People Try To See All Sides In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Letting My Young Sister Wear A White Dress To A Wedding?
“I (24f) am my sisters’, Chloe (5) and Charlie (2), guardian.
I will be the first to admit that Chloe has amazing taste in clothes.
Like people don’t believe me when I say she chooses all of her clothes at the store and makes her own outfits.
We were invited to my cousin’s wedding and when we were looking online for a dress, Chloe had her heart set on a puffy, sparkly, white dress.
It was basically a baby wedding dress. I ordered it and a backup and when it got to us, I sent my cousin (the groom) a picture of her in the dress and asked if it would be okay. I also told them I had a backup and I could return the dress if they said no. They said something along the lines of “She looks adorable.
The dress is fine,” so I packed the dress (and the backup in case they changed their minds seeing it in person) and we went to the wedding.
The bride and groom had no problem with her dress but the bride’s family told me it was inappropriate and I shouldn’t have let her wear it.
I said the bride and groom approved the dress beforehand but the bride’s family said they just approved it to be nice and I should’ve known better.
AITJ for letting my 5-year-old wear a baby wedding dress to my cousin’s wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re definitely NTJ. I’m not even going to go into why a 5yo wearing white at a wedding is different than a grown woman doing the same, because there’s a more fundamental reason that eclipses everything else: A wedding is about the bride and groom.
It’s not about anyone else. They said the dress is fine. They are grown adults, so when they say something, we believe them. That’s what adulting looks like. Congrats on being a fully functional adult. Sounds like the bride’s family could use some practice.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And I am going to use this opportunity to confess that I wore a white dress to my cousin’s wedding because I had never been to a wedding before and had no idea it was wrong. Until we got in the car to go to the wedding and my dad said, “you can’t wear white to a wedding!!” Except it was the only dress I had and nobody had told me.
The wedding was 250 miles from where I lived. We were staying with my family roughly 45 miles from where the wedding was being held. No time for a new dress. Very posh wedding so I couldn’t wear jeans. I felt terrible that day and ever since.
So very very bad. I just didn’t know.” Odd_Fondant_9155
Another User Comments:
“What did they think, a 5-year-old is gonna steal the bride’s thunder? NTJ, kids are the exception to the rule in my opinion. My husband’s cousin bought her daughter the cutest monogrammed outfit for our wedding (she’s not even 2) because she thought it was pink but when she got it it was more white.
She literally apologized as soon as she saw me and I was like “it’s okay, she looks adorable! I’m not worried about it!” And I truly wasn’t. People are weird about it, even my flower girl (12-year-old niece) was wearing an eggshell-colored dress and looked stunning.
They’re kids, they’re not trying to steal you’re thunder they just like what they like.” FoundationAbject927
21. AITJ For Not Allowing My Roommate To Use My Appliances After He Restricted His?
“I have two roommates. Warren and New Guy. Warren and I lived in the house for a year before NG moved in.
Our landlord rents out the rooms individually, so we didn’t really know him or choose him to live with us. He moved in at the beginning of the summer, and it was difficult from the beginning.
He was really weird about people using his stuff, which I get.
He brought in an air fryer and a toaster oven. At first, he told us to just let him know if we wanted to use them. After about a week (at this point we’d only used the air fryer once, and we cleaned it right after) he told us he doesn’t feel too comfortable with us using his appliances when he’s not here.
He wanted us to ask permission. He eventually moved his stuff into his room after we told him we wouldn’t be using his stuff anymore.
I got myself an air fryer, and I keep it in the kitchen. I caught NG using it, and I told him his rules work both ways.
He has his own appliance, but if he wants to use ours, he has to ask permission. He got upset and said I was petty. I know he uses it when I’m not there because he doesn’t clean it well. This time I told him he’s not allowed to use my stuff, and if he can’t respect my boundaries, I will call the landlord and she can move him somewhere else.
He called me a petty jerk. I was a jerk because I don’t have an actual reason to have this rule, I’m just doing it to get back at him. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he’s using your appliances, not cleaning them properly, and not allowing you to use his that he keeps in his personal space, you’re perfectly within your rights to say he may not use yours.
If he were cleaning them properly, then that would be petty. Also note, the fact that he’s keeping his appliances in his room is important. If he’s not filling up shared space with alliances you’re not allowed to use… Then it doesn’t really matter to you what he keeps in his room.” opinionreservoir
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But if you’re going to be living with this person, I’d try and work it out now before it festers and the whole relationship devolves. It sucks not being able to choose who you’re living with but trying to make the best of it seems prudent, it may not be as simple as telling the landlord he’s touching your things in shared spaces to have him removed. They might need more than that to legally evict depending on where you are so tread carefully if unsure.
Unfortunately, the only way to guarantee he’s not touching your things is by putting your belongings in your locked private area. It’s not unreasonable to not want him to touch your appliance after that behavior either. Just as a tip, in the future, if your relationship is good with your landlord ask them if they’re open to you bringing potential candidates to them for screening that you’d be happy to live with when rooms open up.
Sometimes they’re open to having some of the legwork done for them and they still get to do the checks before committing to a candidate, you get a bit of a say in your housemates. If your relationship is cordial, it can go a long way to reducing conflict in my experience.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I’m old now but have had poor housemates before a few times and I’d say stop trying to look out for him. Let your landlord know what’s going on and if he gets kicked out, so be it. Maybe she will give him a chance to straighten up, or maybe you will get a new housemate – it’s a win-win for you, and no risk in respect to your relationship with LL.
You say he is weird and anti-social so obviously not your kind, just let him slip out of your life before any drama starts.” DiDiPLF
20. AITJ For Laughing When My Son Came Out As Gay?
“My son has had a partner for a year and a half now, it’s always been pretty obvious. He’d always be touching our son (not inappropriately or anything), the partner would sometimes greet our son with “hi handsome”, they would spend significant amounts of money (for 16yos) on presents, my son baked treats for him, they hung out all day and came home with bags full of stuff for Valentine’s day.
They kept “accidentally” falling asleep in the bed together, and just treated him way nicer than his other friends, etc etc.
Our son sat us down saying he had something important to tell us, this kid doesn’t take anything seriously so we got worried thinking it was something bad.
He just came out as gay. I started laughing and said “Duh” and my husband chuckled and went back to scrolling on his phone. We thought he was joking as obviously he was already out
My son got upset about our reactions. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This is supposed to be the gold standard of coming out. I’m Pan and never felt the need to come out, because my family would accept me and my SO. So, I’ve introduced who I introduce. It’s always, “Hi, *name* can you grab some chairs?” or “Hi, *name*, can you get the food from the car?
No, the OTHER one.” Anyone who comes home with me is getting a job, lol. I don’t get it, MANY other LGTBQ+ told me they don’t want their “coming out” to be a thing, other’s want it to be a party. Maybe you should just ask them how they thought it was going to pan out, and how they want to go forward.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ, to you it was obvious he was in a relationship and you don’t have any issues or shame around homosexuality and totally love and accept him. You laughed out of relief because you thought he was setting you up for bad news and when it was about being gay, laughter was a natural release of tension.
The only part where you messed up was when you said duh and your husband went back to scrolling on his phone. What he NEEDED from you was the actual acceptance in a statement of love and support that had until that moment gone unspoken.
Please both of you follow up with those firm statements of love and acceptance along with a sincere apology. Also, don’t miss out on your opportunity to become the most embarrassingly enthusiastic pride parents that you can be.” pnwcrabapple
Another User Comments:
“Hey, as a lesbian who got the same reaction when I came out to my parents, I have the same perspective as the son: that my parents didn’t take me seriously, that they didn’t feel like me sharing an intimate detail of my inner life with them was important enough to merit any solemnity, and that they weren’t treating me with respect.
They’re the kind of “not homophobic” people who told me it was obvious that I’m gay, and didn’t kick me out, but still got mad at me for dressing like a butch and shaving my head. I’m sure you know there are a lot of layers to coming out, and when you’re 16 and finally feel comfortable enough to share your big secret with the world, getting laughed at hurts.
Yes, we want it to not cause a huge row, but we also want the news to be treated like any big life event. The best reaction is to tell your kid you’re proud of them, thank them for trusting you enough to share that with you, and maybe give them a hug if they’re comfortable with that.
