People Fear Failure In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
25. AITJ For Refusing To Take My Baby To My MIL's House Because Of Her Untrained Dogs?
“My MIL has two dogs (labradors) and they are out of control, she has never trained them and has no intention of training them and she’s had them for about 3 years.
When I say out of control I mean literally, they jump all over you as soon as you walk in the door to the minute you leave. They jump on the back of the sofas so they can jump on your shoulders and your head etc, last year my husband had a hot cup of tea in his hand and they jumped on his back when he was sat down and the hot tea spilled all over him.
One of them urinates all over you when he becomes over-excited.
They jumped on me when I was pregnant and nearly landed on my stomach, they are big heavy dogs and could have caused serious injury! Luckily my husband managed to grab them just in time!
She has no control over either of them and she doesn’t seem to care.
Here is where my issue is, my husband and I had a baby 4 months ago and we have refused to take our baby round there because of her wild dogs. When I was pregnant, MIL said the dogs would love the baby because ‘she will be a new toy for them to play with’.
None of the family seems to understand this and keeps badgering us about taking the baby round to her house.
My SIL keeps trying to guilt trip us by saying how MIL misses her Granddaughter and is desperate to see her, MIL can drive and has a car and we live 5 minutes away.
We have always said she is welcome to come to our house to see us and the baby whenever she wants! My husband is in agreement with me and is constantly arguing back with them.
They argue that the dogs are really friendly and not at all vicious however that is not the point.
They are out of control and I am not prepared to risk taking my baby in a house where she could be jumped on and pee’d on by two big dogs. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are absolutely in the right, and do NOT for one minute let someone else’s short-sightedness override your instinct to safeguard your child.
Thank God your husband is right there with you. I would recommend that you divert all “guilt-tripping attempts” to your husband. It is his family that has no sense and no boundaries, so let him continue to handle them. If the SIL says anything, tell her that you have already responded and will not change your mind and that you would prefer she stop bringing this subject up with you.
Same for the MIL. If she only lives 5 minutes away, she needs to just get in her car or walk over there. She is making this all about her and her dogs, and not about who she should be thinking about . . . her 4-month-old grandchild and his/her safety.
I want to vomit on this statement: “She will be a new toy for them to play with.” That statement alone is very worrisome. It shows an utter lack of sound reasoning and concern. Animals are unpredictable. Domesticated dogs are unpredictable. Even if there is no ill intent they can hurt a baby if they have been able to hurt grown adults.
I would also recommend that your husband have a serious conversation with all family members promoting this guilt trip and put a stop to it.” anitarielleliphe
Another User Comments:
“| MIL said the dogs will love the baby because ‘she will be a new toy for them to play with’. WTAF?!
NTJ, you would be if you gave in. Great that your husband has your back on this. There have already been too many tragic deaths because “friendly” dogs suddenly weren’t – and even labradors who are generally soft as butter are still dogs, and large heavy ones at that, so easily dangerous, especially as so poorly trained. Might be time for you, or your husband if you are not emotionally up to it, to get some news articles about how often these have happened – I found a **labrador** one in seconds – and hit idiot family who is standing up for MIL with some links, sounds like MIL herself needs some professional help if she doesn’t get it.” TeenySod
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – not only would I NEVER take the kid over there while the dogs were loose, I would refuse to go over myself if the dogs are loose. You don’t need to subject yourself to that. If hubby wants to go visit, he can do it alone.
And if she tries to guilt-trip you – right back at her. “I guess you love your dogs more than your grandchild…” I had friends whose little dogs would jump up on the back of the sofa, can’t imagine LABS. Geesh.” woburnite
24. AITJ For Mocking My Partner's Belief About The Smell Of Lavender?
“My partner (30f) and I (30m) have been together for 8 years.
I was just outside the balcony and I kept experiencing a smell of lavender that would come and go. I couldn’t place where it was coming from, since our clothes don’t smell like that, and where we live there aren’t those kinds of smells so it was quite unusual. I thought it might come from a neighbor, but having a quick look around I couldn’t place the origin.
I didn’t think much of it until I came back inside and told my partner what happened. At that point, she instantly said that it “was” either my grandmother (deceased) being with me, or my mother (alive, abroad) thinking about me, given they both like lavender and it is their favorite scent.
I am a pretty logical guy so I immediately dismissed and even laughed at that comment, since I believe it’s impossible that such a thing would be the case, and in my mind, I simply hadn’t investigated enough the source of the smell (mostly because I couldn’t be bothered and was enjoying my break).
I kept going on about how my partner was being silly and dumb by thinking this (she was being totally serious), and she kept saying that I had no proof that it wasn’t true, whilst at the same time she was suggesting that it could also be just a random smell.
My issue with that is that it’s unequivocal that it wasn’t any kind of paranormal activity, and I started to get aggravated when she was even remotely suggesting otherwise. At that point, I likened her to a flat earther because the claims she was making were unreasonable in my eyes, and just because you can’t necessarily prove something at a particular moment, it doesn’t mean that we can entertain the possibility that it might be true when we know for a fact certain events can be explained by science.
Am I the jerk for mocking her and telling her it’s stupid to believe this stuff when she did not do the same to my beliefs (i.e. she didn’t immediately dismiss my theory)?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This is a thing that brings your partner comfort for whatever reason, doesn’t hurt you in any way at all and isn’t doing anyone any damage, but you made her feel small and stupid because of it.
Tell us, Mr. Logical Guy, if you think your partner is going to stick around with someone who dismisses their feelings and belittles them just to be a jerk?” User
Another User Comments:
“Hard YTJ. Who cares if your partner wants to be a bit superstitious?
If you are a logical person, you should logically understand that this supernatural idea makes her happier than she was previously, so there is no merit to either of you by mocking her.” HolSmGamer
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, there is a saying “turning a small fly into an elephant.” That is how I think of this situation.
The comments she made weren’t a big deal. A lot of people say stuff like that – them being superstitious or whatnot. It was so unnecessary for you to call her comments dumb/stupid.” Irises1234
23. AITJ For Refusing To Do Additional Yard Work Without A Break?
“I 24m was cutting grass on a clear, sunny, blue sky day and there was hardly a breeze to blow a needle over. The grass is wild country grass and takes some time to cut, I couldn’t cut it earlier in the week as I was either at work or it was too wet to cut.
I finished cutting the grass, getting rid of piles of grass that were left from the day before that my mother cut. Then I shoveled some grass and moss that was overgrown on a ramp that I didn’t get around to, but I did while I still had the energy before my break.
My mother comes and asks me if I can do the garden’s footpath. It’s 23 miles long and has sliced roof tiles on the sides. The tiles aren’t exactly light and she expected me to do it by myself, and I haven’t even taken my break yet as I am drenched in sweat.
I refuse, and then she goes back inside before I put away all the tools and finish dumping the grass in a suitable location in the garden.
So I finished up all of it and was sitting on the bench outside in the shade before I attempted to go inside.
Turns out she locked the door and wouldn’t let me in unless I did the footpath. I still refused, but at least she gave me a point of water so I could at least get back some energy. Eventually, she opened the door, I went in and she took my controller to my console.
After work the next day, she asked again after I had a busy day and expected the footpath to be done in 20 minutes. 20 minutes later and I had only done 4 tiles. I argued to her that I knew I wouldn’t get this done in 20 minutes and I do the work at my job fast because I have a team that helps me compared to her.
She still tried to explain that she could do it faster, so I handed over the spade and said “Well, go on then superwoman.”
She dropped the attitude, gave back my controller, and the footpath was finished the next day.
AITJ a bit too much, or justified AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“She locked you out without water and then took the controller to your computer because you didn’t have time to finish one bit of what sounds like quite a big job? You’re 24 and not 12, right? And anyway, a 12-year-old might slack a bit about the yard work, but still shouldn’t be locked out with no water.
NTJ” SavingsRhubarb8746
Another User Comments:
“You’re missing some details, but here’s how I see it. You’re 24 years old, living at home with your mother. I assume there is no one else living there. You work a paying job. No indication of whether your Mom does too.
Are you paying rent? Do you share expenses? Do you cook, perform chores, or otherwise pitch in? Without more information, it sounds like there is more to this than simply cutting the grass. When I was a kid (starting around six years old) cutting the grass was my chore.
We had a full acre with at least a hundred trees to cut around, and it would take me at least seven hours. I was free to decide when to do it: I could do a little bit after school each day or I could spend the whole day on Saturday or Sunday.
It didn’t matter so long as it was done. I did this until I graduated from High School and left home for college. While it was frustrating that I couldn’t always hang out with friends or watch TV, my brother and parents both also had chores, so I recognized that this job was my responsibility.
