they don’t do real work and act like you can just take it.
You can’t. Sorry rant over lol.” Oneofakindnocategory
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