Not laugh. Kids don’t want their parents to not care that they came out. They want their parents to not be mad. There’s a difference.” [deleted]
19. AITJ For Refusing To Buy Ibuprofen For My Child While On A Trip?
“We are on a 1 night trip. My child (2yo) started getting sleepy and was slowly warming up. He doesn’t complain but has a hard time falling asleep. My wife decided to go cuddle him because he was 1 hour past his usual sleeping time.
Now I am not doing anything in particular, but surfing the internet.
She asked me to go buy our son ibuprofen for the night. I told her no, we can’t take his temperature as we don’t have a thermometer, so I wouldn’t give him anything.
She insisted. I told her to go buy it and give it to him herself if she really was desperate for it.
She says I am the jerk for not going to get it as she is cuddling him and I am not doing anything productive.
Tomorrow we will be home by 10 am.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Once my kids were old enough, I started traveling with a few doses of fever reducer and Benadryl in case of an allergic reaction, both Dr. approved doses.
While a mild fever doesn’t necessarily require meds, if they’re not sleeping and it’s unusual, they’re probably uncomfortable. For illness in children, helping them get enough sleep is the best thing you can do. Traveling with overtired kids is miserable and kids who feel unwell are more likely to do things like scream nonstop or projectile vomit on a rural stretch of highway in a rental car.
Many children will run a low fever in the evening that will spike overnight as they get worse. Waking up to find your baby has a temp of 105 is miserable and frightening at any time, but when you can’t give them meds and have to figure out where to take them, I can only imagine it’s worse.
I’ve put kids to bed with a temp of 99, feeling a bit unwell, and woken up to fussing and found a kid so hot I believed my thermometer was broken.
Is it so difficult to run to a convenience store for children’s Tylenol and some Pedialyte or Gatorade just in case?
Your wife probably would go but figures you’d ignore your kid who isn’t feeling well and wants cuddles. Thank God you just took the time and effort to ask about your parenting so we could all tell you what your wife knows. It won’t matter though, you’ll be too busy justifying your actions because people like you only post for validation and get mad when we still think YTJ.
I’m sure you were hoping to use our opinions to prove to the little lady she was being silly and she should let your rational man brain make the decisions.” Old-General-4121
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. What is wrong with you? Get up and go get a thermometer at a pharmacy along with the ibuprofen, chances are you’ll use it before it expires.
Are you really willing to bed your child’s health and safety on being so stubborn? What are you going to do in the middle of the night if he gets hotter? Then there may be nowhere open and you’ll just use that as an excuse.
Do better.” Tiredfrontlinemama
Another User Comments:
“You are a huge jerk! So if your child was hungry would you have said NO to going after some food! Even if your wife didn’t think he felt feverish, he was tired and it was an hour past his bedtime.
Ibuprofen or acetaminophen would have helped settle them down whether it was headache or tired-related. So you would rather spend time on your phone than help your child, and YOU don’t know whether you are a jerk or not! You shouldn’t even have to ask about that one.” mammyeagle54
18. AITJ For Keeping My Late Brother's Life Insurance Payout Despite Family Pressure?
“My brother M passed away a few months ago. He had no wife or kids. We have another brother and my dad in the family. Much to everyone’s surprise, he made me the sole beneficiary of his life insurance policy (about $30k left after funeral expenses were paid).
I make $35k per year and have a wife and 2 kids. We live simply and are out of debt. We were very close to M and he loved my kids. He also valued a simple debt-free life. We talked a lot about finances.
Our other brother K makes $100k per year.
He has no family. And a gambling problem.
Our dad has $80k in savings and makes about $60k per year in retirement. He pays about $2k per month for my mom in a nursing home (the rest comes from her pension and other things).
K and my dad say I should give the funds to them or at least some of it.
They want $25k.
My reasoning is that M could have split it up on his beneficiary forms but chose not to. I can think of a few reasons (K’s gambling, our shared financial values, to help support our kids, etc.)
There is also about $30k in savings and investments that will go to my dad automatically as his next of kin, minus some bills.
They want me to pay the bills with life insurance so they can keep all the funds from the estate.
My dad and brother are so angry they won’t hardly speak to me over it. And when they do they just yell at me over the funds.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Life insurance isn’t an inheritance. It is income that goes directly to you, outside of the estate probate process. So, your brother and father have absolutely no legal right to your insurance funds. You have already paid for funeral expenses out of the insurance fund.
That was probably more (or equalish) to the bills your brother’s estate still needs to pay. So, your father who has plenty of income is getting roughly $30k, your family of four is getting roughly $35k, and your brother who is single with a healthy income and a gambling problem is getting $0.
That seems completely fair. Certainly, your father isn’t entitled to more funds than you. And your brother would just waste any away. My advice would be to spend/invest the $35k so it’s no longer available. Consider taking a portion of the insurance fund and starting/funding 529 accounts for your two kids (maybe $10k each?).
This would tie up some of the funds, help your kids, and be something that your late brother would have approved of. If there’s anything you and your wife need (appliances, car repairs, etc…), pay for some of those. Consider making Roth IRA contributions for yourself and your wife.
Once the funds are spent/invested, your father and brother can ask/demand/beg all they want, but there won’t be anything for you to give them. And that’s what your late brother wanted.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like of all three potential beneficiaries, you need it the most and would benefit the most. Your brother knew this which is why he left it to you.
The others have got enough of their own income so why do they need it? To be honest, this is not a big life-changing sum – they are being petty and disrespectful to your brother. Stick to what your brother wanted. I’m sure he didn’t want to see it squandered on gambling debts and bills that your dad can well afford.
I’m sure they will calm down eventually and if they don’t, then you may want to re-evaluate your relationship.” achillea4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your funds. Keep it. Stay out of your living brother’s financial life. It’s none of your concern how much he makes or how he spends it.
As for your father, I can see why he’s worried about himself since he has basically no savings, few prospects as a retired person to make more & a huge expense for the nursing home that takes nearly half his income. The nursing home expense will most likely grow as time goes on & overtake his ability to pay it & support himself.” YMMV-But
17. AITJ For Calling My Wife Disgusting Over Toilet Hygiene Issues?
“Every time I go to relieve myself I lift up the toilet seat and there is urine running down the front edge of it.
I have no idea how this happens but I’m guessing she just needs to pee with a little less force or maybe shift back on the seat a little.
She swears this is absolutely inevitable and there’s nothing that can be done about it. Last night we got into an argument about it and I called her disgusting.
I think she’s being willfully obstinate because she doesn’t feel like cleaning up after herself or being mindful when she’s in the bathroom.
I don’t want to raise my children in a house with disgusting toilets and I think there is a double standard here.
If I urinated all over the toilet seat every time I went to the bathroom I would be chastised. I am very careful to clean up after myself if ever a drop goes astray.
That being said, my wife does clean the bathrooms… probably twice a month.
That’s not to say I don’t do my share of housework… She’s just on bathroom duty.
I need to know if she’s being unreasonable and if it’s absolutely impossible for her not to urinate on the bottom of the seat because I don’t believe it.
I grew up in a house without urine all over the toilets so I just don’t understand. She says I’m just being OCD.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And a few things here: 1. It obviously really bothers you and grosses you out. It’s not hard to take a little TP and wipe the underside after peeing.
It’s not unreasonable to ask her to do this. 2. If you have children, your toilets may still be disgusting. Children are messy. So just prepare yourself. 3. Twice a month is not enough for a clean and sanitary bathroom, particularly if multiple people are using it.
Our sinks and handles get wiped down daily, and the toilet gets a swish at least twice a week. So you both should be aiming for at least once a week, the bare minimum.” Rice-Correct
Another User Comments:
“You’re both the jerk. Should she clean up after herself and be considerate of you?
Yes. It is unreasonable for her to expect you to be okay with unsanitary conditions. But you could have calmly stated that and had healthy boundaries without name-calling. So that’s where you are the jerk. I would personally apologize sincerely for calling her names and exploding and tell her it’s really bothering you and to please clean up after herself out of consideration for others.
And no….I don’t pee on the toilet. I wonder if her urethra is in a weird position? Like physically not normal and she truly can’t help herself. As a woman myself, I guarantee you we can’t aim where we pee. But it isn’t normal to pee on the toilet like that.
Maybe suggest she get checked out?” k_ber_86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a very short toilet in my apartment and found this to be an issue for myself. Leaning forward tends to help, scooting back does NOT help. I repeat: scooting back does NOT.