The part about your Mom locking you out is a little odd, but I sense that your Mother was frustrated that you had one job to do, and you were quitting before it was done.” Successful_Image3354
22. AITJ For Snapping At My Sister For Constantly Announcing My Pregnancy To Strangers?
“Almost exactly what the title says. I’m(25F) on my second pregnancy, about 20 weeks as of writing this, but I’m small.
My bump only shows if I’m wearing a tight shirt or dress. Usually, my pregnancy goes under the radar.
My younger sister(23F) always feels the need to put it into conversations that I’m pregnant. With strangers. Waiters, cashiers, our real estate agent, whoever we’re currently engaged with, she will find a way to announce my pregnancy.
Examples
Me counting change: Damn sorry. I always miscount at least once, one second.
Sister: Haha! Oh yeah, pregnancy brain right??
Cashier: oh you’re pregnant?
Sister: Yeah she’s ___ weeks, she doesn’t look it tho. She’s so skinny because she’s got hyperemesis. Yeah, she’s *ALWAYS* throwing up.
Cashier: oh… uh congrats.
~~~~~
Real estate agent: OK so you’re going to start packing in a few weeks?
Me: yes, we’ll be leaving the house next month, but we can get it packed up sooner to the bare minimum for showings.
Sister: Yeah well, SHE won’t be packing it.
Cause she can’t pick up the heavy things.
REA: Oh goodness, did you hurt yourself?
Sister: No she’s pregnant!
REA: that’s so amazing, congratulations! Do know what you’re having yet, babies are so fun.
Sister: They’re having a *Gender*
REA: Fun, oh I have 3, *gender* is the best. Do you have a name?
Me: not yet, we’ve been going back and forth, but haven’t picked one.
Sister: I thought you picked ______
I’m just so frustrated my news is never my news, and my personal information is being given out without my consent. We hadn’t even announced the name and weren’t planning on doing so until the baby was born, my sister just overheard my husband and I talking about it.
So after the agent left I kinda snapped at her to stop just telling people about *my* pregnancy, especially strangers we don’t know or trust. I didn’t say it very nicely at first, I definitely was rude.
She got defensive and started crying, saying why does it matter if we already announced it to friends and family?
It just makes me feel bulldozed, put on the spot, and uncomfortable when she does this. I tried explaining it to her but she cut me off saying, “Whatever I get it, I can’t be happy for you.” This made me feel like a jerk.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s making your pregnancy about her. You’re not asking her something irrational. There is no reason she needs to tell strangers about your pregnancy or potential name choices! It’s not about how she “can’t be happy for you”‘; She can be happy for you and keep her mouth shut when it comes to random people.
It’s great that she’s excited for you, but she still needs to respect your boundaries. Hold your ground on this one and don’t let her guilt you into thinking anything else.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – What is she your personal town crier?
Um, no. Did she ever stop to think, for even a tiny bit, that maybe, just maybe you want to be the one to announce your pregnancy? It doesn’t matter a whit if you have told a million people, the one you haven’t told wants to hear it from you, not some second banana next to you.” PumpkinPowerful3292
21. AITJ For Feeling Disappointed About My Partner's Lackluster Proposal After 13 Years?
“I 35F just got engaged to my 34M partner/now fiancé. We’ve been together for 13 years, and I started to get a little upset that he hadn’t proposed yet.
We have 2 beautiful children and live together. I love him a lot, and never felt like marriage was the be-all and end-all. But after a while, I felt like I was giving him everything, so he didn’t need to rush.
Well, he proposed on our anniversary with our children at home.
The sentiment was sweet, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of disappointment in the day. Aside from it already being our anniversary, nothing else was planned. Which is fine. But my logic after the fact is that he knew he was going to propose so one would think a little more effort would have gone into the day on his part.
When we first started seeing each other he’d talk about how he’s wanted to get married since he was young and that he would do a cool proposal. But as time went on we’ve just been getting by financially. So he hasn’t been able to do the things he spoke about.
I’ve told him that the ring and extravaganza isn’t what I want. But somehow I feel like it wasn’t even thought about beyond doing it. I mean, after the proposal I suggested a day out with the kids and dinner. And we last minute got my parents to babysit so we could celebrate the anniversary and engagement just the two of us.
But it was a joint plan, that I instigated.
To my discomfort, I felt like I needed to communicate my feelings about it with him. So I brought up the above, and now he’s upset. He keeps saying, not at me, but at the situation.
And now I feel like I should have kept the feeling to myself and kept quiet because the last thing I wanted was to hurt him and put a damper on the occasion. But I also feel like I’m not worth a little extra razzle-dazzle.
Even as small as a planned family walk and some flowers.
Maybe I am the jerk, but I feel after 13 years of kind of waiting, I felt a little down.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“What is this obsession with having the man make this grand gesture when he proposes?
Why is it that only the man can propose? It’s 2024 not 1952. The dude told you he wanted to get married and spend the rest of your life together, on your anniversary. You’ve been resentful that he hadn’t proposed, but when he DID propose, you’re taking issue with the fact he didn’t “plan” it better??
Do you want to be married to him? Or do you want the Disney princess story you’ve been picturing in your mind since you were 12 years old? If you wanted to get married, why didn’t you propose to him instead, and make it the grand gesture you think it should be?
Nothing was preventing you from doing so over the past 13 years if that’s what you wanted. Is HE not “worth a little extra razzle dazzle” either? YTJ.” gordonf23
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and full of contradictions. You said you didn’t feel marriage was the end all be all but yet you were getting offended that he hadn’t proposed yet.
Then you said you told him it wasn’t about the ring or razzle-dazzle but are mad you didn’t get the razzle-dazzle. Maybe he took you at your word?” Mysterious-Bird1293.
20. AITJ For Refusing To Buy A Birthday Gift After My Friends Forgot Mine?
“I never really had a large friend group, so I never wanted large birthday parties growing up. I tended to celebrate with family and close friends. A few years ago, I met some people via school. We became close over a group project, and have remained good friends ever since.
Last year, we started sharing lunch on our birthdays (or as close to the date as possible). The four of us have birthdays in the following order: Jasmine, Lauren, Me, and Sarah. For Jasmine’s birthday, we decided to pool together to buy a present and pay for her meal. By Lauren’s birthday, we each found a small gift to give.
When my birthday came around, I was out of town so we postponed lunch a few weeks so that we were all free. On the day of my belated lunch, the others were half an hour late. There was no present, card, or even “Happy Birthday!” shared.
I assumed the money was tight, so I didn’t mention anything, even though I was devastated. With Sarah’s birthday only about two weeks later, I was still upset and neglected to buy a gift (I just gave my regards). No one else offered anything more than a passing “Happy Birthday!” Now that Jasmine’s birthday is coming up, we have all made time to celebrate together.
Since Jasmine has been busy, I have stepped in to plan the outing (with her suggestion about what kind of food to eat). I have been doing this while working many hours and taking classes again now that school has resumed. Lauren has suggested that we each give Jasmine a gift so she feels celebrated. I told Lauren that I felt that I had no intention of buying a present as I was planning everything and getting a card for us to sign together.
Lauren thinks that I’m being cheap and unsupportive. I didn’t want to upset her about how I felt disrespected by them on my birthday, as I thought it would make me seem entitled and spoiled. Lauren has stopped talking to me but remains civil when we are together as a group of four.
AITJ for refusing to buy Jasmine a gift? WIBTJ if I brought up how I was upset about no birthday gifts to Lauren?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People and their expectations and entitlements. You decide whom you want to gift and let others decide what they want for their friends.
Not all are close to each other in a group or so, some have more affection or attachments with one another.” OkRabbit5784
Another User Comments:
“NTJ However I do think you should bring it up that no one made any real effort for your birthday and that it hurt your feelings.
And while friendships shouldn’t be transactional, being left out and then expected to contribute for someone who did nothing for you leaves a bad taste in your mouth because it feels like being used.” Limerase
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk here. Those friends need to understand reciprocity in friendships.
It’s about respect and feeling valued, which isn’t happening. Consider addressing your feelings honestly with them; otherwise, it may be time to move on and find people who appreciate you properly.” forth4kobra
19. AITJ For Snapping At My Parents And Moving Out After Years Of Their Constant Fighting?
“I, (22 F) just moved out of my family home to a university dorm. I didn’t expect to get accepted this year as I was put on the waitlist for two months. I got accepted quite literally two days before the term started so my move was very sudden and rushed.
My parents got married super young around 23, my mom was the rich posh girl and my dad was the poor but super ambitious guy. They started having issues super early in the marriage and by the time they decided that they wanted a divorce, my mom was pregnant with me.
Neither of their families was supportive of the divorce anyway but once they found out about the pregnancy, they convinced both my mom and dad to give the marriage another try.
Once I was born, I was super sick so my mom pretty much became a stay-at-home mom, I was in and out of hospitals for the first 5 years of my life due to various allergies and immunity issues because of which the problems between them grew.
My whole life I have only witnessed them fighting with each other, something trivial as an unwashed dish would become a whole debacle in the house and then I would have to console both of them and try not to take sides. They would often just tell me stuff that irritated them about each other.
Now, even while I was packing my stuff to move to a different state in just two days, they kept picking fights over things that weren’t even important like the boxes were too small or too big, etc. I just snapped and shouted how I didn’t really care what their problems with each other were and I was done with them.
My mom has only called me once since then just to tell me how ungrateful I was even after she pretty much stayed in an unhappy marriage to make sure I got to stay in an unbroken home and how she gave up her career to take care of me.
I feel like a jerk because she did do that for me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ DO NOT let your mom or dad make you feel guilty. She did what she was supposed to do as a freaking parent. It’s called sacrifice. She did not have to stay in a nasty marriage, she did not have to tell you things about your dad (and your dad didn’t need to bad mouth your mom to you either), and they both should have learned to stop fighting in front of you, etc. You have every right to be over it.” TheSciFiGuy80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – the worst thing a parent can do is make their child feel guilty for having them. This is exactly what your mom is doing: *My mom has only called me once since then just to tell me how ungrateful I was even after she pretty much stayed in an unhappy marriage to make sure I got to stay in an unbroken home and how she gave up her career to take care of me.
I feel like a jerk because she did do that for me.* Your parents not only chose to have you but they also chose to raise you even though they were not compatible. None of what she said is on you. She’s just throwing a guilt trip on you which is a very jerkish thing to do.
Stay in school, graduate, and make your own life. Best of luck, OP.” slap-a-frap
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did not ask your mother to give up her career to take care of you. Not sure if she exhibits any other narcissistic type behavior, but OMG, just NO. No guilt trips.
She’s mad that she doesn’t have you there as a sounding board. You get to move on and live your life. She chose to stay in her marriage. She also chose to unload her problems on you. This is not a healthy parent-child relationship. Please take this opportunity to spread your wings.
Good luck with your classes. This mom is cheering you on.” All7AndWeWatchEmFall
18. AITJ For Passing Gas Near My Partner Who Does The Same?
“Like any other human that has existed on this planet, I pass gas. The problem is my partner gets extremely upset at me at any time I pass gas near him.
He will tell me that it’s disgusting and not to do it on him or adjacent to him. When we’ve cuddled, I’ve made a point of trying to shift position away from him when I pass, but even that is not enough. Last evening after watching a movie, only my hamstrings were resting on him with my buttocks about 6 inches away from his leg when I let out a toot.
He got upset with me, stood up, left, and then spent the entire night sleeping on his side not getting close to me.
The problem is that he’s okay with passing gas near or on me. When I mentioned how this is a double standard, he told me that it’s not a problem when he does it because I’m not disgusted by it, but it’s a problem if I do it because he is.
In previous relationships and in this one I’ve never made a big deal out of a partner passing gas on or near me because I figured we’re all human, everyone does it, and as long as it isn’t maliciously positioned like a brother farting in your face or trapping you in a car, then it isn’t a big deal. Especially when the alternative is like when you’re seeing someone new and you try to hold it in or hide when you pass gas and get crampy and uncomfortable.
In the past, if someone would pass gas at worst I’d just say “Did you just toot on me?” or if it was particularly smelly just have a laugh at it, and continue cuddling because it wasn’t a big deal and I’d rather cuddle with someone than be policing where they can and can’t pass gas.
Am I the jerk for passing gas near my partner? Should I just start standing up and moving as far away from him to pass gas, or just go back to hiding it in the bathroom? It seems like it may be the simplest solution, but it doesn’t feel equitable that he can pass gas freely without concern but I can’t.”
Another User Comments:
“My hubby and fart around each other all the time. Nobody cares. I’d intentionally fart near him to annoy him off and tell him he does it to you all the time. I’d keep doing it until he stops doing it in front of you.
However, that could provoke him to break up. If he did that, truly tells you how much he loves you. Seriously. If you guys plan on being together long-term, life is generally disgusting. Sickness. Aging. Surgery. Disease. Childbirth. Childbearing (kids are walking germs with dirt).
Changing diapers. How will he handle all of that? My hubby just had a vasectomy 2 days ago. His nuts were a bit bloody and black and blue. I helped him change his ice every 20 minutes. Was I disgusted? No. Life is disgusting. I wouldn’t be able to be with a dude that has issues with farting or using the bathroom in front of each other.
We are all human. I just need to ask, are you guys teenagers, or 20-somethings? The older you get, the less this should be an issue.” Outrageous_Humor_363
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your partner that women are not unicorns. We don’t fart glitter and rainbows and they’re not vanilla-scented. It’s not always possible to hold it in.
Your body will do what it needs to do in these moments. Maybe you should buy a can of air freshener, keep it handy, and spray it around whenever either of you toots, smelly or not, just to get your point across. Your partner sounds like a bit of a jerk.” Alarming-Iron8366
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is the jerk. My partner and I always pass gas in front of each other. Strangely enough, we even compliment each other when it happens. He started calling me his “little orchestra” since I’ve started eating more vegetables and oats, therefore, making me a little gassier than normal. When he first farted in front of me, he was embarrassed. We laughed it off and we promised that we could be comfortable around each other, so we always warn each other before it happens just in case it smells (lol).
I honestly don’t know what your partner’s problem is. If his fart is a basket of roses, then he has every right. He shouldn’t be telling you off like that and it could be a deeper issue he cannot fully express. You deserve to feel comfortable with yourself, your body, and your natural bodily functions like tooting.
Keep tooting.” Nearby_Flower192
17. AITJ For Leaving My Ex With A Clean Apartment And Not Paying His Cleaning Fees?
“I always felt this was a 50/50 split of jerky, but my friend had the opposite happen to her and everyone agreed he was the jerk, and started questioning me about my story. Now I’m doubting myself and my judgment for future relationships.
Long story short, ~a year ago my ex-partner (26m) broke up with me (25f) while we rented an apartment.
We had a 2 bed/2 bath, the master having a bathroom attached. The second room was his office.
When we broke up, he moved all of his office to the living room and I moved into the second room. Within a week, he began staying with his “friend” every night.
I saw him maybe once a week for like 20 minutes at most as he moved things out of the apartment slowly.
After a couple of months of being alone, I was depressed and panicking so I called him, told him I was moving out, and asked if he wanted any of the furniture I brought (all the big stuff.
I had an apartment previously but he lived at home. We bought the couch together) he did not. I got all of the furniture, nonparishables, and even the cutlery/pots and pans he didn’t want to be given away and out of the house. I took whatever else I wanted/fit in the rental.
I cleaned the guest room, bathroom, kitchen, and living room. I made sure not to touch any of his things. His parents even came over to observe for a while and take a few things.
I informed the office of the situation, paid my half of the remaining rent directly to them, and gave my ex a sum of money I owed him in cash.
Then I left.
When the lease ended at the end of the year (I left in the summer) he started messaging me asking me to pay him for cleaning the apartment and “fees”. I ignored and blocked.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, cleaning fees should not be relevant since you cleaned before you left – any damage he’s done since then that requires cleaning is on him.
If there are any utilities involved it’s slightly more complex but I’d say – Are the utilities like a lump sum for a year? If so you should only pay a portion of it appropriate to the length of the year you spent, so for example, if you lived there for half a year instead of 50/50 with him you’d pay 25% – Are the utilities part of the monthly rent?
If so you owe nothing, you already paid up before you left and you weren’t using those utilities afterward” Successful_Roll_4753.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You handled the breakup and move-out responsibly. You paid your share of the rent, took your belongings (leaving them untouched), and even cleaned the areas you used. After months of him barely being present, it’s unreasonable for him to demand extra money for cleaning or “fees.” It seems like he was either looking for some extra cash or not willing to clean up after himself.
You fulfilled your obligations, so blocking him after his unreasonable requests was entirely justified. No need to doubt yourself—your approach was fair and mature.” emi1yMills
16. AITJ For Not Always Accepting My Friend's Invitations While Grieving My Dad?
“I lost my dad to cancer this April, and to say it’s been devastating has been an understatement. During the recent months, I’ve moved out of my childhood home, helped clean it out, moved into a new place, and we had his celebration of life.
During this time my friend, we’ll call her M, has been supportive by keeping in touch with me, and just being an ear when I needed to vent. For additional context, M has 3 kids and recently started a new job, so I know her free time is limited. We would message each other a lot on social media, and she would often invite me to church.