HELP. AT ALL. She just needs to learn how to position herself, and eventually, it becomes muscle memory. In the meantime, I’d recommend having the seat up until it needs to be down, rather than down until you need to lift it to do your business.
This way your wife can actually see when it happens and can wipe it up quickly. I understand the seat issue may not work if you currently have children in the house but it can get her used to remembering “Hey, I should check to make sure I didn’t make a mess.”” lacklusternutbuster
16. AITJ For Kicking Out My Mom After She Failed To Pay Rent?
“My mom got out of prison three months ago and came to stay with me. I made it very clear that she had one month to get a job and then I was expecting rent ($500 monthly). She promised. One month in and she has no job so I tell her to leave.
She cried and cried, so I said, okay, two more weeks. She gets a job right under the wire.
Two weeks after that, I ask for the $500. She goes on and on about how she doesn’t have it. Finally, she gives me $100. I tell her thanks and then to get out.
She starts crying and then leaves to go stay with my brother.
My brother called me the next day all mad because he didn’t want her around his kids. He offered me $800 to take her back. I agreed.
So she stayed for a month and today I ask for rent.
She said “I wish I could invite God into your heart. What kind of Christian treats their own mother this way?”
I said, “well, Jailbird, are you really one to be passing judgment?” She started crying and ran to her room and locked herself inside.
My brother called and asked me to make up with her because he can’t have her and doesn’t want her on the streets. He said I lost the moral high ground when I stooped to name-calling. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with NTJ.
Although your comment was intentionally hurtful. I don’t need to know why was incarcerated. It is apparent that your and your brother’s relationship with her is, should I say, strained? There is definitely anger and mistrust. She agreed to pay you $500 per month. She attempted to manipulate you and shame you when she didn’t have it.
Crying in her room may be further manipulation. You must decide if she can stay if your brother makes the monthly payment. If so, set clear boundaries and rules. Be clear. Make sure that she understands. Set the consequences as she must leave if she breaks them.
Draw up a contract for both of you to sign, if you like. You are in a difficult position. Protect yourself. Good luck. All my best.” mrslII
Another User Comments:
“This sounds like a situation with a lot of deep-seated issues. At first, I was going to say you are most definitely the jerk but with the extra information you gave in replies clearly there is more going on.
I think the demands you put on her are unrealistic and that would have made you the jerk. However, clearly there is a reason why you aren’t filled with love for her and that is on her. I am sure if we get her life story there will be apparent reasons for her to act like she did and does, but as an adult and a parent, there are no real excuses.
Honestly, I just hope your mom finds a way to get right with you guys and herself. But for now, you are NTJ.” Flowethics
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Name-calling is not cool. But I want you to be honest and gentle with yourself, OP.
It sounds like you might be carrying some anger around about your mom, maybe connected to her jail time? Which is COMPLETELY understandable. You do not owe it to her to let her live with you, especially if she won’t pay rent or doesn’t feel motivated to get a job in a timely manner.
Your mom is a jerk for trying to use religion to manipulate you. Your brother is a jerk for making it your problem and then judging you on it. But you didn’t need to be snide and make a snipe. Post-jail is really hard, and it’s why there are such high rates of recidivism (Not that it’s your problem), so there was no need to snipe.
A firm but fair, “If you live with me, you must pay _____ in rent. Same as you would anywhere. If that doesn’t work, you are free to live somewhere else, and I wish you well.”” Rice-Correct
15. AITJ For Wanting My Daughter To Leave Soccer Early For Swim Lessons?
“My husband and I accidentally double booked our daughter (4 years old) for both swim and soccer this summer. Swim is four days each week and soccer is only one day each week. The two activities are on the same site, so I told him to leave soccer 20 minutes early so he could bring her to swim on time.
He said no, because:
- He really looks forward to doing soccer with her
- It’s the only day each week that she has soccer
- Soccer is only 45 minutes long, so leaving 20 minutes early is significant
- She can be late or miss swim one day out of the week because there are three other swim classes she can also go to
- Soccer is a team sport, so he doesn’t want to show her that it’s ok to bail on her team
I said he should do it anyway, because:
- Learning to swim is really important
- It’s not that big of a deal to leave soccer early
- It’s not really even a soccer game. It’s teaching soccer rules with a couple of practice games at the end of the season against another team
- If he doesn’t do it, then I will take her to soccer and swim, and I will have her leave soccer early.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ: mainly cause your husband gave some very valid reasons on why she should stay at soccer. Such as it’s only one day a week, she be missing almost have the time, there are more swim days where she can enjoy the class compared to soccer, she’s learning the importance of being on a team and most importantly he enjoys soccer with her.
Now let’s look at your reasons YOU believe swimming is more important, YOU believe it’s not a big deal, and that if you don’t get you’re way you’re going to take the time your daughter is spending with her father. Notice how your husband’s reasons are about what’s best for his daughter and yours are just your personal opinion and stubbornness.” OneMikeNation
Another User Comments:
“You want her to do soccer for 25 minutes a week? Why even bother? There would be literally no point. My first thought was from a parent’s perspective that there was no point because putting on shinguards, filling up the water bottle, and smacking the mud out of the cleats would take the same amount of time as actually doing it, but then from her and the coach’s perspective, shes always going to be behind, the rest of the kids are going to learn more than she has the opportunity to, she will start every practice with the coach saying “we are going to start with X game or drill that we did last time” and she’s never going to know what is going on.
Swim lessons around here are two weeks long, so for a minute I was on board with leaving practice early two times but you never should have signed up for soccer if this was the plan.” alreadytaken334
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your daughter is 4 years old.
She’s probably going to like anything that either one of you signed her up for because you’re there. You’re basically saying screw you and your 45 minutes of bonding time with our daughter to your husband. Seriously, you don’t say a darn thing about swimming other than it’s important.
Meanwhile husband says he looks forward to doing soccer with her. That alone is a lot better argument than what you have said. Why are you trying to squash his time with his daughter? Swim is 4 days whereas Soccer is just 1. Again, she can miss a day.
Heck, I’m sure the instructors are used to that because again, there are 4 days for swimming so they probably are used to kids only showing up on random days because Timmy’s b-day fell on one of the days or Samantha went to her older sibling’s basketball game or something.
They also probably have a lot more leeway than the soccer people in being able to schedule use of the pool.” Apprehensive-Two3474
14. AITJ For Being Upset My Friend Didn't Wear A Sari For Our Presentation?
“I am 20F and a sophomore in college. I’m taking a required class on culture and history which has tough grading.
My friend Sam (21F), a couple of other friends, and I made a group for our final project.
To make our presentation stand out, I suggested we wear traditional outfits (saris) and they all excitedly agreed. We wrote that in our Google Doc plan which the professor and his TA see. Sam is Nepalese while the rest of us are Indian American. We were really busy with finals season so I didn’t really notice that Sam wasn’t talking about which color sari and what jewelry and stuff we should wear in our group chat.
She did most of the work for the presentation in exchange though.
On the day of the presentation, Sam came in wearing something totally not a sari. She stood out because the rest of us were. I pulled her aside and asked her why she broke the dress code which we all agreed on.
She blew up and said she was wearing traditional clothes as it said in the Google doc and I shouldn’t have assumed we were all wearing saris. I said it should have been obvious. I told her that Nepalese people wear saris but Sam yelled it’s not the national dress and that what she was wearing was the traditional dress.
Our friend group is split. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, majorly. She was wearing the traditional dress from her culture. Why should she have to wear the exact same thing as you, when her traditional dress is different? It’s pretty bad that you even assumed she’d want to wear the exact same thing as the rest of you instead of asking whether her traditional dress was the same as yours.
Also…she did most of the work on the presentation in exchange for not gossiping in the chat about saris? That’s not an equal exchange, chatting about clothes is not part of the project. You should have done your part.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Were saris somehow important to the presentation? You didn’t mention the topic… Was it related to Indian culture? You mention that you are all Indian American, while your friend is Nepalese. Did you and your other classmates already have saris? Did your Nepalese friend perhaps not own one?
Did you make an assumption about what was “obvious” based on your assumption that by “traditional dress” you understood one thing, while she understood something else from a non-Indian background? You said one other thing that I’m trying to understand in context: “Sam wasn’t talking about which color sari and what jewelry and stuff we should wear in our group chat.