I’m not much of a churchgoer any more, but when we did meet at church we’d have coffee and talk before service, and that was our visiting time. M would also message me and tell me when she was home saying things like, “We’re home today if you want to come over.” Or “want to just come over?
I just need someone to watch the kids for 20 minutes while I run an errand.”
I’ll admit that I’m struggling to leave the apartment at times. Sometimes it just feels safer to stay home. I miss my dad every day, and I’m not that close to the rest of the family.
My dad was my buddy. Even when M would tell me she was home, I thought it was an open-ended, no-obligation type of invite, so sometimes I would go, but I’ve been getting out less and less. Now I’m wondering if I offended her by not going.
At one point last week. I let her know I was gonna take a break from social media because it’s just too toxic, but let her know we could keep in touch via text. I texted her asking if she would like to hang out if she happens to be child-free, or if the kids are ok too.
She never responded to that text. However, she liked some pics of mine on social media and when I asked her if she happened to see my text, she again didn’t respond. I asked her if we were good and she said yeah just busy, but I felt like she was pulling away.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – Friendships in adulthood can be difficult to maintain because you have completely separate lives and perspectives. When you’re a teenager, you talk to your friends constantly – you know exactly what upsets them, how to push their buttons, etc. As an adult, you and your friend are each trying to keep this friendship on your terms, and I don’t see either party here making any significant attempts to meet the other halfway.
And that’s fine!! You both need to attend to your lives, your jobs, your mental health, and your happiness. You guys may not be vibing right now, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be able to pick it back up later when your schedules and interests are more aligned.” inthewrongband
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry for your loss, and I hope you’re doing OK. I’d imagine that if your friend has 3 kids, the easiest place for her to meet you is probably her place. It sounds like she wants to be there for you – have you explained to her that you’re struggling to leave the house at present?” User
15. AITJ For Calling The Non-Emergency Hotline Over A Gas Smell In My Apartment?
“I (25f) just called the nonemergency hotline because I smelled gas in my apartment, and my landlord (~60ishM) loudly scolded me in front of all of my neighbors. Am I in the wrong here?
I smelled a little bit of gas earlier today around 5 pm and didn’t think much of it, but when I returned home at 11 pm the smell was overwhelming.
I wasn’t sure what to do, so I called the nonemergency hotline, checked in with my neighbors (it’s a multiplex), and texted my landlord to let him know the fire department was on the way. My neighbors also smelled the gas, but it wasn’t as strong for them.
The fire department came very quickly, and my landlord was right behind them. There were lights everywhere, two fire trucks, everyone was watching, and I felt embarrassed. It turns out my next-door neighbors had just moved out, and the gas smell came from the lines being shut off in their apartment.
I’m not sure I understand, but when they opened the door to my neighbor’s apartment the smell was really strong, I could smell it 15 feet away.
The firemen left pretty soon after that and said it wasn’t an issue, but as soon as they stepped away my landlord started berating me in front of my neighbors for not calling him first.
He said that this had happened before, I should have known that the smell was there because my neighbor moved out (I didn’t even know that they’d moved), and that the last time this happened to him they shut the gas off for months and fined him thousands of dollars.
I asked him if we were going to get our gas shut off or if he was going to get fined because of me and he said “not yet” but it was clear he was mad. Normally I would have called him first, but it was 11 pm and I didn’t know if he would respond or what he could have done in an emergency.
AITJ here? I didn’t think it seemed like something to call my landlord about, but my city doesn’t have a super reliable government usually so maybe there was an unspoken rule that I should have known, or maybe the neighbor moving out thing was common knowledge.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a former firefighter, I want you to call every damn time you smell gas. Typically that’s an additive to a very dangerous, odorless gas that WILL kill someone. Your landlord is probably doing something illegal and didn’t appreciate all the attention to your apartments.
He’ll appreciate it even less when something explodes or someone dies to a gas leak” MadderHatter32
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If you smell gas it is an emergency. You could have probably called the gas company, but getting stuck on some customer service line hold situation would be absurd.
Calling professionals who deal with emergencies was the right thing to do. Firefighters telling you it is safe means it probably is, your landlord saying it is safe is not the same. Not that he would want you or his place to blow up, he just isn’t an expert.” mlc885
Another User Comments:
“NTJ What, you’re supposed to risk your life and health while he decides what flavor of landlord special he’s gonna use to “fix” the issue? A gas leak is a serious problem. It’s better to be a little embarrassed at the fuss being made than dead.
He’s just mad. He doesn’t want anyone with authority taking a closer look at his properties because he’s a shady jerk. ” Pleasant-Stage4512
14. AITJ For Reporting An Unusual Smell In The Lab Bathroom To Campus Police?
“I (27M) work in a research lab attached to a large hospital. The other day I was working in a different research building than I usually work. I went to the bathroom and was hit by an insanely bad smell. Which I know is pretty common in a bathroom but trust me it was way outside of the usual. Like if a dead raccoon took a bath in rotten eggs.
I immediately called the emergency safety line to report the smell in case it was a gas leak or a chemical spill or something. I also don’t work in this research building often, so I’m not sure what kind of chemicals they’d be using to make this sort of smell.
I know my lab can sometimes smell like farts depending on what we’re using so this kind of thing isn’t that out of the ordinary, but I’ve never experienced anything like this before.
I immediately called the on-campus emergency number. The person receiving the call seemed annoyed with me.
They were basically like “Are you sure you want to be calling in a bad smell, in the bathroom?” and I just kept saying things like “You don’t understand, what I’m smelling could not have come out of a human, etc” They got more and more annoyed with me but asked all the obligatory questions like how long have I noticed it, can you describe the smell, etc?
I realized later that, since this was the weekend, the call was forwarded directly to the on-campus police officers instead of the usual dispatchers, and this also happened to come at a time when they were dealing with an all-hands-on-deck emergency at the hospital. Which probably explains their annoyance.
I’m waiting for them to call back after their investigation to see if it was truly an emergency, or if I’m just a stupid but well-intentioned idiot.
Their hostile reaction to the call has me pretty rattled though, because I honestly had good intentions when I made the call and was not trying to do some stupid prank on the safety people.
I’d feel super bad though if I took time away from the police during a genuine emergency in the hospital over a bad BM. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Former lab safety person here. NTJ, you did 100% the right thing. That class of smell is chemical in origin and almost certainly something dangerous like piperidine.
Report it to the lab safety folks. This could be a spill, a lid left off a bottle, or a misused or malfunctioning fume hood. Hopefully, it’s an isolated incident, but if not, escalate it because that stuff is hazardous.” BrontosaurusTheory
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you do realize that campus police are legendary for ignoring/covering up crimes, right? You did the right thing but they were never going to take it seriously.” Western-Customer-536
13. AITJ For Walking Our Dog While My Wife Was Getting Ready?
“This Friday my wife and I had reservations at her favorite restaurant because her birthday was right around the corner, we had a party planned, but this was supposed to be our night together alone. The way the reservation was set up, I would come home from work, change and immediately drive there as it’s around an hour and a half by car (Yes, we live in hick country, yes I am a hick, and no we aren’t moving that I’ve been made aware of, lol)
The day had gone great so far, and from what I knew everything was going according to plan, I got home, and she was behind schedule getting ready- this is not something that had happened to her ever, and I was surprised, but the reason wasn’t her fault, and it was barely a twenty-minute deviation.
However, I was just waiting by the door during that time and the dog decided he needed out, so I took him for a walk around our yard, it took maybe five minutes, and I cleaned everything up and had him put up before my wife was ready, we made it to the dinner reservation by the skin of our teeth, and that was that.
We had a great date, and I would have never known she was upset with me until the next morning when she said that she had “never known me to be so impatient.” Which confused me, and she rolled her eyes and said she “noticed” that I took the dog for a walk before we left to make her hurry, and that she just didn’t want to let my bad mood ruin the night- I had been in a great mood and told her so, but she refused to believe it, and got pretty angry, which I haven’t been able to calm her down from to even talk about all this again.
I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong here, and I don’t know what to do. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe she has an undiagnosed UTI or she’s unaware that she’s pregnant and hormonal if this is not normal, then those are the first two medical options, after that, she has built-up resentment over something or this is a trigger from her childhood.
Either way, she is either resentful about something or she’s projecting. Sit down, talk to her, and tell her to grow up and communicate.” _parenda_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am not seeing anything that you did wrong here. Do you know why she was 20 minutes late getting dressed?
Maybe the reason she was late getting ready is tied to what made her get upset. Taking the dog out was not wrong. It isn’t like you walked around the block, you stayed in your yard. And I want to commend you for wanting to figure out what the issue is so that this doesn’t happen again.
Your desire for clear communication is awesome. Just let her know you were not anxious or trying to push her to get ready. It was simply that the dog needed to pee. She misunderstood something or was hoping for something else to be said or to happen, but you cannot be expected to read her mind.