She did most of the work for the presentation in exchange though.” Was discussing sari color and jewelry a substantive part of the presentation that doing most of the actual work was a fair “exchange” for? This is the part I truly don’t get, and based on this, yeah, sounds like YTJ.” MsMagma
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Saris aren’t even the same across India. A girl from South India would wear something very different than one from North India or even just drape the sari very differently. Even more so for Nepal which has its own separate culture.
You sound like a bully who is upset that this girl looked better than you in an outfit that she has a traditional link to so that you didn’t feel as special as you thought you would. She definitely seems to have done all the work since your only contribution has been dress up (which cannot have done much for your project.
Would dressing up be expected of white people covering this topic?)” vicecommanderkahi
13. AITJ For Exposing My Coworker's Negligence And Affair With Her Boss?
“I work in a midsized office of a large global company. My role is to interact with 2 dept leads to generate specific reports, one is finance/sales the other is operations-based. I have a lot of previous operations experience but that is not my job here, I just coordinate & publish important reports locally & globally.
Sales lead is a dream, always on time, professional & supplies all info. Ops lead, call them B, was always mediocre & is now a trainwreck. B recently split from their partner & it is spilling into their work. Because I know ops B leaned on me heavily for extra help but that quickly turned into me doing everything.
I tried to be understanding but after 3 weeks I politely but firmly addressed it telling B that I understood they were having personal difficulties but they needed to start doing their fair share of work again.
Well, that got quite the eye roll from her so I went to HR who encouraged me to try to work with B.
After my meeting one of my coworkers pulled me aside to tell me that B thinks she’s untouchable now because B has been sleeping with one of the managers (call him M). I guess I was too busy doing B’s work to notice but it was true & they were booking “meetings” they would go off-site to have.
I gave B one more chance and told her that I didn’t have the time to do her work for her anymore. She laughed at me & told me M would make me sorry if I stopped.
On the next report, I just entered “data not submitted by B” everywhere applicable.
These are reports reviewed by the directors and COs to assess how the business is doing so it was pretty quickly noticed. M had also begun to draw attention by being out of the office so much so lately the “meetings” were happening in M’s office.
B’s director went looking for her, having access to B’s calendar they noticed all the meetings with M. Not finding B at her desk he proceeded to M’s office where he caught them in the act.
Now obviously as a Lead, this area was not the only one B was dropping the ball in but because M was seen as being in a position of authority B was written up & given one more chance.
M was dismissed with cause, which is huge in my area because it means no payout or gov assistance, which I have been told was very devastating to M’s wife and family.
Now B is going around the office saying things like I set her & M up and that I’m a heartless jerk for ruining M’s marriage & life.
She told me if I had any empathy at all I would have kept doing her work because she was in such a bad place in life and that the way I revealed it in the report means she will never get another promotion.
Are there other ways I could have done it?
Sure, but I wasn’t doing B’s work forever. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“”She told me if I had any empathy at all I would have kept doing her work because she was in such a bad place in life.” NTJ. You typed the above sentence, re-read it, and see how ridiculous a sentence it is.
You’re absolutely in the clear. To even think you owe anything to B…. just don’t be that person. Generally speaking, helping friends and co-workers can be a good thing and it’s a two-way street. Everyone works together to help each other out and teams can be stronger for that.
This is not that though. This is someone taking the advantage and you’re not a jerk for stopping them from taking the advantage. They put themselves in this position, not you.” Mr_Ham_Man80
Another User Comments:
“You gave B a number of opportunities to get her act together and she not only dismissed them but then became entitled and arrogant when she thought she was untouchable because she was sleeping with her boss.
Given you’re at a global company they must have annual trainings specifically telling employees not to do this. So this is on her for being arrogant and dismissing your help. Could you have given her one final warning, maybe, but given her behavior of previously rebuffing your warnings, I’m not sure one final one would have shocked her into getting her work done.
And M, that dude definitely should have known sleeping with a direct report, it’s a no-no and cause for immediate termination.” drchiguy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, easy. You did your work, even went beyond what was needed to help out a coworker in need. Then when you were taken advantage of and so politely declined to continue this arrangement, you were shoved aside by HR and threatened by B.
And when B and M were eventually caught in this, due to their OWN actions, they faced the consequences. Lmao, do you see? There’s no way you could possibly be the jerk in this situation and honestly, I think you handled this situation extremely well, considering the circumstances.
Don’t let them give you any nonsense over this. You did good. Carry on, my dude!” LeastDragonfly4247
12. AITJ For Wanting My Roommate To Replace My Cadbury Eggs Her Friends Ate?
“On Friday I bought 5 boxes of 5 Cadbury eggs, that were supposed to last me until Easter and after, and I finished one box today so I went to get another out of the cupboard.
None of the other boxes were there. I sent my roommate a text asking if she knew what had happened to them because I hadn’t had any friends over since I bought them, and she had had several people over Saturday night. She admitted that her friends had eaten the 4 other boxes.
I asked if she could buy more on her way home to make up for them, and she refused, saying it was out of her way. I asked if she could do it some other time in the next day or so or give me the money to buy them myself, and she said she wouldn’t do it because she hadn’t eaten them.
She’s refusing to reimburse me for the 20 eggs her friends ate. I’m annoyed at this, I bought them for myself, she knows they’re mine, they had my name on them, and were in my cabinet. She’s saying since she didn’t eat them she shouldn’t need to pay for them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Cadbury Eggs are expensive and in limited supply. That’s terrible of them to eat anything that isn’t theirs without asking but not to reimburse or get more is just crazy. Sidenote – my ex was unfaithful to me and got someone else pregnant.
But the biggest argument we ever had was over the overnight disappearance of 30 Cadbury Eggs he bought as a gift for me. Years later in hindsight, I think it was the dog. But boy, that Easter weekend was ugly. So frankly, no holds barred when it comes to Cadbury Eggs.” Dangerous_Prize_4545
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your roomie is a jerk. Your roomie may not have eaten them, but she was aware that her guests were not to eat them and that you did not give permission for them to be eaten. That makes it her responsibility to replace it.
She needs to pay. The petty me would tell you to eat something of hers that you know she’s dying to eat or toss it out…..but instead, I’d say……If she won’t pay and won’t take time to replace them, I’d make sure everyone knew this.
I would contact the friends and explain to them that your roomie allowed them to eat your food without permission and you want the Cadbury eggs replaced. I would also make a way to have either your own fridge or a lock so your roomie would not have access to your food.
Your roomie sounds like a jerk.” Sea-Tea-4130
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Your roommate is responsible for her friends. Had the roles been reversed, I’m sure she would have felt as you do. It’s terrible because she has no regard for your property and basically slid the blame on her friends, knowing that you don’t quite have the ethos to tell them that they owe you for the eggs, as they can just say your roommate said it was ok.
And if you insisted or even brought it up, you would likely be accused of being petty. Either way, it would further harm your relationship with your roommate. However, I am ALSO concerned that her friends were able to polish off 20 Cadbury eggs in one night, where I would get the sweats after just 2.
RIP Cadbury eggs…” PhoenixNamor
11. AITJ For Wanting To Help My Mom Evict My Disrespectful Siblings?
“My sister, 22, and my brother, 20, are both dropouts. They both have the education of a 9th grader, they can’t keep a job, they’ve literally had one.
They are constantly disrespecting our mom. I don’t live there anymore but I go there weekly to check on my mom because of her mental health.
I took my sister to go take her test for her license because she had been complaining for months that no one would take her and she failed. I gave her a week in advance that I would take her and she was so confident going into the DMV telling me that she’s taken all the practice tests.
After we left DMV she had this sour attitude. I told her I was still proud of her for going and trying, (she’s a very defensive person so I have to walk on eggshells with what I say because she takes everything personally) I was going to take her to apply for jobs.
She wasn’t happy everywhere I suggested she was half asleep in my car saying no to every place I suggested. Eventually, I took her home and let her use my phone to apply for jobs, she applied to 2, so I also filled out an application for 3 more places that she was iffy about.
I also told her I would take her again next week to take her driving test again.
Mom has told me she hasn’t been studying for her test, she’s been in and out of the house not telling my mom where she’s going.
I get it she’s an adult but it’s just common decency and respect to our mom to let her know. (Also they’re living rent-free and not bothering to help out with groceries) My mom asked for like $250 for rent from my brother and he flipped out on her apparently, complaining that that was a lot, he has been more focused on taking his partner out to dinner to hibachi then helping my mom out with some grocery money or some rent money, and apparently disrespecting her from what our mom tells me.
Also for the last 3 months, my brother offered his friend who is 17 and his two dogs my mom’s couch to live on without her permission. They have no idea what it’s like to pay bills and have to be responsible with money.
My mom can’t kick them out because she doesn’t want them to hate her but I think it’ll be showing them some tough love.
She tells me that they listen to me but I’m not the owner of the house and I’m not the parent. They have no drive, no motivation, no goals or anything. Also, my mom has asked them to pay rent they’ve said no. I asked my sister if mom gave them a 30-day notice and she said haha I love to see her try and do that, and I said oh no she won’t, but a sheriff will.
Our dad has had them both live with them and they didn’t like his rules so they moved back in with our mom my brother a year ago, my sister has pretty much been there since our parents’ divorce.
Am I the jerk if I help my mom evict them legally?
It breaks my heart watching my siblings disrespect my mom to the point where she doesn’t even want to get out of bed unless I’m over there.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you’ve been trying to support them in becoming independent and self-sufficient for a long time.
Taking your sibling to a driver’s exam and helping them apply for jobs? You’ve been working hard to help them as best you can while helping your mom at the same time. That said, they seem to be acting like adults in age only; disrespecting your mom the way they do, plus they refuse to help with expenses?
Eviction is harsh and extreme, no doubt about it, but it sounds like you’ve gone above and beyond for them already in trying to help support them in becoming independent. If they refuse the help you’ve offered, and it’s to the point where your mom’s mental health is suffering that much, then it’s time for serious consequences; you’ve done more than your due diligence.” SteampunkHylian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ PLEASE keep trying to get them out! Can your mum stay with you for some respite? Other than physically removing them from the property, I don’t know what else you can do. Your siblings clearly don’t respect your mum. I think you’re right, some tough love is needed, even if it’s just to give your mum her sanity back!
It sounds like she’s really struggling, and reading this, my heart just breaks for both you and your mum. Best of luck with this, my lovely.” TayLou33
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but you can’t make them leave. They are the way they are because your mother doesn’t enforce rules and boundaries.
You can go do the legwork on evicting them, but it isn’t going to work because your mother isn’t willing to make them angry. The problem here is your mother. She has to set boundaries and rules and consequences. She isn’t willing to do that.
She asks them for rent, they say no, she doesn’t do anything. She is enabling their bad behavior. If you do manage to kick them out, they will eventually move back in because your mother will let them. Until your mother is willing to stand up and hold them accountable which at this point would mean kicking them out, this situation isn’t going to get any better.
Children need rules and consequences to drive their behavior. Bad behavior needs to be punished so it won’t be repeated. Good behavior needs to be rewarded so it is repeated. Consequences or punishments have to cause the person pain in some way to force them to avoid the behavior.
For example, if you don’t pay your rent, you get evicted and have no place to live. If you don’t evict the person, there is no reason for them to pay rent because there are no consequences for not paying rent. Your siblings know your mom does not enforce consequences for their bad behavior.
That’s why they live with her because there are no consequences.” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Accepting A Job At The University That Expelled My Stepbrother?
“I just accepted a job in student affairs at a fairly well-known university. When I started my job search I definitely didn’t think or even intended I would end up there.
So it really was not planned.
About 8 years ago, my stepbrother was enrolled in the same university as a freshman. After his first semester, he was basically kicked out due to bad grades and issues he caused within the residence halls.
I knew that my stepbrother and stepdad have always resented me for being able to finish my undergrad and going for my master’s.
I know this because I am often told that I am not allowed to mention anything about these two things when I visit. Not even talking about how my job or graduate assistantship is going.
Well, apparently my mom told my stepdad about me getting the job.
I received a voicemail from him stating that it was rude and unacceptable to get a job at a place that his son was kicked out of. He accused me of doing it on purpose to get back at my stepbrother (we didn’t get along at all when I was living at home).
I know this may seem like a no-brainer but I did get job offers from other institutions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, so long as the reason your brother was kicked out was because of his own bad behavior and not for any discriminatory reasons. The only way I could possibly see this scenario being uncomfortable for reasonable people would be if this was a religious university and he was kicked out for coming out of the closet or something like that.
You didn’t specify what issues he caused in the residence halls, but I’m assuming it was bad behavior.” Mayalestrange
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I work at my childhood dream university which rejected me swiftly back in the day haha. Importantly though, I hope you all are able to have a conversation with your family about this resentment.
Not only is what you did not rude and unacceptable, but it sounds like this is a huge chip on your family’s shoulders that they need to shake to move on. 8 years ago is a long time. It is okay to have messed up in college.
It is not an experience for everyone at every given point in their lives. Your stepbrother shouldn’t feel like his actions at 18 define him as a person. I think it would only help for them to learn to come to terms with it as just a part of his past.” mikrokosmosmoonchild
Another User Comments:
“INFO. You stated: I may be the jerk because I am choosing to go to a school that kicked out my stepbrother and I have other offers I could have chosen so it depends on your reasoning for taking that job over one of the others.
If you took it just to annoy your stepfather and stepbrother, you’re the jerk. If it was a better job/better offer than the other positions, then you were not the jerk to take it. You didn’t give your motivation, so I’m inclined to believe it was the former.
Your stepbrother got himself kicked out so it isn’t the school’s fault but his own and he and his father need to learn to accept that fact.” FabFannon
9. AITJ For Ending A Friendship Over My Roommate Using My Mug?
“This was a long time ago but it ended a friendship and I have always wondered if I was in the wrong.
When I was struggling financially, I had a roommate who was not. She grew up very entitled. I did not. I worked two jobs and she worked part-time. Yet she would do things that bothered me, like eating my food, drinking my booze, always said she would replace it but hardly ever did.
I even let her use half of my closet because she said that quality clothing had to be hung up, whereas mine could be folded. She did have her own closet that was larger than mine, hers was the master bedroom (she did pay a greater amount of the rent because of that.)
Anyway, I rarely treated myself to anything but I bought an expensive (to me) large mug with my favorite college logo (proud FSU alumni here!) that was really cool, it had a screw-on lid as well as one for a straw, could be microwaved, could be frozen or filled with something boiling hot, just really cool all around.
I showed it to her and she thought it was cool. Three days later I came home to see it on the kitchen counter filled with something foamy and a bit of cloth sticking out of the top. I asked her what on earth she was using it for.
She cracked up and told me that she had started her period early and was soaking her stained undergarments in hydrogen peroxide. In my DRINKING MUG.
I flipped out, probably a “last straw” reaction, but I told her she was replacing it and I was done with her self-absorbed behind.
She looked shocked and said she was going to wash it after. I said I didn’t care what she did with it because it was hers now since she would be buying me a new one. She argued that she would use boiling water to clean it.
I didn’t care. We ended up having a huge fight, everything came up, lots of yelling until she stormed out.
She stayed at her friend’s house that night and brought back a new mug the next morning and informed me that she was leaving and moving in with that friend.
I told her I was keeping her half of the deposit because legally a 30-day notice was required (grew up watching “People’s Court”) and she agreed. Two days later she was gone and I moved to a studio a month later. We were never friends again.
I know that it would technically be clean, especially with boiling water but I could not get over drinking from something that had been used for something that disgusting! So… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is such a boundary-smashing move. Even if scientifically it’s true that you can boil it..
and sterilize it… you can do all sorts of things to make it technically safe. It still wasn’t hers to do that with, and psychologically… c’mon, you’re not going to get that image out of your head. Massive narcissism to just keep taking and taking like this, and that was an obvious “finishing move” to any friendship you might have had.” br-at-
Another User Comments:
“It’s lousy that she didn’t see the issue and offer to do it herself. That’s what an aware human being does. It sounds like she was living in an alternate universe with her selfishness and thoughtless actions. NTJ. Ending that friendship was probably one of the best things you could ever do for yourself.
Ain’t nobody got time for jerks.” SufficientZucchini21
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a hard time believing there wasn’t a better container she could have soaked her undergarments in. I mean, that almost seems intentional. Literally anything people don’t eat/drink out of. Or the sink.