If she insists that you were acting impatient, tell her she was incorrect. It sounds to me like you two had a great evening out and I sure don’t see any big issue here.” 77Megg77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you should figure out why she assumed you were being passive-aggressive.
Do you tend to be passive-aggressive? If so you should work on that. Was there someone else in her life who used to do things like that? If so it’s worth figuring out if there is an easy way to avoid giving her anxiety or at least reassure her that you would never do that and would tell her directly if you need her to hurry.” rosered936
12. AITJ For Not Using My Partner's Daughter's Booster Seat?
“I 26f have been seeing an amazing man 39m for almost 6 months now. He is divorced and has a daughter 10f. She is a great kid and I love her.
Last night he told me he had a very important work meeting and wasn’t going to be able to pick his daughter up from her playdate at her friend’s house today. I volunteered to pick her up and take her back to my place (that she has been to many times) and watch her until he got back because I work at home and it wouldn’t be a problem.
He was okay with this and dropped off her booster seat with me earlier today.
I had to take care of some work before it was time to pick her up and it ended up taking longer than I had expected. I looked at the clock and saw that it was past the time to pick her up from her friend’s house, I knew installing the booster seat would take up even more time, so I just went and picked her up without it.
When I picked up his daughter she asked why her booster seat wasn’t there and I told her she was going to ride without it today and she’d be fine. She was very quiet the entire drive which seemed odd to me because she is usually a very talkative kid.
When my partner got back his daughter went and hugged him and told him that I didn’t have her booster seat for her. He confronted me about this and I told him I lost track of time so I just picked her up without it.
He was furious with me! He said it was so irresponsible of me to not have her booster seat for her and that I put her in danger.
I tried to calm him down and said how sorry I was but he didn’t want to hear it.
He took his daughter home and hasn’t responded to my calls or texts since.
I also received a call from his ex-wife where she expressed how upset she was at me for putting her daughter in danger.
I didn’t think it would turn out to be such an issue.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your first mistake was not ensuring you were on time to pick her up when you were responsible for that. Set an alarm to make sure you have time to put in the seat and pick her up on time.
Then, you get to the friend’s house and I’m sure it would have been fine with the friend’s parents if you spent a few moments putting in the booster seat in the driveway before you left. Heck, they may have even helped you.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You don’t grasp (or perhaps you do now): Safety is always the priority. You could have secured this seat in your car at any time before departing but you chose not to. Your 6m relationship trusted you with a most precious relationship and you blew it.
Endangering someone’s child is a huge lax decision. Glad the parents did not tone down the heat to ensure you received corrective feedback. Own your mistake, ask for forgiveness, and explain what you will do differently in the future is the path forward. Best to you!” DesertSong-LaLa
Another User Comments:
“Seeing a guy 13 years older than you. You’ve met his child many times but have only been seeing 6 months. These are red flags and you should leave him. Yes, you made a mistake but you have a huge age gap and life experience gap.
He’s seeing you because he’s hoping you won’t notice when he is garbage. By the way, a parent having their date meet their child before the 6-month mark is a big red flag for their judgment. Most of you wouldn’t have even met that child yet let alone being expected to pick them up alone.
11. AITJ For Exposing My Best Friend's Deception To His Ex-Partner?
“I’m in high school. My friend (we will call him Fred) recently ended his relationship with a girl that he has been seeing since the 8th grade (we will call her Anna).
“Recently” = about a month ago.
They were a great couple at one time but ended up having some pretty bad problems with conveying their emotions to each other, which is what led to them breaking up. I am close to Anna, and it is obvious that she has feelings for Fred still.
Fred is one of my best friends, but he has not mentioned any feelings that he had for Anna recently. He has been talking to another girl already. Anna had no idea about this girl.
Anna texted me saying that she wants to be done with him but she believes that he can be good again.
I told her (what I believe to be) the truth- she should not get back together with him under any circumstances. She agreed with about 50% certainty.
From what I could piece together from Anna, Fred has been leading her on and pretty much teasing her with the possibility of a rekindled relationship.
Fred has never mentioned this. Again, he is one of my best friends, but I couldn’t let Anna get hurt. She was under the impression that she and Fred were talking and on their way to becoming an exclusive couple again. I believe that Fred had told her that he wanted to restart their relationship at some point shortly.
I ended up telling Anna about the other girl Fred was talking to, which came as a shock to Anna. She confronted him about it. He lied to her. Anna asked if I was lying about it. I sent her screenshots of him saying these things as proof that it was true.
Anna must have mentioned my name because Fred confronted me about it, saying “We are friends, so I shouldn’t have said anything.”
He is still actively talking to the other girl.
If it isn’t obvious, I have no intention of trying to get with Anna.
Usually, I am a firm believer in “Bros before hoes” but I felt like this was an exception.
He is extremely angry at me, so, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You shouldn’t get involved in relationship drama. That said, you owe an equal duty to *all* of your close friends, you don’t have to let him hurt her or let her hurt herself by wasting time on this guy.
I don’t know if he thought he was stringing her along, but “bros” is not a thing.” mlc885
Another User Comments:
“NTJ drop that bro code morality, it will not serve you in anything but manipulating and abusing women. You crossed a line that needed to be crossed. You did yourself a huge favor letting that guy dive, and he likely won’t try to rope you into his nonsense again.
You are owed the respect of him telling her the truth. If he can’t do that and accept that he’s just being a jerk, just pick your friends better from now on. Plus even if you wanted to bro code this (which is garbage chauvinism anyway) he still is a violator first, he didn’t even give you the information you would need to convincingly lie on his behalf.
Also, the bro code strictly forbids fraternizing with the bro’s ex, to begin with, so it’s all just nonsense. If you want everybody to get off your back about it, just pick somebody you like who’s not involved at all and try to see them, everybody involved will believe you finally when you say “I did not tell her to get in her pants” Quick_Throwie.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People who are being dishonest will come up with no end of reasons they shouldn’t have gotten caught, and blame everyone around them for the consequences of their dishonesty. Fred is doing that now. His dishonesty is *his* fault, not yours.
You didn’t spy on him, from what I can tell. He told you about it, so he was okay with you knowing what you knew. When you found out he had been dishonest with someone else who is also your friend, you did the right thing and cleared it up.
To do otherwise and sit back and let your friend get hurt would be to participate in the dishonesty yourself.” locksmith
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Take My ADHD Brother On Our Road Trip?
“My partner (26) and I (22) both have autism, and my 15-year-old brother has severe ADHD.
My brother is also immature, careless, and deep in puberty. He’s known for being a handful—constantly late, and destructive with his belongings and others’. For instance, he’s broken multiple phones and laptops my mom bought him.
This Friday, we’re planning a family trip across the country.
My partner and I were looking forward to a peaceful road trip alone, having planned our drive and stop in advance. However, today my mom found out that my partner would be driving, and decided to have my brother ride with us, saying, “Since you’re driving anyway, he can come with you.” She and her partner are driving separately in a two-seater van due to the amount of stuff they need to bring.
We don’t want to babysit an unruly 15-year-old for four hours, especially since we weren’t asked nicely, just told he would be with us. Normally, my mom and her partner drive in two cars, so we assumed that would happen again. This year, though, with my partner joining us, they saw an opportunity to shift responsibility.
While we understand their reasoning and offer to take him if necessary, we’re not happy about the situation.
When I talked to my mom, she didn’t have convincing arguments. Her points were:
- Driving separately is expensive: We offered to cover the extra gas since we’re “causing the inconvenience” in her eyes, but she declined.
- He can’t drive with our sister: Because they’ll arrive later. However, we’re not planning to arrive on time either, as we’re taking a more relaxed trip. My partner, who’s an anxious driver, prefers not to drive in a convoy and likes to rely on her satnav, especially due to her autism.
- Things could go wrong if he’s late: But she couldn’t specify what.
Our conclusion: We could take him if necessary, but reluctantly. We have a lot to bring and aren’t sure everything will fit. Plus, if he’s coming with us, he’ll need to follow our schedule, meaning we likely won’t arrive on time.
Now my mom is upset and said she’ll ask my sister after all, despite never asking us first. We feel we offered a reasonable compromise, but she’s implying that “everyone has to make sacrifices” while essentially making my brother our responsibility. So, are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I wouldn’t even entertain any of her reasonings or provide any of yours as doing so creates room for her to negotiate. A simple, “That won’t be possible” is enough. Your mother can be upset — those are her feelings to manage.
These are are issues that come with the choice of having a kid and the choice of traveling.” paul_rudds_drag_race
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You want a nice peaceful drive and that won’t happen if you take him. Just say ‘no’ to take him.