She’s either so entitled and clueless or she’s incredibly petty. Maybe both. Either way, you are not in the wrong here and I’m glad you stood up for yourself!” juicyfizz
8. AITJ For Not Squeezing My Intoxicated Friend Into My Two-Seater Car?
“Saturday, I was out with friends. When the bar closed, we were all discussing how we were getting home. One of our friends had too much to drink and needed a ride. He lives about half an hour away and didn’t want to pay for an Uber.
I live near him, and he asked me for a ride. The problem is that I was driving a two-seater (a Ford Mustang with the back seat removed), and had brought my partner, so I didn’t have a seat available.
My friend got really indignant that I couldn’t give him a ride, and said that we could “squeeze in.” I replied that it was unsafe, and I didn’t want to do that.
It became a whole thing.
Well, he drove anyway and got a DUI. I’ve now run into two friends who say that he’s complaining about it to everyone and that I should have given him a ride. Once I explained the situation, they kind of saw my perspective, but I’m still going to get flack from friends over this.
AITJ here? Should I have just given him a ride and saved all this trouble?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s understandable that you were thinking about everyone’s safety when an undersized vehicle and drinking are involved, and it’s not your fault that he decided to drive when he knew it was unsafe.
I do have to give him credit for being aware enough to request a ride, but he loses those points for driving anyway. Naturally, he’s upset by the results, but he really can’t blame anyone but himself. Classic case of shifting responsibility. It comes down to this: 1.
Was it unsafe for him to drive? Yes. 2. Did he himself make the decision to drive anyway? Yes. DUIs are more expensive than Uber.” Chi3f_Leo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He should have just paid to get taken home. Would probably be a lot cheaper than paying for the fines associated with the DUI.
It wasn’t safe for you to drive with 3 people in the car you had and you had an obligation to get your partner home safely. He had an obligation before he drank too much to figure out a safe way home. He’s dealing with the consequences of his own bad choices.
On another note, I’ve only ever seen Mustangs with 4 seat options. Was your backseat full of stuff or something or do you have a super old version where they did that?” jammy913
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You yourself could have gotten a ticket for having 3 people in a two-seater (and I’m willing to bet he wouldn’t have offered to pay you for that ticket).
Your friend totally lacks personal responsibility here. He didn’t want to take an Uber because it was inconvenient to him, and now he’s got to be even more inconvenienced with everything that comes with having a DUI (it’s a LOT of money along with varying things like a suspended license, needing to get driving privileges from the judge, going to DUI school, maybe having to get the blow tube installed in the car, etc).
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Thankfully, there was no accident and no one was hurt – but this is absolutely not your fault in any way.” juicyfizz
7. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit After Being Yelled At For Explaining How Babies Are Made?
“I (20F) live in an apartment next to a family of 3. I’ve often watched over their kid, Sally (8F) and have been doing more so since the mom Giselle became pregnant (6 months in).
Recently Sally asked me how babies are made. The explanation I gave her was: “Mommies and daddies have eggs and when they decide to share eggs, the eggs go into mommy’s belly for incubation. The egg stays there for a while and grows and when it’s done, out comes a baby.” I thought it was a pretty kid-friendly explanation.
However, Giselle did not think so. She said she didn’t like how I talked about sperm and stuff (I literally didn’t). She was standing at my door so all the neighbors could hear and she was yelling at how irresponsible I was, how she didn’t approve, etc. I do not think I deserved that but it was her child so her rules so I apologized.
Giselle asked me to take care of Sally again and I said that I wouldn’t be taking care of her again. When she asked why, I told her I obviously don’t know how she wants to raise her child and I wasn’t going to get yelled at again.
She tried to apologize and say she was just having a rough day, pregnancy hormones, and that my explanation was pretty inappropriate. I know she’s been having it rough but I still don’t really want to. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m gonna give a hot take and say you did nothing wrong.
The normal age to start periods is 9-12. If you don’t want someone else to talk to your kid about the birds and bees (especially if you’re pregnant FFS) do it your way first lol. We’ve been talking about babies since my kid could talk because there have been pregnant people everywhere in our family.
Ask follow-up questions. “What do you mean where do babies come from ?” “Well Sarah said her mommy had her sister at a hospital, is that where Aunty’s baby will come from?” “Yep”. Boom. Also, she’s naive if she thinks that’s the worst “talk” her kid could have gotten.
The kids at the school down the street around her same age were telling a story about how you have to mix seeds and rocks and then mix them with water and dirt and drink it so a bunch of kids went home because they wanted to have babies and DRANK IT like what?
Teach your kids before other people teach them dumb stuff haha. You did awesome given the situation. I don’t blame you for not wanting to babysit for her again. I wouldn’t either!!” Krinnybin
Another User Comments:
“Hum, I am kind of torn on this one.
When my daughter was in second grade, she came home one day telling me that her teacher told her how babies were born and wanted to see the scar from when she was born. I was like WTF. I asked my daughter what was said, and she described a C-section.
I explained that yes that’s how some babies were born, but not all, we talked about it and I explained she was not born by C-section. The next day I talked to the teacher and asked why on earth she was telling my kid about C-sections.
I guess some kid said that’s how they were born and of course everyone wanted to know what that was. Instead of telling them to ask their parents, she described it in pretty good detail. I didn’t yell and scream. Although I was pretty angry but told her that I didn’t find that an appropriate subject to discuss with 7-year-olds in school.
On the other hand, when my other daughter was like 9/10 we were at a baseball game with my cousin, who had a uterus pin on her lanyard (She’s a labor and delivery nurse) and my daughter asked her what it was. She simply said “A uterus.” Of course, my kid was like “What’s a uterus” My cousin looked at me as if to ask well, are you telling her or am I?
I said you’re the one with the pin… You get to explain it at a little league game. So she did. It was awkward where it was asked, but she gave her a good explanation and I was fine with it because she asked if she could explain it or if I wanted to.
I guess NTJ, because you are young and didn’t know but I can see it both ways.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
I thought it was kinda cute to imagine, to be honest. And she probably just pictured a chicken-style egg inside, when eggs were mentioned. I understand she probably should’ve just said to ask her parents, but you never know what the parents would’ve said. They could’ve been the type to never tell their kid anything.
My mom knew this girl when they were teens who had gotten her first period, and the poor girl was going mental, her parents never told her a single thing about getting older or anything of the like, and was even told, for some reason, that you got pregnant by using the toilet after a man, so was terrified of using it after even her own father.
So basically, parents find every possible way to not tell their kids about that sort of stuff, even telling them lies at times, then go crazy when others, or even schools try to educate their kids so that they are more informed. Anyway, NTJ, op.
But if the kid is attached to you, maybe at least try to explain to her that you won’t be looking after her for a while, but that it has nothing to do with her, if she’s unaware of her mom yelling at you, anyway.” Ruby_Riolu
6. AITJ For Confronting My SIL About Her Controlling Diet And Exercise Regime?
“About a year ago, my brother asked me to move interstate and help him and his wife with childcare. I could work from home, so I moved. They did not pay me, but I stayed for free (I was paying rent in another state) and they were paying for food.
At the time, I had gained about 40 lbs and was at my heaviest weight ever. I wanted to go on a diet.
Upon arriving, all choice was taken away from me. We come from a culture that discourages guests from just opening the fridge and taking anything they want.
We eat what we are offered. My sister-in-law announced that we were all going on a diet; she told me that she was not planning to increase the portions that they were cooking before me, and I politely said ‘Fine, I want to diet anyway.’ This led me to systematically eat around 600 calories/day.
They make a lot of money so it was not a money issue. She made me exercise, and when I had lost about 65 lbs, she kept joking that had I not made progress, she was planning to register me with a personal trainer.
At times, she’d recount how she was talking to people (her mother, sister, etc) about it and that they would tell her that her restricting my food so much was rude, but she laughed that people would see my weight loss and line up to offer childcare services.
I had grown up a chubby child, so making a big deal about food was always a matter of ridicule and bullying, so I never said anything.
It’s been a year (six months since I left them, after six months of free childcare). I have maintained a healthy BMI and exercise habits and sometimes she will still point out how it happened during my stay with them.
But, as I am thinking about it, there is a lot of resentment, especially when she is acting as if I owe her. Since I left, I feel used and discarded, like I was never there, and that I never played a role in her child’s life.
And especially when she’s raising these boundaries, I can’t help but feel that I was used and my own boundaries had not been respected. I now obviously feel that no matter how much weight I had put on, she had no right to force me into a starvation diet, so I am not seeking this sort of reassurance… but whenever they have wronged me in the past because I mention it after some reflection, my SIL and brother respond by saying that if it had really bothered me that much, I would have mentioned it right away.
I expect the same response now. WIBTJ if I told her now how wrong and controlling this was?”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ you were abused in more ways than one. It’s completely understandable you didn’t object to the abuse at the time: you were dependent on them and it’s not at all unusual for people being abused to be frozen and unable to take action.
Especially as you’d put up with bullying all your life. But. If you air your justified feelings and thoughts about it, be prepared for denial and a backlash that may last a very long time and end your relationship with your brother, SIL, and their child.
I’m not saying that’s right, it’s absolutely not, but they’ve already made their position clear. In your place, I would go very, very low contact and just get on with your life. If you haven’t had therapy I strongly recommend it if it’s possible for you.
Good luck.” ObviousArt7432
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ, but I’d manage your expectations from such a confrontation. She’s never going to acknowledge what she did was abusive and controlling. If you confront her expecting an apology and contrition, you’ll just be disappointed. But if you confront her, just for the purpose of regaining your voice and your control, that would be worthwhile.” SurlyBuddha
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were doing childcare? It was rude, controlling, and downright cruel to you. Is she going to do the same thing with her kids? If not, why was it acceptable for her to do it to you? Like at this point, you’re allowed to be mean.
I think it needs to be very clearly pointed out to them that their actions were cruel, and that they didn’t give you the space or option to protest or say anything. You were doing them a favor, and they need to know that they messed that one right up.
I am extremely angry on your behalf. This was messed up, and you should tell them.” JetDawnbringer
5. AITJ For Wanting To Sue My Landlord For Stealing My Belongings?
“I am a full-time commuting flight attendant. As a commuter, I have to have a place to stay when I go to work in a city that’s another state away from my home called a crashpad.
About a month ago, my landlord announced the closing of the crashpad, so I and other members were forced to look for other accommodations. Two weeks later, the landlord announces that he’s going to keep it open but with a rent increase. I chose to stay, however, the owner says there will be additional changes that will announced later that month.
The landlord, Matthew, sends a text stating that effective April 1, all personal belongings will need to be removed from the crashpad, and going forward, we will only be allowed to keep our luggage and two changes of clothes as the crashpad would go through a deep cleaning on March 31.
Anything not labeled would be thrown out. The alternative is to have everything removed by the 1st and receive the deposit back. My thought process is, I suck it up with the rent increase and removal of my belongings until I find an alternative place to stay, so I agree to stay.
I messed up though, and as flight attendants can do sometimes, lost track of the dates. Three days ahead of the March 31 cleaning, I informed Matthew, also a flight attendant, that I’d be late getting my belongings out but I had already started removing them.
With the weather being the disaster that it is, I also told him that my trip was extended due to the weather delays assuming he’d understand since I’d be arriving late on the evening on the 31st with the intention to remove everything by the 1st. I come back that night to find not only my belongings stacked in different corners of the house, but they’d been picked through.
Several items and cash from my part-time job are missing. Livid, I packed all my belongings and began looking for a new crashpad asap.
The next day, the owner who is also Matthew’s mother, Sharon, comes by to inspect. I calmly explain the story above and that several of my items are missing.
Long story short, she denies taking anything before defensively stating that if was still there it was within their right to trash it – even though I had already given notice that I would continue staying and would be paying next month’s rent. Finally, Sharon admits that she packed a few items and took them to her home for “safe keeping”.
Mid-conversation, she storms out and goes to her home to collect some of the missing items. Not everything is returned. Given recent events, I immediately inform Matthew that I have chosen to move out effective immediately per our previous conversation. Matthew responds the next day he has not only lost income, but will not be returning my deposit due to the fact that I gave him short notice, that a trash bag was left in the can, and items – that did not belong to me – were left behind and I should have removed them along with my belongings.
I intend to sue for the deposit and cost of the missing items. WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you are paying rent, they have no rights to your property. Even property left behind when a tenant leaves permanently has to be kept for a certain amount of days before they can throw it out.” VioletSkyeDreams
Another User Comments:
“Have you checked out through the city if it is a legal rental? If it wasn’t you may be able to recoup any previously paid rent. That would teach the thieving mom a lesson!” Realistic-Drummer565
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They literally stole some of your belongings a day before you were required to have everything out.
That is theft, get all of your belongings back or threaten legal action.” TheFemaleLucifer
4. AITJ For Leaving My Partner Alone After He Vomited?
“I have pretty bad emetophobia. My partner got super intoxicated and vomited in the toilet. No biggie, I just closed my eyes and rubbed his back and then flushed it and sprayed Febreze. I was ok. The slightest bit shaken but I wanted to take care of him.
We sit for about 20ish minutes and he swears he’s not gonna vomit again. After about 5 minutes of him lying in bed, he gets up, I give him a water cup because he asked for water. He connects his mouth to the cup and vomits in it which makes it spray everywhere.
Including on me. Not chunky, most liquid. But oh my god. So I help him to the bathroom and I help him clean up and I clean up the vomit and keep my mind occupied. He’s definitely mostly sober now so he goes to bed.
I physically can’t make myself get in that bed with him. I am beyond terrified that he will vomit again and it will be worse. So I leave. I make sure he’s on his side and the whole thing. I just feel like a bad partner for leaving him when he needs me, but I am on the verge of tears and I cannot breathe and I keep getting flashbacks to it and I just wanna sleep in my room where I know there isn’t vomit and there won’t be.
AITJ for leaving????”
Another User Comments:
“I’ve read your responses on a few other comments and saw that despite your severe emetophobia, you recognized the danger he could be in and ended up going back to monitor him, so NTJ + kudos for doing the right thing.
It’s one of those situations where a person with a crippling phobia just can’t win. I’ve been in similar situations and it is one of the hardest things in the world to prioritize logic (“I need to be here, I need to do the thing, I can’t leave”) versus emotion (“I NEED TO GET THE HECK OUT”).
Does he have a friend you can call to back you up if this happens again? And is this a habit of his? He blew way past his limits if he was that uncontrollably sick. It shouldn’t fall on just you to manage that.” one_1f_by_land
Another User Comments:
“NTJ from someone who has the same phobia (I got help for it and it’s getting better). Let me say first that I’m so proud of you for facing your fear and still helping your partner when he got sick. I know how hard it is.
Second, you are not the jerk, you did the right thing by laying him on his side (a tip from a nurse, if you want to be extra sure someone can’t roll back, place a pillow in the back, this way someone can’t roll off their back completely).
You were there for him when he got intoxicated (his own choice!) and helped him, twice! Talk to him when he gets sober. Also, it may be an option in the future, if you want and can, to get therapy for this phobia. It helped me a lot so maybe it can do the same for you.
Hugs/high fives from me and wishing you the best!” Successful-Hawk-9037
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I don’t see where he demands you stay or anything like that so I can’t really call him a jerk. Normally I’d say sleep on the couch, but you said that’s not a possibility.
You’re a good lady to go back and keep an eye on him. You set your fear aside to ensure his safety. That’s a big deal, in my opinion.” Minnie_Soda_
3. AITJ For Keeping My Deceased Dog's Collar From My Daughter?
“My (35M) dog, Daisy (15F) just passed away. Daisy was my dog before I met my wife (34F) and before we had our daughter (8F).
My daughter has taken Daisy’s death really hard and has made a shrine for Daisy in her room. To make the shrine, she has taken every one of Daisy’s possessions (toys, collars, etc) and placed them as part of her memorial. She asked me and my wife for everything of Daisy‘s that we have so that she could use them as part of her memorial. We gave her just about everything but there’s one thing I kept for myself: Daisy’s first collar.
This collar is from when she was a puppy (years before I met my wife or our daughter was born). I know it’s selfish but I can’t give it up. Back then I was in a really dark place and Daisy was the only reason I got out of bed most days.
She completely saved my life and I’ve kept that collar over the years as a reminder to myself that the darkest days don’t last and that a little bit of kindness and love can change someone’s life for the better. I know this makes me a terrible father, but I haven’t told my daughter about the collar and I didn’t plan to.