“everyone has to make sacrifices” – that’s just her trying to shift her responsibilities onto you. If you let her get away with it, she’ll do it again and again.” MerlinBiggs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Look, I bet she’s desperate to drive with just her partner and have a break.
My heart hurts for her because I bet she saw a window of opportunity to regain a tiny bit of peace. But it can’t fall to you. Your partner is an anxious driver. It’s unsafe to have a kid who is a known distraction in the vehicle.
If your sister is willing she should take him. If not- he’s with your mom. ” Ladyughsalot1
9. AITJ For Wanting To Evict My Son And His Partner Who Owes Me Rent?
“I (F 49) own a handful of rental properties. I started renting one of them to my son (M 31) and his longtime partner (F 32) about four years ago.
It was during a difficult time and because they both worked in food service their jobs were essentially eliminated for a time. I had just purchased this particular house and after doing some calculations I decided I could offer this unit to my son for only $500 a month, $150 less a month than what he was paying for a much bigger place.
I was thinking it would help us both. He could live cheaper and I have a renter for the new place when they get up to full-time work again.
They initially fell behind but caught me up when they got back to work/got their tax return.
Great. One of the things I was a little worried about was that because I am his mother it would be OK to put me at the bottom of the list of bills every month. But that didn’t seem to be happening. Great again.
In June of 2022, they start falling behind again. Just a little at first, and then they would almost get caught up, and then they would fall a little further behind and then get a little less caught up. And so it went. About the same time, my partner’s mom moved back to our state.
Did not put these two things together for a while, but eventually, their partner commented on having to help support her mom because she didn’t have a job.
So now it’s two years later, my son and his partner owe me almost $4000 in rent, but my partner‘s mom had a stroke last month and now my partner has missed a lot of work and they are showing NO signs of even trying anymore.
Her mom bounced back VERY well, thank goodness. She is walking and talking and swallowing fine, almost like it never happened, and I am happy for her.
But, this issue pre-dates all of this recent drama. And I am at a point where I can’t afford to keep making the house payments, as well as insurance and property taxes.
So, WIBTJ if I evicted my son and his partner who is caring for her ill mother.”
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ This couple is taking advantage of you. But don’t be surprised if you get pushed back because you let this slide for so long. It’s up to you how you wanna do it. The partner’s giving money to her mother is not your concern.
It’s hurting you.” Having-hope3594
Another User Comments:
“Your 31-year-old son is expecting you to cover his rent?????? NTJ I get it.. he is your son, but he is also an adult who has a cheap rent. You also have bills to pay yourself he is 31 YEARS OLD…….
damn. I mean.. just wow Don’t set fire to yourself to keep others warm. Even if it is your son I’m sorry, I’m repeating myself but he is 31 years old……” Initial-Company3926
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It’s your right to do with your property as you wish.
But you say you have a handful of rental properties so I’m guessing you are more than comfortable financially. Would your son resent being evicted? I would never forgive my mother if it were me.” john_ie89
8. AITJ For Feeling Overcharged After Paying My Child's Partner $60 For Puppy-Sitting?
“My family of 4 (2 parents 2 older teenagers) had an event to attend and we were struggling to find someone to watch our 15-week-old puppy.
My oldest child suggested their partner (19 yo) who has met the puppy numerous times and likes her a lot. We went to our event at 8 am and returned at 2:30 pm. We hadn’t agreed upon an amount to pay and gave the partner $30. Later that day I got a text from my oldest saying that $30 wasn’t enough for puppy-sitting.
I immediately apologized and offered another $30 which they were happy with, but I’m feeling like I probably paid too much for a VERY easy job. AITJ for feeling a little sore about this?
A few things for context.
1. My child’s partner works, but was not scheduled that day, and would have had to bring my kid over that morning at 7:30 anyway, so he wasn’t going out of his way, not to mention that it is a 10-minute drive.
2. I regularly buy both of them groceries, take them to movies, and lunch/dinner, and recently checked the battery on his car and bought everything necessary to clean off the corrosion and get the car running. I have never asked for them to pay anything, and never will.
3. The gig consisted of watching a very cute 6lb puppy who sleeps 14 hours a day and he didn’t have to feed it, only take it out a few times. He did this from our air-conditioned home with full access to myriad streaming services and a completely stocked refrigerator where he was allowed to eat anything (and did so reasonably).
4. My child suggested their partner pup-sit, but we still had many options left to explore, family and friends, who would have either happily accepted $30, or would have refused it.
5. My kid’s partner offered us tickets that he got for free from friends to something we’ll be attending later in the month, so the $60 comes to a wash (if we get the tickets).
I’m just trying to figure out how I should feel about all of this in principle.
6. I’m not angry, I love my kid and I like their partner, I just feel weird and uncomfortable about the whole thing.”
Another User Comments:
“May get downvoted but honestly NTJ.
Yes, you should have talked about payment first, but seriously, $30 to hang out with a puppy, for someone who does plenty for you? That should be plenty. We dogsit for friends when they go on vacation every year, and we would do it for free if they’d let us.
They insist on gas money now since we live over 30 minutes away. I just spent a week house-sitting and dog-sitting for our best friend while they were on vacation. I would have shoved any money she gave me back at her. We are “family”. Next time, honestly, crate the puppy.
6 hours is fine for that age. I used to be against crate training dogs but found my dogs to be much happier and better behaved when they have their safe place to rest and get “forced” to rest.” calypso85
Another User Comments:
“I pay my local dog daycare $40 a day and they come with a shuttle to pick him up in the morning and drop him off in the afternoon.
And I get a gallery of pictures from the day. And I’m in a high-cost-of-living area. 60 does seem high for 6 hours if you go off of standard pet-sitting rates. The only thing I caution you is to not have any thoughts that staying at your house is some fun treat in itself.
I once pet-sat for a man who thought I should have been grateful and charged less because he had a pool and a big TV and stuff. I liked my own home with my little TV my shared apartment pool and my bed where I felt completely comfortable.
I privately thought he was a jerk for thinking it was such a treat and privilege to stay at his house.” Beautiful-Cup4161
7. AITJ For Supporting My Sister's Baby Name Choice Over My Mom's Preference?
“I (20f) have an older sister, Alison (26f). Alison is pregnant with her and her husband’s first child. They found the baby was a girl, and obviously, everyone was super happy for them.
My mom (52f) had made her preference for a name quite known as soon as they announced it was a girl. She wants them to name the baby after my late grandmother (her mother). My grandmother passed away around 6 years ago because of a heart attack, and she was a lovely lady, everyone in my family loved her very much, especially my mom.
Alison recently told me and Mom that they decided on a name, Sienna Ingrid Smith (a fake surname for privacy reasons). My mom got this look on her face, and when Alison asked her what was wrong, my mom said she wanted Alison to name the baby after our grandmother.
Just to say, my grandmother’s name was Queenie. Alison said that she and her husband talked about it and they like the name Sienna and want to use it. My mom started saying how it would be a lovely way to honor grandma since she was a saint and hardworking person everyone in our family looked up to, and that grandma’s memory could live on.
She looked at me as though she expected me to back her up, and I just said that Alison could name the baby what she wanted. This was not the answer my mom was hoping for, and she gave up after realizing she was outnumbered in this.
I then tried to say that if I ever had a daughter, I’d think about naming her Queenie. I didn’t say that to make my mom feel better, I’ve always really liked the name, and I was quite close to my grandmother too. My mom just said “But you might not have a daughter”.
She was pretty quiet for the rest of the conversation.
I mean, I get hoping for a certain name, especially after a very dear loved one, but I think Alison has the right to name the baby Sienna, or whatever she wants. Am I wrong?
I do kind of feel bad for my mom because she looked sad.”
Another User Comments:
“Your mom is incredibly rude and annoying. Suggesting a name is fine. Arguing after being told they have a name, is not fine. Queenie?? NGL on the one hand I like it.
But, I can’t imagine someone in kindergarten in 5 years called Queenie. It feels very old-fashioned. It could be the family’s nickname for the baby if everyone likes it. I have a family nickname based on a TV character that’s in no way similar to my actual name.
When I was a baby I used to dress like the character, so I got that nickname. That’s a suggestion that might make everyone happy. NTJ” fancyandfab
Another User Comments:
“The general rule is, parents control the child’s name until and unless the child decides otherwise.
If a grandparent’s desire to honor their parent were enough to override that, then the general rule would be very weak, since there are probably lots of grandparents who want to honor their parents. So there is nothing here that would outweigh the general rule.
And in this case, the case for the great-grandparent’s name is even weaker, for two reasons: you may well use it yourself if the situation arises for you, and the name should probably be reserved for a middle name at best. NTJ.” philautos
6. AITJ For Not Disclosing An Emergency Fund I Created From My Personal Items To My Spouse?
“When first married I sold some personal things and put the funds in an emergency fund – roof leak, job loss, emergency room visit, whatever may happen. My goal was to be able to survive a large unexpected expense or a few months of no income without going under financially because of it.