Yesterday, my wife was looking for our extra set of car keys and found the collar. She flipped out on me, saying that I’m an awful father and that I need to confess to our daughter and give her the collar or she will tell her the truth.
I know that what I did was wrong but I don’t want to give this collar up. My wife is saying she’s going to tell our daughter. Am I the jerk if I talk to my daughter and explain this to her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter can ask for everything but that doesn’t mean you have to give her everything, and you should be allowed one item to yourself for a dog that predates them that means that much to you. It does NOT make you a terrible father.
I do think for damage control though, you should talk to your daughter first, explain to her how much Daisy meant to you, and that you wanted the one item to keep near you. I bet if you just tell her that you loved her a lot too and your own tiny shrine makes you feel better just like hers makes her feel better, she’ll understand and maybe even feel closer to you.
Side note: I don’t know your wife so I won’t make any major judgment, but that behavior is pretty bad of her from the context given” devil1fish
Another User Comments:
“You’re not wrong for keeping one, JUST ONE thing for yourself, especially since it was a collar from before your daughter was even on anyone’s mind.
Your wife however is so FAR off that I don’t really have the words to describe it. Don’t let her guilt trip you, what you did was neither wrong nor irresponsible and it doesn’t make you a bad father. NTJ and sorry for your loss.
One thing you could/should ask your wife is what her endgame here is, what is she trying to accomplish? Hurt you? Hurt your daughter? Drive a wedge between her and you? Let’s see if she has a plausible answer for that because I can’t think of ANYTHING.” Lotex_Style
Another User Comments:
“Omg no! NTJ don’t you dare give up that collar. Your daughter doesn’t NEED all of Daisy’s things. Daisy was your dog first. Why are you not allowed to keep something for yourself when she was your family before your wife and daughter?
Just because your daughter is sad, doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to be. We like to have tangible things to hold on to of those we lost. Your wife is really going to begrudge you a 15-year-old puppy collar that your daughter wouldn’t even recognize?
If I had found that collar as your wife, it would have made me feel sad for you knowing how much you missed her. It certainly wouldn’t lead me to flip and accuse you of being a terrible dad for not giving up EVERYTHING for your child and making threats.
Tell her that’s messed up of her and you are allowed to hold on to ONE GD thing. Then you explain to your daughter (if your wife really needs to be a jerk and tell her) that you know she’s having a hard time with losing Daisy but you are too.
That you had her for a long time before you even met Mom and that collar is really important to you. To let her take it would be to enable an entitlement in her instead of an opportunity to instill some empathy. Why would her own mother want that for her?” ambamshazam
2. AITJ For Leaving My Friend's Wedding Early Due To My Kids?
“My 10+ year friend (35M) invited me to his wedding 3 years ago.
Because of certain circumstances, it was postponed to this summer. In the meantime, they got civil married and had 2 kids.
I wasn’t particularly thrilled about the wedding (I don’t know anybody, it’s a 5-hour drive with 3 kids and it lasts a whole weekend) but I wanted to be here because it’s socially awkward not to go.
Last week, he sent every guest a mail asking who needed a babysitter at the wedding for the night.
I answered casually that we wouldn’t need it as we have 3 kids, one of whom is 7 months old, and that we will have to put the children to bed at 10 or 11 PM. Which didn’t seem a big deal to me.
He texted me angrily that it was not acceptable not to stay at least until 1 AM because he was working so hard to make everything perfect and that he would prefer me not to come rather than us leaving the dinner early.
And that out of 250 guests, I was the only one to dare “not care about the most important day of his life.”
I told him that we wouldn’t come if he preferred and he immediately canceled my room booking and reimbursed it to me, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I swear that “wedding of my dreams perfection” makes people do crazy and unreasonable things. It’s ridiculous to make someone feel guilty because they have to prioritize a baby and leave an event like 2 hours earlier and not stay until the crack of dawn.
I don’t have kids and the last time I went to a friend’s wedding I left a couple of hours before the venue curfew because I was tired and my shoes were physically hurting – and guess what, my friends that got married didn’t care that I left when I did, because I had already been there for the most important parts…” Viri_d0gee15
Another User Comments:
“”I wasn’t particularly thrilled about the wedding.” This is the way I feel about weddings. People have usually been cohabitating for a considerable amount of time, sometimes are already married and have children. Then everyone spends money they do not have or money that they should be using in other areas of their life, becomes a “__zilla” and imposes ridiculous rules on both guests and wedding parties.
And to top it off, they want extravagant gifts to replace things they already have and 53% of the time are divorced within five years. It’s all nonsense.” zrennetta
Another User Comments:
“INFO – Is ‘You will be staying at the reception at least till 1 am because you are honoring the most important day of my life’ on the wedding invitation?
Does he have a clicker to do a head count at midnight to make sure that all 250 (well 249 since you were disinvited) are still there? Is he going to chain the doors shut? Your friend is going to have a meltdown because I’m sure that after dinner, some guests will be leaving.
Most guests wait until the cake is cut but guests will start leaving pretty soon after that. As someone else said, his wedding day is not the most important day of everybody else’s life. NTJ.” PanamaViejo
1. AITJ For Moving To Pursue My Career Despite My Partner's Disapproval?
“I (22f) just moved to a big city with my partner (20m) of two years to pursue my passion for teaching.
He’s known since November of last year that this was what I was going to do. I’m in a program that relocates recent undergraduate students and puts them in a master’s degree program to obtain a teaching certificate, during which time they have to work as a teacher.
I start as a high school math teacher in the fall.
This is what I’ve wanted to do since I was young. Math has always been my passion, and I love the look on a student’s face when things just finally click for them.
I also have a big heart for other people, and I want to be there for students who really just need someone to believe in them.
My partner and I have been here for about two and a half weeks and he hates it. He constantly told me he didn’t want to move here, and now that we’re here he’s always yelling at me because this isn’t what he wanted and he felt he never had a choice.
I told him that it was my decision to move up here, and ever since he’s known in November I’ve let him know that he’s had a choice whether he came or not. I always told him not coming didn’t mean the end of our relationship.
But he says he couldn’t do long distance, etc etc.
AITJ for telling him this is exactly where I want to be and I’m not leaving anytime soon? We just got into an argument about how I’ve “forced” him to follow along as I pursue my dreams. Wanting some outside perspective because I genuinely might be the one in the wrong here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you didn’t “force” him to do anything, he could have made decisions around taking a break if he didn’t want long distance, think through some other options, like an adult. It’s not like you sprung this on him 2 weeks before you moved away.
He’s being passive-aggressive and blaming you for his own inability to self-advocate. It’s not unusual in this day and age for people to move around for education or opportunities, and you’re not selfish for putting your career first. He sounds like his ego is more hurt than anything, and/or that he doesn’t like your ambition for yourself.
Rock on with your teaching career, math needs more women. Best of luck with your studies!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have got to pursue your passions in life. You told your partner that he didn’t have to make this journey with you and he came along anyway.
If he’s so unhappy; rather than complain to you about the move, he needs to go back to wherever he was previously. The two of you aren’t married and you don’t indicate that you’re engaged or talking about marriage, so it didn’t make a lot of sense for him to uproot his life before he’d even seen the area that you were moving to first. Furthermore, at 20 years old, has he finished working on his own passions/education/career?
Every relationship is different. There are people who meet at 13 and stay together for the rest of their lives. There are also people who have to wait a lot longer for that special person. While they are waiting, they create the best lives for themselves possible.
Sorry OP, but I believe that you have to pull the plug on this one. Your partner is only going to keep resenting you and making it hard for you to be happy in this new moment of your life. While you both deserve to be happy, it can’t be at the expense of one another when you both are so young and have so much life ahead of you.
You know what has to be done.” moew4974
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Partners come and go. Planning and following your plan for your professional future is essential. And responsible. He is really exhibiting a lot of immature behavior, not being able to take responsibility for his own choices and his own situation and instead yelling (??????!!!!!) at you because he’s immature and fragile and can’t be an adult and decide what he wants to do about his situation.
This is not gonna last. Probably on his way out he’s just gonna blow it up on you. So brace yourself. In the long run, he’s doing you a favor. He’s showing you that he really doesn’t have maturity and he doesn’t have a good character that will carry him through hard times in life.
Better to focus on this, and have him flip out and flip away, and discover some other person who actually has authenticity and maturity.” mcclgwe
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