For context, I had items of value I could sell (obviously) but very little cash available and she had no funds available. We had plans to make enough to support ourselves with a little over the bare necessities (rent, food, utilities, etc) but not by much.
I didn’t tell my spouse about doing it.
Partly because I didn’t want her to feel bad I had sold things that while not critical, I wanted. Partly because I didn’t want her to be considering it when making financial decisions since it was supposed to be an emergency-only fund and I could see re-buying the items if we ever became financially stable and could create an emergency fund on our own later.
Partly because it never touched out joint income or expenses, normal accounts, and for all intents and purposes would not impact our shared finances if not used.
This may not need to play into your response much, but she was raised making poor financial decisions.
Not necessarily her fault – you only know what you know. But I still worried about how she may feel or react knowing there were substantial funds that could be quickly accessed.
Other details: we have shared finances and try to make joint decisions for large purchases.
It came up recently. When it came up, she felt that I had kept extensive financial secrets, failed to be appropriately honest and transparent, made decisions on her behalf, showed I didn’t believe in her ability to make good financial choices, disrespected her, and she generally crushed and says she can’t trust me.
It was not malicious and I had no negative or bad intentions.
However, I did keep it from her and it was partly because her history before and since has shown poor financial choices as she claims.
AITJ for not telling my spouse I created and didn’t disclose an emergency fund with my items?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. The money was your money from selling personal items, and what to do with it was your choice. You made the choice not to tell her about it for sound reasons, which she continued to demonstrate. Although you don’t say so, I’m going to assume that there were no situations that cropped up in the intervening time where using that money could have made a big difference to your lives.
On the other hand, it is completely reasonable for your wife to feel hurt and angry because she thought that you were both sharing all of your financial information and decisions, and you weren’t.” EndielXenon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can see how this revelation could be upsetting to your spouse, potentially invoking worries that you are saving money to leave her, or actively deceiving her in ways regarding your shared finances.
But as a trained finance professional, I believe everybody should have an emergency fund. It’s super smart that you decided to scrape an emergency fund together. Nice work on that. As a consolation, maybe you can work with her to form a plan for her to start compiling her emergency fund.
Show her some research/videos about the purpose and see if she’ll understand better. Not suggesting you contribute to it, especially if she’ll just waste it away, but encouraging her might help her better understand and accept the situation.” peakmosquito4455
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is mad because you didn’t need it.
Had you needed that fund and you had it, she’d be thankful for your forethought. If this was like a fund for ONLY you, I could see being mad. But this being an emergency fund to cover actual emergencies that come up, getting mad about that is ridiculous.
It seems the problem is she knows she is bad with money, but doesn’t like that you didn’t give her a chance to ruin this.” cuervoguy2002
5. AITJ For Defending My Daughter Against My Jealous Nephew At Her Going Away Party?
“I have this nephew Jake (38) who likes to use big words and show off his intelligence.
The thing is with Jake he has never lived on his own and has had mostly low-paying jobs as a retail security guard.
My daughter Anna (17) is going to college on a STEM scholarship and is already signed up for a work program through the school.
She’s also more than 20 years younger than Jake. So yes this is her big accomplishment and we had a going away party for her. She got so cute things for her dorm and is excited. She also was a little emotional because she will be leaving our family and there were some tears.
Jake was a jerk trying to quiz my daughter but Jake didn’t even go to college or receive any scholarship. My daughter was annoyed and didn’t want to play Jake’s trivia games with him because Jake would gloat if she got something wrong.
My daughter finally flipped out on Jake because of something said about student loans. My daughter told Jake that she doesn’t have student loans because she is smarter than him and he’s just jealous because he has never dared to do anything except be miserable take in dead jobs and live with his mommy until the age of 40.
This was my daughter’s going away party and my sister grabbed her gift and started calling my daughter ungrateful and Jake called my daughter a harsh word. A man older than her says that to a teenager. I told Jake and my sister to get out of my home and not come back.
I told Anna she doesn’t ever have to apologize and make herself smaller for people like Jake. I dislike people like him.
My mom (their) grandmother said young ladies should be gracious at their party and I was giving my daughter some bad advice.
I asked my mom why is it okay for Jake to be arrogant when my daughter can’t. My mom left after that saying I had raised a spoiled brat who didn’t know her place. I disagree and I tried my best to cheer my daughter up but it did put a mood on her going away party?”
Another User Comments:
“Was going to go with E S H, but your mother’s comment sheds a bit more light on things. “Know her Place”?! NTJ for ensuring your daughter does not feel “less than” for her gender. While slamming him so hard may not have been the most polite thing, a 38YO saying such a vile thing to a minor to try to make himself feel better is ridiculous.
Continue to support your smart, accomplished daughter as she makes her path her own and please go NC or LC with your sister and your pathetic nephew. Grandma needs to learn HER PLACE and understand it is never her granddaughter’s responsibility to take insults from anyone, including pathetic non-starter relatives.
NTJ” Odd-End-1405
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your daughter sounds like a firecracker. Good for both of you! She shouldn’t have to take mistreatment from relatives just because they’re relatives. Jake sounds like an utter jerk, and someone should have shut him down earlier (preferably his mom or maybe his grandma).
Showing up at his cousin’s party and trying to pull stuff with her? Not cool. …and using that language towards her just makes it clear what he thinks of women. Defending that kind of behavior is crass and gross, and your sister and mom should be ashamed of themselves.
(Jake, I’m thinking, probably doesn’t know about shame. And I’d keep an eye on that one.)” Tylikcat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It sounds like your nephew was acting on his jealousy by being an obnoxious jerk. This is not the first time he’s been this way either.
The rest of your family pandering to that misogynistic nonsense gets my goat. Good on you for raising a girl who knows her place and worth.” Round_Butterfly2091
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Walk My Mom's Dog After Long Work Days?
“My sister got a dog when she was 18 and failed to take care of him, leaving it to my mom to care after. My mom LOVES her dog like he’s her child. She will diligently walk him for hours and let him lead. I don’t mind walking him when I feel the urge.
But I’m not a dog person. I don’t have a dog for this reason. I have two cats, which my mom also helps to take care of along with her cat (feeding if I’m not up yet, or when I go to work, etc.).
I recently moved back home after being out of the house for 3 years. My mom recently developed knee pain and works part-time. I work full-time in a demanding job, and I am trying to work on mental health struggles.
As long as he has been here, he has never been my dog, I’m the dog’s aunt/sister as it’s called by my family.
I love him lots, but I’m just not a dog person. I can’t do the upkeep right now and have just never bonded with dogs like I do cats. My mom would lose track of time or come home from work tired and ask me if I would do her the favor of walking the dog.
I will do it if I have to (if he will not get a walk without me), but it’s not typically something I WANT to do. Her dog is a bit spoiled and will pull, expect me to follow him and I just often don’t have the energy with my mental health.
She will take him out but will be upset that I didn’t do it immediately when she asks.
I feel for her because it’s their responsibility even if she is tired. I want to help, but I also just don’t feel up to it if for example, I’ve worked a 12-hour shift and she worked 6, then comes home not feeling up to it.
It makes me feel guilty when she asks, and I am reluctant. I want to help, but I’m also dealing with my things and find it a struggle to bring up the motivation when she asks for the favor. I just want to know if I’m being a jerk by not walking the dog.”
Another User Comments:
“Changing to NTJ with the update about paying rent and contributing in other ways. Makes it a different situation to me than say, living rent-free and not wanting to help with the dog regularly. I’ll leave what I said before for posterity.
I still think the walks would be a good idea for mental health – Your mom let you move back home, as someone who moved back home with mine at one point it’s easy to forget what help that is, and that they don’t HAVE to let you live with them again after you’ve been there a bit.
Walking her dog for her whom you’ve said you like is a small trade for peace in your living situation. And a nice small way to help out that she’d probably appreciate. Side note: you said you are working on your mental health.
Little walks are great for that! Maybe look at walking the dog as an excuse to get outside and it might feel like less of a burden. For the pulling, if you try a few sessions of not walking when the dog pulls and only walking when the leash is slack you’d be shocked how quickly they catch on and get better.
I avoided walking on my own because of pulling but when I made myself consistent with that it made walks more enjoyable” lizardbreath
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not always being up to it. You’re human, you get tired too. You indicate you do help sometimes which is great, but, yeah… if you weren’t living there Mom would ALWAYS have to do it by herself, and it’s not fair of her to be mad that you don’t jump to things on HER timeline.
If she wants it done RIGHT AWAY then SHE has to do it- if she’s ASKING someone else to do it, she has to accept THEIR timeline.” StellarPhenom420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You said you walk the dog. You’re not wrong for not feeling up to it sometimes.
That’s life. Your mom is not wrong in asking for help because she also helps you with your cats. The cats are probably easier for her with her mobility problems whereas the dog requires more difficult walks. If you have a problem with it, then take care of your pets and tell your mom to take care of hers.
I don’t think it’s okay for your mom to act like she can order you around like you’re still a child, even if you’re living with her.” xCKS123x
3. AITJ For Telling My Roommates To Never Play The Piano?
“I 20f live with 10 roommates in an old home. We each pay rent for our separate rooms and share nothing amongst ourselves.
Most of us do not speak regularly and are not friends. We each live very separate lives and operate on vastly different schedules. When moving in part of our rental agreement was not to make noise that was excessive, or easily traveled through multiple walls.
I have lived here for a few years now and noise has rarely if ever been an issue. In our living room is an old and out-of-tune upright piano. Two housemates often enjoy playing but only in the middle of weekdays or around nine, or ten pm.
When they do play another roommate immediately will ask them to stop playing as she works from home and can’t take Zoom calls with their level of noise. Being in such an old house the piano is loud enough to shake some of the house’s walls and is inescapable.
Recently in our house group chat one of the serial players asked when would it be okay to play the piano and the roommate who worked from home said never, and instead offered to give a keyboard to the common space.
The piano players both said they have keyboards in their rooms and prefer to share their music with the rest of the house.
Part of the problem is the piano is out of tune and they are both poor piano players. People in the house seem split on the issue saying it’s not unreasonable to allow them to play during the week when no one else is around.
I would agree but it seems like the times that are okay with everyone else are the times that I am home and would like to sleep since I work extremely early in the morning so I go to bed earlier than everyone else. I’m afraid I would be the jerk if I side with the roommate that says to never play music, but if I allow it the most accepted times will be chosen that directly conflict with my downtime/sleep schedule.
So AITJ if I tell my roommates to never play music?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d have sympathy for your housemates’ situations if they felt that they needed to play a proper piano (as keyboards aren’t a replacement for a proper acoustic upright)…but the fact that they refuse to tune it and insist on sharing their playing with a household who doesn’t want to listen to it seems like purely an ego thing. When they “share with the household” does this mean some of your housemates like to sit and listen to each other play as a group?
If this is the case, a compromise should be made where that group gets a slot a week to do that. If it’s people wanting to play by themselves just to be heard by unwilling listeners… don’t compromise at all. ” grammarlysucksass
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t need to say never, but give your schedule in the group chat. With 10 people it’s going to be almost impossible for them to find a time that fits everyone’s schedule, but playing while someone else needs to sleep or work from home is a NO. If that ends up meaning no time works out, then so be it.
And if they’re going to play, they need to get the piano tuned.” ParsimoniousSalad
2. AITJ For Expecting My Unemployed Partner To Contribute By Cleaning Our Apartment?
“My partner (30M) and I (29F) have been together for 2 years, first in a long-distance relationship, and then he moved in together with me in January.
I have a well-paid job, so I am renting a 3-room apartment, which is pretty expensive (1.4K), but normal for the area I live in. He moved in with me after he was laid off.
I have been paying the rent and all the utilities, the car, and the gas 80% of the time, and most of the groceries by myself for 9 months now, which adds up to half of my salary every month.
He does pay for his groceries most of the time. Moreover, I paid for a vacation (accommodation and flights). He didn’t manage to find any sort of income in 9 months, except for 1 month when he worked in a call center and he was fired again, and some 3 private classes that the mother of the child decided to discontinue.
He is an engineer with little work experience and a not popular field in the job market. I tried all this time to support him, but I am getting mad because he doesn’t do anything around the house if I don’t ask him. Moreover, he got speeding tickets of 300 euros that I had to pay.
Lately, I got really upset because I feel like he just expects me to pay for everything while he still has 18K in savings. I told him to go out and network in hopes of finding a job, but he didn’t. He doesn’t know how to have productive conversations, although he can’t talk for hours with people (which annoys me)
I told him he needs to get his life together and until that keep the house sparkling clean at least. I also have an autoimmune disease and I am chronically fatigued, so chores are a real struggle for me. Lately, I keep seeing posts about women who provide for men, my mom also did this for my dad, and I think women are being taken advantage of big time more and more by men.
This is also not the first relationship this has happened. AITJ for getting mad at him and asking him to contribute 100% to cleaning the apartment?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think you two need to have a real conversation about this. He’s been living with you for 9 months and has been unemployed for nearly 90% of that time.
(And let’s face it – call center training is 3-4 weeks, so he got fired as soon as training was over. He did something to mess that up because call centers are VERY lenient in who they will hire.) In addition, he expects you to pay for everything (except his food) and does nothing to help around the house.
This is not acceptable. If it were me, he would need to get a job and start contributing financially. I understand it’s hard to find work. I was laid off 5 weeks ago due to downsizing and it’s been devastating to me. But you know what?
I took a job at Sam’s Club because ANYTHING is better than nothing, and it’s a gap job while I continue to search for a position in my actual career field. He ALSO needs to start helping around the house. Even if he was working as an engineer in his niche field, he still must help take care of the house he lives in.
If he’s not willing to do this, I’d think about ending the relationship. You have enough on your plate without having to be his “mother” as well.” DisneyBuckeye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but stop being a doormat. That part is on you. You did NOT have to pay the speeding tickets – your partner could use his savings for that.
He’s using you and you are allowing him to. Are you going to continue this or respect yourself enough to demand more from this leech? “No” is a word you need to become more familiar with. You deserve a partner. Right now you just have a freeloader.
Why on earth don’t you demand better?” PhoenixRisingToday
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you were long distance and then he moved in and started leaching off of you. This isn’t a romantic relationship- you are functioning like a parent. Partners support each other- I see how you support him- how is he supporting you?
I can tell you that my husband would take *any* job before expecting me to carry the weight of our entire household. This is also not a good situation for your health- stress is very impactful for those with autoimmune conditions. Chores aren’t enough- he needs to move out and grow up.
Stop taking care of your partner and start taking care of yourself.” MiddleHuckleberry445
1. AITJ For Banning My Mother-In-Law From Seeing Our Kids Until She Respects Me?
“I (20F) am currently pregnant with my second child, and I have a 2-year-old son with my husband (24M). My relationship with my mother-in-law (MIL) has been rocky from the start, but things have worsened since my son was born.
MIL never really liked me. She made it clear she thought her son could do better, even though my husband and I have been together for 4 years and are happy. From the beginning, she’s always tried to make everything about her and my husband.
She’s constantly inviting him to dinners and events without including me, calling him multiple times a day, and making comments like, “No one will ever love you as much as I do.”
At first, I tried to be understanding. I know she’s a single mom and my husband is her only child, but it’s getting out of hand.
Whenever she visits, she tries to undermine me in front of my son. She’ll say things like, “Mommy doesn’t know what she’s doing,” or try to take over when I’m parenting. Once, she even told my son “Grandma is the only one who cares about you.”
When I told my husband about it, he was supportive but didn’t want to confront her directly, thinking it would just make things worse. I felt like I was going crazy because every time I brought it up, MIL would deny everything or say I was being too sensitive.
Recently, though, it hit a breaking point. We were at a family gathering, and MIL commented in front of everyone that she should just “move in with us so she could help raise the kids” because I “clearly need it.” I was mortified and furious.
My husband stood up for me, but she started crying and said I was trying to “take her son away from her.”
After that, I decided I’d had enough. I told my husband that MIL isn’t allowed to come over or see our son until she learns to respect me as his mother and his wife.
My husband is on my side, but now MIL is telling everyone I’m keeping her away from her grandchild out of spite, and some of my husband’s extended family have reached out to say I’m being unfair.
AITJ for setting this boundary with my mother-in-law, or am I overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!! This is wild behavior from the MIL. Her son needs to start the conversation of boundaries with you, the family, and him if he feels it and stands his ground. It’s hard, but ultimately if she is going to listen to anyone it’s her son.
She is so far out of line with the comments to you and especially your son. You are in the right on this by a mile. If she can respect boundaries, she can come back around.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Grandma messed around and found out.
You can inform any nosy family that MIL is keeping herself away from her grandson with her venom and disrespect. No reason to protect her reputation, tell the flying monkeys any and every nasty thing she’s ever done.” deepspacenineoneone
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but it should be your husband reaching out to the extended family and saying “Until mom stops telling our kids that we are bad parents, and worse, blaming my wife for mom’s bad behavior, she will not be seeing them.” Bonus points if he adds “my wife didn’t steal me from mom, I left because of issues like this.” dehydratedrain
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